WHINGE NUTS  12:30 pm November 10, 2012

A Children’s Treasury Of Random Wingnut Post-Election Whining (Part 1 of ???)

by Doktor Zoom

Little-known fact: Butthurt is also covered by ObamacareDo you people have any idea how hard it is to sift through all the insane rightwing mutterings about the reelection of Barack Obama so that we can bring you the very best? Neither do we! It all starts looking the same after about five minutes! And so, this collection of freakouts will, of necessity, be something of a sampler plate from the great smorgasbord that is the Great 2012 Wingnut Butthurtosphere.

Let’s start with a couple of threads from Free Republic:

  • One practical-minded soul seeks Ideas about how to realistically “Go Galt”?

    I plan to cancel cable tv, quit the health club, am putting off purchases that I had planned IF Romney had won.

    Am happy to hear ideas…I have to say my spouse was literally in tears last night, thinking about what dangers we face (not just as a family but as a society and a nation). We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory.

    We just want to be as wise as possible with the resources God has provided.

    Other suggestions: Have 6 months of food on hand, buy guns, and consider emigrating, because “Central and south America have some really great spots for expat families, and the Philippines, where I am, is great for single guys.” And one hard-bitten realist notes,

    Going Galt is impossible, the next best alternative is bankrupt the system. That is very easy, get it while you can, cut back on your income, go on food stamps, get your ebt card, try to fit your life into every hand out that you can possibly receive, start taking more than you contribute, take it down fast, but have your guns ready because the takers will freak out when it’s all gone!

    In a similar thread, which also advocates soaking the system to bring about its collapse (a right-wing borrowing of the Cloward-Piven Strategy that Glenn Beck warned of), one genius explains that “A welfare ‘family’ receives anywhere from $40 – $60,000 per year in benefits.” Strangely, no one challenges this assertion. Should any of these twits actually live out their cherished “Maybe I’ll just get on welfare so’s I can live it up!” fantasy (they won’t), will they ever be in for a surprise!

  • A couple of other Freepers who love America advocate more direct action. One asserts that U.S. Employment Discrimination Law Does Not Include Party Affiliation, and another, one “max americana,” announced he was going forward with his plan to fire a liberal whom he had “hired deliberately so we can fire him once Odumbo wins. Well, because I’m a man of my word, this puke will be fired at the end of the day.” He also explained that “we have our asses covered with multiple warning letters, memos etc. This was planned from the get-go.” That’s some efficient free market!

    Others in the thread indicated doubt about its veracity. One suggested “Maybe you should just move him to the basement and steal his stapler.” Mr. Americana, who claims to “live and work in Hollywood,” also says that the following is his “nightly prayer”:

    Dear Lord, please allow the Civil War to start in order for me to save my nation. We cannot co-exist with liberals and they really need to go. Kindly arm me with weapons and firearms that will make short work of these Godless heathens called liberals. Kicking them in the face and smashing their heads in with a baseball bat is not enough. If you wish for your religion to prosper, then liberals have to go. They don’t believe in You anyway, so give me the strength to destroy our enemies.

    Amen

Yes, of course the hammer and sickle has a swastikaOver at The Gateway Pundit, Jim Hoft, universally acclaimed as the stupidest man on the internet, took a few minutes to mourn 11-6-2012: The Day America Changed.

Mercy. What catalogue of horrors is portended by this horrific change, which will permanently alter the political landscape forever?

  • 8 to 9 percent unemployment is the new normal. It’s good enough. 46 million people on food stamps is OK. It shows we care. Debt spending is good. It will get paid off some day and if not, our kids can worry about it. Trillion dollar deficits make sense.

    Socialized medicine is good. It will cost more, but did you honestly believe it wouldn’t? It doesn’t matter what you were told. Catholics should pay for abortions. Sandra Fluke is a prophet. Abortions and birth control should be free. We should fund abortions overseas, too.

    The First Lady should be allowed to blow millions on lavish vacations. The White House parties should cost millions, too. The president should play as much golf and basketball as he pleases. They deserve it. They work hard. They’re Democrats…

    It’s not racist that 97% of blacks vote Democrat. It’s racist if you are white and vote Republican…

    America was once the land of the free. Now we want to be told what to do. More government is good. We want stuff.

    On Tuesday America changed.

    But the fight is not over.

    God help us in the days ahead.

Elsewhere, CNS News offers this damning evidence that Barack Obama is an intellectual lightweight who barely knows anything about this great land of ours (not his):

  • In his re-election victory speech on Tuesday night, President Barack Obama referred to the United States as a singular “former colony,” when the United States was actually composed of 13 separate colonies prior to gaining independence from the British.

WND’s Joseph Farah says that America is utterly broken, and that Barack Obama done broke it:

  • America has decisively turned the corner away from the constitutional principles of limited government and self-government with the re-election of Barack Obama.

    There may be no way home for us.

    For those of us who fundamentally reject Obama’s policies, things are going to get very rough for the next four years. We have allowed our fellow Americans to pronounce judgment on the nation.

    That’s what Obama represents to me – God’s judgment on a people who have turned away from Him and His ways and from everything for which our founders sacrificed their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor.

    The nation is divided like never before – intentionally so. That has been Obama’s game plan from the beginning

Gosh-darn that Barack Obama, for being so darn divisive! Americans were getting along so splendidly with each other until he came along!

And finally, of course, there’s Breitbart.com’s Ben Shapiro, who declared #WAR:

  • We will not heel. We will not stop. The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together. But apparently, liberal America prefers to battle for the soul of the country.

    And so we battle.

    Democracy works. We still believe in democracy. We still believe in the power of ideas. But the only way to win in the battle of ideas is to fight the bullies, as Andrew did. Democracy is not blood; that’s a miracle. But the civil war for the heart and soul of this country is real…

    The war begins now.

    #War

Yes, this is how democracy dies. Not with a bang, but with a hashtag.

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you’re fool enough to think the Obama Regime will allow a free internet much longer, Doktor Zoom is on Twitter too.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 462 comments }

FNMA November 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

"We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory."

Just goes to show you, God can be a real prick sometimes.

Misty Malarky November 10, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Why are these folks still praying to the same Jesus who screwed their poopy holes so completely?

If only these folks would start posting about their love for SATAN and how he'll Save America for Whitey – things might get really interesting.

Dudleydidwrong November 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

They pray "God's will be done" but mean "Only if God's will is the same as my egotistically dumbass prejudices." Is this a great religion, or what?

Isyaignert November 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Recall that the Republicon party turned the stars on their elephant logo upside down a few years back. Tell the religious nutz that the upside down stars mean the "mark of the beast." It'll drive them to drink!! Hahahahaha.

RomneysLogCabin November 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

When God hands you lemons, dance with the devil.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Limes! It's limes we need!

BaldarTFlagass November 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

and coconuts! Drink 'em both up!

RomneysLogCabin November 10, 2012 at 3:49 pm

and shake them all around…

Mmmm, coconut, lime and Swine smoothies.

deanbooth November 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

It must have been a legitimate election.

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:01 pm

At least this way the Republicans know they've been legitimately raped.

caitifty November 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

"Just goes to show you, *your* God can be a real prick sometimes." FTFY :)

comrad_darkness November 10, 2012 at 3:06 pm

They would have known God could be a royal prick if they read Job. Of course, that would mean reading that bible of theirs.

Geminisunmars November 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I said Read?! Lord above!
Now you're trying to trick me to read.

(All right now
Baby it's all right now
All right now
Baby it's all right now )

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 11:41 am

Read? Why read when you can get the synopsis from Veggie Tales?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

"You never ask questions
When God's on your side."

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 12:37 pm

A little advice for butthurt conservatards:

When you are down and out
Lift up your head and shout
"I'M DOWN AND OUT!"

Then go jump off a physical cliff. With votes.

kittensdontlie November 10, 2012 at 3:04 pm

More advice from tard to tard:

"Keep in mind it only takes about 90 days to starve to death.
If it comes down to it, I can choose to starve to death rather than be enslaved."

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 11:43 am

Yeah, hunger strike! But first I'll just have one more double down, an anus burger, and some chik-fil-a.

JustPixelz November 11, 2012 at 10:04 am

"with votes"

I know the "with votes" meme came after the Giffords shooting when some right-wingnut tried to rationalize their "targeting" or "taking aim" or "shoot to kill" rhetoric. But I can't remember who said it. (I always assumed it was Sarah Palin™.). And googling "with votes" is kinda hopeless. Does anyone know exactly where this delicious phrase comes from? TY

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 11:44 am

On this site, I believe it started when editrix laid down the law

Madfall November 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

OMG the secular people are at war with us! Well no shit, evangelicals http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/10/us/politics/chr

glamourdammerung November 10, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Y R U PERSECUTIONING ME!11!!!! I ONLY WUNTED TO BURN U AT THE STEAK!!111!!

deanbooth November 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

“This election signaled the last where a white Christian strategy is workable”

Yes!

Madfall November 10, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Let us all hope that's completely true.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I weep for my country and all of its 48 states.

Dudleydidwrong November 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

As usual, the Christian "Right" is wrong. And as usual, most of them are too egotistical and cocksure to understand that.

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

By "Cocksure", are you slapping Bob Dole across the penis?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 10, 2012 at 2:28 pm

After you've bought into the notion that the Almighty All-knowing God is 100% behind you and your prejudices, it's very hard to back yourself out of that corner. Because after all, God wants you there.

gullywompr November 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Wait a minute…. YOU DID THIS!

Lot_49 November 10, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Here's at least one guy quoted in the article with a measure of self-awareness:

"Millions of American evangelicals are absolutely shocked by not just the presidential election, but by the entire avalanche of results that came in,” R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Louisville, Ky., said in an interview. “It’s not that our message — we think abortion is wrong, we think same-sex marriage is wrong — didn’t get out. It did get out.

“It’s that the entire moral landscape has changed,” he said. “An increasingly secularized America understands our positions, and has rejected them.”

You are correct, sir!

SoBeach November 11, 2012 at 9:55 am

Ding ding ding!

smashedinhat November 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

And this is what happens when you drag your head through a bag of hammers everyday.

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Appropriate response to all of the above:

Extend thumb horizontally, index finger upward, bring hand to forehead.

Callyson November 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Laugh uncontrollably, stop halfway through and look guilty for laughing at a person with a mental disability, then give them a look of pity.

/also, too

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Extend thumb horizontally, index finger upward, bring thumb to nose, make Thppppppppt! sound.

weejee November 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Does Karl Rove understand that when his deep pocket contributors discover how many Ameros the Rovian Super PACs burned on admin, Rove is going to have an up-close-and-personal understanding of deep pockets? Kin ya squeal like a pig Karl, kin ya??

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I want Karl to hear "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men…"

Followed by a hail of… votes!

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I would have finished with "cock-punches" myself, but that works I guess…

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Despite my comments below, I can actually get behind cock-punches.

ManchuCandidate November 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Karl Rove will suddenly discover that the 1%ers weren't kidding about making him the prize in "The Most Dangerous Game."

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

If Rove goes to prison, they'll pass him around like a fiesta platter. Porking the porker is what I think it will be called.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Ahahahaha, prison rape jokes are SO goddamn funny, because we imagine it's happening to someone we dislike!

Seriously, not only is "I hope ____ goes to prison so he can be anally raped" is worse than un-PC: it's a goddamn cliché. Could we just maybe not do that, please?

Yes, yes, I recognize that there is possible hypocrisy in complaining about prison gang-rape jokes in a thread about "butthurt." I'll call it a matter of degree and take my metaphorical lumps.

(And to cut-n-paste my standard disclaimer for when I gripe about this trope — and I'll be the first to admit maybe I'm just idiosyncratically pissy about this:

I guess I would just like people to agree to draw a brighter, straighter line around rape, in general. Exceptions? Sure–but they'd have to be pretty goddamned funny, or possibly so grimly gallows-humorish that they'd shine a harsher light on the object of satire.

The guidelines, if there are any, were best delineated by Molly Ivins:

There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity — like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule — that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel — it's vulgar.

I'd add that a rape victim–even a contemptible slime who's in prison for doing awful things–is pretty much the definition of "powerless." (Of course, the worst bastards also tend to become the prison rapists, not the prison rape victims .

Needless to say, this is my gripe as a commenter, not my gripe as an employee of Wonkette Media LLC. I have no administrative powers, nor do I want them.)

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

It's okay Dok; Turdblossom there is a bonerkiller if I ever laid eyes on one.

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Point well taken, I'll do my best to pretend that Rove is nearly human and deserves to be treated like one. Also, I'll further pretend that he didn't inflict Bush The Lesser on the world. Cheney too. That's going to be a tougher one.

PurgedVoter November 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Rove now has something in common with liberal leaders..

A fear of flying in small planes.

Loch_Nessosaur November 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I heard Ham Rove, and his lover Pedro, already high tailed it to Nicaragua.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

So, *that's* what happened to Jeff Gannon?

Isyaignert November 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Further to your comment – http://www.apfn.net/messageboard/03-01-05/discuss

Pat_Pending November 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Ok, in that case I hope Karl keeps 'presenting' himself to all the prison fellas, who respond by smirking and walking away, chuckling softly the themselves.

njstore November 10, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I think Rude Pundit, Karl Rove's leather slave should get more internet attention.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Yes. Yes they should. http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/

BaldarTFlagass November 10, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Mysterious automobile accident to follow…

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

On the few detective cop/cop shows I watch, ok- POI and Castle- when they have asked a mob head if he killed a guy- the answer is if "I did it- you would never have found the body"- also you are insulting me if you think I would have done have done such a sloppy job.

Terry November 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Let's hope so.

GemlikeFlame November 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Would it be too much to ask that the people who strenuously object to the new administration be subject to the same abuse and repression that greeted critics of the Bush administrations?

Because, fair and balanced? Great article, Dok, as usual. Just the right amount of snark.

not that Dewey November 10, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Gateway Pundit sounds not unlike Gibby Haynes:

Soon I discovered that this liberal thing was true
Barack Obama was the devil
Sandra Fluke was an architect previous to her career as a prophet
All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world
So there was only one thing that I could do
Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long

weejee November 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Tom Richard Petty is Isaiah and Dale Earnhardt was Elijah? Does the Pope know this as well as Billy Graham??

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Tell you what!

I'll tell you what!

No man with a good car needs to be justified!

weejee November 10, 2012 at 1:09 pm

So you're taking Vlad to Daytona in February and show those NASCARians what's what??!!??

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

This car is just beginning its life, a lightning bolt couldn't stop it.

GunToting[Redacted] November 10, 2012 at 3:08 pm

So, Jesus really DID build their hot rod?

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Dear Dok:

Honestly, I'm reading the right-wing blogs and Faux News, and enjoying it so much I'm scaring myself.

I watch a Faux News segment, or read a NY Post op-ed or I read a comment, and I gloat and/or chortle, and feel a little ashamed of myself for so reveling in the misery and defeat of the Wingtard Nation. From self-interest, I'm afraid I'll put the kinehora on things. I gently chastise myself (with votes), and say "That's really not nice to be so shamefully joyful in their despair, you really should stop."

Then, like an addictive pint of Ben and Jerry's Roasted Wingnut Swirl, I scoop up the next comment and feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. And I keep scooping. I savor every spoonful and part of me regrets the shameful pleasure I feel but more of me wants to keep scooping.

Are tears of shameful joy fattening? Do you have to worry about the kinehora if the object of your derision is so patently deserving of being cursed? Is anybody else feeling this way?

Signed,
Snarkful in New York

Jeri 2.0 November 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Yes indeedy. I find posting gloaty-type images on Pinterest is quite lethargic. I also post a lot of it on the humor board so that I can use that old passive/aggressive standby: It was just a joke. God! You conservatards are soooo sensitive.

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

You mean, like this?

Jeri 2.0 November 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

::snort!:: I like it. Here's one of mine that I cherish and call neener neener neener!

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

oh that's nice.

ChapterUndVerse November 11, 2012 at 1:55 am

On election night, and ever since, this has been my favorite (with votes) http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://pbs.t

(Soon, I will learn the technologies to do clever HTML things, also. Too.)

Jeri 2.0 November 10, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Um, it would be cathartic, too. Derp.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Snark, like sweetest fruit
Is here a moment, then gone.
The blog feed moves on.

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm

*snf* Beautiful haiku. Thanks, Dok.

I shall gather my snarkbuds while I may.

weejee November 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Galt will protect you. That is the body protecting gut-associated lymphoid tissue (GALT) not the Ayn Ryaned fictional assassin of altruism.

Jennyjen798 November 10, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I too, find myself over-indulging on their tears; and I think my glee has become quite obnoxious for the apoliticals amongst me. Yet, I cannot stop. The tears are so fucking delicious. I feel like Cartman in the Scott Tenorman episode. http://youtu.be/owzhYNcd4OM

BenGleck November 10, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Isn't everyone?

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

i'm going on a diet starting monday.

also, it will be easy then. right about then we'll start hearing from mcconnell and boehner about how they won't compromise on anything they just lost the election over.

SnarkOff November 10, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I enjoy Ben and Jerry's Roasted Wingnut Swirl after a delicious meal of barbequed fetus and a nice chianti.

PugglesRule November 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm

With fava beans, I'm sure.

One_Man_Band November 10, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Glad I'm not the only one. On Wednesday I was all like "I'm gonna gloat for one day, then back to reality" and here it is the weekend and I JUST. CAN'T. FUCKING. STOP.

ChapterUndVerse November 11, 2012 at 2:01 am

Binge gloating is best cured with schadenfreude pie</z>.

Redgyal November 10, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Yes.

ChillBill November 10, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Fuck these fucking whiny fucks. The best part is that they were fully convinced of a Romney landslide, even though there was plenty of evidence that pointed otherwise. They truly deserve every inch of the reality cock they are sucking right now.

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 1:01 pm

*Ahem!*

Fuck these fucking whiny white fucks.

Seemingly redundant I know, Good Sir, but we must be precise in our schadensnarken.

I thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

Jennyjen798 November 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Yup, there were bumper stickers the day before the election that read "Romney/Ryan LANDSLIDE." I had to take a picture of that because my brain was not really computing the fact that someone had the sheer stupidity/bubble headed-ness to create it.

ChessieNefercat November 10, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Hmm. Creating it might actually have been brilliant, when you consider the enormous number of stupid people who would believe it and buy it.

RomneysLogCabin November 10, 2012 at 1:24 pm

*cringe* that sounds rather toothy

valthemus November 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I thought the conservatives' confidence was just bluster, but it was real! They truly, sincerely believed they would walk away with everything! Never any doubt! This is what I find so completely stunning and why there is a teeny, tiny, itty bitty part of me that feels bad for them. But since they've been such mega-bitchy assholes ever since the first teabagger painted a Hitler mustache on an Obama photo, it doesn't keep me from gloating, gloating a little more, and then piling on the serious gloat.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 10, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Well, the reality-based poll analysis was in the NY Times — and that made the facts all biased.

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Actually it was math that made it biased- also NATE!!! is gay and half-Jewish(he describes himself as half- Jewish but as a Jew- I am claiming Nate for us)

CindynEncinitas November 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I really don't get how they could completely eschew fucking MATH – you know, Math? Remember M.A.T.H.? Come on people??? It's math! You use it at the Piggly Wiggly! Even suspected-gay people (I'm talking to you, Nate) who do math will still be dealing with – MATH.

