MAKERS & MORNING BAKERS  11:12 am November 13, 2012

Failed SNL Comedienne Victoria Jackson Continues Being Not Racist Or Crazy At All

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We took this in Charlotte. On acid. She wasn't that nice.Victoria Jackson, best known for her invention “The Love Toilet,” continues to wow audiences with her hilarious comedy stylings 20 years after last appearing anywhere in the media entertainment complex. How is she achieving this? With a Colbertian, or maybe Kaufmanian, embodiment of a hilarious character she calls “racist wackjob who is in no way actually Victoria Jackson.” And she has more for us this fine fine newsday!

We first noted Jackson’s sly Twitter feed this morning in the context of @jfruh’s brillz post on whatever it is Texas idiots are threatening to do now. But @jfruh, unaccountably, declined to add Victoria Jackson to his list of performance artists.

She tweets everything twice!

But what clever jokes had come just hours before Victoria Jackson’s expose of the secessionist mindset? Oh, just this little bit o’ honey:

We don’t even know where to begin in explaining that black and Latino families having higher rates of assistance than white families does not mean whites, “statistically,” are all rugged pioneer individuals taking care of their own, since even at levels that are lower than among black or Latino families, there are still plenty of white people “statistically” on welfare. (Although a good place to start might be Under the Banner of Heaven. That is a fuckton of white people having one hundred children each and living large off Victoria Jackson, patriot!)

But obviously we do not need to explain that to Victoria Jackson at all, because clearly it was just a joke. What else could it be?

[Twitter]

 
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{ 242 comments }

Barbara_ November 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

"White people don't have more children than they can take care of?"
I am the second youngest of nine children, you idiot. No one can afford that many children, unless you are an Osmond.

nounverb911 November 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

How many kids could the Duggar's afford without a reality show?

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

OCTOMOM LIBEL!

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

But the Octomom actually has a lucrative entertainment gig.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

I'm betting her porn video sold about as well as Donald Trump's cologne

Redgyal November 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

But but but….they are earning their money by making their family a TV show. The donations and tax break from calling the house a church don't hurt either.

Left_Leftie November 13, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Effing Duggars was the first thing I thought of when I saw this. UGH! I hate that Victoria and I have the same last name! Statistically most JACKSONS are Blah!

clairedammit November 15, 2012 at 12:49 am

Will you be my Blah friend?

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Many Hassidic families, too. Also.

Too.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

Also.

Sir_Fartz_Alot November 13, 2012 at 2:38 pm

no dogs or jewz, plz

SorosBot November 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

I went to Catholic school for 13 years. Did Victoria somehow manage to go through life without ever meeting any Irish people? Or is she invested in the real old-timey racism under which the Irish weren't considered white either.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

I grew up around Italians, but they're not really white either…

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

More taupe, really.

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

HELP WANTED
Irish Need Not Apply

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Oh I got it, she's including East Asians too, because they're practically white right?

miss_grundy November 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Just out of curiosity, has this chick ever been to Appalachia or south of the Mason-Dixon line????

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 4:20 am

Catholics unite,and let's show those Chinks how to make babies!

nounverb911 November 13, 2012 at 11:14 am

Vicky wants to secede? Don't let the screen door hit you on the ass when you leave.

Nowisallthereis November 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

Did you mean barn door?

teebob2000 November 13, 2012 at 5:35 pm

It's the size of the side of a barn. Couldn't miss it.

ChillBill November 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

Victoria seceded from reality a long time ago.

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 4:22 am

This one is strong with the Farce.

ManchuCandidate November 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

Somewhere LaToya and the ghost of Michael are crying in sadness because they are no longer the craziest Jacksons of them all, trumped by White Wacko Jacko.

SnarkOff November 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

"Miss Jackson" if you're nasty.

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 4:24 am

SNL Stupid,Nut,lady?

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

Who?

Serolf_Divad November 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I think she's Ted Nugent's mom, or something like that.

