crazy for feeling so lonely

Nuts & Sluts: In Which Your Wonkette Agrees With Pat Robertson And Richard Cohen About Paula Broadwell

loose lips sink shipsThere is a lot of Yap and Huff on the Internet right about now about how poor Paula Broadwell is being SEXISMED because nobody is making tons of mocking fun of disgraced former top spook David Petraeus, but people are all OH HER CLOTHES WERE TOO TIGHT SLUT SLUT SLUT. They seem to be regarding the current Unpleasantness as just another in our unbroken epochs of Blame the Floozy. But is it possible that the reason we are not making fun of David Petraeus is because the US has, 20 years after Bill Clinton, become less puritanical about affairs, and the reason we are all making fun of Paula Broadwell has nothing to do with her flooziness but rather is because she is (allegedly) a psycho nutzoid Internet stalker who is one crowbar and a pack of Depends away from driving to Houston to kneecap a bitch? Like, we are sorry there is still sexism in the world, and the women are blamed for the affairs and stuff, but maybe that isn’t actually what is happening here! For instance! If she hadn’t gone bunny-boiler (allegedly) would anybody even have cared about the boffing — if it were even discovered at all? We posit not really! Also, some Internet stalkers really are crazy, even if they are women, and it is not not-feminist to say so! (We have one ourself. We would print all her messages to us, but then you would be scared, and probably cry.) And we think it hurts equality to insist that Broadwell is somehow a victim in this, and society is to blame. And that is where Richard Cohen and Pat Robertson come in.

Some people are offended by the Pat Robertson video above, because he is a crazy old man and says Broadwell “threw herself” at Petraeus and it’s not really his fault he couldn’t resist. Well. We don’t know who did the throwing. But if she did, does anyone out there know a man who WOULD resist? She is beautiful. Her figure is amazing. Her Type A achieviness probably would be a turn-on to someone who doesn’t lie in bed all day smoking Camels and blogging. It doesn’t Hurt the Cause to recognize that some women are irresistible to some men.

Richard Cohen, in the meantime, wrote what may be his least stupid column in years. It is very Franch, and it is basically Richard Cohen (who has some sexytime inappropriateness issues of his own) yelling at Petraeus to go back to work because his affair is between him and his wife, not him and the nation. It ends like this:

At dinner one night, I sat opposite Holly Petraeus. She’s charming and deeply concerned about the welfare of our troops — both active and retired. I can only imagine her hurt. But this is her matter — and her husband’s — and not ours. He betrayed her, not his country. No more need be said. Now get back to work.

That got people on Twit asking if anyone else took umbrage at Cohen’s dismissal of Holly Petraeus’s pain? Well, we’re sure someone did? But what Holly Petraeus’s pain has to do with David Petraeus’s job is truly beyond us.

So people mention that Broadwell was a homecoming queen? Well, they mention it alongside her master’s degree, her Iron Man competitions, and her rank as Major in the reserves. So people talk about her tight clothes? Well, in context of “in Afghanistan,” that is relevant. You’re sad that old men are talking about how she got “her claws in him”? Those are old men. And? They might be right. Because women are sexual actors too, not merely the pawns of men’s desires. That, our sistren, is a good thing.

PS: Here is what Pat Robertson’s “propinquity” means. He is right about that too.

[RightWingWatch / WaPo]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    So according to Robertson, hurricane Sandy was Broadwell's fault? The gays will be relieved.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Who blew harder? Sandy or Paula Broadwell?

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Who got hit in the chin with more balls, Yogi Berra or Paula Broadwell? Or Liberace too? Too soon? O.k., nevermind that part.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, yah, we're ecstatic, alright…

      • sbj1964

        Why can't you people leave Brittney/Paula alone?She does nothing but give,and you won't stop ! Cry,cry.Thanks Chris.

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    I want the Editrix to write my biography

    • Oblios_Cap

      Because women are sexual actors too, not merely the pawns of men’s desires. That, our sistren, is a good thing.

      Oblios_Cap agrees, and how!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I've always maintained that asking someone to ignore their sexual desires is like asking someone to ignore that they are hungry.

        But that doesn't excuse eating someone else's meal.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          At the very least, one should ask "Are you gonna eat that?"

          • glasspusher

            Just say it! Say you want the French fries!

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Why does the phrase "I'll French your fry" sound so nasty?

          • sbj1964

            I would toss her salad.David had a hot stalker.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Vegan Hippie!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            You're not gonna believe this, BoV, but I saw a restaurant yesterday that serves … wait for it … VEGAN SOUL FOOD.

            I'm still in shock. I thought soul food was all ABOUT the hot, dripping grease of meaty bits.

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            You know what ELSE is all about hot, dripping meaty bits?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Me? If there's something I like better than pigmeat falling off the bone in a tender, greasy, melting mouthful, it has not yet been discovered.

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            You must be looking ahead to my Turkey Day plans… 2 full racks of St. Louis-cut ribs, which will be sitting above a turkey brined in the normal briny stuff, plus a big bottle of Cab. Applewood chips soaked in said wine and apple juice.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Oh, my. (slowly dissolves into puddle)

            Sounds like a GREAT way to make turkey. Moist, and self-basting. Mmm, pigmeat. 'Scuse me, I gotta go wring my face out now.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Because Frank Zappa.

            "Half an hour later, she had frenched his Fry
            All he wanna do is step up and say hi!"

    • bobbert

      Hell, I'd be happy with a synopsis.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Sorry, feminazis, but crazy women are always fair game to be made fun of.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Meh. Not funny. Not coming from a feminazi, but a crazy person.

      • HRH_Maddie

        When I find the truth to be unfunny, I just adjust my meds.

        • sbj1964

          Is Viagra considered a med?

  • StillGoinGreen

    All sexism aside, "crazy in the head-crazy in the bed" is WAAYY overrated.

    • edgydrifter

      IMO, it isn't overrated, it's just almost never worth it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Yup. I can understand people breaking up despite having young children if there's serious fundamental issues going on (although I'm still gonna wanna slap 'em for not figuring out that shit before they brought kids in to share the misery). But fucking that stuff up for a little hot sex? Sorry, nobody is worth that. Some people just need to find out from bitter experience.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          As one who's been there, done that…often, the hot sex is the symptom.

          You'd be amazed at how many people in this country are emotionally locked down tighter than, well, the hatches on a submarine. When they're confronted with dissonance like "I should stay married because that;'s what people want, but I don't want to be married to him/her", they freak out trying to reconcile it.

        • viennawoods13

          OT, WBH, but I obviously missed the coming-out party for your new incarnation! Congratulations!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            (Hugs you) Thank you! It feels great to be Republican-free!

    • FakaktaSouth

      Jeepers that is the SECOND time I have heard that phrase in two days. Interesting.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Fak, I've seen it twice on Wonket today alone!

      • StillGoinGreen

        I do, however, whole-heartedly subscribe to the, "Red on the head – fire in the hole" theory!

        • BadKitty904

          Speaking as a redhead myself, my bf agrees with you. Wholeheartedly.

          • StillGoinGreen

            Tell me more. Please.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Depends. Does she have a gun?

    • CindynEncinitas

      I've always said that stupid people will get you into waaaaay more trouble than smart people will, but it remains to be see if i'm right this time around.

    • HateMachine

      Hence the counter-saying: "Dude, NEVER put your dick in crazy."

      • proudgrampa

        True dat.

      • GregComlish

        If you're going to put your dick in crazy, you need to have a reliable exit strategy. I don't know why our military still hasn't learned this one.

    • rickmaci

      Won't somebody think of the rabbits?

      Crazy anywhere is still crazy. Never never never worth it, unless you like spending the remainder of your days looking over your shoulder, shuddering whenever the phone rings and the caller ID does not say who is calling. Every man in America should be obligated to watch "Fatal Attraction" on an annual basis.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Yah, that one got me WAY over my Glenn-Close-crush. WAY over.

        • James Michael Curley

          Long before Fatal Attraction, I saw her in a small theater production of One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. Glenn Close as Nurse Ratchit is every one of Vincent Price's role rolled into one.

          • proudgrampa

            Hell, Nurse Ratchit in the NOVEL scared the crap outta me!

          • James Michael Curley

            Thought One Flew … and Sometimes a Great Notion were the greatest novels ever as a teen in 1968. When the first version of the play opened off, off Broadway I was in college and scored tickets to a ‘premiere’ and took a date. In the lobby at intermission I talked to a guy in the corner who was chain smoking and looking bizarre as me as we were both totally underdressed (as my date reminded me several times) for a ‘premiere’. It was Kesey and he eventually signed the old dog eared paperback of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest I had in my back pocket. His agent intervened to ‘suggest’ I should by a copy of the poster or something for him to signed. He turned to her and said, “Get Fucked.”

          • proudgrampa

            Thank you for sharing that. Kesey is someone I wish I had met: I always wanted to be a Merry Prankster.

            Kesey, Cassady, Kerouac, Ginsberg, et al.: these are my heroes.

            Furthur!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            I'm not sure my delicate nerves could take that, JMC. After her turn as the bunny-boiler, I was on my best behaviour for months.

    • NellCote71

      Kris Kristofferson's No. 1 rule

      The number-one rule of the road is never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. You will break this rule, and you will be sorry.

      • glasspusher

        Wouldn't that happen to one of the people involved every time, though? The possibility of them being exactly crazy is zero.

        New avatar!

        • bobbert

          Kris is an artistic Rhodes, not a math guy. Even then, notice that one of the people involved will break the rule and be sorry. This is like an over/under where you can go both ways.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        So then the way to safe sex is to be the craziest person in the joint. An interesting conclusion.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Nah. The way to RLY safe sex is to find someone who is (if you're crazy) nice, kind, stable, and willing to put up with you. Also too a tiny bit MORE in love with you than you are with them. Because as a crazy person I'm tellin' ya — nobody wants to put up with that shit. You find someone like that, you hold on to them fierce. They'll save you when all the crazy stuff starts happening.

    • sbj1964

      I like the freaky bitches.Nurses don't even get me started.

      • bobbert

        I try not to like the freaky ones, but that photo is like "You up for it?".

  • Dumbedup

    Well, from the crazy look in her eyes, yes, she's nuts, but in a hot and exciting way that certain men (me) have shown little ability to resist over the years, even knowing the inevitable pain that will follow.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Obviously her husband was able to resist, else why is she balling Petraeus?

      • Guppy

        I'm guessing he's not in AfghanistanHe probably didn't have as many stars on his uniform, either.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          No, but he's a doctor, so hardly inept.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            He's the sweet loving not-crazy that holds her crazy life together. she'll fuck everyone else but she'll go home to him. He's the stable place in her life.

            I feel really sorry for this woman. she is very smart, very hardworking, very talented, and very fucked up. Why she did what she did, nobody knows but her. The price she is going to pay is the loss of everything she values and everything she has worked so hard for all her life. I'm not sure if there is a way up and out of her mess.

    • mrpuma2u

      So what you're saying is you'da hit it. Well me too, in the unlikely event that shaker/mover chica would give me anything even remotely beyond the time of day.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I'd consider it a favor if she didn't kick me down a flight of stairs with her heel.

        Actually…I might count that as sex with her.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          You're into the Emma Peel foreplay, eh?

          • proudgrampa

            "Mrs. Peel, I need you."

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Only if she kicks really high…

    • rmjagg

      " Well, from the crazy look in her eyes, yes, she's nuts, but in a hot and exciting way " …. so was Sean Young … ;-)

    • sbj1964

      Every time a man is brought down it is always a woman.Eve,Dililah,Macbeth,Lewinski some things never change.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Has it occurred to you that the woman in this story has also been "brought down" by a man? He's an old man, his career is at an end anyway, and in two decades, so is his life. She's a young woman, with two young children, and she will pay the heavier price.

    • Bezoar

      I believe it was Chris Rock who said "You can't outrun pussy".

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    OMGH! Agreeing????

  • skoalrebel

    Nothing wrong with sluts. [spit] Having recently returned from a stay at the Greystone Hotel, courtesy of the State of Kentucky and a parole officer who lacks imagination, I'm down for some sextytime with loose women. [spit!] Support the troops!

    • Barbara_

      Oh yeah, a rousing game of "escaped convict and warden's wife" would perk you right back up.

      • BadKitty904

        Dang. We have more in common then even I thought. ;0)

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Talk about "fast and loose".

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Well, Christ, welcome back! We've missed you. Nothing has happened in the world since you were given a vacation at state expense.

    • DixvilleCrotch

      God bless Skoal Rebel. Tell us some tales of sexytimes in the pokey.

    • sbj1964

      Support your local tramps.

      • DahBoner

        TAX THE TRAMP STAMPS

  • HRH_Maddie

    There's a reason these affairs usually see the light of day : "crazy in the head, crazy in the bed"

  • Ruhe

    "The Bourne Propinquity" Mmmmm…sexy.

  • slithytoves

    How about no one is a victim and both (or more) are idiots?

    • Advn2rgirl

      Well, Holly Petraeus now has had her husband's trifling nature spread all over the internets. And his kids: they can't be happy, much less Broadwell's husband and kids. I'm with you on the "both are idiots" part, though.

      We have a saying, "Titties have the power to cloud men's minds," although I think my brother's saying is more a propos: "Don't open that box."

      • bibliotequetress

        How 'bout, "Don't think with your cock unless it's smart."

        • BoroPrimorac

          How about, "Don't shit where you eat." If the Situation had enough sense not to have sex with his roommates, what does that say about Petraeus?

          • bibliotequetress

            I bow to your wisdom. When the Situation exercises better judgment than the Director of Central Intelligence we, as a nation, should hide behind the sofa.

          • proudgrampa

            Your comment makes me realize: we are freakin' doomed!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            I used to hear that a LOT growing up. Never shit on your own doorstep. Meaning, if you're gonna fuck around don't do it where it's gonna hit everybody you know and love. And what that says about Petraeus is, he's either stone-fucking stupid or he really doesn't give a shit about anybody but himself. I'm opting for the latter.

          • Anne_Athema

            I'm thinkin' it's as simple as the male version of dickmatized… vagmatized ( clitmatized? twatmatized?).

    • StillGoinGreen

      I agree – not trying to be a "Nuttin to see here" guy, but since when is getting embarrassed equated to being a victim? It kinda cheapens victim-hood to me. Maybe I'm wrong, but I choose to save my victim-ginity for a real victimish thing, like murder, rape, having someone mention my bald spot!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        You just victimized my scalp!

    • mull_man

      Let's settle this the old fashion way. Give them both Jeeps – Walmart parking lot at dawn.

    • sbj1964

      As Al Bundy would say"Yum,Yum,yum girls that's dumb".

