VOTAGEDDON 2012 UPDATE  6:42 pm November 12, 2012

Arizona Taking Even Longer To Count Votes Than Florida, Which May Get Unearned Sense Of Competence

by Doktor Zoom

Cat Herders Protest the ComparisonArizona appears to be ahead in the race to the bottom of the electoral-competence barrel, yay! Nearly a week after the election, hundreds of thousands of votes were still waiting to be tallied. To the surprise of absolutely no one, the mess appears to be at least in part a result of the state’s efforts to suppress minority voting enhance ballot security, resulting in a large number of provisional ballots that must be verified by hand. Early votes also make up a large portion of the uncounted ballots, which you would think is a little odd since they were, you know, early and stuff.

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett’s [sic] said Saturday that approximately 486,405 ballots still have to be counted across the state, representing more than a quarter of the 1.8 million votes cast. About 322,000 of those uncounted ballots came from Maricopa County, which includes Phoenix and many of its suburbs. The statewide total included 307,620 early ballots and 178,785 provisional ballots.

Among the fallout from the electoral clusterfuck, the race for the newly created 9th Congressional District was only decided today, resulting in a win for Democrat Kyrsten Sinema, who becomes the “first openly bisexual member of Congress.” (Spokesbeards for several serving members said only “Shhhh.”) Her election is also expected to result in several accidental Google hits for the French critical journal Cahiers du Cinema.

In the race for the 2nd District seat formerly held by Gabrielle Giffords, it now looks like Democrat Don RON Barber (we need new glasses, maybe), the Giffords staffer who also survived the shooting and won the special election to temporarily fill the seat, is ahead by a slim margin over Republican Martha McSally. Or at least he was, as of a few hours before this story according to CNN, which has Barber ahead by a whopping 330 votes, with god knows how many yet to count.

The Arizona branch of the ACLU politely asked state and county elections officials to see if maybe they could try not to let the state’s Voter ID law completely screw over minority voters if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, please. The New York Times noted that

among the 115,000 voters who cast provisional ballots in Maricopa County on Tuesday were many first-time minority voters who signed up to get their ballots by mail, but never did.

However, did the New York Times consider that maybe the Latinos were totally just lying and were too lazy to fill out their absentee ballots, because of laziness, and the way they lie all the time?

We suppose it would also be just pure racist madness to point out that Maricopa County happens to be the location where, oops! the county election officials sent out voter information materials with the wrong date on the Spanish side of the card.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has pledged to ensure a fair tally of the uncounted ballots by launching an investigation into Barack Obama’s college transcripts.

[TPM / ABC News / CNN / NYT]

 
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{ 265 comments }

Cleopatriot November 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Yay! for Kyrsten Sinema. Who cares about the rest of the AZ votes.

GunToting[Redacted] November 12, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I do. Would love to see Jeff Flake get squashed.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm

And I would like to have Richard Carmona as a Senator instead of Jeff Flake(y) former lobbyist and total Republican hack in waiting.

Doktor Zoom November 12, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Not with most of the uncounted ballots in Maricopa, man.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

You have a point there… Phoenix is the only place I have lived where the major metropolitan area was red instead of blue.

OneDollarJuana November 12, 2012 at 10:32 pm

It's the heat. Addles their brains.

Terry November 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Be nice if a certain clownish sheriff were voted out of office

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm

With votes. Oh, sorry. You said that.

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Richard Carmona does, as do I. How awesome would it be to take that seat and get a 56th vote and from crazy-assed Airheadzona, no less?

Troglodeity November 12, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Just when I thought Arizona was hopelessly irredeemable, they go and elect a totally smokin' hot bisexual Congresswoman.

mull_man November 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

But bipartisan? I hope she can make her mind up about some things, fer christ' (no sic)s sake.

bibliotequetress November 12, 2012 at 7:02 pm

And atheist! A smokin hot, bi-, ATHEIST congresswoman!

OOPS, according to Hehmant Mehta, she's actually eschewing the atheist tag. Still, a smokin' hot bi- uncommitted secularist!

DCBloom November 13, 2012 at 6:47 am

I read that Mehta piece. She's walking away from the Atheist label, but she's at the very least secular. So I'll call that a plus.

bibliotequetress November 13, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I agree. Although, let's be honest, any congressperson who does not actually think Jeebus wants them to lead the Christian American Soldiers unto war is a plus.

mull_man November 12, 2012 at 7:11 pm

A bit of google, and it gets better (bi-version). She's an ex-Morman ; one time atheist; bi; noted for working "across the aisle – legislatively".

This is too much to process: I haz a confuzed.

bibliotequetress November 13, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I haz a crush!

Boojum November 13, 2012 at 7:11 am

Absolutely. I mean, I have no moral objection to any member of the Phylum LGBT, but smoking hot lesbians give me an envious sad. Smoking hot bisexuals, however, have a different effect.

Strangely, this is true irrespective of the fact that me hooking up with one is no more likely than the other, i.e., statistically indistinguishable from the chance that Islamic Kenyan Communist monkeys will fly out of my butt.

bibliotequetress November 13, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I fell pretty certain that the chances of me sleeping with a southwestern congressbeing of any strip are slim> <none, I can dream.

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 6:48 pm

At least it's a dry clusterfuck.

Tundra Grifter November 12, 2012 at 6:50 pm

That sounds like it would really, really hurt.

weejee November 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

A prickly pear in the ointment, so to speak?

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Needs moar lube?

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 8:24 pm

That damn sand gets in everything.

Tundra Grifter November 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm

It's not like there is anything else to do in Arizona.

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Hiking. Meth-labs. Gun running.

memzilla November 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm

I missed the news that Kitty Harris moved to Arizona.

Butch_Wagstaff November 12, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Ah, she was as fun, wasn't she? If you define "fun" as getting dermabrasion from a floor sander.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Believe me, Pink Sugar is a uniquely Florida product. And you can take that any way you like…
http://warnerkirby.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 12, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Gah! You really ought to warn people when you post a picture of a horrifying creature.

Possum's cute, though.

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:21 pm

AZ has their very own Kitty Harris, already, thank you very much. Is everyone so quick to forget the once-Wonkette-mentioned birther SoS Ken Bennett?

Close_Read November 12, 2012 at 11:50 pm

I sawz Harris onetime at a congressional hearing. I asked the person next to me who that woman was with the heavy makeup. He told me it was Harris. I couldn't stop staring. Pancake makeup.

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

And her reward? No ambassodorship; just a quick toss under the back wheels of the bus…

weejee November 12, 2012 at 6:51 pm

So Jan Brewer sayz the refried beans and salsa on the ballots made them hard to scan?

skmind November 12, 2012 at 6:51 pm

What's the under/over on Arpaio or McCain suffering a stroke before they finish counting?

weejee November 12, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Where are the undertakers putting their bets?

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Watch where the buzzards start circling…

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 9:32 pm

What's the under/over on someone noticing a difference? Escapees from Seizure World by the looks of them.

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 6:51 pm

And we have Tammy Baldwin in the Senate. Makes up for losing Barney, somewhat.

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Who's dat? I didn't recognize you at first.

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm

It's a young Keith Richards. My user name, and former and current avatars demonstrate I, an olds, still worship the Rolling Stones.

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 8:13 am

Now I get it. As a fellow olds, I grew up on Rolling Stones, but never looked that closely.I was forbidden (with serious consequences) from listening to R n R by my classical musician parents, so there are profound lapses in my education.

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 8:25 am

I highly recommend Keith's biography.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Wow…A black president for two terms…openly gay members of congress…open bi members of congress. Fucking Maine gives gay marriage the green light. Sure, it's cliche, but here ya go…

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

UW8316154 November 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Hey, Washington is a progressive, too! We legalized marijuana AND gay marriage.

There's a joke in there somewhere but damned if I can find it.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Well Washington state, natch. You've got Seattle and you're close to Canada. Yeah, your western part looks dangerously close to that place where white people like to form militias, but Maine putting up gay marriage to a popular vote and winning, in the words of Joe, is a big fucking deal. Seriously northern Maine carries some clout…it's like Idaho without so many guns. Hell, someone once came up with the bright idea to buy families in the County snowmobiles as a way to cut down on incest.—

CommieDad November 12, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Every day my wife goes to Idaho to work. I pray for her in that god-loved country. The other day a deer got stuck on a fence outside her window. She had to watch while Idaho euthanized it. With a pistol.

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Did they run out of votes?

weejee November 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Think you mean the eastern part of Washington Dashboard. Out here in the west you have to look a bit harder to find militia-loving hoots and hollers. Eastern WA, on the other hand, requires some careful searching to find libtards. The east qualifies as a desert or near desert in much of it, and like Arizona that bump in local sage brush seems to fry the neurons.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm

You are correct of course. My typing is too fast for my bran tonight.

OneDollarJuana November 12, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Actually, weejee, outside of SeaTac/Oly, B'ham, and possibly Vancouver (South), it's all pretty red. As are the books in all those right-wing counties that the blue counties subsidize.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 12, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Eastern. They're close to Idaho.
I apologize for being insufficiently apologistic, but seriously, there was a bomb for the MLK parade out there. It's not a news story because people are still alive.

CommieDad November 12, 2012 at 8:19 pm

One thing all Warshingtonians can agree on is that we should be high. Even in my blessed Spokane County we voted for THAT.

That having been said, my representative (Kathy McMoriss Rodgers (R-Almost Idaho)) went on national TV and said repubs needed to just rephrase their talking points, not be moderate. Sigh. I have lots of butt hurt over her reelection.

trampndirtdown November 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm

The one thing us libs in the Panhandle can be proud of. We didn't elect Rodgers.
PS I'll wave to your wife on the freeway.

Lascauxcaveman November 12, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Yeah, she's a fine piece of work, that one. The only reason she's still in office is the old white men in your district (there's a lot of them) want to bone her.

She's like your own little Sarah Palin, only a bit smarter.

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I don't know what McMorris Rodgers is angling for, but she's been all over the TV for months. She is the hackiest of Republican hacks, at the moment.

Lascauxcaveman November 12, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Speaking of Warshington being so close to British Columbia, I watch the CBC teevee news often, as it leaks over the border somewhat, and the Canadians are FREAKING OUT that we went and legalized dope.

