THE WALKING DEAD  11:57 am November 13, 2012

Loser Congressman Joe Walsh Predictably Refuses To Go Away, Weighs Run For Senate Or Governor Or DWTS Or Something

by Doktor Zoom

Graaaaagh! Mnnnaarrgh! MUST SEEK OFFICE!Check your betting slips, kids! Who had Joe Walsh (R-Camp Crystal Lake) in the betting pool for “first defeated douchecanoe to announce they’re running again”? The deadbeat dad and shouty pantsload won the honor of leading off our “Pantheon of Fallen Heroes” series last week, and now he’s pursuing the coveted Not Quite Dead status of such legendary comeback kids as Grover Cleveland, Richard Nixon, and Jason Voorhees (only time will tell whether Walsh will ever attain Joker Immunity, however). In fact, within just 12 hours of losing his House race to Tammy Duckworth by a full 10 points, Walsh was speculating that it might be fun to run for Illinois Governor, or maybe for the U.S. Senate.

In an interview with the Daily Herald (“Suburban Chicago’s Information Source”) following his loss to Duckworth, Walsh was asked if he’d run for governor.

You know that I believe fervently in that vision. I don’t know of many other candidates who articulate that vision. Am I going to do something? Oh gosh, I don’t know. People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?” I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this. I’d rather go down fighting. Democrats have ruined this state but they’ve been able to do it because the Republicans have allowed them to.

Further, asked if he might consider becoming a media pundit of some sort (on public access cable, we hope!), Walsh came as close to self-awareness as he is ever likely to, acknowledging “I’ve got a lot of flaws as a candidate” but then adding, “But I can talk to any person in everyday language.” Presumably he means shouting out talking points, which he is quite good at.

And so, get ready for the Return of Joe Walsh to the pages of Your Wonkette. He really is the gift that keeps on giving. Except, of course, to his kids.

[PoliticalWire / DailyHerald]

 

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{ 260 comments }

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

How come he's not holding that "World's Best Dad" coffee mug I sent him?

Callyson November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

His kids threw it in the trash.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Or eating beans out of it and sobbing softly.

Jus_Wonderin November 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Beans?! Spoiled brats!

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Or sold it for food.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

He thought his kids did that as a joke, so he sued them and used the mug as evidence. Not HIS, YOURS!

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

He doesn't understand any of those words, especially the last one.

OneYieldRegular November 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Because it was garnished by the court?

Jus_Wonderin November 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Pay your fuckin' child support, asshole!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Yeah. That really burns me. You know those kids did without for years while his wife scraped and saved and borrowed and sold whatever dignity or self-respect she had to put food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs. That fecking useless PoS.

PubOption November 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

He's now got the excuse that he is out of work.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Senator Joe Deadbeat

Has a nice ring to it.

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Of the Arlington Deadbeats?

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Deadbeats are people, too, my friend.

LibertyLover November 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I pity his children.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Imagine if he shouts at total strangers he NEEDS, how he must have treated those kids.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I'd like to see an "en" on the back end of that. If you don't mind.

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Oh, you and your suffixes.

(hugs) What can we call you for short? Besides shorty, of course.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Hello, my darling, hello, my sweetie, hello my honey-pie!

Goddammit, no one's even mildly surprised any more.

Call me whatever you want, baby. ETA: (LOTS of hugs)

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

"People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?” Then when I tell them which Joe Walsh I am, they just turn their pretty heads and walk away."

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Daaaaahhhhhhh….Dah Dah

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Takin' my time
Nonsupport slime
Try'n to decide where to run
Everyone note:
I'll get your vote
'Cause I "campaign" with a gun.

ProgressiveInga November 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Vote Shouty: Walsh/West 2016!

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Shouty/Shooty 2016

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Aw, c'mon. It was a faux execution!

corthylio November 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I think you're just taking the wee wee out of us…

HRH_Maddie November 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Now that's rage I can believe in!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Nice! Perhaps they'll both lose in such a thundering defeat that they'll crawl away and leave the rest of us alone forEVAH.

hagajim November 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I hereby nominate Mr. Walsh for douchecanoe of the year…and man who obviously has lost all touch with reality.

