makers & morning bakers

Failed SNL Comedienne Victoria Jackson Continues Being Not Racist Or Crazy At All

We took this in Charlotte. On acid. She wasn't that nice.Victoria Jackson, best known for her invention “The Love Toilet,” continues to wow audiences with her hilarious comedy stylings 20 years after last appearing anywhere in the media entertainment complex. How is she achieving this? With a Colbertian, or maybe Kaufmanian, embodiment of a hilarious character she calls “racist wackjob who is in no way actually Victoria Jackson.” And she has more for us this fine fine newsday!

We first noted Jackson’s sly Twitter feed this morning in the context of @jfruh’s brillz post on whatever it is Texas idiots are threatening to do now. But @jfruh, unaccountably, declined to add Victoria Jackson to his list of performance artists.

She tweets everything twice!

But what clever jokes had come just hours before Victoria Jackson’s expose of the secessionist mindset? Oh, just this little bit o’ honey:

We don’t even know where to begin in explaining that black and Latino families having higher rates of assistance than white families does not mean whites, “statistically,” are all rugged pioneer individuals taking care of their own, since even at levels that are lower than among black or Latino families, there are still plenty of white people “statistically” on welfare. (Although a good place to start might be Under the Banner of Heaven. That is a fuckton of white people having one hundred children each and living large off Victoria Jackson, patriot!)

But obviously we do not need to explain that to Victoria Jackson at all, because clearly it was just a joke. What else could it be?

[Twitter]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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242 comments

  1. Barbara_

    "White people don't have more children than they can take care of?"
    I am the second youngest of nine children, you idiot. No one can afford that many children, unless you are an Osmond.

      1. Redgyal

        But but but….they are earning their money by making their family a TV show. The donations and tax break from calling the house a church don't hurt either.

      2. Left_Leftie

        Effing Duggars was the first thing I thought of when I saw this. UGH! I hate that Victoria and I have the same last name! Statistically most JACKSONS are Blah!

    1. SorosBot

      I went to Catholic school for 13 years. Did Victoria somehow manage to go through life without ever meeting any Irish people? Or is she invested in the real old-timey racism under which the Irish weren't considered white either.

    2. miss_grundy

      Just out of curiosity, has this chick ever been to Appalachia or south of the Mason-Dixon line????

      1. GregComlish

        Yes, but I'm sure Victoria Jackson is using the general American population as her sampling space when she generates statistics. Except she probably excludes blacks because she's racist.

    1. sbj1964

      Let the Red states go.They can wallow in ignorance all they want,and won't be dragging the rest of us down.Stupid is a drag on the economy.

  2. snowpointsecret

    All those fundamentalist Christian families with many kids suddenly aren't white? That's going to be a huge shock to them…

        1. GemlikeFlame

          Actually, yes, but my family very much acts like five year olds. To tell the family secret, my 5x grandmother on my mother's side was an octaroon slave, but given the relative lack of pigmentation in my skin, I can easily pass for white.

          But I've never felt good about that word, so I avoid using it, and apologize to my fellow persons of some to not much color for the lack of precision in my writing.

      1. actor212

        Not according to Vicky. She had a heated debate with a writer at the Village Voice who suggested otherwise, and her then-agent confirmed she quit.

        Of course, Lorne Michaels refused to comment, so…

  3. luckismine

    Why can't blacks and latinos behave more like the upstanding white men running our defense and intelligence communities?

  4. prommie

    I am doing this same kinda thing, actually! I am doing a Kaufman-esque, or maybe more Joaquin Pheonix-esque, performance art piece. Did you all know that far from being the cynical, bitter, angry person who also occasionally bites at any hand that comes too close, I am really a very kind, soft-hearted, sentimental, happy person! The only similarity between my persona here and the reality is my gigantic raging ego!

  5. Botlrokit

    She always reminded me of a Pentecostal woman. Bad hair, loud, grating voices, and taking weird aspects of life very seriously.

  6. Goonemeritus

    Statistically speaking America thinks Victoria Jackson would benefit from a nice comforting program of Electro-Convulsive Therapy.

    1. SorosBot

      Or some Electric Light therapy; a little Mr. Blue Sky might help this Evil Woman feel like she's in Xanadu.

  7. SorosBot

    Better to SECEDE than have a civil war? Um, Victoria, you might want to go back to third grade and learn how that last civil war got started, along with the basic rules of cause and effect.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      see, the petition looks like this (and fills in whatever state):
      we petition the obama administration to:
      Peacefully grant the State of Georgia to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.

