SPEAK SOFTLY CARRY A BIG STICK  4:30 pm November 7, 2012

Sure, Here Are Michelle Obama And Ann Romney In A Chinese Condom Ad, Because Why Not

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

The Egg and IIs this Chinese ad for Durex condoms, featuring Michelle Obama and Egg Romney, real? We think so! And that is good enough for us. [e.weibo.com]

 
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{ 396 comments }

Antispandex November 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Truth in advertising.

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Considering Mitt's size, it's a wonder Egg ever got pregnant.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Hullo???? RAFALCA??!?!?!?!??!

woolmyn November 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Explains why the sons are horse's asses.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

At least they came by it honestly.

Somewhat honestly?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Rudesby.

Nostrildamus November 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Fuck Ann and the horse that rode in on her.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Hmmm… good point.

Maybe there really is something magical about their underpants?

tihond November 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

That's actually a Reince measurement.

Ruhe November 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Dementia Priebus?

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Hey, where has he been?

oh…….

Reince Priebus ‏@Reince

Thank you @MittRomney and @PaulRyanVP for running with grace and courage of conviction. You fought hard and made us all proud.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I sense a tee ball trophy for those two.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Republican Memo

Date: 11-7-12

Subject: Election 2012

Dear members,

We can't blame the black dude this time, so, I guess we have to give credit to the black dude this time.

miss_grundy November 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

He actually tweeted that garbage? Someone should smack him..and not with votes either…

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Every spring, he swam over her.

Joshua Norton November 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Bow chica wow wow

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

This explains Egg's obsession with horses.

CivicHoliday November 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Catherine the Great Libel!!!!11!!!1!

Come here a minute November 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Mormon Jeebus does not approve this message.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Lemme see…Michelle, about a foot apart, Egg, a few millimete–

Oh my God, they even posed for the ad!

memzilla November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Hmm. These women are talking about their husbands, I get that. I can't decide, though, if their hand gesture refers to their husband's dick size or chances of electability.

BornInATrailer November 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

This correlation was actually Nate Silver's secret sauce. Shh.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Doesn't matter. I wish I could stop smiling, though. My face is starting to hurt.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 7:17 pm

प्यार

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Ami-o tomake khub bhalo bashi, moni.

mille derps November 7, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Would it help if I told you my state senator is Strom Thurmond's pasty-faced son? http://bit.ly/PEWF6C

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Cured. When do I report for duty?

unclejeems November 7, 2012 at 7:55 pm

When it comes to people named Thurmond in South Carolina, nothing secedes like success.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 8:24 pm

He doesn't look like he is part black.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm

That's the distaff side of the family. He's just part hack.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:41 am

Yes. AOT,K.

ChrisM2011 November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

The Mormon Tickler.

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

You've just given me nightmares.

Nostrildamus November 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

AKA "Stubby"

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:42 am

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

LIT_Fag November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

What? No Jill "I've seen Joe up close" Biden in the ad?

tihond November 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

That's a three page foldout.

Fred_Wertham_Jr November 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Are Dr. Jill's arms that long? She's rather petite.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:23 pm

They didn't have a wide-angle lens…

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:43 am

I bet she has named it "Big Fuckin' Deal."

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

But wait! Don't Asian men have abnormally small thingies? So that means Egg has a new career already lined up!

mavenmaven November 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

can't be abnormal as they seem to work just fine, its not mormons that produced 5 billion chinese…

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I didn't say they didn't work, why else would they need condoms?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

No. (thinking fondly back to early boyfriend) Most definitely no. HAHAHAHA. Oh god.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Saca

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

HAHAHAHA. Oh, god. Yes.

How come you know that one?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Um. 'Pends the type of Asian – Thai vs. Chinese vs. Japanese vs. Indian vs. etc. And the individual. And that's all I've got to say about that.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Having spent most of my life in those regions. The Caucasian view point is generally the unkown, unknowable and therefore suspect. Unless you know. Now let's talk about Turks. Rebecca?

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 10:04 am

Well, see, I'm a Viking, and ours have world renown, meaning I don't have to pay a lot of attention to relative endowments.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Barack Obama's dick is so big, there are already GOP plans to impeach it.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Obama's dick so big, it got more votes than he did.

SmutBoffin November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Barry's dick so big, it got its own congressional district.

SmutBoffin November 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

B.D.S.B., Nate Silver can't model it with alla his numbers.

SmutBoffin November 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

B.D.S.B., Mitt almost tripped over it walking out to give his concession speech.

mavenmaven November 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm

The only prick bigger than that thing is Trump.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:35 pm

You're wrong by a few inches; Trump's an asshole.

ph7 November 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Ken Starr's already penning the lurid footnotes describing the Article of Impeachment.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Obama's dick so big, it is the new secretary for the department of Obama's Dick.

HarryButtle November 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

"Obama's Dick Czar" has a catchier ring. Good name for a band.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Obama's dick is so big, it has an elbow.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Obama's Dick wrote his acceptance speech.

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Obama's dick is so big it has it's own dick. And Obama's dick's dick is still bigger than Mitten's dick.

BumbleKid November 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Obama's dick is so big, it was the 15th swing state.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Schwing state, you mean

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:48 am

Comment of the Thread.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Obama's Dick so big, senators come out of it when he comes.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

…I heard Obama's dick was elected to the House of Representatives last night!

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:50 am

Which means that it also has two senators.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

A slight detour: "Take my dick…please."

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

There is a Constitutional amendment currently being considered to allow Obama's Dick to run for a third term.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Four more hours!

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Obama's dick is so big they've re-named Florida Obama's Dick.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

…I heard Obama's dick is so big that the National Science Committee is considering using it as unit of measure for interstellar travel.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

…"captain, I have detected a Klingon vessel 6 Obama dicks away. How should I respond?!"

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

"Pfft! Ignore it. It would take decades to get here from that distance."

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

The POTUS' dick is so big it got a Nobel 'piece' prize.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Obama's Dick is a bigger threat to Israel than Iran's nuclear program.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

…so it's considered a weapon of mass destruction?

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm

it's a weapon of ass seduction.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Jesus, girl, you are on a fucking ROLL today. SB must be there.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Dang!

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Obama's dick is so big that if you stand on the very tip top you can see Russia.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 5:19 pm

…I guess we know why Sarah Palin got out of politics!

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Obama's Dick still has snow on it in the middle of summer.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:07 pm

That's not snow.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

He can see Russia from his dick.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Obama's dick so big, they had to build an even-more-western wing.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 8:52 pm

ODSB, he can water the rose garden from his bedroom.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Michelle calls him "The Human Tripod" in private.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm

This is a dark day in America – Obama's Dick is blocking the sun.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 8:48 pm

My God, just how big IS this comment thread going to get?!?!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

As big as Obama's dick?

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm

No fukkin way.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Unpossible.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Well, if you guys would just work a little *harder* …

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I saw that coming exactly 0.3 seconds after I hit that "submit" button…

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:20 pm

(Beams proudly)

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 10:21 am

There are gels that will help you with that.

Nothingisamiss November 7, 2012 at 9:47 pm

ODSB Dick Morris is lying about it,

Nothingisamiss November 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Obama's dick: no concession speech neccessary.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Obama's Dick speaks for itself.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Obama's dick kicked Chuck Norris's ass.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Can't believe nobody has linked this yet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnzYG0ZkrXg

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

awesome.

BTWBFDIMHO November 7, 2012 at 11:29 pm

B.H.O.'D.S.B, Gov. Christie wants it as part of a new Wax Museum and eventually use it as protection against rising waters in NJ.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:44 am

Yeah, but it's too big to fail…

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

OMG, the facial expressions are pixel-perfect!

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

But what do Mitt's other wives have to say about this?

SmutBoffin November 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

FWD: Fwd: Re: FWD: LOL SO TRUE

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

They're illustrating the size of their men!

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Oh, I GET IT!!..?? Wait, I. Don't. Get it.

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

There's nothing really to "get".

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Not for Ann.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I thought you were facetiously pointing out the obvious, to which I was amused and replied with my own "dumb blond" style retort. If I mistook your comment as intentionally farcical, I apologize.

Good day to you, Sir/Madam

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Aw, now. Let's not fight, eh? We're mostly still *glowing.*

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Agreed.

DerrickWildcat November 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Lol, rubbers are for boys!

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

So "rubbers" is slang for priests?

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

This is irrelevant since soon everyone will be forced to get gay married. Ladies, the line starts right over there.

Dr_Zoidberg November 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Dibs on Michelle!!!

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Me first!

YouBetcha November 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Biden's is still bigger.

ThundercatHo November 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

One size fits all?

HateMachine November 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm

And the other size doesn't fit any.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

US Amercia politics as Blazing Saddles all over again.

Is it twoo that your people are gifted?
It's TWOO IT'S TWOOOOOO!!!

UnholyMoses November 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

That's great, baby, but that's my arm you're sucking on.

Per Kris Kristoferson (during a tribute to Richard Pryor, who helped write the flick) that that was the ONE line — the only one — that the censors cut out of the movie.

It does explain why the screen is black* for about 5 extra seconds after it.

(* Pun acknowledged; not intended.)

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Sad, innit?

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I remember that my high school paper in Redlands CA did a review of BlazSad when it came out, and the student/critic pointed out that everyone in the theater was laughing so hard about the It's Twoo line that they didn't hear the Sucking on my Arm line. So maybe it made it past the censors initially and then got pulled?

MosesInvests November 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm

'Scuse me while I whip this out.
BTW, I once saw Blazing Saddles in a theater in Jacksonville, FL (the buckle of the Bible Belt). It was sort of surreal being the only person in the theater laughing at half the jokes.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Now we see why "He a Mormon and he aint got no hoes".

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I DON'T GET IT!!!!1! It's not facetiously farcical!

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Hose?

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I see your double entendre and raise you one "AHHH-HAAA"!

ifthethunderdontgetya November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

All we are saying, is give sperm no chance…
~

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

It would look better with Egg giving her angry "How dare you people not elect my husband!" death glare from last night.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

…Geez, I'm surprised Michelle doesn't walk with a limp!

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Why do you think she wears skirts all the time?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Easy access?

Wut?

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Easier to hide walking like she just got off a horse

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Come, now, at least a *little* class for our dear FLOTUS…

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I'm surprised Bamz doesn't walk around in tight circles.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 5:10 pm

The black is a better athlete to begin with because he's been bred to be that way, because of his high thighs and big thighs that goes up into his back, and they can jump higher and run faster because of their bigger thighs and he's bred to be the better athlete because this goes back all the way to the Civil War when during the slave trade'n the big… the owner… the slave owner would, would, would, would breed his big black to his big woman so that he could have ah, ah big, ah big, ah big black kid see…

/ Jimmy the Greek

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 5:42 pm

She ain't bowlegged; she's pleasure-bent.

CrunchyKnee November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

The Chiners use condoms??!?

UW8316154 November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Nice. Very nice.

I'll bet Ann's expression would change if she had Michelle's been having.

UnholyMoses November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Well, that bottom picture makes me not want to have sex.

So … BIRTH CONTROL SUCCESS!

weejee November 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

This was a debate question that was never asked. However, don't think if it were the result would have been anything other than Big Bird's revenge.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

now this is a wonkette post for the ages.

weejee November 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

It is like something out of Dickens.

Please sir, I want some more.

imissopus November 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Heh heh, "Dick"ens

weejee November 7, 2012 at 6:32 pm

guilty again…

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 1:00 am

Or, was is one for the angels…?

Lot_49 November 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

One of them woulda made a great FLOTUS, in the opinion of her husband. The other is a great FLOTUS in the opinion of everybody who counts.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Yeah, I'm sure Ann would have been a great FLOTRH (FLOT Romney Household).

She made it quite clear that she didn't care if we didn't want her to be the FLOTPC (First Lady of the Peasant Class).

Lot_49 November 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

That is to say, “You people…”

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Okay, if that is the title sequence for The Brady Bunch 2012…I might watch. But, where is that wacky maid, Alice?

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 1:01 am

Clinton got to her first.

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Translation:

When you look at Egg Romney, the male body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I bet the sound that makes is deafening.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 5:11 pm

You know that sound effect when PacMan gets chomped?

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Contraception, and immediately above it, the reason you need it.

Guppy November 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"My man's electoral vote is this big!"

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I'd definatly hit that (one of them sexualy and one with a 2X6).

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Bacon!!!

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 5:17 pm

In the porky flesh. I'm at a new company so I have to look productive for a year or two until they put me on outside sales. I miss my 5 weeks vacation, drinking durring lunch but most of all snarking on Wonkette.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm

I'm sure you are working the Baldar plan—really bust ass for a couple of years and impress the shit out of everyone, then rest on you laurels 4evah.

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 7:36 pm

YOU ARE CORRECT SIR!!! HA-HO-HO-HO!!! HEY-OOOOOH!!!

I can't wait to get out on out side sales again but the company wants to keep me on a leash because there are allota industrial spies in my industry. Believe it or not, there is a shit load of $$$$$$ deli slicers and grocery store cases. ALLLLLLOTAAAAA $$$$$$$!

Chichikovovich November 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Are you a tenured professor too?

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Dude! Good to see you!

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm

You on Wonkette like me….you really like me.

*sniffle*

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:44 pm

We LUV you, silly. Sheesh. Harmony times we gotta tell ya this shit?

(Hugs the little piglet)

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Hugs Back MITT!!! You know I was stressed about going out of my pond into another one. These people are nice…..TOOO nice. I don't know who I'll put a dead lizard into their lunch bag. This is strange after working with a "corporate enviorment" for the last 15 years. It WAS really cut throat and "office politics" now I work with a Ma and Pa place (and make 20% more each pay check). Who to I have to give the smack down to?

UW8316154 November 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Hey buddy! Nice to see you, stranger.

RomneysLogCabin November 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Oh Michelle, you're so modest.

Wilcoxyz November 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Egg's face says electile dysfunction.

Goonemeritus November 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I think it is time we start ignoring all things Romney. I think we Democrats owe him our heartfelt thanks for running such an awful campaign. When you consider how truly uninformed the American electorate is you can't in good continuous give us credit for choosing correctly. Without Mitt's constant waffling, obfuscation and plutocratic high jinxs it might have turned out differently. I for one wish Mitt a happy retirement and sincerely thank him for his 6 years of work towards electing a black guy.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Plus we all need to get ready for our grand bargain thank-you prize.
~

James Michael Curley November 8, 2012 at 5:47 am

Working my Ward for election day is getting to be a real downer. When the polls were closed in one district a thirty something bimbo showed up twenty minutes late and wanted to get in to vote. When I told her the polls were closed at 8:00 PM I heard how as she was not being permitted to vote "This is an unfair election." She related that the storm chaos made transportation out of the NYC bus terminals a 'nightmare' and how 'that Obama' should make an exception for that.

Meanwhile I asked her; 'The traffic was heavy but you still stopped off at home to change your clothes?' She asked how I would know that and I told her she was made up for mid-Manhattan mid management but she was wearing a pair of frayed jeans, old coat and wet weather boots. Now it seemed to become 'That Obama' now runs unfair elections which require her to ruin her best work clothes.

miss_grundy November 8, 2012 at 1:51 pm

How can you ruin your work clothes by voting in New York? You no longer have the old voting machines, the ones that you pulled the lever to close the curtain behind you. Don't you guys have the punch cards or the video screen machines now? Even if she left work at 6:00 PM or 7:00 PM, she would have had enough time to get in line.

James Michael Curley November 8, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I’m in NJ. This woman certainly appeared to have came home from NYC, changed and then went out to the polls so her claim that the delay was caused by crowding at the PA was bogus.Met a few other BS spewers during the day like a ‘challenger’ who said her Primary Badge was good for the General election and was asking people their party affiliation before they went into the voting machine. Challengers can ask the polling location ‘judge’ to inquire about perceived irregularities. After I touched off that discussion, I left when this Republican Challenger was saying it was her constitutional right granted by her going to the ‘school’ to challenge and that included knowing which party the voter belonged too. Now in a party primary state like NJ during the primary a voter has to declare his party affiliation before he votes so he doesn’t cross party lines. This women was at first insanely partisan, second badly misinformed and third a hack of the local Republican Party Chairwoman who is seriously deranged as to what ‘values’ are.Most NJ counties made an investment a decade ago in machines which have a plastic overlay which is printed and placed over a panel of touch sensitive button cells. When pressed they show a green X to the right of the candidate’s name. The advantage, when necessary as during the electric outages in NJ, is that they have a sixteen hour battery pack and can run the entire time of the polling on the battery pack.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I have often wondered if wives discuss the "size issue" with their girlfriends.

Fare la Volpe November 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Do you discuss your wife's cup size with your buddies?

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 10:02 am

IIRC, only when I'd wish they had been bigger…

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Oh, and a few other things, maybe.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Yes.

arihaya November 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Chinese Translation : Use Condom to enjoy huge nice sex (top) … or else (bottom).

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

The Compleat WIN!!

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I can't stop laughing at this.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 5:01 pm

this is completely OT but man malia obama is just a knock out. she looked like a model last night.

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

She looked like a very poised young lady. She was wearing flats unlike Michelle so I think she's even taller than her mom now.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:18 pm

She's BEAUTIFUL, tho. I mean like totally fucking stunning beautiful.

I think I now officially have a crush on the whole goddamn family.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Yes. A thousand times yes.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Pathetic, innit? They've got some kinda charisma gene or something. Cynical, hard-headed, skeptical me who laughs at human foibles in all including myself. I get totally amorphously melty in their presence. Disgusting. (Gathers cells together) You'd think I was descended from an amoeba, or something.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 10:46 pm

That's the first thing I thought when I saw her last night, "Oh man look at how tall she gotten". A beautiful and poised family.

Fare la Volpe November 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Both of the Obama girls are going to become beautiful young women. And from what I hear in interviews with her parents they are whip sharp. Everything about that family leaves me in awe.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

It appeared to me that Sasha said something to her Pa, like "turn around and wave at the peeps behind us" and the whole family did. I don't know why I found that so endearing. Breathtaking beautiful family. I remember at his first inauguration all of the wonketteers were ooohhing and aahhhing over our new family.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I do kinda feel like they're "our family," ya know? Just like y'all are MY family.

HELisforHEL November 7, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I totally love this statement. Yes, I'm still all happy-dappy , and only one Concanon in, so I'm just being a little mushy. All y'all and this site have been keeping me sane since forever.
<HUGZ>

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:43 pm

(Hugs you right back all squeezy and friendly-like)
(Beams)

Pretty much.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm

We are family
Got all my family with me
Get up everybody and dance

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I could do that. (gets up and dances)

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Now, compare that to Dubya and the Joker's drunken spawn…

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Or Queen Ann and her "you people" attitude.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

"Queen Ann and her 'droid army – Tagg, Tart, Toot, et al."

Rotundo_ November 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

With the genetic make up, and the parenting of these two kids, how could they be anything but beautiful and brilliant young ladies. We are going to see some great things from them. Not necessarily in the realm of politics, but somewhere, somehow, they will make the world a better place in their own ways.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

"You laugh, but have you ever tried masturbating with a jeweler's screwdriver while your husband is saying 'Lie still and think of Nauvoo' over and over again? This is hard."

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Not hard enough, apparently.

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 6:30 pm

*snort*

iburl November 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Condomist China

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Giant kielbasa vs. vienna sausage?

MinAgain November 7, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Oh, Michelle. Brag, brag, brag.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Wouldja look at the grin on her face!

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Personally, I'd be gloating.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

My p-ness got slightly bigger today!

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 5:54 pm

You're going to need to find some larger skulls!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Yay! YOU get a hug!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm

How do you hug anyone with your HUGE p-ness?

LIT_Fag November 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

From behind, with lube.

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Just like Bamz. You know, gingerly. (Hugs the little wretch again)

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Well that deserves an upfist.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

…I heard heard that after Obama cums during sex he screams "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!!!"

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 1:12 am

Bwahahahahaha!

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Obama may not have blown the lead, but you can bet Michelle blew something last night…

Anne_Athema November 8, 2012 at 12:13 am

Damn! Dick jokes rule here! Last I mentioned that Dr. Jill sez OHJ haz a nuclear weapon in his pants, big points. Now, dribs & drabs to the true death.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:41 am

And mess up he hair? I don't think so.

actor212 November 8, 2012 at 10:01 am

What? She can't speak softly AND carry a big stick???

GregComlish November 7, 2012 at 5:19 pm

The worst thing about having a black president is that the big penis/small penis jokes never stop. I hope, however vainly, that people stop stereotyping penis size on the basis of race. I hope they just drop the penis talk entirely. It's shallow, racist, poorly informed, and it reduces the value of a human being down to an arbitrary superficial measure.

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 5:29 pm

This comment neaz moar butt secks jokes.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I disagree. Needz moar BOOBBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 7:44 pm

BOOBBIE BUTT SEX? OMG!!!!!! This is something like the combustion engine! Engineer it and I can sell it! This is too important and we can change humanity more than Nicolaus Copernicus or Jesus! Work on it and I'll get the independent trucker's distribution system in place.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I will make sure my virus software is up to date and do some research.

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Megs McCain's tits are so big you can hide ten years of tax returns in her cleavage.

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm

But, but, this is Wonkette! Dick jokes!

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Yes, it is a distraction from the important issues of the day, and demeans the office. But don't worry, someday we'll have another white president, and all the "big dick" jokes will stop.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Oh, OW!~

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Not if that prez is Smilin' Joe!!

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I was expecting an editrix shoutout to The Big Fucking Deal…….maybe tomorrow.

Toomush_Infer November 8, 2012 at 9:53 am

Yah, Clinton….

Tangled sin tax November 7, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Cleanup crew, aisle 4! Ernestness spill. Get it out of here before somebody trips in it!

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I believe it's called "tone trolling".

GregComlish November 7, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I want to hear funny original things, not stale jokes that been rehashed millions of times.

Why can't people invent new, original ways to attack Romney's penis? Maybe they could joke about how Romney's penis smells like Febreze on account of his Mormon wife's tidiness. Don't you think that would be a nice change of pace?

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I was unaware the Romneybott came with a sex toy function…

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 1:19 am

I want to hear funny original things, not stale jokes that been rehashed millions of times.

That's what she said/all of them, Katie/no one has lost any.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm

If you're going to make that point without being mocked, you have to bring a shiv. Which is something I obviously know about, since I have a big, swinging dick.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

[clutches pearls]

[faints]

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

LOL.

UW8316154 November 7, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Indeed you do, Chet, it IS a mighty fine……oh…..heh….COWS!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Someone needs ExtenZe.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Enzyte libel!

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Oh and the Capitalists and the Meeeeedia (I'm watching PBS) are already punishing us for having the audacity to re-elect the Prez. Let us at least enjoy 24 hours. Let us gather the dick jokes while we may because we're in for 'punishment'.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I fart in their general direction. (PAAAAARP!!)

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Indeed. There's a time to cast away dick jokes, and a time to gather dick jokes together. To everything, turn, turn, turn.

MinAgain November 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm

In other words, you're telling us not to get cocky.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 1:16 am

You'll pry my snark about my huge, black penis from my warm, furious hands.

Give me immature dick jokes on Wonkette or give me death! My campaign will not be dictated by snark-checkers!

Lot_49 November 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm

OT, but Larry Craig takes strong objection to Tammy Baldwin's claim to being the first openly gay senator, or at least wants an asterisk on it.

[Kudos to Princess Sparklepony, who pointed this out first.]

weejee November 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

And Lindsey's closet door has a lotta glass.

Tangled sin tax November 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Tammy: "My only regret is that I have only one asterisk for my country!"

JohnnyQuick November 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

But if Chris Christie becomes a Senator, he'll challenge Larry's claim to have a natural "wide stance."

Mahousu November 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

In case anyone was wondering, the Chinese text is making the obvious joke: "The difference between Obama and Romney is …"

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:37 pm

謝謝

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Niu bi.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:42 pm

WAH!

njstore November 7, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Hén. 恨
I somehow lost 19 p points from yesterday. You know what? Fuck you ID or who ever. Like I care. I know who is and what is important. You do not. MB I am flaming out here.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm

What? No way. I keep upfisting you. It *should* work.

Dr_Zoidberg November 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Once you go black…

rickmaci November 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

If you are talking about Mitt your headline would be "whine loudly and act like a big dick."

JohnnyQuick November 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Slightly Off-Topic: Is Krysten Sinema the hottest Democrat ever? I clicked on a thank-you email from her and realized I must've not seen her picture before sending her dough.

(Sidenote: Is it sexist for me to point this out? I pledge not to fap… kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk)

rickmaci November 7, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Yikes !! Hope she can hang on to that lead. Would like to see more of her.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Why are our candidates so fucking ashamed to put the word "Democrat" anywhere on their websites????

JohnnyQuick November 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Well, in her defense, she is in Arizona. Literally, in her defense. I mean her life is in danger.

Fuck. Now I'm depressed.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Let's not go there, OK? Today is Gloat Day. Tomorrow we worry about other stuff.

Pour yourself another, kick off the shoes.

Lot_49 November 7, 2012 at 6:49 pm

It's sexist if Dem does it. When McCain picked Palin it was purely because of her towering intellect and deep experience.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Hmmmm, I had previously vowed to never return to the Phoenis area………but……..
Also, since I'm not in her district, I will fap for you.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Yowzah!

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Alright, which one of you fuckers wrote Victoria Jackson's pros and cons list? Was it you, AngryBlakGuy?!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Victoria Jackson didn't write it, she only re-posted it.

Chet Kincaid_ November 8, 2012 at 8:07 am

I didn't think she had the limited amount of brains needed to write that.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Heh, "ramrod."

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Egg has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm

She removes the paper bags?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Last night's results and the concomitant ceremonies clearly illustrated the diff between having a big dick and being a big dick.

Mittens Howell, III November 7, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Question for Egg, is that before or after Mitt 'completes his mission'?

cybermoe November 7, 2012 at 6:47 pm

That ad is a fluke!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 6:48 pm

You all are being unfair. Poor Egg. Clearly you need a condom with Romney, as otherwise you could get an electrical shock.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 6:50 pm

That's why they call it a "rubber"?

mille derps November 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Rubber? I wouldn't touch her with a 10' pollster…

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 6:49 pm

i want more butthurt stories but i'm too lazy to look for them.

you people have been a veritable fount of fun today. i even broke my own rules and posted a bunch on fb thereby alienating maybe .001% of my 'friends'.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Well, here's two lil' headlines from today for your delectation:

"Californians Approve Massive Tax Hike on the Wealthy"

"Texas Democrats End GOP House Supermajority"

Last night seems to have been something of a national upchuck…

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:40 pm

CA now has a Democratic supermajority in the house, rendering the Republicans utterly powerless. We can now bypass those obstructionist smegmoids and get some useful shit done here. Thankyewjeefuckingbus.

doloras November 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm

goptears.tumblr.com

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Beeyootiful.

DahBoner November 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Obama's Mother-in-Law says Obama's dick is soooooooooooo big, Michelle be down there every morning cooking it breakfast…

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I don't buy this ad at all. Mitt Romney would never use Chinese condoms because, according to CSPAN, he has a Huge Penis.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Hey, got a coupla tubes fer ya……There were two 60's pop bands in Europe named The Steampacket. One in England was a supergroup
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqftkSrC358&fe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Steampacket

The Swedish one……….not so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1jWUppJL1w&fe
http://swedishbeat.wordpress.com/tag/steampacket/

I ended up there because of Brian Augur……….he's still fusing.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Oh man, thanks! Rod Stewart was just a baby!

And that Swedish band (Tio i Topp hit!) reminded me of This! I can't help it.

And now, a Palate Cleanser.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Oh, CRE_ature, man! I listened to them all. (giggles like a kid, runs away)

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

That last one I heard live, on the radio and I almost ran right off the road I was laughing so hard. It was a perfect set-up and I think of it fondly.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I need to improve my prankstering skills. That last one was PERFECT. Even though I knew it was coming, it still hit me.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Whoever that was,they planned and executed it perfectly. I was totally sandbagged, along with everyone else.

rocktonsam November 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

so China does have us by the balls

HELisforHEL November 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm

BTW, Michelle looks so lovely here. Our FLOTUS is seriously elegant.

BlueStateLibel November 7, 2012 at 7:26 pm

OT: but if you have a few minutes, this series of election night photos from The Atlantic is fantastic. Many are very moving, but I especially loved the Repub frat boys looking like daddy just took their allowance away: http://tinyurl.com/afexnfx

JohnnyQuick November 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm

The one with empty chairs containing invisible Veterans for Romney was nice.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Now that is some sweet, tasty, delicious Schadenfreude.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Good stuff.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 7:59 pm

That's very interesting. I was especially struck by a.) the youth of Obama's supporters, and b.) their multiculturalness.

finallyhappy November 7, 2012 at 8:04 pm

watching the speech- twice -so i got different views- the audience was diverse in many ways-old people- we supported Obama too!

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Oh, absoLUTEly *no* sort of doubt about that at all whatsoever! :0)

I actually meant "in comparison to the Rmoney supporters shown"…

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Just got home from the local watering hole, where I went to gloat and do a victory lap and rub all my RW buddies noses in it. Man are they bummed out. I can't wait to tell my real estate racist guy who called it Landslide for Romney that at least he got the landslide part right.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

OK, so I finally figured out how to look at comments on Wonkette on my BBerry today (take it out of mobile mode and click on "original" at bottom of page). The comments section shows up in that "old fashioned" format where a lot of avatars are squiggly monsters, the post times are shown as actual times rather than "5 minutes ago", you can't upfist anybody, and you have to enter your boardname and email address each time you want to make a comment. I struggled through the process several times (big fingers and tiny tiny keyboard), and the comments eventually showed up, but now when I get home not a single one of them show up on my intense debate page. what the fuck is up with that?

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I found on my iPad that if I try to respond to responses that show up in my email, that they go off to the ether.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:06 pm

I have yet to be able to post a comment from my iphone 4S. Prolly just me, being dumb and all….

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 9:39 pm

What are those comments of yours that end with "from the field, not the garrison" then? I assumed they came from your mobile.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:44 pm

I replaced the standard “sent from my iphone” with that signature to indicate that I am not sitting on my ass at the 'puter, but out and about. Silly, I know, but that's just me.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm

It's like you're giving the NSA an assist, man.

winnyfranfran November 7, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Egg Romney! Hey, when is Arrested Development coming back on?

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Aaaand I finally get the Egg joke. Derp!

James Michael Curley November 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm

For the first time since 10/28 we got electricity! I feel like the time gramps first got toliet paper for the two holer.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Congrats! The joys of recharging your phone at *home*! :0)

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Hey! So glad you're OK.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 9:30 pm

MB. I am flaming out here. But really glad JMC is back. But we have not heard from TriBeCa Mike yet. Anyone?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Now that you mention it, I haven't seen nor heard hide nor hair. (Hugs you)

I just remembered that ID gives you pee and then reduces it quite abruptly and then slowly lets you build it back up. Fuck pee, anywho. Some of the nicest people at Wonketz have not much pee at all.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 10:36 pm

You are a sweetie. Hugs back.
Mr NJ store is the nicest person, next to you, and he loved Dale too and is holding me tight. Pet the kitties for me.

FeloniousMonk November 8, 2012 at 12:08 am

And size doesn't matter. (Sorry, but I suffer from p-ness envy.)

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Ha, ha. Guys, if you've ever had a woman tell you size doesn't matter; you have a really small dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 9:12 pm

And if they tell you it's not the size, it's how you use it, you *may* want to do a little self-reflection there…

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Or how about, your dick is just the right size, for my mouth. Or, the nice thing about your dick is that it will fit anywhere. I admit nothing!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Honestly?
Size *doesn't* matter.
OK, if it's smaller than a glue stick, or bigger than a soda can — then yes, that's most likely problematic.
But 99% of the time, size doesn't matter. My gyn says the average ladypart is about 6 inches, 7 tops, so more than that is wasted.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I didn't say it doesn't, I was only making reference to those that heard that comment in real time. I promise you I am not making personal references. I am only average, at best, in most areas.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Wait…. Is that something women say?