Before them.

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 12:16 am

So they think we're going to be growing more of our own instead of smuggling BC bud in through tunnels under the border?

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm

There's a joke in there somewhere but damned if I can find it.

Did it involve a secret ingredient in the wedding cake?

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

A special box of popcorn on your first movie date?

DCBloom November 13, 2012 at 6:51 am

Apparantly George Takei tweeted that "Marriage equality AND marijuana laws passed? Now we know what Leviticus really meant by "A man who layeth with another man must be stoned."

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 8:29 am

Oh my…

DeathOfIrony November 13, 2012 at 8:14 am

well, North Carolina still sucks, but we have Ocracoke Island so f u

Toomush_Infer November 12, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I think it's more like: "somethin' here is happening, and you don't know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones…..

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm

We are going to hell, just like the Christianists have been telling us. Next you know, men will be marrying their dogs. But the ducks will get you in the end.

OneDollarJuana November 12, 2012 at 10:39 pm

In Oregon, they'll be marrying their ducks. Or their beavers….

sullivanst November 13, 2012 at 8:32 am

Still seems more enjoyable than an eternity in heaven stuck with those guys.

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

The State of Arizona needs a common sense solution to this voting mess. Jeeps.

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Hmmm- I wonder how many voters will die before their votes are counted? Whether by Jeep or old age?

not that Dewey November 12, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Surveyor's Jeeps?

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

The GOP is all butthurt about Philadelphia's Festival of Votes and we are justly outraged by Republican incompetence and perfidy in voting. I say that the Justice Department should launch an investigation of the election process in selected districts in all 50 states.

If ever there was an proposal that would bring the two parties together, this is it.

gullywompr November 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

This fucking state…

Come here a minute November 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

If you can believe that there were precincts in Philly without a single Romney vote, why is it so hard to believe there are heavily Latino precincts in Arizona that didn't cast a single vote?

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Wait, she's bisexual? Does that mean I have a chance at that?

Lascauxcaveman November 12, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Wait, she's bisexual? Does that mean I have a chance at that?

Sure, you got a chance at that. But what's even better: you and your wife simultaneously have a chance at that.

Is this a Great Country, or what?

(Goes off to google this person) Oh, dear G_d, she's cuter than Bernadette on Big Bang Theory. I'll be in my cave for awhile. Don;t bother knocking.

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I also saw somewhere that Richard Carmona un-conceded.

Crank_Tango November 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Don't blame me! We voted in big sis when I lived there. Barry was the one that fucked that one up.

DrunkIrishman November 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

And Arizona wants more control over immigration … yeah, that's the ticket. You fucks can't even run an election properly…

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

See. Government is the problem.

mavenmaven November 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

"Its just too hot to count all those votes. Let's just ride around in the squad car and harass some brown looking people."

Crank_Tango November 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

50% chance of no.

Toomush_Infer November 12, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Them's good odds…

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm

All women are bi. I thought everybody knew this…

Steverino247 November 12, 2012 at 9:19 pm

No, but hey are all asking for it all the time.

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 11:30 pm

…and I hope everybody knows we're kidding here!

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 11:37 pm

I'm an optimist. I'd like to think of it as being half way in than halfway out.

Tequila Mockingbird November 12, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Gee, you'd think a desert hellhole populated by religious zealots, confused old people, xenophobes, and gun nuts would be a paragon of competency.

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

As opposed to a swampy hellhole . . . . Is there a pattern here?

Monsieur_Grumpe November 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Seems like they could just go down to the local Home Depot and hire some nice Mexicans to help count ballots. Oh, that's right, this is Arizona.

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Besides being openly bi, and spelling her name in a very strange way, Kyrsten Sinema is also now the only out atheist in Congress, which makes her further awesome.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

She should apply to be a host on msnbc. Between Toure and Krystal Ball, does Megyn Kelly even stand a chance?

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Wait, are you suggesting the county that has repeatedly elected Sheriff Arpaio might just have a slight problem with racism against Latinos?

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Correlation does not mean causation.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Numerous examples of Grand Canyon State wingnuttery, on the other hand…

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Where there's smoke…

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Except when it does. lol

Doktor Zoom November 12, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Coloration is not Caucasian?

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Well played, sir.

OneYieldRegular November 12, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I find many things difficult to forgive in Willard Mitt Romney, but one of them is his having included Joe Arpaio as one of his cynical campaign props. I would not be surprised, however, if Mitt is even more unforgiving about that than I am by now.

Not_So_Much November 12, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Are they on the Secession List? If not, can we add them?

LibrarianX November 12, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Thing is, they've got some pretty cool stuff in AZ. The saying is: Love it or leave it. Shouldn't those crying 'secession' have to move out?

GeorgiaBurning November 12, 2012 at 8:36 pm

That's how it worked after the Revolution and the Civil War. Shut up about losing or leave.

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:26 pm

I could live without the Grand Canyon. Other than that, we can find whatever we miss in New Mexico, anyway.

LibrarianX November 12, 2012 at 8:03 pm

And, BTW – Spooooooon!

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Don't You Evah!

barto November 12, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Please hop on over to change.org and sign the petition to give Maricopa County back to Mexico!

