LONG CONS  8:51 am November 14, 2012

A Shady Charity, Millions In Debt, And ‘Diplomatic Inviolability’: Tampa’s Good-Time Kelley Sisters Are Perfect Republicans

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

griftersIt’s completely not fair that we in the media have now turned our considerable interest on the Kelley sistren. All they did was either get some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, or be related to someone who got some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, and now here we are and the Kelley Girls are the worst people in the entire world, or as we like to call them, ur-Republicans. Let us delve deep into the grotesque and typically GOP-pish misdeeds of these awful people, who are frickin’ perfect in every way.

First! Let us hear some about Jill Kelley and her husband’s shady cancer charity! Take it away, HuffPo!

Based out of the couple’s mansion, the Doctor Kelley Cancer Foundation claimed on its tax forms that it “shall be operated exclusively to conduct cancer research and to grant wishes to terminally ill adult cancer patients.” [...]

By the end of 2007, the charity had gone bankrupt, having conveniently spent exactly the same amount of money, $157,284, as it started with — not a dollar more, according to its 990 financial form. Of that, $43,317 was billed as “Meals and Entertainment,” $38,610 was assigned to “Travel,” another $25,013 was spent on legal fees, and $8,822 went to “Automotive Expenses.”

The Kelleys also listed smaller expenses that appear excessive for a charity operating from a private home, including $12,807 for office expenses and supplies, and $7,854 on utilities and telephones.

Jill Kelley’s sister, Natalie Khawam, was listed as the only other officer of the charity. This past April, Khawam filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy, listing more than $3.6 million in liabilities, including $53,000 owed to the Internal Revenue Service and $800,000 owed to her sister and brother-in-law.

Why, what an opportune segue to the twins’ millions in debt despite throwing lavish parties that obviously came with personal cocaine assistants toting Stevie Nicksian butt-straws of solid gold.

Jill Kelley, whose complaint over threatening emails prompted the FBI inquiry that has ensnared two top generals, is mired in lawsuits from a string of banks totalling $4 million (£2.5 million), court filings obtained by The Daily Telegraph in Florida show.

Meanwhile Mrs Kelley’s identical twin Natalie Khawam – who obtained testimonies to her good character from both Gen Petraeus and Gen John Allen during her own separate legal battle – declared herself bankrupt earlier this year with liabilities of $3.6 million, filings show.

Mrs Kelley, a mother-of-three and unpaid “social liaison” for the US military in Tampa, is said to have spared no expense at such parties to honour top brass stationed at nearby US Central Command. She was pictured at one event at her $1.2 million mansion in 2010 with Gen Petraeus, who arrived in a 28-man police motorcycle escort.

Guests at Mrs Kelley’s parties were treated to lavish buffets, drank champagne and puffed on cigars while being entertained by string quartets, according to insider accounts.

Yet she and her husband Scott, a surgeon, were soon being sued for $1.9 million by Central Bank after allegedly failing to keep up with mortgage payments on a house they bought after starting their own property company. A similar $1.8 million property lawsuit from Regions Bank followed soon after.

Later in the year, Regions Bank filed another claim against the Kelleys for $453,000, before Bank of America sued Mrs Kelley for $25,000 in allegedly unpaid credit card charges. All four cases remain open. The banks’ lawyers declined to comment. Mrs Kelley’s attorney did not return a request for comment.

“There are obviously financial issues,” said one associate of the Kelleys.

Yes, the obvious financial issues being that rich people hate paying their fucking bills! And why should they, when they create so many jobs at the catering company! Won’t someone throw them a parade?

And to put a cherry on our sweet tale, we have the greatest thing in the known universe: Jill Kelley calling the cops to bitch about people on her property (as she should) and claiming “diplomatic inviolability” due to the “honorary ambassador” certificate they made for her at some dumb party, and whereupon she immediately dropped the “honorary” part.

Two 911 calls were made from the Kelleys’ home on Sunday. In the first recording, a man whose name was redacted says there is someone at the door who won’t leave his property. The second caller, who identifies herself as Jill, says there’s someone lurking in their yard.

As the call ends, she makes an apparent reference to her role at MacDill Air Force Base, which the Associated Press has described as an “unpaid social liaison.”

“You know, I don’t know if by any chance, because I’m an honorary consul general, so I have inviolability, so they should not be able to cross my property. I don’t know if you want to get diplomatic protection involved as well,” she told the 911 dispatcher, who agreed to pass the information along to police.

Some old man, naturally, is being all crotchety and mean about this:

According to retired Colonel E.J. Otero, Jill Kelley doesn’t qualify for diplomatic protection.

