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Nice Lady Goes On Epic 23-Minute Potty Rant Because Her Friends Didn’t Share Her Romney Posts On Facebook

u mad? The fact that shellymicAB’s Youtube rant is unembeddable is a crime against Wonkette. But for those of you who have been begging us to repeat our billion-post Tuesday schedule so as to keep schadening your Freude (unaware that we conducted Election Day, like the Iraq War, “off-budget”), well, here should be the happiest 25 minutes of your life. “Headphones up!” as the people with jobs say! [YouTube]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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465 comments

      1. Barbara_

        Rebecca posted it on twitter before it was posted here and I made it 13 minutes into the rant before I tossed the other half of my lunch out in disgust, lol.

  1. SorosBot

    25 minutes?! I love seeing the wingnust get unglued and unhinged following the Scary Black Kenyan's re-election, but that's a bit much.

      1. MittBorg

        I listened to that FOUR TIMES last night, and all through it I was thanking the powers that be that I don't know ANYbody like that. Any more, that is.

      1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

        It's from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" when the Nazi's open the Ark of the Covenant. It was also repeated several times at Romney's 'victory party' by enraged/ terrified bigoted white people afraid 'their' country is gone for good…the social pyramid of ignorant, rich white assholes at the top is BROKEN! OH NOEZZZZZ!111!!!111

  2. OurHoboSenator

    "Figure out how to use the fucking Internet, or get the fuck off of it."

    This should be everyone's motto.

    1. FieryLocks

      Funny thing though, she says that when she said it took her a year to figure out how to use her computer that she only purchased 4 years ago.

    1. Isyaignert

      Wow – thanks for sharing that awesome story. Yay Rob Hobson! Plus your office building is a work of art.

    1. just_a_head

      01:23

      That's as much as I could take. She was so ill-spoken. Can that be the opposite of well-spoken? Inarticulate isn't quite enough and idiotic is too generous.

  3. Crank_Tango

    That was pretty hard to masturbate to.

    (full disclosure, I posted the same comment on this vid on gawker and they thought I was the funniest person on earth. I owe it all to my fellow wonkettiers, which is good news for mccain)

    1. actor212

      I did something similar on Twitter. Someone mentioned that the GOP election algoritms were screwy and I posted "But algorithms is fat!"

      *shrug*

      For a moment I lost focus, what can I say?

    2. Fred_Wertham_Jr

      You've been polishing and perfecting this joke for a long time, so I'm not surprised. It's also simple enough for a Gawker commenter to understand. They'll wonder why you spelled "masturbate" like that, though.

    1. actor212

      Right? I mean, how weird is it she's all butthurt because her friends wouldn't share her posts, but here she disables….um, a form of sharing?

      1. PhilippePetain

        HA! Palin after a couple of "buttershots"; wish we could have gotten that on the stage at some point during '08…

  4. ThundercatHo

    Does she ever show herself cuz I'm picturing her as the "Sweet Home Alabama" lady now. Oh, and hahahahahahahahahahahahah, *breath* hahahahahahahahahahah. So many potential tshirt and bumper sticker slogans.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I think that I saw scooter peel-out marks and trails on the floor…just saying, but to the fat wingnutted among us, don't lay down rage donuts with your scooters…the sad Drudge sirens was a hilarious moment as well haha! She disabled commentso or I would have written, "hurts doesn't it? Obama 2012, bitch…America, love it or leave it and we'll be happy to grease the door so you can fit out of it for you"

  5. SmutBoffin

    I just told a friend that the LD50 of schadenfreude is ~20 gloating blog/Facebook/Twitter posts. (Our editrix may need an intervention, lest we be deprived of her dazzling smile permanently.)

    Also, this rant is worth a listen. It's an recording of the uncensored thoughts inside a crumbling conservative psyche.

    1. Dumbedup

      I am suffering acute schadenfreude intoxication and could only take 5 minutes, lest my organs fail

    2. HogeyeGrex

      I sort of love it when she excoriates the truthers, birthers and conspiracy nutters.

      Yes, folks. This woman is the voice of reason in the modern Republican Party.

    3. MittBorg

      OK, I have to speak in her defense. Unlike most of her ilk, she's drunk but not insane (difficult as that might be to believe). Towards the end of her rant, she trashes all the various conspiracy theorists, with particular vicious emphasis on birfers and Islamophobes. It is a delight, when they eat their own.

