A Children’s Treasury Of Random Wingnut Post-Election Whining (Part 1 of ???)

  Whinge Nuts

Little-known fact: Butthurt is also covered by ObamacareDo you people have any idea how hard it is to sift through all the insane rightwing mutterings about the reelection of Barack Obama so that we can bring you the very best? Neither do we! It all starts looking the same after about five minutes! And so, this collection of freakouts will, of necessity, be something of a sampler plate from the great smorgasbord that is the Great 2012 Wingnut Butthurtosphere.

Let’s start with a couple of threads from Free Republic:

  • One practical-minded soul seeks Ideas about how to realistically “Go Galt”?

    I plan to cancel cable tv, quit the health club, am putting off purchases that I had planned IF Romney had won.

    Am happy to hear ideas…I have to say my spouse was literally in tears last night, thinking about what dangers we face (not just as a family but as a society and a nation). We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory.

    We just want to be as wise as possible with the resources God has provided.

    Other suggestions: Have 6 months of food on hand, buy guns, and consider emigrating, because “Central and south America have some really great spots for expat families, and the Philippines, where I am, is great for single guys.” And one hard-bitten realist notes,

    Going Galt is impossible, the next best alternative is bankrupt the system. That is very easy, get it while you can, cut back on your income, go on food stamps, get your ebt card, try to fit your life into every hand out that you can possibly receive, start taking more than you contribute, take it down fast, but have your guns ready because the takers will freak out when it’s all gone!

    In a similar thread, which also advocates soaking the system to bring about its collapse (a right-wing borrowing of the Cloward-Piven Strategy that Glenn Beck warned of), one genius explains that “A welfare ‘family’ receives anywhere from $40 – $60,000 per year in benefits.” Strangely, no one challenges this assertion. Should any of these twits actually live out their cherished “Maybe I’ll just get on welfare so’s I can live it up!” fantasy (they won’t), will they ever be in for a surprise!

  • A couple of other Freepers who love America advocate more direct action. One asserts that U.S. Employment Discrimination Law Does Not Include Party Affiliation, and another, one “max americana,” announced he was going forward with his plan to fire a liberal whom he had “hired deliberately so we can fire him once Odumbo wins. Well, because I’m a man of my word, this puke will be fired at the end of the day.” He also explained that “we have our asses covered with multiple warning letters, memos etc. This was planned from the get-go.” That’s some efficient free market!

    Others in the thread indicated doubt about its veracity. One suggested “Maybe you should just move him to the basement and steal his stapler.” Mr. Americana, who claims to “live and work in Hollywood,” also says that the following is his “nightly prayer”:

    Dear Lord, please allow the Civil War to start in order for me to save my nation. We cannot co-exist with liberals and they really need to go. Kindly arm me with weapons and firearms that will make short work of these Godless heathens called liberals. Kicking them in the face and smashing their heads in with a baseball bat is not enough. If you wish for your religion to prosper, then liberals have to go. They don’t believe in You anyway, so give me the strength to destroy our enemies.

    Amen

Yes, of course the hammer and sickle has a swastikaOver at The Gateway Pundit, Jim Hoft, universally acclaimed as the stupidest man on the internet, took a few minutes to mourn 11-6-2012: The Day America Changed.

Mercy. What catalogue of horrors is portended by this horrific change, which will permanently alter the political landscape forever?

  • 8 to 9 percent unemployment is the new normal. It’s good enough. 46 million people on food stamps is OK. It shows we care. Debt spending is good. It will get paid off some day and if not, our kids can worry about it. Trillion dollar deficits make sense.

    Socialized medicine is good. It will cost more, but did you honestly believe it wouldn’t? It doesn’t matter what you were told. Catholics should pay for abortions. Sandra Fluke is a prophet. Abortions and birth control should be free. We should fund abortions overseas, too.

    The First Lady should be allowed to blow millions on lavish vacations. The White House parties should cost millions, too. The president should play as much golf and basketball as he pleases. They deserve it. They work hard. They’re Democrats…

    It’s not racist that 97% of blacks vote Democrat. It’s racist if you are white and vote Republican…

    America was once the land of the free. Now we want to be told what to do. More government is good. We want stuff.

    On Tuesday America changed.

    But the fight is not over.

    God help us in the days ahead.

Elsewhere, CNS News offers this damning evidence that Barack Obama is an intellectual lightweight who barely knows anything about this great land of ours (not his):

  • In his re-election victory speech on Tuesday night, President Barack Obama referred to the United States as a singular “former colony,” when the United States was actually composed of 13 separate colonies prior to gaining independence from the British.

WND’s Joseph Farah says that America is utterly broken, and that Barack Obama done broke it:

  • America has decisively turned the corner away from the constitutional principles of limited government and self-government with the re-election of Barack Obama.

    There may be no way home for us.

    For those of us who fundamentally reject Obama’s policies, things are going to get very rough for the next four years. We have allowed our fellow Americans to pronounce judgment on the nation.

    That’s what Obama represents to me – God’s judgment on a people who have turned away from Him and His ways and from everything for which our founders sacrificed their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor.

    The nation is divided like never before – intentionally so. That has been Obama’s game plan from the beginning

Gosh-darn that Barack Obama, for being so darn divisive! Americans were getting along so splendidly with each other until he came along!

And finally, of course, there’s Breitbart.com’s Ben Shapiro, who declared #WAR:

  • We will not heel. We will not stop. The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together. But apparently, liberal America prefers to battle for the soul of the country.

    And so we battle.

    Democracy works. We still believe in democracy. We still believe in the power of ideas. But the only way to win in the battle of ideas is to fight the bullies, as Andrew did. Democracy is not blood; that’s a miracle. But the civil war for the heart and soul of this country is real…

    The war begins now.

    #War

Yes, this is how democracy dies. Not with a bang, but with a hashtag.

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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462 comments

  1. FNMA

    "We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory."

    Just goes to show you, God can be a real prick sometimes.

    1. Misty Malarky

      Why are these folks still praying to the same Jesus who screwed their poopy holes so completely?

      If only these folks would start posting about their love for SATAN and how he'll Save America for Whitey – things might get really interesting.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        They pray "God's will be done" but mean "Only if God's will is the same as my egotistically dumbass prejudices." Is this a great religion, or what?

      2. Isyaignert

        Recall that the Republicon party turned the stars on their elephant logo upside down a few years back. Tell the religious nutz that the upside down stars mean the "mark of the beast." It'll drive them to drink!! Hahahahaha.

    2. comrad_darkness

      They would have known God could be a royal prick if they read Job. Of course, that would mean reading that bible of theirs.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I said Read?! Lord above!
        Now you're trying to trick me to read.

        (All right now
        Baby it's all right now
        All right now
        Baby it's all right now )

  2. memzilla

    A little advice for butthurt conservatards:

    When you are down and out
    Lift up your head and shout
    "I'M DOWN AND OUT!"

    Then go jump off a physical cliff. With votes.

    1. kittensdontlie

      More advice from tard to tard:

      "Keep in mind it only takes about 90 days to starve to death.
      If it comes down to it, I can choose to starve to death rather than be enslaved."

      1. SuspectedDemocrat

        Yeah, hunger strike! But first I'll just have one more double down, an anus burger, and some chik-fil-a.

    2. JustPixelz

      "with votes"

      I know the "with votes" meme came after the Giffords shooting when some right-wingnut tried to rationalize their "targeting" or "taking aim" or "shoot to kill" rhetoric. But I can't remember who said it. (I always assumed it was Sarah Palin™.). And googling "with votes" is kinda hopeless. Does anyone know exactly where this delicious phrase comes from? TY

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      As usual, the Christian "Right" is wrong. And as usual, most of them are too egotistical and cocksure to understand that.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        After you've bought into the notion that the Almighty All-knowing God is 100% behind you and your prejudices, it's very hard to back yourself out of that corner. Because after all, God wants you there.

    2. Lot_49

      Here's at least one guy quoted in the article with a measure of self-awareness:

      "Millions of American evangelicals are absolutely shocked by not just the presidential election, but by the entire avalanche of results that came in,” R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Louisville, Ky., said in an interview. “It’s not that our message — we think abortion is wrong, we think same-sex marriage is wrong — didn’t get out. It did get out.

      “It’s that the entire moral landscape has changed,” he said. “An increasingly secularized America understands our positions, and has rejected them.”

      You are correct, sir!

    1. Callyson

      Laugh uncontrollably, stop halfway through and look guilty for laughing at a person with a mental disability, then give them a look of pity.

      /also, too

    2. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Extend thumb horizontally, index finger upward, bring thumb to nose, make Thppppppppt! sound.

  3. weejee

    Does Karl Rove understand that when his deep pocket contributors discover how many Ameros the Rovian Super PACs burned on admin, Rove is going to have an up-close-and-personal understanding of deep pockets? Kin ya squeal like a pig Karl, kin ya??

    1. FlownOver

      I want Karl to hear "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men…"

      Followed by a hail of… votes!

        1. Doktor Zoom

          Ahahahaha, prison rape jokes are SO goddamn funny, because we imagine it's happening to someone we dislike!

          Seriously, not only is "I hope ____ goes to prison so he can be anally raped" is worse than un-PC: it's a goddamn cliché. Could we just maybe not do that, please?

          Yes, yes, I recognize that there is possible hypocrisy in complaining about prison gang-rape jokes in a thread about "butthurt." I'll call it a matter of degree and take my metaphorical lumps.

          (And to cut-n-paste my standard disclaimer for when I gripe about this trope — and I'll be the first to admit maybe I'm just idiosyncratically pissy about this:

          I guess I would just like people to agree to draw a brighter, straighter line around rape, in general. Exceptions? Sure–but they'd have to be pretty goddamned funny, or possibly so grimly gallows-humorish that they'd shine a harsher light on the object of satire.

          The guidelines, if there are any, were best delineated by Molly Ivins:

          There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity — like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule — that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel — it's vulgar.

          I'd add that a rape victim–even a contemptible slime who's in prison for doing awful things–is pretty much the definition of "powerless." (Of course, the worst bastards also tend to become the prison rapists, not the prison rape victims .

          Needless to say, this is my gripe as a commenter, not my gripe as an employee of Wonkette Media LLC. I have no administrative powers, nor do I want them.)

          1. boskolives

            Point well taken, I'll do my best to pretend that Rove is nearly human and deserves to be treated like one. Also, I'll further pretend that he didn't inflict Bush The Lesser on the world. Cheney too. That's going to be a tougher one.

          2. Slapwow

            I dunno, every time someone runs that Photoshop mockup of Rove being frogmarched by the Feds I get an involuntary boner.

            It's a false alarm boner, but what the hell, a boner's a boner.

          1. Pat_Pending

            Ok, in that case I hope Karl keeps 'presenting' himself to all the prison fellas, who respond by smirking and walking away, chuckling softly the themselves.

      1. finallyhappy

        On the few detective cop/cop shows I watch, ok- POI and Castle- when they have asked a mob head if he killed a guy- the answer is if "I did it- you would never have found the body"- also you are insulting me if you think I would have done have done such a sloppy job.

  4. GemlikeFlame

    Would it be too much to ask that the people who strenuously object to the new administration be subject to the same abuse and repression that greeted critics of the Bush administrations?

    Because, fair and balanced? Great article, Dok, as usual. Just the right amount of snark.

  5. not that Dewey

    Gateway Pundit sounds not unlike Gibby Haynes:

    Soon I discovered that this liberal thing was true
    Barack Obama was the devil
    Sandra Fluke was an architect previous to her career as a prophet
    All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world
    So there was only one thing that I could do
    Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long

  6. memzilla

    Dear Dok:

    Honestly, I'm reading the right-wing blogs and Faux News, and enjoying it so much I'm scaring myself.

    I watch a Faux News segment, or read a NY Post op-ed or I read a comment, and I gloat and/or chortle, and feel a little ashamed of myself for so reveling in the misery and defeat of the Wingtard Nation. From self-interest, I'm afraid I'll put the kinehora on things. I gently chastise myself (with votes), and say "That's really not nice to be so shamefully joyful in their despair, you really should stop."

    Then, like an addictive pint of Ben and Jerry's Roasted Wingnut Swirl, I scoop up the next comment and feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. And I keep scooping. I savor every spoonful and part of me regrets the shameful pleasure I feel but more of me wants to keep scooping.

    Are tears of shameful joy fattening? Do you have to worry about the kinehora if the object of your derision is so patently deserving of being cursed? Is anybody else feeling this way?

    Signed,
    Snarkful in New York

    1. Jeri 2.0

      Yes indeedy. I find posting gloaty-type images on Pinterest is quite lethargic. I also post a lot of it on the humor board so that I can use that old passive/aggressive standby: It was just a joke. God! You conservatards are soooo sensitive.

          1. redarmyzombie

            Ordinarily I'd agree, but after what they threatened to do to him…well, lemme just say after what the wingnuts pulled, he's allowed a *little* leeway in this instance…

    2. weejee

      Galt will protect you. That is the body protecting gut-associated lymphoid tissue (GALT) not the Ayn Ryaned fictional assassin of altruism.

    3. fuflans

      i'm going on a diet starting monday.

      also, it will be easy then. right about then we'll start hearing from mcconnell and boehner about how they won't compromise on anything they just lost the election over.

    4. SnarkOff

      I enjoy Ben and Jerry's Roasted Wingnut Swirl after a delicious meal of barbequed fetus and a nice chianti.

    5. One_Man_Band

      Glad I'm not the only one. On Wednesday I was all like "I'm gonna gloat for one day, then back to reality" and here it is the weekend and I JUST. CAN'T. FUCKING. STOP.

  7. ChillBill

    Fuck these fucking whiny fucks. The best part is that they were fully convinced of a Romney landslide, even though there was plenty of evidence that pointed otherwise. They truly deserve every inch of the reality cock they are sucking right now.

    1. memzilla

      *Ahem!*

      Fuck these fucking whiny white fucks.

      Seemingly redundant I know, Good Sir, but we must be precise in our schadensnarken.

      I thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

    2. Jennyjen798

      Yup, there were bumper stickers the day before the election that read "Romney/Ryan LANDSLIDE." I had to take a picture of that because my brain was not really computing the fact that someone had the sheer stupidity/bubble headed-ness to create it.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Hmm. Creating it might actually have been brilliant, when you consider the enormous number of stupid people who would believe it and buy it.

