this ukulele kills laughter

Yes, Victoria Jackson, You Are A Racist

we feel like you are trying to tell us something?Um, good one, Victoria Jackson?

Let’s see what else is on Miss Jackson If You’re Nasty’s TWITTER OF MADNESSSSSS, yes?

OK cool.

[We did not make clear — because we didn’t know! — that the Nigga List was originally by Snoop Dogg for fuck’s sake, the attribution will never stop changing, one Mr. or Ms. “DragonFlyJonez”. That changes Victoria Jackson being racist for reposting it exactly not one iota. Do you think she reposted it because she found it jolly and amusing? Yeah no, she reposted it because Niggas, we are exactly sure we all agree.]

[Twitter]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • smitallica

    The ironic part? She was never even close to being this funny when she was getting paid to be a comedian.

    • HogeyeGrex

      The theory is that she's actually Andy Kaufman, in which case she was pretty funny then.

      Have you ever seen them together in the same room?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I remember fondly some of her bits on SNL; she was pretty funny at times. But at the time I mistakenly believed she was merely good at portraying a hare-brained nitwit. I had no idea..

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Like Dennis Miller, except she's somehow less funny.

      • Rotundo_

        Miller at least seems literate. An asshole, but a literate one. VJ here is seems to be a bit brain damaged. I always thought the airhead act was an act, but perhaps it was just VJ being VJ.

      • tessiee

        Here's a brain teaser:
        Between Victoria Jackson and Dennis Miller, who has the more annoying speaking voice?

        • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

          Ah, the speaking voice… a window to the soul, or where the soul would be if there was one. I could listen to both of them, but only at gunpoint, and you'd still have to shoot me anyways.

          • redarmyzombie

            At that point, it would be a mercy killing.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Well, she was getting paid, and she was doing comedy, but somehow I suspect the paycheck was for something else and they had to come up with a cover story.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Knackwurst-gargling?

  • prommie

    Snoop Lion Libel!

    • Disassembly

      I prefer Sen. Alan Simpson's name for him: Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, I thought I saw this attributed to Snoop a month or two ago.

    • smashedinhat

      Snoop Lion is the new Apple OS? I can never keep up with this stuff.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        It's not alliterative enough for an Ubuntu distro.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I can't stop crying.
    America died.

    I can't stop crying. America died.

    lmfao

    • HogeyeGrex

      It's DEAD! Can't you see that?

      Game over, man.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Wow. That would make like a really good Ginsberg parody at a poetry slam

      *snapping fingers* Coool, baby…

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      R-Money lied.

      America died.

      Drop the beat!

    • WhatTheHeck

      Bye, Bye, Mis American Pie.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      She should have expand on that, i.e. "the white America of the 1950s that never really existed has died."

  • JudasPeckerwood

    Okay, we can stop paying attention to her now, right? I mean, like, FOREVER?

    • kittensdontlie

      But she is hilarious. I can't give her up….I won't give her up!

  • GregComlish

    Is Romans I a biblical reference or is she drawing an analogy between us and the ancient empire?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's Biblical and refers to the Romans worshipping Caesar above the Lord.

      • sullivanst

        Yeah, except no actual mention of Caesar, but rather explicit reference to the anthropomorphising of God.

        Most importantly to Vicki, though, is probably the part she almost certainly misinterprets as meaning t3h gheys, and only t3h gheys, are "deserving of death".

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Well, worshipping "man" above God, true, but the letter is penned to the Romans, so you can do the maths.

          • sullivanst

            Again, not worshipping actual man, but "images made to look like a mortal human being". Of course, real Christians would never do that.

        • tracyhasfun

          Which is funny, cuz the Mormons anthropomorphize THE SHIT outta God. He is married n shit.

          • sullivanst

            I'm guessing the odds that part made it into the Book of Mormon are pretty slim.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Caesar's career was pretty much done after Imogene Coca left the show.

        • bobbert

          of shows.

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Also that, too. Amen

    • SorosBot

      Maybe it's the revenge of the Romans against the Christians for destroying their once-great empire?

    • widestanceromance

      We are all Italics today.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I thought it was a sexual position.

    • IndianaKevin

      It's a font. The first one.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Today, we are all "Mad Cool Black Niggas….Yo"

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Finally! As a pasty white person, I have been waiting for this forever!

    • Redgyal

      Yo!

  • SexySmurf

    Romans 1. Christians 0.

