After hearing ad nauseam about how Dumbocrats were totally going to ACORN it up this year — and Pundit Press, among others, thinks they totally did — it seems the only three people who actually tried to in-person vote fraud this year were Republicans. So weird! One was a sad idiot lady in sad, idiot Nevada. The other two were some jerkoffs in New Mexico — one of whom, naturally, was a GOP poll watcher. Two of the three gave the same excuse for trying to vote two times each: they were “testing the system,” because of course they were. The third was just stealing his own son’s vote.
Here is our favorite tale of election day skullduggery:
According to Bernalillo County Clerk Maggie Toulouse Oliver, elections workers got suspicious when the silver-haired father showed up to vote and told them he was born in 1994. He was still allowed to cast a ballot, but the workers took down his license plate number when he left. Later, he showed up at a different location and voted under his own name, according to KOB.
When reporter Gadi Schwartz tracked [Thomas] Pino down at his home, the father denied voting twice. His son, however, happened to pull up in a car a short time later. Seeming to know nothing about the allegations against his father, the son told the station he hadn’t yet voted but still intended to.
The elder Pino later called Schwartz to tell him he had made a mistake by voting on behalf of his son, but said his son had given him permission. Both were registered as Republicans at the same Albuquerque address, according to KOB.
It’s like the Dad never even listens when the son is trying to tell him he’s gonna vote later. All he wanted was to go vote. And he wouldn’t give it to him. Just a vote! And people say he’s crazy? When he went to your schools and your churches and your institutional learning facilities? He’s not on drugs. He just wants to vote!
But what about our New Mexico poll watcher? Well, after receiving a provisional ballot he triumphantly announced he had already voted. (He seems to be the only one who didn’t try to actually cast a second ballot after “testing the system,” but ended up in handcuffs anyway.)
What about delightful Roxanne Rubin?
In Nevada, 56-year-old Roxanne Rubin, a Republican, was arrested on Nov. 2 for allegedly trying to vote twice, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported. The newspaper quoted a report by an investigator with the Nevada Secretary of State’s Office that said Rubin “was unhappy with the process; specifically in that her identification was not checked.”
Rubin allegedly voted at one polling location in Henderson, Nev. on Oct. 29 and then went to another voting location in Las Vegas to try to vote again. Poll workers told her records indicated she had already voted, but Rubin allegedly told them she hadn’t.
See, that would have been the time to pull out the “I am James O’Keefe!” instead of being all “nuh uh no I didn’t, let me vote again!” Because now you will go to prison forever, or whatever kind of sentence a D felony carries.