NO HOMO  5:03 pm November 8, 2012

Unchastened Chris Christie Continues To Make Sweet Gay Love To Barack Obama

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

brokebackWhat did Chris Christie tell Barack Obama, while they canoodled on the phone for seemingly hours? “You hang up.” “No, you hang up.” “You hang up first,” they both repeated fucking endlessly, until they fell asleep with their Blackberries cradled under their drooling, open mouths. And what did he tell Mitt Romney?

Nothing. He sent him an email.

This has been your five-o’clock Schadenfreude.

[Bloomberg]

 
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{ 286 comments }

Loch_Nessosaur November 8, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Seems the Repubbies can't get away from Stench fast enough.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 6:28 pm

It takes a big man to admit he could use a little government help.

But usually not THAT big.

nounverb911 November 8, 2012 at 5:05 pm

When does Fox news start with the Chris Christie (D)?

tihond November 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Only if he gets indicted.

SorosBot November 8, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Eric Dondero just unfriended Christie on Facebook.

nounverb911 November 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Christie just banned Dondero from New Jersey.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm

So it's a win-win.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 6:09 pm

BIG win for Jersey.

Cleopatriot November 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm

How long will it take for Dondi to notice I'm following him on Twitter and block me? I keep retweeting stuff about what an asshole Romney is, but it's like he doesn't know I'm there.

Redgyal November 8, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Classic!

ElPinche November 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Eric just took a shit on the Drumthwacket lawn.

shelwood46 November 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I hope he zapped himself on a downed wire.

ElPinche November 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm

He's a conservative so he probably enjoyed the 5000 V ass play.

ButthurtWingers2012 November 8, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Was that his last act before he begins his one man 'revolution'? haha…what a fucking mustachioed loon…

OzoneTom November 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I heard that they had a three-way with someone named Sandy.

SmutBoffin November 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHBLAAAAARRRGHHHAHAHAHAHAHA

weejee November 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Blow jobs for all?

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm

It sucked.

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Make sure to bring extra batteries for your vibrator, the power's still out in some places.

starfanglednut November 8, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Hi z, you around? One of my birdies is in the hospital and it doesnt look good. I can hardly stand it.

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Here I am, sweetpea. Tell me all about it. Wut's up? (Hugs you)

Spurning Beer November 8, 2012 at 10:54 pm

That story turned out to be erroneous. "Sandy" was short for "Sandwiches."

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

OMG! Oh no, he din't! I've gotta call Blanche and tell her, and swear her to secrecy…

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:16 pm

So, I says to Mable, I says…

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Hmm. Christie is obviously smarter than he looks. Or sounds.

iburl November 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Or eats

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Srsly, I'm wondering how long this will last. Is he fer rilz? Is this a calculated move to the center? If so, he can forget securing the Republican nomination for president…

docterry6973 November 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Once you go black…

Fare la Volpe November 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

And Christie always loved him some Soul Food.

Redgyal November 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

He's Sicilian?

bobbert November 8, 2012 at 9:20 pm

And, evidently, every other kind of Food.

RomneysLogCabin November 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm

No need to guess who is the Twink or Bear.

Chet Kincaid_ November 8, 2012 at 7:15 pm

…you're bosom buddies with Obama until the power comes back on and the gas prices/lines go down.

Mumbletypeg November 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

fap fap fap fap fap fap

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

If you're imitating his arm wattles, I believe it's spelled flap flap flap flap flap flap

Jus_Wonderin November 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Won't that cause a Tsunami somewhere in Micronesia?

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Or a hurricane on Mars.

boskolives November 8, 2012 at 8:56 pm

With Barbara Walters, I believe it's spelled fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap

FlownOver November 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm

The Power of the Boss – it's fuckin' awesome!

smokefilledroommate November 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Christie always wanted to be one of the cool kids.

PuckStopsHere November 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

It's okay. Romney got even. Mittens un-friended him on FB.

kittensdontlie November 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I guess 'Facebook Friends Forever' doesn't mean anything anymore.

Crank_Tango November 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm

But first, he posted a crazy, passive aggressive rant about how he thought governors were supposed to stick together and shit, but some fatasses like the boss too much. It was pretty embarrassing.

ChrisM2011 November 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Obama likes'em curvalicious!

Designer_Rants November 8, 2012 at 5:48 pm

At what point do you go from "curvalicious" to "time and space have warped to singularity and light cannot escape"?

ChrisM2011 November 8, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Like the Falcon, Obama is trapped by Christie's Death Star like gravitational pull.

MosesInvests November 8, 2012 at 8:26 pm

That's no moon….

boskolives November 8, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I sense a disturbance in the farts….

ManchuCandidate November 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Ebony and Mayonnaise go together in perfect harmony…

JadedPreppy November 8, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Pie-vory, also!

Mumbletypeg November 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Chris Christie
has fallen
in love and he
can't get up!

FlipFlopFuck November 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

How would he know if he can't get it up?
He hasn't seen his junk in like ten years.

ButthurtWingers2012 November 8, 2012 at 9:43 pm

true…they once had an episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" trying to locate Christy's junk…Robert Stack just couldn't fucking find it and gave up. Leonard Nimoy is convening a "History's Mysteries" search for it…but once that search turns up nothing, Geraldo is going to use drills and explosives ala Al Capone's vault. Eventually it'll be declared likely dead and missing like Jimmy Hoffa forcing Christy to appear on an episode of "American Justice" talking about the saga of how he ate his dick to death.

Ryy November 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Christie and Obama should be a crime solving buddy team: Barry and the Fatman!

ChillBill November 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm

"This has been your five-o’clock Schadenfreude. "

It's been "Schadenfreude" every hour, every minute and every second since last Tuesday around 10PM EST.

kittensdontlie November 8, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Mittenfreude is a dish best served cold.

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 6:02 pm

There's so much Schaden, we don't want any of it to go unFreuded. Waste not, want not.

cousinitt November 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I love that pic. It's got a kind of laying on of the hands vibe going like St. O is about to cast the demon out of Christie and heal his soul.

smokefilledroommate November 8, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Barry should start with unclogging his arteries.

boskolives November 8, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Bingo!

iburl November 8, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Out demon of Gluttony! Out demon of pride! Out demon of Greed! Out demon of Wrath! Out demon of cutting teacher pay! Out demon of being a gigantic fat self-centered asshole that yells at people, but is still somehow able to seem appealing to folks because sometimes he also yells at stupid wingnuts as well!

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm

When's the part where the supplicant's face gets slapped? OUT!!!

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Barry has his SrsFace "I'm lisnin" on.

HRH_Maddie November 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Obama: Whatcha thinkin' about?
Christie: Ham

CrunchyKnee November 8, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Well played, sir or ma'am. Well played.

bobbert November 8, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Okay, that made me laff.

Redgyal November 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Wonkette should do a blingee ontest for this. Remember those? Good old days.

smokefilledroommate November 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm
natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 8, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Snoop *and* the dancing cat? Very well done.

Redgyal November 8, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Thank you for that. I will make it my screen saver.

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Love the kittens on Obama's shoulder. And you didn't forget The Biebs.

BoroPrimorac November 9, 2012 at 12:15 am

Keep in it real. That shit was pretty funny.

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Niiiiice.

StillGoinGreen November 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

peed meself a little! Good job Maddie!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

*still laughing*

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Dang. Y'all are on a roll today. Victory suits y'all, apparently.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Damnit. Now you've gone and made me hungry.

Disassembly November 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Executive Order #13629: Bruce Springsteen must go on a national Republican-hugging tour.

Blueb4sinrise November 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Send them t-shirts!!!!!!!!!!

Designer_Rants November 8, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Put them all in some large dome!!!!!!!

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Cue soundtrack:

Mad about the boy,
I know it's stupid to be mad about the boy,
I'm so ashamed of it, but must admit the sleepless nights I've had,
About the boy…

(I don't know how to do the little musical-notes thingies on here)

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:13 pm

In a pinch:

o/~

viennawoods13 November 8, 2012 at 5:16 pm

♪♫ I copied and pasted them from someone, passing them on.

bobbert November 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

♪ alt – 13
♫ alt – 14

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:18 pm

♪ Jeez, that works!

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 6:37 pm

¡£ ¡¢

I must be doin it rong :(

Dudleydidwrong November 8, 2012 at 10:10 pm

♪ You have to use the number pad, not the number keys at the top of the keyboard. If you use a laptop like I do, you have to Function F11, then Alt 13 and Alt 14 will work: ♪ ♫

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Thank y'all!!!

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I keep this bookmarked for quick-snark reference. http://www.tedmontgomery.com/tutorial/altchrc.htm

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Sweet!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Obama should appoint Christie to the position of Secretary of Sammiches.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Good idea.

That is if the Dept of Sammitches mission is to ERADICATE all sammiches.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I'm sure the Republicans would love that, because it put women back to work. "Bitch, make me a sammich" would be an acceptable and formal request of that department.

elviouslyqueer November 8, 2012 at 5:13 pm

And there goes any curiosity I might have had about chubby porn.

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:18 pm

And my Bamz is NOT a chaser, dammit.

Dr_Zoidberg November 8, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Oh, no, we all chase him. Damn you, Michelle, for getting there first!

calliecallie November 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Christie and Obama, sitting in a tree
Kay Eye Ess Ess Eye, yi yi…
Christie broke the branch.

boskolives November 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

No need to ask who's going to be the top, I guess, also.

RedStatePinko November 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

You better be right, otherwise it's Brokeback Prez'nt.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm

The Secret Service will insist

PsycWench November 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Worst slash fiction pic ever.

Callyson November 8, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Shit, a Christie – Rubio ticket just might have a chance.

Then again, that probably means the wingnuts won't have the brains to pick it, so I think we're still OK.

Also–Governor, I have a voicemail from Michelle: something along the lines of "bitch, please"…

Jerri November 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

That is exactly what I told my husband yesterday! "Mark my words, it'll be a Christie/Rubio 2016 GOP ticket. MARK THEM!" I said.

Luckily, I was really tired and hungover so if I'm wrong I'll have a (lame) excuse to weasel out of that declaration.

bobbert November 8, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I'm not so sure. A lot will depend on how things go in Jersey during the next couple of years. And Rubio is gonna have to actually DO something to offset the whole "Well, my folks didn't exactly flee Castro" thing.

Jerri November 9, 2012 at 9:19 am

That's true. It is mercifully a long way off after all.

horsedreamer_1 November 8, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I am thinking the race to replace LAMEDUCK Obama already began with Rmoney's concession. Too, I have Jon Cornyn, Sam Brownback, Terry Branstead, Jindal, Nathan Deal, Bob Corker, Mitch Daniels, Rick Snyder, & Jeff Flake as likely to appear at a Reagan Library forum sometime around Presidents Day 2013. (Of those, I think Brownback, Jindal, Corker, Daniels, & Snyder are the only ones likely to get traction.) &, let's not forget, a darkhorse: I see Ted Cruz doing the Iowa dinner party circuit even before he's sworn in as Senator. He's Cuban, like Rubio, but won in a state where most Latinos are other than Cuban. So, bonus.

… &, sure, Cruz 2016 would bring with it as much federal experience as Obama 2008, but, y' know, Republican. So, OK.

Redgyal November 9, 2012 at 8:46 am

Cruz is a good idea. Two things to look for however. First, how many Latinos are willing to vote against their own interests? Just like other ignoring groups they don't tolerate fakes. Second, how will the image of a Latino president play on a national scale right after an African American president? My guess is that there will be some Americans who will see that as "they're taking over" and vote against him. Because in some minds the whole minority wining the election thing was an accident. To that end, the Democratic party has a better chance running another minority candidate than the Republican Party. It fits their image.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I really thinkg Rubio is damaged goods, even before his name was brought up during the GOP primaries as a possible VP pick.

102415 November 9, 2012 at 1:53 am

Doesn't he have some kind of money stealing problem?

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 2:57 am

Yes, the man is a walking ethics violation from what I've heard. Can't seem to keep his hands out the cookie jar.

widestanceromance November 8, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Couple names:
Charack
Brisama
Chrobama
Chrussein

Yeah, this comment's going nowhere fast. Sorry, folks. [update: oh, wow, thanks folks]

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Kirok?

kittensdontlie November 8, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Chamz?

rickmaci November 8, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Chrisbama

DahBoner November 8, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Chrobama sounds all googley.

UW8316154 November 8, 2012 at 6:07 pm

T-Bamz

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm

"Obis."

(pronounced oh-BEESE)

TootsStansbury November 8, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Bammiches?

MissTaken November 8, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Mayor Bloomberg was forced to sit in a chair sipping his tiny soda while Christie and Obama canoodled.

SorosBot November 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

And then he sent out the NYPD to beat up some hippies and felt better.

Mumbletypeg November 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I'll never hear the words "I have a *crush* on Obama!" the same way again after this.

PugglesRule November 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Chill, dude, it's just a bromance.

Mumbletypeg November 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

"Bromance with 'benefits' "

kittensdontlie November 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

♫ They say that breaking up is hard to do… ♫♪

widestanceromance November 8, 2012 at 5:27 pm

In this case, prying Barry from the depths of CC's folds would be. . .difficult to do (I just can't use the word hard in this post)

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Not if Christie gets to be on top.

hagajim November 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Gov. Sammiches better not let Michelle see his big ol' ass – she'll put him to work on the jumping jacks post-haste.

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Because it needs to be said:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6JCCayPG7k

Geminisunmars November 8, 2012 at 5:44 pm

That was a nice little afternoon interlude.

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 6:46 pm

(Air-smacks the Gem's hand)

Tangled sin tax November 8, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I saw Hair staged in Australia when on R&R from Vietnam. They lost the audience when they had the Julie Andrews clone singing "The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Bullshit". Ya don't mess with Julie's image Down Under. There was a big explosion on the stage (deliberate) that turned me into a molten glob of adrenalin for a few seconds. Don't remember much else from the play.

Blueb4sinrise November 8, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Apparently Rick Scott of FLA. wuz jealous, so he gave the EV's to Bamz.

ElPinche November 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Doesn't Bamz get the counts for the popular vote too( 52% vs 48% )? Just to make the whiners saying "he barely won!!" to STFU.

SorosBot November 8, 2012 at 5:39 pm

But in 2004, 50-48, 286-251 in the electoral college, was a huge mandate!

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 6:47 pm

OMFG. What's the count? Holy quacking duckshit.

widestanceromance November 8, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Bringing him up to a fine 332 vs 206.

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 6:47 pm

(faints dead away) thunk!!

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Christie's Secretary: Governor Christie, Mr Romney is on line two.
Christie: Romney who?

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Obama's Dick So Big it makes Christie look like the After shot in a Weight Watchers ad.

gullywompr November 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Is that Christie in that pic? I thought it was just Obama fapping…

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Right now, hon, 'Bama's dick's so big it needs it's own solar system. Fuck me blind. He got >330 EVs.

(faints again)

Nothingisamiss November 8, 2012 at 6:52 pm

No shit, I've been meaning to start that thread up again all day.

(I guess I can't get the Obama big dick thing out of my mind.)

starfanglednut November 8, 2012 at 9:30 pm

What about some MDSL (Mitttens Dick So Little)?

I'll start. MDSL, he uses it to pick his teeth.

Nothingisamiss November 8, 2012 at 6:53 pm

ODSB it's unafraid to go head to head with Chris Christie.

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

ODSB it has it's own gravitational field.

mayor_quimby November 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm

ODSB it can't bee observed directly, you can only infer it's presence by the things that wobble when passing nearby.
Thanks for restarting this thread, I was on empty the other day and didn't have any ideas!

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:45 am

ODSB, that, GOP, please consult with your party physician if symptoms last for more than "four more years!"

UnholyMoses November 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Chris best be a bottom—I'd hate for Obama to be suffocated.

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

As a junior high school girl, I actually did that. Was on the phone with my friend (real phone, with a cord, back in the dark ages) and we both somehow fell asleep with the phones beside our heads and then we woke up and we were like, "You awake?" "Yeah, you?" And we continued our conversation.

gullywompr November 8, 2012 at 5:26 pm

And today our kids have webcams.

How do you sleep now?

OneDollarJuana November 8, 2012 at 5:57 pm

It's not as exciting as you think. Ever see Sleep by Andy Warhol?

gullywompr November 8, 2012 at 6:00 pm

No, sorry.

mayor_quimby November 8, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I always pass out after fapping on chatroulette.

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm

It was adorable! Today we are all 13 y.o. girls on the phone for hours.

/no texties

Jus_Wonderin November 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I always got wound up in that 50 foot cord that always tangled into a massive ball at the telephone alcove.

ETA: Alvacado, btw.

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Oh, avocado phones. To match the appliances.

StillGoinGreen November 8, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I stopped reading your post at "I actually did that" and tried to imagine which of the two, teen Barry or teen Pork Chop, would have met the approval of the Porcine Aviatrix.

SayItWithWookies November 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Mitt's not worried — after his fuckin' disaster of a campaign he knows he's due for some sweet FEMA relief soon too.

ElPinche November 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I find it funny that the GOP shat all over Christie while barely scolding the rape nuts.

GeorgiaBurning November 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Memo says they lost because they didn't back the rape nuts enough. When you live in opposite world…

Crank_Tango November 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm

And telling. Cuz what hurt the party more, actually looking like adults in a crisis, or insane, rapey misogynists. Pandering to the base I guess.

MacRaith November 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm

The definition of a heretic is "somebody who thinks almost exactly the same way you do, whom you must kill."

Christie is a heretic to the GOP. The rape nuts, on the other hand, are perfectly in line with conservative orthodoxy.

outragedcitizen November 9, 2012 at 8:46 am

It's about appeasing the base, Man. The old, white, greedy, bigoted, racist base.

Jus_Wonderin November 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Now why would I have a sudden craving for sausage?

CindynEncinitas November 8, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Hold it right there! Take that sausage, wrap it in a waffle, and deep fry it. Then put some syrup and powdered sugar on it and serve it with an 8-piece bucket, extra crispy, and a large Papa John's meat lover's. That will bring him running!

MissTaken November 8, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Christie's 'unscewed pole'?

bobbert November 8, 2012 at 9:49 pm

You need a reason to have craving for sausage?

Slim_Pickins November 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Chris Christie, the only Republican smart enough to not run for President, this cycle.

Weenus299 November 8, 2012 at 5:27 pm

The Big Fella starts losing weight, you know he's in for 2016.

Come here a minute November 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Or cancer. Probably cancer.

CindynEncinitas November 8, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Nah, meng. He's going to run against Liz Warren. Five bucks on it right now. No points.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Great! Worked pretty well for Huckabee.

Pithaughn November 8, 2012 at 8:05 pm

So Obama care covers lap bands?

moseyon November 8, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I think that is a work in progress.That's what Romney told him why he didn't pick him for VP.
So I reckon he has a lap band. He has dropped weight already.

Schmannnity November 8, 2012 at 5:27 pm

When does Michelle take control of Christie's diet?

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Why, when we put all of the conservatives into FEMA camps, of course. That's still on, right? Just waiting for the formal orders.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Christie should remember the old saw: Boys never make passes at boys with fat asses.

widestanceromance November 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm

"You're not fat, Chris, you just have big skin."

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm
BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that has now been shared with all my buds. Thanx!

MissTaken November 8, 2012 at 5:43 pm

hehe!

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Have mercy! That's awesome.

TootsStansbury November 8, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Love it!

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Oh, that's gud. That's real gud.

UW8316154 November 8, 2012 at 10:32 pm

kkkkkkkkkkkk

StillGoinGreen November 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Obama: "What's up?"
Christie: "These pinstripes up my ass!! Mind if I borrow Tow Truck One?"

starfanglednut November 8, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Tow Truck One. Ftw.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Maybe that is the secret to Obama's second term. He just has to get the Republicans on his side, one sloppy gay romp at a time?

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 5:42 pm

*instantly considers switching parties*

weejee November 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Shameless BadKitty, just shameless. And wonderful, too, also.

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Hey, it's not *my* fault the POTUS also happens to be a studmuffin uber-daddy! ;0)~

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Talk about taking one for the team. Just imagining him with Eric Cantor has scared my brain. He'd whine the entire tim.

sullivanst November 8, 2012 at 5:45 pm

[re: tooltip]

No, not broke, but plenty of issues from carrying all that weight.

notreelyhelping November 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm

And, in slow motion, they walked together along the shattered boardwalk as Guns'n'Roses' cover of "Knockin' on Heaven's Doors" wailed. Fade to black.

rickmaci November 8, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I think I read on DeadBreitbart.com that Bam sent him a case of the special White House IPA. Really. It was on the webz.

DemmeFatale November 8, 2012 at 5:59 pm

OT:
In case your Freuden isn't Schadened enough: http://whitepeoplemourningromney.tumblr.com/page/

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 6:06 pm

What a remarkably…"pink"…crowd.

Lazy Media November 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Oh, I'm going straight to hell for giggling uncontrollably at those sad folks.

starfanglednut November 8, 2012 at 9:40 pm

You'll have lots of company.

TootsStansbury November 8, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I particularly like the Arian Kidz.

finallyhappy November 8, 2012 at 7:24 pm

How about the Teen of the Corn with the "Romn" on her forehead?

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Dude got 15 grand for getting the RR logo painted on his head? I wish he had got 150K and had it tattooed.

jello_mold November 9, 2012 at 12:10 am

That's not a face painting…

Dashboard Buddha November 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm

The first picture: I just hope my tax dollars didn't go to pay for that moocher hag's wheelchair.

Dashboard Buddha November 8, 2012 at 7:30 pm

"No words…none at all"

Then what the fuck are you doing on twitter, assface?

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm

My favorite exchange:

Facebook User: Our country has lost all its morals.

Haleigh Hoffman: Honey, those went out the window a long time ago. Barack yo body, girl!!

Facebook User: That's disgusting.

Bwahahahahahaha!! Which one of you is Haleigh Hoffman? lol

BTW, the trees weren't the right height.

viennawoods13 November 8, 2012 at 11:00 pm

That was beautiful… beautiful … (dabs a tear from eye)

BerkeleyBear November 9, 2012 at 12:10 am

I couldn't find any minorities even in the background of those shots. And so much stupid in the various tweets/im/snippets.

mrblifil November 9, 2012 at 8:56 am

Genius.

decentcitizen November 8, 2012 at 6:16 pm

The wingnuts may be blaming Christie now but after a good pout they'll make up. Who else are they gonna run in 2016? He's the best of their weak field, and he's a major asshole.

CindynEncinitas November 8, 2012 at 6:21 pm

What a palate cleanser! I'm getting kind of tired of the cavalcade of butthurt. Have a bucket of sorbet on me, Christie! Hearts to you and your bff Prez Bammerz! Now if we could just get some news on Reindeer Guy, mentioned by Wonkette BFF Rachel last night. Looking forward to tracking that guy's demise, which I am sure is just around the corner!

JohnnyQuick November 8, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Whatever has happened to Davey and Chuck Koch's Great Wide Hope?

Beowoof November 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm

From his size I bet he swallows.

coolhandnuke November 8, 2012 at 6:30 pm

The wingnutosphere is ripe with so much delicious butthurt today, I believe I grew a five-o’clock Schadenfreude.

Pat_Pending November 8, 2012 at 6:34 pm

y'know, I used to call myself Cassandra Schadenfreude. Not only do I predict the future and say "I TOLD YOU SO" afterward, I laugh in your stupid face for no extra charge.

Detesticle November 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I've been in a glorious stupor since about 10:15 p.m. Tuesday. Just coming out of the fog now. Did I miss anything?

starfanglednut November 8, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Nope, we're still gloating.

Detesticle November 8, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Good. I won't stop gloating until 2016. The schadenfreude is coasting in 2 billionth gear.

Callyson November 8, 2012 at 6:57 pm

OT alert–we may still have Deadbeat Dad to kick around:

ollowing his resounding defeat by Democrat Tammy Duckworth Tuesday, Tea Party-affiliated U.S. Rep. Joe Walsh (R-Ill.) is considering what his post-Congress life might entail.
In an interview with the Daily Herald published Wednesday, the congressman did not rule out a 2014 gubernatorial run as he suggested that "Democrats have ruined" the state of Illinois while weak Republican leadership has "allowed them to." He also left the door open to the interviewer's suggestion that he consider becoming a television pundit.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/08/joe-wals

ROTFLMAO!!!

bobbert November 8, 2012 at 9:53 pm

And Sam Wurzelburger is planning a run for Pope.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Oh PLEASE run for governor of Illinois. PLEASE.

fuflans November 8, 2012 at 11:15 pm

i heard him on bez yesterday (the joys of being unemployed!) and he also said he's considering chairman of the IL Reps.

cause certainly they need to move more to the right.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:46 am

It's not even really moving more to the right. Joe Walsh is just a plain and utter dick on a personal level regardless of whatever position he takes on an issue.

Goonemeritus November 8, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Hey Christie may have a few character flaws but you got to give him credit for being a true son of the Garden State. Two things that everyone from Jersey knows is what is their exit number and who has juice. Let’s face it Mitt was all talk and no Town Car.

Misty Malarky November 8, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Christie got back.

Dashboard Buddha November 8, 2012 at 7:42 pm

OT: I just took a look at my drunken piteous posts of election night. Is it wrong to take pleasure from being so wrong?

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 7:45 pm

No. No, it's not. :0)

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Just a random thought, but between this election and the SCOTUS ruling on health care back in June, this has been a pretty shitty year for the Republicans. What other turds are there in the punchbowl? Perhaps a Children's Treasury post would be cool.

BTWBFDIMHO November 8, 2012 at 7:56 pm

In the great green room in his 12 million dollars beach house
there was a teleprompt
and a red balloon
and a picture of…
the naked cowboy jumping over the moon
And there were five young Mormons talking to empty chairs

And two little kittens And a pair of mittens
And a little toy house And a young Cuban Senator
And a commie and a chubby Governor and a bowl full of hash
And a quiet old lady who was whispering "Rush"

Goodnight kittens and Goodnight Ann Barbie and Mittens.

bloggingbalkanistan November 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

OT: http://youtu.be/pBK2rfZt32g Obama addresses staff

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Nice. Very, very *nice*. :0)

bloggingbalkanistan November 8, 2012 at 9:44 pm

You know, even if Obama had lost the election, he probably would have been just have classy & grateful to his staff.

mille derps November 8, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I guess David Axelrod must've been wearing an onion on his belt, as used to be the fashion.

It even had me tearing up a bit…

viennawoods13 November 8, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Damn, I love this man.

LibrarianX November 8, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Kudos to Governor Christie for doing your job, but Mr. President? Seriously – you can do better.

EllenStranger November 8, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I dunno. That was quite the political hit. I'm thinking a spherical sort of Nucky Thompson.

sati_demise November 8, 2012 at 8:50 pm

oh gad, what a tub o' lard. can he even find his private bits under all that?

GeorgiaBurning November 8, 2012 at 9:00 pm

This is a perfect time for Christie and what-passes-for-moderate Repubs to engineer a complete split in their party. The nut jobs want to drive off the cliff going more conservative; time to jump off the bus and let them. It wouldn't take much for a Pro-Rape-Life-War-Job Creation party to form up and leave the Republicans if Limbaugh and Karl Rove can make money off it. Christie is sneaky enough to have thought about it.

Sassomatic November 8, 2012 at 9:33 pm

They had crushes on each other the whole time! I knew one day these two would get together.

Ground Zero Mostel November 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm

And Obama is saying, "Stick with me, and I'll introduce you to the Boss."

Blueb4sinrise November 8, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Okay. A heads- up for everybody.
I just got word from U.N. HQ that starting next week your local trash pickup and recycling services will be dropping off 300 gallon sky blue containers
http://www.smgov.net/uploadedImages/Departments/P

at all residences [with logo of course] . Everyone is asked [sic] to put all their guns and ammunition in these containers for pick-up. If you think you might need a larger container, please call 202-863-8500 [former RNC ] and request one.
http://www.ci.irving.tx.us/solid-waste-services/i

Your co-operation is appreciated.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Their bitter, bitter tears…they sustain me. More, MORE.

I love the smell of imploding right-wing political parties in the morning; it smells like freedom.

I think we're going to need a bigger copter, though.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:42 pm

You know what gets me? I keep hearing that Republicans from the base up to the highest peaks of the party didn't see this coming. This absolutely blows my mind. Usually, any base is shocked at a loss, but we're hearing that Romney hadn't even written a concession speech and his staff was "shellshocked". They really are insane. I mean, for as much as we though Kerry had a great chance of winning, we also knew that it was possible that he could lose. Most challengers always realize they have a chance at not unseating an incumbent, which is why this complete denial of the polls by the GOP has taken be aback, a bit.

viennawoods13 November 8, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Well, and the whole no concession speech thing just goes to show that these people didn't watch West Wing. They shoulda listened to Toby

BerkeleyBear November 8, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Well, Josh took it to another level in season 7 – I think they wound up with 8 different flavors of victory/concession before they were done.

viennawoods13 November 9, 2012 at 12:53 am

I thought was Janeane Garafalo. Josh was too busy with Donna on Erection- ahem, Election Day.

fuflans November 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm

to be fair, the power of prayer isn't as strong as nate silver's witchery.

(but yeah, me too. that's the most shocking part of this election. stunning. and not at all reassuring…)

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:49 am

What with all of his gah and blah magic, and all.

I mean, I knew we we were dealing with folks whose straircases stopped halfway up the groundfloor, but it's still pretty shocking to witness it when it happens.

bikerlaureate November 9, 2012 at 2:06 am

Well, the Hoarse White Prophet did have the most incompetent campaign staff EVAR (or the most traitorously subversive).

NellCote71 November 9, 2012 at 3:03 am

Perfectly capped off with the President-elect Romney transition team website. Delusion isn't just a river in Egypt.

bobbert November 9, 2012 at 2:31 am

Dude, it was THEIR TIME, doncha know?

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 2:56 am

It's always their time…except when it's not, poor bastards.

doloras November 9, 2012 at 2:31 am

Their entire business model is based on denial of reality / wishful thinking / what Orwell called "collective solipsism". It just crashed.

BoroPrimorac November 9, 2012 at 3:45 am

Imagine Karl Rove is a stripper and his donors are a bunch of dudes at a strip joint. Does Karl the stripper tell his donors to get the fuck out of the champagne room while their wallets are wide open?

Rove didn't get rich by being stupid. He played those donors like a piano because he knows more about politics than they do.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 7:14 am

I still don't get it. He worked way harder than he had to. Karl whored himself before he even had to in your analogy. Not that I'm complaining, but a smart operative would have offered hope that Romney could pull it out, not an assurance so ridiculous that it's not to be believed. But, I guess he calculated that the people he was speaking too were dumber than him, so he sold them the moon and threw Pluto on for free.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 7:18 am

I'm seeing a lot of chatter on this online: Was Rove in it to win or to make a profit?

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 8:09 am

They were talking about this on Morning Joe, today. David Frum made very clear that there are some cons and hucksters out there, and someone on the panel pressed him to name one – impying Rover – and he said that there were more than he could count.

The few intelligent Republicans left know that the Music Man just came through town. Too bad that no one said shit for the GOP when it mattered. The GOP is a fucking mess with a strange mix of genuine as hell ideologues, corporatists funders, and snake-oils salespeople who will say anything for their personal bottomline. It is probably not even accurate to call it a party; it's a fascist cult with sycophants around the edges.

BlueStateLibel November 9, 2012 at 7:55 am

Yeah, insane. Even Willard was reportedly "shell shocked." So no one on his staff could read polls? Nate Silver wasn't the only one forecasting an unlikely Mitt win, so were many other political scientists.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 8:04 am

Even Republican-as-hell Rasmussen Reports had got it back down to a 1 or 2 point race in the last few days. In fact, in the last few weeks, only Ras and Gallup had Romney up by anything over two points, and even other Republicans were saying that those two were outliers. I could understand if Romney had consistently led in the last month or two, but he never did. It just goes to show the total disconnect from reality.

AutomaticPilot November 9, 2012 at 8:44 am

See, there's the trouble right there: "scientists."

mosjef November 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Governor Crisco is launching a line of swim trunks made from a circus tent.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 7:40 am

"Nice suit, Chris. Is that a Saville Row?"
"No. Omar the Tent Maker."

fuflans November 9, 2012 at 12:07 am

i have had the most delightful evening catching up on the day's butthurt and the wonketteria's commentary.

seriously, this post-election season is like christmas, my birthday and opening night all roled into one and i hope it never ends.

102415 November 9, 2012 at 1:59 am

Christie, now give us back the damn tunnel you owe us.

mrblifil November 9, 2012 at 8:58 am

Hate to say it, since I agree with your critique, but it may have been a boon that work on that tunnel had not begun prior to 12 feet of storm surge…

102415 November 9, 2012 at 7:47 pm

*sigh*Okay, too soon.
But I did get into one today and went to Brooklyn and came back again.

Pancho Villa November 9, 2012 at 6:15 am

Why email when a quick txt would do just fine.

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 7:00 am

DAY THREE: Still no black helicopters or FEMA stormtroopers in sight…

viennawoods13 November 9, 2012 at 7:14 am

Ot, but I just watched Jon's Wednesday night show. It is hard to decide whom I love more, Jon or Obama. DAMN what a take-down of Fucks News.

James Michael Curley November 9, 2012 at 7:23 am

Lament not o ye Wonketteers fearing a long aimless trek through the non Presidential News Wilderness.

Marco (Polo) Rubio is here to save us.
Marco Rubio headed to Iowa. Has 2016 already started?

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 8:15 am

And, lo! A swarthy Cuban came from the South, riding an abandoned Austrian Warmblood with much purpose to the amberfields of a mystical, white northland called Iowa…

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 8:30 am

Speaking as a native Floridano, I'm told that Rubi-con has *plenty* of skeletons still neatly tucked waaaay in the back of his closet. If he runs, it should get real…interesting.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 8:43 am

What kind of skeletons? Like, fabulous skeletons, or skeletons with dubious ethics?

James Michael Curley November 9, 2012 at 8:46 am

Skeletons that once had large handfuls of cash – including one story about him being the bag man for the "Brooks Brothers Riot".

102415 November 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Ah, that's what I was trying to remember.

YerMa November 9, 2012 at 7:51 am

Ya know… any time I have a moment of feeling bad for taking such JOY in their misery, some asshole starts with the fucking "lazy people want free shit" meme they're running with.

FUCK them.

The invigorated frothing hate and contempt for the poor (especially minorities) has gotten worse since Tuesday and they've gone totally off the rails. I can't wrap my head around it, especially when people who claim to follow Christ are such narcissistic, hateful assholes who genuinely seem to want poor people to suffer and die. It's insane. And I agree with the Rude Pundit who said:

"Let's kick these fuckers while they're down. Let's degrade them and mock them for not understanding that voters actually give a damn about the nation, unlike the Republican Party. Let's make them feel every ache, every lump, because if we don't, they are going to attempt, again and again, to get up and gut us, like every cliched serial killer in every cheap straight-to-video bullshit flick. You don't walk away when the murderer just looks dead. You cut off his head so that you know he is."

Mahousu November 9, 2012 at 8:03 am

This is almost too much Schaden for Freude:

Mitt Romney’s staffers reportedly got an unpleasant shock directly after learning their candidate did not, as expected, win the election on Tuesday night and snag the role of President — one disgruntled campaigner from the Romney’s team said campaign staff credit cards were canceled before they could even pay for their sad cab rides home.
http://www.inquisitr.com/392404/romney-cuts-credi

BadKitty904 November 9, 2012 at 8:26 am

Who loves ya, baby?

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2012 at 8:18 am

Well, it be Friday now. This has been one of the most wonderful weeks in recent memory, going back at least to the Supreme's Obamacare decision; hell, maybe even back to November 2008.

But if this "Walking on Sunshine" earworm doesn't leave my head soon, I may lose my mind.

James Michael Curley November 9, 2012 at 8:43 am

Ran into one of those slightly clueless Republican operatives in town on election day who was proclaiming that the high turnout signaled a Romney win based on her sampling of one polling district in one ward in one town that had only 380 voters in it and at an hour before closing only 155 had turned out. As I explained that to her, since I try to be kind to the intellectually disadvantaged, her return response was that if Obama wins its because Christie blew it with meeting with Obama after Hurricane Sandy. I guess she took her over extended lunch hour to watch Fox News as I understand they started this mantra on election day.

neiltheblaze November 9, 2012 at 8:44 am

Why are all the headlines on the main page suddenly written in Klingon?

halfmoon01 November 9, 2012 at 10:32 am

Chris Christie looks so desperate here!

ttommyunger November 9, 2012 at 10:38 am

Fortunately, no one (including Chris) has been able to locate Chiritie's dick in years, so it's all platonic.

larrykat November 9, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I'm starting to wonder what kind of a fucking genius Christie really is… I mean think about all of this in relation to 2016. This guy might be our time's Lex Luthor or something.

weejee November 8, 2012 at 6:16 pm

And the color of the average Fox News viewer yesterday morn?

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