O hai Romney transition website developer! Did you know that if you have a website you do not yet want people to see yet, you can hide it? Like, you could put up a splash page that says “coming soon,” with kittens with googly eyes, or you could just have it in development pages and not actually published to the Internet! We do not blame you, web development is hard! You know: UNLESS IT IS YOUR JOB TO DEVELOP THE WEB. Here are some screenshots of the Romney transition website, which unaccountably was live for the whole Internet (but especially Taegan Goddard at Political Wire) to see! It was here an entire day after Miffed “47 percent” Romney shit the electoral bed! We especially like the ones we are gonna show you after the jump!
We are not saying Mitt Romney should not have had someone working on a transition website! It is important to have your ducks in a row! It is just that, as with every other single thing on his campaign, they did a piss-poor job, and now we have no choice but to laugh at them. MITT ROMNEY WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS?
This “Join the Administration” page is the funniest one. Like, did you know it is not always awesome buying yourself a cabinet position or whatever?
Wait a minute, what did it just say?
Hahaha, it said you have to show your taxes and stuff. AS IF! From now on, no presidential candidate will ever have to show her taxes, due to the precedent set by Mr. Senor Romney, unless of course she actually would like to win.
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To borrow a tagline from the movie "Thirteen Days":
You'll Never Believe How Close We Came.
I've also heard that line in a porn, too.
That's what Ann said.
Her?
(just think, that may officially be the last time I can use that joke)
I'm looking forward to ignoring the movie!
I wondered whatever happened to the tax bizniz. Better put some still-being-paid staffer to the task of filing that amended return!
I was really hoping to land a cushy statue-draping job.
I'm still hoping to be Ann's ugly shirt (or face) draper. Someone should do SOMETHING to cover that SOON.
That bird shirt should fetch an easy $35.00 at the campaign-expenditure-off-set yard sale.
I would pay $35 just to own that bird shirt so I could publicly burn it… but not until I scraped off the gold leaf or whatever it was that made it "worth" $990. Hideous!
IMHO, it's not Egg's face that's ugly-she's actually quite pretty. HOWEVER, the sneering contempt for the peasantry that was the source of her usual facial expression really uglified her.
A good job would be to take a hint from the post-election McCain office and scrub the electronic devices before yardsaling them.
If I remember correctly, the Romney people did that after they left the Massachusetts governorship. Wiped all the harddrives etc. Which was not legal since they were not his property but rather that of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. But the modern Republican party is the party of "I'm going to do it, and I know damn well you won't prosecute it."
So I have a feeling that the operation you describe is well under way.
They could call Rose Mary Woods for some bad advice, if she weren't dead.
Yes, my bro in Mass told me that Mitt's crew bought the hard drives from his admin when they could and destroyed them!
Has anyone spoken for the Oil Annointer position yet?
I was all ready to start a new business pulling down the huge marble statues of Obama from all the city squares and recycling them into tiles for the presidential bathroom of Romney's New White House. What do I do with Fastobamastatueremoval.com now?
Someone needs to start a Tumblr called Mittens Kittens that is full of pictures of cats telling Miffed that's ok to be a loser.
Awwwww….
If you're going to be bad at campaining, you should at least be good at losing.
Which he most distinctly was not–his "concession" PowerPoint/elevator speec h invited everyone to pray for Obama but didn't promise to help. Message: that guy's fucked. Everybody start praying.
Whatever, it's all transitional while W.A.S.T.E. ;)
Didn't I tell you not to mention that here? Use the other internet!
If you lost your password, look under the underpass at the San Narcisco exit, eh?
But he looks so presidential.
so traditionally presidential.
In a stock-photo sorta way…
Straight (pardon the pun) out of Central Casting — from 1954.
Very presidential skin color, to be sure.
OOH, you are supposed to EXPECT public/press scrutiny. Did Romney know that ahead of time?
That will be covered in Mitt's autobiography in the chapter entitled "Things I Learned"
It'll look pretty silly on the shelf next to No Apologies, the other half of the Romney oeuvre.
"No Apologies" will be followed by "I Apologize," which will be followed by "No Apologies II: I Never Apologized"
Stop. This is hard.
That only applies to the little people.
Was the Rove-pusbag supposed to tell him?
Oops.
So I guess they won't be accepting my application to be Secretary of the Interior. I was leaning toward Defense, because, well, blowing shit up would be kinda cool, but Interior, you don't have to go outside, right?
Right – I think that's the job where you just write down whatever the Interior Decorator says, like: "needs more car elevators"…..
Day One, you'll need to hire an undersecretary of measuring the drapes.
