frothing at the mouth

Rick Santorum Will Gladly Compromise With Democrats To Ruin Social Security For You

santorumblowjobOh finally, Rick Santorum has written a column on the Hill, weighing in on the election and What It Means! And What It Means is that the GOP will FINALLY, after all this time, cooperate with President Obama on cutting Social Security and privatizing Medicare. So the fact that Americans went to the polls and elected a lesbian, a bisexual atheist, a female Asian Buddhist, and a socialist, in addition to decriminalizing weed, legalizing gay marriage, and voting for tax increases means nothing. Well that’s not true; it means that they want Marco Rubio to charlar con ustedes about why you should retire at age 70 and buy health insurance on the open market.

This election was long, hard-fought and often divisive. Millions of Americans were heavily invested in the outcome, and for every American who today celebrates Obama’s victory, another is left disappointed in Mitt Romney’s loss. No doubt many are deeply discouraged. But now is not the time to give up on the issues we hold dear. We will continue to challenge the president to represent all Americans and to provide solutions to the nation’s problems. We will continue to stand strong for America’s first freedoms: family, opportunity, limited government and our national security.

First, who is this “we” that he refers to? Did Santorum get elected to something somewhere? No, he did not. So “we” will not be doing anything; John Boehner and Paul Ryan will. Also, did you know that our first freedoms are “family, opportunity, limited government, and national security?” We didn’t, because this list appears nowhere in the Constitution or Bill of Rights, unless it somehow means the same thing as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” which it doesn’t. And if someone could explain to us how “family” and “national security” is a type of “first freedom,” that would be great. But if you thought for a minute that this election has led Rick Santorum to re-think any of the GOP’s talking points, you would be wrong.

We believe strongly that now is not the time for significant tax increases on families, manufacturers, entrepreneurs and other job creators. Nor is it the time to severely cut back on our commitment to a strong defense. [...] Instead, we encourage the president and Congress to work together in the coming days and weeks to reform entitlements. If we want our children’s future to be better than our own, we need principled leadership to address these pressing fiscal issues. Whatever recovery we might be experiencing would immediately stall, and job losses and economic misery for middle-income families would result. And this largely self-inflicted recession would have ramifications throughout the world.

In other words, “we” will work together (again, not sure who this “we” is, again, given that Rick Santorum does not hold any elected office, but whatever) to prevent the fiscal cliff. But given that “we” aren’t going to let Obama raise taxes on rich people, “we” will happily cooperate with him if he wants to raise the age of retirement. Sorry, waitress moms, guess you’ll have to keep carrying those dishes around until you’re 70 or something, and THEN you can retire. It’s only fair — you wouldn’t want the Job Creators to get angry, would you? Of course you wouldn’t!

[The Hill]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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194 comments

  1. memzilla

    There are many different types of sand. There's the soft white talcum-y sand of the Bahamas, the brown grainy sand of the Jersey Shore, the fluffier orange-y sand of Libya, and the coarse black sand of Iwo Jima.

    Whichever is the sand that Rick Santorum and the rest of the Rethuglicans have, like ostriches, freely chosen to bury their collective heads in, I say, in the spirit of compromise, is exactly the sand we would like to see them go pound.

    For America. For Freedom.

  2. viennawoods13

    Well, if the Republicans decide to keep shooting themselves in the foot, or balls, or whatever, and move further right, since obviously THAT'S why they lost the election, he can run again in 2016, be nominated, and ensure a Democratic victory. Keep up the good work, Ricky!

    1. Negropolis

      It's scary to think about how much space they can carve out on the right, because debating the definition of rape is pretty damned scary-far, to me.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Please. Mexican? That is so twentieth century. To move with the times, republicans must realize that male people with names ending in -io or -ez speak "Hispanico." Females speak "Hispanica."

          Once the republicans* demonstrate to this homogeneous demographic that they are conversant with these fine cultural details, their success will be assured.

          I'll capitalize "republicans" when they add "ic" to "Democrat" Party.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      Ah, Cuban-born Cuban-Americans went for Romney, American-born Cuban-Americans, the majority now, voted for Obama. I predict the GOP will call for dropping all sanctions on Cuba once this fact sinks in. Other facts, like most Latinos have no particular use or affection for Cubans, that may take another election cycle to soak in. But go ahead GOP, Rubio-Cruz in 2016!