    • Chichikovovich

      Never mind the Lyin' African…. let's hear it for the African Lions!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        HA! I can't even get slightly annoyed at anybody for using that term on MY PREZ, Chich. Sad, innit?

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Did Karl Rove hire the score keeper?

  • BadKitty904

    Bile is a hell of a drug.

    • themcwow

      First read "Bile" as "Bible."

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Same results, less filling

    • Rotundo_

      In the case of these assholes, is there really a difference?

  • MC5

    Dana Carvey is rolling over in his grave.

    • woodwakr

      Umm… Isn't he alive?

      • CthuNHu

        Never stopped Buffy…

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, but he's always doing that. I mean, honestly, can the guy stand still for just one minute?

  • Exhausted66

    Fox News puts her on TV and asks her questions.

    They do this.

    • mrpuma2u

      Several years back, when i first saw her spewing right wing shite, I thought she was doing a bit at first. Then I realized "holy guacamole this bitch is serious about this garbage!" and she became as dead to me as her career.

    • Flat_Earther

      Does she talk in that little girl voice? Rupert may like it.

    • unclejeems

      She is a blonde.

  • memzilla

    Oh garçon! Another heaping bowl of FAIL for the lady, if you please, and something bitter on the side.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Assume Palin hate decoy.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      And a bowl of sour grapes, please.

  • prommie

    And for some reason, Lorne Michaels, who is obviously just the blind squirrel who accidentally finds some talented acorns now and then, is regarded as some kind of genius? I am dead serious here, Lorne Michaels hired this dipshit, HE thought she was FUNNY. Thats a fucking genius? I fucking hate that pompous fraud.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Dennis Miller probably told him she could do splits over a loveseat.

    • Chichikovovich

      Micheals got his showbiz break on a CBC comedy in the 1970s with the very 1970s name of "The Hart and Lorne Terrific Hour". It became wildly popular in Canada on the strength of a recurring character played by the guy who wasn't Lorne, dressed as a beaver. The guy who dressed as a beaver, Hart Pomerantz was actually quite funny. He is now a lawyer in Toronto.

      That is to say, the Toronto lawyer dressed as a beaver was the talented one in the Hart and Lorne partnership.

      I just thought you would like to know that.

      • MisterCanoehead

        I actually saw that show! Lorne was the straight (i.e. unfunny) man.

        • Chichikovovich

          I watched it too. I was a fan of Pomerantz on "This is the Law" as well.
          There is an art to being a good straight man, and Michaels wasn't good at it. Stiff, self conscious, artificial. IMO

          (EDIT: Now that I think of it, I even had a "The Canadian Beaver says ….[something]" button on my jacket when the craze was on. I would have been about 13.)

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Who said he was a genius? And is she the only person he ever hired?

      • prommie

        The list of horrendously unfunny SNL players is almost as long as the list of horrid, bad, just awful sketches they run each season.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          SNL's "funny" statistics are similar to baseball statistics — they fluctuate through greater or lesser degrees of mediocrity. But there's always a chance that there'll be something really, really good, and besides, losers at home on a Saturday night can't be choosers!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I never watch SNL, even though I have become (mostly by choice, getting older ya know) one of those homebound Saturday night losers.

    • viennawoods13

      Its best season was 1984, when Dick Ebersol was running things, and Michaels wasn't even there,. I gave up on it after that. Best show? Just before the 84 election: The question is moot

  • nounverb911

    I bet even Jeebus hates her.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Jeebus doesn't believe in the existence of Victoria Jackson.

    • GemlikeFlame

      Why should he be different? Honestly, I thought I was going to get a kick out of the post-election whining and posturing, but it only indicates that the next four years is going to give the idiots an even louder and more disturbed voice.

      And I am not looking forward to that.

      • Cephas Q. Atheos

        No, no, no, don't you see? The Crying Confabulators all aged 30 years when Barack Satan Obama won. They just *knew* they were entitled to a Republican this time, and they aged another 30 years waiting. Now they're apoplectically sure Jeezus will win for them NEXT time – and just think what the 4-year wait is gonna do to their tired, mean little brains!

        I'm expecting some senSATIONAL flaming hypocrisy, racial baiting, and religious fucktards on every street corner denouncing liberals, teh homersexualists, the second Coming, etc, etc, etc. it'll be a HOOT!

