in the pink

Fox News Furious: American Pie Actor Talked Real Icky About Ann Romney’s Butt

Her nipples would probably be hairy too, if this fish-eagle hadn't eaten themHow come the liberal media never talks about stupid LIEBERALS warring on women, huh? It is like, one side is full of elected officials trying to make it legal for business owners to deny their workers slut pills and hating equal pay for equal work and loving rape, and the other side is an actor and probably Bill Maher saying gross things about Republican ladies’ butts, and how is it fair that these are not treated exactly the same? Fox News, as you would expect, is FURIOUS.

For a guy who’s most famous for having sex with a pie, you’d think his career could only improve. But for actor Jason Biggs, that hasn’t been the case. Biggs has been all over conservative media recently for saying foul things during the presidential campaign about Ann Romney and Janna Ryan. Nickelodeon has choosen the foul-mouthed comedian for voice work in a children’s cartoon.

But in the media, life gets better with a little help from your friends. In this case, it’s the Associated Press’s John Carucci who wrote about the star in a Nov. 13 article where he referred simply to Biggs’s “off-color comments” this year and let Biggs get away with saying, “I made a political tweet, so I got a little bit of heat from the right.”

That should be called journalistic fraud.

Raise your hands if you would like to read the foul things Jason Biggs said about Ann Romney and Janna Ryan! US TOO!

Earlier this year, Biggs tweeted about Paul Ryan, saying, “I bet there’s footage somewhere of Paul Ryan jerking off to a close-up photo of his widow’s peak. #RNC.”
Later Biggs made vile statements, described by the AP as simply “off color,” about Ryan’s wife, Janna. “I’d totes dip a pinky or two in Paul Ryan’s wife’s bleached a**hole ( she obvs bleaches her a**hole.) #RNC,” Biggs tweeted.
In response to that attack, one follower on Twitter asked him about Ann Romney in this exchange: “‘How dare you ignore Ann Romney’s a**hole. Ur un-American.’ Sorry ur right. I bet hers is un-bleached and hairy.”

And there you have it! One random American actor saying middlingly nasty things about Ann Romney’s hairy butthole is way worse than a party’s official platform actually trying to codify discrimination against women into law. Keep being you, Fox News!

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. calliecallie

      Brian williams used both canard and euphemism in the same segment of his broadcast one day last week. I was elated.

  1. Serolf_Divad

    Let's face it: probably not a good idea for the DNC to have chosen this guy to give the keynote at the Democratic Convention. No sane person would give two shits otherwise.

  2. NorthStarSpanx

    Ann Romney needs a cackle of rads to come to her defense the way a fish needs a bicycle or whatnot.

    1. yrbmegr

      And note that pie varies with the density of their bullshit, according to the General Theory of Right-Wing Propaganda.

  3. WhatTheHolyHeck

    Well, now the American People deserve to know, Egg. You could have let it go with grace and tact, but noooooo.

    Now we all want to know if you wax and bleach Inspector One-Eye. Fess up.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I agree, it's time for America to have this urgent national dialogue. Only then can we move on to secondary matters, such as addressing global climate change and restoring equitability to our tax system.

    2. vtxmcrider

      Isn't the magic underwear supposed to create an airtight seal around her cyclops, causing the hair to die?

    3. JohnnyQuick

      Is this bleaching of arscholes some sort of California thing? Because in DC, all the assholes are already white.

  4. Mumbletypeg

    “I bet there’s footage somewhere of Paul Ryan jerking off to a close-up photo of his widow’s peak. #RNC.”

    Weak sauce, Mr. Biggs. Ryan is aerobicizing half the time in a mirrored gym or man-cave rocking out to Foreigner's "Hot Blooded", he needs no correctives on what his fungible assets are.

  5. Lot_49

    The fappability quotient of this blog is reaching new, lower depths.

    There've got to be some nudie, nipple-slip or upskirt shots of those Lebanese babes somewhere.

          1. vtxmcrider

            With Egg it is much easier to fap to the fish on her t-shirt than to anything about her personally.

      1. ibwilliamsi

        To be fair, Ann's hairy asshole appeared to have coiffed his hair and shaved in addition to the spray tan (nice goggle lines) before he appeared on Univision.

  6. BarackMyWorld

    I just realized what Biggs said may have been the only thing written about Mrs. Ryan during the entire campaign.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        Also what I inferred from watching her silently stand there, waving and not saying anything. Its like someone decided she seemed to innocent to treat the way they normally do politician's spouses. If that's a new trend, I'm all for it.

  7. prommie

    Holy OT Shit, this Jill Kelley has the KaRazeee bad!

    "Audiotapes of several 911 calls placed by Florida socialite Jill Kelley as the media descended on her Tampa home show she complained about what she considered trespassing on her property and attempted to invoke diplomatic-type privileges.
    “I am an honorary consul general, so I have inviolability,” Kelley told a 911 dispatcher. “They should not be able to cross my property. I don’t know if you want to get diplomatic protection involved as well?”
    A South Korean official confirmed to NBC News that Kelley is an honorary consul for South Korea, but said she has no diplomatic immunity. He said Kelley assists the consulate based in Atlanta on occasion with things like passports and visas but is not an employee.
    The U.S. State Department said Kelley has no formal affiliation with that U.S. agency."

    1. hillarysleftone

      she actually said "counsel general" which for some reason struck just the perfect fucking grace note, what with the "inviolability" and all.

    2. herecomedajudge

      Hey, Nixon made Elvis an honorary DEA agent….you know, suspicious minds, and all that shit. Makes sense to me

    3. arduinohacker

      >A South Korean official confirmed to NBC News that Kelley is an honorary consul …

      You know who else wrote about an "an honorary consul?"

    4. corthylio

      The sad thing is that this means her "Gangnam Style" cover will be on YouTube soon, if it isn't already…

  8. Goonemeritus

    Did people speculate about Martha Washington’s A**hole? We need to get back to the historic levels of civility where Representatives were free to settle their differences by beating one another to death with canes right on the house floor.

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    To be honest, "Candidate's Spouse's Sphincter Care Regimen" is pretty low on the list of qualities that determine how I vote.

  10. anniegetyerfun

    Eh, it's offensive enough. If someone said the same thing about Michelle Obama's anus, I'd be pissed off on her behalf.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Unfunny people need a place to crack their unfunny jokes. Potty humor is always going to be in people's minds; it needs an outlet.

        Just think of Twitter as a sewer.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Sure. I get mad at less prominent, nameless wingnut jackoffs when they say something incredibly sexist or racist about the Obamas. I don't think discussing a woman's personal parts is in good… uh, taste. I'm not suggesting that Biggs be stoned to death, but I think he's a goddamned idiot.

          1. anniegetyerfun

            I'm not sure if I am being consistent, because I'm sure I've said horrible things about conservative women here on teh Wonkette. I'm hoping I left their fannies out of it, but I can't swear that I always did.

  11. iburl

    Dustin "Screech" Diamond, are you just going to sit there and let Jason Biggs take your "most unbelievably disgusting and annoying white boy that instantly ruins everything he appears in" title? I say you have a duel.

  12. Tequila Mockingbird

    I can just imagine Petreaus banging Paula Broadwell in fake German accents:

    "Herr general…. blitzgreig me!"
    "Ja wohl, mein pookie bear!"
    "On zee desk!"
    "You vill be mein, Pooland, und I vill be die panzer!"

    See? It is never okay to divulge crass fantasies about political figures.

  13. keepwalkin

    WTF is UP with that woman's head/face?!

    Last time I saw something so big and round was at Palace Bowling Lanes.

    1. DogWhisperer

      That is called Moon Face. It is a side effect of Prednisone. She probably took a lot of it for M.S.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, Fox, if you want to see some truly vile stuff being said about the people on your side of the aisle, go to Intense Debate and "follow" BaldarTFlagass.

  15. Not_So_Much

    Fox is really sucking at turning back towards the Center and reporting on actual, you know, "things".

  16. memzilla

    However, Faux News retains its dominance in both a**hole-share and anal-fistula-share. That's bipartisanship you can believe in.

  17. Lizzietish81

    Unfunny actor says something stupid and unfunny about a pure bred Republican Woman, only Fox News cares. They're right though, women in this country have been duped, I mean yeah Romney and Ryan wanted to take away our health care, shut down Planned Parenthood, put new restrictions on birth control, do nothing about the wage gap, didn't support the violence against women act and supported white guys who made comments about Rape not being a big deal…

    But they are gentlemen about it, and nary would you see a Republican Entertainer make an offensive remark about a liberal woman or her orifices! And if you did, he only meant it as a joke.

    1. Defeatably_Joe

      But they are gentlemen about it, and nary would you see a Republican Entertainer make an offensive remark about a liberal woman or her orifices!