“It is not possible at all. Diplomatic immunity, diplomatic protection is only given to American personnel. Diplomatic personnel in foreign countries,” he said.

Otero says Kelley’s title was honorary, given by the Coalition Village at MacDill. He compared it to an honorary doctorate, stating that does not make an individual a physician.

“So (Kelley’s honorary title) has no value, no legal protection, no legal authority,” he said.

Oh Kelley Girls. What would we ever do if this story did not have your greed, your dumbshittery, your social climbing. It would be like trying to have this story without a crazed rightwing Fibbie leaking to Newsmax and sending shirtless selfies. It would be unpossible.

[HuffPo / Telegraph / MyFoxTampa, via TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 262 comments }

Barbara_ November 14, 2012 at 8:53 am

Loving the Wilma Flintstone sized pearl necklace.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 8:56 am

Tampa's version of Mardi Gras. Those necklaces are actually fairly tame.

Barbara_ November 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

It's like group therapy at Marcus Bachmann's practice. And you get a pearl necklace and YOU get a pearl necklace…….

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

Somehow, I doubt Marcus gives them pearl necklaces…

drrty_martini November 14, 2012 at 10:49 am

You mean…he gives out RAISIN necklaces? Ew.

BadKitty904 November 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

We've seen a lot weirder stuff at Gasparilla…

Anne_Athema November 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

She hoped it'd provide the same proportional benefits for her massive back that a big purse would for a big ass. She was wrong.

larrykat November 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

I'm grooving on the tilted-head "glamour shot" poses… "Hey! A camera! Places, girls!"

James Michael Curley November 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

Is that what it is? I thought, "Look, twin hunchbacks."

Veritas78 November 14, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Soon, with those boob jobs. Gravity always wins.

Not_Mother November 14, 2012 at 11:34 am

Hmm. Have the fibbies checked Billy Gibbons' gmail drop box yet?

4TheTurnstiles November 14, 2012 at 8:55 am

That clever Carl Hiaasen!

BadKitty904 November 14, 2012 at 9:03 am

And you thought he wrote fiction…

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

Anyone who's spent any time in Florida outside of Key West or Miami Beach could testify he does not.

OneYieldRegular November 14, 2012 at 9:35 am

Those books just write themselves.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

Hiaasen is probably throwing his hands up in the air at this point. Taking on this crew is like trying to write a parody of Mad Magazine.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 8:55 am

Oh, this story gets more and more like a prime time soap opera. Jill's a nut job, as are her sister and Broadwell. The generals appear to enjoy going to parties and having their egos (and possibly other bits) stroked.

noodlesalad November 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

If no one has coined the phrase "Brass Junkies" for these ladies, I demand that it be used henceforth.

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

I'll do it, but only if you use the phrase "Ass Junkies" when talking about the Generals, also.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

I've been going with the more traditional "camp followers" but I like yours better.

Spurning Beer November 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

I favor "Flag Hags."

noodlesalad November 14, 2012 at 8:01 pm

That's a winner right there.

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:16 am

It is at this point we should note the sisters had a cooking show on the Food Network about ten years ago.

Boy, them ovens must be hot!

Esteev November 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

Only a matter of time until someone's got a bun in the oven!

idrobny November 14, 2012 at 10:41 am

my guess. all of them are republicans.

BadKitty904 November 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

"Grand Old Party," indeed.

fuflans November 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

do we know they're actual republicans cause, you know, i would hate to slander important upstanding citizens.

well, no actually i wouldn't. but i hate being wrong.

rickmaci November 14, 2012 at 10:49 am

Grand Old Panty party.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

Otero says Kelley’s title was honorary, given by the Coalition Village at MacDill.

Shirley that's a tippo? "Cotillion Village"
~

CivilMcMannerly November 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

Their left earrings seem to sport such huge blood diamonds that their heads lean painfully and permanently to one side. What a horrible excistance.

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:17 am

I think they just got used to tilting their heads, for some weird reason.

*koffkoffBLOWJOBkoffkoff*

Sorry, something stuck in my throat…

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:29 am

I was thinking that maybe they were born co-joined at the head, and their corrective surgery went wrong. Perhaps if they had just paid that doctor's bill….?

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2012 at 11:07 am

I think they lean in because both girls are taller than the men they are standing next to.

While I would hate myself in the morning, a double team with Jill and Natalie would certainly be a once-in-a-lifetime experience…

jcinco November 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

which one is the "super-sized" twin?

Beetagger November 14, 2012 at 8:59 am

Did the General have to show his tits to get the beads?

