THIS UKULELE KILLS LAUGHTER  4:00 pm November 7, 2012

Yes, Victoria Jackson, You Are A Racist

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

we feel like you are trying to tell us something?Um, good one, Victoria Jackson?

Let’s see what else is on Miss Jackson If You’re Nasty’s TWITTER OF MADNESSSSSS, yes?

OK cool.

[We did not make clear -- because we didn't know! -- that the Nigga List was originally by Snoop Dogg for fuck's sake, the attribution will never stop changing, one Mr. or Ms. "DragonFlyJonez". That changes Victoria Jackson being racist for reposting it exactly not one iota. Do you think she reposted it because she found it jolly and amusing? Yeah no, she reposted it because Niggas, we are exactly sure we all agree.]

[Twitter]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 310 comments }

smitallica November 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm

The ironic part? She was never even close to being this funny when she was getting paid to be a comedian.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The theory is that she's actually Andy Kaufman, in which case she was pretty funny then.

Have you ever seen them together in the same room?

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I remember fondly some of her bits on SNL; she was pretty funny at times. But at the time I mistakenly believed she was merely good at portraying a hare-brained nitwit. I had no idea..

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Like Dennis Miller, except she's somehow less funny.

Rotundo_ November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Miller at least seems literate. An asshole, but a literate one. VJ here is seems to be a bit brain damaged. I always thought the airhead act was an act, but perhaps it was just VJ being VJ.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Here's a brain teaser:
Between Victoria Jackson and Dennis Miller, who has the more annoying speaking voice?

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Ah, the speaking voice… a window to the soul, or where the soul would be if there was one. I could listen to both of them, but only at gunpoint, and you'd still have to shoot me anyways.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

At that point, it would be a mercy killing.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Well, she was getting paid, and she was doing comedy, but somehow I suspect the paycheck was for something else and they had to come up with a cover story.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Knackwurst-gargling?

prommie November 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Snoop Lion Libel!

Disassembly November 7, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I prefer Sen. Alan Simpson's name for him: Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Yeah, I thought I saw this attributed to Snoop a month or two ago.

smashedinhat November 8, 2012 at 1:42 am

Snoop Lion is the new Apple OS? I can never keep up with this stuff.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 8, 2012 at 3:04 am

It's not alliterative enough for an Ubuntu distro.

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I can't stop crying.
America died.

I can't stop crying. America died.

lmfao

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

It's DEAD! Can't you see that?

Game over, man.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Wow. That would make like a really good Ginsberg parody at a poetry slam

*snapping fingers* Coool, baby…

GunToting[Redacted] November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

R-Money lied.

America died.

Drop the beat!

WhatTheHeck November 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Bye, Bye, Mis American Pie.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:48 pm

She should have expand on that, i.e. "the white America of the 1950s that never really existed has died."

JudasPeckerwood November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Okay, we can stop paying attention to her now, right? I mean, like, FOREVER?

kittensdontlie November 7, 2012 at 5:27 pm

But she is hilarious. I can't give her up….I won't give her up!

GregComlish November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Is Romans I a biblical reference or is she drawing an analogy between us and the ancient empire?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

It's Biblical and refers to the Romans worshipping Caesar above the Lord.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Yeah, except no actual mention of Caesar, but rather explicit reference to the anthropomorphising of God.

Most importantly to Vicki, though, is probably the part she almost certainly misinterprets as meaning t3h gheys, and only t3h gheys, are "deserving of death".

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Well, worshipping "man" above God, true, but the letter is penned to the Romans, so you can do the maths.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Again, not worshipping actual man, but "images made to look like a mortal human being". Of course, real Christians would never do that.

tracyhasfun November 8, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Which is funny, cuz the Mormons anthropomorphize THE SHIT outta God. He is married n shit.

sullivanst November 9, 2012 at 11:19 am

I'm guessing the odds that part made it into the Book of Mormon are pretty slim.

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Caesar's career was pretty much done after Imogene Coca left the show.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 7:34 pm

of shows.

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Also that, too. Amen

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Maybe it's the revenge of the Romans against the Christians for destroying their once-great empire?

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

We are all Italics today.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I thought it was a sexual position.

IndianaKevin November 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

It's a font. The first one.

ChillBill November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Today, we are all "Mad Cool Black Niggas….Yo"

Dr_Zoidberg November 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Finally! As a pasty white person, I have been waiting for this forever!

Redgyal November 7, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Yo!

SexySmurf November 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Romans 1. Christians 0.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Never mind the Lyin' African…. let's hear it for the African Lions!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:31 pm

HA! I can't even get slightly annoyed at anybody for using that term on MY PREZ, Chich. Sad, innit?

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Did Karl Rove hire the score keeper?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Bile is a hell of a drug.

themcwow November 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

First read "Bile" as "Bible."

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Same results, less filling

Rotundo_ November 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

In the case of these assholes, is there really a difference?

MC5 November 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Dana Carvey is rolling over in his grave.

woodwakr November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Umm… Isn't he alive?

CthuNHu November 7, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Never stopped Buffy…

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 2:00 am

Yeah, but he's always doing that. I mean, honestly, can the guy stand still for just one minute?

Exhausted66 November 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Fox News puts her on TV and asks her questions.

They do this.

mrpuma2u November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Several years back, when i first saw her spewing right wing shite, I thought she was doing a bit at first. Then I realized "holy guacamole this bitch is serious about this garbage!" and she became as dead to me as her career.

Flat_Earther November 7, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Does she talk in that little girl voice? Rupert may like it.

unclejeems November 7, 2012 at 7:58 pm

She is a blonde.

memzilla November 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Oh garçon! Another heaping bowl of FAIL for the lady, if you please, and something bitter on the side.

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Assume Palin hate decoy.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 7:53 pm

And a bowl of sour grapes, please.

prommie November 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

And for some reason, Lorne Michaels, who is obviously just the blind squirrel who accidentally finds some talented acorns now and then, is regarded as some kind of genius? I am dead serious here, Lorne Michaels hired this dipshit, HE thought she was FUNNY. Thats a fucking genius? I fucking hate that pompous fraud.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Dennis Miller probably told him she could do splits over a loveseat.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Micheals got his showbiz break on a CBC comedy in the 1970s with the very 1970s name of "The Hart and Lorne Terrific Hour". It became wildly popular in Canada on the strength of a recurring character played by the guy who wasn't Lorne, dressed as a beaver. The guy who dressed as a beaver, Hart Pomerantz was actually quite funny. He is now a lawyer in Toronto.

That is to say, the Toronto lawyer dressed as a beaver was the talented one in the Hart and Lorne partnership.

I just thought you would like to know that.

MisterCanoehead November 8, 2012 at 9:36 am

I actually saw that show! Lorne was the straight (i.e. unfunny) man.

Chichikovovich November 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I watched it too. I was a fan of Pomerantz on "This is the Law" as well.
There is an art to being a good straight man, and Michaels wasn't good at it. Stiff, self conscious, artificial. IMO

(EDIT: Now that I think of it, I even had a "The Canadian Beaver says ….[something]" button on my jacket when the craze was on. I would have been about 13.)

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Who said he was a genius? And is she the only person he ever hired?

prommie November 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

The list of horrendously unfunny SNL players is almost as long as the list of horrid, bad, just awful sketches they run each season.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm

SNL's "funny" statistics are similar to baseball statistics — they fluctuate through greater or lesser degrees of mediocrity. But there's always a chance that there'll be something really, really good, and besides, losers at home on a Saturday night can't be choosers!

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I never watch SNL, even though I have become (mostly by choice, getting older ya know) one of those homebound Saturday night losers.

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Its best season was 1984, when Dick Ebersol was running things, and Michaels wasn't even there,. I gave up on it after that. Best show? Just before the 84 election: The question is moot

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I bet even Jeebus hates her.

Dr_Zoidberg November 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Jeebus doesn't believe in the existence of Victoria Jackson.

GemlikeFlame November 7, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Why should he be different? Honestly, I thought I was going to get a kick out of the post-election whining and posturing, but it only indicates that the next four years is going to give the idiots an even louder and more disturbed voice.

And I am not looking forward to that.

Cephas Q. Atheos December 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

No, no, no, don't you see? The Crying Confabulators all aged 30 years when Barack Satan Obama won. They just *knew* they were entitled to a Republican this time, and they aged another 30 years waiting. Now they're apoplectically sure Jeezus will win for them NEXT time – and just think what the 4-year wait is gonna do to their tired, mean little brains!

