what's the big deal?

Meet The Not-Racist Young Lady Who Called For Assassination Of, Er, Let’s Just Say ‘Black’ President

NOT FAAAAIRRRR“I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal,” said this spritely lass when confronted with a news crew. Like, why are people all pissing and moaning, and why did she get fired from her job at Cold Stone Creamery, just because she said that someone should assassinate that “nigger” president? Like, what is even their damage, you know? Is she not simply expressing herself? And is that not what a special snowflake like herself must do? It’s just Facebook and stuff, plus if he got assassinated it’s not like she would be sad, but most importantly, SHE IS NOT A RACIST. “I’m not racist,” Denise Helms told the news crew. She has a lot of friends of different nationalities! Like, probably some Irish, and some Italians, maybe some Poles, POSSIBLY an Asiatic (but probably not, and DEFINITELY not any Jews), and, well, probably like a dude named “Lopez” but who is from Spain instead of Mexico. See, not racist at all!

The “funnest” part of this terrific news report (no part of this terrific news report is fun) is the juxtaposition of the 22-year-old’s Facebook picture, all glamour-shotted and tanned with the sexxxy, and her in-person presentation, where (and we are not making fun of her appearance, just noting the difference between Facebook and reality) she looks like a 44-year-old in Idaho with four kids hanging on her while she’s trying to both put some Hot Pockets in a toaster oven and work her phone sex shift at the same time.

That trenchant bit of analysis concluded, let us all take a moment to remember who the real victim is here: Sarah Palin.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Respitetini

    Why are you being so racist against her by saying her racist sayings are racist? Can't you just be tolerant of other people's opinions? God, you libtards, I swear…

    1. bikerlaureate

      She should be able to make any offensive, threatening remark she wants without any repercussions or consequences. She's a Real Amercian.

    2. Tessa

      Geez, it's not like she called for the assassination of a white person or something. People make too big a deal about this stuff.

    1. reallythatsnice

      By balls you mean loathsome thoughts that end with dimwitted beliefs and ignorance? Then yes she has balls galore!

    2. bobby_dee

      Sad, she was actually a fairly decent linebacker when she played at Cal State, Stanislaus, then the NCAA ruled that she could no longer carry her kid in a front pack unless another defensive player left the field. Now she's lost her job at the Creamery, too. One hopes that she stands tall and resists the Democrats' dole.

  2. PuckStopsHere

    She's about 22 and a 1/2 minutes short of the kind of rant which typically warrants a post on this blog. And, like yesterday's You-Tuber, she is not attractive inside or out.

      1. berkeleyfarm

        My home town! (another reason I look down on Turlock, LOL)

        Mind you there is a lot of this tea-party trash in various parts of the metro area. I wouldn't have been at all surprised to see a dateline of Roseville, Rocklin, Orangevale, Rancho Cordova.

      1. bobbert

        These days, it's kind of the exurbs of Modesto.

        Also, recall that this is where Frieda F gave that there word salad thing at the CSU.

    1. Pat_Pending

      I've been to Turlock, I know people in TURLOCK, and to this comment I must say…

      …um. Completely accurate.

      1. berkeleyfarm

        Hey Homey! *fist bumps*

        Just relieved that it wasn't my own birthplace in the Sacramento Valley.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    If somewhere during your interview you feel compelled to make the statement “I’m not racist,” but you choose to use the word "nigger" when referring to the president, chances are pretty good that you are just plain not self-aware.

    1. GeorgiaMike

      Amen. I've heard people say, "I don't have any problem with niggers." No, but you have lots of problems with intellect. This young racist princess might be a distant cousin of Honey Boo Boo.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        I once knew someone (back when I was living in places like Bugfuck, Virginia) someone who through around the word "nigger" a lot. Which I found odd because she preferred black guys when it came to sex. I remember someone pointing this out to her at a party (we all lived in the same apartment complex & partied together). She drunkenly & very loudly proclaimed that she liked to fuck black guys as long as they weren't "niggers!".

    2. HRH_Maddie

      Saying "I'm not racist, but…" is just like saying "No offense, but…" Whatever follows is bound to be racist or offensive.

  4. RelicOven

    Dude she has some minority friends! Obviously shes not racist, I don't see the problem here. It's the Secret Service who's being racist against her words!

    1. eaglewon

      she said friends of different nationalities, not minority friends. Btw, I bet you don't have any. Also depends on which state you're in, because in some states whites are the minority. Minority is really not the proper word to use anymore, are you from the 70s?

  5. Ground Zero Mostel

    Reminds me of the classic exchange between Meathead and Sammy Davis Jr on All in the Family."
    Meathead: It's not like he'd light a cross on fire on your lawn…
    Davis Jr.: No, but he might stop to roast a few marshmallows.

  6. littlebigdaddy

    She'll be running for Congress next election cycle. Apparently, she's the frontrunner for the GOP nomination. And, you know, she meant "nigga," like a rapper.

  7. belmontreport

    I LOVE that she thinks that if you're just saying what you think, it can't be racist. Beautiful logic.

      1. Lizzietish81

        You're assuming she hasn't already. She's old enough to have a couple of kids by now.

        But she ain't no freeloader!

          1. Lizzietish81

            Yes, because once she has a guy it will be forever.

            The last two baby daddies just let her down, so now she's looking for the real thing.

            I used to do personal ads, trust me, she has kids already and is still looking for a guy.

  8. Oblios_Cap

    The Cold Stone Creamery? They certainly have some inventive names for their whorehouses out West.

    1. Spurning Beer

      There's a Marble Slab Creamery here in Pensacola. The name is just too mortuarial for me.

      A few miles from my former residence, there was a Creamery next door to a Crematory. No kidding.

    2. Callyson

      Ice cream parlor IRL, pretty good actually. But yeah, I think you just nailed what her next position will be…

        1. finallyhappy

          We have a cold stone here in Silver Spring but there is also a Ben and Jerrys and now a FroYo(with Zombie coffee froyo). Yes, I am an old menopausal woman

  9. Lascauxcaveman

    Conversation you'll never hear around the Wonkette office:

    "So, have any horrible, horrible, ugly, racist, seditious, treasonous asswipes been posting horrible, horrible, ugly, racist, seditious, treasonous shit about the president on the internets today?"

    "Nope. Not today."

  10. memzilla

    "I am sorry if you are offended by my racist comments."

    Looks like jobwise, she's been (*ahem*) blah-listed.

    1. berkeleyfarm

      It might not be a problem for her in Turlock. Just sayin'.

      Edit: I see that her current job seems to have nuked her. Not surprising from a national chain. I think she'll be able to find refuge at some local business that isn't as diligent about anti-discrimination though.

      1. actor212

        I think it's terrible that a firm that's only trying to protect its sales and its reputation is abridging this poor woman's right to be a total fucking redneck bigot free speech rights

  11. BadKitty904

    It's time to start prosecuting these asshats. A few convictions and sentencings will, no doubt, restore the "respect for the office of the presidency" that the Neo-cons are always so loudly (and supposedly) "defending"…

  12. Grief_Lessons

    "This Turlock woman…"

    Never having heard of the place, I wondered what the word "turlock" meant, and whether it was a synonym for "wretched", or "insensate", or possibly "lamerrific".

    1. berkeleyfarm

      I've been through there. Not far off.

      It's one of the asscracks of the San Joaquin Valley in California.

    2. Callyson

      "Fun" fact about Turlock (located in CA's Central Valley, which is not the blue part of CA and is represented by a bunch of equally bitter Reeps) from Wikipedia:

      During World War II, after the attack on Pearl Harbor, the U.S. Government placed Japanese-Americans into internment camps all over the country. The Stanislaus County Fairgrounds was the site of one of these camps and held over 3,000 interned American citizens.

  13. YouBetcha

    Let me just say, WHITE TRASH. You know you were thinking it. CRACKER, HONKY. Yes, I am caucasian. I'm still not convinced me and this fine young woman are the same species, much less the same race.

    Honestly, sweetheart, lay off the eyeliner and hair gel, and maybe eat a salad once in a while. FFS.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "All you can eat buffet" does not mean the same thing as "you should eat all of the buffet."
      Put down the fork!

    1. berkeleyfarm

      I was reading the Victoria Jackson piece after this and thought "hmmm". But Honey Boo Boo works for me.

    2. Living in Joy

      I like this comment, but I honestly think Honey Boo Boo has it more together than this pathetic creature.

      1. HRH_Maddie

        You're totally right – it was pretty unfair of me to lump Honey Boo Boo in with this pathetic creature. After all, she endorsed Obama and is currently employed.

        1. PugglesRule

          And Honey Boo Boo is okay with the gheys. At least her ghey uncle. Whereas I bet Denise here has probably shoved a few lesbos (her word, not mine) into lockers in her day.

      2. Jennyjen798

        True. Plus Honey Boo Boo lives in a town where African Americans make up 60% of the population. I would hope the child is a little more accepting of the people around her then the twat face former cream slinger.
        I mean, she's 22 and looks like she is going on 48. Gross! Lay off the smokes and meth.

  14. dr_giraud

    This is the world Fox News and the legion of right-wing douches hath made: Racism, assassination talk . . . WHATEVS.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      You made her pull her hand out of the top of her shirt and stop digging around to re-arrange those boobies and find whatever it was that was biting.

  15. elviouslyqueer

    "WOW is all I got to say!! I'm not racist and I'm not crazy. just simply stating my opinion.!!!"

    Let's review, sweetie. You called the PRESIDENT a n***er AND openly hoped for his assassination AND THEN refused to walk it back or apologize but instead acted surprised when people got pissed at you. I'd say this is pretty much a textbook definition of being both racist and crazy. Not to mention a complete cunty waste of protoplasm.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      I dunno – I think that flabby chin would make an excellent ball-cushion, for a blind man.

  16. barto

    The REAL victims are all the chair manufacuters (small businesses, people) who see their painstakingly crafted products hanging from tress across America.

  17. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Dear Denise Helms’s Parents,
    When you home schooled your delightful little assassination prone child do you now regret leaving out the ethics course?

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    I can't see the video, but those shoulders, jeez, looks like she could play outside linebacker for the Green Bay Packers.

  19. Hammiepants

    It's like there's a secret farm where they breed these poxy cows. She looks like every other stupid white chick who's bloviated some racist bullshit out of her pimply piehole on the interwebs. This, right here, is what is meant by "low information voter".

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      She has plenty of "information" — and I guarantee that she got all of it from Fox (and Fiends).

  20. zumpie

    Okay, I am (after motherhood) faaaaaar from skinny myself, but….maybe Cold Stone fired her more over um, missing, product? Cause she looks like she frequently claimed she gave out a lot of samples, but ate them herself!

  21. SorosBot

    Before, I had said that the "not-racist" racists seem to think you can only call someone a racist if they actually use the N-word; apparently even that isn't enough.

    1. PugglesRule

      Nice quote from that Tumblr (anonymous FB status): "If Romney wins the popular vote, would we still have Ryan as VP because of the split?"

      Jeebus Christ on a pogo stick.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        I know. That goodness I had a long process running on the other screen so I could loaf around over there. Now I am back to loaf around over here.

    2. finallyhappy

      I was wondering if the first photo(it changes with time) of the women with the cupcakes and faky sad faces did it later as a joke for the website

    3. Liberalatchi

      Impressive artwork with the crying flag and the mournful eagle. Is almost as addictive as the dog shaming site.

  22. Crank_Tango

    And she lost her dream job at the stone-cold creamery. Oh well, at least she has a future on fox. OOOOPs sorry, fox has a strict no fat-chicks policy.