  • Oblios_Cap

    This is way more fun than watching live video of lawywers arguing Statute in front of the DCA. Which I'm doing right now.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Gee, you have interesting hobbies.

    • Geminisunmars

      Why are you arguing with statues, anyway?

      • BadKitty904

        No empty chairs handy?

      • corthylio

        'Cause they don't argue back?

    • OzoneTom

      This "error" on graphic used by a Denver station should help relieve the tedium: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The KP on the QT? I thought Pat was gettin' all G.I. Jive on me or something.

  • bikerlaureate

    And sorry, conservadoodles, but crazy men are always fair game to be made fun of.

  • Callyson

    I am already sick of this story, and the media storm seems to be just getting started…le sigh…

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      right? i guess this is the classic power – sex scandal but we have become used to something finer, better crafted.

      unless diapers or young men are involved, it is just not wonkette worthy.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Seriously. This blowvember just… Blows.

    • Stevola

      You're not that sick of it. You're not saying "/ffs" yet

      • Callyson

        One more story, just one more…

        • bobbert

          Oh, c'mon. You know it's coming. At the rate this is developing, I'm expecting transvestite dwarf pythons.

    • sbj1964

      Post election Bullshit.RNC diversion.

    • commiegirl99

      Are you kidding, Cally? Man, I can not get enough!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Propinquity? That racist!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Petraeus: I'd like to plead insanity. On the grounds of I'm just crazy 'bout dat poo-say.

    • sati_demise

      oh, yyyeaaaa

    • sbj1964

      All women are crazy it's about finding one who has the right meds.I think it has something to do with having to sit down to pee.Drives them insane.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    It's not like this hasn't happened before. A lot of Xtian nuts blame Eve, not Adam and especially not the snake for getting humans out of the make believe world of the Garden of Eden.

    Two people who got caught up in a hurricane of lust and power and it became a soap opera more compelling than drunk morons of Jersey Shore (because it's real not MTV scripted.)

    Needless to say, I'd hit that.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      And that would hit you back. In the career. With emails.

      • sbj1964

        Emails are like peeing in the pool.No way to get it out of the pool once you hit send.

  • http://wonkette.com OldWhiteLies

    All I want to know is: does ANYTHING in this woman's closet have sleeves?

    That is all.

    • HempDogbane

      My girlfriend informed me in no uncertain terms that those clavicles are haaaawt!

    • DCBloom

      If I had arms like her I'd flaunt em too.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Something about a broad-shouldered broad gets my blood goin'.

        Also, appropriately named, in this case, too.

    • Mapmonger

      … why would she waste money on sleeves?

      • http://wonkette.com OldWhiteLies

        I'd like to take just a moment to mention how much I appreciate your avatar.

        Wait … did I type that out loud … ?

        • Mapmonger

          It surprises me how easy it is to find good, classic cheesecake with a map/globe theme. http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/556423… Surprising, because I'm surrounded by maps everyday, and I never see anyone like that around here. Also, I wonder why a girl like that would be so keen on the Aleutians.

          • http://wonkette.com OldWhiteLies

            Hmmm. Aleutians you think? Given her present cheese-cakey state, are we sure it isn't St. Lawrence Island's shape that has her, shall we say preoccupied perhaps?

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Well, at least she can see Russia from her uhh, globes? But in all seriousness, the Diomede islands are just a few miles apart. 2.1 if memory serves.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Some of them don't even have shoulders.

    • Geminisunmars

      So when is the "arm off" between Paula and Michelle?

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Really.
      When I saw her on the Daily Show, my first thought was "how inappropriate!"
      (My second thought was: "I wish I had arms like that!")

      • Lascauxcaveman

        For the record, my unfailing fashion victim alarm was buzzing before she even sat down with Jon. That was a weird looking top she wore on the Daily Show. But man, those arms and shoulders, yowsa.

        Paula, next time feel free to go armless/shoulderless, but with something a little less 3-D. Something that is form-hugging would be best, even if your chest isn't huge.

    • Negropolis

      I actually laughed out loud at this. lol

    • sbj1964

      Larry the cable guy designs her wardrobe.

      • DahBoner

        GIT R DUN FASHIONZ

  • SmutBoffin

    People be doin' it. Sometimes, shit gets fucked up.

    The End.

    • prommie

      Man, just, man.

    • CindynEncinitas

      What else is there to say? Nothin.

    • Pragmatist2

      This one has great wisdom.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You got to hit and quit it, Larry!

    • BadKitty904

      That needs to be, somewhere, on someone, a tattoo.

      • Stevola

        Tramp stamp?

    • sbj1964

      That's what happens when you mess with the funky Colmedina.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I dunno, I for one am kind of fine with the idea of pussy power being so strong that it will make men do crazy things, like blow up their careers. It's nicer than just being called a slut all the time.

    • SmutBoffin

      "The [pussy] that launched a thousand ships", etc.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        And burnt the topless towers of Illium, all right.

    • gullywompr

      Well, I kinda hate that particular "idea". Don't ask me why.

      • shelwood46

        Because it smacks a tidge of "I had to rape her, I couldn't help it"? Because that's what's skeeving me out about this line of thinking.

        • gullywompr

          No, because I've experienced pussy power first hand.

    • HempDogbane

      Me too, but there are those 15 years of my life I'll never get back. Sniff.

    • prommie

      Blow up careers? That ain't nothing. Amatuer stuff, blowing up careers. When you can just cold steal a man's soul, thats power!

      • FakaktaSouth

        Well, we all have to be good at something, and it is always important to do what you're good at.

        • prommie

          I was NOT complaining!

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        The Wiener doctrine?

    • Guppy

      I dunno, that plays into the line that men can't help themselves, "boys will be boys," and we know where that leads.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Well, perhaps, but there is a difference in doing a gal who wants you to and doing something to someone who does not, because then you are a fucking criminal, not a boy.

        • sullivanst

          But then the idea that "boys will be boys" is also why the entire burden of maintaining sexual morality is placed on girls, and therefore also all of the blame when extramarital sex occurs.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I see your point.
      It just sucks when women are blamed for pussy power AND called sluts at the same time.

    • sbj1964

      The pussy is strong with this one.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The propinquity effect diagram just looks like a big ol' vagina. Which probably explains it.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    This reminds me of that Law & Order: SVU where the ladies "raped" a stripper. There was one particular lady that had to wear turtlenecks and scarves because she had a very unique hobby.

  • Come here a minute

    Can't wait for Gen. Petraeus' weepy soul-mate press conference!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Forget the women, methinks the desperate shirtless G-man couldn't find a G-spot on that Tampa babe even if he were handed a GPS iPad.

    • Stevola

      He was using Apple Maps, ended up smacking her on the back of the head and shit

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Maybe he was talking about the pompatus of love.

    • DCBloom

      Nicely done.

      • Kid_Charlemagne

        Someone DID get their tree shaken.

    • Stevola

      Maurice? Is that you?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Fortunately I know nothing about this woman's background outside of watching Stephen Colbert interview her. Oh, and men not being able to resist certain women and "it just happened" are two of the biggest lies ever told. But whatever, I know the drill — they had an affair, he resigned, and now, rather than move on, we get to hear endless ridiculous details about them for another two weeks at least — because we as a society think the Kardashians are still fascinating. Ugh.

    • Geminisunmars

      Look — at least we don't have to see/hear poltical commercials. Be grateful.

    • Stevola

      Reality show in the making?

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    Am I allowed to just blame everyone, because everybody involved was apparently horrendously awful in their own special ways? I feel like this is the height of egalitarianism.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Yeah, why not? I'd do her in a heartbeat, tho. Just sayin'.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I agree. And please include the FBI in that. Spying into citizens' E-mails because some friend asks you to, Mr. Agent Man? I can't help but think if this story was merely about state secrets and unattractive people, the FBI would have punted to the CIA without getting involved.

      Since this is the Internet Gossip Era, instead of Army-McCarthy hearings we'll have a few Army-McMeddler hearings.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      Yes, let's. And definitely not forgetting the part where one calls in the Federal Bureau of Investigating-junior-high-maturity-level-romantic-decisions.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Since we don't know the content of the emails, I'm reserving judgement.

        For instance, if the emails were along the lines of "I know where you live, and I know where your kids go to school so watch your step" I think that something you'd call the cops about.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          At least one of them was along the lines of "I know you were playing with Gen. Petraeus' goolies under the table at your dinner party last month," which the FBI (Newsmax-tipping-off) dude considered "of interest" anaconda it involved National Security and a sitting (as it were) general.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Which shouldn't trigger a full blown…heh!….FBI look-see, but if she's as high up the civilian ranks as she claims and Broadwell says something like "Don't expect your dog to love too long" yea, I'd go to the cops.

        • Whollyholeyholy

          Then older girls on campus said, "You called the principal because she was mean??? Now everyone is going to find out about you and the band director. They'll call the police! Take it back. Take it back." Then the principal Tweeted her a mildly suggestive picture.

          Are you sure we have to reserve judgment?

    • bikerlaureate

      And here you're feeding Wonk interest in the scandal, so I blame you as well.

    • finallyhappy

      I think I am pretty smart but I can't figure out the 4 people plus the FBI guy. The Post had an piece today by the ghostwriter for the book- Vernon Loeb- he says he didn't suspect an affair. His wife said he is the most clueless person in the world.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Given that several other news people (including Jon Stewart) remarked on the closeness of the relationship, Vernon Loeb must indeed be the most clueless fucking person on the planet. She's a *very* attractive woman who just exudes sex appeal, and the general would have to be a man with some actual moral core to resist hitting that. AFAIK, he is not.

    • docterry6973

      I personally am horrendously awful in several special ways, so I am ahead of them there.

  • hagajim

    I think Pat might have to do a little fapping tonight after all that sexy talk about this extremely good lookin' and unhinged woman.

    • sullivanst

      So, Pat knows that a woman would have to be cray-cray to give him the time of day?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Such is life.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I used to have faptasies where I saved Lindsay Lohan from herself.

  • secanonymous

    ♫ I'd catch a grenade for ya. ♫

    /Bruno Mars – Grenade

    • prommie

      If you read the official citations for all of the Congressional Medals of Honor ever handed out, its amazing how many of them were given to dead guys who threw themselves on a grenade to protect the people around them, just an amazing number of people were willing to do this. Its tragic, touching that they did this to save others, and fucking criminal that young men are ever put in such situations, fucking criminal.

      • secanonymous

        Thanks for the buzz kill. I was fappily singing along until you went all factually gory on me.

        /happily ignant

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    To make this even more fair and balanced, when are we going to see pics of shirtless FBI guy?

    • BadKitty904

      THANK you. We need *all* the facts before passing arbitrarily and pointless judgement, dammit. Ideally, buff facts.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Didja see Jill Khawam Kelley? Dude would have to be pretty damn buff to even think she might want to boff him. Shit, her flotation cushions are probably worth more than his annual salary .

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Euler diagrams on the Wonkette. Whoda thunk?

    • CindynEncinitas

      Go Libtards!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I would be annoyed by the placement of 2 dimensional constraints while graphing sets. By using a segmented key to describe set identity, you have a completely scalable method of addressing sets, one that that is insanely fast as an ordered list. Indexing is expensive, but doesn't need to happen realtime.

      Just saying, the Euler diagram and the table methodologies of linking data are constrained by a 2 dimensional representation. N dimensional is where it's at.

      • bobbert

        I confess to a lifelong disability as regards visualising N dimensions, where N > about 4.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          The trick is to crack the 3d standard model. People think that dimensions are rigidly defined, like x, y, z. But anything can be a dimension. Time, flavor, temperature, as long as you can measure it, you can put it into a mathematical model. You can take the act of sipping tea and view it as a 3d model, where the dimensions are time, temperature, and intensity of flavor. It's not describing what tea looks like in your mouth, but describing the other aspects of tea.

          • proudgrampa

            What?

            Are you one of those smart people?

          • bobbert

            I know. When I said "visualizing", I meant "visualizing".

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Fair enough. Just trying to deconstruct the word “dimension”.

  • mosaickmind

    Forget about what Robertson and Cohen are saying, I want to read YOUR stalkers emails!!!!
    (promise I won't cry out loud)

    • tracyhasfun

      Ooooooh! Meeee toooooo! Frankly, that was the most interesting part of the whole thing.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      I have to admit curiosity of the morbid variety over that one, too. I think they may be a cross between "dear Penthouse", "Cape Fear (1991 version because haha)" and well…"Cape Fear". I'm curious though….I've got some old stalker emails from a girl who turned out to be a hump an' dump…we can compare psychosity…

  • randomsausage

    Paula Broadwell supports the right to bare arms. Bare tits 'n ass as well. Of course.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Just checking in from the road. I have been out of town since this horseshit broke…. Who works with a "biographer" who doesn't actually write? I am confused.

    • finallyhappy

      read the WaPo piece today by the ghostwriter- Vernon Loeb.

  • Oblios_Cap

    David Petraeus is kinda of a weasley little shit. I can't imagine that, were he not a 4-star general, he could ever tap a piece of ass like that.

    That being said, I'm so much better looking that he is that I don't want or need the stars.

    Bon jour, baby! I love the internet.

    • PubOption

      Is his hairstyle a wig or a combover? Inquiring minds want to know.

    • SubhumanVarmint

      I saw him when I was in Iraq in 2007.

      He straight up looks like David the Gnome, minus the white hair and beard. About as tall as the Gnome, too.

    • Anne_Athema

      Mayhap Ms. Broadwell has daddy issues and Pappy Petraus filled the bill.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Ha ha Pat Robertson you oughta know. Your & your minions say in the public square "I repel thee, sin, in the Name of Jesus-y <abstractifications>"– then soon as Sin, real or imagined, throws itself at you — y'all are too weak and can't resist. Q.E.D.!

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      It's their burden to have standards so high that they're incapable of living up to them. Pity them and their poor collections of wealth and pussy that result. Fortunately The LORD gives no man a hardhsip too great for him to bear.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        It's with Jesus/ following his example/ relying on "higher angels" if one must borrow modern parlance, that followers are told in Scripture even the toughest burdens are manageable. But Marion "Pat" Robertson is demonstrably CINO (Christian In Name Only)~
        (and I just noticed the 'demon' in demonstrably, I think my subliminal hatred of this man can no longer be called subliminal now)

        • BadKitty904

          Vicious, amoral, bigoted, and senile, also. Too.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Oh, no you didn't.

    • bobbert

      The power of Christ compels thee (to fuck this bimbo).

  • CrunchyKnee

    As the kids on Reddit are fond of typing into their computing devices: Never stick your dick in crazy.

  • Goonemeritus

    Why don’t pretty ladies ever stalk me, is it the monobrow, you can tell me it won’t hurt my feelings.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      If ya didn't look so much like Glenn Beck, they'd probly stop running away long enough to explain, Goon.