      IT SAYS RIGHT THERE, peacefully. Is this not the smartest fucking thing you've seen in forever? Grant us this, because we are Americans, and we say so, come on, don't be a dick. I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK? I cannot stand to think about how many really stupid people there are here.

    1. kyeshinka

      Victoria Jackson. She cleans up the cum pools at the Back Alley porn theater. Not a great job but, well, bootstraps and such.

    1. VaWyo

      If you love something, set if free. If it goes back to you… I can't remember the rest but think it applies.

  8. Joshua Norton

    Hey Vickie. Your side's moral chiding, rape rationalizing, calling everyone except upper crust whiteys leeches who “want stuff” is totally a winning strategy. Also, don’t forget to defend the poor, downtrodden millionaires. It shows political courage.

  9. Negropolis

    BTW, someone might want to explain to Vickie that birthrates for almost every ethnic group are now at or below replacement.

  10. el_donaldo

    But there's apparently one white family that didn't bother to smother their brain-dead girl-child to prevent her dependency on shameless media whoring. Smothered with votes, that is.

  11. SorosBot

    Say, at the end of that Love Toilet sketch the voiceover was by fellow SNL vet Al Franken. Wonder what he's up to today, is he just a little bit more successful than Jackson now?

  12. MLHencken

    Since Miss Jackson continually mistakenly identifies President Obama as a Communist, I am just wondering what her impression would be of an actual Communist.

    It's kind of like saying "Mao Tse Tung was a Capitalist!" or "Fidel Castro is actually Steve Jobs!" That's the level of fundamental disconnect we're dealing with here.

    Plus, she's fat, unfunny and her voice is incredibly annoying.

  13. BadKitty904

    Who, exactly, is going to fight this "civil war" the Wingtards keep yapping about? *They* certainly aren't going to hoist their obese butts off the couch and take to the field. 'Sides, I'd have to point out, in the kindest possible way, that a.) most hoverounds aren't built for cross-country maneuvers, and b.) anyone who's literally as big as the side of a barn is gonna make a pretty easy target.

    1. schvitzatura

      Unless sequestration and the fiscal cliff hits, I'd bet dollars to donuts that in the next defense procurement bill there will be a request for monies to uparmor Hoverounds.

  14. Terry

    "White people don't have more children than they can take care of without outside assistance."

    Apparently, Miz Jackson doesn't watch reality TV or shop at WalMart.

  15. kyeshinka

    The problem is, to have a civil war, you need TWO sides that want to fight. Otherwise it's just a riot and by looking at your typical teabag, well…you just can't riot in a Ford Excursion.

  16. FlownOver

    Isn't it about time we let Victoria's Secret be her very existence? Her mindless rants have become as commonplace as attempted robberies at 7-Eleven.

    Begone, mad twat! Begone with thy sisters Caribou and CrazyEyes! Confine thy rants to the non-world of WorldNut Daily!

    Begone, I say, and darken our Wonk no more!

  17. TootsStansbury

    What a dumbass. Is that a redundant pair of spex up in the hair-nest? It's kind of freaking me out.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      They're secret x-ray spex for identifying commies, kinda like those glasses Roddy Piper found in They Live.

  18. Redhead

    White people don't have children they can't take care of without government assistance? Errrrrrm…. Bristol Palin, anyone?

  19. CommieDad

    I like her new character. Excellent satire. Here are some more (not at all racisit) ideas:

    * Secession is a responsible solution that only white people have the moral courage to support.

    * Obama is BLACK, so he must be a commie.

    * Obama's center right policies are undermining the progress made by Bush and Clinton and taking us back to the bad old days of Reagan and Bush.

    * Obama is BLACK, so he must be a COMMIE.

    * White people's are better because our ancestors paid to come to America.

    * I am not a racist. I just think black people should have their own country.

    * Obama is BLACK, so he MUST be a COMMIE.

      1. CommieDad

        * Obama is a BLACK MUSLIM so he must be a COMMIE.

        * Obama is a BLACK MUSLIM who goes to a BLACK CHRISTIAN church so he must be a BLACK COMMIE.

        * BLACK BLACK BLACK

  20. VaWyo

    I read Under the Banner of Heaven a few weeks ago. It was terrifying and terribly interesting. The child sexual abuse/ rape/incest was a bit hard to read about because it is so disgusting.

    Everyone should read it to learn about our home grown American religion. You will not be surprised to learn that Joesph Smith's wife called bullshit on the whole polygamy thing. He even sent his brother to tell her about it and his brother said he had never been screamed at like that before.

    They believe it is ok to accept assistance from the government because the government is so awful that it is righteous to take their money. When Texas goes they should take Utah, Idaho and Arizona too.