ButthurtWingers2012 November 13, 2012 at 9:46 pm

He has some stiff competition on that front…I mean Karl Rove is such an out-of-touch douchecanoe with a broken grasp of reality he went about the humiliating task of making FOX'S decision desk have to tell him to go fuck off through hairdoo Meghan Kelly. Then we have the doughy pantloads analog in Allen West who is such a nut with a poor grasp of reality he impounded the vote in his election loss while pretending there was some vast conspiracy against him…which is kind of true, I mean reality is pretty vast, come to think of it….

Last but not least we have Moneybot 9000 who was so sure he'd win…well, it speaks for itself, no need to further elaborate.

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

People approach me every day

Bullshit. No one talks to you unless they're serving you a summons.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

LIAR LIAR! He's continuously approached.

Sheriffs, bountyhunters…

ETA:

Oh surrrrrrre! Edit to answer my reply just as I'm making it! See if I care!

Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

*twiddles mustachio*

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

YOU EVIL BASTARD PERSON OF GREAT FORESIGHT AND INTELLIGENCE!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

(waxes the ends)

I didn't say WUT ends!

UnholyMoses November 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Sure they do! They're the same people who eat the Applebee's salad bar.

Mahousu November 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

At first I thought you had left out an "at," but then I realized the sentence worked fine without it.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Great. Now I have a picture stuck in my head of goatish louts eating the salad bar at Applebee's. Thanks a lot, the BOWF of ya.

UnholyMoses November 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Huh … it does, doesn't it?

Schmannnity November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

He's covered with red marks from being touched with a ten-foot pole.

YasserArraFeck November 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Where's a mugger when he's needed?

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Fare la Volpe November 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Signed, sealed, delivered.

UnholyMoses November 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

That is dripping in awesome sauce.

ADDING: And has my signature!

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

If I can get 150 signatures on it, it automatically becomes publicly searchable, so sign on, me hearties!

Jimmyone November 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I don't think Weedlord BonerHitler has signed in yet…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I just *said* that, Jimmy.

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I thought we were a warblog?!

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Election's over. Elections have consequences. If your election lasts four or more years, see a Vice President.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm
weejee November 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Well Ryan's been modestly proposing that for our troops' MREs.

proudgrampa November 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I understand that a chardonnay goes well with the liver and some fava beans…

weejee November 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

♪♫ Signed, sealed, and delivered ♫♪

Well signed anyway. The first ever orficial White House Mommy Blog!!

/ oops, missed yer post Fare

Blueb4sinrise November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

IT"S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Selfish_T November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Signed. The most important petition of our time.

Callyson November 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Lucky #7!

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Done and done.

Actor212 for Secretary of Screwing with Tards!

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

The preamble is beautiful.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Signed. And also signed the one to strip citizenship and exile anyone signing petitions to secede from the US. Also noticed Alabama, Georgia and Texas secessions have each garnered over 20,000 signatures.

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

What's the over/under on the number of blue staters signing the Texas petition?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Hard to know, but my gut feeling is that it's about 50:50.

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

So nice to finally see bipartisanship.

Dudleydidwrong November 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Whew! I signed #14. For a minute I thought that I would be # 13 and would have to start a petition to eliminate the #13 from all petition drives, hotel floors, and lists of Republican assholes.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Anybody notice "Ale to the Chief"?

Spurning Beer November 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Not only have I noticed, I cooked up a batch of White House Honey Ale last Saturday. I aim to serve it at Innauguration Day festivities.

I love that the recipes were released in response to a FOIA request.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Dude, ya think it's a good idea for ME to sign?

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

OK, I signed, but just wait until someone does the "Report this petition as inappropriate…" Where will we be then?

On second thought, one could do that to all the secession petitions and see what happens.

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 7:00 pm

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

I *like* this version.

Joshua Norton November 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

And so, get ready for the Return of Joe Walsh to the pages of Your Wonkette.

Wingnut/Goldfish Attention Span:

Oh Wow! A Castle!

One Mississippi
Two Mississippi
Three Mississippi

Oh Wow! A Castle!

One Mississippi
Two Mississippi
Three Mississippi

Oh Wow! A Castle!

