The gang commits voter fraudIn fifty-nine Philadelphia voting divisions, Mitt Romney received zero votes.

Fifty-nine. Zero. Italics.

Fox Nation posts this Philadelphia Inquirer article, leaving their commentariat to worry that maybe Obama totally vote-frauded the city, and Romney would have won if not for Obama’s grand scheme to totally eliminate Republicans from 3.5% of the total precincts in Philadelphia, a city he won with 85% of the vote.

Unfortunately for all who hope that this is the secret key to unlocking the vault of voter fraud, these results aren’t really suspicious so much as the result of virtually all-Democratic neighborhoods where the only registered Republicans are nonexistent (voter registration fraud, hm?).

Although voter registration lists, which often contain outdated information, show 12 Republicans live in the ward’s third division, The Inquirer was unable to find any of them by calling or visiting their homes.

Four of the registered Republicans no longer lived there; four others didn’t answer their doors. City Board of Elections registration data say a registered Republican used to live at 25th and York Streets, but none of the neighbors across the street Friday knew him. Cathy Santos, 56, founder of the National Alliance of Women Veterans, had one theory: “We ran him out of town!” she said and laughed.


Eighteen Republicans reportedly live in the nearby 15th Division, according to city registration records. The 15th has the distinction of pitching two straight Republican shutouts – zero votes for McCain in 2008, zero for Romney on Tuesday. Oh, and 13 other city divisions did the same thing in 2008 and 2012.

Three of the 15th’s registered Republicans were listed as living in the same apartment, but the tenant there said he had never heard of them. The addresses of several others could not be found.

Even the Republicans that do exist are, um, actually Democrats.

James Norris, 19, who lives down the street, is listed as a Republican in city data. But he said he’s a Democrat and voted for Obama because he thinks the president will help the middle class.

A few blocks away, Eric Sapp, a 42-year-old chef, looked skeptical when told that city data had him listed as a registered Republican. “I got to check on that,” said Sapp, who voted for Obama.


On West Albert Street, Duke Dunston says he knows he’s a registered Republican, but he’s never voted for one.

The answer is obvious: the CIA infiltrated black neighborhoods, stole all the Republicans, and wiped the memory of everyone else who was weak and susceptible to the government’s trickery (read: black).

John Podhoretz, editor of Commentary Magazine,  is on the Tweet machine railing about how it’s really suspicious that in overwhelmingly black, poor neighborhoods, Barack Obama is winning 100% of the vote in some precincts, because statistics.

Or you might be insane if you think cherry-picking a subset of a voting populace and declaring “voter fraud” based on those particular results is a normal thing to do. Maybe.

[Fox Nation]

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  • I bet he cheated in Detroit too!

    • calliecallie

      Everyone cheats in Detroit. Just ask the former police chief.

      • Negropolis

        And the one before him. And the one before him, and this was the one schtuping the second-to-last one and was rumored to be having sex with the mayor. And the one before her was fired when he got caught carrying his loaded pistol with him through the airport.

        God bless Detroit.

  • Blendergoathead

    John Podhoretz is a cunt.

    • finallyhappy

      This weekend, he fired one of his writers who published a piece on the conservative support for gay marriage(or maybe that was posted here already)

    • GeneralLerong

      Is that worse than a dick?

    • bargal20

      Podhoretz has neither the warmth nor the depth to be a cunt.

      • MisterCanoehead

        I wish I could click the thumbs-up button over and over again.

    • Stevola


  • Honestly, I could totally see The Gang hatching a scheme like this, but in a convoluted way, it would have been about the money. Also, they would have actually been meaning to steal the election for Romney.

    (For those who are unfamiliar with Sunny, it revolves around five friends who constantly hatch harebrained schemes for wealth and success, which ultimately fall apart entirely because they are terrible human beings and leave them significantly poorer than when they started. And in one case, addicted to crack.

    In other words, it's Seinfeld, but set in Philly, and consequentially, without the hope.)

    • And they're way bigger assholes than anyone on Seinfeld.

      • Ahem. I believe I DID say, "but set in Philly".

      • VodkaGoGo

        My favorite thing about that show is that they never, ever learn a damned thing at the end when they inevitably screw themselves and eachother over. It's like Seinfeld but without a single redeeming quality. Even as the cast gets older, it is hilarious and fresh to watch them drift into middle age and not change at all. They can do this show for a dozen more seasons and it will still be funny because we all know people that are exactly like this, 20 years after highschool.

        • See, this is actually why I like my Seinfeld analogy. Not only because, frankly, it totally has this odd character to it that makes it way more comprehensible once you're living in that city, but because in Seinfeld, they are also, quite objectively, terrible people. And yet, while they do constantly suffer karmic backlash for being awful, they still weirdly come out ahead in the long run; George and Elaine have incredible careers despite their best efforts, Kramer's life can only be described as charmed, given that he doesn't seem to do anything, and Jerry is objectively well-off. It comes off as presenting a New York that is claustrophobic, but also optimistic: where just "making it" (by surviving their largely self-inflicted nonsense) means that things will trend upwards.

          In Sunny, everyone is terrible and all their schemes just make them incrementally poorer and more miserable. As I said, Seinfeld, but for Philly!

          • Stevola

            Until they went to jail (horrible final episode)

          • Agreed. If only because it completely misrepresents what Good Samaritan laws are all about, something which was vaguely annoying, as an EMT.

    • VodkaGoGo

      Also, they would have actually been meaning to steal the election for Romney.

      "Operation Flipadelphia: The Gang Watches The Polls"

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      Well, the gang has exploited the system like good Democrats, including:

      Hiring welfare-to-work people as slaves to do "charlie work"
      Going on unemployment and smoking crack to collect welfare
      Making money by putting on a WWE-style wrestling show for the troops
      Threatening the Israeli-American businessman who bought the building next door to Paddy's Pub
      Pretending to be crippled to pick up chicks
      the list goes on.

    • Negropolis

      I love how none of them have any morals whatsoever.

      I'd say tangentially, it's like Cheers if you turned it upside down and dropped it in Philly.

  • Callyson

    it’s really suspicious that in overwhelmingly black, poor neighborhoods, Barack Obama is winning 100%

    Go figure–try to suppress the black vote, and they turn out in droves and vote against you. Who knew?

    • Seriously, why are these lazy, welfare queens hip hop thugs so racist?!

    • poorgradstudent

      Clearly the solution is to shower these neighborhoods with Thomas Sowell articles.

    • heathenette

      And not at all like how in Utah 100% of the white people voted for Romney.

  • satyricrash

    I KNEW that Gary Johnson was just another one of Frank's scams.

  • BlueStateLibel

    And to add insult to injury, Willard also lost BOTH of his home states, Michigan and Massachusetts.

    • SorosBot

      N; he also lost New Hampshire and California, that's all four of his home states.

      • But his munnees won the Caymans, Switzerland and Bermuda, so he'll be sworn in as Presidon't

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Did he win Utah?

        • Geminisunmars

          Yah, but not the Mormons.

        • BlueStateLibel

          He only won the states where there are more cows or moose than people. Fixed.

    • corthylio

      And Paul Ryan lost his home county for both of his races….

  • Ya don't find an Allen West in every blah precinct. You just don't.

    • Not_So_Much

      Thank the ever-lovin' Flying Spaghetti Monster that soon we won't find him in any. Fuck that guy with a rusty VW.

  • WVUer21

    I bet the New Black Panthers forced all of the REAL 'UMERIKANS in Philly to vote for NOBUMMER under penalty of RAYCESSIM.

  • SmutBoffin

    I haven't watched the …Sunny in Philadelphia show since Fat Mac started showing up in the rotation.

    As far as the vote fraud allegations go, wake me when there is evidence.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    We should just make it illegal to vote for a Democrat. That should solve it.

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, sure, the Obama campaign cheated in Philadelphia when Pennsylvania hasn't gone Republican since 1988 and Romney never had any chance in hell of winning the state. Suuuure.

  • BadKitty904

    Points for Philadelphia, says I!

    • finallyhappy

      My first 21 years in Philly, 10 in Dc and now almost 30 in Maryland. Yeah, me!!!

  • spends2much

    Oh, so now the Wingnuts like math!!

    For people who have trouble with counting the earth's age past 6,000, fractions and ratios are going to be way over their precious little heads.