  21. Guppy

    "Responsibility?" I personally call it "employers have a 'moral objection' to both paying for the pill and paying a wage that actually allows employees to afford the pill."

  22. prommie

    I refuse to watch that "Love Toilet" skit (isn't Bubba the Love Toilet" some DJ from Tampa?), but would I be correct in assuming that a "love toilet" would be where blumpkins and grumpy munchkins take place?

  23. LibrarianX

    The earth's atmosphere has too much oxygen for Ms. Jackson's wee small brain. This is the reason she seems insane.

  24. T3rbo

    Sheesh, with the welfare thing again? It took me a while to digest the fallacious right wing argument, but I think this is it:

    Food stamps and income assistance are some kind of unfunded liability and contribute to the national debt
    Entitlement programs count for 50% of all federal spending
    Food stamps and income assistance are bleeding the country out

    As far as I could tell, the total federal budget for TANF (WELFARE!!!) was $16 billion dollars, and SNAP (FOOD STAMPS!!!!) was something like $60 billion dollars. I think that evens out to 70 f-22 raptor fighter planes.

    Dummies confuse entitlement programs deliberately to argue that food stamps are bankrupting us and are something we can't afford: social security, medicaid, and medicare are part of this 'entitlement' spending that is 50% of the federal budget, so we should somehow kick poor people off nutrition and income assistance programs.

    1. CommieDad

      You are over thinking it. Here's the argument:

      * Food stamps help poor (black) people.
      * Black people vote Democrat.

      1. NellCote71

        And there are more black people on welfare than any other group in America, therefore Obama wins the election. So simple, really, I don't see how the Republicans missed this.

  25. Serolf_Divad

    Statistically speaking, Victoria Jackson doesn't like minorities

    But she's not being racist, mind you… she's being mathematical.

  26. spareme

    Victoria needs to go home and eat a few packs of cookies and a gallon of ice cream, that ought to make her feel better.

  27. scottsteaux63

    Stupid woman. She should quit waving that Bible of hers about like a bludgeon, siddown, crack it open, and READ IT. Because somewhere in his letters (I forget exactly where but she can find it for herself), Paul explicitly told people of the church (I'm thinking Rome but not sure) to "pray for their leaders" (meaning the government) because they were put in place by God. It's in the Bible and if she wants to remain a literalist she needs to do her homework and face up to what's actually there instead of pulling proof texts out of her fat ass (to say nothing of context) that prove absolutely nothing.

  28. Mojopo

    "As it stands, the bill has only one such feature; the Independent Payment Advisory Board, otherwise called by its acronym "IPAB" or more commonly the death panel. This provision puts 15 bureaucrats in charge of deciding where to cut costs and funding for certain health care services."

  29. ffredpalakon

    You want to use the word "statistics" while talking to this woman? You'll just get holy water all over you.

    Oh, and Ms. Jackson? We appreciate your hard work over the past four years for our audition process, but Julianne Moore will be playing the mom in our re-make of Carrie.

  30. TribecaMike

    I must begrudgingly admit to being impressed by Ms. Jackson's ability to avoid confusing "than" with "then."

    It was literature's loss that she gave up a promising future as Susan Sontag's intellectual better in favor of being a has-been-who-never-was.

  31. rickmaci

    Pretty much committed career suicide, not because of her politics, because she is demonstrably batshitfuckingcrazyoutofhermind. Also kind of hard to make a living as a comedienne when you are not funny or as an actor when you can't act.

  32. mosaickmind

    How silly of me! I took her comments literally. I didn't realize she came from the school of Colbert..What a genius!

  33. Halloween Jack

    What If… Victoria Jackson had never existed?

    1) The '87-92 SNL cast would have been even funnier, on the average, and millions of people like me wouldn't have cringed a little every time she came on the screen.

    2) Um, that's about it.

  34. capabilitybrouse

    Also, who wants to break the bad news to Victoria Jackson that her current Twitter avatar is a Toulouse-Lautrec portrait of a lesbian clown, modeled after portraits of Japanese prostitutes?

    I mean, it doesn't matter to me, but somehow I think that she'd be a wee bit upset if she knew.

  35. JackObin

    Oh look, a fat, stupid American female who nobody should be paying attention to. Meanwhile, has anyone heard that matter is decaying?

  36. BenGleck

    You take issue with abortion, don't want birth control, especially if paid for by the govt, and then you COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MANY KIDS BLACKS AND LATINOS HAVE! ARE YOU INSANE, LADY?!?!
    Sorry, she just gets on my last nerve.

  37. ttommyunger

    Catch Victoria in Branson, Mssouri doing a duet with Pat Boone accompanied by Ted (tiny peen) Nugent on the gee tar.

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