the princess died

Man-Hating Ball-Buster Sonia Sotomayor Teams With Sesame Street To Indoctrinate Your Princess

You may go elsewhere to read about Elmo maybe raping your children, because Sonia Sotomayor raping traditional gender roles is the only Sesame Street story your Wonkette will be covering this fine Veterans Day. So let’s get right to it: why does known feminazi and United States Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor want to indoctrinate your semiprecious female children into believing they should go to law school, where they will doubtless become godless spokessluts for Big Pill?

Just watch the video. What’s the first thing you notice? Sonia Sotomayorrrrr is rolling her Rs in an extraordinarily pronounced manner, like she is Charo or issuing a clear threat to White America. Second, Sonia Sotomayor is trying to inculcate in your children the godless belief that they should get college educations, even though as we already know (thanks to tenured Harvard Yale* faculty member David Gelernter), all colleges should be taken over by Glenn Beck University in a Cultural Revolution. Third, the (CHILDLESS) Sonia Sotomayor doesn’t once tell the female muppet that she can grow up to be a mommy.

Why does Sonia Sotomayor hate stay-at-home moms? Probably because Ann Romney’s a cunt.

The end.

*We apologize to Brad DeLong and all of Harvard for the error.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. StillGoinGreen

      It would be a great venue for your band, the wallpaper is a little tattered, but the acoustics are GREAT!

    2. EatsBabyDingos

      And the band's favorite amalgam of trans-fats and carbs is Hot Pockets. And the drink is apple juice, because they all want their Dicken's Cider. Dicken's Cider-Hot Pockets, when any bodily orifice will do.

  1. Omophagist

    Elmo addresses the nation on Sesame Street: "Elmo want you to listen to me. Elmo is going to say this again: Elmo did not have sexual relations with that boy."

  2. kyeshinka

    Laugh all you want, but these Sesame Street characters do have a detrimental effect on our God-fearing Gentile Americans. How many kids in the 70s broke their legs by copying Super Grover? And getting into pissing matches with a cranky librarian by asking for cookies instead of books?

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      The number of kids in the 70s who ended up in emergency rooms because they were copying Super Grover pales in comparison to the number of kids who ended up in ERs because they were emulating Evel Knievel. I speak from personal experience (green stick fracture, right wrist, Summer 1972) here.

  3. SmutBoffin

    Where are the brave Republicans who will stand in the schoolhouse door in order to prevent the integration of white and fraggle students?

  4. usuhname

    WOW that has got to be the most boring clip of kids TV I have ever seen.
    If your kid is still paying attention after that – think about reducing his/her ritolin dosage! Or if he/she is not on ritolin, some coffee perhaps?

  5. tiredalways

    Did she say in that clip anywhere anything about Scalia's untimely heart attack (with votes! geez) and a new career opening for somebody to be appointed by our 45th president -BHO :) who more appointment and we will at least not have another Florida like instance..

  6. Blendergoathead

    Wait! I need to go back and review our editrix's posting rules; I didn't think were were allowed to call Ann Romney a cunt. If we can use that word, I'd like to state on the record that Dick Cheney is still a cunt, and so is Scott Walker, that Akin guy, ad nauseum.

  7. SmutBoffin

    Meanwhile, Ann Romney is lecturing an old discarded silent beanie baby on the importance of getting your 'Mrs.'…

  8. 1stNewtontheMoon

    I think we've finally found the combination that will result in head'splosion for old white righties, i.e. AOTK.

    Spanish-speaker/accent-haver? Check.
    Vagina-haver? Check.
    Educated/Professional Vagina-haver? Check.
    Lawyer? Check.
    Harvard? Check.
    Former Obama Administration Official? Check.
    Supreme Court? Check.
    Responsible/Partially Responsible for Obama-Care? Check.
    Sesame Street? Check.

    Holy fuck. I can't find enough room in my heart to love this for all it's worth.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      "Holy fuck. I can't find enough room in my heart to love this for all it's worth."

      Treat it like a party buffet table and make a second loop around.

  9. Pragmatist2

    Note to Sonia: Except for the Adam's apple, Ann Coulter is a woman and a lawyer. You might want to be selective.

    1. sullivanst

      Must be a Muppet-Fraggle lovechild. Now they're promoting miscegenation, too, will the horrors never cease?

    1. fuflans

      i did a grover sesame street mash-up in my head there for a second.

      not that grover would ever be allowed on sesame street, but he would make a fine muppet.

      1. RevJuanMessycan

        I don't think he has even checked in to find out. You know, busy hunting. Or washing his hair.
        (RID takes at least two applications, a week apart, from what I've heard.)

  10. MacRaith

    The worst part to the wingnuts, apparantly, is that Abby is a Muppet of color.

    I mean, they all are, but Abby is a particularly un-American shade of magenta.

  11. DixvilleCrotch

    That kind of looks like Fezzik's holocaust cloak from Princess Bride. Not super flattering, but I know, what can she do, that's the work uniform they gave her.

    Perhaps Project Runway can do something about that…

    1. decentcitizen

      Rehnquist gave himself stripes on his robes (so that no one would confuse him with a nondrug-addled non partisan non ends oriented hack).

