SHE WON THE TOASTER  1:22 pm November 13, 2012

Cool Florida Principal Investigates Straight Teacher For Turning Student Into Lesbian-Gay

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Juliet Hibbs, probablyHere is an incredibly stupid story for you! A teacher named Juliet Hibbs at Deerfield Beach High School in Broward County, Florida, was standing in her classroom one day, teaching some nonsense or other, who knows. (Because “Florida.”) As she stood there, she saw one of her students, an 18-year-old woman, slinking lower and lower in her chair. The student’s stepdad had found out she was gay, and was burning up her Twitter feed with doubtless warmhearted messages of love and support. (We all agree that young lady should not have been checking her Twitter during class, correct? Okay, good.)

“As each message came, she got smaller … I watched her get destroyed,” Hibbs said, who reported the incident as child abuse and cyberbullying.

Since the young woman was 18, an abuse counselor advised her she did not have to return home. Hmmm, what do we think happened next?

If you had “student’s nutjob parents bitch to the principal that Juliet Hibbs turned their daughter lesbo and tried to get her fired,” then you win eternal sadness for the rest of the day.

The parents told investigators they were upset that Hibbs had not told them about their daughter’s orientation. They accused her of possibly contributing to their daughter being gay and believed Hibbs had told the girl to not come home.

So what did beloved school principal Jon Marlow do? He referred the matter to the district, to investigate whether one of his teachers — a straight woman — had turned a student gay.

So who is this beloved principal? Well here he is in June, being adored by a dozen teachers who said they fear for their jobs, because he is a wackjob abusive harasser.

On Tuesday, teachers and staff at Deerfield Beach High School attended a Broward County School Board meeting to complain about their principal, Jon Marlow. “It was very threatening, very hostile,” recalled former Deerfield Beach High employee Vanetta Gay.

Another employee said, “It is very hostile.”

The school’s vice principal Raquel Lipscomb agreed. “I have basically been bullied out of a job,” she said.

Lipscomb said she has been vice principal at Deerfield Beach High School for two years. However, now Marlow wants her demoted to a teacher, because Lipscomb said she refused to write up a teacher who, in her opinion, did nothing wrong.

Nearly a dozen employees went before the school board to show their support for Lipscomb and to share their personal stories. One employee told the board, “He initially told me, ‘I think you need to find somewhere else to work.’”

Among the disgruntled employees was the school’s teacher of the year, who said, “I have been blacklisted and harassed.”

According to the Deerfield Beach High employees, since Marlow became the school’s principal five years ago, they fear going to work.

Broward Schools employee Wanda Kearney said, “As soon as Jon Marlow stepped on campus, that’s when all hell broke loose.”

Of course, it probably wasn’t just Marlow. Former Deerfield Beach High civics teacher Allen West says that place is so cray-cray he volunteered to go back to Afghanistan.

Hibbs has filed suit with the EEOC.

[Sun-Sentinel, via ThinkProgress / WSVN]

 

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{ 249 comments }

AlterNewt November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I blame Twitter. For everything.

Pragmatist2 November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

And you would be right.

hagajim November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Including a never ending timeline of naked babe pics. No wonder she went gay.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Twitter is for twits

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Oy! You're on it!

Barbara_ November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Vanetta Gay? There is a joke in there and I can't quite put my finger on it.

AlterNewt November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

…as it were.

SexySmurf November 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Before she met Juliet Hibbs, her name was Vanetta Smith.

GhostBuggy November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Not even the tip?

Pragmatist2 November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I believe you meant "in it" but I could be wrong.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Vanetta Gay? You wish!

Tundra Grifter November 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

"Everybody says she's Gay."

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Don't fret. It's not Vajajay Gay

cmdenton47 November 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

A principal like this is not as rare as you might think. "Educational leaders" quite often make teaching a tougher profession.

MARCdMan November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

PG County is full of such "leaders"

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Needs more James Belushi. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Principal

Tundra Grifter November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

In business and politics that's known as "falling up."

Dude obviously couldn't cut it in the classroom, so he moved into Admin.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

The Peter Principle. Promote them beyond their usefulness.

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Slightly different thing – the Peter Principle is when you were good at the lower level job.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

True.

