i dreamed a dream

Hero Boss Fires 22 Employees, For America And Patriotism

Have you met Mme. Guillotine? Well, David Siegel, whom people jumped all over just because he plagiarized a hilarious chain letter and threatened to fire all his employees if B. Barry Bamz won the ‘lection, in favor of holing up in his 5000 room mansion, has changed his tune and will not be firing all his employees to make a point about Socialism. Instead, he gave them raises, like a total pussy! Luckily, another real American stepped into the breach to fire 22 people because he’s a vulgar poutmonster who didn’t get his way he is a patriot.

Please to do all the transcribing for us, CBS:

“I explained to them a month ago that if Obama gets in office that the regulations for Obamacare are gonna hurt our business, and I’m gonna have to make provisions to make sure I have enough money to cover the payroll taxes, the additional health care I’m gonna have to do, and I explained that to them and I said you do what you feel like in your heart you need to do, but I’m just letting you know as a warning this is things I have to think of as a business owner.

“Well unfortunately, and most of my employees are Hispanic — I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees — well unfortunately we know what happened and I can’t wait around anymore, I have to be proactive. I had to lay off 22 people today to make sure that my business is gonna thrive and I’m gonna be around for years to come. I have to build up that nest egg now for the taxes and regulations that are coming my way. Elections do have consequences, but so do choices. A choice you make every day has consequences and you know what, I’ve always put my employees first, but unfortunately today I have to put me and my family first, and you watch what’s gonna happen. I’m just one guy with 114 employees — well was 114 employees — watch what happens in the next six months. The Dow alone lost 314 points today. There’s a tsunami coming and if you didn’t think this election had consequences, just wait.”

Whew, that was a lot of transcribing! Thanks!

When His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney encouraged business owners to tell their serfs how to vote — that, like prima noctis, is a business lord’s right — we’re sure he didn’t mean for said business owners to actually fire their workers if the Kenyan won? Because that’s the kind of thing The Rabble tends to take poorly. Just ask Sarah Palin, noted historian of the French Revolution!

[CBS]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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217 comments

  1. Not_So_Much

    I never understood the "First!1!!" thing. Really baffling with them competing to see who can be the first douchecannon.

  2. YouBetcha

    So he fired people because he's an idiot who doesn't know how to run a business? Classy guy. Also, dumb as fuck.

    1. miss_grundy

      I hope the twenty-two employees get really good attorneys who will drag this douchebag through the mud. Then let's see what the idiot will do.

  3. Cleopatriot

    I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees…

    Drug lord. And I'm surprised there are employee benefits in that sort of business.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Lawn Care? Sombero Making?

      Hey douche, use all the monies you saved, to date, NOT paying any benefits for your 114 employees.

      1. MacRaith

        Yes, he laid off 22 lawn care workers at the beginning of winter. Sure, it was about Obamacare, dude. Never mind that you did exactly the same thing last winter, and will hire all of them back in the spring.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Or construction (which would be my guess). Wanna bet that his workers aren't all fully documented, either?

    2. Callyson

      Sweatshop. And while I don't know the laws in Nevada, but he might be required by law to offer benefits.

      And he's an asshole, also, too.

    3. tessiee

      I figured landscaping, because most of the landscaping guys in Portland appear to be Hispanic; in which case, he would have been pretty much shutting his business down for the winter anyway.

      1. CindynEncinitas

        So this guy has just ruined 22 desperate housewives' winters in a fit of pique. What a dick.

      2. zumpie

        tessiee, let's not forget how EVERY time a Dem wins an election the Oregonian is filled with wingnut trolls talking about how they'll now be shuttering their super successful business, laying off 100 full time, loyal employees (cause nothing says "awesome boss" like one who throws a temper tantrum!) and moving to Western Wingnut Nirvana (though possibly not for all that much longer), Arizona.

    4. CindynEncinitas

      I hope it's not anything more mission critical than, say, making Beanie Babies. Otherwise, there's some fucked up shit going on up in there.

    5. zippy_w_pinhead

      I'm guessing it's the people who stand on the strip and pass out those tacky little porno cards and flyers

  4. Lascauxcaveman

    Right after they called the election for Obama Tuesday night, I too was going to fire all (well, 'both' would be more accurate) my employees, but mostly just because they ate all the pizza and drank all the beer at our election night party we had onsite.

    Then I remembered that I'm a 'Job Creator,' so I went out and bought another pizza and a half rack of IPA.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        No. Papa Murphys. And yeah, all their employees are high schoolers making minimum wage ($9.20/hr in socialist Warshington State).

        Still, they get even more free pizza than my workers :)

        1. Jukesgrrl

          In my state, Papa Murphy takes FOOD STAMPS. How's that for tasty soshalizm?! (The Irish know about hunger and its relationship to carbohydrates.)

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I had some Stone IPA at the source (their fancy brewery and beer garden in Escondido) last summer and that was some damn fine stuff on tap. Then I did a horizontal taste test with that and Ninkasi and Pyramid Thunderhead (in bottles) and Stone came in third. Still pretty good.

  5. SigDeFlyinMonky

    Well, we find you patronizing so we won't be patronizing you. Rationality takes a holiday.

    1. MissTaken

      He's in Vegas, so no hurricanes. But you know he whines and complains about needing more water from Hoover Dam to water his lawn in the desert.

      1. CommieLibunatic

        I dunno, I don't like the sound of Tropical Storm "Fuck the West Coast, They Have it Too Easy."

    2. Crank_Tango

      Too bad he built that eyesore out of concrete.

      ETA oops, I was thinking of that other douchebag, who built the concrete "versailles."

      1. MissTaken

        It may be him! Although I think he was in Florida. But he did have a shitton of timeshares in LV, too.

  6. YouBetcha

    Which wingnut Las Vegas employer has a business large enough to lay off 22 people and still operate? HOLY SHIT IT'S SHELDON ADELSON. Karl Rove betta watch his back.

    1. Beowoof

      Karl may have just won himself a place in line at the unemployment office. Rumor is that many billionaires are pissed their investment in politics went south on Tuesday.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I was sort of wondering if Mitt might have to go into a Mittness protection program.

        *Ba-donk.* I'll be here all night. Try the veal. Etc.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    I’ve always put my employees first, but unfortunately today I have to put me and my family first, and you watch what’s gonna happen.

    Why do I suspect that even long before this idiot laid off 22 of his employees that they probably didn't think he's the saint he thinks he is?

  8. Golfing_OJ

    I know why he's pissed. Me and Thugz and our homes Intelligent-Wize were in his district, just cold votin' all over the place! We'd go in and out of the polling place, just votin' and votin', stall by stall, and terrorized all the dudes with the teabags hangin' off their AARP baseball caps, like, "Hey, y'all gonna make me lose my mind, up in here!"

    We owned the joint.

  9. HRH_Maddie

    It's just like the Donald always says "You're FIRED!…because I'm a spiteful, miserable, impotent bastard"

  10. edgydrifter

    Anonymous caller won't identify his own company but wants to bitch/brag about all the valued employees/worthless illegals he fired because of something something HUSSEIN NOBUMMER. Yeah, OK. I'm pretty sure kicking people from your guild doesn't count as "firing employees."

  11. weejee

    But firing is such a Trumped-up thing to do. He should have honored Willard's history and shipped his employees to Manchuria. In pet boxes stuffed in deck cargo containers, obvs.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      And the best part … he demands to remain anonymous. I'm going to make it my business to unmask this criminal so I don't accidentally patronize his business the next time I'm in Las Vegas.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Look there are plenty of right wing business owners, even some that think this way but few that have that many employees that are that frivolous. As a business guy I can tell you staffing is connected to one thing and one thing only- the labor required to meet customer orders. If you take a 20% “haircut” with the same backlog you are going to have some very pissed customers.

  12. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Idiot should take a business class. 22 fewer Mexicans = 88 fewer lawns getting mowed every day at $50 a lawn = almost $90,000 less a month in gross revenue.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, aren't most of the lawns in Vegas actually concrete slabs painted green? All they really need is a broom or maybe a garden hose/scrub brush.

  13. SheriffJoeBiden

    So, this guy was carrying 22 non-essential employees on his payroll? 20% of his staff owed their jobs solely to the goodness of this patriot's heart? What a generous Job Creator is he! I am sorry I voted against his Freedoms.

  14. CrunchyKnee

    I'm sure that he actually pays his "mostly Hispanic" workers a living wage with great benefits and the like. Ummm, yeah.

  15. Loch_Nessosaur

    So the blood of these 22 people rest upon the 61 million people who voted for Bamz. What a dick.

  16. actor212

    Well unfortunately, and most of my employees are Hispanic — I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees — well unfortunately we know what happened and I can’t wait around anymore, I have to be proactive.

    As I commented in Wonkville, I see a DoL investigation in this jerk's future.

    It would be a pity if he was sent to a prison in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood, don't you think?

    1. emmelemm

      For real. Here on a big local news blog (with a very liberal/pro-gay stance), there was a dude who constantly trolled the comments railing against gay marriage.

      He claimed to be a "business owner" in some sort of property management, i.e. rental properties. At one point, he started saying that he was not going to rent properties to anyone who he thought was gay. People pointed out to him that he had, over time on the blog, revealed enough semi-identifying information (along with, you know, IP addresses if anyone cared to look), that someone could figure out who he was and, in fact, file a complaint with DSHS.

      1. glasspusher

        Those who rail the hardest about teh gheys have the hardest rails for them?

        Srsly, those who can't shut up about how "horrible" it is blows my mind. Oh yeah? What about bigotry?

    2. Incitefully_Joe

      There are two big issues that I see: One, that he seems to be implying that it's common for his industry, which suggests what you're driving at.

      Two, there is literally no way that I see, that he didn't just say that he is literally firing people based on their race (even if he's using race as a proxy for their politics, THIS IS STILL PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS RACIAL DISCRIMINATION). Which is the sort of thing people get sued for, and lose badly, at least when they admit as much on the radio and then suddenly those remarks are everywhere on the Internet. "At-will work" states may be horrendous, but if you TOTALLY SAY that you are firing people based on race, gender, etc, you're still in hot water.

    1. WootInTarnation

      Word. I've run two businesses that size, successfully. My erstwhile-employees still like me: good pay, profit-sharing, fair treatment, insurance, training, etc. Employees are the people who make a business a success. It's not rocket science. (Oh yeah, we were profitable too.) Unless his employees are uninsured geese laying golden eggs, his company is not nearly big enough to support his "lifestyle choices." This guy is guilty of just what he projects on to his (most likely) underpaid workers: spending WAY outside of his budget.

      I really feel for the employees who were laid off and have no doubt that he used the election as an excuse for seasonal lay-offs. But this guy was headed for failure anyway as a consequence of over-spending on his tacky nouveau lifestyle and treating his workers like shit (the lay-off threats alone suggest supreme douche-baggery). Bankruptcy and lawsuits were just a matter of time.

      I really, really hope that his bankruptcy is hastened by the compensation he'll have to pay his "mostly hispanic" employees (stabby, stab stab) who were terminated without cause.

    1. MosesInvests

      Putz is the term of art, here. Schmuck is kind of pitying-"poor dumb schmuck". Putz has more of the connotation that "dick" or "prick" have in English.

  17. HarryButtle

    Why is it that when the business does well, these guys want all the credit (I BUILT THAT)…but when there's a problem, it's always somebody else's fault (YOU BROKE THAT)?

  18. GeorgiaBurning

    Probably afraid they'll find he's witholding FICA for some of his undocumenteds and not sending it to the Feds. Gotta love the comment that said the Pentagon rigged the vote.

    1. emmelemm

      Yes, because the Pentagon is so staunchly behind the President and exists to do his bidding. Sounds logical.

  19. Dudleydidwrong

    Don't read the comments following the article when you have just eaten. They'll gag a maggot.

    1. chicken_thief

      I thought they were pretty funny. Seems every one of them is either a small biz owner who will be reamed without Vasiline by Obummercare or a CPA who knows the precise impact of the legislation on each and every biz.

  20. OneYieldRegular

    Somehow I get the feeling that these self-proclaimed Job Creators are really not very good at what they claim they can do.

  21. scorpy1

    I’ve always put my employees first, but unfortunately today I have to put me and my family first

    Republicans; saving their businesses' needs by putting themselves first!

    1. JustPixelz

      When Obama voters put themselves and their families first, Bill O'Reilly and his cohorts say they just want the government to give them things. Family values — like actual families — are many and varied.

  22. BadKitty904

    Ya know, Bamz was RE-ELECTED (!) to the Presidency of the United States two days ago. Since that time, I've gone to school, changed a headlight on my truck, paid some bills, went on my morning run, gone to the mall to buy some boxers, did laundry, went grocery-shopping, and now I've got a meatloaf baking in the oven. Everything's looked pretty normal to me.

    So when, *exactly*, is this magical, apocalyptic, socialist transformation of America supposed to take place? And what, *exactly*, is it supposed to consist of?

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Yes, but I see that you failed to buy a decent wine to go with your meatloaf. Thus, APOCALYPSE, Q.E.D.

    2. nonbeliever7

      The "magical, apocalyptic, socialist transformation of America" will mostly consist of delusional paranoid morans being delusional and paranoid and moranic.

      So nothing new really.

  23. CrunchyKnee

    OT: I received my Wonket stickers in the US mail today! I put one on my lib'ral truck and the other on my skateboard. What a grand day.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          This reminds me of a Law & Order where the sexy, worn once panties of the cheerleader were actually a bunch of old birds running a pantizzee scheme.

          Hey, I should have thought of this first!

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I just ordered my Commie Girl Collective tee *and* Whipped Kitten tote. I will be SUPERFANCY in the redneck wilds of Mississippi.

      YOU'RE WELCOME, REBECCA, also, too, as well, goddammit.

    2. FlownOver

      Still waiting here for stickers, but at least my free sample Breathe-Rite™ Nasal Abuse Corrector arrived. Ms. Flown will sleep easier tonight.

      Also still waiting for that promised bookplate from His Mathematical Holiness Nate Silver. You'd think the sumbitch could take the time to write his name.

    3. Designer_Rants

      Mee too! Actually, my wife called and was abnormally suspicious of my mail and asked to open the letter from Wonkette. Maybe Editrix sprayed perfume on the envelopes? Frisky.

      1. Tangled sin tax

        Here in Wingnut West eastern Oregon I put my Obama bumper sticker right next to the disabled vet license on my truck, hoping to cause a "brain" meltdown amongst the Real 'Murkins. At least it hasn't been keyed yet.

  24. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees

    So, he is running drugs for a Mexican Cartel?

    Or is he providing lawn services for Mitt Romney?

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        One time in Vegas, I was in the front seat of a cab and facetiously said to my buds in the back seat, "I wonder if there are any decent titty bars in Vegas." The Cambodian cab driver almost crushed my kneecap in his rush to open his glove compartment to shower me with free drink cards from a whole plethora of places and he said he would be glad to take me there, call Phong.

  25. DesertTed

    That's OK. I'll hire an extra 6200 workers and they'll be mostly Hispanics because I say I will. Just keep my name out of it, for obvious reasons.

  26. BumbleKid

    Yes it's a super huge bummer that Obama won by 22 votes. Thank you for punishing those responsible. You are a true American hero.

  27. Crank_Tango

    Did you know that Obamacare was written and passed by Obama himself, and that if he didn't get re-elected, it would not have taken effect? Cuz apparently, that's what some people believe.

  28. RemyLeHeaux

    Isn't Obama the one trying to make sure the payroll tax holiday is extended? Do these people even read the paper? And how does shrinking your business make you a nest-egg… when those extra 22 employees should be making you more money if you have any kind of econmies of scale working and even a slim profit margin?

    Sorry for lack of snark. This is just stupid.

    1. James Michael Curley

      My employers health care program's costs are on a group basis. X employees cost $Y. 2X employees cost $Y. However 2X+A employees cost $2Y. How most plans work so I call bull shit.

    2. Gleem McShineys

      Dude, in the imaginary world where this guy owns a business, the rules are totally different. Also in that world, his superhero cape is totally awesome.

  29. TootsStansbury

    I thought this cold snap would have killed off all of the mosquitoes but I keep hearing a high pitched whining noise to my right. Weird.

  30. mustangsavvy

    Good luck being able to continue being in business after firing so many hard working people, ya dumb shit.

  31. cognachas4paws

    If he can fire 22 of his employees all at once like that just because of an election, then his business was in trouble already – I'm guessing because of his lack of sound decision-making skills.

  32. upthruster

    "Well unfortunately, and most of my employees are Hispanic — I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees "

    He's a Vegas businessman…. sounds like one of those housekeeping rackets we keep hearing about. Looks like what happens in Vegas is going to stay on the walls in Vegas.

  33. T3rbo

    I do not get this guy's argument. It makes more sense when you re-word it: "I'm MAD, I found out that messicans voted for Obama, so, revenge!"

  34. BaldarTFlagass

    "The Dow alone lost 314 points today."
    Because everyone on Wall Street knows that we still have an obstructionist Congress.

    1. MissTaken

      Ding Ding Ding!

      And Europe is still playing their austerity game extending their double-dip recession for a few more years.

      1. SorosBot

        Oh come on, making Greece cut spending yet again will surely work to fix their economy this time! Who cares if every cut so far has increased unemployment, decreasing revenue and ultimately made their deficit worse? This time it will surely happen!

  35. DahBoner

    For all the advancements of the 21st Century, I'm afraid this is nothing that a good old-fashioned Parking Lot Beating won't fix…

  36. Come here a minute

    I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have, but I have mostly Hispanic employees

    Why didn't he just say "cough LANDSCAPING cough".

  37. synykyl

    It's a good thing this is bullshit, otherwise one of his fictitious employees might post the name of his business on the internet. For obvious reasons ;-)

  38. An_Outhouse

    " I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have"

    What business owner is embarassed to say what they do? He's a pimp? Drug dealer?

  39. decentcitizen

    Vegas is full of bullshitters. I know I've lived here for 13 years. This is just some jackwad pretending to be relevant by telling the nation, "SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"

    1. Negropolis

      Vegas has always been strange, but it's getting even more strange now that it's growth is (relatively) stalled.

  40. AncienReggie

    Anonymous? Is that the guy with the hat and mustache from that movie?

    I hate to make fun of unskilled journalists, but the standard code for a nervous source is "name withheld" — not "anonymous." Anonymous in this context means just what it says–somebody called/wrote without revealing their name or anything else that could be reality-checked.

    I call bullshit. Baby journalist got played.

  41. Incitefully_Joe

    You know what pisses me off the most? If this guy actually is a small business owner, Obama's re-election probably means that his actual small business will probably see lower taxes and a more beneficial regulatory scheme (most regulations actually help small businesses and inconvenience large ones, given the nature of competition and economies of scale) than otherwise.

    The reason this pisses me off isn't that he's being a dick for wrong-headed reasons, but rather because he doesn't actually deserve any of that stuff, because he's just a dick, in general.

    Can we petition the government to enact a "You're an asshole" tax?

  42. glamourdammerung

    Yeah, he is probably one of those billionaires that somehow manages to troll Yahoo stories for 18+ hours a day.

  43. Dashboard Buddha

    Ya'll know I'm a collection agent, right. It's cool though, it's just a temp gig for now. However, it does have some compensations. One of my fellow temps talked to a debtor and he said, and I quote, "since you people in the northeast love Obama so much I'm going to stop growing my business and just go and enjoy golf while I still can. To which my co-worker said, and I paraphrase, how can you grow your business when your so behind on your loan…and before you head to Pebble Beach could you at least make one payment?

  44. Incitefully_Joe

    Also I am trying to figure out what the fact that many of his employees are Hispanic has to do with anything and whether there is any way that wouldn't LITERALLY mean that he was firing people because of their racial background, which is the sort of thing that LITERALLY leaves him pretty open to being sued penniless.

    But I'm coming up with nothing.

    1. Negropolis

      The only reason I can even remotely think of as to why it was relevant to mention that was to strengthen his case that they were involved in Obama in victory, and thus even more worthy of being layed off.

      1. Incitefully_Joe

        Right, but racial discrimination because of assumptions you make about the politics of members of a given race is so totally definitely still actionable racial discrimination that it's not even funny.

        1. Negropolis

          Hey, who said he was smart? Obviously, this man is dumb as a box of rocks and/or straigh-up contriving a story.

  45. Sassomatic

    If you have 22 more employees than you need, your business is shitty anyway. Either that or your customers will be under served. Jackass.

  46. Negropolis

    I’m not gonna go into what kind of company I have

    Why? Because it's a sweatshop where you pay them like indentured servants?

    What a fucking dick, excuse my French.

  47. ttommyunger

    This guy is either a world-class liar or a gold-plated asshole. No, wait! Rightards are usually both!

  48. SolitaireRose

    "I won't tell you what business it is, but I employ a lot of Hispanics".

    And this matters in what way…?

Comments are closed.