  • edgydrifter

    Conversely, America probably won't cry very much at all when Victoria dies.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      She will leave the planet to join up with her career, which is also dead, by votes.

    • rickmaci

      I think she already committed careercide.

  • smitallica

    I wish she was an actual politician so someone could beat the living shit out of her. With votes.

  • memzilla

    Ah Victoria, as successful a political pundit as you are an actress.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    We can haz lionz now?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Tunces, the driving lion?

  • Will_Panic

    Victoria Jackson said she was a sane, rational person, and look at her. Clearly she's not.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'm still not convinced that this isn't Internet performance art and that she has some infomercial product in the works, like, say Tampon-Wow, or something.

    • DCBloom

      Whoa… Tampon-wow. I'd buy that!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        And if you buy in the next twenty minutes, cuz we can't do this all day…

  • Wadisay

    Take that, anyone who dares say that the GOP is just a party of angry old white men.

    • OneYieldRegular

      You say that as though Victoria Jackson isn't an angry old white man.

    • Rotundo_

      I have not seen anything to confirm that The Vickster is definitively one gender or another. I definitely do not wish to confirm this either.

      • Flat_Earther

        Come on, somebody has to take one for the team.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Do. NOT. Want.

    • BenGleck

      Yeah, its crazy mad white bitches too, yo.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If this election has taught me anything, it is to never twat while drinking. Almost as bad as that time I was looking up an ex on facebook and accidently typed the name into the status update spot instead of the search spot. I banned myself from doing anything drunk online after that. Except Wonkette, of course.

    • emmelemm

      "And that's why I'm not on Facebook."

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        But its good for feeling superior to all the losers you knew in High School.

      • widestanceromance

        Me, too also. Not interested in creating my own Permanent Record, other than my widestanceromance legacy.

      • Redgyal

        No book of,faces for me either. As my mother who grew up pre-color tv says, "if you have an hour for that you have an hour for something more important".

    • CommieLibunatic

      Eh, still not as embarrassing as accidentally searching for porn as a status update. Even if you remove it quickly after, odds are someone will always remember that time you announced "German Zero-G Jugs, Vol. 23"

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Strangely enough, "German Zero-G Jugs, Vol. 23 is my Twitter handle.

      • DustyBowlBlues

        Or the day I hit "add tab" on the iMac and the most visited sites came up and one of themt was porn. At 64 years old, I obviously didn't ride in on a load of turnips yesterday so rather than try to turn the Old Man's interest to something a little less embarrassing when the 7 year old granddaughter plays on the computer, I taught the old guy how to empty History.

  • HRH_Maddie

    WHO?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      It was the 80s. Just forget about it.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        It WAS the 1980s and I can never forget about it.

  • Lot_49

    The surhead is a thousand times funnier than anything VJ ever said or did.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Drama queen gets dramatic on teh twitterz. Is water still wet?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Romans

    Barry ain't Italian!

    • not that Dewey

      She meant to say "The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Roman Polanski", but, you know, Twitter.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Bronco Bammatti?

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Maybe they want to replace him with Francesco de Gregori, and it's ok with me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBhlz4zu6mU&fe

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Mmm…juicy birfer goodness!!

    The main reason they let themselves think Romney was winning was that it felt so much better than panicking.

    • Nothingisamiss

      This.

  • sullivanst

    Clearly, she is not racist: her imagined black self can count!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    She's making it a little too easy.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Doing what she does best — how else do you think that talentless hack got a job in the first place?

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        I thought the knee pads were left over props from a football movie.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I can't stop crying. America died.

    Welcome to episode one of "If Jefferson Davis Had a Twitter Account."

  • Eve8Apples

    With all that cryin', shouldn't she be dehydrated and die, like America.

  • pinstripebindi

    I'm sure this makes me a terrible person and Jesus is very disappointed in me, but I keep imagining her sobbing so hard that the stupid giant bow on top of her head (seriously, she wears them ALL THE TIME now, is she auditioning for a Shirley Temple biopic or something) quivers. And then I get warm glowing warming glow feeling.

    • Negropolis

      You wouldn't even believe how hard I laughed at that visual.

  • Chichikovovich

    OK, OK, she's a no-talent racist loser, very true. Not denying that for a moment.

    But we have to be fair, and give credit where it's due, and she's hit upon a profound truth.

    Mitt Romney does remind everyone of every boss they've ever hated.