      • Goonemeritus

        Glen Beck, Glen fucking Beck, I have been called ruggedly ugly I have been called “swarthy but not in a good way” but Being called a Glen Beck look alike is a new personal low. BTW my avatar is a famous (in my profession) picture of a Wall Street trader watching his kid’s college fund go up in smoke in 2007. I look way worse.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Well, HE looks like Glenn Beck, then.

          Aw, poor Goonemeritus. I didn't mean it, sweetie. (Hugs you) I'm sure you look like the wonderful person you are.

    • rickmaci

      Could be that you live at home with your mother and have cats.

    • proudgrampa

      Trust me, Goone. You NEVER want to be stalked.

  • hagajim

    I'm actually not certain why this is even a story anymore. I guess the MSM just has to beat this horse to death, until they run to the next horse.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      They're trying to turn it into a vehicle for the Kardashians.

      • corthylio

        And maybe trying to make voters forget about Barry's mandate…?

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Hate to disagree with Pat Robertson, but isn't having the head of the CIA sitting on a pretty explosive personal secret a bit of a security risk? I mean I'd tap that, but my job doesn't involve state security.

    • corthylio

      I agree with you. If he were just a powerful person having an affair- fine, that's between the parties involved.

      But when the head of the freaking CIA seems to have an e-mail account that the FBI can access somethin' just ain't right.

      • HistoriCat

        We all have an email account the FBI can access – freakin' Patriot Act …

  • cousinitt

    Ahem. If both parties hadn't been humping Petraeus' leg all these years, I suspect this current imbroglio would be a wee bit more, how should I say, Obumbler's fault and the failure of oversexuped Democrats everywhere for all time. Also too.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Well, Petraeus' wife looks like Nathan Lane in Birdcage, so….

    • elviouslyqueer

      I would've said Lady Bunny on a bad hair day, but yours works too.

    • pdiddycornchips

      She's collateral damage in all this. I'll mock her when she's earned it.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        She's probably a patient, supportive and long-suffering wife and I will not mock her relative lack of boneabilty, but just vaguely allude to my usual advice on how women can best keep their men from straying…

        • emmelemm

          Blow jobs?

        • gullywompr

          Threesomes at home?

        • jello_mold

          why be coy? I can't search all your posts.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Just make sure your guy is satisfied. If you don't, he may go seek it somewhere else.

          (Admittedly, this advice may not be easy to follow if your guy is a high-ranking military officer you only see a couple times every six months or so.)

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, speaking as a boykisser with an eye for daddies, he's no slice o' pie, hisownself.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yeh, it the "power" thing. It must be the power thing.

        She's military too, remember, and he's probably the highest ranking officer she's ever met.

        • gullywompr

          Yes, but probably more of a "great man" thing.

      • Negropolis

        You don't have to be a boykisser to be totally confused by the word "handsome" being applied to Peaches. Sorry, but he looks like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. He certainly looks younger than his wife, but that's about it, which is why I'm confused as to why people keep acting like she married way above her (physical) station.

        • bobbert

          I don't even think he looks younger than she. She is being the standard-issue, plain, supportive military wife. If she lost a few pounds and got a better hairdo, people would be wondering why she married him.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      My first thought was Andy Rooney in a wig.

  • coolhandnuke

    It's been my experience that women who can crack walnuts with their powerful butt cheeks, are fucking nuts.

    • BadKitty904

      Though useful, around the holidays.

      • coolhandnuke

        Honey, get crackin', this banana bread won't bake itself.

  • owhatever

    It ain't about that vixen Paula, as sultry as she certainly is. It is about the Director of the Fucking CIA.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Yeah. He couldn't just pick one – had to have them both.

    • gullywompr

      Or… maybe it's about monogamy.

      • Negropolis

        Only insofar as we expect people to keep their promises. But, if we believe Dave and Holly had sme kind of open relationship, this wouldn't even be a story but for the religious right.

        • shelwood46

          I've only met one person in an open marriage… and his wife was incredibly surprised to find out, years later, that she was also in one.

    • bobbert

      It is about the Fucking Director of the Fucking CIA.

  • Eve8Apples

    I understand that all people regardless of gender, socioeconomic status, religion, race, etc. have personal failings when it comes to extramarital affairs.

    What I don't understand is why they take their crazy, freaky shit to the internet. Even the FBI agent who was investigating the mess couldn't resist the urge to send shirtless pictures of himself over the intertubes. What the fuck is wrong with these people? And sending ten thousand pages of documents via email? What possesses them to memorialize their moral lapses by email?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      You're making entirely too much sense. See a doctor.

    • sullivanst

      Even the FBI agent who was investigating the mess wasn't on the investigation team, but wouldn't stop "investigating" even after direct orders to stop couldn't resist the urge to send shirtless pictures of himself over the intertubes.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      This is a beuracracy. A three word email takes a page to print out.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    There is equal opportunity mocking to be done here. It is perfectly evident from every posed photo of her that she craves validation from men. The fact that the Director of the CIA and a 5 star general was too thick to see something most high school girls could have discerned in 5 second or less is pathetic.

    • Dumbedup

      that's because women can spot this in other women, men are just clueless dogs.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Especially validation from men in the military. And it doesn't take a degree from the University of Vienna to connect that to the fact that Daddy worked a West Point.

      • bikerlaureate

        You just dropped a 't', correct?

        A "West Point" isn't some kind of new urban slang the kids are using…??

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Actually, I read yesterday that Daddy worked AT West Point (no slang, just a typo), but further research by me has not yielded supporting info. According to multiple news sources, her father is currently a basketball coach in North Dakota (but that IS major military-land, so maybe he used to wear a uniform). The interesting part now is that Daddy has a conviction on the books for threatening someone in his very own love triangle. Jealousy doesn't fall far from the tree, it seems.

    • zwoits

      She sounds like a physical narcissist at least. Showing off her fine bod is what she cares about.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Bless her heart!

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    Propinquity! Doesn't Pat Robertson's favorite book mention something about withstanding temptation?

    • corthylio

      His favorite book is The Complete Scarsdale Medical Diet plus Dr. Tarnower's Lifetime Keep-Slim Program?

    • Stevola

      It's somewhere in the back…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Serious question for those who are offended by the use of the term "slut" in this instance.

    When is it OK for us to use it? For instance, if it turns out that she fucked more than one general? Two? Four?

    • coolhandnuke

      Once a slut fucks more than one general or one private while using birth control, according to Limbaugh, it's a fluke.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Oh, nicely played!

    • CindynEncinitas

      Well, when I was in the cloisters…
      What's with the double standard? Can you remember the names of every person you slept with in high school and college? I didn't think so…

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        No, but then I admit I'm a slut.

      • finallyhappy

        yes- but I am old -and there aren't all that many – none in high school

      • Fuck Toad

        Yes, I remember her name.

      • Geminisunmars

        Bob.

        • bobbert

          Wait a minute..

      • bibliotequetress

        I struggle to remember the name of every general…

        • glasspusher

          In general, do you remember their privates?

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Well, she did take a general member and made it public.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe there's a modern day version of the Plaster Casters, but instead of rock stars, they go after war stars.

      • Rotundo_

        It's Petraeus we're talking here, so it would be like a babies thumb…

    • barto

      I think the current standard is a "team". How many generals make a team, you ask? Fuck if I know.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        JSOC qualify?

    • Fuck Toad

      Never? Why do you feel compelled to use it? What use does it serve?

      • glasspusher

        "Jane, you ignorant slut."

        I rest my case.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Honesty, for one. She was married, after all. This is not an affair between two consenting adults but involves whole family units beyond it.

        And yes, Clinton is a slut. I have no problem with that.

    • LibertyLover

      I would counter that with: What is the male equivalent of slut? Once women can use such a word in the same derogatory fashion, then I would say it would be ok for you men to use that word for women.

      • Negropolis

        My grandma calls pomiscuous men whores, not man-whores, just plain old whores. Could we do the same with slut?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Whoredom implies payment. Plain old sluttin around is free. The shape of the genital is irrelevant.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I have no problem with being called a slut. There does not have to be a male equivalent. Now, if you want to get into the whole societal/cultural aspect and why it matters, that's a much longer discussion.

        The point is to take the power out of the word, you see.

  • Close_Read

    Broadwell = crazy. Petraeus = fool. Whole thing = sad.

    But hey, it makes a great few news cycles.

    • finallyhappy

      what about Allen and Kelly? 20,000 to 30,000 pages of emails? But I am sure it was just downloads of things like War and Peace and Nicholas Nickleby

  • Buzz Feedback

    Women are internet stalkers. Men bang farm animals and put their joints in other strange places. This is the way of the world. Amen.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No cow ever called my ex-wife.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Yay, another installment of "Editrix vs. Jezebel"!

    • Fox n Fiends

      ha! i thought the same thing. wake me when its over.

    • SwanSwanH

      Schoenkopf triangulates.

  • coolhandnuke

    Say what you will about Broadwells' spooky side, but it's better to fuck your biographer than your autobiographer.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I like to fuck my memiorist. I will say though, that it takes patience.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yea, but at least my autobiographer doesn't write stalky emails.

      Well, except for the ones to Editrix

      • coolhandnuke

        Oh yea, well at least my autobiographer doesn't write letters to Penthouse bragging about his three-day buggerfest with Juice Newton.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          OK, look, that was a fraternity prank.

          For a friend.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

          This is the weirdest version of "Never have I ever".

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, I don't know about "fucking" my autobiographer, but I've had plenty of sex with him.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        But on the other hand, sometimes it can seem like you're getting strange…..

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Depends on how strange you are, mostly.

    • rmjagg

      some would disagree , I knew a guy that was so hung that he could blow himself , and he was a confirmed bachelor .

      • Rotundo_

        Did it answer the observation people so often make of dogs? If humans could do that, nothing would ever be accomplished ever again…

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Wow, I can't imagine having a conversation with someone that somehow arrived at the statement, "I can suck my own dick."

        • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

          If I had a dollar for every time I was told to go fuck myself I'd be out partying, and it would be my treat, also.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          I know someone who can, too. I know this because he *showed* us. It was a very uncomfortable, silent gathering after that.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Really, some things you just shouldn't do during church services.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Oh, like anybody ELSE would be willing to give him blowjobs any time of day or night that he wanted one.

  • Eve8Apples

    Today, we are all sluts.

    • Come here a minute

      And every day, if you have ladyparts!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    At dinner one night, I sat opposite Holly Petraeus.

    Question for Cohen:

    How did you manage to swallow?

    • Aridzona

      If Holly swallowed, David may not have strayed.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      I'm not understanding this. Is Holly Petraeus supposed to be ugly? Because she looks just fine to me, like somebody's aging Mom, but basically someone you might know and get along with and like. Not exceptionally ugly or offputting.

    • jello_mold

      I am ALL IN for righteous snark but that was a dick thing to say.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yes, she seems to be one of the few people involved who don't deserve to be teased about this thing.

  • Botlrokit

    …so because we mix the sexes up at work, we're all Venn diagrams?

    • finallyhappy

      I saw that comment on a rightwing blog- If women are going to work outside the home, what can we expect?

      • BadKitty904

        Ya know, I *never* thought of that! Prolly 'cause I'm sane.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        You're kidding. Right? I mean — do these people know that there are GAY MEN in the workplace? GAY MEN who are ogling their tight little asses even as they opine this shit about women?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh good lord, Pat. Put it back in your pants already, because nobody wants to see that shit. Trust me on this.

  • Eve8Apples

    The generals were just following the orders from their privates.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      To avoid corporal punishment?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        There's a kernel of truth to that.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          As the renter said to his tenant, Lou…

    • rickmaci

      Major humor.

  • axonneuron

    Well written, Rebecca

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    But if she did, does anyone out there know a man who WOULD resist?

    Well, obviously her husband, else why is she fucking her way up the chain of command?

    • BadKitty904

      Um, I know several who would, actually.

  • MiniMencken

    I was amazed that the head of the great CIA didn't have the skills and means to keep a little sumpin' on the side strictly in his personal dossier drawer. But, then, I consider the fact that he is an Army lifer and it becomes much less amazing.

  • Blueb4sinrise
  • Amanwithnoplan

    Holy jumped-up Moses on a pogo stick! I actually randomly was drunkclicking through the channels and I saw the dried up Jesus humper Robertson actually say "Well, you know I don't condone sexual misbehavior but hey, it happens" then went on to praise the long-time adulterers and librul icons FDR and LB Fucking J!.

    So yeah, end times, me and Pat, it's cool.

  • Troubledog

    I love crazy overachieving alpha girls.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    And despite the fact that everyone concerned is a Republican, this will somehow be Obama's fault and grounds for impeachment.

    • gullywompr

      Of course it is, Petraeus was blackmale'd.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Or Blah Blocked, too.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Don't you know the story's going around that Obammz got rid of Petraeus so he couldn't tell Congress what he knows about Benghazi?

      Incidentally, BuzzFeed has an article that implies Petraeus was feeding intelligence on Benghazi directly to the Romney campaign with the intention of toppling Obama, so, who knows, maybe the conspiracynutters aren't quite as nutty as we think.

  • HarryButtle

    Funny. I seem to remember when a guy getting a blowjob in the Oval Office was a pretty big fucking deal to these people…so let's not give them a whole lot of credit for being enlightened and instead point out their hypocrisy. If Obama was found having an affair, can you imagine either Pat or Richard coming to his defense?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      What you said.

    • Not_Mother

      Bronco's visible, happy family man persona is but one of the reasons they hate him with such uncontrollable, white-hot (pun intended) rage. He exemplifies in real life what they all claim the mantle to in their endless (and hopeless) family values bullshitery.

      • miss_grundy

        Yep, that picture of Bammerz hugging Michelle on the campaign trail must have caused smoke to come out of their ears. You hardly ever saw Romney hugging Ann that way.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Name me ONE President since EVER who has publicly displayed such love and attention to his wife.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Zactly!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Sweet lordy jezus they were pillorying HIM because his daughter went to some rap concert! They'd eat him alive if there were some other woman.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    The Tunes.
    Nelly also, too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI1VzSNhMpo&fe

    • delaney_blom

      You mean Nelly?

  • LibertyLover

    My 81 year old mom, who is still a woman, last time I checked, blamed Holly Petraeus for "letting herself go."

    • emmelemm

      Now, in fairness, no one's passing around pictures of her in her younger days, so it might be that she never "had it". (To let go.)

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        They are not hard to find
        http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/11/12/article

        She's actually kind of cute, in an Emma Watson way.

        • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

          She's A LOT cuter than that h-yucky guy next to her.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          She's VERY cute. And he's HIDEOUSLY UGLY. At least he grew into his nose and teeth, eventually.

