Votageddon 2012 Update

Arizona Taking Even Longer To Count Votes Than Florida, Which May Get Unearned Sense Of Competence

Cat Herders Protest the ComparisonArizona appears to be ahead in the race to the bottom of the electoral-competence barrel, yay! Nearly a week after the election, hundreds of thousands of votes were still waiting to be tallied. To the surprise of absolutely no one, the mess appears to be at least in part a result of the state’s efforts to suppress minority voting enhance ballot security, resulting in a large number of provisional ballots that must be verified by hand. Early votes also make up a large portion of the uncounted ballots, which you would think is a little odd since they were, you know, early and stuff.

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett’s [sic] said Saturday that approximately 486,405 ballots still have to be counted across the state, representing more than a quarter of the 1.8 million votes cast. About 322,000 of those uncounted ballots came from Maricopa County, which includes Phoenix and many of its suburbs. The statewide total included 307,620 early ballots and 178,785 provisional ballots.

Among the fallout from the electoral clusterfuck, the race for the newly created 9th Congressional District was only decided today, resulting in a win for Democrat Kyrsten Sinema, who becomes the “first openly bisexual member of Congress.” (Spokesbeards for several serving members said only “Shhhh.”) Her election is also expected to result in several accidental Google hits for the French critical journal Cahiers du Cinema.

In the race for the 2nd District seat formerly held by Gabrielle Giffords, it now looks like Democrat Don RON Barber (we need new glasses, maybe), the Giffords staffer who also survived the shooting and won the special election to temporarily fill the seat, is ahead by a slim margin over Republican Martha McSally. Or at least he was, as of a few hours before this story according to CNN, which has Barber ahead by a whopping 330 votes, with god knows how many yet to count.

The Arizona branch of the ACLU politely asked state and county elections officials to see if maybe they could try not to let the state’s Voter ID law completely screw over minority voters if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, please. The New York Times noted that

among the 115,000 voters who cast provisional ballots in Maricopa County on Tuesday were many first-time minority voters who signed up to get their ballots by mail, but never did.

However, did the New York Times consider that maybe the Latinos were totally just lying and were too lazy to fill out their absentee ballots, because of laziness, and the way they lie all the time?

We suppose it would also be just pure racist madness to point out that Maricopa County happens to be the location where, oops! the county election officials sent out voter information materials with the wrong date on the Spanish side of the card.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has pledged to ensure a fair tally of the uncounted ballots by launching an investigation into Barack Obama’s college transcripts.

[TPM / ABC News / CNN / NYT]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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265 comments

    1. LibertyLover

      And I would like to have Richard Carmona as a Senator instead of Jeff Flake(y) former lobbyist and total Republican hack in waiting.

        1. LibertyLover

          You have a point there… Phoenix is the only place I have lived where the major metropolitan area was red instead of blue.

    2. Negropolis

      Richard Carmona does, as do I. How awesome would it be to take that seat and get a 56th vote and from crazy-assed Airheadzona, no less?

  1. Troglodeity

    Just when I thought Arizona was hopelessly irredeemable, they go and elect a totally smokin' hot bisexual Congresswoman.

    1. bibliotequetress

      And atheist! A smokin hot, bi-, ATHEIST congresswoman!

      OOPS, according to Hehmant Mehta, she's actually eschewing the atheist tag. Still, a smokin' hot bi- uncommitted secularist!

      1. DCBloom

        I read that Mehta piece. She's walking away from the Atheist label, but she's at the very least secular. So I'll call that a plus.

        1. bibliotequetress

          I agree. Although, let's be honest, any congressperson who does not actually think Jeebus wants them to lead the Christian American Soldiers unto war is a plus.

    2. mull_man

      A bit of google, and it gets better (bi-version). She's an ex-Morman ; one time atheist; bi; noted for working "across the aisle – legislatively".

      This is too much to process: I haz a confuzed.

    3. Boojum

      Absolutely. I mean, I have no moral objection to any member of the Phylum LGBT, but smoking hot lesbians give me an envious sad. Smoking hot bisexuals, however, have a different effect.

      Strangely, this is true irrespective of the fact that me hooking up with one is no more likely than the other, i.e., statistically indistinguishable from the chance that Islamic Kenyan Communist monkeys will fly out of my butt.

