MARS CURIOSITY ROVER 2016  10:30 am November 9, 2012

A Children’s Treasury Of Ridiculous Write-In Votes Against Georgia Congressman and Witchfinder General Paul Broun

by Rich Abdill

"Effective democracy"Rep. Paul Broun (R-Gethsemane) is in a pretty safe district, being that Georgia’s 10th is about as far-right and uber-religious as they come. Broun is the one, you recall, who is a medical doctor who does not believe in medicine, who runs around yelling things like — and we are not making this quote up — “All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell.”

This time around, the gentleman scholar from Athens ran unopposed for his seat in the House — but that does not mean people did not oppose him. This post was originally about how 4,000 voters wrote in “Charles Darwin” against Broun, because how sad is that, that the poor libruls have given up fielding candidates and are now just voting for dead scientists.

But! There is more! The charming folks at Flagpole magazine, because that’s what every business is called in District 10, have gotten a full list of write-in votes there, and they are fabulous, and your Wonket people have gone through all 371 pages of them, to bring you the big, grand, super-democratic list of candidates people would rather vote for than Paul Broun. (Okay, and a few other races that didn’t have a Dem on the ticket.)

There will be no more commentary, aside from that there were votes in several D-10 races for Leslie Knope, 2 Chainz, John Coltrane, and, a personal favorite, “My dog, Charles.” No word on whether that was related to another totally real vote cast for “Burning bag of dog shit,” which was specifically against Broun.

The electoral angst of District 10 and its Republican slateĀ  is far, far funnier than any blogger could ever be, even though we suspect some of these candidates may not technically be eligible for office in Georgia. Here are some of the best votes against Broun, though they be a mite shuffled:

  • Oprah Winfrey
  • A bag of Rocks
  • Albus Dumbledore
  • A human being with a brain or at least not a religious fanatic
  • A wet rag
  • Alexander Hamilton
  • Anybody else on the planet
  • Bob Dylan
  • Ao;Pw0DDAAEYRKWW
  • Bambi
  • Bart Simpson
  • Big Bird
  • Bill Nye The Science Guy
  • Bill Clinton
  • Ben Franklin
  • Beyonce
  • Bob Ross
  • Brian
  • Burning bag of dog shit
  • Captain Jack Sparrow
  • Captain Kirk
  • Charles ‘Fuck Paul Broun’ Darwin
  • Charles Barkley
  • Charlie Brown
  • Chavez
  • Chewbacca
  • Cgycj Birrus
  • CM Punk
  • Cthulu
  • Copernicus
  • David Foster Wallace
  • David Tennant
  • Dog Shit
  • Eleanor Roosevelt
  • Elmer Fudd
  • Freedom
  • Evolution Is Real
  • Greg Allman
  • Harry Truman
  • Honey Boo Boo
  • Homer Simpson
  • Homo erectus
  • Howdy Doody
  • Humpty Dumpty
  • James Carter
  • Jesus Christ
  • John Scopes
  • Julian Assange
  • Lady Gaga
  • Lebron James
  • Led Zepplin
  • Literally anyone else
  • Lurr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8
  • Madea
  • McCommunist
  • Ultramantis Black
  • Maya Angelou
  • Michael Stipe
  • Mohammed
  • Mr T
  • Mom
  • Chris Christie
  • Clint Eastwood
  • Cookie Monster
  • Neil DeGrass Tyson
  • Neil Gaimam
  • No way Jose
  • Noam Chomsky
  • Obamaaaa
  • Obi Wan
  • OMFG
  • Optimus Prime
  • Pedro
  • Publix sub
  • Ron Swanson
  • Science
  • Skagnor
  • Subcomandante
  • The Great Pumpkin
  • Taylor Swift
  • Toby Keith
  • Vermin Supreme
  • Voldemort
  • Yoda
  • Willie Nelson
  • Willy Wonka
  • Zelda

And here are some of D-10′s other glorious write-ins, for freedom:

  • 2 Chainz
  • Christopher Hitchens
  • Clarence Darrow
  • Dracula
  • Dr. Mhm
  • Guy Fawkes
  • Fidel Castro
  • Howard Zinn
  • Huey Lewis
  • Harry Potter
  • Jay Z
  • Liz Lemon
  • Mitch
  • Peppy Le Pew
  • Rufus Wainwright
  • Seagrams Ginger Ale
  • Teddy Roosevelt
  • Stan Lee
  • Tom Jones
  • Tony Stark
  • YOLO
  • The Rock
  • Tim Allen
  • Turd sandwich
  • Weird Al
  • Matt Ryan
  • Elenor Rigby
  • Hulk Hogan
  • Mtn Dew
  • Pluto
  • Popeye
  • Alan Turing
  • Cher
  • Freud
  • Furby
  • Hairy Dawg
  • Mike Vick
  • Waka Flocka Flame
  • Bubba Gump
  • Dale Earnhardt Jr
  • John Grisham
  • Judge Dredd
  • Poop
  • Qbert
  • Rambo
  • Ronald Reagan
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Ted Nugent
  • Zoidberg
  • Al Gore
  • Buddy Rommer
  • David A. Titshaw [note: He is real, not just hilariously named]
  • Eagle
  • Eugene Victor Debs
  • Jarvis Muthafuckin Jones
  • George Clooney
  • George Patton
  • Hello Kitty
  • Hillary Clinton
  • Jesus
  • Joel Osteen
  • King of Kings
  • Mars Curiosity Rover
  • Satan
  • Truth
  • A Clown
  • F
  • Foxeye
  • Iggy Pop
  • Ron Swanson
  • Spongebob Squarepants
  • Stephen Davis
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • Anthony Bourdain
  • Anyone else
  • Bacon
  • Batman
  • Darth Vader
  • Any sentient being
  • Elmo
  • John Coltrane
  • Jon Stewart
  • Kobe Bryant
  • Leslie Knope
  • Luke Skywalker
  • Mickey Mouse
  • Mr Ed
  • My dog, Charles
  • Stephen Colbert
  • William Jefferson Clinton

Democracy, a beautiful thing. [Flagpole, via tipster Sara Kate W]

 
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{ 216 comments }

Barbara_ November 9, 2012 at 10:33 am

Flagpole magazine? Is that sold behind the counter of the 7-11 because it shows pictures of men eating apple pie off Betsy Ross's tits?

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:38 am

Barb, I think it's a gay men's magazine.

I mean, ol' Betsy *could* be one them "fag hags" but I doubt they'd lick pie off her boobies.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

Well, as a politeness, maybe…

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

Oh, but of course. How silly of me.

BornInATrailer November 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Fapatriotic!

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 10:34 am

There's some pretty clever entries there.
Wait, this happened in Georgia?
Maybe there's hope after all.

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I'm surprised how few votes Alfred E. Neuman got.

rebelyankee November 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I was thinking the same thing as I came across the name Rufus Wainright. That's a sad homo in that district.

flowerjargon November 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

This district encompasses Athens, which is home to UGA and (like a lot of college towns) is a liberal enclave within Georgia. Broun has publicly denounced the town; It's not really like any other place in the state.

BlueMonkeh November 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Here in red suburban hell, we wrote in Donkey Teeth (h/t to Key & Peele) for all the races where the only option was a republican.

snowpointsecret November 9, 2012 at 10:35 am

My favorite from that list so far:

"Better Options, Please"

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

Misread it, I was thinking "Butter Options, Please" on a Betsy Ross pie slice.

PsycWench November 9, 2012 at 11:03 am

I rather like Honey Boo Boo.

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 10:35 am

Lurr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8

I was really expecting a stronger showing from him/ her/ it…

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

Seems kinda butch to me, but then maybe she drives a Subaru

Lascauxcaveman November 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

And only one vote for Cthulu?

Maybe that's just because it's really hard to remember how it's spelled.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 11:19 am

And nobody voted for Kodos.

Pragmatist2 November 9, 2012 at 10:36 am

He’s from freaking Gethsemane and no one wrote in Judas???

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 10:36 am

David Tennant

The better Doctor, by far.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 11:17 am

Christopher Eccleston libel!

(ITT: everyone posts their favorite Doctor)

Lascauxcaveman November 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Eric Idle.

(What? He would have been great.)

DemmeFatale November 9, 2012 at 11:32 am

JON PERTWEE LIBEL, (for the olds)!

trampndirtdown November 9, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Peter Davidson and Tom Baker for the nostalgia, but i have to say I think Matt Smith is absolutely killing it as The Doctor, no offense to northerners Tenant And Ecclestone.

Giveusabob November 9, 2012 at 10:37 am

But why no "Pancake Wrapped Sausage Dipped in Baconnaise?" That would have won the election, single-votedly.

Texan_Bulldog November 9, 2012 at 10:37 am

Which one of you GA Wonketteers wrote "Burning bag of dog shit"? I salute that fine person.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

As a Southerner, I was pleased to see "Publix sub" in the running, but was disappointed that neither "Wickles" nor "jar of Mama's chow-chow" made the ticket.

DemmeFatale November 9, 2012 at 11:35 am

What do you guys call those pickles you make in Kool-Aid?

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 11:41 am

Hmmm. That's a new one on me. Sounds more like something Alabama might do… ;0)

tabouley November 9, 2012 at 12:08 pm

The End of Western Civilization.

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Chow chow! As a recover(ing?)(ed) southerner, I remember chow chow fondly. Hella better than plain old pickle relish.

ChapterUndVerse November 13, 2012 at 1:12 am

No worries. They'll be nominated for cabinet seats.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

White bubbles spurted from my nose after reading this one, no more milk while Wonketting…

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 10:56 am

I thought "Burning Bag of Dogshit" got stomped in the primaries?

LesBontemps November 9, 2012 at 10:59 am

But made its point.

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Got stomped! ISWYD :P

Geminisunmars November 9, 2012 at 11:51 am

I think if it had been a Wonketteer it would have been "Burning bag of salted rat dicks."

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 10:37 am

Freedom Riders + Wonkette Snark = This List

UW8316154 November 9, 2012 at 10:37 am

ok, which one of us wrote in "Cthulu"?

Pres.Beeblebrox November 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

Well… ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, after all.

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

Had a last-minute challenge from Shub-Niggurath. That's 1,001 votes right there.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 10:48 am

C_R_eature.

GemlikeFlame November 9, 2012 at 11:29 am

A vote for Cthulhu definitely doesn't raise any questions of moral relativism, it is without question a vote for the greater of all possible evils and this website explains it all.
http://cthulhu2008.blogspot.com

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:38 am

Nobody wrote me in :-((

calliecallie November 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Actor212 in 2014!

Schmannnity November 9, 2012 at 10:38 am

A pre-snarked post? Job destroyer!

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

ON STRIKE!

FNMA November 9, 2012 at 10:39 am

Huey Lewis? Is he still alive?

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

Don't you get the news????

JerkCade November 9, 2012 at 11:05 am

You better let me know.

DCBloom November 9, 2012 at 11:15 am

Hey, it's still hip to be square!

ChapterUndVerse November 13, 2012 at 1:13 am

The heart of rock 'n roll is still beating.

Chow Yun Flat November 9, 2012 at 10:39 am

I really like Publix sux, combining political and commercial commentary in just two words.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 10:43 am

Was that where I read, "Publix sub"? I thought it must be a submarine sandwich available at the Florida supermarket chain's deli. And it struck me that yes, this could be as appropriate a viable contender as anything!

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

Yes, it was. And they're damn tasty, as well as being a real bargain.

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Not if you get the Boar's Head meats, though. Ick.