      1. BoroPrimorac

        Romney got the Cubans who obsess over Castro and Obama got the ones who don't give a shit about the cold war anymore. It doesn't matter if they came here in the sixties, were born here or came over on a raft two years ago.

  3. Schmannnity

    Further fun factoid from bitter, thin-lipped Laura Ingraham yesterday: Mitt got fewer votes from Mormons than McCain.

    1. rickmaci

      Among my LDS acquaintances a large percentage, maybe 1/3, are more in the blue dog to solid blue Dems group. In other words, like other Christians, it's not their faith that makes some of them mindless morons.

    2. Callyson

      I have a cousin who is Mormon–she's on the conservative side but not a full blown wingnut hater–and she was for Huntsman in the primary. When we talked last December and she told me that, she said "I like Romney, I do…" and let her voice trail off.

      I did not press the point, but I could tell she was dreading the prospect that he would win. Guess she wasn't alone.

        1. boskolives

          Huntsman was the lone Repub that I could even think of voting for because he was the only one that could speak in complete sentences. Well, yeah, truth is I might have done that if there was no one else on the ticket. Might. Just saying…

    1. PsycWench

      I would have loved Rick to have been the candidate so that the conservative wing could have seen just how well their message goes over with America. But I'll settle for them seeing how well their message went over with other Republicans.

      1. NDeeeZ

        They'd just blame the Google association thingy, and reach even further right next time.
        NOT getting the point seems to be their modus operandi nowadays…

  4. Mumbletypeg

    Sounds like Rick is having flashbacks from this time last year.. The wet dream he woke from to pen this piece featured vestigial voices chanting "We! HATE! The Ninety-Nine Per-CENT!"

  5. malsperanza

    for every American who today celebrates Obama’s victory, another is left disappointed in Mitt Romney’s loss

    Give or take 3 million people.

    With any luck Santorum will have a job soon: as the next chairman of the GOP campaign committee. Yep, that should do it nicely.

      1. HateMachine

        The point isn't even whether or not 3 million is a small number (it isn't). The point is that the number isn't going to get smaller.

        Unless, I mean, they drastically update their platform. Which they won't.

    1. VodkaGoGo

      I fully expect the Santorum to run again in 2016. He came close enough to Mitt that he will think it's his turn to come out on top.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      To Rove and his ilk dollars are the best Americans. That's why he and his ilk believe that the mega corporations are people, my friend. In fact, they are better than people, at least regular people.

  6. PsycWench

    I have a lot of work to get done in the next few weeks and I'm sure some tax cuts will help with that. However, the tax cuts will probably be offset because I have been invited to a wedding between two of my good female friends! Yippee!

  7. JustPixelz

    How many votes did Rush "women on contraception are sluts and prostitutes" Limbaugh cost Romney? They should do whatever Rush says because I'm sure it's zero.

  8. SaintRond

    I thought they were channeling that unspeakable hag, Ayn Rand, but it's really, Rosa Klebb, the shoe knife woman in "From Russia with Love."

    Now that, Rosa Klebb, has come to mind, I can't look at even one of these motherfuckers anymore without thinking about that bitch trying to kick James Bond in the shins with her terrible blade.

    1. ManchuCandidate

      No you're right. Nothing has changed. Not even the rhetoric.

      Do you even know what socialism means?

      /good FSM, I thought you were trolling and can't get sarcasm this morning/ Fuck

      1. Callyson

        I thought you were trolling and can't get sarcasm this morning

        Ah, so I'm not the only one SMH over the trolls on HuffPo who (like Santorum) just won't go away and stop making idiotic remarks. I guess their masters are still paying them to sound like morons, in the vain hope that the next election will somehow go their way…

  9. smellyal8tr

    I'm shocked, shocked, that he was not his party's nominee and did not win Tuesday night. Why can't he take a hint and disappear into ignomy? Others have. I really think this is the last month I have to ever hear Sarah Palin's name again. Is Walnuts even in the Senate anymore. C'mon, Rick, give it a rest.

    As to the photo, second best on Wonkette. First prize is Romeny snapping on those latex gloves at the Fudge Factory or wherever he was…

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Good Lord, that's horrifying. And what is with that Luciferian son of Mitt's ? Is that like a Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino thing? Satan and son?

          My God. Romney really did sell his soul to the devil! This explains so much. Thank you for posting that picture!