MARCdMan November 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

I think they are so he keep's Mrs. Petreaus's top on.

noodlesalad November 14, 2012 at 9:00 am

Yes, and operator, I‘m an honorary rich person, so I have tax inviolability.

idrobny November 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

i am an "honorary" rich dude. do i have to pay taxes?

MegPasadena November 14, 2012 at 1:38 pm

If we normal people owe someone 10K, we will be called poor people.
How come these grifters can owe $4million and still call themselves rich people?
And why would the stupid banks lend them money? This is a crazy world.

BadKitty904 November 14, 2012 at 9:00 am

The phrase "unpaid social liaison” just has *SO* much potential…

An_Outhouse November 14, 2012 at 9:06 am

She didn't get paid so don't dare insinuate she's a prostitute.

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

No one said she was a "financially successful" prostitute.

James Michael Curley November 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

I read it as 'unpaid social lesion.'

SigDeFlyinMonky November 14, 2012 at 11:21 am

Old Japanese military position as "comfort women."

comrad_darkness November 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

" . . . now we're just haggling over the price."

calliecallie November 14, 2012 at 8:27 pm

You know who else tried to get out of paying his hooker?

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 9:01 am

Florida, of course.

Where is Bravo? We've got a Real Housewives of Tampa on our hands.

Lot_49 November 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

Ha ha, Jill and her twin were already on a cooking "reality" show ten years ago.

Tundrafig November 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

I was thinking along the lines of the "Military-Industrial-Cocktail Complex" mesself.

bobbert November 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Military-Industrial-Cock-and-Tail Complex

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:01 am

It's hard to believe, but I think this bunch have Tareq and Michaele Salahi all beat to hell.

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

When do the Kelleys run off with Joe Perry of Aerosmith? Or Ted Nugent?

BaldarTFlagass November 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

I'd put my money of Kid Rock. Bah wit de bah!

Terry November 14, 2012 at 10:26 am

The sister was married to Grayson Wolfe, who was a Bush appointee and was a part of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq.

finallyhappy November 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I was wondering about Michaele Salahi this morning- after reading the Post which had articles in Style and the News section about these poseurs.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 14, 2012 at 9:03 am

So, which one is the evil twin?

Loch_Nessosaur November 14, 2012 at 9:04 am

Both of them, Katie.

BadKitty904 November 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

The tacky one…

Tommy1733 November 14, 2012 at 9:28 am

Yes.

UW8316154 November 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm

T

JaceWyatt November 14, 2012 at 9:03 am

Yes, the obvious financial issues being that rich people hate paying their fucking bills!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and speculate that, maybe, just maybe, they aren't rich.

commiegirl99 November 14, 2012 at 9:10 am

Oh no, the cancer doctor husband makes very good money. Just not enough to cover the solid gold Bentleys.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:16 am

Sounds like they bought some real estate as an investment before the crash, too.

JaceWyatt November 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

True dat!

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

They're rich everywhere outside of bankruptcy court.

rickmaci November 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

Donald Trump taught us that bankruptcy court is where rich people go to stay rich.

jcinco November 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

but they were going to be once they had enough dirt to start extorting the top brass.

lefty74 November 14, 2012 at 9:04 am

Like a big ol' gob o dew worms.

finallyhappy November 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I have no idea what this means but sounds disgusting – so it fits

memzilla November 14, 2012 at 9:04 am

White people. *sigh* Whaddya gonna do?

BadKitty904 November 14, 2012 at 9:11 am
Botlrokit November 14, 2012 at 9:24 am

MY EYES

memzilla November 14, 2012 at 9:35 am

AGCK! That woman has enough epoxy in her hair to waterproof the Lake Pontchartrain levee.

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Send 'em shirtless pics, natch!

An_Outhouse November 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

Which one dated Kevin Bacon?

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:17 am

He's been emailing General Allen, too.

Schmannnity November 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

Trump should marry the Kelley twins for their financial acumen.

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

Kelly, Khawam , Kardashian, what part of Florida KKK do you not get?

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 9:06 am

So much for Republicans,and fiscal responsibility.

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

Fiscal responsibility is for the little people.

JaceWyatt November 14, 2012 at 9:06 am

Also, wtf. CapitalOne hauled my ass to court over a college credit card debt I had of $1,500. Yet it seems the banks are giving these gals time before a judgement is issued.

America.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

They probably had glowing character references from a range of high ranking military officers.

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

Sorry, having a twin with big boobies is required to receive personal handling, or manhandling, too.