Lascauxcaveman November 9, 2012 at 10:54 am

With Seagrams Ginger Ale as its running mate. Not the most experienced candidates, but probably the most delicious!

Chow Yun Flat November 9, 2012 at 10:58 am

I had "Publix sub" but then thought I had made a mistake and changed it to "Publix sux" which isn't nearly as funny.

Oops.

Pragmatist2 November 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

He's from Gethsemane and no one wrote in Judas Iscariot???

slithytoves November 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

Leslie Knope! Yay! My favorite city councilwoman. And she'll be happy to know that Eleanor Roosevelt was written in, too.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

I call bullshit.

Not ONE vote for Dick Hertz?

FakaktaSouth November 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

Seriously, Mike Stipe and Mike Vick, and not Mike Hunt? Maybe we are really old.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:43 am

Or even the Cunning Runts of UGeorgia's track team!

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 10:53 am

Or Dick Gazinya of porn fame?

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

Didn't he marry Nettie Nockers?

prommie November 9, 2012 at 11:24 am

What of Phill McCrack?

prommie November 9, 2012 at 11:25 am

Amanda Hugginkiss? Mrs. Chokesondick?

FNMA November 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

Or Jablome, first name Heywood.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:43 am

Well, at least Cthuhlu got one, even if it was misspelled. Won't save the dude from a lifetime of backbreaking dominance and terror, but hey, he can be proud he voted for the ultimate winner!

thatsitfortheother1 November 9, 2012 at 10:45 am

Mike Hunt.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

I didn't notice a Sillius Soddus, or Biggus Dickus.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:51 am

Not even an Incontinentia Buttocks!

Altho to be fair, that's hard to write if you didn't get past the third grade. We are talking Georgia here.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

Past the third grade? Hey, this isn't Soviet Georgia we're talking about.

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

Or Inanimate Carbon Rod! Or Kang, or Kodos!

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 11:52 am

Or Hugh G. Rection?

widestanceromance November 9, 2012 at 11:01 am

Thankfully, a Hugh Johnson/Buster Hymen ticket was not thrust upon the electorate.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 11:12 am

Don't try to ram your Johnson down my throat!

PugglesRule November 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Thrust, eh? :P

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

Best. Dinner Party. Fantasy. Guest list. EVER.

not that Dewey November 9, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Anytime you can get Qbert, Bob Ross, and the Mars Curiosity Rover in the same room, at the same time, DO IT.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I am seriously, going to carry with me into sleep tonight the wishful prelude-to-a-dream's-realization of this fantasy. ALL of the above listees, assembled for dinner and hobknobbing… then when things get GOOD and ass-smashed enough in overall mood and initiative, go hire a driver and a dozen U-haul's* to cruise the town in, cause I believe that's how they do "limousine-lahk" tour duty in some parts of Georgia?
*image borrowed from Goonemeritus, below~

not that Dewey November 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Instead of a U-Haul, maybe a double-decker bus? I'd love to see their faces.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Adorable! And, yes. It occurred to me you can't really see the sights, within or without, given U-Hauls' lack of windows for opportunity. I was thinking of that episode of Jackass, maybe?or the movie? where the guys wore rollerskates in the back of a moving truck being driven around at a crazy pace. Aaaaand at this point my fantasy becomes way too complicated by extraneous circumstance, so we'll leave that last bit out~

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

I would have writted in Jules Winnfield, for teh bible versing. "The path of the righteous man…" etc.

Rosie_Scenario November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

Bambi, for the win. Avenging his Dad, obvs.

weejee November 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

The deerly departed?

memzilla November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

Had lots of campaign doe to buck the odds.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:47 am

I gave a buck or two

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 10:56 am

Talk about being stuck on the horns of a dilemma

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

That was his mom who was killed, not his dad, silly.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

Oh sure, make fun of a widower! Why do you hate Amercia so?

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

She was his mom, but that was before she had the Addadictome surgery.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 11:10 am

How do you know Bambi didn't have two daddies, like the little girl who wrote that letter to Obama?

Rosie_Scenario November 9, 2012 at 11:16 am

Mea culpa. I am getting old and it was that image of all the buck with antlers that threw me off.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 11:55 am

Slightly OT, but I just found out the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts; Beer nuts are $2.50 a bag, deer nuts are under a buck but you don't get the bag. Or maybe this joke. Also.

bobbert November 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Argh

weejee November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

Eugene V. Debs got a vote, yea!! But none for Gus Hall????

oenspiek November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

Cthulhu:

Because there is no lesser evil!

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

Yes. Why settle?

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 11:27 am

Who will be eaten first?

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

The Voice of the People.

ChillBill November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

I can't believe Weedlord Bonerhilter didn't get any votes.

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

Then he remains in good standing as stealth candidate of our dreams~

CrunchyKnee November 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

Who is this Mtn Dew and how do I subscribe to their newsletter?

SexySmurf November 9, 2012 at 11:02 am

I was going to vote for Mtn Dew, but he's just too EXTREME!

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

The "Big Bang Theory" is not straight from the pits of Hell, it's from Chuck Lorre and CBS. However, it's easy to see where they went off track.

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

It would have been better for Broun, had this been a "spontaneous generation" (and thus proving his point about evolution being a lie), but alas, it was a mutation. Adaptability wins again.

Boojum November 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

Turd Sandwich 2014!

Selfish_T November 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

I am a little disappointed you haven't included my vote for Lizard People, which ended up with TWO votes. Also, someone just voted for "Doritos".

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

Oh, a Romney supporter, eh?

FakaktaSouth November 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

I am pointing at you and saying, hey I know that dude, you and your friend the bicycle guy that we met at Manuel's…ANYway big ups for the LizardPeople, and Doritos, ALfuckingWays, and for being able to smoke inside a bar in Atlanta. Cheers.

Selfish_T November 9, 2012 at 11:12 am

Nailed it. And I'd just like to point out to everyone that while we're out in the middle of Paul Broun country, Athens, Ga. went 63-34% for Obama.

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

Everyone would vote for Bacon if they could.

Q_R_DeNameland November 9, 2012 at 11:21 am

Broun hates Darwinism. Darwin drew heavily for his methodology on the writings of William Whewell, a naturalist, philosopher, and theologian (basically a polymath) who was Master of Trinity College. Whewell sought to revive and reform the inductive methodological approach of Francis Bacon, who propagandized on behalf of the emerging modern science and against what he perceived as an entrenched Aristotelian scholasticism that ignored empirical evidence and sought to protect established dogmas (kind of like Paul Broun — though actually smarter).

There you have it: three degrees of Francis Bacon.

Goonemeritus November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

If the non-crazy residents of Georgia’s district 10 would put half as much effort into renting a U-Haul trailer and getting the fuck out of dodge maybe they would be happier

HobbesEvilTwin November 9, 2012 at 10:59 am

I was thinking they could have all just put that effort into selecting a viable opponent…. but what do I know

Goonemeritus November 9, 2012 at 11:07 am

There are districts where 80% of the electorate thinks George Bush was a liberal. Sometimes you just have to self deport.

mbatch November 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Exactly what I was thinking. If this many people hate that asshole, why didn't the local dems run somebody against him?

malsperanza November 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I dunno, they seem like a pretty happy lot to me.

SexySmurf November 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

Don't blame me; I voted for Turd Sandwich.

ChillBill November 9, 2012 at 11:01 am

But Giant Douche won.

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 10:45 am

Say yes to Knope 2012!

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

Know Knope In Dnope!

LesBontemps November 9, 2012 at 11:07 am

Too Knopey-Changey.

HRH_Maddie November 9, 2012 at 10:47 am

Ain't nothing funny about voting for Bill Nye The Science Guy. BNTSG 2016!!!

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 11:00 am

Can you imagine the size of the security detail Bill would need in Georgia?

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 10:48 am

So he's from Athens, Georgia; the same town that gave us both the R.E.M. and the B-52s, with their very flamboyant lead singers, elected this moronic asshat? Huh.

CrunchyKnee November 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

There is this guy down there, Jerry Mander, he has ways.

DCBloom November 9, 2012 at 11:21 am

I thought the same. I have spent a little time down there, and being a college town, it seems quite liberal. Unfortunately, it's surrounded by the rest of Georgia. I'm really surprised there was no mention of another band from there…. Widespread Panic

prommie November 9, 2012 at 11:31 am

Flamboyant? You mean like Ace and Gary, the ambiguously flamboyant duo? Hah. I got your flamboyant; according to Fakakta, I out-flamboyant Fred Schneider.

TNlibtard November 9, 2012 at 10:48 am

For me, it would be a huge toss up between Burning Bag of Dog Shit and OMFG. They both represent my Christian values and to my knowledge aren't liberal baby killers. But, Honey Boo Boo would probably better represent the electorate of District 10.

iTuna November 9, 2012 at 10:48 am

Ron Swanson was listed twice, as he should be.

TootsStansbury November 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

This is what democracy looks like!

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

Tom Baker libel!

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 11:07 am

I meant as opposed to the congresscritter.

DerrickWildcat November 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

I voted for, Ao;Pw0DDAAEYRKWW too.

TNlibtard November 9, 2012 at 10:51 am

I'm really throwing my weight and money behind Jarvis Muthafuckin Jones.

ChernobylSoup November 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

Tecumseh Sherman

Lascauxcaveman November 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

Be interesting to see a runoff between Seagrams Ginger Ale and Mtn Dew.

I hope Wonkette stays on top of this one until the results are final.

RelicOven November 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

I'm rather pleased someone wrote in Vermin Supreme. Publix sub is a close second though.

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 10:51 am

Optimus Prime? "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" sounds way too liberally socialistic, and accepting to the likes of gays, minorities and puny fleshlings.

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 10:51 am

I'd vote for No Pleated Pants, too. I hate that asshole Pleated Pants.

HRH_Maddie November 9, 2012 at 10:58 am

He's a real smug bastard.

widestanceromance November 9, 2012 at 11:03 am

Downright unseamly if you ask me for an off-the-cuff response.

Pres.Beeblebrox November 9, 2012 at 10:51 am

I was hoping for at least one vote for Harry Balczak.

widestanceromance November 9, 2012 at 11:04 am

Teabagger libel!

BarackMyWorld November 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

I believe that write-in candidate's full name is Ron FUCKING Swanson, thank you.

TNlibtard November 9, 2012 at 10:53 am

Jarvis Muthafuckin Jones, all the way.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 10:54 am

This is in Georgia and Button Gwinnett didn't make the ticket??? What kinda monkeyshines is this, anyways?

Blueb4sinrise November 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

I have evidence that the Iranian Navy is just offshore of GA -10, all real Americans there are asked to swim, float, or walk out to sea and engage them in battle.

fuflans November 9, 2012 at 10:56 am

capt jack or david tennant??!?!

good god i could not make that decision!!!

i am glad my democracy is not quite so hot.

ED: AND I DID NOT SEE TONY STARK!!!!

DixvilleCrotch November 9, 2012 at 10:56 am

I like how someone just voted for the letter F. What does that even mean if a letter is elected? Ponderous, man…

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

Well the letter F is already a proud sponsor of that child-indoctrinating Sesame Street.

TootsStansbury November 9, 2012 at 11:23 am

Did your shoes start to squeak?

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 10:56 am

Well, our fellow Wonketeer Dr Zoidberg should be pleased he made the list.

boobookitteh November 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Why not Zoidberg?

Mahousu November 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

“Burning bag of dog shit” is clearly a vote for Broun.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 10:58 am

I'm behind the "Moon Pie and RC Cola" ticket!

smokefilledroommate November 9, 2012 at 10:58 am

Poop and Fart should run together! (eww)

kittensdontlie November 9, 2012 at 11:54 am

And direct proof of the Big Bang Theory!

fuflans November 9, 2012 at 10:58 am

i would vote for that picture.

Chow Yun Flat November 9, 2012 at 10:59 am

Rep. Paul Broun (R-GetSomeMoney)

prommie November 9, 2012 at 10:59 am

I second the vote for Dead David Foster Wallace. Depressed self-obsessed novelists for the win!

Botlrokit November 9, 2012 at 11:01 am

Sylvia Plath libel!

FakaktaSouth November 9, 2012 at 11:14 am

I was pleased he was included as well, self obsession can be a fun thing, just leave that depression alone, it is a drag. Do you like all my commas? I did that just for you. I also liked Dead Ben Franklin and of course Homer Simpson. Oh shit now I am getting on my plane. See ya!

prommie November 9, 2012 at 11:22 am

Sean I'd say the best one came from Tupelo, Mississippi
I'll tell you now that grown men cry and Irish girls are pretty

starfanglednut November 9, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Overrated, also too.

Joshua Norton November 9, 2012 at 11:00 am

What? No "Sister Boom Boom – Nun of the Above"?

I demand a recount.

Disassembly November 9, 2012 at 11:00 am

If they can indict a ham sandwich we should be able to elect a turd sandwich.

JustPixelz November 9, 2012 at 11:01 am

Those people did their best to destroy Broun. With votes. Literally.

Terry November 9, 2012 at 11:03 am

Po'Boy is a perennial candidate in Louisiana. This is Georgia. Sheesh!

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2012 at 11:05 am

Honey Boo Boo is not on the list? I thought this was in Georgia??

BumbleKid November 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm

But she was! Democracy is saved!

Indiepalin November 9, 2012 at 11:06 am

Chet Morton

Oblios_Cap November 9, 2012 at 11:08 am

F

Is he related to $arah's buddy "T"?

SorosBot November 9, 2012 at 11:10 am

Maybe that was a vote for Mr. F, a show of support for Palin herself.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 12:02 pm

That's "Mr. T", I pity the fool that forgets that

WABishop November 9, 2012 at 11:08 am

My dog, Charles 2016!

DCBloom November 9, 2012 at 11:25 am

See my avatar? That's Mr. Charlie and he is a lot smarter than the "real" candidate.

notreelyhelping November 9, 2012 at 11:11 am

Hey…at least 4,000 people in Georgia's 10th have a sense of humor. Maybe there is a god.

Mittaplasia November 9, 2012 at 11:12 am

Ben Dover needs a new campaign manager.

actor212 November 9, 2012 at 11:13 am

Vermin Supreme

Oh, I've had that pizza from Pizza Hut.

Slimy, yet satisfying.

ttommyunger November 9, 2012 at 11:15 am

I call total bullshit on that pix. First, it is way too clever and second, all the words are spelled correctly, ergo, this cannot be a representation of Georgians. (Also a total lack of tank-tops or overalls.)

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 11:25 am

Well, that's the most juvenile and irresponsible voter behavior I've ever seen. With all the sacrifices people have made over the years just to secure the right to vote, you'd hope that we would take it a little bit more seriously.

I would totally have gone with HUGH JORGAN.

BerkeleyBear November 9, 2012 at 11:28 am

Can't we just count the vote for Bourdain as a vote for any and all regional foodstuffs?

MUHAMMED_PBUH November 9, 2012 at 11:29 am

personal favorites:

- WHOEVER WANTS IT APPARENTLY
- UNDECIDED
- AEON FLUX
- YES
- HELL NO
- THAT GUY
- YO MAMA

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 11:31 am

If you think Georgia's District 10 is a mess, you should see what's going on in District 9.
It's full of fuckin' Aliens.

calliecallie November 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Undocumented aliens, no doubt.

C_R_Eature November 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

BUILD THE DANG MISSILE SHIELD!1!!

Beowoof November 9, 2012 at 11:36 am

Isn't a vote for a flaming bag of dog shit the same as voting for Broun. I see no discernible difference.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Can't see it, and you can't smell it either.

MrsConclusion November 9, 2012 at 11:37 am

A Pulitzer Prize in journalism to whatever Wonkette operative who typed (or even cut and pasted) those lists.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 12:05 pm

A golden Carpal Tunnel Brace also, too

arduinohacker November 9, 2012 at 11:42 am

What? Thousands of names, and only one write-in for Sarah Palin? Oh, she must be spinning a sad today. Not even elected to some jerkwater Georgia district.

Jus_Wonderin November 9, 2012 at 11:47 am

Tits ya'll

RomneysLogCabin November 9, 2012 at 11:48 am

Those names would make one bad-ass Congress.

DahBoner November 9, 2012 at 11:56 am

Noan Chomsky

I take it this is the summary of a long, rambling sentence about how consesus is manufactured by the Industrial-Media complex…

HarryButtle November 9, 2012 at 11:58 am

Call me simple, but I'm a fan of a Bag of Rocks.

And writing in Mike Vick makes a pretty strong statement.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Don't forget about his macho cousin, I. P. Standing

proudgrampa November 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I would have voted for Nucky Thompson. He actually has some political experience.

Guppy November 9, 2012 at 12:12 pm

No TruckNutz or Lizard People?

WordSaladNation November 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm

TRUCK NUTZ

cousinitt November 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Wait, what happened to Hooterville's own Arnold? All y'all didn't go and stick an apple in his mouth, did ya?

Look inbreds, y'all don't just EAT your politicians, you coat them in molasses first then slowly spit-roast them until they turn a toasty brown, THEN you eat them. Jeebus Porkrinds, mix in some culinary skills.

calliecallie November 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Alas, poor Arnold. Then they wrapped him in a Romney shirt and dumped him on a doorstep.

mormos November 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

STAND BACK! I'M GOING TO VOTE FOR SCIENCE!

batcountry101 November 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I live in Idiot Broun's district, which includes Athens, GA (my home). Athens is a blue dot in a sea of red. We got redistricted, and lost our Dem. He was replaced with our current rep. Don't blame us. We are living behind enemy lines, completely surrounded, but fighting on.

The Flagpole is our local free alternative paper.

myykuul November 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Honestly, great choices all, but I literally spewed at Publix sub. I mean, I'm sure someone walked into the precinct sporting their lunch and came to the logical conclusion at the optimal moment that yes, my six inch tuna provalone w/ lettuce, blk olives, BOTH peppers and a shot of mustard would run circles around this idiot.

AND they got to eat the sub. THAT's Democracy. On whole wheat.

VA_Dreaming November 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm

In Virginia, Hank the Cat (a real cat) got 6,000 votes for senator. The other candidates where Tim Kaine and George Allen. Many people in Virginia are convinced that Hank would do a better job than George Allen, almost as good as Tim Kaine, and much better than Broun. Of course, one of Hank's hairballs might do a better job than Broun.

deelzebub November 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Is Witchfinder General a Good Omens reference?

calliecallie November 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Vote for Pedro!

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm

But who will think of the Lizard People?

Nostrildamus November 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Alas, no "Cuntly Dogfucker".

Calapine November 10, 2012 at 4:24 am

Not ONE vote for Hitler?!

Apperently making people laugh over Youtube every day doesn't count for anything anymore.

Preacher_Griz November 10, 2012 at 5:39 am

No votes for Smothered and Covered???!!

ThundercatHo November 9, 2012 at 11:06 am

Ahem, antlers not horns.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 11:47 am

Ahem, Ahem, Ahem…. FYI, I'm stuck on the horns of my new 2013 John Deere “Dilemma” tractor. Antlers are on those beasts that once a year pull the sleigh for that fat commie bastard in the red suit.

boskolives November 9, 2012 at 11:50 am

Yeah, he had to (pre California Prop requiring love socks).

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