no homo

Unchastened Chris Christie Continues To Make Sweet Gay Love To Barack Obama

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brokebackWhat did Chris Christie tell Barack Obama, while they canoodled on the phone for seemingly hours? “You hang up.” “No, you hang up.” “You hang up first,” they both repeated fucking endlessly, until they fell asleep with their Blackberries cradled under their drooling, open mouths. And what did he tell Mitt Romney?

Nothing. He sent him an email.

This has been your five-o’clock Schadenfreude.

[Bloomberg]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Seems the Repubbies can't get away from Stench fast enough.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It takes a big man to admit he could use a little government help.

      But usually not THAT big.

  • nounverb911

    When does Fox news start with the Chris Christie (D)?

    • tihond

      Only if he gets indicted.

  • SorosBot

    Eric Dondero just unfriended Christie on Facebook.

    • nounverb911

      Christie just banned Dondero from New Jersey.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        So it's a win-win.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          BIG win for Jersey.

          • Cleopatriot

            How long will it take for Dondi to notice I'm following him on Twitter and block me? I keep retweeting stuff about what an asshole Romney is, but it's like he doesn't know I'm there.

    • Redgyal

      Classic!

    • ElPinche

      Eric just took a shit on the Drumthwacket lawn.

      • shelwood46

        I hope he zapped himself on a downed wire.

        • ElPinche

          He's a conservative so he probably enjoyed the 5000 V ass play.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      Was that his last act before he begins his one man 'revolution'? haha…what a fucking mustachioed loon…

  • OzoneTom

    I heard that they had a three-way with someone named Sandy.

    • SmutBoffin

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHBLAAAAARRRGHHHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Blow jobs for all?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        It sucked.

        • glasspusher

          Make sure to bring extra batteries for your vibrator, the power's still out in some places.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Hi z, you around? One of my birdies is in the hospital and it doesnt look good. I can hardly stand it.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Here I am, sweetpea. Tell me all about it. Wut's up? (Hugs you)

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      That story turned out to be erroneous. "Sandy" was short for "Sandwiches."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    OMG! Oh no, he din't! I've gotta call Blanche and tell her, and swear her to secrecy…

    • Negropolis

      So, I says to Mable, I says…

  • BadKitty904

    Hmm. Christie is obviously smarter than he looks. Or sounds.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Or eats

    • glasspusher

      Srsly, I'm wondering how long this will last. Is he fer rilz? Is this a calculated move to the center? If so, he can forget securing the Republican nomination for president…

  • docterry6973

    Once you go black…

    • Fare la Volpe

      And Christie always loved him some Soul Food.

      • Redgyal

        He's Sicilian?

      • bobbert

        And, evidently, every other kind of Food.

    • RomneysLogCabin

      No need to guess who is the Twink or Bear.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      …you're bosom buddies with Obama until the power comes back on and the gas prices/lines go down.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    fap fap fap fap fap fap

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If you're imitating his arm wattles, I believe it's spelled flap flap flap flap flap flap

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Won't that cause a Tsunami somewhere in Micronesia?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Or a hurricane on Mars.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        With Barbara Walters, I believe it's spelled fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    The Power of the Boss – it's fuckin' awesome!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Christie always wanted to be one of the cool kids.

  • PuckStopsHere

    It's okay. Romney got even. Mittens un-friended him on FB.

    • kittensdontlie

      I guess 'Facebook Friends Forever' doesn't mean anything anymore.

    • Crank_Tango

      But first, he posted a crazy, passive aggressive rant about how he thought governors were supposed to stick together and shit, but some fatasses like the boss too much. It was pretty embarrassing.

  • ChrisM2011

    Obama likes'em curvalicious!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      At what point do you go from "curvalicious" to "time and space have warped to singularity and light cannot escape"?

      • ChrisM2011

        Like the Falcon, Obama is trapped by Christie's Death Star like gravitational pull.

        • MosesInvests

          That's no moon….

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            I sense a disturbance in the farts….

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Ebony and Mayonnaise go together in perfect harmony…

    • JadedPreppy

      Pie-vory, also!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Chris Christie
    has fallen
    in love and he
    can't get up!

    • FlipFlopFuck

      How would he know if he can't get it up?
      He hasn't seen his junk in like ten years.