    • elgin_pelican

      He's that guy in the Kiwanis club who squeezes way hard when shaking your hand. You hate him for that and 'cause your wife wants to know why you don't bring home as much money as he does. His daughter is real good at tennis and yours just Facebooks all day.

      • Chichikovovich

        Naw, that's not what I had in mind, because I've never known anyone like that. I was thinking more of the head office guy I worked under when I was on pipeline construction as an undergraduate. He knew that the students working summers had futures ahead of them, and he was never getting promoted above middle ranks. So he rained as much crap on them as he could, and took sadistic pleasure in it. People working under him were not people to do a job, they were people to take his aggressions out on.

        When he found out I had been accepted into an Ivy League school for graduate school, he was beside himself with suppressed venom and evident envy. He began setting traps for me that would allow him to chew me out in public, and would be visibly pissed off when I would avoid them.

        I'm currently making twice as much as he made in his best year, but that's not the main point: He was a guy for whom power meant the power to harass, the power to humiliate. If it also got the job done better – which it almost never did – that was fine, but the point was to feel superior.

        Mitt Romney reminds me of that guy.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I remember working for a guy just like that.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Hey, I remember you!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Haha:

        "Even if you never met him, you know this guy," Rove said, per Christianne Klein. "[Obama's] the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by."

        http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2008/06/rove

        • Lascauxcaveman

          When you're a pudgy little nearsighted dork like Rove, you just gotta hate that guy. In his mind, he reinvented Bamz to be that guy, so he could use that to try and beat him.

          Self delusional, self pitying schmuck loser.

        • Chichikovovich

          Damn, Chet, good eye. Wish I'd caught that.

          I have been spending too much time working and parenting and stuff. My Wonkette Skilz be declining.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Man, everything about 2008 and 2012 is indelibly burned in my memory by the blinding hot poker of Mass Stupid.

        • Negropolis

          Oh, boy. Project much, Rove?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        He's the guy who stands in the stall next to you in the men's room at a fancy restaurant and starts up a conversation just as the last drops are falling off, and you want to be polite, but damn, you really want to wash your hands…

        • widestanceromance

          I would bring some righteous widestanceviolence upon him for that.*

          *with VOTES, of course

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          He's the guy at the black tie fundraiser who's always ready to bet you $10,000 over some bullshit, just because the sum is of no consequence to him: "I've got $10,000 that says it won't rain tomorrow."

    • widestanceromance

      Today, he's like a tossed-out manequin, still smiling, in a dumpster.

    • pinstripebindi

      Even an unhinged, poisonously stupid has-been is right twice a decade? (Also correct: Mitt's name is Mitt.)

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Victoria Jackson's career died.
    I can't stop laughing.

    <repeat>

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      You have been laughing for a looooong time!

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        That last bit there is the gargling sound of me drowning in my own laughter. Phonetically, that is.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Wow, you made a sentence with Victoria Jackson's name and the word laughing in it, I'm taking that as a sign that the end times are here.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    You know, at first, I was afraid at first that I wouldn't be able to handle all the post-election whining. But now somehow I just can't get enough of it!

    • Cleopatriot

      Check out Free Republic then. It's a laugh riot. My favorite line is how they don't know how to get the women back, because we seem to have embraced socialism.

      • flipdraw

        That one stuck out to me too.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Hell, at lunch today I got in my car and drove around listening to Rush and was able to catch the precious moment when he said "Either we're outnumbered and losing ground — or else we're victims of the biggest voter fraud ever perpetrated in American history." This might be even bigger than that time someone wrote a one-paragraph bio for an unpublished article about Barack Obama twenty years ago where it said he was born in Kenya.

      • emmelemm

        Hmmm. Occam's Razor much?

        • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

          The Taliban wouldn't touch a razor, Occam's or otherwise.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Cuz it's this awesome.

      • emmelemm

        You are on a roll! Dayum!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Which U2 '90s tour was this?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        WTF IS THAT?

    • HogeyeGrex
    • HogeyeGrex

      Okayokayokay, one more.

      The fucking best.

      edit: if there isn't an animated gif of this on the front page by tomorrow morning, I will have lost all faith.

      • CommieLibunatic

        By all that is right and good in the world, PLEASE tell me that was an act. If it's for real, I think I'll have to go and destroy every webcam on the planet.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        I thought he was fapping part way through. Then his hand came up to his face.

