covert joint operations

Biographer Lady Revealed To Be Petraeus Mistress, Linchpin Of Benghazi Cover-Up Probably

Close enough.Everybody’s all scandalized over the resignation of CIA director and retired Army General David Petraeus, who rather conveniently had to resign because of an affair one week before he had to testify about Benghazi, just sayin’, we should probably impeach the president.

But! Slate has uncovered the alleged Other Woman, which lends it a bit more credibility? She is not an Elizabeth Warren aide, as our friends keep yelling at us, but is, as Fred Kaplan writes pretty definitively, Paula Broadwell, who wrote this year’s (rather … friendly) biography of Petraeus. Turns out the thing should have had a picture of Fabio on the cover.

The timetable of the affair is still unclear — Broadwell was in Afghanistan with him a few years ago, doing “research” for her dirty book, which would be, like, whoa. But it is also possible that he found out yesterday that he was scheduled to testify about Libya and ran out his front door frantically looking to get himself into an affair, immediately, last night.

Either way, it is definitely Joe Biden’s fault, as he is shown in the White House photos chatting with Petraeus back in 2010, obviously about how to be a pickup artist.

Bear in mind, we have not heard anything at all from Broadwell, so do not going burning her books yet. Still,we are IMMEDIATELY suspicious of what went on between Jon Meacham and Andrew Jackson, and whether sex with dead presidents is cause to revoke a Pulitzer Prize.

Also, this will cause the demand for attractive lady biographers to either fall through the floor, or skyrocket, to points most creepy.

Oh, and here’s a video of Broadwell on The Daily Show, discussing her rigorous “morning runs” with the general:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Paula Broadwell
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

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Comments

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  • Barbara_

    He's banging Lilith Sternin Frasier?

    • SorosBot

      That was Lilith Sternin-Crane; Frasier was the other Dr. Crane's first name.

      • Barbara_

        Oh man, you are correct. Go ahead and help yourself to my p-points. LOL

        • SorosBot

          That's OK, just a big Cheers fan from way back here; besides my P-ness is plenty big enough as it is.

          • Barbara_

            Out of respect for the lovely Miss Taken, I will remain silent on that. : )

          • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Speaking of which, do you remember Frasier's old love, played by Emma Thompson?

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            Nanny Gee!

            "The first time…ever I lay with you…"

          • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            All I'm saying is that I would love to have Emma Thompson and Bebe Neuwirth fight over me. That is all I'm saying.

          • Barbara_

            Bebe is so sexy and so talented.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Very funny broad.

          • bikerlaureate

            ?
            That was the great Laurie Metcalf…

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            Nein, it was the great Emma Thompson:
            http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0539823/

          • bikerlaureate

            Nein back at you – it turns out there were three Nanettes.

        • Mittens Howell, III

          Don't let your comments be dictated by the fact checkers, Barb.

          • Barbara_

            Thanks Mittens!

  • Beetagger

    That was one big, sloppy blowjob of a book.

    • Geminisunmars

      And this is the blowback.

    • NYNYNYjr

      It was called "All In." Runner-up title: "Push It"

  • OzoneTom

    I guess the title of that book she wrote had a secret meaning to them.

    Betrayus needs to spend more time with his family.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      A better mystery book would have asked why General David Petraeus got to tap Paula Broadwell, but John Edwards had to settle for Rielle Hunter?

      Ancient established military methodology, R.H.I.P.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I'm not one to worship the macho military culture, but maybe because Edwards was a preening, narcissitic ambulance chaser who got lucky in politics and Petraeus was a bonafied badass?

  • Boojum

    He needs a joke, about how his penis betrayed us, but I don't feel funny.

    • Boojum

      OK, I watched the video. That man is a HERO!!!

      • Negropolis

        Which one?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      "One penis to betray us all"?

    • Carrabuda

      "Genital Betray-us"? Kinda surprised that one hasn't popped up here yet.

  • edgydrifter

    Now that's an embedded journalist!

    • badseeds

      Ahahaha, did you see the look drift across her face when Jon said "embedded?"

