r-e-s-p-e-c-t

Obama Tried To Call Mitch McConnell And John Boehner On Election Night, But They Lied That They Were Sleeping

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

And I am the King of All I Survey!Why does that dastardly Nobumer keep refusing to work with Republicans, except for all those times he tried to pass Cap & Trade (a Republican idea) and Obamacare (a Republican idea) and all those other times too? Like, he doesn’t even call them up on ‘Lection Night to be like, yo, let us try to work together to solve America’s very serious problems, because he is such a dictator!

After his speech, Mr. Obama tried to call both Mr. Boehner and the Senate Republican leader, Mitch McConnell, but was told they were asleep.

Okay, that is obviously not a total lie. So let us unpack this complete unvarnished truth that was in no way House Speaker John Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell cold blowing off the President of the United States who was calling them on their telephones.

And that unpacked total truth is this:

Whoever answered the phone at the homes of John Boehner and Mitch McConnell was told the president of the United States was on the horn, and decided that wasn’t worth waking anyone up for.

Got it.

[NYT, via PoliticalWire]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Tom

    I guess they don't want to take any 3 a.m. calls either.

    • PugglesRule

      Ergo, not qualified to be president. Not such a good thing for Boner, since he's 2nd in the succession, after Old Handsome Joe Biden.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Asleep = Drunk

      • http://bluemonkeh.blogspot.com/ BlueMonkeh

        we know that's the case for the orange one – and i guess it was too hard for turtle-boy to poke his head out of his shell

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          McConell's from Kentucky. It's anti-Kentucky not to drink Jack

          (BTW Ashley Judd to challenge him, FTW!)

          • Giveusabob

            Minor quibble: Jack Daniels is from Tennessee. Kentucky-fied sour mash juice would be Makers or Bulleit. And both better than Jack, for that matter.

            (hic)

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Looksh, don't make shmall pointsh after *burp* lunsh on Fridaysh, K?

            AND QUIT JUDSHING ME!

          • Lot_49

            Screw that–Kentucky is local option by county and you never know when you're going to be able to get a drink or not. So many long, dry nights at Fort Knox….

          • Wile E. Quixote

            Yeah, that's fucked up. I remember going down there on a business trip with a British colleague. He asked me why I was taking a bottle of vodka, a bottle of rum and a bottle of tequila with me and I said "We're going to a dry county". He replied "I thought you'd repealed Prohibition." Fucking Kentucky, after I came back from basic at Knox (19E) I told everyone that if the US ever decided to resume above ground nuclear testing that Kentucky would be a good place to start.

          • Lot_49

            And yet compared to Leesville (the town outside Fort Polk), E-town is like Manhattan.

          • valgal2342

            Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            -Jack is Tennessee whiskey! Horrors!

            We don't drink that shit. We drink Woodford Reserve, Maker's Mark, Wild Turkey, Jim Beam, Old Forester, Bulliet, Four Roses, Buffalo Trace, JW Dant, Basil Hayden, Heaven Hill, Early Times, 1792, Angel's Envy, Booker's, Elijah Craig, Fighting Cock, Knob Creek, Jefferson's, Pappy Van Winkle, Rebel Yell, Wathen's, W. L. Weller, Larceny…….

            You need a distillery tour.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I presume together in the same bed.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      ..,ball gag?

      • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        Yes.

        • zumpie

          On which one???? They both seem like submissives to me

      • Botlrokit

        No, just "gag".

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          On balls.

    • BadKitty904

      Ew.

    • elviouslyqueer

      "Spooning," no doubt.

      • BumbleKid

        McConnell = little spoon

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      Always.

    • Not_So_Much

      Madam Lindsey circling the bed, wearing stilettos, a Luftwaffe cap and smacking the shit out of those two with a riding crop…

      • bureaucrap

        HAWT!!!!

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        …a riding crop labeled "The Minority Whip".

      • vulpes82

        Lizzie's Nazi sex fantasies are a lot more fun. And I'm gay.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      Oompa loompa on turtle sex- how kinky

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Are we talking about a Stefan nightclub experience now?

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Rick Santorum warned us this would happen if we allowed teh Ghayez to marry.

        We're sorry we doubted you Rick!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Look, it's an austerity budget, mmmmmmmmmmmK? Save energy, and the Prez only has to make one phone call.

      • Esteev

        They save water by showering together, too.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          See? And reusing condoms!

          • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

            Ick

    • FNMA

      You people are sick. I like that.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      With a strap-on known as the Speaker's Gavel?

  • SavageDrummer

    Man, have you ever gotten a phone call from Obama? It's IMPOSSIBLE to hang up, he just keeps talking forever until I get someone to pretend to yell that they need my help for something…

    • gullywompr

      No, you hang up.

    • SmutBoffin

      I know, right? I was talking to him the other night, and he was all like "This Syria thing is getting out of control, and I would deal with it but for the Sandy clean-up efforts blah blah BLAH." I said, "Look, Barry, why dontcha intercept a little of that green that Michelle and Axelrod are no doubt burning in the WH smoking nook, and anyway my cell phone battery is dying gotta run."

    • UW8316154

      I have to have someone go outside and ring the doorbell, so I have an excuse to get off the phone.

      • Lot_49

        Wow, Mr or Ms Fancy with one of those long cords on the phone!

    • An_Outhouse

      Its even worse when he's jacked up on re-election adrenaline.

  • Come here a minute

    Boehner being asleep at that time is totally credible, if by "asleep" you mean "passed out".

    • PugglesRule

      Asleep in a vat of scotch and/or spray tan.

    • SorosBot

      Dammit!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Crying into his pillow!

  • Rosie_Scenario

    But they totally respect the office of the President of the United States, like totally.

    • anniegetyerfun

      The office, yes! The black guy holding it, no.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Passed out from liquor and sleeping pills.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "It's raining, it's pouring
    The orange man is snoring
    Went to bed drunk
    Hit his head, with a *clunk*;
    But at least he's ne'er accused of being booo-o-ring" ♫

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Had some Johnnie Walker Red
      Passed out in his shitty bed
      And didn't wake up 'till morning

    • StillGoinGreen

      Perfection. Perfected.

    • C_R_Eature

      "It's raining, it's pouring
      The Turtle man is snoring
      Since he Drunk-Blogged this place
      He'll wake to face
      the BANHAMMMER in the morning!"

      • zumpie

        I don't even know how McConnell can say "the American people don't want" with a straight face OR keep his leadership post. Old Grandma Turtle Man has now led his party to FOUR SUCCESSIVE LOSSES, including loss of senate control in 2006. He's only managed to pick up seats once, in a high water year.

        Yet Boner the one who has to worry about internal challenges—I can't stand either of them, but really, you'd think someone would be challenging McConnel

  • elSurfeador

    You know the 3 am phone call we're constantly told our leaders need to be ready to accept?

  • gullywompr

    They didn't have their congratulation comments unskewed yet.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Boner was passed out drunk and nobody could figure out how to get Yurtle to come out of his shell.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I saw Janine Garofalo do it in a movie once, but it involved sticking a finger up the turtle's butt.
      Ew…never mind.

  • elviouslyqueer

    To be fair, it was probably difficult to get McConnell's head out of his ass shell. And Boehner was likely passed out on the living room floor in a pool of vomit, bourbon, and Visine.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Under a noxious cloud of Pall Mall ash and Hai Karate.

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    They were probably busy working on a mandate.

    • Boojum

      Where "working on" equals "having", of course.

  • Terry

    I think they were both awake but way too drunk to talk to anyone.

    • PugglesRule

      I keep thinking all the GOP leaders got shit-faced Tuesday night. Much beer / scotch was cried into.

      • http://redstatepinko.blogspot.com/ RedStatePinko

        To be fair, so did I. I blame the hard of hearing bartender. I was TRYING to yell "Four more YEARS…"

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I don't know. Other than that is Boehner's normal state, I can't help but think that he was not looking forward to a teetotaling Mormon president any more than we were.

    • Callyson

      So, it was an ordinary day, then.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Whoever answered the phone was probably declaring a new-found sarcastic honesty in their feelings about the men at home.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    A foreshadowing of how Congress will continue to operate.

    • BadKitty904

      Yup. Sad to say. Because "being in charge" is more important that "serving America's best interests."

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Or, you know, "doing their fuckings jobs."

        • BadKitty904

          Would those be, perchance, the jobs WE are *paying* them to do?

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            We should send them a message: "We pay your salaries, fuckwits!"

  • MissTaken

    Boehner and McConnell need lots of beauty sleep to keep up their looks.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      and blood of children. don't forget the children.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Could it be that McConnell has Sleep Apnea? That would explain the absence of the beauty thing.

  • Come here a minute

    There seems to be a theme here.

  • gullywompr

    Karl Rove told them not to answer, this ain't over yet.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Keep fucking that turtle Karl.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      As part of the upcoming Republican outreach to Latino voters, Karl now wants to be referred to as "Karlos" from here on out.

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Republicans are now encouraging siestas?

    • zumpie

      Actually, Jefferson Davis told McConnel the South will still rise again!

  • Yellerdawg

    To be fair, they've been asleep for several years now. Maybe they'll start to wake up now.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …what a bag of dildos!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      No, dildos have some utility.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …is this from personal experience?

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Hey, you're the one who gets 'em by the bag!

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …good point sir!

      • widestanceromance

        And wit by comparison.

  • Shypixel

    Oh c'mon… Now you are just being nasty.

    It is common knowledge that being wicked and evil is VERY tiring work. I am sure they were fast asleep in their coffins or whatever…

  • SavageDrummer

    Odds that they were both in a pillow fort of their own making 2:1

    • gullywompr

      Same place they've been for the past 4 years.

  • nounverb911

    Were they double dating with Marcus B and Lindsey G?

    • Ruhe

      Now that would give a new meaning to "doubling down".

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    That picture doesn't just have FAIL written all over it, it's actually in the shape of the word "FAIL," made up of thousands of tiny little FAILs.

    Awesome!

    • PsycWench

      A sort of meta-FAIL hologram, really

    • UW8316154

      I see you've been on some of the same schroom trips as me.

  • Schmannnity

    Boehner was asleep in his tanning bed. Yertel couldn't come down from all (that was left) of what he surveyed.

  • MissTaken

    List of people I will wake up for at any time to take their call:

    1. SoroBot – but only if he's calling for bail money
    2. Obama – either Michelle or Barack
    3. Bradley Cooper – hello!
    4. James Murphy – because Daft Punk plays at his house

    • SorosBot

      Aw, thanks dear.

    • JustPixelz

      For me: Michelle Obama. Anytime. (Michelle: He's not good enough for you.)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That's OK. When I call, I call in person.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        ROAD TRIP!

    • commiegirl99

      Ahem.

      • Esteev

        I'd pick up. Not to worry.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        You never call, you never write…you never bang on my door at 3AM demanding sex…

      • MissTaken

        it's okay, hun. We would never fall asleep in the first place!

    • bikerlaureate

      I waited for 7 years and 15 days.
      There's every kid for miles at my house, my house…

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Needs more cowbell! No, wait. It has just the perfect amount of cowbell.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They were resting up so they could get to work, together with Obama, to solve America’s very serious problems right away!

    • TootsStansbury

      Bwaaaahaaahaaa!!!

  • ph7

    "Asleep" for Boehner: passed out drunk. obama call stirs him enough to extinguish cigarette butt smoldering on his mattress, blacks out again

    "Asleep" for McConnell: Withdrawn inside turtle shell, fetal position, ignoring everyone

    • Ruhe

      They were both sleeping soundly because they knew the election outcome would not alter their long-term strategy in the least.

  • YouBetcha

    Another Opposite-of-Porn picture from Wonkette.

    • PugglesRule

      *nods* This photo should come with a disclaimer: "No fapping possible."

      • HRH_Maddie

        Who knew I'd be wishing for the Ponies to come back.

        • YouBetcha

          I hated those fucking ponies. But Boehner & McConnell in one photo is nastier.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    After that, Obama's dick tried to call them. But it was so big it couldn't work the buttons on the phone.

  • MLite

    Why won't the President work together with these ass hats on a bi-partisan basis?

  • YouBetcha

    Lemon Party.

    • gullywompr

      Damn you.

      Where's my mental floss?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Great. Now I have to figure out how to explain the vomit in my keyboard to IT.

      • http://bluemonkeh.blogspot.com/ BlueMonkeh

        Trust me. Everyone in IT will understand.

    • StillGoinGreen

      What's worse – you saying it or me knowing what you are saying? We're goin to Hell.

      • Esteev

        Hell is live action Lemon Party.

        • Botlrokit

          Not to Gary Glitter or Ted Haggard

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They would have answered the phone, but they were both in shellymicAB mode.

  • Crank_Tango

    McTurtle was out on his front lawn, tightening the knot on his chair swing.

  • memzilla

    Assume butthurt narcolepsy.

  • rickmaci

    I'm calling booshit on this one. Everybody knows old fart males don't sleep, they're out of bed every 30 minutes taking another piss. You will never convince me they were not up.

    • StillGoinGreen

      We'll give Boner the benefit of the doubt, since we all know he wakes up in a pool of piss and vitamin C every morning, but Franklin has NO EXCUSES!!

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    I don't know about turtle face but I just know Boner was crying.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Needs more turtle soup with orange sauce.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They probably thought that Bamz was drunk-dialling them.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Okay, in DC, you know that the odds are that someone answering the phone at these guys' residences is going to be African American.

    And you know that "He's asleep" wasn't what they really were told to say if the President called.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Obama is only supposed to use the secondary line, in the back of the house.

  • proudgrampa

    These two fuckheads disgust me. It is time for the administration to pull out all the stops and call these assholes on their obstructionism. Every time, EVERY TIME they do shit like this, the President needs to get on his bully pulpit and shame these guys into getting off their asses.

    • BadKitty904

      Amen!

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Maybe Chris Christie can teach him a thing or two about bullying, because so far, he has really sucked at it.

  • LibrarianX

    That old lady from Kentucky needs her beauty rest.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Bless her heart, but there's not enough Oil of Delay in this hemisphere to fix that hot mess.

      • LibrarianX

        A proper Southern Lady never talks to a gentleman after dark – especially not a niggrah…!

  • Oblios_Cap

    They were too busy arrranging a surprise victory party for the Potus, but the ORCA didn't call him.

  • http://redstatepinko.blogspot.com/ RedStatePinko

    OBVIOUSLY, Boner was just too verklempt to talk, as is his wont.

    • BumbleKid

      Gah, is he ever NOT crying?

  • memzilla

    This is our fault, Wonketteers. We should have ordered the giant bag of lightly salted caffeinated poison rat dicks for them.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Who da fuck ordered the decaf ones??

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, to be fair, I never answer the phone after 9 or 10 pm either.

  • SmutBoffin

    Johnny Boner was probs in the tanning bed and couldn't hear the phone ring.

    • cousinitt

      I heard the tanning bulb got stuck when the attendant tried to pull it out.

      See, apparently taint tanning is the latest fad amongst the well-licked.

  • gullywompr

    They've never "answered the call". Ever.

    • elviouslyqueer

      BOOM. This.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      They've never taken a shit in their lives? That explains a lot.

  • Goonemeritus

    This is really hard on Senator McConnell let’s not forget his primary focus is “making Obama a one term President”. What ever will he fill his days with now?

    • rmjagg

      making him a 2 term president – i know , idiotic but they will make it seem like something

    • BumbleKid

      Being an effective and reasonable advocate of cooperation and mutual respect in the Senate?

      Hahahaha I kid, I kid.

      • Kid_Charlemagne

        Beachcoming?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He gets a chance to start all over again. And this time he might have better luck.

  • SorosBot

    Technically being black-out passed-out drunk is a form of being asleep.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Nobody ever woke up and ran to the bathroom to throw up from oversleeping

  • owhatever

    President: John? I just wanted to call and say that I look forward to working with you and Mitch and the Republicans in Congress to address our country's needs.

    Boehner: Bama? I mean, Mister Ohhhbam…er, bombabomba…boomboomerbarackle…i'm going to pass out now…

    President: Mitch? I just wanted to call and say fuck you, you chinless worm. I'm gonna roll you over a barrel and pop you in your white ass for that "one term president" remark. Be careful at night, because I still have Seal Team Six and one helluva lot of Democrats who want to tar and feather you. You got it?

    Mitch: My goal is to make Obama the most successful President in history.

  • Hammiepants

    I like to think McTortoise was spray-tanning the Boner in his top-secret booth – with sexy results!

  • VodkaGoGo

    OT: Bammerz is about to give a presser on the "fiscal cliff".

    • BadKitty904

      Here's hoping he points the finger…

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        ..at Boehner and says "Pull it!"

      • VodkaGoGo

        He didn't go as far as to say "I have political capital" like someone I seem to remember saying after being re-elected but there definately was a "bring it" quality to his remarks.

        • BadKitty904

          I'd've rather he cut through the persiflage and went with Ben Franklin's pithy line: "Join or die."

  • Fairtackle

    Bohner looks like he just wants to get his face all up in those chins and make the speedboat sounds.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      FLARGHGFHFTH, there goes my tilapia right back up out of my gullet and onto my screen!!!

  • Oblios_Cap

    They don't have a lot of energy for being Young Gun GOPers.

  • not that Dewey

    John Boehner left his head and his heart on the dance floor.

    • C_R_Eature

      Along with his stomach contents.

  • JustPixelz

    Boehner was making a YouTube video: Obama #winning rant

  • kittensdontlie

    They figured it was a crank call since they had already ordered Inauguration tickets from Mitten's transition website.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    If I were King of the Republicans, I don't think I would have been able to sleep.

  • cousinitt

    Wonkers, you have to understand one simply does not take calls from the help.

  • Detesticle

    Boehner's orange head, snoring in a bowl of whiskey tears … sexy beast

  • gunnergoz

    After a night of patriotic Man Love, Boehner probably passed out on top of McConnell and the latter could not get up in time to reach the phone.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Obummer is giving a speech right now where he claims he won't back down on his economic plan. My uncle is standing on the stage behind him, which is why I am watching. I wish I could believe that this whole fiscal cliff thingie would be avoided, but I have very little faith in Congress.

    • BadKitty904

      Please ask your uncle to tell Bamz, from us – "KICK THEIR ASSES, BARRY!"

    • VodkaGoGo

      Could it be because boner has pretty much said he's willing to work with Obama on Romneys plan?

    • decentcitizen

      The fiscal cliff is a media creation in that there is nothing epic about Dec. 31. An agreement will be reached and even if it's in March be made retroactive. Sorry, no snark, just fact.

      • jesus_vs_gojira

        On NPR this morning someone said the "fiscal cliff" would not be as bad as the U.S. defaulting on the debt, and another commentator (sorry, I can't bother to keep track of them) said "REALLY!?!?!"

  • DocChaos

    In retrospect, "Yo Yertle, I got your one-term right here bitch" and "Hey Oompa, why don't you reach across the aisle and suck my dick." were probably not the best ways to open the conversations with whovever answered the phone.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, who among us hasn't had somebody tell callers you're asleep on election night when you're really sprawled on the bathroom floor, vomiting drunk?

  • ThundercatHo

    Should have sent Samuel L. Jackson over there.

    • DCBloom

      Wake the Fuck Up!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Boehner wasn't asleep, but once they put him in the smoker he can't come out for an hour or he'll lose that rich golden brown. As for Yertle, it was probably just paralysis — why should Tuesday be any different from the rest of his Senate career?

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Boner got a call from Romney, too. It was three minutes before he realized it wasn't a robocall.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    By asleep:

    For Boehner, they meant drunk, crying into his beer.

    For McConnell, they meant warming up under his heat lamp.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Maybe somebody turned McConnell on his back and he got stuck.

    • emmelemm

      Pet reptile libel!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Probably holed up in their rooms, listening to Smiths albums and cutting themselves.

  • widestanceromance

    Obama's just too damn nice sometimes. I would have sent them each a wake-up drone.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Let's be honest. One was transferring all his skin pigmentation to the other. Boehner is exactly what happens if you are white (times 2). And this also explains McConnell's translucence.

  • notreelyhelping

    To be fair, by that time, the returns had come in, the message was clear, and Boehner was singing "Paranoid Android" into a Wild Turkey bottle while dancing his best Thom Yorke impression. When it gets to that point, the staff knows it's best to let it roll.

  • Botlrokit

    They were asleep, on revenge election night. Yes, a completely viable answer.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Lucky for us national emergencies only happen during working hours, and Boehner and Mitch are totally useless anyway.

  • emmelemm

    I have my ways.

  • docterry6973

    I always answer when Michelle calls, if you get my drift.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Sound track for photo.

    As long as I have you

  • Misty Malarky

    They both had in earplugs in preparation for Romney's celebratory fireworks extravaganza.

  • magic_titty

    Correction: they were having a nightmare.

  • BadKitty904

    This just in from Caucasia – updated photos of the Sore Losers:
    http://whitepeoplemourningromney.tumblr.com/

    Plus wine and cupcakes!

  • bflrtsplk

    Man, what a pair of petty, obnoxious little dicks. That is all.

  • sanantonerose

    I'm focused on Karl Rove. Laser focused. Super focused. And enjoying every. little. squeal. It was an "act of God!" No. It was luck! No. It was voter suppression! No. It was you, Karl. It was YOU all along.

    Don't y'all remember this gem spilling from his spittle-flecked and spiteful lips in 2004?

    Karl Rove to Ron Suskind after the 2004 re-election of Dubya: "Guys like you are in what we call the reality-based community," which he defined as people who "believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality." … "That's not the way the world really works anymore," he continued. "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors…and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do."

    Hey, Karl. The reality-based community just called. They took their country back.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Either my eyes deceive me…

      Where have you been sanantonerose? SO good to behold that sexy librarian-inspired peeper surveying the landscape over her eyeglass!

      • sanantonerose

        *digging toe into ground* Awwwwwww shucks~! Oh, I've just been playing librarian and traveling Europe with my Portuguese lover. You know, the usual.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Rose!!!
      Welcome back to Wonkette community!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      wow so GLAD to see you back. please stay!

      and thanks for the reminder of that horror. makes me feel better about the schadenfreude addiction.

  • Dumbedup

    Boner looks like he was locked in a smoke house for a week. As for that thing under McConnell's chin, he should get it removed, it's unsightly and distracts me from his infuriating smug twaddle.

    • Esteev

      Those round glasses have a certain 1700s feel to them. Historic!

  • SaintRond

    That fucking negro always calls after 9:00 PM and I don't appreciate it.

  • ph7

    McConnell clutched his purse and switched sidewalks.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    But remember guys, the REAL reason that there's no bipartisanship in Washington is that Obama is a total mean girl to McConnell and Boehner, and totally not the other way around.

    • Esteev

      Obama is such a drama queen. As if he really wanted to say "let's work together." He was probably just going to laugh at them for 10 minutes straight and hang up.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

        Well, that's certainly what I would have done in his shoes. Relatable!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    A Lindsay whipped Boehner is a troubling image.

  • Esteev

    At least they didn't hit the "Ignore Button" — that's messed up.

  • Misty Malarky

    By the way, when is Romney gonna release his super for real plan to save the economy and balance the budget while sending every American their very own dancing pony?

    AFTER the election, right..?

    • bikerlaureate

      Wow, that's right. If he's kind enough to share even half of his super-fantastic job creating strategy, I'll only be unemployed for half the remaining time it would've been otherwise! Yay Willard!

  • Anne_Athema

    Having drained dry his daily bath tub full of gin, Speaker Oompah Loompah was indeed unconscious ( yet curiously still crying in his sleep).

    As far as Bitch the Turtle's level of consciousness goes, I'm not convinced he is ever fully cognizant nor coherent, so yeah, I guess that excuse would work for him, as well.

  • decentcitizen

    Crybabies. That is all…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Hey, it was a slow night, nothing much happening, so they went to bed early. Makes perfect sense to me.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    I'm pretty sure that when Obama called McConnell and Boehner, he, in the words of one "Jennifer Rubin":

    wasn't acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States.

    In other words, their country called for them, and they refused to accept the call.

  • BadKitty904

    I was raised to admire professional-acting, sportsman-like losers. But then there's these guys…

    As ungracious in defeat as they are in victory.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I am sure someone said this but I don't want to actually read your comments. I bet Boehner and McConnell were both crying too loudly to hear the phone ring. Sure, it trails off the soft and sobbing whimpers eventually but that eventually hasn't happened…yet.

  • elgin_pelican

    Boner: drunk. McConnell: dentures soaking, didn't want to put them in for an African.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I really liked me some Jeff Lynne and the Electric Light Orchestra back in the day.

    Hello. How are you?
    Have you been alright, through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely nights
    That's what I'd say. I'd tell you everything
    If you'd pick up that telephone yeah yeah yeah

    Hey. How you feelin?
    Are you still the same?
    Don't you realize the things we did, we did, were all for real, not a dream?
    I just can't believe
    They've all faded out of view yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

    Ok. So no one's answering
    Well can't you just let it ring a little longer longer longer oh oh ooohhhhh
    I'll just sit tight through shadows of the night
    And let it ring for evermore oh oh ooohhhhh yeah yeah yeah

    • bikerlaureate

      I'm living in twilight.

      (too, also)

  • Exhausted66

    Great, now thanks to that banner pic I'm craving orange chicken

    • Botlrokit

      Curry chicken sounds right, given that it will burn your ass up.

  • DahBoner

    Weeping Orange Boners and Talking Turtles need their sleep, gentlemen. Good day.

  • C_R_Eature

    There were Tears all over the dance floor
    The TV's sayn' Romney will lose
    You pounded WhiskeyGator
    and half an hour later
    you were Barfin' all over
    McConnel's shoes!"

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I wanna see the usage page on the phone bill.

  • http://www.acepilots.com/wwi/can_bishop.html WABishop

    It's ok, not like anyone's second in the line of succession or anything.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Somehow I read that as being second in line for secession.

      • http://www.acepilots.com/wwi/can_bishop.html WABishop

        Well, now that you mention it….

  • mosaickmind

    "Comas" is more like it..

    • bikerlaureate

      Coma chameleons.

  • mickeymusing

    Maybe if Republicans could learn to stop being such assholes they would win things, like elections.

  • Eve8Apples

    Hey, I just beat you,
    And you sure are lazy,
    But here's my number,
    So call me, maybe?

    It's hard not to laugh,
    At you crazy.
    But you have my number,
    So call me, maybe?

  • Troglodeity

    I wish there were a way those phone calls were recorded and could be FOIA requested by some enterprising news organization.

  • Troglodeity

    Next time, say it's Bill Koch calling and then put the President on the line.

  • jzgplj

    Isn't that what they've been doing the last few years, waking up every so often to yell "Abortion"?

    • mosaickmind

      " legitimate rape!"

  • mustangsavvy

    To be fair, it's hard to hear thru the tanning machine. Boehner has to keep that healthy glow up somehow.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    I'm assuming that they were both asleep in separate beds, but you never know.

  • Grokenstein

    Well, no, they weren't asleep, but no manly man wants the guy on the other end of the line to hear him crying, all ABLOO ABLOO A BLOO BLOO BLA BLOOOOOOOO.
    http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03162004

    (Google tells me angry little fanboys hate ABLOO ABLOO now. Consequently I am trying to get it into the dictionary as a real thing.)

  • vtxmcrider

    Fortunately Obama was able to get through to Eric Cantor. As soon as Cantor answered the phone, Obama said, "Nah nah nah nah nah nah," and then hung up snickering.

  • ttommyunger

    Oh Becca, thanks for the sweet memories……The last time I saw two dicks this close together I was in a threesome with Linda "The Skank" Monetti.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I think this picture should be used for GOTV efforts in 2014 with the caption "Do you want these men to win?"