        • flipdraw

          It looked pretty fap-y to me too.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm trying not to gloat so much because I really don't need the bad karma, but it's *hard,* as someone more famous — well, richer, anyway — once said.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I have promised myself I would stop gloating tomorrow, but I think I might need just one more day.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yeah. Long as we stop by tomorrow, we good.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Vicky Jackson and Ted Nugent should call their sponsors stat.

  • UW8316154

    But is she crying TEARS OF BLOOD???

    • kittensdontlie

      Yes, but only movie-prop blood. She's no saint.

  • Come here a minute

    Bless her heart.

  • HogeyeGrex

    As easy as I'm finding the election results and schadenfreude are to masturbate to, these posts aren't helping one bit.

  • HRH_Maddie

    The author of that list forgot to add "those cakes we like"

    • widestanceromance

      CEDER LIBEL!!!11!

  • Shypixel

    But why hasn't anyone posted Madame Orly Taitz, Esquire's reaction to the election.

    We all know hers is the only opinion that matters, and that we commit libel, slander, and suppress the 1st Amendment when we don't let her express her views…

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    Piteously delusional. By now I think I can summon up some charity in this case. For the paid architects of these delusions… not so much.

  • BadKitty904

    "This little piggy goes to therapy…"

  • taylormattd

    What a dumb bitch. My god.

  • CrunchyKnee

    I still wouldn't hit that.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Give me a shovel and I'd consider it.

  • UnholyMoses

    Victoria Jackson: Proving that not all blond jokes are off the mark since forever.

  • Eric_T_Duckman

    Is there even the slightest chance that she's just playing a character, or am I being too kind to her because of how funny and cute she was on SNL 20 years ago?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      In a word?

      No

      It turns out, she was this same person back on SNL

      ETA:

      To be fair

      And to be fairer

    • bobbert

      wysiwyg

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Her sad salty racist tears sustain me.

    What a dumbass.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's like biodiesel for the second Obama administration

  • DrunkIrishman
  • Mittens Howell, III

    Poor Victoria, still stupid, still not funny.

  • emmelemm

    It's kind of ironic (or, just, you know, lame) that she's now married and all fundie and shit, but she hasn't changed her last name to that of her husband's. Submit, Victoria, submit!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Eh, I reckon that's a career move, or a career non-move, not changing one's surname. Kind of in keeping with her not meeting her aspiration in her chosen vocations, then or now.

      • emmelemm

        Right, that's my point. She's "changed" – become a RWNJ – but if she actually changed her name like a good Christian wife, no one would pay any attention to her (which they only do based on her long ago brief brush with fame).

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Upon seeing that, I am noticing more the issue with the Fundie-fascist marriage that she's defying tradition by guarding her born name. I should've read more closely to consider.

          Yeah. You know who *else* didn't take time to read things more closely before going on a tangent…

          • tessiee

            Boehner?
            No, wait; he IS a tangent.

          • trondant

            A tangerine, maybe.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Don't worry. Once Obama enacts Sharia Law, she won't have a choice.

    • DustyBowlBlues

      She's ready for her closeup, Mr. DeMille.

  • mavenmaven

    The "Nugent/Jackson/'Loaf Tour of Tears" coming to a mall near you!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    I wonder if Weird Al could digitally replace her in UHF. Maybe somebody less crazy like Margot Kidder would work.

  • UnholyMoses

    Not black person has ever said "he's got a jumper" unless the words "cable" followed.

    If this twatwaffle knew any black people she'd be better at making racist "jokes" about them.

    • tessiee

      I think Victoria Jackson just reposted the list, and didn't write it.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Toonces is going to have to drive her to the mental hospital.

  • mavenmaven

    Is "thanks a lot Christians" a euphemism for "Blame the Jews"?

    • finallyhappy

      Hell, yea- we voted in the big numbers for Bamz.. On the other hand, Adelson and the Kochs gave huge money to RMoney- so it is our fault any way you look at it

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        You make the Baby Bibi cry!

  • Eve8Apples

    I welcome my heathen Roman overlords. Can we now nail Victoria Jackson to a cross and stand her in the Washington D.C. National Mall as a warning to all other stupid tea baggers?

    • GregComlish

      WTF?

  • johnnymeatworth

    And she posted it on her Twitter feed four times….

  • SorosBot

    Wait, first she said that evil won, but then she said that the Christians lost and the Democrats won. Considering that Dems are good and Christians evil now I'm confused.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Don't get sucked into her dialectic, Comrade!!