I'm expecting some senSATIONAL flaming hypocrisy, racial baiting, and religious fucktards on every street corner denouncing liberals, teh homersexualists, the second Coming, etc, etc, etc. it'll be a HOOT!

edgydrifter November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Conversely, America probably won't cry very much at all when Victoria dies.

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

She will leave the planet to join up with her career, which is also dead, by votes.

rickmaci November 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I think she already committed careercide.

smitallica November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I wish she was an actual politician so someone could beat the living shit out of her. With votes.

memzilla November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Ah Victoria, as successful a political pundit as you are an actress.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

We can haz lionz now?

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Tunces, the driving lion?

Will_Panic November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Victoria Jackson said she was a sane, rational person, and look at her. Clearly she's not.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I'm still not convinced that this isn't Internet performance art and that she has some infomercial product in the works, like, say Tampon-Wow, or something.

DCBloom November 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Whoa… Tampon-wow. I'd buy that!

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

And if you buy in the next twenty minutes, cuz we can't do this all day…

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Take that, anyone who dares say that the GOP is just a party of angry old white men.

OneYieldRegular November 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

You say that as though Victoria Jackson isn't an angry old white man.

Rotundo_ November 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I have not seen anything to confirm that The Vickster is definitively one gender or another. I definitely do not wish to confirm this either.

Flat_Earther November 7, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Come on, somebody has to take one for the team.

GunToting[Redacted] November 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Do. NOT. Want.

BenGleck November 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Yeah, its crazy mad white bitches too, yo.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

If this election has taught me anything, it is to never twat while drinking. Almost as bad as that time I was looking up an ex on facebook and accidently typed the name into the status update spot instead of the search spot. I banned myself from doing anything drunk online after that. Except Wonkette, of course.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"And that's why I'm not on Facebook."

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

But its good for feeling superior to all the losers you knew in High School.

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Me, too also. Not interested in creating my own Permanent Record, other than my widestanceromance legacy.

Redgyal November 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

No book of,faces for me either. As my mother who grew up pre-color tv says, "if you have an hour for that you have an hour for something more important".

CommieLibunatic November 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Eh, still not as embarrassing as accidentally searching for porn as a status update. Even if you remove it quickly after, odds are someone will always remember that time you announced "German Zero-G Jugs, Vol. 23"

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Strangely enough, "German Zero-G Jugs, Vol. 23 is my Twitter handle.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Or the day I hit "add tab" on the iMac and the most visited sites came up and one of themt was porn. At 64 years old, I obviously didn't ride in on a load of turnips yesterday so rather than try to turn the Old Man's interest to something a little less embarrassing when the 7 year old granddaughter plays on the computer, I taught the old guy how to empty History.

HRH_Maddie November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

WHO?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

It was the 80s. Just forget about it.

Butch_Wagstaff November 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

It WAS the 1980s and I can never forget about it.

Lot_49 November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The surhead is a thousand times funnier than anything VJ ever said or did.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Drama queen gets dramatic on teh twitterz. Is water still wet?

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Romans

Barry ain't Italian!

not that Dewey November 7, 2012 at 5:29 pm

She meant to say "The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Roman Polanski", but, you know, Twitter.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Bronco Bammatti?

BTWBFDIMHO November 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Maybe they want to replace him with Francesco de Gregori, and it's ok with me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBhlz4zu6mU&fe

Joshua Norton November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Mmm…juicy birfer goodness!!

The main reason they let themselves think Romney was winning was that it felt so much better than panicking.

Nothingisamiss November 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

This.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Clearly, she is not racist: her imagined black self can count!

DerrickWildcat November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

She's making it a little too easy.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Doing what she does best — how else do you think that talentless hack got a job in the first place?

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I thought the knee pads were left over props from a football movie.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I can't stop crying. America died.

Welcome to episode one of "If Jefferson Davis Had a Twitter Account."

Eve8Apples November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

With all that cryin', shouldn't she be dehydrated and die, like America.

pinstripebindi November 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I'm sure this makes me a terrible person and Jesus is very disappointed in me, but I keep imagining her sobbing so hard that the stupid giant bow on top of her head (seriously, she wears them ALL THE TIME now, is she auditioning for a Shirley Temple biopic or something) quivers. And then I get warm glowing warming glow feeling.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 2:06 am

You wouldn't even believe how hard I laughed at that visual.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

OK, OK, she's a no-talent racist loser, very true. Not denying that for a moment.