          Rumour is, he married her because she's from military royalty. Her father was a four-star general, and she has a lot of West Pointers and decorated doodz in the fam. So, career move for him, since he seems to prefer tall skinny brunettes to petite blondes.

          • rickmaci

            Jeebuz. A guy who slept his way to the top…and the bottom. Got to be some kind of medal for that.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            I never thought of it that way, but you're right.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And what about Holly's husband? Yes, he might be lacking the usual beer gut, but he's all wrinkled, his appointment with the orthodontist is going on 50 years overdue, and by all accounts he's an egotistical S-O-B.

        • finallyhappy

          So the answer is we should get botoxed, lifted, lipo'd and dyed. I don't think so

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            I don't mean that at all.I'm just saying that since he's far from perfect he has no reason to expect she should be chasing manufactured “beauty.”

          • finallyhappy

            Sorry- my answer was to the comment about someone's mom who said Mrs. P had let herself go- yours agreed with mine!
            . That is the problem with commenting – I don't know how to get my response to the right comment in a thread!

    • Fuck Toad

      Yes, most women participate in patriarchy as well. This makes it okay somehow.

      • LibertyLover

        I don't agree with her*, but that is also the culture she grew up in, where in order to "keep a man," a woman had to keep her figure. She did it over the years by smoking cigarettes as her diet "plan." Didn't stop my parents from getting a divorce, though.

        She has also criticized Hillary Clinton for not having a professional hairstylist with her at all times as Sec. of State.

        I don't remember what she thought about Clinton's affair, but I would be willing to bet that she didn't like it one bit or blamed Hillary… But maybe she did and I don't remember it.

        * if you don't like your current wife, divorce her before engaging in extra-sexual activities with another person. ( And I'm supposed to be a liberal.) David is to blame for his own actions.

        • MosesInvests

          "If you don't like your *husband*, divorce him before…." also, too.
          Not that I am bitter.

  • prommie

    You got it wrong there, Editrix, when you study up on this wierdness, you will see its not Paula, its the Kelley woman who had the power to make the men do the total crazy shit.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And, apparently, at least one other crazy chick.

      Bow-chicka-wow-wow

      • Crank_Tango

        Exactly. Screw everyone complaining about this scandal–it has taken us from talking about mitt Romney to banging crazy hot chicks, and that is a good thing.

    • Guppy

      Wait, "study?" Is there a test?

      I think I'm going to need a chalkboard of Glenn Beck proportions to follow all this shit…

    • SubhumanVarmint

      Ding! Exactly. Which is weird because Paula is way more attractive than Kelley.

      Greenwald's take on this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Best part is she wrote the book with a ghost writer. So the Harvard-level Research Associate who ran the same pace as the 20-year-her-senior Petraeus, and did "hundreds" of push-ups a day (with two kids at home no less) ended up paying someone else to actually do the writing. So after all the working out, running, cocktail partying and fucking she was too worn out to actually compose the book. So what WAS her job? Access. Which is military jargon for "cooze."

  • valmach

    This sums up the whole entire fiasco —- ala the Great Anthony Hopkins… You know what you look like to me with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition has given you some length of bone, but you’re not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you Agent Starling? And that accent you’re trying so desperately to shed – pure West Virginia. What was your father, dear? Was he a coal miner? Did he stink of the lamp? And oh, how quickly the boys found you. All those tedious, sticky fumblings, in the back seats of cars, while you could only dream of getting out. Getting anywhere. Getting all the way to the F.B.I.

    • Anne_Athema

      Wonder how many add-a-bead necklaces Paula has owned?

  • missannthropethefirst

    I half agree with Robertson. I mean, Broadwell has turned out to be a crazy stalker, if she hadn't started sending threatening emails, she would still be having the affair and Gen. Petraeus would still be in charge of the CIA. However, the entire bit about how she was obviously throwing himself at him and well, Petraeus is a man is what irks me. It goes back to the entire modesty doctrine among far right Christians, where women are responsible for the sexuality of men. It absolves men of their responsibility to keep it in their pants and puts the full onus on the woman. He is just as responsible for having an affair as she is. However, she is a bit unstable, so her antics cause me to have no sympathy for her. If this was a story of just another Republican having an affair, my response would be, "yawn." But her crazy is what puts the fun in this story.

    • rickmaci

      "full onus." Do not know that position mistress.

  • mickeymusing

    Agree with everything you say EXCEPT I saw her original interview with Jon Stewart and there is such a thing as appropriate attire. When someone doesn't seem to get that, you sort of have to question their stability. Even then I wondered why an author selling a serious biography went to a sit down media interview wearing an outfit more suited for a night out with the gals at the local meat market. She is attractive and of course she looked good–just completely out of place. Someone needing that much attention for their sexual assets screams 'insecurity' and in her case apparently 'pathological insecurity.'

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I'd agree totally that her attire on the Daily Show was amazingly inappropriate. But apparently it didn't bother Jon Stewart. She invited him to a picnic she was hosting and he went. Photos of the event were on TV last night. Let's see if that keeps him from mocking her.

      • sullivanst

        And yet she was showing less skin than Michelle Obama on her appearance.

      • Guppy

        If Stewart can't make fun of himself, he's in the wrong line of work.

      • miss_grundy

        I didn't see her appearance on The Daily Show but did she show more leg than Anne Coulter does in her media appearances or was she showing more cleavage because Coulter has a tendency to wear dresses that are so short, you'd swear she is going to show her coochie.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Coochie?

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Coochie is from the Latin "Cockie", meaning in Anne's case, "Penis". This is an attempt to take attention away from her Adam's Apple. Epic Fail on this, also.

          • FeloniousMonk

            You ain't from the South, are ya? What'd ya think Muddy Waters was singing about?

        • sullivanst

          No, she wore pants.

    • finallyhappy

      it was reported that she frequently wore evening type attire to military briefings

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Let the record show that is the Female Wonketeers who are most assiduously mining out these details for our consumption. (wink)

        • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

          Well, we need to think of something besides: "I'd hit it!"

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I think you got it wrong. She went to to evening meetings wearing military briefs.

        • Anne_Athema

          Better military briefs than magic underwear.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I do not agree with this slut shaming. What I find objectionable about this affair is the lack of understanding around email. Nipples and wives seem to be prurient tabloid material. The dereliction of duty for secrecy control as the head of the CIA is inexcusable.

      Boning a girl? Quite defensible.

      Hate the email, not the sweaty sex.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    "Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive!" Apologies to Sir Walter Scott

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If we just neutered and spade our pets and everyone in government we wouldn’t have these problems.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      YOU LEAVE FLUFFY OUT OF THIS!!

      (sniff…)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        There, there! (Pats the Sharkey's rather slippery back)

    • Veritas78

      If women would just wear burkas, none of this would have happened.

      Actually, there are a few guys who I occasionally wish would wear burkas. In a good way!

      • miss_grundy

        Just for the funny, even if all women wore burkas, you would still have the menfolk chasing after the womenfolk. It's that whole Biology thang. Ask that Akins guy about it…..

        • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

          Ergo, "Because the bible told me so."

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Given the fact that before the IVF procedure was invented, the beast with two backs created every human in history…

  • sullivanst

    Yeah, I'm not deeply offended by Robertson's assumption that it must necessarily have been that Broadwell initiated the affair, although I am mildly irked by his utter failure to even consider the possibility that it might have been Petraeus that made the first move.

    I remain offended by Robertson's position that when a man has an affair, he was powerless over his sexual drive, because this argument is at the root of all kinds of slut-shaming, justification of sexual harassment and rape-victim-blaming, and especially considering the source, I know Robertson does all that too. If there was symmetry in his approach, that would be different, but we all know full well that just about all of Robertson's statements on gender relations come from a place of raging misogyny.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Raging misogyny that's been going on since Eve got blamed for enticing Adam to try the apple. Christianity can justify any cruelty.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        To be fair, the Muslims use this kind of justification for their shitty treatment of their women, too.

        • sullivanst

          They, too, believe that whole Adam/Eve/apple thing.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Actually, Islam was the first organized religion to give women property rights, the right to sexual satisfaction, and divorce rights. Although Jewish women have the last two rights I don't think they had the legal right to property (except as dower) until later.

          • MosesInvests

            Actually by 2000 years ago, women could own property according to Jewish law.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            *Owning* property isn't the issue, since the good Jewish woman, whose price is above rubies, was supposed to manage all commercial affairs and birth and raise the children so her husband the scholar could daven in peace. However, IIRC, Jewish women did not have a *right* to inherit property from their fathers/male relatives. They received a dowry, which often came from the mother's side of the family and comprised such things as gold, jewelry, clothing, and the goods with which to start a family life. At least that's what I recall, although I might be thinking of a later time and the Jews of Asia. But, please, let me know if you're speaking specifically of the right to inherit.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Am I the only one who came away from this story wanting to hear more about 'Becca's stalker?

    • CindynEncinitas

      Just tell us where he/she is, Bix…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      No. What do YOU know about him/her/it?

      • pdiddycornchips

        Me? I'm too lazy to change the water in my bong more than once every two years. I will admit to visiting the commie girl website to learn more about our Editrix. Also, too, that picture of her in the Red dress was my screen saver until my daughter made me change it. I was traveling the day we had our Wonkette drinky thing in NYC so I didn't have the chance to meet her and engage in a game of drunken grab ass, to my everlasting regret. I will admit to being attracted to smart, snarky and unattainable communists with advanced degrees but none of this makes me a stalker.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Dammit, I was hoping for some delicious gossip re: our divinely sexxxay Editrix. She sure makes a good Lady In The Red Dress. Didn't she say her stalker was female?

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles

    I'd like to register my agreement with the fucking brilliant Hannah Wilke…

    BEWARE FASCIST FEMINISM

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I, for one, am outraged at the suggestion that men cannot resist the 'sinister urge.'

    *fap fap fap*

  • AncienReggie

    It has always been a potential problem for plodding, pair-bonded couples that flat-out crazy women make the best sport-fuckers in the world.

    But just to dispute that "we are not making fun of David Petraeus" bit … at my house, the general (ret.) is getting no slack at all.

  • neiltheblaze

    That's ok – I remember agreeing with Jesse Helms once. I happened to be in agreement with Ted Kennedy simultaneously – so I guess I wasn't alone in the Twilight Zone.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Just one question – is her favorite computer game Angry Birds or Halo-4.

    Case closed.

  • jaytingle

    Rebecca: I think you're incorrect. The slut-shaming was in high gear before the email story got traction. It was a straight up undergrad sleeps with married prof situation before Jill Kelley entered the picture. Maybe it's not all about the lady in the sleeveless blouse and her ostensibly menacing emails. But, Rebecca, I think you've reflexively staked out the Pat Robertson position, and not by coincidence.

    • commiegirl99

      I don't believe that's the case, Jay. If I recall correctly, the harassing emails were in the very first stories in which Broadwell was … fingered. Ew. Sorry. I just grossed myself out.

  • rickmaci

    Sorry but I'm still trying to figure out what's up with the FBI guy going all anthonyweiner with the other hawtie.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He'll likely have plenty of time to sort that out in Leavenworth

      • rickmaci

        Can you imagine visitor's day there in the Broadwell wing?

      • gullywompr

        I had to do some work there once. Not sure which was worse – inside the walls, or the town outside. Got through it, but not without a hangover every day.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Right now, it looks like the FBI guy was a "personal friend" — not sure how close — to whom Jill Kelley went when she first started receiving email from Paula Broadwell. It's possible Kelley was in a relationship with the guy, because she apparently had 30,000 pages of email from one Gen. Allen, head of ISAF who was about to be seconded to NATO when this fit hit the shan. She was definitely boinking HIM, so it's not unreasonable to suppose she was also boinking shirtless FBI dude. Unless he just went poon-crazy and decided to send her weiner-pics in the hope that she would bang him too. It just seems too weird to be unrelated.

      Kelley is one strange lady, and a lot MORE shit is about to hit the fan. She has all kinds financial problems due to her penchant for wining and dining the militarily powerful. There's a book in this for the energetic. A regular fucking Peyton Place of a book.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I feel like I wonkette a lot when I shouldn't, but in a year or so I have racked up fewer than 3000 comments. They are talkin about tens of 1000s of emails. When did these people find the time?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You're merely lazy.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I think I need a government job.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

          You could send a lot more email if you got one of those Obama phones.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I'm kinda ashamed of this, but in the 115 weeks since the site switched over to Intense Debate, I've made 14,353 comments. So yes, you do need a government job.

          Edit: 14,354, now.

          • Veritas78

            And I've printed out and saved every single one. In binders!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I hope you are not my boss.

          • Veritas78

            No, but you have been awfully naughty lately. I think I know what you need.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            I have gear.

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Or a life, also?

    • Crank_Tango

      More like they are the kind of people to send one line emails when anyone else would just text.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Me and my sweetie used to send each other email ALL the fucking time and we've been together 14 fucking years, and lemme tellya we don't have no fucking 30,000 PAGES. Your tax dollars GOOFING THE FUCK OFF, MAN!

  • Gorillionaire

    I just want to say that this Wonkette title/story joins David Foster Wallace in my personal knock me on my ass brilliance list of prose. Take a bow.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    GOP is rapidly trying to amend the Defense of Marriage Act to state:

    Marriage is Between one man and one woman plus one acquaintance's wife and one crazy bitch.

    • An_Outhouse

      and their sisters. plus or minus a crazy FBI dude.

  • NDeeeZ

    The importance of proofreading:
    http://gawker.com/5960129/according-to-this-denve

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Priceless.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Figured someone would beat me to it. http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/11/abc-de

      I love when life imitates art.

  • prommie

    This really isn't just a garden variety dude had an affair story, and its the Jill Kelley chick who is the much more bizarre piece of the puzzle, man, she had 20,000 pages of emails from that other general who was the allied commander in Afghanistan? Containing classified information? She is an unpaid volunteer at the base in Florida where she apparently fucks all the generals? There is some fucking story going on here.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Is 20,000 a lot? I'ma have to do some counting. BUT it is impressive that she managed to get all over, in, on and around these particular men, the lady do have a type it would seem. I am WAY more interested in Jill than in that other one or God forbid David's prowess in any of this, and way more interested in all of it than I would have been months ago and EVEN MORE embarrassed about how interested I am in any of it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Just pretend you're interested in the security implications. That way you can get away with discussing Jill's obviously fake boobies. They're HYUGE!