  • Generation[redacted]

    Is it okay to call her a communist?

  • ChrisM2011

    Now if we could only find a way to harness all that crazy obsessive/compulsive conservative energy…

    Off-Topic: Can't decide whether I should get the the Commie Girl shirt or the standard Wonkette. I'm in Arkansas so whatever gets me shot less.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      The standard Wonkette will puzzle them, giving you time to escape.

      • ChrisM2011

        Ha! This is true. "Serpentine!"

        • trondant

          Arkansas? I think wearing any shirt would draw attention.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    Thanks a lot of Christians, for not showing up. You disgust me.

    I can pretty much gurantee that the feeling is mutual.

    • kittensdontlie

      The phrase 'holier than thou' comes to mind…

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm a bit confused by her statement. Is she turning against Christians now?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Apparently. I guess she's run out of people to hate on.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Damn, here's someone more irrelevant than Sarah Palin! And they said it couldn't be done!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Actually, I think wut they said was, it *shouldn't* be done. Because, you know, ew, and all that.

    • bobbert

      American exceptionalism, USA USA USA!!!! <blrgl>

    • lulzmonger

      COULTERGEIST LIBEL … not that there's anything wrong with that.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    in the Good vs. Evil battle…today…Evil won.

    oh please victoria, that's a little extreme. evil barely won the popular vote and will have to reach across the aisle to work with the opposition.

    • BadKitty904

      Plus Florida is still counting.

    • bobbert

      I'm hoping Evil will reach across the aisle and smack the opposition upside the head.

  • Indiepalin

    Victoria Jackson combines the wit of Dennis Miller, the looks of Tim Kazurinsky and the magnetic personality of Brad Hall.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Who who, who who?! (I really wanna nooo..!!)

  • SorosBot

    No, America is still here as it has been for the past two centuries. Your America, though, where straight white Christian men rule over everyone else, who get treated as second-class citizens, that is dead, as Obama's reelection, the approval of gay marriage in several states, and the rejection of several pro-rape woman-haters shows. And that is a very good thing, and in fact a victory of good over evil.

    • BadKitty904

      Dude, truly.

      America didn't die, Victoria – the 1950s did.

  • Weenus299

    I for one am glad I killed America as she knew it. I hope I keep doing it.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Someone tell her Breitbart is still dead.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i think i used to smoke newports but it's been so long i can't remember.

  • coolhandnuke

    VJ Day 1945… we dropped atom bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

    VJ Day 2012…we dropped Victoria Jackson off at Bellevue

  • Franknflower

    Cry me a river, dear.

  • TootsStansbury

    Fucking hell! And channeling a 13 year old to boot.

    (I am loving the twit-tantrums though).

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Why do they keep feeding our schadenfreude? WHY?

  • plinkleton

    She wrote that? gosh, that's like dennis miller caliber un funny.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Whiny, overdramatic baby says what?

    Oh, yeah: "Toonces, no!!!"

  • Lucidamente1

    I've always felt kind of sorry for her, that her wingnuttery is genuine mental illness born of some long-term physical abuse.

    That said, she still can go bite me.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Wait! Twat?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      'Tis!

  • BTWBFDIMHO
  • CindynEncinitas

    I don't recall reading exactly when she got hit in the frontal lobes and lost all ability to fucking think at all. Just stuff her back under that rock with the other slime so I can continue to be relieved and happy.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    Bye, Bye Miss American Pie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    The tears of a clown.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Beautiful.

  • StillGoinGreen

    "He a Mormon but he ain't got no hoes" is true – and you thought it as well. ADMIT IT!!!

    • tessiee

      This motherfucker's name is Mitt.

  • BornInATrailer

    Never go full VicJack.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    I thought that all the real Xtians wrote-in 'Jesus' on their ballots.

  • owhatever

    Michelle to Victoria: My husband has been elected President of the United States twice, which means I get to continue being an elegant First Lady. Now, who are you?

  • MissTaken

    5. He looks like he says "nigger" all the time

    Exactly.
    Goddamn I love me some Snoop

    • emmelemm

      MIchelle got a fat ass!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      That muthafuckas name is Mitt.

      Lmao.

  • neiltheblaze

    That woman just has a way with the twitter machine.

  • Guppy

    You know who else was disgusted by Christians?