ButthurtWingers2012 November 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I know…even Chuck Todd couldn't resist getting in some shots about the whole, "themz pollz is skuuuuuu'ed!" when it turned out Nate Silver was 100% correct and PPP/Daily Kos had the first and second most correct poll results while Rasmussen, Faux, etc was comically inept….truth hurts wingnuts, doesn't it?

ChessieNefercat November 10, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I don't feel bad for them because the ones that were stupid enough to believe the polls are well, people who support the republican hellscape platform, and the ones that knew the polls were false but believed they would win anyway based their belief on a rigged/stolen election.

GoodDogThor November 10, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Evidence like math and stuff? Its a bitch when your standard denial of reality leads to denying the reality of a pending defeat.

At least they're consistent.

Loch_Nessosaur November 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I suggest they try São Paulo, Brazil. They can hook up with the Confederados that emigrated there after the Civil War (1.0). And, of course, learn to speak Portuguese.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

kkkkkk!

Incitefully_Joe November 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

You know who ELSE emigrated to South America after losing?

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 1:24 pm

The Blue Meanies?

rickmaci November 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Terry Sanford?

Lizzietish81 November 12, 2012 at 8:33 am

Jim Jones?

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Man! I remember well the horror and disgust I felt when Dubya was installed TWICE as our President. I had to see my son go off to fight his war of lies in Iraq TWICE. None of these insane responses entered my mind ONCE. What is wrong with me?

Lucidamente1 November 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

You are a grownup with a normal to above average IQ?

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I suppose anything is possible.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Yup, sounds about right.

lulzmonger November 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Your balls dropped normally at or prior to puberty?

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Simultaneously with my sexual scruples, I might add.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

RomneysLogCabin November 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Walmart, aisle 4, middle shelf on left, look for the brand name: Kool-Aid

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Between the Butt-Hurt Salve and the 'Roid Cream, amirite?Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm

And just above the Viagra.

weejee November 10, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Happy Veterans' Day eve ttommy! Many, many thanks for your service and that of your son!

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Thanks!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

As the son, grandson, great-grandson, and great-great-grandson of officers – AMEN!

Many thanks to you and your son for helping to look after our nation.

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Today we honored our veterans at our synagogue- mostly, people had parents or themselves/spouses or kids who served/are serving- a few grandparents/relatives who served in the Tsar's army or the British Army or the Ethiopian army- but one guy had family going back to the Revolutionary War(he is a Jew by choice whose family goes back to the Mayflower). My father served in WWII as did my uncles but my father's father slipped out of Russia to avoid the Tsar's conscription

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 1:24 pm

You didn't have to ask The Wizard for a heart?

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Finally got one after about sixty years of non-stop assholery.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Some lessons take longer than others. But it's the final grade that counts. :0)

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

So hopeful!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Isyaignert November 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

There is NOTHING wrong with you!

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

First time in 71 years I've heard that!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Isyaignert November 10, 2012 at 2:48 pm

PS – Thanks for your and your son's service. My son is a Coastie and husband an Air Force vet. Glad our troops have a sane Commander-in-Chief.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Hoo-Rah!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

bibliotequetress November 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Isyainignert, where's your son posted?

Steverino247 November 10, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Glad yours came back twice. Mine came back too, but he's missing some pieces and has some new pieces he got while there. Fortunately, the AK-47 does NOT always kill every motherfucker in the room.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I was much more fortunate. He did not get a scratch and is still on Active Duty, though at home with his family. I hope for a total recovery for yours. The AK is a vicious machine with an even more vicious round. Its only drawback is the lack of accuracy, but when you are throwing thirty rounds at a crack (without malfunction, thank you very much) it seems to matter little.

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

man it's so great to know you warrior types are on this blog.

(no snark at all).

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

As opposed to right-wing non-serving chickenhawks?

Steverino247 November 11, 2012 at 10:48 am

He's the "after" picture in this CBS News video about treatment at Walter Reed: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-927763.html

ttommyunger November 11, 2012 at 11:08 am

Groom at last night's wedding was an Annapolis Grad. Many uniforms present, mostly Naval, four SEALS, all impressive young men. We have a lot to be proud of and thankful for.

starfanglednut November 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I'm sorry for your son's injuries, Steve. War is stupid.

Steverino247 November 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

And damned expensive, especially when you cut taxes while fighting two of them.

Isyaignert November 11, 2012 at 5:44 pm

And even more so considering that both wars were unnecessary and one was based on lies. How in the h3ll did Bush get away with it? He should be in the Hague along with his cabal of evil-doers.

CivicHoliday November 10, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Shit, man. Hug your son for me. I have three family members serving and thus far everyone has come home ok, but it scares the pants off me every time one of them is deployed. Two, by the way, have new babies at home. That's my number one reason for hating war…the thought of all the kids who lose parents (or parts of parents) breaks my heart into a million pieces.

Isyaignert November 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm

In 1990, while I was at home with my newborn son for a precious three months before going back to work, George HW Bush's Iraq invastion was going strong on CNN and I remember thinking, I've always been a peace monger, but now that I have a child, I find war more repugnant and horrible than ever before."

marinmaven November 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Maven's Stages of Grief after Bush Re-Election:
1. Sadness: Exactly 48 hours in fetal position in the dark with tears of disbelief not knowing the country of my origins with all media blackout.
2. Futile resistance/Bargaining: "Maybe they are right, I should leave the country." I daydream about living in Paris, the wine, the museums, and the cultured peoples who are equally and appropriately appalled at Bush. I face reality that I am only fluent in my mother tongue and all my family is here. I listen to a feed of classical music from Europe, read books, and PRETEND I am European. (Approx. 2 weeks)
3. Acceptance/Dealing: "SNAP OUT OF IT! Remember who you are! You convinced your parents to vote for Carter when you were 10 and watched Reagan skunk him. You worked for the Mondale campaign and watched the landslide in the afternoon before the polls closed in California. You *thought* about working for Dukakis. All this suffering and you were rewarded with two terms of Clinton. Chill. Plus, there is Wonkette and Jon Stewart. Hey, who's this Obama guy?

You see that while I may have not been always 100% dignified through this losing process, I did okay. I certainly did not entertain thoughts of violence, subversion, guns, etc. While I may have loosened the tether to reality through blissful daydreaming, I always understood that it was a daydream as part of a healthy coping mechanism.

Yes, I felt horror, disgust, and righteous anger which was a normal response from the bizarre and terrible wormhole created by a stolen election, but I wish to be in a civilized nation and therefore I must do my part to that end and not freak out. You might also know it as impulse control and maturity.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

“Impulse control and maturity”. Or in my case, old age and infirmity. OT I graduated HS in Marin. Was in first grad class of first Novato H S 1959.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

marinmaven November 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Most excellent. You will be pleased to know that Marin County voted for President Obama 74% to 24%, but no one is really surprised by that.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Well, the fact that No One owning property in that County has made under $250K a year since 1980 might surprise most in the GOP. They consider all upper income types as their base.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

So, 74% to 24%…. Are you out looking for that 2 percent to slap sense into them? With votes of course.

GeneralLerong November 10, 2012 at 9:42 pm

The General salutes _you_.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Much thanks!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Redgyal November 10, 2012 at 11:45 pm

This whole comment was sent from the field not in Garrison.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Ooookay!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

SexySmurf November 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm

One correction Dok. The person who wrote:

I have to say my spouse was literally in tears last night, thinking about what dangers we face (not just as a family but as a society and a nation). We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory.

actually wrote that in response to the Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez breakup.

Jennyjen798 November 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

OMG THEY BROKE UP?! NOOOOOOOOO!!! They were the most adorable lesbian couple of all time. :*(

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

i did not know that.

you have destroyed all my joy.

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 5:33 pm

So, Selena's back in play (so to speak)?

Simple J Malarkey November 10, 2012 at 5:43 pm

It's ALL good news this week! About time she dumped that dork.

CindynEncinitas November 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

No, it's consternation about the fact that Breaking Amish may not really be real.

AlterNewt November 10, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Everybody chokes on bile. It's just not tasty.

Lucidamente1 November 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

As of yesterday afternoon, the wingnut response has shifted to screaming OBAMABENGHAZIKNEWABOUTPETRAEUSBROADWELLBEFOREELECTIONCOVERUP as loudly as possible.

comrad_darkness November 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

And that's fine. That's why there is such a thing as rawhide chews for dogs.

berkeleyfarm November 11, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The girlfriend was emailing them too?

snowpointsecret November 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Apparently these people were so entrenched on Bullshit Mountain that they couldn't even be budged by the avalanche.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Oh to live on Bullshit Mountain
With the Kochs and the Murdoch buffoons
There's no reality on Sugar Mountain
Though you're thinking that
You're leaving there too soon,
You're leaving there too soon.

gurukalehuru November 10, 2012 at 2:40 pm

There are many caves on bullshit mountain.

ManchuCandidate November 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

What makes this especially precious is that instead of looking within they're just going to blame everyone else and are doomed to repeat the same thing again.

valthemus November 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

With a dash of Marco Rubio tokenism thrown in because, naturally, that's all that's really needed to sway those Hispanic voters.

Butch_Wagstaff November 10, 2012 at 8:24 pm

It's funny how they think their only fuckup was failure to get the Latino vote.

LibrarianX November 10, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Yes. De-fund education, fuckers.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

The will of Jeebus cannot fail, it can only be failed.

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I want them to stop blaming Latinos and Black People and single young women- and start blaming old white women – we helped elect Obama too! Blame me!

MosesInvests November 10, 2012 at 11:29 pm

And us kikes, also, too!

Isyaignert November 11, 2012 at 5:50 pm

These Republicon bozos are the least self-aware species on the planet.

glamourdammerung November 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Too bad they are too cowardly, generally inept, and just too stupid to follow anything through (spree shootings of unarmed people aside). Because if anyone deserves to lose bowel control while lying in a pool of their own blood, it is these treasonous cretins.

Also, Romans 13, bitches.

