Victoria Jackson, best known for her invention “The Love Toilet,” continues to wow audiences with her hilarious comedy stylings 20 years after last appearing anywhere in the media entertainment complex. How is she achieving this? With a Colbertian, or maybe Kaufmanian, embodiment of a hilarious character she calls “racist wackjob who is in no way actually Victoria Jackson.” And she has more for us this fine fine newsday!
We first noted Jackson’s sly Twitter feed this morning in the context of @jfruh’s brillz post on whatever it is Texas idiots are threatening to do now. But @jfruh, unaccountably, declined to add Victoria Jackson to his list of performance artists.
But what clever jokes had come just hours before Victoria Jackson’s expose of the secessionist mindset? Oh, just this little bit o’ honey:
We don’t even know where to begin in explaining that black and Latino families having higher rates of assistance than white families does not mean whites, “statistically,” are all rugged pioneer individuals taking care of their own, since even at levels that are lower than among black or Latino families, there are still plenty of white people “statistically” on welfare. (Although a good place to start might be Under the Banner of Heaven. That is a fuckton of white people having one hundred children each and living large off Victoria Jackson, patriot!)
But obviously we do not need to explain that to Victoria Jackson at all, because clearly it was just a joke. What else could it be?
[Twitter]
{ 242 comments }
"White people don't have more children than they can take care of?"
I am the second youngest of nine children, you idiot. No one can afford that many children, unless you are an Osmond.
How many kids could the Duggar's afford without a reality show?
OCTOMOM LIBEL!
But the Octomom actually has a lucrative entertainment gig.
I'm betting her porn video sold about as well as Donald Trump's cologne
But but but….they are earning their money by making their family a TV show. The donations and tax break from calling the house a church don't hurt either.
Effing Duggars was the first thing I thought of when I saw this. UGH! I hate that Victoria and I have the same last name! Statistically most JACKSONS are Blah!
Will you be my Blah friend?
Many Hassidic families, too. Also.
Too.
Also.
no dogs or jewz, plz
I went to Catholic school for 13 years. Did Victoria somehow manage to go through life without ever meeting any Irish people? Or is she invested in the real old-timey racism under which the Irish weren't considered white either.
I grew up around Italians, but they're not really white either…
More taupe, really.
HELP WANTED
Irish Need Not Apply
Oh I got it, she's including East Asians too, because they're practically white right?
Just out of curiosity, has this chick ever been to Appalachia or south of the Mason-Dixon line????
Catholics unite,and let's show those Chinks how to make babies!
Vicky wants to secede? Don't let the screen door hit you on the ass when you leave.
Did you mean barn door?
It's the size of the side of a barn. Couldn't miss it.
Victoria seceded from reality a long time ago.
This one is strong with the Farce.
Somewhere LaToya and the ghost of Michael are crying in sadness because they are no longer the craziest Jacksons of them all, trumped by White Wacko Jacko.
"Miss Jackson" if you're nasty.
SNL Stupid,Nut,lady?
Who?
I think she's Ted Nugent's mom, or something like that.
Garett Morris's ex wife?
Statistically speaking it is better to SECEDE than have a Civil War
Depends on te criteria. Undertakers, for example, do better during civil wars.
Yes, but I'm sure Victoria Jackson is using the general American population as her sampling space when she generates statistics. Except she probably excludes blacks because she's racist.
And latinos, because we aren't white either….
Secession goes in, civil war comes out. Who can explain it?
Statistically, if at first you don't SECEDE. . . .?
Let the Red states go.They can wallow in ignorance all they want,and won't be dragging the rest of us down.Stupid is a drag on the economy.
All those fundamentalist Christian families with many kids suddenly aren't white? That's going to be a huge shock to them…
That's different…they're just making sure that God's quiver is full…of votes!
Yep. Victoria's right. Black as the ace of spades (a lovely little Southern euphemism my grandmother taught me for occasions when the n-word might be thought crass) each and every one of them. The crushing irony is that the website is apparently for Christians of color. Go figure.
http://blackchristiannews.com/news/2009/07/life-w…
The N-word? You do know black people are not all 5 year olds.They know how to spell.
Actually, yes, but my family very much acts like five year olds. To tell the family secret, my 5x grandmother on my mother's side was an octaroon slave, but given the relative lack of pigmentation in my skin, I can easily pass for white.
But I've never felt good about that word, so I avoid using it, and apologize to my fellow persons of some to not much color for the lack of precision in my writing.
Here's a little known fact, you willfully ignorant twat: Who Gets Food Stamps?
