GOT HIS COVER BLOWN  4:04 pm November 9, 2012

Drudge Sirens: Gen. David Petraeus Resigns CIA Due To Spying … Between The Sheets

by Doktor Zoom

When news breaks, Wonkette fixes itCIA Director David Petraeus has submitted his resignation, admitting that he’d had an extramarital affair and had exercised “extremely poor judgement.” Petraeus is likely to be replaced on an interim basis by deputy CIA director Mike Morrell, according to Administration sources eager to reassure Americans that the CIA will continue to send killer robots to rain death upon the nation’s enemies.

A Twitter rumor that Petraeus had been having an affair with a member of Senator-elect Elizabeth Warren’s staff is untrue; the reality is that Petraeus’s wife, Holly, had worked with Warren, who while setting up the federal Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, appointed Holly Petraeus to head that agency’s unfortunately named “Office of Servicemember Affairs.”

Reaction from the wingnut press has been muted so far, although readers of the Stupidest Man On the Internet were quick to speculate that Barack Obama knew of the affair and blackmailed Petraeus to do nothing to save the lives of the Benghazi consulate staff. We await further thoughtful analysis from Pam Geller and Jerome Corsi.

[NBC News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 224 comments }

nounverb911 November 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Mata Hari's still alive?

Steverino247 November 9, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Nope. Death by firing squad (French) on 10/15/17. Later the Germans admitted she was a spy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mata_Hari

Barbara_ November 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

And he was also fired as the head coach of the Lakers. Rough day for Davie.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Ha, they fired the hapless Mike Brown? Are they going to try to coax the Zen Master out of retirement to fix the Lake Show again? That team is only going to listen to somebody who can brandish a bunch of rings and tell them to shut the fuck up.

CrunchyKnee November 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Go figure, fucking drone pilot fly boys are all the same.

ShreditorsDesk November 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

We want surveillance pics of the babe !!

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Or dude. Whatever.

ShreditorsDesk November 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

lotta dudes are babes !

glasspusher November 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Are you suggesting Petraeus is a Republican?

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

*GASP*

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Who'da thought Petraeus had Illicit Babe-Pulling Game? Then again, Ike had a long-standing arrangement to keep his bayonet polished, and he wasn't exactly a ladykiller.

Mahousu November 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I'll bet it was Joanie Caucus; that "hip replacement" business was just a cover.

glasspusher November 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Indeed…and those hips clearly needed replacement due to overwork!

nounverb911 November 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

"the Stupidest Man On the Internet."
All of them, Katie?

Callyson November 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I'm still veering between shock and fear that someone is more stupid than the ghost of Breitbart…

Sassomatic November 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

JUST KEEP SAYING BENGHAZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both Sides Do It November 9, 2012 at 8:34 pm

BANG-GHAZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

calliecallie November 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Pics or GTFO!

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

So…..the position's open?

JARB CREATION

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

We talking about the CIA director or boinking his mistress?

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

As for the former, they are looking for a beltway insider with foreign policy expertise.

The latter position includes 'doggy style', and 'standing up in the shower'.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Reverse cowgirl or GTFO

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Correct response: "All of them, Katie".

PuckStopsHere November 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Not that this applies to me or anything, but It's just a good goddamn thing people don't have to resign for masturbating is all I can say.

Barbara_ November 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

oh my!

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm

something something cold dead hands…

Grief_Lessons November 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

You might have to, depending on details of location, situation, whether you're on a public bus, etc.

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

The choice of seat on the bus can be relevant too.

Grief_Lessons November 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Definite no-no if it's the driver's seat, for instance.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm

*tearing up bus driver application*

Woodshedding November 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Hear, hear! I'll fap to that.

Barbara_ November 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Why not? I knocked one out of the ballpark earlier.

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

AAAAND SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'S OOOOOOUTTA HEEEERE

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Back….bacakbackbackbackback! IT'S GONE!

sudsmckenzie November 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Pee Wee Herman libel!1

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 5:07 pm

That's what Anthony Weiner said.

deanbooth November 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Nope. But many people are resigned to masterbating.

imissopus November 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

OMG GAME CHANGER!!!

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

This is good news for the Romney campaign

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

And Langley-area divorce lawyers.

weejee November 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Anyone want to make an offer for a warehouse full of Petraeus 2016 campaign materials? Or maybe in a couple of years this 'scandal' will be Newtered.

SuspectedDemocrat November 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

And what's he going to do with all the celebratory fireworks he bought?

