long cons

A Shady Charity, Millions In Debt, And ‘Diplomatic Inviolability’: Tampa’s Good-Time Kelley Sisters Are Perfect Republicans

griftersIt’s completely not fair that we in the media have now turned our considerable interest on the Kelley sistren. All they did was either get some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, or be related to someone who got some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, and now here we are and the Kelley Girls are the worst people in the entire world, or as we like to call them, ur-Republicans. Let us delve deep into the grotesque and typically GOP-pish misdeeds of these awful people, who are frickin’ perfect in every way.

First! Let us hear some about Jill Kelley and her husband’s shady cancer charity! Take it away, HuffPo!

Based out of the couple’s mansion, the Doctor Kelley Cancer Foundation claimed on its tax forms that it “shall be operated exclusively to conduct cancer research and to grant wishes to terminally ill adult cancer patients.” […]

By the end of 2007, the charity had gone bankrupt, having conveniently spent exactly the same amount of money, $157,284, as it started with — not a dollar more, according to its 990 financial form. Of that, $43,317 was billed as “Meals and Entertainment,” $38,610 was assigned to “Travel,” another $25,013 was spent on legal fees, and $8,822 went to “Automotive Expenses.”

The Kelleys also listed smaller expenses that appear excessive for a charity operating from a private home, including $12,807 for office expenses and supplies, and $7,854 on utilities and telephones.

Jill Kelley’s sister, Natalie Khawam, was listed as the only other officer of the charity. This past April, Khawam filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy, listing more than $3.6 million in liabilities, including $53,000 owed to the Internal Revenue Service and $800,000 owed to her sister and brother-in-law.

Why, what an opportune segue to the twins’ millions in debt despite throwing lavish parties that obviously came with personal cocaine assistants toting Stevie Nicksian butt-straws of solid gold.

Jill Kelley, whose complaint over threatening emails prompted the FBI inquiry that has ensnared two top generals, is mired in lawsuits from a string of banks totalling $4 million (£2.5 million), court filings obtained by The Daily Telegraph in Florida show.

Meanwhile Mrs Kelley’s identical twin Natalie Khawam – who obtained testimonies to her good character from both Gen Petraeus and Gen John Allen during her own separate legal battle – declared herself bankrupt earlier this year with liabilities of $3.6 million, filings show.

Mrs Kelley, a mother-of-three and unpaid “social liaison” for the US military in Tampa, is said to have spared no expense at such parties to honour top brass stationed at nearby US Central Command. She was pictured at one event at her $1.2 million mansion in 2010 with Gen Petraeus, who arrived in a 28-man police motorcycle escort.

Guests at Mrs Kelley’s parties were treated to lavish buffets, drank champagne and puffed on cigars while being entertained by string quartets, according to insider accounts.

Yet she and her husband Scott, a surgeon, were soon being sued for $1.9 million by Central Bank after allegedly failing to keep up with mortgage payments on a house they bought after starting their own property company. A similar $1.8 million property lawsuit from Regions Bank followed soon after.

Later in the year, Regions Bank filed another claim against the Kelleys for $453,000, before Bank of America sued Mrs Kelley for $25,000 in allegedly unpaid credit card charges. All four cases remain open. The banks’ lawyers declined to comment. Mrs Kelley’s attorney did not return a request for comment.

“There are obviously financial issues,” said one associate of the Kelleys.

Yes, the obvious financial issues being that rich people hate paying their fucking bills! And why should they, when they create so many jobs at the catering company! Won’t someone throw them a parade?

And to put a cherry on our sweet tale, we have the greatest thing in the known universe: Jill Kelley calling the cops to bitch about people on her property (as she should) and claiming “diplomatic inviolability” due to the “honorary ambassador” certificate they made for her at some dumb party, and whereupon she immediately dropped the “honorary” part.

Two 911 calls were made from the Kelleys’ home on Sunday. In the first recording, a man whose name was redacted says there is someone at the door who won’t leave his property. The second caller, who identifies herself as Jill, says there’s someone lurking in their yard.

As the call ends, she makes an apparent reference to her role at MacDill Air Force Base, which the Associated Press has described as an “unpaid social liaison.”

“You know, I don’t know if by any chance, because I’m an honorary consul general, so I have inviolability, so they should not be able to cross my property. I don’t know if you want to get diplomatic protection involved as well,” she told the 911 dispatcher, who agreed to pass the information along to police.

Some old man, naturally, is being all crotchety and mean about this:

According to retired Colonel E.J. Otero, Jill Kelley doesn’t qualify for diplomatic protection.

“It is not possible at all. Diplomatic immunity, diplomatic protection is only given to American personnel. Diplomatic personnel in foreign countries,” he said.

