THE PRINCESS DIED  2:59 pm November 12, 2012

Man-Hating Ball-Buster Sonia Sotomayor Teams With Sesame Street To Indoctrinate Your Princess

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

You may go elsewhere to read about Elmo maybe raping your children, because Sonia Sotomayor raping traditional gender roles is the only Sesame Street story your Wonkette will be covering this fine Veterans Day. So let’s get right to it: why does known feminazi and United States Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor want to indoctrinate your semiprecious female children into believing they should go to law school, where they will doubtless become godless spokessluts for Big Pill?

Just watch the video. What’s the first thing you notice? Sonia Sotomayorrrrr is rolling her Rs in an extraordinarily pronounced manner, like she is Charo or issuing a clear threat to White America. Second, Sonia Sotomayor is trying to inculcate in your children the godless belief that they should get college educations, even though as we already know (thanks to tenured Harvard Yale* faculty member David Gelernter), all colleges should be taken over by Glenn Beck University in a Cultural Revolution. Third, the (CHILDLESS) Sonia Sotomayor doesn’t once tell the female muppet that she can grow up to be a mommy.

Why does Sonia Sotomayor hate stay-at-home moms? Probably because Ann Romney’s a cunt.

The end.

*We apologize to Brad DeLong and all of Harvard for the error.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 145 comments }

nounverb911 November 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

At least Sonia's still a Yankee fan.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

If she was a Mets fan, we'd have single payer healthcare

CrunchyKnee November 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

'Ann Romney's Cunt' is my new band.

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Hey now, I was using it as a storage building for my Weedeater and Lawnboy.

sullivanst November 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Oh, so it is good for something.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Well, it is good and dry, so you won't have to worry about rust.

StillGoinGreen November 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

It would be a great venue for your band, the wallpaper is a little tattered, but the acoustics are GREAT!

EatsBabyDingos November 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

And the band's favorite amalgam of trans-fats and carbs is Hot Pockets. And the drink is apple juice, because they all want their Dicken's Cider. Dicken's Cider-Hot Pockets, when any bodily orifice will do.

HogeyeGrex November 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

What instrument does it play?

Sharkey November 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Egg Shakers.

Joshua Norton November 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

What's with the lace doily tucked under her chin. Is she eating lobster afterwards?

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

It's an asscot.

For Elmo.

RufusTFirefly November 12, 2012 at 8:20 pm

"Eating lobster." He he he.

edgydrifter November 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

That's the weirdest damned softball uniform I've ever seen.

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

That's what you get for letting Elena Kagan design them. She knows people in the wholesale rag trade.

Omophagist November 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Elmo addresses the nation on Sesame Street: "Elmo want you to listen to me. Elmo is going to say this again: Elmo did not have sexual relations with that boy."

kittensdontlie November 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm

With Elmo's constant use of the third person, the warning signs were there.

An_Outhouse November 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Did she mention that little girls can grow up to be daddies?

'Cause they can now.

nounverb911 November 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Does she use Marcus B as an example?

bumfug November 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

What a waste! No fucking cooking or fashion tips?

Stevola November 13, 2012 at 2:05 am

Did you miss a comma?

el_donaldo November 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

And, kids, stay away from Elmo.

RevJuanMessycan November 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I thought that was only PickleTickle Me Elmo.

kyeshinka November 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Laugh all you want, but these Sesame Street characters do have a detrimental effect on our God-fearing Gentile Americans. How many kids in the 70s broke their legs by copying Super Grover? And getting into pissing matches with a cranky librarian by asking for cookies instead of books?

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I for one play with my rubber duckie in the bath.

Wile E. Quixote November 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I must say, there was that one time I had the flu, and I found it very easy to be green.

Wile E. Quixote November 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

The number of kids in the 70s who ended up in emergency rooms because they were copying Super Grover pales in comparison to the number of kids who ended up in ERs because they were emulating Evel Knievel. I speak from personal experience (green stick fracture, right wrist, Summer 1972) here.

nobodyssweetheart November 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Don Music libel.

SmutBoffin November 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Where are the brave Republicans who will stand in the schoolhouse door in order to prevent the integration of white and fraggle students?

usuhname November 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

WOW that has got to be the most boring clip of kids TV I have ever seen.
If your kid is still paying attention after that – think about reducing his/her ritolin dosage! Or if he/she is not on ritolin, some coffee perhaps?

AlterNewt November 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

The Muslin-Liberal-Gay-Socialist-Atheist agenda is just plain weird.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

If you think the agenda's weird, try attending some of the meetings…

tiredalways November 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Did she say in that clip anywhere anything about Scalia's untimely heart attack (with votes! geez) and a new career opening for somebody to be appointed by our 45th president -BHO :) who hooo..one more appointment and we will at least not have another Florida like instance..

Nothingisamiss November 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Don't give me a unicorn to hope for. That's just cruel.

Blendergoathead November 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Wait! I need to go back and review our editrix's posting rules; I didn't think were were allowed to call Ann Romney a cunt. If we can use that word, I'd like to state on the record that Dick Cheney is still a cunt, and so is Scott Walker, that Akin guy, ad nauseum.

Pragmatist2 November 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Who is Ad Nauseam? And why is he or she that word you called him or her?

Spurning Beer November 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It's Ed Nauseam. And he's a real cunt.

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Why do I suddenly feel like throwing up?

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Are you preggers?

BoatOfVelociraptors November 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

But how does he feel on the inside?

HogeyeGrex November 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Oh, so he's Australian.

SmutBoffin November 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Meanwhile, Ann Romney is lecturing an old discarded silent beanie baby on the importance of getting your 'Mrs.'…

scionkirk November 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

"godless spokessluts for Big Pill" Where were these girls when I was going to college?

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 8:49 pm

They were around when I was going to college. Not around me, but around.

Spurning Beer November 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Princess Sparklepony is going to have something to say about this.

1stNewtontheMoon November 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I think we've finally found the combination that will result in head'splosion for old white righties, i.e. AOTK.

Spanish-speaker/accent-haver? Check.
Vagina-haver? Check.
Educated/Professional Vagina-haver? Check.
Lawyer? Check.
Harvard? Check.
Former Obama Administration Official? Check.
Supreme Court? Check.
Responsible/Partially Responsible for Obama-Care? Check.
Sesame Street? Check.

Holy fuck. I can't find enough room in my heart to love this for all it's worth.

Jus_Wonderin November 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"Holy fuck. I can't find enough room in my heart to love this for all it's worth."

Treat it like a party buffet table and make a second loop around.

Pragmatist2 November 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Note to Sonia: Except for the Adam's apple, Ann Coulter is a woman and a lawyer. You might want to be selective.

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Ya? Where's the birth certificate?

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

And the DNA count?

AutomaticPilot November 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

and her dick.

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Disgusting. Filling the heads of our women-folk with this nonsense.

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm

And here I had previously thought Elmo's worst crime was taking over and ruining the show.

weejee November 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

So that explains why the Tickle me Elmo doll includes a vibrator.

Nothingisamiss November 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Really?! I have a new item on my Christmas list!

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

C is for Commie, that's good enough for me.

ChillBill November 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

And "O" is for "Obama," and "W" is for "Won The Election"

MissTaken November 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

One two three four
Five
Six seven eight
Nine
Supreme Court Justices

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 3:33 pm

NINE SUPREME COURT JUSTICES! AH, AH, AH! [Thunder and lightening flash]

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! *claps excitedly*

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm

"How many Supreme Court justices he gon' pick, LeBron?!"
"Not five, not six, not seven…"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT-I8jQDQ7c

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Also Commiegirl! Order your tee shirts now!

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

*Pink* hair? What is this, some unterhipster Muppet?

sullivanst November 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Must be a Muppet-Fraggle lovechild. Now they're promoting miscegenation, too, will the horrors never cease?

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Goddam Fraggots.

larrykat November 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

She must have come from some fancy lobster place to have a cool bib like that.

imissopus November 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

OT but does Grover Norquist read Wonkette? Could he be the late user-of-owls?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/12/grover-n

fuflans November 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

i did a grover sesame street mash-up in my head there for a second.

not that grover would ever be allowed on sesame street, but he would make a fine muppet.

njstore November 13, 2012 at 5:48 am

Owls was a well loved commenter who was doxed and threatened buy a fellow commenter.

SayItWithWookies November 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Then Joe the Plumber came on and said to the little girl "Or you can grow up to be a — um — whatever."

SmutBoffin November 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Perpetual political irritant?

TribecaMike November 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Joe hasn't e-mailed me since the election. I assume that means he won.

RevJuanMessycan November 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I don't think he has even checked in to find out. You know, busy hunting. Or washing his hair.
(RID takes at least two applications, a week apart, from what I've heard.)

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Moocher? Aw, no, wait, he's white…

HRH_Maddie November 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

F that S. I'd rather be a princess than have to work with Scalia.

MacRaith November 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

The worst part to the wingnuts, apparantly, is that Abby is a Muppet of color.

I mean, they all are, but Abby is a particularly un-American shade of magenta.

DixvilleCrotch November 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm

That kind of looks like Fezzik's holocaust cloak from Princess Bride. Not super flattering, but I know, what can she do, that's the work uniform they gave her.

Perhaps Project Runway can do something about that…

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Hey, as far as I'm concerned, on *her*, it looks good. :0)

decentcitizen November 13, 2012 at 1:51 am

Rehnquist gave himself stripes on his robes (so that no one would confuse him with a nondrug-addled non partisan non ends oriented hack).

TribecaMike November 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

What this country needs is a good five-cent habeas corpus smeared with a delicious chocolate molé sauce.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm

It seems that the term spokes slut is too generous. Everyone in spin alley is collecting cash, ergo spokeswhore, or mediawhore would be more appropriate.

not that Dewey November 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm

How long until John Roberts appears on Yo Gabba Gabba? Or is that show already too surreal?

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

A co-worker with a little kid pointed me to that shit on youtube. Still made more sense than FOX News.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I love this woman! I say we demand a cage match between her and Scalia – two Justices enter, the qualified/sane/humane Justice leaves.

MMathS November 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Speaking as an attorney, if my son or daughter comes to me and says "I want to go to law school," I will chase them around the room with a tack hammer.

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Try giving them the comparative number of law school graduates versus actual legal jobs out there; I kind of wish someone had done that for me now.

MosesInvests November 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Wish someone had done that for my ex.

SnarkOff November 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

So you're one of those tack hammer-wielding lawyers.

GoodDogThor November 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

How about chasing them around the parking lot with a Jeep?

savethispatient November 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Princess isn't a career? PRINCESS ANNE LIBEL!

sullivanst November 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Horseriding libel!

savethispatient November 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Horseriding libel!

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

RAFLAC LIBEL!

SorosBot November 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Plus what kind of a role model is a princess for our nation's little girls? I mean if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to aspire to be a useless chattel, whose only purpose is to be married off to some horny old king to forge a political alliance with my father, and then pop out babies (better hope there's at least one boy).

actor212 November 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

So basically, Barbie?

HistoriCat November 13, 2012 at 10:18 am

Disney is going to dispatch a team to take you out if you're not careful – they own that shit!

ttommyunger November 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm

What next, Scalia butt-fucking Miss Piggy? But that would be wrong, seeing as how they're related and all.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Plus she's smarter. And better-looking.

ttommyunger November 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

…and def smells better.

cousinitt November 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Suggest a Piggy-pegging of Tony S. instead. Downside, Thomas's wife has firsties.

ttommyunger November 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Fisties, maybe; firsties never!

SnarkOff November 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Today's show brought to you by the letters F, U, GOP.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm
Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

She's good, but she's no Rita Moreno. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yvHWyvexZA

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 12, 2012 at 8:03 pm

"My kind of woman!"

LibertyLover November 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I don't understand why Republicans are so sad that Mittens and Egg lost… they just get to spend more time with their family now. Isn't that what they all want out of life?

Antispandex November 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Women with children at home being all professional and stuff, or even single ladies (means they're gay) with important jobs? See, it's just a kids show. I wouldn't take it too seriously, as long as we have Republicans to keep America safe.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Way down deep inside, Scalia wished he could wear lace like that. In public, I mean.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Thanks. Now I have to wash my brain.

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Scalia would be a natural at working with Muppets, since he has his hand up Clarence Thomas's ass whenever the Court is in session. But I suppose causing children to bawl uncontrollably would be at odds with Sesame Street's educational mission.

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Really. Just give Scalia two votes and we can cut down the overhead by one-ninth.

Lot_49 November 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Too bad "Soul Train" is defunct. Clarence could do a guest appearance. He's already the best hoopster on the highest court in the land; bet he can dance, too.