  12. TribecaMike

    What this country needs is a good five-cent habeas corpus smeared with a delicious chocolate molé sauce.

  13. BoatOfVelociraptors

    It seems that the term spokes slut is too generous. Everyone in spin alley is collecting cash, ergo spokeswhore, or mediawhore would be more appropriate.

  14. BadKitty904

    I love this woman! I say we demand a cage match between her and Scalia – two Justices enter, the qualified/sane/humane Justice leaves.

  15. MMathS

    Speaking as an attorney, if my son or daughter comes to me and says "I want to go to law school," I will chase them around the room with a tack hammer.

    1. SorosBot

      Try giving them the comparative number of law school graduates versus actual legal jobs out there; I kind of wish someone had done that for me now.

    1. SorosBot

      Plus what kind of a role model is a princess for our nation's little girls? I mean if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to aspire to be a useless chattel, whose only purpose is to be married off to some horny old king to forge a political alliance with my father, and then pop out babies (better hope there's at least one boy).

  16. ttommyunger

    What next, Scalia butt-fucking Miss Piggy? But that would be wrong, seeing as how they're related and all.

  17. LibertyLover

    I don't understand why Republicans are so sad that Mittens and Egg lost… they just get to spend more time with their family now. Isn't that what they all want out of life?

  18. Antispandex

    Women with children at home being all professional and stuff, or even single ladies (means they're gay) with important jobs? See, it's just a kids show. I wouldn't take it too seriously, as long as we have Republicans to keep America safe.

  19. Chet Kincaid_

    Scalia would be a natural at working with Muppets, since he has his hand up Clarence Thomas's ass whenever the Court is in session. But I suppose causing children to bawl uncontrollably would be at odds with Sesame Street's educational mission.

  20. Lot_49

    Too bad "Soul Train" is defunct. Clarence could do a guest appearance. He's already the best hoopster on the highest court in the land; bet he can dance, too.

  21. cousinitt

    SCOTUS fantasy: Queen Hillary joins Brown Sonia on the Court and they go Avengers on the respective asses of Antonin "Tiny" Scalia and Clarence "Even Tinier" Thomas.

    With votes.

    Or not.

  22. Lot_49

    OT, but driving back from getting my Prius serviced I heard a conversation with Petreus' best friend, who says Mrs General Petreus is really, really mad.

    Okay maybe he couldn't stop the catfight between his admirers, but isn't he even smart enough to shut the fuck up?

  23. MinAgain

    How do you even know that the muppet was female? Sesame Street and Justice Sotomayor could be introducing America's children to the sordid world of cross-dressing.

  24. Chet Kincaid_

    I was 9 already when Sesame Street came on the air, so I was not exposed to the brainwashing you squirts enjoyed. Will nobody mourn Captain Kangaroo and Romper Room?! I can see Katydid, and Barb, and Fakaktasouth, and Sorosbot, and Jukesgirl, and Historicat and ManchuCandidate, and…

    1. docterry6973

      Not Romper Room so much, but I enjoyed Captain Kangaroo very much, to an age well beyond his target audience.

      People from a certain region will also recall Sally Starr, Bertie the Bunyip, and Chief Halftown.

  25. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Today I'm just imagining what I could have been if I had been indoctrinated by Justice Sotomayor. Instead, I appear to have been indoctrinated by equal parts Oscar the Grouch and Gonzo, with small parts of both Cookie Monster and Beaker thrown in.

  26. neiltheblaze

    I look at it this way. Ann Romney will never be First Lady, and Michelle Obama will have been one for two terms.

    Sometimes justice actually prevails.

  27. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Guess what. Girls can also be artists. That's right. Artist is a career. My husband, my son, and my daughter all have careers as artists. Because that's a thing. Not that you would ever know from all the propaganda.

  28. Naked_Bunny

    With "Elmo" representing Native Americans all these years, it's about time they got a proper Hispanic muppet, though I'm not sure what the significance is of "Sonia" being almost human sized.

  29. BZ1

    "A career is a job, that you train for and prepare for, and do for a long, long time" sorta like Rmoney and his career as perpetual presidential candidate??

  30. Grokenstein

    Say, didn't Frothy the Santoruman* notify us that going to college is for snobs?

    *Xmas or LOTR reference? You decide!

  31. Genio1

    America hates the Monarchy?? OMG, it's gonna be rough when the GOPpies donate Murika back to teh Queen where being a princess is a real-to-life job.

  32. FeloniousMonk

    Umm … rolling her Rs? Has our editrix ever spoken to a Scotsman? Or does she just check if anything's worn under the kilt?* Speaking of Scots, engineerrring is a career also, too.

    *No Ma'am, it's all in perfect working order.

  33. Negropolis

    Why does Justice Sotomayor hate the Duchess of Cornwall? Is she some kind of mau mau anti-colonialist?

    BTW, stick around for Halle at the end.

  34. Negropolis

    They tried to get Scalia, but he didn't screen test too well with the children. There was lots of uncontrollable crying involved.

  35. Rosie_Scenario

    Yes, Captain Kangaroo and Romper Room. How about some love for Kukla, Fran, and Ollie? Anyone? *crickets*

Comments are closed.