Estproph November 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Etc etc Rocky Mountain Way etc etc Life's Been Good To Me So Far etc

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It's a good thing he lost or we'd have to establish a number system for posts involving him, like "1" would be "The Eagles Suck", "2" would mean "Rocky Mountain Way," "3" = "Dirty Laundry," etc…

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Fuck 47

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Nicely done.

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Why, thanks. A tad convoluted, but satisfying.

FNMA November 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Not to get all geeky on you, but "Dirty Laundry" was Don Henley.
Don Henley sucks.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Ass.

BaldarTFlagass November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I like his Building the Perfect Beast album, but it was mostly because of Mike Campbell of TP/Heartbreakers providing the guitar licks.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Well, OK, then.

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I'll be ridiculed for this, but I think "Boys of Summer" is downright catchy. And I've always had a soft spot for "You Must Not Be Drinking Enough".

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Fox News must be tightening their budget.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

With him around? They've got the drawstrings of the Official Purse secured around Roger Ailes' neck with triple padlocks.

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I first read that as paddocks. And I was about to applaud your meanness.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

No, no, go ahead, this is my *mean* avatar.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Weedlord smells funny when he gives us hugz.

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Clap.

UnholyMoses November 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Living a life of illusion delusion, indeed.

SexySmurf November 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Joe is selling himself short. He should run for President. Or Secretary General of the UN. Or Dictator of the Galactic Confederacy.

MaxNeanderthal November 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Ming the Merciless? "Open fire!, ALL Weapons!"

freakishlywrong November 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Joe, the dumber.

el_donaldo November 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Install a cardboard mockup of a television camera in his living room and tell him it's a live feed to Fox News. He'll never leave the room again.

MaxNeanderthal November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Give him an etch-a-sketch and tell him it's a PC…

GeneralLerong November 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

He'll be so sweet, they'll think he'd never even hurt a fly.

sbj1964 November 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Betting pool?Joe walsh is from the shallow end of the gene pool.

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

More like the gene puddle.

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

John Edwards had a famous negligence case about that.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

He's wondering why Darwin the lifeguard is ordering him out.

SorosBot November 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Yeah, he'll do so much better in a statewide race in reliably liberal Illinois than in the right-leaning Congressional district he already lost.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Senator Alan Keyes concurs

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

It's ALL about those sweet, sweet campaign donation$…

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Yup. He's following the buttcrack of Joe the Plunger.

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Q: What's a Duckworth?

A: About a zillion times this asshole

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Plus, I hate to break it to him but our Republican Senator Mark Kirk hasn't said he was planning to give up his seat, despite his health issues.

Dr_Zoidberg November 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Go away! Go away go away go away, you failed excuse for a human being!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

You'll need to take his arm off, Doc.

ManchuCandidate November 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

He's going to end up in prison anyway, but I suspect that the people of Illinois would prefer to cut out the taxpayer middleman, he not collect his pension and go directly to jail.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I'm sure he'd be the most popular boy on his cellblock…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

His hair is perfect.

Aridzona November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Blago is looking for a roommate.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

He's got TWO wives and multiple children who can claim parts of that pension. Send him to jail NOW, avoid the rush.

Mumbletypeg November 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Fails at fatherhood. Fails at bringing home the Repub vote count. And now, fails at failing.

Crank_Tango November 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Ooooooh he speaks everyday language!!! I have to use an iPhone app for that.

Blueb4sinrise November 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

HE"S A CLOSETED WITTGENSTINIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

That's the kind of insults people throw around on the Wonketz. They may seem insignificant but they cut DEEP.

Blueb4sinrise November 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Weedlord!
I am honored, and humbled.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:47 pm

(Hugs you)

Ground Zero Mostel November 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Yes. Please become a pundit on Faux News and continue to insult veterans and women. Thank you for being a stealth progressive and your continued work driving these constituencies further into the progressive camp.

UnholyMoses November 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?”

A better question people should ask Mr. Shouty McDeadbeatpants: "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PAY UP YOUR CHILD SUPPORT, FUCKFACE?"

Serolf_Divad November 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Why do I suspect that Illinoisians have a better chance of seeing Walsh as Governor than his own kids have of seeing daddy help mommy pay for their college.?

ManchuCandidate November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Nate Silver has the percentage of him paying child support at 1.5% and his chance of winning the Illinois gubbiner position at 2.1%.

Designer_Rants November 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

So you're saying there's a chance…

SorosBot November 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Wait, if the deadbeat somehow does become Governor then this being Illinois we'd soon be seeing him in prison.

fuflans November 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

i do not think this shouty loser has what it takes to be an incarcerated IL governor.

some of us are very proud of that record and take these things very seriously.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 13, 2012 at 3:12 pm

In Illinois getting elected governor comes with an automatic 10 year prison sentence upon completion of your term of office. Saves the taxpayers of Illinois the cost of the trial.

UW8316154 November 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

He doesn't have the hair to be Guvnor of Illinois.

YasserArraFeck November 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

But he's got the requisite moral turpitude.

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Most folks that lose a congressional race go straight to the Governor's Mansion, especially in IL.

Run, Joe, Run!

Mumbletypeg November 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I dunno, he sounds like a truly de-voted father to me.

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

In all fairness, his kids aren't old enough to vote yet.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

It's Illinois. It makes a difference?

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I saw what you did!

YasserArraFeck November 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Very nice.

Pragmatist2 November 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Of course he will run for office. No one would hire him for a real job.

FakaktaSouth November 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Who taught him the word "vision"? Cause all I see is a serious moron trying to come up with a way to keep suckering even dumber tea-tards into sending him money. And the tea-tards? They really do think they are still a thing – the whole "they should have listened to us MORE if they wanted to win" whining is just not going away. I'm kind of enjoying it.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Article today in the Seattle Times interviewing a few Seattle based teatards. One lady gets angry every time she goes to Trader Joe's because she knows she is surrounded by people who are destroying freedom. Just having confirmation that they really are miserable and angry most of the time made my day.

spareme November 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Has she run any of them over with her car yet?

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Having been to the (incredibly cramped) parking lot of the Trader Joe's in question, I've thought about running over a few people with my car.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

But she still goes to Trader Joe's….

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It's not easy keeping a frothy head on your poutrage!

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I saw that. HI-larious!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Congrats on destroying freedoms with your purchasing of cheap wine and overpriced produce!

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Ffft. Like I would buy produce at Trader Joe's. CSA, baby!

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

"keep suckering even dumber tea-tards into sending him money."

That is his "vision".

prommie November 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Sustained rabble-rousing sure does lead to a roused-up rabble, doesn't it? Demagoguery works, on a short-term basis. You can panic and scare people into watching your fake news network, or voting for you, or contributing to you cause. But it only works short-term, kinda like cocaine only works short-term as a way to find happiness. Because real quick, it loses effectiveness, and you have to start upping the dose or amping up the rhetoric, and before you know it you are a skritchy wreck who has been up for 4 days straight in a blind shrieking panic and you are paranoid, angry, and dangerous to be around.

Tommy1733 November 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Personally I have deep suspicions of anyone who utters the phrase "articulate that vision".

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Bless you. I thought maybe he just learned that word or something.

"I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this." ??
Time to check his glass for happy juice…

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Beats workin' for a living.

Tequila Mockingbird November 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day. They said we were gonna put Joe on a shelf. But let me tell you, I got some news for you – and you'll soon find out it's true – and then Joe will have to eat his lunch all by himself.

Crank_Tango November 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

He's already gone.

actor212 November 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

He left on Seven Bridges Road.

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Now if he would only be GONE, already.

Stevola November 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

It's hard to leave when you can't find the door

Goonemeritus November 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

It’s nice to see a guy that can be totally wrong in clear plain-spoken language for a change.

LibrarianX November 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Walsh is the obvious replacement for Cornelius Fudge at the Ministry of Magic.

T3rbo November 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

OR, he could be the new Oxy Clean guy on TV

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

SHAM-WOW!

Callyson November 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Who had Joe Walsh (R-Camp Crystal Lake) in the betting pool for “first defeated douchecanoe to announce they’re running again”?

Dammit, I thought Allen West was a sure thing…

(rips up ticket, bitches about money down the drain…)

nothingisamiss November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Nah, he still thinks he’s won. You didn’t count on the delusions. Living in the reality based communities, it gets us every time.