Otero says Kelley’s title was honorary, given by the Coalition Village at MacDill. He compared it to an honorary doctorate, stating that does not make an individual a physician.

“So (Kelley’s honorary title) has no value, no legal protection, no legal authority,” he said.

Oh Kelley Girls. What would we ever do if this story did not have your greed, your dumbshittery, your social climbing. It would be like trying to have this story without a crazed rightwing Fibbie leaking to Newsmax and sending shirtless selfies. It would be unpossible.

[HuffPo / Telegraph / MyFoxTampa, via TPM]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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      1. Barbara_

        It's like group therapy at Marcus Bachmann's practice. And you get a pearl necklace and YOU get a pearl necklace…….

    1. Anne_Athema

      She hoped it'd provide the same proportional benefits for her massive back that a big purse would for a big ass. She was wrong.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hiaasen is probably throwing his hands up in the air at this point. Taking on this crew is like trying to write a parody of Mad Magazine.

  1. Terry

    Oh, this story gets more and more like a prime time soap opera. Jill's a nut job, as are her sister and Broadwell. The generals appear to enjoy going to parties and having their egos (and possibly other bits) stroked.

    1. noodlesalad

      If no one has coined the phrase "Brass Junkies" for these ladies, I demand that it be used henceforth.

    1. fuflans

      do we know they're actual republicans cause, you know, i would hate to slander important upstanding citizens.

      well, no actually i wouldn't. but i hate being wrong.

  2. CivilMcMannerly

    Their left earrings seem to sport such huge blood diamonds that their heads lean painfully and permanently to one side. What a horrible excistance.

    1. boskolives

      I was thinking that maybe they were born co-joined at the head, and their corrective surgery went wrong. Perhaps if they had just paid that doctor's bill….?

    2. Tundra Grifter

      I think they lean in because both girls are taller than the men they are standing next to.

      While I would hate myself in the morning, a double team with Jill and Natalie would certainly be a once-in-a-lifetime experience…

    1. MegPasadena

      If we normal people owe someone 10K, we will be called poor people.
      How come these grifters can owe $4million and still call themselves rich people?
      And why would the stupid banks lend them money? This is a crazy world.

      1. Terry

        The sister was married to Grayson Wolfe, who was a Bush appointee and was a part of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq.

    1. finallyhappy

      I was wondering about Michaele Salahi this morning- after reading the Post which had articles in Style and the News section about these poseurs.

  3. JaceWyatt

    Yes, the obvious financial issues being that rich people hate paying their fucking bills!

    I'm going to go out on a limb here and speculate that, maybe, just maybe, they aren't rich.

    1. commiegirl99

      Oh no, the cancer doctor husband makes very good money. Just not enough to cover the solid gold Bentleys.

  4. JaceWyatt

    Also, wtf. CapitalOne hauled my ass to court over a college credit card debt I had of $1,500. Yet it seems the banks are giving these gals time before a judgement is issued.


    1. Lizzietish81

      Well obviously they are so overwhelmed with the hard work and dedication it takes to be that rich that they can't possibly find the time to go to court right now.

    2. Tundra Grifter


      When CapitalOne reported to the credit bureaus, they didn't provide the account limits. This reduced their customers' credit scores (because the bureaus reported the accounts as max'd out at whatever was owed at the time). Thus other credit card providers didn't try to lure those customers with enticing offers.

      1. memzilla

        Here's the difference: you and I would be ashamed to have that as an epitaph on our tombstone; these people would be proud of it.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Not to get too technical here, but there really isn't any proof Mrs. Hemsley ever said that. We have only the story from a disgrunted maid.

      In fact, Mrs. Hemsley paid far more in Federal income taxes than she had to. She went to prison as an example (note the April 15th date of her indictment) and because of the public perception she was a bitch of the first water.

  5. Lot_49

    How is it that some people just want to be famous, and don't give a rat's ass how they achieve this goal?

  6. Goonemeritus

    Is it possible that we could have been out of Afghanistan earlier if our General Officers spent a little less time trying "win the hearts and minds" of strumpets

      1. Goonemeritus

        General Eisenhower had the good sense to have a hot young woman assigned as his driver. No E-mailing, no wasted travel time just efficient infidelity and a speedy World War.

  7. An_Outhouse

    They should be on Sesame Street. "Little girls can become anything they want but remember, you can't fuck your self to greatness. Trust us, we know that now".

    1. Tio_Doidinho

      Forget where I heard it, but "you can only sleep your way to the middle" has always been my primary life directive.

  8. Negropolis

    I am so glad the president was re-elected. If they want to fuck up so pitifully the least they can do is pay the Stupid Tax he's about to slap on their wealthy asses. This will also tend to weed out the actual wealthy from the faux-wealthy hangers-on.