      • Terry

        So, he loses his job. What happens to her? Increased book sales?

        Petraeus should give a few lessons to the GOP'ers, particularly David Vittor.

        • Beowoof

          I bet she would sell more if she added an update chapter on the affair.

          • Terry

            Maybe there will be a second edition soon. Lots of references to the hot gaze of his steely eyes, that sort of thing.

        • Not_So_Much

          For starters, I bet her husband has a totally different suggestion about what she can do with how to promote the book than the one she mentioned on TDS.

      • Anne_Athema

        Oh, hell yes. She looked quite squirmy. I'm glad I scrolled before putting on my redundancy cap.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      That's what he said!

  • Ryy

    Benghazi –> Been gay see

    David –> Gay vid

    Obviously super gay Obama has been making gay videos with Gayvid Patraeus to insite Muslim rage at Christians to kill our gay ambassador.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      You know, what you just said makes about as much sense as anything we've heard from the far right since Tuesday night.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Nothing is more conducive to the sexytime than being stuck in a festering third world shithole full of religious fanatics that hate your guts and will kill you the minute you blink.

    • MissTaken

      Again, please, but slower this time…..

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      In that case you'd think, living in America with all these wingnuts, that I'd be getting laid more often…

      • GeorgiaBurning

        There's a lady in Turlock with spare time

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I don't know, never been to Alabama myself.

      • Steverino247

        Wife and I made a baby there, but he arrived in Texas.

        • Fare la Volpe

          He's got bad timing.

          • NDeeeZ

            An anchor kid? Now you can be a Texan?

          • Steverino247

            Tell me about it. He was born in January when his parents could have used the December deduction.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Seems like fuckin' would pass the time, under those circumstances.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You laugh now, but wait till you try Knights Templar roleplay… "No, Inquistor, I'll never tell you where the infidels are hiding! You'll have to force the information out of me!"

      • AlterNewt

        "Would not rent."

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    Shit. I called it when I saw the show!!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "All In," indeed. Maybe she should have called it "Is It In?"

    • Terry

      Or "Is That It?"

      • Fare la Volpe

        "Your Lieutenant Was Bigger"

        • Negropolis

          WIN

    • Bodeburu

      Or "Is It All In?"

    • docterry6973

      Some of us don't find that joke at all funny.

  • SorosBot

    She did a lot of hard work researching the book, really plowed into her subject and got on top of him.

    • Crank_Tango

      This was no fluff piece, no soft-balling here.

    • MissTaken

      She really got her hands dirty and squeezed every bit out of him.

      • SorosBot

        She got into every crevice and stroked out each drip of information she could find, leading to a very exciting climax.

        • Steverino247

          Is this book out on tape so I can fap on the way to the store?

        • Anne_Athema

          And ended up with a mouthful.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Man, this is a target-rich environment for snark. Should I take the high or the low road?

    • Ryy

      Low. Always low.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      First low, then high, then low again.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Then cut across the middle and go balls deep.

      • Negropolis

        Rock the boat, rock the boat, now work the middle, work the middle, change positions…

        RIP Aaliyah

    • Lucidamente1

      All of 'em, Katie.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      There's a high road?

    • C_R_Eature

      Need you even ask? Do you not know where you are?

    • GeorgiaBurning

      He's West Point- work blue

    • NellCote71

      You have to ask?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh, hell….I would hit that, if I could catch it….but I'm all in….ba da bing….

    • Anne_Athema

      Bi.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Take the high road, it's the bi road….?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Are you more Jack Black or Kyle Gass?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    The book on Petraeus was co-written with Vern Loeb of Jessica Lynch [in]fame.
    http://mediamythalert.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/wa

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, I know that if I could have banged a chick that looked like that when I was in Kabul, I probably would have. But then, I'm not married.

    • Terry

      CNN said that someone tipped off the FBI to the affair. Someone must have been p.o.ed at the old General to do that.

      • C_R_Eature

        Perhaps it was the someone who was married to the General?

        • Terry

          That was my thought, as well.