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 4:25 am

Garett Morris's ex wife?

GregComlish November 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

Statistically speaking it is better to SECEDE than have a Civil War

Pragmatist2 November 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

Depends on te criteria. Undertakers, for example, do better during civil wars.

GregComlish November 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

Yes, but I'm sure Victoria Jackson is using the general American population as her sampling space when she generates statistics. Except she probably excludes blacks because she's racist.

miss_grundy November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

And latinos, because we aren't white either….

SigDeFlyinMonky November 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Secession goes in, civil war comes out. Who can explain it?

Swampgas_Man November 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Statistically, if at first you don't SECEDE. . . .?

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 4:27 am

Let the Red states go.They can wallow in ignorance all they want,and won't be dragging the rest of us down.Stupid is a drag on the economy.

snowpointsecret November 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

All those fundamentalist Christian families with many kids suddenly aren't white? That's going to be a huge shock to them…

Ruhe November 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

That's different…they're just making sure that God's quiver is full…of votes!

GemlikeFlame November 13, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Yep. Victoria's right. Black as the ace of spades (a lovely little Southern euphemism my grandmother taught me for occasions when the n-word might be thought crass) each and every one of them. The crushing irony is that the website is apparently for Christians of color. Go figure.
http://blackchristiannews.com/news/2009/07/life-w

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 4:29 am

The N-word? You do know black people are not all 5 year olds.They know how to spell.

GemlikeFlame November 14, 2012 at 10:00 am

Actually, yes, but my family very much acts like five year olds. To tell the family secret, my 5x grandmother on my mother's side was an octaroon slave, but given the relative lack of pigmentation in my skin, I can easily pass for white.

But I've never felt good about that word, so I avoid using it, and apologize to my fellow persons of some to not much color for the lack of precision in my writing.

ChillBill November 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

Here's a little known fact, you willfully ignorant twat: Who Gets Food Stamps?
"36 percent were white (non-Hispanic), 22 percent were African American (non-Hispanic) and 10 percent were Hispanic."

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Yes, but the white people deserve that aid.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

Because they are white and have been cheated out of everything by shifty-eyed brown peoplez.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

Do you people not watch the NBA?!

ChillBill November 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

The National Butthurt Association?

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

Not me! I only watch the NASCAR!

hagajim November 13, 2012 at 11:41 am

You forgot, the GOP doesn't do numbers.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

Willfully ignorant twat? I think you just gave her the name for her one woman show!

HELisforHEL November 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

THAT title would actually fill seats, unlike her going out under her name.

carlgt1 November 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

sounds like a bad version of "The Vagina Monologues"!

sbj1964 November 14, 2012 at 4:30 am

White people need to stop sucking off the teet of America.

memzilla November 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

Yes, Victoria, just like how well your career went after you seceded from SNL.

#unreturnedcalls

Ground Zero Mostel November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Actually, she was fired.

memzilla November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

With Votes!

#selfdeludedhasbeens

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Not according to Vicky. She had a heated debate with a writer at the Village Voice who suggested otherwise, and her then-agent confirmed she quit.

Of course, Lorne Michaels refused to comment, so…

rmjagg November 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

hollywood seceded from victoria jackson's career and look who's laughing now …

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

She showed THEM, by golly! Now, she's (obviously and unintentionally) a free-lance comedienne…

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

It's really generous of her to provide all these laughs and not charge munnees for them

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

"Better to secede than have a Civil War"

Clearly she is a subtle genius.

weejee November 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

And she should be careful on the way out not to let the door hit her wide ass.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Hey! Don't knock wide asses, a lot of men like them and are totes honest.

thedeathofirony November 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

*this guy*

OzoneTom November 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

And a Pre-Madonna.

SnarkOff November 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

Speaking of careers in entertainment, Victoria, it's better to SUCCEED than secede.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

She'll prolly have to suck seed to get another chances at succeeding, also.

luckismine November 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

Why can't blacks and latinos behave more like the upstanding white men running our defense and intelligence communities?