    Maybe, just maybe, this clusterfuck of a situation will get people to remember we've got people in a warzone and maybe hasten the end of the conflict.

    1. Living in Joy

      Someone get TLC on the phone. They will exploit anything and have a knack for finding idiots to play themselves on the teevee (think Bristol).

  9. memzilla

    You have to ask, how smart is an attorney who defends a client who is not just unwilling to pay millions of dollars in bills, but intentionally racks up more debt?

    1. Terry

      One of the sisters is a lawyer who apparently files lawsuits as a hobby and is more than willing to lie under oath. They don't really need to hire an outside lawyer.

      1. memzilla

        I'll bet that she deducted the cost of her lawyer's fees to herself on one line of her tax form, and took as a business loss her unpaid lawyer's fee to herself on another line.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Oh no, I briefed Gen Petraeus on our US military construction projects in Kuwait back in early '09! I am so fucked.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          No, I was just the nervous presenter of the Powerpoint, wasn't invited to the post-briefing orgy at the Emir's palace.

  10. SubhumanVarmint

    "Otero says Kelley’s title was honorary, given by the Coalition Village at MacDill. He compared it to an honorary doctorate, stating that does not make an individual a physician."

    This guy is a colonel and he doesn't know that there are plenty of people with doctorates who are not doctors? No wonder the leadership in the military is going downhill. How stupid.

    And as for Jill Kelley and her sister- classic social climbers from the great city of "Trampa." How I hate that it's on my birth certificate.

    It will be interesting to see how this whole thing plays out.

  11. Negropolis

    This sordid tale is the kind of shit that makes you want to consciously drive off the fiscal cliff. Sure, most of us will be wiped out financially, but maybe we'll take a few of them with us.

  12. Rosie_Scenario

    "I’m an honorary consul general, so I have inviolability" is the new "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

    1. Kid_Charlemagne

      I have the same problem when I request diplomatic immunity using my "Pizza Ambassador" card from Domino's.

    2. grex1949

      Reminds me of Larry Craig, as he hands his United States Senate I.D. card to the undercover cop at the Minneapolis airport, "What do you think about that?"
      Judging by what happened after that, the undercover cop was not sufficiently impressed.

  13. Dr. Matt

    Four easy steps to be the next Kim Kardashian:

    Sex scandal with a general –> nude pics –> sex video –> reality show.

      1. jcinco

        they're lebanese rather than feminine armenians like the kartrashian klan, except for khloe of course, she's OJ's kid…

    1. fuflans

      well i guess that's the answer to my earlier question about whether they were in fact republicans.

      the karl picture should be the final shovel of dirt on rove's political career.

    2. Veritas78

      Paula and Karl, that is some sick shit. And she has a label on?

      That one will ricochet around the web for eternity…

    1. bikerlaureate

      The Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert, D.F.A., Heavyweight Champion of the World, you mean.

      Though that doesn't seem long enough (and it was surprisingly hard to track down)…

      1. finallyhappy

        Colbert started at Hampden Sydney- one of the places where there was a racist riot election night -but Lord Dr. C transferred to Northwestern

  14. Botlrokit

    The only difference between this and a bathroom duckface photo, is that no one's holding a cell phone.

  15. Tommy1733

    I try to believe at least 6 unpossible things before breakfast. So thanks, Wonkette, I am just about covered for the day.

  16. Lizzietish81

    And these are the same kind of people who fuel the tea party's rhetoric against poor people surviving on food stamps (I'm sorry, "entitlements") and accuse Obama and liberals of trying to create a "class war"

    1. Abernathy

      What, are you saying a 28-man police motorcycle escort to attend a party is a waste of government money?

  17. LibertyLover

    Wow, and I thought only crotchetey old menz yelled: "Keep off my lawn!"
    Well done, Kelly girlz.
    (slow clap)

  18. OneYieldRegular

    If I were a Hollywood script writer I'd toss in the towel right now. I would never have been able to come up with a story that so daringly mashes up "Charlie Wilson's War" with "Showgirls."

  19. Abernathy

    Funny thing is, you never could have guessed they would be bankrupt grifters by looking at that picture.

  20. stdiosllvn

    I gotta love Holly Petraeus, she is so far outside the sistren sandwich in this photo. You are in a different class honey, stay strong.

  21. mickeymusing

    I read the judgment against Natalie, the twin, in her failed bid to get custody of her son. The judge indicated she was simply not able to tell the truth and posed a danger to her child because she consistently put her own desires above her son's. So serious money troubles and pathological narcissism. Great combo to allow access to top military leadership.

  22. MozakiBlocks

    Mrs. Petraeus has perfected that "Bitch please" smile that so many of us military wives (in my case, former military wife) plastered on our faces to deal with the bullshit.

    I hope she goes all "Lorena Bobbitt" on his ass.

  23. Preferred Customer

    In fairness (?), it sounds like the sister is not so much a Republican as an equal-opportunity political starfucker.

    I like the detail about how she was the girlfriend and maybe engaged. Or not. Who knows? It can be so hard to remember who you've promised to marry in exchange for six figure loans.

  24. Flat_Earther

    Government agencies involved so far: Defense, FBI, CIA and State. The IRS (Treasury) will be along shortly looking into the "charity". Justice will eventually make an appearance. The EPA may be needed to clean up this toxic mess.

  25. WIDTAP

    Let's all sing!

    Wafted by a favouring gale
    As one sometimes is in trances,
    To a height that few can scale,
    Save by long and weary dances;
    surely, never had a male
    Under such like circumstances
    So adventurous tale
    Which may rank with most romances.

    1. Veritas78

      Yes. And she tried to do some good, especially for military families who were screwed by cynical, evil, and no-doubt republican "lenders." Her life has been turned upside-down.

  26. Citizen Kitteh

    They've already been on tv, so they have the basic studio experience. Within two years they should have a reality show. The only thing that needs to be determined is the theme:
    1. Jill & Natalie & Matrimony
    2. Jill & Natalie In The Big House
    3. Jill & Natalie host Brass Hunters

  27. CommieDad

    Thank-you Wonkette for bringing me this story. The true heroism of the Kelley sisters brings tears to my eyes. While many of us say we support the troops, these women welcomed them with open arms legs. They are a true inspiration for all of us.

  28. Biel_ze_Bubba

    So you claim you owe $800 large to your sister, file for bankruptcy … and the sister gets to write off the $800 large on her own taxes as a loss? This, my friends, is genius.

    1. bobbert

      Could work, but the tax code does contain some documentation requirements for "loans" between related parties.

  29. Slim_Pickins

    As J Paul Getty once remarked, "you owe the bank $1,000, that's your problem, owe them $1,000,000, that's their problem."

  30. mustangsavvy

    Holy schmuck balls, these people.

    And those 2 generals. I mean, hey, it's not like they have WARS to run or anything but sure pimp it up at your parties and drop it like it hawt. Meanwhile let's not forget to eternally "salute" and "honor" the troops who are in fact dying and going bankrupt while they are serving overseas even as their 4 star generals are pounding Jaeger bombs off some idiot socialite and her equally idiotic sister. While sex-ing an Internet stalker.

    You know Clinton is somewhere chuckling to himself cuz this makes him look like a saint, Newt is wondering if he can still get in on this marvelous con and the Palins are wondering if the Kelleys would consider giving seminars on how to be rich douchbag arseholes and rip off people.

  31. docterry6973

    TPM says that honorary consul really is a thing, and Kelley is an honorary consul for Worst Korea, our noble ally. South Korea can't be bothered setting up consulates in every shithole in America, so they and other countries appoint/hire American citizens to help them out. If a South Korean visiting Tampa happens to lose his passport, he can theoretically call Kelley and she will point him in the right direction. She has no true diplomatic status of any kind.

    I am certain that Ms. Kelley is doing this because she loves humanity and not because she wants a fancy license plate and a title.

  32. Edith_Prickly

    Was the "charity" raising money for people with ugly necklace addictions?? WTF have they got around around their necks…

  33. comrad_darkness

    4 million in debt, 3.6 million in debt? These guys are just as dirt poor as the white trash they despise, they just have better access to credit

    Takers, the lot of them. Massive, useless takers.

    1. sati_demise

      well, the tell all books may pay off the debts, but the banks couldn't have known they were sexing the generals…..or did they? Maybe she told them Petraeus come for a chat if her loan was not approved?

  34. sati_demise

    More evidence that the banks were dealing in fraud, pure and simple. Why won't they loan me 4 million bucks?

  35. marymee

    Jill Kelley lives in TAMPA.

    Republicans had their National Convention in TAMPA.

    Do you think socialite Jill hosted any Convention parties for top Repulicans? You know, like, "Let's go to Jill's house, so that way we won't get photographed in a Strip Club!"

  36. bobloblawlawblg

    I know I'm likely alone here, but I'm starting to sympathize with Broadwell. Reading about these chicks and their imagined super-hotness-no-man-can-resist-all-women-fear-them, all I can keep saying is, "Who the hell do you people think you are?" and "Tone it down a touch."

  37. GeorgiaMike

    Wow, Florida now has their own Kardashians. Natasha Leggero could have explained it to ys — there are toilet babies everywhere.

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