      • glamourdammerung

        It sounds like she was trying to read his emails. There was a story mentioning she tried to access classified emails, but no details.

      • Negropolis

        Richard Engel was saying on Rachel, tonight, that the CIA hated his fucking guts…mostly because they don't appreciate outsiders, but I'm sure he rubbed them the wrong way in other ways.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Kabul, Vermont?

  • rickmaci

    Oh my, the name of her book about Pricktaeus really is "All In"? Bwhahahahahhahahahha!!

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Original title: "Is it all in?"

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        You forgot "Yet?".

    • FNMA

      Best book title since Jerry Sandusky's "Touched."

  • owhatever

    Fair trade. He gave her information and she gave him blowjobs. Honor, glory, pussy.

  • HempDogbane

    Great Patriots have needs, too !

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      He is obviously guilty of loving America too much.

      • Beowoof

        One writer at a time.

        • Negropolis

          No writer left behind/no writer's behind left.

    • Barrelhse

      Go Gronk!

  • rickmaci

    Wait wait. Was she embedded with him in Afghanistan?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wait wait. Was she embedded in bed with him in Afghanistan?

      FTFY

  • Lucidamente1

    Uh, huh-huh, her name is Broadwell.

    • Schmannnity

      Lotta Vagina

      • Negropolis

        Pussy Galore

    • Fare la Volpe

      Her previous biography was about Mike Hunt.

  • NoelCole

    I guess only an "embedded" journalist could write the general's story and title it, "All In"

  • http://lookatthisfuckingcentrist.wordpress.com Both Sides Do It

    "Still, we are IMMEDIATELY suspicious of what went on between Jon Meacham and Andrew Jackson, and whether sex with dead presidents is cause to revoke a Pulitzer Prize."

    Not in Obama's America. But being a complete fucking centrist nonce whose idea of enriching the public discourse is by spraying corporatist nonsense wherever he goes like an incontinent dog should be.

    Oh and Broadwell says Petraeus used "the method he likes to use to get to know young people" on her? . . . there's no telling how far this story is going to go. Ten mistresses? Twenty? A thousand? Was the Surge in Afghanistan just to make sure there would be enough meat for Petraeus' grinder? Important questions.

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    I can only guess at the bedroom banter:
    Ready bayonets!
    Ten-hut!
    Fire when ready!

  • elviouslyqueer

    "I was sharing hardships with the troops."

    Oh, I bet you were, sweetheart. HEY-O!

    • Fare la Volpe

      A couple of hard ships were docking in her port.

      Thank you! Try the veal!

      • AlterNewt

        *Rimshot* as it were.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Lockheed Martin executive quits over relationship.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-2027771

    • Mahousu

      From the Forbes article on it: "Kubasik was Lockheed’s vice chairman…" Indeed.

    • Woodshedding

      Well, it's a lot like the shocking Petraeus scandal, isn't it. Both men responsible for the deaths of god knows how many innocents, but make love to someone and oh my god you are such a lowlife.

    • docterry6973

      Prominent general and prominent defense contractor on the same day? Do I have to draw you a picture? Wake up!!!!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        You're saying Paula Broadwell gets around?

        Well, I say I hope that broad Paula gets around to me, someday.

    • Negropolis

      You hear about the Waffle House CEO being accused of harrassment?

      • glasspusher

        Waffle House? I thought they were banned by the Geneva Convention.

  • MissTaken

    Still,we are IMMEDIATELY suspicious of what went on between Jon Meacham and Andrew Jackson, and whether sex with dead presidents is cause to revoke a Pulitzer Prize.

    I eagerly anticipate the truth behind Doris Kearns Goodwin and Abe Lincoln. Lincoln Log indeed!

    • SorosBot

      Just don't tell me there's something similar up with Jane Goodall.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I recently saw some video clips of her as a young woman. I wouldn't have minded monkeying around with her, back in the day.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Or Bill O'Reilly and Abe. Or maybe John Wilkes Booth.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm just shocked at what a slut Douglas Brinkley must be.