      • ButthurtWingers2012

        true…they once had an episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" trying to locate Christy's junk…Robert Stack just couldn't fucking find it and gave up. Leonard Nimoy is convening a "History's Mysteries" search for it…but once that search turns up nothing, Geraldo is going to use drills and explosives ala Al Capone's vault. Eventually it'll be declared likely dead and missing like Jimmy Hoffa forcing Christy to appear on an episode of "American Justice" talking about the saga of how he ate his dick to death.

  • Ryy

    Christie and Obama should be a crime solving buddy team: Barry and the Fatman!

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    "This has been your five-o’clock Schadenfreude. "

    It's been "Schadenfreude" every hour, every minute and every second since last Tuesday around 10PM EST.

    • kittensdontlie

      Mittenfreude is a dish best served cold.

    • emmelemm

      There's so much Schaden, we don't want any of it to go unFreuded. Waste not, want not.

  • cousinitt

    I love that pic. It's got a kind of laying on of the hands vibe going like St. O is about to cast the demon out of Christie and heal his soul.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Barry should start with unclogging his arteries.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Bingo!

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Out demon of Gluttony! Out demon of pride! Out demon of Greed! Out demon of Wrath! Out demon of cutting teacher pay! Out demon of being a gigantic fat self-centered asshole that yells at people, but is still somehow able to seem appealing to folks because sometimes he also yells at stupid wingnuts as well!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        When's the part where the supplicant's face gets slapped? OUT!!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Barry has his SrsFace "I'm lisnin" on.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Obama: Whatcha thinkin' about?
    Christie: Ham

    • CrunchyKnee

      Well played, sir or ma'am. Well played.

    • bobbert

      Okay, that made me laff.

    • Redgyal

      Wonkette should do a blingee ontest for this. Remember those? Good old days.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate
        • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

          Snoop *and* the dancing cat? Very well done.

        • Redgyal

          Thank you for that. I will make it my screen saver.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Love the kittens on Obama's shoulder. And you didn't forget The Biebs.

        • BoroPrimorac

          Keep in it real. That shit was pretty funny.

    • emmelemm

      Niiiiice.

    • StillGoinGreen

      peed meself a little! Good job Maddie!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      *still laughing*

    • BadKitty904

      Dang. Y'all are on a roll today. Victory suits y'all, apparently.

    • Negropolis

      Damnit. Now you've gone and made me hungry.

  • Disassembly

    Executive Order #13629: Bruce Springsteen must go on a national Republican-hugging tour.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Send them t-shirts!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Put them all in some large dome!!!!!!!

  • BadKitty904

    Cue soundtrack:

    Mad about the boy,
    I know it's stupid to be mad about the boy,
    I'm so ashamed of it, but must admit the sleepless nights I've had,
    About the boy…

    (I don't know how to do the little musical-notes thingies on here)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      In a pinch:

      o/~

    • viennawoods13

      ♪♫ I copied and pasted them from someone, passing them on.

    • bobbert

      ♪ alt – 13
      ♫ alt – 14

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        ♪ Jeez, that works!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          ¡£ ¡¢

          I must be doin it rong :(

          • Dudleydidwrong

            ♪ You have to use the number pad, not the number keys at the top of the keyboard. If you use a laptop like I do, you have to Function F11, then Alt 13 and Alt 14 will work: ♪ ♫

    • BadKitty904

      Thank y'all!!!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I keep this bookmarked for quick-snark reference. http://www.tedmontgomery.com/tutorial/altchrc.htm

      • BadKitty904

        Sweet!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Obama should appoint Christie to the position of Secretary of Sammiches.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Good idea.

      That is if the Dept of Sammitches mission is to ERADICATE all sammiches.

    • Negropolis

      I'm sure the Republicans would love that, because it put women back to work. "Bitch, make me a sammich" would be an acceptable and formal request of that department.

  • elviouslyqueer

    And there goes any curiosity I might have had about chubby porn.

    • BadKitty904

      And my Bamz is NOT a chaser, dammit.

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Oh, no, we all chase him. Damn you, Michelle, for getting there first!

  • calliecallie

    Christie and Obama, sitting in a tree
    Kay Eye Ess Ess Eye, yi yi…
    Christie broke the branch.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    No need to ask who's going to be the top, I guess, also.

    • http://redstatepinko.blogspot.com/ RedStatePinko

      You better be right, otherwise it's Brokeback Prez'nt.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The Secret Service will insist

  • PsycWench

    Worst slash fiction pic ever.

  • Callyson

    Shit, a Christie – Rubio ticket just might have a chance.

    Then again, that probably means the wingnuts won't have the brains to pick it, so I think we're still OK.

    Also–Governor, I have a voicemail from Michelle: something along the lines of "bitch, please"…

    • Jerri

      That is exactly what I told my husband yesterday! "Mark my words, it'll be a Christie/Rubio 2016 GOP ticket. MARK THEM!" I said.

      Luckily, I was really tired and hungover so if I'm wrong I'll have a (lame) excuse to weasel out of that declaration.

      • bobbert

        I'm not so sure. A lot will depend on how things go in Jersey during the next couple of years. And Rubio is gonna have to actually DO something to offset the whole "Well, my folks didn't exactly flee Castro" thing.

        • Jerri

          That's true. It is mercifully a long way off after all.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I am thinking the race to replace LAMEDUCK Obama already began with Rmoney's concession. Too, I have Jon Cornyn, Sam Brownback, Terry Branstead, Jindal, Nathan Deal, Bob Corker, Mitch Daniels, Rick Snyder, & Jeff Flake as likely to appear at a Reagan Library forum sometime around Presidents Day 2013. (Of those, I think Brownback, Jindal, Corker, Daniels, & Snyder are the only ones likely to get traction.) &, let's not forget, a darkhorse: I see Ted Cruz doing the Iowa dinner party circuit even before he's sworn in as Senator. He's Cuban, like Rubio, but won in a state where most Latinos are other than Cuban. So, bonus.

      … &, sure, Cruz 2016 would bring with it as much federal experience as Obama 2008, but, y' know, Republican. So, OK.

      • Redgyal

        Cruz is a good idea. Two things to look for however. First, how many Latinos are willing to vote against their own interests? Just like other ignoring groups they don't tolerate fakes. Second, how will the image of a Latino president play on a national scale right after an African American president? My guess is that there will be some Americans who will see that as "they're taking over" and vote against him. Because in some minds the whole minority wining the election thing was an accident. To that end, the Democratic party has a better chance running another minority candidate than the Republican Party. It fits their image.

    • Negropolis

      I really thinkg Rubio is damaged goods, even before his name was brought up during the GOP primaries as a possible VP pick.

      • 102415

        Doesn't he have some kind of money stealing problem?

        • Negropolis

          Yes, the man is a walking ethics violation from what I've heard. Can't seem to keep his hands out the cookie jar.

  • widestanceromance

    Couple names:
    Charack
    Brisama
    Chrobama
    Chrussein

    Yeah, this comment's going nowhere fast. Sorry, folks. [update: oh, wow, thanks folks]

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Kirok?

    • kittensdontlie

      Chamz?

    • rickmaci

      Chrisbama

    • DahBoner

      Chrobama sounds all googley.

    • UW8316154

      T-Bamz

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "Obis."

      (pronounced oh-BEESE)

    • TootsStansbury

      Bammiches?

  • MissTaken

    Mayor Bloomberg was forced to sit in a chair sipping his tiny soda while Christie and Obama canoodled.

    • SorosBot

      And then he sent out the NYPD to beat up some hippies and felt better.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I'll never hear the words "I have a *crush* on Obama!" the same way again after this.

    • PugglesRule

      Chill, dude, it's just a bromance.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        "Bromance with 'benefits' "

  • kittensdontlie

    ♫ They say that breaking up is hard to do… ♫♪

    • widestanceromance

      In this case, prying Barry from the depths of CC's folds would be. . .difficult to do (I just can't use the word hard in this post)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not if Christie gets to be on top.

  • hagajim

    Gov. Sammiches better not let Michelle see his big ol' ass – she'll put him to work on the jumping jacks post-haste.

  • BadKitty904

    Because it needs to be said:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6JCCayPG7k

    • Geminisunmars

      That was a nice little afternoon interlude.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        (Air-smacks the Gem's hand)

    • http://wonkette.com Tangled sin tax

      I saw Hair staged in Australia when on R&R from Vietnam. They lost the audience when they had the Julie Andrews clone singing "The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Bullshit". Ya don't mess with Julie's image Down Under. There was a big explosion on the stage (deliberate) that turned me into a molten glob of adrenalin for a few seconds. Don't remember much else from the play.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Apparently Rick Scott of FLA. wuz jealous, so he gave the EV's to Bamz.

    • ElPinche

      Doesn't Bamz get the counts for the popular vote too( 52% vs 48% )? Just to make the whiners saying "he barely won!!" to STFU.

      • SorosBot

        But in 2004, 50-48, 286-251 in the electoral college, was a huge mandate!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        OMFG. What's the count? Holy quacking duckshit.

    • widestanceromance

      Bringing him up to a fine 332 vs 206.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        (faints dead away) thunk!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Christie's Secretary: Governor Christie, Mr Romney is on line two.
    Christie: Romney who?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Obama's Dick So Big it makes Christie look like the After shot in a Weight Watchers ad.

    • gullywompr

      Is that Christie in that pic? I thought it was just Obama fapping…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Right now, hon, 'Bama's dick's so big it needs it's own solar system. Fuck me blind. He got >330 EVs.

      (faints again)

    • Nothingisamiss

      No shit, I've been meaning to start that thread up again all day.

      (I guess I can't get the Obama big dick thing out of my mind.)

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        What about some MDSL (Mitttens Dick So Little)?

        I'll start. MDSL, he uses it to pick his teeth.

    • Nothingisamiss

      ODSB it's unafraid to go head to head with Chris Christie.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      ODSB it has it's own gravitational field.

    • mayor_quimby

      ODSB it can't bee observed directly, you can only infer it's presence by the things that wobble when passing nearby.
      Thanks for restarting this thread, I was on empty the other day and didn't have any ideas!

    • Negropolis

      ODSB, that, GOP, please consult with your party physician if symptoms last for more than "four more years!"

  • UnholyMoses

    Chris best be a bottom—I'd hate for Obama to be suffocated.

  • emmelemm

    As a junior high school girl, I actually did that. Was on the phone with my friend (real phone, with a cord, back in the dark ages) and we both somehow fell asleep with the phones beside our heads and then we woke up and we were like, "You awake?" "Yeah, you?" And we continued our conversation.

    • gullywompr

      And today our kids have webcams.

      How do you sleep now?

      • OneDollarJuana

        It's not as exciting as you think. Ever see Sleep by Andy Warhol?

        • gullywompr

          No, sorry.

      • mayor_quimby

        I always pass out after fapping on chatroulette.

    • BadKitty904

      Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

      • emmelemm

        It was adorable! Today we are all 13 y.o. girls on the phone for hours.

        /no texties

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I always got wound up in that 50 foot cord that always tangled into a massive ball at the telephone alcove.

          ETA: Alvacado, btw.

          • emmelemm

            Oh, avocado phones. To match the appliances.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            And the color of the average Fox News viewer yesterday morn?

    • StillGoinGreen

      I stopped reading your post at "I actually did that" and tried to imagine which of the two, teen Barry or teen Pork Chop, would have met the approval of the Porcine Aviatrix.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Mitt's not worried — after his fuckin' disaster of a campaign he knows he's due for some sweet FEMA relief soon too.

  • ElPinche

    I find it funny that the GOP shat all over Christie while barely scolding the rape nuts.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Memo says they lost because they didn't back the rape nuts enough. When you live in opposite world…

    • Crank_Tango

      And telling. Cuz what hurt the party more, actually looking like adults in a crisis, or insane, rapey misogynists. Pandering to the base I guess.

    • MacRaith

      The definition of a heretic is "somebody who thinks almost exactly the same way you do, whom you must kill."

      Christie is a heretic to the GOP. The rape nuts, on the other hand, are perfectly in line with conservative orthodoxy.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      It's about appeasing the base, Man. The old, white, greedy, bigoted, racist base.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Now why would I have a sudden craving for sausage?

    • CindynEncinitas

      Hold it right there! Take that sausage, wrap it in a waffle, and deep fry it. Then put some syrup and powdered sugar on it and serve it with an 8-piece bucket, extra crispy, and a large Papa John's meat lover's. That will bring him running!

    • MissTaken

      Christie's 'unscewed pole'?

    • bobbert

      You need a reason to have craving for sausage?

  • Slim_Pickins

    Chris Christie, the only Republican smart enough to not run for President, this cycle.

  • Weenus299

    The Big Fella starts losing weight, you know he's in for 2016.

    • Come here a minute

      Or cancer. Probably cancer.

      • CindynEncinitas

        Nah, meng. He's going to run against Liz Warren. Five bucks on it right now. No points.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Great! Worked pretty well for Huckabee.

    • Pithaughn

      So Obama care covers lap bands?

    • moseyon

      I think that is a work in progress.That's what Romney told him why he didn't pick him for VP.
      So I reckon he has a lap band. He has dropped weight already.

  • Schmannnity

    When does Michelle take control of Christie's diet?

    • Negropolis

      Why, when we put all of the conservatives into FEMA camps, of course. That's still on, right? Just waiting for the formal orders.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Christie should remember the old saw: Boys never make passes at boys with fat asses.

  • widestanceromance

    "You're not fat, Chris, you just have big skin."

  • BaldarTFlagass
    • BadKitty904

      Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that has now been shared with all my buds. Thanx!

    • MissTaken

      hehe!

    • emmelemm

      Have mercy! That's awesome.

    • TootsStansbury

      Love it!

    • Negropolis

      Oh, that's gud. That's real gud.

    • UW8316154

      kkkkkkkkkkkk

  • StillGoinGreen

    Obama: "What's up?"
    Christie: "These pinstripes up my ass!! Mind if I borrow Tow Truck One?"

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Tow Truck One. Ftw.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Maybe that is the secret to Obama's second term. He just has to get the Republicans on his side, one sloppy gay romp at a time?

    • BadKitty904

      *instantly considers switching parties*

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Shameless BadKitty, just shameless. And wonderful, too, also.

        • BadKitty904

          Hey, it's not *my* fault the POTUS also happens to be a studmuffin uber-daddy! ;0)~

          Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    • Negropolis

      Talk about taking one for the team. Just imagining him with Eric Cantor has scared my brain. He'd whine the entire tim.

  • sullivanst

    [re: tooltip]

    No, not broke, but plenty of issues from carrying all that weight.

  • notreelyhelping

    And, in slow motion, they walked together along the shattered boardwalk as Guns'n'Roses' cover of "Knockin' on Heaven's Doors" wailed. Fade to black.

  • rickmaci

    I think I read on DeadBreitbart.com that Bam sent him a case of the special White House IPA. Really. It was on the webz.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    OT:
    In case your Freuden isn't Schadened enough: http://whitepeoplemourningromney.tumblr.com/page/

    • BadKitty904

      What a remarkably…"pink"…crowd.

    • Lazy Media

      Oh, I'm going straight to hell for giggling uncontrollably at those sad folks.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        You'll have lots of company.

    • TootsStansbury

      I particularly like the Arian Kidz.

    • finallyhappy

      How about the Teen of the Corn with the "Romn" on her forehead?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Dude got 15 grand for getting the RR logo painted on his head? I wish he had got 150K and had it tattooed.

      • jello_mold

        That's not a face painting…

    • Dashboard Buddha

      The first picture: I just hope my tax dollars didn't go to pay for that moocher hag's wheelchair.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "No words…none at all"

      Then what the fuck are you doing on twitter, assface?

    • Negropolis

      My favorite exchange:

      Facebook User: Our country has lost all its morals.

      Haleigh Hoffman: Honey, those went out the window a long time ago. Barack yo body, girl!!

      Facebook User: That's disgusting.

      Bwahahahahahaha!! Which one of you is Haleigh Hoffman? lol

      BTW, the trees weren't the right height.

    • viennawoods13

      That was beautiful… beautiful … (dabs a tear from eye)

    • BerkeleyBear

      I couldn't find any minorities even in the background of those shots. And so much stupid in the various tweets/im/snippets.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      Genius.

  • decentcitizen

    The wingnuts may be blaming Christie now but after a good pout they'll make up. Who else are they gonna run in 2016? He's the best of their weak field, and he's a major asshole.

  • CindynEncinitas

    What a palate cleanser! I'm getting kind of tired of the cavalcade of butthurt. Have a bucket of sorbet on me, Christie! Hearts to you and your bff Prez Bammerz! Now if we could just get some news on Reindeer Guy, mentioned by Wonkette BFF Rachel last night. Looking forward to tracking that guy's demise, which I am sure is just around the corner!

  • JohnnyQuick

    Whatever has happened to Davey and Chuck Koch's Great Wide Hope?

  • Beowoof

    From his size I bet he swallows.

  • coolhandnuke

    The wingnutosphere is ripe with so much delicious butthurt today, I believe I grew a five-o’clock Schadenfreude.

  • Pat_Pending

    y'know, I used to call myself Cassandra Schadenfreude. Not only do I predict the future and say "I TOLD YOU SO" afterward, I laugh in your stupid face for no extra charge.

  • Detesticle

    I've been in a glorious stupor since about 10:15 p.m. Tuesday. Just coming out of the fog now. Did I miss anything?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Nope, we're still gloating.

      • Detesticle

        Good. I won't stop gloating until 2016. The schadenfreude is coasting in 2 billionth gear.

  • Callyson

    OT alert–we may still have Deadbeat Dad to kick around:

    ollowing his resounding defeat by Democrat Tammy Duckworth Tuesday, Tea Party-affiliated U.S. Rep. Joe Walsh (R-Ill.) is considering what his post-Congress life might entail.
    In an interview with the Daily Herald published Wednesday, the congressman did not rule out a 2014 gubernatorial run as he suggested that "Democrats have ruined" the state of Illinois while weak Republican leadership has "allowed them to." He also left the door open to the interviewer's suggestion that he consider becoming a television pundit.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/08/joe-wals

    ROTFLMAO!!!

    • bobbert

      And Sam Wurzelburger is planning a run for Pope.

    • Negropolis

      Oh PLEASE run for governor of Illinois. PLEASE.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i heard him on bez yesterday (the joys of being unemployed!) and he also said he's considering chairman of the IL Reps.

      cause certainly they need to move more to the right.

      • Negropolis

        It's not even really moving more to the right. Joe Walsh is just a plain and utter dick on a personal level regardless of whatever position he takes on an issue.

  • Goonemeritus

    Hey Christie may have a few character flaws but you got to give him credit for being a true son of the Garden State. Two things that everyone from Jersey knows is what is their exit number and who has juice. Let’s face it Mitt was all talk and no Town Car.

  • Misty Malarky

    Christie got back.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT: I just took a look at my drunken piteous posts of election night. Is it wrong to take pleasure from being so wrong?

    • BadKitty904

      No. No, it's not. :0)

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Just a random thought, but between this election and the SCOTUS ruling on health care back in June, this has been a pretty shitty year for the Republicans. What other turds are there in the punchbowl? Perhaps a Children's Treasury post would be cool.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    In the great green room in his 12 million dollars beach house
    there was a teleprompt
    and a red balloon
    and a picture of…
    the naked cowboy jumping over the moon
    And there were five young Mormons talking to empty chairs

    And two little kittens And a pair of mittens
    And a little toy house And a young Cuban Senator
    And a commie and a chubby Governor and a bowl full of hash
    And a quiet old lady who was whispering "Rush"

    Goodnight kittens and Goodnight Ann Barbie and Mittens.

  • bloggingbalkanistan

    OT: http://youtu.be/pBK2rfZt32g Obama addresses staff

    • BadKitty904

      Nice. Very, very *nice*. :0)

      • bloggingbalkanistan

        You know, even if Obama had lost the election, he probably would have been just have classy & grateful to his staff.

    • mille derps

      I guess David Axelrod must've been wearing an onion on his belt, as used to be the fashion.

      It even had me tearing up a bit…

    • viennawoods13

      Damn, I love this man.

  • LibrarianX

    Kudos to Governor Christie for doing your job, but Mr. President? Seriously – you can do better.

  • EllenStranger

    I dunno. That was quite the political hit. I'm thinking a spherical sort of Nucky Thompson.

  • sati_demise

    oh gad, what a tub o' lard. can he even find his private bits under all that?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    This is a perfect time for Christie and what-passes-for-moderate Repubs to engineer a complete split in their party. The nut jobs want to drive off the cliff going more conservative; time to jump off the bus and let them. It wouldn't take much for a Pro-Rape-Life-War-Job Creation party to form up and leave the Republicans if Limbaugh and Karl Rove can make money off it. Christie is sneaky enough to have thought about it.

  • Sassomatic

    They had crushes on each other the whole time! I knew one day these two would get together.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    And Obama is saying, "Stick with me, and I'll introduce you to the Boss."

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Okay. A heads- up for everybody.
    I just got word from U.N. HQ that starting next week your local trash pickup and recycling services will be dropping off 300 gallon sky blue containers
    http://www.smgov.net/uploadedImages/Departments/P

    at all residences [with logo of course] . Everyone is asked [sic] to put all their guns and ammunition in these containers for pick-up. If you think you might need a larger container, please call 202-863-8500 [former RNC ] and request one.
    http://www.ci.irving.tx.us/solid-waste-services/i

    Your co-operation is appreciated.

  • Negropolis

    Their bitter, bitter tears…they sustain me. More, MORE.

    I love the smell of imploding right-wing political parties in the morning; it smells like freedom.

    I think we're going to need a bigger copter, though.

  • Negropolis

    You know what gets me? I keep hearing that Republicans from the base up to the highest peaks of the party didn't see this coming. This absolutely blows my mind. Usually, any base is shocked at a loss, but we're hearing that Romney hadn't even written a concession speech and his staff was "shellshocked". They really are insane. I mean, for as much as we though Kerry had a great chance of winning, we also knew that it was possible that he could lose. Most challengers always realize they have a chance at not unseating an incumbent, which is why this complete denial of the polls by the GOP has taken be aback, a bit.

    • viennawoods13

      Well, and the whole no concession speech thing just goes to show that these people didn't watch West Wing. They shoulda listened to Toby

      • BerkeleyBear

        Well, Josh took it to another level in season 7 – I think they wound up with 8 different flavors of victory/concession before they were done.

        • viennawoods13

          I thought was Janeane Garafalo. Josh was too busy with Donna on Erection- ahem, Election Day.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      to be fair, the power of prayer isn't as strong as nate silver's witchery.

      (but yeah, me too. that's the most shocking part of this election. stunning. and not at all reassuring…)

      • Negropolis

        What with all of his gah and blah magic, and all.

        I mean, I knew we we were dealing with folks whose straircases stopped halfway up the groundfloor, but it's still pretty shocking to witness it when it happens.

    • bikerlaureate

      Well, the Hoarse White Prophet did have the most incompetent campaign staff EVAR (or the most traitorously subversive).

      • NellCote71

        Perfectly capped off with the President-elect Romney transition team website. Delusion isn't just a river in Egypt.

    • bobbert

      Dude, it was THEIR TIME, doncha know?

      • Negropolis

        It's always their time…except when it's not, poor bastards.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      Their entire business model is based on denial of reality / wishful thinking / what Orwell called "collective solipsism". It just crashed.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Imagine Karl Rove is a stripper and his donors are a bunch of dudes at a strip joint. Does Karl the stripper tell his donors to get the fuck out of the champagne room while their wallets are wide open?

      Rove didn't get rich by being stupid. He played those donors like a piano because he knows more about politics than they do.

      • Negropolis

        I still don't get it. He worked way harder than he had to. Karl whored himself before he even had to in your analogy. Not that I'm complaining, but a smart operative would have offered hope that Romney could pull it out, not an assurance so ridiculous that it's not to be believed. But, I guess he calculated that the people he was speaking too were dumber than him, so he sold them the moon and threw Pluto on for free.

    • BadKitty904

      I'm seeing a lot of chatter on this online: Was Rove in it to win or to make a profit?

      • Negropolis

        They were talking about this on Morning Joe, today. David Frum made very clear that there are some cons and hucksters out there, and someone on the panel pressed him to name one – impying Rover – and he said that there were more than he could count.

        The few intelligent Republicans left know that the Music Man just came through town. Too bad that no one said shit for the GOP when it mattered. The GOP is a fucking mess with a strange mix of genuine as hell ideologues, corporatists funders, and snake-oils salespeople who will say anything for their personal bottomline. It is probably not even accurate to call it a party; it's a fascist cult with sycophants around the edges.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Yeah, insane. Even Willard was reportedly "shell shocked." So no one on his staff could read polls? Nate Silver wasn't the only one forecasting an unlikely Mitt win, so were many other political scientists.

      • Negropolis

        Even Republican-as-hell Rasmussen Reports had got it back down to a 1 or 2 point race in the last few days. In fact, in the last few weeks, only Ras and Gallup had Romney up by anything over two points, and even other Republicans were saying that those two were outliers. I could understand if Romney had consistently led in the last month or two, but he never did. It just goes to show the total disconnect from reality.

      • AutomaticPilot

        See, there's the trouble right there: "scientists."

  • mosjef

    Governor Crisco is launching a line of swim trunks made from a circus tent.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Nice suit, Chris. Is that a Saville Row?"
      "No. Omar the Tent Maker."

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i have had the most delightful evening catching up on the day's butthurt and the wonketteria's commentary.

    seriously, this post-election season is like christmas, my birthday and opening night all roled into one and i hope it never ends.

  • 102415

    Christie, now give us back the damn tunnel you owe us.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      Hate to say it, since I agree with your critique, but it may have been a boon that work on that tunnel had not begun prior to 12 feet of storm surge…

      • 102415

        *sigh*Okay, too soon.
        But I did get into one today and went to Brooklyn and came back again.

  • Pancho Villa

    Why email when a quick txt would do just fine.

  • BadKitty904

    DAY THREE: Still no black helicopters or FEMA stormtroopers in sight…

  • viennawoods13

    Ot, but I just watched Jon's Wednesday night show. It is hard to decide whom I love more, Jon or Obama. DAMN what a take-down of Fucks News.

  • James Michael Curley

    Lament not o ye Wonketteers fearing a long aimless trek through the non Presidential News Wilderness.

    Marco (Polo) Rubio is here to save us.
    Marco Rubio headed to Iowa. Has 2016 already started?

    • Negropolis

      And, lo! A swarthy Cuban came from the South, riding an abandoned Austrian Warmblood with much purpose to the amberfields of a mystical, white northland called Iowa…

    • BadKitty904

      Speaking as a native Floridano, I'm told that Rubi-con has *plenty* of skeletons still neatly tucked waaaay in the back of his closet. If he runs, it should get real…interesting.

      • Negropolis

        What kind of skeletons? Like, fabulous skeletons, or skeletons with dubious ethics?

        • James Michael Curley

          Skeletons that once had large handfuls of cash – including one story about him being the bag man for the "Brooks Brothers Riot".

          • 102415

            Ah, that's what I was trying to remember.

  • YerMa

    Ya know… any time I have a moment of feeling bad for taking such JOY in their misery, some asshole starts with the fucking "lazy people want free shit" meme they're running with.

    FUCK them.

    The invigorated frothing hate and contempt for the poor (especially minorities) has gotten worse since Tuesday and they've gone totally off the rails. I can't wrap my head around it, especially when people who claim to follow Christ are such narcissistic, hateful assholes who genuinely seem to want poor people to suffer and die. It's insane. And I agree with the Rude Pundit who said:

    "Let's kick these fuckers while they're down. Let's degrade them and mock them for not understanding that voters actually give a damn about the nation, unlike the Republican Party. Let's make them feel every ache, every lump, because if we don't, they are going to attempt, again and again, to get up and gut us, like every cliched serial killer in every cheap straight-to-video bullshit flick. You don't walk away when the murderer just looks dead. You cut off his head so that you know he is."

  • Mahousu

    This is almost too much Schaden for Freude:

    Mitt Romney’s staffers reportedly got an unpleasant shock directly after learning their candidate did not, as expected, win the election on Tuesday night and snag the role of President — one disgruntled campaigner from the Romney’s team said campaign staff credit cards were canceled before they could even pay for their sad cab rides home.
    http://www.inquisitr.com/392404/romney-cuts-credi

    • BadKitty904

      Who loves ya, baby?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, it be Friday now. This has been one of the most wonderful weeks in recent memory, going back at least to the Supreme's Obamacare decision; hell, maybe even back to November 2008.

    But if this "Walking on Sunshine" earworm doesn't leave my head soon, I may lose my mind.

  • James Michael Curley

    Ran into one of those slightly clueless Republican operatives in town on election day who was proclaiming that the high turnout signaled a Romney win based on her sampling of one polling district in one ward in one town that had only 380 voters in it and at an hour before closing only 155 had turned out. As I explained that to her, since I try to be kind to the intellectually disadvantaged, her return response was that if Obama wins its because Christie blew it with meeting with Obama after Hurricane Sandy. I guess she took her over extended lunch hour to watch Fox News as I understand they started this mantra on election day.

  • neiltheblaze

    Why are all the headlines on the main page suddenly written in Klingon?

  • halfmoon01

    Chris Christie looks so desperate here!

  • ttommyunger

    Fortunately, no one (including Chris) has been able to locate Chiritie's dick in years, so it's all platonic.

  • larrykat

    I'm starting to wonder what kind of a fucking genius Christie really is… I mean think about all of this in relation to 2016. This guy might be our time's Lex Luthor or something.