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Launch 'em at Benghazi anyway?

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:47 pm

It'll be okay, as long as he runs as a Republican.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm

WHY WASN'T HE VETTED!!!!

imissopus November 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm

THE MEDIA IS IN THE TANK!!!!

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

This is why you always spay or neuter your CIA directors!!

Texan_Bulldog November 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I guess Holly is now the one calling him David BetrayUs.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

+1 with sprinkles on top*

*(not intended to be a faptual statement)

delaney_blom November 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Sprinkles? The affair was with a stripper?

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

He blamed his affair on the anti-Islam YouTube video that caused the Egyptian riots.

delaney_blom November 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Yes, that was an incredibly fappable video.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Made me all horny with its fourth grade production values and dialogue.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Made him fire his love-rocket and blow up the marriage.

Indiepalin November 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Wow. Hey, even I take the cigar out of my mouth every once in a while.

glasspusher November 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Groucho Marx LIBEL!

Lucidamente1 November 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"Hey, baby, want to see my surge?"

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

And here I thought it was going to be a quiet news week…

UW8316154 November 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Well, this IS the first "news" we've heard in a week.

MosesInvests November 10, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Quiet news week? In Blowvember?

Hammiepants November 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I can see it now – "Why is this ONLY NOW coming out, three days after the Halfrican STOLE what was rightfully Mittens??? Because BENGHAZI VAGINAS AND THE "WANT THINGS" DEMOGRAPHIC, DUH!

(Hey, it makes as much sense as anything else they'll postulate.)

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

It's like you've got a spy drone in Faux News Headquarters!

Doktor Zoom November 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Freepers weigh in:

"Imagine if this story and the Drone being shot at were actually reported on last week before the election. Where would we be now???"

"Remember the Secret Service agent who ‘committed suicide’ five days before the election, ‘over an extramarital affair’ too? What did he know about Obama’s whereabouts and actions during Benghazi, hmmmmm… Time for Team 0bama to find a new narrative for further rat ship jumpers."

Also a couple of people praying for a military coup, and one that I think is what a Freeper might consider withering satire:

"I think as long as he used condoms provided by the government It all ok in our new world under democrats. but if he didn’t and his girlfriend became pregnant, that would be ok as well because Obama would help them go to Planned Parenthood and schedule an abortion and then even if it didn’t work and the child survived the abortion, Obama believes that the Doctor would be able to murder the child.
And if the doctor saw Patreus and they liked each other they could get married and smoke some together. So why would he resign? They could listen to some Jay-Z."

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Imagine. Just imagine…

Freepers do that a lot, don't they?

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 4:59 pm

The wingnuts on my local radio station were reporting the drone was shot down. Said that on the radio last night! And that it happened days before the election.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Well, this gives them something to do besides holding themselves and quietly freeping, or going on Dankert-style cursing binges.

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm
BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm

They're all kind of used to having gray-brown teeth; at this point white teeth would probably be scary.

Toomush_Infer November 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Now that's Americanism….

Troglodeity November 9, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Actually, that pretty much sums up exactly what Fox News' Laura Ingraham is tweet-spewing this very moment.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Benghazi Vaginas And The Want Things Demographic, one weekend only at the Whisky A Go-Go!!

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 5:12 pm

That being said, I do kinda suspect that Petraeus waited until after the election to do this, since it has nothing to do with the Obama admin's policies and would thus have unfairly influenced the election. But then, I give Petraeus a modicum of respect, unlike lunatic right-wingers who are pretty sure it's a Benghazi conspiracy fall guy blah blah blah.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

"Office of Servicemember Affairs" indeed! Winning for Blowvember, Dok. Hope that one was as good for you as it was for me (*ahem*)~

EnnuiThereYet? November 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

The general was just taking a (ahem) hands-on approach to background checks.

Ryy November 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Don't betray us!

VodkaGoGo November 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Well as long as the death robots are running on time I don't see the problem here. Could this mayhaps be another case of just loving America too much? Can we really fault the guy for that?

emmelemm November 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

the death robots are running on time

Too funny!

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I'm sure we could paint a few flags on the Hellfire missiles.

VodkaGoGo November 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I'd suggest star-spangled trucknutz on our Hellfire missles but sadly I'm sure someone else has already thought of it. Giant freedom dicks raining liberty from the sky seems too perfect to not already be taken.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm

So we literally and figuratively fuck 'em. I'm sure that'll turn out AOK.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Nah, those trucknut things would just throw off the targeting telemetry on the missiles, causing them to hit elementary school playgrounds during recess rather than wedding receptions.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Isn't that happening already? Maybe those nutz will help.