Be sure the carpet matches.
The Canadians I know call their middle finger the Secretary of the Interior.
Never heard that one before.
I was angling for chief of staff. I was all set to run around in the Congressional gym shower and yell at people to tow the line on whatever in the buff.
Isn't that Jerry Sandusky's prison job?
It touches my heart whenever someone that's never done an honest days work (or an "honest" anything else) is so dedicated to putting people back to work. Even if it's cleaning his house, or his other house, or any of his other houses. Also.
Come on now, I'm sure he's had honest bowel movements…though I doubt he had to clean up after himself.
I like the instruction "clicking the button below will open a new window". Just in case you were anxious about that right-click or back button not working.
Like the maths, clicking the clickies is hard.
It's a lot more complicated than shaking an Etch-A-Sketch after all.
Also, this webmaster learned his trade in 1999.
From an ad on Oracle or Friendster. Or maybe AOL. They needed the ad revenue to send the software updates on those floppy discs.
Can I do it on my Jitterbug?
Wait, so I applied for that "Oats Feeder" position for nothing?
"Rafalca Fluffer" is still available.
Ron Jeremy applied for it but was turned down. Apparently didn't have possession of what Mitt considers, appropriate "holdings."
THAT'S NOT GENITAL TRANSCENDENCE
con voce harelip: "I wanna see the horses twat!"
You are so bad.
The APPLY ONLINE button is not working. Is there a phone number we can call Mitts on to apply, or can we just show up after the lunch rush?
When the White House (after President Barack Hussein OBAMA!!- YEAH ,WE WON- again!) was looking for volunteers and the Prez had promised the girls a dog- I sent in a request to walk/clean up after said future dog. I did not get picked(I understand that the horticultural staff take care of Bo- although I was told that Sasha and Malia also bring him out for walks/runs as far as the kitchen garden). Maybe I can reapply for the second term(WE WON- WE WON)
"My name is MittRmoneyas, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Also: "I am become death, destroyer of worlds."
But they aren't headless trunks of stone. Just brainless.
The lone and level sands of Utah stretch far away.
Love the tagline "Smaller, Simpler, Smarter". They certainly have the first two of those down cold. They have a lot of work to do on that third one, though.
That's the tagline here at my government office here in the great old state of Tex-Ass. Except when you think of stuff that is smaller, simpler, smarter (faster) you get a lot of no can't do that or no that costs too much, that would just be too much work to change, or no one here can learn how to do that shit. So I go about pushing my paper like it's still 1982. /grumble.
At least the idiot at natesilveriswrong.com was smart enough to take it down right away.
But what about unskewedpolls.com?
He apologized, believe it or not.
I posted in Wonkville about it. Should be in the "Newest" link
He actually admitted to being wrong. I think it was just all a ploy to make money out of Wingnuts! How else do you explain the Louie Anderson pic? (see article).
I am open to any position except Director of: "Proving That President Romney Isn't a Soulless Dick". That, my friend, is just a bridge too fucking far.
Most. Unnecessary. Website. EVAH.
In all seriousness, I am in SE Asia at the moment, and just had a few drinks with some friends (suck it, America, it's already Thursday night here). I'm drinking with a Sikh, and Hindu and a Muslim, and we raised multiple glasses to Obama, and I got kind of teary-eyed. Thanks for not fucking the world up, friends, and voting for this moran who I'm sure had a "the next four wars" tab on his bogus transition site! It makes for more happy drunks here in Singapore at the very least.
Noodlesalad goes into a bar with a Sikh, and Hindu and a Muslim…
My bf was in a conference call with Hong-freekin-Kong yesterday and got multiple congratulations on Obama's re-election. I'm kinda sensing a global sigh of relief goin' on here.
Nice save, America!
Drinking?! Must be one of those Episcopalian Muslims.
As long as it's not bacon vodka.
I live in Germany. Obama's re-election is still front page news. CNN International has some shit about British chefs on.
I see the top pic says that the 21st century must be an American century. What the hell does that even mean?
I thought the 20th century was the American Century. Isn't it someone else's turn?
I think Costa Rica has dibs.
Ha! No military. Everybody runs around chanting "Pura vida!" but who do they drop bombs on? Nobody!
"All your asset are belong to us" is, I believe, the intended message there.
Mittz victory party advisory for those who didn't choose to celebrate the win, "Put your head between your legs and kiss your assets goodbye".
Well, when the current President is a secret Kenyan Muslim……
It means he wanted to start a ground war on the 21st Century, after softening it up with some Shock and Awe.
The sun never sets on the British Empire?