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:06 pm

I hear it all the time!

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

If you haven't seen the Dependable Renegade version of the concession photo….
http://www.dependablerenegade.com/dependable_rene

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Ah hahahaha

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:38 pm

That is fucking BRILLIANT!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:12 pm

TOTALLY OT but YES, the JOY of schadenfreude. Enjoy the sight of a grovelling Rush Limbaugh doing a double face-palm: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/11/07/rush-limbau

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Oh, ohhhh, that feels goooooooood…

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I had teh organism.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 9:40 pm

They should have shut the thread down after the very first comment.

Tweet from Alec Baldwin :
You know your party is in trouble when people ask, "did the rape guy win", and you have to ask, "which one?"

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I've been gone all day, so if this has already been posted, my apologies for the redundancy.

Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016

15 second ad at front, sorry bout that.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:31 pm

See, if THAT thing had been running …

James Michael Curley November 8, 2012 at 6:35 am

I thought you were talking about Chris Crisco. As I worked on Sandy recovery came across some of the more strident Republican ops in the local area. One was livid that Christie would compliment Obama during their joint appearances in NJ. Meanwhile one of my elected Democratic officials said he was privy to the process and Christie's staff was begging to be taken along. Then, as the radio reports detailed, Obama was quite conciliatory and implied 'of course we would let Governor Giant Flotation Device attend with us.'

In summary, FEMA's response, the Department of Homeland Security and other Federal Agencies were very good at providing ice, water, MRE's and helping out with properly securing shelters and warming stations. It may have taken a few days to get stuff to the local level, but it was far better than Katrina where there were trucks of ice and water driving around endlessly because the 'direction for need' matrix was so bad.

Near me we have a seven block area which will be condemned by FEMA containing 8 to 10 homes per block.

The Boardwalk on many NJ beaches (including mine) is destroyed). I couldn't get near the Stone Pony but I understand it took damage. When electricity is fully restored (we're supposed to take it easy, no high amp luxury devices) I plan to erase "4TH OF JULY, ASBURY PARK (SANDY)" from all my devices.

"Sandy, the angels have lost their desire for us,
I spoke to 'em just last night and they said they won't set themselves on fire for us anymore …"

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Egg reminds me of what my Dad said about my former mother in law: "When she smiles, she looks like it hurts".

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 9:41 pm

"Your smile is like a crack in the walls of Hell. One can smell the brimstone, and hear the cries of the damned in your smile."

~ Tom Ballard

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:41 pm
DahBoner November 7, 2012 at 10:43 pm

"SPEAK SOFTLY CARRY A BIG STICK "

My dick is so long, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow night.

Anne_Athema November 8, 2012 at 12:10 am

Herp Derp!! There is a huge god-damn difference in genuine vs. non-genuine smiles, so I GUARANTEE that Michelle is the rill gard-dang thang. Somadahumadah!!!!!

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:40 am

Poor Mitt. We sent him back home so that he can spend more time with his money…err…honey.

ElPinche November 8, 2012 at 1:21 am

I'll take the Michelle Oh Oh ribbed, XL sized. Well, I pull it over my scrotum for extra protection.

IonaTrailer November 8, 2012 at 2:00 am

Ahhhhhhh – the schaden is freudening nicely.

And btw, Obama's dick is so big, NASA has to launch a space shuttle just to measure it.

AKHottie November 8, 2012 at 6:09 am

Again I arrive too late for meaningful comment. So I guess big dick comments have already been made? Including NASA comments? And Biden big stick comments? Sux to be me.

BadKitty904 November 8, 2012 at 7:06 am

Here's a delightful way to start your day:

"Many of the lightning bolts were aimed at none other than Karl Rove, the former Bush administration political genius who oversaw the deployment of nearly $400 million in campaign spending through outside groups American Crossroads and Crossroads GPS toward the presidential race and toward numerous Senate and House races.

"The billionaire donors I hear are livid," one Republican operative told The Huffington Post. "There is some holy hell to pay. Karl Rove has a lot of explaining to do … I don't know how you tell your donors that we spent $390 million and got nothing."

Rove even suffered the indignity of being insulted on Twitter by the blustery Donald Trump, who had attended Romney's election night party here on Tuesday night, but left early after it was clear that Obama had won a second term.

"Congrats to @KarlRove on blowing $400 million this cycle. Every race @CrossroadsGPS ran ads in, the Republicans lost. What a waste of money," Trump tweeted, inaccurately."

The full story on Repug breast-beating and infighting at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/07/republic

Chet Kincaid_ November 8, 2012 at 7:45 am

Delicious! Better than a Jimmy Dean sammich, Mr. Sun!

Misty Malarky November 8, 2012 at 7:55 am

Poor Turd Blossom may soon be holding up a Brown's goal post with his arse. :(

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 10:03 pm

That must hurt more coming from someone who is an even bigger loser than Rove. lol

Botlrokit November 8, 2012 at 8:21 am

K&P's Obama/Luther: "Though, to be fair, you can chip a tooth on that bootie."

tessiee November 8, 2012 at 9:18 am

OPEN CONDOM STYLE!!

owhatever November 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

Bye, Egg. I'll miss you. Now you can concentrate on which mansion to live in this month and ride peacefully into the sunset on that loser of yours. I mean Rafalca, not your husband.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

B.D.S.B., he can land Air Force One on it.

SmutBoffin November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

B.D.S.B., it has it's own microclimate, and the forecast indicates a significant chance of gettin' wet.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Obama's Dick loves the smell of Napalm in the morning.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

BDSB when it sits around the house, IT SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!!!

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

B.D.S.B., it has it's own fiscal cliff.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm

B.D.S.B. so big, yo mama say "Damn, 'at's BIG!"

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm

BDSB if you painted it gray, it would be named Moby.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm

BDSB, it has its own Secret Service detail.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm

BDSB, when he dedicates the Freedom Tower, everyone's going to go "There's two?"

ph7 November 7, 2012 at 5:26 pm

BDSB, Puerto Rico is now resigned to being the 52nd state.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 5:43 pm

B.D.S.B. so big, when he sexes Michelle, her mama even walks funny for a couple days.

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Actually I'm at work nursing my post-election hangover. I'm super sleepy which usually means silly comments.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

BDSB, the socialists wanna nationalize it.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

This means you need to DRINK MOAR.

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Luckily your sleepy silliness is very, very funny; even more so in person.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Bugg, Jugg, Rugg, Mugg, and Tugg.

njstore November 7, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Man, if I could help you get back here quicker, I would. But it is not my industry. You are missed. Your stories are the best. Open share day on Wonkette ate the best. Keep on keeping on.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I know. TOLD youse they were gonna totes love you! I am so fucking happy for you, man. You're getting what you needed and wanted and deserved!

Sorry, I just gotta hug you again. (HUG SQUEEZE) Yeah. That's better!

Give the smackdown to the RWNJs online. But first, drink DEEP of their TEARS!

njstore November 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

A nicer kinder Baconz? Who'd a thought.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

(Hugs you)

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm

You people should all be ashamed of yourselves…

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Well, *I* wouldn't know about *that.* Hmph!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:58 pm

ZOMG.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Or the wifebot, either.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Give him a coupla days, and he'll be trying to sneak dead lizards into *our* lunchboxes. (beams proudly) Why, he could be *my* kid.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Ugh, discounting the fact that I'm gay, I couldn't even *imagine* slipping my manhood into that frigid icebox…

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Perhaps that's why Mitt's shrank.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 9:16 pm

This explains many things. Not all of them, granted, but a lot of them nonetheless.

Maybe he wanted that war with Iran just to get out of his husbandly obligations to Ann, if you catch my drift…

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm

We'll never have to see their faces again, sweetie. We'll never have to listen to Ann saying "you people," as if she were speaking about leprosy. All the money in the world, all the lies and the shenanigans, couldn't buy them the Presidency. Today my faith in democracy is renewed. (Hugs you close)

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Gotta admit, I cracked myself up with that one.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Me too. The mental image of the POTUS watering the roses, YES!

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 9:34 pm

(hugs you back) I certainly hope so. Unfortunately, they do strike me as one of those recurring Doctor Who villains; you beat them, but they'll always be lurking somewhere…

On the other hand, this *was* the best chance they've had, and I can't see them coming anywhere near it ever again. (Likewise, I loved that link you had of Limbaugh admitting he was irrelevant. Such sweet, sweet music…)

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Happily, I don't give a fuck. Don't want or need a job, got free healthcare for life (VA Disabled). Have a small but adequate income I can't outlive, no debt. My secrets are hardly something to guard carefully since I freely admit to being a Gold Plated Asshole to friends, family and strangers alike. I am the most independent sonufabitch on the Planet. Plus, they need all the help they can get: most days they couldn't find a bale of hay in a telephone booth.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I plan to torment them by offering them some ice cream while we're watching a movie. The greedy little bastids just *love* the stuff until it hits their cold sensors. Then they do that "I rly hate you human" thing while shaking their little heads.

Mean, huh? You tell Mr. NJStore to give you extra hugs and rock you gently till you feel better. And give him a hug for me too. Take care, sweetie.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Just as long as they are the lame villains i.e. Sontarans

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 12:16 am

See? You don't have much pee, and you're one of the nicest people here. (Hugs you) Don't. Suffer, that is. Before you know it, you'll have way too much p-ness and be advising new young Wonketteerz about how bad it was in the old days.

Also, too, I haz roof-rats. Or perhaps only one roof-rat. This is new for me. In the 30-some years I've lived here, this house has always sported sufficient felines to keep enterprising rodent life far away. All the p-ness in the world doesn't make up for fucking roof rats, lemme tellya.

FeloniousMonk November 8, 2012 at 12:32 am

Aww. (Turns away and furiously rearranges things on desk to hide blushes.) Have you tried voting the rats out? Seems to have worked recently.

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 12:43 am

We're trying to vote them out with bad rap music played on a very cheap transistor radio, on the theory that, as a native species, they're shy and retiring, unlike their Rattus norwegicus cousins. Personally, I'm beginning to doubt this theory. Fuckers don't seem too shy to set up a godawful racket at 3 am and what do you suppose they're doing then, nothing that can see the light of day, that's what. Fucking, like as not. Fuckers.

We'll see if the experiment works tomorrow morning as we reel, red-eyed, from our bed. (We don't expect to get any sleep with that music blaring, you see.)

Toomush_Infer November 8, 2012 at 9:32 am

What about the Senate?…

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