But we have to be fair, and give credit where it's due, and she's hit upon a profound truth.

Mitt Romney does remind everyone of every boss they've ever hated.

elgin_pelican November 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

He's that guy in the Kiwanis club who squeezes way hard when shaking your hand. You hate him for that and 'cause your wife wants to know why you don't bring home as much money as he does. His daughter is real good at tennis and yours just Facebooks all day.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Naw, that's not what I had in mind, because I've never known anyone like that. I was thinking more of the head office guy I worked under when I was on pipeline construction as an undergraduate. He knew that the students working summers had futures ahead of them, and he was never getting promoted above middle ranks. So he rained as much crap on them as he could, and took sadistic pleasure in it. People working under him were not people to do a job, they were people to take his aggressions out on.

When he found out I had been accepted into an Ivy League school for graduate school, he was beside himself with suppressed venom and evident envy. He began setting traps for me that would allow him to chew me out in public, and would be visibly pissed off when I would avoid them.

I'm currently making twice as much as he made in his best year, but that's not the main point: He was a guy for whom power meant the power to harass, the power to humiliate. If it also got the job done better – which it almost never did – that was fine, but the point was to feel superior.

Mitt Romney reminds me of that guy.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I remember working for a guy just like that.

GunToting[Redacted] November 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Hey, I remember you!

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Haha:

"Even if you never met him, you know this guy," Rove said, per Christianne Klein. "[Obama's] the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by."

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2008/06/rove

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

When you're a pudgy little nearsighted dork like Rove, you just gotta hate that guy. In his mind, he reinvented Bamz to be that guy, so he could use that to try and beat him.

Self delusional, self pitying schmuck loser.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Damn, Chet, good eye. Wish I'd caught that.

I have been spending too much time working and parenting and stuff. My Wonkette Skilz be declining.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Man, everything about 2008 and 2012 is indelibly burned in my memory by the blinding hot poker of Mass Stupid.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 2:07 am

Oh, boy. Project much, Rove?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

He's the guy who stands in the stall next to you in the men's room at a fancy restaurant and starts up a conversation just as the last drops are falling off, and you want to be polite, but damn, you really want to wash your hands…

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I would bring some righteous widestanceviolence upon him for that.*

*with VOTES, of course

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 5:29 pm

He's the guy at the black tie fundraiser who's always ready to bet you $10,000 over some bullshit, just because the sum is of no consequence to him: "I've got $10,000 that says it won't rain tomorrow."

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Today, he's like a tossed-out manequin, still smiling, in a dumpster.

pinstripebindi November 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Even an unhinged, poisonously stupid has-been is right twice a decade? (Also correct: Mitt's name is Mitt.)

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Victoria Jackson's career died.
I can't stop laughing.

<repeat>

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You have been laughing for a looooong time!

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

That last bit there is the gargling sound of me drowning in my own laughter. Phonetically, that is.

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Wow, you made a sentence with Victoria Jackson's name and the word laughing in it, I'm taking that as a sign that the end times are here.

ChillBill November 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

You know, at first, I was afraid at first that I wouldn't be able to handle all the post-election whining. But now somehow I just can't get enough of it!

Cleopatriot November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Check out Free Republic then. It's a laugh riot. My favorite line is how they don't know how to get the women back, because we seem to have embraced socialism.

flipdraw November 8, 2012 at 9:00 am

That one stuck out to me too.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Hell, at lunch today I got in my car and drove around listening to Rush and was able to catch the precious moment when he said "Either we're outnumbered and losing ground — or else we're victims of the biggest voter fraud ever perpetrated in American history." This might be even bigger than that time someone wrote a one-paragraph bio for an unpublished article about Barack Obama twenty years ago where it said he was born in Kenya.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Hmmm. Occam's Razor much?

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

The Taliban wouldn't touch a razor, Occam's or otherwise.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Cuz it's this awesome.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

You are on a roll! Dayum!

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Which U2 '90s tour was this?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm

WTF IS THAT?

HistoriCat November 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm
HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm
HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Okayokayokay, one more.

The fucking best.

edit: if there isn't an animated gif of this on the front page by tomorrow morning, I will have lost all faith.