          (Rushes off to pray a rosary for Obama.)

  10. Arkoday

    limited government and our national security…huh? Is that like 'fewer cows and unlimited milk'? Less buttsex more santorum?
    Fucking magic.

  11. jamsie25

    Oh, Ricky! You still think you're relevant and people care what garbage froths out of your oratory orifice.

    I sometimes feel sorry for the ass clown. Not really. I'm still mad at him for refusing to answer a question I politely asked him after a public meeting during his first senate run. He seemed to think and said out loud, to the merriment of toothless Central PA christofascists rednecks that he didn't have to answer questions from 'my kind'. I then asked, "What kind is that Mr. Santorum?" The color his face turned was just so cute!

    I'm not ashamed to admit that I still have a hard on for him and always will. No, not that kind of hard on. I have standards!

    1. Callyson

      Your question must have struck a nerve–did you ask him how dark it is inside the closet?

      Oh, and what an asshole he was to do that, also, too.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Naughtius Husseinus Obamus Maximus his name was. Hmm. Promised me the known world, he did. I was to be taken to DC, House by the Reflecting Pool. Interns. Government cheese. As much food stamps as I could eat. Then, he, having his way with me had… voom! Like a rat out of an aqueduct.

      1. starfanglednut

        I'm so sick of hearing about the fucking obamaphones. They are called "lifeline" phones, and offer a low income person a discount on monthly phone service. They are for emergency use, because there are no pay phones anymore. But I suppose poor people should just get stabbed/have heart attacks/ instead of being able to call 911, and have no way to conduct a job search. Also the program has been in existence since 1985, so they are really reaganphones.

      1. boskolives

        Your call is important to us, please remain on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received………
        Enjoy the Muzak™ while you wait, and remember that 2016 will be here soon.

      1. YerMa

        Oh! I spoke too soon!! A brownshirt (the UPS guy) just dropped it off. It includes:

        Obamaphone (Motorola reworked their "chocolate" line for these!!)

        Little Debbie Nutty Bars (they added a picture of Victoria Jackson instead of little Debbie. Super cute!!)

        Free abortion card

        A copy of The Communist Manifesto

        Birkenstocks

        A jar of hope

        A gay pill

        A copy of "Sleepless in Seattle"

        A Snuggie® with the Kenyan flag

  12. JustPixelz

    "But now is not the time to give up on the issues we hold dear."

    Actually, now is exactly the time to do that.

    [spoiler alert: do not read further if you are a Repubican!]
    Unless Obama does something c-c-crazy, the Supreme Court is not going to overturn Roe v Wade for at least twenty years. Republicans should abandon their Crusade for the Unborn and focus on people who are actually breathing.

    1. YerMa

      In order for that to happen, the religious right needs to let go of the stranglehold they've had on the GOP. I don't see that happening any time soon.

      It will keep them xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic neanderthals for years to come, I predict.

      1. bobbert

        Damn right. Abortion and the "homosexual agenda" are really their only genuine, emotion-driven single-issue rallying points. All the bullshit, about soshalisms and deficits and death panels and military spending and what all, is really just verbal fluff that translates to "The President is a Democrat (and, in this case, also not 100% white)". Even shit like creationism and school prayer don't engage the emotions of the RWNJs like abortion and gheyness.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      "Republicans should abandon their Crusade for the Unborn and focus on people who are actually breathing."

      I dunno. Seems to be a case of be careful what you wish for. Having republicans focus on breathing people doesn't seem to me to be something that is likely to end well for said breathing people.

  13. Guppy

    Also, did you know that our first freedoms are “family, opportunity, limited government, and national security?”

    Funny how "freedom of family" doesn't include the freedom to choose when, how and if to have one, "freedom of opportunity" only belongs to those who have riches, mansions, and dancing horses to fall back on when an opportunity falls through, and "freedom of limited government" is really just about limiting those first two.

    "Common defen(s)e" is mentioned in the Preamble, but somehow the term "national security" includes a lot more offense than defense…

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Yes, with the same careful thought and research they used to choose the Harpy of the North in 2008 because she had a vagina, however hellish a cavern it turned out to be.

  14. not that Dewey

    We believe strongly that now is not the time for significant tax increases on families, manufacturers, entrepreneurs and other job creators. Now is the time to construct an army of straw men, like so many terra cotta warriors, and release them in a never-ending onslaught onto the airwaves and interwebs.

  15. ttommyunger

    Fun fact: I've been called a hard-headed motherfucker (exact words); but this Santorum makes me look like a total pushover. Is it that they are so obtuse they just don't get it or are they just so sold on their act they insist on continuing it in the absence of any acceptable (to them) alternative?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      They make damn sure they are never in a position to actually have to hear an alternative perspective, and they have found that they can make money jabbering their brand of gibberish. Don't kill the goose while it still has golden eggs to lay, etc…

    2. Chichikovovich

      Have you every heard a used car salesman admit "You and the facts have convinced me – this car is a lemon."? Even if the steering wheel has just come off in your hands?

  16. Boojum

    I wipe thy buttocks of thee
    I flush thee
    And twice I flush thee
    And thrice, in the Name of the Maiden, the Mother, and The Crone
    I flush thee!
    Begone foul stain and besmirch us no more!

          1. Geminisunmars

            I don't know if he habitually showed up drunk on "Wait..Wait" but he was clearly drunk "a time or two" on Bill Maher's show, and Bill hasn't had him on at all this season (if my memory is right), and he used to have him frequently.

  17. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    "for every American who today celebrates Obama’s victory, another is left disappointed in Mitt Romney’s loss."

    No, "Rick." There are millions more joyful people celebrating Obama's victory than butthurt dweebs mourning Romney's loss. Also, fun fact: The Democratic candidate has won the popular vote in 5 of the last 6 presidential elections. And the one time the Republican candidate "won" the popular vote was, shall we say, "suspicious?"

    Your policies are awful. Your ideas are old and smelly like Santorum oozing over moldy, stinky cheese in a pair of a junior high schooler's gym socks.

  18. boskolives

    Late breaking and only slightly off topic news burst…. Congressperson Mary Bono Mack (R)abid, California, today learned that her re-election campaign has, in the Bono tradition, run into a tree and is now officially confirmed as dead.
    With votes.

      1. boskolives

        Either your response was missing the first three words, "Not A Moment", or you didn't see / hear the horrid Anti Howard Dean style screed that made up her desperation laced campaign's final days. No matter which, I wish her political future a continued demise, with votes.

          1. boskolives

            I'm a veteran with respect to my military service, but for Wonkette, not so much. So, even with my vast accumulated several full days of experience I'll need to request the use of the "Hey I'm just a newbie" excuse one more last time also. 

            You just wait until I have a solid two weeks at the keyboard under my belt, or maybe over my waistband if someone else is in the room.
            Jerry

  19. ChessieNefercat

    The only appropriate response from here on out, from the President himself on down, to anyone who uses the term "job creator" to refer to money hoarding rich dick bazillionaires, is to point your finger at them, laugh uproariously, and wipe the tears of laughter streaming from your eyes while saying "Seriously? No, really, seriously? Oh. My. God." (More gales of laughter…)

    Then go on with whatever you were saying, or ask a different reporter a question, while occasionally pointing at the moron and giggling helplessly.

  20. Dudleydidwrong

    Ricky, isn't your wife calling you? Isn't it time to change some diapers, father a new child, walk the dog or the cat, and just shut up and go away? A guy whose very name became a wonderful symbol and the butt of many jokes just can't understand. He's truly stupid beyond limits to be allowed out by himself.

  21. lochnessmonster

    And you roofers can stay up there on top of the houses you are building for the 1% b/c you don't have a physically punishing job…

    1. Mumbletypeg

      I've been following with interest the plans Rich is developing for a program with Fran Lebowitz — still in early stages. Just yesterday dusted off one of Frank's 2010 pieces "The Other Plot To Wreck America" (NYT) which I'd printed for rereading.. His writing style & his perspective hold an undefineable appeal for me.

    2. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Thanks for this. Calling Mitt a "duplicitous cipher" is perfect. Also, Duplicitous Ciphers = band name.

  22. Egregious644

    Rick, who are the "we" to whom you refer? "We" voted for President Obama for reelection. "We" voted for marriage equality in Maryland. "We" voted to legalize marijuana in Colorado. "We" elected Elizabeth Warren, Kyrsten Sinema, and Mazie Hirono. You ran for the Republican nomination for President and lost. Mitt Romney decided that Paul Ryan was more fit than you for the office of Vice President. Do you have a job, Rick? "We" suggest you get one and stop sponging off the Main Stream Media by writing these articles for pennies.

