all he wanted was a pepsi

Hi Dad You’re In Jail, And Other GOP Vote Frauders ‘Testing The System’

seems legitAfter hearing ad nauseam about how Dumbocrats were totally going to ACORN it up this year — and Pundit Press, among others, thinks they totally did — it seems the only three people who actually tried to in-person vote fraud this year were Republicans. So weird! One was a sad idiot lady in sad, idiot Nevada. The other two were some jerkoffs in New Mexico — one of whom, naturally, was a GOP poll watcher. Two of the three gave the same excuse for trying to vote two times each: they were “testing the system,” because of course they were. The third was just stealing his own son’s vote.

Here is our favorite tale of election day skullduggery:

According to Bernalillo County Clerk Maggie Toulouse Oliver, elections workers got suspicious when the silver-haired father showed up to vote and told them he was born in 1994. He was still allowed to cast a ballot, but the workers took down his license plate number when he left. Later, he showed up at a different location and voted under his own name, according to KOB.

When reporter Gadi Schwartz tracked [Thomas] Pino down at his home, the father denied voting twice. His son, however, happened to pull up in a car a short time later. Seeming to know nothing about the allegations against his father, the son told the station he hadn’t yet voted but still intended to.

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The elder Pino later called Schwartz to tell him he had made a mistake by voting on behalf of his son, but said his son had given him permission. Both were registered as Republicans at the same Albuquerque address, according to KOB.

It’s like the Dad never even listens when the son is trying to tell him he’s gonna vote later. All he wanted was to go vote. And he wouldn’t give it to him. Just a vote! And people say he’s crazy? When he went to your schools and your churches and your institutional learning facilities? He’s not on drugs. He just wants to vote!

But what about our New Mexico poll watcher? Well, after receiving a provisional ballot he triumphantly announced he had already voted. (He seems to be the only one who didn’t try to actually cast a second ballot after “testing the system,” but ended up in handcuffs anyway.)

What about delightful Roxanne Rubin?

In Nevada, 56-year-old Roxanne Rubin, a Republican, was arrested on Nov. 2 for allegedly trying to vote twice, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported. The newspaper quoted a report by an investigator with the Nevada Secretary of State’s Office that said Rubin “was unhappy with the process; specifically in that her identification was not checked.”

Rubin allegedly voted at one polling location in Henderson, Nev. on Oct. 29 and then went to another voting location in Las Vegas to try to vote again. Poll workers told her records indicated she had already voted, but Rubin allegedly told them she hadn’t.

See, that would have been the time to pull out the “I am James O’Keefe!” instead of being all “nuh uh no I didn’t, let me vote again!” Because now you will go to prison forever, or whatever kind of sentence a D felony carries.

[TPM / LasCrucesSun-News / ]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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180 comments

    1. Isyaignert

      The 'cons project in IMAX – whatever they're guilty of is what they blame their opponent of doing. It's so Orwellian.

    1. Mittaplasia

      After reading so many of their screechy hatey out-of-control rants, it seems a fair number of them would spontaneously combust; however, I feel it may be wrong to speculate how fun that would be to see.

      1. Designer_Rants

        We've learned a trick from the GOPers: say whatever you want, just put "with votes" after it, and you're A-OK. Or claim what you said was "Surveyors Marks", or something…

    2. Callyson

      1. Blame the liberal media

      2. Blame the decline of Christian moral standards

      3. Blame those lazy you-know-what's for standing around expecting handouts

      4. Blame the GOP for not standing firmly behind severe conservatism

      5. Evaporate

    3. ButthurtWingers2012

      Nice stage-o-meter…but you're missing something in there. There has to be a stage in there about acting with naked hypocrisy because these idiots seem unable to not be hypocritical. It reminds me of this short-lived argument in an online class of mine that I got into with another student about moral absolutes. Of course he was screaming 'liberals ain't got not absolutes! that's why theyze immoral!" and I answered along the lines of: the problem with this line of thinking is you, yourself cannot reach the bar you set for everyone else…which is why 'moral absolutes' always translates to me as guilty of whatever they're bitching about…and I stand by the answers…of course the argument went on to him (I assume) defining what moral absolutes exist and me producing evidence of the failures of his own wingnuts….this is just another example.

  1. UnholyMoses

    What's a woman doing voting at all, let alone twice?

    Apparently, she has not been paying attention to the party she supports …

    1. Designer_Rants

      Yes, it should have been her husband who voted multiple times on her behalf… why doesn't she have a husband? It's these single Jezzebels that are luring away our General Petrauses and ruining our voting systems with their sluttery.

      1. LibertyLover

        Point of order: that slutty reporter woman that lured that brave Gen. Petraeus actually is married with children. Also, too.

