You may go elsewhere to read about Elmo maybe raping your children, because Sonia Sotomayor raping traditional gender roles is the only Sesame Street story your Wonkette will be covering this fine Veterans Day. So let’s get right to it: why does known feminazi and United States Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor want to indoctrinate your semiprecious female children into believing they should go to law school, where they will doubtless become godless spokessluts for Big Pill?

Just watch the video. What’s the first thing you notice? Sonia Sotomayorrrrr is rolling her Rs in an extraordinarily pronounced manner, like she is Charo or issuing a clear threat to White America. Second, Sonia Sotomayor is trying to inculcate in your children the godless belief that they should get college educations, even though as we already know (thanks to tenured Harvard Yale* faculty member David Gelernter), all colleges should be taken over by Glenn Beck University in a Cultural Revolution. Third, the (CHILDLESS) Sonia Sotomayor doesn’t once tell the female muppet that she can grow up to be a mommy.

Why does Sonia Sotomayor hate stay-at-home moms? Probably because Ann Romney’s a cunt.

The end.

*We apologize to Brad DeLong and all of Harvard for the error.

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  • nounverb911

    At least Sonia's still a Yankee fan.

    • If she was a Mets fan, we'd have single payer healthcare

  • CrunchyKnee

    'Ann Romney's Cunt' is my new band.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Hey now, I was using it as a storage building for my Weedeater and Lawnboy.

      • sullivanst

        Oh, so it is good for something.

      • Well, it is good and dry, so you won't have to worry about rust.

    • StillGoinGreen

      It would be a great venue for your band, the wallpaper is a little tattered, but the acoustics are GREAT!

    • EatsBabyDingos

      And the band's favorite amalgam of trans-fats and carbs is Hot Pockets. And the drink is apple juice, because they all want their Dicken's Cider. Dicken's Cider-Hot Pockets, when any bodily orifice will do.

    • HogeyeGrex

      What instrument does it play?

  • What's with the lace doily tucked under her chin. Is she eating lobster afterwards?

  • edgydrifter

    That's the weirdest damned softball uniform I've ever seen.

    • That's what you get for letting Elena Kagan design them. She knows people in the wholesale rag trade.

  • Omophagist

    Elmo addresses the nation on Sesame Street: "Elmo want you to listen to me. Elmo is going to say this again: Elmo did not have sexual relations with that boy."

    • kittensdontlie

      With Elmo's constant use of the third person, the warning signs were there.

  • An_Outhouse

    Did she mention that little girls can grow up to be daddies?

    'Cause they can now.

    • nounverb911

      Does she use Marcus B as an example?

  • bumfug

    What a waste! No fucking cooking or fashion tips?

    • Stevola

      Did you miss a comma?

  • el_donaldo

    And, kids, stay away from Elmo.

    • RevJuanMessycan

      I thought that was only PickleTickle Me Elmo.

  • kyeshinka

    Laugh all you want, but these Sesame Street characters do have a detrimental effect on our God-fearing Gentile Americans. How many kids in the 70s broke their legs by copying Super Grover? And getting into pissing matches with a cranky librarian by asking for cookies instead of books?

    • MissTaken

      I for one play with my rubber duckie in the bath.

      • Wile E. Quixote

        Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I must say, there was that one time I had the flu, and I found it very easy to be green.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      The number of kids in the 70s who ended up in emergency rooms because they were copying Super Grover pales in comparison to the number of kids who ended up in ERs because they were emulating Evel Knievel. I speak from personal experience (green stick fracture, right wrist, Summer 1972) here.

    • Don Music libel.

  • SmutBoffin

    Where are the brave Republicans who will stand in the schoolhouse door in order to prevent the integration of white and fraggle students?

  • usuhname

    WOW that has got to be the most boring clip of kids TV I have ever seen.
    If your kid is still paying attention after that – think about reducing his/her ritolin dosage! Or if he/she is not on ritolin, some coffee perhaps?

  • AlterNewt

    The Muslin-Liberal-Gay-Socialist-Atheist agenda is just plain weird.

    • BadKitty904

      If you think the agenda's weird, try attending some of the meetings…

  • tiredalways

    Did she say in that clip anywhere anything about Scalia's untimely heart attack (with votes! geez) and a new career opening for somebody to be appointed by our 45th president -BHO :) who more appointment and we will at least not have another Florida like instance..

    • Nothingisamiss

      Don't give me a unicorn to hope for. That's just cruel.

  • Blendergoathead

    Wait! I need to go back and review our editrix's posting rules; I didn't think were were allowed to call Ann Romney a cunt. If we can use that word, I'd like to state on the record that Dick Cheney is still a cunt, and so is Scott Walker, that Akin guy, ad nauseum.

    • Pragmatist2

      Who is Ad Nauseam? And why is he or she that word you called him or her?

      • It's Ed Nauseam. And he's a real cunt.

        • Geminisunmars

          Why do I suddenly feel like throwing up?

          • LibertyLover

            Are you preggers?

          • Geminisunmars

            No, that's not it.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          But how does he feel on the inside?

        • HogeyeGrex

          Oh, so he's Australian.

  • SmutBoffin

    Meanwhile, Ann Romney is lecturing an old discarded silent beanie baby on the importance of getting your 'Mrs.'…

  • scionkirk

    "godless spokessluts for Big Pill" Where were these girls when I was going to college?

    • docterry6973

      They were around when I was going to college. Not around me, but around.

  • Princess Sparklepony is going to have something to say about this.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    I think we've finally found the combination that will result in head'splosion for old white righties, i.e. AOTK.

    Spanish-speaker/accent-haver? Check.
    Vagina-haver? Check.
    Educated/Professional Vagina-haver? Check.
    Lawyer? Check.
    Harvard? Check.
    Former Obama Administration Official? Check.
    Supreme Court? Check.
    Responsible/Partially Responsible for Obama-Care? Check.
    Sesame Street? Check.

    Holy fuck. I can't find enough room in my heart to love this for all it's worth.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "Holy fuck. I can't find enough room in my heart to love this for all it's worth."

      Treat it like a party buffet table and make a second loop around.

  • Pragmatist2

    Note to Sonia: Except for the Adam's apple, Ann Coulter is a woman and a lawyer. You might want to be selective.

    • Geminisunmars

      Ya? Where's the birth certificate?

      • BadKitty904

        And the DNA count?

    • AutomaticPilot

      and her dick.

  • docterry6973

    Disgusting. Filling the heads of our women-folk with this nonsense.

  • SorosBot

    And here I had previously thought Elmo's worst crime was taking over and ruining the show.

  • So that explains why the Tickle me Elmo doll includes a vibrator.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Really?! I have a new item on my Christmas list!

  • SorosBot

    C is for Commie, that's good enough for me.

    • And "O" is for "Obama," and "W" is for "Won The Election"

    • MissTaken

      One two three four
      Six seven eight
      Supreme Court Justices

      • SorosBot

        NINE SUPREME COURT JUSTICES! AH, AH, AH! [Thunder and lightening flash]

    • docterry6973

      Also Commiegirl! Order your tee shirts now!

  • *Pink* hair? What is this, some unterhipster Muppet?

    • sullivanst

      Must be a Muppet-Fraggle lovechild. Now they're promoting miscegenation, too, will the horrors never cease?

  • larrykat

    She must have come from some fancy lobster place to have a cool bib like that.

  • OT but does Grover Norquist read Wonkette? Could he be the late user-of-owls?

    • i did a grover sesame street mash-up in my head there for a second.

      not that grover would ever be allowed on sesame street, but he would make a fine muppet.

    • njstore

      Owls was a well loved commenter who was doxed and threatened buy a fellow commenter.

  • Then Joe the Plumber came on and said to the little girl "Or you can grow up to be a — um — whatever."

    • SmutBoffin

      Perpetual political irritant?

    • TribecaMike

      Joe hasn't e-mailed me since the election. I assume that means he won.

      • RevJuanMessycan

        I don't think he has even checked in to find out. You know, busy hunting. Or washing his hair.
        (RID takes at least two applications, a week apart, from what I've heard.)

    • BadKitty904

      Moocher? Aw, no, wait, he's white…

  • HRH_Maddie

    F that S. I'd rather be a princess than have to work with Scalia.

  • MacRaith

    The worst part to the wingnuts, apparantly, is that Abby is a Muppet of color.

    I mean, they all are, but Abby is a particularly un-American shade of magenta.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    That kind of looks like Fezzik's holocaust cloak from Princess Bride. Not super flattering, but I know, what can she do, that's the work uniform they gave her.

    Perhaps Project Runway can do something about that…

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, as far as I'm concerned, on *her*, it looks good. :0)

    • decentcitizen

      Rehnquist gave himself stripes on his robes (so that no one would confuse him with a nondrug-addled non partisan non ends oriented hack).

  • TribecaMike

    What this country needs is a good five-cent habeas corpus smeared with a delicious chocolate molé sauce.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    It seems that the term spokes slut is too generous. Everyone in spin alley is collecting cash, ergo spokeswhore, or mediawhore would be more appropriate.

  • not that Dewey

    How long until John Roberts appears on Yo Gabba Gabba? Or is that show already too surreal?

    • A co-worker with a little kid pointed me to that shit on youtube. Still made more sense than FOX News.

  • BadKitty904

    I love this woman! I say we demand a cage match between her and Scalia – two Justices enter, the qualified/sane/humane Justice leaves.

  • MMathS

    Speaking as an attorney, if my son or daughter comes to me and says "I want to go to law school," I will chase them around the room with a tack hammer.

    • SorosBot

      Try giving them the comparative number of law school graduates versus actual legal jobs out there; I kind of wish someone had done that for me now.

      • MosesInvests

        Wish someone had done that for my ex.

    • SnarkOff

      So you're one of those tack hammer-wielding lawyers.

    • GoodDogThor

      How about chasing them around the parking lot with a Jeep?

  • savethispatient

    Princess isn't a career? PRINCESS ANNE LIBEL!

    • sullivanst

      Horseriding libel!

      • savethispatient

        Horseriding libel!

    • SorosBot

      Plus what kind of a role model is a princess for our nation's little girls? I mean if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to aspire to be a useless chattel, whose only purpose is to be married off to some horny old king to forge a political alliance with my father, and then pop out babies (better hope there's at least one boy).

      • So basically, Barbie?

      • HistoriCat

        Disney is going to dispatch a team to take you out if you're not careful – they own that shit!

  • ttommyunger

    What next, Scalia butt-fucking Miss Piggy? But that would be wrong, seeing as how they're related and all.

    • BadKitty904

      Plus she's smarter. And better-looking.

      • ttommyunger

        …and def smells better.

    • cousinitt

      Suggest a Piggy-pegging of Tony S. instead. Downside, Thomas's wife has firsties.

      • ttommyunger

        Fisties, maybe; firsties never!

  • SnarkOff

    Today's show brought to you by the letters F, U, GOP.

  • She's good, but she's no Rita Moreno.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      "My kind of woman!"

  • LibertyLover

    I don't understand why Republicans are so sad that Mittens and Egg lost… they just get to spend more time with their family now. Isn't that what they all want out of life?

  • Antispandex

    Women with children at home being all professional and stuff, or even single ladies (means they're gay) with important jobs? See, it's just a kids show. I wouldn't take it too seriously, as long as we have Republicans to keep America safe.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Way down deep inside, Scalia wished he could wear lace like that. In public, I mean.

    • BadKitty904

      Thanks. Now I have to wash my brain.

  • Scalia would be a natural at working with Muppets, since he has his hand up Clarence Thomas's ass whenever the Court is in session. But I suppose causing children to bawl uncontrollably would be at odds with Sesame Street's educational mission.

    • docterry6973

      Really. Just give Scalia two votes and we can cut down the overhead by one-ninth.

  • Lot_49

    Too bad "Soul Train" is defunct. Clarence could do a guest appearance. He's already the best hoopster on the highest court in the land; bet he can dance, too.

  • cousinitt

    SCOTUS fantasy: Queen Hillary joins Brown Sonia on the Court and they go Avengers on the respective asses of Antonin "Tiny" Scalia and Clarence "Even Tinier" Thomas.

    With votes.

    Or not.

    • BadKitty904

      Aw, that would be fierce!

      "I would like to cite the case of MiHand v. TuFace"…

  • Lot_49

    OT, but driving back from getting my Prius serviced I heard a conversation with Petreus' best friend, who says Mrs General Petreus is really, really mad.

    Okay maybe he couldn't stop the catfight between his admirers, but isn't he even smart enough to shut the fuck up?

  • MinAgain

    How do you even know that the muppet was female? Sesame Street and Justice Sotomayor could be introducing America's children to the sordid world of cross-dressing.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    I want to be Lumpy Space Princess.

  • Blueb4sinrise


  • I was 9 already when Sesame Street came on the air, so I was not exposed to the brainwashing you squirts enjoyed. Will nobody mourn Captain Kangaroo and Romper Room?! I can see Katydid, and Barb, and Fakaktasouth, and Sorosbot, and Jukesgirl, and Historicat and ManchuCandidate, and…

    • qwerty42

      Uh … yeah, here.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Romper bomper stomper boo….

    • docterry6973

      Not Romper Room so much, but I enjoyed Captain Kangaroo very much, to an age well beyond his target audience.

      People from a certain region will also recall Sally Starr, Bertie the Bunyip, and Chief Halftown.

    • woolmyn

      I loved Dancing Bear and Mr. Moose.

    • decentcitizen

      Good times….

    • HistoriCat

      … and I can see YOU!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Today I'm just imagining what I could have been if I had been indoctrinated by Justice Sotomayor. Instead, I appear to have been indoctrinated by equal parts Oscar the Grouch and Gonzo, with small parts of both Cookie Monster and Beaker thrown in.

  • neiltheblaze

    I look at it this way. Ann Romney will never be First Lady, and Michelle Obama will have been one for two terms.

    Sometimes justice actually prevails.

  • Callyson


    No snark…


  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Guess what. Girls can also be artists. That's right. Artist is a career. My husband, my son, and my daughter all have careers as artists. Because that's a thing. Not that you would ever know from all the propaganda.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Propagandist is also a career.

      • TribecaMike

        They made out like bandits from the GOP Super PACs this year.

  • Naked_Bunny

    With "Elmo" representing Native Americans all these years, it's about time they got a proper Hispanic muppet, though I'm not sure what the significance is of "Sonia" being almost human sized.

    • docterry6973

      Don't forget Maria, my favorite Sesame Street character in many ways. Many ways.

  • LibrarianX


  • BZ1

    "A career is a job, that you train for and prepare for, and do for a long, long time" sorta like Rmoney and his career as perpetual presidential candidate??

  • Grokenstein

    Say, didn't Frothy the Santoruman* notify us that going to college is for snobs?

    *Xmas or LOTR reference? You decide!

  • Genio1

    America hates the Monarchy?? OMG, it's gonna be rough when the GOPpies donate Murika back to teh Queen where being a princess is a real-to-life job.

  • FeloniousMonk

    Umm … rolling her Rs? Has our editrix ever spoken to a Scotsman? Or does she just check if anything's worn under the kilt?* Speaking of Scots, engineerrring is a career also, too.

    *No Ma'am, it's all in perfect working order.

  • decentcitizen

    Law is not a career: it is a bad ending to an otherwise promising movie.

  • Negropolis

    Why does Justice Sotomayor hate the Duchess of Cornwall? Is she some kind of mau mau anti-colonialist?

    BTW, stick around for Halle at the end.

  • Negropolis

    They tried to get Scalia, but he didn't screen test too well with the children. There was lots of uncontrollable crying involved.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Yes, Captain Kangaroo and Romper Room. How about some love for Kukla, Fran, and Ollie? Anyone? *crickets*

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