Dispatches From The FEMA Camps: Obama’s Second Term Will Destroy American Values, Be Amazing

You’ve heard right-wing pundits warn you about Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s plan to fundamentally change America as we know it. The secret Muslim/radical Marxist/probably gay Obama dreams of the day when he could force all decent, God-fearing Christian Americans (i.e. the whites) into gay marriages to radical Marxist-Muslims, they said. He acts all hope and changey now, but wait until he gets that second term and then it will be FEMA camps and forced veganism.

Well, it’s all true. All of it. Gloriously true!

At this very moment, Obama’s loyal shock troops are secretly building FEMA camps across this country. They will not only house and reeducate malcontents and neo-colonialist enemies of the state, but they will serve as local command centers for all of Obama’s radical second-term programs — Sharia Law, gun confiscation, indoctrination of children, seizure of private enterprise, etc. Some camps will even have their own death panels to ensure job-creating olds are removed from Obama’s Perfect New Society of young and brown people who don’t understand American values.

So what can we expect from these FEMA camps? Pretty much what you’ve been told. Here is someone on the internet relaying a conversation with an unnamed Marine sergeant clearly involved in planning for the internment of American citizens disloyal to the Obama regime.

We discussed the BOXCARS AND SHACKLES and MILITARY DETENTION CAMPS under MARTIAL LAW issue. A knowing smile broke out on his face as I described to him my research on future MARTIAL LAW and the role of PRISONER BOXCARS WITH SHACKLES.

When I mentioned how my research on this subject brought me to the HIGHLINE (the railroad tracks that run parallel to HIGHWAY 2 in northern Montana) and northern Montana, he admitted…

Quote: “The boxcars are NOT just up there…we have them spread out ALL OVER MONTANA… Billings… Bozeman…” He went on to name city after city in Montana.

Exactly. FEMA will be herding meth-addled real ‘Mericans from all across the heartland into railcar and shipping them to camps. Why trains? Because it’s more socialist that way.

Of course, Wonketteers are probably reading this and saying to themselves: “Hey this sounds great and all but how will Barry create the kind of emergency necessary to justify FEMA camps?”

The answer is the same way he got re-elected: Sandy-like superstorms.

“Hurricane Sandy interrupted Mr. Romney’s momentum and allowed Mr. Obama to look presidential and bipartisan,” Karl Rove rightly explained. Why do you think Obama used the White House weather machine to create Sandy in the first place?

You didn’t think the whole climate change conspiracy was just a ruse to build solar panels and wind farms did you? You’re missing the overall. Wind farms are the little Donald Segretti of this plot.

Obama and his handlers — Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Che Guevara (he faked his own death to manage Obama’s rise to power) — convinced the planet’s foremost climate scientists to invent this global warming business as a cover for the man-made storms that will allow Obama to herd the masses into FEMA camps.

But don’t think this is just about warehousing the real ‘Mericans and denying them access to Fox News. Once the plan is underway, there will be socialized medicine, unlimited food stamps for all the blacks, green cards for anyone named Juan or Pedro, and birth control pills distributed like PEZ to all those Obama-voting sluts — not that they’ll need them once everyone is force to be gay — it’s just another way Obama will make the baby Jesus cry.

Also the entire CBS primetime line-up will be replaced with Tyler Perry shows. Suck it, old white people.

Because that’s how awesome our Dear Leader is. The wingnuts were right. Say good-bye to America and say hello to that Muslim-Marxist paradise they’ve fantasized about fearing for the last four years.

Because it’s all true. Between now and Obama’s second inauguration, Wonkette will be your source for exclusive details about our shining path to a new America that will be like Greece crossed with Cuba but only more Muslim-y. Also gay.

YES, WE CAN!