    • Limeylizzie

      Team of Rivals. Oh Doris.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Team Of Ribald?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Tag team of rivals?

  • Lucidamente1

    Rielle Hunter / Paula Broadwell '16!

  • Crank_Tango

    At least she went with the subtle title. The working title was "I am fucking that general guy from Iraq and stuff."

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      The one before that was "I so hit that."

  • Walkinwiddaking

    So who leaked the the dirty on the General, his genitals and the Jezabel?

    • Mahousu

      I can live without the "leakage" details here.

      • Walkinwiddaking

        Sorry about that. Write it off to premature emasculation.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Genitals and the Jezebel. That's some quality alliteration. You could name a band after it.

          • Walkinwiddaking

            Oh, goddam you're right . Dibs on that name..

  • LloydDrako

    Classier anyhow than that other "biographer," Rielle Hunter.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Classy cause she had condoms?

  • onemoretime79

    I can't even get past the 2 minute mark, and I'm wondering. Is Jon Stewart prescient?
    Because, someone should investigate *that*.

  • mickeymusing

    I'm not really understanding the 'Benghazi testimony conspiracy' here. Congress and its committees can compel any citizen to testify within the bounds of their jurisdiction (and this certainly would seem to fall within those bounds), so Petraeus will be testifying regardless of his current title. Where is the scandal here?

    • MissTaken

      ACORN! BENGHAZI! NEW BLACK PANTHERS! PETRAEUS! IRAN SHOOTS DRONE!

      • YouFail4eva

        AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! It all makes sense now!

        Would you like some mad tea?

        • Toomush_Infer

          No room! No room!

      • emmelemm

        TELEPROMPTER MADRASSA SOLYNDRA!

        How'd I do?

        • YouFail4eva

          Eh, needs some work! Here's how you do it properly:

          BENGHAZI, BENGHAZI, BENGHAZI, WATERGATE, WATERGATE, WATERGATE, IMPEACH, IMPEACH, IMPEACH!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!

          Simple, right?

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            Considering Nixon was an R, the actual use of "WATERGATE" may hit too close to home. Consider instead BENGHAZIGATE, PETRAEUGATE, BIOGRAGATE, or the like.

      • James Michael Curley

        I read that as NEW BLACK PANTIES and wondered if Ms Curley were awake yet.

    • VodkaGoGo

      You're over thinking this. What was the Benghazi scandal in the first place?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      But now Petraeus can answer every question "Hey, I've been so busy banging my hot biographer I have no idea what was happening in Libya."

  • JustPixelz

    "Want me to write your biography?" is the "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" of our times.

  • Katydid

    What's even better is what MSNBC is reporting…that the FBI is investigating her for having access to naughty e-mails…or having naughty access to his e-mails….not sure, I just heard it now on the teevee.

    Also too, this will give the wingnuts something to chew on for awhile….because of course this is Obummer's fault. Somehow.

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Why wasn't NOBAMA monitoring our general penises?!!"

    • sati_demise

      Obummer is so powerful he can cause even the strongest man to lose all his moral fiber. Petraeus was fine working for Bush, solid proof of the evil of Hussein, the anti-christ.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That might be good enough for FOX News' gaggle of pundits, but any Joe Sixpack is going to take one look at this Broadwell broad and say, "Hell YES."

        As someone mentioned upthread, Petraeus is a hero to to us all.

    • docterry6973

      Fox is all over this already. Obama set up the Heroic Patriot to prevent him from testifying to Congress about Benghazi.

      Of course, Congress can just call him to testify anyway, but why should facts matter?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Well, Fox thinks everyone in government gets the same privileges that the Bush Admin members took, i.e. fuck things up to a fare-thee-well and then just walk.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Petraeus: "And I woulda got away with it too, see, if it wasn't for the the surge on her blue dress."

  • decentcitizen

    "He has a tenacious will. He's relentless…"You should know, sweetheart.

  • Goonemeritus

    Hey I would do everthing in my power to be on good terms with my biographer too. Of course with my luck Bill O'Rielly would probably be contracted to write mine.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Not even a hate fuck.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Maybe you'll have to settle for an autobiograpy.

      • UW8316154

        kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

  • rickmaci

    Her name would almost fit a character from a James Bond movie, Paula Broadwell.

    • C_R_Eature

      Translated into Bond Screenplay-ese; Pussy Bonedwell

      • Negropolis

        **standing golf clap**

        Well played, sir. Well played.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I'm sort of looking forward to Skyfall, so please, no spoilers!

        • Negropolis

          Before I scrolled all the way down to see the entire post, I read that as Skullfuck. lol

          • C_R_Eature

            The Wonkette Commentators Crowdsource-written James Bond Screenplay.

            Working Title: Skullfuck

        • C_R_Eature

          Whoops, Sorry! (zips lip)

  • Guppy

    Between this and Jon Edwards, do all documentarians bang their subjects? Is this one of the perks of fame?

    • Schmannnity

      Ask Jack Welch or his ex-wife.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just hope that Michael Moore doesn't show up to do a documentary on you.

      • Guppy

        535 voting members of Congress… there's a kink for everything, right?

        • GeorgiaBurning

          Instead of Rule 34, call it Rule 535

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            That would invalidate vegetable porn.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Ask Callista.

    • Woodshedding

      Yes.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Rob Reiner still dreams of Nigel Tufnel.

  • Lucidamente1

    You know what the title of the porno they're going to make out of this is?

    • onemoretime79

      All In?

    • JadedPreppy

      Friendly Jizz Fire?

    • JadedPreppy

      Report For Active booty?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Invasion, Surge and Withdrawal?

    • not that Dewey

      Hearts, Minds, and Asses?

    • C_R_Eature

      Full Metal Ejaculate?

      • JadedPreppy

        White Cock Down?
        Sorry. My Dad was a General. I think I have issues.

        • C_R_Eature

          "APlookalypse Now?

        • C_R_Eature

          'Sokay, you're at Wonket. Go with it.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Bang the Gen. Slowly?

      • AlterNewt

        Bang the Bum Slowly?

        (U.K. title)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      All The Way In
      CIA: Cock In Anus
      Black Cock: Goin Down
      Journalingus
      Betray Us: Firmly Embedded (Soft Porn title for Cinemax)

    • Beowoof

      Peaches and Cream.

    • Schmannnity

      Kandahardon?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      The Hindu Tush?

    • LesPaultard

      Cock and Awe

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The surge?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Gone with the Wand?

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      Coalition of the (Very) Willing?

    • bobbert

      Anal In?

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      "Advance to the rear". Oh crap, that film's already been made.
      o.k., then, how about "The General Punishes His Privates"?

    • not that Dewey

      The Red Vadge of Courage

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      My time with the One Percent, subtlitled Tip of the Spear.

    • Negropolis

      Bedtime for Bozo?

    • CindynEncinitas

      Cornholioanus?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I love how she apologizes to her husband for not hyping up the book.

    Is there anything else you want to tell him, Paula?

  • SorosBot

    What does Dick Morris have to say about this scandal?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Clinton's fault.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Bob Dole in a landslide.

    • YouFail4eva

      This is great news for John McCain!

    • MissTaken

      Can't speak, his mouth is currently filled with hooker toes.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Which means he's got two feet in his mouth at this point.

      • Negropolis

        "Mouthful of Hooker Toes" is the name of my next band.

    • onemoretime79

      Dick's been suspiciously silent for a couple of days.

      Maybe somebody should check on him?

    • C_R_Eature

      No Toes. Not Interested.

    • bobbert

      He's toeing the line.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    "All In: The Education of David Petraeus." I'll bet it was. HOOAH! Or something, also, too.

  • Schmannnity

    I am glad it was not Natasha Fatale

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I just offered Scarlett Johansen first dibs at writing my biography.

    • VodkaGoGo

      I did the same but she wont return my many calls.

    • glasspusher

      On the floor, in crayon, wearing a bikini.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Think big. Some how I gotta somehow convince Scarlett Johansen, Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz to simultaneously co-author my biography.

  • I_P

    Then I guess you could say she really did a broad…[puts on sunglasses]…well. YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!1!

    • YouFail4eva

      Everytime somebody uses the CSI Miami meme, a kitten dies.

  • onemoretime79

    "Imbed(ded)….with General Betray Us"
    "Sharing Hardship with the Troops…and Their Commander"
    "Awesome ? Or Incredibly Awesome"
    "Yes, I Did Pinch Him"
    "Good Distractions from War"
    "I Want to Help You with Your Project"
    "He Dropped His Guard With Me"
    "No Dirty Secrets….Peaches"

    "He goes All In"

    Oh shit, she is married too.

    OK. I quit. I resign.

    "Awesome Sell Out" is my final answer.

    OMG. This is writing itself!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I guess she really 'biographed' his brains out.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I'm betting her contract for a biography of the Chicago Bulls is now in jeopardy.

    • sati_demise

      oh no, they rushed a certified check to her today.

  • DLHawkins007

    From the review of her book at Amazon: "General Petraeus is one of the most important Americans of our time, in or out of uniform." Tom Brokaw. Hmmm

  • Sassomatic

    Huh. That does explain all those references to his quivering loins.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Nobody will believe me, but I remember seeing the broadcast of that segment and thinking, "hmm…"

    • onemoretime79

      I'm probably nobody, maybe I'm everybody. I have always appreciated your posts.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Thank you, Person!

        • onemoretime79

          Person who GOTV, Buddy.

          I'm having a field day here. Sorry I've been away for so long. Frankly, can I be frank?

          • Lascauxcaveman

            You can be frank here if you want. Frankly, 'onemoretime79' isn't much of a handle anyway. Change it to something.

            And thanks for G-ing-OTV, esp if you are from OH, VA, or FL!

          • sarjo

            But if from NC…TRY HARDER.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            What in the fuck are you guys hanging down there talking about?

    • MegPasadena

      Same here. I thought the dynamics described there was a bit weird.
      Peaches.
      Is he awesome or incredibly awesome?
      Did you ever pinch him?

    • ttommyunger

      I consider myself pretty intuitive, but I too saw the broadcast and it did not raise a single red flag. In retrospect, I just didn't ever imagine the ass-kissing little twerp had it in him. Kudos!

    • missemish

      I believe you because I did too.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "Wow, you know more about me than my wife has ever cared to know! Let's fuck!"

    • Lascauxcaveman

      We men are actually pretty simple to figure out, aren't we?

      It kinda scares me how many times I could have picked up that gauntlet in the past few years. And I'm not really anything special.

  • http://wonkette.com/ unu

    Our future Putin sexing himself up.

  • cybermoe

    Her book sales will surge.

    • BarackMyWorld

      "The surge is working, my friends."
      -John McCain

    • DustyBowlBlues

      That's the really crappy part of this.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    We all should have known something was up when the Patraeus biography started out "It was a dark, moonless night in Kabul. The only thing that attracted me was the General's smile in the flickering candle light. As he removed his shirt, I knew the invasion was on."

    • UW8316154

      "I slowly traced the bullet wound on his chest with my finger, as he…."

  • RedneckMuslin

    Wait now. You telling me the director of the CIA got caught sneaking around. Got caught. Wasn't very good at the CIA thing,was he?

    • Barrelhse

      A blindfold and a cigarette would be too good for him.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Dear Penthouse- I am a military commander in a small, Mid-eastern country. I never believed this could happen to me…

    • smellyal8tr

      The girl with the pizza is here sir…

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Dear Penthouse,

    I never thought this would happen to me, but I was in Afghanistan writing a biography, when….

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know who else banged his/her biographer?

    • C_R_Eature

      The Marquis de Sade?

    • sati_demise

      Lou Sarah?

    • BarackMyWorld

      John Edwards?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Jeebus?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        What!? ALL FOUR OF THEM?

        Oh, maybe you're just talking about that closet case, Paul.

    • VodkaGoGo

      Frank Sinatra?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Jenna Jameson?