Goonemeritus November 12, 2012 at 7:12 pm

The election of our nations first openly bisexual Atheist member of Congress gives me hope that the Irish will one day be allowed to come out of the shadows and be full participants in civic life.

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I think you have to be civil first.

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 7:13 pm

RON Barber, Dok.

Doktor Zoom November 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Urgh, fixing NOW! Thanks!

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 8:33 pm

No prob. even though you made me cry earlier today.

We Az-Wonks have been keeping an eye on this, but I didn't think anyone wanted daily updates. It's okay for the editrixes to decide when it reaches clusterfuck status.

Both Sides Do It November 12, 2012 at 7:13 pm

The interest groups that file briefs and arguments for these things don't get nearly enough credit. Putting yourself through the banal schmoozing hell of law school so that you can conduct voter protection efforts in Arizona? The fuck are these people? The ACLU's awesome.

The NAACP too. Eg the yeoman's work they're doing trying to keep the Supreme Court from overturning the section of the Voting Rights Act that requires changes to election law in the good ol' boy states to pass federal scrutiny before they're approved. They'll lose, because oh dear the cocktail party freeze-out poor Roberts would bring down on himself if he whiffs on *yet another chance* to shoot down a hippie commie negro plan destroying America, he'll be pilloried, no that just won't do. Still, they're fighting.

But where's their parade, hmm? I suppose in as much as they're civil rights organizations, all parades are their parades. Still they should have at least one to call their own, seems like.

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Right on and funny, too: "cocktail party freeze out."

kittensdontlie November 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

The assault of voting rights this election, is just disgusting. The culpable in Florida and Arizona especially, need to do hard time.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 7:15 pm

approximately 486,405 ballots still have to be counted across the state

And according to the AZ Secretary of State's website, Romney leads Obama by 201,839 votes…

I know, I know, highly unlikely that Obama actually won AZ, but wouldn't it be funny if those votes finally get counted and it turned out to be close?

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 7:18 pm

To out-Florida Florida takes some talent. Well done, Arizona!

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Polite golf clap.

BlueStateLibel November 12, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Meanwhile, Nate Silver has already correctly predicted the winner of the 2016 election…and it's not going to make the GOP very happy either. : (

CommieDad November 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Jay-Z?

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 8:50 am

ITS GOOBLYGOOP!

Just because his math has been accurate before doesn't mean that God won't finally come around to giving the right person the win.

FlownOver November 12, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Ande I thought we'd regained the high ground in the Crazy Wars around here when Wichita voted to Preserve Our Essence – again.

Guppy November 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Preserve how? In a mayonnaise jar?

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Cavity Creeps 1, Fluoride 0.

Lascauxcaveman November 13, 2012 at 2:17 am

When my home town of less than 20,000 souls finally fluoridated our water eight or nine years ago, one of the factoids the pro-fluoride people brought up was that we were the "second largest city in America without fluoridated water."

Now I know who's on first.

Toomush_Infer November 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Needz mor Jeeps….

CommieDad November 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Hey, In Warshington we have 268,964 ballots left to count. That's partially because all voting is by mail, but also because both people who count the ballots were high. This did not impair their accuracy, but it has taken them over 20 minutes per signature to verify ballots.

Of course, for us it is not a question of provisional ballots, voter ID laws, or any other form of suppression. We are just too cheap to higher more stoners to count the ballots.

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I am sure the constant giggling over funny names like John or Sue also slows down the process.

Wile E. Quixote November 12, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Plus all of the people who are counting the ballots rushed out and got gay married to each other as soon as R-74 passed.

Stevola November 13, 2012 at 12:53 am

"higher more stoners"

Good one

redarmyzombie November 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Florida, Arizona…who's move is it next?

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 7:26 pm

The crazy old peoples'?

Guppy November 12, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Sarah Palin's Alaska, I bet.

C_R_Eature November 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Freedonia

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Rufus T. Firefly 2016, the campaign starts.

C_R_Eature November 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

"Why should we need a standing army? To save money on chairs!"

I, for one, cannot wait.

bikerlaureate November 12, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Elbonia?

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Texas

redarmyzombie November 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

*smacks head* Right, HOW could I have forgotten about Texas?!?!

Lizzietish81 November 13, 2012 at 8:52 am

Too easy, but I tell ya…Arkansas has been quiet for awhile…

Gleem McShineys November 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

486,405 ballots still have to be counted

WEER GONNA NEED MOAR FEET!

Ground Zero Mostel November 12, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Does it ever occur to these idiots that maybe voter suppression efforts backfire and make people more likely to vote?

NellCote71 November 12, 2012 at 7:53 pm

If the post-election rhetoric on the conservative side is any indication, no.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Fark has an Arizona tag. I repeat: By catching up with Florida, this state has earned a fark tag.

weejee November 12, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Well BoV we're still counting our mail-ins out here in our home state. Yes, all the networks called it for Bamz at 8:02 when the mail-in "closed" at 8:00, but they are still a countin'.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 12, 2012 at 8:01 pm

True. This isn't a mechanical process observation, but simply an observation that a state has reached second place in the fark tag running.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I live in Maricopa county.