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Allen West hasn't announced yet only because he refused to admit defeat. Semper Fi?

Callyson November 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?”

Yes, and those people are professional comedians who miss you already…

Rowen November 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I think these are the same people who like putting women in binders.

coolhandnuke November 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I will now play The Fall's "Deadbeat Descendant" in dishonor of Joe.

schvitzatura November 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I will now play Von Südenfed's "The Rhinohead (Pilooski Edit)" in honor of your dishonor of Joe.

Mark E. Smith for IL 2014!

Slim_Pickins November 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

What Walsh calls his "vision" rational people call his delusion.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I was going to say "hallucination", but delusion works about as well.

BeefHardcake November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Speaking as an Illinois resident, all I can say is: PLEASE PLEASE RUN FOR GOVERNOR. That would be comedy fodder for years to come.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Is the Illinois GOP crazy enough to run him for any statewide orifice?

BeefHardcake November 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

If I've learned anything this election cycle, it's that the well of the GOP crazy is deep and never-ending.

freakishlywrong November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

What in God's name, would this asshole be a Senator of?

rmjagg November 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

his own personal pantload , no one else wants the job …

secanonymous November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Hey Joe, I know this guy named Blagojevich who's 'got this thing' he can get you in exchange for an extended sleepover.

HateMachine November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Dok, what did we ever do to you to merit the punishment of a TV Tropes link? There goes my afternoon…

Doktor Zoom November 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

bwahahahahaa, my fiendish plot to destroy America's productivity continues apace!

Now, my minions, UNLEASH THE CAT VIDEOS!

paulabflat November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

i think it might be fun to fill joe walsh's mouth with marbles until his jaws click. then push in more marbles.

yeah. fun.

rmjagg November 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

why not rocks ?

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Wusses both of you.

Japanese Hornets.

paulabflat November 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

NOW we're gettin' somewhere.

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

That doesn't sound very Amercian. What's wrong with our hornets?

vtxmcrider November 14, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Nowhere near as deadly. Besides, we outsource everything here.

paulabflat November 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

no real reason other than because marbles are purtier. and i have a lot of them on hand.

don't ask.

vtxmcrider November 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Ben-wa marbles, no doubt. After all, you are a Wonketteer.

Defeatably_Joe November 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Not Quite Dead [...] Joker Immunity

Jesus Christ, Dok, warn us next time, before you start linking to that goddamned black hole. Some of us have some work to do, at all, today.

Barrelhse November 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm
freakishlywrong November 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Now, THAT's a biography!

Blueb4sinrise November 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Excellent.

coolhandnuke November 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

He is indeed a Four-Star Genital.

bobbert November 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Ahh hahahahaha.

Esteev November 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

'(S)natch

Botlrokit November 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Keep fuckin' that chicken!!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Love the alternative title "(Is it) ALL IN (?)"

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

As a Denverite, I find this particularly delish. Thanks for posting.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

"So, Joe, does anyone else see these 'people'?"

rmjagg November 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

was he the little kid in " the sixth sense " ?

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

DingDingDingDing!

We have a winner!

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Only that Osment kid, but hell, this is ILLINOIS!

comrad_darkness November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

That sweet sweet PAC monty so easily becomes sweet sweet pocket money.

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I think it would be great. I mean Karl Rove, being the brilliant tactician and financial manager he is, could burn more money financing his campaign.

Fox n Fiends November 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Conservatives: Hate Government, Love Government Jobs

DCBloom November 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

So true. My husband worked with the Wildlife Commission. There was a guy he worked with that was constantly going on & on about small gov't. He'd look at incredulously and ask him if he realized that he WAS the big gov't they want to cut. Complete cognitive dissonance

Fox n Fiends November 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I was just reading about the leader of an ultra-conservative superpac, the guy got rich by making locks for prison doors. Every penny he's ever earned is from taxpayer money. Hates the government.

Rosie_Scenario November 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

And Paul Ryan's family's construction business also, too. Gov't contracts to build roads.

Exhausted66 November 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

CLAIM:
"I can talk to any person in everyday language"
EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY:
"Oh, gosh…"

editor November 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

"You know that I believe fervently in that vision."

which would be the vision of paying yourself $5000 a month from campaign funds for being such a good shouter, i take it. yeah, probably a more attractive vision than deranged street corner shouter, which is the only job alternative i see for this wack job.

prommie November 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

HELP!!!!!! My computer is cross-site scripting! (is that bad?)

Doktor Zoom November 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

It's a bit like being Tin Roof Rusted, I think.

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

In the rare event of cross-site scripting lasting more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Two Buck Chuck is destroying freedom. Who knew?

LibertyLover November 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Please. The man couldn't "lead a movement" if he gave everyone Free Metamucil.

Hammiepants November 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I just want to say I love "shouty pantsload" and I will actively seek out situations where I can use it.

Doktor Zoom November 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I just hope that doughy pantsload Ross Douthat won't feel slighted.

Terry November 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

"Further, asked if he might consider becoming a media pundit of some sort (on public access cable, we hope!)"

On the new tea bagger TV network, perhaps.

mbobier November 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

"Am I going to do something? Oh gosh, I don’t know" was pretty much his motto the entire time he was a Congresscritter.

Chow Yun Flat November 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Governor of Illinois would work for Joe since it is just a stop on the train to the Big House for most of those elected.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

"I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this."

…tha fuck?

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm

He doesn't know many other candidates that articulate that vision, primarily because they're all speaking English.

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 2:36 pm

And sane.

Botlrokit November 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Know who else was soundly beaten in a popular plebiscite, only to roar back a few years later?

FlownOver November 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Nixon?

Well, not all that soundly, but still…

freakishlywrong November 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

His movement would lead to a vision of a steaming turd.

Jerri November 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I hope Nobama's FEMA camps really do come true, and I hope they have a heavy focus on reading, writing, and sentence diagramming because goddamn do these Republicans suck at constructing sentences make sense.

'Course, I suppose it would be hard for any of us to speak properly with all that bullshit filling up our talk-holes.

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I'd like to see an estimate of how many of the furiously indignant 'tea party' of 2010 are dead now because of, well, being old, full of arterial plaque and professional grade indignant. Wonder if it swung and election?

boskolives November 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

It's a tribute to human drive when an anti big-government man gets his ass kicked by a woman with no legs, and then somehow finds a way to grovel his way back to the government trough at feeding time.

Slim_Pickins November 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

He'll lose the senate race because the Dems have gerrymandered the senate districts in Illinois.

fuflans November 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

nice.

jzgplj November 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Joe, please go play in traffic. That is all.

DixvilleCrotch November 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I always thought of him as more of a guano faucet, rather than a douchecanoe. But that's just me.

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

DWTS

His safe word is "pantload"…

En_Buenora November 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

He knows there's enough right wing Teahadist dopes out there to give him a shitload of campaign donations, and when the campaign's done he can keep 'em.

Dudleydidwrong November 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Joe's vision is to have a part in a remake of Blazing Saddles: with Harvey Korman's arm around him, convincing him that he could become the president–and then banging his head. "Keep having those visions, Joe. Dare! Dare!"

proudgrampa November 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Oh, Joe's just an Ordinary Average Guy:

"Pick up the Dog Doo
Hope that it's hard…"

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

You know who else could talk to any person in everyday language?

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Siri is well-programmed… but I reckon that's not the answer you were after.

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Works for me.

Defeatably_Joe November 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Thank goodness, I was worried I might run out of material, some day.

cc423 November 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I prefer to call him He-Bachmann.

docterry6973 November 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

The GOP couldn't be bothered to gerrymander a safe seat for this turd. Now he thinks he has a shot at state-wide office? Please run, Joe, and raise lots of money for the primary.

Eve8Apples November 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I've never understood why Republicans are so unwilling to work for a private sector job creator after their constituents have told them they're unfit for public office.

carlgt1 November 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Does Allen West count as "first to announce" since he lost but refuses to leave, like all leftover Bush appointees from Bob Jones U who refused to go in '09?

OneYieldRegular November 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

This is nothing new. I run into people every day in my drug-crazed neighborhood who have visions not shared by many others.

BZ1 November 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Maybe a starring role in the ongoing soap opera: PAY YOUR CHILD SUPPORT, YOU DEADBEAT!

cognachas4paws November 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I just got rid of this guy as my congress-critter. He's like a bad penny – you can't get rid of him. Just when you think he's gone, he pops back up like a jack-in-the-box. He will never be governor of this state and I'm pretty sure it's safe to say he'll never be senator. He's shown himself to be quite an embarrassment to the state of Illinois and given some of the politicians we've had, that's quite an achievement. Well, at least that's something he can be proud of.

bikerlaureate November 13, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Congrats on being liberated.

If nothing else, anyone can serve as a bad example. Maybe he can be the boogeyman to motivate Democrats – "Get busy with that campaign work or the Walsh will appear again…"

Cleopatriot November 13, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Congrats. But this pretty much seals a win for Quinn again unless the Dems run someone in the primary. Which may happen and I don't think Quinn can survive a primary this time. So it'll be some Dem (I hope it isn't Lisa) vs the most reactionary Republican among those running. And that means the continuation of Dem rule in IL.

FTR, I like Pat Quinn, he's just a terrible governor.

Amanwithnoplan November 13, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I dreamed I saw Joe Walsh last night, as dead as he could be.

"Not an actual wish, just a metaphor for him never having existed in any world, ever."

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 13, 2012 at 3:08 pm

The best think Joe Walsh could do for the people of Illinois is move to the 26th Illinois state district and try to unseat Mike Madigan, the entrenched and corrupt Speaker of the Illinois House. Hell, I'd even vote for Joe if he could get rid of Mike.

elgin_pelican November 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Funny, people come up to me and ask, "Are you going to date Katy Perry? Are you going to take a few snaps in the Giants game? Are you going to land a JET PLANE ON THE MOON??"

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 2:33 am

People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to pay your child support? Are you going to stop being a d-bag?”

Fixed for reality.

Negropolis November 14, 2012 at 2:42 am

Well, sinbeing elected governor in Illinois seems to be the quickest route to prison for a politician, there, I'd vote for this guy in a heartbeat if I lived in the Land of Lincoln.

ttommyunger November 14, 2012 at 11:33 am

Gee, Joe; I understand Joe the Plumber is in the same situation, employment-wise. Have you two considered a partnership? Plumbing is an honorable trade craft, maybe you could even pay down some of your child support debt. Not sure if copyright problems would preclude this, but how's this sound: "Dumb and Dumberer-Your Pantload Plumbers"? I know, you have no Plumber's License or credentials-not to worry, neither does he.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Dudina. I washed and everything.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:14 pm

That's IT? I bring you a freshly-washed avatar and this is all I get?

See if I bother getting all dressed up again for y'all.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Not bad. Funny like my big brothers 1985 Ford Escort when he used to drive me to school.

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 2:49 pm

He smoked a lot of weed, din't he? Probly wore flannel shirts, too.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 13, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I was MEAN to you? Oh, noes, I'm sorry, I didn't *mean* to be! Sorry. Was I really? Anyway, I got kinda sidetracked over there. Nice commentage!

Jimmyone November 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Sorry…had smoke in my eyes…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

Oh. Lemme pass you the spliff.

Jimmyone November 15, 2012 at 8:32 am

Harvest is done…now all that is left to do is quality control…

Jimmyone November 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I wanted to say happy T-day for what it is worth…at least I hope you are enjoying a nice peaceful day, surrounded by good people and good food…eat wisely…imbibe profusely…is my wish for my brother…Harvest is in and I volunteered to do my patriotic duty to the great State of Depravity as a quality control analyst of the third order….So far, I have found two standards in which I identify each sample…Standing Upright…and Face Plant….Jury is still out on the funny looking sample…have to keep waking up to re-light…oh the effort….any way see ya on the innertubes/funny papers…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Thank you, Jimmyone my brother! We're having a laid back day here at Eagleshit Towers. All the neighbours seem to have gone out of town, which means blessed peace and quiet. We're watching movies, eating lots of good food, and imbibing of the Sacred Herb. I prefer to think of my two standards as "Giggle Grass" and "Dope." The latter knocks you out, and the first turns you into a fucking genius of creativity, at least until you sober up. :)

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