  • Beowoof

    Well someone was eating "Peaches".

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Thank you Sir! May I have another?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    General Petraeus: Oh my god, you killed a hooker!
    George W. Bush: Biographer! She was a biographer!
    General Petraeus: No Bush, when they're dead, they're just hookers!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Research Associate at Harvard, or Reach Around Associate?

  • Limeylizzie

    I had sex on Andy Rooney's desk once, not with Andy Rooney though.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Was it that rascal Ed Bradley?

      • Limeylizzie

        I wish! No it was a person at CBS News, with whom I had an affair for about 6 years.

        • coolhandnuke

          Walter Cronkite?

          • Limeylizzie

            Martha Teichner

        • Katydid

          a former relative of mine worked at cbs news…..<peers suspiciously at Limey>

          • Limeylizzie

            Gulp

    • C_R_Eature

      Here's the precise reason desk blotters were invented.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Sweet Jesus. What about the paper cuts?

      • YasserArraFeck

        ER Medic: "So, tell me again how you got the stapler stuck in your ass….."

    • Toomush_Infer

      "How come these desks are always greasy?"

    • Negropolis

      Thank god.

    • VodkaGoGo

      I first read this as "I had sex on Andy Rooney once, not with Andy Rooney though."

    • James Michael Curley

      "Tonight I've collected a few things here on my desk. Look at them, some of them are quite unusual and I often wonder what we use them for. For example, some people call these two things But Ox. I don't know why, they don't look bovine, porcine maybe but not bovine."

    • UW8316154

      I thought you said you'd never tell anyone about that!

      • Limeylizzie

        Jack?

  • ElPinche

    All In & Out

  • coolhandnuke

    Patraeus biographer/paramour Paula Broadwell anagram: A Dual Lap Blower

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Little known fact: Pentagon Media Relation School 101: Always sleep with your biographer.

  • C_R_Eature

    The U.S. Army Cunt-her-and Surge-'n-see Field Manual
    – General David Petraeus

    • not that Dewey

      The surge is working!

      • C_R_Eature

        "…in BED!"

        If you know what I mean.

        • not that Dewey

          …and I think you do.

  • BarackMyWorld

    *sigh* I remember that Daily Show interview. And in the extended interview, her husband joins them on stage. http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-january-25-

    "All In" indeed.

    • http://wonkette.com Mrspanky

      Sounds like an open relationship! I wonder if there was a bit of 3-way going down here. When is the sex tape?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      yeah none of this is really making me laugh.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Sucks to be him.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So I was noodling around over on that blogroll at the right side of the page and accidentally found the place where Noted Optimist Ken Layne currently resides, interwebwise. His posts in his new place don't seem quite so Gotterdammerungy and depression-inducing as when he was here. Maybe it was just this place that got him down.

    • C_R_Eature

      You may be onto something, there.

  • not that Dewey

    A coalition of the willing.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Nice!

    • C_R_Eature

      "Don't forget Polin' !"

  • BarackMyWorld

    My favorite thing about this clip? How the first Jon brings up was McChrystal getting fired for his problem with embedded journalists, and how problematic embedded journalists can be for people in their positions. IRONY~!

  • Steverino247

    These journalists are all just asking for it…

  • BlueStateLibel

    "He loved his country too much"…Newt Gringrich

  • LibrarianX

    I thought that was called hiking the Appalachian trail.

  • owhatever

    And I should care about this…why?

    • BarackMyWorld

      CIA Director's mistress under investigation by the FBI for trying to get into his e-mails and he suddenly resigns. Certainly more newsworthy than anything Mitt Romney has done in the last 3 days.

      • Negropolis

        This. This was about as much a security risk as you can get.

    • BlueStateLibel

      It's sort of a big thing with the CIA, because if you have extra-marital affairs, it's pretty easy to blackmail you and find out lots of interesting stuff. That the head guy put himself in this position is pretty ironic.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That's the thing, he wasn't using his head on this.

        Well, he was, I guess, but … different head, you know.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Washington D.C.'s sex scandals are to Wonkette pretty much what Calling Obama a Socialist is to Fox News. Bread and butter.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    "morning runs" is a euphemism for …

    • glasspusher

      …keeping the real thing from being said?

    • James Michael Curley

      Too many bean burritos the night before?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Squirting?

  • LakeLucilleLoon

    Dammit, it's Friday at 5:30pm in AK and generally I don't really know what to think about anything at Friday 5:30pm.

  • smellyal8tr

    So, I guess the General's wife can officially call him "David Betrayus"?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Her wikipedia page notes she's a Westpoint grad as well, and a Major in the Army Reserves.

    No way this doesn't turn into a court martial.

    • glasspusher

      Courting marital

    • ttommyunger

      Jeez, my son is a Major in the National Guard; I hope he didn't have to fuck him, too.

      • DustyBowlBlues

        Put the laugh in LOL, tttommmm. Well done, soldier.

        • ttommyunger

          Hee, Hee. I try.

      • Negropolis

        Lesser forces libel!

        • ttommyunger

          Lesser my ass!My kid is hung like a quart beer bottle. ;)Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Slightly OT: The Benghazi coverup – damn, Willard and GOPeers, you really nailed the blah on that, didn't you? Just like he was Jimmy Carter II, LOL.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I'm disappointed it wasn't Pussy Galore.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Her name is Paula Broadwell?

    Was Holly Goodhead busy?

  • JadedPreppy

    Now Paula can write her autobiography and call it "Predator Bone".

  • Negropolis

    Oh, stupid Peaches. The nation's top spycheif can't have secrets of his own.

    But, I'm sure he did it for love of country and Jesus and freedom, so, yeah.

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    This harlot was obviously trying to drain the mighty General of his precious bodily fluids.

    • Negropolis

      A suck-you-bus, of sorts, if you will.

  • glamourdammerung

    Well, I think if the CIA chief could not keep his affair secret that it kind of does disqualify them from the job.

  • Negropolis

    I know James Bond. James Bond was a friend of mine. Peaches, you are no James Bond.

  • Barrelhse

    He has no cyanide capsule? Some 'professional'.

  • bearperney

    Stewart: "Did he ever drop his guard with you?"

    Broadwell: "Guard hell! He dropped his pants with me!"

  • YasserArraFeck

    Great reading material while hiking the Appalachian Trail

    • Negropolis

      More like hiking the Khyber Pass.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    you people have actually made me laugh out loud at least three times (like snort laugh).

    still. story making me sad.

  • mosaickmind

    Fifty Shades of Khaki….

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Will I have to do anything different tomorrow because of this?

    • not that Dewey

      You'll be responsible for covering up your own Embassy bombing conspiracies from now on. KEEP YOUR GOVT HANDS OFF MY COVERT INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES

  • dennis1943

    So the comment about Obama being the only adult in the room is coming into clear focus…..

  • ttommyunger

    No question about which one was on top……ALWAYS! Two self-centered over-achievers trying to see who can come first and hardest. Had to be about as sensual as a wrestling match-collegiate wrestling, of course. Odd… Monica Crowley never got outed, but then it was Nixon, so prolly didn't qualify as actual fucking. I honestly would have never imagined this wiry little ass-kisser had it in him; my guess is he would always withhold his precious bodily fluids.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    The only thing I hate more than knowing about the sex lives of public figures is…um. Wait. There is nothing I hate more.

  • christianmuslin

    The question that the lamestream fails to answer, however, are they still an item?

  • horsedreamer_1

    According to Gawker, Broadwell's husband wrote to Chuck Klosterman to ask what he should do about this. Last summer.

  • CripesAmighty

    Gotta confess-Saw Stewart interview, and thought, 1) Very Hot, in that military jockette sort of way–kinda like the old girlfriend who'd kick your ass on the tennis court; And 2) All googly-eyed when recounting her interviews with the good General while running causing the tapes to be interrupted by 'heavy breathing' … And, Ruh-Roh…

  • DahBoner

    "Unpaid social liason"

    But she gets paid in 4star General buttsex. For Freedum.