Oh look, some super-brilliant science nerd at the Free Republic has written an Open Letter to the Queen of Englande! It is full of incontrovertible facts, like how we must rejoin the British Empire, because Barack Obama is socialist. But wait! you are shouting at yourself, while scratching your belly, isn’t the United Kingdom sort of the place that invented “socialist”? Shut up, that’s why! Behold the wit and waggishness, after the jump!
Your Majesty,
We, the people of the former American colonies, would like to offer our most sincere apology over that little misunderstanding we had 236 years ago. Had we known that we were going to be subjects anyway, we could have saved a lot of trouble and hard feelings.
We were under the mistaken belief that we would be free, sovereign citizens; we believed that our hard work would yield its own rewards without someone coming along and taking what we built in the name of “Fairness”. We thought our laws and Constitution would protect us from a foreign born dictator, and our freedom to worship would prevent us from becoming a corrupt, morally bankrupt society (silly us).
Little did we know that our own free press would intentionally sabotage, deceive and withhold the truth from us in order to reelect a Socialist that still holds distain for our nation and contempt for its founding principles. Nor did we believe that there would be so many citizens dependent on government handouts that they would blindly elect an unqualified charlatan, let alone reelect him.
Anyway, Your Grace, we are truly sorry and humbly sincerely beg your forgiveness. If you can find it in your heart to forgive us and take us back, we promise never to trade British oppression for Socialist tyranny again.
Your most humble servants,
The American People
We are sorry to have to point out some inconvenient facts to the hilares Free Republic. Like, Britain’s income tax has been progressive since William Pitt the Younger? (LIKE, BEFORE KARL MARX EVEN, WHA?)
Also, they totally invented a little something called “socialized medicine” … a hundred and one years ago! They hadn’t even shot the Archduke Ferdinand yet! That is how long ago it was!
So if it is not really the need to escape socialism that is prompting the sad wingnuts’ desire to commit treason, we wonder what on earth it could be?
{ 470 comments }
We'll only take you back if you bring all the smart Americans with you, we have enough morons already.
yours truly
The UK
Pre-Self-Deportation!
You'd think "smart enough to want out" would qualify. But in this case, apparently not.
I still want to know if "distain" involves adding or removing them.
Try using a little bit of dis bleach.
I want the big fat ruby that she put on her hat .
Would this be a case of returning damaged goods to the original owner?
You know that's pretty funny…when Dumbya 'won' in 2004 as a lark I looked into relocating to Italy because ya know…sociamalism and sexy women. The problem is, Europe seems to be VERY careful with what criteria an American must conform to in order to be granted citizenship. Funnily enough European countries seem to all have "no wingnuts" bumperstickers: they want American ex-pats with skills and education that will improve the country and an ability to assimilate into society. These include professional college degrees, public administrative skills, etc. So England does not WANT these wingnuts…maybe they ought to try Costa Rica…I thought they all threatened to move there in 2008 anyway. Or they could try a TRUE 'free' utopia…Somalia. Except they've heard Somalia has blahs…so that's out. Nope…it looks like we'll be stuck with useless, bitchy wingnuts until they die off…which can't come soon enough to save this country…
England, where any little boy can grow up to be Queen.
FREDDIE MERCURY LIBEL!
Except Charles.
PRINCE ANDREW LIBEL.
I thought it was Edward.
Thank you, Sir Elton John.
And many have, dear.
Or the guitarist for Queen/PhD in Astrophysics/Commander of the Order of the British Empire, like Brian May.
Srsly, major kudos to anyone who can pull all that shit off, no?
And he made his own fucking guitar when he was sixteen years old. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Special
I'm going back to bed now. Call me when the world ends.
(pulls covers over head, weeps)
Benedict Arnold says what?
These freepers are more afraid of committing REASON, not treason!
Benedict Arnold needs to be sent some travel brochures for the Libertarian paradise of Somalia.
Seriously, can we just give them one-way tickets to Somalia, that Lande Of Endless Opportunity For Ultimate Freedumz?
We could probably gather them all up with the offer of a free machine gun with every seat.
Way to stay true to those Tea Party Founders' principles, Redcoats.
Way to stay true to those Tea Party Founders' principles,
RedTurncoats.FIFY, NNTT
The English drink bitter. The freepers *ARE* bitter.
well, I did hear today (on NPR-liberal bias) that in England, cider drinking is 15% of the drinking that is done. Here it is 2/10 of 1%. Maybe the guy owns a cider plant(and Mangers of Ireland is buying America's biggest cider plant- Woodchuck for $300M this year). Or he is just a wanker
Mangers of Ireland is buying America's biggest cider plant- Woodchuck for $300M this year
SCORE!
Now maybe they'll finally make a drinkable product! I was tired of paying through the nose for Magners.
Sorry, but Magners is piss. Woodchuck is far superior.
Woodchuck comes right from the animal.
ETA Unless you're talking about their longlost and lamented dark cider.
I've had the 802 dark and dry and it's as good as any cheap cider I've had in the UK
Mangers sucks. Too fucking sweet for my taste. Strongbow!
We talking about the Brit or US version? Cuz the US version is only 4.5% alc. and therefore sucks moose cock
In Canada City, we have the Brit Version not the watered down piss you guys are stuck with.
Magners tastes like it's been brewed from apple flavoured chewing gum, it's unspeakably bad and sweet. Quite right.
You described it perfectly. I like a cider with more edge.
Although, the sweet ciders seem to be favored by the ladies.
I would like to chime in on the side of Crispin cider (the one with the bluish label).
It is awesome, especially in the summer over ice. I have even converted Strongbow drinkers after one bottle. And it's made in fuckin' Murka, as far as I know.
The "foreign born dictator" bit is cute.
Warm beer dudes. You have been warned.
Baked beans on toast for breakfast and "tea".
The only thing worse than a traditional English breakfast is a traditional Irish breakfast. Ick!
Cheap whiskey and Guinness?
if only!
I take issue with that. We used to eat fried eggs, sausages, toast and fried tomatoes for breakast at the B&Bs we stayed in. I loved it. Never had baked beans on toast; that must be downstrata.
All I got was beans and liver, with a side of blood sausage in Dublin. Ugh.
Full English: Eggs, bakey, sausage, baked beans, fried tomato (always hideously unripe and tasteless), and toast with butter, jam, marmalade.
Comes standard at the B&Bs.
That's called a "Full English". Some swear by it as a hangover cure. Others swear by a late night Curry or Donner as a preventative. Judging by the number of pavement pizzas that can be observed in the morning hours on Earls Court Road the late night approach works by purging.
This is what I had for breakfast all over the Republic and up North as well earlier this year.
It was only slightly lower in quality than the fare I had back in 2008 on a tour of England/Scotland/Wales. Overall, I never did experience any of the mythical horrors of either Irish or British food.
?? You don't like blood pudding?
Actually, the last time I was in a pub in London, most of the chavs were drinking Bud, or Guinness "Extra Cold." Fucking sad. I had to look around to find some hand-pulled Bombardier or Fuller's.
Actually, don't sell that "Bud" short. That's the original Czech formula, not the Anheiser crap.
Bad news: plenty of the London pubs I went in 2 weeks ago were selling Coors Light. Exotic!
Import!
If by "warm" you mean room temperature, yes.
However, if you've ever been to England, you know that "room temperature" is defined as that lowest temperature at which you stop seeing your breath.
It has to be way colder than my piss before it hits the floor. Otherwise it's "warm." Still, in the final analysis it's all good.
Listen, the worst case of hypothermia I ever developed came in a London pub, and I backpacked the Adirondacks in winter.
At least they have football, right?
True story: a friend's conservative step-mother from Florida posted on Facebook that she wanted to move to England due to Obama winning the election. I see a theme emerging.
They'll be shocked as shit when they discover all the browns in London and this quaint English dish known as Curry.
Tim? He's the bomb.
We all float, down here.
Not to mention the socialised medicine!
I dunno. The Brits defeated one invasion of fascists in 1940. I think they can handle this 'un, too.
kowtows
Leaves the room backwards.
You've got a future here, Kid!
*purrs*
Yes. Moving to convenient countries where English is spoken.
HAHAHAHA GO TO LONDON REDNECKS. ENGRISH NOT SPOKED THERE NO MORES
¡Viva Londonistan!
The trend is that the whole lot of them are SO GODDAMNED STUPID.
That's not a trend, it's just a fact.
For too long of a time.
Ya. Like when Rushbo promised to move to Costa Rica if Obamacare passed. Those fuckers will never get off their hoverrounds and actually do something – they'll just whine like the little bitches they are.
We could start a campaign: Write Rush a postcard a day.
But why waste postage.
StopRush is doing fine with the IntarWebz, huh?
I'll be more fun if they go over as illegal immigrants.
Sounds like the little toddler doesn't want to play anymore if she can't win every game.
Did they not see the opening ceremony at the Olympics??
(Oh, right. It only counts if Mitt is staging a Mormon wank-fest.)
Hey, freepers!
You think the snark is bad here…
So, failing to construct a boat large enough to send all the blahs back to Africa they figure they will just leave. I like this plan.
Where can I send my contribution?
I'll kick in a sextant.
Buh-bye.
Freepers, never change.* BTW, don't punch the Yob when he asks to bum a fag off you. It's a cigarette, you US Amercian twatwaffles.
*actually they can't and won't change.
Shhhhhhhhh, dammit! That's half the fun of letting them go there!
And for you Freepers named Fanny, have fun!
Ah, yer taking the piss now.
…and don't call that thing you wear around your waist a fanny pack. Over there, a fanny is a woman's naughty bits.
So is fairy. Among many other words.
I miss England….
I hope the lager louts kick them in the goolies with steel-toed Doc Martins or, with their bauver(sp?) boots.
Wait till yer friends offer to knock you up of a morning.
Can't the Freepers go start a colony in Jonestown Guyana, or sumpin'?
Somalia
Skip the airfare and go with the funny tasting kool aid.
…I will even donate the red Solo cups!
I'll bring the brown acid.
Don't forget the Kool-Aid, Oh yeah.
…nah, I think Waco Texas is more to their liking!
There's a whole bunch of room in Utah.
…Utah already has a population religious nut bags! I'm not sure if the space time continuum could handle that concentration of stupidity!
Might collapse upon itself and turn into a
blackwhite hole.Might collapse upon itself and turn into an inflamed hole.
And anyway, they're the wrong kind of religious nut bags; now that Romney has gone down I'm sure Mormons will be back to not being real Christians according to the fundy Protestants again.
…it was fun while it lasted
I hear there is no intrusive government in Antarctica.
or the florida everglades .
There's too many snakes in the 'Glades as it is.
Tea baggers make me laugh.
Barack Obama, more tyrannical than a monarch. The Divine Right of Wing…nuts will not stand for such subjugation!
There's something in there about tea and parties and dinner parties or something. I'm too lazy to think of it.
Did you know that, in England, you're required to buy liquor at a "pub"? That you can't buy it at a bar until after the pubs close? True story, so help me god!
Also, gun control. Too. Also.
Allow me to reply for you:
OFF-LICENCE LIBEL!
Get a room, you two.
Has he been talking to himself for a while?
*cleaning nail with machete*
Why do you ask?
Plus they eat "spotted dick." Just sayin'…
I have been to England 26 times since 1971 and never ordered it(I do know what it is but somehow- the name….)"
Hell, they sell it in the foreign food aisle at the local grocery, even down here in Deepest Texas.
The local Publix's here have it in a can here. I've always wanted how many of those they actually sell…
You're not alone – I lived in Britain for 26 years and I'm pretty sure I never ate it.
Ha! Baldar beat me to it! Evil minds think alike…
Plus bangers and mash.
But Toad In The Hole is pretty tasty. So is blood pudding. Which FReepers would like.
Ditto bubble-and-squeak – quite tasty!
Shortbread and digestives, especially the ones with chocolate on the one side!
OMG, those sausages they serve at breakfast are horrendous. They're white and greasy with no real identifiable flavor.
Kind of like the wingnuts themselves, then.
Made from the finest pig anus, I assure you!
But the fried bread! Oh my!
If you're gonna eat dick, it should be spotless, knowhatimsayin?
Crazy English mum: "Get up to your room right now young man and clean your dick and don't come out 'til it's spotless."