Lucidamente1 November 13, 2012 at 11:20 am

So just who did abuse Victoria Jackson when she was a child? An uncle? Her father? Lorne Michaels?

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Jesus

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

Indoctrinating teachers abused her with requests for "critical thinking."

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

The Ambiguously Gay Duo?

prommie November 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

Honestly, I don't see it.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

Kermit?

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

A coked-up Chevy Chase?

Crank_Tango November 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Hitler.

HELisforHEL November 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

All of them, Katie?

horsedreamer_1 November 14, 2012 at 7:18 am

Emo Phillips? Weird Al?

prommie November 13, 2012 at 11:20 am

I am doing this same kinda thing, actually! I am doing a Kaufman-esque, or maybe more Joaquin Pheonix-esque, performance art piece. Did you all know that far from being the cynical, bitter, angry person who also occasionally bites at any hand that comes too close, I am really a very kind, soft-hearted, sentimental, happy person! The only similarity between my persona here and the reality is my gigantic raging ego!

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

I'm doing the same thing, only ironically, so I'm portraying a bastard-coated bastard with a bastard filling but with a heart of bastard.

nothingisamiss November 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Mmmmm…bastard.

Nothingisamiss November 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Mmmmmm….bastard.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

Octomom would like a word.

el_donaldo November 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Please, please, let there be no Victoria Jackson porn.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

I just threw up.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

Aw, man…

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

I didn't want to see that when she was on SNL, and so thank you for placing that image in my head now…

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

Aaaaaand my dry spell just extended to EVEN LONGER THANK YOU.

Botlrokit November 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

She always reminded me of a Pentecostal woman. Bad hair, loud, grating voices, and taking weird aspects of life very seriously.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

The crazy-eyes glasses complete the kit.

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

Don't forget the piety! And jello. Pentacostals LOVE jello.

Botlrokit November 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

and ice water with lots of lemon! They'll sweeten it to taste. Literally called "Pentecostal Lemonade".

Goonemeritus November 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

Statistically speaking America thinks Victoria Jackson would benefit from a nice comforting program of Electro-Convulsive Therapy.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Hell, let's just beat her with a rubber hose.

rmjagg November 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

or Electro-Convulsive Burial

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

…Of votes….oh wait! That happened!

SorosBot November 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

Or some Electric Light therapy; a little Mr. Blue Sky might help this Evil Woman feel like she's in Xanadu.

DCBloom November 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Well done!

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Vicky, I think you meant to spell it "SEE SEED"

SorosBot November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Better to SECEDE than have a civil war? Um, Victoria, you might want to go back to third grade and learn how that last civil war got started, along with the basic rules of cause and effect.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

Say, how'd that turn out, anyways?

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

"So so."

– KKK Member

FakaktaSouth November 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

see, the petition looks like this (and fills in whatever state):
we petition the obama administration to:
Peacefully grant the State of Georgia to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.

IT SAYS RIGHT THERE, peacefully. Is this not the smartest fucking thing you've seen in forever? Grant us this, because we are Americans, and we say so, come on, don't be a dick. I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK? I cannot stand to think about how many really stupid people there are here.

fuflans November 13, 2012 at 3:30 pm

to be fair, no one would stop them this time.

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

You do mean The Wah of Northern Agsression, don't you sweetie pie?

Blueb4sinrise November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Just make sure she isn't involved in the General Pet. clusterfuck.

TYIA.

snowpointsecret November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Clearly, being white and rich qualifies you as being successful. Paris Hilton for president!

hagajim November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

When you say "IT was a joke" I assume the it to whom you refer is Victoria Jackson.

Cleopatriot November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Who?

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Victoria Jackson. She cleans up the cum pools at the Back Alley porn theater. Not a great job but, well, bootstraps and such.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

As the saying goes, "Do what you love."

