HAPPY FAMILIES  4:20 pm November 12, 2012

Arizona Woman Should Have Just Run Over Her Husband ‘With Votes’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

she only regrets that she has but one husband to give for her countrySo how’s things in Arizona these days, Phoenix New Times? Anybody from an obviously super best marriage snap once it became clear the South would have to secede all over again? Oh a lady ran her husband over with her Jeep, because it was his fault Obama won because he didn’t vote? Gee, that sounds right.

Mesa resident Holly Solomon thinks it’s her husband’s fault that President Obama was re-elected last week, because he didn’t vote.

Not only does Solomon, 28, have a thorough misunderstanding of our nation’s electoral system, she also ran over her husband with her car because of this, according to Gilbert police.

In an e-mail to media, Gilbert police Sergeant Jesse Sanger says the argument started in a parking lot Saturday morning over Daniel Solomon’s lack of voter participation.

“According to Daniel, Holly believed her family was going to face hardship as a result of President Obama’s re-election,” Sanger says.

Witnesses told police that there was a lot of yelling before Holly Solomon hopped in her Jeep, and started chasing her husband around the parking lot.

Her husband tried to use a light pole to shield himself, and Solomon drove around the light pole several times as she continued to yell at him.

Eventually, her husband made a run for it, but Solomon hit him, pinning him under the car and on a curb, according to police.

Sorry you are in critical condition, Holly Solomon’s husband Daniel. Please send your wife over to Wonkette, to learn the finer points of maiming people with votes, just as soon as she is out of jail for your attempted murder.

[NewTimes]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 268 comments }

el_donaldo November 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Pro tip: if you get pinned by a Jeep against a curb, try to free your arms to protect your skull from penetrative attacks.

Both Sides Do It November 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Good for now, but this tactic will soon be outdated. All the Jeeps will soon be produced by the Chinese, and they're instituting new bumpers explicitly designed to keep your arms pinned and unable to fend off penetrative attacks.

Brilliant strategy from the Chinese, really, destroy your enemy from within: get our elites to gut our economy and then start making cars that aide homicide. Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if his name was actually Mitt Rom Nee.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Will they prevent Chinese Fire Drills, tho?

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

As tragic as this story is, it needs more Yakkity Sax

el_donaldo November 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

If Benny Hill would have done it, the Jeep would have been full of women in lingerie, and after they hit the guy, they would do a double-time Chinese fire drill before getting back into the Jeep and backing it into a pond.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm

All while being chased by two cops on foot.

Gleem McShineys November 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Where's the little old bald man, whose head receives constant slapping?

CrunchyKnee November 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Queen Solomon aint too wise.

PugglesRule November 13, 2012 at 8:05 am

Quick! Run into her house and make sure she hasn't divided her baby.

snowpointsecret November 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I hope she ends up with life in prison. But not with votes.

Boojum November 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

This is why we have the Electoral College: So no one is to blame.

coolhandnuke November 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Jeepers, creepers…where does Arizona get those freepers.

blakechandler November 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Thank you! I have come back to this comment at least 3x and I laugh louder each time!

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the first finalist for the Darwin award…

Terry November 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Dunno about that. This woman knew exactly what she was doing.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

True, but with any luck she's just given up any chance she had to reproduce, either with her husband or anyone else. By the time she gets out of prison if she's still young enough, hopefully the next unlucky guy who comes along will think to ask, "So what happened to your last marriage?"

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Oh please! Like no inmate at a women's prison has ever fucked for cigarettes, or had a baby….

Pat_Pending November 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

That would go to Holly's husband for marrying her in the first place.

CthuNHu November 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Not her, him.

Dude's got a light pole as a safety shield, has proven it to be effective as his wife drives around and around trying and failing to get to a good attacking position, and his great brainwave is, "Hey, let's ditch this cover and try to outrun a Jeep in a parking lot!"

Probably the second worst mistake he ever made, right after the "Let's marry a Republican woman!" thing.