Lizzietish81 November 14, 2012 at 9:28 am

Well obviously they are so overwhelmed with the hard work and dedication it takes to be that rich that they can't possibly find the time to go to court right now.

deanbooth November 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

"Laws are spider webs through which the big flies pass and the little ones get caught." — Ballsack

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2012 at 11:11 am

JW:

When CapitalOne reported to the credit bureaus, they didn't provide the account limits. This reduced their customers' credit scores (because the bureaus reported the accounts as max'd out at whatever was owed at the time). Thus other credit card providers didn't try to lure those customers with enticing offers.

HarryButtle November 14, 2012 at 9:06 am

Khawam…Kelley…Kardashian…Koincidence?

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

They have been called the Kardashians of Tampa Bay, yes

memzilla November 14, 2012 at 9:39 am

Here's the difference: you and I would be ashamed to have that as an epitaph on our tombstone; these people would be proud of it.

eggsacklywright November 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

I see the Khawam, but no Kablooie?

thatsitfortheother1 November 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

Plenty of Kiełbasa been in there.

Estproph November 14, 2012 at 9:06 am

Who the fuck are the Kelleys? From the picture I thought this was a story about the Kardashians.

iburl November 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Don't be so sure it is not.

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

Leona Hemsley:"Taxes are for poor people".It would appear so is paying your bills.

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

Not to get too technical here, but there really isn't any proof Mrs. Hemsley ever said that. We have only the story from a disgrunted maid.

In fact, Mrs. Hemsley paid far more in Federal income taxes than she had to. She went to prison as an example (note the April 15th date of her indictment) and because of the public perception she was a bitch of the first water.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

I'm sure there were many jobs created… blow jobs.

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

Not created, but given as a consolation prize, also.

corthylio November 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

And snow(bird) jobs…

Tommy1733 November 14, 2012 at 9:29 am

That is a sign the economy is improving.

Esteev November 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

Hmm… color me suspicious. It shouldn't take 30,000 emails to set up a few blowies.

Lot_49 November 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

How is it that some people just want to be famous, and don't give a rat's ass how they achieve this goal?

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:21 am

Can you say Kardashian? Famous for being famous is it's own reward, obviously.

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

What ever happened to Paris Hilton?

On the other hand, who cares?

jcinco November 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

ask tundratramp.

Goonemeritus November 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

Is it possible that we could have been out of Afghanistan earlier if our General Officers spent a little less time trying "win the hearts and minds" of strumpets

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

Imagine what he could have accomplished if Allen just cut his emailing time in half.

Goonemeritus November 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

General Eisenhower had the good sense to have a hot young woman assigned as his driver. No E-mailing, no wasted travel time just efficient infidelity and a speedy World War.

jcinco November 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I'll bet he usually drove, with a big honkin' smile on his face…

UW8316154 November 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

"Bend over; I'll drive."

Esteev November 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

Get out of Afghanistan? Who's going to make any money then?

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

Less "hearts and minds," more other organs.

SpiderCrab November 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

Hands down the best scandal in American history.

rickmaci November 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

You mean "pants down…"

Ruhe November 14, 2012 at 9:10 am

So the husband is a surgeon? I wonder if his life is going the way he'd hoped it would.

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:14 am

You have a wife who underdresses, even for Florida. I don't see how you miss the signs.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:20 am

Trophy wives seem to turn out to be more of a problem than less flamboyant women. Funny that.

SigDeFlyinMonky November 14, 2012 at 11:27 am

"So from a logical point of view always marry a woman uglier than you." The Mighty Sparrow

Tangled sin tax November 14, 2012 at 11:36 am

High school days flashback! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ0UvxOdrGM

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

The movie stars Bruce Willis, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn.

An_Outhouse November 14, 2012 at 9:11 am

They should be on Sesame Street. "Little girls can become anything they want but remember, you can't fuck your self to greatness. Trust us, we know that now".

Tio_Doidinho November 14, 2012 at 9:54 am

Forget where I heard it, but "you can only sleep your way to the middle" has always been my primary life directive.

thatsitfortheother1 November 14, 2012 at 10:41 am

My sister's was "You can marry more money in 6 months than you can make in a lifetime."

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 9:11 am

I am so glad the president was re-elected. If they want to fuck up so pitifully the least they can do is pay the Stupid Tax he's about to slap on their wealthy asses. This will also tend to weed out the actual wealthy from the faux-wealthy hangers-on.

Maybe, just maybe, this clusterfuck of a situation will get people to remember we've got people in a warzone and maybe hasten the end of the conflict.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:21 am

They won't be paying much in taxes while they're in prison for bad debts.

boskolives November 14, 2012 at 9:24 am

Detroit is not a warzone! It just looks like one.