      1. bibliotequetress

        I fell pretty certain that the chances of me sleeping with a southwestern congressbeing of any strip are slim> <none, I can dream.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Ah, she was as fun, wasn't she? If you define "fun" as getting dermabrasion from a floor sander.

      1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Gah! You really ought to warn people when you post a picture of a horrifying creature.

        Possum's cute, though.

    2. Negropolis

      AZ has their very own Kitty Harris, already, thank you very much. Is everyone so quick to forget the once-Wonkette-mentioned birther SoS Ken Bennett?

    3. Close_Read

      I sawz Harris onetime at a congressional hearing. I asked the person next to me who that woman was with the heavy makeup. He told me it was Harris. I couldn't stop staring. Pancake makeup.

      1. NellCote71

        It's a young Keith Richards. My user name, and former and current avatars demonstrate I, an olds, still worship the Rolling Stones.

        1. Geminisunmars

          Now I get it. As a fellow olds, I grew up on Rolling Stones, but never looked that closely.I was forbidden (with serious consequences) from listening to R n R by my classical musician parents, so there are profound lapses in my education.

  2. Dashboard Buddha

    Wow…A black president for two terms…openly gay members of congress…open bi members of congress. Fucking Maine gives gay marriage the green light. Sure, it's cliche, but here ya go…

    Come gather 'round people
    Wherever you roam
    And admit that the waters
    Around you have grown
    And accept it that soon
    You'll be drenched to the bone
    If your time to you
    Is worth savin'
    Then you better start swimmin'
    Or you'll sink like a stone
    For the times they are a-changin'.

    1. UW8316154

      Hey, Washington is a progressive, too! We legalized marijuana AND gay marriage.

      There's a joke in there somewhere but damned if I can find it.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        Well Washington state, natch. You've got Seattle and you're close to Canada. Yeah, your western part looks dangerously close to that place where white people like to form militias, but Maine putting up gay marriage to a popular vote and winning, in the words of Joe, is a big fucking deal. Seriously northern Maine carries some clout…it's like Idaho without so many guns. Hell, someone once came up with the bright idea to buy families in the County snowmobiles as a way to cut down on incest.—

        1. CommieDad

          Every day my wife goes to Idaho to work. I pray for her in that god-loved country. The other day a deer got stuck on a fence outside her window. She had to watch while Idaho euthanized it. With a pistol.

        2. weejee

          Think you mean the eastern part of Washington Dashboard. Out here in the west you have to look a bit harder to find militia-loving hoots and hollers. Eastern WA, on the other hand, requires some careful searching to find libtards. The east qualifies as a desert or near desert in much of it, and like Arizona that bump in local sage brush seems to fry the neurons.

          1. OneDollarJuana

            Actually, weejee, outside of SeaTac/Oly, B'ham, and possibly Vancouver (South), it's all pretty red. As are the books in all those right-wing counties that the blue counties subsidize.

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            Jefferson county is about 66% blue, according to latest poll results. But basically the only city in the whole county is Port Townsend, which is full of filthy hippies and artists.

        3. BoatOfVelociraptors

          Eastern. They're close to Idaho.
          I apologize for being insufficiently apologistic, but seriously, there was a bomb for the MLK parade out there. It's not a news story because people are still alive.

        4. CommieDad

          One thing all Warshingtonians can agree on is that we should be high. Even in my blessed Spokane County we voted for THAT.

          That having been said, my representative (Kathy McMoriss Rodgers (R-Almost Idaho)) went on national TV and said repubs needed to just rephrase their talking points, not be moderate. Sigh. I have lots of butt hurt over her reelection.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Yeah, she's a fine piece of work, that one. The only reason she's still in office is the old white men in your district (there's a lot of them) want to bone her.

            She's like your own little Sarah Palin, only a bit smarter.

          2. Negropolis

            I don't know what McMorris Rodgers is angling for, but she's been all over the TV for months. She is the hackiest of Republican hacks, at the moment.

          3. JaceWyatt

            She's in an internal fight with another high-ranking rethug rep for a committee seat. can't remember his name, but he's a Republican so who cares!

