happy families

Arizona Woman Should Have Just Run Over Her Husband ‘With Votes’

she only regrets that she has but one husband to give for her countrySo how’s things in Arizona these days, Phoenix New Times? Anybody from an obviously super best marriage snap once it became clear the South would have to secede all over again? Oh a lady ran her husband over with her Jeep, because it was his fault Obama won because he didn’t vote? Gee, that sounds right.

Mesa resident Holly Solomon thinks it’s her husband’s fault that President Obama was re-elected last week, because he didn’t vote.

Not only does Solomon, 28, have a thorough misunderstanding of our nation’s electoral system, she also ran over her husband with her car because of this, according to Gilbert police.

In an e-mail to media, Gilbert police Sergeant Jesse Sanger says the argument started in a parking lot Saturday morning over Daniel Solomon’s lack of voter participation.

“According to Daniel, Holly believed her family was going to face hardship as a result of President Obama’s re-election,” Sanger says.

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Witnesses told police that there was a lot of yelling before Holly Solomon hopped in her Jeep, and started chasing her husband around the parking lot.

Her husband tried to use a light pole to shield himself, and Solomon drove around the light pole several times as she continued to yell at him.

Eventually, her husband made a run for it, but Solomon hit him, pinning him under the car and on a curb, according to police.

Sorry you are in critical condition, Holly Solomon’s husband Daniel. Please send your wife over to Wonkette, to learn the finer points of maiming people with votes, just as soon as she is out of jail for your attempted murder.

[NewTimes]

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268 comments

  1. el_donaldo

    Pro tip: if you get pinned by a Jeep against a curb, try to free your arms to protect your skull from penetrative attacks.

    1. Both Sides Do It

      Good for now, but this tactic will soon be outdated. All the Jeeps will soon be produced by the Chinese, and they're instituting new bumpers explicitly designed to keep your arms pinned and unable to fend off penetrative attacks.

      Brilliant strategy from the Chinese, really, destroy your enemy from within: get our elites to gut our economy and then start making cars that aide homicide. Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if his name was actually Mitt Rom Nee.

      1. el_donaldo

        If Benny Hill would have done it, the Jeep would have been full of women in lingerie, and after they hit the guy, they would do a double-time Chinese fire drill before getting back into the Jeep and backing it into a pond.

      1. SuspectedDemocrat

        True, but with any luck she's just given up any chance she had to reproduce, either with her husband or anyone else. By the time she gets out of prison if she's still young enough, hopefully the next unlucky guy who comes along will think to ask, "So what happened to your last marriage?"

    1. CthuNHu

      Not her, him.

      Dude's got a light pole as a safety shield, has proven it to be effective as his wife drives around and around trying and failing to get to a good attacking position, and his great brainwave is, "Hey, let's ditch this cover and try to outrun a Jeep in a parking lot!"

      Probably the second worst mistake he ever made, right after the "Let's marry a Republican woman!" thing.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Given the results of the last two presidential elections, the answer is apparently "just enough."

  2. Barbara_

    Chased him with her Jeep? That's priceless. Her husband and Elizabeth Warren could have both been part Cherokee.

    1. Joey_Blau

      oh course not.. that's what she was afraid of.. that she would have to take gubermint subsidies for health insurance! and she dina want them!

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        If that picture is any indication, we'd have to be at the tighter, wetter, crazier level of the head/bed justification.

        1. FeloniousMonk

          That is the mugshot, right? No one's at their best in a mugshot. They just refuse to let you show your best side. Er, ask Nick Nolte.

  3. YouBetcha

    I'm going to email a link to this story to my husband next time he complains the dishes aren't done.

      1. emmelemm

        Reminds me of War of the Roses. Except in that case, didn't Kathleen Turner only run over Michael Douglas' car?

  4. SmutBoffin

    They were only able to trace the crime back to her because there were some limited edition signed Mitt Romney Trucknutz left behind at the scene….

  5. MacRaith

    It's clearly Obama's fault that she tried to kill her husband. So when is the President going to be charged as an accomplice?

  6. Callyson

    there are no indications she was impaired by alcohol or drugs at the time

    Yeah, I think she was actually in need of some alcohol and drugs at the time…

  7. BadKitty904

    Speaking as a curious homo – is this an example of the "traditional marriage" that the wingnuts are working so hard (and so illegally) to protect?

    1. HRH_Maddie

      As an ally in the fight for gay rights, I have always felt that you guys deserve the right to be as miserable as we are.

      1. finallyhappy

        That was the joke I always used until I was actually working for Question 6 here in Maryland. Then I just said Marriage is a civil right(and left off 'So is divorce!")

        1. HRH_Maddie

          I never understood why straights were trying to bogart marriage. It's a real mixed bag and something that anyone who is interested should be able to attempt. (along with divorce)

    1. Negropolis

      If only she'd driven an AMC Gremlin. Then BOTH of them would have been in for a world full of trouble.

  8. CrunchyKnee

    Umm, that person in the above picture is 28? I guess life is rather hard in Mesa, Az.

    I would not hit that.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
      No joie de vivre, just endless hours of tedium
      With a negative IQ you’ll be lonesome sad and blue
      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
      You wait for years, but inspiration never comes
      Thoughts you don’t have remain unheard because you cannot find the words
      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
      Between your ears a dark and silent vacuum
      If there’s a void behind your face
      why not rent out the vacant space
      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb
      Why not just lay back and smoke a bowl of opium
      If being stupid is your fate just relax ’cause it’s too late
      Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re dumb

  9. savethispatient

    Yet another citizen who's going to make the rest of us to pay for her food and accommodation in Obama's America. IMPEACH!

  10. Tundra Grifter

    It was a Jeep.

    Just before the election, Romney said Government Motors wasn't going to make those in Ohio any more. All those jobs were being shifted to China. It was on the teevee and everything.

    So…Connect The Dots, people! CTD!

  11. Steverino247

    Hell, they haven't even got through a third of the votes in AZ, thanks to their stupid voter ID procedures. DERP FAIL!

    1. corthylio

      It's pretty much his own fault- all he had to do was disappear for a few hours, go for a walk in the park, then go home & bitch about the lines at the precinct…

  12. Goonemeritus

    Clearly one of nations richest 1% concerned about Obama’s agenda to change the deferred interest loophole.

  13. Dashboard Buddha

    Is this how Western black widows have sex? The female runs over her mate with a jeep when they get done fucking?

  14. docterry6973

    She clearly looks like she is sorry, so as a liberal I think she should go free. She probably had a sad childhood.

    1. LouBristol

      Completely agree. Also, if he decided to make a run for it despite finding a pole to hide behind, he was definitely asking for it.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    Given her complete lack of understanding of the electoral system in this country, plus the whole "People of Walmart" vibe she gives off, what are the odds that she was homeschooled?

  16. sati_demise

    Az comments note she is supposedly 6 months pregnant.

    Hormones?

    btw, still counting votes in Az, but it looks good for the first openly bi-sexual woman; and she is hot! Az does something right this election! whoo hooo

    1. LibertyLover

      *ahem* My new Representative, Kyrsten Sinema, has an over 6000 vote lead… I voted for her, too. Perhaps I should watch out for any marauding jeeps just in case?

  17. barto

    And here I was ready to blame Obama's win on Merv down in shipping. Ah, probably should run over the sumbitch anyways just for good measure.

  18. kyeshinka

    Anyone else picturing these goofballs running around the parking lot with the Benny Hill theme in the background?

  19. FiscalClifford

    We can laugh all we want. I'll bet they have incredible sex, though. Even despite the fact she looks like an angry teenage boy from 1994.

  20. Yellerdawg

    She was just testing the system to see if it worked. In this case, the airbag and front crumple zone systems.

  21. Jus_Wonderin

    I fail to understand why she didn't contract someone for this job. Or, at the very least wait until it was dark and then run him over when he was checking the mail.

    She was just asking to be caught. Geez, come on lady, if you are going to do a job…do it right.

  22. cousinitt

    I would LOVE to see Shelly from Nebraska meet up with Holly from Arizona. The Thelma and Louise reality teevee show possibilities may already be in the works.

  23. Both Sides Do It

    I'm actually kind of surprised in the wake of all the gloom 'n doom stories about the Republicans shooting themselves in the foot by intentionally alienating so many groups of voters that some NRO back-bencher hasn't written something like:

    "They say the Republicans are committing electoral suicide. They may be right, but they never give the right remedy: electoral homicide. GOP members must start dismantling communities that will never be amenable to Republican strategies, piece-by-piece, one at a time."

      1. Both Sides Do It

        you know things are bad when "parody is dead" is an overused cliche

        now that NRO has made the "intellectual case" for that idea, maybe Glenn Reynolds or Powerline or something will start using phrases like "electoral homicide" or start expressing voter outreach targets in terms of megadeaths

        1. Jukesgrrl

          On the day after election day, the Chik-Fil-A at the Tucson Mall had its flag at half mast. No shit. And Obama carried that neighborhood. So you can imagine how they're acting in the dark red suburbs of Phoenix.

      1. GeorgiaBurning

        This is Phoenix, there's a gun show about every weekend at one stadium or another. When this guy gets out of the hospital he should go to one.

        1. bibliotequetress

          Is Gilbert the Mississippi of Phoenix? I ask because my sister-in-law, who I adore & who is usually not inclined to snottery, has made remarks about Gilbert. She grew up in Mesa and was the first to point out to me that retirees used to outnumber school kids so substantially in Greater Phoenix that it just getting enough public support to keep school buses running was a problem until the 1990s.

          1. Jukesgrrl

            The crime took place in Gilbert, but the couple lives in the city of Mesa, a Phoenix suburb founded by the Mormon Daniel Webster Jones. It proudly trumpets that it is in the top 25 of safest cities in America. I guess that's why she had to go to the next town over to try and kill her husband.

  24. Botlrokit

    Anyone confused by the saturation of females, and their displays of Obama hate? Isn't this technically the territory of armed white undereducated pimply dudes?

  25. BadKitty904

    When they visit her in the Montana camps, Dad can also take the kids to see some of the Big Sky Country's wonders! They can visit Glacier National Park, where the glaciers used to be before they melted due to global climate change, or the Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument, which presaged the Romney/Ryan 2012 campaign!

  26. LibertyLover

    She doesn't look like a pot-smoking, hippie Phoenix News Times reader, she looks more like one of those Fox News Watchers.

  27. Defeatably_Joe

    I'm actually most surprised that they allowed James O'Keefe to even travel to Arizona given the nature of his probation, let alone gay-marry a man and then run him over in a Jeep.

  28. StillGoinGreen

    This makes Hopey's "ground game" blah, blah, "Get out tha Vote" thingy look like a kindergarten game. Methinks this is the beginning of something big for the Conservatives!

  29. BaldarTFlagass

    Why do they always feel compelled to "make a run for it." Dude, I have seen thousands of movies, and that shit never ends well. I wonder if he ran right down the middle of the street.

    1. MissTaken

      What else was he gonna do? He was stuck running around a light pole while she drove in circles yelling at him. Waiting until she ran out of gas would take a while.

      1. SuspectedDemocrat

        Sure it would have taken a while, but waiting in a hospital bed for your bones to knit takes a lot longer.

  30. bflrtsplk

    Uh, Mr. Solomon, the next time you`re going to tell your wife you didn`t vote and her guy loses, make sure the car keys are in YOUR pocket, not in the ignition. Man, that is one mean looking woman.

  31. Guppy

    Red states have to outlaw contraception if they are to have any hope of avoiding mass extinction due to Darwin.

    1. mavenmaven

      She would have had to first explain in detail what her unstoppable to plan to conquer the world was, then let out the villain bwahahah first, giving him enough time to escape and bring down her secret operation.

  32. Hammiepants

    You know, all kidding aside, having an opposing political viewpoint from me is a total dealbreaker. We are NEVER going to have the sexytimes, let alone a "relationship", if you love Rush and vote Wingnut. I don't understand the Matalins/Carvilles of the world, unless every hookup/convo is an ongoing hatefuck.

  33. ManchuCandidate

    Well, I'm a standing in a parking lot
    in Mesa, Arizona
    and such a fine sight to see
    It's my wife, my Lord, in a big ass
    Jeep drivin' down to take a run at me
    Come on, baby, don't shriek Romney!
    I gotta know if your bad driving is
    gonna save me
    We may lose and Obama may win though
    we will never shop here again
    so hit the brakes, I'm runnin' fast,
    Please take it easy

  34. Wile E. Quixote

    I'm sure that the next amendment to Arizona's "stand your ground" law will be to allow you to shoot your spouse if they don't vote Republican.

  35. Toomush_Infer

    Geez – I could understand this when Mesa hits 115 in the shade, but this is the cool season…I don't think she should go back to that church and that pastor….

  36. mickeymusing

    Mesa is Salt Lake City Lite. Her husband's 'crime' probably had to do with not being Mormon enough for her.

  37. BZ1

    "… and there are no indications she was impaired by alcohol or drugs at the time", just suffering from Obama derangement syndrome …

  38. bibliotequetress

    Somehow with my joy at Kyrsten Synema's election I briefly forgot the impact of broiling sun and fifty years of underfunded public education on Arizona.

    OT Kyrsten Synema is my not so secret girl crush.

  39. Troglodeity

    This wouldn't have happened if our lazy-ass public school teachers did a better job of teaching Civics.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      To my surprise, the largest employer in the city of Mesa is the public school system. They employ five times more people than Walmart … and that's saying something. But in addition to falling down on the teaching of civics, they also might want to consider beefing up their Driver Education program.

  40. a_pink_poodle

    Where there instances where Democrats attacked people for voting for Bush's second term or failing not to? Surely there were, right?

  41. BS4Dummies

    If she wasn't wearing her flagpin during the event, than she wasn't being authentic in going "all right wing extreme" on her husband. Just saying…she could be a RINO.

  42. smellypossum

    Y'all just KNOW this happy couple will be back in WallyMart beating their children in time for Christmas. And she'll have the added pleasure of dumping him out of his wheelchair (and running him over with it) on aisle 16 because he overfilled his colostomy bag.

  43. Joey_Blau

    I find it unlikely she is in the top income bracket and might see a slight increase in her marginal tax rate…

Comments are closed.