we just we can't even

Peggy Noonan, Of Course, Says She Was Right All Along

There is nothing like a damePresented without comment, because sweet Jesus Christ fucking your mom, how do you even … what is the … why can how for … brain … cracked … shlobblemorfin hoowigah?

President Obama did not lose, he won. It was not all that close. There was enthusiasm on his side. Mitt Romney’s assumed base did not fully emerge, or rather emerged as smaller than it used to be. He appears to have received fewer votes than John McCain. The last rallies of his campaign neither signaled nor reflected a Republican resurgence. Mr Romney’s air of peaceful dynamism was the product of a false optimism that, in the closing days, buoyed some conservatives and swept some Republicans. While GOP voters were proud to assert their support with lawn signs, Democratic professionals were quietly organizing, data mining and turning out the vote. Their effort was a bit of a masterpiece; it will likely change national politics forever. Mr. Obama was perhaps not joyless but dogged, determined, and tired.

Apart from those points, everything in my blog post of Nov. 5 stands.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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      1. LionHeartSoyDog

        I would like to "get" one of those, without again going through reconstructive surgery.
        It's tons cheaper, and cleaner.

        (and do the alcohol first, and wait fifteen minutes, also).

          1. Geminisunmars

            Well, now that you have gotten your Kenyan/Muslin overlord elected, I'm sure he will get it for you.

          2. thatsitfortheother1

            NO FAIR! You changed your ave from the guy with a rather full mouth on Exile, to a young K Richard. Resulting in I haz minus snark points.

          1. malsperanza

            Yes, We Can! Unfortunately, it will put you on the donor list for the GOP forever, and I don't think I can bear that. And it would also mean donating to the GOP, and I just can't do it, not even $2.

          2. ChessieNefercat

            I'll bet the Democratic Party would be happy to wander around the yard sale for a while before finally offering to take a case or two for a nickel apiece.

        1. boskolives

          2 tons of Re-elect Romney/Ryan 2016 promotional merchandise. We'll pay you $50.00 cash if you'll pick it up late at night when no one is watching. Donate it to a charity and take the tax write-off based on the retail price, the original stickers are still attached.

      1. bibliotequetress

        Callyson, when I first saw the "Are you better off than you were $4 trillion ago?" sticker, I misread it and didn't notice the dollar sign. I thought, "Well gee, some wingnut actually believes in the big bang, even if they got the age off."

        Of course, I was wrong.

      2. LionHeartSoyDog

        "GOP Apron/Spatula Set"

        Paid for by the Repo Neanderthal Committee.
        Keep your female slaves in the kitchen during the day.

        How could this tactic not work with 51% of the electorate?

        1. bibliotequetress

          "They don't smile so much in captivity."

          But they have a castle, and, and, STUFF. (thanks, Bill O'Reilly!)

    1. Dimitrios_M

      Dol you want the Neocon Up-To-My-Ass-In-Quagmire-And-Loving-It model or the Tra-Lah Tra-Lah I’m King of America Tomorrow Mittens Romeny Special?

  1. FNMA

    I'm…Jesus…Let's see…Peggy is…Holy fuck, she's left me speechless. All I can say this is definitive proof that chasing Xanax with vodka is a bad idea. That kind of brain damage can only happen in that shining city on the hill you see when you mix 'scripts with booze. Or something like that.

  2. memzilla

    Oh Dame Peggington, you really should start having a little food first before your morning eye-opener…

    Vicodin plus Tanqueray = short-term memory loss… with votes.

    1. sullivanst

      I'm telling ya, I was talking to the missus and her cuz while Peggington was on the teevee machine this morning, and I glanced over and quickly became convinced that she'd spent all the time from the result becoming apparent Tuesday night and her appearance on FTN drowning her sorrows in several bottles of gin. I watched Flight last night, so I also figured she probably did a couple of lines of coke to get herself up enough for the cameras.

    1. Estproph

      Dread Pirate Pegleg O'Noonan

      Pegiweg Noonanoonan

      Nanny Noonan (megapoints to anyone who knows the source of this)

      Peggypeggybobeggy banananananoneggy fefifofeggy Peggy Noonan

      Peg Newton

  3. petforest

    Republican operatives don't like to rub elbows with "those people", preferring instead to mail them professionally written and photographed propaganda. And make expensive commercials that cause much mirth among those who have not swallowed the Kooldaid.

    Obama's ground troops ARE "those people", and happily rubbed elbows- and perhaps other parts as well- with anyone, anywhere, anytime- if it got them to vote D.

    1. MaxUdargo

      From her Nov. 5 article that she links to: "Is it possible this whole thing is playing out before our eyes and we’re not really noticing because we’re too busy looking at data on paper instead of what’s in front of us? Maybe that’s the real distortion of the polls this year: They left us discounting the world around us."

      That is so completely and perfectly wrong that I doubt anybody can find a more beautiful example of wrongness in all the recorded punditry prior to the election. That is wrongness with fucking prescient precision. That is Godlike wrongness.

  4. BadKitty904

    That's tellin' 'em, Pegs! Good thing we have your keen grasp of the obvious to depend on for keeping us informed.

    Here, have another drink…

    1. idrobny

      the shame of it all is that she appeared on c.b.s. program "face the nation" as an expert on the election. shame on you c.b.s. you must have gotten her appearance cheap. that is why no one pays attention to your expertise anymore.

    1. sewollef

      Those "vibrations" she speaks about, was merely her vibrator she'd forgotten was still in her panties.

      What a fuckwit this woman is.

    2. bikerlaureate

      ♪ Close my eyes, she's somehow closer now
      Softly smile, I know she must be kind
      When I look in her eyes
      She goes with me to a blossom world ♫

  5. whiskeybaby

    "I see now that there were more Mexicans in the country than that one fellow I saw from my apartment that time. Interesting."
    – Peggy Noonan

      1. Dimitrios_M

        "I see now that there were more Mexicans in the country than that one I hit with my car on the way to the 9 AM Happy Hour. Hic!."

