There is not a reason in the world to click on the video above of fallen Wonkette hero “Joe” the “Plumber” flapping his gums at his election loss party, except to note his killer rags. Dude, you were running for Congress. You think the flannel might be a touch … less formal than the occasion demands? Nah, fuck it man. You are “authentic” and “real” just like your fake name and fake occupation! And now you are dead. Let us gather our rosebuds and meet back on the other side of the jump to remember the manifold gifts “Joe” the “Plumber” has given to your Wonkette, lo these many years.
You shot to superstardom with just one plaintive bitchfest, but your flame burned too bright, especially after desperate sad man John McCain seized, desperately and sadly, on your “common man” “Joe Sixpack” … earthiness. (Stupidity.) After that, you tried to do some common grifting, and it sort of worked for a while (we guess).
But your gravy train ended, and so you ran for Congress, living on campaign cash.
But because you are the world’s laziest man, you didn’t even work at that.
You wrote a book we guess?
Because you are a muppet, you toured the country for a piece of legislation, but did not actually know what it said or did.
Because you are a big strong man, you threatened to physically kick the shit out of Nancy Pelosi.
You said some bullshit about “queers,” and then yelled at the ladies what asked you about it.
You told stupid hippies paying taxes is awesome and they should stop being common moochers, like you.
You said Jews caused the Holocaust by not having guns.
You said you would like to shoot Mexicans.
You received 24 percent of the vote.
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You received 24 percent of the vote.
Ameriduh FUCK YEA. USA USA USA!!!!!!111!!!1!
Basically, he ran in a district he had no chance of Kapturing (heh!) and lived off $60K a year plus whatever meals and drinks he could scam off bartenders, diner owners and others who were Kaptured (heh, again!) by his celebrity.
Hey, I'd be embarrassed, too….NOT!
wow! that's even less than the usual dullard percentage! huzzah duhMerkuh!
YOU GET NOTHING. YOU LOSE. GOOD DAY SIR.
I SAID GOOD DAY SIR
Sorry, wingnuts like Not Joe Not the Plumber never go away. (See: Sarah Snowbilly Grifter Palin).
Sarah who? I've just been grateful she's been beaten (with votes!) into obscurity, save for making an appearance every two or four years to talk about Freedom and do her runway model walk.
Fucking Snozwangler.
No one takes you seriously when you say Good Day Sir.
And you've found that out through bitter personal experience, have you?
Joe's plan to reduce taxes was just not to pay them.
So, the Romney way?
Yep!
…it is obvious that 24% of the population were dropped on their heads as children.
Or were high and voted for "Joe" for the lulz
Suppose there were a ballot measure that read "Referendum 2: Deport you – yes, YOU – to a FEMA death camp immediately. We seriously have a van following you."
It would clear 20% of the vote, because 20% of the population will vote for literally anything.
Do they have hot showers and cots?
JCP&L still hasn't gotten to your neighborhood, huh?
Oh. I was fine, never even lost teh TeeVee…well, until last night's storm…I was just trying to ponder why someone would vote for that.
We used to have an expression around here, "twenty-three-percenters" (referring to those special people who still believed GWBush was a great president, at the end of his second term).
This is well within the sampling error.
Not hard enough.
24% of the population would vote for a 2 x 4 if it identified as republican.
I assume you're talking about the "splinter vote"?
I was dropped on my head as a child. Twice. And I still wouldn't vote for this floater.
Democracy isn't broken yet.
Having sat on a barstool next to 200 windbags like this, I don't need to see him on teevee.
so 24% of the voters in that district are dumber than Joe.
Prolly the same 24% of the population that believes extraterrestrial beings inhabit the Earth.
Now hold on there….Where did they go?
I think they inhibit the Earth. Yeah. From becoming a complete waste of carbon. Or something. Hey! Bilbray lost, too! Woot woot! RepreSENT 52nd! We got smarter!!!!
Those are probably also the people who fell for the grifters who were selling stuff to prepare for The Rapture…
The Republican party is a super magnet for grifters.
Will Joe the Plunger puh-LEEZ go away for good?
"Republican Voters Voicing Complaints About Intimidating Black Man On Ballot"
(The Onion)
BTW, I believe that 24% is pretty much exactly the number who thought Dumbya was a great president. My money says it's the very same people.
They were so intimidated, they stayed away from polling places and let him be president again.
That Venn Diagram is a perfect circle.
I guess losing is a humbling experience because he sounds fairly normal in his down-to-earth concession speech.
No kidding. I hope all of them aren't going to give up the abrasive, pig-headed asshole shtick. That's how I spotted them.
WILL. NOT. WATCH.
EVER. AGAIN.
BEGONE, POOPSMITH!
Somehow, his fame exceeded his 15 minutes. Time for him to go away.
Joe – go show your butt crack to someone who cares.
Lindsey Graham probably needs a new intern.
Have you no sense of decency sir (or madam), at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?
Sir. And a very nice sir, to boot.
None of us do.
I'm pretty sure there's a filter for that here. Just like words to similar to a formerly famous grifter's kid's name.
He needs a hug from Mann Coulter, cuz I hear she's a tad depressed.