Defeatably_Joe November 14, 2012 at 9:12 am

It's amazing how quickly this is turning into an amalgam of Real Housewives, Army Wives, and Jersey Shore (for the shirtless FiBi)

Living in Joy November 14, 2012 at 9:33 am

Someone get TLC on the phone. They will exploit anything and have a knack for finding idiots to play themselves on the teevee (think Bristol).

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:12 am

personal cocaine assistants toting Stevie Nicksian butt-straws of solid gold.

I'd totes snort off Stevie Nicks' butt

Botlrokit November 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

So the CIA has been compromised by the Real Grifters of Tampa Bay…?

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

Watch it.

memzilla November 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

You have to ask, how smart is an attorney who defends a client who is not just unwilling to pay millions of dollars in bills, but intentionally racks up more debt?

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:22 am

One of the sisters is a lawyer who apparently files lawsuits as a hobby and is more than willing to lie under oath. They don't really need to hire an outside lawyer.

memzilla November 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

I'll bet that she deducted the cost of her lawyer's fees to herself on one line of her tax form, and took as a business loss her unpaid lawyer's fee to herself on another line.

Esteev November 14, 2012 at 9:29 am

I blame society. And Obama.

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

Depends on whether said attorney requires cash up front.

IceCreamEmpress November 14, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I have a friend who defended someone on tax fraud charges and required payment in advance.

oenspiek November 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Obviously, the only way to cut this Gordian knot is with tax cuts.

Pragmatist2 November 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

"Inviolable"? It's not looking that way.

actor212 November 14, 2012 at 9:14 am

It seems pretty clear that Kelley was really scared (and still is) of something coming out. Her behavior is a clear sign of ostrichfication.

Terry November 14, 2012 at 9:23 am

Whenever I see a photo of her, in my mind I hear the song When the Walls Come Tumbling Down.

Botlrokit November 14, 2012 at 9:14 am

This kind of plot contrivance would have really made Tom Clancy novels enjoyable.

corthylio November 14, 2012 at 9:15 am
BaldarTFlagass November 14, 2012 at 9:26 am

Oh no, I briefed Gen Petraeus on our US military construction projects in Kuwait back in early '09! I am so fucked.

corthylio November 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

If you stayed away from the gold-plated parties, you're probably safe…

BaldarTFlagass November 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

No, I was just the nervous presenter of the Powerpoint, wasn't invited to the post-briefing orgy at the Emir's palace.

SubhumanVarmint November 14, 2012 at 9:16 am

"Otero says Kelley’s title was honorary, given by the Coalition Village at MacDill. He compared it to an honorary doctorate, stating that does not make an individual a physician."

This guy is a colonel and he doesn't know that there are plenty of people with doctorates who are not doctors? No wonder the leadership in the military is going downhill. How stupid.

And as for Jill Kelley and her sister- classic social climbers from the great city of "Trampa." How I hate that it's on my birth certificate.

It will be interesting to see how this whole thing plays out.

VodkaGoGo November 14, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Uhhh…

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 9:16 am

This sordid tale is the kind of shit that makes you want to consciously drive off the fiscal cliff. Sure, most of us will be wiped out financially, but maybe we'll take a few of them with us.

ibwilliamsi November 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

Are you happy to see me, or is that a charitable donation in your pocket?

Rosie_Scenario November 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

"I’m an honorary consul general, so I have inviolability" is the new "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

Kid_Charlemagne November 14, 2012 at 9:29 am

I have the same problem when I request diplomatic immunity using my "Pizza Ambassador" card from Domino's.

ibwilliamsi November 14, 2012 at 9:53 am

It's almost as good as "I'm Mrs. Dr. Kelly!"

bikerlaureate November 14, 2012 at 11:08 am

The trespassers were just looking for the VIP entrance.

grex1949 November 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Reminds me of Larry Craig, as he hands his United States Senate I.D. card to the undercover cop at the Minneapolis airport, "What do you think about that?"
Judging by what happened after that, the undercover cop was not sufficiently impressed.

pdiddycornchips November 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Her actual Fla license plate…
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=Jill+Kelly+license

Dr. Matt November 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

Four easy steps to be the next Kim Kardashian:

Sex scandal with a general –> nude pics –> sex video –> reality show.