HRH_Maddie November 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I don't blame her. Do you even know how many Ohioans I murdered after the 2004 election?

snowpointsecret November 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Is your last name Diebold, by any chance?

fatbob54 November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

All of em katie?

glasspusher November 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm

They needed killin' (with votes)

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Given the results of the last two presidential elections, the answer is apparently "just enough."

HRH_Maddie November 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

You're welcome, America.

Joey_Blau November 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

uhh six?

Barbara_ November 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Chased him with her Jeep? That's priceless. Her husband and Elizabeth Warren could have both been part Cherokee.

Tundra Grifter November 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"Her husband was part Cherokee? Which part?"

"The front bumper."

Steverino247 November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Hahahahahahaha! That's so good!

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Made in the USA.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I saw what you did there.

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I do wonder if he had Health Insurance?

savethispatient November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I'm sorry, but that impaled Jeep is a pre-existing condition.

Esteev November 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

But being crazy enough to run someone over with said Jeep is covered.

memzilla November 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

This will be covered under Obumpercare.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

She can stay on her parents' plan up to 26mpg.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

According to the local Fox affiliate, the argument began over Obamacare and escalated.

But its FOX. I can't imagine they'd spin an already politicized story with their agenda, no siree!

Joey_Blau November 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

oh course not.. that's what she was afraid of.. that she would have to take gubermint subsidies for health insurance! and she dina want them!

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I know marriage can be tough, but you'd think he'd a saw the crazy long before now.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Maybe he's one of those "crazy in the head, crazy in the bed" fans.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

If that picture is any indication, we'd have to be at the tighter, wetter, crazier level of the head/bed justification.

FeloniousMonk November 12, 2012 at 8:32 pm

That is the mugshot, right? No one's at their best in a mugshot. They just refuse to let you show your best side. Er, ask Nick Nolte.

redarmyzombie November 12, 2012 at 6:02 pm

And let this be a lesson; no matter how crazy good it is, the sex JUST ISN'T WORTH IT!

bibliotequetress November 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm

As the saying goes, sometimes you don't see it until it's on top of you.

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm

In his defense, more than one crazy woman has gotten a good job … in government.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:04 am

The question is what happens after you find about the crazy? Some people are too far in by then.

YouBetcha November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I'm going to email a link to this story to my husband next time he complains the dishes aren't done.

Esteev November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

*Shakes Keys*

Do. We. Have. A. Problem?

emmelemm November 12, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Reminds me of War of the Roses. Except in that case, didn't Kathleen Turner only run over Michael Douglas' car?

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:04 am

LOL!

SmutBoffin November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

They were only able to trace the crime back to her because there were some limited edition signed Mitt Romney Trucknutz left behind at the scene….

MacRaith November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

It's clearly Obama's fault that she tried to kill her husband. So when is the President going to be charged as an accomplice?

SmutBoffin November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

IMPeAHC!!!!!!!!!

TheMightyHaltor November 12, 2012 at 11:32 pm

There was an AC-130 based at Nellis. Why didn't Obama call in an airstrike?

Schmannnity November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Erin Burnett doesn't look so good without makeup.

CrunchyKnee November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I am eagerly awaiting the S Korean news cartoon re-enactment of this story.

MegPasadena November 12, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Sorry, it is Taiwanese news Cartoon.
- a person from Taiwan

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

there are no indications she was impaired by alcohol or drugs at the time

Yeah, I think she was actually in need of some alcohol and drugs at the time…

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Good Lord, that's funny. I might be as evil as the Wingnuts think I am!

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Speaking as a curious homo – is this an example of the "traditional marriage" that the wingnuts are working so hard (and so illegally) to protect?

HRH_Maddie November 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

As an ally in the fight for gay rights, I have always felt that you guys deserve the right to be as miserable as we are.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Gee, thanks.

finallyhappy November 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

That was the joke I always used until I was actually working for Question 6 here in Maryland. Then I just said Marriage is a civil right(and left off 'So is divorce!")

HRH_Maddie November 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I never understood why straights were trying to bogart marriage. It's a real mixed bag and something that anyone who is interested should be able to attempt. (along with divorce)

copiki November 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

So you are the cause of this!

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Yes, if you define "traditional marriage" as seen on an episode of COPS.

LesBontemps November 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

How long have Punch and Judy been around? It doesn't get much more traditional than that.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Hey, I am a homo, too, of the sapien variety. ;-)

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Nobody's perfect.

CthuNHu November 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Uh, no; in a traditional marriage, the husband would be in the driver's seat.

pigdog2 November 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Hey, don't you be trying to redefine vehicular assault.

AddHomonym November 12, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Tradition dictates that it be a Chevy.

Crank_Tango November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

This wouldn't have happened if her husband also had a Jeep.

Tundra Grifter November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Or a Glock.

Esteev November 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Dueling vote-shooting-pistols!

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I wonder if "stand your ground" laws cover running over someone with a Jeep.

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:21 pm

or a cement truck

Gleem McShineys November 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Jeeps don't kill people! (they just pin them to the curb)

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:07 am

WIN

skmind November 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Well, that certainly is one self-fulfilled prophecy

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Thanks God she didn't drive a Ford Probe. The outcome could have been entirely different.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Unicorn libel!

Esteev November 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Alien Abduction libel!

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:08 am

If only she'd driven an AMC Gremlin. Then BOTH of them would have been in for a world full of trouble.

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Was it one of those Chinese-built Jeeps?

CrunchyKnee November 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Umm, that person in the above picture is 28? I guess life is rather hard in Mesa, Az.

I would not hit that.

el_donaldo November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

You'd want to hit it before it hit you.

el_donaldo November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

And thumbs up on your new gravatar!

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

It looks like someone beat you to the punch, anyway.

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
No joie de vivre, just endless hours of tedium
With a negative IQ you’ll be lonesome sad and blue
Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
You wait for years, but inspiration never comes
Thoughts you don’t have remain unheard because you cannot find the words
Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
Between your ears a dark and silent vacuum
If there’s a void behind your face
why not rent out the vacant space
Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
Why not just lay back and smoke a bowl of opium
If being stupid is your fate just relax ’cause it’s too late
Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

Defeatably_Joe November 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I think it's mostly that life is hard in Metha, Arizona.

PubOption November 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

And she was not hung over when it was taken.

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm

you would have numerous lacerations if you tried

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:08 am

Yeah, but it's a dry, sunburnt crazy.

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I think that photo belongs in the dictionary next to the definition of 'butthurt'….

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Worst Jeep Commercial EVER.

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Or, perhaps, best.

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Call Dennis Haysbert. "Mayhem" is now a woman.

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Maybe they should make her the National Chairperson of the Get Out the Vote committee.

ChillBill November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Did she at least unfriend him on Facebook first?

deanbooth November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Just like Nate Silver, hiding behind a pole.

ChillBill November 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

There was no margin of error.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:10 am

How many entendres is that?

savethispatient November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Yet another citizen who's going to make the rest of us to pay for her food and accommodation in Obama's America. IMPEACH!

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

20 to life in Galt's Gulch.

Tundra Grifter November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

It was a Jeep.

Just before the election, Romney said Government Motors wasn't going to make those in Ohio any more. All those jobs were being shifted to China. It was on the teevee and everything.

So…Connect The Dots, people! CTD!

Steverino247 November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Hell, they haven't even got through a third of the votes in AZ, thanks to their stupid voter ID procedures. DERP FAIL!

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

It's pretty much his own fault- all he had to do was disappear for a few hours, go for a walk in the park, then go home & bitch about the lines at the precinct…

Goonemeritus November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Clearly one of nations richest 1% concerned about Obama’s agenda to change the deferred interest loophole.

poorgradstudent November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Fucking electoral college votes, how do they work?

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Dude should have just lied and told her that he had voted.

Dudleydidwrong November 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Oh, but lying like that would probably have irreparably harmed their married bliss.

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm

"I'm heading out to vote" sounds like a great cover for hitting the bar.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:14 am

Or something else, for that matter.

mrblifil November 13, 2012 at 12:44 am

Where's the trust in a relationship like that?

Sharkey November 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Were the kids in the car too?

ChillBill November 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

She was on her way to pick 'em up from Bible school.

Antispandex November 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Better leave her behind with the kids, they're alright.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Did the kids remember to vote?

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 6:02 pm

A responsible father would have voted for them.

OzoneTom November 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Carbohydrates go in, the crazy goes out. No one can explain it.

Esteev November 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I don't care what anyone says, this comment is a winner.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Is this how Western black widows have sex? The female runs over her mate with a jeep when they get done fucking?

SayItWithWookies November 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Sometimes they make it look like an accident — like when they leave the husband alone for the weekend with a shotgun, a chainsaw and a fridge full of beer.

Antispandex November 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Well! It's good to see that SOMEONE took this election seriously!

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

She clearly looks like she is sorry, so as a liberal I think she should go free. She probably had a sad childhood.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I blame society.

LouBristol November 12, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Completely agree. Also, if he decided to make a run for it despite finding a pole to hide behind, he was definitely asking for it.

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Given her complete lack of understanding of the electoral system in this country, plus the whole "People of Walmart" vibe she gives off, what are the odds that she was homeschooled?

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 8:54 pm

In either Gilbert or Mesa, Arizona, the odds are better than average.

sati_demise November 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Az comments note she is supposedly 6 months pregnant.

Hormones?

btw, still counting votes in Az, but it looks good for the first openly bi-sexual woman; and she is hot! Az does something right this election! whoo hooo

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

*ahem* My new Representative, Kyrsten Sinema, has an over 6000 vote lead… I voted for her, too. Perhaps I should watch out for any marauding jeeps just in case?

GoodDogThor November 12, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Obligatory… Pics or GTFO

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

This hawt enough for ya: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2012
Also discusses her lack of religious affiliation, very unusual in a native Arizonan.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:17 am

Yes, yes, 'twas hormones what killed the beast.

coolhandnuke November 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I find this very autoerotic.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

…and don't think I didn't see what you did there either.

copiki November 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

*cues a drum sting*

Gleem McShineys November 12, 2012 at 6:01 pm

You should curb these urges immediately.

Esteev November 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Bachelorhood just keeps looking better and better.

barto November 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

And here I was ready to blame Obama's win on Merv down in shipping. Ah, probably should run over the sumbitch anyways just for good measure.

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:26 pm

better late than never

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Nice hair! Having a portable thatched-roof Irish hut will help her stay one step ahead of Nobama! http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/zahler/zahler07

bibliotequetress November 12, 2012 at 6:24 pm

It might help her survive living in a tent in the desert.

That is, if this is a crime in AZ.

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

She's convinced that if you don't vote Republican, you must be a black rapist and must die.

kyeshinka November 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Anyone else picturing these goofballs running around the parking lot with the Benny Hill theme in the background?

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

All of us, kyeshinka.

Dashboard Buddha November 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

:::dash raises his hand:::

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

He lost the "Hubby Season/Jeep Season" fight.

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I certainly am now.

weejee November 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm
FiscalClifford November 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

We can laugh all we want. I'll bet they have incredible sex, though. Even despite the fact she looks like an angry teenage boy from 1994.

mavenmaven November 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Gives new meaning to "I'd hit that"

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm

one that involves a chair and her face

rocktonsam November 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

sheriff Joe could use her to protect Merika, she loves her country so much

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 9:09 pm

If she gets put in one of his jails, I guarantee a new meaning to "extra privileges."

Yellerdawg November 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

She was just testing the system to see if it worked. In this case, the airbag and front crumple zone systems.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

And so explains the reason that people like Sheriff Joe get re-elected.

Defeatably_Joe November 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

This never would have happened if we had just let Detroit go bankrupt.

coolhandnuke November 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Beware of Jeeps bearing a "Crybaby on Board" sticker.