  • mrpuma2u

    They can't let this crap go, these piddly ass instances of MAYBE one or two irregularities. But when Jeb Bush blasted 8K + off the books before the 2000 election, that was no big deal. Fly covered goat turds, the lot of them.

  • Racist blacks, always voting for the blah guy for President! All 44 of them there elections, they voted for the Blah Democrat!

    • Esteev

      Hillary should totally campaign in blackface in 2016!

  • Three of the 15th’s registered Republicans were listed as living in the same apartment, but the tenant there said he had never heard of them. The addresses of several others could not be found.

    Isn't that….fraud? Why do Republicans always try to take the easy way out?

  • hagajim

    Guess what Fauxers….your man got his ass kicked (again) pretty much fair and square (they'll use the pretty much to say it was a cheat) and instead of blaming stupid shit maybe you ought to blame the two things that matter. 1) Your candidate was a flip-flopping, lying asshole who was a pander bear for the wealthy; and 2) Your entire party is a shambles of religious zealots, racist asshats and secessionist crybabies. Maybe that's why you can't win a national election.

  • "No one likes me. They must be stupid poopyheads."

    • Esteev


  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Yeah! Obama really only won Philly by 83% of the vote!

    • finallyhappy

      83% for my legislative district here in Maryland(not as good as a whole city but…)

      • nyates314

        87% here in Baltimore City – go us!

  • Eve8Apples

    Imagine of all the voter fraud in Wyoming, Texas, Nebraska, Kansas and Alabama precincts where Obama received 0% of the vote. Hell, I think democrats are shot in those states if they show up to vote on Election Day.

    • under_score

      Oh please, let someone be on this, STAT

    • BerkeleyBear

      I'd start with rural parts of Utah – like where all the voters in a precinct live in the same FLDS compound and share a last name.

    • pigdog2

      Rural Oklahoma?

    • PurgedVoter

      So far, we just get purged.

  • It's Always Schadenfreudey in Philadelphia.

  • snowpointsecret

    Wow, nobody voted for Romney in places that people repeatedly attacked by Republicans live, what a shock!

    I love how they focus on Philadelphia (probably because of that one black guy outside a polling place who was about as intimidating as a toothless squirrel in a tree) and ignore that results like this are common in similar neighborhoods throughout the country.

  • rhubarbpie2

    I guess the Republicans are finding the reality-based world a bit harsh!

    • I'm just surprised they're finding it at all. Must've made a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

      • StillGoinGreen

        Which, by the way, went REALLY big for Obama!

  • Woodshedding

    "On West Albert Street, Duke Dunston says he knows he’s a registered Republican, but he’s never voted for one."

    Duke is on to the best way evah to legitimately steal an election. Register as a republican and, during the primaries, vote for whomever can't possibly win for that party. Writing-in Big Bird might be the bet bet, or Ron Paul who can never win because he has the Fed's number.

    • DCBloom

      Yeah, that was my thought exactly. May be why Bachman and Santorum won some primaries.

      I remember hearing in 08 that Rs were doing the same to us helping to get Obama nominated….because it's obvious that a black guy could never win. Backfired, obvs

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I am proudly insane, Juan. And I lick beef bouillon cubes like Mitt licks the dry gulch that is Ann Romney's cunt, but that is beside the point.

    • Cleopatriot

      Sorry, Mormons aren't allowed sexytimes with their mouths.

  • barto

    I think as consolation they should accept "Lizard People" as a Romney vote. That would at least erase the goose egg, we guess.

  • WaltFrench

    How shocking: if you specifically examine big-city precincts where Romney got zero votes, there were zero Romney votes in those precincts.

    Also, what is the chance that it was EXACTLY 59 areas where he got zero votes? I mean, it has to be less than one in … uhhh, 59? …four out of five?

  • DrunkIrishman

    I bet there are precincts in Provo, Utah, where Romney won every single vote. VOTER FRAUD!

    • TRUE FACT: John McCain had more Mormons vote for him than Romney had.

  • savethispatient

    Yes, it is shocking that 100% of Obama voters did not vote for Romney. This is why Evangelical Christians hate Set Theory – it's HARD!


    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      How's that mopey-whingey thing working out for her?

  • Schmannnity

    I bet that Paula Broadwell fucked Mitt out of his Philadelphia votes.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Watch out Repubs. You could be the next one Obama sends to the FEMA death camp.

    • UW8316154

      The boxcars are waiting.

  • coolhandnuke

    The city of "brotherly love" is just that.

  • Close_Read

    I swear on a stack of Tammy Duckworth's mechanical legs! That's excellent schadenfreude. Excellent.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    So the Montana boxcars have already emptied Philly of registered Republicans and hauled them off to FEMA reeducation camps? That's what I call a smarter, more efficient government.

  • So basically, that one Black Panther intimidated all Romney voters, singlehandedly. It's definitely not that Romney is a race-baiting asshole, and the one time he DID visit Philly, it was to talk up larger class sizes and charter schools, in a city that had just seen an announcement that basically all of its public schools were to be shuttered.

    • emmelemm

      Hey, why are you Defeatably_Joe now? Did I miss the explanation?

      • Joe Walsh and not-Joe the not-Plumber are hopefully all the explanation needed. :-)

        • emmelemm

          Makes sense to me!

  • MissTaken

    Cathy Santos, 56, founder of the National Alliance of Women Veterans, had one theory: “We ran him out of town!” she said and laughed.

    Okay, which one of you is Cathy?! You rock!

    • SorosBot

      I admit, I'm really Cathy. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Aack!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Are you still fucking that Irving guy?

    • Geminisunmars

      Today we are all Cathy Santos. Laughing.

    • Negropolis

      I am Cathy Spartacus Santos!

  • kittensdontlie

    Where are the missing Republicans? If we tell you, then we are going to have to kill you with votes, again!

    • BadKitty904

      They were manacled, put in boxcars, and shipped off to labor in the cheese-steak mines.

      • kittensdontlie

        Yea, they found out the hard way,…freedom isn't free.

  • RedneckMuslin

    I, for one, welcome our Obama admin overlords.

  • Yeah Wingnuts. You losing had NOTHING AT ALL to do with your LOUSY ASS IDEAS. It was everyone but you.*

    *good luck trying to gain the trust of non penis and non-white US Amercians again.

  • VodkaGoGo

    Didn't Romney do a campaign event at a school in Philly and pretty much get chased out of the neighborhood by an angry mob?

    • not that Dewey

      That was obviously voter fraud, too.

  • Goonemeritus

    Given that Romney was polling at 2% plus or minus 3% with the African-American community I suppose Negative 1% was possible.

    • So at 0% he still beats the spread? He should consider this a mandate from black Philadelphians.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Like my bro Morpheus said. "Welcome to the desert of the real."

  • Crank_Tango

    He just wasn't conservative enough. Why is that not painfully obvious?

    • oenspiek

      Inner-city poorz could have loved them some Romney, if he'd just been conservative enough.

  • OurHoboSenator

    I canvassed a black Republican lady on the northeast side of Columbus last month. As commanded by my leader Barack Hussein Obama, I turned her information over to the New Black Panthers, so they could stop her from voting. And I got a free ObamaPhone for doing it. AMERIKA!!!!

  • Goonemeritus

    As a New Yorker this is really painful for me to say—-Philadelphia I am humbled by your awesomeness.

    • sullivanst

      I'm sure there are a few Bronx and/or Harlem precincts that rang up donuts for the Rombot. I definitely recall screams for "fraud" about such whiffs for McCain.

      ETA: as another New Yorker, it grieves me less to concede that Cleveland may have one redeeming feature, after all. Actually as a former resident of Kettering, OH, two redeeming features, Ohio State being the other, although not much redemption to be found there lately.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "it’s really suspicious that in overwhelmingly black, poor neighborhoods, Barack Obama is winning 100% of the vote in some precincts"

    I guess "those people" aren't as stupid as you make them out to be.

  • vulpes82

    Haha, if you read the article, you'll find that five precincts had zero votes for Bush, 57 for McCain, and 59 for Obama. So, basically, this is a total non-issue that is part of an ongoing trend.

  • mavenmaven

    This is a sign of the deterioration of the Republican party. In the old days, they would have had G. Gordon Liddy, Haldeman and Ehrlichmann take care of these sorts of things.

    • malsperanza

      With votes.