    • Eve8Apples

      I think the email use/abuse has more far reaching implications than the affairs. Do U.S. Generals really have time to personally review and respond to tens of thousands of emails from their mistresses? How much did taxpayers pay them to email their paramours? How do the Generals effectively manage the wars if they are reading and replying to their mistresses' emails? Is this why the war in Afghanistan has dragged on forever? Too much sexytime emails and not enough war emails? If there is a subordinate in charge of the Generals' email communication, why wasn't someone tipped off sooner?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Interesting tidbit: Petraeus and his CrayCray LadyLuv apparently never SENT email. They had a joint email account, and they wrote their impassioned tripe in DRAFT form. It was that account that Broadwell used to send threatening emails to Jill Kelley, in at least one of which she accused Kelley of fondling Petraeus under the table. (HTH would she know that? She wasn't even THERE!)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      30,000 pages, dood. That other general is head of ISAF. He was about to be seconded to NATO. Now his nom is on hold and his deputy will be taking his position. And the Jill Kelley info just got WAY more bizarre. She has a twin sister, Natalie, who used to date Charlie Crist, and to whom she loaned $800,000. That sister is involved in a bitter custody battle with the ex-Bush regime official to whom she is married. The judge hearing the case has called the woman mentally unstable. And these are the people overseeing our wars in the middle-East.

      Jill Kelley's maiden name is Khawam. She is a Maronite Christian from Lebanon.

      • shelwood46

        Also too, Patreus (and Allen?) testified for Natalie in her custody hearing, saying she was a wonderful mother, while a psychologist called her mentally unstable.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Only in the US CIA or DOD would a horny General and a crazy stalking ex-military chick rack up 30,000 emails.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      It's not the ex-military chick that racked up those emails. It's the OTHER chick — the stalkee, not the stalker.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    BTW, they say she "went to West Point" – was she like an officer or hooker on staff or something?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      She went to West Point after high school and earned a BA in political geography. She's been in school almost non-stop since then and met Petraeus when she was a grad student at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Are we talking Broadwell here? I just want to make sure I'm shaming in the right direction.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Yes, on paper Broadwell has remarkable educational credentials. Unless maybe Petraeus isn't the first man who rewarded her extra credit for working above and beyond the basic assignment.

      • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

        So is she an army officer??? I didn't think you could go to WP without going into the Army??

        • sullivanst

          Pat Robertson called her a Lt. Col., although elsewhere I've seen Maj. Going to WP means committing to 5 years active duty and 3 years reserve service.

          • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

            Major Broadwell??   That can't be for real?

          • BaldarTFlagass

            No worse than Major Major Major Major.

          • sullivanst

            Apparently she was promoted earlier this year, so it's Lt. Col. now. Ex-PFC Wintergreen was reportedly furious, or something.

          • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

            Promoted?  Is she is in like the Army's Biography Brigade or something.  I mean I have a lot of respect for the military, and women in the military, but what does she exactly do?  She doesn't look like the kind of woman who wants to serve in combat, if you know what I mean…

          • sullivanst

            Wikipedia's source says she "work[s] on counterterrorism issues" in the Reserve.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Yes, she is. Or rather, she was. She served in the military. However, she is now an officer in the Reserves, and not employed by the military.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          She's always identified as an Army officer, but a few places specified it was the National Guard.I wondered about that, too.Does that count as the required WP service?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Christ, she sounds like one of those ridiculously overqualified characters in a Clive Cussler or Michael Crichton novel. "Undergraduate work in microcellular biology, MS in anthropology, PhD in string theory, four years Delta Force, black belt or three in some exotic Asian martial arts, parkoured up and back down the highest mountain on each of six different continents, discovered 8 new species of medicinal plant in the Amazon, multi-engine pilot's license, three years studying the Bhagavad Gita in Kashmir, faithful wife and mother of two."

        The most interesting woman in the world!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Well, maybe not that last part of the first paragraph, but yeah, she sounds like a ridiculous overachiever. She apparently is a competition-level fitness freak, having come in top of her class at WP (beating all the men? I'm … impressed). Judging from her biceps in all the pix I've seen, she probably plays tossball with her husband of an evening.

          • emmelemm

            You mean she actually TOSSES her husband (like a dwarf), right?

          • MosesInvests

            NOBODY tosses a Dwarf!

          • viennawoods13

            Don't tell the elf.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Yes. I strongly suspect it.

        • rickmaci

          I don't fuck around much, but when I do it's Quatro Estrellas. Stay horny my friends.

        • SubhumanVarmint

          Your first paragraph made me snort out my tea. Kudos!

    • CindynEncinitas

      She went to West Point every Friday night and went home every Monday morning.

      • Kid_Charlemagne

        She was rotten to the Corps but the infantry loved her!

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Regarding blame: they're both fucking idiots.

    • BadKitty904

      Literally.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    I think one reason it seems that Petraeus seems to be getting off lightly here [as in here] in this sexxytime case is that it pales in comparison to his involvement in Iraq.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I wish that were true. But the only news outlet I've seen propose that idea is Buzzfeed, of all places.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      That bastard was involved in some *very* dirty stuff in Iraq. Whatever he's getting now, he deserves it.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    This story has, well, "broad implications".

  • sati_demise

    Well, finally, a brunette takes this role and does it well. Huzzah!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'll admit it. I've been known to have a thing for crazy chicks. The last one had a slight problem with theft.

    • savethispatient

      Aww… did she steal your heart?
      <pukes>

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Yes. She misdemeanor shoplifted my heart. Along with many other things.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Long black hair, healthy libido, high colour? I might have been fucking her like a bunny a few years or ten ago.

  • rickmaci

    "Rep. Peter King, R-N.Y., chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee, called the latest revelations in the case "a Greek tragedy.""

    I'll bet. bwhahahahhahahahahahhaa.

    • emmelemm

      Has anybody fucked their mother and killed their father yet? Wake me when that happens.

      • Negropolis

        So, what you're saying is needz more Oedipussy?

        • bobbert

          Is that the sequel to Skyfall?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Obviously, one is insufficient.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      BUTTSECHS!

      Oh wait….Peter KING!?!?!

      DO! NOT! WANT!

      • Kid_Charlemagne

        He is calling for a Congressional probe…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      I know he's too stupid to have understood the implications of that. I know it.

      • sullivanst

        What day does the new Congress start? I need to start counting down the days until I no longer have to grudging admit that fucktard bloviating dillweed is my capital-R-only Representative.

        But he's still only the second worst person named King in Congress.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Ohjeezusdid the storm blow YOU away too? Are you OK?

          So this asshole's your Rep, poor Sully. (Hugs you) Oy, such a life. I think the other King is the only person worse than this schmuck.

          • sullivanst

            I'm being redistricted into Steve Israel's CD, thank goodness.

            We live inland, and Sandy was barely an event for us at home – we lost power for a day and that was it, so we're thanking our lucky stars, especially as people two blocks away were without power for a week. We have picked up some long-ish term house guests though – my sister-in-law lives in Freeport, their ground floor was almost as deep as their pool normally is. Even they are relatively lucky – the house across the street moved off its foundations and the owner is now arguing with his insurance company whether it needs to be knocked down and rebuilt (he's hoping), or whether they're just going to pay for it to be re-positioned and repaired up to the waterline.

    • FeloniousMonk

      There are many good reasons to drop Peter King in the nearest deep body of water*, so I guess that implying that Aeschylus and the rest wrote bedroom farce doesn't add that much to the count against him. Nevertheless, I'm going to go bang my head against a wall for a bit.

      *or bottomless pit of ballot papers, if the Editrix insists.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        There's plenty to be said for being done to death by masses of paper. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure Peter King will say it in our planned Science Experiment.

    • bobbert

      You know, the election was great and all, but "Rep. Peter King, R-N.Y., chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee" is still a thing, and it makes me want to puke.

  • DahBoner

    Nuts and Sluts

    My only question is: which channel bought the rights to this mini-series???

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I think it's Spike's new entry into reality TeeVee about an auto repair shop run by gurls.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I vote for E!.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'm still waiting on the buttsechs here…

    • rickmaci

      Comes when they start the Congressional probe.

  • randomsausage

    Paula Broadwell can suck the treads off an M1 Abrams tank at 30 paces. Allegedly.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    who would've guessed the proximity of national security and junior high romance?

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      besides, everyone, of course.

  • rickmaci

    "Ms. Kelley, a volunteer who organizes social events for military personnel in the Tampa area,…"

    Oh, I'm really out of date. Is that what they call that line of work these days?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      The first reports I heard of her identified her as a "State Department employee." My immediate reaction was, "What the hell kind of State Department employee works in Tampa, Florida (unless State is monitoring the elections down there)? The plot thickens.

      • rickmaci

        Probably a typo. Should have been former department store employee.

      • gullywompr

        My guess is she's one of those central Florida "support the troops" Republican housewives with too much money and time on her hands, kind of a female Gary Sinise, and along the way she got introduced to some weirdos. I predict not much of her own behavior is going to very damning.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          She's a Lebanese Maronite Christian. Her parents moved to this country some years ago. They sound like scammers. They've had problems with the bankruptcy courts and debts. Now she, and her sister, appear to be having the same sorts of problems. The red flag for me is that she is of Middle-Eastern descent, has lots of financial problems, and has access to the very people in charge of any military involvement in the Middle East. It's all coming out and the more we hear, the worse it sounds.

          • rickmaci

            I just know Darrel Issa has got to be in this somewhere.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Hey, 2001 was a crazy time to be Lebanese in America. Just sayin.

          • SubhumanVarmint

            And apparently she is an "honorary consul" to South Korea. Why, I don't know.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            It's a paid gig.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Buzzfeed — the Washington Post of Petraeusgate (ain't that sayin sumpin) — continues to break the more interesting details of this story. Their latest revelation: "Paula Broadwell's father, Paul Kranz, was convicted of a misdemeanor for threatening a female partner's boyfriend nearly 30 years ago, according to North Dakota court documents and a prosecutor who worked on the case. The conviction was overturned after the North Dakota Supreme Court ruled the next year that Kranz had been denied his right to a jury trial … Patricia Burke, the prosecutor on the appeal, [said] the case involved 'a dispute with his then-wife or ex-wife and her boyfriend.' Burke couldn't remember the exact details of the 1983 case, she said." Case records for the misdemeanor have been destroyed.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      OKAY. OKAY. I admit it. Long ago I kinda vaguely threatened the new boyfriend of a woman who had dumped me. Geez.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        You are SO going down.

        • Blueb4sinrise

          That's what she………dern.

  • Nostrildamus

    He is right about that too.

    Suddenly, the Mayan apocalypse worries me.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Pat Robertson, the gears of his dirty old mind slowly turning to twist his creepy, collapsed face into a leer, greasing up his tongue to put a nasty lick of southern unctuousness on "propinquity." It's every black woman's nightmare since 1619.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Wow!
      That is one powerful piece of imagery!

  • JackObin

    Someone put up side-by-side pictures of the General's wife and this rather nubile gal. No further questions will be necessary. The culprit in this affair is marriage, not biology.

    • finallyhappy

      I think it is biology on one side and power on the other. Not uncommon in DC, NYC and Hollywood- and maybe lots of other places too

  • littlebigdaddy

    Not so much in that picture but in others I have seen on the interwebz, it looks like she takes eye makeup tips from Queen Nefertiti.

  • Come here a minute

    One thing is clear from the Daily Show interview: Paula Broadwell is damn sure that Paula Broadwell is fucking awesome!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      It's an amazing artifact, the camera capturing her narcissism at the height of self-confidence and assurance, literally hours before her eventual plunge from Olympian heights to the depths of regularness and normalcy.

      • glasspusher

        It's better to automatically assume such types will fly too close to the sun.

    • Negropolis

      I have to admit having been taken in by her when I saw the interview. I saw someone supremely confident and put together, and what I think threw me off from seeing it as arrogance was her even tone, which seems to be her most deadly feature. I've seen plenty of folks who know their awesome and it comes across as obnoxious, but I didn't get that vibe off her originally. In hindsight it's obvious, but I can see why people are drawn to her apart from her physical attractiveness.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Remind me again what this was supposed to be distracting us from and which faction wanted us to be distracted? [now where did I put my glasses?….]

  • barto

    Those eyes could strip the chrome off a trailer hitch, I'm guessin'.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      And break the skin on trucknutz.

  • Disassembly

    I too have an internet stalker. He/she is always trying to sell me watches and something called v1agra.

    • LibertyLover

      Today, I have a penis extender for you….only used once.

      • glasspusher

        Too small for you? The injustice…

    • FeloniousMonk

      Hah. I just read that for the second time, and only now noticed the 1 in v1agra. That's why proofreading is hard, as we discovered in NDeeeZ post elsethread. You, on the other hand, seem to have the eye for it.

  • ElPinche

    General Penetranus, your surge has failed (all over my skirt).

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      He's got the Monica blue dress blues?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      So messy.

    • Negropolis

      I don't know; sounds pretty successful, to me.

      • ElPinche

        Better on the dress, we dont need anymore baby neocons.

  • TribecaMike

    If the woman in question had only been the general's mistress, I'd have no problem, but collaborating with a mistress to circulate one's ideas about policy and to burnish one's career and reputation, or polish the turd if you will, deserves resignation.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Exactly. This fucker had a strategy of ingratiating himself with the press which ended up with a six-figure book deal for his mistress. He's deeply involved with the neocons at PNAC. He's been machinating for a long time. It is good to see him fall. And a mighty fall it is.

  • finallyhappy

    Kevin Clash's(Elmo's puppeteer) accuser has recanted

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Pedobear weeps.

    • Beowoof

      Well now he can get back to fisting Elmo.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    The Tunes.
    Sorry 'Becca……….just now saw………….
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OVtpnpCOKM

  • UnholyMoses

    I wouldn't hit it.

    But that's BECAUSE I'M MARRIED. *

    And married people don't do things like that. At least not without permission. And I have yet to get that permission.

    Doesn't mean I haven't asked, mind you. Just that The Mrs said "Sure … go ahead … but only if you want to die a horrifically painful and embarrassing death that all men would remember before they ever cheated on their woman. Otherwise, no."

    Or something to that effect.

    (* I have this thing about cheating and the fact it really is inexcusable. Sorry, but it is. Period.)

    • LibertyLover

      You, sir, are an admirable man.

      Signed,
      Married women everywhere

      • UnholyMoses

        Never cheated on anyone — not even a high school kinda-sorta dating relationship.

        I have, however, been The Other Man (tho, in my defense, without my knowledge of being said Other Man). And I got a gun in my face and a daughter out of it. (Not at the same time or anything.)

        So, yeah. Not a fan of Teh Cheatening.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      My dad fucked around on my mom. A lot. He travelled a lot in the military, and met plenty of grass widows at the various officer's club around the globe. I guess there was some pheromone that he exuded that made women want to fuck him (which evidently did not make the chromosomal leap to his offspring, me). She caught him at it at least once or twice that I am aware of. I know she hated it, but she stuck it out and they had their 54th anniversary last month. But I really disrespect him for doing that to her, and have told him so in no uncertain terms on several occasions. Slimy fucker. So, yeah, infidelity is big on my list of fucked up things you can do to another human being.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Some of us just aren't meant to be monogamous. But yeah, it's a really shitty thing to do to a partner. The thing is to find a partner or partners who are willing to have an open relationship.

        They're not exactly thick on the ground. And even then, it's fraught. It's always fucking fraught.

      • glasspusher

        wow. Just wow. So, my dad was faithful as all get out and never got to see his 29th anniversary, since he finally got a date with the grim reaper. Life isn't fair, is it?

    • bibliotequetress

      If Monsieur Bibliotequetress has the chance to get naughty with Olivia Munn he has my blessings, my get-out-of-jail-free card, and my camera.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Do you also have the benefit of a deal like, I dunno, with Ryan Gosling or George Clooney or whatever?

      • glasspusher

        "Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just the symptom that something else is wrong"

        "Oh yeah? Well that symptom is fucking my wife!"

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          I would only have a problem with that if I also wanted to fuck my wife right then.

    • bibliotequetress

      Which is not to say I don't think you are a fabulous admirable bunch of guys for honoring your word and your wives.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Well, see, if she'd say "Yes," then it wouldn't be cheating.

      Nobody should cheat. Just because you're gonna get caught eventually, and then the pain and suffering that you cause all around is just not worth a night or two of sexytime. Not even a month or ten. But goddammit, if people would just be a little more … flexible.

      • glasspusher

        I had a long time girlfriend a long time ago. We both cheated on each other a couple of times. We both came clean. Neither of us got upset about it, probably because we realized we weren't getting as much as we wanted from each other. It was a strong case of like for a couple of years, but never love…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          I had a lady I loved very much once upon a time. I didn't realize she meant it when she said fucking around was something she could never forgive. I tend to attract jealous, possessive types. Perhaps it's a shortcoming in me.

      • viennawoods13

        Or, as Dan Savage memorably put it, "Is it adultery if I'm committing it at one end of a guy, and he's committing it at the other end of that same guy?"

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          I would like to believe that the entire world could benefit from being one giant ball of happy fuckitude. But it doesn't work that way for everybody, and certainly not all the time.

          The nice thing about loving people *virtually* is, y'all don't have to worry about jealousy or cheating or heartbreak.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    We can get all serious and solemn about feminism, or we can just admit that it's pretty goddamned funny that this woman was going around hawking a book about what a Nobleman Patraeus is, when all the while she is fucking him. And people calling this a tragedy need to be smacked — a tragedy is coming home from Afghanistan with no fucking legs, or not coming home at all.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      And the guy who actually wrote the book based on her, ahem, reporting claims he's shocked SHOCKED to find out there was an affair, even as he admits that absolutely everybody he's ever met who's knows her were sure she and Petraeus were doing it.

      • sullivanst

        Well, now we know why he needed someone else to do the research for him, I guess — apparently, he's not very observant.

    • Fuck Toad

      Can I think it's funny that she wrote a fawning book called "All In" about someone she ended up boinking and also not approve of everyone making "broad, well" jokes and calling her a crazy bitch slut whore?

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        Want linky for:
        "broad, well" jokes

        pls

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i thought watching that daily show segment (when it first aired) they were doing it.

      she gives off a bad vibe.

    • Negropolis

      And people calling this a tragedy need to be smacked — a tragedy is coming home from Afghanistan with no fucking legs, or not coming home at all.

      THIS all day long.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    If someone wears stars, they're expected to behave as good examples for their command. However to get those stars they need the confidence and ego to believe they can get away with anything.

  • LibertyLover

    Personally, I don't think people should cheat on their spouses. That being said, Petraeus made a choice, and his mistress made a choice, knowing full well that the General was married. It is time for the regressive party to quit excusing inexcusable behavior and holding the people who are supposed to believe in personal responsibility responsible for their actions.

  • Trinket

    It hurts the cause to use the word "irresistible" as though a man–any man–becomes incapable of controlling himself in the presence of such a woman if she is indeed throwing herself at him. That's nonsense.

    Otherwise, hell yes! This woman is a nutbucket of the highest order, and engages in spooky, stalky behavior that deserves to be mercilessly mocked.

  • Limeylizzie

    Epic alt-text, unless she needs a vaginal lift, in which case eww.

    • glasspusher

      Thanks. Your comments make an excellent dieting aid.

  • BonoboReview

    Next thing you know Robertson and Cohen will be advocating that women wear burkas.

    • Beowoof

      They don't do that now? I don't won't listen to Pat, and my Cohen reading days are long past.

  • randomsausage

    What's all the fuss about. The general only inspecting the good working order of a couple of bazookas.

  • finallyhappy

    http://www.wbaltv.com/news/maryland/i-team/Woman-
    the Kelley woman has a twin sister who lives in the same house with her and her husband

    • docterry6973

      ..with her and her husband, Mr. Lucky.

      • sullivanst

        He's either Mr. Lucky, or Mr. Frustrated. There are no other possibilities.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Judging from some of the shenanigans his sister-in-law is up to, he's not just Mr. Frustrated but about to become Mr. Poorhouse in 5, 4, 3 …

  • greypanter

    A ghost writer "helped" her write the book, but she wrote her PhD thesis on her own, right? Right? Well, if she had help with the thesis, how did she compensate the helper? Just wonderin'.

    • glasspusher

      Please. No self-respecting ghostwriter would do a PhD thesis. They have standards. That's why I had to write my own! The very title can be used as a sleeping aid!

  • CommieDad

    Hate to disagree. They're both idiots. The affair seems to have started after Gen. P. became DCIA. This is a security risk, unless he told his wife and the DNI. He didn't. So he was right to quit.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      this. exactly.

    • shelwood46

      Agreed. There are rules in place for this, which Petreus didn't follow. If it turns out Allen was fooling around, too, he was violating the DCMJ. If we're going to say that men just can't help it if the right piece of tail comes around, we're going to have to bar all straight married men from jobs with the CIA and Army. They're apparently too weak to handle these important roles.

  • rocktonsam

    ok we're done with this. the cliff, tax the rich and jobs drunky John get busy doing the peoples bidness already

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    And what is this idea that David Patraeus is this Great White Hope of American civic life, and the sudden end to his career is a National Tragedy that diminishes the future prospects of our country?! Putting lipstick on the Iraq War long enough for us to get the fuck out of there isn't exactly Ike stomping Hitler in the nuts. I do believe the CIA and military will carry on alright without him.

    • HempDogbane

      Andrew Sullivan said this same thing, except with 20 times the words. And he made himself a star of the story, as a reporter.

      • glasspusher

        Brevity and blogging, never the twain shall meet?

    • GeorgiaBurning

      They needed a hero; Petraeus was available, smart and more than willing. Lipstick on a pig is exactly the right analogy. US law limits the number of general officers allowed, so this opens a spot. There are plenty of colonels who deserve a promotion.

      • SubhumanVarmint

        Petraeus had retired BEFORE he took his position as head of the CIA. Therefore, his general slot had already been filled before this scandal broke.

        Gen. Allen, on the other hand, might free up a slot if he has to retire due to all these shenanigans.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Probably both glad he's gone…

  • BadKitty904

    To me, the biggest mystery here is that Richard Cohen said something (relatively) sensible. What the hell?!?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      True!

    • finallyhappy

      Richard Cohen had a very well known affair with Kati Marton- wife of Peter Jennings- and according to people who knew him- it wasn't his first or last(although that was many years ago when I heard that- I have no idea if anyone is doing him now)

  • docterry6973

    Who ARE these people? I didn't think this kind of boffers without borders crap went on outside of white trash trailer parks and my extended family.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, but related to crazy…have any of the news outlets check in how Oily Taintz is dealing with this?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Meaning no disrespect to Rick Santorum, but Oily and Lou Sarah will be totes frothy in 3, 2, 1…

    • docterry6973

      Oh, I imagine that Dr. Taitz Esq. is graciously accepting the will of the people, and will no doubt say so publicly very soon.

  • bibliotequetress

    While I don't think that Petraeus be spared suffering the same consequences as anyone else with a security clearance — if this is not a compromising offense for him, it isn't one for anybody– ever since this happened it has stunk of someone making hay w/ Petraeus' life at the expense of pretty much everyone else: Petraeus wife, his possibly unstable bootycall, himself, the country etc etc. I would love to know how the results of an ongoing (or barely finished) FBI investigation hit the press so quickly. Not to be all tinfoil hat about it. I don't think it's a nefarious Dr. No thing, but a historical antipathy between the CIA & the FBI exists. And between the FBI and the White House at times, too. I think some people might be feeling smirky about this.

    Wow. Spellcheck knows "Petraeus" now.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      " I would love to know how the results of an ongoing (or barely finished) FBI investigation hit the press so quickly. "

      This should clue you in. A low-level personally-anti-Obama FBI dude started the whole thing rolling because he wanted to get into Jill Kelley's pants: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/13/us/timeline-sho

      • bibliotequetress

        "Because of his 'worldview,' as the official put it, he suspected a politically motivated cover-up to protect President Obama."

        I see.

        This is why the FBI shouldn't even be allowed to investigate who ate the last slice of pizza.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Speaking from personal experience, Petraeus should take the full hit on compromising his clearance. After that, in honor of his service then perhaps suspend the full hit. But for sure, he should not get a front end get-out-jail card on this.

      Along similar lines, the low level FBI asshat that Chet mentioned in his post, the frustrated doofus who blabbed to Cantor, he should at a minimum be fired. And likely should be brought-up on charges for leaking information on an ongoing investigation. It doesn't matter that he leaked it to a shitting sitting US Rep, Cantor didn't have a need-to-know on an investigation of this type.

      Information is classified in varying grades. Individuals must pass background checks to be granted clearance to work with that information. But just because you are cleared at some level, you don't have a right to know everything that is classified at that level. You also must have a the need-to-know. Perhaps the grandaddy of need-to-know was that Harry Truman wasn't told about the A-Bomb until after FDR passed away. Harry didn't have a need-to-know until he was Prez

      The leaking of this kinda stuff just enrages me. That Dick Cheney and his fellow treasonous rats didn't get brought-up on charges over blowing Valerie Plame's cover is obscene. Almost guaranteed, folks we'll never know about paid for that one with their lives so Cheney could have a power feel-good moment.

      Sorry, for the rant but to me this leaky, leaky and no consequence for those in power sucks big time.

      • commiegirl99

        Everybody keeps forgetting SOME Fibbie leaked it TO NEWSMAX TOO, not just Eric Cantor, who is after all in the government.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          For sure. And there is also the Danny Thomas Lebanon connection that Terry talks about below. This thing ain't gonna be going away any time soon. Does Spellchecker do Hezbollah, too. Why yes it does!

        • gullywompr

          That guy is a steaming bagger. After being fired and told to keep his mouth shut, he will try to sell his story to Fox, whence he shall receive his comeuppance.

        • corthylio

          Seems to me that the FBI ought to screen out applicants who think NewsMax is a legit news source…

      • bibliotequetress

        Not ranty, I completely agree. This is another douchebag deciding that he knows what's right for *America* and bending laws the rest of us uphold because he's "righteous." Frankly, I can't know but suspect that if we had 24 hours to look into it we might find Shirtless Guy is a little racist right wing twit who resents the CIA because they seem smarter and more glam and get more cute girls than the Bureau boys, or whatever the thinking is behind that weird resentment that seems to have started w/ J. Edgar.
        And I'm done w/ SES or generals or Directors/DeputyDirectors/ Poobahs getting away with the very crap that yer average GS-9 would be flayed for. And often rightly flayed. Not that "pussy on the side" is in the same league as "exposing Plames' African contacts" but still.

      • bibliotequetress

        Hm, weejee. Does the word "pussy" cause a comment to get flagged for review? "Cause my approving response to your comment is in limbo.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Pussy, pussy, pUssy, puSSy, twat, cunt.

          Nope doesn't seem so at least for me.

      • bibliotequetress

        All, well, that answers that. Weejee, you shall see my response when Website Jesus lets it float out of Limbo

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Oh dear, your post is in time-out??

          • bibliotequetress

            It's wetting itself and crying in the corner. Seems to be my use of a euphemism for "kitty cat."

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            Yes, there is a prude that works for Intense Debase that is not a Pussy Galore fan. She/he often gets stirred and shaken.

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Try "puthy."

          • bibliotequetress

            Yeth, you thekthy thang!

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Thquee!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Like "athume puthy perfect"? That kind of puthy?

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Eggthactly.

            Prethithely.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            You nutbag (hugs n_r_c fondly)

          • viennawoods13

            And yet cunt gets a free pass?

          • sullivanst

            I think I got put in the corner for saying slut earlier, which was weird, because I'd said it earlier still without problem. Maybe it didn't like the fact that I'd put it in quotes, even though there was a perfectly legitimate reason (which I now forget) for doing so.

            Whatever. ID doesn't eat enough of my posts to really become more than the most minor of nuisances.

      • miss_grundy

        And the only reason that this story still has legs is because the Republicans want to tie the attack on the Benghazi, Libya consulate on Bammerz. Since Petraeus was supposed to testify before a closed session and he won't now because he resigned, the conservative wing-nuts are trying to make it into some horrible scandal. Otherwise, it is just another bad zipper story.

        • gullywompr

          Yes, but US Americans love to peek through the curtains when famous people are fucking.

          As far as Fox, I wouldn't worry about them – these are the same people that told their viewers that Mitt would win. Even Fox viewers are gonna see the trend at some point.

        • bibliotequetress

          Yes, you are right, but remember the damage those asshats did for three years over Monica Lewinski. Weird though this is to say, thank gods it's just the DCI and not the Prez.

        • SubhumanVarmint

          I thought that Congress could still subpoena private citizens to testify before them. His resignation wouldn't mean squat.

          Somebody please correct me if I am wrong……I might just be imagining that.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            You're quite correct. His resignation changes nothing and he has, in fact, already been subpoenaed and will be testifying any day now. Pox Ooze is just using this to keep the MassTeabaggerButtHurt going. Fuckers.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Enrages me too, weej. (hugs you)

      • http://www.wonkette.com Tangled sin tax

        All that stuff is highly compartmentalized, all right. I was impressed with myself many moons ago to find out (when I carried my credentials along with me to work a temporary project) that I had a "Top Secret/Crypto/Umbra/Ishtar/NOFORN" clearance. I didn't even know what the codewords meant till I looked them up after leaving the service. And I was allowed nowhere near the sub-group that was tasked with spying on my group to make sure we weren't information-porous. And yeah, it can be a little frustrating to find out that after all that effort at the lower levels some General may be summarizing the day's activities for his chippie.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          NOFORN? like, no fornication? Someone fucked up when they did the general's background check.

          • http://www.wonkette.com Tangled sin tax

            Oh-oh. If that's what it meant I'm in trouble.

      • bobbert

        This.

        A lot of classification is bullshit, but the concept is not bullshit. And, while my mind is hobgoblin-free enough to say that there may be rare occasions where a leak may be ethically correct, or even mandatory, this clearly wasn't one of those.

      • SubhumanVarmint

        The low level FBI asshat will just turn around and be offered a job at Fox/be held up by right wing nuts as a martyr. That's always the way these things go and it sucks ash.

  • MissNancyPriss

    That Jill Kelley looks a lot like Bethanny "Skinny Girl Margarita Mix" Frankel, especially around the nose.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Egg Romney should lay off the threatening emails to Editrix, it's not our fault her husband lost, and go ride her dancing horse or something.

  • hellbabe

    Don't forget "machine gun manufacturer's model" as part of her c-v–saw that the day before all of this other stuff broke, and well……

    • rickmaci

      Bang bang bang.

  • Terry

    "because she is (allegedly) a psycho nutzoid Internet stalker who is one crowbar and a pack of Depends away from driving to Houston to kneecap a bitch?"

    Exactly.

    The other other woman apparently was a "'self-appointed' go-between for Central Command officers with Lebanese and other Middle Eastern government officials. This 1. bothers the shit out of me and 2. shows that Miz Kelley is a few fries short of a happy meal, too.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

      She also apparently ran a bogus cancer charity, and was pretty sure her "volunteer liason" whatnot made her house diplomatic grounds.

      Honestly at this point, Broadwell kinda comes across as, at most, the like third craziest person in this whole pentagon. Honestly, I'm not even convinced that the "harrassing" emails that supposedly set this whole thing off were all that unwarranted, suddenly.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        How many third rails does this train have??

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

          All of them, Katie!!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        I dunno. Accusing some woman of randomly pawing the General's goolies when you were not even in the room that day smacks of some unbalanced fantasizing. But Kelley's *sister* is even *more* of a nutbag, if that's possible.

        And these are the people who have unlimited access to CentCom officials whose job is running our dirty wars in the middle east.

        • Negropolis

          Not even that, but what is it with mistresses and beaus getting angry when they find out that they are being played, too?

          No, she doesn't have any right to be mad that her man is boning someone else because she's already imposed herself on someone else's relationship. The gall.

          H, Paula, don't hate the player, hate the game.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

          Again, my understanding from "later developments", though, was that the emails might have been a little weird, but weren't actually all that bad or threatening or anything, and wouldn't ordinarily reach the threshold of "harassment", but for the fact that Kelley called in a favor from a FeeBee who had a thing for her (and coincidentally is also a fucking lunatic). And, in the context of this other info, I could totally picture a bitchy email or two that could easily be totally warranted, given the cray-cray waves that Kelley is giving off here.

          • Negropolis

            You're making it sound as if Kelley almost had something to do with placing Broadwell in Peaches' orbit. That's the only sense I can make of this idea that Kelley was trying to bring down Peaches. The way I see it, there are only two real reasons Kelley reported the emails 1. She was very actually and genuinely concerned about the effect that Broadwell could have on David's career 2. She was afraid of being pushed out of his inner-orbit and/or legitimately worried about her own reputation since Paula was picking up that there was another strong female in David's orbit.

            I'm totally not getting the implied conspiracy theory that the FBI, through some 11-dimensional chess, positioned an over-achieving sociopath as a biographer for the CIA director in a way to worm their way in to bring it down. The more we learn about this, the more we're learning that the FBI actually seemed to be telling their rogue agent and Kelley to knock it the fuck off. If they were really in on this, they'd have taken this guy down months ago when they found out about the affair.

          • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

            See, I don't think you even need to get that far with it, at all. Rather, I'm positing something very simple: If we start from the assumption that Jill Kelley is crazy, we can envision a sequence of events where Broadwell (who, admittedly, does seem a bit "off" in her own way) might not have been the one having a giant crazysplosion here?

            Just for the sake of argument, what's wrong with this sequence of events:
            1)Paula Broadwell notices Jill Kelley doing… whatever the fuck it is she was doing here as a fake volunteer "consul" or whatever the fuck.
            2) Broadwell contacts Kelley, tells her to dial back the cray-cray, in basically as many words.
            3) Kelley, reacts largely in the manner one might expect of an insane person, calls in favor from even more insane FBI buddy, to investigate "harassment"

            All I'm suggesting is that the above sequence would be consistent with what information we have in front of us; the one flaw is that it doesn't really account for the fact that Broadwell is kinda a weirdo, but on the other hand, it totally does adequately account for the fact that Jilly Kelley is a complete looney-tune self-styled "diplomat" whose presence amidst all these national security officials now seems even less appropriate even than Broadwell's.

          • Negropolis

            See, I'm not seeing Kelley as either some whacked-out woman or some devious spy. I'm still not quite sure what you're getting at with Kelley. What do you mean by "whatever the fuck it is she was doing here " in relation to Kelley? Who do you think she is and what do you think are her motives? Kelley was a part of David's circle (though, it still doesn't seem clear if she was part of the inner-ring or just an aquaintence) before Broadwell was even a thought, and whatever the relationship, it seemed to have been something stable until Broadwell came into it and seems to have flown into a jealous explosion. Broadwell strikes me as irrational in her actions; Kelley strikes me as someone that likes to have all of her bases covered and who manipulated men for money.

            I'm not sure I'm picking up on this idea that Broadwell was some kind of unintentional hero and Kelley some kind of double-agent. My gut feeling is that this is far more mundane than people are making it out to be (Kelley loves money and attracted to power, Broadwell is attracted to power, Allen and Peaches have unmet emotional needs).

          • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

            I think there's plenty of evidence for "wacked out woman":

            1) I'm not some State or Military bigwig, but I learned back when I was dating that if someone claims to have a job position that does not exist in reality, they are probably crazy.

            2) The only two sorts of people who would repeatedly, publicly, claim to have a job position that does not exist in reality at the US State Department is either very crazy, or a legit spy.

            3) The only sorts of people who would claim to have a position that does not exist in reality, at the US State Department, to local law enforcement in order to get diplomatic security to remove reporters from your lawn, based on phony diplomatic precepts of "inviolability", while you are the subject of a major national story already are either super-crazy, or dangerously inept legit spies.

            tl;dr, the CIA usually puts more effort into cover identities for their agents, so she is probably crazy.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            THIS. Totes this. Why? Because Jill Kelley has a twin sister, Natalie, who is so fucking nuts that the judge hearing her divorce/custody case called her mentally unstable. What are the chances Jill is also a nutbag? HUGE. She owes money everywhere & is involved in lawsuits over credit and properties that she owns with her husband. The stories about the sister are now coming out.

          • bobbert

            I was just skimming the thread and saw HUGE, and assumed you were talking about her tits. J'ai dissapoint.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Oh, her melons are as perfabulous as surgery and dineros can make 'em, believe me. But she definitely radiates an even bigger cray-cray.

        • finallyhappy

          goolies- I don't know that word but I think I know what it means now!
          !

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Pleased to have been of service, ma'am!

  • rickmaci

    "Her Type A achieviness probably would be a turn-on to someone who doesn’t lie in bed all day smoking Camels…"

    In my experience that Type A shit is the first sign she will become an obsessed stalker when you try to dump her, and you will dump her when you get tired of her going into your refrigerator and alphabetizing the beers.

    • emmelemm

      God's own truth, right there.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      What does it mean if I lie in bed all day and alphabetize my beers?

      • glasspusher

        …that you sleep in a fridge?

        You always ask the tough questions, 'dog.

        • sullivanst

          Or that your beers are warm.

          Either way, not good.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        It means you make beer for a living. (rubs your furry belly)

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          OK. You caught me. I mostly arrange my beers from lowest to highest IBU levels.
          <jerks back leg frantically>

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            You're so cute when you do the leg thing. (rubs your ears)

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            See, many people call that lazy. I call it convenient.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Do you alphabetize them the way I do?

        You are beer A… you are beer B… you are beer C… you are beer D… yuo loook liike beer E… yor beeer Fffff…Fcuk it yor beer Q…Yer brrer…3…

  • RawhideRawlins

    She was working for ROVE, feeding him info.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Yes. There's plenty of photo evidence that they knew each other.

  • An_Outhouse

    is no one concerned that the head of the cia was susceptible to black males?

  • miss_grundy

    Patraeus may have done some good in Iraq and Afghanistan but now everyone is going to remember him because he had a zipper problem. Honestly, couldn't he had gone out and bought himself a Mazda Miata Spyder or a Ford Mustang convertible? Why is it that these middle-aged guys are always chasing the young'uns? Do you know how much trouble these young'uns cause? And now we have another general involved, some socialite with a catering business and a Republican FBI agent who likes to take his shirt off. The real question now is who is going to direct the movie? (Too soon??)

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      who is going to direct the movie

      Uwe Boll? Do the movie first, then morph that into a lame and limp video game?

  • One_Man_Band

    Just a General Halftrack looking for his Miss Buxley.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Petraeus is a shit spy. My dad can hide an affair better than this fucking amateur.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    "Many ponies that have friendship deserve haters. And some that have haters deserve friendship."
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4hD31VTdsw

  • MozakiBlocks

    Eh, crazy is as crazy does.

    Someone, say a special prosecutor, does need to ask that evil prick Eric Cantor what the fuck he was doing calling the Director of the FBI about a criminal investigation he was supposed to know nothing about. 10 to 1 he was pressuring Mueller to leak the story before the election so as to tie into the Benghazi fandango. I can just see the story headlines now.

    I hope Mueller told him to go fornicate himself.

  • bibliotequetress

    Here's a succinct abstract of this cheap Le Carre episode the fabulous Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon came up with:

    Beginning to see some simplistic thinking emerge re: Petraeus. Here's a list of things that can be true at once:
    1) That the FBI is way out of line with this investigation, and is probably doing unconstitutional stuff.
    2) That because someone is an adulterer doesn't mean that someone is bad at their job.
    3) That our society is ridiculously prudish, especially the press corps that thinks sex scandals are worse than, you know, fucking up your actual job.
    4) That even though Petraeus made a common mistake, that doesn't mean that we simply have to abandon the idea that men can exert self-control.
    5) That Broadwell is clearly immature and awful.
    6) But it's still wrong to use that as cover to promote misogynist stereotypes.
    7) That despite all this, Petraeus has shown poor judgment his whole career, and it's good he's out the door. less than a minute ago

  • rickmaci

    At Door: Knock knock.
    General: Who's there?
    At Door: Broadwell.
    General: Broadwell who?
    At Door: "You won't answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I'm not gonna be ignored…"

    • Beowoof

      Would you like rabbit for dinner?

  • Negropolis

    Okay, so I'm following this thing on Gawker because, duh, salacious sexytime details (I hate myself), and this thing is literally getting stranger by the hour. It's turning into an episode of Lost, and I'm almost sure that Paula Broadwell is the Smoke Monster.

    I mean, come on. Love pentagon, twins, a rogue and shirtless FBI agent, two generals, tens of thousands of emails. We are being punked, I'm sure, or it's a reality show.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Directed by Julian Assange. Coming to a "theater" near you.

    • emmelemm

      I know right? I saw someone mention twins earlier and I thought, "Huh? Twins? What? Must be some kind of meme or something."

      But now that I realize that there are actually ACTUAL TWINS involved, this is some serious As The World Turns / telenovela / Falcon Crest shit.

      • finallyhappy

        Thank you-I posted the twins thing from WBAL tv- I know many people think Twins- oh, sexy. I think Twins- creepy.scary

        • commiegirl99

          I was super creeped out by Julian Castro and his twin at the DNC. Guys, you are like 35. Can you at least start wearing different hairdos?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I will stop watching the minute they start traveling through time, I swear to god this time I will!

      • Negropolis

        That's exactly when I stopped, too. lol And, only during the last season did I dive back into it, and watched all the back episodes.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        "traveling in time (or another dimension)" is the 90's/00's jumping the shark.

        i actually mean that quite seriously. you know it's season 3 / 4 and they've cold run out of ideas.

  • Mahousu

    It looks like the Tampa side of this story is drifting straight into Wonkette territory – i.e., Jill and sister Natalie are looking suspiciously like sunbilly grifters:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/13/jill-kel

  • docterry6973

    Some attractive people relish their own physicality and sexuality. They enjoy signaling that to others, and are aroused or amused by reaction they induce. They only ever seem amused by my reaction, however.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Protip: Do the boinking just once or twice, so it doesn't count as an "affair".

    And really, the fewer emails you send to your partner, the better.

  • Beowoof

    This is such a who cares story to me. Now if Petraus had been banging Anna Chapman I may have some concern.

  • glasspusher

    Man, when my clothes are too tight they just call me "fat"!

    • corthylio

      I think you heard 'em wrong- they were saying you looked 'fab'…

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        That is so phat.

      • glasspusher

        Fat + fab = flab?”I'm super! Thanks for asking!”

  • corthylio

    NEEDS MoAR SURGE JOKES…

    • rickmaci

      and WITHDRAWAL.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    OT: That Grand-Bargaining, Nut-Less, Wall-Street-Cock-Sucking Conservative Republican Sellout in the White House (as a some of you have helpfully put it in the past few days) met with a group of union and progressive leaders today and swore not to budge from his promises on tax rates for the wealthy. In turn, he was told that the unions have his back.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/13/obama-bu

    Please, parse this article line by line to identify the precise vectors of the upcoming Betrayal. Oh, the fecklessness!!

    • glasspusher

      I sure hope so, otherwise we'll have to listen to a lot of cocks crow…more than 3 times, I'm sure.

    • corthylio

      Now would be a good time for the wingers to finally be correct that Obama was just waiting for his 2nd term to go all leftist on us.

    • FeloniousMonk

      That is indeed good news, and I thank you for the link, since I don't normally go to HuffPo. But … "as some of you have helpfully put it in the past few days"? Have I been reading an alternate Wonkette? I enjoy this site for the wit (and buttsex references), but I sometimes find the level of adoration for the prez a bit much. I guess I need to carefully scrutinize every last comment to find all the nitpicking. (Hint to the management: being able to see all comments and replies on one page would be nice.) To keep you satisfied: I'm not sure if this counts as a precise vector, but I'm iffy about "Carney also left the door open to the idea of raising the threshold for extending the Bush-era tax cuts to $500,000 or $1 million." I'd like to see the threshold lowered to where my tax cut expires (below $70K for a single). Wishing for lower than that would be presumption.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        nah just depends on when you're reading. many of us (guilty!) have been in a blind panic about the election. now our common enemy is gone back to mormon cloud cuckoo land so we can go back to bitching about obama again.

        as chet nicely displayed, above.