      And if she was offended, that would make her a SLUT, right?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Although Romney was occasionally known to show up at debates looking… tanned? Orange, really.

  18. frostbitefalls

    These sexist comments have pushed me over the edge. I will vote Republican for the rest of my life.

  19. memzilla

    I wish there was an "Intelligence" button on my tee vee. There's one that says "Brightness" but it doesn't work.

  20. Both Sides Do It

    I don't think the frame for this story is right.

    Fox News isn't upset Biggs said this about women. They're upset he said it about rich people.

    When they say, "And, thanks to AP’s press-release journalism, no one really holds Biggs accountable." they don't want Biggs held to account for misogyny, they want him held to account for making fun of our economic betters. (That Biggs is richer than the Ryans would normally give him rich person immunity for kicking down at one of his inferiors, but he did it in front of the hoi polloi, which is inexcusable.)

    Fox is a massively hypocritical misogynistic shitehole, of course, but they were animated more by the First Law of Reactionary Propaganda ("protect the image of the rich at all costs") rather than the Third ("prosecute and cover-up the conservative war on women's autonomy"), I think.

  21. sbj1964

    Ann's butt has to be that big.She may not have been born with a silver spoon in her ass,but now she can fit a 20 person silver service set in it.

  22. owhatever

    Frank Luntz is running a focus group on the thundering butthole issue tonight, followed by Sean's panel of real Americans: Karl Rove, Dick Morris and Alan King.

  23. EatsBabyDingos

    I heard Eggs likes to ride the waves on her board in Malibu, then hit the bong and crank her favorite band, the Hairy Butthole Surfers. Wearing a Snookie mask.

  24. LesBontemps

    You know what Ann Romney and Janna Ryan did with their assholes? They sent them out to run for office.

  25. neiltheblaze

    I have to honestly admit that before this I never thought about Ann Romney's asshole. Other than assuming that title was held by Mitt.

  26. actor212

    Biggs has been all over conservative media recently for saying foul things during the presidential campaign about Ann Romney and Janna Ryan. Nickelodeon has choosen the foul-mouthed comedian for voice work in a children’s cartoon.

    Because goodness knows the difference between a cartoon character and a FOX anchor is…errrr, precisely what, again?

    1. Shypixel

      You know what? Fuck for paginating all their content to get more pageviews…

      (sorry, I work in the industry, pet peeve. But imagine if our Wonkette broke their posts into three pages for no reason…)

    2. SuspectedDemocrat

      you know who else…?

      And to think, if Walt Disney had let Hitler do cartoon voice overs, the Holocaust might have been prevented.

  27. oenspiek

    Someone who possibly voted for Obama-Biden made off-colour remarks about opposing candidates' wives.

    This is worse than Hitler and My Mother, the Car, combined!!!1!(one)!1! IMPEEEEEEACH!!!1!

  28. Steverino247

    What I want to know is if they swallow or spit. My guesses:

    Egg doesn't get her face anywhere near Little Mitt while Janna really wants to, but jerks her head back, sputtering, at the critical moment because the grossness factor overrides her sincere desire to please her husband in that special way.

  29. sullivanst

    Excuse me, Fox News, but you might wish to note that John Carucci's job title at AP appears to be "Entertainment TV Producer".

    I know you guys have long pretended your entertainment empire is in fact a news organization, but have you now reached the point of forgetting that anyone else believes there should be a distinction?

    1. vtxmcrider

      No. Imagine how repulsive Egg's hairy butthole must be after she has been rubbing and bouncing it around on Rafalca's back all day with her very special Romney buttplug (which consists of a tightly wrapped tube of $100 bills).

  30. SheriffJoeBiden

    Now editrix, let's be fair. The right doesn't love rape. They love rape BABIES. It's just like spring showers are bad, but flowers are good. Does that metaphor help your female brain to understand?

    1. Lizzietish81

      Correction, they love rape fetuses.

      The Babies are a bunch of non tax paying moochers who WANT STUFF!

  31. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Some times I lose all hope for this country. It's not like Egg or the other one ever did a Commie Muslim fist bump or anything like that which FOX found worth reporting. For shame America! For shame!

  32. Troglodeity

    Well, obviously every liberal there is must be thinking exactly the same thing as this celebrity when he says something offensive, because we all think exactly like him. That's why we proudly call ourselves us "Dittoheads."

    1. weejee

      Imagine Mitch McConnell fapping to a photo of a pile hundred dollar bills. See, now your thoughts about Egg's fundament have vanished. Good luck with that image of the Turtlebator.

  33. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm pretty sure we aren't suppose to have to look at that this face ever again, much less have to think about it's hairy butthole.

  34. elviouslyqueer

    [Fox News] Editor’s note: This opinion piece contains material some might find offensive.

    WOW. Self-awareness? At Fox News? *clutches chest, looks heavenward, tells Elizabeth I'm coming to join her*

  35. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Every sperm is sacred.
    Every sperm is great.
    If a sperm is wasted,
    God gets quite irate.

    Catchy song. I wonder how it would sound with the R-word.

    1. Zango Crudmonger

      I believe Rectum is kosher on the Wonkette. Not so much other places. Perhaps you were thinking of another R-word?

  36. SayItWithWookies

    Jason Biggs wins the battle with FOX News, since now I've heard of him. Of course I won't remember his name in about five minutes, but that's the nature of the news cycle — one day you're famous for having sex with a pie, and then ten years later nobody gives a shit who you were except some people on Fox.

  37. MissTaken

    I heard under Obamacare employers will be forced to pay for their employees' anal bleach, even if it's against their religious beliefs.

  38. Native_of_SL_UT

    This is all Lenny Bruce's fault. If he had just shut the fuck up like he told to many years ago, none of this would have happened.
    And Wonkette never would have existed.

  39. Exhausted66

    If Biggs had threatened to put a machine gun up said hairy asshole, Mike Huckabee woulda slapped the bass for him on his next show.
    Assuming Huck still has a show.

  40. DixvilleCrotch

    What's vile about pinky-ass-banging Ryan's wife, and then with the same finger switching over to Ann? I fail to see it.

  41. BaldarTFlagass

    "guy who’s most famous for having sex with a pie"

    Not anymore, at least not in Foxworld. Now he's the guy who's most famous for talking about prominent Republican wives' assholes.

  42. LibertyLover

    I know that Right Wingnuttia hates Sesame Street and all, but they might just learn something if they watch that game: "One of these things is not like the others."

  43. glamourdammerung

    Who gives a shit?

    This guy is an actor that has nothing to do with the Democratic Party and to suggest that they are "just the same" as Republicans like Limbaugh (who gives speeches at their conventions) or any of their elected officials is just stretching the truth to play the false equivalency card. Again.

    Furthermore, if the Republican nonsense was not offensive, they would not have to keep trying to pull garbage like this to try to distract everyone about it.

    1. Negropolis

      Yes, many times. But, who am I to judge what she does in the privacy of her bedroom with a poster of Robert Pattinson?

  44. poorgradstudent

    I agree it was unfunny and crass, but…vile? It's not vile unless you at least breach "'70s Italian exploitation flick" levels.

  45. Gleem McShineys

    As a Republican outrage method

    "Death Panels" — pretty effective
    "Terrorist Fist-Bumps" — reasonably effective
    "Bill Ayers" — mildly effective
    "Ann Romney's Anus" — not so good

  46. Gleem McShineys

    We here at Wonkette are some of the most juvenile crass bastards ever to put imaginary pinkies up poopchutes, and I still don't think any of us have ever made comments as lame and unfunny as Jason Biggs.

  47. TribecaMike

    Now that Mitt has installed sliding windows in his jet, this should be the last we ever hear about those clowns.

  48. ttommyunger

    Mitt's on the other hand is white, lilly white, bleached white, as white as driven snow; just like the rest of him.

  49. Swampgas_Man

    Late news. Malkin demanded a boycott against Biggs and his turtle cartoon MONTHS ago over this. Yeah, I know — who the hell pays attention to Malkin? Well, she's in my local fishwrap, so I'm STUCK w/ her, that's who!

  50. Negropolis

    I'm starting to think that maybe Mr. Biggs has a fetish or something…

    The tweet about Paul Ryan was pretty funny, because it's obviously true. The others? Meh.

    BTW, I didn't know that Jason Biggs was a comedian.

  51. Superabound1

    As someone who has portrayed Jewish characters in several major Hollywood movies, i believe that Jason Biggs has a right to self-determination and self-defense. He should be allowed to fire verbal rockets wherever he wants, as often and as far as he wants. And if Fox News disagrees well then i guess theyre just all a bunch of antisemites.

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