More likely, she'd call it a willie.
And then there's Brains, which is a Welsh ale, and I understand the locals take great delight in marching into the pub and asking the host if he's got any. Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce! Oh, wait, that's the antipodeans.
Don't know about hard alcohol, but beer is available in stores. And you can drink it while riding the Tube. Very civilized!
Hard liquor is available in supermarkets, yes.
I was glad when they finally got rid of the wooden escalators in the Tube stations. OMG, every time I saw them the plot for a disaster movie would start forming in my mind.
I'm always amazed at how FAST the Tube escalators move. I swear I've seen American tourists launched halfway across the road.
Yeah, liquor and beer is in stores. And pubs are now open a lot longer. But you can't drink on the tube any more – Boris (the Mayor) banned it. There was some kind of last-day of drinking party that turned into basically a riot on the Circle line.
Re liquor – not any more. Funnily enough, I'd only every heard of the pub/bar distinction in WA-state, apparently they had a similar law until relatively recently.
Oh thank god, that was driving me crazy when I've been there. I remember the first time I stayed past last call in a pub and had to walk through a door to buy a drink.
Even pocket knife control. Also. Too.
Also too no playing free radio music in your place of biz. Gots to pay the "reuse" fee or whatever they call it.
Amd if you fail to pay your council tax, you'll be imprisoned!
It would be worth it just to hear the first FReeper shout to his wife, "Look! Honey! I found us an apartment and it's on an ESTATE!"
Exactly…. the English language, she is beautiful when spoken right.
UK Estate = US Projects
Just how much more liberal can you get than driving on the left side of the road. Freepers won’t go for that socialist crap.
Also, roundabouts. I can't wait to see the first Bama redneck try to negotiate yielding.
We will not compromise!
We don't use the word "yield", we use "Give Way".
Yield sounds, I dunno…. kinda Middle Ages to me.
Grocery stores, i.e. Sainsburys, Waitross, corner stores, news agents all sell liquor. Heck, the Londis around the corner from us sold Absinthe.
Get out of the pubs and look around?
That explains why the Freepers have stopped brushing their teeth.
Doesn't explain why they stopped bathing, though.
Dear Hitler:
All is forgiven!
Wait, what?!
Hey Liz! Nice hat.
Needs a purse.
Want some spotted dick with that?
Uh, Freepers, if your brilliant plan came to fruition, we'd be more like, I don't know, CANADA.
Also, too, slavery would have been abolished in 1830 without a civil war.
Also, too, as a citizen of a Commonwealth nation, the Kenyan Obama could be our prime minister.
Yes, I read once that the real motivation for independence was not taxation without representation but the desire to avoid having England regulate the slave trade. They moved to end it long before the US did.
Possible. However, I've read other theories, including the collapse of the spice trade and the rise of the East India company. I love hearing all the different theories. Do you have a reference to the slave trade theory? A cite? It's not one I've heard before. Thanks.
Actually, I don't have a cite from a deep thinker. I am going of off an opinion I read from a British person a while ago. But here is what I consider some proof of it being at least plausible. From the great minds of the Wikipedia listed under Sommersett's Case. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somersett%27s_Case
"International effect
The Somersett case became a significant part of the common law of slavery in the English-speaking world, and helped launch the movement to abolish slavery.[12] The case of Knight v. Wedderburn in Scotland (discussed in Slavery at common law) began in 1774 and was concluded in 1778 with a ruling that slavery had no existence in Scottish common law. Many lawyers suspected that similar determinations would be made in British colonies, which had clauses in their Royal charters requiring their laws not to be contrary to the laws of England—they usually contained qualifications along the lines of "so far as conveniently may be", but it was anticipated that the principles behind Lord Mansfield's decision would demand a rigorous definition of "conveniently" if a case was taken to its ultimate conclusion. The Somersett case was reported in detail by the American colonial press. In Massachusetts several slaves filed freedom suits based on his decision in 1773–74, which were supported by the General Court but vetoed by successive Governors. As a result, both pro-slavery and anti-slavery colonies, for opposite reasons, hoped for a rapid break with English law in order to achieve their goals with regard to slavery.[13]
The way those ambitions were fulfilled in the Constitution of the United States without using the words "slave" or "slavery" is well known, as is the later period of tension which saw the pro-slavery states making increasingly cynical efforts to maintain a legal basis for slavery. The decision of the King's Bench in Somersett's Case may be contrasted with the decision of the U.S. Supreme Court, some 85 years later, in Dred Scott v. Sandford 60 U.S. (19 How.) 393 (1857). The U.S. Supreme court held that a black "whose ancestors were … sold as slaves" was not entitled to the rights of a federal citizen and therefore had no standing in court, as blacks were "beings of an inferior order" who were not included in the phrase "all men" in the U.S. Declaration of Independence and thus were not afforded any rights by the United States Constitution. The case is also sometimes compared with North Carolina v. Mann, 13 N.C. 167 (N.C. 1830), in which the Supreme Court of North Carolina ruled that slaveowners could not be convicted for killing their slaves."
Thank you so much. This is excellent.
No future, no future,
No future for you
No future, no future,
No future for you
this is the first time in history the sex pistols lyrics has been used to underline a positive trend.
Are they attributing this to John Cleese, or to Robin Williams?
Cleese.
Williams will use it later, though.
Is the queen taking applications for the position of "serf?" Romney would have allowed the working poor to fall to the level of peons to the corporations, I guess they are so disappointed they are now looking back to traditional fuedalism for their dream to come true.
" their dreams " … fuck 'em
"they would blindly elect an unqualified charlatan, let alone reelect him."
George W. Bush much?
I like the "blindly" part – like we were all crashing into each other and the furniture as we managed to accurately fill out the ballot.
Well spotted!
Dick?
Also Ronnie Raygun
See, he's already prepared to accept an innately stupid, boorish hereditary monarch.
…socialized medicine, restrictive gun laws and Pippa Middleton?! Sign me up!!!
But the British teef. The teef. And british 'cuisine.'
…hmmmm, good point. But I also hear that women are easy and can drink you under the table!
Yes. I have found in my experience that those that are both don't look like Pippa. Just saying.
British 'cuisine' is why you eat curry when you're there.
Waddya mean…. Curry IS British cuisine.
And anyway, London has four 3-star Michelin restaurants compared to New York's seven. That's not that bad.
Can we let Texas back in after the Latinos take over the state in four years?
It can't be easy to pack that much fail into so few paragraphs.
The one skill the Tundra Grifter mastered in her Journalism classes. All 6 yrs of them.
Ever checked Twitter?
People can pack an awful lot of stupid into just 140 characters. (Though, there's a lot of funny, too.)
You remember all that "English Only" crap you backwoods boys have been spewing? Maybe you wouldn't be kowtowing to that prissy bitch so much, and could move to a real foreign country, had you learned a second fucking language.
Don't let the flag hit you in the ass on your way to the boat….
they'll have to build their own boat – good luck to them
Moving to Canada, moving to Australia, reuniting with Great Britain… So hard to choose !
Nobody would want them.
They're really going to freak out if they move to Quebec.
Do they serve Freedom Fries in Montreal?
They'd love the poutine — the teabaggers would claim it as their soul food.
I dunno, man….vinegar on fries? They'd be clamoring for ketchup.
C'est pour certains
And socialized medicine in all those options. Back when I lived in the UK, emergency rooms would not attend to people with trivial complaints, but refer them to their primary care doctor: I would love to see that happen to a self-deporting wingnut.
"You can't do that! I AM AN AMERICAN! I have RIGHTS!"
Uh fuck no. These morons are not welcome in my beautiful Australia. They can fuck the hell off. I hear Antarctica is lovely this time of year =)
You'd have Liz as Head of State whichever you chose!
You know what? I'd be just as happy to ship them all there before they "realize" what's up. (like these fuckers EVER REALIZE TRUTH EVER) And my Texas people talking succession, please, please do so, I would love for the state of Alabama to become about 19% its size in population when all the smart-guys take off for little Mexico. Just, go.
Just head for the Black Belt or a college town, Fakakta! Obama's already loading up the transport planes with foodstuffs and other supplies.
I'd like to see Texas secede-it would be amusing to see tanks from Ft. Hood surrounding the Capitol, and seeing Gov. Goodhair being taken to Ft. Leavenworth in chains.
What is the punishment for treason?
Let's just say the rate of recidivism is minimal.
Being nosy but after soros & miss.t's successful unity on wonkette – whats going on with you two lovebirds ?
Love love love, nothing but love, always! Thank ya for asking.
Sorry I turned this into one of those "kissing books."
Ya ever see The Princess Bride? "This is true love – you think this happens every day?"
Boy wait until they find out about the National Health.
Awww, poor freeper — yeah, the British will definitely take you back, especially after you explain that you're disenchanted that your candidate — the one who sneered at the London Olympics, bragged that he'd just spoken to the head of MI-6, which the government doesn't acknowledge exists, and complained that half of the US population feels entitled because they'd like affordable healthcare — wasn't favored by the majority of the population. Maybe you and Lord Monckton, the bug-eyed climate denier, should buy an island in the Seychelles and start your own colony there. Land there is dirt cheap due to the scurrilous lies about the sea level rising.
Well-put!
Boring note of pedantry: MI-6 is acknowledged to exist these days. I think sometime after the time they built a massive new headquarters on the Thames or something like that, they decided that it wasn't really a secret any more.
James Bond libel!!
In IMAX tomorrow!
If you work for MI-6, do you get free IMAX passes?
The freeper and Monckton should move to Tuvalu. I hear it's wet and wild there.
Oh, come on! They are just fucking with us now!
Typical right wingers, yearning for the stern hand of Germanic dictator.
Iron Fisting.
they could turn their lunch room into a dungeon
"So if it is not really the need to escape socialism that is prompting the sad wingnuts’ desire to commit treason, we wonder what on earth it could be?"
More EPL games on basic cable?
Could it be racism?
They've heard about the Eurovision Song Contest.
Well, that would be worth the yearly license fee, in my opinion.
I just don't understand why a 10% income tax increase on rich people and a government program to prevent getting sick meaning bankruptcy and/or death is the "end of the Republic".
I also don't understand why the letter writer doesn't know that freedom of speech, freedom to own firearms, freedom not to be routinely surveilled by the government, etc, are not rights English people enjoy to the extent we do.
Because they're incredibly stupid and jaw droppingly ignorant. Nothing more really needs to be said.
Because they're crazy?
It's because the writer in an eedjit.
Dude has just had enough of the tough reality of adult life and wants to move back in with his mom. We've all been there, right?
Nevermind that the only way he's getting is if he himself can create jobs.
Because there's still a black man in the White House. That's what they mean is the "end of the Republic".
I think this tea bagger my find some surprise in London when he notices all those surveillance cameras.
the first time they go off in Hyde Park , spouting their stupidity and wearing a sexy gun , they'll find out what a tightly controlled facility for the violently insane really looks like …
BROADMOOR.
Let me explain it to you. Because.
"Foreign born dictator"????
King William I, the Conqueror, b. France
King Stephen, b. France
King Richard II, b. France
King George I, b. Germany
etc.
And aren't the current Royals Filthy Jerries?!
House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. Changed to Windsor during the First World War.
Not to mention William of Orange, you know, Battle of the Boyne and all that. Born in Holland, aka the Netherlands.
George II was born in Krautland, too.
Emperor Claudius, b. Gaul
They were up to George III before the reigning monarch learned to speak English.
This is what happens when you get all your history from A Beka Books.
a beka-beka-beka books. Read to them by Herman Cain
That's why I get all my news from A 'Becca Site.
Kiss-ass.
(me too)
Well, the red states would have to give up all that sweet sweet federal tax money. You could almost say that the federal government redistributes money from the rich states to the poor states, and all those red states, all of them, are fucking takers, not givers, they are the 47%. And they wouldn't even think of seceding and giving up that welfare the federal government provides.
Wait until that fucking moran sees what 2nd Amendment rights look like in bloody England.
Wait until they try to drive their big assed SUV's around the city and town roads over there, or try to steer a Rascal Scooter through the aisles of the shops.
And wait until they have to fill that pigmobile with teh petrol.
Right… currently the equivalent of a US gallon over there is around $11.00. And they're bitching and whining about $4.00/gallon?
Oh and like the rest of Europe, Brits buy 'petrol' by the litre.
We are not amused.
HAHA! I can't believe it took us this long to get to this quote. And why didn't I think of it?
Those nutjobs can take their U-turn toward the pre-colonialist era and keep on runnin' for all I care. Fueled by the miasma combustin' right from their own befuddled, cross-purposed, unretentive toby-jugs!
Cheerio then, off you go. You tossers!
When they get there, they can all join the British National Party. They'll fit right in, really feel at home.
I'm not sure about that Beinrich Bimmler feller…doesn't feel right.
"Billy's joined the National Front,
He always was a little runt,
He's got his fist in the air with the other cunts,
You've got to humanize yourself."
Now I have to go throw that record on. Yep, record. LOL
You grow up and you calm down, you start wearing blue and brown, now you're working for the Clampdown.
And this one too.
Right at home yes, hanging out with bitter losers
They'll like Stoke on Trent. Otherwise known as England's arsehole.
Dear Free Republic Person:
No.
Now kindly fuck right off.
ER II
Points for getting the initials right.
Uh, freepers? You know there are a bunch of them Muslins in the UK these days, right? In fact, Islam is the second largest religion in the country?
I wonder if they know that England's got blahs now, too.
Are they ghey and Buddhist too?
The first largest religion is Public Drunkenness, I hear.
…and that the Queen and her heir are ok with that.
Third largest; second largest is none. Yay British atheists!
Do they know that the Brits hated Mitt too? And that most of them would think a Freeper is a moron? Who do they think likes them or agrees with them? Cause I'll tell you who agrees with their fucked up conservatarded bullshit women treating ways – Iran. Why are you not begging to go to Iran?
Hell, they should go to Iraq! As Johnny Rotten kept saying to the crowd when I saw him in 2003, "why aren't you all in eye-rock?"
there's always extaordinary renditioning
Go to Iran?!
And learn another language?!
(clutches pearls)
(Hurriedly fetches fainting-couch)
Farsi's not too hard. What would be hard would be NO BEER.
Because them Eye-ray-neeyuns is Muzlimz. And these mo'fuckas too dumb to figure out that their fucking Xtian mullahs are saying the exact same thing. Also, too.
Little did we know that our own free press would intentionally sabotage, deceive and withhold the truth from us”
Ok he’s right I have it on good authority that the media knew how this election was going to turn out a year ago. They cynically dragged it out just because they wanted to see a bunch of old white people cry election night.
I like it! Especially since it was "their" own free press, Fox, Rush, THE GOD DAMNED WEBSITE THIS GUY WRITES FOR – who lied to these people and themselves in the first place, right to the very LAST MINUTE. If you get your news from a propagandist, create your own reality, bullshit source, you get what you fucking deserve.
Yup! How did that Poll Truther thing work out for you?
Rush apparently confessed to his sheep on yesterday's show that he had been lying to them about how close the election was, and how he was CONVINCED that Romney would win. He admitted that when he talked to his family and friends he admitted that Romney had no hope in hell.
TRUE THE VOTE!!
Your Dumbassness,
We, the people of the current American states, would like to laugh and laugh at you and other dipshit Tea Party loons. Had we known that we were going to be subjected to your weapons-grade level stupid, we could have saved a lot of trouble and hard feelings and started laughing at you sooner.
We were under the mistaken belief that you would use facts, logic, and reason to make your points rather than accuse the President of being a foreign born dictator, and act as if their freedom to worship was under attack, even though it wasn't (silly us).
Little did we know that our own free press would intentionally ignore Mitt and the Teatard's lies, and withhold reality from their listeners/viewers/readers to try and elect an out of touch oligarch who holds disdain for those Not Like Him and contempt for those not rich. Nor did we believe that there would be so many citizens so clinically fucking stupid that they would blindly support an unqualified robot, let alone vote for him.
Anyway, Your Dipshit, we are truly laughing our ass off at you, the sore losers. We promise never to try and stop your freight train of dumb ever again, because it amuses us.
Your most humble LULZers,
Reality Based Humans
GET IT??? Because Obama is AFRICAN.
Jesus, they're embarrassing.
It's funny, because we Commie Libunatics WISH we had Britain's NHS over here.
This is so telling really. I've often suspected that what lies at the root of most American conservative thought is a desire for a return to some sort of (fantasy of) class order as established and maintained by "Noble" hierarchy. And not just among the wealthy class of Republicans, like the Romneys, but even among the Joe the Plumber set. They all secretly crave a return to some idealized Feudal culture where everyone knows their place. And the lesser lights, like poor Joe, imagine themselves as Cromwell-like historical figures, ascending to the peerage by virtue of their pureness to re-invigorate the nations noble blood.
You couldn't be more wrong-they want to do this because they love the Constitution so much. Libtard.
They do love it, it's true. And yet they won't commit to gay-marrying it.
I've thought the exact same thing for quite a long time. They long for someone to bow down to and scrape to. It's some kind of "gentry" thing they still hold on to.
very astute ;-)
And the lesser lights, like poor Joe, imagine themselves as Cromwell-like historical figures,
Well, Cromwell was a protestant dictator who nevertheless brought a 'progressive' [for the time] republic to England after he ordered the execution of defeated King Charles I and other leaders of the Royalist rebellion following the second English civil war in 1649.
Cromwell's Parliamentary Army was also one of the first army's in history that elected its officers… the Levellers being rank & file soldier agitators, were proto-socialists.
There is a statue to Oliver Cromwell — Lord Protector, in the grounds of Parliament as one of the founders of modern democracies.
The Aussies would think they should go to England- the ones I knew would about fuckin Pommie whingers
The UK called and said they already have Chavs.
Comparing teatards to Chavs is an insult to Chavs.
Yeah; from my understanding the Chav stereotype is pretty similar to the wingnuts' "welfare moms" stereotype, except mostly white.
One of the posters deducted why this idea was boneheaded; specifically – Bloody Lizzie is the mastermind behind Barack HUSSEIN Obama's birth to dictator conspiracy:
Barack was born in 1961, right? Kenya didn’t get independence from Britain till 1963, right? Barack is British, who else would have the resources to forge his birth certificate if not the Queen of England?
Busted!
Womp! There it is!
plus , she's his real mother which makes it more intense …
Sometimes their theories leave me faint with their sheer audacity and degree of disengagement from anything that most sane people would recognize as the history of this planet, or facts.
OM MAH GAWD THEY'RE RIGHT I MUST CHANGE MY IDEOLOGY NOW
This has to be a put-on, because "Barack" is spelled correctly.
Lyndon LaRouche was right!!!
Re-doubling down on crazy! That takes guts (or an infinite supply of crazy).
Today we are all Charles Dickens.
Cor' blimey!
Dear Free Republic,
Bend over and take it in. It's God's will.
Gently yours,
Karl
If only they had a time machine, they could move to 1970s Rhodesia or South Africa, and live happily ever after.
They'd go back a bit further back. 1859, to be exact.
Or 1950s Alabama!
Or 2012 Mississippi
*sniff* I'm so proud of my state!
I saw a picture once from 1970s Rhodesia of a white lady in the capital going shopping with an Uzi around her shoulder. Probably wingnut paradise.
Hahahaha. Dumbasses are funny.
OT, but hey Dok Zoom: Are you posting at Buzzfeed now, too? http://www.buzzfeed.com/katienotopoulos/sad-broni…
Oh my ponyness!
Wow. That was the gift that didn't stop giving!
I love the scene in "The Madness of King George" where the King is talking to Pitt and he says something like "do you realize how large America is?" The real sadness and sense of loss in his voice is touching. I'd imagine that even in today's England such protestations of a desire to give up on being American would be viewed as indicative of some deep, and deeply annoying, pathology.
And accurately so.
Re: the pic – tits or gtfo!!!!
I'd rather use this one: http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/91000/Queen-…
Yeah, they should go to Great Britain…it's not as if that nation has those awful socialist programs like a national health service or anything.
Um, what?
Umm, they do realize that the Queen is a figurehead and doesn't even make these decisions right? And that pretty much all the MPs really like Obama, including the leaders of the Conservative Party?
Oh and that the one thing the wingnuts DO like (the austerity measures) aren't working, have prolonged the recession there and Labour will probably be back in control over the next cycle?
My goldfish has a better chance of understanding these things than they do.
David Cameron is an honest-to-goodness socialist compared to Obama.
Please give examples of all of President Obama's socialist policies. I'll wait.
For one, he tried to take away our guns, but we turned him back with shouts of USA! USA! USA!, then he tried to redistribute our wealth, which is obviously why we live in dirt poor trailer parks, and finally he put the means of production into the hands of the working class, because the Koch brothers are the working class dontcha know.
OK, I'm convinced.
Obamacare, Solyndra, ACORN and Benghazi. And Bill Ayers. And birth certificate. Watermelons.
He's blackety black. With a side of black.
Now, now. Only half.
The *wrong* half according to them.
And of course, I mean his penis.
Which is HUGE. Just ask Michelle.
Vegetables and 2 Live Crew.
One of the planks in the Communist Manifesto is the abolition of child labor. Under Marxist Obama's Marxist administration of Marxists, child labor is against the law.
QED.
“You’re sending this to Elton John?”
Of course. Freddie Mercury’s dead. :)
Oh, ho, ho. Gotta love that Freeper wit!
I want Freddie's ghost to rise up and bash them all repeatedly with his half-mic stand.
Yeah, England needs more Pikeys.
Freepers, the idea is to move to a country that actually shares your ideals. So have fun being Persons Of No Citizenship Living In The Airport. Oh, those of you more concerned with social issues could join the Taliban, also.
Too brown.
Too complicated– they'd have to worry about PONCLITAs in name only lurking about.
there will be turf wars with the Hari Krishnas at the airport
We don't even want these ignorant assholes around, what on earth makes them think that some other country would?
the anacondas in the florida everglades have virtually decimated the food supply there … just say'in
Can we pack them on a ship and sell them to Great Britain?
.
.
.
PROFIT!!!!!!!!!!!
No, loss—we'd have to pay Great Britain to take these losers
Tax deduction?
making Britain a toxic waste dump
Wanker libel!!
Tosser, also, too.
Shhh, don't tell them about the atheist and Darwinist rates on the Isles.
ugh, people can be so stupid. I have a friend who is mostly a lovely person, but she declared she was going to spend the next four years in Italy to escape the Bamz. Italy! Land of universal healthcare, with a center-left government. She's also Catholic. But divorced. DERP, DERP, DERP. the cognitive dissonance is strong within her.
You know, the disconnect might be that it's OK for furn countries to have all that; just not Murka. I can't figure it out.
Bunga Bunga!
How 'bout she stays here and I go to Italy, where I share their values. Also. Ugly Murkans abroad will alienate us from Europe for decades.
Pretty sure Mitt's Olympic visit has burned this bridge, mate.
What?
Hey Freepers, you might want to try learning what freedom is before you accuse Obama of being against it. Hint: government doing its job and providing for the less fortunate in no way hampers freedom, in fact that enhances it.
What a bunch of dumbtards.
"Sovereign citizens" is wingnut code for "I'm a white supremacist" or "I hang out with white supremacists so much that I have subconsciously started imitating them".
Those silly "socialist" liberals who want to make society more fair really do hold distain [sic] for our nation and contempt for its founding principles; why they want to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity. How un-American!
My God, they're secret Loyalists!!! And you know what us American's do to Loyalists, right?
Seriously, I don't know what we do to Loyalists. We'll have to dig through the Smithsonian to see what the penalties were.
Get back to us on how enjoyable the British life is after you go to your first football game there.
And be sure to wear some (hopefully expensive) item of clothing representing your team!
William Pitt the Younger
LORD PALMERSTON!
I decline to comment until I see Limeylizzie's take…..
I'm sure the word "cunty" will enter in to it.
(No one says cunty like LL.)
Right? I imagine her making it sound quite classy.
BTW, excellent avatar!
Dunderheads, malcontents and ne'er-do-wells, OH, MY! Just shoo!
Thank M, the new James Bond is out today. Working OHMS, he will launch a few missiles at the blue states.
Maybe Uz-beki-beki-bekistan will take them.
god where to start with these idiots.
1. this is a recycled libtard protest from 2004 (key words changed, obv.)
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/blj…
2. our version made sense
3. our version was funny
4. fuck you.
Oh god, the fake reply from the queen on the new republic site is so great! The queen used the term "SEED CORN.' AH HAHAHAHAHHA.
Dear Humble Servants:
Thank you for your enquiry. Let me relate a story, though, before I reply.
I was watching monster truck racing on the cable television the other day, and I noticed two things. Firstly, I saw that I was out of mountain dew. Secondly, I observed that you elected a Kenyan to office again. How dreadful, I thought to myself, and belched.
Indeed, we will accept your offer of assimilation into Great Britain, on two conditions. First, you must teach me how to dance properly. Secondly, you must make me some moonshine.
I respectfully await your reply!
Love and Kisses,
The Queen (of England)
SueBob Libel!
Nice video, needs moar pistol-shots at his feetz.
…just when I thought this couldn't get any funnier…
Didn't our independence movement begin with dumping teabags?
they are self-dumping this time
I advise you Freepers to renounce your citizenship now and sort out where to immigrate later. No backsies, Goddamn you!!
"Had we known that we were going to be subjects anyway"
Oh, yes, you guys are subjects. For sure. But when they spoke during the Revolution of their dissatisfaction with their status as "subjects", they didn't mean "subjects of scores of PhD theses in abnormal psychology and the sociology of mass delusion"
remember the tulip bulb craze that swept through Holland in the 17th century ? entire fortunes were bid for a single bulb in some case – then the market crashed , fortunes lost – and people snapped out of it suddenly and they all wondered why they did that … baggers remind me of that level of mass crazy
Ever read "Extraordinary Popular Delusions"?
When Mittens visited the UK in the summer, he repeatedly insulted the entire nation. So I'd rather not have all his supports crossing the Atlantic too, thank you very much.
Oh and also the NHS.
To Galt's Gulch with all of you fuck sticks-get to making your own passports, purifying your own water, and homeschooling your kids
Can we please, please write a letter to Queen Elizabeth begging her to take them off our hands? (Then she can deport them to Australia, who the hell cares.)
While we're deporting crazed wingnuts, can we make Australia take Mel Gibson back?
Australia would care , and torpedo the tugboat as it appoached
This would probably meet with the approval of the majority of the citizens. Of both countries.
All well and good, have at it.
Knifecrime Island stands ready to welcome the flood of gun-totin' dipshits.
The Freepers should all move to Atlantis instead.
It's down there, honest! Just jump in with these weights chained to your neck. You can't miss it.
Way down, below the ocean, where I want to be, she may be.
So…Tea Party Tories?
Why are they settling for England? Must be the libertarian paradise that is Somalia is full.
These Freepers idiots really think they'll be living upstairs at Downton Abbey. Ha, it'll be all Mrs. Patmore bitching at you for burning the shepard's pie, you fucking cunts.
Oh and Freepers, cunts is what they will call you. All the fuck of you!
What is this "Downton Abbey" all the kids are talking about? Sounds like "Upstairs Downstairs" from the '70s.
It really is just a remake of Upstairs Downstairs. BUT! Did Upstairs Downstairs have a storyline of the Earl's eldest daughter getting stuck under the dead body of a Turkish envoy after he took her virginity and the Countess and maid conspiring to move the dead body back to his room so he appeared to die in his sleep? Didn't think so!
No, but Fawlty Towers had an episode with Basil and Manuel running around with a dead body!
Downton Abbey has gay people, and Maggie Smith
The stupid motherfuckers can't even do their version of Post-2004-Election Liberal Escapist Depression right! Oh, the fail!
Also, too, you NEVER address the Queen as "Your Grace." "Your Grace" is the proper term of address for a DUCHESS, or for a Duke, and, in certain circumstances, for churchmen. The Queen is addressed as "Your Majesty."
Delete this !!!!!
Will not!!!!!!!
Okay, fine. I guess it won't matter because they couldn't find GB anyway.
Oh. No, they definitely won't. Last I heard they thought South Africa was in Miss'sippi. Which ain't too far off ideologically, but yeah, geography's a bit outside their capabilities.
Or less formally, Ma'am.
I've never been on less formal terms with the Queen.
Although I did once stand in line and wave my hanky, as I was told to. But I was a very little child, then.
In Free America, we can address the Queen any way we want, because freedom of speech and Constitution. Oh…
"Little did we know that our own free press would intentionally sabotage, deceive and withhold the truth from us in order to reelect a Socialist that still holds distain for our nation and contempt for its founding principles."
Well, I know Darwin is the devil himself, but… if a group is basically proving Darwin's theory of evolution by slowly dying out because of its inability to change or adapt to its surroundings, but that group refuses to believe that evolution is anything other than a lie by the devil, what happens? Do their heads all explode one day?
Fuck, when did compassion (and Jesus's whole spiel in pretty much to whole new testament for that matter) quit being American values?
They're just jealous. When we screamed about moving abroad back in the Bush years, we had a multitude of places to choose from that have MORE government in the form of cool stuff, neat places like the UK, Canada, Sweden, Australia, Finland, and many more! If they want to move to a place that has LESS government (and LESS SOCIALISM ZOMG), they have, like, Rwanda or something.
Exactly.
Help me, Rwanda
BTW, our exchange student from there said you really do pronounce it like Rhonda.
or the polar ice cap as long as it lasts …
Free Republic folks seem doltish.
I thought only my idiot brother-in-law said stupid crap like "I'm going to Canada to escape socialism."
have you ever been to "Facebook," the website? Several dozen people are posting things that are very similar
Sounds good to me – they play football just like we do! Wait, what?
Hey, I saw the Patriots and Rams play last week at Wembley, so you must be right!
Does this Einstein understand that the Brits have a thing called the National Healthcare System, in which you are covered from cradle to grave? No? I didn't think so, either.
No joke, lots of serious, unironic secession/race riot talk in my Central Texas office the past two days, in addition to the usual stuff about Michelle Obama looking like a chimpanzee, not to mention the people on facebook saying things like "that's what happens when you let n*ggers vote".
I have one week left here, and it can't come soon enough.
godspeed to ya
Take a shit in the bathroom sink on your last day.
I knew this bit of utterly useless information would come in handy some day. :) Said that already, haha.
"Dear A. People,
We have considered your offer and suggest the following: we will take everything from Boston to New York City, on a line continuing up the Hudson River to our people in Canada (such a lovely peaceful people, you will like them), and offer Commonwealth status to South Florida (because we love places with extreme weather, particularly hot, where the people speak those funny languages other than English) and your San Francisco Bay area with their wine country because it is such a lovely place and it was ours in the first place after Sir Francis Drake stopped there. We will consider taking Kentucky for our horses but we believe there has been too much inbreeding there (among the humans), even by our standards, so we would have to stipulate that the horses can stay but the people must leave. You can keep the rest or give it back to France or Spain as it was previously, as you please. Very truly yours, ERII"
LOL!! "Shut up, that's why!" Never mind anything else, Rebecca reigns. Hand over that crown, Liz.
I suspect they don't realize that they'd have to get passports. For the first time in their lives.
" They hadn’t even shot the Archduke Ferdinand yet!"
Suddenly, I am afraid to look this up in the Urban Slang dictionary…
the shot heard around the world – he was a screamer
Can't say I blame you. (Thinks back to previous Wonketz-inspired encounters, shudders)
Having rid themselves of the humorless puritans once, I doubt they want them back again.
To answer Rebecca's question, I believe the thing they are really afraid of is that the president is able to stay in the sun without the help of tanning agents or high level sun block. Basically, melanin envy. If you need help with anything else, just ask.
I do not want them to ever go to England to avail themselves of our many fine things and women.
Well, the Negroes did, and then they went home and invented Bebop and Civil Rights.
Well that's different I would have welcomed the negroes!
This deserves to be written out in splendid Olde-English-as-she-is-spoke calligraphy, bordered in gold leaf, and framed.
Freepers, good work. For 2016 and beyond, this is exactly the direction in which you should keep heading.
Do they need a ride to the airport?
Hey Freepublic, Trump and all you other dickheads calling for revolution or re-joining the U.K.: Remember that old bumper sticker?
AMERICA: LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!
Bunch of crying little babies. Grow up.
Yeah. You tell 'em. And remember: A short, sharp shock goes a long way.
Dear White Queen,
We are under the oppression of a Blah. Please send the Red Coats to rescue us. We are gonna be the ones wearing the Tri-Corner hats. Probably with Black Boots. Or maybe Navy Boots. But definitely with a Red Sash. To represent our bleeding hearts being stabbed to death by Socialism.
xxoo
(Racist & Stupid) American People Who Will Gladly Be Your Subjects Again because Blah Guy is Re-Elected. Also too. Please Excuse the Whole "Revolution" Thing. Our Bad.
P.S. Is it illegal for Blahs to vote in your country? We kinda have a thing against that.
Hey, wow, you're *really fluent* in Teabagese!
Snark off.
Seriously, these people. I feel like we need some kind of mental health intervention right now? Because wow, the stupid runs strong in them.
oh good god.
Tally Ho, I say!
Please don't tell any of them about the commie medicine for everyone in the UK or Canada.
Wait, weren't some libertarian nuts supposed to be building some islands in the Pacific to escape the tyranny of the normal peoples? Wonkette had a post about it ages ago. Maybe they could go there.
There's a special place in Hell for loyalists to the Crown. It's called "Ontario."
You are not her Majesty's servants, peons, you are her subjects. Now pull that forelock. PULL IT HARDER!!!
Yeah, I think they should all move to New Zealand. English is more or less spoken there. But a big fraction of the population is composed of the Maori, a Polynesian people with little sense of humor, some of whom are larger than your average refrigerator.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4LNjNXt1yM
They might have a problem with some of the more colorful racial theories expounded by this particular species of American moron.
I, for one, welcome our new British overlords.
Facts? We don' need no stinkin' facts!
Silly wingnuts, her title is "Your Majesty" not "Your Grace"
Meh, take it from an Australian; British oppression just ain't what it used to be. If you Americans had just waited it out like us and Canada, you'd have a nice powerless ceremonial head of state who visits every five years, a full democracy and a booming socialist economy..
The reformulation is….well, you said it ;-)
If you're ever in Portland OR I'll take you to my favourite cider bar to try some of the local stuff, it's excellent.
Wait. With real sugar?
Yup. 5.5%
It kind of surprises me that NYC doesn't have microbrews. After all, we've got a really good soft cider business here. I have to look into that.
If you didn't see it above, if you ever pass through PDX I'll introduce you to some excellent local stuff.
Not in the DC area, where pretty much everyone works for one government or another whether they admit it or not.
Nah, mang,no vinegar; it's fries, cheese curds and gravy. Some versions will add like ground beef and/or fried onions, in the style of chili-cheese fries.
When I was hanging with Brit expats in Moscow I was frequently subjected to all manner of heavy breakfast materials. For a guy who normally doesn't like breakfast at all and subscribes to the theory that hunger makes one sharper I could never understand how anyone could function with a belly full of bangers and beans to start the day. Unless we hadn't been to bed yet. But that's different.
Blood sausage is delicious, if done well! But that's not a traditional Irish breakfast.
We used to have hot noodle soup for breakfast. Delicious. Or you could have salted fish, pickled cucumbers, fried egg, and coconut rice. Even more delicious.
Why is everybody talking about food? It's making me HUNGRY.
Friends from the U.K. were here last week and brought Marks & Spencer shortbread cookies. Gone in 24 hours.
OMFG Digestives. Cookie/crackery manna from heaven.
He just feeds on reaction to him. And we can't kill him “with votes.” What to do, what to do.
Uh … Oh, look, just behind your ear (runs out of room, slamming door)
Send him pallets of butter cookies, shortbread, duck confit, thick-cut bacon, and five-flower pork. He might take the insult, but he'll certainly also take the food – on a one-way trip to a myocardial infarct. (sighs blissfully)
*Some*one's in a mood.
And enjoying it, too!
History buff or political science buff? Or just buff in general?
Boff. :) History has always been one of my great loves, and I am only beginning to realize how much of history is the history of politics.
And how much of politics is due to man's greed?
An excellent question. All of it, it would seem, at least from my vantage point.
You mean all of it Katie.
Pardon my failure to meme appropriately. :)
You're excused. :)
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