It means white.
They meant to say "one American's century" – the 1% is fighting it out….
Didn't the neocons try to start that mime during the first 8 years of the 21 century under the clown prince, Dubya?
That worked out well for them.
* Shudder * It's like the ghost of President future.
where Ebeneezer Scrooge is Job Creator and Tiny Tim is a lazy 47%er who just wants things.
Can't he just buy a new IRS and put an end to the tax nonsense?
This reminds me of that New England Patriots "19-0" book, that one season.
This “Join the Administration” page is the funniest one.
And it only cost $3.99 per minute to "apply".
yeah, what the hell does that even mean? Romney didn't have anyone in mind or lined up to work for him, so he thought this made sense? What was the thinking, people who didn't have jobs would google "Work for Romney Administration," and this page would be the number one search result? Totally unfit to govern
Test or GTFO!
I hope I have enough cash saved up to buy the federal "Director of Porcine Aviation" position in Rmoney's new regime!
I have my heart set on "Special Advisor on Infernal Climate Change", myself.
Sorry, Kitty, he's already got Pink Floyd penciled in for that.
Actually, this is an ongoing work by Fux and Frends, based on the alternative reality system they've been putting together since the beginning of the election season….it's really just a work in progress…temporarily called "Bizarro World"….but still looking for the real (imaginary) title – suggestions?…
"The Matrix"?
"The Mittrix?"
So, will Romney go back to Bain and resume his practice of slash & burn capitalism?
A dancing horse in every pot. Now that's exciting.
Wonder how Victoria Jackson would fare in the FBI background check. The "love toilet" skit from SNL could stop that process cold.
From now on, no presidential candidate will ever have to show her taxes, due to the precedent set by Mr. Senor Romney,
The REAL precedent is the amount of money the rich asshats dropped down the crapper trying to buy the election. I haven't seen so many zeros in a row since the last time Wil Wheaton had a book signing.
Managing to fuck away $400,000,000, with almost 0 return, is a clear and, I hope, lasting tribute to the GOP's outstanding business acumen.
I seriously object to that-I like Wil Wheaton- esp now that he and Sheldon aren't enemies
I would have put in for Undersecretary of You Must Have Misunderstood – We Never Said Any Such Thing.
that would be way too much work….
Excellent use of the word hubris.
Who's Mitt Romney? What movie is this from?
That really bad one where Bruce Campbell played a failed politician and James Spader played his smarmy, dickish sidekick.
HAHA They would have been preferable to the real pair!
I like how Mitt seems to be looking off in to the future in that picture. The future of not being President, of being the loser he is, just stone cold staring off into nothing. We can thank Mormon Jesus for something for once.
Funny thing is, he's looking to the left.
Well shit, I guess me and Mitt's got something in common.
I'm late to this party. I've been drooling over pictures of Romney "supporters" crying all over the 'tubes. Does this make me a bad person?
If hating on morons is bad, I don't want to be good.
Consider *their* response if they'd won.
Can't imagine it'd be any worse than their response having lost.
Anybody check lately on the state of readiness at Fort Sumter?
You know, I'm beginning to suspect that some of the opposition to Obama might have something to do with his race or something.
yeah, white people in really white people looking clothing- esp the ones in Vegas
OMG! I thought that I was the only…I laid in bed all day yesterday grinning gleefully at the sobbing pictures! Priceless!
I struggled with this yesterday – it probably does, but judeo-christian tradition has it that it's forgivable….
Today, we are all bad people
When I see this, I almost feel bad for Mittens! Losing is hard! But, then I remember that Mittens ran the most cynical, negative and dishonest campaign in recent political history and would have been an insufferable jerk to Barry if he had won-and those feelings all go away. ha ha ha.
It is almost vindication for the poor guy who was held down while mitt cut his hair…
Am I the only one who feels a slight pang of disappointment that America will now never get to enjoy photographs of that little scamp, Tagg Romney, peeking out of the footwell of the president’s desk as his smiling dad sits above him signing an executive order mandating thinner gruel in workhouse orphanages?
No, Tagg shares your disappointment.
And Tool and Tuff and Ruff and Buff and Biff and Tush and Tits, also too.
Oh please. According to NPR, Mittens hadn't even written a concession speech until it became clear that his ass was toast (Barry had written an acceptance and a concession speech, just in case).
Denial ain't just a river for these morons.
Barry is a professional. Mitt is a delusional mannequin who was sure he could buy the presidency.
Also, remember how we discussed certain so-called "human beings" being ot-nay oo-tay art-smay?