  23. BadKitty904

    Oh, Rickey,
    You're so blind,
    You're so blind
    You blow my mind
    Hey, Rickey! Hey! Hey!
    Hey, Rickey! Hey! Hey!

  24. VodkaGoGo

    Apparently Rick Santorum doesn't realize he hasn't won an election in twelve years. Also, this:

    … for every American who today celebrates Obama’s victory, another is left disappointed in Mitt Romney’s loss.

    Apparently Rick Santorum doesn't know how an election works because this is objectively false. Maybe that's why he hasn't won an election in twelve years. Ha, I kid. It's because he's all the individual things people hate about the GOP all rolled into one, plus sweater vests.

  25. tessiee

    "why you should retire at age 70"

    Oh, that's just so ridiculous!
    I'd be surprised if I've got a job by then.

    1. Negropolis

      Unfortunatly, no. Here in Michigan, I see him advertising some local celebrity deer hunt with him, as if he's a prize or something.

  26. Jerri

    …for every American who today celebrates Obama’s victory, another is left disappointed in Mitt Romney’s loss.

    Well, no, Rick. Seeing as Obama won, which means he got more votes than Mitt, there are in fact more people celebrating than not.

  27. Abernathy

    "for every American who today celebrates Obama’s victory, another is left disappointed in Mitt Romney’s loss"

    And maybe 10 are wondering whether their vote ended up in the dumpster behind the local GOP headquarters.

  28. Schmegeg

    Following his heroic legislative work, Rick will then lose a Senate race to somebody completely anonymous, then get battered to death by another clown college of Republican Presidential hopefuls. Our Hero.

  29. Callyson

    So, the Frothy Mix won't go away? He hopes the GOP follows its tradition of nominating the Presidential GOP primary runner up the next time around?

    I can't stop imagining Dan Savage channeling his inner Dirty Harry:

    "Go ahead, make my day."

  30. anniegetyerfun

    Well, I certainly hope that this resounding victory has taught Obama a lesson about everything that he is doing wrong.

  31. LibrarianX

    "…for every American who today celebrates Obama's victory, another is left disappointed in Mitt Romney's loss." Not exactly, Rick – this is sort of why Romney lost. Math really IS hard for you people.

  32. BarackMyWorld

    Shouldn't Rick be waist-high in "see I told you so" regarding how terrible candidate Romney was, instead of trying to rationalize his loss?

  33. docterry6973

    Ricky is entitled to use the royal 'we' because he was the runner-up to Romney in the primary season. He is 'Next In Line'. By ancient and sacred GOP tradition, he is now the frontrunner for 2016 and the de-facto leader of his party.

    Since no one ever liked Romney they won't give him Walnut's chair as Last Loser, which entitles the holder to appear on every Sunday morning news show until the next election. Ricky can demand that as well.

    So go for it Ricky. Show 'em how it's done.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      I think they're going to invoke the loophole that kept Pat Buchanan from ascending to that position and start from scratch like they did in 2000.

  34. Walkinwiddaking

    Judging from the picture he appears to be quite comfortable with a large cylinder of anything stuffed into his mouth.

  35. shelwood46

    Ricky is just sticking to the talking points (see also, Boehner): 1. Obama barely won, we won more square footage, therefore 2. "We" shall proceed as though our agenda was endorsed and keep up with the "no tax cuts for the rich" .

  36. cousinitt

    Truck stop bathrooms often advertise for the ribbed variety–thanks to Rick, I now understand what it means.

  37. lumpenprole

    You know what other party stuck with their crazy, violent outlook until the establishment left was discredited by financial ruin?

  38. Negropolis

    To be honest, I see he qualified "tax increases" with the word "significant", which actually leaves open the door to find revenue. I'm not sure if he meant to do this, but I'd run with this like the wind. We can argue and debate about "significant"; we can't debate from a starting point of "no".

    Sorry about the lack of snark, but I hope we get moving with the urgency of now and don't let up. It's time to start taking advantage of their cracks and weaknesses and peeling off the few remaining moderates in the House until we can wipe them out in 2014.

  39. Warpde

    Is there some subliminal message going here with the pic of Santorum sucking on a big black cone?
    What are you trying to tell us Ricky boy?

Comments are closed.