    • PubOption

      Ghandi?

    • tessiee
      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Ev'body knows they make lousy eatin'.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Goddammit, Tessiee said it first becoz I WUZ LATE TO THE FUCKING PARTY!

    • C_R_Eature

      The Judean People's Front?

    • not that Dewey
  • poorgradstudent

    Gagh, why did she have to star in one of my favorite "X-Files" episodes?

    • tessiee

      Really?
      Cause the "Swamp Thing" episode is generally considered one of their weakest.

      • poorgradstudent

        Nope, it's the Rain…

        Oooh, I see what you did there.

  • FraAnima

    You HAVE to check out her Facebook page!

  • LibrarianX

    Why is she famous? I sure don't remember her ever being funny, which is usually a problem for a comedienne.

  • UnholyMoses

    Sadly, that's better than 98% of beat poetry.

    And I have a useless Lit degree, so, sadly, I know of these things.

    • Rotundo_

      C-I-L-L Kill my landlord!

      • tessiee

        Make him dead.

      • MosesInvests

        I hate the day, I hate the night,
        I hate white folks because they's white.

  • cognachas4paws

    Maybe this is an indication that I spend way too much time with homework and studying, but I don't even know who this woman is. Given her tweets, I think that's a good thing.

    • emmelemm

      Also, are you young?

  • Grokenstein

    Man!
    America's been dying a LOT lately! At least, according to Wrong Wing Drama Mamas.
    But like a true soldier (Hey Romneykinder! No excuse now! Sign up!), Zombie America marches forth.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    I see Bernard McGuirk is writing her material now.

  • RomneysLogCabin

    I'm amazed at how's she still breathing in Miami. She's obviously never ventured into Kendall or NW Miami.

  • octoberhill

    Your stupid, lame-ass whitebread America died (a long time ago), bimbo! We're doin' fine!

  • rebelyankee

    The only funny thing I remember about her was the commercial for the Love Toilet, and the majority of the credit for that goes to the toilet.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Haldol – Stat!

  • widestanceromance

    She's not jolly enough to be that fat, either.

  • Troglodeity

    Donald Trump, Victoria Jackson, Ted Nugent, Meat Loaf, Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly, Kid Rock, Clint Eastwood, Orly Taitz… I just don't understand why the GOP's not WINNING!

  • JackObin

    O.K. I give up. Who is Victoria Jackson?

    • DahBoner

      Should'nt she b wearing those picnic sttachments?

  • tessiee

    How come God let evil win?
    OR… MADE evil win?
    Dun dun dunnnn!

  • tessiee

    OK, to be strictly accurate, the "I can't stop crying" tweet had nothing to do with the election; it was because she had just stepped on the scale.

    • DustyBowlBlues

      Did you have to say this just as I took a second handful of milk chocolate chips I bought, supposedly as an ingredient?

  • tessiee

    Victoria Jackson is an ass copter, but I'm sorry, that doesn't mitigate the awesomeness of:

    "Bitch got a dancing horse".

  • tessiee

    Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, you fat-assed, bleached-blonde, pea-brained, crybaby bitch.

  • JustPixelz

    "I can't stop crying"

    I wish every day could be Negro (Elected) Day!

  • horsedreamer_1

    Between Victoria Jackson & Michael Richards, I am thinking "You & Your Racist Friend" was written by They Might Be Giants as a dis track against fellow comic musician Al Yankovic.

  • C_R_Eature

    It's Like This, Ms Jackson:

    Barack Hussein Obama Won, teh Tea Party lost Big, there's a rabid Anti-Capitalist and a Known Lesbian in the Senate and all of us Democrat- Communists are Rockin' October Revolution Day today!

    You'd better go and get a real job, Victoria. Fast. We're all going on Welfare and You are going to pay! Woohoo! Cadillac and T-bones, here I come!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm buying only the best cigars & scotch with my SNAP benefits from now on. 4 MORE YEARS!

      • C_R_Eature

        I've got enough left over for a 55 gallon drum of Fluoride that I'm going to go and dump in the reservoir one night.

        Say Goodby to your Precious Bodily Fluids, Bitcheez!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Sheesh, drop some BC in there too, willya, fuckin' humans are outbreeding their planetary capacity.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You are SO not a Knee Grow, CRE. Cephalopod-Americans on Welfare won't bother this bitch ENOUGH.

      • C_R_Eature

        Well, I would have thought that hordes of nonhuman aquatic invertebrate MOOCHERS spending her hard-earned SNL Royalty money on buckets full of spearing and anchovies would both infuriate her and really give her the Willies.
        Who know? Have to darken up the chromatophores, I suppose.

        And also: Isn't it high time you Transmogrified into Weedlord Bonerhitler?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I suspect she's totally fucking hentai and masturbates to tentacle porn.

          Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't I get a day off? (Hugs you)

          Damn, I am just too fucking happy today.

          • C_R_Eature

            Oh great. Thanks. Now every time I see Victoria Jackson I'm going to be thinking "chubby tentacle hentai." Actually, that might not be so bad…

            And Also: Yeah, sure- take 10. we've all earned a Victory lap this time, what with having to endure the most horrendously vitriolic political environment I've ever heard of these last four years. I think at least some of that awfulness is over now, as the Republicans really went balls out with the Insanity, rode headlong into the Valley and got their heads handed to them. The ones that are left aren't exactly reasonable – and never will be – but now they know that there's a limit to the bullshit that we'll let them get away with.

            I've been watching and re-watching web videos of FOX election coverage all day long. I'm Giddy.
            Watching Rove twist in the wind after FOX declared Ohio for Obama is just about the funnest thing ever and almost as good as seeing him banged off to the hooscow.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Yes.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    I'm going to hold judgement until Dennis Miller and Jon Lovitz express their opinion on the election.

    • HedonismBot

      Will Farrell promised to cook me angel hair pasta and punch himself in the face if I voted for Obama. I did, and I'm still waiting. (Don't get me wrong, I love Will Farrell, but watching him punch himself in the face would be pretty damn funny!)

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    You don't think she owns a gun do you?

    • DustyBowlBlues

      More precise wording, How many guns does she own?

  • pdiddycornchips

    I bet watering your pot plants with Victoria Jackson's tears will result in some powerful shit. Quick! Someone drag that bitch to Boulder.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Come to think of it, I preferred it when I didn't know Victoria's secret.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Has she stopped crying yet?

    Does anyone care?

  • JustPixelz

    Thanks a lot Christians, for not showing up. You disgust me.

    On that, I agree with Ms Jackson.

    • DustyBowlBlues

      Ahem.

  • DustyBowlBlues

    Will someone slap her across her fat little face for me? Newz flash for you, kewpie: the Xians did go vote. The followers of the anti-Christ, Sean O'Rushbeck, just cold lost. As I whispered to a couple of friends at the church dinner I worked my ass (well, I wish) off for the last three days, "I don't know how a real Christian could vote Republican." The friends agreed, and not in a snarky way. But we see Xianity as a religion, as opposed to a special interest group.

    'Fuck do bitches like this get off giving us Red Letter Christians a bad name? Fuck Leviticus, too.

  • lulzmonger

    Shorter VJ = "Mmmmm, bath salts."

  • ttommyunger

    I don't blame you, dear. If i were an ignorant cunt who wore my ass on my shoulders I'd cry too, bless your heart.

    • Negropolis

      LOL! You've been in Georgia way too long. lol

      • ttommyunger

        Tell me about it!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  • DustyBowlBlues

    I admit I was hoping for a link to the Karl Rove meltdown, so I or someone faster than I could add a link to the empty hall where the Rs had their election night event and I could gauge how many of the wonkeratti agree with me that Karl Rove is one election-cycle-goes-to-Democrats away from fulfilling his destiny: pathological window peeping. (I put in serial killer first, but decided to go easy on the son of a bitch.)

  • DixvilleCrotch

    America's Twat.

  • hollywooddood

    Hey, remember when Victoria Jackson was funny and talented? Neither do I.

  • Pat_Pending

    Toonces the Cunt.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    If Victoria Jackson cries, will anyone hear it. Not! No-one will hear her and on-one care.

  • Negropolis

    Lisa Simpson reference FTW.

  • HedonismBot

    "9. He reminds me of every boss I ever hated."
    Now Victoria, you know dem niggas ain't got no J.O.B.s. 'Sa matter wit you, ho?

  • DahBoner

    He's a Mormon and he ain't got no hoes

    So the Mexicans that rake his lawn have to bring their own hoes…

  • anteater

    May I say, keeping in mind that a civil discourse is always the best, she may be the dumbest fucking fat blonde I've ever seen.
    Good night now.