  • Beowoof

    I do believe it is entirely possible that no one in Philadelphia liked Mitt. Even the republicans couldn't stand him. In the alternative you can say they did vote for a moderate republican for president.

  • iamrrm

    Supreme Court Justice Cathy Santos has a nice ring to it.

  • StillGoinGreen

    Obummer stole my sandwich from the lunchroom fridge! Well, it sure as hell wasn't Mitt… I LEFT THE CRUST ON!!

  • All this bitching about voter fraud is definitely a good sign — it means the Republican Party has finally gotten over their completely lucid and reality-based fixation on getting the tar whupped out of them in 2008.

  • it’s really suspicious that in overwhelmingly black, poor neighborhoods, Barack Obama is winning 100% of the vote

    As far as I'm concerned, this entire election was a referendum on Dennis Miller.

    • BadKitty904

      I blame the Chinese.

  • Come here a minute

    Philadelphia is mostly cloudy.

  • HRH_Maddie

    So much butthurt, so little time!

  • el_donaldo

    You know what's a real conspiracy? Everyone knows about Philly-style steak sandwiches, but nobody seems to know about the Philly-style roast pork and broccoli raab sandwich. With provolone. Oh, so good.

  • DahBoner

    No Republicans?

    Then how on Earth does douchebaggery get done in Philly, huh?

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe they outsource it to China.

    • dinkybossetti

      Mostly by the sports fans.

    • docterry6973

      You'd be surprised.

      I am very, very disappointed that Philly pols would make a mistake like this. Back in the day they knew how to steal elections the right way. Bunch of rokies

    • They find a way. Remember Frank Rizzo, the mayor there? Democrat.

  • MissTaken

    The 15th has the distinction of pitching two straight Republican shutouts – zero votes for McCain in 2008, zero for Romney on Tuesday.

    Not very Flip, Flip, Flipadelphia after all.

  • Esteev

    Is it possible that there were large swaths of the country that didn't like Mitt "Mitt" Romney as a candidate?

    Nahh, couldn't be.

  • nonbeliever7

    What's with that photo? Mitt's a lot shorter than I remember and his sons all need shaves. But Ann's hot!

  • second_gen

    Obama got 100% of the vote in the Second Gen Voting District which includes 3 votes. I'll bet there's some votey fraudey stuff going on here too. One of them was even military, so, um, you KNOW it was fraud.

    Just kidding, they're me and my adult kids, of COURSE they voted for Obama.

  • FiscalClifford

    I'm going to side with the wingnuts on this one. You'd think, out of 20k votes, there'd be at least one idiot who bubbled in the wrong candidate.

  • LesBontemps

    With Fox doing the counting, they'e just lucky theose wards didn't go 127% for Obama .

  • Antispandex

    Needz mor superpac moniez!

  • cletar

    I imagine the Romney Death Rally killed or drove mad a number of potential Romney voters in Pennsylvania. That probably accounts for it.

  • MinAgain

    the CIA infiltrated black neighborhoods, stole all the Republicans, and wiped the memory of everyone else who was weak and susceptible to the government’s trickery

    Aha! The truth behind Petraeus' resignation is revealed! He promised sex with his mistress in return for votes!

  • kingofmeh

    anybody who thinks this is anything but a feature of the enormous racial divides and polarization in philadelphia has never spent time in philadelphia: not just the bit around the liberty bell, but actually been out to the reaches of west and north philadelphia. anyone who knows and understands the city would not be surprised in the least.

    but Fox News would find it inconvenient to ask why white male Romney voters live in Northeast Philadelphia and Delaware County, instead of at 58th and Woodland.

  • sullivanst

    This is what happens when you wage a 60-year campaign of hate against large swathes of the population. They tend to become hesitant about voting for your candidatebot.

  • LibrarianX

    I'm still surprised that he got ANY votes. Except from Egg and the five egglets.

  • cognachas4paws

    Some people are saying Allen West was the victim of voter fraud, too, because some counties show over 100% cards cast (one county is 113%, one is 141%, etc.). What's wrong with this picture? They are CARDS cast for a multi page ballot, which they don't seem to understand is a card counter figure, not a vote ballot figure. And these people can't figure out why the polls were "wrong" and they lost. Go figure.

  • BZ1

    John Podhoretz a George Costanza lookalike, has about the same level of insight as George.

  • Troglodeity

    It figures that Podhoretz's avatar is a squealing little baby girl.

  • ttommyunger

    Tea Baggers just can't understand why the Blahs don't vote against their own interests like they themselves have for years.

  • Troglodeity

    Eagerly awaiting Fox News' expose on the, oh, about 10,000 voting divisions or so in Nebraska, Kansas, Alabama, Mississippi, Utah, etc. etc. where no votes for Obama were recorded. Fraud alert!

  • malsperanza

    I wonder if the reason why no one in Philadelphia voted Republican might be connected, however tangentially, with the fact that the GOP presidential platform did not mention cities once. Not once. No mention of cities. At all. Urban whatnow? Nothing. (Or, in current GOP parlance, Nada.)

    Oh, except for these gems:

    "The current Administration has changed that, replacing civil engineering with social engineering as it pursues an exclusively urban vision of dense housing and government transit."


    "The irresponsible promises of politicians at every level of government have come back to haunt today’s taxpayers with enormous unfunded pension liabilities. Many cities face bankruptcy because of excessive outlays for early retirement, extravagant health plans, and overly generous pension benefits. We salute the Republican Governors and State legislators who have, in the face of abuse and threats of violence, reformed their State pension systems for the benefit of both taxpayers and retirees alike."


    [re illegal immigration]: " federal funding should be denied to sanctuary cities that violate federal law and endanger their own citizens"

    and in the section risibly titled "Renewing American Values to Build Healthy Families, Great Schools and Safe Neighborhoods" this sole reference to cities:

    "Rural America is hurt especially hard as obstetricians, surgeons, and other healthcare providers are moving to urban settings or retiring, causing a significant healthcare workforce shortage"


    "The nation’s capital city, a special responsibility of the federal government, belongs both to its residents and to all Americans, millions of whom visit it every year. Congressional Republicans have taken the lead in efforts to foster homeownership and open access to higher education for Washington residents. Against the opposition of the current President and leaders of the Democratic Party, they have fought to establish, and now to expand, the D.C. Opportunity Scholarship Program, through which thousands of low-income children have been able to attend a school of their choice and receive a quality education.

    D.C.’s Republicans have been in the forefront of exposing and combating the chronic corruption among the city’s top Democratic officials. We join their call for a non-partisan elected Attorney General to clean up the city’s political culture and for congressional action to enforce the spirit of the Home Rule Act assuring minority representation on the City Council. After decades of inept one-party rule, the city’s structural deficit demands congressional attention."

    and finally, a reference to our troops, who "have defended our country, pursued its attackers to the ends of the earth, and today stand vigilant guard in our cities, on our coasts, and in alien lands."

    (That last bit, is that the "well-regulated militia" thing?)

  • bibliotequetress

    Actually, I don't have a hard time imagining individual wards/districts did not cast a single vote for Mitten in Philadelphia. A few wards in Boston came in less than 2% Mitt & given that he used to be the damn governor you'd think he'd manage better by default. If any righties wants to get their panties untwisted what they should look at would be 2000 or 2004. If these same districts were, say, under 15% repub in those races, I wouldn't find a shift to 0% too surprising.

  • So I guess that all the precincts in Mississippi that didn't register any votes for Obama also had massive voter fraud?

  • With all the nice things Romney wanted to do for the 100% it just shows you how ungrateful these bums are!

  • ChapterUndVerse

    Fluffya does me proud! with votes!!1!

    (Makes proper steak sandwich, with Kraft Cheesy Thingy and canned pizza sauce)

  • Negropolis

    Obama got 97.5% of the vote in Detroit. I guess they were cheating, too, huh?

  • Negropolis

    It's the rapture is what it is!

  • NothingMissing

    “Duke Dunston says he knows he’s a registered Republican, but he’s never voted for one.”

    Stage 1: Denial.

  • Onnagodalavida

    I canvassed for Barack in Philly on Election Day, and where I was, a Hispanic neighborhood, everybody was voting for Obama. Along with their sister and her husband and their grandmother. There were trucks in the street playing salsa music about Obama. I'm not at all surprised nobody voted for Romney in some Philly neighborhoods.

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