VodkaGoGo November 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm

That's why you put on four sets of nuts to balance it all out, NEEDZ MOAR BALLS!!!

vulpes82 November 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

If this affair was with a dude, I will SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST FROM ECSTASY!

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

That's what he said.

glasspusher November 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm

It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Clementiiiiiiiiiiiine.

imissopus November 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I've never seen that. Have seen people want to give lots of hugs, though.

Guppy November 9, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Meh, he was in favor of repealing DADT, so it's not like there's hypocrisy.

vulpes82 November 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I was thinking more about the wingnuts, who just looooooooooove him, heads exploding.

Grief_Lessons November 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

We're awfully touchy about these things here. During the Clinton/Lewinsky fiasco my good friend, who is Czech, assured me that if heads of state could be impeached for infidelity, there would not be a single one left in all of Europe.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

It's the Puritan ethic the pilgrims brought over with them. There's a reason them fuckers were persecuted and chased across the ocean. Now it's our legacy, instead of that of the Euros.

MaxNeanderthal November 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Friend of Silvio Berlusconi's, is he?

Grief_Lessons November 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Berlusconi himself tells an anecdote that there was a survey of 1000 randomly-selected Italian women that asked whether they would sleep with him, given the chance. Half of them said "Yes", while the other half said "What, again?"

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Well, my personal view is that it shouldn't matter, but for some exceptions, like criminality (Ensign, Vitter, Foley), public hypocrisy (the gay homophobe parade, Newt Gingrich, Spitzer), and… when we're talking about people working in intelligence.

I do realize that Petraeus's affair isn't the sort likely to compromise security, but the CIA does concern itself with its staff's dalliances for very real reasons, and it does kinda send the wrong message if the Boss can get away with it when nobody else can.

Plenty of other stuff, though? Like Anthony Weiner, and (admittedly) Jack Ryan? Really not worth the fixation we devote to it.

Grief_Lessons November 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I acknowledge that intelligence is a different kettle of fish, but I also acknowledge that all I know about being a spy is what I learned from watching James Bond films, so I may have overestimated the tolerance for skirt chasing.

finallyhappy November 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

friends who had non-critical positions with State- writer types- have to be vetted. I have had two of these interviews for friends-although the last time I was not asked about sexual preferences. Drinking, money, unusual activities(I had no idea what that meant but as the friends involved are the super boring type like me- I figured no)

Grief_Lessons November 9, 2012 at 8:20 pm

DId they ask what websites you comment at?

Goonemeritus November 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

CIA Director David Petraeus has submitted his resignation, admitting that he’d had an extramarital affair and had exercised “extremely poor judgment.”

Yes ADMITTING to an extramarital affair does show extremely poor judgment.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

That's what my father always told me.

MaxNeanderthal November 9, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Is it just me, or did he not judge the extra-marital poontang to be worth more than his marriage, therefore proving he had exercised all the judgement he had, and had arrived at the conclusion, "On the balance of evidence, I'd rather be fucking-now".

Guppy November 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Yes ADMITTING to an extramarital affair does show extremely poor judgment.

Not so much. Remember, in his line of work an extramarital affair is called "leverage."

Blueb4sinrise November 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Petraeus.
David Petraeus.

DahBoner November 9, 2012 at 5:08 pm

General Betray-us.

bobbert November 9, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Too many syllables.

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Shaggin'. Not Stirred.

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Drudge leads with "TOP SPOOK OUT". So bitter about losing the election…

MonkeyMotion November 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Wonder if Darrell 'Dickhead' Issa is gonna be calling Kenneth Starr?

Cuz, you know, jobs and stuff.

An_Outhouse November 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I saw on another site that 'he must be republican, family values, ya' know'. I think its obvious he is NOT a republican. No rent boys, instead consenting adults of the opposite sex, ya' knoiw.

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Wow. Holly Petraeus looks like Ginni Thomas with glasses.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Is that the blonde bowling ball on the left at the swearing in?

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

More like grey bowling ball– she looks like she could be his mother.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Barbara Bush libel!

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm

No anchovies, please.

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Don't tell me… Pussy Galore, right?

JadedPreppy November 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Spoogy Aplenty.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Fatima Blush

hollywooddood November 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Miss Moneypenny.

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I wonder why he never bags her – she's begging for it. Company inkwell thing, I guess?

SayItWithWookies November 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

This is what happens when you legalize weed, kids!

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

and gay marriage.

nounverb911 November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Wrong Washington.

SayItWithWookies November 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

It doesn't matter — religious fanatics will tell you that permissiveness in one place sends out waves of lascivious encouragement and erototoxins that pollute the whole rest of the country. And if he's been having this affair for years, the waves are even strong enough to go backwards in time and retroactively affect it. Science, people!

emmelemm November 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Erototoxins!

There's a meme I don't want to see forgotten. Too funny!

Pithaughn November 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Yeah, about that. I'm asking for a friend who needs them for science, what he needs is some seeds from a strain of weed that has a mellow long term high, as I said , for science. There are quite a few folks here in western colorado ready to try some serious science.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Uruguay legalized the sale of marijuana this week, so I think we should charter a plane…

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I have more than 10,000 hours in MS Flight Simulator. Just say the word.

delaney_blom November 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Maybe if Holly had been servicing his member
Too damn easy.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Trying to have it both ways? Commit to your snark, Person!

Not_So_Much November 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

This is good news for the country. Who wants a spy chief that can't even keep an affair a secret?

BZ1 November 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Just wait for all the nutz to link this to Benghazi, 5-4-3-2 …

Blueb4sinrise November 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

It's the intertubes. No waiting.

rocktonsam November 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

probably the first four star general to have an affair and get caught too

Wadisay November 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I've seen a couple of Bond flicks, and, trust me, this shit is nothing.

SuspectedDemocrat November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Spyfall… the best one yet!

Steverino247 November 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Saw it last night and wow, it's great!

delaney_blom November 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I know. That three-way between Pierce Brosnan, Denise Richards, and Judi Dench from The World is not Enough director's cut is forever etched in my memory.

OneDollarJuana November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I spy with my little eye … your little brown eye!

Woodshedding November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I just can't believe an upstanding, moral person who could be appointed CIA chief would do something like that. I bet he swears, too.

weejee November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Scandalous, just scandalous. So typical of a Democratic administration
  Newt Gingrich

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Who?

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I think Newt is one of Matt Romnie's sons. (Romnie ran for president like 100 years ago.)

docterry6973 November 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm

You mean 'Democrat' administration.

OneDollarJuana November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I guess he wants to spend some more time with … someone else's family.

Beowoof November 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Well that explains why McCain thought Petraus was his hero, someone who likes to bonk around on the side.

Trannysurprise November 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

One surge too many?

VodkaGoGo November 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

And yet never enough.

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

He couldn't keep his bazooka in his pants..

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

"Oh, yes, General Turgidson is here, but he can't come to the phone."

glasspusher November 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Why come to the phone when you can come without the phone?

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 11:49 am

"Don't forget to say your prayers."

MissTaken November 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I didn't realize that being monogamous was a job requirement for bombing Af-Pak weddings with predator drones. The more you know!

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I believe that adultery is still a criminal offense under Army Law or whatever. Someone here might be more helpful on this point?

Steverino247 November 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm

He's not subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice as he's retired from the Army. However, being the head spook means you're subject to things like blackmail if foreign governments find out about affairs. So, in order to prevent any conflicts or suspicions about his job performance, he resigned. Actually, it's the very honorable thing to do when you've done something like fool around on your wife (which is obviously NOT honorable). It cuts off all the bullshit right away and allows him and his wife to focus on their issues. Done.

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Ah, in my mind I see him wearing a green shirt with a lot of those dangly things. I didn't realize he had to quit the Army to be CIA guy.

Steverino247 November 9, 2012 at 4:53 pm

On June 30, 2011, Petraeus was unanimously confirmed as the next Director of the CIA by the US Senate 94-0. Petraeus relinquished command of U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan on July 18, and retired from the U.S. Army on August 31. He was sworn in as CIA Director on September 6.

freddymcmurray November 10, 2012 at 4:55 am

DOD is a separate entity from the CIA. It's sort of like how you can't be a senator and the president at the same time.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Moreover, even if HIS affair isn't blackmail material, he does have subordinates bound by those standards, and thus an obligation to lead by example.

I, for one, am not one to complain when a politician decides to fall on his sword (so to speak) to demonstrate that yes, the rules SHOULD apply to everyone, even the powerful.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Spies can be blackmailed into shit.

freddymcmurray November 10, 2012 at 4:56 am

i heard that the president is a black male

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Do hairdryers work on wet keyboards? Kudos.

An_Outhouse November 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Really, who would hit that besides a russian spy?

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Y'know, that ought to be the fallback question anytime any politician thinks about the chick he's flirting with at a party or a bar: take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and ask "Really, who would hit that besides a russian spy?"

docterry6973 November 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Obama's fault. I say impeachment is the only answer. Someone notify Issa.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Petraeus. Isn't that Greek? How come no one has asked whether he liked the buttsechs yet? Wonketeer FAIL!

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Dutch

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Oh. Well, it was a guess based upon the name of the port of Athens, Piraeus.
His wife has probably just had enough of his pulling the Dutch oven on her.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Now that's interesting, because why would a man do that to a woman in bed? Yet I don't think any gay guys would be very entertained, either. So it's pretty much something two straight dudes would do in bed together, right?

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I think the first time I read about that was in a joke in EasyRiders magazine, about 30 years ago. Real bikers (not CPAs and Lawyers with $30K hawgs) tend to treat their wimmen like they were their buddies, rather than some delicate flower.

Katydid November 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I thought we just always assumes EVERYONE likes the buttsechs, forever and always.

Speaking of which, I keep seeing Anna Marie Cox on MSNBC….I believe she's the one who started all this talk of buttsechs…good times, good times.

arihaya November 10, 2012 at 2:47 am

Dutch

This is because either during Renaissance or Protestant Reformation, many Dutch and Northern Germans changed their surname to Greek or Roman sounding names.

For example: Neanderthal got their name from Neander Valley, which was named after a certain preacher named Neander, who was previously known as Neumann.

So I suspect Petraeus' ancestors original surname was something like Stein or Steiner (Petra means rock)

bibliotequetress November 11, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Thank you, arihaya, that was actually educational and interesting! Now that you've reminded how high the bar should be set, I'm going to flip on Fox for a few minutes.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Dude got his commission in 1974. I'm sure he partook of some strange nookie at some point in his career—hell, his first assignment was in fucking Italy.

HarryButtle November 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Was he assigned to guard a top-secret RV with John Winger?

voodooeconomics November 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm

37 years…how big did she get? and if a man can keep it going after 37 years with same woman he is obviously an Alien Robot

Steverino247 November 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I'm on 38, so it can be done…

ChillBill November 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm

How will Obama avoid impeachment now?

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

What fools we've been, voting for the blah man!

Mojopo November 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Another Republican dreamboat candidate, lost.

YasserArraFeck November 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

So all that time we were talking about Petraeus' Big Surge, he was giggling up his sleeve at us?!

Toomush_Infer November 9, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Here's why we can be assured he's not a true Republican:

1) affair with a member of the opposite sex, assumedly of age;

2) he resigned, probably never to resume a governmental position.

YasserArraFeck November 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Lord Above, his Missus looks like his Mom. While I don't condone his extramarital campaigning, I can understand it.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Like my pappy always told me, two best things in life are free beer and strange poo-say. I think it's a military ethos.

bobbert November 9, 2012 at 5:26 pm

At least it's an ethos.

Katydid November 9, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Connect the dots, people. Dianne Feinstein said "…Petraeus will not need to testify at hearings she is chairing next week into the attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya. Ambassador Christopher Stevens and three other Americans were killed in the attack."

Obvs. Barry made Petraeus have an affair sos he could wreak havoc in Benghazi and get away with it. I'll bet Petraeus really hated having the affair, too.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I thought you were going to say Feinstein is the mistress!

bobbert November 9, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Garrghh.

Katydid November 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

lol…I can see how you would think that, this is why I love you Chet. ;)

I wish I had thought of it, it would have been funnier than my response.

Also too, I was making that up about the rightwing interpreting it that way….guess what, that's exactly what they're doing.

GregComlish November 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Who gives a shit if the guy has an affair? Clearly there is more to the story. Unless this guy went on a Tiger Woods style binger fucking hot sluts left and right for over eight years, unless he was fucking an ISI agent, unless by affair he means "rape", then who fucking gives a shit? Nobody.

bibliotequetress November 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

While I agree that this is, actually, no one else's bidness, in order to hold a security clearance you are not supposed to engage in behavior or be in situations that can be leveraged against you. This is why you cannot keep a clearance if you hold too much financial debt, and it used to be the argument against clearing gays & lesbians (fortunately mostly no longer an issue). If he were not the actual freaking Director of Central Intelligence, he might, just might, be able to hang on to his clearance, especially if he and Mrs. P. argued that their marriage was open or they were estranged or something else that mitigated the blackmailability.

Interestingly, one of the developments as more women (yay!) and more openly homosexual (yay!) folks have been able to join the armed forces or get jobs in intelligence is that the clearance standards for most agencies have become more realistic– once upon a time even consenting premarital sex could cause problems. Even not being a member of a religion flagged you. Except for one or two (cough) agencies (that do not necessarily include the CIA) most do not consider cohabitation or smoking a joint in college a deal breaker anymore.

DahBoner November 9, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I always assume sirens involve a roadside sobriety check.

And yes sir, I always walk like this…

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 5:07 pm

These fucking Bond promotional tie-ins are getting out of hand!!

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Fuck oh dear. That's outstanding.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

That sound you hear is fever-dreams of every wingnut who has ever said "Draft Petraeus [2012 OR 2016]" going up in smoke.

Not that that was ever his bag, anyway.

docterry6973 November 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Nah. A tearful confession, a public prayer with a prominent televangelist, and he is back in the game.

barto November 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Sure Dave, lead thousands to death and dismemberment in a senseless "war", no problem, but have an affair – you're outta here!

cousinitt November 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm

The Appalachian Trail could not be reached for comment.

docterry6973 November 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

MSNBC reports that the FBI is investigating his biographer, Paula Broadwell, for possible illegal access to the general's emails. Is that what the kids call it these days?

Oh, and google her. I would hit that like the fist of an angry god. Or like the tail of a sickly mouse.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

You would have to like it on the bottom…..exclusively.

JadedPreppy November 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

The affair may have been with his biographer, hence the title "All In".
Embedded in Afghanistan, indeed.

JadedPreppy November 9, 2012 at 6:02 pm
shelwood46 November 9, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Broadwell: "No, no dirty secrets." Hahaha.

GeorgiaBurning November 9, 2012 at 5:46 pm

There are rules in the CIA, and this sends a message down to the troops. Still, quite a few generals were caught with their pants down over the last few weeks; did the US Anti-Dope Agency come up with a new test?

rickmaci November 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Blowvember is only started and we have two nominees for pol of the month; Mitz for blowing the election and Pricktraeus for well, whatever…

RelicOven November 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

You'd think as the head of the CIA he'd have a way of dealing with this quietly.

NellCote71 November 9, 2012 at 6:02 pm

It is his biographer, Paula Broadwell, aptly named.

Misty Malarky November 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Can I apply for the job through Romney's transition page?

I think I'm smaller, simpler, and smarter.

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

"You can't Bone in here, this is the Servicemember Affairs Room!”

Katydid November 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Two things:

Slate is reporting that Paula Broadwell is the journalist he had the affair with. She wrote a biography of him this year that is supposed to be "a valentine" to him.

Possibly worse, MSNBC is reporting that the FBI is investigating Broadwell for having access to his CIA e-mails. Of course, that's not all she had access to….nyuk nyuk nyuk

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Pics or…you know the rest.

EDIT: Well alright then! http://aspensecurityforum.org/Websites/aspensecur

finallyhappy November 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Best @reply from that last tweet:

valerie ‏@valsocal
Hmmm… RT @paulabroadwell My take:Petraeus ldrshp maxims Newsweek http://tinyurl.com/byeqtsx Take performance personally/if u r ok 2 b average…

decentcitizen November 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Broadwell's destined for Harvard tenure, for sure. Thanks for the community service, Paula.

mosjef November 9, 2012 at 10:29 pm

So he traded in Mrs. Butterworth for Lady Clairol. He has no scruples but he has eyes.

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 12:17 am

can we back to butter beer and why people aren't posting on facebook?

freddymcmurray November 10, 2012 at 5:07 am

The wikipedia page on Broadwell states that she's still a major in the Army reserves. If this is true, wouldn't she then fall under the UCMJ, where adultery is a court-martial offense?

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

If this is all there is, and I'm not at all sure it is, the little ass-kisser is still a viable candidate for 2016 and don't think he won't carry out the Republican Line to the letter. Ass-kissers know two things well: kissing ass and following orders. Exhibit A: Clinton, B: Newt, I could go on, but I've got to leave the house now.

MosesInvests November 10, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Huh?

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Damn. Missed out on the job… Can I have the boinking the mistress position, in that case?

glasspusher November 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

So sorry to hear…I knew you had your heart set on being a bus driver. You are either on the bus or off the bus!

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

or under the bus

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I do that move so well on the dance floor…

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Spanking it?! Way to cause a stampede in the club!!

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Is that why Handsome Joe and the Lady Biker were so amused?

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