  2. snowpointsecret

    See, all those Republicans were voting for Obama, that's why he won! Voter fraud, black panthers, etc.!

    1. LibertyLover

      I'm sure there were a few Republican women for abortion that did vote for Obama once behind that curtain.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Voting machines should be upgraded so they can discern the intent of your innermost heart. If you're a real Amercian, of course you ought to be able to break the rules! At least you'd be cheating for a noble purpose, unlike those dirty hippies and browns.

  3. EatsBabyDingos

    Add three GOP fraudsters to these three and put them in a circle. What do you have? A dope ring. We report, you deride.

    1. flipdraw

      They put me in an institution. Said it was the only solution. Give me the professional help. Protect me from the enemy, myself.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Bullshit Mountain will label them as (D)'s, and find the esoteric connections that prove they're secret agents, never fear.

  4. 1stNewtontheMoon

    I'm not convinced. They're still not catching all the voting fraudsters that they failed to catch from 2000-2008!1!!! Now they're just targeting whites/republicans!!!!!!1!! NOBAMA!!!1

  5. SexySmurf

    I'm going to use that "testing the system" excuse next time I get caught buying blow/selling blow/snorting blow off a hooker's ass.

    1. ButthurtWingers2012

      There is no reason for Z-Bart to vote as the results are just in: he stole the GOP's heart while they lifted everyone else's wallets (or at least Rove did that part)

    1. Ruhe

      To complete the analogy the burglars would have to be attempting to break into your home by mowing your lawn or cleaning out the gutters or some other activity completely unrelated to actually breaking into your home.

    2. SorosBot

      Why didn't Nixon think of that one? "We were just concerned about the DNC security and decided to do them a favor and test it".

    1. Geminisunmars

      He said Obama called Mittens a Poopy Head. Either way, that is true. Figuratively. And literally — with votes.

    2. weejee

      And let us not forget that beloved Grover is/was best buddies with Ollie North in running guns to Nicaragua and with Jack Abramoff in scamming the tribes. There are no ethics or morality issues on any act as long as it is performed by an anti-tax conservative.

      1. ButthurtWingers2012

        That's the gist of it…I'm still pissed that the Abramoff trial didn't involve arresting Norquist for money laundering and Ralph Reed for fraud…just shows why Republicans should never be within a mile of the Oval Office…too much moral relativism from these idiots…

  6. prommie

    Right, "testing the system," yeah, sure, thats the ticket! Like when Pete Townshend was "investigating" kiddie nakey pictures (God help me, I am afraid this comment might go over about as well as the results of the game Saturday night).

        1. doloras

          The cops accepted his story and released him without charge. Even Roger Daltrey stood up for him. Witchhunting celebrity "suspected pedobears" only serves to let the real kiddie-rapers run and hide.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        Oh, just ignore him. Hey, I found out who that woman with the amazing voice on Jack White's album is. My initial thought that she was a Nashville chanteuse was actually correct — but she was born in Ghana! Her name is Ruby Amanfu, and she was previously in a rootsy duo called Sam & Ruby. Very nice stuff.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruby_Amanfu
        http://www.nme.com/news/jack-white/61748
        http://us.myspace.com/rubyamanfu
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSWnThyoXDQ&fe

  7. SorosBot

    How pathetic do you have to be to be a wannabe James O'Keefe, that felonious shit-stain stuck to the ass of American politics?

      1. GemlikeFlame

        One of which O'Keefe-alikes do not have, in any conventional sense of the word.

        Assessment is futile. You will be deemed too arrogant and evil to be assimilated.

      2. weejee

        Instead of voluntary deportations how about O'Keefe and his wannabes do a voluntary incarceration? Beds will be opening-up now that California has made a do-over on the 3-strikes silly sauce.

  8. Geminisunmars

    That father could make a great commercial: If only I'd used Just For Men shampoo-in color before I tried to vote as my son, no one would have guessed.

  9. snowpointsecret

    Tomorrow, Fox News will be talking about how all voter fraud in this election happened in states that Obama won. It's not lying, it's just giving half the facts!

  10. Botlrokit

    This Pino guy can't be a Republican! He's at home during the day, and not dressed for a job. HE IS JUST A RINO.

  11. HobbesEvilTwin

    How in the fuck can people vote at more than one polling place? Maybe I live in a bubble (yes, yes I do*), but I don't know of any place where you can vote other than at the ONE precinct/ward polling place for the ONE precinct/ward that you live in. WTF?

    *Cambridge, MA – now with extra special Warren bubbles.

    1. miss_grundy

      I guess in Red states you can get away with that stuff. I wouldn't be able to get away with that stuff here in Michigan.

    2. MosesInvests

      In Austin this year, you could vote at any polling station. They take your name, check you off the list on the computer, and give you a code that brings up the ballot for your precinct on the machine.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Beats the NYC system. My polling place was conveniently located a few doors down from my own, but the residents of that very building had to vote elsewhere.

    1. actor212

      From Grex's link:

      Both parties have to be completely aware of what I'm saying.

      Dude, I just read what you said and *I* have no fucking clue what it means! How can you expect the parties to know?

    2. Incitefully_Joe

      I am trying to figure out if he's implying that they were abducted by illegal space-aliens, or assassinated by the CIA hit squad that killed JFK, or the vicitims of organized black-on-white crime. One of those, though, right?

      1. HogeyeGrex

        I have no idea, but if you google "16 million white votes" you get 6,000 or so results, so it's spread around a bit.

        I saw a comment on a yahoo news article ranting something about that and had to look it up. It's been giving me the giggles ever since.

        The polls on the sidebar are fucking precious.

      2. SorosBot

        Maybe someone should tell him about the inevitability of aging and death, which is especially relevant when a party's base is composed entirely of the elderly?

      3. HistoriCat

        It was a group effort, coordinated by the reverse vampires, acting under orders from the Rand Corporation. Duh.

    3. SorosBot

      The guy kind of answers his own question here:

      "As you can see, as the population increases, the number of voters increases in every election cycle except when Clinton ran for re-election against Dole. Not a hotly contested election. Kind of a walk away for Clinton."

      Yes, just like this election was for Obama.

    4. Esteev

      What the fuck is this all about?

      Thankfully, "Anonymous" commenter has my answer:

      "When people of a nation insist on turning their back on God as this nation has done, He will give them exactly the kind of leader they want, and let them suffer the consequences. It happened over and over again with Israel, now it's happening here. God's judgment, pure and simple."

      Here we go again!

  12. MissTaken

    Thanksgiving this year at the father fraud household:

    Son: Hey Dad, can you please pass the sweet potato casserole?

    Dad: I can't, I'm in jail.

  13. SorosBot

    It's funny how every time a Republican operative tries to "test the system" to show how easy voting fraud is and prove the need for onerous voter suppression, they get caught. It's almost as if the existing laws to prevent voting fraud already work perfectly well and there's no need for the further rules they are agitating for.

    1. MissTaken

      I'm sorry, Officer. I was not soliciting nasty, kinky sex from that hooker. I was testing the system. Yeah, that's it. Testing!

  14. ttommyunger

    I wonder how many voters would have stood in line for hours to vote if they weren't so totally pissed off knowing that the Republicans were trying their best to deprive them of ever seeing a ballot? I am completely convinced that the blatant and persistent effort at voter suppression only served to galvanize minorities to get to the polls. I frankly wonder if Barry would have won without this assist from the Right. BTW, how's that Citizen's United thingy working out for you, Rightards?

    1. MissTaken

      True. I was talking to an African-American woman here at work the morning after the election and she said that the GOP thought they could hold the vote down but Americans stood in line for hours in the cold, etc to say 'fuck you, you can't hold our vote down'.

      1. SorosBot

        Who would have thought that trying to stop minorities from voting, along with constant angry hardcore racism, might just piss people off and make them more likely to vote? Why next it might turn out that that some women were extra-motivated to vote by the Republican assault on abortion rights and birth control.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          One of the myriad ways that the Republicans are living in the past is that they have deluded themselves that nobody on the other side notices when they openly discuss their blatant plans to screw them. "The browns are too busy picking cotton and fruit to hear our scheming up here on the veranda, and Madame Blanche is in her 27th hour of labor with the midwife!"

          1. Jerri

            I'm also amazed at how much of their attempts to suppress the vote rely on their belief that people are complete morons. As if calling people up and saying "Oh, you know that election you've been hearing about for a year and a half? Uh, yeah so it's on Wednesday now. No, really. Also you just voted by phone so you're good anyway," was going to work! Oh those brown people. So gullible!

            You can almost see the smoke-filled room full of cartoonish old white guys where that idea was hatched.

    2. sullivanst

      Haven't those communities consistently suffered extremely long lines as Republicans have made sure those precincts lack the resources needed to get everyone in and out efficiently, knowing that the key for any Democratic candidate in Florida or Ohio is to run up big margins in urban areas?

      1. ttommyunger

        Absolutely! But such passive tactics weren't enough this time and they went proactive to a fair thee well. Publications and broadcasts of active purging of voter registrations fanned the flames. No one wants something so badly as when it seems to be snatched from your grasp.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

    1. BadKitty904

      As someone on here* commented:

      "C'mon, these guys aren't evil geniuses. Well, not geniuses, anyways…"

      *my apologies for not remember precisely who

    1. CrunchyKnee

      So, if I ever get busted for possession of a controlled substance, I can just say, "sorry dude, just testing the system?"

  15. TootsStansbury

    I wish Michele Bachmann had been busted trying to cast a vote for each and every one of the voices in her head.

  16. Beowoof

    Well it looks like the system works folks. Hopefully, these criminals will get some jail time to reflect on their behavior. And hopefully the other folks in the cell will be from the New Black Panthers party.

  17. DahBoner

    "Guy who got Romney face tattoo regrets nothing"

    All facial tattoos just scream "No second thoughts", nor first ones neither…

    1. bikerlaureate

      Is there a follow-up yet? The article you linked doesn't provide specifics (and after the unnamed employer is charged, I presume we'll get to find out who they are)…

  18. sullivanst

    Thank you for proving that standing laws are adequate for detecting the very few instances of in-person voter fraud, you braindead fucking morons. Enjoy your time in prison as the system proves that not only does it work, it provides serious punishment as a deterrent to any future morons with similar ideas.

  19. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    It just shows that even conspiracy theories have an ideological bias. Liberals were assuming that there would be effective, math-based, hard-to-detect election fraud, and responded by a get-out-the-vote campaign large enough to overcome it. The conservatives assumed personal, small scale one-at-a-time voter fraud and responded by trying it out themselves to prove that it works.

  20. Mojopo

    Her entire defense will be to sit in the courtroom screaming "LIBYA LIBYA BENGHAZI!" over and over again, until we finally understand.

  21. DesertTed

    Republicans have a lot to learn about rigging elections. You can't do it as a voter, you have to be a vote counter. Duh.

  22. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Republican: Voting twice is simply patriotic by testing the system to be 100% compliant with voting laws.
    Democrat: Voting for a democrat is voter fraud and a COMMUNIST!

  23. Callyson

    Dumbocrats were totally going to ACORN it up this year — and Pundit Press, among others, thinks they totally did

    Just made the mistake of clicking on this link. As bad as the column is, the comments below are even worse…

    Christ, I am so happy these fuckers lost…

    1. HistoriCat

      Me too. I would like to think that the last two years inflictedenough pain that the Dems would remember that it's not enough to havea President – you need a working Congress too. But … yeah.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        We need leadership to make this happen, people aren't going to realize it in a vacuum. Under Howard Dean, we at least had a strategy for this. It succeeded, also.

  24. missannthropethefirst

    I love the Suicidal Tendencies reference!

    That said, I'm really glad neither of the NM frauds were in my county.

  25. sullivanst

    When you consider the cause of the very long lines, you should expect that they're precincts that have been gerrymandered into very safe Democratic districts. For example, the Democrat in Columbus (the new OH-03) won by over 40%; the Republicans didn't even bother contesting the new FL-24, DWS won with a margin of almost 30%; the Dems in both FL-20 and FL-21 won by margins in excess of 50%.

    It's not the people that wait on massive lines that we have to worry about. It's the suburbanites who aren't the targets of the GOP's hate campaign, and consequently don't see themselves as directly threatened by the goober agenda, even though a sinking tide lowers all boats.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The reason for drawing lines that gather as many Dems as possible into a single Rorschach-blot of a district is so that several adjoining districts can be converted to majority GOP.

      1. sullivanst

        I'm painfully aware of how it works, and why it's illegal in Britain and should be here, but also of why most states allow it (the incumbent protection racket cuts both ways). Point is, the districts where the long lines are mostly found are safe districts, so turnout isn't particularly important, especially as FL in particular does not have a Senate election at the midterms (the Virginian DC 'burbs might be important, although in '08 Warner racked up 65% against a highly credible opponent, so I'd be surprised if his race turns into a nailbiter).

  26. T3rbo

    So very awesome. Republicans, only when it is too late, realize what happens when you drink the voter fraud is everywhere kool-aid

  27. Fed_up_Fed

    Don't forget the totally patriotic Republican election worker in Clackamas County, OR, who helpfully filled in uncompleted ballots because a tie goes to the GOP, amiright?

  28. Wile E. Quixote

    Here's a simple rule of thumb for understanding conservatives: If a conservative is in favor of something such as marital fidelity or serving in the military or letting the "free" market take it's course then chances are that they haven't done it, aren't doing it and are never going to do it. If a conservative is against something such as homosexuality, voter fraud, marital infidelity or accepting government handouts then chances are that they have done it, are doing it and are never going to stop doing it.

  29. Wile E. Quixote

    Two of the three gave the same excuse for trying to vote two times each: they were “testing the system,” because of course they were.

    And they should be charged with voter fraud, tried in a court of law, and if found guilty, sent to jail for a long, long, long time. Which would prove that the system works.

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