Are you still in the corporatocracy?

PubOption November 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

The Cesspit Principle, the shit rises to the top.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Shit floats. It's just that one doesn't expect it to grow legs, walk into a job and make everybody's life miserable for years.

zerosumgame0005 November 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

until one considers the Bush family…

redarmyzombie November 14, 2012 at 12:48 am

Yes, the time honored American practice of promoting people uniquely unqualified for their position.

Is it any wonder we ended up in a sinkhole?

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Let him be a challenge to you.

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Absolutely.

OneDollarJuana November 13, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I have two family members who were hounded out of jobs by crazy principals. All too common, I fear.

DemmeFatale November 13, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Both my parents were teachers and I grew up hearing things like "peter principle" and failing up.
They taught in many different schools, (DOD), around the world, and out of all of them, there was only ONE administrator that they respected.
They would NEVER have aspired to be out of the classroom.
The idea in the article that a vice-principal could be "demoted" to a teacher is ridiculous.
But maybe times have changed. (sigh)

Lucidamente1 November 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Worst after-school special ever.

DixvilleCrotch November 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I am checking my twitter incessantly today as I suspect it's infected

Hammiepants November 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Oh Florida. The only two things you do right are disenfranchise people and make Baby Jeebus cry.

fawkedifiknow November 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm

You need to check out the latest election results from Florida. Otherwise, ditto.

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 2:16 am

The president won despite the disenfrachisement, so I fail to see your point.

fawkedifiknow November 14, 2012 at 8:09 am

The point is that if Obama won Florida despite the efforts to disenfranchise, then they maybe didn't “do it right.”Dick Heitman

HRH_Maddie November 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Fucking homosexuality. How does it work?

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

With sufficient lubrication.

HRH_Maddie November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Thx, that answers a lot of questions.

hagajim November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Or tongues.

HRH_Maddie November 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Sir, please, this is a mommy blog. Take your filth elsewhere.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

NOOOOOO!!!!

Lascauxcaveman November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

You get it from your (straight) teachers, obviously.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I thought it was "You get it straight from your teachers." No?

Apparently not. (leaves room)

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I'll be happy to show you.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Well, see, P-E-N-I-S goes in the anus…

Tio_Doidinho November 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Daddy loves Mommy very, very much. But Daddy moved in with Uncle Carlos because Uncle Carlos has eight thick inches and Mommy does not.

Does that help?

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 2:17 am

Bwahahahahahaha!

HRH_Maddie November 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

You all were feeling quite literal today, weren't ya?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Well … we have our days.

redarmyzombie November 14, 2012 at 12:50 am

Evidently you catch it from straight people, apparently…

HistoriCat November 14, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Statistically speaking, every gay person comes from a long line of relatives who were predominately straight..

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 2:16 am

Well, you see, when two daddies and two mommies love each other very much…

ProgressiveInga November 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

The Teacher/Nuns at my school totally made me gay by screaming at me to not ever even think about being gay, ever.

Try this exercise: Whatever you do, don't think about a horse. See, you thought about a horse, didn't you?

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I thought about a unicorn…what does that mean?

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Sure it wasn't a horse with a strap-on?

Tundra Grifter November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

A horny horse?

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Stay out of my mind!!

Chet Kincaid_ November 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Every Wonketteer who is a "doc(k)tor" is obsessed with ponies?

mrblifil November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Worse, I thought of a gay horse.

crasher98 November 13, 2012 at 10:33 pm
coolhandnuke November 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I saw Jennifer Aniston in Sarah Jessica Parker's feed bag..

Beach_Bubba_Tex November 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

All I got was Ann Coulter

Tommy1733 November 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Dude, you got burned. your comment sounds like any kid's worst Christmas nightmare.

Tundra Grifter November 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Why the long face?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

That's funny, the nuns/priests at our school did the same thing, and it's amazing how MANY of us turned out gay.

Not happy, mind you. But gay, nonetheless.

gullywompr November 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Hey, being straight ain't no antidote, neither.

DCBloom November 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

damn it, Ralfalca!

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I thought about a fine steed with straight fetlocks and a blonde mane that flowed in the wind as I brought the crop down on its flanks, urging it on, faster, faster…harder….HARDEROMGYES!YES!YES!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

He was always the quiet one.

OneDollarJuana November 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I thought about heroin. Do I have a problem?

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Depends, Are you holding?

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 2:45 pm

And will you share?

Rosie_Scenario November 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

And yet, the nuns didn't turn the girls into nuns, did they? Discuss.

Buzz Feedback November 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

My prediction is that Principal Marlow has an @$$hole the size of a mason jar and is banging Jill Kelley's husband.

Mojopo November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Marlow = Goatse!

Close_Read November 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Broward County. 'nuf said.

HRH_Maddie November 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Wing-nuts only have 3 solutions to problems: fire a teacher, secede or lower taxes.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

1.Fire teachers
2. Secede
3. Lower taxes
4. ???
5. Profit (off the stoopid)

edgydrifter November 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

You forgot "blow shit up."

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

No, that one's just guys.

Tio_Doidinho November 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm

"Jesus"? Hello???

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

An accusation, without evidence, is a good enough reason. Thankfully this problem couldn't happen in a private school, because all of the wingnuts and their teachers are happy two-parents-of-opposite-sexes households, etc. etc.

deanbooth November 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Firing teachers and seceding are just ways to lower taxes.

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Wow, what an asshole.

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Juliet Hibbs? Sounds a lot like Julius Hibbert. I call bs. Ah he he he he!

Woodshedding November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

The thing to watch out for that'll prove that teacher was recruiting, is if she receives her prize toaster in the mail.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

We don't *do* toasters any more.

shelwood46 November 13, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Williams-Sonoma mini pie makers? One of those puffy pancake pans? I might consider switching for a very fancy coffee maker..

redarmyzombie November 14, 2012 at 12:55 am

Weedlord, what's are new recruiting incentive? Are we doing blenders this year, or color-coded silverware?

HistoriCat November 14, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Is there a catalog? Is this like those evil school fundraisers where they raise the kid's hopes that he or she can sell thousands of dollars worth of shitty merchandise and win the cool prizes? (Why yes, I do have a child who just started Kindergarten, thanks for asking.)

LibertyLover November 13, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I thought they were giving out Obamaphones this year.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Wow, now I wish I was gay, because the gays have all the neatest super-powers! Turning straights to gay, causing natural disasters, destroying marriage, bringing about Armageddon…

ProgressiveInga November 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Beautifying living space….

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Raising property values. Giving Mrs. Romney a cut-and-dye guaranteed to lose her any election.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Raising property values is a myth. Mine went down when I bought my house.
Oh, wait …

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Hah. (Hugs you anyway)

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Honestly? A lot of that is just our PR department, and they've been getting just a tad carried away lately.

cousinitt November 13, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Captain Mahvelous, here reporting for booty, sir!

freakishlywrong November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Get thee to Marcus Bachmann, stat!

Schmannnity November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

See how teachers' unions are impeding progress?

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Your move, Colonel Jean Martinet.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

"Martinet" comes from the name of a real person?

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Yep. Googly him. He was a dick, but invented boot camp, supply depots, and the bayonet. Kind of the Lieutenant Scheiskopf of 17th century French Army.

MLHencken November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

When Allen West says you are crazy, its time to check into Bellvue.

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Either that, or print the statement out, frame it, and display it proudly as proof of your sanity.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Tough call, eh, Sully? (Squeezes you)

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Yeah, could go either way.

Pragmatist2 November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

And Jon Marlow will be arrested for soliciting sex in a men's restroom in 10..9..8..7..

weejee November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Needs more principles. Put Philip Marlowe on the case.

smokefilledroommate November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Did investigators check her desk for the Wand of Ghey™? If they found that, it would be all over for Hibbs.

YerMa November 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

They found some Ghey Pills™ mixed in The Jelly Belly™ jar on her desk (HINT: those are not 'buttered popcorn, that's just gross).

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Uh … I believe Hitachi makes those, and we had that delivered to her home address in a plain brown wrapper for recruiting so well on our behalf.

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm

So, this has replaced the toaster? More practical, for sure.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

For the *gentlemen,* or *priests* who might be interested, we have a flexible *sleeve.*

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Broward County should know better. I figured this was from Jacksonville when I read the headline. One expects that medieval behavior over there.

MosesInvests November 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Close-the real craziness is in Clay County, where a few years back a principal punished a student for wearing a tux in her senior yearbook picture.

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Her stepdad was really pissed to find out she was gay, because he was planning on banging her a little later. Hey, it's Florida, y'all.

sbj1964 November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Damn you GLEE ! Lost another one to Dytech.

En_Buenora November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

The teacher should threaten to use her gay conversion powers on the principle and all the PTA leaders, if they don't learn to watch what they say, because they just don't know what sort of power they're dealing with.

fatbob54 November 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

We're talking about Florida folks. They once fired a teacher for practicing "Wizardry": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP83Db9XDJ0&fe

Woodshedding November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

BTW, OT sort of, but I just went on Amazon.com to negatively review a deLonghi toaster oven – you can't calibrate the heat – and others reported that theirs had caught on fire, the glass had exploded, all kind o' stuff! So buyer beware. And if we didn't have so many damn gays running the country, maybe we could get some decent products. We need to deport them all to China. No wait, that's where the products are made. D'OH! Damn gays, ruining my WHOLE LIFE!!!

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Quality control in the Italian manufacturing sector has taken a sharp nose dive since Berlusconi left office.

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

And all those bears going un-wrestled.

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I call it Bunga Bunga Manufacturing.

GregComlish November 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Gaysian Invasion

MegPasadena November 13, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Things are really not like what they used to be.
My Philips toaster claims to have 7 shades of brownness. It goes from dark brown to charcoal.

jtinks November 13, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Sorry dude, wrong website. I think you were looking for http://leasthelpful.com

edgydrifter November 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Thus increasing the number of positive contributions made to society and culture by Twitter to zero.

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Now just hold on – they do give Victoria Jackson a podium…

Chow Yun Flat November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Seems that anyone can get hired in Florida as long as he is enough of an asshole.

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

If he's a big enough asshole, they elect him governor.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Could Rick be old enough to be goatse? Because he sure does have that certain look about him.

redarmyzombie November 14, 2012 at 12:59 am

You don't wanna know what he shoves up his ass…

Mojopo November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Now I has sads and angry. But not as much as anyone involved with this nightmare. How can I help? Because this shit does not fly with homie.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Me too I haz a sadz and angriez. She's talked to the EEOC, and they used to be pretty competent, so at this point the only thing to do is make sure her story is kept in the media and that there is support for the girl. That part, I don't know how to do. PFLAG? There must be a chapter even in Broward County.

mrblifil November 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I'm taking the over on whether this principal has kid porn on his work hard drive.

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Maybe she shoulda brought the girl down to Mr. West's office so he could scare the ghey out of her by shooting a gun off next to her head.

hagajim November 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Wow! This story is whacky enough to be datelined Arizona.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Florida doesn't like that Arizona is competing for its title of Worst Place to Live and is fighting back.

Hard.

Beach_Bubba_Tex November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Puh-lease… in Texas they have these dust-ups in daycare (and the little tikes are armed, too)

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Good grief. I knew West had a failed stint as a teacher (can there be a better poster child for the opposition to alt-cert teacher programs?), but a fucking civics teacher? Save us all!

It astonished him that his students knew nothing about the Constitution or why the Civil War was fought.

I presume this to mean they actually knew a lot about the Constitution and why the Civil War was fought, and therefore didn't agree with his insane drivel at all.

Chet Kincaid_ November 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

If they didn't know, why in the fuck didn't he teach them?

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Now that is an excellent question, the need for which causes me to be even more grateful that West's stint in the front of a classroom was a short one.

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Yes. If he was, you know, the civics teacher, you might reasonably expect him to teach civics. Perhaps he thought he was the civics inspector?

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

More likely, the civics interrogator.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:37 pm

(BLAM!) Well? What's the First Amendment, ya little punk? THE EXACT WORDING!!

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

This story sounds like something Michele Bachmann heard about how schools/inoculations make young girls gay/ret@rded.

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"Juliet Hibbs turned their daughter lesbo"

Was it a literature class? Obviously she was forced to read too much Gertrude Stein and Patricia Highsmith.

Botlrokit November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

…and the student was still 18, and Hibbs was talking to an "age of majority" student. And the principal was a pussy.

seppdecker November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

They should have portraits of Rick Scott in every Florida classroom. That will keep kids of all orientation from sexy thoughts.

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Gah. Just thinking about it has finished me for the day.

Goonemeritus November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

There are several straight women that have come pretty close to turning me gay.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I've turned a few lesbian myself. After me, they said they could never sleep with another man.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

We're they laughing when they said it?

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

One for sure, when, at sixteen, the only lubricant I could find in the medicine cabinet was Vicks Vapo Rub.

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Wouldn't that hurt you as much as her?

[Or I guess if you had a condom on, maybe not.]

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Mary Matalin, for example. Sarah Palin. Michele Bachmann. I
could go on.

Mumbletypeg November 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

The persistence of divergent sexual orientation — and the spirit of pursuing the truth about oneself against a tide of bigotry, intimidation tactics and loathsome epithets — has found some realization in stalwart individuals who've come out to public scorn from those who cravenly ignore what biology and history support beyond theory into practice.

The persistence of vile, soul-less, morally bankrupt dildoes getting positions of authority like this principal has, on the other hand, defies what any amount of research, justification or self-projecting can pin down.

Callyson November 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

FFS.

RelicOven November 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I can't even image hearing that one of your students parents think you turned their kid gay. I'd think I was drugged or something.

Swampgas_Man November 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Really? I'd suspect the parent was drugged.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Forget it, Trix. It's Florida.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I used to think Carl Hiaasen was very imaginative writer. It's become apparent, however, that he's really just a reporter.

Beowoof November 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Makes me think Florida is a scarier place than when I lived there 30 years ago.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Sir, for my money, you have won this thread.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

[Bows deeply, with sweep of cape.]

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I think the first of his books that I read had me LOL throughout. Now I just haz a scared.

Not_So_Much November 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Has anybody started a petition for Florida to secede yet?

Beowoof November 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I will second that motion.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

No worries. In another 20 years it'll be under the ocean. Problem solved.

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Secede? They're a blue state! I think it just needs a blow job.

Not_So_Much November 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Who doesnt, amiright?!

But most of us aren't such twatwaffles about it.

Come here a minute November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

If she wants to hold on to her job, Ms Hibbs had better start teaching about Jesus riding the dinosaurs. Dok Zoom can point her to all the right textbooks.

Tommy1733 November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I thought of getting gay with a prancing horse.

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I believe the correct phrase is "Getting Biblical."

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:34 pm

You KNOW your Bible, don't you?

redarmyzombie November 14, 2012 at 12:52 am

Biblical marriage: a marriage between a man, his six wives, and their horses…

Tundra Grifter November 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Bristol or Nancy?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

This is tough for me to snark about. Abusive crazy parents, gay kid, lone helpful figure threatened by more abusive crazy people.

Sounds just like home! Excuse me while I go smoke a fucking shitload.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I am amazed that noone took "Weedlord Bonerhitler" before you!

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

He called dibs months ago.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I got granted the title by its creator, I believe. In the event, I bagged it, called dibs on it, reserved it, and lined up my avs for the day after the election, when I could rid me of every trace of Romney. YESH.

OK, WHY AREN'T YOU surprised at my reincarnation?

Chet Kincaid_ November 13, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I don't really want to look at your dildo 700 times a day, but I'm sure you have your reasons for making the Wonkette comments NSFW for everybody with that avatar, and as long as you're enjoying yourself!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm

You know what, Chet? You need to stop trying to pick a fight with me. I am not going to respond the way you want me to, so get over your fucking self, OK? Geeze, what a whiner. You don't like it? Take a poll. If the majority agrees with you, I'm happy to change my av. I've always been perfectly reasonable, and you've always been a hissy-fit-throwing little princess. Get the fuck over yourself. You want to talk to me, you can always talk to me. But all this bullshit sniping and petty-assed whining? It's not going to work. Take a poll and get back to me, Chet. And remember, I'm not angry with you. I'm still your friend, I still care about you, stop trying to get on my nerves and we'll treat this like it never happened. Or, pick your own poison.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I know you!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Yeah? You think? (Hugs the little wretch)

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Am I gay if I say I want to hit that?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Nah. Lots of straight guys think about stuff like that. Sometimes.

Beach_Bubba_Tex November 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

This is when I miss "Worst Person in the World" and the joy I would receive when thinking about their email inbox the next day.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

This makes me too sad to snark. :0(

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Yeah. Pretty shitty story. Story of all our lives, pretty much, huh? Nobody's parents ever celebrated their kid coming out as gay.

WootInTarnation November 14, 2012 at 2:26 am

Word Up. I'm off to the interwebs to find out how to send a message of support to the abused queer young woman (been that) and the brave, empathetic, super-human wonderfulness of a courage-monster that is that teacher.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

That teacher is a credit to her sexual orientation.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

You sure know how to make a person laugh, you little nutbag.

DCBloom November 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Geez! Just when I thought I've reached peak embarrassment that I was raised in Broward Co.

johnnyzhivago November 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I didn't read the whole thing, but is it true that Twitter turns you gay? Why no warnings???

Chet Kincaid_ November 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I feel terrible for the girl, and anybody who doesn't needs to secede from being in my face.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

My 8th grade algebra teacher turned me gay. She, too, was straight.

Defeatably_Joe November 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

And I'm straight, and I've turned all of my ex-girlfriends gay! That's the same sort of thing, right?

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

That reminds me of a joke. What does algebra and my dick have in common?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

My mom turned ALL her sons queer. Daughters too, come to think of it.

Hey, not bad!

horsedreamer_1 November 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

My eighth grade algebra teacher was a lesbian. She didn't make me any gayer, though. But she did make me love lesbians.

Detesticle November 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Time to send Louis Gossett, Jr., Edward James Olmos and Michelle Pfeiffer into that school.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Alas, noone remembers Nick Nolte's role in Teachers! That movie inspired me to be anything but a teacher. I am still trying to figure out how to sue the producers of And Justice For All for inspiring me to become a lawyer.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I don't blame you, sweetie. (Hugs Prommie carefully)

Detesticle November 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Holy shitsnacks, I forgot about that movie. But the Nick Nolte part of my brain is pretty full-up with North Dallas Forty.

Chet Kincaid_ November 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Have at it, Wonketteer Parodists! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOZPBUu7Fro

magic_titty November 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm

You know how many high school girls I tried to turn sorta lesbian? What is the secret, teacher-lady!?

gullywompr November 13, 2012 at 2:05 pm

You have to be in the union.

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Magic Titty?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:41 pm

DAMN YOU!!!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Magic titty, of course. Geesh.

BZ1 November 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

In my other life as a teacher, I have met my share of dimwitted and abusive administrators, this one appears to be a classic case of the Peter Principle at work.

bringmeanaxe November 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

They let Allen West teach CIVICS?!? WTF? No wonder our childrens isn't learning.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Grown-up people who spend all day hanging around children tend to be childish. This includes teachers and all school employees, football coaches, and army officers.

FakaktaSouth November 13, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Ahem, don't forget the stay at home moms (hey Ann!). It don't get more childish than we.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm

See, I learn stuff about you every day. Now you're a SAHM? I thought you were a businessy lady flying all over the place and stuff and raising the kids on vodka milkshakes.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Is that a dildo bong? Stay away from her.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Why, you afraid she's gonna like *ME* more? Huh? Huh?

prommie November 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I have never known anyone less childish than you, my dear.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:30 pm

You two! Get a HOUSE!

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 2:58 pm

What about us stay-at-home Dads? That's both childish and a little queer.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:31 pm

My Dad was a stay-at-home Dad for a while. Having Dad around can be wonderful. Especially since he's a lot less likely than Mom to hork up his liver if your friends let you spill their new motorbike.

OneYieldRegular November 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Whatever this young woman's orientation, the fact that her step-parent uses Twitter to harass her, especially while she's at school, should be grounds enough for her to move 3,000 miles from home and never look back.

fuflans November 13, 2012 at 2:19 pm

and get a restraining order.

WootInTarnation November 14, 2012 at 2:36 am

I'm off to find some info how we can support her financially and legally until she can move on. Leaving home without a diploma, and with no money, pretty much means forget college (best-case), or go homeless (worst-case), unless she can get some support.

That's no easy task. Tuition + the cost of books + cost of living is many times higher than it was in the early-mid 90s when I faced a similar fate.

I have little snark for this. I and many of my friends went through similar ordeals after coming out. I really just want to help both women in their trials.

UnionSpies November 13, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I have a 3rd grader attending a Georgia public school in a very conservative area. With all the other concerns about raising a kid, I never expected to be called on to fight the librul cause on a regular basis…mainly a bitter stand-off about Chick Fil A that began before the national brouhaha.

I am now kind of a joke among the parents – they just roll their eyes and laugh, good naturedly. I didn't mind it for awhile but I've pretty much had it. Third grade and I'm already burned out.

Is this story what I have to look forward to as she advances through the grades? Effing homeschooling is starting to sound good. Or move out of the South until she graduates from high school.

DemmeFatale November 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

It must be tough.
You must get a head ache from rolling your eyes so hard.
An inspirational story for you:
My mom was a 3rd grade teacher on an Air Force base in England during the Watergate crisis. She got in trouble when one of her students asked her why the president was gone. She replied that the president was a liar, and that lying was bad. This kid's father stormed in to her classroom and asked her how she could say that his boss, his Commander-in-Chief, was a liar.
"He was," she said.

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

cray cray

And by that you don't mean a really well-funded computer science club with two supercomputers in da basement?

fuflans November 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

i hope the key players here choke on a mouthful of chik-fil-a.

choke with votes of course.

proudgrampa November 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Florida. Who can explain it?

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

It's probably best left unexplained.

MosesInvests November 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Carl Hiassen probably does a better job than anyone else.

proudgrampa November 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Actually, I think I've read just about everything he has written. I guess life really DOES imitate art!

owhatever November 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Just the basics will be taught — Readin', Riten' and no fricking homophibians.

smellypossum November 13, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Can someone PUHLEEEASE shut off the Florida State Bilge Pump so it will quietly sink into the sea?

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Two words: Broward County.

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

What to say? OK, no snark. So what the fuck should the teacher have done? Should she have told someone she thought the girl was gay? What the fuck? She referred the girl to a counselor. I think that is in general a good idea for a kid who's going through trauma! So in summary, showing kindness to someone is grounds for getting fired.

For fuck's sake.

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Ok. Now I can snark. Here are other things that can get you fired as a teacher at Deerfield Beach High:

* Assisting children who are behind catch up with the rest of the class.
* Teaching reasoning skills.
* Being nice to the queer kids. Oh wait, covered that.
* ???

PubOption November 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Does this school have a female gym teacher?

elgin_pelican November 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm

According to the right, your average public school teacher is a useless union thug who couldn't teach their way out of a paper bag. But now they have the pedagogic skill to teach someone teh gay?

gurukalehuru November 14, 2012 at 1:12 am

Snark off, I have a theory about school principals: Bad teachers with lots of seniority, regularly kicked upstairs.

ttommyunger November 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

I've been to Deerfield Beach; oddly, it made me homesick for Dogpatch.

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Oh, after spending my childhood watching my father barely manage to retain his sanity dealing with corporate nonsense, I made sure never to join a truly big company – my first employer had a staff count in the low 300s, and my current company is much smaller.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:23 pm

(Hugs you)

Chet Kincaid_ November 13, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I don't give a shit what you think of me, I just don't want to look at your fucking dildo.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Either do something about it or quit whining.

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Yep, I keep thinking about wrapping my lips around it and sucking it. Ok. I told my wife I would not suck on dick bongs. On weekdays. Is it Friday?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

See, now, if you wanted your WIFE to be cool about it, you shouldn'ta mentioned the *dick* part, knowhatImean? Although I'm guessing she wouldn't be too happy if it were a twatbong either. Wives. Can't live without them, can't talk them into your latest louche fantasy.

redarmyzombie November 14, 2012 at 12:49 am

OhoHO! I like the new look, Mr. BonerHitler!

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