Marco Rubio: The hand goes up, the mouth goes shutMarco Rubio, who we have been told is the New Face of the Republican party, has a brilliant take on solving the so-called fiscal cliff: let’s just go ahead and let rich people do whatever they want because they’ll hire a  bunch of lawyers and do what they want no matter what so we might as well go with it.

This, dear reader, is his actual policy position on the tax code:

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) said Thursday there isn’t much point in raising tax rates on the wealthy, because they also have the money to hire people who will help them get out of paying taxes.

“The billionaires and millionaires that are going to be impacted by higher rates, they can afford to hire the best lawyers, lobbyists and accountants in America to figure out how not to pay those higher rates,” Rubio told National Journal’s Major Garrett at The Atlantic Washington Ideas Forum. “The people that are going to get stuck by that bill are the small businesses, the partnerships, the S corporations, that cannot hire the lawyers to get them out of it.”

We’re not Senators from Florida or anything, but it seems to us that this is a problem worth addressing given that the rule of law is the pillar of a functioning nation state. Or, we dunno, maybe we should just say fuck it and raise the age of retirement, which ever is easier.

As for the fiscal cliff, Rubio said an agreement must be made, likely without broader entitlement reform because there is simply not enough time.The sequester was a dumb idea when they came up with it and it’s a dumber idea today,” he said. “And it was bipartisan dumb. So the people want bipartisanship, there you have it.”

So to sum, Personal Responsibility is for Poors who don’t have fancy lawyers or lobbyists. Also, rich people do whatever they want anyway so you should probably just get used to the fact that you’ll be working til you die. Shared Sacrifice and whatnot.


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  • SnarkOff

    This will surely garner the GOP that coveted Mexican vote in 2016.

    • MosesInvests

      Yeah, 'cause Mexicans just love white Latinos who get an automatic Green Card when they come here without a visa.

  • snowpointsecret

    "We don't want them to close loopholes because rich people can hire lawyers to get through the loopholes they'll close when they close them"

    Seems like there's a loophole the size of Florida in your logic, Marco.

  • MittsHairHelmet

    For all the talk about how Marco Rubio is the hispanic savior of the GOP, he sure looks and sounds extremely white and republican.

    • Try pointing this out to Republicans. They'll call you a "racist" before you can even finish that sentence.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He looks almost exactly like my Mexican brother-in-law; who has his faults, sure enough, but Republicanism isn't one of them.

    • Coconut.

    • decentcitizen

      We've got a governor in NV who is Hispanic, and I'm sure would like a shot to be GOP nominee. But he's not a complete idiot so it's unlikely. (I said "complete", he's enough of an idiot where it matters.)

  • PugglesRule

    Regulations for thee, but not for me. ~ Not Ben Franklin or William Penn

  • Is that the best Messsican they could find?

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe the best they could afford.

      • They probably threw Ted Cruz in to sweeten the deal.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Joke's on you, Cruz and Rubio are both Cubans. Not of the Dallas Maverick-owning variety, either.

          • Wait, are you meaning to tell not all Hispanics from Mexico? Gettouttahere!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Oh the things you will see, should you ever venture to South or Central America.

          • I actually grew up in South America, and also look like one of those "White Messicans." Luckily, I haven't heard from the GOP Latino outreach program yet.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            You could be a congressman (R)!!

  • Schmannnity

    You can't fight the 1%. There's only 99% of us, darn the luck.

  • HRH_Maddie

    The Republicans seem to be tripping over themselves to keep the GOP the party of the rich, white male despite the thumping they just took.

    • Don't tip them off. We're waiting for them to finish themselves, funtoosh, over and ended foEVA.

  • snowpointsecret

    “And it was bipartisan dumb. So the people want bipartisanship, there you have it.”

    Both sides screwed up so only MY side should be allowed to screw up anymore!

  • BadKitty904

    I think you can make the same argument for, say, allowing rich folks to murder whoever they want. So, Rubio is publicly stating that the 1% is *above* the law? And he's OK with that?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You mean rich people can't just kill anyone they want? This should be part of the republican party platform.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Not just okay – actively seeking honorary membership.

      And yeah, a whole lot of people would say that argument (the inverse of the idiotic "if you criminalize guns, only criminals will have them" bumper sticker) holds for most things in life, since the rich and privileged can almost always get a better deal than the poor and powerless. Which is why critical race theory scholars basically argue that poor people and minorities shouldn't have to obey the unfair laws they had no hand in creating, but don't try selling that to Mr. American Dream.

    • Mojopo

      We don' need no steenking law. Because moneeee.

    • MoeDeLawn

      I think they should get honorary diplomatic license plates, too, so we don't waste all that paper ticketing them only to see them declare their immunity.

    • decentcitizen

      If this is true, why did rich people spend 390 million and some change to unsuccessfully sway an election where the sunsetting of Bush Tax breaks was the prevailing issue for them?

  • So– loopholes for billionaires but not for small businesses. Got it. Anything else you'd like to add to that incredibly narrow focal point? No? Okay.

    • This is actually a major subtext behind the whine over "burdensome regulations", too.

      Many regulations actually either help small businesses directly, leave exemptions for sufficiently small businesses, or at very least, help level the playing field with large businesses for which these are larger burdens, but which also have the sizable advantages of economies of scale and market share. Actual bona fide small businesses actually benefit from regulations, which is why the "deregulation era" happens to coincide with the death of Mom and Pop's stores and the rise of big boxes. It's also why the people complaining about "Obamacare" are Applebee's, Papa John's, and the like- you know, NON-small businesses.

  • MOG2410

    I'd love to join the GOP,if it will make me whiter, richer and provide the requisite penis. Wait, can I say that????

    • It would definitely turn you into a dick.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It would be a very small penis.

      • MOG2410

        You know how we 47% like to get free stuff.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    Jeez, it's a target-rich environment today!

  • You don't win votes with 1%er Tax Cuts.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Bleached asshole-bots got replaced with a Latino-bot? That'll help.

    • oenspiek

      Currently we have insufficient data about orifice-bleaching among Latino-bots. But it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Next, he will introduce a new swimming game for the newly uninsured: Marco Polio.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Polio vaccination and autism, or no polio vaccination and iron lung?

      • Esteev

        At least you'll get better parking.

  • The sequester was a dumb idea when they came up with it and it’s a dumber idea today

    How about sequestering the rich in Gitmo and their monies in a Federal vault.

  • AncienReggie

    Maybe Congress could write unambiguous tax laws so lawyers would just get paid to say, "Sir, you pay the feds taxes equal to 25% of all income. And income is defined as …. hmmm, it says right here, all income."

  • SpiderCrab

    With all the fluffy chit chat about Marco, at least one thing has been forgotten or gone unspoken: the guy is a dumbass and a liar. Go back to Florida, jerkoff.

  • Estproph

    And there's no point in my gassing up my car, because I'm just going to use it all…

    • shelwood46

      This is exactly my philosophy about housecleaning. And bathing.

  • AlterNewt

    Never trust anyone who says "impacted".

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Nice pic of Rubio showing off his invisible pottery skills. Make me a coffee mug!!

    • DixvilleCrotch

      Make me a three pronged dildo

  • cognachas4paws

    You know what else was dumb, Marco? The Blunt-RUBIO Amendment.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Yes, the S-Corpions like the Koch Bros will suffer.

  • edgydrifter

    "Rubio" must be Spanish for "stooge."

    • Oblios_Cap


    • BaldarTFlagass

      Close. "Spooge."

    • Actually, "blond" because God loves irony.

  • Fairtackle

    Weird, it is almost as if when people who think that government can't do anything right get elected, government doesn't do anything right.

  • He's right. For example, GE gets out of paying all those taxes thanks in part to accountants, but mostly lawyers; I read it here on wonkette. Or "legal accountants"… or "accountable lawyers" Goddam, is there any profession left I can encourage my niece or nephew to pursue that is a viable living but doesn't have to involve dragging oneself through the mud 8 hours a day?

    • Dr_Zoidberg


      • SorosBot


    • EatsBabyDingos

      Supreme benign dictator?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Sanitation Engineer (dirt, yes – mud, no).

    • HogeyeGrex


    • Link to earlier-mentioned GE tax-bypass post.
      Thanks for the snark/ sorry for my rant~

  • Mojopo

    ¡ Vacuous Twat 2016 !