Esteev November 14, 2012 at 9:34 am

Don't forget a <100-day wedding!

kyeshinka November 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

They do look like mannish Kardashians.

jcinco November 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

they're lebanese rather than feminine armenians like the kartrashian klan, except for khloe of course, she's OJ's kid…

herecomedajudge November 14, 2012 at 9:22 am

this IS going to be a fun ride

SkinnyNerd November 14, 2012 at 9:46 am

Until they get their own TV show and then we can't get rid of them. Kind of like herpes.

pdiddycornchips November 14, 2012 at 9:22 am

Are these the moochers Republicans blame for electing Obama?

GeorgiaBurning November 14, 2012 at 10:32 am

No, the 53% have their own..

synykyl November 14, 2012 at 9:23 am

Petraeus and Allen should be shot just for associating with these people.

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

If they shot officers for stupidity, we'd run out of brass.

(Punny!)

Kid_Charlemagne November 14, 2012 at 9:23 am

Wow, Tampa is really coming up! They have their own version of the Salahis!

BaldarTFlagass November 14, 2012 at 9:23 am

Ka-zaam!

HRH_Maddie November 14, 2012 at 9:25 am

Ain't this some "Real Housewives of Langley" shit!

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 9:26 am

OMG, check this shit out: It's Jilly Kelley in her window, and look what's on the television…

I thought all we were going to get in November was butthurt from the tea party, but now we have a right proper scandal as the cherry on top.

EDIT: Oooo, Paula and Karl!

OneYieldRegular November 14, 2012 at 9:39 am

Is that a lipstick mark on the screen?

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

Meta!

Defeatably_Joe November 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

This shit really couldn't happen to a better buncha people, all told.

fuflans November 14, 2012 at 10:46 am

well i guess that's the answer to my earlier question about whether they were in fact republicans.

the karl picture should be the final shovel of dirt on rove's political career.

Tangled sin tax November 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm

No, I'm guessing he's about as politically safe as J. Edgar Hoover, and for many of the same reasons.

Veritas78 November 14, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Paula and Karl, that is some sick shit. And she has a label on?

That one will ricochet around the web for eternity…

Defeatably_Joe November 14, 2012 at 9:26 am

He compared it to an honorary doctorate, stating that does not make an individual a physician.

Dr. Stephen T Colbert, D.FA Libel!

bikerlaureate November 14, 2012 at 11:18 am

The Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert, D.F.A., Heavyweight Champion of the World, you mean.

Though that doesn't seem long enough (and it was surprisingly hard to track down)…

TribecaMike November 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

Colbert's a college boy? That figures.

finallyhappy November 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Colbert started at Hampden Sydney- one of the places where there was a racist riot election night -but Lord Dr. C transferred to Northwestern

Botlrokit November 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

The only difference between this and a bathroom duckface photo, is that no one's holding a cell phone.

Tommy1733 November 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

I try to believe at least 6 unpossible things before breakfast. So thanks, Wonkette, I am just about covered for the day.

Lizzietish81 November 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

And these are the same kind of people who fuel the tea party's rhetoric against poor people surviving on food stamps (I'm sorry, "entitlements") and accuse Obama and liberals of trying to create a "class war"

BadKitty904 November 14, 2012 at 9:35 am

"Class" is one thing these folks don't need to fret about, "war" or otherwise…

LibertyLover November 14, 2012 at 9:36 am

To be fair, no one has ever accused these types of people of being self-aware navel gazers.

Abernathy November 14, 2012 at 9:53 am

What, are you saying a 28-man police motorcycle escort to attend a party is a waste of government money?

Troglodeity November 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Shame on you for your blatant class warfare!

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 9:30 am
ManchuCandidate November 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

Now it goes from John LeCarre novel -> Fatal Attraction -> Elmore Leonard novel.

Only in US Amercia.

ManchuCandidate November 14, 2012 at 9:32 am

I'm surprised no one's typed this…

Diplomatic "Inviolability" Revoked!

AutomaticPilot November 14, 2012 at 9:33 am

Sarah Palin can haz honorary title now?

SkinnyNerd November 14, 2012 at 9:33 am

Fiscal cliff and mental cliff and in between the Kelleys.

LibertyLover November 14, 2012 at 9:34 am

Wow, and I thought only crotchetey old menz yelled: "Keep off my lawn!"
Well done, Kelly girlz.
(slow clap)

Chow Yun Flat November 14, 2012 at 9:34 am

The sisters share an odd genetic deformity. Each has a neck that is much longer on one side than the other causing a permanent head tilt.

Esteev November 14, 2012 at 9:36 am

White people… youz craaaazy!

BaldarTFlagass November 14, 2012 at 9:36 am

Your move, Palin family.

CrunchyKnee November 14, 2012 at 9:37 am

Aren't we still at war with the evil doers in Afghanistan?