    3. valthemus

      I thought the conservatives' confidence was just bluster, but it was real! They truly, sincerely believed they would walk away with everything! Never any doubt! This is what I find so completely stunning and why there is a teeny, tiny, itty bitty part of me that feels bad for them. But since they've been such mega-bitchy assholes ever since the first teabagger painted a Hitler mustache on an Obama photo, it doesn't keep me from gloating, gloating a little more, and then piling on the serious gloat.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Well, the reality-based poll analysis was in the NY Times — and that made the facts all biased.

        1. finallyhappy

          Actually it was math that made it biased- also NATE!!! is gay and half-Jewish(he describes himself as half- Jewish but as a Jew- I am claiming Nate for us)

        2. CindynEncinitas

          I really don't get how they could completely eschew fucking MATH – you know, Math? Remember M.A.T.H.? Come on people??? It's math! You use it at the Piggly Wiggly! Even suspected-gay people (I'm talking to you, Nate) who do math will still be dealing with – MATH.

      2. ButthurtWingers2012

        I know…even Chuck Todd couldn't resist getting in some shots about the whole, "themz pollz is skuuuuuu'ed!" when it turned out Nate Silver was 100% correct and PPP/Daily Kos had the first and second most correct poll results while Rasmussen, Faux, etc was comically inept….truth hurts wingnuts, doesn't it?

      3. ChessieNefercat

        I don't feel bad for them because the ones that were stupid enough to believe the polls are well, people who support the republican hellscape platform, and the ones that knew the polls were false but believed they would win anyway based their belief on a rigged/stolen election.

    4. GoodDogThor

      Evidence like math and stuff? Its a bitch when your standard denial of reality leads to denying the reality of a pending defeat.

      At least they're consistent.

  8. Loch_Nessosaur

    I suggest they try São Paulo, Brazil. They can hook up with the Confederados that emigrated there after the Civil War (1.0). And, of course, learn to speak Portuguese.

  9. ttommyunger

    Man! I remember well the horror and disgust I felt when Dubya was installed TWICE as our President. I had to see my son go off to fight his war of lies in Iraq TWICE. None of these insane responses entered my mind ONCE. What is wrong with me?

      1. BadKitty904

        As the son, grandson, great-grandson, and great-great-grandson of officers – AMEN!

        Many thanks to you and your son for helping to look after our nation.

        1. finallyhappy

          Today we honored our veterans at our synagogue- mostly, people had parents or themselves/spouses or kids who served/are serving- a few grandparents/relatives who served in the Tsar's army or the British Army or the Ethiopian army- but one guy had family going back to the Revolutionary War(he is a Jew by choice whose family goes back to the Mayflower). My father served in WWII as did my uncles but my father's father slipped out of Russia to avoid the Tsar's conscription

      1. ttommyunger

        Finally got one after about sixty years of non-stop assholery.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

        1. Isyaignert

          PS – Thanks for your and your son's service. My son is a Coastie and husband an Air Force vet. Glad our troops have a sane Commander-in-Chief.

          1. Isyaignert

            He's a reservist with PSU 313 in Everett, WA at the Naval base.

            BTW, we're having dinner at Applebee's tonight since it's free for all vets and active military. Pretty darn nice of them!

    1. Steverino247

      Glad yours came back twice. Mine came back too, but he's missing some pieces and has some new pieces he got while there. Fortunately, the AK-47 does NOT always kill every motherfucker in the room.

      1. ttommyunger

        I was much more fortunate. He did not get a scratch and is still on Active Duty, though at home with his family. I hope for a total recovery for yours. The AK is a vicious machine with an even more vicious round. Its only drawback is the lack of accuracy, but when you are throwing thirty rounds at a crack (without malfunction, thank you very much) it seems to matter little.

          1. ttommyunger

            Groom at last night's wedding was an Annapolis Grad. Many uniforms present, mostly Naval, four SEALS, all impressive young men. We have a lot to be proud of and thankful for.

          1. Isyaignert

            And even more so considering that both wars were unnecessary and one was based on lies. How in the h3ll did Bush get away with it? He should be in the Hague along with his cabal of evil-doers.

      2. CivicHoliday

        Shit, man. Hug your son for me. I have three family members serving and thus far everyone has come home ok, but it scares the pants off me every time one of them is deployed. Two, by the way, have new babies at home. That's my number one reason for hating war…the thought of all the kids who lose parents (or parts of parents) breaks my heart into a million pieces.

        1. Isyaignert

          In 1990, while I was at home with my newborn son for a precious three months before going back to work, George HW Bush's Iraq invastion was going strong on CNN and I remember thinking, I've always been a peace monger, but now that I have a child, I find war more repugnant and horrible than ever before."

    2. marinmaven

      Maven's Stages of Grief after Bush Re-Election:
      1. Sadness: Exactly 48 hours in fetal position in the dark with tears of disbelief not knowing the country of my origins with all media blackout.
      2. Futile resistance/Bargaining: "Maybe they are right, I should leave the country." I daydream about living in Paris, the wine, the museums, and the cultured peoples who are equally and appropriately appalled at Bush. I face reality that I am only fluent in my mother tongue and all my family is here. I listen to a feed of classical music from Europe, read books, and PRETEND I am European. (Approx. 2 weeks)
      3. Acceptance/Dealing: "SNAP OUT OF IT! Remember who you are! You convinced your parents to vote for Carter when you were 10 and watched Reagan skunk him. You worked for the Mondale campaign and watched the landslide in the afternoon before the polls closed in California. You *thought* about working for Dukakis. All this suffering and you were rewarded with two terms of Clinton. Chill. Plus, there is Wonkette and Jon Stewart. Hey, who's this Obama guy?

      You see that while I may have not been always 100% dignified through this losing process, I did okay. I certainly did not entertain thoughts of violence, subversion, guns, etc. While I may have loosened the tether to reality through blissful daydreaming, I always understood that it was a daydream as part of a healthy coping mechanism.

      Yes, I felt horror, disgust, and righteous anger which was a normal response from the bizarre and terrible wormhole created by a stolen election, but I wish to be in a civilized nation and therefore I must do my part to that end and not freak out. You might also know it as impulse control and maturity.

      1. ttommyunger

        “Impulse control and maturity”. Or in my case, old age and infirmity. OT I graduated HS in Marin. Was in first grad class of first Novato H S 1959.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

          1. ttommyunger

            Well, the fact that No One owning property in that County has made under $250K a year since 1980 might surprise most in the GOP. They consider all upper income types as their base.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

          2. marinmaven

            Yet, despite being listed in Business Journals of having the priciest zip codes in the country where you can find homes in the 20-35 million dollar range and broken down shacks for 500k, people outside think of Marin as the home of hippies in birks reading the Communist Manifesto.

            I do my best to help, "No, dear, you are thinking of Berkeley."

          3. ttommyunger

            Dad made his first Mil in Marin Real Estate. Bought 23 Marion Court in Novato for $17.5 and the rest is history. That was 1956. Did well for an A F career officer.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

          4. ttommyunger

            They prolly have three or four HSchools by now. Don't remember where the first one was in town.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

          5. ttommyunger

            Dad was Lucky enough to have a smart Realtor when he was transferred in '60 (I had enlisted by then). She convinced him to add a bath, etc and rent it.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

          6. marinmaven

            BARACK OBAMA DEM 73450 73.73%
            MITT ROMNEY REP 23347 23.44%
            JILL STEIN GRN 1111 1.12%
            GARY JOHNSON LIB 939 0.94%
            ROSEANNE BARR PF 298 0.30%
            THOMAS HOEFLING AI 141 0.14%

            Dunno. That two percent is kinda all over the place.

  10. SexySmurf

    One correction Dok. The person who wrote:

    I have to say my spouse was literally in tears last night, thinking about what dangers we face (not just as a family but as a society and a nation). We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory.

    actually wrote that in response to the Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez breakup.

  11. Lucidamente1

    As of yesterday afternoon, the wingnut response has shifted to screaming OBAMABENGHAZIKNEWABOUTPETRAEUSBROADWELLBEFOREELECTIONCOVERUP as loudly as possible.

  12. snowpointsecret

    Apparently these people were so entrenched on Bullshit Mountain that they couldn't even be budged by the avalanche.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Oh to live on Bullshit Mountain
      With the Kochs and the Murdoch buffoons
      There's no reality on Sugar Mountain
      Though you're thinking that
      You're leaving there too soon,
      You're leaving there too soon.

    1. finallyhappy

      I want them to stop blaming Latinos and Black People and single young women- and start blaming old white women – we helped elect Obama too! Blame me!

  13. glamourdammerung

    Too bad they are too cowardly, generally inept, and just too stupid to follow anything through (spree shootings of unarmed people aside). Because if anyone deserves to lose bowel control while lying in a pool of their own blood, it is these treasonous cretins.

    Also, Romans 13, bitches.

    1. memzilla

      Because if anyone deserves to lose bowel control while lying in a pool of their own blood with votes, it is these treasonous cretins.

      /fixed

      1. glamourdammerung

        Exactly. With votes. Like they did in Fallujah.

        Hey, they are the traitors gushing about how awesome fighting our military would be.

  14. Loch_Nessosaur

    Since they lost the election and couldn't turn the US into a Banana Republic moving to Central or south [sic] America would serve them well.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Wingnut relocation would be a worthwhile government program. An Obama-ticket would be a one-way and non-refundable.

    1. LibrarianX

      I was doing well until I saw that Rubio is visiting Iowa and that George P. Bush is making moves to run for office. The pundits went wild. Yea gods.

    1. ChapterUndVerse

      Does that put them over the original landing site of the Titanic? They could rearrange the deck chairs while they're there..

  15. GeneralLerong

    life doesn't change too terribly much in America no matter which party wins the presidency – not real change, the way people in the rest of the world understand real political change, i.e. in terms of reprisals and collapsed currencies and assassinations and other such disasters.–Matt Taibbi

    Yeah. You'd think that cattle cars full of manacled old white Republican steers would be rumbling toward the re-education trailer camps in Montana even as we speak.

    Not that there would be anything wrong with that.

    1. fuflans

      you know i love matt (and your comment) but i have to say, while he's correct that we don't have the political vicissitudes and / or extremes of say, bangledesh, we would be looking at a very very different future for this country if mittbot and little boy wonder had been elected.

      thank god we aren't looking at that.

      1. Negropolis

        This. I do get tired of the cynics. Our Democratic Party may be far from the most transformational parties, but the Republican Party is a transformational party…for the worse. Every time we dodge a Republican is a good day. Maybe we need more than good days; maybe we need great days. But, you've got to take what you can get at the national level, anyway.

  16. snowpointsecret

    It’s not racist that 97% of blacks vote Democrat. It’s racist if you are white and vote Republican…

    It's amazing how they ignore that it's about policy…

    1. Incitefully_Joe

      It's amazing how they ignore that an awful lot of those Democratic candidates are ALSO white, but still receive a dramatically outsize share of the African-American vote, because, as you say, it's about policy.

      1. snowpointsecret

        Also that Linda McMahon lost horribly among women… Against a Democratic man. Amazing how that works, isn't it?

      2. Doktor Zoom

        Yeah, but that's only because blacks are simple, lazy souls who will vote for anyone who promises them a handout. It's pretty damn racist how those Democrats keep promising the shiftless moochers all that sweet wealth stolen from hardworking people, which is why so few blacks have enough character and intelligence to escape the racist Democrat Plantation.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Of course they ignore that it's about policy … they'd have to face the fact that the majority of voters think that GOP policies suck. That's why they'll blame Mitt's failure on racist liberals (huh?), biased media, the Trilateral Commission … anything but their own shitty policies.

    3. bikerlaureate

      It's racist to support the Republican Party in any way if you object to voter suppression laws being shoved through just months before a Presidential election… that coincidentally disenfranchise many more people of color than Caucasians.

  17. Misty Malarky

    Just what made that little old ant
    Think it could move a rubber tree plant?

    Everyone knows an ant
    Can't
    Move a rubber tree plant!

    (CHORUS AD NAUSEUM)

      1. tessiee

        Sorry, guys, all due respect, I've got you both beat:

        MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE!
        HEY LA, HEY LA, MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK!

        1. Doktor Zoom

          Swear to god, I thought you wrote "black" –and it would be just as disturbing to those twerps, maybe moreso.

  18. bflrtsplk

    Good to see Ben Shapiro channeling Breitbart`s Ghost:

    “The only way to win in the battle of ideas is fight the bullies, as Andrew did…“

    Or to become a drunken bully, as Andrew did.

  19. Fare la Volpe

    Why won't liberals vote for us? All we want for them is a bloody death followed by desecration of the body! Liberals are so intolerant.

    1. VodkaGoGo

      You forgot treasonous, liberals are also treasonous for voting for the guy they like. What is this, Russia?

    2. bikerlaureate

      Looting the system for all you can take is another sterling example of how Jesus comported Himself, too, also.

  20. WhatTheHeck

    O great god, why did you allow the blah to win the election… again?
    I thought you were all powerful ’n stuff, so I can only assume this is all part of your plan. But you know, sometimes your plan is too complicated for your supporters to figure it our, so they run off and purchase guns to ease their pain. Are you laughing at their pain, or are you just stone cold?

  21. fartknocker

    The far right GOP is so out of touch with the moderates and middle class that they failed to understand that it’s not about religion, guns, or social programs. It’s about continued tax breaks for corporations, bankers who fucked a bunch of people, and an older population who diligently has paid taxes for social security, roads, schools, FEMA teams, agriculture inspectors and the like while these knuckle-dragging, god-loving, home-schooled legislators and lobbyists want more of the pie.

    The bigger problem is their performance. The 112th session of the HOR and Senate was filled with a baker’s dozen (x3) of whack-a-doodle pinheads who spouted party mantras and did not fulfill the mission of governance. http://voteview.com/political_polarization.asp

    They started this and the voters are on a clearly objective path of putting some moderation back into the legislative bodies and worry about WE the people, not THEY the people.

    One more thing: Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition. I’ve got god and guns in my house but our family worries about the community as well as our own welfare and finances.

    Go out and thank a Veteran.

  22. boskolives

    "…putting off purchases that I had planned IF Romney had won".

    "If"? See, that's the problem with people who won't commit. Or people who should be committed in one way or another.

  23. Callyson

    the next best alternative is bankrupt the system

    You know who else had to destroy the country to save it?

  24. SexySmurf

    We prayed together, asking God to guide us. HE knew this was going to happen, and HE can use this for HIS glory.

    Slightly OT: Last night I was watching America's Next Top Model and one of the chicks prayed to God to win, and then later she was eliminated. And I was wondering, do any of these people who keep having their prayers go unanswered ever try praying to Satan? Just once, to see if it works.

      1. VodkaGoGo

        "A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night."

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          That is some excellent innuendo. Junk in the trunk, working the hole for 30-45 minutes, all fuckin' night.

  25. Callyson

    Dear Lord, please allow the Civil War to start in order for me to save my nation

    Naw, let's spare everyone the fuss and get a velvet divorce. Don't let the door hit you on the way out…

    1. VodkaGoGo

      They seem to be under the mistaken impression we don't want them to leave. I dont know why that is, every time some fuckwit in Texas talks succession you can practically hear a collective shout of "GO FOR IT" echoing accross the land.

  26. christianmuslin

    Maybe now is time for those Morman missionaries to do some convertin of these super christians that want to destroy this country in order to save it. Once they convert they can themselves become missionaries in places such as Iran, Mexico, Iraq, Somalia. The whole world needs to hear their word. Or, just charge them with treason and prosecute their stupid ass.

  27. Callyson

    It’s not racist that 97% of blacks vote Democrat. It’s racist if you are white and vote Republican…

    You know, I don't automatically assume that the stupid reason/s that someone supported Romney involve racism…until they confirm it by going on this brainless rant. Defensive much?

  28. Sassomatic

    Abraham Lincoln would be so proud of these fine Americans who are willing, nay eager, to reign violence down upon those whose ideas are somewhat different from theirs, and who viciously used the democratic process to elect they guy they liked better.

    This is America, and you have the right to vote. But if you vote for the wrong guy, prepare to have your skull crushed, for America.

  29. VodkaGoGo

    I thought all these fucking loons were rooting for the end of the world anyway. Is it that they're afraid the rapture didn't come for them that's got them so unhinged? I can see them all now, re-reading Left Behind , fancying themselves the true to life Tribulation Force fighting the good fight against the Kenyan usurper anti-Christ. Except in those books, all the heros unironically took high ranking positions in the anti-Christs inner circle and were pretty crucial to starting World War III. Shouldn't these fuckos be working for Obama?

      1. Isyaignert

        Remember, Todd Palin was part of the Alaska Independence (secession) Party and $arah Palin gave the opening remarks at their convention. Apparently the 50-star Flag, US Constitution and Pledge of Allegance (one nation, under God, indivisible) mean nothing to them. They are liars, traitors, and fidiots!

  30. Beowoof

    Half of these morons are already on disability, SSI or welfare and live the trailerhood. They are already sponging off the blue states and they whine and whine. Let them secede or go see how well their productive skills are utilized with the complete lack of an organized civilization around them. You don' t have enough ammo to survive the collapse you encourage, you don't have the skills you think you do, you should first learn how to reason and deal with facts before you get too crazy. Oh wait, they can't reason, and facts don't matter. The big Sky Fairy will drop Hunger Games style parachutes of stuff you need on you.
    Okay got that rant out feel better.

    1. PugglesRule

      The big Sky Fairy will drop Hunger Games style parachutes of stuff you need on you.

      Perhaps, but these loons wouldn't be smart enough to survive the first 5 minutes. None of them would make it as far as the Cornucopia.

    2. malsperanza

      Actually, most of the people I've canvassed in trailer parks voted for Obama. Let's not malign poor white people for being poor, eh?

  31. soeoho

    Via a Wyoming cousin's red-re-post, along with a colorful (by county) map.
    "Yup, sure looks like obama won. I say we do an experiment. Obama can preside over the blue areas, and Romney over the red. Then in four years, we'll compare …"
    Before I reply, do we have assurances that Wyoming has not yet acquired its aircraft carrier?

    1. Jennyjen798

      LOL! I had a coworker say the same thing. This country is red look at this map. I said uhh land doesn't vote, PEOPLE vote and the majority of PEOPLE live in urban areas, not in the middle of Bumfuck, Texas where there are more cows than humans. His response "Well, citiies, that's where the minorities live." Me: Minorities are the REAL majority, better learn to accept it otherwise life is going to get really hard for you. You already have heart problems ya know….

      He walked away after that. :D

      1. boskolives

        Fixed/ "….not in the middle of WEST Bumfuck, Texas". Please note that Bumfuck, Texas is a bustling town that is intent on having it's second stop sign installed before the end of the year.

        1. tessiee

          Fair is fair.
          The intersection was getting too heavily trafficked with everyone driving to the dump to shoot rats.

        2. Butch_Wagstaff

          When the stoplights are installed, they'll probably think it's Christmas.

          Sorry, old joke I heard years ago from someone who (like me at the time) lived in a small town that had just gotten it's first stoplight.

      2. Pithaughn

        My most r wing relative grows apples in WA. I constantly have to remind him there are not nearly enough scardy cat old white guys to buy all his apples even if they switched from corn sweetners to apple juice. His very survival depends on all those scary urban dwellers who vote D.

          1. NDeeeZ

            Which are NOT socialist, sucking off the gummint teat because…ah hell, I forgot where I was going with that.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Funny, except for FL, I'd have just thought that was North America after the oceans rise for a couple more centuries.

      2. Butch_Wagstaff

        The guy who created these maps must be short of stature and effeminate much like that Nate Silver fellow so he's clearly biased.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Like Mitt wants anything to do with the areas he "won". This is a guy who has never lived outside of a dreaded "metropolitan" region and looks uncomfortable when he's doing anything less formal than a business meeting – I'd love to see him dropped in the middle of sheep/gas/cattle country and left to manage. He'd be a gibbering mess in month.

    3. bikerlaureate

      Great – can we reduce the amount of money the Federal government passes from blue states to red states too?

  32. BadKitty904

    It was the GOP that first roused the radical, far-right Teabagger rabble – and it now looks like Rove & Co. have got *quite* a tiger by the tail.

    On the plus side, psychology majors will have PLENTY of material for papers for years to come…

  33. snowpointsecret

    Well, I have news that might make their reactions even more snark-worthy!

    Obama has officially won Florida, 50% to 49.1%. The 0.9% difference is enough to avoid a recount, which would have taken place if it was within 0.5%. I'd love to see Rick Scott's reaction to all this…

  34. LibrarianX

    They were SCARED and they PRAYED? That's adorable. Their prayers have been heard. Shiva will be good to them.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      I posted something a bit similar on FB recently. I see so many people who are scared/terrified blah blah blah. Bottom line, you're a fucking AMERICAN. Act like it.

      Fuck these idiots.

    1. Misty Malarky

      And while you're waiting – stale Ramen Noodles boiled with your own urine make for a tasty American Prepper treat.

      Be assured you will be notified when it is safe to come out

    2. finallyhappy

      I recently saw a bomb shelter sign on an apartment building in Dc on Georgia Avenue- good place for a racist old white guy. I'll help him move in.

    3. Butch_Wagstaff

      They shouldn't forget all the "imitation beef" they stocked up on back in 1999 because of the total collapse of human civilization that was supposed to happen at midnight on Jan. 1, 2000.

  35. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Also, can someone go back and find the librul counterparts from Bush 2.2? Because while I recall much tearing of hair and gnashing of teeth, I don't recall any liberals threatening actual murder or revolution.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Since he was actually bankrupting the country with his wars and idiocy,…not a fair comparison.

  36. CrunchyKnee

    Do or do not, there is no try, pussies. You had your freaking chance. Your war Jesus let you down big time. Wouldn't it be more productive to look inward and question why maybe a majority of Americans think your superstitions and policies are whack?

    Nah. Pass the Cheetos, charge up the Hoveround and pray for civil war.

    1. NDeeeZ

      Also ask why, what with all of your praying, did your god pick the other guy.

      Did you not pray hard enough?

      Or was the fix in, cuz god knew something you didn't?

      Hmmmmmm?

  37. RelicOven

    If these fuckwits actually do something, anything, remotely productive to move this country forward I will go out, buy a hat, and eat it. Really if they insist on being obstructionist and backward at least all they are doing is sitting on the computer crying into their bald eagle mugs.

    1. Isyaignert

      We have to take out every last crazy Republicon in 2014, so Obama has a sane House of Reps for at least two years. It sure would be nice to see Nancy Pelosi in the Speaker's chair again.

  38. imissopus

    "The war begins now."

    Yeah, Lena Headey's voice-over intro on "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" ended with pretty much the same line. Good to know these guys aren't being huge drama queens.

  39. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Concerned Doktor Pony! Dok Zoom's new avatar.

    Also, I've been blissfully, willfully ignorant of this whole "Going Galt" concept. I read a brief description of it and muttered 'for fuck's sake.'

    Besides being a childish response [I'm gonna take my moneez and stay home!] and also moronic, it also seems unpatriotic. Like it or not we have a consumer-based economy. Purposefully not spending money in order to bring down the economy seems illogical and unpatriotic to me. But then, again I'm not a fucking whiny butthurt piece of shit asshole, either.

  40. Mittaplasia

    All that pearl clutching and handwringing is just making their carpal tunnel syndrome that much worse.

  41. smokefilledroommate

    The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together. But apparently, liberal America prefers to battle for the soul of the country.

    So all those working class joes in Ohio and PA smart enough to see through Romney's achingly transparent bullshit are now part of 'Liberal America'? (And Romney would have been a Uniter.) Fuck. gently. chainsaw.

    How long will this shit go on? Shelf life eternity? Like so many Twinkies in fat misinformed mouths?

      1. SuspectedDemocrat

        The underlying theory is sound. You can see as time goes on and the easy-to-reach conclusions are used up, they have to mine from crazier and crazier places.

    1. tessiee

      "The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together… because if only everybody else gave in to us, and gave us our own way, all the time, there wouldn't be any argument, now would there?"

  42. Mittaplasia

    Onion headline:

    "After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-hot Sphere of Pure Rage Early GOP Frontrunner for 2016"

    1. RelicOven

      Reporter: "Mr. Sphere, what will you do to help out economy?"

      Sphere: "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAHA"

      Fox news: "Out most eloquent candidate yet, stay turned for his first rally"

    1. finallyhappy

      In honor of all Wonketeers, last Saturday, I attended the million puppet march(there were about 1000 of us– or fewer- unless you count our Muppets). I marched with an Elmo- APF took my photo and the Houston Chronicle put it on its website. I was also briefly on local TV badmouthing the right.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        When Elmo became so popular in the 1990s, I went through a period of being anti-Elmo because, having been a kid who loved Sesame St. in the late 1970s & very early 1980s, I could remember a time before the rise of Elmo. But a very wise 4 year old put me in my place. She told me: "He's small and likes to hug. Just like me so I like him."

    1. bikerlaureate

      Heroes in our midst.

      Now those of us stuck in FlorDuh will see what we can do to prevent it from occurring again (no matter who the citizens are voting for)…

  43. boskolives

    The religious conservative's dilemma:
    Assume that God makes no mistakes,
    But, Andrew Breitbart died unnaturally young,
    Therefore, Andrew Breitbart must have been a liberal "plant".

  44. Mahousu

    “A welfare ‘family’ receives anywhere from $40 – $60,000 per year in benefits.”

    Well, not quite anywhere, but definitely somewhere in that range. It is also true that the typical welfare family receives somewhere between $1 and $1 billion dollars in benefits.

  45. carlgt1

    as soon as the election was called for Obama I ran straight to "FreeRepublic" to get a hilarious host of insane teabagger commentary. Some of the more sedate posts are: "Fox News has joined the liberal media conspiracy" and "Chris Christie is a RINO who destroyed the party" and "We must keep Allen West in power by any means necessary!"

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      "Fox News has joined the liberal media conspiracy"

      This is incredibly telling. By reporting actual REALITY, Fox has joined the conspiracy…

    2. bikerlaureate

      They are losing every battle – which only proves that they're completely correct, in all things, and the majority of people who oppose them are completely wrong and corrupt.

      Gaaaaaah…

  46. BlueStateLibel

    Yes, I'm sure the beer and junk-food industries are just shaking in their pants in fear of the coming wingnut campaign of not buying things. I'd bet they couldn't go a week without buying either.

    1. snowpointsecret

      "I wonder who would've won if you had to take an IQ test before voting…? Romney. Romney would have won."

      This stuff doesn't need anyone to try to make fun of it, it does that to itself.

  47. Goonemeritus

    In 2004 when Bush won my response was well I guess our Republic is strong enough to survive 4 more years of this clown. I guess I just didn’t love my country enough to take my ball and go home or plot to kill everyone that disagreed with me.

    1. GeneralLerong

      This. One of the truest and best posts you've ever made [out of many, many tasty and delicious observations].

      Spoken like a true patriot.

  48. Troubledog

    You know who *else* prays to almighty God for weapons and firearms to strike down His enemies and bring glory to His religion?

    1. bikerlaureate

      Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin…

  49. Steverino247

    “It’s that the entire moral landscape has changed,” he said. “An increasingly secularized America understands our positions, and has rejected them.”

    You're right, Mr. Preacher-teacher. However, the R's will claim Romney lost because he wasn't conservative enough and forget about the two sure Senate seats they lost in the Midwest, of all places.

  50. tessiee

    OK, will any conservative who is NOT Victoria Jackson or Dennis Miller (because their voices are so unbearable) do a mashup video of reading all these out loud in an eye-bugging, arm-waving, Nicolas Cage-esque rant, over a blaring musical background of "O Fortuna" (or the "Requiem for a Dream" music)?
    Because that would be something that everyone could enjoy masturbating to.

  51. Troubledog

    Also am delighted to hear the wingnuts say they'll double down on the crazy. But I'll feel better about it if they're still inflamed in a month. Probably some will come to their senses, drop their torches in the fountain and walk back home. Then the remainder will be queer oddities and sideshows like Randall Terry. In other words, back to normal!

    Either way I think this splits the money, which breaks the SuperPAC advantage and signals the end of Rove's Organized Financial Crime / Deity Worshiper Alliance.

    Jesustards and Israel-supporters like Adelson won't give any more money to Karl Rove, who may still enjoy standing in the Koch Brothers axis. That should finally sweep up the rest of the mess Gingrich started with Contract with America in 1994.

    So then you have

    Democrat Party (most people),

    Jesus Only Deity Worshiper Party (plus racists, haters, emotionals, psycho wackjobs, loner gunman types, etc),

    Money Party (Rich guys, organized crime, afraid people, climate deniers, xenophobes, more racists, conspiracy theorists, X-files guys).

    And maybe you also get some ultra leftist party like Greens or something. militant hippie resurgence, emboldened enviroment activists, tree spikers, owl huggers, provocatives like Anonymous, and gawd help us, the successors to Paultardism, whatever standard bearer they will choose.

    The regular election will look more like the GOP primary did this year, with the looneys trying to out-peacock one another, and one somewhat moderate person standing there trying not to roll their eyes. Probably Mrs Clinton. The multi-party debates will be hilarious.

    Meanwhile we are savoring their misery. I think that is fine and appropriate. There is great satisfaction.

    "The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
    – Gore Vidal

    1. Negropolis

      Just a pet peeve since it's seeped in from the right, but we don't have a "Democrat" Party. We have the Democratic Party compposed of Democrats.

  52. tessiee

    Apparently, their grasp of politics and democracy is every bit as good as their grasp of math, science, history, economics, logic, ethics…

  53. lumpenprole

    That’s what Obama represents to me –God’s judgment on a people who have turned away from Him and His ways…
    "Barack Obama, Scourge of God" does have a nice ring to it. Not as much fun as Richard III, but you suffer God's wrath with the Scourge you have, not the one you want.

  54. LetUsBray

    Shorter wingnut: We fucking hate the American people and want only to visit a horrible, bloody death on them. Why won't those bastards vote for us?"

  55. ButthurtWingers2012

    I don't feel any guilt whatsoever for laughing at and enjoying the mental suffering of these redtards. It's especially sweet to see Karl Rove whining about the attacks the Obami's made on Moneybot 9000. I mean Karl Rove is the swell little man who was an architect of some of the most vile politics democracy has ever seen: push polling is a minor one, he also started a whisper campaign at 'Bama that a Democratic judge who was facing one of his scumbag clients and who worked with children was a pedophile…the absence of ANY evidence of this is especially vile. Rove also funneled money through one of his butt buddies to seed the Swiftboat for Assholes guys and helped create the purple heart bandaid attacks…it is HILARIOUS to watch him cry over his being discredited as a strategist ONCE AGAIN, hahaha.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Let's not forget how Rove helped elect Dubya as Texas Governor via a whisper campaign suggesting that Ann Richards was a lesbian. I sometimes regret that my atheism precludes me from wishing eternal torment on that man for the harm he's done.

    2. Slapwow

      Rove's loathesome tactics against ol' Wallnuts in 2000 even made me feel pity for McCain!

      Pity for McCain, do you understand?!!

      Damn you Rove!

  56. Pithaughn

    Don't look now, but it is possible the middle managers of "Conservative Inc. " may be questioning the legitimacy and salaries of their leaders. They are starting to realize what is obvious to any one out side the R wing noise machine, the main purpose of conservatism is to profit from the rubes.

  57. ButthurtWingers2012

    Shit I keep hoping these cowards will finally act on their threats and 'go Galt'…I hear the former site of Jonestown would be a great place to start a colony of racist, self centered and sociopathic narcissistic fucks…go on wingnuts, don't let the door hit you on your fat arrogant asses on the way out…

  58. Goonemeritus

    One last story from the way back machine. Back in 92’ I was working as an engineer in a group that had an unusual concentration of evangelicals. I say unusual because the company was in Woodstock NY. Well when Clinton won that year many of my co-workers felt the economy was destined to tank so they took all their investments and moved them to overseas funds. And there they sat missing the single biggest run-up of the century. After 8 years they were poorer and still bitter.

  59. fuflans

    Mr. Americana, who claims to “live and work in Hollywood,” also says that the following is his “nightly prayer”

    imagine that's hollywood ALABAMA.

  60. BerkeleyBear

    Since not one GOP talking head will even admit that they were delusional and actually got their asses handed to them (not ran out of momentum, not still have a mandate by retaining the gerrymandered House, not somehow suffered "suppression" by having their candidate's horrible nature revealed) I feel no shame in any and all schadenfreude at the idiocy of their followers. I swear it is 2008 all over again – O wins, against all odds, and the GOP reacts by insisting it proves their ideas should be adopted (this time taxes, last time healthcare). Jon Stewart should just re-run the "losing should taste like a shit sandwich" bit and take a vacation.

    Just admit you fucking lost – it will hurt less in the long run. Dems admitted they lost 2010, and actually fixed some shit from then. Your turn, wankers.

  61. proudgrampa

    Reading the Republitard reaction to the election, the last 3-4 days have been the longest "Oh, for Fuck's Sake" moment I have ever experienced in my life..

  62. Grokenstein

    Some of you may remember Andrea J. Rouda, whose blog "Roto Rouda" (that's what she calls it, I shit–heh–you not) vanished after she posted an open request for someone to shoot Keith Olbermann in the wake of the attempted assassination of Rep. Giffords (which attracted the attention of both the lefty blogosphere and the FBI).

    She's been back for a while, it seems, as Neanderthal as she ever was. She loathes the Obamas–with an "s"–and has no patience for overweight people, for whom she has no end of simple advice ("Put down the doughtnut, fatty!").

    In a very recent post, she reveals that she is developing Baker's cysts. Anyone can get those, but maybe being a bitter, hate-filled, bilious, nasty ratbag isn't the most brilliant lifestyle choice for a self-proclaimed health expert? Just sayin'.

  63. redarmyzombie

    Hm, I just thought, have the conservatives ever considered opening a Whinery? That could get them some big bucks right there…

  64. Slapwow

    "America has decisively turned the corner away from the constitutional principles of limited government and self-government"
    Apparently self-government is good only when the selves in question are well-off straight white male christians giving themselves what they want, and lots of it. Everyone else can go self-fuck themselves.

  65. One_Man_Band

    GLOATY GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT.

  66. An_Outhouse

    now you know how the one percent in venezuela feell everytime hugo chavez is re-elected. wait til bamz nationalizes resource extraction in order to pay for public education and health care.

    1. doloras

      All those people here who believe the "Chávez is a thug" libels are best to compare what the Venezuelan opposition say about him to what the Teabaggers say about Hopey. For example: he happens to be half-black himself, and if you thought the racism was bad in the US, at least they don't play monkey noises behind footage of Barack.

  67. GeorgiaBurning

    When the enemy is making a mistake, don't interrupt them. I hope the Repubs follow through and go even further to the right. Move to caves or compounds in far off lands; there to whither and die. The rest of us can get on with the 21st century.

  68. Dashboard Buddha

    "announced he was going forward with his plan to fire a liberal"

    Hey…here's a fun rainy day activity. Let's crowd source this fuck so we can determine his identity and then his liberal employee can sue the ever loving fuck out of him.

    1. SuspectedDemocrat

      I think the only "liberal" he employs is the lotion he liberally applies to one hand while on the Internet in his mom's basement.

    1. bikerlaureate

      They have to bankrupt the system in order to show how evil (and ineffective) it is. They're bravely biting the serpent's tail, these patriotic Amercians…

      1. reweni

        They probably haven't been on food stamps if they think that people on food stamps are living a stress-free blessed existence.

    1. finallyhappy

      A friend of mine (we are left- because all real Jews are) says we are not white. GOP Jews are like Log Cabin GOP- deluded, self-hating

  69. cousinitt

    Joseph Farah sez: "Maybe we deserve this punishment for taking our lifestyles for granted."

    Cat woman suit, check. 8-inch black patent leather stilettos, check. Leather riding crop, check. Ball-sac cinch, check. Iron neck collar, check. Squirrel fur-lined wrist restraints, check. Zillions of clothespins, check. Butterscotch schnapps-flavored astroglide, check.

    Come, come for mama, Joey, you little whiny, shit-stained, fucktard. Jesus loves you and so do I, now beg!

    1. bikerlaureate

      If by "lifestyles" he means a militant commitment to ignorance and closemindedness, then sure.
      But we're talking about yet another Elmer Gantry grifter here. Like a truffle-hunting pig, he pursues the munnies. Above all else.

  70. ChessieNefercat

    Well. "Know your enemy" is an old, old, saying. I hope these maroons spend all their time trying to figure out the best way to beat the invisible chair Obama, and his gay black communist socialist lesbian unemployed slacker stoner layabout liberal army.

    That way, they will not be figuring out how to beat Reality Obama and millions of highly intelligent, dedicated, activist, employed (well…) Real liberals.

    That's right, dumbasses. Whatever you do, don't let anyone trick you into having an accurate idea of who and what you're actually fighting against. Battles always turn out better when you attack where you think the enemy should be, not where they actually are.

  71. MWhite:LittleCunningPlan

    As usual, they've got it entirely wrong. If I were a right wing evangelical, I'd be mighty worried about my mortal soul just now. I would be pretty worried that the reason Obama won election again is that God is on his side, not the side of haters everywhere. First Tropical Storm Isaac delayed the Republican convention, but they didn't get the hint. (Even though this storm was named after a biblical Patriarch, for the love of Jesus!) After all, God moves in mysterious ways. So He sends Hurricane Sandy, allowing Obama to step out of the presidential race and act… well, Presidential. You have to admit that it looks like Democrats pray better. Or maybe they just pray for the right things. How about that? I look forward to any possible critical self-examination on the part of religious zealots everywhere. But I do not hold my breath.

    1. bikerlaureate

      This is exactly what they get for supporting a non-Christian cult member. Now the follower of Jesus in the white house (with that light-absorbing hue) won again – handily – and the wrathful judgement cranks up in earnest.

      Their safest course is to never vote again. It's merely the beginning of their penance.

  72. Slapwow

    Isn't it odd that these people love all the founding father's lofty notions of universal fairness, freedom, and equality only as long as they're applied exclusively to themselves?

    …And that they assume being in the minority means automatically being mercilessly shafted by the majority from now till doomsday?

    Projection much?

    1. bikerlaureate

      Anyone who disagrees with them is deluded by the diabolical enemy.

      Obviously it goes without saying that it's UNPOSSIBLE that they're ever misled.

  73. glasspusher

    I can relate. After this election, I'm hurting all over. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

  74. Slim_Pickins

    I thought these people all "went Galt" 4 years ago. What happened, did their mommies call them in for bed?

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Look, we've been over this. I don't watch the TV show. I'm just a fan of the meme.

      DERIVATIVE WORKS ONLY, PLEASE

  75. notreelyhelping

    They're not going to start a war. They aren't going to leave the country. They aren't going to run off to the mountains and load up on guns. They're just going to continue complaining on the Internet, and maybe they'll vote in the next election if, you know, it's convenient.

    Silly bastards.

  76. MrsConclusion

    "As Andrew did." Is this what we didn't see until the Internet? No. This kind of lunatic fantasizing, this fevered, maniacal acting-out of nerds' imaginings–not only did we not see it before the Net, it didn't exist. (shakes fist) Damn you, Tim Berners-Lee!

  77. Negropolis

    Nevermind, of course, that it was Karl Rove's plan to specifically divide and conquer a nation. No 'twas Obama what done it.

  78. Negropolis

    Central America, eh? This whole group can be shipped to El Salvador. No one has lost any. Let's see how they like them, down there.

  79. HogeyeGrex

    Yes, this is how democracy dies. Not with a bang, but with a hashtag.

    Well, come on. Like anyone's gonna bang Ben Shapiro?

  80. ElPinche

    Yeah, hangout at free republic .com for a while; it's funny. They're literally chanting "I hate America," shitting on flags and skullfucking John Wayne's corpse right now.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I'm feeling optimistic–maybe bloviating on a blog is enough of a First Amendment solution that it calms them down.

      I'm also enough of a pessimist to think that some of these loons need an eye kept on them.

    2. Negropolis

      If they do, there is very little we have in our toolbox as a nation (at least legally) to prevent this. But, mark my words, one of these days, they are going to pull their gun(s) on the wrong motherfucker.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        I hate thinking thoughts like this, but when I saw Obama crying and being wistful about his life and career at the last campaign stop, and also at his campaign office in Chicago post-election, it reminded me uncomfortably of King's premonitions.

        1. fuflans

          in one of my pre-election fear quakes i wondered what it would be like for them back in chicago. and then i started thinking about how dangerous bamz' life is always going to be.

          even more so after 2012.

        2. Negropolis

          Same here, only this hit me when he made his last campaign stop in Iowa the night before, when he cracked a little near the end. I was getting very bad feelings. Michelle was introducing him, and when he came out, he walked her back across the stage more slowly than I'd have liked, and what was running through my head the entire time was "stop crossing the stage so much." Yeah, those last few days were really heady for me.

    3. SuspectedDemocrat

      As many guns as they've been buying lately, I still have a hard time picturing them actually organizing to the point where they can stage a military-style attack without at least one of them saying, "Wait, isn't this kind of crazy?" "Yeah, let's go back inside and watch football."

      A lone wolf assassin, on the other hand, has always been a danger, maybe more so now.

      Speaking as one who has many old school chums in a red state, they've pretty much stopped posting about Obama and are now distracting themselves with football. They may talk crazy when it comes to politics, but they're not psychos really.

  81. calliecallie

    Somewhat OT, but as I tried to load this post, my computer freaked outsomehow. I tried to scroll down and all that appeared was "God has provided" over and over and over. This was before I read all these crazy wingnut posts.

    Honestly, I think God has provided. Hallelujah. Maybe I will think about going back to church.

  82. mosaickmind

    "Could this be the sign of the Apocalypse? Is Revelations really coming to fruition? Are we good Christian conservatives going to levitate to Heaven now? if so… why am I so scared and miserable?" – a confused Romney supporter

  83. Cleopatriot

    If anyone knows any of these people who are wanting out of the crumbling old US of A, I have a friend trying to sell a house in Puerto Vallarta. Yeah, brown people, but there's a WalMart!

  84. evoshandor

    Fundamentalist Mormons have been actively "bleeding the beast" for decades. Have as many sister-wives, and more children than you can(not) afford; get them on welfare. Oh and try to have children that have special needs, as this draws more blood.

  85. reweni

    I like the idea of them trying to go on food stamps. They might realize that it's not the luxurious life of leisure that they think it is.

  86. Lizzietish81

    So…God promised them a Romney win, and it didn't happen, so now its that God wants them to take up arms against the evil secularists?

    What if God is for an Obama presidency?

  87. SuspectedDemocrat

    Going Galt is impossible

    Going Galt has never been possible, outside the fevered imagination of a lonely, frustrated old woman and her legions of devoted followers.

    The closest you can get is living for a time as Henry David Thoreau, and that ain't easy, and certainly not a lifestyle for the rich.

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