Many women have two bumps, Ann's just happen to be in her throat and in her lower private area.
I knew a woman with a very large clitoris, that could stand in for Joe's dick. Mann Coulter, now, that thang is Long Dong Silver territory.
Which is she more depressed about? Obama winning or Chris Christie paling around with Obama to get some love from Springsteen?
To be fair to hapless Joe, it is better he grift the GOP and its grumpy old white people supporters than doing real damage unclogging toilets.
The McCain curse (Sarah Palin et al) lives.
Everything he touched, turned to
golddust.Now he can get back to not being a plumber.
I understand he also plans to spend less time with his family.
When reached for comment, his family replied, "Who?"
Joey, we hardly knew ye.
And even that was too fucking much.
You are fat, stupid and smell like fail but I bet Sarah Palin would totally do you now since she is a desperate, aged harpy with an obvious meth addiction. Call her!
Holy snap!
Saw her very briefly on FOX election night coverage. Not looking too well.
I bet Joe is now in favor of spreading the votes around.
Fame is a fickle mistress, ain't she "Joe?"
Soooo…now can he officially change his name to "Joe the Congressman?"
Gather ye, Rose, Buds while ye may.
Ohio a great State or the greatest State?
Take it easy on Ohio. We don't want to anger them.
I joined the Navy to get out of Ohio. It worked, but they tell me there are other ways.
How intrepid of you! Ohio prolly loves you better than Joe the Asshat.
Well, with the slowly improving economy, maybe he can get a job. Maybe as a plumber?
What a ballcock! (If I might use a plumbing term!)
…with those credentials, I'm actually surprised that he isn't in congress already? He does meet all the Rethuglican requirements
-White: check!
-Born with penis: check!
-Dodges taxes: check!
-Masturbates to the photo of a AR-15: check!
-Doesn't like Brown people: check!
-Probably doesn't have high school diploma: check!
I don't think I left anything out
How 'bout a teeny, tiny pseudopenis?
Needz some whack comment about "God loves rape babies" or some shit like that.
Extremely stupid and aggressively ignorant: check!
Taps feet in restroom.
…wide stance: check!
Needz moar plastic-looking hair and a horsie.
- is an actual plumber? um … NO CHECK
But your gravy train ended, and so you ran for Congress, living on campaign cash.
Wait.
You can do that?
Fuck. I'm declaring for every fucking office known to man, in that case. I can spend the rest of my life running for office from the comfort of my lounge chair in the Campbell Apartment.
Trix, you can
let me buy you many martinisinterview me when you're in town and write it off as a business expense!"I want a hamburger, no a cheeseburger. I want a hotdog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips–"
"You'll get nothing and like it!"
I know I do.
Bet you 20 the Wurzelbacher kid picks his nose. Another 20 says he eats it.
We're all gonna get laid! (except Joe)
And if he still remembers how to do plumbing? He can assist with job skills training and show the other unemployed losers how to not do that right, either~!
We can call living on campaign cash "Pulling a Wurlzelbacher". Or we could keep the already coined "Pulling a Witchy O'Donnell". Whichever you prefer.
Hmptf. That's not very nice.
~ Lou Sarah
Did he ever buy that plumbing business?
Oh. Yeah.
John McCain's legacy: Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber. Thanks for the floaters, John.
You'd think an old dude would know the value of fiber…
Oh well, at least he has a trade to fall back on. As long as there are pipes, the world will always need licensed, certified…turds to go thru them.
Those toilets won't scrub themselves, you know.
Toledo didn't deserve him. Hang on, that doesn't sound right.
Sartorially challenged douchebag is douchey.
As every plumber knows, shit rolls down hill.
Hot is on the left, cold is on the right, and shit don't flow uphill. Thats about it.
Oh, and don't chew your fingernails. Not if you are a plumber, no no no.
an indication that Americans are not as stupid as we have been appearing?
"The 24% will always be with us."
- Jesus (or somebody)
Fear not, Joe. You'll make a mighty fine Jeopardy answer someday.
Alex, I'll take douche bags for $500, final offer
Joe would never be more than the $100 answer.
I'd rather watch that Cleveland bus driver give that chick a mean ass upper cut on you tube. Man he tagged her yo.
Joe's 15 minutes of fame ended long ago,now it's just sad.
He's a plumber. He might get fifteen minutes but he still bills you for an hour.
That was something alright, but it would have been even cooler if he had done it to Joe the Grifter, yo (with votes of course).
No more running for the shelter of your plumber's little helper
And grift helps you through the night, helps to minimise your plight.
Geez, Walnuts' campaign is the the gift that keeps on giving.
Possible job opening at "Butt Cracks "я" Us, apply at rear enterance.
not the way I want to greet the greeter.
24% of the vote is even less than the 27% Alan Keyes got when he ran for Senate against Barack Obama. Could it be that the pool of batshit crazy voters is shrinking?
If this is one of those things where slow-motion soft-focus pictures of "Joe" play over sad music, I ain't watching.
There've been so many losers to forget this year that I almost forgot to forget Mia Love. Joe the Plumber's Helper is just gonna have to wait, since he's worn out his welcome, even as a has-been.
Hang on….we're like forty years past the election of Shirley Chisholm and the Republicans STILL haven't had a black woman in Congress??????????????
The first Haitian-American female mayor for her Utah district and such.
I wonder if "Honey I'll be your forbidden chocolate candy" would constitute possibly the sexiest words in the Mormon language?
I'm a mother, I ran a failed congressional bid, and I'm a Mormon!
Most of the Mormons I've met have been mothers, one way or another.
Oh, and the dispatcher is paging you, Joe: It seems the guy who made you famous by schooling you on the concept of marginal tax rates invited the governor of NJ over for burritos and now he needs his toilet snaked. The address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Success is the best revenge.
My favorite part was the part where he intimated that maybe reporters and liberals and war critics should be roughed up a bit in acts of mob violence, for Freedom.
With votes!
But also, and mostly, with fists. And possibly tire-irons.
There's a name for a political philosophy that is obsessed with the redemptive power of ideologically-purifying populist violence, I don't want to belabor the point by using it again so often after talking about former Rep. Allen West, but yeah.
Ann Coulter needs a good stiff one this morning.
She sounded like she'd already had one in that Laura Ingraham interview.
What's his name?
Piss hard-on libel!
And not her own.
Assume Joe dead. Finally.
Let me guess, the same 24% thought Romney would win in a landslide? I wonder if the righties who get all their info from that RW echo chamber will question their source just a little now? nah.
Everybody join in on the chorus!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krhBPiNCI5A
hahahah he could have replaced all of his youtube "POLICY" videos with this
I remember hipster critics of the late '70s calling their Smash Hit Corporate Rock Period "The Doobie Associates" and "Steely Dan Lite". Still a good song, though.
Better than this nonsense
Well, I feel good knowing that at least he will stick to his principles and not rely on any kind of public assistance while he is between jobs.
For government to be so evil, he sure was eager to hop aboard the government gravy train with all its socialist healthcare & nice perks (for Joe I'm assuming the young interns).
And now this asshole wants to replace the tax code? What qualifies this guy to do anything at all? Education? Experience? When I was young, I always thought it would be awesome to run the Ninja roller coaster at the local Six Flags, but those who make decisions would not have let me do so. It would have been great for me but not great for the people who would have sustained chiropractic injuries and or decapitations. The difference between 13 year old me and Joe the Failer? I knew not to even ask because I realized I had no business trying.
If I'm not mistaken this motherfucker once siad that Obama was an affirmative action hire.
Joe is the poster child for the lumpenproletariat. Dumb, angry, white, self-pitying, blaming everyone and anyone else (who has dark skin of course) for his problems and failures. Its that gosh darn gubmints fault he can't run a business, its the darkies on welfare's fault he has to pay taxes (which he cheats on as much as he possibly can) its all whine this and whine that and poor me, fucking loserboy fucking whiner fucktard. And he is just the posterboy, there are so so so many millions of these lazy fucked up angry idiots out there with their 80 IQs and functional illiteracy and drug problems all ranting about how they woulda gone to college but the affirmative action and they gave all the scholarships to the blahs and the gubmint won't let me get ahead. They should all just choke on their bile and die.
You spelled "lumpy" wrong
A comment from Joe's own webiste:
If you don’t like the Government, and you don’t believe in the democratic system, why do you want to be in congress? If you are not a politician, how does anyone think that you will be able to work the appropriate levers of the political machine or worse, not be taken for a ride by unscrupulous forces in the Republican or Democratic party? Naivete is only sexy in a college cheerleader. You aren’t a cheerleader, are you?
Weep, indeed. We won't have Joe to kick around any longer :'(
Is there some sort of conservation of mass between him and Palin? He got fat! Also, seems like someone's got a plunger up his ass.
Drunken Nate Silver knows the exact time Joe the Not Plummer died, as well as what song was playing on his iPod, even noting the time at 3:42…
there is a particular line from a very bad james joyce play i was in that always appealed to me (likely as the actress who delivered it was very funny).
"and i saw that you had got fat."
palin and joe:
jack sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean.
only with gender inversion.
24% of that district is very scary. *locks car doors while passing through*
24% of the vote? Our schools are obviously failing.
24% of the population believes that 24% is greater than 50%, so joe wins!
I just don't understand how – with standard-bearers like Joe the Plumber, Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin, Sarah "Shuck and Jive" Palin, Donald "Revolution" Trump, Richard "Oops" Perry, Newt "Janitor Kids" Gingrich, Richard "Rape Babies are a Gift from God" Mourdock, Clint "Chair" Eastwood, and Mitt "47 Percent" Romney – the Republicans could possibly have lost this election.
Is he only metaphorically dead? How disappointing.
In that plaid, he looks like Joe the Sofa.
Seriously? He looks odd, like not the same as when we first knew him. Some kind of steroidal therapy? Residual effects of lobotomy?
Sorry, Joe the Plumber Crack, but your 15 minutes of fame is over just like Mario ran out of lives and Game Over.
Joe The Loser!
24%? That's not even crazification-factor level.
Ironically, "Joe the Plumber" is my porn name.
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