Sharkey November 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

V-Jak!

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Nothing says "Love Of Country" like calling for secession from it.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

They've def got a real "America Second!" thing goin' on…

VaWyo November 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

If you love something, set if free. If it goes back to you… I can't remember the rest but think it applies.

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 8:26 pm

I think you have to kill it. With votes, of course.

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

That was last week. Now they just wanna give up and "go home".

Joshua Norton November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Hey Vickie. Your side's moral chiding, rape rationalizing, calling everyone except upper crust whiteys leeches who “want stuff” is totally a winning strategy. Also, don’t forget to defend the poor, downtrodden millionaires. It shows political courage.

DixvilleCrotch November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

She is rockin' the crazy schoolmarm look there.

Ground Zero Mostel November 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

The sad saga of the girl who could stand on her head and now has it permanently stuck up her ass.

mrblifil November 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

Better to suck seed than be a civil whore. Wait, what?

Nothingisamiss November 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Very good. Bravo.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

BTW, someone might want to explain to Vickie that birthrates for almost every ethnic group are now at or below replacement.

Ruhe November 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

And thus the "Homosexual Agenda" succeeds better than secession.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

Exxxxx-cellent! *rubs hands a la Mr. Burns*

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

Just picturing her during sex would make me shoot blanks.

VodkaGoGo November 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Whisky dick without the whisky.

coolhandnuke November 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Is she doing her Harry Carey impersonation?
Might I suggest hari kari instead.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

With dull votes.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Dull, rusty votes.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Dull, rusty, slow votes.

mrblifil November 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

It's only a mater of time…with votes.

el_donaldo November 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

But there's apparently one white family that didn't bother to smother their brain-dead girl-child to prevent her dependency on shameless media whoring. Smothered with votes, that is.

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

You leave the Palins out of this.

SorosBot November 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Say, at the end of that Love Toilet sketch the voiceover was by fellow SNL vet Al Franken. Wonder what he's up to today, is he just a little bit more successful than Jackson now?

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

You know, you never hear from him. He's probably involved in meetings and such.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Or he's stuck in some frozen wasteland, somewhere, too.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Shhh! Nobody tell her that the secession caused the Civil War.

Bless her heart.

MLHencken November 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

Since Miss Jackson continually mistakenly identifies President Obama as a Communist, I am just wondering what her impression would be of an actual Communist.

It's kind of like saying "Mao Tse Tung was a Capitalist!" or "Fidel Castro is actually Steve Jobs!" That's the level of fundamental disconnect we're dealing with here.

Plus, she's fat, unfunny and her voice is incredibly annoying.

Not_So_Much November 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

Any chance of a three-way with her and the screaming YouTube lady?

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

yer a better man than I, Gunga Din.

SuspectedDemocrat November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"Once more unto the breech!"

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"Into the valley of death rode the six hundred."

Swampgas_Man November 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Wear protection. Ear plugs.

smokefilledroommate November 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Nothing says "my fringe views are wholly dismissive" more than linking to world nut daily as a credible news source.

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm

And earlier in her Twitter stream she repeatedly informed us "I miss Breitbart"….

freakishlywrong November 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Told ya! Another 4 mothafucking years of this shit.

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Better them mewling than ruling.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Who, exactly, is going to fight this "civil war" the Wingtards keep yapping about? *They* certainly aren't going to hoist their obese butts off the couch and take to the field. 'Sides, I'd have to point out, in the kindest possible way, that a.) most hoverounds aren't built for cross-country maneuvers, and b.) anyone who's literally as big as the side of a barn is gonna make a pretty easy target.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Hee hee hee!

schvitzatura November 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Unless sequestration and the fiscal cliff hits, I'd bet dollars to donuts that in the next defense procurement bill there will be a request for monies to uparmor Hoverounds.

VaWyo November 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

The war will have to include insulin and cookie breaks.

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

And stops to the Bishop's Buffet.

SuspectedDemocrat November 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"I keep my reaching broom and my assault rifle next to the TV remote, just in case."

Terry November 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

"White people don't have more children than they can take care of without outside assistance."

Apparently, Miz Jackson doesn't watch reality TV or shop at WalMart.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Or eat at "All You Can Eat" buffet restaurants, especially the ones with the "you must empty your pockets before leaving" signs.

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

You know, when other SNL alums didn't land that 5-star movie deal, they went on to do good things like adopt a wonderful child from China and then adorably teach them sex-ed.

Victoria glugged one Drano bottle too many and blamed it on ein Schwarzer.

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Julia Sweeney is a sweetie.

StarsUponThars November 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

It's that hair bow. Cuts off blood flow to the brain.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Perhaps it's her belt that does that.

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

The problem is, to have a civil war, you need TWO sides that want to fight. Otherwise it's just a riot and by looking at your typical teabag, well…you just can't riot in a Ford Excursion.

SorosBot November 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

Hoverround riots would be funny.

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

More mobile, anyway.

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Bumperounds?

rmjagg November 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

she and her minions will colonize fort sumter , fire the first shot and then get a shellacking

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

Say, Victoria, you don't sweat much, for a fat girl.

Jus_Wonderin November 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

Ever heard of Octomom, bitch?

kyeshinka November 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

I'm sure she's had eight pairs of hands inside of her. (Cudos to Lisa Lampanelli.)

Sharkey November 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

Her makeup and teeth seem okay, why can't she do something about that hair?

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

What the hell did Miller and Jackson get into back in the 80s? Hope it was worth it.

mrblifil November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I'm thinking it was the same bad lot, at the same desultory after party.

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

Isn't it about time we let Victoria's Secret be her very existence? Her mindless rants have become as commonplace as attempted robberies at 7-Eleven.

Begone, mad twat! Begone with thy sisters Caribou and CrazyEyes! Confine thy rants to the non-world of WorldNut Daily!

Begone, I say, and darken our Wonk no more!

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

Personally, I can't wait until white people hold more positions of power.

TootsStansbury November 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

What a dumbass. Is that a redundant pair of spex up in the hair-nest? It's kind of freaking me out.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

Trix dropped acid when she took that, so it's possible you're hallucinating them.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

Those are for spotting Commies…

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

They're secret x-ray spex for identifying commies, kinda like those glasses Roddy Piper found in They Live.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Put. The. Glasses. ON!

freakishlywrong November 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

She's twice as smart, you see.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Those are the glasses she uses to find her glasses.

Redhead November 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

White people don't have children they can't take care of without government assistance? Errrrrrm…. Bristol Palin, anyone?

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

I like her new character. Excellent satire. Here are some more (not at all racisit) ideas:

* Secession is a responsible solution that only white people have the moral courage to support.

* Obama is BLACK, so he must be a commie.

* Obama's center right policies are undermining the progress made by Bush and Clinton and taking us back to the bad old days of Reagan and Bush.

* Obama is BLACK, so he must be a COMMIE.

* White people's are better because our ancestors paid to come to America.

* I am not a racist. I just think black people should have their own country.

* Obama is BLACK, so he MUST be a COMMIE.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

You forgot, Obama is also a Muslim.

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

* Obama is a BLACK MUSLIM so he must be a COMMIE.

* Obama is a BLACK MUSLIM who goes to a BLACK CHRISTIAN church so he must be a BLACK COMMIE.

* BLACK BLACK BLACK

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I like the jib of her cut.

hagajim November 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

I am surprised how quiet the Snowbilly Grifter has been on all this.

Crank_Tango November 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

Um, you spelled suicide wrong, asshole.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

Here's a riddle for Mz Jackson:

Q: What has two thumbs and wishes you'd just shut the hell up already?

A: This guy.

Steverino247 November 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

If at first you do not secede, try, try again.

VaWyo November 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

I read Under the Banner of Heaven a few weeks ago. It was terrifying and terribly interesting. The child sexual abuse/ rape/incest was a bit hard to read about because it is so disgusting.

Everyone should read it to learn about our home grown American religion. You will not be surprised to learn that Joesph Smith's wife called bullshit on the whole polygamy thing. He even sent his brother to tell her about it and his brother said he had never been screamed at like that before.

They believe it is ok to accept assistance from the government because the government is so awful that it is righteous to take their money. When Texas goes they should take Utah, Idaho and Arizona too.

anniegetyerfun November 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

No lie, The Love Toilet skit still gives me hives.

blueflowers November 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

You ALL have too many fucking children, hows about that?

Guppy November 13, 2012 at 11:53 am

"Responsibility?" I personally call it "employers have a 'moral objection' to both paying for the pill and paying a wage that actually allows employees to afford the pill."

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

Responsible people would limit themselves to buttsecks.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

I'm turning over a new leaf.

Guppy November 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

Wonkett: the most responsible website on all the Internets!

Estproph November 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

She was an unknown on SNL, and her career went down after that.

ElPinche November 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Victoria Jackson is statistically a sperm burping road whore.

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

No need to sugar coat it, you're among friends here.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I refuse to watch that "Love Toilet" skit (isn't Bubba the Love Toilet" some DJ from Tampa?), but would I be correct in assuming that a "love toilet" would be where blumpkins and grumpy munchkins take place?

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Larry Craig's unofficial 2nd office was also called "The Love Toilet".

LibrarianX November 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

The earth's atmosphere has too much oxygen for Ms. Jackson's wee small brain. This is the reason she seems insane.

T3rbo November 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Sheesh, with the welfare thing again? It took me a while to digest the fallacious right wing argument, but I think this is it:

Food stamps and income assistance are some kind of unfunded liability and contribute to the national debt
Entitlement programs count for 50% of all federal spending
Food stamps and income assistance are bleeding the country out

As far as I could tell, the total federal budget for TANF (WELFARE!!!) was $16 billion dollars, and SNAP (FOOD STAMPS!!!!) was something like $60 billion dollars. I think that evens out to 70 f-22 raptor fighter planes.

Dummies confuse entitlement programs deliberately to argue that food stamps are bankrupting us and are something we can't afford: social security, medicaid, and medicare are part of this 'entitlement' spending that is 50% of the federal budget, so we should somehow kick poor people off nutrition and income assistance programs.

CommieDad November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

You are over thinking it. Here's the argument:

* Food stamps help poor (black) people.
* Black people vote Democrat.

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

And there are more black people on welfare than any other group in America, therefore Obama wins the election. So simple, really, I don't see how the Republicans missed this.

Come here a minute November 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I preferred her Mighty Mouse routine.

Serolf_Divad November 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Statistically speaking, Victoria Jackson doesn't like minorities

But she's not being racist, mind you… she's being mathematical.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

And she has the faux glasses to prove it!

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

AFBSW?

Another Fat Blonde Said What?

spareme November 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Victoria needs to go home and eat a few packs of cookies and a gallon of ice cream, that ought to make her feel better.

scottsteaux63 November 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Stupid woman. She should quit waving that Bible of hers about like a bludgeon, siddown, crack it open, and READ IT. Because somewhere in his letters (I forget exactly where but she can find it for herself), Paul explicitly told people of the church (I'm thinking Rome but not sure) to "pray for their leaders" (meaning the government) because they were put in place by God. It's in the Bible and if she wants to remain a literalist she needs to do her homework and face up to what's actually there instead of pulling proof texts out of her fat ass (to say nothing of context) that prove absolutely nothing.

LibertyLover November 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

A little inconvenient fact for Ms. Jackson, but more people on welfare are the white, working poor.

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

This doesn't bode well for the president's chances of being reelected.

owhatever November 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Who would have guessed that Victoria Jackson was not having to act to portray a dumb blonde on SNL?

Mojopo November 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

"As it stands, the bill has only one such feature; the Independent Payment Advisory Board, otherwise called by its acronym "IPAB" or more commonly the death panel. This provision puts 15 bureaucrats in charge of deciding where to cut costs and funding for certain health care services."

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 8:40 pm

And this differs from insurance companies deciding on your healthcare, how?

Detesticle November 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Victoria Jackson and Dennis Miller are a two-man twat-pocalypse from the taint-th season of SNL.

ffredpalakon November 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

You want to use the word "statistics" while talking to this woman? You'll just get holy water all over you.

Oh, and Ms. Jackson? We appreciate your hard work over the past four years for our audition process, but Julianne Moore will be playing the mom in our re-make of Carrie.

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I must begrudgingly admit to being impressed by Ms. Jackson's ability to avoid confusing "than" with "then."

It was literature's loss that she gave up a promising future as Susan Sontag's intellectual better in favor of being a has-been-who-never-was.

christianmuslin November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Palin-Jackson 2016

christianmuslin November 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

VS Clinton and the bisexual athiest

johnnyzhivago November 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

If the south succceeds we all can declare success!

rickmaci November 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Pretty much committed career suicide, not because of her politics, because she is demonstrably batshitfuckingcrazyoutofhermind. Also kind of hard to make a living as a comedienne when you are not funny or as an actor when you can't act.

BZ1 November 13, 2012 at 2:19 pm

If only twits like Vicky had an iota of a clue, but. again. who. cares.

mosaickmind November 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

How silly of me! I took her comments literally. I didn't realize she came from the school of Colbert..What a genius!

Halloween Jack November 13, 2012 at 3:24 pm

What If… Victoria Jackson had never existed?

1) The '87-92 SNL cast would have been even funnier, on the average, and millions of people like me wouldn't have cringed a little every time she came on the screen.

2) Um, that's about it.

capabilitybrouse November 13, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Also, who wants to break the bad news to Victoria Jackson that her current Twitter avatar is a Toulouse-Lautrec portrait of a lesbian clown, modeled after portraits of Japanese prostitutes?

I mean, it doesn't matter to me, but somehow I think that she'd be a wee bit upset if she knew.

elgin_pelican November 13, 2012 at 3:57 pm

John Belushi, dead, is more successful than V Jackson, alive.

JackObin November 13, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Oh look, a fat, stupid American female who nobody should be paying attention to. Meanwhile, has anyone heard that matter is decaying?

goat_thrower November 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Matthew 19:9

BenGleck November 13, 2012 at 6:58 pm

You take issue with abortion, don't want birth control, especially if paid for by the govt, and then you COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MANY KIDS BLACKS AND LATINOS HAVE! ARE YOU INSANE, LADY?!?!
Sorry, she just gets on my last nerve.

teapartynyc2011 November 14, 2012 at 12:14 am

"20 years after last appearing anywhere in the media entertainment complex."

Huh, so it is 2033? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0414130/

ttommyunger November 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

Catch Victoria in Branson, Mssouri doing a duet with Pat Boone accompanied by Ted (tiny peen) Nugent on the gee tar.

clecinosu November 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"Bat Shit Crazy." By Victoria Jackson.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

That response is glorious.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

But her perfume will do better than the Trump's Porn Video.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

IthinkI'mgonnaHURL *runs to bathroom*

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

After watching the Donald masturbate on camera, you'll need some of that perfume to cover the stink pouring from your eyeballs.

ChillBill November 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

Thanks. I'm one for 3,798 comments now.

Jus_Wonderin November 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

I wonder if he combs over "down there"? NO, I really don't wonder.

GunToting[Redacted] November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Willy T. Ribbs libel.

HELisforHEL November 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

EYE BLEACH, STAT

foog November 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm

A 'murkin with a merkin?

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