RufusTFirefly November 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm

"This cat could ball, man." Charlie Murphy

cousinitt November 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

SCOTUS fantasy: Queen Hillary joins Brown Sonia on the Court and they go Avengers on the respective asses of Antonin "Tiny" Scalia and Clarence "Even Tinier" Thomas.

With votes.

Or not.

BadKitty904 November 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Aw, that would be fierce!

"I would like to cite the case of MiHand v. TuFace"…

Lot_49 November 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

OT, but driving back from getting my Prius serviced I heard a conversation with Petreus' best friend, who says Mrs General Petreus is really, really mad.

Okay maybe he couldn't stop the catfight between his admirers, but isn't he even smart enough to shut the fuck up?

MinAgain November 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

How do you even know that the muppet was female? Sesame Street and Justice Sotomayor could be introducing America's children to the sordid world of cross-dressing.

Dr_Zoidberg November 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I want to be Lumpy Space Princess.

Blueb4sinrise November 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

INCULCATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chet Kincaid_ November 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I was 9 already when Sesame Street came on the air, so I was not exposed to the brainwashing you squirts enjoyed. Will nobody mourn Captain Kangaroo and Romper Room?! I can see Katydid, and Barb, and Fakaktasouth, and Sorosbot, and Jukesgirl, and Historicat and ManchuCandidate, and…

qwerty42 November 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Uh … yeah, here.

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Romper bomper stomper boo….

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Not Romper Room so much, but I enjoyed Captain Kangaroo very much, to an age well beyond his target audience.

People from a certain region will also recall Sally Starr, Bertie the Bunyip, and Chief Halftown.

woolmyn November 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I loved Dancing Bear and Mr. Moose.

decentcitizen November 13, 2012 at 1:56 am

Good times….

HistoriCat November 13, 2012 at 10:21 am

… and I can see YOU!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Today I'm just imagining what I could have been if I had been indoctrinated by Justice Sotomayor. Instead, I appear to have been indoctrinated by equal parts Oscar the Grouch and Gonzo, with small parts of both Cookie Monster and Beaker thrown in.

neiltheblaze November 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I look at it this way. Ann Romney will never be First Lady, and Michelle Obama will have been one for two terms.

Sometimes justice actually prevails.

Callyson November 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Aww…

No snark…

Aww…

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Guess what. Girls can also be artists. That's right. Artist is a career. My husband, my son, and my daughter all have careers as artists. Because that's a thing. Not that you would ever know from all the propaganda.

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Propagandist is also a career.

TribecaMike November 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm

They made out like bandits from the GOP Super PACs this year.

Naked_Bunny November 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

With "Elmo" representing Native Americans all these years, it's about time they got a proper Hispanic muppet, though I'm not sure what the significance is of "Sonia" being almost human sized.

docterry6973 November 12, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Don't forget Maria, my favorite Sesame Street character in many ways. Many ways.

LibrarianX November 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

cuchi-cuchi

BZ1 November 12, 2012 at 5:50 pm

"A career is a job, that you train for and prepare for, and do for a long, long time" sorta like Rmoney and his career as perpetual presidential candidate??

Grokenstein November 12, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Say, didn't Frothy the Santoruman* notify us that going to college is for snobs?

*Xmas or LOTR reference? You decide!

Genio1 November 12, 2012 at 6:13 pm

America hates the Monarchy?? OMG, it's gonna be rough when the GOPpies donate Murika back to teh Queen where being a princess is a real-to-life job.

FeloniousMonk November 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Umm … rolling her Rs? Has our editrix ever spoken to a Scotsman? Or does she just check if anything's worn under the kilt?* Speaking of Scots, engineerrring is a career also, too.

*No Ma'am, it's all in perfect working order.

decentcitizen November 13, 2012 at 1:59 am

Law is not a career: it is a bad ending to an otherwise promising movie.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 2:46 am

Why does Justice Sotomayor hate the Duchess of Cornwall? Is she some kind of mau mau anti-colonialist?

BTW, stick around for Halle at the end.

Negropolis November 13, 2012 at 2:55 am

They tried to get Scalia, but he didn't screen test too well with the children. There was lots of uncontrollable crying involved.

Rosie_Scenario November 13, 2012 at 10:22 am

Yes, Captain Kangaroo and Romper Room. How about some love for Kukla, Fran, and Ollie? Anyone? *crickets*

Geminisunmars November 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

No, that's not it.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: