The Walking Dead

Loser Congressman Joe Walsh Predictably Refuses To Go Away, Weighs Run For Senate Or Governor Or DWTS Or Something

Graaaaagh! Mnnnaarrgh! MUST SEEK OFFICE!Check your betting slips, kids! Who had Joe Walsh (R-Camp Crystal Lake) in the betting pool for “first defeated douchecanoe to announce they’re running again”? The deadbeat dad and shouty pantsload won the honor of leading off our “Pantheon of Fallen Heroes” series last week, and now he’s pursuing the coveted Not Quite Dead status of such legendary comeback kids as Grover Cleveland, Richard Nixon, and Jason Voorhees (only time will tell whether Walsh will ever attain Joker Immunity, however). In fact, within just 12 hours of losing his House race to Tammy Duckworth by a full 10 points, Walsh was speculating that it might be fun to run for Illinois Governor, or maybe for the U.S. Senate.

In an interview with the Daily Herald (“Suburban Chicago’s Information Source”) following his loss to Duckworth, Walsh was asked if he’d run for governor.

You know that I believe fervently in that vision. I don’t know of many other candidates who articulate that vision. Am I going to do something? Oh gosh, I don’t know. People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?” I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this. I’d rather go down fighting. Democrats have ruined this state but they’ve been able to do it because the Republicans have allowed them to.

Further, asked if he might consider becoming a media pundit of some sort (on public access cable, we hope!), Walsh came as close to self-awareness as he is ever likely to, acknowledging “I’ve got a lot of flaws as a candidate” but then adding, “But I can talk to any person in everyday language.” Presumably he means shouting out talking points, which he is quite good at.

And so, get ready for the Return of Joe Walsh to the pages of Your Wonkette. He really is the gift that keeps on giving. Except, of course, to his kids.

[PoliticalWire / DailyHerald]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • BaldarTFlagass

    How come he's not holding that "World's Best Dad" coffee mug I sent him?

    • Callyson

      His kids threw it in the trash.

      • Esteev

        Or eating beans out of it and sobbing softly.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Beans?! Spoiled brats!

      • TribecaMike

        Or sold it for food.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      He thought his kids did that as a joke, so he sued them and used the mug as evidence. Not HIS, YOURS!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      He doesn't understand any of those words, especially the last one.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Because it was garnished by the court?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Pay your fuckin' child support, asshole!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Yeah. That really burns me. You know those kids did without for years while his wife scraped and saved and borrowed and sold whatever dignity or self-respect she had to put food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs. That fecking useless PoS.

    • PubOption

      He's now got the excuse that he is out of work.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Senator Joe Deadbeat

    Has a nice ring to it.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Of the Arlington Deadbeats?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Deadbeats are people, too, my friend.

    • LibertyLover

      I pity his children.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Imagine if he shouts at total strangers he NEEDS, how he must have treated those kids.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      I'd like to see an "en" on the back end of that. If you don't mind.

      • Geminisunmars

        Oh, you and your suffixes.

        (hugs) What can we call you for short? Besides shorty, of course.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Hello, my darling, hello, my sweetie, hello my honey-pie!

          Goddammit, no one's even mildly surprised any more.

          Call me whatever you want, baby. ETA: (LOTS of hugs)

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?” Then when I tell them which Joe Walsh I am, they just turn their pretty heads and walk away."

    • bobbert

      Daaaaahhhhhhh….Dah Dah

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Takin' my time
      Nonsupport slime
      Try'n to decide where to run
      Everyone note:
      I'll get your vote
      'Cause I "campaign" with a gun.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Vote Shouty: Walsh/West 2016!

    • James Michael Curley

      Shouty/Shooty 2016

      • Esteev

        Aw, c'mon. It was a faux execution!

    • corthylio

      I think you're just taking the wee wee out of us…

    • HRH_Maddie

      Now that's rage I can believe in!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Nice! Perhaps they'll both lose in such a thundering defeat that they'll crawl away and leave the rest of us alone forEVAH.

  • hagajim

    I hereby nominate Mr. Walsh for douchecanoe of the year…and man who obviously has lost all touch with reality.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      He has some stiff competition on that front…I mean Karl Rove is such an out-of-touch douchecanoe with a broken grasp of reality he went about the humiliating task of making FOX'S decision desk have to tell him to go fuck off through hairdoo Meghan Kelly. Then we have the doughy pantloads analog in Allen West who is such a nut with a poor grasp of reality he impounded the vote in his election loss while pretending there was some vast conspiracy against him…which is kind of true, I mean reality is pretty vast, come to think of it….

      Last but not least we have Moneybot 9000 who was so sure he'd win…well, it speaks for itself, no need to further elaborate.

  • Fare la Volpe

    People approach me every day

    Bullshit. No one talks to you unless they're serving you a summons.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      LIAR LIAR! He's continuously approached.

      Sheriffs, bountyhunters…

      ETA:

      Oh surrrrrrre! Edit to answer my reply just as I'm making it! See if I care!

      • Fare la Volpe

        *twiddles mustachio*

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          YOU EVIL BASTARD PERSON OF GREAT FORESIGHT AND INTELLIGENCE!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          (waxes the ends)

          I didn't say WUT ends!

    • UnholyMoses

      Sure they do! They're the same people who eat the Applebee's salad bar.

      • Mahousu

        At first I thought you had left out an "at," but then I realized the sentence worked fine without it.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Great. Now I have a picture stuck in my head of goatish louts eating the salad bar at Applebee's. Thanks a lot, the BOWF of ya.

        • UnholyMoses

          Huh … it does, doesn't it?

    • Schmannnity

      He's covered with red marks from being touched with a ten-foot pole.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Where's a mugger when he's needed?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212
    • Fare la Volpe

      Signed, sealed, delivered.

    • UnholyMoses

      That is dripping in awesome sauce.

      ADDING: And has my signature!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        If I can get 150 signatures on it, it automatically becomes publicly searchable, so sign on, me hearties!

        • Jimmyone

          I don't think Weedlord BonerHitler has signed in yet…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            I just *said* that, Jimmy.

          • Jimmyone

            Sorry…had smoke in my eyes…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Oh. Lemme pass you the spliff.

          • Jimmyone

            Harvest is done…now all that is left to do is quality control…

          • Jimmyone

            I wanted to say happy T-day for what it is worth…at least I hope you are enjoying a nice peaceful day, surrounded by good people and good food…eat wisely…imbibe profusely…is my wish for my brother…Harvest is in and I volunteered to do my patriotic duty to the great State of Depravity as a quality control analyst of the third order….So far, I have found two standards in which I identify each sample…Standing Upright…and Face Plant….Jury is still out on the funny looking sample…have to keep waking up to re-light…oh the effort….any way see ya on the innertubes/funny papers…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Thank you, Jimmyone my brother! We're having a laid back day here at Eagleshit Towers. All the neighbours seem to have gone out of town, which means blessed peace and quiet. We're watching movies, eating lots of good food, and imbibing of the Sacred Herb. I prefer to think of my two standards as "Giggle Grass" and "Dope." The latter knocks you out, and the first turns you into a fucking genius of creativity, at least until you sober up. :)

      • Oblios_Cap

        I thought we were a warblog?!

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Election's over. Elections have consequences. If your election lasts four or more years, see a Vice President.

      • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya
        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Well Ryan's been modestly proposing that for our troops' MREs.

          • proudgrampa

            I understand that a chardonnay goes well with the liver and some fava beans…

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      ♪♫ Signed, sealed, and delivered ♫♪

      Well signed anyway. The first ever orficial White House Mommy Blog!!

      / oops, missed yer post Fare

    • Blueb4sinrise

      IT"S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Selfish_T

      Signed. The most important petition of our time.

    • Callyson

      Lucky #7!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Done and done.

      Actor212 for Secretary of Screwing with Tards!

    • Esteev

      Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

      The preamble is beautiful.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Signed. And also signed the one to strip citizenship and exile anyone signing petitions to secede from the US. Also noticed Alabama, Georgia and Texas secessions have each garnered over 20,000 signatures.

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        What's the over/under on the number of blue staters signing the Texas petition?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Hard to know, but my gut feeling is that it's about 50:50.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            So nice to finally see bipartisanship.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Whew! I signed #14. For a minute I thought that I would be # 13 and would have to start a petition to eliminate the #13 from all petition drives, hotel floors, and lists of Republican assholes.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Anybody notice "Ale to the Chief"?

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        Not only have I noticed, I cooked up a batch of White House Honey Ale last Saturday. I aim to serve it at Innauguration Day festivities.

        I love that the recipes were released in response to a FOIA request.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Dude, ya think it's a good idea for ME to sign?

    • emmelemm

      OK, I signed, but just wait until someone does the "Report this petition as inappropriate…" Where will we be then?

      On second thought, one could do that to all the secession petitions and see what happens.

    • TribecaMike

      O beautiful for pilgrim feet
      Whose stern impassioned stress
      A thoroughfare of freedom beat
      Across the wilderness!
      America! America!
      God mend thine every flaw,
      Confirm thy soul in self-control,
      Thy liberty in law!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        I *like* this version.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    And so, get ready for the Return of Joe Walsh to the pages of Your Wonkette.

    Wingnut/Goldfish Attention Span:

    Oh Wow! A Castle!

    One Mississippi
    Two Mississippi
    Three Mississippi

    Oh Wow! A Castle!

    One Mississippi
    Two Mississippi
    Three Mississippi

    Oh Wow! A Castle!

  • Estproph

    Etc etc Rocky Mountain Way etc etc Life's Been Good To Me So Far etc

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's a good thing he lost or we'd have to establish a number system for posts involving him, like "1" would be "The Eagles Suck", "2" would mean "Rocky Mountain Way," "3" = "Dirty Laundry," etc…

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Fuck 47

        • bobbert

          Nicely done.

          • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

            Why, thanks. A tad convoluted, but satisfying.

      • FNMA

        Not to get all geeky on you, but "Dirty Laundry" was Don Henley.
        Don Henley sucks.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Ass.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I like his Building the Perfect Beast album, but it was mostly because of Mike Campbell of TP/Heartbreakers providing the guitar licks.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Well, OK, then.

          • bobbert

            I'll be ridiculed for this, but I think "Boys of Summer" is downright catchy. And I've always had a soft spot for "You Must Not Be Drinking Enough".

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Fox News must be tightening their budget.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      With him around? They've got the drawstrings of the Official Purse secured around Roger Ailes' neck with triple padlocks.

      • Geminisunmars

        I first read that as paddocks. And I was about to applaud your meanness.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          No, no, go ahead, this is my *mean* avatar.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Weedlord smells funny when he gives us hugz.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Dudina. I washed and everything.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Not bad. Funny like my big brothers 1985 Ford Escort when he used to drive me to school.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            He smoked a lot of weed, din't he? Probly wore flannel shirts, too.

          • Geminisunmars

            Clap.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            That's IT? I bring you a freshly-washed avatar and this is all I get?

            See if I bother getting all dressed up again for y'all.

          • Geminisunmars
          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            I was MEAN to you? Oh, noes, I'm sorry, I didn't *mean* to be! Sorry. Was I really? Anyway, I got kinda sidetracked over there. Nice commentage!

  • UnholyMoses

    Living a life of illusion delusion, indeed.

  • SexySmurf

    Joe is selling himself short. He should run for President. Or Secretary General of the UN. Or Dictator of the Galactic Confederacy.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Ming the Merciless? "Open fire!, ALL Weapons!"

  • freakishlywrong

    Joe, the dumber.

  • el_donaldo

    Install a cardboard mockup of a television camera in his living room and tell him it's a live feed to Fox News. He'll never leave the room again.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Give him an etch-a-sketch and tell him it's a PC…

    • GeneralLerong

      He'll be so sweet, they'll think he'd never even hurt a fly.

  • sbj1964

    Betting pool?Joe walsh is from the shallow end of the gene pool.

    • PugglesRule

      More like the gene puddle.

    • James Michael Curley

      John Edwards had a famous negligence case about that.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's wondering why Darwin the lifeguard is ordering him out.

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, he'll do so much better in a statewide race in reliably liberal Illinois than in the right-leaning Congressional district he already lost.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Senator Alan Keyes concurs

    • BadKitty904

      It's ALL about those sweet, sweet campaign donation$…

      • bobbert

        Yup. He's following the buttcrack of Joe the Plunger.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Q: What's a Duckworth?

      A: About a zillion times this asshole

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Plus, I hate to break it to him but our Republican Senator Mark Kirk hasn't said he was planning to give up his seat, despite his health issues.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Go away! Go away go away go away, you failed excuse for a human being!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      You'll need to take his arm off, Doc.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    He's going to end up in prison anyway, but I suspect that the people of Illinois would prefer to cut out the taxpayer middleman, he not collect his pension and go directly to jail.

    • BadKitty904

      I'm sure he'd be the most popular boy on his cellblock…

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        His hair is perfect.

    • Aridzona

      Blago is looking for a roommate.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      He's got TWO wives and multiple children who can claim parts of that pension. Send him to jail NOW, avoid the rush.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Fails at fatherhood. Fails at bringing home the Repub vote count. And now, fails at failing.

  • Crank_Tango

    Ooooooh he speaks everyday language!!! I have to use an iPhone app for that.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      HE"S A CLOSETED WITTGENSTINIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        That's the kind of insults people throw around on the Wonketz. They may seem insignificant but they cut DEEP.

        • Blueb4sinrise

          Weedlord!
          I am honored, and humbled.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            (Hugs you)

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    Yes. Please become a pundit on Faux News and continue to insult veterans and women. Thank you for being a stealth progressive and your continued work driving these constituencies further into the progressive camp.

  • UnholyMoses

    People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?”

    A better question people should ask Mr. Shouty McDeadbeatpants: "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PAY UP YOUR CHILD SUPPORT, FUCKFACE?"

    • Serolf_Divad

      Why do I suspect that Illinoisians have a better chance of seeing Walsh as Governor than his own kids have of seeing daddy help mommy pay for their college.?

      • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        Nate Silver has the percentage of him paying child support at 1.5% and his chance of winning the Illinois gubbiner position at 2.1%.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          So you're saying there's a chance…

  • SorosBot

    Wait, if the deadbeat somehow does become Governor then this being Illinois we'd soon be seeing him in prison.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i do not think this shouty loser has what it takes to be an incarcerated IL governor.

      some of us are very proud of that record and take these things very seriously.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      In Illinois getting elected governor comes with an automatic 10 year prison sentence upon completion of your term of office. Saves the taxpayers of Illinois the cost of the trial.

  • UW8316154

    He doesn't have the hair to be Guvnor of Illinois.

    • YasserArraFeck

      But he's got the requisite moral turpitude.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Most folks that lose a congressional race go straight to the Governor's Mansion, especially in IL.

    Run, Joe, Run!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I dunno, he sounds like a truly de-voted father to me.

    • Oblios_Cap

      In all fairness, his kids aren't old enough to vote yet.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        It's Illinois. It makes a difference?

    • PugglesRule

      I saw what you did!

    • YasserArraFeck

      Very nice.

  • Pragmatist2

    Of course he will run for office. No one would hire him for a real job.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Who taught him the word "vision"? Cause all I see is a serious moron trying to come up with a way to keep suckering even dumber tea-tards into sending him money. And the tea-tards? They really do think they are still a thing – the whole "they should have listened to us MORE if they wanted to win" whining is just not going away. I'm kind of enjoying it.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Article today in the Seattle Times interviewing a few Seattle based teatards. One lady gets angry every time she goes to Trader Joe's because she knows she is surrounded by people who are destroying freedom. Just having confirmation that they really are miserable and angry most of the time made my day.

      • spareme

        Has she run any of them over with her car yet?

        • emmelemm

          Having been to the (incredibly cramped) parking lot of the Trader Joe's in question, I've thought about running over a few people with my car.

      • Lizzietish81

        But she still goes to Trader Joe's….

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          It's not easy keeping a frothy head on your poutrage!

      • emmelemm

        I saw that. HI-larious!!

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Congrats on destroying freedoms with your purchasing of cheap wine and overpriced produce!

          • emmelemm

            Ffft. Like I would buy produce at Trader Joe's. CSA, baby!

    • bobbert

      "keep suckering even dumber tea-tards into sending him money."

      That is his "vision".

    • prommie

      Sustained rabble-rousing sure does lead to a roused-up rabble, doesn't it? Demagoguery works, on a short-term basis. You can panic and scare people into watching your fake news network, or voting for you, or contributing to you cause. But it only works short-term, kinda like cocaine only works short-term as a way to find happiness. Because real quick, it loses effectiveness, and you have to start upping the dose or amping up the rhetoric, and before you know it you are a skritchy wreck who has been up for 4 days straight in a blind shrieking panic and you are paranoid, angry, and dangerous to be around.

    • Tommy1733

      Personally I have deep suspicions of anyone who utters the phrase "articulate that vision".

    • bikerlaureate

      Bless you. I thought maybe he just learned that word or something.

      "I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this." ??
      Time to check his glass for happy juice…

  • BadKitty904

    Beats workin' for a living.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day. They said we were gonna put Joe on a shelf. But let me tell you, I got some news for you – and you'll soon find out it's true – and then Joe will have to eat his lunch all by himself.

    • Crank_Tango

      He's already gone.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        He left on Seven Bridges Road.

    • bobbert

      Now if he would only be GONE, already.

      • Stevola

        It's hard to leave when you can't find the door

  • Goonemeritus

    It’s nice to see a guy that can be totally wrong in clear plain-spoken language for a change.

  • LibrarianX

    Walsh is the obvious replacement for Cornelius Fudge at the Ministry of Magic.

  • T3rbo

    OR, he could be the new Oxy Clean guy on TV

    • Oblios_Cap

      SHAM-WOW!

  • Callyson

    Who had Joe Walsh (R-Camp Crystal Lake) in the betting pool for “first defeated douchecanoe to announce they’re running again”?

    Dammit, I thought Allen West was a sure thing…

    (rips up ticket, bitches about money down the drain…)

    • nothingisamiss

      Nah, he still thinks he’s won. You didn’t count on the delusions. Living in the reality based communities, it gets us every time.

    • PugglesRule

      Allen West hasn't announced yet only because he refused to admit defeat. Semper Fi?

  • Callyson

    People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?”

    Yes, and those people are professional comedians who miss you already…

    • Rowen

      I think these are the same people who like putting women in binders.

  • coolhandnuke

    I will now play The Fall's "Deadbeat Descendant" in dishonor of Joe.

    • schvitzatura

      I will now play Von Südenfed's "The Rhinohead (Pilooski Edit)" in honor of your dishonor of Joe.

      Mark E. Smith for IL 2014!

  • Slim_Pickins

    What Walsh calls his "vision" rational people call his delusion.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I was going to say "hallucination", but delusion works about as well.

  • BeefHardcake

    Speaking as an Illinois resident, all I can say is: PLEASE PLEASE RUN FOR GOVERNOR. That would be comedy fodder for years to come.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is the Illinois GOP crazy enough to run him for any statewide orifice?

      • BeefHardcake

        If I've learned anything this election cycle, it's that the well of the GOP crazy is deep and never-ending.

  • freakishlywrong

    What in God's name, would this asshole be a Senator of?

    • rmjagg

      his own personal pantload , no one else wants the job …

  • secanonymous

    Hey Joe, I know this guy named Blagojevich who's 'got this thing' he can get you in exchange for an extended sleepover.

  • HateMachine

    Dok, what did we ever do to you to merit the punishment of a TV Tropes link? There goes my afternoon…

    • Doktor Zoom

      bwahahahahaa, my fiendish plot to destroy America's productivity continues apace!

      Now, my minions, UNLEASH THE CAT VIDEOS!

  • paulabflat

    i think it might be fun to fill joe walsh's mouth with marbles until his jaws click. then push in more marbles.

    yeah. fun.

    • rmjagg

      why not rocks ?

      • Lizzietish81

        Wusses both of you.

        Japanese Hornets.

        • paulabflat

          NOW we're gettin' somewhere.

        • bikerlaureate

          That doesn't sound very Amercian. What's wrong with our hornets?

          • vtxmcrider

            Nowhere near as deadly. Besides, we outsource everything here.

      • paulabflat

        no real reason other than because marbles are purtier. and i have a lot of them on hand.

        don't ask.

        • vtxmcrider

          Ben-wa marbles, no doubt. After all, you are a Wonketteer.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    Not Quite Dead […] Joker Immunity

    Jesus Christ, Dok, warn us next time, before you start linking to that goddamned black hole. Some of us have some work to do, at all, today.

  • Barrelhse
    • freakishlywrong

      Now, THAT's a biography!

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Excellent.

    • coolhandnuke

      He is indeed a Four-Star Genital.

    • bobbert

      Ahh hahahahaha.

    • Esteev

      '(S)natch

    • Botlrokit

      Keep fuckin' that chicken!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Love the alternative title "(Is it) ALL IN (?)"

    • Geminisunmars

      As a Denverite, I find this particularly delish. Thanks for posting.

  • BadKitty904

    "So, Joe, does anyone else see these 'people'?"

    • rmjagg

      was he the little kid in " the sixth sense " ?

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        DingDingDingDing!

        We have a winner!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Only that Osment kid, but hell, this is ILLINOIS!

  • comrad_darkness

    That sweet sweet PAC monty so easily becomes sweet sweet pocket money.

  • Lizzietish81

    I think it would be great. I mean Karl Rove, being the brilliant tactician and financial manager he is, could burn more money financing his campaign.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Conservatives: Hate Government, Love Government Jobs

    • DCBloom

      So true. My husband worked with the Wildlife Commission. There was a guy he worked with that was constantly going on & on about small gov't. He'd look at incredulously and ask him if he realized that he WAS the big gov't they want to cut. Complete cognitive dissonance

      • Fox n Fiends

        I was just reading about the leader of an ultra-conservative superpac, the guy got rich by making locks for prison doors. Every penny he's ever earned is from taxpayer money. Hates the government.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      And Paul Ryan's family's construction business also, too. Gov't contracts to build roads.

  • Exhausted66

    CLAIM:
    "I can talk to any person in everyday language"
    EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY:
    "Oh, gosh…"

  • editor

    "You know that I believe fervently in that vision."

    which would be the vision of paying yourself $5000 a month from campaign funds for being such a good shouter, i take it. yeah, probably a more attractive vision than deranged street corner shouter, which is the only job alternative i see for this wack job.

  • prommie

    HELP!!!!!! My computer is cross-site scripting! (is that bad?)

    • Doktor Zoom

      It's a bit like being Tin Roof Rusted, I think.

    • James Michael Curley

      In the rare event of cross-site scripting lasting more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Two Buck Chuck is destroying freedom. Who knew?

  • LibertyLover

    Please. The man couldn't "lead a movement" if he gave everyone Free Metamucil.

  • Hammiepants

    I just want to say I love "shouty pantsload" and I will actively seek out situations where I can use it.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I just hope that doughy pantsload Ross Douthat won't feel slighted.

  • Terry

    "Further, asked if he might consider becoming a media pundit of some sort (on public access cable, we hope!)"

    On the new tea bagger TV network, perhaps.

  • mbobier

    "Am I going to do something? Oh gosh, I don’t know" was pretty much his motto the entire time he was a Congresscritter.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Governor of Illinois would work for Joe since it is just a stop on the train to the Big House for most of those elected.

  • BadKitty904

    "I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this."

    …tha fuck?

    • bikerlaureate

      He doesn't know many other candidates that articulate that vision, primarily because they're all speaking English.

      • BadKitty904

        And sane.

  • Botlrokit

    Know who else was soundly beaten in a popular plebiscite, only to roar back a few years later?

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Nixon?

      Well, not all that soundly, but still…

  • freakishlywrong

    His movement would lead to a vision of a steaming turd.

  • Jerri

    I hope Nobama's FEMA camps really do come true, and I hope they have a heavy focus on reading, writing, and sentence diagramming because goddamn do these Republicans suck at constructing sentences make sense.

    'Course, I suppose it would be hard for any of us to speak properly with all that bullshit filling up our talk-holes.

  • James Michael Curley

    I'd like to see an estimate of how many of the furiously indignant 'tea party' of 2010 are dead now because of, well, being old, full of arterial plaque and professional grade indignant. Wonder if it swung and election?

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    It's a tribute to human drive when an anti big-government man gets his ass kicked by a woman with no legs, and then somehow finds a way to grovel his way back to the government trough at feeding time.

  • Slim_Pickins

    He'll lose the senate race because the Dems have gerrymandered the senate districts in Illinois.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      nice.

  • jzgplj

    Joe, please go play in traffic. That is all.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    I always thought of him as more of a guano faucet, rather than a douchecanoe. But that's just me.

  • DahBoner

    DWTS

    His safe word is "pantload"…

  • En_Buenora

    He knows there's enough right wing Teahadist dopes out there to give him a shitload of campaign donations, and when the campaign's done he can keep 'em.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Joe's vision is to have a part in a remake of Blazing Saddles: with Harvey Korman's arm around him, convincing him that he could become the president–and then banging his head. "Keep having those visions, Joe. Dare! Dare!"

  • proudgrampa

    Oh, Joe's just an Ordinary Average Guy:

    "Pick up the Dog Doo
    Hope that it's hard…"

  • TribecaMike

    You know who else could talk to any person in everyday language?

    • bikerlaureate

      Siri is well-programmed… but I reckon that's not the answer you were after.

      • TribecaMike

        Works for me.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    Thank goodness, I was worried I might run out of material, some day.

  • cc423

    I prefer to call him He-Bachmann.

  • docterry6973

    The GOP couldn't be bothered to gerrymander a safe seat for this turd. Now he thinks he has a shot at state-wide office? Please run, Joe, and raise lots of money for the primary.

  • Eve8Apples

    I've never understood why Republicans are so unwilling to work for a private sector job creator after their constituents have told them they're unfit for public office.

  • carlgt1

    Does Allen West count as "first to announce" since he lost but refuses to leave, like all leftover Bush appointees from Bob Jones U who refused to go in '09?

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is nothing new. I run into people every day in my drug-crazed neighborhood who have visions not shared by many others.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Maybe a starring role in the ongoing soap opera: PAY YOUR CHILD SUPPORT, YOU DEADBEAT!

  • cognachas4paws

    I just got rid of this guy as my congress-critter. He's like a bad penny – you can't get rid of him. Just when you think he's gone, he pops back up like a jack-in-the-box. He will never be governor of this state and I'm pretty sure it's safe to say he'll never be senator. He's shown himself to be quite an embarrassment to the state of Illinois and given some of the politicians we've had, that's quite an achievement. Well, at least that's something he can be proud of.

    • bikerlaureate

      Congrats on being liberated.

      If nothing else, anyone can serve as a bad example. Maybe he can be the boogeyman to motivate Democrats – "Get busy with that campaign work or the Walsh will appear again…"

    • Cleopatriot

      Congrats. But this pretty much seals a win for Quinn again unless the Dems run someone in the primary. Which may happen and I don't think Quinn can survive a primary this time. So it'll be some Dem (I hope it isn't Lisa) vs the most reactionary Republican among those running. And that means the continuation of Dem rule in IL.

      FTR, I like Pat Quinn, he's just a terrible governor.

  • Amanwithnoplan

    I dreamed I saw Joe Walsh last night, as dead as he could be.

    "Not an actual wish, just a metaphor for him never having existed in any world, ever."

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    The best think Joe Walsh could do for the people of Illinois is move to the 26th Illinois state district and try to unseat Mike Madigan, the entrenched and corrupt Speaker of the Illinois House. Hell, I'd even vote for Joe if he could get rid of Mike.

  • elgin_pelican

    Funny, people come up to me and ask, "Are you going to date Katy Perry? Are you going to take a few snaps in the Giants game? Are you going to land a JET PLANE ON THE MOON??"

  • Negropolis

    People approach me every day and ask, “Walsh, are you going to pay your child support? Are you going to stop being a d-bag?”

    Fixed for reality.

  • Negropolis

    Well, sinbeing elected governor in Illinois seems to be the quickest route to prison for a politician, there, I'd vote for this guy in a heartbeat if I lived in the Land of Lincoln.

  • ttommyunger

    Gee, Joe; I understand Joe the Plumber is in the same situation, employment-wise. Have you two considered a partnership? Plumbing is an honorable trade craft, maybe you could even pay down some of your child support debt. Not sure if copyright problems would preclude this, but how's this sound: "Dumb and Dumberer-Your Pantload Plumbers"? I know, you have no Plumber's License or credentials-not to worry, neither does he.