"36 percent were white (non-Hispanic), 22 percent were African American (non-Hispanic) and 10 percent were Hispanic."
Yes, but the white people deserve that aid.
Because they are white and have been cheated out of everything by shifty-eyed brown peoplez.
Do you people not watch the NBA?!
The National Butthurt Association?
Not me! I only watch the NASCAR!
You forgot, the GOP doesn't do numbers.
Willfully ignorant twat? I think you just gave her the name for her one woman show!
THAT title would actually fill seats, unlike her going out under her name.
sounds like a bad version of "The Vagina Monologues"!
White people need to stop sucking off the teet of America.
Yes, Victoria, just like how well your career went after you seceded from SNL.
#unreturnedcalls
Actually, she was fired.
With Votes!
#selfdeludedhasbeens
Not according to Vicky. She had a heated debate with a writer at the Village Voice who suggested otherwise, and her then-agent confirmed she quit.
Of course, Lorne Michaels refused to comment, so…
hollywood seceded from victoria jackson's career and look who's laughing now …
She showed THEM, by golly! Now, she's (obviously and unintentionally) a free-lance comedienne…
It's really generous of her to provide all these laughs and not charge munnees for them
"Better to secede than have a Civil War"
Clearly she is a subtle genius.
And she should be careful on the way out not to let the door hit her wide ass.
Hey! Don't knock wide asses, a lot of men like them and are totes honest.
*this guy*
And a Pre-Madonna.
Speaking of careers in entertainment, Victoria, it's better to SUCCEED than secede.
She'll prolly have to suck seed to get another chances at succeeding, also.
Why can't blacks and latinos behave more like the upstanding white men running our defense and intelligence communities?
So just who did abuse Victoria Jackson when she was a child? An uncle? Her father? Lorne Michaels?
Jesus
Indoctrinating teachers abused her with requests for "critical thinking."
The Ambiguously Gay Duo?
Honestly, I don't see it.
Kermit?
A coked-up Chevy Chase?
Hitler.
All of them, Katie?
Emo Phillips? Weird Al?
I am doing this same kinda thing, actually! I am doing a Kaufman-esque, or maybe more Joaquin Pheonix-esque, performance art piece. Did you all know that far from being the cynical, bitter, angry person who also occasionally bites at any hand that comes too close, I am really a very kind, soft-hearted, sentimental, happy person! The only similarity between my persona here and the reality is my gigantic raging ego!
I'm doing the same thing, only ironically, so I'm portraying a bastard-coated bastard with a bastard filling but with a heart of bastard.
Mmmmm…bastard.
Mmmmmm….bastard.
Octomom would like a word.
Please, please, let there be no Victoria Jackson porn.
I just threw up.
Aw, man…
I didn't want to see that when she was on SNL, and so thank you for placing that image in my head now…
Aaaaaand my dry spell just extended to EVEN LONGER THANK YOU.
She always reminded me of a Pentecostal woman. Bad hair, loud, grating voices, and taking weird aspects of life very seriously.
The crazy-eyes glasses complete the kit.
Don't forget the piety! And jello. Pentacostals LOVE jello.
and ice water with lots of lemon! They'll sweeten it to taste. Literally called "Pentecostal Lemonade".
Statistically speaking America thinks Victoria Jackson would benefit from a nice comforting program of Electro-Convulsive Therapy.
Hell, let's just beat her with a rubber hose.
or Electro-Convulsive Burial
…Of votes….oh wait! That happened!
Or some Electric Light therapy; a little Mr. Blue Sky might help this Evil Woman feel like she's in Xanadu.
Well done!
Vicky, I think you meant to spell it "SEE SEED"
Better to SECEDE than have a civil war? Um, Victoria, you might want to go back to third grade and learn how that last civil war got started, along with the basic rules of cause and effect.
Say, how'd that turn out, anyways?
"So so."
– KKK Member
see, the petition looks like this (and fills in whatever state):
we petition the obama administration to:
Peacefully grant the State of Georgia to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.
IT SAYS RIGHT THERE, peacefully. Is this not the smartest fucking thing you've seen in forever? Grant us this, because we are Americans, and we say so, come on, don't be a dick. I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK? I cannot stand to think about how many really stupid people there are here.
to be fair, no one would stop them this time.
You do mean The Wah of Northern Agsression, don't you sweetie pie?
Just make sure she isn't involved in the General Pet. clusterfuck.
TYIA.
Clearly, being white and rich qualifies you as being successful. Paris Hilton for president!
When you say "IT was a joke" I assume the it to whom you refer is Victoria Jackson.
Who?
Victoria Jackson. She cleans up the cum pools at the Back Alley porn theater. Not a great job but, well, bootstraps and such.
As the saying goes, "Do what you love."
V-Jak!
Nothing says "Love Of Country" like calling for secession from it.
They've def got a real "America Second!" thing goin' on…
If you love something, set if free. If it goes back to you… I can't remember the rest but think it applies.
I think you have to kill it. With votes, of course.
That was last week. Now they just wanna give up and "go home".
Hey Vickie. Your side's moral chiding, rape rationalizing, calling everyone except upper crust whiteys leeches who “want stuff” is totally a winning strategy. Also, don’t forget to defend the poor, downtrodden millionaires. It shows political courage.
She is rockin' the crazy schoolmarm look there.
The sad saga of the girl who could stand on her head and now has it permanently stuck up her ass.
Better to suck seed than be a civil whore. Wait, what?
Very good. Bravo.
BTW, someone might want to explain to Vickie that birthrates for almost every ethnic group are now at or below replacement.
And thus the "Homosexual Agenda" succeeds better than secession.
Exxxxx-cellent! *rubs hands a la Mr. Burns*
Just picturing her during sex would make me shoot blanks.
Whisky dick without the whisky.
Is she doing her Harry Carey impersonation?
Might I suggest hari kari instead.
With dull votes.
Dull, rusty votes.
Dull, rusty, slow votes.
It's only a mater of time…with votes.
But there's apparently one white family that didn't bother to smother their brain-dead girl-child to prevent her dependency on shameless media whoring. Smothered with votes, that is.
You leave the Palins out of this.
Say, at the end of that Love Toilet sketch the voiceover was by fellow SNL vet Al Franken. Wonder what he's up to today, is he just a little bit more successful than Jackson now?
You know, you never hear from him. He's probably involved in meetings and such.
Or he's stuck in some frozen wasteland, somewhere, too.
Shhh! Nobody tell her that the secession caused the Civil War.
Bless her heart.
Since Miss Jackson continually mistakenly identifies President Obama as a Communist, I am just wondering what her impression would be of an actual Communist.
It's kind of like saying "Mao Tse Tung was a Capitalist!" or "Fidel Castro is actually Steve Jobs!" That's the level of fundamental disconnect we're dealing with here.
Plus, she's fat, unfunny and her voice is incredibly annoying.
Any chance of a three-way with her and the screaming YouTube lady?
yer a better man than I, Gunga Din.
"Once more unto the breech!"
"Into the valley of death rode the six hundred."
Wear protection. Ear plugs.
Nothing says "my fringe views are wholly dismissive" more than linking to world nut daily as a credible news source.
And earlier in her Twitter stream she repeatedly informed us "I miss Breitbart"….
Told ya! Another 4 mothafucking years of this shit.
Better them mewling than ruling.
Who, exactly, is going to fight this "civil war" the Wingtards keep yapping about? *They* certainly aren't going to hoist their obese butts off the couch and take to the field. 'Sides, I'd have to point out, in the kindest possible way, that a.) most hoverounds aren't built for cross-country maneuvers, and b.) anyone who's literally as big as the side of a barn is gonna make a pretty easy target.
Hee hee hee!
Unless sequestration and the fiscal cliff hits, I'd bet dollars to donuts that in the next defense procurement bill there will be a request for monies to uparmor Hoverounds.
The war will have to include insulin and cookie breaks.
And stops to the Bishop's Buffet.
"I keep my reaching broom and my assault rifle next to the TV remote, just in case."
"White people don't have more children than they can take care of without outside assistance."
Apparently, Miz Jackson doesn't watch reality TV or shop at WalMart.
Or eat at "All You Can Eat" buffet restaurants, especially the ones with the "you must empty your pockets before leaving" signs.
You know, when other SNL alums didn't land that 5-star movie deal, they went on to do good things like adopt a wonderful child from China and then adorably teach them sex-ed.
Victoria glugged one Drano bottle too many and blamed it on ein Schwarzer.
Julia Sweeney is a sweetie.
It's that hair bow. Cuts off blood flow to the brain.
Perhaps it's her belt that does that.
The problem is, to have a civil war, you need TWO sides that want to fight. Otherwise it's just a riot and by looking at your typical teabag, well…you just can't riot in a Ford Excursion.
Hoverround riots would be funny.
More mobile, anyway.
Bumperounds?
she and her minions will colonize fort sumter , fire the first shot and then get a shellacking
Say, Victoria, you don't sweat much, for a fat girl.
Ever heard of Octomom, bitch?
I'm sure she's had eight pairs of hands inside of her. (Cudos to Lisa Lampanelli.)
Her makeup and teeth seem okay, why can't she do something about that hair?
What the hell did Miller and Jackson get into back in the 80s? Hope it was worth it.
I'm thinking it was the same bad lot, at the same desultory after party.
Isn't it about time we let Victoria's Secret be her very existence? Her mindless rants have become as commonplace as attempted robberies at 7-Eleven.
Begone, mad twat! Begone with thy sisters Caribou and CrazyEyes! Confine thy rants to the non-world of WorldNut Daily!
Begone, I say, and darken our Wonk no more!
Personally, I can't wait until white people hold more positions of power.
What a dumbass. Is that a redundant pair of spex up in the hair-nest? It's kind of freaking me out.
Trix dropped acid when she took that, so it's possible you're hallucinating them.
Those are for spotting Commies…
They're secret x-ray spex for identifying commies, kinda like those glasses Roddy Piper found in They Live.
Put. The. Glasses. ON!
She's twice as smart, you see.
Those are the glasses she uses to find her glasses.
White people don't have children they can't take care of without government assistance? Errrrrrm…. Bristol Palin, anyone?
I like her new character. Excellent satire. Here are some more (not at all racisit) ideas:
* Secession is a responsible solution that only white people have the moral courage to support.
* Obama is BLACK, so he must be a commie.
* Obama's center right policies are undermining the progress made by Bush and Clinton and taking us back to the bad old days of Reagan and Bush.
* Obama is BLACK, so he must be a COMMIE.
* White people's are better because our ancestors paid to come to America.
* I am not a racist. I just think black people should have their own country.
* Obama is BLACK, so he MUST be a COMMIE.
You forgot, Obama is also a Muslim.
* Obama is a BLACK MUSLIM so he must be a COMMIE.
* Obama is a BLACK MUSLIM who goes to a BLACK CHRISTIAN church so he must be a BLACK COMMIE.
* BLACK BLACK BLACK
I like the jib of her cut.
I am surprised how quiet the Snowbilly Grifter has been on all this.
Um, you spelled suicide wrong, asshole.
Here's a riddle for Mz Jackson:
Q: What has two thumbs and wishes you'd just shut the hell up already?
A: This guy.
If at first you do not secede, try, try again.
I read Under the Banner of Heaven a few weeks ago. It was terrifying and terribly interesting. The child sexual abuse/ rape/incest was a bit hard to read about because it is so disgusting.
Everyone should read it to learn about our home grown American religion. You will not be surprised to learn that Joesph Smith's wife called bullshit on the whole polygamy thing. He even sent his brother to tell her about it and his brother said he had never been screamed at like that before.
They believe it is ok to accept assistance from the government because the government is so awful that it is righteous to take their money. When Texas goes they should take Utah, Idaho and Arizona too.
No lie, The Love Toilet skit still gives me hives.
You ALL have too many fucking children, hows about that?
"Responsibility?" I personally call it "employers have a 'moral objection' to both paying for the pill and paying a wage that actually allows employees to afford the pill."
Responsible people would limit themselves to buttsecks.
I'm turning over a new leaf.
Wonkett: the most responsible website on all the Internets!
She was an unknown on SNL, and her career went down after that.
Victoria Jackson is statistically a sperm burping road whore.
No need to sugar coat it, you're among friends here.
I refuse to watch that "Love Toilet" skit (isn't Bubba the Love Toilet" some DJ from Tampa?), but would I be correct in assuming that a "love toilet" would be where blumpkins and grumpy munchkins take place?
Larry Craig's unofficial 2nd office was also called "The Love Toilet".
The earth's atmosphere has too much oxygen for Ms. Jackson's wee small brain. This is the reason she seems insane.
Sheesh, with the welfare thing again? It took me a while to digest the fallacious right wing argument, but I think this is it:
Food stamps and income assistance are some kind of unfunded liability and contribute to the national debt
Entitlement programs count for 50% of all federal spending
Food stamps and income assistance are bleeding the country out
As far as I could tell, the total federal budget for TANF (WELFARE!!!) was $16 billion dollars, and SNAP (FOOD STAMPS!!!!) was something like $60 billion dollars. I think that evens out to 70 f-22 raptor fighter planes.
Dummies confuse entitlement programs deliberately to argue that food stamps are bankrupting us and are something we can't afford: social security, medicaid, and medicare are part of this 'entitlement' spending that is 50% of the federal budget, so we should somehow kick poor people off nutrition and income assistance programs.
You are over thinking it. Here's the argument:
* Food stamps help poor (black) people.
* Black people vote Democrat.
And there are more black people on welfare than any other group in America, therefore Obama wins the election. So simple, really, I don't see how the Republicans missed this.
I preferred her Mighty Mouse routine.
Statistically speaking, Victoria Jackson doesn't like minorities
But she's not being racist, mind you… she's being mathematical.
And she has the faux glasses to prove it!
AFBSW?
Another Fat Blonde Said What?
Victoria needs to go home and eat a few packs of cookies and a gallon of ice cream, that ought to make her feel better.
Stupid woman. She should quit waving that Bible of hers about like a bludgeon, siddown, crack it open, and READ IT. Because somewhere in his letters (I forget exactly where but she can find it for herself), Paul explicitly told people of the church (I'm thinking Rome but not sure) to "pray for their leaders" (meaning the government) because they were put in place by God. It's in the Bible and if she wants to remain a literalist she needs to do her homework and face up to what's actually there instead of pulling proof texts out of her fat ass (to say nothing of context) that prove absolutely nothing.
A little inconvenient fact for Ms. Jackson, but more people on welfare are the white, working poor.
This doesn't bode well for the president's chances of being reelected.
Who would have guessed that Victoria Jackson was not having to act to portray a dumb blonde on SNL?
"As it stands, the bill has only one such feature; the Independent Payment Advisory Board, otherwise called by its acronym "IPAB" or more commonly the death panel. This provision puts 15 bureaucrats in charge of deciding where to cut costs and funding for certain health care services."
And this differs from insurance companies deciding on your healthcare, how?
Victoria Jackson and Dennis Miller are a two-man twat-pocalypse from the taint-th season of SNL.
You want to use the word "statistics" while talking to this woman? You'll just get holy water all over you.
Oh, and Ms. Jackson? We appreciate your hard work over the past four years for our audition process, but Julianne Moore will be playing the mom in our re-make of Carrie.
I must begrudgingly admit to being impressed by Ms. Jackson's ability to avoid confusing "than" with "then."
It was literature's loss that she gave up a promising future as Susan Sontag's intellectual better in favor of being a has-been-who-never-was.
Palin-Jackson 2016
VS Clinton and the bisexual athiest
If the south succceeds we all can declare success!
Pretty much committed career suicide, not because of her politics, because she is demonstrably batshitfuckingcrazyoutofhermind. Also kind of hard to make a living as a comedienne when you are not funny or as an actor when you can't act.
If only twits like Vicky had an iota of a clue, but. again. who. cares.
How silly of me! I took her comments literally. I didn't realize she came from the school of Colbert..What a genius!
What If… Victoria Jackson had never existed?
1) The '87-92 SNL cast would have been even funnier, on the average, and millions of people like me wouldn't have cringed a little every time she came on the screen.
2) Um, that's about it.
Also, who wants to break the bad news to Victoria Jackson that her current Twitter avatar is a Toulouse-Lautrec portrait of a lesbian clown, modeled after portraits of Japanese prostitutes?
I mean, it doesn't matter to me, but somehow I think that she'd be a wee bit upset if she knew.
John Belushi, dead, is more successful than V Jackson, alive.
Oh look, a fat, stupid American female who nobody should be paying attention to. Meanwhile, has anyone heard that matter is decaying?
Matthew 19:9
You take issue with abortion, don't want birth control, especially if paid for by the govt, and then you COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MANY KIDS BLACKS AND LATINOS HAVE! ARE YOU INSANE, LADY?!?!
Sorry, she just gets on my last nerve.
"20 years after last appearing anywhere in the media entertainment complex."
Huh, so it is 2033? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0414130/
Catch Victoria in Branson, Mssouri doing a duet with Pat Boone accompanied by Ted (tiny peen) Nugent on the gee tar.
"Bat Shit Crazy." By Victoria Jackson.
That response is glorious.
But her perfume will do better than the Trump's Porn Video.
IthinkI'mgonnaHURL *runs to bathroom*
After watching the Donald masturbate on camera, you'll need some of that perfume to cover the stink pouring from your eyeballs.
Thanks. I'm one for 3,798 comments now.
I wonder if he combs over "down there"? NO, I really don't wonder.
Willy T. Ribbs libel.
EYE BLEACH, STAT
A 'murkin with a merkin?
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