i'm not racist you're the one who's racist

Maine GOP Chair: I See Black People

Black people in Maine, obvsDId you know only about 1 percent of Mainers are of the African American variety of American? Did you know that adds up (every little bit counts!) to about 15,000 or so black Mainers? Well Maine GOP chair Charlie Webster apparently did not know that, because, as he told NBC, a whole bunch of black people showed up to vote on Election Day — dozens and dozens of them! — but Charlie Webster and his friends don’t know anyone who’s black! He’s not saying they vote frauded Maine … he is just sayin’.

In some parts of rural Maine, there were dozens, dozens of black people who came in and voted on Election Day. Everybody has a right to vote, but nobody in town knows anyone who’s black. How did that happen? I don’t know. We’re going to find out….
I’m not politically correct and maybe I shouldn’t have said these voters were black, but anyone who suggests I have a bias toward any race or group, frankly, that’s sleazy.

Yes, “sleazy” was just the word we were looking for. Thanks, Charlie Webster!

In other news, President Barack Osama Bin Laden Obama won the state of Maine by over 100,000 votes, or “15 percent.” Must have been some very industrious black people!

[ThinkProgress]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Cleopatriot

    You know, dozens and dozens of black people can add up to 15,000.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Especially if you're a true patriot and vote early and often.

    • elviouslyqueer

      In fairness to Webster, they all look the same anyway.

      • emmelemm

        Boom. You're so right.

    • JustPixelz

      Whoa slow down there hoss! Too many numbers for your average GO-Pee'er.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Some of them — like Dr. Neal DeGrasse Tyson — can add up into the millions. Not that he brags about it, or anything.

      • Botlrokit

        BILLIONS and BILLIONS

        o wait that's Sagan

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Hint: The BLAH Dr.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Hi baby. Birdy doing better. Can come home if he just starts eating more, how's your sprained little self?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Oh, you made me so happy! I'm off to PT in a bit. The leg is doing much better, but because I hate being a fucking crip, I decided to celebrate by cleaning this pigsty, so now my back is out.

          No probs, tho! We got PT going, I get to exercise and leave my little prison, and the sun is shining even though it's cold. Harvested a basket full of beans yesterday. Those plants do NOT like to stop producing.

          You tell that little birdbutt to behave himself or I'm'a come out there and tell him my own self. (Hugs you)

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Ilyz.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            I love you too, sweetpea, very much.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "dozens and dozens of black people can add up to 15,000."

      That's because those black people have taken advantage of the superior math programs of the Maine school system.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      No, silly. Teh blahs can't add. Too stupid and lazy.

    • Come here a minute

      One thousand two hundred fifty dozen, to be exact.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Frankly, Charlie Webster, people thinking you are sleazy is the least of your problems.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    he could've checked the census figures if it wasn't such an evil communist plot to castrate land-owning white males.

    • cognachas4paws

      No self-respecting Republican would look at something scientific like data.

      • NellCote71

        Data provided by the wily Kenyan and his socialist/communist/fascist/European-style government.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    "Mind if we dance wif yo dates?"

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      'Hey! Where the white women at?'

    • Esteev

      Mind if we defraud your vote?

  • Wilcoxyz

    Those black people came for the free gifts. Duh!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. In Maine, they are the free gift (with purchase).

      • Negropolis

        Yeah, you have to buy some overpriced shit at L.L. Bean, first.

    • Abernathy

      Yup–the gift of a good president

    • CthuNHu

      I was told there'd be lobster.

  • bureaucrap

    "… but nobody in town knows anyone who’s black."

    So when the blacks that I'm sure do live in town look in the mirror every morning, are they surprised to see themselves for the first time?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Shades of Godfrey Cambridge!
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watermelon_Man_(film

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No no! He didn't say there were no blacks, he said no one knows any, which is probably 100% accurate. Why do you libs always have to play the race card, hengh???

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Pleasantly surprised.

      "Mmm, mmm, mmm. Now ain't you just one handsome muthaf****r, you ol' debil, you!"

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Actually, I lived in a small town in Maine for a bit. Ther really are no black people in some of those towns.

      • CthuNHu

        And I'll bet you 50 p-points that the totally non-douchebag non-racist Mr. Webster never names the towns this allegedly happened in, never names his sources, never provides the teeniest shred of evidence, and is never backed up by any town election officials saying, "Why yes, we did have a lot more black voters registering here in Crabapple Cove than I ever imagined lived here." Because it never happened.

        But hey, great myth. NH vote fraudsters have been pulling the same "rampant blatant fraud we saw with our own eyes but somehow managed not to document in any way whatsoever" bullshit for years. That's why the outgoing teahadi legislature wound up bestowing voter ID on us.

    • dcjdjay

      I'm not buying that! All these teatards have at least one "black friend."

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    The needle on my Absurd-O-Meter just clean hit eleventy and kept going as I read that.

    • sullivanst

      Nice Absurd-O-Meter you got there. It'd be a shame if anything happened to it.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Why O why do you hate measuring devices? *sound of mechanism asploding*
        —-
        Every so often, I find a way to reconcile the absurdity of, say, people who cling to their conspiracy theories, with an eye to the possiblity they are nurturing the need to cling to something *meaningful.* A misguided direction for one's zeal, no doubt; but if I can come away with a more informed perspective on the human condition then I can start "accepting" what cant' be changed.
        Proportional attitude adjusting. For example: at first when I heard certain retailers are "bumping up" the Black Friday this year to Nov. 16 (tomorrow), I reacted as I have in the past when WalMart etc. were pushing their Sales Showdown into literally Thanksgiving Day… But once I realized that with a Black Friday divided into two dates, the same idiots who live for such shit will be THAT MUCH LESS LIKELY to kill / trample someone as they're thus dispersed across the calendar of confusion — I found myself slightly more at peace with Target/ WalMart etc.'s decision.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I'd feel much safer shopping at WalMart if they spread Black Friday through every Friday from Nov 1 through Dec 24.

          Wait a minute, I don't shop at WalMart! I feel safer already.

    • dennis1943

      I have the feelin' it's been overworked lately……..

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Al Jolsen weeps.

    BTW, Jolsen did fight to allow blah performers, sans blackface, on Broadway.

  • BadKitty904

    So. Who's the black guy next to Lindsey Graham?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Allen West?

      / too soon?

    • Callyson

      Herman Cain, and he is offering Lindsey a job.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Blow, that is.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      John McCain. Adult diaper blowout.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Mitt Romney's last desperate flip flop?

    • chicken_thief

      I thought that was the Kelly's from Tampa at one of their high fuh lootin Halloween bashes. Petreaus manning the punch bowl, as usual.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      LOL. Oh, you are such a bad kitty.

      • BadKitty904

        *purrs*

    • Botlrokit

      Ru'Paul.

    • rmjagg

      his umteenth date for the night …

  • Callyson

    GOP state chairman Charlie Webster aims to find those who committed the alleged fraud fraud by sending thank you cards to voters, and seeing if they are returned to sender.

    Jesus, this guy makes James O'Keefe look like a genius…

    /FFS

    • MegPasadena

      Yeah, he has never heard of census.
      Besides I usually just throw mails like that in the trash.

  • SmutBoffin

    The other 99% of Mainers are Stephen King.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      And all the books he's written.

    • tessiee

      Now you've reminded me of a long-ago argument in an online book discussion group about Stephen King's book, "Dolores Claiborne". If you're not familiar with it, the book is about a cleaning lady who is accused of murdering her employer.

      The two sides of the argument went something like:
      a) Although Dolores Claiborne's race is not specifically spelled out, she's obviously black, because she has a job cleaning the rich white lady's house,
      and
      b) Although Dolores Claiborne's race is not specifically stated, she's obviously white, because no black person would be crazy enough to go live in Maine and freeze to death.

  • Antispandex

    But, but, why would a black person even GO to Maine? See what I mean? Not that I mean that in a sleazy way or anything, but what are the odds?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Because Obama gave them gifts to move up there – duh!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      African Americans are all about the lobster bibs, dude.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Good question. Don't black people hate cold weather?

      • Negropolis

        Well, you know, there are like dozens upon dozens of us up here in Cleveland and Chicago and Detroit and Columbus and Indianpolis and Philadelphia and New York City and…

        The Cold: It's kind of our thing, now.

    • Negropolis

      Lobster, duh. Red Lobster is our spot. We want to go to the source.

  • snowpointsecret

    "Nobody in town knows any black people"

    Translation: "Who are these mythical people living in the countryside coming to vote in their precinct? It's like they're fairies or unicorns or something! SHUN!"

    • sullivanst

      You can't get heah from theah

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Not-white people appear to be invisible to some white people.

      • chicken_thief

        Unless the soup is cold. Then you spot the motherfucker with laser precision and get him/her over to the table post haste to rectify the insult to your whiteness.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Not a fan of gazpacho, I see.

          • chicken_thief

            no. i like pacquiao. he got robbed against bradley.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Did you ever see "Women On The Edge Of A Nervous Breakdown"?

          • chicken_thief

            Huh uh. And unless they getter nekkider and nekkider as they approach the tipping point, it ain't likely that I will. Should I look for it?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            There's plenty of nekky and jokes about teh hot sex. I like it because it's a pretty crazy movie. Early Pedro Almodovar, in case you like his stuff. There's terrorists involved, and a girl who's fucking them (ALL of them) and her best friend, whose house she's at while confessing this shit gets an unexpected visit from the cops and mixes them up a nice big batch of gazpacho. Somewhere in there the bed catches fire and the girl who's fucking all the terrorists is suitably impressed.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Wait, a racist who doesn't have black friends?

    • Abernathy

      They're as rare as a GOPer dude who doesn't have a secret Rentboys.com account.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Those are VERY rare.

    • bobbert

      Actually, in the update, it turns out he does have a black friend, who he plays basketball with every week, so there.

      Of course, that raises the question, where does this baller live? In the town with no black people?

      Also, to, in the update, he's up to "hundreds" from "dozens". This guy is a regular barrel of fail.

  • BadKitty904

    The Debbbil and Charlie Webster.

  • SoBeach

    …nobody in town knows anyone who’s black.

    Now THAT'S a keeper.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    They bussed them in, of course!

    P.S.– Just because you're racist doesn't mean Black people don't exist.

    • SmutBoffin

      What of you are one of those racists who "doesn't see race"?

  • SorosBot

    Come on now, even Derry's Loser Club had Mike Hanlon.

    • HarryButtle

      He slams his fists against the posts but still insists he sees the ghosts.

      • emmelemm

        Coulrophobia… rising….

    • Chichikovovich

      But then the head of the Maine GOP Clown Caucus got him.

  • Crank_Tango

    Thank god we managed to steal Maine and its 4 otherwise solid dem electoral votes! No one will suspect a thing!!!!

    Fucking retard, you just outed yourself as a retard and a racist, and sure, I'm sleazy for saying it. OK.

    • Lizzietish81

      Now, now, now, retards can do basic math, which clearly this guy can't.

      • chicken_thief

        They can?! Like how? If you ask one what 2 plus 2 is, do they bang their head on the wall four times? For decimal places – switch to the floor?

  • http://wonkette.com OldWhiteLies

    Well Charlie, clearly you aren't Color Blind. But sleazy doesn't cover the half of it, you insulated racist xenophobic little fuck.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    "I got my friends together, we all took off our sheets, and no, not one of those guys was black."

    • PugglesRule

      The starch wore the blah off.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    "Nobody in town knows any black people"

    In English: "I am a racist and all the people I know are racists."

    • elgin_pelican

      Now, now, isn't this better than "some of my best friends are" or "I like Eddie Murphy?"

  • Blueb4sinrise

    They said he was a p'fessor in a college, and could talk all kinds of languages, and knowed everything. And that ain't the wust. They said he could VOTE when he was at home. Well, that let me out. Thinks I, what is the country a-coming to?

    -Pap Finn

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Easier to blame voter fraud than admit your platform was a fraud on voters.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Yeah, that's the real unexplainable; that ANYONE shows up to pull the lever for the GOP.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I think it is possible that all those black people came from Vermont or the other one.

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe they were from *southern* Maine.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Bangor.

        No reason. Just like saying "Bangor".

  • freakishlywrong

    Hey GOP. I see dead party.

    • PhilippePetain

      Hahaha! Awesome.

  • decentcitizen

    "I'm not politically correct…" or otherwise correct for that matter. With asshats like this, is it any wonder that the blahs in Maine only come out to vote?

  • sewollef

    I assume they were all bussed up from Harlem, right?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Know any other *sanctuaries* of teh blah? Gads, these people are so annoying. Surely it's not a crime to slap them senseless with votes? Surely?

    • snowpointsecret

      And soon, the FEMA people will be sending them in boxcars to Harlem, Montana.

  • barto

    Probably bussed in from Canada. Freaking Democrats will stop at nothing.

    • docterry6973

      From Kenya, for sure. Obammer cousins, all of 'em.

    • Guppy

      Everybody knows how "urban" New Brunswick is.

      • Chichikovovich

        Half the people there don't even speak English.

  • emmelemm

    Dozens and dozens, you say??? My heavens!!

    Fetch my smelling salts.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Fuckin' black people, how do they work?

    • emmelemm

      You can't explain it!

    • Lizzietish81

      They don't! They get food stamps!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And free cellphones and free stuff!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Pretty fucking hard, mostly.

    • Negropolis

      Industriously, thank you very much. lol

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    They grow them real dumb up in Maine!

  • http://lookatthisfuckingcentrist.wordpress.com Both Sides Do It

    "What'chya whittlin' thare?"

    "Bigot stick for beatin' on the Mainers"

    • BartStarrland

      Is that the 'Skinheads from Maine' sketch from the old [short lived] Dana Carvey Show?

      • http://lookatthisfuckingcentrist.wordpress.com Both Sides Do It

        Ayuhp

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But, everyone knows black people are too lazy to commit voter fraud. I am confused.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

      But you forget that we will go to heroic lengths for free stuff, like obamaphones.

      Just don't ask us to get jobs.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Uh Oh. Sad trombone for Charlie: *Waah whuuuuuh*

  • Wile E. Quixote

    In other news, President Barack Osama Bin Laden Obama won the state of Maine by over 100,000 votes, or “15 percent.” Must have been some very industrious black people!

    Well you know how those people are, they only work hard when they're stealing elections and vote-frauding. The rest of the time they're just sitting around and waiting for President Obama to give them stuff.

  • Dr. Matt

    The sheriff is a ni*!

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    It's not that they don't exist, they are just really good at avoiding fuckwads like Charlie.

  • VodkaGoGo

    I bet Webster sees dozens of black people in his nightmares all the time.

    • Botlrokit

      He shouldn't, really. Other than teevee, he probably didn't even know they existed.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dem black folks just be fuckin' whichoo, Charlie. It was just the same 12 black people, voting over and over and over again.

  • UnionSpies

    Maine was on my shortlist after Georgia secedes. (Licks pencil tip and scratches Maine off the list…)

    • SorosBot

      Don't worry, this is just more GOP loser sour grapes, after Maine went easily to Obama, elected a Senator who will caucus with the Dems, and legalized gay marriage.

  • MissTaken

    I don't know any Eskimos so they do not exist.

    • SorosBot

      And hey, I've never met a rational Republican; actually wait those don't exist anymore, they chased them all out.

      • Chichikovovich

        I think the last one was Elizabeth Warren…..

  • CrunchyKnee

    Next thing they'll be trying to tell him that there are blah folk in Canadia.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Or even Brazil.

    • Veritas78

      Why would there be blahs in Canada? There warn't no slavery there or nuttin'.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Chicago style politics strikes again.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I’m not politically correct and maybe I shouldn’t have said these voters were black, but anyone who suggests I have a bias toward any race or group, frankly, that’s sleazy.

    I love the new conservative pre-emptive racism defense here, "anyone who says that I'm a racist is a sleazy racist themselves, so there!" In fact I love it so much that I'm going to start using it myself. Here's a sample: Why yes, I do think that the white male members of the GOP establishment are a bunch of whiny, entitled douchebags who should be fed into logchippers, but anyone who says that I have a bias against them is a puppy-killing goat-fucker."

    • SorosBot

      And he just said "I'm not politically correct", which actually means "I'm a racist and/or sexist".

      • Wile E. Quixote

        Yeah, I love how conservatives like to prefix statements with "I'm not politically correct" or "It may not be politically correct to say this, but" to make them sound as if they're John Peter Zenger, or perhaps Martin Luther, bravely fighting the forces of oppression instead of just being a bunch of racist dicks who got their panties in a twist over a massive straw man.

        • tessiee

          Yeah, what the hell's the deal with that?
          "I dunno, I have a pretty good life… good job, nice family, I'm healthy, my friends are great… but I JUST CAN'T ENJOY IT unless I get to call people n***ers to their faces, you know?"

    • MoeDeLawn

      A billion thumbs up, Wiles.

      Also: I am stealing this.

    • CapeClod

      Has he considered that those voters might have been members of the minor league baseball team, the Portland Seadogs? Because he must realize that black people make great athletes.

  • cognachas4paws

    So he doesn't know any black people and his friends don't know any black people, ergo there are no black people. It's all very simple really.

    • sullivanst

      You forgot the part where since black people don't exist because he doesn't anyone who knows anyone who's black, he is not racist.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Obviously this guy is unfamiliar with the many urban centers in Maine.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      And with smaller towns which were near military installations. As BRAC struck Maine (or as folks just retired) many stayed in Maine–it's a great place to live. But the Charlie Websters of the state ignored them (as did the whole fucking GOPee) until now when they voted for someone other than Charlie's heartthrob. Charlie Webster saw blacks voting and scenes from "Dawn of the Dead" came through his miniscule mind.

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    He doesnt see color, he sees food groups. Who knew Maine had a watermelon bloc? What about the refried bean vote? Or the fried rice gang?

    • DCBloom

      Prolly got some of them damn matzo eaters too, also.

  • axonneuron

    Maine IS pretty much the Alabama of the Northeast.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      That's unfair. President Obama won Maine, so it's obviously not as fucked up as Alabama is.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Certainly true, Wile. Maine has its northern rednecks, but it is a state with a strong liberal or at least moderate bent. The election of Angus King (I) shows that. Their present asshole governor was a fluke, which is a kind of smelly fish.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Maine is sui generis – it's a point of state pride that people think for themselves, and aren't particularly keen on either political party. (The bare fact that a candidate is an independent is a big plus, right out of the gate.) It's an odd mix of tea-party-ish thinking and the Yankee small town ethos. Not a lot of brain-dead teabaggers, but not many die-hard liberals either. There's a belief in good government, and a mistrust of slippery millionaires, which worked to Obama's advantage. Also, I'm not surprised that the GOP's make-the-rich-richer fiscal plans did not go over well among an electorate that's inclined to think.

      As for Charlie Webster's remarks, the non-while population is miniscule, so it's actually true that many or most people don't have black acquaintances; it's also true that most have no legacy of inherited prejudice. He's clueless, but not necessarily in a bad way. He probably did hear from people who were wondering where all those black folks (dozens of 'em!) were coming from. He just needs to stop drinking Karl's Kool-Aid.

    • Negropolis

      New Dumpster libel!

  • herecomedajudge

    He obviously doesn't know what a black person looks like. He's looking for Jip and Janneke

  • snowpointsecret

    But what about the all-important lobster vote? Did they pick butter or roll?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Bamz promised free maple syrup!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And lobstah!!

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Uyaahp. Finest kind.

  • Lizzietish81

    When he talks about ethnic diversity in Maine, he's usually thinking of the Quebecois who emigrated down and didn't feel like going any further.

    They speak French and everything!

  • proudgrampa

    What?

    Ah, the Dumbing of America (or at least, of Maine).

  • VodkaGoGo

    Suppressing the all important fishermans demographic was the lynchpin of Obamas entire electoral strategy.

  • JustPixelz

    "…but nobody in town knows anyone who’s black."

    The people in town are very urban and just don't understand people who live in Real Maine™.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      True story: when I used to teach (after school sports) on Chicago's North Shore, and suggested that there was a really good program in the near-in suburb or Evanston, I had a mother ask me if that facility wasn't a little, um, ah, ahem, URban. (direct quote. Same facility where a dad told me that if I put his son in figure skates it would make him gay. Really wanted to ask him if this is how it happened for him.)

  • LibertyLover

    Did he sit just outside the 75 foot line at the precinct with his lawn chair, his umbrella, his lemonade and a clicker to count them all?

  • freakishlywrong

    Remember when saying shit like that was a cold career ender? Now, they fund raise off of it.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …you guys didn't know that they were importing black people into Maine for the election?! They even flew me into town!

    • Mittaplasia

      They flew you in every time you voted? Sweet.

  • Lizzietish81

    He's not the Governor, he's the GOP Chair for the state.

  • hollywooddood

    I think it was the New Black Panthers. Or maybe the old ones.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    They can vote?

  • LibertyLover

    Well, of course, you have to round them all up and put them on a bus and give them donuts and signs that say "Don't Tread on Me" and then drive them where they can protest vote….

    Sorry, I got that confused, I thought we were talking about tea baggers there for a minute.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    My long-distance girlfriend and I got together this summer and took a roadie to Acadia NP/Bah Hahbah. One of the topics of discussion was her need for a new car, and she was thinking about a Subaru, which of course brought out the lesbian stereotype references during our conversation. Then when we drove into Maine, we noticed that like 30 or 40% of the cars on the road seemed to be Subarus. There's a lot more lesbians in Maine than black people, is what I'm getting at here.

    • herecomedajudge

      its actually called a Lesbaru

      • Lizzietish81

        I love my Lesbaru

        (seriously they are fucking awesome cars for camping)

        • herecomedajudge

          I've got three. love em

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I think that's what she is going to end up going with.

          • Lizzietish81

            The only thing I will say against them is that they don't get great mileage.

          • herecomedajudge

            I can hear it now:
            Girlfriend: "Baldar, I'm going to go ahead and get that Subaru."
            Baldar: "Honey, that's a great idea."
            GF: "Why? Do you think it's a good car?"
            Baldar: " Oh yeah, people at Wonkette are really talking them up."
            GF: " Uh, got to go"

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Did you issue the warrant for that wiretap, judge?

      • PugglesRule

        Lesbaru Outback? My gay+transgender teenager insists that because many lesbians drive Subaru Outbacks, ONLY lesbians drive Subaru Outbacks.

        And yes, with that logic, GTT is a Republican *strikes head on desk until comatose*

        • Lizzietish81

          You know, sometimes my sister and I look at her daughter and wonder how she will rebel and came to the conclusion that the only way she really could was to become a die hard republican.

    • snowpointsecret

      I should go back to Maine. Even if I don't have a Subaru.

    • SorosBot

      They also wear a whole shitload of flannel, so there really must be a lot of lesbians there.

    • CapeClod

      Webster doesn't know any lesbians either, despite all the Suburus.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    Anyone who would suggest that I believe Mr. Webster enjoys orally pleasuring moose is just plain sleazy!

  • Jerri

    Ooh, oh, my turn!

    I don't personally know any insane right wing Republicans, therefore they don't exist.

    Aw, goddamn it.

  • red_kira

    Sleazy = heinous racist toad.

  • LibertyLover

    Well, I've never been to Maine..
    But I kinda like the music…
    Say the ladies are insane there
    And they sure know how to use it;
    They don't abuse it
    Never gonna lose it
    I can't refuse it.

    (H/T Three Dog Night)

  • MinAgain

    You know how it is. If there's a black guy around, some white guy is going to accuse him of stealing something.

  • Aridzona

    Black people like lobster too.

  • Wilcoxyz

    It works both ways. Like you wouldn't think Glen Rice knows any white people in Alaska. And now he never goes there.

    • rmjagg

      he doesn't have to travel there anymore , cause now she travels all over the country , making housecalls …

  • sundaytrucker

    That's why in NH we refer to Maine as North Alabama.

  • widestanceromance

    Shut up. Just shut up.

  • proudgrampa

    Al Jolson has aged well, don't you think?

  • fitley

    Sleazy has nothing to do with ignorant.

  • TribecaMike

    Blacks in rural areas, commies under his bed; maybe this guy oughta just move to another state (not that it would make any difference).

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, some of his best friends aren't black?

  • ChuckieJesus

    I stayed in Brunswick, ME for a summer back in the 1980s. I'm of the lightskinned variety, but I was clearly the blackest person for miles. I would have loved to have met the "dusky dozen". We could have hung out, talked shit about white people…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      I'm probly a good bit darker than you, then. Every time I go to some all-white enclave, I get the oddest looks, and most people will not make eye contact.

  • MiniMencken

    Negroes appear. Obama carries the state. You just can't explain that.

    • emmelemm

      Magical Negroes?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        *THERE* ya go! So *that's* what their speshul powerz is.

  • DocChaos

    The best part is thanks to George Soros routing the votes through his tabulators in Spain, these votes while cast in Maine were added to the Cuyahoga county totals in Ohio.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Is it racist of us to mock this idiot's racism? Or is it racist of us to even mention his racism?

  • a_pink_poodle

    Watch out for those "Rural Youth's"!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    but nobody in town knows anyone who’s black.

    Right, I remember my family having that problem back in my hometown, too.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      I often marvel that you and Negropolis turned out sane, after growing up in such an environment.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

        The worst of it was when we were in high school, and starting the admittedly kinda thorny Heart of Darkness in AP English, and my teacher mentioned -to the other section, no less- how excited he was because this was the first year he'd had an actual black student in one of his classes.

        This was 2001, in the Greater New York Statistical Area.

        Other than that, it wasn't all that bad a town, honestly, actually quite librul in all the ways that shiny white people will often be, I am honestly sure that class played at least as big a role in my family's relative invisibility.

        OH! It was also fun getting stared at as a child, because there are like 3 or 4 paint tones between my mother, and me and my sister. That totally never got old.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          White people think ALL not-white people look alike. In my family, we range from a very pale tea-with-milk to a nice deep mahogany black. AND Dad had curly brown hair and light eyes. Mom, straight black hair and eyes. Everybody who met us would say endearing things like, "You *can't* be related! You don't look alike!"

          My moment of satisfaction came when one of my Chinese friends asked me how I could tell my white friends apart. "They all look alike!" she said, in perfect imitation of SO MANY white folks I've heard.

          • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

            My mom is only a tad brown, with red hair, green eyes, and only her tightly curled hair and inverted-cone-shaped physique to betray her as a Brown. My sister and I are actually darker than both of our parents, because genetics are funny, and take more after my mom's siblings in complexion (My mom got all the "milkman's baby" jokes as a kid).

            Also, I never did understand why white people had so much trouble telling the different flavors of asian apart.

        • Negropolis

          I remember in my high school biology class the discussion turning to soul food. It may have been around Thanksgiving for something. So, the teacher just starts talking to me over the class about soul food.

          I do appreciate people being interested in other peoples' culture, really, I do, but let them offer to be part of the conversation instead of forcing them into it. Otherwise, it is awkward for us both.

          BTW, I was born in Detroit which is black up the wazoo, but grew up in another Michigan city that doesn't lack a black population. In fact, most of the major cities in the state have black populations well above the national average, so though these places often have uneasy relationships with their ethnic populations, black people aren't new to Michigan cities. I think this may be a little different than places back east and out west where a lot of the racism is based almost purely on genuine ignorance.

  • http://twitter.com/goat_thrower goat_thrower

    He's not racist! Some of his best friends are people he has tried to disenfranchise.

  • Abernathy

    Hm, a racist who is also, quite coincidentally and not at all relatedly, not "politically correct"? Whodathunk it?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Time to roll out the BÖC.

    ♫ Bein' chased around
    By the neighbor's cat
    Well it's so lonely in the state of Maine!! ♪

  • Esteev

    They allow felons to vote in Maine?

  • chicken_thief

    Dozens and dozens? I wonder if Webster was in charge of crowd estimates at all those Tea Bagger rallies and the Beckster's hooyah a couple years ago.

  • MegPasadena

    Sure, I know we allow women and minorities to vote. But I never thought they would actually do it! The gall of them!

  • Eve8Apples

    "a whole bunch of black people showed up to vote on Election Day — dozens and dozens of them! — but Charlie Webster and his friends don’t know anyone who’s black! "

    58,777,012 ignorant, racist, misogynist, assholes showed up to vote for Mitt Romney last Tuesday. I don't know any ignorant, racist, misogynist assholes so there must have been rampant voter fraud last Tuesday.

  • MegPasadena

    All sorts of people voted for the Bamz. But when it comes to the illegitimate votes, it is always the black votes.

  • carlgt1

    How pathetic can these crybaby RepugliKKKans get? The areas they're screeching about for fraud are heavily conservative white-guys i.e. rural Maine & Allen West's county in FL — they really think a few blacks went around there and flipped the vote to Obama by 100,000?

  • Nostrildamus

    Electoral DeFeets Do Yo' Stuff !!!

  • James Michael Curley

    You know in the morning on the A Train dozens of blacks look like 15,000.
    Take the A Train

  • Blunderthing

    "Where'd all the ni-…er, excuse me ne-…. er excuse me, where'd all these STRANGERS come from?" That sounds more like the Maine I've read about.

  • southernboyman

    In other news, President Barack Osama Bin Laden Obama won the state of Maine by over 100,000 votes, or “15 percent.” Must have been some very industrious black people!

    That's 200,000 shufflin' feets, musta been dusty on election day up yonder…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if this guy or any of his friends knows anyone that owns a Maine Coon Cat.

  • T3rbo

    that's pretty stupid, Obama beat Willard by 107,000 votes. They bussed in 20,000 nigras (in 200 busses at 100 people each?) who all voted five times each, because Occam's razor. And four electoral votes.

  • Barrelhse

    Hey, "Charlie", …ANGUS KING!!

  • Eve8Apples

    Regarding that picture:

    Meet the Republican 2016 Presidential and Vice Presidential nominees. In an effort to win more black and female voters, the GOP decides to nominate a darkie and a tart.

  • mavenmaven

    Some of my best friends are black, only, um, they don't live near me.

  • DaSandman

    As I have said before Maine is the Mississippi of the North.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      That's unfair. President Obama won Maine, so it's obviously not as fucked up as Mississippi.

  • DahBoner

    When someone in Maine "Logs off", that means don't add no more wood to the fire…

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    This is the best story of the day. This is the best story so far this post-election season. This story filled my heart with love, happiness, and what's the word? Oh yeah. Schadenfreude.

  • azeyote

    well it was night time

  • En_Buenora

    No fair — nobody told him that society had gone nuts and now allowed black people to vote.

  • ttommyunger

    I would love to see Barry hit the tanning bed twice a week for the next four years. I'd like him to be blacker than Coly's ass by 2016, sporting an earring and growing an Afro just to freak these assholes completely the fuck out. Being the class act that he is, he won't; but I sure as Hell would.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Maybe not exactly black, perhaps brown, ochre, burnt sienna, or such …

  • Negropolis

    Well, knowing their social circles, I'd bet the only time many of them see the black people that live in Maine is when they go to vote. Seems they are just as surprised as we are that there are black people in Maine.