  • Oblios_Cap

    Marco Rubio, empty suit.

    Actually, his position is the same as the one previously articulated by one G.W. Bush.

    I never thought that I would ever use the words "articulated" and G.W. Bush in the same sentence.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Well, you now W can't pronounce it – although I'd kinda like to see him try.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I thought I remembered it going even farther back. Wasn't this sort of Leona Helmsley's "little people" defense?

      W did popularize this whole mindset, though, and look how awesome that turned out!

  • Fairtackle

    So he is saying he is too lazy to fix the tax loopholes?

    • BadKitty904

      He's certainly stating, pretty clearly and publicly, that he's def not interested in fixing the tax loopholes.

    • HogeyeGrex

      For values of lazy that are spelled c-o-r-r-u-p-t.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      No, it's only Democratic browns that are lazy.

    • MegPasadena

      If you have to be so blunt.
      At least Rmoney was talking about closing unspecified loopholes.

    • One_who_wanders

      Lazy or stupid. Or as HogeyeGrex notes corrupt.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    "bipartisan dumb."

    But only one party showed up with the dumb. SIKE!!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    He is not wearing a flag pin. He is, ipso farto, a Sleestak.

  • Callyson

    The strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.

    Yeah, I don't think Thucydides intended that as a policy platform, Rubio…


    • BadKitty904

      Kid Combover would only be interested in Thucydides if it were a new (and untested) drug being pushed by Big Pharma…

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    If this is the best the GOP can come up with, then 2016 should be a great year for the Democrats!

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    The rich aren't like you or me. They own Paraguay and their money has wings.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      I heard their money sparkles in the sun like rainbows.

      • SubhumanVarmint

        Or like Mormon vampires in badly written novels.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Lookit! Rubio is patting his tiny invisible unicorn. AWWW, so cute.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Vision like this is what gave Mitt Romney a landslide victory.

  • Aridzona

    This dork will always be Ricky Ricardo to me.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Loosy, you got a whole lot of obstructionatin' to do."

  • Crank_Tango

    New face? More like the new ears of the GOP.

    Seriously, that fucker can hear Castro with those things.

  • PsycWench

    I remain amazed that apparently the wealthy are willing to contribute big bucks to their political parties to reduce taxes, they are willing to pay big bucks to accountants to reduce taxes but God forbid they actually just pay the taxes.

    • Ruhe

      Having the time to do the math is only one of their many luxuries.

    • Veritas78

      It tells you something about the amount of taxes they expect that they might be asked to pay, like perhaps enough to solve a lot of our problems.

  • SoBeach

    Throw a couple in jail for tax evasion and the rest will start paying.

    • Veritas78

      Hang Lloyd Blankfein and Jamie Dimon from street lamps and they'll pay even faster.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “And it was bipartisan dumb. So the people want bipartisanship, there you have it.”

    I bet I can guess which side provided more of the dumb.

  • SorosBot

    And since some people will always get behind the will while shitfaced drunk, why should we have laws against drunk driving anyway?

  • hagajim

    Keep on flogging this dead horse GOP.

  • NotLloyd

    As a fictional millionaire I see nothing wrong with this.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I'm sorta looking forward to this whole "fiscal cliff" dealy.

    Not in the slowing-down-the-economy-again sense, but in the Republicans-stepping-all-over-themselves-to-protect-the-wealthy sense.

    Pass the popcorn, pls.

    • Ruhe

      What's interesting is the tone he's striking here though. It's like he wants to avoid sounding like he's defending the 1% and rather wants to sound like he's commiserating with the rest of us. Like, "hey, the rich, what are you gonna do with 'em." Then we all shrug and move along.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Hey GOP! Just because a guy has some o's at the end of his name does not mean he is not as white and hateful as the rest of you.

    • BadKitty904

      Pithily stated!

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        This guy pithes me off!

  • Graham Cracker

    I demand that the government hire lawyers for the 99% so that we can do whatever we want.Too. Also.

  • Misty Malarky

    Dear Marco Rubio:

    *Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?

    With votes, natch.

    * I think this will be my standard reply to every post regarding all of these GOP goombahs.

  • sbj1964

    Mittens could not pick Marco because the late night comedians would have started calling them team Chico&The Man.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Yeah, my orthodontic surgeon always had a shifty look in his eyes, now that you mention it…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, the rich people have enough money to hire lawyers and accountants to weasel out of it.
    Instead of paying all that money to those people, why don't they just use it to pay their fucking fair share of the tax burden?"

    • BadKitty904

      What a concept.

    • PugglesRule

      Because "freedom".

    • LibertyLover

      Because shut up. That's why.

    • not that Dewey

      The same reason that WalMart paid more in bribes to evade child labor wage restrictions than they would have paid if they had just paid those child laborers decent wages in the first place.

  • GregComlish

    I thought the entire point of an S-corporation was that you don't pay any taxes; the taxes inure directly to the owners of the S-Corp. Am I missing something here?

    • sullivanst

      Only that the GOP doesn't give a flying fuck about these inconvenient things you call "facts".

  • elviouslyqueer

    So let me get this straight, Mario. You're admitting that your rich GOP cronies are going to go to any means necessary to willingly defraud the government "find loopholes" in order to avoid paying their fair share of taxes. And you're totally okay with that.


  • BadKitty904

    Just a brief reminder on Kid Combover's financial expertise, to date:

  • CapeClod

    Let's see if they can hire enough lawyers to be a human shield for themselves when the class wars start.

  • MissTaken

    “The billionaires and millionaires that are going to be impacted by higher rates, they can afford to hire the best lawyers, lobbyists and accountants in America to figure out how not to pay those higher rates,”

    Ever thought to write a law that doesn't contain loopholes and such that a lawyer can weasel around in? Huh?

    • BadKitty904

      What are you, some kinda radical? ;0)

    • T3rbo

      I for one welcome our omnipotent overlords. How dare you question the masters?

    • SorosBot

      Let's face it, lawyers and accountants are just the worst people in the world.

      • bobbert


    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr


    • James Michael Curley

      The incredible complexity of contracts today is a disillusioned attempt to write no loophole contracts.
      Just today one of my retained barristers sent a six page newsletter summarizing ways to use the standard force majeure (the defense that an Act of God prevented a party from compliance, etc.) to the advantage of merely choosing to renegotiate various types of contracts. This was related only to the state in which he practices.

  • T3rbo

    Yes, the best of all possible worlds. Troubles are just the shadows in a beautiful picture, where rich people are unstoppable, like the Terminator. Therefore, we surrender!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Does this fucking bolillo even speak Spanish?

    • snowpointsecret

      They sell those things at Wal-Mart.

      Right, he's a Republican, makes sense.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Also, "biscuit" or "coconut," i.e. brown on the outside, white on the inside.

        • snowpointsecret

          Oh, I figured, but I couldn't pass up the joke.

    • BadKitty904

      My bf was born in Miami and is of Cuban descent. He can barely even say Rubio's name without foaming at the mouth. The only time I've ever heard his mother – a very sweet, devoutly Catholic abuelita – swear was when she described Rubio as "that God-damned son of a bitch"…

  • Beowoof

    I am surprised that Zorro has not made a come back in Florida. With evil government such as this he is needed.

  • When did Chico actually become The Man?

  • ph7

    “The billionaires and millionaires that are going to be impacted by higher rates, they can afford to hire the best lawyers, lobbyists and accountants in America to figure out how not to pay those higher rates”

    I understand a Guillotine tax has fewer loopholes.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Just the one that fits snugly around the neck.

      Or was that the gallows tax?

  • BerkeleyBear

    His point is not entirely invalid, as minimizing tax liability has been a growth industry since Roman times. But it is incredibly stupid as a public policy stance. Similar stances include:

    Someone will always break the law, and a few might even get away with murder, so we just shouldn't have any restrictions on homicide.

    Kids pee in pools no matter how many signs you put up, so we shouldn't have any restrictions on toxic dumping.

    Nuclear accidents can never be completely prevented, so let's tear up the Non-proliferation treaty and let the Iranians and North Koreans do whatever the hell they feel like.

    Now, I could go on, but I'm afraid I might eventually stumble on a reasonable policy (like decriminalizing most drug possession) and I wouldn't want to encourage Rubio's line of thinking.

  • Now I have The Mexican Hat Dance running through my head.

  • I think it should be legal to drink and drive because people do it now anyway.

  • Antispandex

    Ok, Ok, I see, so if I were thinking of starting up a little drug trafficking business, and since drug traffikers have lots of money for lawyers and such, I shouldn't have any probelms at all with my new business venture? K. See, I didn't think it worked that way.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Great GOP Hope Marco Rubio:"

    "H" should be "D."

  • sullivanst

    Slightly OT, but: Apparently Haley Barbour's decided the GOP's problem was that they didn't have their heads far enough up their asses.

  • TribecaMike

    Ted Cruz's 2016 election slogan: Blame Canada.

  • Gee, Senator Rubio, it's too bad there's nothing that can be done to make people — um — comply with the fucking law. I guess we citizens should be addressing this issue to someone in government who can maybe write some sort of bill and make it become a law and all that civics stuff. Any ideas on who to go to for that?

  • Mojopo

    The GOP is so enormously sexed in the butt, that this guy and Bobby Jindal are trying to sound like the reasonable, puppety white ones.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Yeppers. That's sure to get that Latino brown people vote. Way to go GOP!

  • MinAgain

    As a lawyer, I applaud this New World Order in which I am more powerful than the entire federal government. Mwahaha!

  • SaintRond

    That was infuriating.

    Some cruel Mitt Romney coverage would be good right about now.

  • So, if the rich pay whatever they want, and it doesn't matter what the rates are, let's just raise them anyway. What does it matter?

  • TribecaMike

    Marco Rubio may be a little too subtle for a porn name.

  • LibrarianX

    Sounds like Rubio borrowed a cup of expertise from Paul (The Wonk) Ryan.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Keep that moron talking from now until 2016.

  • Was that "S-Corp" link important? Cuz it don't work.

    • TribecaMike

      Maybe you have to be a lawyer,

  • mbobier

    Good grief…. The Repubs are even causing THEMSELVES to give up in despair when faced with their own corruption! That's some powerful nihilism they've got going, there.

  • Esteev

    I wanted to be a millionaire but my parents didn't work hard enough.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    By Marco's logic, health care is a waste of money since everyone dies sometime.

  • Esteev

    I knew voting for Obama would be bad for the rich… WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

  • LibertyLover

    I am so very glad that we had an election that said that the rest of us want the rich to pay their fair share, aren't you? And now all rich people will happily comply.

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    Is it wrong that I find him kinda dreamy?

  • RalphCrown

    Do you hear that, you miserable little toads? We own you, all of you! We do what we want, and we get away with it every time! Now set yourself on fire so we can light our cigars.

  • James Michael Curley

    Hey Marco! (Polo). Don't get your hopes up. After you spend the next three and a half years campaigning on Tuesday Night at the Republican National Convention in 2016 the conservatives of the Republican Party (read all) are going to dump you like last week's re-fried beans (but with enough salsa the're not too bad).

  • WaltFrench

    Meanwhile, a recent chart from the IRS on non-compliance shows small businesses hiding income is the biggest single element of ~ 15% underpayment of legal tax. Not as if Rubio is exposing anything new here.

  • BoroPrimorac

    He's supposed to be the right's answer to Bronco Bamma.

  • DahBoner


    I think all these right-wing Cuban-Americans have "helped" America enough.

    Isn't it time to go back to your precious island and help your primos out?

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    "And it was bipartisan dumb. So the people want bipartisanship, there you have it.”

    Does this mean I get to punch my brother in the face instead of working it out, like mom always makes me do?

  • veence69

    So begins the lamestream media's attempt to tarnish Marco Rubio by paying attention to and reporting on the things he says..

  • ttommyunger

    First, let's keep it accurate when we hurl insults at minorities we don't like: this Beaner is a Cuban, not a Messican. Second: what do I call a Beaner Oreo? I've got a hunch it has something to do with Tacos, but I can't come up with anything… Little help?

  • BZ1

    Rickity Ricardo: "blah, blah, blah, etc"

  • joobajooba

    It's clear we need an Obamacare legal program, to "gift" the poors with free lawyers.

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