OneYieldRegular November 14, 2012 at 9:42 am

If I were a Hollywood script writer I'd toss in the towel right now. I would never have been able to come up with a story that so daringly mashes up "Charlie Wilson's War" with "Showgirls."

PugglesRule November 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Starring Tom Hanks as General John Allen and Miss Lindsey Graham as General David Petreaus.

ManchuCandidate November 14, 2012 at 9:42 am

No more worries about trying to figure who the evil twin is.

All of them, Katie.

gullywompr November 14, 2012 at 9:47 am

But who did they fuck?

LibertyLover November 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

All of them, Katie.

jcinco November 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

all of 'em who have been put in front of them over all these years…

lulzmonger November 14, 2012 at 10:49 pm

America!

LibertyLover November 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

This story has somehow jumped the shark all by itself, hasn't it?

PugglesRule November 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Funny, I thought Christmas was still 6 weeks away.

DixvilleCrotch November 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

Mirror, mirror, on the wall… who's the frumpiest of them all?

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

Saturday Night Live is going to have so much fun with this.

PugglesRule November 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

With Nasim Pedrad as Jill AND Natalie! (kind of like Patty Duke as both Patty and Cathy).

Abernathy November 14, 2012 at 9:51 am

Funny thing is, you never could have guessed they would be bankrupt grifters by looking at that picture.

stdiosllvn November 14, 2012 at 9:53 am

I gotta love Holly Petraeus, she is so far outside the sistren sandwich in this photo. You are in a different class honey, stay strong.

Abernathy November 14, 2012 at 9:54 am

Please, please someone find evidence that they also tried to crash a White House party.

DahBoner November 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

Paging Dr. Welby!

mickeymusing November 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

I read the judgment against Natalie, the twin, in her failed bid to get custody of her son. The judge indicated she was simply not able to tell the truth and posed a danger to her child because she consistently put her own desires above her son's. So serious money troubles and pathological narcissism. Great combo to allow access to top military leadership.

larrykat November 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

Kelley looks like she might be Snooki's mom.

MozakiBlocks November 14, 2012 at 10:09 am

Mrs. Petraeus has perfected that "Bitch please" smile that so many of us military wives (in my case, former military wife) plastered on our faces to deal with the bullshit.

I hope she goes all "Lorena Bobbitt" on his ass.

Preferred Customer November 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

In fairness (?), it sounds like the sister is not so much a Republican as an equal-opportunity political starfucker.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/battle_john

I like the detail about how she was the girlfriend and maybe engaged. Or not. Who knows? It can be so hard to remember who you've promised to marry in exchange for six figure loans.

Guppy November 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

These two should wear sleeves.

Flat_Earther November 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

Government agencies involved so far: Defense, FBI, CIA and State. The IRS (Treasury) will be along shortly looking into the "charity". Justice will eventually make an appearance. The EPA may be needed to clean up this toxic mess.

fuflans November 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

the only word that comes to mind is 'zaftig'.

really, that is all.

Aridzona November 14, 2012 at 10:40 am

I forget. Was Petraeus in favor of early withdrawal or not?

sati_demise November 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

master of the surge

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

That would take some of the fun out of being "All In."

WIDTAP November 14, 2012 at 10:50 am

Let's all sing!

Wafted by a favouring gale
As one sometimes is in trances,
To a height that few can scale,
Save by long and weary dances;
surely, never had a male
Under such like circumstances
So adventurous tale
Which may rank with most romances.

PugglesRule November 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Gilbert and Sullivan?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm
LibrarianX November 14, 2012 at 10:51 am

Lou Sarah must be green with envy.

TribecaMike November 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

Meanwhile, my tax guy kicks my ass up and down the hallway if I don't keep my receipts for push pins.

rickmaci November 14, 2012 at 10:57 am

I'm tired of reading about all this shit. I'm just going to wait for it to come out on sex video.

Geminisunmars November 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

Poor Holly Petraeus. She had to pose with those people.

Veritas78 November 14, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Yes. And she tried to do some good, especially for military families who were screwed by cynical, evil, and no-doubt republican "lenders." Her life has been turned upside-down.

Barrelhse November 14, 2012 at 11:08 am

All the world's a stage.

ahnc November 14, 2012 at 11:13 am

OMG, OMG, OMG….I can't stop laughing at this article…and the comments!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

I hear those sisters swim toward troop ships.

TheGyrus November 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

These twins are going to come out of this scandal with a show on TLC, I just know it.

Citizen Kitteh November 14, 2012 at 11:16 am

They've already been on tv, so they have the basic studio experience. Within two years they should have a reality show. The only thing that needs to be determined is the theme:
1. Jill & Natalie & Matrimony
2. Jill & Natalie In The Big House
3. Jill & Natalie host Brass Hunters

barto November 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

Maybe it's just me, but the smiles on those two just give me the creeps, what?

CommieDad November 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

Thank-you Wonkette for bringing me this story. The true heroism of the Kelley sisters brings tears to my eyes. While many of us say we support the troops, these women welcomed them with open arms legs. They are a true inspiration for all of us.

imissopus November 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

Christopher Buckley's next novel is writing itself.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

So you claim you owe $800 large to your sister, file for bankruptcy … and the sister gets to write off the $800 large on her own taxes as a loss? This, my friends, is genius.

bobbert November 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Could work, but the tax code does contain some documentation requirements for "loans" between related parties.

niblick77 November 14, 2012 at 11:55 am

Wow, so this is how the top 1% live and act. So glad I am a 99%er1

ttommyunger November 14, 2012 at 11:55 am

Water seeks its own level. Grifters and fuckwads all, I fear.

Slim_Pickins November 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

As J Paul Getty once remarked, "you owe the bank $1,000, that's your problem, owe them $1,000,000, that's their problem."

grex1949 November 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Which one will be partnered-up with Max on DWTS?

mustangsavvy November 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Holy schmuck balls, these people.

And those 2 generals. I mean, hey, it's not like they have WARS to run or anything but sure pimp it up at your parties and drop it like it hawt. Meanwhile let's not forget to eternally "salute" and "honor" the troops who are in fact dying and going bankrupt while they are serving overseas even as their 4 star generals are pounding Jaeger bombs off some idiot socialite and her equally idiotic sister. While sex-ing an Internet stalker.

You know Clinton is somewhere chuckling to himself cuz this makes him look like a saint, Newt is wondering if he can still get in on this marvelous con and the Palins are wondering if the Kelleys would consider giving seminars on how to be rich douchbag arseholes and rip off people.

Passionphd November 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Well at least they are job creators … if blow jobs count.

docterry6973 November 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

TPM says that honorary consul really is a thing, and Kelley is an honorary consul for Worst Korea, our noble ally. South Korea can't be bothered setting up consulates in every shithole in America, so they and other countries appoint/hire American citizens to help them out. If a South Korean visiting Tampa happens to lose his passport, he can theoretically call Kelley and she will point him in the right direction. She has no true diplomatic status of any kind.

I am certain that Ms. Kelley is doing this because she loves humanity and not because she wants a fancy license plate and a title.

Edith_Prickly November 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Was the "charity" raising money for people with ugly necklace addictions?? WTF have they got around around their necks…

bobbert November 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Mardi Gras shit, I suspect.

Troglodeity November 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Suggestion to Jill: switch from "unpaid" to "paid" social liaison. Financial problems OVER!

MegPasadena November 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

This reminds me the story from "the Vanity Fair".

comrad_darkness November 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm

4 million in debt, 3.6 million in debt? These guys are just as dirt poor as the white trash they despise, they just have better access to credit

Takers, the lot of them. Massive, useless takers.

sati_demise November 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

well, the tell all books may pay off the debts, but the banks couldn't have known they were sexing the generals…..or did they? Maybe she told them Petraeus come for a chat if her loan was not approved?

sati_demise November 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

More evidence that the banks were dealing in fraud, pure and simple. Why won't they loan me 4 million bucks?

marymee November 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Jill Kelley lives in TAMPA.

Republicans had their National Convention in TAMPA.

Do you think socialite Jill hosted any Convention parties for top Repulicans? You know, like, "Let's go to Jill's house, so that way we won't get photographed in a Strip Club!"

bobloblawlawblg November 14, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I know I'm likely alone here, but I'm starting to sympathize with Broadwell. Reading about these chicks and their imagined super-hotness-no-man-can-resist-all-women-fear-them, all I can keep saying is, "Who the hell do you people think you are?" and "Tone it down a touch."

PugglesRule November 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Jill and Natalie- the right-wing(ier?) Khardashians!

McPdx November 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Why won't my sister loan me $800,000 that I'll never pay back?

BZ1 November 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Does she think inviolability means Invisibility, because it doesn't.

evoshandor November 14, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Does anyone else think Jersey Shore when they see these gals?

lulzmonger November 14, 2012 at 10:54 pm

The Borghias would be SO proud.

GeorgiaMike November 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

Wow, Florida now has their own Kardashians. Natasha Leggero could have explained it to ys — there are toilet babies everywhere.

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