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Because if anyone deserves to lose bowel control while lying in a pool of their own blood with votes, it is these treasonous cretins.

/fixed

glamourdammerung November 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Exactly. With votes. Like they did in Fallujah.

Hey, they are the traitors gushing about how awesome fighting our military would be.

memzilla November 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Sons Of Chickenhawks.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Ah, there's a loophole to Romans 13! If it's self-evident that the gummint is ungodly, you are compelled by God to go shoot some heathens / fellow citizens / sheeple: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20Gover

glamourdammerung November 10, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Well, there is a loophole in anything if one is willing to ignore the bits they do not like.

Negropolis November 11, 2012 at 12:29 am

This.

Let them mak their own ridiculous talking points.

Loch_Nessosaur November 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Since they lost the election and couldn't turn the US into a Banana Republic moving to Central or south [sic] America would serve them well.

kittensdontlie November 10, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Wingnut relocation would be a worthwhile government program. An Obama-ticket would be a one-way and non-refundable.

malsperanza November 10, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Pretty sure most of them already live in south America.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

That seems like a pretty terrible thing to propose – those are some nice people down there!

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I dunno, they're gonna have some competition there, what with all the Chavistas and such…

Mrugby08 November 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

No it wouldn't because there are Brown people and POOR people there too.

MiniMencken November 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Well, I was relatively happy for a couple, three days. Thanks for harshing my mellow, Wonkette!

LibrarianX November 10, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I was doing well until I saw that Rubio is visiting Iowa and that George P. Bush is making moves to run for office. The pundits went wild. Yea gods.

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

"There may be no way home for us."

Well, you might try John Lennon's advice: "Turn left at Greenland."

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Not unless you're Mr. Peabody and have a Way-back Machine. 1955 (i.e., "home") is loooong gone…

ChapterUndVerse November 11, 2012 at 2:07 am

Does that put them over the original landing site of the Titanic? They could rearrange the deck chairs while they're there..

PartsUnknown November 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Well, yes, but how did you find business conditions in Europe?

Schmegeg November 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

To all of the extended freakout: Fuck You.

GeneralLerong November 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

life doesn't change too terribly much in America no matter which party wins the presidency – not real change, the way people in the rest of the world understand real political change, i.e. in terms of reprisals and collapsed currencies and assassinations and other such disasters.–Matt Taibbi

Yeah. You'd think that cattle cars full of manacled old white Republican steers would be rumbling toward the re-education trailer camps in Montana even as we speak.

Not that there would be anything wrong with that.

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

you know i love matt (and your comment) but i have to say, while he's correct that we don't have the political vicissitudes and / or extremes of say, bangledesh, we would be looking at a very very different future for this country if mittbot and little boy wonder had been elected.

thank god we aren't looking at that.

Negropolis November 11, 2012 at 12:33 am

This. I do get tired of the cynics. Our Democratic Party may be far from the most transformational parties, but the Republican Party is a transformational party…for the worse. Every time we dodge a Republican is a good day. Maybe we need more than good days; maybe we need great days. But, you've got to take what you can get at the national level, anyway.

snowpointsecret November 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

It’s not racist that 97% of blacks vote Democrat. It’s racist if you are white and vote Republican…

It's amazing how they ignore that it's about policy…

Incitefully_Joe November 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

It's amazing how they ignore that an awful lot of those Democratic candidates are ALSO white, but still receive a dramatically outsize share of the African-American vote, because, as you say, it's about policy.

snowpointsecret November 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Also that Linda McMahon lost horribly among women… Against a Democratic man. Amazing how that works, isn't it?

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Yeah, but that's only because blacks are simple, lazy souls who will vote for anyone who promises them a handout. It's pretty damn racist how those Democrats keep promising the shiftless moochers all that sweet wealth stolen from hardworking people, which is why so few blacks have enough character and intelligence to escape the racist Democrat Plantation.

rickmaci November 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

What's racist is you are shocked that 97% of blacks vote Democrat.

reweni November 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm

But the Republicans freed the slaves, I don't understand why blacks don't love the republicans.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Of course they ignore that it's about policy … they'd have to face the fact that the majority of voters think that GOP policies suck. That's why they'll blame Mitt's failure on racist liberals (huh?), biased media, the Trilateral Commission … anything but their own shitty policies.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

It's racist to support the Republican Party in any way if you object to voter suppression laws being shoved through just months before a Presidential election… that coincidentally disenfranchise many more people of color than Caucasians.

reweni November 11, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Middle-aged white men: the true oppressed minority(TM)

Misty Malarky November 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Just what made that little old ant
Think it could move a rubber tree plant?

Everyone knows an ant
Can't
Move a rubber tree plant!

(CHORUS AD NAUSEUM)

BenGleck November 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I keep singing "I'm walking on sunshine", and I hate that fucking song!

BaldarTFlagass November 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Since Tuesday night for me. Maybe we can start a support group.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Sorry, guys, all due respect, I've got you both beat:

MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE!
HEY LA, HEY LA, MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK!

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Swear to god, I thought you wrote "black" –and it would be just as disturbing to those twerps, maybe moreso.

Barrelhse November 10, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I absolutely abhor children's choruses.

DerrickWildcat November 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I kind of feel sorry for those guys. Maybe we should help them somehow.

PubOption November 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

That would be socialism.

Fare la Volpe November 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

"Cyanide pills! Get your cyanide pills heeya!"

Loch_Nessosaur November 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

We could let them know that, as Dok Zoom put in the Alt-Txt, butthurt is covered by Obamacare.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

We did. On Tuesday.

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Just text FUKYU to 90999

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

birds?

Barrelhse November 10, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Yes, it would be kind to put them out of their misery.

bflrtsplk November 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Good to see Ben Shapiro channeling Breitbart`s Ghost:

“The only way to win in the battle of ideas is fight the bullies, as Andrew did…“

Or to become a drunken bully, as Andrew did.

Fare la Volpe November 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Why won't liberals vote for us? All we want for them is a bloody death followed by desecration of the body! Liberals are so intolerant.

LibrarianX November 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It's funny because it's sad.

VodkaGoGo November 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm

You forgot treasonous, liberals are also treasonous for voting for the guy they like. What is this, Russia?

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Looting the system for all you can take is another sterling example of how Jesus comported Himself, too, also.

WhatTheHeck November 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

O great god, why did you allow the blah to win the election… again?
I thought you were all powerful ’n stuff, so I can only assume this is all part of your plan. But you know, sometimes your plan is too complicated for your supporters to figure it our, so they run off and purchase guns to ease their pain. Are you laughing at their pain, or are you just stone cold?

fartknocker November 10, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The far right GOP is so out of touch with the moderates and middle class that they failed to understand that it’s not about religion, guns, or social programs. It’s about continued tax breaks for corporations, bankers who fucked a bunch of people, and an older population who diligently has paid taxes for social security, roads, schools, FEMA teams, agriculture inspectors and the like while these knuckle-dragging, god-loving, home-schooled legislators and lobbyists want more of the pie.

The bigger problem is their performance. The 112th session of the HOR and Senate was filled with a baker’s dozen (x3) of whack-a-doodle pinheads who spouted party mantras and did not fulfill the mission of governance. http://voteview.com/political_polarization.asp

They started this and the voters are on a clearly objective path of putting some moderation back into the legislative bodies and worry about WE the people, not THEY the people.

One more thing: Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition. I’ve got god and guns in my house but our family worries about the community as well as our own welfare and finances.

Go out and thank a Veteran.

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 1:06 pm

"…putting off purchases that I had planned IF Romney had won".

"If"? See, that's the problem with people who won't commit. Or people who should be committed in one way or another.

Misty Malarky November 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Beisdes, the price on red, white, and blue TRUCKNUTZ always goes down after the holidays.

outragedcitizen November 11, 2012 at 10:53 am

It's ok, I just purchased a $6000 heat pump to replace the old one that died so I think I've more then offset this assholes "if RMoney wins" purchases.

Callyson November 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

the next best alternative is bankrupt the system

You know who else had to destroy the country to save it?

snowpointsecret November 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm

George W. Bush?

VodkaGoGo November 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Jefferson Davis?

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Oooh, I know! I know! Gen. William Westmoreland et al.!

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Karl Rove?

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Grover Norquist?

cheaphits November 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Mao Ze-dong?

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

William Tecumseh Sherman?

Stevola November 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Be the ultimate taker, then kill al the takers? Sounds like slow suicide.

Heeheehee

SexySmurf November 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm

We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory.

Slightly OT: Last night I was watching America's Next Top Model and one of the chicks prayed to God to win, and then later she was eliminated. And I was wondering, do any of these people who keep having their prayers go unanswered ever try praying to Satan? Just once, to see if it works.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Or maybe Joe Pesci. He gets shit done.

VodkaGoGo November 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

"A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night."

BoatOfVelociraptors November 11, 2012 at 7:39 am

That is some excellent innuendo. Junk in the trunk, working the hole for 30-45 minutes, all fuckin' night.

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Hey, all prayers are answered!
That being said, sometimes the answer is no.
Ask Mitt Romney if you don't believe me.

Blueb4sinrise November 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I prayed to Satan and he directed me here.

Callyson November 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Dear Lord, please allow the Civil War to start in order for me to save my nation

Naw, let's spare everyone the fuss and get a velvet divorce. Don't let the door hit you on the way out…

BenGleck November 10, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Ding, ding, ding!

VodkaGoGo November 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

They seem to be under the mistaken impression we don't want them to leave. I dont know why that is, every time some fuckwit in Texas talks succession you can practically hear a collective shout of "GO FOR IT" echoing accross the land.

NDeeeZ November 11, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Let 'em go, bring in Puerto Rico and you don't even have to change the flag!

christianmuslin November 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Maybe now is time for those Morman missionaries to do some convertin of these super christians that want to destroy this country in order to save it. Once they convert they can themselves become missionaries in places such as Iran, Mexico, Iraq, Somalia. The whole world needs to hear their word. Or, just charge them with treason and prosecute their stupid ass.

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

France is a well known refuge for missionaries, even at times when there is no war going on that the missionaries have to dodge.

Callyson November 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm

It’s not racist that 97% of blacks vote Democrat. It’s racist if you are white and vote Republican…

You know, I don't automatically assume that the stupid reason/s that someone supported Romney involve racism…until they confirm it by going on this brainless rant. Defensive much?

Sassomatic November 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Abraham Lincoln would be so proud of these fine Americans who are willing, nay eager, to reign violence down upon those whose ideas are somewhat different from theirs, and who viciously used the democratic process to elect they guy they liked better.

This is America, and you have the right to vote. But if you vote for the wrong guy, prepare to have your skull crushed, for America.

Joshua Norton November 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

The war begins now.

Unleash the Hoverrounds!!

VodkaGoGo November 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Ever notice these guys seem to really, really love war?

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But really, really rarely fight in them?

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Love war like the song, "From a distance".

lulzmonger November 10, 2012 at 9:29 pm

WAR-SCOOTERS, FULL SPEED AHEAD!

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Now I have Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries in my head.

VodkaGoGo November 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I thought all these fucking loons were rooting for the end of the world anyway. Is it that they're afraid the rapture didn't come for them that's got them so unhinged? I can see them all now, re-reading Left Behind , fancying themselves the true to life Tribulation Force fighting the good fight against the Kenyan usurper anti-Christ. Except in those books, all the heros unironically took high ranking positions in the anti-Christs inner circle and were pretty crucial to starting World War III. Shouldn't these fuckos be working for Obama?

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Wolverines!!!

DixvilleCrotch November 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Those guys literally pray for civil war? Now that is fucked up.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

*koff* *treason* *koff*

Isyaignert November 10, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Remember, Todd Palin was part of the Alaska Independence (secession) Party and $arah Palin gave the opening remarks at their convention. Apparently the 50-star Flag, US Constitution and Pledge of Allegance (one nation, under God, indivisible) mean nothing to them. They are liars, traitors, and fidiots!

malsperanza November 11, 2012 at 10:28 am

But patriotic ones.

Beowoof November 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Half of these morons are already on disability, SSI or welfare and live the trailerhood. They are already sponging off the blue states and they whine and whine. Let them secede or go see how well their productive skills are utilized with the complete lack of an organized civilization around them. You don' t have enough ammo to survive the collapse you encourage, you don't have the skills you think you do, you should first learn how to reason and deal with facts before you get too crazy. Oh wait, they can't reason, and facts don't matter. The big Sky Fairy will drop Hunger Games style parachutes of stuff you need on you.
Okay got that rant out feel better.

PugglesRule November 10, 2012 at 8:27 pm

The big Sky Fairy will drop Hunger Games style parachutes of stuff you need on you.

Perhaps, but these loons wouldn't be smart enough to survive the first 5 minutes. None of them would make it as far as the Cornucopia.

malsperanza November 11, 2012 at 10:30 am

Actually, most of the people I've canvassed in trailer parks voted for Obama. Let's not malign poor white people for being poor, eh?

soeoho November 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Via a Wyoming cousin's red-re-post, along with a colorful (by county) map.
"Yup, sure looks like obama won. I say we do an experiment. Obama can preside over the blue areas, and Romney over the red. Then in four years, we'll compare …"
Before I reply, do we have assurances that Wyoming has not yet acquired its aircraft carrier?

Jennyjen798 November 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

LOL! I had a coworker say the same thing. This country is red look at this map. I said uhh land doesn't vote, PEOPLE vote and the majority of PEOPLE live in urban areas, not in the middle of Bumfuck, Texas where there are more cows than humans. His response "Well, citiies, that's where the minorities live." Me: Minorities are the REAL majority, better learn to accept it otherwise life is going to get really hard for you. You already have heart problems ya know….

He walked away after that. :D

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Fixed/ "….not in the middle of WEST Bumfuck, Texas". Please note that Bumfuck, Texas is a bustling town that is intent on having it's second stop sign installed before the end of the year.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Fair is fair.
The intersection was getting too heavily trafficked with everyone driving to the dump to shoot rats.

Tangled sin tax November 10, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I used to live in an Oregon town (Dayville) where you needed to drive 32 miles if you wanted to gawk at the single stoplight in the county.

Butch_Wagstaff November 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm

When the stoplights are installed, they'll probably think it's Christmas.

Sorry, old joke I heard years ago from someone who (like me at the time) lived in a small town that had just gotten it's first stoplight.

Pithaughn November 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm

My most r wing relative grows apples in WA. I constantly have to remind him there are not nearly enough scardy cat old white guys to buy all his apples even if they switched from corn sweetners to apple juice. His very survival depends on all those scary urban dwellers who vote D.

Negropolis November 11, 2012 at 12:43 am

That, and farm subsidies, also.

NDeeeZ November 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Which are NOT socialist, sucking off the gummint teat because…ah hell, I forgot where I was going with that.

MacRaith November 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Next time they try that, point them to this map that resizes the counties by population. It tells a much different story.

Additionally, lots of cool maps from the same guy: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/2012

Pithaughn November 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Where's alaska? Is it that tiny spot of red next to WA?

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Funny, except for FL, I'd have just thought that was North America after the oceans rise for a couple more centuries.

Butch_Wagstaff November 10, 2012 at 8:22 pm

The guy who created these maps must be short of stature and effeminate much like that Nate Silver fellow so he's clearly biased.

BerkeleyBear November 10, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Like Mitt wants anything to do with the areas he "won". This is a guy who has never lived outside of a dreaded "metropolitan" region and looks uncomfortable when he's doing anything less formal than a business meeting – I'd love to see him dropped in the middle of sheep/gas/cattle country and left to manage. He'd be a gibbering mess in month.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Great – can we reduce the amount of money the Federal government passes from blue states to red states too?

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm

It was the GOP that first roused the radical, far-right Teabagger rabble – and it now looks like Rove & Co. have got *quite* a tiger by the tail.

On the plus side, psychology majors will have PLENTY of material for papers for years to come…

snowpointsecret November 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Well, I have news that might make their reactions even more snark-worthy!

Obama has officially won Florida, 50% to 49.1%. The 0.9% difference is enough to avoid a recount, which would have taken place if it was within 0.5%. I'd love to see Rick Scott's reaction to all this…

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

In re: Pink-slip Rick's reaction – here ya go:
http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/11/117816/2216

Dudleydidwrong November 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Fuck Rick Scott with a voting machine.

jzgplj November 10, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I would SO love to see that!

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Assume chads hanging

kittensdontlie November 10, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Forget the chads, hang him (with suppressed votes).

anniegetyerfun November 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Max Americana is obviously about 13 years of age, but with an IQ of a 5 year-old.

LibrarianX November 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Note to evangelicals: don't pick a fight that you're not prepared to finish.

RelicOven November 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

They didn't realize how scary the math god is.

LibrarianX November 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

They were SCARED and they PRAYED? That's adorable. Their prayers have been heard. Shiva will be good to them.

GunToting[Redacted] November 10, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I posted something a bit similar on FB recently. I see so many people who are scared/terrified blah blah blah. Bottom line, you're a fucking AMERICAN. Act like it.

Fuck these idiots.

comrad_darkness November 10, 2012 at 6:38 pm

And with any luck Kali will also take note.

LibrarianX November 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

OK, here's what to do: find an old bomb shelter and just stay there.

Misty Malarky November 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

And while you're waiting – stale Ramen Noodles boiled with your own urine make for a tasty American Prepper treat.

Be assured you will be notified when it is safe to come out

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The eco-nut-engineered collapse of the coal industry has left a number of attractive mineshafts available.

Dok, take note.

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I recently saw a bomb shelter sign on an apartment building in Dc on Georgia Avenue- good place for a racist old white guy. I'll help him move in.

Butch_Wagstaff November 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm

They shouldn't forget all the "imitation beef" they stocked up on back in 1999 because of the total collapse of human civilization that was supposed to happen at midnight on Jan. 1, 2000.

Lizzietish81 November 12, 2012 at 8:35 am

My dad was so disappointed that that didn't happen.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Gee. Apparently we DID kill them with votes.

glasspusher November 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Votes don't kill people- elections do.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Also, can someone go back and find the librul counterparts from Bush 2.2? Because while I recall much tearing of hair and gnashing of teeth, I don't recall any liberals threatening actual murder or revolution.

Blueb4sinrise November 10, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Mostly I remember a lot of research on pooling money, and land prices in Southern France.

kittensdontlie November 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Since he was actually bankrupting the country with his wars and idiocy,…not a fair comparison.

walterhwhite November 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

To paraphrase Jimmy Carter, I only threatened murder in my heart.

CrunchyKnee November 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Do or do not, there is no try, pussies. You had your freaking chance. Your war Jesus let you down big time. Wouldn't it be more productive to look inward and question why maybe a majority of Americans think your superstitions and policies are whack?

Nah. Pass the Cheetos, charge up the Hoveround and pray for civil war.

NDeeeZ November 11, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Also ask why, what with all of your praying, did your god pick the other guy.

Did you not pray hard enough?

Or was the fix in, cuz god knew something you didn't?

Hmmmmmm?

RelicOven November 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

If these fuckwits actually do something, anything, remotely productive to move this country forward I will go out, buy a hat, and eat it. Really if they insist on being obstructionist and backward at least all they are doing is sitting on the computer crying into their bald eagle mugs.

jzgplj November 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I could make you a tasty chocolate hat, but I don't think you'll get to eat it. Ever.

Isyaignert November 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

We have to take out every last crazy Republicon in 2014, so Obama has a sane House of Reps for at least two years. It sure would be nice to see Nancy Pelosi in the Speaker's chair again.

lulzmonger November 10, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The hats of the world breathe a sigh of relief … safe again!

imissopus November 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"The war begins now."

Yeah, Lena Headey's voice-over intro on "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" ended with pretty much the same line. Good to know these guys aren't being huge drama queens.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Concerned Doktor Pony! Dok Zoom's new avatar.

Also, I've been blissfully, willfully ignorant of this whole "Going Galt" concept. I read a brief description of it and muttered 'for fuck's sake.'

Besides being a childish response [I'm gonna take my moneez and stay home!] and also moronic, it also seems unpatriotic. Like it or not we have a consumer-based economy. Purposefully not spending money in order to bring down the economy seems illogical and unpatriotic to me. But then, again I'm not a fucking whiny butthurt piece of shit asshole, either.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I'm not sure that "Pouting as Political Process" is going to be all that effective…

NellCote71 November 10, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Same reason Bin Laden gave for 9/11, to bring down the American economy

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Henry David Thoreau's Walden is a classic.

Mittaplasia November 10, 2012 at 2:03 pm

All that pearl clutching and handwringing is just making their carpal tunnel syndrome that much worse.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Luckily, that's covered by O____aCare.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Uninterrupted fapping 2000-2008 didn't do it any favors, either.

Barrelhse November 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

No, it wasn't the airplane. It was Beauty that killed the Beast.

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 2:38 pm

FAY WRAY BLOOD LIBEL!

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

"It was votes killed the beast"

smokefilledroommate November 10, 2012 at 2:11 pm

The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together. But apparently, liberal America prefers to battle for the soul of the country.

So all those working class joes in Ohio and PA smart enough to see through Romney's achingly transparent bullshit are now part of 'Liberal America'? (And Romney would have been a Uniter.) Fuck. gently. chainsaw.

How long will this shit go on? Shelf life eternity? Like so many Twinkies in fat misinformed mouths?

GunToting[Redacted] November 10, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Peak wingnut is a myth.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 11:59 am

The underlying theory is sound. You can see as time goes on and the easy-to-reach conclusions are used up, they have to mine from crazier and crazier places.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 9:50 pm

"The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together… because if only everybody else gave in to us, and gave us our own way, all the time, there wouldn't be any argument, now would there?"

valthemus November 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"Yes, this is how democracy dies. Not with a bang, but with a hashtag."

Ha! Classic.

smokefilledroommate November 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I liked that too. The good Dok has some great posts.

Mittaplasia November 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Onion headline:

"After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-hot Sphere of Pure Rage Early GOP Frontrunner for 2016"

RelicOven November 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Reporter: "Mr. Sphere, what will you do to help out economy?"

Sphere: "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAHA"

Fox news: "Out most eloquent candidate yet, stay turned for his first rally"

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm
natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Cute.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I'll admit it made me smile. Which I've been doing a lot of since Tuesday…

FlownOver November 10, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Meanwhile, Bert and Ernie have been checking out Maryland real estate.

Butch_Wagstaff November 10, 2012 at 7:51 pm

"Bert! Oh Bert! Look! Look at the tubs! There's so much room for my rubber duckies!"

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 7:14 pm

In honor of all Wonketeers, last Saturday, I attended the million puppet march(there were about 1000 of us– or fewer- unless you count our Muppets). I marched with an Elmo- APF took my photo and the Houston Chronicle put it on its website. I was also briefly on local TV badmouthing the right.

Butch_Wagstaff November 10, 2012 at 8:02 pm

When Elmo became so popular in the 1990s, I went through a period of being anti-Elmo because, having been a kid who loved Sesame St. in the late 1970s & very early 1980s, I could remember a time before the rise of Elmo. But a very wise 4 year old put me in my place. She told me: "He's small and likes to hug. Just like me so I like him."

PhilippePetain November 11, 2012 at 2:09 am

That's flippin' adorable.

Barrelhse November 10, 2012 at 2:16 pm

A good way to fight the bullies is to wait in line for 7 hours and vote against them.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Well said!

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Heroes in our midst.

Now those of us stuck in FlorDuh will see what we can do to prevent it from occurring again (no matter who the citizens are voting for)…

boskolives November 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

The religious conservative's dilemma:
Assume that God makes no mistakes,
But, Andrew Breitbart died unnaturally young,
Therefore, Andrew Breitbart must have been a liberal "plant".

Barrelhse November 10, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Or he was such a solid asshole that even God couldn't stomach the little bitch.

Mahousu November 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

“A welfare ‘family’ receives anywhere from $40 – $60,000 per year in benefits.”

Well, not quite anywhere, but definitely somewhere in that range. It is also true that the typical welfare family receives somewhere between $1 and $1 billion dollars in benefits.

smokefilledroommate November 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

You know those Romney staffer credit cards that were cancelled immediately upon being informed of his election loss? SNAP cards.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Yup. That Rmoney – one kkklassy dude…

carlgt1 November 10, 2012 at 2:38 pm

as soon as the election was called for Obama I ran straight to "FreeRepublic" to get a hilarious host of insane teabagger commentary. Some of the more sedate posts are: "Fox News has joined the liberal media conspiracy" and "Chris Christie is a RINO who destroyed the party" and "We must keep Allen West in power by any means necessary!"

GunToting[Redacted] November 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

"Fox News has joined the liberal media conspiracy"

This is incredibly telling. By reporting actual REALITY, Fox has joined the conspiracy…

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 7:58 pm

They are losing every battle – which only proves that they're completely correct, in all things, and the majority of people who oppose them are completely wrong and corrupt.

Gaaaaaah…

BlueStateLibel November 10, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Yes, I'm sure the beer and junk-food industries are just shaking in their pants in fear of the coming wingnut campaign of not buying things. I'd bet they couldn't go a week without buying either.

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"week"?

YerMa November 10, 2012 at 2:48 pm

kkkkkkkk

BenGleck November 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Reading all the snarky comments. Priceless.

YerMa November 10, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I should probably sell my TruckNutz stock today, huh?

BadKitty904 November 10, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Because it keeps on giving:
http://whitepeoplemourningromney.tumblr.com/

"America, you bitch"…

snowpointsecret November 10, 2012 at 3:14 pm

"I wonder who would've won if you had to take an IQ test before voting…? Romney. Romney would have won."

This stuff doesn't need anyone to try to make fun of it, it does that to itself.

NellCote71 November 10, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Typical wing nut logic.

Goonemeritus November 10, 2012 at 3:22 pm

In 2004 when Bush won my response was well I guess our Republic is strong enough to survive 4 more years of this clown. I guess I just didn’t love my country enough to take my ball and go home or plot to kill everyone that disagreed with me.

GeneralLerong November 10, 2012 at 8:58 pm

This. One of the truest and best posts you've ever made [out of many, many tasty and delicious observations].

Spoken like a true patriot.

Troubledog November 10, 2012 at 3:25 pm

You know who *else* prays to almighty God for weapons and firearms to strike down His enemies and bring glory to His religion?

VodkaGoGo November 10, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Me?

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin…

bobbert November 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Well, I'd say some of them militant jihadist types, but that would be too obvious, wouldn't it?

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Ted Nugent?

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Balrock, my chaotic evil half-orc cleric fighter D&D character?

BZ1 November 10, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Just too delicious to read right wing blogs, their heads are literally exploding, yes, literally.

walterhwhite November 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Not literally enough.

Steverino247 November 10, 2012 at 3:31 pm

“It’s that the entire moral landscape has changed,” he said. “An increasingly secularized America understands our positions, and has rejected them.”

You're right, Mr. Preacher-teacher. However, the R's will claim Romney lost because he wasn't conservative enough and forget about the two sure Senate seats they lost in the Midwest, of all places.

Barrelhse November 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

North Da-fuckin-kota, yet!

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 3:36 pm

"Cloward-Piven strategy"

As if any more proof were needed that Jeremy Piven is a douchebag.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I enjoyed this:
http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/republican-

He had me at "National Schaedenfreude Day".

TribecaMike November 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

He had me at "Skip this ad." Good stuff, thanks.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

OK, will any conservative who is NOT Victoria Jackson or Dennis Miller (because their voices are so unbearable) do a mashup video of reading all these out loud in an eye-bugging, arm-waving, Nicolas Cage-esque rant, over a blaring musical background of "O Fortuna" (or the "Requiem for a Dream" music)?
Because that would be something that everyone could enjoy masturbating to.

Troubledog November 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Also am delighted to hear the wingnuts say they'll double down on the crazy. But I'll feel better about it if they're still inflamed in a month. Probably some will come to their senses, drop their torches in the fountain and walk back home. Then the remainder will be queer oddities and sideshows like Randall Terry. In other words, back to normal!

Either way I think this splits the money, which breaks the SuperPAC advantage and signals the end of Rove's Organized Financial Crime / Deity Worshiper Alliance.

Jesustards and Israel-supporters like Adelson won't give any more money to Karl Rove, who may still enjoy standing in the Koch Brothers axis. That should finally sweep up the rest of the mess Gingrich started with Contract with America in 1994.

So then you have

Democrat Party (most people),

Jesus Only Deity Worshiper Party (plus racists, haters, emotionals, psycho wackjobs, loner gunman types, etc),

Money Party (Rich guys, organized crime, afraid people, climate deniers, xenophobes, more racists, conspiracy theorists, X-files guys).

And maybe you also get some ultra leftist party like Greens or something. militant hippie resurgence, emboldened enviroment activists, tree spikers, owl huggers, provocatives like Anonymous, and gawd help us, the successors to Paultardism, whatever standard bearer they will choose.

The regular election will look more like the GOP primary did this year, with the looneys trying to out-peacock one another, and one somewhat moderate person standing there trying not to roll their eyes. Probably Mrs Clinton. The multi-party debates will be hilarious.

Meanwhile we are savoring their misery. I think that is fine and appropriate. There is great satisfaction.

"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
– Gore Vidal

Negropolis November 11, 2012 at 12:55 am

Just a pet peeve since it's seeped in from the right, but we don't have a "Democrat" Party. We have the Democratic Party compposed of Democrats.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Apparently, their grasp of politics and democracy is every bit as good as their grasp of math, science, history, economics, logic, ethics…

PubOption November 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm

One wants to move to Australia because their president is a christian.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm

'snot a democracy, it's a REPUBLIC! (incoherent muttering)

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 6:01 pm

WRONG!!!

It's a CONSHITUSHUNAL REPUBLIK!!1!!!

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm

As long as it's not a theocracy like they wanted, I'm reasonably happy.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:11 pm

"You know, I have this dictionary here, if you want to —"

"SHADDUP!"

Jerri November 10, 2012 at 3:48 pm

On the one hand I feel bad for them, but then on the other hand, you know, fuck them.

lumpenprole November 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm

That’s what Obama represents to me –God’s judgment on a people who have turned away from Him and His ways…
"Barack Obama, Scourge of God" does have a nice ring to it. Not as much fun as Richard III, but you suffer God's wrath with the Scourge you have, not the one you want.

cassamandra November 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Oh, Come On! I directed you to the RCP feed on Petraeus and you're going with this lame shit?

LetUsBray November 10, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Shorter wingnut: We fucking hate the American people and want only to visit a horrible, bloody death on them. Why won't those bastards vote for us?"

ButthurtWingers2012 November 10, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I don't feel any guilt whatsoever for laughing at and enjoying the mental suffering of these redtards. It's especially sweet to see Karl Rove whining about the attacks the Obami's made on Moneybot 9000. I mean Karl Rove is the swell little man who was an architect of some of the most vile politics democracy has ever seen: push polling is a minor one, he also started a whisper campaign at 'Bama that a Democratic judge who was facing one of his scumbag clients and who worked with children was a pedophile…the absence of ANY evidence of this is especially vile. Rove also funneled money through one of his butt buddies to seed the Swiftboat for Assholes guys and helped create the purple heart bandaid attacks…it is HILARIOUS to watch him cry over his being discredited as a strategist ONCE AGAIN, hahaha.

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Let's not forget how Rove helped elect Dubya as Texas Governor via a whisper campaign suggesting that Ann Richards was a lesbian. I sometimes regret that my atheism precludes me from wishing eternal torment on that man for the harm he's done.

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Don't worry, Dok, we'll always have Cthulhu to fall back on.

Slapwow November 10, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Rove's loathesome tactics against ol' Wallnuts in 2000 even made me feel pity for McCain!

Pity for McCain, do you understand?!!

Damn you Rove!

fuflans November 11, 2012 at 1:04 am

yeah but that 'once again' part worries me.

dude has more political lives than an extra on buffy.

Pithaughn November 10, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Don't look now, but it is possible the middle managers of "Conservative Inc. " may be questioning the legitimacy and salaries of their leaders. They are starting to realize what is obvious to any one out side the R wing noise machine, the main purpose of conservatism is to profit from the rubes.

ButthurtWingers2012 November 10, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Shit I keep hoping these cowards will finally act on their threats and 'go Galt'…I hear the former site of Jonestown would be a great place to start a colony of racist, self centered and sociopathic narcissistic fucks…go on wingnuts, don't let the door hit you on your fat arrogant asses on the way out…

Goonemeritus November 10, 2012 at 4:11 pm

One last story from the way back machine. Back in 92’ I was working as an engineer in a group that had an unusual concentration of evangelicals. I say unusual because the company was in Woodstock NY. Well when Clinton won that year many of my co-workers felt the economy was destined to tank so they took all their investments and moved them to overseas funds. And there they sat missing the single biggest run-up of the century. After 8 years they were poorer and still bitter.

tessiee November 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Hee hee hee.

fuflans November 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Mr. Americana, who claims to “live and work in Hollywood,” also says that the following is his “nightly prayer”

imagine that's hollywood ALABAMA.

BerkeleyBear November 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Since not one GOP talking head will even admit that they were delusional and actually got their asses handed to them (not ran out of momentum, not still have a mandate by retaining the gerrymandered House, not somehow suffered "suppression" by having their candidate's horrible nature revealed) I feel no shame in any and all schadenfreude at the idiocy of their followers. I swear it is 2008 all over again – O wins, against all odds, and the GOP reacts by insisting it proves their ideas should be adopted (this time taxes, last time healthcare). Jon Stewart should just re-run the "losing should taste like a shit sandwich" bit and take a vacation.

Just admit you fucking lost – it will hurt less in the long run. Dems admitted they lost 2010, and actually fixed some shit from then. Your turn, wankers.

proudgrampa November 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Reading the Republitard reaction to the election, the last 3-4 days have been the longest "Oh, for Fuck's Sake" moment I have ever experienced in my life..

Grokenstein November 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Some of you may remember Andrea J. Rouda, whose blog "Roto Rouda" (that's what she calls it, I shit–heh–you not) vanished after she posted an open request for someone to shoot Keith Olbermann in the wake of the attempted assassination of Rep. Giffords (which attracted the attention of both the lefty blogosphere and the FBI).

She's been back for a while, it seems, as Neanderthal as she ever was. She loathes the Obamas–with an "s"–and has no patience for overweight people, for whom she has no end of simple advice ("Put down the doughtnut, fatty!").

In a very recent post, she reveals that she is developing Baker's cysts. Anyone can get those, but maybe being a bitter, hate-filled, bilious, nasty ratbag isn't the most brilliant lifestyle choice for a self-proclaimed health expert? Just sayin'.

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Hm, I just thought, have the conservatives ever considered opening a Whinery? That could get them some big bucks right there…

TribecaMike November 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I'm glad I wasn't around when the British Empire died. These guys must have been insufferable.

doloras November 11, 2012 at 4:01 pm

The British Empire diehards became the basis of the neo-nazi National Front: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/League_of_Empire_Loy

Slapwow November 10, 2012 at 5:35 pm

"America has decisively turned the corner away from the constitutional principles of limited government and self-government"
Apparently self-government is good only when the selves in question are well-off straight white male christians giving themselves what they want, and lots of it. Everyone else can go self-fuck themselves.

One_Man_Band November 10, 2012 at 5:51 pm

GLOATY GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Quit beating around the bush. How do you really feel?

An_Outhouse November 10, 2012 at 5:57 pm

now you know how the one percent in venezuela feell everytime hugo chavez is re-elected. wait til bamz nationalizes resource extraction in order to pay for public education and health care.

doloras November 11, 2012 at 4:03 pm

All those people here who believe the "Chávez is a thug" libels are best to compare what the Venezuelan opposition say about him to what the Teabaggers say about Hopey. For example: he happens to be half-black himself, and if you thought the racism was bad in the US, at least they don't play monkey noises behind footage of Barack.

GeorgiaBurning November 10, 2012 at 6:13 pm

When the enemy is making a mistake, don't interrupt them. I hope the Repubs follow through and go even further to the right. Move to caves or compounds in far off lands; there to whither and die. The rest of us can get on with the 21st century.

Dashboard Buddha November 10, 2012 at 6:33 pm

"announced he was going forward with his plan to fire a liberal"

Hey…here's a fun rainy day activity. Let's crowd source this fuck so we can determine his identity and then his liberal employee can sue the ever loving fuck out of him.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I think the only "liberal" he employs is the lotion he liberally applies to one hand while on the Internet in his mom's basement.

Diabeetis November 10, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I'm confused, wouldn't going on welfare and food stamps make freepers "takers" as well?

YerMa November 10, 2012 at 7:29 pm

No. It's only "Freeloading" when brown people (and democrats) use social safety nets, you see.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm

They have to bankrupt the system in order to show how evil (and ineffective) it is. They're bravely biting the serpent's tail, these patriotic Amercians…

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

This is of course assuming they weren't on welfare to begin with.

reweni November 11, 2012 at 6:35 pm

They probably haven't been on food stamps if they think that people on food stamps are living a stress-free blessed existence.

arihaya November 10, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Oh how cute those GOP Jews thinking that their fellow conservative consider them as "White"

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 8:08 pm

A friend of mine (we are left- because all real Jews are) says we are not white. GOP Jews are like Log Cabin GOP- deluded, self-hating

cousinitt November 10, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Joseph Farah sez: "Maybe we deserve this punishment for taking our lifestyles for granted."

Cat woman suit, check. 8-inch black patent leather stilettos, check. Leather riding crop, check. Ball-sac cinch, check. Iron neck collar, check. Squirrel fur-lined wrist restraints, check. Zillions of clothespins, check. Butterscotch schnapps-flavored astroglide, check.

Come, come for mama, Joey, you little whiny, shit-stained, fucktard. Jesus loves you and so do I, now beg!

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 8:02 pm

If by "lifestyles" he means a militant commitment to ignorance and closemindedness, then sure.
But we're talking about yet another Elmer Gantry grifter here. Like a truffle-hunting pig, he pursues the munnies. Above all else.

ChessieNefercat November 10, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Well. "Know your enemy" is an old, old, saying. I hope these maroons spend all their time trying to figure out the best way to beat the invisible chair Obama, and his gay black communist socialist lesbian unemployed slacker stoner layabout liberal army.

That way, they will not be figuring out how to beat Reality Obama and millions of highly intelligent, dedicated, activist, employed (well…) Real liberals.

That's right, dumbasses. Whatever you do, don't let anyone trick you into having an accurate idea of who and what you're actually fighting against. Battles always turn out better when you attack where you think the enemy should be, not where they actually are.

MWhite:LittleCunningPlan November 10, 2012 at 7:35 pm

As usual, they've got it entirely wrong. If I were a right wing evangelical, I'd be mighty worried about my mortal soul just now. I would be pretty worried that the reason Obama won election again is that God is on his side, not the side of haters everywhere. First Tropical Storm Isaac delayed the Republican convention, but they didn't get the hint. (Even though this storm was named after a biblical Patriarch, for the love of Jesus!) After all, God moves in mysterious ways. So He sends Hurricane Sandy, allowing Obama to step out of the presidential race and act… well, Presidential. You have to admit that it looks like Democrats pray better. Or maybe they just pray for the right things. How about that? I look forward to any possible critical self-examination on the part of religious zealots everywhere. But I do not hold my breath.

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 8:04 pm

This is exactly what they get for supporting a non-Christian cult member. Now the follower of Jesus in the white house (with that light-absorbing hue) won again – handily – and the wrathful judgement cranks up in earnest.

Their safest course is to never vote again. It's merely the beginning of their penance.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Sandy, short for Cassandra, whose warnings are fated to be ignored.

Slapwow November 10, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Isn't it odd that these people love all the founding father's lofty notions of universal fairness, freedom, and equality only as long as they're applied exclusively to themselves?

…And that they assume being in the minority means automatically being mercilessly shafted by the majority from now till doomsday?

Projection much?

bikerlaureate November 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Anyone who disagrees with them is deluded by the diabolical enemy.

Obviously it goes without saying that it's UNPOSSIBLE that they're ever misled.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:21 pm

It's only democracy if they win.

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm

As promised- perhaps not every day for the next 4 years but WE WON!!! NATE!

glasspusher November 10, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I can relate. After this election, I'm hurting all over. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

Slim_Pickins November 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I thought these people all "went Galt" 4 years ago. What happened, did their mommies call them in for bed?

mormos November 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm

DOK! SEASON 3 AIRED TODAY. ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Look, we've been over this. I don't watch the TV show. I'm just a fan of the meme.

DERIVATIVE WORKS ONLY, PLEASE

azeyote November 10, 2012 at 9:22 pm

how come god only talks to crazy people

notreelyhelping November 10, 2012 at 9:36 pm

They're not going to start a war. They aren't going to leave the country. They aren't going to run off to the mountains and load up on guns. They're just going to continue complaining on the Internet, and maybe they'll vote in the next election if, you know, it's convenient.

Silly bastards.

MrsConclusion November 10, 2012 at 10:24 pm

"As Andrew did." Is this what we didn't see until the Internet? No. This kind of lunatic fantasizing, this fevered, maniacal acting-out of nerds' imaginings–not only did we not see it before the Net, it didn't exist. (shakes fist) Damn you, Tim Berners-Lee!

ElPinche November 11, 2012 at 2:30 am

I'm banned there, but I desperately wanted to bait with "Who's Andrew?"

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:20 pm

BEHAAAAAAAAAAVE YOURSELVES!!!!"

Negropolis November 10, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Nevermind, of course, that it was Karl Rove's plan to specifically divide and conquer a nation. No 'twas Obama what done it.

Negropolis November 10, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Conservatives: Losing coalition; we built this!

Negropolis November 11, 2012 at 12:30 am

Central America, eh? This whole group can be shipped to El Salvador. No one has lost any. Let's see how they like them, down there.

fuflans November 11, 2012 at 1:17 am

yeah fine but i don't think this is good news for john mccain.

sarcastic nymph.

HogeyeGrex November 11, 2012 at 1:22 am

Yes, this is how democracy dies. Not with a bang, but with a hashtag.

Well, come on. Like anyone's gonna bang Ben Shapiro?

ElPinche November 11, 2012 at 2:20 am

Yeah, hangout at free republic .com for a while; it's funny. They're literally chanting "I hate America," shitting on flags and skullfucking John Wayne's corpse right now.

Chet Kincaid_ November 11, 2012 at 2:47 am

It's all just hysterically funny until these motherfuckers start shooting.

Doktor Zoom November 11, 2012 at 3:45 am

I'm feeling optimistic–maybe bloviating on a blog is enough of a First Amendment solution that it calms them down.

I'm also enough of a pessimist to think that some of these loons need an eye kept on them.

Negropolis November 11, 2012 at 4:27 am

If they do, there is very little we have in our toolbox as a nation (at least legally) to prevent this. But, mark my words, one of these days, they are going to pull their gun(s) on the wrong motherfucker.

Chet Kincaid_ November 11, 2012 at 9:40 am

I hate thinking thoughts like this, but when I saw Obama crying and being wistful about his life and career at the last campaign stop, and also at his campaign office in Chicago post-election, it reminded me uncomfortably of King's premonitions.

fuflans November 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

in one of my pre-election fear quakes i wondered what it would be like for them back in chicago. and then i started thinking about how dangerous bamz' life is always going to be.

even more so after 2012.

Negropolis November 11, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Same here, only this hit me when he made his last campaign stop in Iowa the night before, when he cracked a little near the end. I was getting very bad feelings. Michelle was introducing him, and when he came out, he walked her back across the stage more slowly than I'd have liked, and what was running through my head the entire time was "stop crossing the stage so much." Yeah, those last few days were really heady for me.

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

As many guns as they've been buying lately, I still have a hard time picturing them actually organizing to the point where they can stage a military-style attack without at least one of them saying, "Wait, isn't this kind of crazy?" "Yeah, let's go back inside and watch football."

A lone wolf assassin, on the other hand, has always been a danger, maybe more so now.

Speaking as one who has many old school chums in a red state, they've pretty much stopped posting about Obama and are now distracting themselves with football. They may talk crazy when it comes to politics, but they're not psychos really.

outragedcitizen November 11, 2012 at 10:37 am

Perhaps, all those poor, sad, now-countryless teabaggers could get the Mayflower out of mothballs and sail to… well, who the fuck cares, as long as it is far, far away.

calliecallie November 11, 2012 at 11:03 am

Somewhat OT, but as I tried to load this post, my computer freaked outsomehow. I tried to scroll down and all that appeared was "God has provided" over and over and over. This was before I read all these crazy wingnut posts.

Honestly, I think God has provided. Hallelujah. Maybe I will think about going back to church.

mosaickmind November 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

"Could this be the sign of the Apocalypse? Is Revelations really coming to fruition? Are we good Christian conservatives going to levitate to Heaven now? if so… why am I so scared and miserable?" – a confused Romney supporter

Cleopatriot November 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

If anyone knows any of these people who are wanting out of the crumbling old US of A, I have a friend trying to sell a house in Puerto Vallarta. Yeah, brown people, but there's a WalMart!

evoshandor November 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Fundamentalist Mormons have been actively "bleeding the beast" for decades. Have as many sister-wives, and more children than you can(not) afford; get them on welfare. Oh and try to have children that have special needs, as this draws more blood.

reweni November 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I like the idea of them trying to go on food stamps. They might realize that it's not the luxurious life of leisure that they think it is.

Lizzietish81 November 12, 2012 at 8:34 am

So…God promised them a Romney win, and it didn't happen, so now its that God wants them to take up arms against the evil secularists?

What if God is for an Obama presidency?

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Unpossible!

SuspectedDemocrat November 12, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Going Galt is impossible

Going Galt has never been possible, outside the fevered imagination of a lonely, frustrated old woman and her legions of devoted followers.

The closest you can get is living for a time as Henry David Thoreau, and that ain't easy, and certainly not a lifestyle for the rich.

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Guys,
did you see Big Bird's biting commentary on the election results?
http://cdnbakmi.kaltura.com/p/695492/sp/69549200/

Doktor Zoom November 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Awww… c'mon, Big Bird doesn't gloat!

Bert, on the other hand, loves him some schadenfreude.

marinmaven November 10, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Yet, despite being listed in Business Journals of having the priciest zip codes in the country where you can find homes in the 20-35 million dollar range and broken down shacks for 500k, people outside think of Marin as the home of hippies in birks reading the Communist Manifesto.

I do my best to help, "No, dear, you are thinking of Berkeley."

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Dad made his first Mil in Marin Real Estate. Bought 23 Marion Court in Novato for $17.5 and the rest is history. That was 1956. Did well for an A F career officer.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

redarmyzombie November 10, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Ordinarily I'd agree, but after what they threatened to do to him…well, lemme just say after what the wingnuts pulled, he's allowed a *little* leeway in this instance…

PugglesRule November 10, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Schadenfreude, a fine wine best served very cold (like revenge).

marinmaven November 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

BARACK OBAMA DEM 73450 73.73%
MITT ROMNEY REP 23347 23.44%
JILL STEIN GRN 1111 1.12%
GARY JOHNSON LIB 939 0.94%
ROSEANNE BARR PF 298 0.30%
THOMAS HOEFLING AI 141 0.14%

Dunno. That two percent is kinda all over the place.

Slapwow November 10, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I dunno, every time someone runs that Photoshop mockup of Rove being frogmarched by the Feds I get an involuntary boner.

It's a false alarm boner, but what the hell, a boner's a boner.

bobbert November 10, 2012 at 6:23 pm

From '74 to '77 I lived about two blocks from NHS. I liked Novato.

Tangled sin tax November 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

My wife and I sold our shack in Bolinas for $35k when I got a real job in Seattle in '78. Zillow now prices the joint at around a mill. Ah, well.

finallyhappy November 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

also saw the same picture with Big Bird saying "Who's fired now, Bitch??"

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 6:57 pm

They prolly had two or three HS's by then.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 7:00 pm

They prolly have three or four HSchools by now. Don't remember where the first one was in town.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Dad was Lucky enough to have a smart Realtor when he was transferred in '60 (I had enlisted by then). She convinced him to add a bath, etc and rent it.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 11, 2012 at 7:43 am

In Alaska, it's gas stations, not stop signs. You need one every hundred miles or so.

Isyaignert November 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

He's a reservist with PSU 313 in Everett, WA at the Naval base.

BTW, we're having dinner at Applebee's tonight since it's free for all vets and active military. Pretty darn nice of them!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: