R-E-S-P-E-C-T  12:46 pm November 9, 2012

Obama Tried To Call Mitch McConnell And John Boehner On Election Night, But They Lied That They Were Sleeping

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

And I am the King of All I Survey!Why does that dastardly Nobumer keep refusing to work with Republicans, except for all those times he tried to pass Cap & Trade (a Republican idea) and Obamacare (a Republican idea) and all those other times too? Like, he doesn’t even call them up on ‘Lection Night to be like, yo, let us try to work together to solve America’s very serious problems, because he is such a dictator!

After his speech, Mr. Obama tried to call both Mr. Boehner and the Senate Republican leader, Mitch McConnell, but was told they were asleep.

Okay, that is obviously not a total lie. So let us unpack this complete unvarnished truth that was in no way House Speaker John Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell cold blowing off the President of the United States who was calling them on their telephones.

And that unpacked total truth is this:

Whoever answered the phone at the homes of John Boehner and Mitch McConnell was told the president of the United States was on the horn, and decided that wasn’t worth waking anyone up for.

Got it.

[NYT, via PoliticalWire]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 256 comments }

Tom November 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I guess they don't want to take any 3 a.m. calls either.

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Ergo, not qualified to be president. Not such a good thing for Boner, since he's 2nd in the succession, after Old Handsome Joe Biden.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Asleep = Drunk

BlueMonkeh November 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

we know that's the case for the orange one – and i guess it was too hard for turtle-boy to poke his head out of his shell

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

McConell's from Kentucky. It's anti-Kentucky not to drink Jack

(BTW Ashley Judd to challenge him, FTW!)

Giveusabob November 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Minor quibble: Jack Daniels is from Tennessee. Kentucky-fied sour mash juice would be Makers or Bulleit. And both better than Jack, for that matter.

(hic)

Lot_49 November 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Screw that–Kentucky is local option by county and you never know when you're going to be able to get a drink or not. So many long, dry nights at Fort Knox….

valgal2342 November 9, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Jack is Tennessee whiskey! Horrors!

We don't drink that shit. We drink Woodford Reserve, Maker's Mark, Wild Turkey, Jim Beam, Old Forester, Bulliet, Four Roses, Buffalo Trace, JW Dant, Basil Hayden, Heaven Hill, Early Times, 1792, Angel's Envy, Booker's, Elijah Craig, Fighting Cock, Knob Creek, Jefferson's, Pappy Van Winkle, Rebel Yell, Wathen's, W. L. Weller, Larceny…….

You need a distillery tour.

ManchuCandidate November 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I presume together in the same bed.

AngryBlakGuy November 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

..,ball gag?

ManchuCandidate November 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Yes.

zumpie November 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

On which one???? They both seem like submissives to me

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

No, just "gag".

Designer_Rants November 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

On balls.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Ew.

elviouslyqueer November 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"Spooning," no doubt.

BumbleKid November 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

McConnell = little spoon

outragedcitizen November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Always.

Not_So_Much November 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Madam Lindsey circling the bed, wearing stilettos, a Luftwaffe cap and smacking the shit out of those two with a riding crop…

bureaucrap November 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

HAWT!!!!

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

…a riding crop labeled "The Minority Whip".

vulpes82 November 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Lizzie's Nazi sex fantasies are a lot more fun. And I'm gay.

zippy_w_pinhead November 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Oompa loompa on turtle sex- how kinky

Designer_Rants November 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Are we talking about a Stefan nightclub experience now?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Rick Santorum warned us this would happen if we allowed teh Ghayez to marry.

We're sorry we doubted you Rick!

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Look, it's an austerity budget, mmmmmmmmmmmK? Save energy, and the Prez only has to make one phone call.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

They save water by showering together, too.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

See? And reusing condoms!

ManchuCandidate November 9, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Ick

FNMA November 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

You people are sick. I like that.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm

With a strap-on known as the Speaker's Gavel?

SavageDrummer November 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Man, have you ever gotten a phone call from Obama? It's IMPOSSIBLE to hang up, he just keeps talking forever until I get someone to pretend to yell that they need my help for something…

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

No, you hang up.

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I know, right? I was talking to him the other night, and he was all like "This Syria thing is getting out of control, and I would deal with it but for the Sandy clean-up efforts blah blah BLAH." I said, "Look, Barry, why dontcha intercept a little of that green that Michelle and Axelrod are no doubt burning in the WH smoking nook, and anyway my cell phone battery is dying gotta run."

UW8316154 November 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I have to have someone go outside and ring the doorbell, so I have an excuse to get off the phone.

Lot_49 November 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Wow, Mr or Ms Fancy with one of those long cords on the phone!

An_Outhouse November 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Its even worse when he's jacked up on re-election adrenaline.

Come here a minute November 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Boehner being asleep at that time is totally credible, if by "asleep" you mean "passed out".

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Asleep in a vat of scotch and/or spray tan.

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Dammit!

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Crying into his pillow!

Rosie_Scenario November 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

But they totally respect the office of the President of the United States, like totally.

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

The office, yes! The black guy holding it, no.

Dr_Zoidberg November 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Passed out from liquor and sleeping pills.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"It's raining, it's pouring
The orange man is snoring
Went to bed drunk
Hit his head, with a *clunk*;
But at least he's ne'er accused of being booo-o-ring" ♫

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Had some Johnnie Walker Red
Passed out in his shitty bed
And didn't wake up 'till morning

StillGoinGreen November 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Perfection. Perfected.

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 1:30 pm

"It's raining, it's pouring
The Turtle man is snoring
Since he Drunk-Blogged this place
He'll wake to face
the BANHAMMMER in the morning!"

zumpie November 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I don't even know how McConnell can say "the American people don't want" with a straight face OR keep his leadership post. Old Grandma Turtle Man has now led his party to FOUR SUCCESSIVE LOSSES, including loss of senate control in 2006. He's only managed to pick up seats once, in a high water year.

Yet Boner the one who has to worry about internal challenges—I can't stand either of them, but really, you'd think someone would be challenging McConnel

elSurfeador November 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

You know the 3 am phone call we're constantly told our leaders need to be ready to accept?

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

They didn't have their congratulation comments unskewed yet.

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Boner was passed out drunk and nobody could figure out how to get Yurtle to come out of his shell.

DemmeFatale November 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I saw Janine Garofalo do it in a movie once, but it involved sticking a finger up the turtle's butt.
Ew…never mind.

elviouslyqueer November 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

To be fair, it was probably difficult to get McConnell's head out of his ass shell. And Boehner was likely passed out on the living room floor in a pool of vomit, bourbon, and Visine.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Under a noxious cloud of Pall Mall ash and Hai Karate.

ChillBill November 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

They were probably busy working on a mandate.

Boojum November 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Where "working on" equals "having", of course.

Terry November 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I think they were both awake but way too drunk to talk to anyone.

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I keep thinking all the GOP leaders got shit-faced Tuesday night. Much beer / scotch was cried into.

RedStatePinko November 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

To be fair, so did I. I blame the hard of hearing bartender. I was TRYING to yell "Four more YEARS…"

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I don't know. Other than that is Boehner's normal state, I can't help but think that he was not looking forward to a teetotaling Mormon president any more than we were.

Callyson November 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

So, it was an ordinary day, then.

OneYieldRegular November 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Whoever answered the phone was probably declaring a new-found sarcastic honesty in their feelings about the men at home.

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

A foreshadowing of how Congress will continue to operate.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Yup. Sad to say. Because "being in charge" is more important that "serving America's best interests."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 9, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Or, you know, "doing their fuckings jobs."

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Would those be, perchance, the jobs WE are *paying* them to do?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm

We should send them a message: "We pay your salaries, fuckwits!"

MissTaken November 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Boehner and McConnell need lots of beauty sleep to keep up their looks.

1stNewtontheMoon November 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

and blood of children. don't forget the children.

boskolives November 11, 2012 at 8:19 am

Could it be that McConnell has Sleep Apnea? That would explain the absence of the beauty thing.

Come here a minute November 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

There seems to be a theme here.

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Karl Rove told them not to answer, this ain't over yet.

weejee November 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Keep fucking that turtle Karl.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

As part of the upcoming Republican outreach to Latino voters, Karl now wants to be referred to as "Karlos" from here on out.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 9, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Republicans are now encouraging siestas?

zumpie November 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Actually, Jefferson Davis told McConnel the South will still rise again!

Yellerdawg November 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm

To be fair, they've been asleep for several years now. Maybe they'll start to wake up now.

AngryBlakGuy November 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm

…what a bag of dildos!

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 1:30 pm

No, dildos have some utility.

AngryBlakGuy November 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm

…is this from personal experience?

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Hey, you're the one who gets 'em by the bag!

AngryBlakGuy November 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm

…good point sir!

widestanceromance November 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm

And wit by comparison.

Shypixel November 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Oh c'mon… Now you are just being nasty.

It is common knowledge that being wicked and evil is VERY tiring work. I am sure they were fast asleep in their coffins or whatever…

SavageDrummer November 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Odds that they were both in a pillow fort of their own making 2:1

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Same place they've been for the past 4 years.

nounverb911 November 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Were they double dating with Marcus B and Lindsey G?

Ruhe November 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Now that would give a new meaning to "doubling down".

Joshua Norton November 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

That picture doesn't just have FAIL written all over it, it's actually in the shape of the word "FAIL," made up of thousands of tiny little FAILs.

Awesome!

PsycWench November 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

A sort of meta-FAIL hologram, really

UW8316154 November 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I see you've been on some of the same schroom trips as me.

Schmannnity November 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Boehner was asleep in his tanning bed. Yertel couldn't come down from all (that was left) of what he surveyed.

MissTaken November 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

List of people I will wake up for at any time to take their call:

1. SoroBot – but only if he's calling for bail money
2. Obama – either Michelle or Barack
3. Bradley Cooper – hello!
4. James Murphy – because Daft Punk plays at his house

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Aw, thanks dear.

JustPixelz November 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

For me: Michelle Obama. Anytime. (Michelle: He's not good enough for you.)

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

That's OK. When I call, I call in person.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

ROAD TRIP!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Time to hit the road.

commiegirl99 November 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Ahem.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I'd pick up. Not to worry.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

You never call, you never write…you never bang on my door at 3AM demanding sex…

MissTaken November 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

it's okay, hun. We would never fall asleep in the first place!

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I waited for 7 years and 15 days.
There's every kid for miles at my house, my house…

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Needs more cowbell! No, wait. It has just the perfect amount of cowbell.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

They were resting up so they could get to work, together with Obama, to solve America’s very serious problems right away!

TootsStansbury November 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Bwaaaahaaahaaa!!!

ph7 November 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"Asleep" for Boehner: passed out drunk. obama call stirs him enough to extinguish cigarette butt smoldering on his mattress, blacks out again

"Asleep" for McConnell: Withdrawn inside turtle shell, fetal position, ignoring everyone

Ruhe November 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

They were both sleeping soundly because they knew the election outcome would not alter their long-term strategy in the least.

YouBetcha November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Another Opposite-of-Porn picture from Wonkette.

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

*nods* This photo should come with a disclaimer: "No fapping possible."

HRH_Maddie November 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Who knew I'd be wishing for the Ponies to come back.

YouBetcha November 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I hated those fucking ponies. But Boehner & McConnell in one photo is nastier.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

After that, Obama's dick tried to call them. But it was so big it couldn't work the buttons on the phone.

MLite November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Why won't the President work together with these ass hats on a bi-partisan basis?

YouBetcha November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Lemon Party.

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Damn you.

Where's my mental floss?

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Great. Now I have to figure out how to explain the vomit in my keyboard to IT.

BlueMonkeh November 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Trust me. Everyone in IT will understand.

StillGoinGreen November 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

What's worse – you saying it or me knowing what you are saying? We're goin to Hell.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Hell is live action Lemon Party.

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Not to Gary Glitter or Ted Haggard

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

They would have answered the phone, but they were both in shellymicAB mode.

Crank_Tango November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

McTurtle was out on his front lawn, tightening the knot on his chair swing.

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Assume butthurt narcolepsy.

rickmaci November 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I'm calling booshit on this one. Everybody knows old fart males don't sleep, they're out of bed every 30 minutes taking another piss. You will never convince me they were not up.

StillGoinGreen November 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

We'll give Boner the benefit of the doubt, since we all know he wakes up in a pool of piss and vitamin C every morning, but Franklin has NO EXCUSES!!

outragedcitizen November 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I don't know about turtle face but I just know Boner was crying.

weejee November 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Needs more turtle soup with orange sauce.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

They probably thought that Bamz was drunk-dialling them.

Spurning Beer November 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Okay, in DC, you know that the odds are that someone answering the phone at these guys' residences is going to be African American.

And you know that "He's asleep" wasn't what they really were told to say if the President called.

iburl November 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Obama is only supposed to use the secondary line, in the back of the house.

proudgrampa November 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

These two fuckheads disgust me. It is time for the administration to pull out all the stops and call these assholes on their obstructionism. Every time, EVERY TIME they do shit like this, the President needs to get on his bully pulpit and shame these guys into getting off their asses.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Amen!

iburl November 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Maybe Chris Christie can teach him a thing or two about bullying, because so far, he has really sucked at it.

LibrarianX November 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

That old lady from Kentucky needs her beauty rest.

elviouslyqueer November 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Bless her heart, but there's not enough Oil of Delay in this hemisphere to fix that hot mess.

LibrarianX November 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

A proper Southern Lady never talks to a gentleman after dark – especially not a niggrah…!

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

They were too busy arrranging a surprise victory party for the Potus, but the ORCA didn't call him.

RedStatePinko November 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

OBVIOUSLY, Boner was just too verklempt to talk, as is his wont.

BumbleKid November 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Gah, is he ever NOT crying?

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

This is our fault, Wonketteers. We should have ordered the giant bag of lightly salted caffeinated poison rat dicks for them.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Who da fuck ordered the decaf ones??

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Well, to be fair, I never answer the phone after 9 or 10 pm either.

SmutBoffin November 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Johnny Boner was probs in the tanning bed and couldn't hear the phone ring.

cousinitt November 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I heard the tanning bulb got stuck when the attendant tried to pull it out.

See, apparently taint tanning is the latest fad amongst the well-licked.

gullywompr November 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

They've never "answered the call". Ever.

elviouslyqueer November 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

BOOM. This.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm

They've never taken a shit in their lives? That explains a lot.

Goonemeritus November 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

This is really hard on Senator McConnell let’s not forget his primary focus is “making Obama a one term President”. What ever will he fill his days with now?

rmjagg November 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

making him a 2 term president – i know , idiotic but they will make it seem like something

BumbleKid November 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Being an effective and reasonable advocate of cooperation and mutual respect in the Senate?

Hahahaha I kid, I kid.

Kid_Charlemagne November 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Beachcoming?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

He gets a chance to start all over again. And this time he might have better luck.

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Technically being black-out passed-out drunk is a form of being asleep.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Nobody ever woke up and ran to the bathroom to throw up from oversleeping

owhatever November 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

President: John? I just wanted to call and say that I look forward to working with you and Mitch and the Republicans in Congress to address our country's needs.

Boehner: Bama? I mean, Mister Ohhhbam…er, bombabomba…boomboomerbarackle…i'm going to pass out now…

President: Mitch? I just wanted to call and say fuck you, you chinless worm. I'm gonna roll you over a barrel and pop you in your white ass for that "one term president" remark. Be careful at night, because I still have Seal Team Six and one helluva lot of Democrats who want to tar and feather you. You got it?

Mitch: My goal is to make Obama the most successful President in history.

Hammiepants November 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I like to think McTortoise was spray-tanning the Boner in his top-secret booth – with sexy results!

VodkaGoGo November 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

OT: Bammerz is about to give a presser on the "fiscal cliff".

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Here's hoping he points the finger…

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 1:17 pm

..at Boehner and says "Pull it!"

VodkaGoGo November 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

He didn't go as far as to say "I have political capital" like someone I seem to remember saying after being re-elected but there definately was a "bring it" quality to his remarks.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I'd've rather he cut through the persiflage and went with Ben Franklin's pithy line: "Join or die."

Fairtackle November 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Bohner looks like he just wants to get his face all up in those chins and make the speedboat sounds.

Chet Kincaid_ November 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

FLARGHGFHFTH, there goes my tilapia right back up out of my gullet and onto my screen!!!

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

They don't have a lot of energy for being Young Gun GOPers.

not that Dewey November 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

John Boehner left his head and his heart on the dance floor.

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Along with his stomach contents.

JustPixelz November 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Boehner was making a YouTube video: Obama #winning rant

kittensdontlie November 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

They figured it was a crank call since they had already ordered Inauguration tickets from Mitten's transition website.

DerrickWildcat November 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

If I were King of the Republicans, I don't think I would have been able to sleep.

cousinitt November 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Wonkers, you have to understand one simply does not take calls from the help.

Detesticle November 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Boehner's orange head, snoring in a bowl of whiskey tears … sexy beast

gunnergoz November 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

After a night of patriotic Man Love, Boehner probably passed out on top of McConnell and the latter could not get up in time to reach the phone.

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Obummer is giving a speech right now where he claims he won't back down on his economic plan. My uncle is standing on the stage behind him, which is why I am watching. I wish I could believe that this whole fiscal cliff thingie would be avoided, but I have very little faith in Congress.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Please ask your uncle to tell Bamz, from us – "KICK THEIR ASSES, BARRY!"

VodkaGoGo November 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Could it be because boner has pretty much said he's willing to work with Obama on Romneys plan?

decentcitizen November 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

The fiscal cliff is a media creation in that there is nothing epic about Dec. 31. An agreement will be reached and even if it's in March be made retroactive. Sorry, no snark, just fact.

jesus_vs_gojira November 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

On NPR this morning someone said the "fiscal cliff" would not be as bad as the U.S. defaulting on the debt, and another commentator (sorry, I can't bother to keep track of them) said "REALLY!?!?!"

DocChaos November 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

In retrospect, "Yo Yertle, I got your one-term right here bitch" and "Hey Oompa, why don't you reach across the aisle and suck my dick." were probably not the best ways to open the conversations with whovever answered the phone.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Though, given the circumstances, perfectly understandable…

DemmeFatale November 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Have you seen Obama and Luther? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/07/obama-lu

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Well, who among us hasn't had somebody tell callers you're asleep on election night when you're really sprawled on the bathroom floor, vomiting drunk?

ThundercatHo November 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Should have sent Samuel L. Jackson over there.

DCBloom November 9, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Wake the Fuck Up!

SayItWithWookies November 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Boehner wasn't asleep, but once they put him in the smoker he can't come out for an hour or he'll lose that rich golden brown. As for Yertle, it was probably just paralysis — why should Tuesday be any different from the rest of his Senate career?

deanbooth November 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Boner got a call from Romney, too. It was three minutes before he realized it wasn't a robocall.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

By asleep:

For Boehner, they meant drunk, crying into his beer.

For McConnell, they meant warming up under his heat lamp.

iburl November 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Maybe somebody turned McConnell on his back and he got stuck.

emmelemm November 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Pet reptile libel!

imissopus November 9, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Probably holed up in their rooms, listening to Smiths albums and cutting themselves.

widestanceromance November 9, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Obama's just too damn nice sometimes. I would have sent them each a wake-up drone.

1stNewtontheMoon November 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Let's be honest. One was transferring all his skin pigmentation to the other. Boehner is exactly what happens if you are white (times 2). And this also explains McConnell's translucence.

notreelyhelping November 9, 2012 at 1:30 pm

To be fair, by that time, the returns had come in, the message was clear, and Boehner was singing "Paranoid Android" into a Wild Turkey bottle while dancing his best Thom Yorke impression. When it gets to that point, the staff knows it's best to let it roll.

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

They were asleep, on revenge election night. Yes, a completely viable answer.

SuspectedDemocrat November 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Lucky for us national emergencies only happen during working hours, and Boehner and Mitch are totally useless anyway.

emmelemm November 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I have my ways.

docterry6973 November 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I always answer when Michelle calls, if you get my drift.

Blueb4sinrise November 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Sound track for photo.

As long as I have you

Misty Malarky November 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

They both had in earplugs in preparation for Romney's celebratory fireworks extravaganza.

magic_titty November 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Correction: they were having a nightmare.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

This just in from Caucasia – updated photos of the Sore Losers:
http://whitepeoplemourningromney.tumblr.com/

Plus wine and cupcakes!

BumbleKid November 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Hahaha "I feel like I just lost my best friend. The death of America…" Classic.

Not_Mother November 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm
natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 9, 2012 at 9:42 pm
bflrtsplk November 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Man, what a pair of petty, obnoxious little dicks. That is all.

sanantonerose November 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I'm focused on Karl Rove. Laser focused. Super focused. And enjoying every. little. squeal. It was an "act of God!" No. It was luck! No. It was voter suppression! No. It was you, Karl. It was YOU all along.

Don't y'all remember this gem spilling from his spittle-flecked and spiteful lips in 2004?

Karl Rove to Ron Suskind after the 2004 re-election of Dubya: "Guys like you are in what we call the reality-based community," which he defined as people who "believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality." … "That's not the way the world really works anymore," he continued. "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors…and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do."

Hey, Karl. The reality-based community just called. They took their country back.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Either my eyes deceive me…

Where have you been sanantonerose? SO good to behold that sexy librarian-inspired peeper surveying the landscape over her eyeglass!

sanantonerose November 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

*digging toe into ground* Awwwwwww shucks~! Oh, I've just been playing librarian and traveling Europe with my Portuguese lover. You know, the usual.

DemmeFatale November 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Rose!!!
Welcome back to Wonkette community!

fuflans November 9, 2012 at 8:59 pm

wow so GLAD to see you back. please stay!

and thanks for the reminder of that horror. makes me feel better about the schadenfreude addiction.

Dumbedup November 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Boner looks like he was locked in a smoke house for a week. As for that thing under McConnell's chin, he should get it removed, it's unsightly and distracts me from his infuriating smug twaddle.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Those round glasses have a certain 1700s feel to them. Historic!

SaintRond November 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

That fucking negro always calls after 9:00 PM and I don't appreciate it.

ph7 November 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

McConnell clutched his purse and switched sidewalks.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

But remember guys, the REAL reason that there's no bipartisanship in Washington is that Obama is a total mean girl to McConnell and Boehner, and totally not the other way around.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Obama is such a drama queen. As if he really wanted to say "let's work together." He was probably just going to laugh at them for 10 minutes straight and hang up.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Well, that's certainly what I would have done in his shoes. Relatable!

BoatOfVelociraptors November 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

A Lindsay whipped Boehner is a troubling image.

Esteev November 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

At least they didn't hit the "Ignore Button" — that's messed up.

Misty Malarky November 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

By the way, when is Romney gonna release his super for real plan to save the economy and balance the budget while sending every American their very own dancing pony?

AFTER the election, right..?

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Wow, that's right. If he's kind enough to share even half of his super-fantastic job creating strategy, I'll only be unemployed for half the remaining time it would've been otherwise! Yay Willard!

Anne_Athema November 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Having drained dry his daily bath tub full of gin, Speaker Oompah Loompah was indeed unconscious ( yet curiously still crying in his sleep).

As far as Bitch the Turtle's level of consciousness goes, I'm not convinced he is ever fully cognizant nor coherent, so yeah, I guess that excuse would work for him, as well.

decentcitizen November 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Crybabies. That is all…

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Hey, it was a slow night, nothing much happening, so they went to bed early. Makes perfect sense to me.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I'm pretty sure that when Obama called McConnell and Boehner, he, in the words of one "Jennifer Rubin":

wasn't acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States.

In other words, their country called for them, and they refused to accept the call.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I was raised to admire professional-acting, sportsman-like losers. But then there's these guys…

As ungracious in defeat as they are in victory.

Jus_Wonderin November 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I am sure someone said this but I don't want to actually read your comments. I bet Boehner and McConnell were both crying too loudly to hear the phone ring. Sure, it trails off the soft and sobbing whimpers eventually but that eventually hasn't happened…yet.

elgin_pelican November 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Boner: drunk. McConnell: dentures soaking, didn't want to put them in for an African.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I really liked me some Jeff Lynne and the Electric Light Orchestra back in the day.

Hello. How are you?
Have you been alright, through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely nights
That's what I'd say. I'd tell you everything
If you'd pick up that telephone yeah yeah yeah

Hey. How you feelin?
Are you still the same?
Don't you realize the things we did, we did, were all for real, not a dream?
I just can't believe
They've all faded out of view yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Ok. So no one's answering
Well can't you just let it ring a little longer longer longer oh oh ooohhhhh
I'll just sit tight through shadows of the night
And let it ring for evermore oh oh ooohhhhh yeah yeah yeah

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I'm living in twilight.

(too, also)

Exhausted66 November 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Great, now thanks to that banner pic I'm craving orange chicken

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Curry chicken sounds right, given that it will burn your ass up.

DahBoner November 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Weeping Orange Boners and Talking Turtles need their sleep, gentlemen. Good day.

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

There were Tears all over the dance floor
The TV's sayn' Romney will lose
You pounded WhiskeyGator
and half an hour later
you were Barfin' all over
McConnel's shoes!"

mrblifil November 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I wanna see the usage page on the phone bill.

WABishop November 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

It's ok, not like anyone's second in the line of succession or anything.

SuspectedDemocrat November 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Somehow I read that as being second in line for secession.

WABishop November 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Well, now that you mention it….

mosaickmind November 9, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Comas" is more like it..

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Coma chameleons.

mickeymusing November 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Maybe if Republicans could learn to stop being such assholes they would win things, like elections.

Eve8Apples November 9, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Hey, I just beat you,
And you sure are lazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe?

It's hard not to laugh,
At you crazy.
But you have my number,
So call me, maybe?

Troglodeity November 9, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I wish there were a way those phone calls were recorded and could be FOIA requested by some enterprising news organization.

Troglodeity November 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Next time, say it's Bill Koch calling and then put the President on the line.

jzgplj November 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Isn't that what they've been doing the last few years, waking up every so often to yell "Abortion"?

mosaickmind November 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm

" legitimate rape!"

mustangsavvy November 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

To be fair, it's hard to hear thru the tanning machine. Boehner has to keep that healthy glow up somehow.

BZ1 November 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I'm assuming that they were both asleep in separate beds, but you never know.

Grokenstein November 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Well, no, they weren't asleep, but no manly man wants the guy on the other end of the line to hear him crying, all ABLOO ABLOO A BLOO BLOO BLA BLOOOOOOOO.
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03162004

(Google tells me angry little fanboys hate ABLOO ABLOO now. Consequently I am trying to get it into the dictionary as a real thing.)

vtxmcrider November 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Fortunately Obama was able to get through to Eric Cantor. As soon as Cantor answered the phone, Obama said, "Nah nah nah nah nah nah," and then hung up snickering.

ttommyunger November 10, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Oh Becca, thanks for the sweet memories……The last time I saw two dicks this close together I was in a threesome with Linda "The Skank" Monetti.

Wile E. Quixote November 11, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I think this picture should be used for GOTV efforts in 2014 with the caption "Do you want these men to win?"

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Looksh, don't make shmall pointsh after *burp* lunsh on Fridaysh, K?

AND QUIT JUDSHING ME!

Wile E. Quixote November 11, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Yeah, that's fucked up. I remember going down there on a business trip with a British colleague. He asked me why I was taking a bottle of vodka, a bottle of rum and a bottle of tequila with me and I said "We're going to a dry county". He replied "I thought you'd repealed Prohibition." Fucking Kentucky, after I came back from basic at Knox (19E) I told everyone that if the US ever decided to resume above ground nuclear testing that Kentucky would be a good place to start.

Lot_49 November 12, 2012 at 8:46 am

And yet compared to Leesville (the town outside Fort Polk), E-town is like Manhattan.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: