I DREAMED A DREAM  4:10 pm November 8, 2012

Hero Boss Fires 22 Employees, For America And Patriotism

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Have you met Mme. Guillotine? Well, David Siegel, whom people jumped all over just because he plagiarized a hilarious chain letter and threatened to fire all his employees if B. Barry Bamz won the ‘lection, in favor of holing up in his 5000 room mansion, has changed his tune and will not be firing all his employees to make a point about Socialism. Instead, he gave them raises, like a total pussy! Luckily, another real American stepped into the breach to fire 22 people because he’s a vulgar poutmonster who didn’t get his way he is a patriot.

Please to do all the transcribing for us, CBS:

“I explained to them a month ago that if Obama gets in office that the regulations for Obamacare are gonna hurt our business, and I’m gonna have to make provisions to make sure I have enough money to cover the payroll taxes, the additional health care I’m gonna have to do, and I explained that to them and I said you do what you feel like in your heart you need to do, but I’m just letting you know as a warning this is things I have to think of as a business owner.

“Well unfortunately, and most of my employees are Hispanic — I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees — well unfortunately we know what happened and I can’t wait around anymore, I have to be proactive. I had to lay off 22 people today to make sure that my business is gonna thrive and I’m gonna be around for years to come. I have to build up that nest egg now for the taxes and regulations that are coming my way. Elections do have consequences, but so do choices. A choice you make every day has consequences and you know what, I’ve always put my employees first, but unfortunately today I have to put me and my family first, and you watch what’s gonna happen. I’m just one guy with 114 employees — well was 114 employees — watch what happens in the next six months. The Dow alone lost 314 points today. There’s a tsunami coming and if you didn’t think this election had consequences, just wait.”

Whew, that was a lot of transcribing! Thanks!

When His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney encouraged business owners to tell their serfs how to vote — that, like prima noctis, is a business lord’s right — we’re sure he didn’t mean for said business owners to actually fire their workers if the Kenyan won? Because that’s the kind of thing The Rabble tends to take poorly. Just ask Sarah Palin, noted historian of the French Revolution!

[CBS]

 

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{ 217 comments }

Not_So_Much November 8, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I never understood the "First!1!!" thing. Really baffling with them competing to see who can be the first douchecannon.

YouBetcha November 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

So he fired people because he's an idiot who doesn't know how to run a business? Classy guy. Also, dumb as fuck.

miss_grundy November 8, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I hope the twenty-two employees get really good attorneys who will drag this douchebag through the mud. Then let's see what the idiot will do.

Cleopatriot November 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees…

Drug lord. And I'm surprised there are employee benefits in that sort of business.

RedneckMuslin November 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm

They could just be rolling cigars. Cuban.

James Michael Curley November 8, 2012 at 5:02 pm

On the thighs of virgins.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:27 pm

He runs a baseball team?

JustPixelz November 8, 2012 at 4:36 pm

They have a great non-prescription plan.

Jus_Wonderin November 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Lawn Care? Sombero Making?

Hey douche, use all the monies you saved, to date, NOT paying any benefits for your 114 employees.

MacRaith November 8, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Yes, he laid off 22 lawn care workers at the beginning of winter. Sure, it was about Obamacare, dude. Never mind that you did exactly the same thing last winter, and will hire all of them back in the spring.

BerkeleyBear November 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Or construction (which would be my guess). Wanna bet that his workers aren't all fully documented, either?

Terry November 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Sweat shop, maybe

Callyson November 8, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Sweatshop. And while I don't know the laws in Nevada, but he might be required by law to offer benefits.

And he's an asshole, also, too.

tessiee November 8, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I figured landscaping, because most of the landscaping guys in Portland appear to be Hispanic; in which case, he would have been pretty much shutting his business down for the winter anyway.

CindynEncinitas November 8, 2012 at 6:39 pm

So this guy has just ruined 22 desperate housewives' winters in a fit of pique. What a dick.

zumpie November 8, 2012 at 7:44 pm

tessiee, let's not forget how EVERY time a Dem wins an election the Oregonian is filled with wingnut trolls talking about how they'll now be shuttering their super successful business, laying off 100 full time, loyal employees (cause nothing says "awesome boss" like one who throws a temper tantrum!) and moving to Western Wingnut Nirvana (though possibly not for all that much longer), Arizona.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I dunno … the lawncare business in AZ is, shall we say, drying up.

zumpie November 9, 2012 at 11:11 pm

True dat. Plus today's whiners seem to have found a new promised land: Idaho!

CindynEncinitas November 8, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I hope it's not anything more mission critical than, say, making Beanie Babies. Otherwise, there's some fucked up shit going on up in there.

zippy_w_pinhead November 8, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I'm guessing it's the people who stand on the strip and pass out those tacky little porno cards and flyers

GregComlish November 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Arriba! Arriba! *bang* *bang* Andale!

kyeshinka November 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Job "creator."

OzoneTom November 8, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Job Crater.

FlipFlopFuck November 8, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Job Cremator.

Designer_Rants November 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Jerb Orator

bureaucrap November 8, 2012 at 5:59 pm

The job creater giveth, the Job creator taketh away. Blessed be the name of the job creator.

HogeyeGrex November 8, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Job cockbag.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:21 am

I hope that shitty-assed Orwellian term died along with the Romney campaign's dreams.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Right after they called the election for Obama Tuesday night, I too was going to fire all (well, 'both' would be more accurate) my employees, but mostly just because they ate all the pizza and drank all the beer at our election night party we had onsite.

Then I remembered that I'm a 'Job Creator,' so I went out and bought another pizza and a half rack of IPA.

deanbooth November 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I hope you didn't go to Papa Johns — their pizzas are now 19 cents more, because of FREEDOM.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 5:58 pm

No. Papa Murphys. And yeah, all their employees are high schoolers making minimum wage ($9.20/hr in socialist Warshington State).

Still, they get even more free pizza than my workers :)

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Is minimum wage up to $9.20 an hour here? (Praise Jeebus.)

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2012 at 10:43 pm

In my state, Papa Murphy takes FOOD STAMPS. How's that for tasty soshalizm?! (The Irish know about hunger and its relationship to carbohydrates.)

Jus_Wonderin November 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm

You hiring?

elviouslyqueer November 8, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Um, line forms behind me.

Dashboard Buddha November 8, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Can…can I come work for you?

CindynEncinitas November 8, 2012 at 6:34 pm

If it was Stone, I would work for you for scale. And beer. Okay, just the beer.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I had some Stone IPA at the source (their fancy brewery and beer garden in Escondido) last summer and that was some damn fine stuff on tap. Then I did a horizontal taste test with that and Ninkasi and Pyramid Thunderhead (in bottles) and Stone came in third. Still pretty good.

starfanglednut November 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Can I come work for you?

nounverb911 November 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Paging Madame LaFarge! Paging Madame LaFarge!

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:22 am

I heard the blades a'callin', they're whirling 'round the bend…

SorosBot November 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

This comment has been deleted by the job creator.

nounverb911 November 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm

"This job creator has been deleted by the deleted."

Tommy1733 November 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Help wanted: Comment deleter needed at political/sex website. Must be Hispanic.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm

This comment was deleted in order to give the new Hispanic comment deleter something to do

chicken_thief November 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Can I has Obamacare Health benefits?

~ Senor Guadeloupe Chicken_Thief

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

This job creator was deleted by an even bigger job creator

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 8, 2012 at 4:36 pm

That job creator will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Generation[redacted] November 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

The job creator in charge of sacking the previous job creator, has also been sacked.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 8, 2012 at 7:07 pm

This comment was created by a jobless comment creator.

SigDeFlyinMonky November 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Well, we find you patronizing so we won't be patronizing you. Rationality takes a holiday.

OneYieldRegular November 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Choices have consequences. Also.

nounverb911 November 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I bet he'll be the first to yell where's FEMA when his house blows away in a hurricane.

MissTaken November 8, 2012 at 4:22 pm

He's in Vegas, so no hurricanes. But you know he whines and complains about needing more water from Hoover Dam to water his lawn in the desert.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The Messicans can form a bucket brigade

CommieLibunatic November 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I dunno, I don't like the sound of Tropical Storm "Fuck the West Coast, They Have it Too Easy."

larrykat November 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm

A brown hurricane I hope.

Crank_Tango November 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Too bad he built that eyesore out of concrete.

ETA oops, I was thinking of that other douchebag, who built the concrete "versailles."

MissTaken November 8, 2012 at 5:45 pm

It may be him! Although I think he was in Florida. But he did have a shitton of timeshares in LV, too.

YouBetcha November 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Which wingnut Las Vegas employer has a business large enough to lay off 22 people and still operate? HOLY SHIT IT'S SHELDON ADELSON. Karl Rove betta watch his back.

Beowoof November 8, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Karl may have just won himself a place in line at the unemployment office. Rumor is that many billionaires are pissed their investment in politics went south on Tuesday.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I was sort of wondering if Mitt might have to go into a Mittness protection program.

*Ba-donk.* I'll be here all night. Try the veal. Etc.

SayItWithWookies November 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I’ve always put my employees first, but unfortunately today I have to put me and my family first, and you watch what’s gonna happen.

Why do I suspect that even long before this idiot laid off 22 of his employees that they probably didn't think he's the saint he thinks he is?

Golfing_OJ November 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I know why he's pissed. Me and Thugz and our homes Intelligent-Wize were in his district, just cold votin' all over the place! We'd go in and out of the polling place, just votin' and votin', stall by stall, and terrorized all the dudes with the teabags hangin' off their AARP baseball caps, like, "Hey, y'all gonna make me lose my mind, up in here!"

We owned the joint.

tessiee November 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Also, standing at parade rest.

HRH_Maddie November 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm

It's just like the Donald always says "You're FIRED!…because I'm a spiteful, miserable, impotent bastard"

edgydrifter November 8, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Anonymous caller won't identify his own company but wants to bitch/brag about all the valued employees/worthless illegals he fired because of something something HUSSEIN NOBUMMER. Yeah, OK. I'm pretty sure kicking people from your guild doesn't count as "firing employees."

HogeyeGrex November 8, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Burger King cashier posting from mom's basement says what?

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 4:19 pm

You say you want a revolution?

kyeshinka November 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The Freepers do, once they figure out how to mount a gun onto a Hoverround.

DCBloom November 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm

We all want to change the world

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm

They better free their minds instead.

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make it with anyone anyhow.

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm

The Revolution will not be televised.

weejee November 8, 2012 at 4:20 pm

But firing is such a Trumped-up thing to do. He should have honored Willard's history and shipped his employees to Manchuria. In pet boxes stuffed in deck cargo containers, obvs.

Blueb4sinrise November 8, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Liar.

tracyhasfun November 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm

My first thought. My second was "cocksucker."

HogeyeGrex November 8, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I'll go with "lying cocksucker."

And not in the good way.

elviouslyqueer November 8, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Way to stimulate the economy, shithole.

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2012 at 10:46 pm

And the best part … he demands to remain anonymous. I'm going to make it my business to unmask this criminal so I don't accidentally patronize his business the next time I'm in Las Vegas.

Goonemeritus November 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I'm calling bullshit!

Tommy1733 November 8, 2012 at 4:29 pm

What, you're implying that suddenly the right wing might be littered with amoral liars?

synykyl November 8, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Me too. I posted the exact same thing below before I saw your comment ;-)

Goonemeritus November 8, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Look there are plenty of right wing business owners, even some that think this way but few that have that many employees that are that frivolous. As a business guy I can tell you staffing is connected to one thing and one thing only- the labor required to meet customer orders. If you take a 20% “haircut” with the same backlog you are going to have some very pissed customers.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Idiot should take a business class. 22 fewer Mexicans = 88 fewer lawns getting mowed every day at $50 a lawn = almost $90,000 less a month in gross revenue.

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Well, aren't most of the lawns in Vegas actually concrete slabs painted green? All they really need is a broom or maybe a garden hose/scrub brush.

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:30 pm

More like an (ugh) two cycle gas powered leaf blower.

Beowoof November 8, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Hey my house in Vegas has an 8×10 lawn that I will now have to use a push mower on.

SheriffJoeBiden November 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm

So, this guy was carrying 22 non-essential employees on his payroll? 20% of his staff owed their jobs solely to the goodness of this patriot's heart? What a generous Job Creator is he! I am sorry I voted against his Freedoms.

kittensdontlie November 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm

New and Improved Republicans, there's 20% more patriotism with every sound bite!

smashedinhat November 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Yeah, like all those changes came into effect 24 hours ago. Fucker.

CrunchyKnee November 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I'm sure that he actually pays his "mostly Hispanic" workers a living wage with great benefits and the like. Ummm, yeah.

Loch_Nessosaur November 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

So the blood of these 22 people rest upon the 61 million people who voted for Bamz. What a dick.

Veritas78 November 8, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I dunno—small price to pay, when you think about it. It's not like he shot them or anything.

gullywompr November 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

At long last, they have no shame.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Well unfortunately, and most of my employees are Hispanic — I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees — well unfortunately we know what happened and I can’t wait around anymore, I have to be proactive.

As I commented in Wonkville, I see a DoL investigation in this jerk's future.

It would be a pity if he was sent to a prison in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood, don't you think?

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I'm sure his fellow inmates would be happy to broaden his horizons.

elviouslyqueer November 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm

With votes!

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Well, there'd certainly be some polling taking place…

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 4:59 pm

For real. Here on a big local news blog (with a very liberal/pro-gay stance), there was a dude who constantly trolled the comments railing against gay marriage.

He claimed to be a "business owner" in some sort of property management, i.e. rental properties. At one point, he started saying that he was not going to rent properties to anyone who he thought was gay. People pointed out to him that he had, over time on the blog, revealed enough semi-identifying information (along with, you know, IP addresses if anyone cared to look), that someone could figure out who he was and, in fact, file a complaint with DSHS.

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Those who rail the hardest about teh gheys have the hardest rails for them?

Srsly, those who can't shut up about how "horrible" it is blows my mind. Oh yeah? What about bigotry?

Incitefully_Joe November 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm

There are two big issues that I see: One, that he seems to be implying that it's common for his industry, which suggests what you're driving at.

Two, there is literally no way that I see, that he didn't just say that he is literally firing people based on their race (even if he's using race as a proxy for their politics, THIS IS STILL PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS RACIAL DISCRIMINATION). Which is the sort of thing people get sued for, and lose badly, at least when they admit as much on the radio and then suddenly those remarks are everywhere on the Internet. "At-will work" states may be horrendous, but if you TOTALLY SAY that you are firing people based on race, gender, etc, you're still in hot water.

smokefilledroommate November 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm

He probably paid those employees minimum wage, so it wasn't like they had a job to begin with.

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm

And if he thinks we believe for a minute he buys them health insurance … What a dick.

WootInTarnation November 9, 2012 at 4:06 am

Word. I've run two businesses that size, successfully. My erstwhile-employees still like me: good pay, profit-sharing, fair treatment, insurance, training, etc. Employees are the people who make a business a success. It's not rocket science. (Oh yeah, we were profitable too.) Unless his employees are uninsured geese laying golden eggs, his company is not nearly big enough to support his "lifestyle choices." This guy is guilty of just what he projects on to his (most likely) underpaid workers: spending WAY outside of his budget.

I really feel for the employees who were laid off and have no doubt that he used the election as an excuse for seasonal lay-offs. But this guy was headed for failure anyway as a consequence of over-spending on his tacky nouveau lifestyle and treating his workers like shit (the lay-off threats alone suggest supreme douche-baggery). Bankruptcy and lawsuits were just a matter of time.

I really, really hope that his bankruptcy is hastened by the compensation he'll have to pay his "mostly hispanic" employees (stabby, stab stab) who were terminated without cause.

Texan_Bulldog November 8, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I hope his Hispanic workers voted a couple times each. What a dick.

gullywompr November 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Revenge-y.

PuckStopsHere November 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

He's gonna be super pissed when we come for his guns, too.

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Right. Is Lubbock secured yet?

Disassembly November 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

We must destroy this country to save it.

mrblifil November 8, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Joke's on him though because his company manufactured and sold "Dunk the Latino" machines, and so now he's irreparably harmed his brand!

frostbitefalls November 8, 2012 at 4:29 pm

What a schmuck!

MosesInvests November 8, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Putz is the term of art, here. Schmuck is kind of pitying-"poor dumb schmuck". Putz has more of the connotation that "dick" or "prick" have in English.

HarryButtle November 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Why is it that when the business does well, these guys want all the credit (I BUILT THAT)…but when there's a problem, it's always somebody else's fault (YOU BROKE THAT)?

MissTaken November 8, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I take it you have never had a job with a boss before?

synykyl November 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I call bullshit.

GeorgiaBurning November 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Probably afraid they'll find he's witholding FICA for some of his undocumenteds and not sending it to the Feds. Gotta love the comment that said the Pentagon rigged the vote.

emmelemm November 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Yes, because the Pentagon is so staunchly behind the President and exists to do his bidding. Sounds logical.

Dudleydidwrong November 8, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Don't read the comments following the article when you have just eaten. They'll gag a maggot.

chicken_thief November 8, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I thought they were pretty funny. Seems every one of them is either a small biz owner who will be reamed without Vasiline by Obummercare or a CPA who knows the precise impact of the legislation on each and every biz.

MosesInvests November 8, 2012 at 8:01 pm

I make it a practice to read comments only on Wonkette and a select few other blogs.

Beowoof November 8, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I do the same, my monitor is much less likely to have an accident.

OneYieldRegular November 8, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Somehow I get the feeling that these self-proclaimed Job Creators are really not very good at what they claim they can do.

GeorgiaBurning November 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm

That invisible hand of the market can slap hard

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

It'll also cut a bitch.

scorpy1 November 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I’ve always put my employees first, but unfortunately today I have to put me and my family first

Republicans; saving their businesses' needs by putting themselves first!

JustPixelz November 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

When Obama voters put themselves and their families first, Bill O'Reilly and his cohorts say they just want the government to give them things. Family values — like actual families — are many and varied.

Blueb4sinrise November 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I suggest that he file a grievance with the U.N.

smokefilledroommate November 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Or email the Queen.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I'm hoping his biggest competitor hires them, doubles his business and puts this jackass on the breadline.

And NOT with votes!

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Ya know, Bamz was RE-ELECTED (!) to the Presidency of the United States two days ago. Since that time, I've gone to school, changed a headlight on my truck, paid some bills, went on my morning run, gone to the mall to buy some boxers, did laundry, went grocery-shopping, and now I've got a meatloaf baking in the oven. Everything's looked pretty normal to me.

So when, *exactly*, is this magical, apocalyptic, socialist transformation of America supposed to take place? And what, *exactly*, is it supposed to consist of?

T3rbo November 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm

IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! LOOK OUT!!!

elviouslyqueer November 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Yes, but I see that you failed to buy a decent wine to go with your meatloaf. Thus, APOCALYPSE, Q.E.D.

HogeyeGrex November 8, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I was going to go with the lack of rubbing one out, but the wine works.

nonbeliever7 November 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm

The "magical, apocalyptic, socialist transformation of America" will mostly consist of delusional paranoid morans being delusional and paranoid and moranic.

So nothing new really.

CrunchyKnee November 8, 2012 at 4:36 pm

OT: I received my Wonket stickers in the US mail today! I put one on my lib'ral truck and the other on my skateboard. What a grand day.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I got mine too!

I was hoping for a used thong, but…

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I think those cost a little bit more.

Jus_Wonderin November 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

This reminds me of a Law & Order where the sexy, worn once panties of the cheerleader were actually a bunch of old birds running a pantizzee scheme.

Hey, I should have thought of this first!

elviouslyqueer November 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I just ordered my Commie Girl Collective tee *and* Whipped Kitten tote. I will be SUPERFANCY in the redneck wilds of Mississippi.

YOU'RE WELCOME, REBECCA, also, too, as well, goddammit.

FlownOver November 8, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Still waiting here for stickers, but at least my free sample Breathe-Rite™ Nasal Abuse Corrector arrived. Ms. Flown will sleep easier tonight.

Also still waiting for that promised bookplate from His Mathematical Holiness Nate Silver. You'd think the sumbitch could take the time to write his name.

Designer_Rants November 8, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Mee too! Actually, my wife called and was abnormally suspicious of my mail and asked to open the letter from Wonkette. Maybe Editrix sprayed perfume on the envelopes? Frisky.

fuflans November 8, 2012 at 11:58 pm

i put mine on my bra.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:29 am

lib'ral truck is an oxymoron.

Tangled sin tax November 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

Here in Wingnut West eastern Oregon I put my Obama bumper sticker right next to the disabled vet license on my truck, hoping to cause a "brain" meltdown amongst the Real 'Murkins. At least it hasn't been keyed yet.

JustPixelz November 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Now I'll bet he wishes he hadn't given $300,000,000 to Karl Rove.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees

So, he is running drugs for a Mexican Cartel?

Or is he providing lawn services for Mitt Romney?

bobbert November 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Possibly the folks that hand out the slut cards on the street.

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:15 pm

One time in Vegas, I was in the front seat of a cab and facetiously said to my buds in the back seat, "I wonder if there are any decent titty bars in Vegas." The Cambodian cab driver almost crushed my kneecap in his rush to open his glove compartment to shower me with free drink cards from a whole plethora of places and he said he would be glad to take me there, call Phong.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Well, Romney IS no longer running for President, for Pete's sake!

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Car Elevators R Us

DesertTed November 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

That's OK. I'll hire an extra 6200 workers and they'll be mostly Hispanics because I say I will. Just keep my name out of it, for obvious reasons.

magic_titty November 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"What an idiot! I fired my landscapers months ago!"

- M. Romney

BumbleKid November 8, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Yes it's a super huge bummer that Obama won by 22 votes. Thank you for punishing those responsible. You are a true American hero.

CommieLibunatic November 8, 2012 at 6:19 pm

something something we don't negotiate with terrorists?

Jerri November 8, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Today we are all this is things I have to think of as a business owner.

Crank_Tango November 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Did you know that Obamacare was written and passed by Obama himself, and that if he didn't get re-elected, it would not have taken effect? Cuz apparently, that's what some people believe.

DCBloom November 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Yep, I had a "libertarian" try to tell me that Obamacare was an executive order.

RemyLeHeaux November 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Isn't Obama the one trying to make sure the payroll tax holiday is extended? Do these people even read the paper? And how does shrinking your business make you a nest-egg… when those extra 22 employees should be making you more money if you have any kind of econmies of scale working and even a slim profit margin?

Sorry for lack of snark. This is just stupid.

deanbooth November 8, 2012 at 4:47 pm

those extra 22 employees should be making you more money

It's like a Catch 22.

James Michael Curley November 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

My employers health care program's costs are on a group basis. X employees cost $Y. 2X employees cost $Y. However 2X+A employees cost $2Y. How most plans work so I call bull shit.

Gleem McShineys November 8, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Dude, in the imaginary world where this guy owns a business, the rules are totally different. Also in that world, his superhero cape is totally awesome.

TootsStansbury November 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I thought this cold snap would have killed off all of the mosquitoes but I keep hearing a high pitched whining noise to my right. Weird.

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Upfist^100

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:31 am

WIN

mustangsavvy November 8, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Good luck being able to continue being in business after firing so many hard working people, ya dumb shit.

HRH_Maddie November 8, 2012 at 4:47 pm

YOU LIE!!! – Joe Wilson

cognachas4paws November 8, 2012 at 4:48 pm

If he can fire 22 of his employees all at once like that just because of an election, then his business was in trouble already – I'm guessing because of his lack of sound decision-making skills.

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 4:50 pm

And/or all of them were his relatives.

upthruster November 8, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"Well unfortunately, and most of my employees are Hispanic — I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees "

He's a Vegas businessman…. sounds like one of those housekeeping rackets we keep hearing about. Looks like what happens in Vegas is going to stay on the walls in Vegas.

I_P November 8, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Shenanigans. I don't believe this cocksocket for one second.

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 4:53 pm

He didn't even wait until the inauguration!?!?!

T3rbo November 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I do not get this guy's argument. It makes more sense when you re-word it: "I'm MAD, I found out that messicans voted for Obama, so, revenge!"

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2012 at 5:00 pm

"The Dow alone lost 314 points today."
Because everyone on Wall Street knows that we still have an obstructionist Congress.

MissTaken November 8, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Ding Ding Ding!

And Europe is still playing their austerity game extending their double-dip recession for a few more years.

SorosBot November 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Oh come on, making Greece cut spending yet again will surely work to fix their economy this time! Who cares if every cut so far has increased unemployment, decreasing revenue and ultimately made their deficit worse? This time it will surely happen!

rocktonsam November 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm

needs moar tax cuts

DahBoner November 8, 2012 at 5:00 pm

For all the advancements of the 21st Century, I'm afraid this is nothing that a good old-fashioned Parking Lot Beating won't fix…

Ground Zero Mostel November 8, 2012 at 5:01 pm

The irony is most of his employees are in the country illegally and don't actually vote.

Come here a minute November 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees

Why didn't he just say "cough LANDSCAPING cough".

synykyl November 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

It's a good thing this is bullshit, otherwise one of his fictitious employees might post the name of his business on the internet. For obvious reasons ;-)

Slim_Pickins November 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

In this case the messenger (Fox News) SHOULD be shot.

An_Outhouse November 8, 2012 at 5:34 pm

" I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have"

What business owner is embarassed to say what they do? He's a pimp? Drug dealer?

Gleem McShineys November 8, 2012 at 7:01 pm

He provides all the models that pose sleeping under sombreros for those ceramic statues.

glasspusher November 8, 2012 at 7:46 pm

You don't go into what company you want. You go into what company you have.

hijackthemic November 8, 2012 at 5:36 pm

His name and business should be printed so his being an asshole can have consequences too.

owhatever November 8, 2012 at 5:43 pm

He is so proud of his business and his decision that he remains anonymoose.

ibwilliamsi November 8, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I see lawsuits and jumpsuits in his future!

barto November 8, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"I’ve always put my employees first"

First against the wall, that is…

decentcitizen November 8, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Vegas is full of bullshitters. I know I've lived here for 13 years. This is just some jackwad pretending to be relevant by telling the nation, "SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:34 am

Vegas has always been strange, but it's getting even more strange now that it's growth is (relatively) stalled.

tessiee November 8, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Yeah, so?
They'll all just go on unemployment and get free phones, amirite?

AncienReggie November 8, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Anonymous? Is that the guy with the hat and mustache from that movie?

I hate to make fun of unskilled journalists, but the standard code for a nervous source is "name withheld" — not "anonymous." Anonymous in this context means just what it says–somebody called/wrote without revealing their name or anything else that could be reality-checked.

I call bullshit. Baby journalist got played.

tessiee November 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm

So, wait now… Is this guy a pendejo, or is he more like a cabron?

MosesInvests November 8, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Culo, I think.

Incitefully_Joe November 8, 2012 at 6:26 pm

You know what pisses me off the most? If this guy actually is a small business owner, Obama's re-election probably means that his actual small business will probably see lower taxes and a more beneficial regulatory scheme (most regulations actually help small businesses and inconvenience large ones, given the nature of competition and economies of scale) than otherwise.

The reason this pisses me off isn't that he's being a dick for wrong-headed reasons, but rather because he doesn't actually deserve any of that stuff, because he's just a dick, in general.

Can we petition the government to enact a "You're an asshole" tax?

Troubledog November 8, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I think lawn care companies generally reduce staff in the autumn, don't they?

glamourdammerung November 8, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Yeah, he is probably one of those billionaires that somehow manages to troll Yahoo stories for 18+ hours a day.

Dashboard Buddha November 8, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Ya'll know I'm a collection agent, right. It's cool though, it's just a temp gig for now. However, it does have some compensations. One of my fellow temps talked to a debtor and he said, and I quote, "since you people in the northeast love Obama so much I'm going to stop growing my business and just go and enjoy golf while I still can. To which my co-worker said, and I paraphrase, how can you grow your business when your so behind on your loan…and before you head to Pebble Beach could you at least make one payment?

GeorgiaBurning November 8, 2012 at 8:43 pm

his credit cards still work at the golf course?

HogeyeGrex November 8, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Wow.

What a cock.

Incitefully_Joe November 8, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Also I am trying to figure out what the fact that many of his employees are Hispanic has to do with anything and whether there is any way that wouldn't LITERALLY mean that he was firing people because of their racial background, which is the sort of thing that LITERALLY leaves him pretty open to being sued penniless.

But I'm coming up with nothing.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 12:36 am

The only reason I can even remotely think of as to why it was relevant to mention that was to strengthen his case that they were involved in Obama in victory, and thus even more worthy of being layed off.

Incitefully_Joe November 9, 2012 at 7:36 am

Right, but racial discrimination because of assumptions you make about the politics of members of a given race is so totally definitely still actionable racial discrimination that it's not even funny.

Negropolis November 9, 2012 at 8:01 am

Hey, who said he was smart? Obviously, this man is dumb as a box of rocks and/or straigh-up contriving a story.

LibrarianX November 8, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Herman Cain is drunk again.

Fluffy_Kitties November 8, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Isn't Collective Punishment outlawed by the Geneva Convention?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_punishmen

Sassomatic November 8, 2012 at 9:49 pm

If you have 22 more employees than you need, your business is shitty anyway. Either that or your customers will be under served. Jackass.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have

Why? Because it's a sweatshop where you pay them like indentured servants?

What a fucking dick, excuse my French.

gullywompr November 8, 2012 at 11:49 pm

He's in the "I'm too much of a pussy to say retarded shit on the record" business.

fuflans November 9, 2012 at 12:05 am

mr small business owner better hope to god the interwebs stay anonymous or he's going to be a very small business owner.

wapitiscat November 9, 2012 at 9:31 am

Ever notice how these rants are chock full of first-person singular pronouns?

ttommyunger November 9, 2012 at 10:34 am

This guy is either a world-class liar or a gold-plated asshole. No, wait! Rightards are usually both!

SolitaireRose November 9, 2012 at 11:11 am

"I won't tell you what business it is, but I employ a lot of Hispanics".

And this matters in what way…?

kangod59 November 9, 2012 at 11:13 am

What a douche nozzle!

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Mind you, mØØse bites kan be nasti creators

AddHomonym November 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm

¡CUIDADO! ¡LLAMA!

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