I was a poll worker in my precinct this year, because freedom. I also worked the provisional ballot table with another lady. Half of the people being send to our table were voters who had requested early voter ballots, but had not voted on them and wanted to vote the day of the election.

There was no provision for people to bring in their unvoted early ballot and trade it for a ballot that could be run through the voter machine. The only option was to go home and vote on the ballot that was sent to you and bring it to any polling place and deposit into the blue early ballot box to be counted at a later time, or to provide ID and proof of residency in the district to vote a provisional ballot and deposit it into a red box.

The other half of of people being sent to us were people that never received their early ballot. Many of their family may have received theirs, but they did not. One spouse may have received their ballot, the other may not have. Other people that came to us were people that had just recently moved to the area but were not on the signature rolls. There were also many, many people that came to us that thought they were in the right place, but were actually in a different district. Some of these people were sent to us from another district but a quick check online or on the voter map, showed that they had to return to the place that sent them to us.

I wanted to ask the people who didn't receive their ballot what their political affiliation was
but I didn't know if that would constitute electioneering, so I didn't, but as a person trying to observe a trend, it sure made me curious what their party affiliation was.

Since it was a long ballot, and I was working the polls, I requested an early ballot, but my name was never marked off the list as requesting an early ballot, nor was it on the list of people that had requested an early ballot to be marked off the signature book.

Basically, the record keeping for this election really seemed to be inefficient.

To top all of this off, the Republican County Recorder, Helen Purcell? She ran unopposed in Tuesday's election.

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Wow, you sure are a bitter liberal. ;)

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 9:08 pm

And I thought I was hiding it so well, too. ;-)

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 9:15 pm

You'd be hot, even outside of Arizona. I'm sure.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I lived in Tempe for three years and had to get the fuck out due to the wingnuts. Left behind a long term BF, but I just could not take anymore. Which is a long winded way of saying, my heart goes out to you. And my friends who still live there. And the decent people of the AZ Democratic Party (I tried to do my part to help them.) And the decent people in the state (yes, there are some…)

I am curious though, if you feel like going into it: where in Maricopa Country did you serve as a poll watcher?

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I was a poll "worker", not a watcher. Or more precisely, I was a member of the "Board of Elections" for my precinct. This "board" was to consist of an equal number of Democrats and Republicans.

Which means I volunteered to get paid a pittance for working my butt off all day… and it was a very long day…
I live in the new district that just elected Kyrsten Sinema. And I would prefer not to say exactly what area of Maricopa that I live in just in case someone is driving around in a jeep looking for a Democrat to run over. ;-)

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Understood–thanks for the info. And yay Sinema!

Barrelhse November 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Keep coming.

emmelemm November 12, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Thank you for fighting the good fight.

OneDollarJuana November 12, 2012 at 10:46 pm

LibertyLover, it sounds like you should run for County Recorder. Hard to do a worse job, I bet. Go for it!

Lascauxcaveman November 13, 2012 at 2:22 am

She's got my vote.

sati_demise November 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I worked the poll in Az. years ago, before all this ID nonsense. My experience is that 1. tried to use my passport for photo ID (have you done this before?) "oh, well then, here is my Az. drivers license! " 2. the bar code is on the wrong side of your license (it expires in 2020, dear poll worker)
Only when I told them I would go home for my utility bills did I get a regular ballot instead of a provisional. Registered Independent was prepared for this with 2 photo Ids.

rickmaci November 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm

By 2016 Aryanzona will be out and Liberalzona will be a swing state trending blue. Can not wait. Lots of GOTeaP'ers serving their last stretch in office.

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Hah, when I first read it I thought you said "their last stench in office. Well, maybe it's both at the same time.

LibrarianX November 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Here is a fun fact! Arizona driver's licenses do not expire until the driver reaches age 65! If you've ever seen AZ drivers, you know why this is a bad idea.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 7:48 pm

"I'm a good driver," Rain Man

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm

excellent driver

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Most of them are former Boston drivers.

Jennyjen798 November 12, 2012 at 9:47 pm

So true. I was 25 when I moved there. My license (if I had stayed) would have expired in 2045. You know, because I'll look EXACTLY like a 25 year old when I'm 65. o_O No wonder they're all worried about illegals. Nobody has identification that looks remotely legit.

Also, yellow concrete barriers along the store fronts in Sun City. Proof that old people should not be driving.

C_R_Eature November 12, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Is it true that the Republican Party's training video for the 2012 election was D.W. Griffith's The Birth of a Nation?

If so, all of this suddenly makes sense.

ProgressiveInga November 12, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Hey Rep. Ambisextrous! Call me! ♡

C_R_Eature November 12, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Take a deep breath, feel like you're chokin'

Everything is broken.

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO.

C_R_Eature November 12, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Burnside, baby. Accept no substitutes.

proudgrampa November 13, 2012 at 12:17 am

That, CR, was awesome!

bikerlaureate November 12, 2012 at 7:58 pm

DOJ had sent federal observers to Maricopa County to monitor polling place activity on Election Day.

The article does not say if these observers wore sky blue uniforms and helmets with "UN" boldly emblazoned on them.

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

If they didn't arrive in black helicopters, then maybe not.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 12, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Arizona! Where Floridian vote counters go to retire, apparently.