  6. Both Sides Do It

    I thought, "There is no way Schoenkopf is representing this accurately."

    I thought, "Noonan is going for some kind of half-assed literary mea culpa where she destroys her previous analysis with statements of what actually happened, and then tries to pull a "besides that Mrs. Lincoln" thing."

    I thought "Wonkette is going soft, this is an amateur mistake."

    Then I read Peggington's Noonington.

    It . . . not only did Schoenkopf get it right but she responded to it the only way it can be responded to, with ellipses and gibberish, empty air and nonsense, which is what it is.

    I mean: "We are a center-right country, but the Republican Party over the next few years will have to ponder again what center-right means."

    Howsa . . . gurgalish?

      1. Both Sides Do It

        . . . no? I can't actually tell what this is supposed to mean. I was worried the calibration in the Wonkette snark cannons was off and that they misunderstood what they were aiming at, which doesn't happen a whole lot. They Get It, and when they don't it's jarring. But no, Lady Dolphinhamshire really did drive herself to those heights of ponce, without even chancing the sight of a Mexican.

        "Both Sides Do It" should be pronounced mockingly, if that helps, and if it doesn't looking at my profile thing should.

        1. smokefilledroommate

          I'm sorry, you got me wrong. Just as I did with another commenter very recently–easy to do. 'Fair and balanced' meaning obviously a sarcastic nod to FOX, but also to what you alluded to in Ms. Schoenkopf's representation of the facts. This is a satire/left-leaning site, sorry if calling it 'fair and balanced' threw you. I won't look at your profile because I don't give a shit, but Honestly, I didn't mean to offend.

          1. Both Sides Do It

            Oh no worries, happens all the time. I thought that might've been it and then didn't include it, for some reason. Sorry for jumping down your throat.

            One bad thing about Nooners' gibberish is you want to rhetorically hit something, and can't, because the fuck you gonna do, she did it all for you.

    1. PubOption

      As one of the British newspapers once claimed "The USA has a centre-right party, and a reactionary party".

    2. Dimitrios_M

      "Everything I wrote was 100% correct, except for those fucking nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs. You must admit, the articles and punctuation were right on the money."

    3. Negropolis

      Come on. I'd trust the veracity of Editrix over that gin-soaked wordsmith any day of the week. And, no, before you ask, those two figures are not one and the same.

  7. Beowoof

    Have that many hispanics registered to vote? Yes Peggy they have and the republicans are going to need more than Marco to overcome the problems.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    Oh Pegs, it might be a good time to lay off the Vicodin and Gin and admit when you're wrong because this just makes it fun for the rest of us as we get to hound you when you play the denial game.

  9. RomneysLogCabin

    Rebecca–contain yourself.

    You're a professional democrat organizing the masses at this top secret indoctrination forum.

    Seal Team Six, errr, never divulges secrets.


  10. seppdecker

    …everything in my blog post of Nov. 5 stands.

    In Specifick, I have my Treasure and the darke, unwashed Masses shall stayeth in-visable like the very Aire. Go fukk thyselves!

  11. Callyson

    I think it’s Romney. I think he’s stealing in “like a thief with good tools,” in Walker Percy’s old words.

    Well, the employees of the businesses that went under after Bain acquired them and loaded their companies down with debt so that they could cash in on them would agree with Noonan on that much…

    1. malsperanza

      I think it’s Romney. I think he’s stealing “like a thief with good tools,”

      There, fixed that for Peggy and Walker Percy.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Or as I call it, Mommy's special juice box. Just like your Juicy Juice, kiddies! Go get me a straw.

      Pro tip:3 liter boxes are easier to lug around.

  12. Callyson

    Romney ends most rallies with his story of the Colorado scout troop that in 1986 had an American flag put in the space shuttle Challenger, saw the Challenger blow up as they watched on TV, and then found, through the persistence of their scoutmaster, that the flag had survived the explosion. It was returned to them by NASA officials. When Romney, afterward, was shown the flag, he touched it, and an electric jolt went up his arm.

    I'm sure the friends and family members of the people who fucking *died* when the Challenger exploded are so very happy for Mittens…

    /for fuck's sake

    1. Guppy

      Some people make history, others just watch it happen.

      Guess which category Mitt's been in his whole life!

  13. snowpointsecret

    I'm quite sure what she said created a black hole. It's the dividing by zero of political hacks.

  14. ttommyunger

    I was flipping around and saw this pee-crusted old twat bloviating on Faux about how it would be nice, for a change, for Barry to show some humility and offer a bit of compromise with the R's. My first thought is: he is the most powerful and important man in the entire fucking world, so just suck on that, Peggy. Second, the R's are and have always been totally inflexible on any tax increases on the wealthy-period. Third, why would anyone pay any attention to anything this worn-out old piece of ass had to say on any topic other than bedsores or hangover cures?

    1. Callyson

      Fourth, the national popular vote for the House actually went Democratic. Fifth, it is hard to compromise with people when they turn against policies they previously supported after a Democrat proposes them. Sixth, we have no incentive to cooperate with the GOP when they use that cooperation against us in future elections (just ask Max Cleland about that.)

      /seventh, FFS.

      1. ttommyunger

        Max got fucked big-time: Nam, Hearings, campaigns and Commission Appointments. His nick-name should be “Lucky”.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Seventh, Where the Fuck was Dame Dipshit when Obama all but bent himself to the right to try and secure just a couple of GOP votes and repeatedly got the Charlie Brown and the football treatment. Remember all the efforts at compromise in healthcare, for example, where GOP assholes like Alexander from Tennessee and Barasso from Wyoming got all the stupid amendments they wanted, then turned around and wouldn't support the bill in cloture votes? Or House leadership's two step of claiming to want to work on jobs then offering only denunciations of public work ideas like the capital investment bank even the Chamber of Commerce and AFL-CIO can both agree is an awesome idea?

      Apparently gin blackouts can cover full presidential terms. Fucker.

  15. memzilla

    I propose a New Drink, The Noonington:

    Absinthe — for the memory erasing.
    Angostura bitters — for the 2012 electoral reaming.
    Saccharine — for empathy for the 47%.
    and Cream — for the Reagan memories.

    Mix together in a banned 32-oz Big Gulp cup, for freedom. Serve over ice, for the when-hell-freezes-over time that the Rethuglican party will have any relevance at all to the world of reality.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          For a delightful South Of The Border variation, in honor of the Mexicans Noonie-Tunes must now entice (renouncing all of the Great White Ideals she had shilled in her precious, sub-undergraduate prose stylings): Substitute 2 shots of Patrón and a dash of laudanum for the bitters and saccharin. The Tijuana Nooner!

  16. HogeyeGrex

    ☣త☟☀♻♫✇©☕ ✪✣❀∞✑⚔⌛☸⌚☭ ♜☊✆☈☘‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽

  17. JohnnyQuick

    Peggington: Other than everything I was wrong about, I was right.

    KKKarl: Our votes were suppressed!

    Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when your modern GOP deals with reality. Staring drunkenly at a page of "My Pet Goat" seems like better crisis management than this.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Shit, staging an Arabian horse show in response to Katrina (the only thing Brownie was actually qualified to do) would have been better than Romney's team of parasitic insiders from Boston (and shouldn't it have been a clue that his entire brain trust was based in a town he'd never win and had no one who could relate to the GOP base?)

      I wonder how many MBAs Romney had relative to the number of community activists and analytic wonks – I'm guessing the ratio is about 10000:1 (one intern who tried to complain ORCA needed more testing).

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Speaking of drugs; now that my state has legalized marijuana, I might smoke some just for watching your avatar scrolling up and down.

    1. Lot_49

      Surprising how one good speech–hell, one good metaphor ("thousand points of light")–can be parlayed into a whole career if you're better looking than Mrs General Petraeus and have an open mind about oral sex.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        I had not heard this about Noonie. Who did she supposedly blow? I will shamefully admit she had a certain Diane-on-Cheers annoying attractiveness as a young Reaganite Ninny.

          1. tessiee

            I call shenanigans; as much as that weeping orange pansy drinks, he wouldn't be able to pop one if you shoved a bushel basket of v1agra directly into his shriveled old nutsack.

        1. Lot_49

          Merely idle, sexist speculation, alas. The Fawn Halls and Sally Quinns of the world are sometimes only accidentally attractive. Saint Ronnie of Santa Barbara would never have cheated on Mommie, of course, but Jim Baker and Don Regan might have been a bit more inclined to “take their reards.”

      2. boskolives

        It wasn't her mind that was open about oral sex, but you're close geographically speaking.

        Here's one more old groaner: Petraeus had said that she had the nicest smile he'd ever come across.

        Orally speaking.

    2. tessiee

      "Remember, remember, the Fifth of November,
      Just more BS from that twat…. "

      I see no reason the GOP's treason should ever be forgot.

      1. kittensdontlie

        Consoling herself with a glass of boxed wine that she imagines to be a chardonnay of an exclusive vintage.

  18. Toomush_Infer

    Hey, it's a Republifreeforall out there this week – Peggers did get it right about Bronco, though – he did look tired the whole season, kind of like he had to campaign AND be the President at the same time, I dunno….

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Just guessing, but you may be on to something. Probably didn't get much sleep thinking about the nightmarish legacy he'd leave if he actually lost to a robot, either.

      1. bobbert

        I would also speculate that it must be kind of depressing, for a guy who so obviously would like to achieve some kind of bipartisan progress, to have to realize, day after day, just how many intransigent assholes there are on the right, both politicians and among the general public.

        During the campaign, hardly a comment thread went by without a Wonker asking the rhetorical "How the fuck can this be so close?". I imagine that the same thought crossed Bamz's mind at least occasionally.

      1. smokefilledroommate

        You know, to be slightly dynamically peaceful. (kinda peaceful on so many levels?) Practically Buddah? Definitely not statically peaceful, whoever the fuck that is.

        Sounds like she's consulting a true dinosaur dictionary..

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Now I haz a sad. Kids today will never know that look and feel, will they? And the thin paper with the gold edges.

            Dictionary.com is not the same.

          2. NellCote71

            And the indents, like trees in Michigan, were just the right size for your fingers. Our Webster's had a guide to proofreader's marks in the front. No one told me that the fact I was fascinated by the hash marks and delete signs were indications of a future life as a lowly paid editor/writer.

      2. miss_grundy

        It's that perpetual smirk on the asshat's face. Like the one he had on election day when he decided to put up the inauguration web site before winning the election. Estupido comemierda!

      3. IdlesAtCranky

        "Peaceful Dynamism": that beatific head-swaying smile achieved with a perfectly balanced combo of morphine and speed, accented with the occasional whiff of ether.

      4. CindynEncinitas

        It's what you get when you're a robot and your settings are "non-confrontational" yet "in charge." Only you have been programmed by a bunch of wankers.

    1. bobbert

      This bitch is supposed to be able to write, isn't she? "False optimism" connotes "the misleading appearance of optimism, when there is no real optimism". I doubt that's what she meant. Hell, I don't even think it was the case. Rmoney's misplaced, or erroneous, or unsupported optimism was, IMO, real optimism.

      I'm not even an English major, and I can tell that's wrong usage.

      I won't even approach "peaceful dynamism".

    2. Rotundo_

      "Peaceful dynamism" sounds like one of those phrases you say when you don't have anything else to say, sort of like "He looks so natural" at open casket visitations…

  19. DustyBowlBlues

    Apart from those points? I read that fucking blog post where she was ready to simply anoint the Republican and demand the little people bow down to him. Then she knew it all the time? This bitch should go back to writing crap books about the pope. The current one would probably be just her kind of anachronistic king of the world, but in sillier clothes than James Cameron at the Oscars.

    And I hate the way she pouts as she talks, presumably to sound like an aristo.

    And thanks for the weekend wonkette, dear leader.

  20. proudgrampa

    "Mr. Obama was perhaps not joyless but dogged, determined, and tired."

    Well, who wouldn't be tired after 18 months of her drivel and nonsense.

    Ms. Noonan is yet another person who has "driven past the last exit for relevance."

    1. Francis Urquhart

      Mr. Trump was not pleased by Mr. William's comment. He tweeted about it. That will show the lamestream media.

    2. bikerlaureate

      Yet she'll be showing up on the "major" networks, because she adds so much to the conversation.
      Apparently the main requirement for a conservative pundit, to provide "balance", is that they don't stab themselves with the ink pens while on camera.

    1. CindynEncinitas

      Stand your ground, Pegs. Stand on the steps of your Tara and declare that someone, somewhere, someday will again give a shit what you say because you made them do it before, and tomorrow's another… well, and there's a couple of beefy prescriptions upstairs that will never let you down.

  21. cheaphits

    From Ms. Nooner –

    "There is no denying the Republicans have the passion now, the enthusiasm. The Democrats do not." – 11/5/12

    Prescience is not her strong suit, but she can sure lie her fat, scaby ass off..

    1. CindynEncinitas

      Releasing a little wave of existential nausea? A palliative! To the Oxy! Lawrence Welk is on at 6:00! I got this!

  22. weejee

    ♪♫ I met a gin-soaked pundit queen from Midtown
    She tried to have dear Ronbo canonized
    Her logic makes me heave, her soul's much colder
    Her columns make no sense, they blew my mind

    She honky, yes a honky wingnut woman
    She gives me, yeah she gives me the Wonkette tonk bluez ♫♪

      1. weejee

        Thanks for that. I've tended to change avatars frequently during the campaign, but I'm getting fond of this guy. But I think he'd have to play the tune in open G tuning with a slide, since it is not easy to do the left hand fingering with a cloven hoof.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Ah, Maggie Smith. I'm gonna miss that old crone when she plays her final act. Probably pretty soon, too. She's getting up there.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Especially if you consider the sheer acreage available for lawn signs in the red states, which I am assured in many a spittle-flecked wingnut screed means that they should be running the country, not those "small pockets of blue."

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Oh! Thanks for reminding me; I've gotta grab one of those Rmoney signs off somebody's lawn for a souvenir. Hang it up in my shop right next to the Ross Perot, Nader and Bo Gritz signs.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Good luck with that. All my neighbour's signs were gone by the time I got home from work on Wednesday afternoon.

    3. mbatch

      My neighborhood was awash with the damn things, and we went heavily for the dems, not only Obama but Ed Perlmutter who took down certified old fart Joe Coors

  23. Goonemeritus

    “We begin with the three words everyone writing about the election must say: Nobody knows anything. Everyone’s guessing”

    The Obama Re-election team and Nate Silver would like to respectfully disagree.

    1. LionHeartSoyDog

      i cannot respect them, but civilized behavior is always good.
      If dialogue with fascists fails, what is to be done?

      Best Wishes, with Respect.

  24. Lot_49

    Nate Silver probably (95% certainty) said that pundits survive because there's no penalty for being wrong.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      John Stewart definitely did in regards to Dick Morris – as he called it, "a game of musical chairs where no one ever loses their chair".

      1. Lot_49

        So sometimes things that are highly probable don't happen. If they had ten elections, Romney would've won one of them!

  25. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Romney’s slipping into the presidency. He’s quietly rising, and he’s been rising for a while.

    Sure. But then he fell very quickly.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Sounds like cooking a souffle in the percussion section of the band. Not. A. Good. Idea, Peggy. When they fire your ass as a "pundit" don't apply for a job as a TV cook.

  26. Misty Malarky

    "Although I blissfully assumed our football team would win the big game, after the humiliating loss I loudly noonaned that I thought they were a buncha losers all along."

    1. bikerlaureate

      I love it.
      Her name really needs to be a verb now – "to completely mislead about one's own prior utterances", or something…

        1. bobbert

          That's a nice dissection. On Oct 31, she was still spouting the blather.

          But, I think "to rubin" should refer to intentionally misleading your readers by "blatantly and counterfactually shilling" for a candidate. Thus, in the linked article, J-Rube is actually noonaning her readers about the fact that she was rubining them for months.

          1. not that Dewey

            I appreciate the clarification. So many fine shades of meaning required to fully describe the way disingenuous hacks lie to their readers.

            Who knew?

    2. proudgrampa

      Your idea suggests LOTS of possibilities for adding political names to the lexicon:

      romneyed – taking a position 180 degrees opposite of what you said 2 weeks ago

      roved – using numbers that you made up to argue for a position which is demonstrably false

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Urk. My maiden name. But I see your point. Just one of the reasons I wanted to see Captain Tammy Duckworth punch his woman hating lights out (with votes!).

      1. tessiee

        Coulter (noun) A scrawny equine beast of indeterminate gender, with a long neck, bulging adam's apple, strawlike mane, and shrill whinny.

    3. BoroPrimorac

      When your buddy assures you that your girlfriend isn't fucking anyone else and that she'll be back, you can tell him: "Don't Noonan me, bro."

  27. coolhandnuke

    Remember, remember the Fifth of November
    the gin powered reason of thought
    I see no reason
    how this gin powered lesion
    has ever a clear thought.

    1. miss_grundy

      Lou Sarah was all "Romney is going to win" while the Ohio numbers came in. If she didn't look like a fool before, she sure as shootin' looked like one then. And she is looking more and more like a turkey-necked old lady.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        1) I find it difficult to believe that she didn't look like a fool before to anyone who wasn't one.
        2) Look at a picture of her from 2008 with the professional grooming. Look at a recent Fux Spews appearance. My. God.

    2. FlownOver

      Mooselini is congenitally incapable of admitting anything she ever said was wrong. Her take will continue to be that fraud and deceit renders the election invalid.

      (Wa)silly bunt.

  28. cheetojeebus

    shlobblemorfin ? Is that that nasty shit you get where the only hope is to cut off your doodad? if so, then perhaps it would be prudent not to explore hooking up with mistress Peggy when you find her in the hotel bar at 3 am?

  29. ChessieNefercat

    "air of peaceful dynamism"

    WTF does that even mean?
    Truly, that woman's oh so genteel dealer has some wondrous product in his inventory.

    1. An_Outhouse

      i never studied poetry but there's probably a name for combining random words. she could write lyrics for a prog rock band.

    2. malsperanza

      Normally it means "all potted up on weed." but since Romney is a Mormon and don't spark up a j, in this context it means "sociopathic fugue state."

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Now sociopathic fugue state I can understand. I saw it every time some republican was on a verbal roll during the last two years.

  30. Joshua Norton

    I’d like you all to appreciate the pure Wingnuttery, untouched by logic, unfettered by sense, unbound by sanity. This is the raw stuff from which everything else in their universe is formed.

  31. TribecaMike

    OT, but my internet connection finally returned for the first time since the blackout caused by Hurricane Sandy.

    Anyway, just one question: Did they ever do that election everybody was going on and on about?

        1. thatsitfortheother1

          You might mention it to the Chinese as well. Some big to do ongoing there. They need look no further than 1600 Pennsylvania Ave for a new leader.

    1. shelwood46

      Congrats! I finally got my power back today. Verizon is supposed to be out tomorrow to restore my wifi and sanity. Remarkably, my Directv worked before anything else, even on generator.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Verizon FIOS came up and running as soon as the electricity returned. Having had it installed in the home and two years later in the office, the clowns still promote the bogus "It has an eight hour battery back up." when said battery backup does nothing unless there is power to run the router. And contrary to what they claim, as soon as the electricity went out the phone dropped also.

        1. shelwood46

          We had two poles come down and rip our service right off the house. The Verizon line is in tiny pieces in the yard. They didn't even want to hear from us until the poles were back up (which happened today). Thankfully, they scheduled us to come out the very next day, although we figure they've worked their way down the list at this point post-storm. The biggest pains so far was the half a day spent rewiring the service to the house and the refilling the generator every few hours. So glad that's over.

    2. bobbert

      Yeah. Romney in a landslide. Wait, no, "under a landslide", that was it.

      Quite a few Wonkers were asking after you. Glad to see you back.

  32. Dudleydidwrong

    When I was young I used to think that a "nooner" was pretty damn good. Now that I'm old, I see that the best I can look forward to is a "noonan" and it isn't worth the effort it takes to unzip. Maybe Hazbeen Mittens can "quietly rise" to that, but I'll pass, thanks.

  33. Wadisay

    I love these posts about Republican soul-searching. Start by placing a hand on each buttock and extending outwards.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        I expect the GOP will be converting all official email addresses to the @GOATSE.cx extension, actually.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      I had assumed they would take a few days off for some introspection with regard to WTF ran over them this week. But it appears they've gone super-critical.

  34. NellCote71

    From the column: " Officials knew the storm was coming and everyone knew it would be bad, but the people of the tristate area were not aware, until now, just how vulnerable to deep damage their physical system was. The people in charge of that system are the politicians. Mayor Bloomberg wanted to have the Marathon, to show New York’s spirit. In Staten Island last week they were bitterly calling it “the race through the ruins.” There is a disconnect."

    Just substitute GOP in the appropriate places.

  35. Come here a minute

    In fact, "shlobblemorfin hoowigah" is the most insightful comment one could make regarding Ms. Nooner's column.

  36. SpiderCrab

    Piggy was reaching for pundit immortality on November 5th, but all she achieved was a one way ticket to Cal Thomasville

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      When print journalism dies, do you suppose it will take the current crop of pundits with them?


  37. Ground Zero Mostel

    The vibrations? If only there were some way ….?

    I was not stunned or even particularly surprised by the election results (after all I have access to the Fivethirtyeight). But I am gobsmacked by the stupidity of the rethugagain pundits.

  38. FeloniousMonk

    I'm prepared to take that last sentence as a bit of rueful irony, with the reader left to fill in "In other words, I was completely wrong." But then I've been walking around for four days smiling randomly at surly people, growling dogs, and assorted inanimate objects, so what do I know?

  39. marinmaven

    Before the election, I worried about election day being at the start of Mercury being in retrograde.

    If you have not been influenced by being around new agey folks, Mercury in Retrograde is a time communications and plans go awry. "Mercury rules your intelligence, mind, memory and, all types of communication ranging from talking and texting to writing. It also rules your self-expression and communication style. In a more public sense, it rules commerce, computers, telephones, transportation and air travel."

    I personally am not into astrology, but I normally use Mercury in Retrograde as the catchall excuse for bad days.

    The last time an election landed during Mercury in Retrograde was the 2000 election, so I let that thought stew and torture me on election day because nervousness was making me crazy.

    Peggy must to get into Astrology. She might find a new excuse. The Reagans had Jeanne Dixon, so it wouldn't be the first time republicans found solace in Astrology.

  40. cousinitt

    Pegs, the "vibrations" you felt didn't come from the swelling of independents breaking for Romney; they were the last gasps of your Reagan bobble head to stimulate you to the ecstasy you have never known.

    Protip: something battery powered, long and tapered, perhaps mahogany in color.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Nah, the only vibrations she's interested in are that of her Osterizer blender whipping up another batch of drinks to be enjoyed with the little toothpicks through the valium tablets.

  41. Sharkey

    Habendah goobery shoompa globveries? Muwabwe Romney verly unkeptup Obama. Messico guxnews hantitty afrikkka shitbox. Whohoo makkey da happin rong alltim. Gaggagh dildonics merka wingy strokk. Rove v. Waid gon witta vagiwind nomo. Gurgletron dickdick howsabouta nyuknyuk boofregaard jira. Come come, here here!

    Jameisen perciset yumyum purrpull sonshyne hunta tom booboo twenny furtween.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      That makes more sense than anything I've read on the rightard sites. Especially the solemn serious ones all about how to stockpile the ammo and canned goods and hide the wimmin and larvae while gazing steely-eyed over the amber waves of grain, waiting for the hordes of socialists.

      All written by waddling doughy keyboard commandos who would squeal like girls (delightedly?) if General Obama ever actually hove into view accompanied by his terrifying Negro Cavalry Horde.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Sadly, she will need to re-run that one daily, for months, before it sinks in to a certain segment of the population.

  42. Sharkey

    Oh fuck it, here's the thing that gets me about these fucking pundits who convinced themselves Romney was going to win.

    You buried your head in the sand, went along with what your friends/colleagues were saying, and when confronted with cold hard reality…

    What do you do…

    You lie AGAIN. You lie SOME MORE.


  43. awashinshite

    On the morning after shrub's election, noonington-itis opened her column with these words," savor, savor"… . I guess one in the hand is worth two in the bush -er -got that backwards someone finish that for me, willya?Y'all are much funnier than me.
    Your blog post stands in what I wonder Peggington, the river that has passed it by?

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Actually her words in the column when W was elected were "Savior, Savior," a reflection of her religious belief that The Shrub was to be the Second Coming, the savior of humankind. She was really drunk that morning, too, also.

  44. BloviateMe

    I was informed by a couple of nutters at work that they were going to move to Texas, and succed [sic] from the union.

    Perhaps, after a few highballs, the Pegster can help draft their new consitution. The noncommital approach to commitment should leave them some decent wiggle room to act like the menstuating teenagers they are behaving like, of late.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "… menstuating teenagers …"

      Oh, god, yes, now that you mention it. I thought I had blotted out of my memory completely those couple of years when my otherwise perfect (before and since) female spawn regularly spun her head around on her neck while shrieking "Well, just never mind!" Slam

      My, my, my. I never realized just who was running the right wing empire…

  45. docterry6973

    Noonan acknowledges that everything she wrote on November 5 was wrong. That does show a certain class not yet revealed by the likes of Rove, O'Reilly, and Hannity; it shows a certain reality-testing not yet revealed by anyone associated with the likes of Drudge, Erickson, or Carlson.

    Having acknowledged that she was wrong, she might reflect on why she was wrong. Because she believed that Obama's was a second-rate mind? Because she felt it didn't matter what women and minorities felt?

    Now that would be an interesting column.

    1. Sharkey

      Sure, that might happen in Bizzaro World. Somehow she thinks about what minorities and non-barren women feel, and comes to some kind of reasonable conclusion. And then realizes she is wrong.

      Then again, Bizarro World Wall Street Journal probably never would have hired her in the first place.

  46. kingcocrazy

    You know, when your head is up your ass, the reasonable approach is to remove it and reassess the situation. Guess Noonan admires the view of her colon too much.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      "Guess Noonan admires the view of her colon too much."
      And likes the smell of her own ass.

      I'm glad that I've already had dinner & didn't have that thought before dinner.

  47. chemfeast

    Doesn't anyone here get her tongue in cheek admission she was 100% incorrect? The last line regarding "everything else stands" is a joke . . . she just got done saying she was 100% wrong. Get it?

  48. obfuscator2

    it's like she died in a choose your own adventure book and just decided to go back to the previous page and choose again.

  49. SayItWithWookies

    From there, the practical challenges. Some of these are referred to as "the woman problem" or "the Hispanic problem"—they presumably don't like the GOP. But maybe they think the GOP doesn't like them. What might be the reasons?

    Yes, we must ask the women why it is that, when our party tells them that God wants them to make the most of their little rape-baby, and of this we are so certain that we would legislate their right to do what they want with their bodies out of existence, and that they should stop insinuating that this is somehow taking their rights away, and why don't they humble themselves before The LORD instead of acting like such willful strumpets, we might ask them what strange impulse drove them, entirely without provocation, to shove the letter opener up our ass.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      And let's legally force doctors to perform a medically unnecessary, unwanted by the female patient, procedure, while shrieking that Obamacare puts the gummint between patients and their doctors.

      And the ungrateful strumpets retaliate by demanding free abortions and as many free birth control pills a day as they want to cover the multiple sex occurrences with every male they can find, because after all, they're women so they are whores!

  50. finallyhappy

    Whoa- the commenters at WSJ are stupid just the ones on yahoo and WaPo. Of course, we all knew that forced abortions were coming and that distributing American flags in public places will be banned but I didn't know everyone who voted for Obama is on welfare and mostly here illegally. Thank goodness for that Sarah person there who comments a lot -for her insight.

  51. EdFlintstone

    I finally realized that people such as Lady Noonington do indeed deserve a tax cut because they are snow job creators.

  52. DocChaos

    Peggy Noonan:

    "Whether I am right or wrong ,it does not matter, I will still be amply renumerated for my bloviations."

  53. Negropolis

    Totally OT, but I'm looking over at the political wire on the side of the page, and the first item is "Huntsman for Secretary of State?", a AP mental masturbation piece, and it's driving me up the wall. Just a few days ago the media was musing about perhaps making Mitt fuckin' Romney Treasurer. You know, Mitt "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt/Corporations are People/47%/I'm Unemployed" Romney. Yes, let's put that guy in control of the finances of the United States government.

    Only after a Democrat stomps his opponent is there calls to appoint Republicans to his cabinet. So much for that "liberal" media. This party spent billions of dollars dollars trying to tear down this man professionally as well as personally, and nary and official word from the party to tone the shit down, and you think he should award them a position in the administration, why?

      1. Negropolis

        You know, I can tolerate the "Team of Rivals" bullshit IF the opposition is a loyal one. We don't have that, anymore. I don't think America still yet realizes how truly insane the Republicans are. We had sitting members of Congress calling on this president to produce his birth certificate. We had a sitting Republican US Senator accept the nomination for the Secretary of Commerce position, and then withdrew because the tea party was/is fucking crazy. We had a sitting member of Congress get up and shout "You Lie!" at the president during the State of the Union, something that the Congress formally invites the president to…a man that won re-election, BTW, because he was unopposed. Can you believe this?

        No, this iteration of the Republican Party shouldn't even be allowed to gets its big toe back over the threshold. I want a loyal opposition; I really do.

        This ain't it.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          And another thing. What is this bullshit about how Romney could be so useful with his business experience and aaa? a) He only has experience destroying businesses. b) Really? Business experience? CEO brilliance? Based on his incredibly badly run, horridly mismanaged, clown car cavalcade of a campaign?

          I. don't. think. so.

          I'll take the brilliant community organizer, thank you very much. After all, the country is a big community, not a fucking bottom line oriented corporation.

          1. Jukesgrrl

            He wasted $25,000 on fireworks to celebrate his victory and paid for a President Elect Romney website. Someone would trust him with money?

            And I certainly hope the President isn't planning to host a banquet in honor of Rmoney's "patriotism" as he did for Loser McCain.

        2. Negropolis

          Speaking of the turnover, anyone have any good ideas for replacements at Treasury, Justice, and SoS? I keep hearing John Kerry for Sos, but I don't like that idea for a whole host of reasons.

          1. thatsitfortheother1

            I heard Susan Rice for SecState, which would work for me. Whoever gets DoJ, I hope he's got a bigger dick than Holder.

          2. HarryButtle

            I heard the Benghazi thing may be a problem for Rice (not that in any rational world it should be, just that in the real world today it will be).

          3. Negropolis

            I really hate to see her go, but if her fans can will it, she's doing it to position herself for the presidency, again.

          4. pdiddycornchips

            We could do worse than Mohamed El Erian from PIMCO. He's the anti-Giethner. Wall Street would shit a brick.

  54. Negropolis

    Besides that, Our Lady of Perpetual Inebriation, how was the show?

    Come on, you guys, she's declared herself right, retroactively. Ugh.

    Mitt Romney is going to be with us, forever, in every stupid little phrase burrowed into our brains. It's like Bushishms, only far more insidious. He's competing with George Orwell, here.

    1. malsperanza

      I'm trying, but I can't remember a damn thing the man ever said. Either I'm drunk on euphoria and snarkenfreude or all of his word-sets cancelled each other out.

      1. Negropolis

        We should all be so lucky. Bush said shit because he was stupid. Romney said shit because he was mean. And, I'll remember both of them and their words for that.

        1. GeorgiaBurning

          Romney will go into the remainder bin like all those business books written by corporate twits. Five years after the fact few remember what they said, and their one-time fanboys deny they ever cared.

          1. Negropolis

            I tell you, again, I will never forget the term "resigned retroactively". Never. You don't forget that kind of say-anything hubris. Just typing it leaves me breathless and dizzy. He really thought that we were that stupid.

          2. Chichikovovich

            Not to mention "shake the Etch-A-Sketch", [variations on:] "Obama did what I told him to on Detroit", "my job is not to worry about those people, I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives", "nobody ever asked for my birth certificate", "you waited two weeks to call it an act of terror", "Planned Parenthood – we'll get rid of that", "I'll never apologize for America" + "apology tour", " It's disgraceful that the Obama administration's first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks.", "Corporations are people, my friend," "And had [my father] been born of Mexican parents, I'd have a better shot at winning this. … I mean, I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino.", "middle income is $200,000 to $250,000 and less.", "I like being able to fire people", "[I don't follow NASCAR] as closely as some of the most ardent fans. But I have some great friends that are NASCAR team owners."…

            I could go on all day.

          3. sullivanst

            "I'll take a lot of credit for that", "[M]y job is not to worry about those people", "And we kick the ball down the field and hope that ultimately, somehow, something will happen and resolve", "I'm running for office, for Pete's sake"

        2. FlownOver

          By the end of the year you could ask the average American "Who said 'Corporations are people, my friend" and '47%'?," and maybe a bare majority will be able to get it right.

          I'll bet $10,000 on it.

    2. sullivanst

      Mitt Romney is going to be with us, forever, in every stupid little phrase burrowed into our brains.

      All of them, Katie?

  55. tessiee

    "Let the record show that the witness made the 'drinky-drinky' motion"
    — Blue-haired lawyer on The Simpsons

  56. not that Dewey

    "The most qualified? No. I think they went for this, excuse me, political bullshit about narratives…Every time the Republicans do that, because that's not where they live and that's not what they're good at, they blow it."

    -Peggy Noonan, 2008

        1. viennawoods13

          It's that West Wing deal, where Alan Alda ended up Sec of State because he was an honourable, intelligent opponent. Oh, that's why it won't work with Romney.

  57. ChessieNefercat

    Every time I see "Peggy" in these comments, I think Peggy Bundy. Then I realize no, no, Peggy Noonan, then I think eh, potato, potahto, vodka, Noonan.

  58. Negropolis

    The lady doth write too much, methinks.

    Seriously, Peggs, put down the pen. But, if you must, take your brown bag "lunch" through Central Park and observe the youth in subtle play, or write some protest piece on the newest exhibit at MOMA or some shit. Your lazy, creative, and faux elegant energies are needed elsewhere.

    1. Negropolis

      NICE find.

      Take it all in, Peggy. 'Caues you got four more years to let your lecherous, gin-addled mind wander over his presidential body of work, if you know what I mean.

  59. BathroomGoblin

    Skeezy. Both Rmoney and Noonington had to drag out some ghoulish Challenger disaster artifact to try to make themselves seem human.

  60. bflrtsplk

    Slightly OT, but Ted Nugent spewed a new post-election rant that is mighty special, mighty special indeed for all you Obama and Hillary hatin` truck nutterz out there.

  61. christianmuslin

    She needs to go visit a Mexican or two, a woman or two, and a vibrator or two, the last one both at the same time!

  62. BarackMyWorld

    Did she actually say "Apart from those points, everything in my blog post of Nov. 5 stands."?

    (Can't read. Pay wall.)


  63. BadKitty904

    HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY to all our Wonketeers who have served our nation!!! And many thanks to their families, who supported them!

    1. NellCote71

      And about as painful. I read it, too, before the firewall mysteriously went up. She sounds like a literate Sarah Palin. And neither make any sense.

  64. Incitefully_Joe

    Honestly, I don't think anyone here really understands what she means when she says that all the things she said on Nov 5th still stands. Here are some helpful excerpts of that column, that will perhaps clarify things:

    [Romney]’s quietly rising, and he’s been rising for a while.

    [Romney] looks happy and grateful. His closing speech has been[…] sweetly patriotic. His closing ads […]—the one about what’s going on at the rallies is moving.

    All the vibrations are right

    [Mitt] looked like someone who’d just seen good internals.

    [Obama] is a finely tuned political instrument

    This is not a man who feels himself on the verge of a grand victory. His campaign doesn’t seem president-sized. It is small and sad and lost, driven by formidable will and zero joy.

    When Romney, afterward, was shown the flag, he touched it, and an electric jolt went up his arm. It’s a nice story.

    You guys, That November 5th column was LITERALLY just a transcript of Dame Peggy Noonington's electoral sex-fantasies. You're welcome for the mental image, everyone!

    1. Mojopo

      I, on the other hand (pun intended), have been fingering myself to essay after essay analyzing the corpse of Romney's career. There has been such a wealth of blame to enjoy. I'm sore, tired and happy.

  65. Jennyjen798

    Rofl, oh we were organizing quietly, compared to you know prancing around with teabags and rifles. Let's not forget that whole Occupy movement that pretty much brought the 99% problems right out in front, which was a stark in your face reminder of WHY Romney was a big bag of rancid cum.

    Turns out we're "energetic" lazy welfare queens, who vote! And we're stealing your non crazy voters too!

  66. Mojopo

    Peggington Noonington was on Face The Nation this morning. She said that the Petraeus resignation was "mysterious" and a little too "Homeland" for her liking. She was a complete train-wreck, and bitch was given the last word on the panel.

    1. finallyhappy

      My personal take on almost all TV and printed media is " WHORES". It is all about money- not honesty, credibility, and looks like not much knowledge anymore. Am I wrong? Well, my opinion is free- so unlike Richard Cohen, Lady noonington, Krautie, Georgie Will and so many others- I'm not getting anything for it. Of course the one guy who deserves his cash is NATE!!!

  67. unclejeems

    I just read her Monday column. She is pinning her hopes on "something." Something old is roaring back. Something is moving among evangelicals. Something is being cooked up. Something, something, something. I guess you couldn't expect much better from the "thousand points of light" speech writer, but really, why she's so sought after a some kind of grand augur to the right, I have no idea.

    1. Mojopo

      I think she sits down and types, "In order to succeed, the United States must something something for the good of all citizens." Spends hours musing on the something-something part. Every day.

    2. pdiddycornchips

      Look, Republicans don't have a lot of options. If you want fire breathing wingnuttery, you call Bachmann, if you want a Republican woman who isn't completely bonkers even if she is always wrong, you book Noonan. If you want tits, you call Palin.

  68. FishingCFP

    I saw a photo in Facebook of the 200 or so Employees in the Romney for President, Inc. as taken at the Republican Convention, and they are 98 to 99% all White Caucasion, NO diversity. If you would like to see that photo, go to Facebook and type in the name of their JEANNIE-ASS Florida Director Molly Donlin, and you will see. To wonder why non-Caucasian voters steered away from a Mittens vote.

  69. dawgeral

    "Waiter – I know you'll think me quite the loon. but my Cuntington Wellington just rose up off my plate…and distinctly spoke-in-tongues at me. I think I should like the check. Also – do you know if it's still raining blue snakes out there? Thank you, I'm sure."

  70. FishingCFP

    As Steely Dan once sang, "Peg it will come back to you, Peg it will come back to you, then the shutter falls, you see it all in 3-D"

  71. Smithboy

    Still waiting for Noon' to say something relevant. She is the my party right or wrong variety of talking heads class.

  72. gurukalehuru

    I'm sure that somewhere between half a dozen and two gazillion Wonketteers have already said this, but:
    Other than the fact that I was absolutely, totally, 180 degrees backassward wrong about everything, I was right.

  73. DahBoner

    He appeared to receive fewer votes than John McCain

    Let me guess.

    This is…good news for John McCain????

  74. red_kira

    From her blog post of the 5th: "While everyone is looking at the polls and the storm, Romney’s slipping into the presidency. He’s quietly rising, and he’s been rising for a while."

    But, but, but, your blog post STANDS?!!??!??!… but… uhhhmmmm….. (low drooling)….. OMG! It's like that old episode of "Star Trek," where Spock goes all logical, and Kirk doesn't, and some poor alien's head essplodes. With brain splatter. Or maybe not. I don't remember. I just know IT HURTS NOW.

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