        5. Lascauxcaveman

          Speaking of Warshington being so close to British Columbia, I watch the CBC teevee news often, as it leaks over the border somewhat, and the Canadians are FREAKING OUT that we went and legalized dope.

          Before them.

          1. emmelemm

            So they think we're going to be growing more of our own instead of smuggling BC bud in through tunnels under the border?

      2. Callyson

        There's a joke in there somewhere but damned if I can find it.

        Did it involve a secret ingredient in the wedding cake?

      3. DCBloom

        Apparantly George Takei tweeted that "Marriage equality AND marijuana laws passed? Now we know what Leviticus really meant by "A man who layeth with another man must be stoned."

    2. Toomush_Infer

      I think it's more like: "somethin' here is happening, and you don't know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones…..

    3. NellCote71

      We are going to hell, just like the Christianists have been telling us. Next you know, men will be marrying their dogs. But the ducks will get you in the end.

  3. docterry6973

    The GOP is all butthurt about Philadelphia's Festival of Votes and we are justly outraged by Republican incompetence and perfidy in voting. I say that the Justice Department should launch an investigation of the election process in selected districts in all 50 states.

    If ever there was an proposal that would bring the two parties together, this is it.

  4. Come here a minute

    If you can believe that there were precincts in Philly without a single Romney vote, why is it so hard to believe there are heavily Latino precincts in Arizona that didn't cast a single vote?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Wait, she's bisexual? Does that mean I have a chance at that?

      Sure, you got a chance at that. But what's even better: you and your wife simultaneously have a chance at that.

      Is this a Great Country, or what?

      (Goes off to google this person) Oh, dear G_d, she's cuter than Bernadette on Big Bang Theory. I'll be in my cave for awhile. Don;t bother knocking.

  5. Crank_Tango

    Don't blame me! We voted in big sis when I lived there. Barry was the one that fucked that one up.

  6. DrunkIrishman

    And Arizona wants more control over immigration … yeah, that's the ticket. You fucks can't even run an election properly…

  7. mavenmaven

    "Its just too hot to count all those votes. Let's just ride around in the squad car and harass some brown looking people."

          1. Steverino247

            Of course, we're kidding. Do you really think a smart, attractive bisexual woman would want anything to do with us?

  8. Tequila Mockingbird

    Gee, you'd think a desert hellhole populated by religious zealots, confused old people, xenophobes, and gun nuts would be a paragon of competency.

  9. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Seems like they could just go down to the local Home Depot and hire some nice Mexicans to help count ballots. Oh, that's right, this is Arizona.

  10. SorosBot

    Besides being openly bi, and spelling her name in a very strange way, Kyrsten Sinema is also now the only out atheist in Congress, which makes her further awesome.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      She should apply to be a host on msnbc. Between Toure and Krystal Ball, does Megyn Kelly even stand a chance?

  11. SorosBot

    Wait, are you suggesting the county that has repeatedly elected Sheriff Arpaio might just have a slight problem with racism against Latinos?

    1. OneYieldRegular

      I find many things difficult to forgive in Willard Mitt Romney, but one of them is his having included Joe Arpaio as one of his cynical campaign props. I would not be surprised, however, if Mitt is even more unforgiving about that than I am by now.

    1. LibrarianX

      Thing is, they've got some pretty cool stuff in AZ. The saying is: Love it or leave it. Shouldn't those crying 'secession' have to move out?

      1. Negropolis

        I could live without the Grand Canyon. Other than that, we can find whatever we miss in New Mexico, anyway.

  12. Goonemeritus

    The election of our nations first openly bisexual Atheist member of Congress gives me hope that the Irish will one day be allowed to come out of the shadows and be full participants in civic life.

      1. Blueb4sinrise

        No prob. even though you made me cry earlier today.

        We Az-Wonks have been keeping an eye on this, but I didn't think anyone wanted daily updates. It's okay for the editrixes to decide when it reaches clusterfuck status.

  13. Both Sides Do It

    The interest groups that file briefs and arguments for these things don't get nearly enough credit. Putting yourself through the banal schmoozing hell of law school so that you can conduct voter protection efforts in Arizona? The fuck are these people? The ACLU's awesome.

    The NAACP too. Eg the yeoman's work they're doing trying to keep the Supreme Court from overturning the section of the Voting Rights Act that requires changes to election law in the good ol' boy states to pass federal scrutiny before they're approved. They'll lose, because oh dear the cocktail party freeze-out poor Roberts would bring down on himself if he whiffs on *yet another chance* to shoot down a hippie commie negro plan destroying America, he'll be pilloried, no that just won't do. Still, they're fighting.

    But where's their parade, hmm? I suppose in as much as they're civil rights organizations, all parades are their parades. Still they should have at least one to call their own, seems like.

    1. kittensdontlie

      The assault of voting rights this election, is just disgusting. The culpable in Florida and Arizona especially, need to do hard time.

  14. Callyson

    approximately 486,405 ballots still have to be counted across the state

    And according to the AZ Secretary of State's website, Romney leads Obama by 201,839 votes…

    I know, I know, highly unlikely that Obama actually won AZ, but wouldn't it be funny if those votes finally get counted and it turned out to be close?

  15. BlueStateLibel

    Meanwhile, Nate Silver has already correctly predicted the winner of the 2016 election…and it's not going to make the GOP very happy either. : (

    1. Lizzietish81

      ITS GOOBLYGOOP!

      Just because his math has been accurate before doesn't mean that God won't finally come around to giving the right person the win.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      When my home town of less than 20,000 souls finally fluoridated our water eight or nine years ago, one of the factoids the pro-fluoride people brought up was that we were the "second largest city in America without fluoridated water."

      Now I know who's on first.

  16. CommieDad

    Hey, In Warshington we have 268,964 ballots left to count. That's partially because all voting is by mail, but also because both people who count the ballots were high. This did not impair their accuracy, but it has taken them over 20 minutes per signature to verify ballots.

    Of course, for us it is not a question of provisional ballots, voter ID laws, or any other form of suppression. We are just too cheap to higher more stoners to count the ballots.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Plus all of the people who are counting the ballots rushed out and got gay married to each other as soon as R-74 passed.

  17. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Fark has an Arizona tag. I repeat: By catching up with Florida, this state has earned a fark tag.

    1. weejee

      Well BoV we're still counting our mail-ins out here in our home state. Yes, all the networks called it for Bamz at 8:02 when the mail-in "closed" at 8:00, but they are still a countin'.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        True. This isn't a mechanical process observation, but simply an observation that a state has reached second place in the fark tag running.

  18. LibertyLover

    I live in Maricopa county.

    I was a poll worker in my precinct this year, because freedom. I also worked the provisional ballot table with another lady. Half of the people being send to our table were voters who had requested early voter ballots, but had not voted on them and wanted to vote the day of the election.

    There was no provision for people to bring in their unvoted early ballot and trade it for a ballot that could be run through the voter machine. The only option was to go home and vote on the ballot that was sent to you and bring it to any polling place and deposit into the blue early ballot box to be counted at a later time, or to provide ID and proof of residency in the district to vote a provisional ballot and deposit it into a red box.

    The other half of of people being sent to us were people that never received their early ballot. Many of their family may have received theirs, but they did not. One spouse may have received their ballot, the other may not have. Other people that came to us were people that had just recently moved to the area but were not on the signature rolls. There were also many, many people that came to us that thought they were in the right place, but were actually in a different district. Some of these people were sent to us from another district but a quick check online or on the voter map, showed that they had to return to the place that sent them to us.

    I wanted to ask the people who didn't receive their ballot what their political affiliation was
    but I didn't know if that would constitute electioneering, so I didn't, but as a person trying to observe a trend, it sure made me curious what their party affiliation was.

    Since it was a long ballot, and I was working the polls, I requested an early ballot, but my name was never marked off the list as requesting an early ballot, nor was it on the list of people that had requested an early ballot to be marked off the signature book.

    Basically, the record keeping for this election really seemed to be inefficient.

    To top all of this off, the Republican County Recorder, Helen Purcell? She ran unopposed in Tuesday's election.

    1. Callyson

      I lived in Tempe for three years and had to get the fuck out due to the wingnuts. Left behind a long term BF, but I just could not take anymore. Which is a long winded way of saying, my heart goes out to you. And my friends who still live there. And the decent people of the AZ Democratic Party (I tried to do my part to help them.) And the decent people in the state (yes, there are some…)

      I am curious though, if you feel like going into it: where in Maricopa Country did you serve as a poll watcher?

      1. LibertyLover

        I was a poll "worker", not a watcher. Or more precisely, I was a member of the "Board of Elections" for my precinct. This "board" was to consist of an equal number of Democrats and Republicans.

        Which means I volunteered to get paid a pittance for working my butt off all day… and it was a very long day…
        I live in the new district that just elected Kyrsten Sinema. And I would prefer not to say exactly what area of Maricopa that I live in just in case someone is driving around in a jeep looking for a Democrat to run over. ;-)

    2. OneDollarJuana

      LibertyLover, it sounds like you should run for County Recorder. Hard to do a worse job, I bet. Go for it!

    3. sati_demise

      I worked the poll in Az. years ago, before all this ID nonsense. My experience is that 1. tried to use my passport for photo ID (have you done this before?) "oh, well then, here is my Az. drivers license! " 2. the bar code is on the wrong side of your license (it expires in 2020, dear poll worker)
      Only when I told them I would go home for my utility bills did I get a regular ballot instead of a provisional. Registered Independent was prepared for this with 2 photo Ids.

  19. rickmaci

    By 2016 Aryanzona will be out and Liberalzona will be a swing state trending blue. Can not wait. Lots of GOTeaP'ers serving their last stretch in office.

  20. LibrarianX

    Here is a fun fact! Arizona driver's licenses do not expire until the driver reaches age 65! If you've ever seen AZ drivers, you know why this is a bad idea.

    1. Jennyjen798

      So true. I was 25 when I moved there. My license (if I had stayed) would have expired in 2045. You know, because I'll look EXACTLY like a 25 year old when I'm 65. o_O No wonder they're all worried about illegals. Nobody has identification that looks remotely legit.

      Also, yellow concrete barriers along the store fronts in Sun City. Proof that old people should not be driving.

  21. C_R_Eature

    Is it true that the Republican Party's training video for the 2012 election was D.W. Griffith's The Birth of a Nation?

    If so, all of this suddenly makes sense.

  22. bikerlaureate

    DOJ had sent federal observers to Maricopa County to monitor polling place activity on Election Day.

    The article does not say if these observers wore sky blue uniforms and helmets with "UN" boldly emblazoned on them.

  23. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Re: Photo of cats.

    Some white Arizonans would cross the street after seeing that many dark-looking mammals.

    Also, is it super-duper mega bad luck if 20 black cats cross your path?

  24. BadKitty904

    What I don't get is – it's not like this election sneaked up on anybody. It wasn't a big surprise (well, the results were, to some, I hear) or anything.

    So, why the nation-wide tallying chaos? What have these people been doing for the past four years?

    1. Negropolis

      Why, trying to surpress the vote, of course. Suppressing the vote is hard, y'all.

      This isn't a bug, it's a feature.

  25. FeloniousMonk

    This site needs an upfist mechanism for the mouse-over text on the pictures. Dok should go through the roof on this one. On a side note, while I understand that the thoroughly disgusting "upfist" fits the Wonkette ethos, I can no longer use the polite alternative "thumbs up" without contemplating where the thumb is going to go.

  26. cousinitt

    Another reason for Wonketeers to hold Kyrsten close to our um, hearts: "As my "protest buddy" and I were singing and spiraling in the pagan's circle only 5 rows back from the police line (which was over 25 rows thick), we noticed the police were putting on additional gear beneath their plastic face shields." –Kyrsten Sinema's own report from a protest she attended. http://web.archive.org/web/20031220232320/http://

    And here I though my own tawdry and sin-emal past would forever doom me in public life. Looks like 'they' are now 'we' and we are taking over! Boom go the wingnut heads!

    Bonus: she is from Dutch ancestry. And we know what that means, 4/20 will be a new national holiday.

        1. Negropolis

          I grew up around so many Vanderways and Vande Buntes and VanTils and Dykstras it's not even funny. Needless to say I've found the saying "If you ain't Dutch you ain't much" something they tend to believe. lol

  27. C_R_Eature

    Rachael Maddow just used the word "Schtupping" on-air in her show's commentary on the David Petraeus affair.

    Life is good.

    1. boskolives

      "Schtupping" , from the German "Schtupid Putz-Dumpkoff", which is a name given to people that don''t understand that writing anything that's hazardous to your career or marriage in an e-mail is the same as painting it on the side of your house. In red, also.

      1. C_R_Eature

        The eponymous act, from the first documented military person to be caught up in an ill considered 18th Century broadsheet & adultery controversy:
        The Baron von Schtuppin.

          1. C_R_Eature

            Direct decendant, continued the proud Schtuppin Tradition in her own inimitable fashion: as an "Entertainer"

            "…they keep Coming and Going
            and Going and Coming – and always TOO SOON!"

            – "I'm So Tired", Lily von Schtuppin

            Hey, She'd fit right in around here. Got one important catch phrase down.

          2. James Michael Curley

            There is the line earlier when trying to keep Harvey Korman from getting through the door;"No hoopa (Chuppah), No Stuppa."

  28. prommie

    OT but, why has noone pointed out, in the media, anywhere, that the Petraus affair is actually an example of vicious internecine rivalry between our two biggest national intelligence agencies, the FBI and the CIA? The facts are undisputed, the FBI invesitgated, leaked, and destroyed Petraus, the head of their vicious rival in the intelligence arena. This was an FBI effort to undermine their rival, the CIA. I mean, wasn't it? And from a liberal, this may sound insane, but I trust the CIA more than the FBI, the FBI shit the bed on 9-11, they had the plotters and ignored the plot, the CIA, on the other hand, was the agency that resisted W's false claims justifying war with Iraq as hard as they could and had to be circumvented by Cheney and his evil minions (Plame outing and all). The FBI is evil.

    1. Negropolis

      Call me crazy, but I still very much believe the CIA to be more dangerous than the FBI. And, since Peaches was a Republican and one whose name kept being floated as a potential GOP candidate for presidnet against Obama, I'm not going to lose any sleep over this warfare. I think we all end up benefitting from this fight. Let them tear each other apart at the top, anyway.

    2. Callyson

      I understand there was once a time when the sex lives of public officials did not make the headlines. Must have been nice…

      1. Negropolis

        I'd like to know when that was, because all I remember about Andrew Jackson outside his Indian removal was his wife being called a whore for her entire public life.

        1. Callyson

          Ouch, now that you remind me, maybe it was sometime outside of the reality-based community. Though JFK comes to mind…

          1. Negropolis

            There was also the whole "Miss Nancy/Aunt Fancy" slur Jackson threw at Buchanan for his close personal relationship with Alabama Senator William King, and how the press refered to him as "Buchanan and his wife."

            Ooo, let's see how many more of these we can do.

          2. James Michael Curley

            And that no maid near a linen closet was safe or that his wife poisoned him over he numerous affairs or that she had a female lover who divulged the original leads that led to the tea pot dome scandal.

      1. BoroPrimorac

        Morning Joke also played the insinuation game by wondering out loud if the administration knew about the affair.

    3. sati_demise

      The CIA is selling drugs right now to raise money to unseat the Ecuadorian president. Because, you know, Julian Assange. Fuck the CIA. You should read 'Legacy of Ashes'

  29. Negropolis

    Honestly, Justice needs to ride in on horses and just bust shit up in states that don't know how to, or refuse to, run competent elections. Game over. "We've got to fix that" indeed, Mr. President.

    1. James Michael Curley

      But for the next eight months until SCOTUS rules on Shellby the wingtards are going to be claiming Sec 5 of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 is the real reason for all the clusterstuppe.

    1. Negropolis

      Just saw this on Rachel, but it seems that for a provisional ballot to be counted in Arizona, you have to personally come in and confirm that you requested and voted on one. If not, the votes are thrown out.

      Crazy. I know that here in Michigan, they don't go back to verify provisionals like this, which drives the "election fraud"-screaming Republicans up the wall.

  30. ttommyunger

    Spotted at a Phoenix Starbucks: Sheriff Joe R. Piehole and Steven "Puffy" Segal comparing the size of their pistols and planning their next armored assault on another local chicken farmer… Fucking Arizona!

    1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      If'n I may. I know you wanted to be left alone on this day, but as the grandson of two brave souls who fought in World War I [that's "One", i.e. the "War to end all wars"] may I just express my gratitude for your service and also, too, in additon, to all those who have also served. Thank you.

    2. Callyson

      Replying to second nrc's sentiments. Gramps was in the Pacific during WWII, and Dad went off to Okinawa just before things in Vietnam really started to heat up.

      Thank you to you and to all those who served to protect our rights.

  31. Callyson

    OT alert:

    Obama considering John Kerry for job of defense secretary

    Although Kerry is thought to covet the job of secretary of state, senior administration officials familiar with the transition planning said that nomination will almost certainly go to Susan E. Rice, the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations…
    Rice, one of an inner circle of aides who have been with Obama since his first presidential campaign in 2007, is under particular fire over the Benghazi incident, in which U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and three other Americans were killed.
    Some Republican lawmakers have suggested that she was part of what they suspect was an initial election-related attempt to portray the attack as a peaceful demonstration that turned violent, rather than what the administration now acknowledges was an organized terrorist assault.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-secu

    Full blown wingnut tantrum in 3…2…1…

  32. iburl

    Arpaio has all the answers, why even bother to vote?

    Soon all of the 47% will be wearing pink panties and living in an 120° tent.

    I smell a GOP primary frontrunner…

  33. OneYieldRegular

    Well of course she's bi. She'll be working in Washington and living on ocean front property in Arizona.

  34. bflrtsplk

    Alright, time to count the votes. Now don`t interrupt me. Let`s see… one… two … three… (A fly enters the room) Hey, I said no interruptions. Now I gotta start over. Okay… one… two… three… Hey, anybody know what comes after three…?

  35. iburl

    Any criticism of Arpaio likely comes from outside groups like TILOCCASAFSFSSRSIASTDBMSOROCSHSOEKDFAWBOWSLRAKADOCF*

    *The International League Of Citizens Concerned About Sheriff Arpaio Filming Segments For Steven Seagal's Reality Shows In A Swat Tank Driven By Mr. Segal On Raids Of Cockfighting Suspects Homes, Setting Off Explosions, Knocking Down Fences And Walls, Blowing Out Windows, Swarming Family Living Rooms And Killing Any Dogs Or Chickens Found.

  36. Negropolis

    OT: Oh, hell. Now I'm seeing that General John Allen, top commander in Afghanistan, is being investigated for sending "inappropriate" emails to the woman who was harrassed by Paula Bondwell. I had no idea the military and intelligency agencies had this many fucking groupies.

    1. Misty Malarky

      Why can't these guys just masturbate or screw the boys in the motor pool, like regular ol' officers?

  37. BadKitty904

    WEEK ONE: We're seven days into President Obama's second administration (HA!) and still no black helicopters, FEMA stormtroopers, etc. Right now, all I hear outside are some bluejays carrying on and somebody down the block (probably Mr. Mallen) mowing their lawn.

    So, when, *exactly*, is this magical "socialist revolution/death of America/etc./etc." s'posed to take place?

  38. smellypossum

    As a Texan, now living in exile in Colorado 'cause too many conservative assholes from other places took over once-liberal Austin, I am happy to see both Florida AND Arizona more fucked up than my home state.

    There's certainly a strong correlation between wingnuts and fucked-upedness.

    1. PugglesRule

      Wait wait wait conservatards have taken over AUSTIN???

      Are we Madisonians the last bastion of libertardiness??

      1. smellypossum

        They've not taken over entirely. But after we lived there for 20+ years, their influence (stench) was certainly being felt. And not in a good way. People with money (and the frothy republican paranoia about conserving their Escalades and Suburbans) moved in from Houston, Dallas and other states as well. They then proceeded to put up tilt wall shopping centers, WallymMarts, and mcfuckingmansions in the burbs. Then they complained about it being crowded and liberal. Thanks assholes.

  39. elgin_pelican

    Did AZ submit one of those secession petitions to Barry? 'Cause I think it needs to be on the top of the pile when he gets to them. Just sayin' is all.

  40. owhatever

    This vote-counting stuff is really hard. When we got to a hundred, we had to start all over again at a hundred and one. It might take forever.

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