      • proudgrampa

        We really are equal-opportunity critics, here.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        The perps know who I'm talking about, so don't get your undies in a bundle. When somebody calls Obama a "cocksucker", which some people might also find a bit much, there's going to be some sarcasm coming back from this direction.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

          I hear ya, Chet. I just recently got in an argument in wonkville with a leetle feeshie, because I pointed out that ragequitting the party for insufficient purity and primarying out incumbents due to the same have proven to be incredibly lousy ways of moving the needle of dominant politicals, for both the Left and Right alike.

          Also for pointing out that whatever you think of Obama, he's more likely to continue his policy from the first term of not torturing people than Romney was to suddenly change his mind about his stated plans to keep the indefinite detention anyway, revisit torture, and re-up the entire Bush foreign policy team.

          It might not have helped that I called it hypocritical of lefties to mock Republicans for their Wars on Math and Reality, and then to turn around and vote Jill Stein because they don't believe in basic Game Theory.

    • bobbert

      Okay. "White House Press Secretary Jay Carney ducked a question during Tuesday's press briefing as to whether Obama would be willing to put cuts to entitlement benefits on the table in negotiations with Republicans."

      There are a lot of fish in the Grand Bargain pool other than the Bush-era marginal tax rates. I am pleased that the President seems to be starting with a harder line this time around, but we'll see how it goes.

      Incidentally, I don't believe I've ever used any of the exemplary pejoratives you cite, but if you want, you can add "Conciliatory Negotiator" from me.

    • BadKitty904

      Not entirely OT – Google: Government Surveillance Is on the Rise http://gizmodo.com/5960430/google-government-surv

  • glasspusher

    …as I recall, that was in your neck of the woods, during the late unpleasantness?

  • Warpde

    You had me at "SLUT".

  • corthylio

    Anyone out there keeping tabs on House Districts Arizona-02, California-07, and North Carolina-07?

    I think the NC race has Blue Dog Dem McIntyre slightly ahead, but with a lot of ballots still uncounted…

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      I've been watching the AZ-2 race hoping Barber wins. It's just sad that we [all of us! for America!] can't get the count right even after two weeks.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    The only thing lacking here is TruckNutz.

    • sullivanst

      Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • mosjef

    I'm seeing a screenplay here. Kind of a Fatal Attraction/ War of the Roses remix. And in the end, Mrs Butterworth makes pancakes out of David's girlfriend and he eats her. PG-13

  • rickmaci

    Pricktraeus had to resign because the Clapper got him. Ouch.

  • Negropolis

    BTW, Editrix? Really, there is no reason to apologize for the interest in this. And, quite frankly, I get tired of folks that can't judge current events case-by-case, and instead reject them outright because of some rigid, learned ideology, and this actually happens on both sides as we see when scandals that even have an inkling of sexytime antics bring liberal concern trolls out of the woodworks.

    When your private life becomes so crazy and complicated it spills over, sucks to be you, but that's life of a public official. Nobody would have gave two flying fucks about this had Paula Broadwell not went all Fatal Attraction. Actions have consequences, and I'm not going to shed a tear for two privileged people who probably don't ever have to work another day in their lives if they wanted to.

  • Abernathy

    Uh, Wonkette is the last place on the internet I like. Please don't turn it into a boring argument against everything Jezebel says.

    And, yeah, people would have still cared about the boffing if Broadwell hadn't gone all crazy, because, you know, security and all. I'm all "meh" about national security and all the gross old men who make their useless careers "protecting" it, but lots of people care about it and secret affairs or alleged secret affairs are seen as compromising it.

  • DDDintense

    OK, stick with me here: the email thing really got me wondering…how could there be 20,000 emails? Then I read that it was pages, not emails, and I realized that when you print out emails that are all "reply to" messages, all the previous emails are there too if you just hit "print."

    So…if I send you five messages, and you send me five messages, then all the previous ones appear in every message too, like so much cyber-detrius. That means the first message would appear in all ten messages, the second would appear in the next nine, and so forth. (The tenth message would only appear in the final one.) Assuming every message gets its own page when printed—and each is no more than a page itself—as is often the case (an extra line can even get its own page, rather than having the next one thread right below it), you can figure out how many total pages would be produced by adding 1 plus 2 plus 3 plus 4 plus 5 plus 6 plus 7 plus 8 plus 9 plus 10, or 55 total pages for our brief exchange of five emails each.

    I looked online to see if there is a formula you could use to figure out how many messages 20,000 "pages" could represent under these circumstances.

    There is: [n(n plus 1)]/2 = Sum of all digits from 1 to n. (It works in the above example!)

    I can't solve for n, because when I expand it to nsquared plus n = Sum x 2, it's too mathy for me. But I can take out the "plus n" and calculate nsquared = 20,000 x 2, or nsquared = 40,000. (The difference would be minimal.)

    The square root of 40,000 is 200, so theoretically they could have sent each other 100 emails apiece, and if all were part of the same "reply to" thread, and if each appearance of a message rated its own printed page, you'd have 20,000 pages. And if you throw 200 into the equation as "n" to clean up that missing "plus n", then you'd have [200(200 plus 1)]/2 = 20,100.

    (Sorry for all the spelled out "plusses"…my plus signs disappeared in the posted message.)

    Now, if an early message one of them sent included some copy/pasted article that ran for a few pages itself, that number of total messages would come WAY down as that article kept getting reprinted and reprinted.

    So…I can make some sense of that big number, not that it changes the story at all, but I can get my arms around her, er…it, now!

    • ElPinche

      Fuck we need Nate Silver on this enigma, but I think the answer is 7.

      • FeloniousMonk

        The answer to everything is 42.

        • rickmaci

          47

        • bobbert

          Now, if we just knew the fucking question.

          • FeloniousMonk

            That's what Deep Thought said. It quite definitely is the answer, though.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      that's really funny. that's exactly what the intelligence beat reporter on all things considered said: 200-300 emails.

      obv you are not a republican with these math skills.

      • DDDintense

        Wow! I am indeed honored! I am not a math person at all (I'm actually the opposite, an artist), and I have tremendous respect for people who are. To me, this wasn't a math problem, it was kind of a logic puzzle. As soon as you realize the 1 plus 2 plus 3 thing, which is not that tough when you look at it in a small example like the one I used above (I thought of it as actual pieces of paper), then you have to find a way to calculate a big number. I just Googled "1 plus 2 plus 3 plus 4," and there it was! As far as throwing out the plus n, that was just from years of adapting to my limitations 8^) A better measure of my mental abilities is the fact that I haven't posted here in almost a year because I kept screwing up my User ID and password and eventually gave up…this little exercise must have sharpened my skills, as I finally got the combination right tonight!

        • FeloniousMonk

          Bertrand Russell, who was a mathematician before he was a philosopher, co-wrote a three-volume, completely unreadable work trying to demonstrate that math is just logic. He was pretty much right; it's just *focused* logic. There's a logic to art, too — we are all brothers under the skin.

    • LibertyLover

      Let me guess: You're an engineer, aren't you?

      With no hope of getting laid?

    • FeloniousMonk

      Well, bugger me with a broom handle. I teach math for a living, and I doubt that any calculus student I've had in nearly 30 years could have looked up that formula, not even knowing it existed, and then figured out the right answer. They sure as hell wouldn't have come up with "throw out the plus n, it's negligible, and we can check the answer at the end"; that's a natural mathematician thinking there. Wonketeers are generally smart, but you, Sir or Madam, have made an old man happy today. I regret that I have but one upfist to give.

    • bobbert

      This is nice work, but I think you may be a little low. First, you're assuming that neither party ever just wiped out the trailing smodge on the replies. I realize that people often don't, but a reply chain 200 entries long is a bit unusual, and sometimes noticed when the recipient decides to print it out to read later. Second, the email clients I know do not put each appended re-re-…-reply on a separate page; they just print out each level with a header (sometimes indented). So you could easily get four or five short replies on one page.

      So, I would regard 200 as a lower bound on the number of distinct emails. Obviously, the upper bound is 20,000, although this is certainly overstated. I'd suggest a plausible number of 1600, based on four replies per page and two resets of the thread to zero.

      BTW, the inclusion of a single multi-page copy-paste wouldn't, in any event, affect the total number of messages that much. Taking your estimate of 200 messages (averaging 100 pages each), a 5 page c&p would add 5*200 = 1,000 pages (worst case). Now,
      as you say, (200)*(201) / 2 = 20,100. But also, too, [(195)*(196) / 2] + 1000 = 20,110.

      So a single such 5 page inclusion would only reduce the message count from 200 to 195.

      Bottom line, I'm thinking a couple thousand emails, which is quite a few emails. Of course, if they were sending proof copies of All (up) In (my snatch) back and forth, I'm dead wrong. Also, probably, dead drunk. Wait, that's true in any case. G'nite.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    Tampa, Fla., socialite and military hostess Jill Kelley

    florida. why america will never ever ever have nice things.

  • Troglodeity

    Damning with Faint Praise Dept.: Richard Cohen: "At dinner one night, I sat opposite Holly Petraeus. She’s charming …"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    OT – Charlie Rose is rebroadcasting his interview with Broadwell on PBS. Ms. Broadwell (oh the segment just ended) was wearing a slinky fuschia thingy that was sliding off her left shoulder. Oh and she said nothing salacious about Petraeus, and I tried to read lots of stuff into it.

    • Negropolis

      Ghost of Ed Bradley: "Was she…aroused?"

      BTW, that wasn't really off topic. In a story as layered and fast moving as this one, just about anything is on the topic.

      BTW x 2: I think this may be the only angle of inquiry where I think we may be going too far. You know, the media playing of the old interviews to get clues. We already know they were in a sexual relationship. The sex is only important insofar as the impetus for the unraveling of the situation. The details or cues? Yeah, not so important.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        You're right it wasn't really off-topic — but what a freaking gossipfest. And now David Ignatius is talking about Broadwell in the past tense, like she's — um — nevermind. With votes.

        As to your second observation — this seems like another in a string of Congressional meddling in ongoing investigations, from Fast & Furious to Benghazi to this and I'm sure lots of other less high-profile incidents. I wonder if the GOP's attempting to make a political issue out of absolutely everything isn't the bigger issue here.

        • Negropolis

          To be fair, the rogue FBI agent was the one that shopped this around to Congress, and to even be fair to Eric Canton – I won't ever say that again – if he really wanted to, he could have sprung this before the election. I'm actually kind of annoyed a DiFI, who always shits a brick over something and she's doing it on this. You know, because why wouldn't the FBI tell a Congress with an approval rating below that of Ebola about some ongoing investigation, right?

          Everything about this is kind of fucked up, but there is certainly relevant nuggets to be gleaned out of it. I'm not even sure it's all that partisan, rather it just shows how incompetent and siloed the government is.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Thank you. That woman is absolutely bats on any security type issue. DiFi, that is. Most godawful fucking twat, but she's a Democrat who's acceptable to the Republican assholes of Southern CA. May they soon go the way of the former inhabitants of LaBrea.

          • sullivanst

            Electoral acceptability cannot be used a justification for why DiFi is so much worse than her colleague who faces the same electorate – Babs Boxer may not herself feature prominently on my list of favorite Senators, but next to Feinstein, she looks like Bernie Sanders.

          • commiegirl99

            Dianne Feinstein is a monster.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Right now, I care more about Elmo than about Generale Petraeus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_FDG69-oYY
    or, if you prefer, the version with the Italian Prince http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph6w_KLbBX4

    or…mayhaps, compagni di viaggio?… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HMywsiMXp4
    senti sonar il telefono nella stanza gellata…

  • Stevola

    propinquity

    I learned a new word!! Thanks, Editrix! (And Pat Robertson, I guess)

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    Having an affair with a fawning starfucker who turns out to be kind of a nut — forgivable. Sending said starfucker a whole bunch of sexytime emails that could become public (easily) and prove really embarrassing not only to you but to America — grounds for resigning.

    As my high school principal once told us as he held up a nickel bag found in the auditorium just after a group of corporate funding VIPS had walked through, "DISCRETION PEOPLE! DISCRETION!"

    It was the most valuable advice I ever got.

  • moseyon

    I blame all this nonsense on reality's shows

  • RelicOven

    Ladez, always with the asking for sex? Am I right guys?

    Really though, this whole thing is awful and he should be ashamed.

  • rickmaci

    Reading through this blog string tonight, I could not help but recall again why the are called Hookers. Such irony.

    • bobbert

      Generally speaking.

  • DocChaos

    Patraeus can't keep his bitchez in line. His pimp hand is weak.

  • cousinitt

    Lemme see if I have this straight. The USA, greatest fucking power in the world, makes a man supreme commander in its biggest fucked-up war since Vietnam. Dude has like total responsibility and shit. Then, we all make him head of the Spooks. Cuz, hell, I don't know but I'm guessing because he is all knowing or something. Then, he fucks up some kind of Personality Disorder Uber-Dame and her rival gets all panty-twisted with her bare-chested would-be paramour nut job. I mean, WHAT?

    And then, this same country of uptight, knuckle draggers accuses civil servants and teachers, fucking TEACHERS, that oh, they are the reason Americur, Inc, is failing and I just want to BARF over all of those fucking winger troglodytes. GOD DAMN ALL OF THEM. ANd BTW, has it occurred to all of us yet that if the FUCKING FBI can get the emails of the head of the FUCKING CIA, we might all be well and truly screwed?

    • bobbert

      Yeah, I think you've got it.

    • FeloniousMonk

      "we might all be well and truly screwed?" That's why I never send anything over the net I wouldn't want the whole world to know about. Er, except to Wonkette. Oh, shit.

  • rickmaci

    There was a young lady named Broadwell
    Who wanted to fuk her a Gen'ral…

  • prommie

    Hmm, I think I get it now. Chicks rule, men drool.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, it certainly didn't take me very long to get to the "I don't give a fuck about any of this stupid shit" phase of this news story.

  • BadKitty904

    I blame the Chinese.

  • Esteev

    lie in bed all day smoking Camels and blogging

    Talk about a dream job. One could send a lot of emails with that gig…

  • Anne_Athema

    Methinks Ms. Broadwell was about a fortnight away from tossing the bunny into the pot.

  • GregComlish

    ABC station botches Petraeus book cover: ‘ALL Up IN My Snatch’
    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/11/13/abc-station

  • ttommyunger

    Well, she may have lost the respect of her husband, children, her Commission (adultery is forbidden under the UCMJ) and the world, but she has gained that Golden Prize: Fame. This cunt is not gong away, unfortunately.

  • AtwatersGhost

    'bunny-boiler' — that's fantastic…damn, you really do learn something new everyday!

  • Blunderthing

    I see her in a "Got Milk?" ad only it's not milk. That's it.