CommieLibunatic November 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm

By all that is right and good in the world, PLEASE tell me that was an act. If it's for real, I think I'll have to go and destroy every webcam on the planet.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I thought he was fapping part way through. Then his hand came up to his face.

flipdraw November 8, 2012 at 9:07 am

It looked pretty fap-y to me too.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I'm trying not to gloat so much because I really don't need the bad karma, but it's *hard,* as someone more famous — well, richer, anyway — once said.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I have promised myself I would stop gloating tomorrow, but I think I might need just one more day.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Yeah. Long as we stop by tomorrow, we good.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Vicky Jackson and Ted Nugent should call their sponsors stat.

UW8316154 November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

But is she crying TEARS OF BLOOD???

kittensdontlie November 7, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Yes, but only movie-prop blood. She's no saint.

Come here a minute November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Bless her heart.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

As easy as I'm finding the election results and schadenfreude are to masturbate to, these posts aren't helping one bit.

HRH_Maddie November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

The author of that list forgot to add "those cakes we like"

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

CEDER LIBEL!!!11!

Shypixel November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

But why hasn't anyone posted Madame Orly Taitz, Esquire's reaction to the election.

We all know hers is the only opinion that matters, and that we commit libel, slander, and suppress the 1st Amendment when we don't let her express her views…

SigDeFlyinMonky November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Piteously delusional. By now I think I can summon up some charity in this case. For the paid architects of these delusions… not so much.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"This little piggy goes to therapy…"

taylormattd November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

What a dumb bitch. My god.

CrunchyKnee November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I still wouldn't hit that.

GunToting[Redacted] November 7, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Give me a shovel and I'd consider it.

UnholyMoses November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Victoria Jackson: Proving that not all blond jokes are off the mark since forever.

Eric_T_Duckman November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Is there even the slightest chance that she's just playing a character, or am I being too kind to her because of how funny and cute she was on SNL 20 years ago?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

In a word?

No

It turns out, she was this same person back on SNL

ETA:

To be fair

And to be fairer

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm

wysiwyg

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Her sad salty racist tears sustain me.

What a dumbass.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

It's like biodiesel for the second Obama administration

DrunkIrishman November 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Mittens Howell, III November 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Poor Victoria, still stupid, still not funny.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

It's kind of ironic (or, just, you know, lame) that she's now married and all fundie and shit, but she hasn't changed her last name to that of her husband's. Submit, Victoria, submit!

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Eh, I reckon that's a career move, or a career non-move, not changing one's surname. Kind of in keeping with her not meeting her aspiration in her chosen vocations, then or now.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Right, that's my point. She's "changed" – become a RWNJ – but if she actually changed her name like a good Christian wife, no one would pay any attention to her (which they only do based on her long ago brief brush with fame).

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Upon seeing that, I am noticing more the issue with the Fundie-fascist marriage that she's defying tradition by guarding her born name. I should've read more closely to consider.

Yeah. You know who *else* didn't take time to read things more closely before going on a tangent…

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Boehner?
No, wait; he IS a tangent.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Don't worry. Once Obama enacts Sharia Law, she won't have a choice.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

She's ready for her closeup, Mr. DeMille.

mavenmaven November 7, 2012 at 4:13 pm

The "Nugent/Jackson/'Loaf Tour of Tears" coming to a mall near you!

iburl November 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I wonder if Weird Al could digitally replace her in UHF. Maybe somebody less crazy like Margot Kidder would work.

UnholyMoses November 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Not black person has ever said "he's got a jumper" unless the words "cable" followed.

If this twatwaffle knew any black people she'd be better at making racist "jokes" about them.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I think Victoria Jackson just reposted the list, and didn't write it.

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Toonces is going to have to drive her to the mental hospital.

mavenmaven November 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Is "thanks a lot Christians" a euphemism for "Blame the Jews"?

finallyhappy November 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Hell, yea- we voted in the big numbers for Bamz.. On the other hand, Adelson and the Kochs gave huge money to RMoney- so it is our fault any way you look at it

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

You make the Baby Bibi cry!

Eve8Apples November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I welcome my heathen Roman overlords. Can we now nail Victoria Jackson to a cross and stand her in the Washington D.C. National Mall as a warning to all other stupid tea baggers?

GregComlish November 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm

WTF?

johnnymeatworth November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

And she posted it on her Twitter feed four times….

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Wait, first she said that evil won, but then she said that the Christians lost and the Democrats won. Considering that Dems are good and Christians evil now I'm confused.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Don't get sucked into her dialectic, Comrade!!

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Is it okay to call her a communist?

ChrisM2011 November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Now if we could only find a way to harness all that crazy obsessive/compulsive conservative energy…

Off-Topic: Can't decide whether I should get the the Commie Girl shirt or the standard Wonkette. I'm in Arkansas so whatever gets me shot less.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The standard Wonkette will puzzle them, giving you time to escape.

ChrisM2011 November 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Ha! This is true. "Serpentine!"

trondant November 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Arkansas? I think wearing any shirt would draw attention.

Incitefully_Joe November 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Thanks a lot of Christians, for not showing up. You disgust me.

I can pretty much gurantee that the feeling is mutual.

kittensdontlie November 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

The phrase 'holier than thou' comes to mind…

Butch_Wagstaff November 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I'm a bit confused by her statement. Is she turning against Christians now?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Apparently. I guess she's run out of people to hate on.

Dr_Zoidberg November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Damn, here's someone more irrelevant than Sarah Palin! And they said it couldn't be done!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Actually, I think wut they said was, it *shouldn't* be done. Because, you know, ew, and all that.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 8:37 pm

American exceptionalism, USA USA USA!!!! <blrgl>

lulzmonger November 7, 2012 at 8:52 pm

COULTERGEIST LIBEL … not that there's anything wrong with that.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

in the Good vs. Evil battle…today…Evil won.

oh please victoria, that's a little extreme. evil barely won the popular vote and will have to reach across the aisle to work with the opposition.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Plus Florida is still counting.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I'm hoping Evil will reach across the aisle and smack the opposition upside the head.

Indiepalin November 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Victoria Jackson combines the wit of Dennis Miller, the looks of Tim Kazurinsky and the magnetic personality of Brad Hall.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Who who, who who?! (I really wanna nooo..!!)

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

No, America is still here as it has been for the past two centuries. Your America, though, where straight white Christian men rule over everyone else, who get treated as second-class citizens, that is dead, as Obama's reelection, the approval of gay marriage in several states, and the rejection of several pro-rape woman-haters shows. And that is a very good thing, and in fact a victory of good over evil.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Dude, truly.

America didn't die, Victoria – the 1950s did.

Weenus299 November 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I for one am glad I killed America as she knew it. I hope I keep doing it.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Someone tell her Breitbart is still dead.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

i think i used to smoke newports but it's been so long i can't remember.

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

VJ Day 1945… we dropped atom bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

VJ Day 2012…we dropped Victoria Jackson off at Bellevue

Franknflower November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Cry me a river, dear.

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Fucking hell! And channeling a 13 year old to boot.

(I am loving the twit-tantrums though).

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Why do they keep feeding our schadenfreude? WHY?

plinkleton November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

She wrote that? gosh, that's like dennis miller caliber un funny.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Whiny, overdramatic baby says what?

Oh, yeah: "Toonces, no!!!"

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I've always felt kind of sorry for her, that her wingnuttery is genuine mental illness born of some long-term physical abuse.

That said, she still can go bite me.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Wait! Twat?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

'Tis!

BTWBFDIMHO November 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm
CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I don't recall reading exactly when she got hit in the frontal lobes and lost all ability to fucking think at all. Just stuff her back under that rock with the other slime so I can continue to be relieved and happy.

Kid_Charlemagne November 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Bye, Bye Miss American Pie.

deanbooth November 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

The tears of a clown.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Beautiful.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

"He a Mormon but he ain't got no hoes" is true – and you thought it as well. ADMIT IT!!!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

This motherfucker's name is Mitt.

BornInATrailer November 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Never go full VicJack.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I thought that all the real Xtians wrote-in 'Jesus' on their ballots.

owhatever November 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Michelle to Victoria: My husband has been elected President of the United States twice, which means I get to continue being an elegant First Lady. Now, who are you?

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

5. He looks like he says "nigger" all the time

Exactly.
Goddamn I love me some Snoop

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm

MIchelle got a fat ass!

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 8:05 pm

That muthafuckas name is Mitt.

Lmao.

neiltheblaze November 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

That woman just has a way with the twitter machine.

Guppy November 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

You know who else was disgusted by Christians?

PubOption November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Ghandi?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:23 pm
MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Ev'body knows they make lousy eatin'.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Goddammit, Tessiee said it first becoz I WUZ LATE TO THE FUCKING PARTY!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 9:11 pm

The Judean People's Front?

not that Dewey November 7, 2012 at 10:37 pm
poorgradstudent November 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Gagh, why did she have to star in one of my favorite "X-Files" episodes?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Really?
Cause the "Swamp Thing" episode is generally considered one of their weakest.

poorgradstudent November 7, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Nope, it's the Rain…

Oooh, I see what you did there.

FraAnima November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

You HAVE to check out her Facebook page!

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Why is she famous? I sure don't remember her ever being funny, which is usually a problem for a comedienne.

UnholyMoses November 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Sadly, that's better than 98% of beat poetry.

And I have a useless Lit degree, so, sadly, I know of these things.

Rotundo_ November 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

C-I-L-L Kill my landlord!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Make him dead.

MosesInvests November 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I hate the day, I hate the night,
I hate white folks because they's white.

cognachas4paws November 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Maybe this is an indication that I spend way too much time with homework and studying, but I don't even know who this woman is. Given her tweets, I think that's a good thing.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Also, are you young?

Grokenstein November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Man!
America's been dying a LOT lately! At least, according to Wrong Wing Drama Mamas.
But like a true soldier (Hey Romneykinder! No excuse now! Sign up!), Zombie America marches forth.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I see Bernard McGuirk is writing her material now.

RomneysLogCabin November 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I'm amazed at how's she still breathing in Miami. She's obviously never ventured into Kendall or NW Miami.

octoberhill November 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Your stupid, lame-ass whitebread America died (a long time ago), bimbo! We're doin' fine!

rebelyankee November 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

The only funny thing I remember about her was the commercial for the Love Toilet, and the majority of the credit for that goes to the toilet.

ibwilliamsi November 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Haldol – Stat!

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

She's not jolly enough to be that fat, either.

Troglodeity November 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Donald Trump, Victoria Jackson, Ted Nugent, Meat Loaf, Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly, Kid Rock, Clint Eastwood, Orly Taitz… I just don't understand why the GOP's not WINNING!

JackObin November 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

O.K. I give up. Who is Victoria Jackson?

DahBoner November 8, 2012 at 9:22 am

Should'nt she b wearing those picnic sttachments?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

How come God let evil win?
OR… MADE evil win?
Dun dun dunnnn!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:01 pm

OK, to be strictly accurate, the "I can't stop crying" tweet had nothing to do with the election; it was because she had just stepped on the scale.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Did you have to say this just as I took a second handful of milk chocolate chips I bought, supposedly as an ingredient?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Victoria Jackson is an ass copter, but I'm sorry, that doesn't mitigate the awesomeness of:

"Bitch got a dancing horse".

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, you fat-assed, bleached-blonde, pea-brained, crybaby bitch.

JustPixelz November 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm

"I can't stop crying"

I wish every day could be Negro (Elected) Day!

horsedreamer_1 November 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Between Victoria Jackson & Michael Richards, I am thinking "You & Your Racist Friend" was written by They Might Be Giants as a dis track against fellow comic musician Al Yankovic.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 6:54 pm

It's Like This, Ms Jackson:

Barack Hussein Obama Won, teh Tea Party lost Big, there's a rabid Anti-Capitalist and a Known Lesbian in the Senate and all of us Democrat- Communists are Rockin' October Revolution Day today!

You'd better go and get a real job, Victoria. Fast. We're all going on Welfare and You are going to pay! Woohoo! Cadillac and T-bones, here I come!

Butch_Wagstaff November 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I'm buying only the best cigars & scotch with my SNAP benefits from now on. 4 MORE YEARS!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I've got enough left over for a 55 gallon drum of Fluoride that I'm going to go and dump in the reservoir one night.

Say Goodby to your Precious Bodily Fluids, Bitcheez!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Sheesh, drop some BC in there too, willya, fuckin' humans are outbreeding their planetary capacity.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

You are SO not a Knee Grow, CRE. Cephalopod-Americans on Welfare won't bother this bitch ENOUGH.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Well, I would have thought that hordes of nonhuman aquatic invertebrate MOOCHERS spending her hard-earned SNL Royalty money on buckets full of spearing and anchovies would both infuriate her and really give her the Willies.
Who know? Have to darken up the chromatophores, I suppose.

And also: Isn't it high time you Transmogrified into Weedlord Bonerhitler?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I suspect she's totally fucking hentai and masturbates to tentacle porn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't I get a day off? (Hugs you)

Damn, I am just too fucking happy today.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Oh great. Thanks. Now every time I see Victoria Jackson I'm going to be thinking "chubby tentacle hentai." Actually, that might not be so bad…

And Also: Yeah, sure- take 10. we've all earned a Victory lap this time, what with having to endure the most horrendously vitriolic political environment I've ever heard of these last four years. I think at least some of that awfulness is over now, as the Republicans really went balls out with the Insanity, rode headlong into the Valley and got their heads handed to them. The ones that are left aren't exactly reasonable – and never will be – but now they know that there's a limit to the bullshit that we'll let them get away with.

I've been watching and re-watching web videos of FOX election coverage all day long. I'm Giddy.
Watching Rove twist in the wind after FOX declared Ohio for Obama is just about the funnest thing ever and almost as good as seeing him banged off to the hooscow.

Dashboard Buddha November 7, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I'm going to hold judgement until Dennis Miller and Jon Lovitz express their opinion on the election.

HedonismBot November 8, 2012 at 12:50 am

Will Farrell promised to cook me angel hair pasta and punch himself in the face if I voted for Obama. I did, and I'm still waiting. (Don't get me wrong, I love Will Farrell, but watching him punch himself in the face would be pretty damn funny!)

Monsieur_Grumpe November 7, 2012 at 7:50 pm

You don't think she owns a gun do you?

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 8:49 pm

More precise wording, How many guns does she own?

pdiddycornchips November 7, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I bet watering your pot plants with Victoria Jackson's tears will result in some powerful shit. Quick! Someone drag that bitch to Boulder.

elfgoldsackring November 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Come to think of it, I preferred it when I didn't know Victoria's secret.

Chow Yun Flat November 7, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Has she stopped crying yet?

Does anyone care?

JustPixelz November 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Thanks a lot Christians, for not showing up. You disgust me.

On that, I agree with Ms Jackson.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Ahem.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Will someone slap her across her fat little face for me? Newz flash for you, kewpie: the Xians did go vote. The followers of the anti-Christ, Sean O'Rushbeck, just cold lost. As I whispered to a couple of friends at the church dinner I worked my ass (well, I wish) off for the last three days, "I don't know how a real Christian could vote Republican." The friends agreed, and not in a snarky way. But we see Xianity as a religion, as opposed to a special interest group.

'Fuck do bitches like this get off giving us Red Letter Christians a bad name? Fuck Leviticus, too.

lulzmonger November 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Shorter VJ = "Mmmmm, bath salts."

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I don't blame you, dear. If i were an ignorant cunt who wore my ass on my shoulders I'd cry too, bless your heart.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 2:29 am

LOL! You've been in Georgia way too long. lol

ttommyunger November 8, 2012 at 7:38 am

Tell me about it!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I admit I was hoping for a link to the Karl Rove meltdown, so I or someone faster than I could add a link to the empty hall where the Rs had their election night event and I could gauge how many of the wonkeratti agree with me that Karl Rove is one election-cycle-goes-to-Democrats away from fulfilling his destiny: pathological window peeping. (I put in serial killer first, but decided to go easy on the son of a bitch.)

DixvilleCrotch November 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

America's Twat.

hollywooddood November 7, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Hey, remember when Victoria Jackson was funny and talented? Neither do I.

Pat_Pending November 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Toonces the Cunt.

Baba_NinjaCat12 November 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

If Victoria Jackson cries, will anyone hear it. Not! No-one will hear her and on-one care.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

Lisa Simpson reference FTW.

HedonismBot November 8, 2012 at 12:47 am

"9. He reminds me of every boss I ever hated."
Now Victoria, you know dem niggas ain't got no J.O.B.s. 'Sa matter wit you, ho?

DahBoner November 8, 2012 at 7:47 am

He's a Mormon and he ain't got no hoes

So the Mexicans that rake his lawn have to bring their own hoes…

anteater November 8, 2012 at 12:26 pm

May I say, keeping in mind that a civil discourse is always the best, she may be the dumbest fucking fat blonde I've ever seen.
Good night now.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Yes.

trondant November 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm

A tangerine, maybe.

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