I'm kinda surprised that, in his concession speech, he didn't announce the Romney-Obama Co-Presidency.
Exactly, I'm surprised they just didn't leave the site up. "Reality doesn't matter."
See, if Palin had run and lost, she would have and called it a "shadow government" or some such.
When Blitzer said around 9:30 Tuesday night that they couldn't get hold of any Romney advisors about the loss in PA, that they were all holed up in a conference room and that the TV screens in the ballroom had been switched from showing results on FOX to campaign videos, I turned to my daughter and said, "I can't believe they're just writing the concession speech now"
They should have listened to Toby
It's part of attraction philosophy. If you only write the victory speech, then victory just comes to you. If you write a concession speech, you invite defeat. And I bet Barry's was Awesome.
FOX: Obama actually lost! Here's the concession speech!
OT, but at last now it can be said:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-mean-if-i-lose…
Excerpt: "Mitt Romney makes me want to drive a scalding hot nail into my eyeball. He’s a piece of fucking dog shit who has done nothing in this world except figure out how to say things people want to hear in order to get what he wants. He’s a gutless cocksucker pig fuck."
I loved that piece. And overall, The Onion's election coverage has been spectacular. Particularly enjoyed this one: http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-want-to-congra…
wow. that's like their editorial on the election.
They went ahead and let it go live in order to give the folks on the right something to fap to through the tears.
I thought they were all already fapping to videos of the first debate through the tears.
I saw a wedding announcement in the NY Times- two people who both work at Bain and Co. I was guessing this was not Bain's Deli. At least working at the Deli- you would be doing something decent and useful
Get a job, ya crumb-bum!!
http://www.whyilovecomics.com/wp-content/uploads/…
I haven't heard crumb-bum since my uncle, a Philly cab driver, died- 50 years ago!
Your Uncle was Ben Grimm?!
well, his first name was Benny!!
404½ WINGNUT ERROR FOUND
Well……..I'm glad the idiot didn't win. Only an idiot would believe his own lies ("POLLS AINT REAL, THEYR OVERSAMPELING DEMOCRAPS!!).
Unfortunately for his campaign, http://www.bitterloser. com was already taken.
Actually, it wasn't taken and I was so surprised, I bought it. Hmmmmmm. what to do with that domain name?
Host a collection of Donald Trump's tweets, for starters. Maybe Ted Nugent's, too.
Just steal content wholesale from the wingnut sites. Think of the bumper stickers, coffee mugs, T-shirts, caps, and greeting cards you could market, with that gold mine of material!
Now we know whom Mitt is going to fire to lift his mood.
All YOUR VOTES ARE BELONG TO… wait… wut?
New cereal from General Mills:
Defeaties, Breakfast of Losers.
Tearieos
Nabisco Shredded Lies.
Frosted Flakes
(heh)
Hopefuls for a Romney administration appointment: "Close But No C-zar"
"Close but no Caesar" you mean
Thought about that too! *fist-bumps*
If Mittens had won then being an abortion and taxing hating son of a GOPer with all the experience of an ice cream truck driver would have meant something again.
Uber-Happiness over all of the Koch Bros bucks that went down the Romney hole, which meant that they couldn't go to support any of the other repub asshats. Not ignoring you Shelley, it's just that you're a comparative piker with your casino chips and all.
Whoopsie!
Were there job opening for Secretary of Silly Walks?
May I throw out the first meme?
+1000 Internets for you sir!
*curtsies*
Brilliant!
Ha ha, the joke's on Romney. I already have a government job. Unlike him.
Well, his campaign certainly eliminated at least one government job…
Taker!
ME too! And I didn't pay a gazillion bucks to get mine. I got the top score on the civil service exam.
See, this is why I love you.
Felt the same way when Mittens proudly announced that he only wrote an acceptance speech. Cuz you really want a President who only prepares for the best-case scenario.
You think that's bad, you should have seen the pop-up ads.
Hey, I came up with another Obama's Dick So Big joke. Can I post it here?
He went skinny dipping in Loch Ness years ago and people are still talking about it?
Are we talking about B. Barry Bamz or Old Handsome Joe Biden? *is confused*
Not only can you, we insist on it.
The Romney campaign: the gift that keeps on giving.
It turns out that community organizing is good at something…. Like organizing. a community. like a campaign.
At least he has endless MTP appearances to look forward to.
Wait 'til his first post-asswhuppin' appearance on the Faux Network…
For Sale: winning campaign strategy. new in box.
I have been reading comments posted in Conservatard Blogs many of them are claiming they are going to leave America.I have volunteered to help them pack,or drive them to the airport.Others are just having a complete melt down.I fear some may be suicidal.The red state cult of stupid needs a hug.
No, man, this is great! Most countries won't let you immigrate in unless you a) have bookoo bucks or b) have a skill that one of their citizens doesn't have.
This is perfect! They can be…dare I say?…ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!
DIBS ON THEIR STUFF!
If they plan to go to Canada, remind them that Canada has universal health care AND marriage equality. The upside is, no hurricanes!
The downside is that it is colder than fuckall…
The upside is proximity to a Tim Horton's
That is not an advantage.
Off topic, but here it is a couple of days later, and I am still enjoying the fuck out of the wing-nuts losing their shit over Bammerz kicking their ass. Does that make me a bad person?
if you haven't been there yet, go to Michelle Malkin's blog and check out the comments – golden –
the worst kind. our kind.
be loud. be proud.
♪♫
There's a whole lot of Romneys suffering tonight
From the disease of conceit
Whole lot of goobers struggling tonight
From the disease of conceit
Comes right down the ballots
Down the long lines
Rips into your senses
Through your body and your mind
The schadenfreude's so sweet
The disease of conceit
♪♫
Melody?
Bob Dylan, Disease of Conceit, from the 1989 album "Oh Mercy"
How does "smaller, simpler" work with massive infusion of money into Defense?
"This “Join the Administration” page is the funniest one. Like, did you know it is not always awesome buying yourself a cabinet position or whatever?"
It's good of the Romney folks to warn people up front that they'd have to go through an FBI background check. That must be a concern for a lot of their campaign contributors.
I'll be happy to take a job helping Willard transition himself completely out of sight. With that experience in hand, I'll then offer the same services to the many other GOPtard politicians who we'd just as soon never see again.
I blame GoDaddy.com and a mischievous DNS server.
Didn't Herman Cain already call dibs on Secretary of Defense?
Nope, that was Allen West. If we get into trouble with Iran, we just have to fire a gun next to its head and scare it into backing down. That totally would have worked-thanks, vermin
http://articles.latimes.com/2011/dec/15/news/la-p…
Cain shared the idea with ABC's Barbara Walters during her annual special on the "10 Most Fascinating People." Cain said he thought he'd be a good pick because he wants to "influence rebuilding our military the way it should be."
Walters, stunned, reminded Cain of his struggles during the campaign with topics like Libya. And there is always Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan.
"I have been doing my homework ever since that difficulty," Cain said.
Yeah, what in the hell. I don't think Obammy used craigslist to find suitable staff, did he?
Hey! He spent the last seven years practicing that pose (see above). Too bad he didn't practice standing for something.
God: Mitt, didn't you get that golden plate I sent, telling you not to run for president? I had Moroni take it down personally.
Moroni: I was stopped at the front gate by one of his sons, Twat, because I looked funny.
God: So gimme back the plate. Gold is going up again.
Moroni: Can't. I buried it somewhere. He can dig it up later.
Also too the splash page shows a nice shot of BO's inauguration – prescient indeed!
Not sure what man would want to be "shorter and simpler," but when Mitt's right, he's right. "Smarter" — not so much.
Poor Mittens. He woke up yesterday, totally bummed. Had to call and cancel all the ties he bought for his first 100 days in office. Had to cancel the "I'm the President!!! Tax Cuts for Everyone!!" Pool Party at his Caymans home this weekend. Had to cancel the order of "Thank You for Giving Me All Your Moneez" cards for his donors. Not to mention that voicemail from Bamz that he had to white knuckle thru…..something about meeting up soon. SIGH.
He tells Ann he just needs some alone time. Fires up the 'puter, tries to surf a little Internet for some soul soothing cat videos and BAM! He sees his transition website still up and running. That had to have given him a massive emotional wedgie. Poor Mittens. And he can't even grab a beer to cry into! This man has suffered.
At least they took it down … unlike Unskewed Polls which still has this ridiculous "definitive," "spot-on accurate" November 5 prediction of the glorious Romney victory: http://unskewedpolls.com/unskewed_projection_2012…
No Tagg, stop! That's not a DeLorean! It's a tiiiimmmmme maaaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhhh
It's like the end of Planet of the Apes, except it's a statue of MITTENS ohgod omygod ohgod
On the other hand, Romney's http://www.AbjectFailure.com, the National Disgrace and Epic Election Loss Web site is live and holding online interviews for Romney/Ryan Imaginary Cabinet positions. There's a touching blog from Paul Ryan about having to bang his own wife and put his own hat on backward now that the Secret Service won't do it for him.
It's racist to think someone's rascist, you rascist.
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