      1. Iam_Who_Iam

        Yeah, she almost sounded sane for a second until she slipped into a rant about how Obama had never been to an Independence Day parade. Cuz, um, you know they don't have them in Hawaii, or any of those radical college towns he lived in.

    4. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I have to say smut…I've spent 2 years since those bullshit 2010 elections waiting for the sweet, sweet moment when every pasty smug wingnut in America's head exploded in unison when they A) figured America is NOT center-right after all and B) had to watch with sad clown faces as the 'dark African' one finished off whatever smug, smarmy reichwing pasty asshole they put in front of him. These past two days have been FUCKING epic…the most enjoyable two days of politics in my life. The only thing that remains undone is to see Karl Rove be unceremoniously discarded from the right as he is once again discredited for the 3rd fucking time in six years….still waiting for that one but it'll come soon.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    I'll bet she goes to church every Sunday and lets everybody know how much she loves Jesus, too.

  7. edgydrifter

    Hon, there's this new feature on Facebook that lets you ignore shit that your drunken moron "friends" post. Shhh… it's OK. I'm sorry I had to break it to you like this. Here, have some more schnapps.

    1. An_Outhouse

      How far do you have to listen before you get to 'buttersechs'? I stopped after about 5 seconds.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      She melts an entire package of butter and mixes it with water and drinks it…very choice amongst the Hoverround set. Also they toss in cheap whiskey so they rot their liver while clogging their arteries that medical science will ironically have to unclog for them. I wonder if these fucking idiots ever go off on their doctor about how fraudulent evolution is while the doctor is trying out the latest medication tested to be on step ahead of virus evolution…methinks probably not.

  8. charlietography

    The degree to which she sounds like Melissa McCarthy's character in Bridesmaids will further enhance my enjoyment of that movie now.

  9. Geminisunmars

    So this is what right-wing-nut-head-exploding sounds like. I think I'll keep it playing on a loop in the background for a few days. Just to extend my afterglow.

    1. MittBorg

      Periodically I feel a twinge of guilt for finding this so amusing, and then I read about some jerk firing 20 Latino employees because one of them wore an Obama teeshirt once, and then I don't feel so bad.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I remember just how depressed and demoralized I, and my friends, felt in '04 when dubya retook the White House. And for a minute I feel a little bad for them. And then I get over it.

      2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Yeah…or just go back through any racist rant archives on Huffington Post by right wing trolls and you'll feel better knowing they are in intense dissonance-fueled pain. Or…watch youtube for any Faux Nuuz smuggery by Hannity/Rove/Dick Morris/dim bulbed Barbie anchor chicks/Doooochey/Faux and Friends. I accidently flipped my teevee over to Fox Business Channel election night and got to watch sad clown Cavuto and his other smug self superior and completely over confident wingnut panelists look very dispirited…it was a lot of fun. I especially enjoyed watching poor KKKarl desperately try to lobby the "decision desk" as if forestalling the inevitable would save his tattered credibility..the humiliation conga line pulled in on EVERY fucking faux nuuz 'personality' and the whole scene was epic pure and simple…especially given the way they've demeaned everything Obama is for four years and treated him like he's subhuman…go fuck yourselves, wingnuts..ah, still there!

  10. Beowoof

    Man this fucking woman is pissed because she had to teach herself how to use her fucking computer and then after all that work you fuckers didn't share her facebook posts and that's the reason Mitt Rmoney lost. It's clear can't you tell. Now you better be guarding your precious bodily fluids from the Huns.

    1. Iam_Who_Iam

      I had the same post from one of my friends except she also proposed Mexico as a possibility. The exchange between her and another friend was pretty amusing:

      Girl: I can’t take 4 more years of this, I’m going to move. Mexico or Canada?

      Girl’s friend: Well, we’re less likely to get robbed and raped in Canada.

      Girl: Canada it is then.

    2. MissNancyPriss

      I like how "Canada" has become some politically generic, mythical utopia for all unhappy Americans, like Narnia.

    3. caitifty

      What's she going to do when she discovers Canada has immigration laws and only lets in people with skills they need? 'Cause I suspect the Canadians don't think their economy needs any lack-witted bigots.

  11. Mittens Howell, III

    "I'm so mad at Palin tonight. I could spit nails at her."

    Aahhhhh. Victory is sweet. So sweet.

  12. AngryBlakGuy

    …she just got a computer 4 years ago? I wonder how the hell they trained a chimpanzee to use a computer it just 4 years?!?!?

  13. UnholyMoses

    “Headphones up!” as the people with jobs say!

    Job? Job?!

    Obama's going to give all of us liberals free money as part of his Sharia law program.

  14. MonkeyMotion

    Can Sean Hannity tell me why Republicans are such angry, bitter people [roll clip]?

    Bawahahahahah!

  15. Disassembly

    I'm drunk. So what? Beautiful! I'm drunk. I'm drunk ! So what? I'm drunk. You know what? I got drunk in my motherfucking kitchen, I was drinking out of my glass in my motherfucker house. So, fuck it!

  16. FakaktaSouth

    Who'da thought Drudge sucking fucktards were crazy? And also, if this pussy-ass cunt wouldn't have disabled her comments, I'da said, fuck you back, you screaming nutjob with the PaulaPoundstone when drunk (always, right? Paula's always drunk?) voice.

  17. BadKitty904

    "Look, I probably should have told you this before, but, you see… well… insanity runs in my family… it practically gallops."

  18. Baconzgood

    it took her a year to learn how to work a computer? I hope it had rust proofing 'cause those Collecos rust up on ya pretty quick.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      An all-expenses-paid trip to the brain bleacher. We'll even throw in a coupon for a bottle of butterscotch schnapps!

  19. ph7

    The brief flashes of her room fascinates me.

    4-5 remote controls.
    Two computer monitors, one working.
    One small tube television
    Generic brand snack bags (one potato chips, other pretzel bits?)
    Drink glass resembling canning jar.
    Smokes and a lighter.
    Holding an open beverage can (blue in color)
    round metal butter cookie gift tin
    Drudge on the monitor.
    Crazy lady clutter everywhere else

      1. ButthurtWingers2012

        true…you have to train if you want to outdo Skoalrebel…that shit requires a commitment. I mean just think about it, at age 4 he took his first wad o' dip and shoved it into his maw. At age 4 he dropped his first N-bomb and at age 10 his family realized they could no longer keep track of his age. Every birthday for Skoalrebel features a cake (made up of shreded porn mags and tobacco with a giant 'bad ass' stars n' bars flag on top and a stylized NASCAR number 3 on the side) with ??? marks and shot glasses. He has reached the epitome of redneck dumb…he's the alpha neck. This imbecile in all her Hoveround glory cannot even begin to outdo Skoalrebel…shit's not even a competition!

    1. BonoboReview

      I think we can all agree with her on this: we are so goddamn mad at sarah palin that we could spit nails at her.

  20. reallythatsnice

    No children and living alone–spending thousands of hours on the net. Imagine a first date with her.

      1. MissTaken

        They did! It was very surprising, since the GOP still control the House. But they all decided to reach across the aisle and say "Yay Socialism! Boo Capitalism!". I'm surprised you didn't see this on the news.

  21. kittensdontlie

    "About 90% of you are mentally disabled."

    Now she is throwing away her chance to become President.

  22. lumpenprole

    "AND, YES, IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO 'CHANGE YOUR MIND,' once you've been convinced of something long ago…"
    It seems like those words are headed towards some sort of self-awareness, but no.

    "I spent eight months in a Palin group. For what?" The Lulz.

  23. YouBetcha

    She had chips, cheez dip, beer, butterscotch Schnapps and a pack of smokes for dinner. I think I dated her.

    1. rmjagg

      he's always been broadcasting in his mother's wig , it's called a reverse wig that make you bald – clowns wear them all the time …

    2. ButthurtWingers2012

      except his mother had the exact same hairline, smoked cigars and wore the same tarp-sized clothing to hold her fat ass…which means he's ALWAYS in drag…spooky.

    1. ChuckieJesus

      I can't help it – she sounds exactly like this stone butch I knew once. Only knew her, don't know what she was like in bed. She had a lot of girlfriends so maybe….

  24. Jus_Wonderin

    She (if we can call her that) is a coward for diabling comments. Someone send her this Wonkette posting.

  25. Mahousu

    Wait a sec – she previously posted an hour-long rant to the effect that Romney was no different than Obama – in fact, Romney was Obama. So why did she care who won?

    Warning: she does appear herself in the other video.

    1. Mojopo

      I think that's Ann Barnhardt, but I didn't see the whole video so maybe I goofed. I found another Shelly D. on Goog's image cache and she has a buzz job. Imma go ahead and say "unaware lez" and no wonder she has a boner for Palin.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      That's as far as I got, but I think she was talking to the Rand folks, so sorry to deflate your fantasies, blifil….

  26. UnholyMoses

    It's not the fact she's all shouty that bothers me.

    It's the fact she recorded it and posted it to the Intratubes.

    1. MissTaken

      It's when you freebase butterscotch schnapps and then post your rant on YouTube. It's the RickRoll of 2012.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Really? Really? Did your rant have cigarettes, Cheet-os and cheese dip? Because that's what sent this over the top for me.

      1. DCBloom

        Ha! I have since quit smoking, but yeah, there were cigarettes. Alas, no Cheetos, but I think chocolate & bong hits were involved

  27. Poindexter718

    How is it that this lovely woman is still childless and single and eats her chip-and-dip dinners alone?

  28. PuckStopsHere

    She lives alone? What the fucking fuck is wrong with the American male that they've let this catch get away? This broad needs to get a prick stuck in her. Stat.

  29. BonoboReview

    In retrospect, I think we can comfortably attribute Romney's loss on people not posting things on Facebook.

      1. T3rbo

        FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE FUCKING INTERNET (also, she had chips and cheese dip for dinner because she was working so hard on facebook for romney hahahahahahaha)

  30. scorpy1

    @20:18
    Every fukcing executive order he signed, every goddamn bill he signed will all remain standing, doesn't matter how much bitching you do

    What price bitchery?

  31. Pat_Pending

    Bamz is not a muslin. He's a black liberation theologian. This was what made it worth getting to the 22-minute point!

    1. SorosBot

      No, he's a Muslim and he had a radical anti-American Christian preacher and he's a secret atheist also too. This is wingnut land, where logic and consistency don't apply.

  32. SorosBot

    And speaking of facebook and unhinged post-election wingnut rants:
    http://www.libertarianrepublican.net/2012/11/the-

    "Starting early this morning, I am going to un-friend every single individual on Facebook who voted for Obama, or I even suspect may have Democrat leanings. I will do the same in person. All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Democrats are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty. They deserve nothing less than hatred and utter contempt. "

    1. bflrtsplk

      “`Do you work for someone who voted for Obama? Quit your job.“

      Yeah, another wingnut with a gun and no job. Nothin` wrong with that picture.

      1. SorosBot

        Oh the dude seems crazy and ready to snap; it's amazing. And he gets even more insane in the comments. For example, did you know that the US is now a fascist country because the government says you have to wear a seat belt?

    2. T3rbo

      I see your rant and raise you one facebook "friend"

      Denver Martin
      If you voted for that Negro.delete me we are not freinds

    3. SexySmurf

      The sad part is that all their huffing and puffing will be over in, like, a week, so savor it like a fine wine (whine?) while you can.

  33. MittBorg

    GET OFF MAH INTARWEBZ! I listened to it over and over and FORCED my poor partners into listening to it too. (beams proudly)

    Wife thought it was hilarious. She's still enjoying it.

  34. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Surprisingly, she's anti-birther! "Obama was born in fucking Hawaii. There's 2 goddamn newspaper reports even if they're both fakes! You're dumber than shit!" Many expletives follow.

    1. Not_Mother

      And Bronco is NOT A MUSLIN!! But, inexplicably, he will convert AFTER this term! Now that's some fuckin' wingnuttery.

    2. CommieLibunatic

      Like my (friendly, yet regrettably pro-Romney) boss says, even a blind pig can find an acorn every so often.

  35. HarryButtle

    "I'll be happy to find you in my bedroom in the middle of the night."

    Oh, sweetie, I'll bet you would. Maybe if you actually got fucked, you'd stop screaming so much about getting fucked. Cunt.

    1. BadKitty904

      Based on this vid, it appears us homos don't give you str8 boys enough credit for y'all's part in keeping the race going and all. That there's one mighty tough row to hoe…

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        If this was really a socialist country (communist?) I could use my sickle to de-schlong myself so I'd never have to confront that "row".

      1. cousinitt

        Uh, oh my. I'm not sure I'm feeling all that lulzy, more like queasy, and sorta concerned about visiting Nebraska ever again.

  36. gullywompr

    Now see, if Shelly had only subscribed to and heeded my youtoob channel, she'd be on cloud 9 today.

    1. SorosBot

      Yay! I think we should all celebrate the death of white America, and birth of the new nation that actually looks like America.

      (And yeah, that's what all the assholes like Victoria Jackson mean when they scream "America is dead!", but most try to hide their racism while Pat revels in it).

    2. CommieLibunatic

      He means like how America died in 2008, too? I guess we must all be prepared to die a thousand deaths to stop Obama or something.

      Also, what? "Venezuela without the oil"? Somebody hasn't heard of fracking or the Gulf of Mexico.

  37. Jus_Wonderin

    "WHY DON'T YOU FUCKIN' PUT ME BACK IN THE WATER? I AM JUST BAKING HERE ON THE BEACH. GODDAMN, AT LEAST THROW A TARP OVER ME!!"

  38. rkgist

    Hokey smokes. Amazin'. I only listened to the first 2 minutes-any more would have seared my brain. The woman is batshit crazy. And she's not alone. "Get the fuck off the internet!" Indeed.

  39. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    To be fair, if there had been a camera on me the night Scott Walker beat the recall, it would have sounded a lot like this: chain smoking, ice in the drink clinking, and sooooo many swears.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      The question is whether you'd post nearly a half-hour of the episode on the Internet or not.

  40. Blueb4sinrise

    Not sure if actor 212 way up thread had the actual closed caption on, or just meant the added text, but the CC is nearly as funny as the audio.

  41. poorgradstudent

    Oh, STFU conservatives, you all got someone who would have been considered a moderate Republican just 20 years ago. Meanwhile we libs faced the prospect of getting in the vice presidency a Libertarian Granny Starving Sociopath whose economic philosophy would have – best case scenario – ONLY destroyed this nation's economy. Deal.

    1. HarryButtle

      That's my new Congresswoman!

      (I live in the one of the only truly blue districts in Maricopa County)

  42. rickmaci

    Pack of smokes, half bag of chips and cheese dip for dinner, beer, butterscotch schnaps. Forty one and living her life in a state of rage in front of two computer monitors. Wingtard womanhood. Makes me sad, really.

  43. iburl

    Interestingly, her YouTube profile says she is a (sometimes) Romney basher. But then, weren't all of these whiny bitches before he got the nomination by default?

  44. upthruster

    The best part about the whole thing is the fact that she leaves the screen blank through most of her rant…would not be as entertaining if you could see her face.

  45. TheMightyHaltor

    She's surrounded by cigarettes, booze, and potato chips. She should be praying for single payer even more than us libtards.

  46. Dildeaux

    Angry single 41 year old smoker woman is angry.

    Ladie and gent, I give you… the republican base.

  47. midnighttoker69

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    That was awesome … please wonkette, please bring me more wingnut pain. More meltdowns, more crying, more loud drunken proclamations that life as we know it is over. I want more …. more more more … and then I'm gonna apply for welfare … knock somebody up, and have lots and lots of free abortions.

    (Actually, I think that was really donald trump using some sort of voice disguising device)

        1. MittBorg

          You know how it is, when you're LGBTQ. All them straight folks keep telling you You're Doing Eeet Rong, so you have to practice. Lots and lots of practice.

  48. fuflans

    mr fuflans (who could not listen to more than 30 seconds last night) reminded me we were pretty much like this in 2004.

    though, of course, it was cabernet instead of buttershots and beer.
    also, arugula and hummus instead of chips and dip.
    also, worst president in american history reelected instead of mildly left of center moderately successful president reelected.

    still! i feel her pain.

    1. HarryButtle

      Me, too. The difference is, we didn't feel the need to share our frustration with the whole world via YouTube.

      1. Negropolis

        That, and our two-minute hate was literally about two minutes, and then we just went back to making stupid jokes about stupid Dubya.

  49. FieryLocks

    Love how she screams for people to ''learn to use the internet or get the fuck off it'' when she says it took her a year to figure out how to use her computer she purchased just 4 years ago. I can just imagine her at Best Buy waiting in line with her laptop with her dreams of conservative blogging, YouTubing, and Facebooking…just to have it all blow up in her face 4 years later (minus the year it took her to figure out her new computer).

  50. labman57

    Anguished and distraught conservative pundits, bloggers, and amateur advocates are wallowing in the cesspool of their own vitriol and reality-devoid rhetoric, complaining that the rest of the nation — after having gotten a good whiff of the stench — opted to not join them.

  51. dellessanna

    I love how self important she is. XD She acts as though she alone could have won the election for Romney. XD OMG.

  52. hagajim

    She said to learn how to use the internet to fucking get off – amiright? In that case I got off on listening to her completely lose her shit for 25 minutes (truly only lasted about 20)…but man some people are sore losers. Then I went to my favorite you porn site and used the internet to get off – like she said. Ha!

  53. BaldarTFlagass

    Someone may have said this, but maybe all that free time she talks about, maybe she's on Social Security for some kind of mental disability.

    I made 5 minutes.

  54. pdiddycornchips

    "I don't know why the fuck I bother"

    Lady, you're sitting alone drinking and eating generic chips and cheese from a can. What else you got to do?

  55. BoroPrimorac

    This is from her Youtube bio: I have self-diagnosed A.D.D.

    Every moron I know has self diagnosed A.D.D..

  56. malsperanza

    "I spend hours upon hours upon hours mining the news and finding things to post for you to share with other people and yet very little of you do it. … [FB] is a good tool of the left to use against them! The people on the right can't seem to figure that out… Branch out, make some sort of an impact!"

    This explains so much about why the election was close. For the past 10 weekends my team and I have been canvassing in PA, 6 or 7 hours a day, rain or shine, walking door to door, talking to voters, registering new voters, helping people fill out applications for absentee ballots, making sure people in retirement homes had rides to the polling place and understood the Photo ID law, identifying swing and undecided voters, and then 4 straight days of GOTV on foot in frigid cold, sometimes with a flashlight after dark, and then in the evenings on the phone banks … and yeah, despite a week's onslaught of Rombot robocalls and TV and radio ads and the Bot himself and Li'l Bot both running rallies at the end there, we delivered PA for Obama.

    But if I had only known! All we needed to do was sit at home and eat chips and drink schnapps and POST LINKS on FB. Damn, that would have been so much easier.

    We are really dumb. :-(

  57. aklibtard

    Sitting alone, eating generic chips, in generic dip, smoking generic cigarettes, and drinking generic booze, having a total meltdown about people not sharing her crazy anti-Obama Facebook posts. This must be the saddest thing I've ever seen. Even her ice queen, Sarah Palin let her down. I don't even know if schadenfreude is possible here.

  58. Wile E. Quixote

    So much awesome. I love that she's going off on the Libertarians. We should start a conspiracy to convince the Republicans that the reason they lost this election is because Gary Johnson siphoned off a critical number of votes from Romney. If we could get these assholes to waste half as much time with this kind of shit as the Democrats did whining about Nader in 2000 instead of having the balls to effectively fight Bush in the first place, it would be a major victory.

  59. Wile E. Quixote

    We should set her up with her own daily podcast or a show on XM where she can go totally ballistic like this for three hours. I think that there's a huge potential market for a foul-mouthed, relatively eloquent (compared to the rest of the Wingnut-O-Sphere), ranting, profane chain-smoking, cheet-o eating, cheese dip snarfing fat chick. Especially if you programmed her opposite one of the weaker conservatives such as Glenn Beck or Mike Huckabee. Either that or send her on the road to do a one-woman show as a sort of distaff version of Mike Daisey.

    "My other account on Facebook was called 'RightWingKookTank'."
    "People who know me call me 'kook', and I like it. Evil Conservative Industries, I should be the CEO."

  60. Wile E. Quixote

    OMFG. She's shitting on the truthers, the birthers and the Ron Paul crowd. And she's denying that Obama is a Muslim. She has no future.

  61. NellCote71

    Where do I sign up for the free phone everyone is talking about? And why wasn't I told earlier? Should I have gotten one the minute I voted for Obama? If so, I am calling voter fraud?

  62. usuhname

    might I just add – aaaaaaha hahahahah.
    Another model republican! She needs some anger-management or stronger schnapps or a colonoscopy…definitely something.

    Maybe she could do with some of that nice NoBamacare? Her blood pressure must be through the roof!

  63. louiszwu

    I think her ex-husband is a neighbor of mine. He spends most of his time curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, sobbing quietly. Now I know why.

  64. awwalk56

    Well shellymicAB there is only one honorable thing left to do. Get yourself a rope, a three legged stool, find yourself a tree with a limb strong enough to support your 240 pound rotundus self and introduce your troglodyte ass to jesus.

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