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Your move, Robert Mugabe…

Designer_Rants November 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm

They should all have to wear pink underwear for this.

Chow Yun Flat November 12, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Both of our cats approve of the alt text on this post.

Chow Yun Flat November 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I thought that Senator David Vitter was the first openly buy-sex-ual member of Congress.

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 9:50 pm

In much of Texas, that's often pronounced "Buy Sex Y'all" just to keep the busybodies busy.

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Diaper Dave! Keeping Amercia safe for grownups in Pampers.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 12, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Re: Photo of cats.

Some white Arizonans would cross the street after seeing that many dark-looking mammals.

Also, is it super-duper mega bad luck if 20 black cats cross your path?

YerMa November 13, 2012 at 1:55 am

FOX reported it as "dozens of Black Panthers scare local olds".

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm

What I don't get is – it's not like this election sneaked up on anybody. It wasn't a big surprise (well, the results were, to some, I hear) or anything.

So, why the nation-wide tallying chaos? What have these people been doing for the past four years?

trampndirtdown November 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Cutting personnel from State and local budgets.

GeorgiaBurning November 12, 2012 at 8:43 pm

win

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Why, trying to surpress the vote, of course. Suppressing the vote is hard, y'all.

This isn't a bug, it's a feature.

Designer_Rants November 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Jesus. How long does it take these assholes to rig an election fer chrissakes?

mosjef November 12, 2012 at 8:38 pm

The state abbreviation has been legally changed to AZzzzzzzzz.

Slim_Pickins November 12, 2012 at 8:52 pm

But they did find 210 previously uncounted Electoral votes, Romney wins!

FeloniousMonk November 12, 2012 at 8:53 pm

This site needs an upfist mechanism for the mouse-over text on the pictures. Dok should go through the roof on this one. On a side note, while I understand that the thoroughly disgusting "upfist" fits the Wonkette ethos, I can no longer use the polite alternative "thumbs up" without contemplating where the thumb is going to go.

cousinitt November 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Another reason for Wonketeers to hold Kyrsten close to our um, hearts: "As my "protest buddy" and I were singing and spiraling in the pagan's circle only 5 rows back from the police line (which was over 25 rows thick), we noticed the police were putting on additional gear beneath their plastic face shields." –Kyrsten Sinema's own report from a protest she attended. http://web.archive.org/web/20031220232320/http://

And here I though my own tawdry and sin-emal past would forever doom me in public life. Looks like 'they' are now 'we' and we are taking over! Boom go the wingnut heads!

Bonus: she is from Dutch ancestry. And we know what that means, 4/20 will be a new national holiday.

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:36 pm

It also means that she's going to be very stingy with the budget in Congress. lol

HistoriCat November 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

Dutch libel!

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I grew up around so many Vanderways and Vande Buntes and VanTils and Dykstras it's not even funny. Needless to say I've found the saying "If you ain't Dutch you ain't much" something they tend to believe. lol

C_R_Eature November 12, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Rachael Maddow just used the word "Schtupping" on-air in her show's commentary on the David Petraeus affair.

Life is good.

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 9:57 pm

"Schtupping" , from the German "Schtupid Putz-Dumpkoff", which is a name given to people that don''t understand that writing anything that's hazardous to your career or marriage in an e-mail is the same as painting it on the side of your house. In red, also.

C_R_Eature November 12, 2012 at 10:09 pm

The eponymous act, from the first documented military person to be caught up in an ill considered 18th Century broadsheet & adultery controversy:
The Baron von Schtuppin.

boskolives November 12, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Correction warmly acknowledged, Danke also!

Doktor Zoom November 13, 2012 at 12:11 am

I thought it was Lily Von…

C_R_Eature November 13, 2012 at 5:21 am

Direct decendant, continued the proud Schtuppin Tradition in her own inimitable fashion: as an "Entertainer"

"…they keep Coming and Going
and Going and Coming – and always TOO SOON!"

– "I'm So Tired", Lily von Schtuppin

Hey, She'd fit right in around here. Got one important catch phrase down.

Steverino247 November 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

UnterSchtuppenFuehrer was a rank in the German Fuck Police. Really.

prommie November 12, 2012 at 9:40 pm

OT but, why has noone pointed out, in the media, anywhere, that the Petraus affair is actually an example of vicious internecine rivalry between our two biggest national intelligence agencies, the FBI and the CIA? The facts are undisputed, the FBI invesitgated, leaked, and destroyed Petraus, the head of their vicious rival in the intelligence arena. This was an FBI effort to undermine their rival, the CIA. I mean, wasn't it? And from a liberal, this may sound insane, but I trust the CIA more than the FBI, the FBI shit the bed on 9-11, they had the plotters and ignored the plot, the CIA, on the other hand, was the agency that resisted W's false claims justifying war with Iraq as hard as they could and had to be circumvented by Cheney and his evil minions (Plame outing and all). The FBI is evil.

imissopus November 12, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Hard for me to say, but I did find this article interesting:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 10:10 pm

O.F.F.S.
These kids and their sexting.

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 12:17 am

Article interesting, comments scary.

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Call me crazy, but I still very much believe the CIA to be more dangerous than the FBI. And, since Peaches was a Republican and one whose name kept being floated as a potential GOP candidate for presidnet against Obama, I'm not going to lose any sleep over this warfare. I think we all end up benefitting from this fight. Let them tear each other apart at the top, anyway.

trampndirtdown November 13, 2012 at 12:04 am

Needz a new Church commission.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I understand there was once a time when the sex lives of public officials did not make the headlines. Must have been nice…

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I'd like to know when that was, because all I remember about Andrew Jackson outside his Indian removal was his wife being called a whore for her entire public life.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Ouch, now that you remind me, maybe it was sometime outside of the reality-based community. Though JFK comes to mind…

AlterNewt November 13, 2012 at 12:26 am

There's also Alexander Hamilton and Mrs. Reynolds, but neither of them were, you know, hawt.

Chet Kincaid_ November 13, 2012 at 1:56 am

Morning Joe was blathering on about the FBI/CIA beef this morning.

BoroPrimorac November 13, 2012 at 6:52 am

Morning Joke also played the insinuation game by wondering out loud if the administration knew about the affair.

sati_demise November 13, 2012 at 2:15 pm

The CIA is selling drugs right now to raise money to unseat the Ecuadorian president. Because, you know, Julian Assange. Fuck the CIA. You should read 'Legacy of Ashes'

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Honestly, Justice needs to ride in on horses and just bust shit up in states that don't know how to, or refuse to, run competent elections. Game over. "We've got to fix that" indeed, Mr. President.

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 6:02 am

But for the next eight months until SCOTUS rules on Shellby the wingtards are going to be claiming Sec 5 of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 is the real reason for all the clusterstuppe.

neiltheblaze November 12, 2012 at 10:02 pm

They're Republicans. Counting is HARD.

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Math is not their friend.

BZ1 November 12, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Matt Roberts, a spokesman for Mr. Bennett, said that all valid votes would be counted. What does "valid" mean again?

Negropolis November 12, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Just saw this on Rachel, but it seems that for a provisional ballot to be counted in Arizona, you have to personally come in and confirm that you requested and voted on one. If not, the votes are thrown out.

Crazy. I know that here in Michigan, they don't go back to verify provisionals like this, which drives the "election fraud"-screaming Republicans up the wall.

sati_demise November 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Registered Republican.

NYNYNYjr November 12, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I like the idea that that picture is just what the lines looked like at all polling places in Arizona.

fuflans November 12, 2012 at 10:44 pm

doc i don't know what that picture is or where it's from but it's pretty awesome.

Doktor Zoom November 12, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I found it a while back on the Fresh Air tumblr; it's an audition of keedies for a Vincent Price movie ("Tales of Terror") in 1961.

Moar here!

ttommyunger November 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Spotted at a Phoenix Starbucks: Sheriff Joe R. Piehole and Steven "Puffy" Segal comparing the size of their pistols and planning their next armored assault on another local chicken farmer… Fucking Arizona!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 12, 2012 at 10:58 pm

If'n I may. I know you wanted to be left alone on this day, but as the grandson of two brave souls who fought in World War I [that's "One", i.e. the "War to end all wars"] may I just express my gratitude for your service and also, too, in additon, to all those who have also served. Thank you.

ttommyunger November 12, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Thanks, you may and I appreciate you.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 12, 2012 at 11:12 pm

*humbly, sincerely salutes, Sir.*

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Replying to second nrc's sentiments. Gramps was in the Pacific during WWII, and Dad went off to Okinawa just before things in Vietnam really started to heat up.

Thank you to you and to all those who served to protect our rights.

ttommyunger November 12, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Thanks, C.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 11:05 pm

OT alert:

Obama considering John Kerry for job of defense secretary

Although Kerry is thought to covet the job of secretary of state, senior administration officials familiar with the transition planning said that nomination will almost certainly go to Susan E. Rice, the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations…
Rice, one of an inner circle of aides who have been with Obama since his first presidential campaign in 2007, is under particular fire over the Benghazi incident, in which U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and three other Americans were killed.
Some Republican lawmakers have suggested that she was part of what they suspect was an initial election-related attempt to portray the attack as a peaceful demonstration that turned violent, rather than what the administration now acknowledges was an organized terrorist assault.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-secu

Full blown wingnut tantrum in 3…2…1…

iburl November 12, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Arpaio has all the answers, why even bother to vote?

Soon all of the 47% will be wearing pink panties and living in an 120° tent.

I smell a GOP primary frontrunner…

NellCote71 November 13, 2012 at 12:19 am

"I smell a GOP primary frontrunner…"

Yikes. Scary, but true.

OneYieldRegular November 12, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Well of course she's bi. She'll be working in Washington and living on ocean front property in Arizona.

decentcitizen November 12, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Wait, they let Arizona vote?

Blueb4sinrise November 13, 2012 at 12:29 am

Late night thought [sic]
Trade Texas for Puerto Rico.

AlterNewt November 13, 2012 at 12:50 am

Nice. Saves all that flag changin'.

bflrtsplk November 13, 2012 at 1:51 am

Alright, time to count the votes. Now don`t interrupt me. Let`s see… one… two … three… (A fly enters the room) Hey, I said no interruptions. Now I gotta start over. Okay… one… two… three… Hey, anybody know what comes after three…?

iburl November 13, 2012 at 1:53 am

Any criticism of Arpaio likely comes from outside groups like TILOCCASAFSFSSRSIASTDBMSOROCSHSOEKDFAWBOWSLRAKADOCF*

*The International League Of Citizens Concerned About Sheriff Arpaio Filming Segments For Steven Seagal's Reality Shows In A Swat Tank Driven By Mr. Segal On Raids Of Cockfighting Suspects Homes, Setting Off Explosions, Knocking Down Fences And Walls, Blowing Out Windows, Swarming Family Living Rooms And Killing Any Dogs Or Chickens Found.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 2:58 am

OT: Oh, hell. Now I'm seeing that General John Allen, top commander in Afghanistan, is being investigated for sending "inappropriate" emails to the woman who was harrassed by Paula Bondwell. I had no idea the military and intelligency agencies had this many fucking groupies.

Misty Malarky November 13, 2012 at 7:02 am

Why can't these guys just masturbate or screw the boys in the motor pool, like regular ol' officers?

BadKitty904 November 13, 2012 at 7:06 am

WEEK ONE: We're seven days into President Obama's second administration (HA!) and still no black helicopters, FEMA stormtroopers, etc. Right now, all I hear outside are some bluejays carrying on and somebody down the block (probably Mr. Mallen) mowing their lawn.

So, when, *exactly*, is this magical "socialist revolution/death of America/etc./etc." s'posed to take place?

Misty Malarky November 13, 2012 at 7:09 am

Don't be fooled. The blue jays are transmitting to FEMA the location of your guns and Bibles.

Misty Malarky November 13, 2012 at 7:12 am

It's all Holly Solomon's husband's fault!

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 9:00 am

Wait — I thought it was her husband's fault.

smellypossum November 13, 2012 at 10:27 am

As a Texan, now living in exile in Colorado 'cause too many conservative assholes from other places took over once-liberal Austin, I am happy to see both Florida AND Arizona more fucked up than my home state.

There's certainly a strong correlation between wingnuts and fucked-upedness.

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Wait wait wait conservatards have taken over AUSTIN???

Are we Madisonians the last bastion of libertardiness??

smellypossum November 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

They've not taken over entirely. But after we lived there for 20+ years, their influence (stench) was certainly being felt. And not in a good way. People with money (and the frothy republican paranoia about conserving their Escalades and Suburbans) moved in from Houston, Dallas and other states as well. They then proceeded to put up tilt wall shopping centers, WallymMarts, and mcfuckingmansions in the burbs. Then they complained about it being crowded and liberal. Thanks assholes.

elgin_pelican November 13, 2012 at 10:32 am

Did AZ submit one of those secession petitions to Barry? 'Cause I think it needs to be on the top of the pile when he gets to them. Just sayin' is all.

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

Ah, good old Sherriff Joke. The funniest sherriff who wears pink underwear in America, folks…

TribecaMike November 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

"(Spokesbeards for several serving members said only 'Shhhh.')"

Sam Rayburn libel!

owhatever November 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

This vote-counting stuff is really hard. When we got to a hundred, we had to start all over again at a hundred and one. It might take forever.

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm

You need better fiber, I guess.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 12:41 am

There was also the whole "Miss Nancy/Aunt Fancy" slur Jackson threw at Buchanan for his close personal relationship with Alabama Senator William King, and how the press refered to him as "Buchanan and his wife."

Ooo, let's see how many more of these we can do.

JaceWyatt November 13, 2012 at 12:48 am

She's in an internal fight with another high-ranking rethug rep for a committee seat. can't remember his name, but he's a Republican so who cares!

AlterNewt November 13, 2012 at 12:48 am

Grover Cleveland Love Child. Again…not hawt.

Lascauxcaveman November 13, 2012 at 2:03 am

Jefferson county is about 66% blue, according to latest poll results. But basically the only city in the whole county is Port Townsend, which is full of filthy hippies and artists.

Lascauxcaveman November 13, 2012 at 2:05 am

It's gotta be their biggest cash crop. It has to be.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 3:01 am

Oh, and the whole whisper campaign about Warren G. (Harding) being a secret Blah.

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 5:55 am

There is the line earlier when trying to keep Harvey Korman from getting through the door;"No hoopa (Chuppah), No Stuppa."

DCBloom November 13, 2012 at 7:09 am

I really miss Madelyn Kahn.

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 5:59 am

And that no maid near a linen closet was safe or that his wife poisoned him over he numerous affairs or that she had a female lover who divulged the original leads that led to the tea pot dome scandal.

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 8:30 am

Thanks. I'll look into it (ghosts of the folks, be damned).

Geminisunmars November 13, 2012 at 9:09 am

Mr. and Mrs. Roosevelt and their apparently not-so-secret liaisons.

James Michael Curley November 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

Ike and an overripe gourd back behind the barn in Kansas (or was that adream?).

Steverino247 November 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

Of course, we're kidding. Do you really think a smart, attractive bisexual woman would want anything to do with us?

glasspusher November 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

If she doesn't want to date me, at the very least, maybe we could go out girl watching together…

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