    Well, at least trolling the internet pays well, maybe.

  23. Tommy1733

    When I learn about people like her that are competing for resources with my kids it makes me all combative and punchy-kicky.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      No, probably just a life sentence of working at Walmart (who's going to want to hire her after this), but that's probably worse.

  24. delaney_blom

    from the gawker story: Turlock Cold Stone Creamery store director Chris Kegle, who fired Helms from her job at the store [said] "We found her comments to be very disgusting, and they do not reflect our opinions here."

    He went on to say, "I probably should have seen this coming when she referred to one scoop of vanilla and one scoop of chocolate as 'mullato jungle fever sundae' and asked customers if they wanted faggy or darky sprinkles."

    And another thing: store director?

  25. SorosBot

    Thanks to young Denise Helms' statement, her last name may forever be associate with horrific virulent racism.

    …oh wait, it already is? Never mind.

  26. DixvilleCrotch

    Douchette be douchetting.

    Would be nice to see Facebook start deep sixing accounts with racist posts like that. Then she'd be forced to go back to MySpace.

  27. Ground Zero Mostel

    Just looking at other coverage. Apparently she is not actually a registered voter. Someone should explain to her that she can "assassinate" politicians she doesn't like — WITH VOTES.

    1. MosesInvests

      Yeah, I used to be a surveyor. We'd assassinate the centerline of a road, assassinate a property corner….

  28. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Cold stone creamery. Isn't that the place where the staff will literally sing (and dance if your lucky) for a dollar?

    1. finallyhappy

      I thought that was the fudge place- staff had to sing every hour. I haven't seen any at malls around here but I think I remember one at Franklin Mills in Philly

  29. Shypixel

    Am I the only one that thinks she looks like a younger, less unattractive version of Victoria Jackson?

    Maybe it's just because she is blonde and HUGE.

    and also nuttier than a PayDay Bar…

  30. MaxNeanderthal

    White trash tornado bait has hit her 15 miutes of fame. From here on in it's all downhill to the inevitable thrombosis and mattress fire fatality at 48…

  31. ockqua1

    Just let these crazies TRY to asassinate Obama. The Republicans will NEVER hold the presidential office again. Ever. They created these monsters. They have to slay them.



  32. Lizzietish81

    What's the problem? Black men refer to themselves as "N-" all the time, so therefore it can't be racist when a white person uses it to refer to black person right? If you think its racist then clearly you are the racist because I wasn't thinking of it in a bad way, I was just thinking like one of them.

  33. Mumbletypeg

    For the record, the vid began auto-playing, which normally it's blocked here at my office. But I didn't bother putting headphones on. The silent footage of President and Mrs. Obama, visually demonstrating their natural grace and confidence, makes a sharp contrast with this dime store attention whore who couldn't appropriate inherent glamour if she were drowning in a vat of beauty- and/or cheap-shots.

  34. Yellerdawg

    It would be more productive to talk to a couch than try to get someone like this to understand anything. Pat her on the head, give her a cookie and tell her to go home.

  35. TurnItOff!

    Putting aside all the other awfulness:

    Calling for the assassination of the POTUS – federal crime.
    Calling for someone to call for the assassination of the POTUS – still uncool?
    How many degrees of seperation does one need to be able to express assassination wishes without being in violation of federal law? There's some soon-to-be-unemployed members of the HoR who are asking.

    1. RelicOven

      Thanks Obama! I don't ice cream coming from people like that anyways, I feel like they'd write "Go back to Mexico" in sprinkles on it.

  36. Severen13

    Boo-hoo, I called the President a "nigger", called for his assassination, got fired from my job, and am now being investigated by the Secret Service. Why is everyone being so mean to poor little mmmmmeeeeeeeee?

  37. ockqua1

    AND, they will be weeded out of Congress by 2014. See, these uninformed, young white kids are making these offensive statements because the old, white man establishment knows they are dying off. Good luck with that.