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

She kinda reminds me of one of those Brat Pack actresses, but I can't think of the name…

Aridzona November 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Molly Ringworm

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Ally Shitty?

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Y'know, you're right. The one that Martha Raddatz looks like…whatsername again….Mare Winningham?

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Maybe a composite of Ally Sheedy, Mare Winningham & Mary Stuart Masterson…

sullivanst November 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Charlie Sheen?

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Juggs Nelson?

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:28 pm

ally sheedy

neiltheblaze November 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Oh, c'mon you kids – kiss and make up!!

HarryButtle November 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

The lesson to be learned here is this: When you've got good cover, stay put!

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I fail to understand why she didn't contract someone for this job. Or, at the very least wait until it was dark and then run him over when he was checking the mail.

She was just asking to be caught. Geez, come on lady, if you are going to do a job…do it right.

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm

she wanted the super patriot gold medal , so had to be done in front of an audience

cousinitt November 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I would LOVE to see Shelly from Nebraska meet up with Holly from Arizona. The Thelma and Louise reality teevee show possibilities may already be in the works.

Both Sides Do It November 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I'm actually kind of surprised in the wake of all the gloom 'n doom stories about the Republicans shooting themselves in the foot by intentionally alienating so many groups of voters that some NRO back-bencher hasn't written something like:

"They say the Republicans are committing electoral suicide. They may be right, but they never give the right remedy: electoral homicide. GOP members must start dismantling communities that will never be amenable to Republican strategies, piece-by-piece, one at a time."

Wile E. Quixote November 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

You mean like this piece by NRO back bencher David Gelerntner?

Both Sides Do It November 12, 2012 at 5:26 pm

you know things are bad when "parody is dead" is an overused cliche

now that NRO has made the "intellectual case" for that idea, maybe Glenn Reynolds or Powerline or something will start using phrases like "electoral homicide" or start expressing voter outreach targets in terms of megadeaths

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Please tell me it was a Walmart parking lot. Please!

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Okay. It was a Walmart parking lot.

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

It really had to be. He could have outrun her to the trees if it had been the Dollar General.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

My guess woulda been a Sizzler or Golden Corral.

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

or Chik-Fil-A

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 9:12 pm

On the day after election day, the Chik-Fil-A at the Tucson Mall had its flag at half mast. No shit. And Obama carried that neighborhood. So you can imagine how they're acting in the dark red suburbs of Phoenix.

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Don't they have flea markets down there? Or gun shows in abandoned K-Marts?

GeorgiaBurning November 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

This is Phoenix, there's a gun show about every weekend at one stadium or another. When this guy gets out of the hospital he should go to one.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm
BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Oh, it was in Gilbert. Enough said.

bibliotequetress November 12, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Is Gilbert the Mississippi of Phoenix? I ask because my sister-in-law, who I adore & who is usually not inclined to snottery, has made remarks about Gilbert. She grew up in Mesa and was the first to point out to me that retirees used to outnumber school kids so substantially in Greater Phoenix that it just getting enough public support to keep school buses running was a problem until the 1990s.

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 9:21 pm

The crime took place in Gilbert, but the couple lives in the city of Mesa, a Phoenix suburb founded by the Mormon Daniel Webster Jones. It proudly trumpets that it is in the top 25 of safest cities in America. I guess that's why she had to go to the next town over to try and kill her husband.

ChillBill November 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

This is why I broke up with my Republican gf. That faulty Galt switch could not be trusted.

Botlrokit November 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Anyone confused by the saturation of females, and their displays of Obama hate? Isn't this technically the territory of armed white undereducated pimply dudes?

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

azeyote November 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

not a very good driver – should a nailed that non-votin bastard

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

When they visit her in the Montana camps, Dad can also take the kids to see some of the Big Sky Country's wonders! They can visit Glacier National Park, where the glaciers used to be before they melted due to global climate change, or the Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument, which presaged the Romney/Ryan 2012 campaign!

hagajim November 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Good lord! And I thought I was pissed after W. won in 2004.

calliecallie November 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Talk about political commitment! And by commitment I mean to the nearest mental health facility.