    It's a shame, because I was leaning towards moderate republicanism when I reached the age to vote. But their hatred of women and women of color swayed me. Now? They act like a band of traveling shock show circus clowns, scaring up votes. If Huntsman and Christie was their platform, things may have been different.

  38. Mapmonger

    If only the wingnuts bloviating about FEMA camps and the communist Obama state could see this and realize that America isn't dead.

    Because if this were Stalin's Russia? She so would not be mouthfarting her way through a television interview..

  39. leaknoil

    Turlock, CA represents !

    You think she's bad you should try living there. I am sure a parade and prayer vigil is already being planned for her as I type this.

    If you all remember this is the wacko town in California with the college that paid for the wacky chick from Alaska to come speak.

  40. Esteev

    This is just a ploy by the liberal media to shame a person who just so happens to disagree with Mr Obama's policies. Stop it liberal media!

    Just stahp

  41. iamrrm

    Um, er, did that video just go right ahead and play itself without my giving any sort of permission? That can't be allowed to happen here. Some of the videos here can kill people if they actually click the play button (something I ordinarily have to be tricked into doing).

  42. rickmaci

    I know she lost her job at the ice cream store, but isn't she now officially eligible for a gig on FuxNooz?

  43. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You all are so quick to jump to conclusions.

    First of all, "Nigga Assassination" is just one of the best flavors Cold Stone offers, from their Gansta Rap collection (Get it with a scoop of Ice-Cubecream or My-Dick-Runs-Deep Chocolate). You would want four years of it also.

    Secondly, she wasn't talking about the president, as she clearly used the term "Nigga," and Obama is clearly a Mulatto. Racists are very good at getting their hatred straight.

  44. tracyhasfun

    Dear fucking lord a-mighty. She is the dumbest piece of shit I have seen on TV. Of course I don't watch Fox.

  45. Pat_Pending

    You mean there's consequences to words???? Yeah, honey, just like there's consequences to eating all the mix-ins behind the counter when you think no one is looking, Cold Stone Fat Idiot.

  46. magic_titty

    When did 'I'm not racist; I just think some spooks are niggers' become a viable position to stand by?

  47. ElPinche

    “I like fat chicks. I do not like r33tarded fat chicks. They are so unlike other fatchicks.”
    – Ghandi or ice cube

  48. An_Outhouse

    I wish someone would run these crackers down with a monster truck and crush their racists skulls. Calm down, that's just a phrase. Its not like I was saying I was going to do it. That would be too much work.

  49. ibwilliamsi

    Before having seen her photo, I called her a racist bitch. I stand corrected. She is a "fat ugly racist bitch".

  50. Katydid

    Jesus Christ, mein Editrix, I read Wonkette for the considerable lulz…but sometimes it's like being on a roller coaster here, I open the page and laugh, then I scroll down and see something like this and I want to cry.

    This is exhausting. I'm going to build a macro so I can automatically post "These fucking people" from now on instead.

    Also too, who raised this p.o.s. woman?

  51. HELisforHEL

    No snark. What a fucking piece of shit this piece of shit is. WTF
    "She has many friends from different nationalities"…
    Not anymore.

  52. Gleem McShineys

    The most surprising twist of this story for me is that it looks like she has all her teeth.

  53. Negropolis

    You guys are just so judgemental. Obviously, she was just doing this to get the attention of Jodie Foster.

  54. carlgt1

    so she dips ice-cream for a living, and she's going to screech about 51% of America being poor moochers?

  55. BenGleck

    Repos are officially now so stupid that they really are that not aware that they are that stupid. The same thing goes with their racism.
    Fat and ugly however is an individual thing.

  56. Baba_NinjaCat12

    She got iced from her job.
    Her job prospect is icy at best.
    Soon will get an icy reception from secret service about the president to be iced.
    Did she know the Facebook post she made will get an icy reception from the public.
    The cold fact of the story that she is simply a stone cold racist.

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