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

She doesn't look like a pot-smoking, hippie Phoenix News Times reader, she looks more like one of those Fox News Watchers.

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I live in Arizona and I must note how shocked I am that this story was not widely covered by our Liberal Mainstream Media.

Defeatably_Joe November 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I'm actually most surprised that they allowed James O'Keefe to even travel to Arizona given the nature of his probation, let alone gay-marry a man and then run him over in a Jeep.

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:33 pm

so he changed his mind and tried to get rid of the evidence ( his husband )

StillGoinGreen November 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

This makes Hopey's "ground game" blah, blah, "Get out tha Vote" thingy look like a kindergarten game. Methinks this is the beginning of something big for the Conservatives!

BaldarTFlagass November 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Why do they always feel compelled to "make a run for it." Dude, I have seen thousands of movies, and that shit never ends well. I wonder if he ran right down the middle of the street.

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

What else was he gonna do? He was stuck running around a light pole while she drove in circles yelling at him. Waiting until she ran out of gas would take a while.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Sure it would have taken a while, but waiting in a hospital bed for your bones to knit takes a lot longer.

Toomush_Infer November 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Nah, jeeps get really lousy mileage….

rmjagg November 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

maybe in a zig-zag pattern , hoping for the best

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Serpentine!

LibrarianX November 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Folks are angry in Arizona. I try not to go there.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

It's not the heat, it's the stupidity…

LibrarianX November 13, 2012 at 8:13 am

Would love to see the Stupidity Index reported with the weather.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

This is not shaping up to be a good year for women named Holly

bflrtsplk November 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Uh, Mr. Solomon, the next time you`re going to tell your wife you didn`t vote and her guy loses, make sure the car keys are in YOUR pocket, not in the ignition. Man, that is one mean looking woman.

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Meth is a helluva drug.

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 9:24 pm

But religion is worse.

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

So…how's that marriage counseling going?

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

And Jeep sales!!

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

She's got a little bit of that Lynndie England thing going on. Did she get out and do a double-point at the tread-marks on his chest afterward?

GeorgiaBurning November 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

The Arizona Republic would report this as "Independent Voters Target of New GOP Drive"

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I think I finally understand what "Muskrat Love" is all about.

TribecaMike November 12, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Far better to go with Muscat Love imho.

Guppy November 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Red states have to outlaw contraception if they are to have any hope of avoiding mass extinction due to Darwin.

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Why didn't she just shoot him?

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I can't imagine that woman doesn't have several guns.

mavenmaven November 12, 2012 at 6:36 pm

She would have had to first explain in detail what her unstoppable to plan to conquer the world was, then let out the villain bwahahah first, giving him enough time to escape and bring down her secret operation.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:28 am

Sometimes you go to war with the weapon you have…

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Let me guess. She was drunk on Coors light and butterscotch schnapps.

corthylio November 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Blech- I just threw up a little in my mouth…

Hammiepants November 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

You know, all kidding aside, having an opposing political viewpoint from me is a total dealbreaker. We are NEVER going to have the sexytimes, let alone a "relationship", if you love Rush and vote Wingnut. I don't understand the Matalins/Carvilles of the world, unless every hookup/convo is an ongoing hatefuck.

DCBloom November 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I so agree. If my husband voted R, I'd probably run him over too.

decentcitizen November 13, 2012 at 1:35 am

I dunno. My wife was a fundie republican when we started dating. Now she's a fundie liberal.

emmelemm November 13, 2012 at 3:26 am

That's why one should only date fellow Wonketteers.

Pat_Pending November 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Why can't these people just jump off a cliff, lemming-like…

OneDollarJuana November 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Wait. I thought all the Jeeps were sent to China.

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Well, I'm a standing in a parking lot
in Mesa, Arizona
and such a fine sight to see
It's my wife, my Lord, in a big ass
Jeep drivin' down to take a run at me
Come on, baby, don't shriek Romney!
I gotta know if your bad driving is
gonna save me
We may lose and Obama may win though
we will never shop here again
so hit the brakes, I'm runnin' fast,
Please take it easy

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

This would make a great "Get out the vote" PSA commercial.

Wile E. Quixote November 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I'm sure that the next amendment to Arizona's "stand your ground" law will be to allow you to shoot your spouse if they don't vote Republican.

Mahousu November 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I'm not seeing a whole lot of "wisdom of Solomon" here.

Toomush_Infer November 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Geez – I could understand this when Mesa hits 115 in the shade, but this is the cool season…I don't think she should go back to that church and that pastor….

rickmaci November 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm

The batshitcrazy is strong in that one.

TribecaMike November 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm

The sad part is she's just my type.

mickeymusing November 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Mesa is Salt Lake City Lite. Her husband's 'crime' probably had to do with not being Mormon enough for her.

sati_demise November 12, 2012 at 5:57 pm

By popular request, Arizonas hot new openly bi-sexual CongressHottie (in that saucy,but healthy, librarian glasses kind of way- holy shit!)

http://kyrstensinema.com/meet-kyrsten/

GoodDogThor November 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I think I'm in love (with her policy positions).

Troglodeity November 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I'd hit that either way. Wowzers.

BZ1 November 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm

"… and there are no indications she was impaired by alcohol or drugs at the time", just suffering from Obama derangement syndrome …

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Bamsanity! I propose a new tag.

Gleem McShineys November 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm

That guy forgot The first rule of Zombieland:

Cardio.

bibliotequetress November 12, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Somehow with my joy at Kyrsten Synema's election I briefly forgot the impact of broiling sun and fifty years of underfunded public education on Arizona.

OT Kyrsten Synema is my not so secret girl crush.

AlterNewt November 12, 2012 at 6:37 pm

"But the Jeep was okay. In other news…"

bibliotequetress November 12, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Caused by GAY MARRIAGE!

Troglodeity November 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm

This wouldn't have happened if our lazy-ass public school teachers did a better job of teaching Civics.

Jukesgrrl November 12, 2012 at 9:30 pm

To my surprise, the largest employer in the city of Mesa is the public school system. They employ five times more people than Walmart … and that's saying something. But in addition to falling down on the teaching of civics, they also might want to consider beefing up their Driver Education program.

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Or Accords.

ttommyunger November 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm

http://patdollard.com/2012/11/priest-bites-of-oth… OT, but I just had to share this.

mosjef November 12, 2012 at 8:54 pm

In Manhattan, that's called "rush hour".

glamourdammerung November 12, 2012 at 9:04 pm

NOBAMARS THUGS R ARRESTING PATRIOTS!!11!!!!

HateMachine November 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm

assume husband dead

a_pink_poodle November 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Where there instances where Democrats attacked people for voting for Bush's second term or failing not to? Surely there were, right?

comrad_darkness November 12, 2012 at 10:36 pm

And we all have to try to live with these people.

dennis1943 November 12, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Only 3,ooo,ooo some odd more to go……..a life with purpose……

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 1:30 am

This is good news for Detroit!

decentcitizen November 13, 2012 at 1:39 am

She tried holding out on him first but he was okay with that…

BS4Dummies November 13, 2012 at 8:16 am

If she wasn't wearing her flagpin during the event, than she wasn't being authentic in going "all right wing extreme" on her husband. Just saying…she could be a RINO.

smellypossum November 13, 2012 at 10:36 am

Y'all just KNOW this happy couple will be back in WallyMart beating their children in time for Christmas. And she'll have the added pleasure of dumping him out of his wheelchair (and running him over with it) on aisle 16 because he overfilled his colostomy bag.

DahBoner November 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

She's 28?

Doesn't look a day over 58.

bloggingbalkanistan November 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

Should have never taken School House Rock off the air…

Joey_Blau November 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I find it unlikely she is in the top income bracket and might see a slight increase in her marginal tax rate…

bibliotequetress November 12, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Ah. NIMBY.

Starburster November 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

In my pants.

Too easy.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: