this ukulele kills laughter

Yes, Victoria Jackson, You Are A Racist

we feel like you are trying to tell us something?Um, good one, Victoria Jackson?

Let’s see what else is on Miss Jackson If You’re Nasty’s TWITTER OF MADNESSSSSS, yes?

OK cool.

[We did not make clear — because we didn’t know! — that the Nigga List was originally by Snoop Dogg for fuck’s sake, the attribution will never stop changing, one Mr. or Ms. “DragonFlyJonez”. That changes Victoria Jackson being racist for reposting it exactly not one iota. Do you think she reposted it because she found it jolly and amusing? Yeah no, she reposted it because Niggas, we are exactly sure we all agree.]


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. smitallica

    The ironic part? She was never even close to being this funny when she was getting paid to be a comedian.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      The theory is that she's actually Andy Kaufman, in which case she was pretty funny then.

      Have you ever seen them together in the same room?

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I remember fondly some of her bits on SNL; she was pretty funny at times. But at the time I mistakenly believed she was merely good at portraying a hare-brained nitwit. I had no idea..

      1. Rotundo_

        Miller at least seems literate. An asshole, but a literate one. VJ here is seems to be a bit brain damaged. I always thought the airhead act was an act, but perhaps it was just VJ being VJ.

      2. tessiee

        Here's a brain teaser:
        Between Victoria Jackson and Dennis Miller, who has the more annoying speaking voice?

        1. boskolives

          Ah, the speaking voice… a window to the soul, or where the soul would be if there was one. I could listen to both of them, but only at gunpoint, and you'd still have to shoot me anyways.

    3. actor212

      Well, she was getting paid, and she was doing comedy, but somehow I suspect the paycheck was for something else and they had to come up with a cover story.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      She should have expand on that, i.e. "the white America of the 1950s that never really existed has died."

  2. GregComlish

    Is Romans I a biblical reference or is she drawing an analogy between us and the ancient empire?

      1. sullivanst

        Yeah, except no actual mention of Caesar, but rather explicit reference to the anthropomorphising of God.

        Most importantly to Vicki, though, is probably the part she almost certainly misinterprets as meaning t3h gheys, and only t3h gheys, are "deserving of death".

    1. SorosBot

      Maybe it's the revenge of the Romans against the Christians for destroying their once-great empire?

    1. Negropolis

      Yeah, but he's always doing that. I mean, honestly, can the guy stand still for just one minute?

    1. mrpuma2u

      Several years back, when i first saw her spewing right wing shite, I thought she was doing a bit at first. Then I realized "holy guacamole this bitch is serious about this garbage!" and she became as dead to me as her career.

  3. memzilla

    Oh garçon! Another heaping bowl of FAIL for the lady, if you please, and something bitter on the side.

  4. prommie

    And for some reason, Lorne Michaels, who is obviously just the blind squirrel who accidentally finds some talented acorns now and then, is regarded as some kind of genius? I am dead serious here, Lorne Michaels hired this dipshit, HE thought she was FUNNY. Thats a fucking genius? I fucking hate that pompous fraud.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Micheals got his showbiz break on a CBC comedy in the 1970s with the very 1970s name of "The Hart and Lorne Terrific Hour". It became wildly popular in Canada on the strength of a recurring character played by the guy who wasn't Lorne, dressed as a beaver. The guy who dressed as a beaver, Hart Pomerantz was actually quite funny. He is now a lawyer in Toronto.

      That is to say, the Toronto lawyer dressed as a beaver was the talented one in the Hart and Lorne partnership.

      I just thought you would like to know that.

        1. Chichikovovich

          I watched it too. I was a fan of Pomerantz on "This is the Law" as well.
          There is an art to being a good straight man, and Michaels wasn't good at it. Stiff, self conscious, artificial. IMO

          (EDIT: Now that I think of it, I even had a "The Canadian Beaver says ….[something]" button on my jacket when the craze was on. I would have been about 13.)

      1. prommie

        The list of horrendously unfunny SNL players is almost as long as the list of horrid, bad, just awful sketches they run each season.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          SNL's "funny" statistics are similar to baseball statistics — they fluctuate through greater or lesser degrees of mediocrity. But there's always a chance that there'll be something really, really good, and besides, losers at home on a Saturday night can't be choosers!

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            I never watch SNL, even though I have become (mostly by choice, getting older ya know) one of those homebound Saturday night losers.

    1. GemlikeFlame

      Why should he be different? Honestly, I thought I was going to get a kick out of the post-election whining and posturing, but it only indicates that the next four years is going to give the idiots an even louder and more disturbed voice.

      And I am not looking forward to that.

      1. Cephas Q. Atheos

        No, no, no, don't you see? The Crying Confabulators all aged 30 years when Barack Satan Obama won. They just *knew* they were entitled to a Republican this time, and they aged another 30 years waiting. Now they're apoplectically sure Jeezus will win for them NEXT time – and just think what the 4-year wait is gonna do to their tired, mean little brains!

        I'm expecting some senSATIONAL flaming hypocrisy, racial baiting, and religious fucktards on every street corner denouncing liberals, teh homersexualists, the second Coming, etc, etc, etc. it'll be a HOOT!

  5. smitallica

    I wish she was an actual politician so someone could beat the living shit out of her. With votes.

  6. actor212

    I'm still not convinced that this isn't Internet performance art and that she has some infomercial product in the works, like, say Tampon-Wow, or something.

    1. Rotundo_

      I have not seen anything to confirm that The Vickster is definitively one gender or another. I definitely do not wish to confirm this either.

  7. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If this election has taught me anything, it is to never twat while drinking. Almost as bad as that time I was looking up an ex on facebook and accidently typed the name into the status update spot instead of the search spot. I banned myself from doing anything drunk online after that. Except Wonkette, of course.

      1. widestanceromance

        Me, too also. Not interested in creating my own Permanent Record, other than my widestanceromance legacy.

      2. Redgyal

        No book of,faces for me either. As my mother who grew up pre-color tv says, "if you have an hour for that you have an hour for something more important".

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Eh, still not as embarrassing as accidentally searching for porn as a status update. Even if you remove it quickly after, odds are someone will always remember that time you announced "German Zero-G Jugs, Vol. 23"

      1. DustyBowlBlues

        Or the day I hit "add tab" on the iMac and the most visited sites came up and one of themt was porn. At 64 years old, I obviously didn't ride in on a load of turnips yesterday so rather than try to turn the Old Man's interest to something a little less embarrassing when the 7 year old granddaughter plays on the computer, I taught the old guy how to empty History.

    1. not that Dewey

      She meant to say "The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Roman Polanski", but, you know, Twitter.

  8. pinstripebindi

    I'm sure this makes me a terrible person and Jesus is very disappointed in me, but I keep imagining her sobbing so hard that the stupid giant bow on top of her head (seriously, she wears them ALL THE TIME now, is she auditioning for a Shirley Temple biopic or something) quivers. And then I get warm glowing warming glow feeling.

  9. Chichikovovich

    OK, OK, she's a no-talent racist loser, very true. Not denying that for a moment.

    But we have to be fair, and give credit where it's due, and she's hit upon a profound truth.

    Mitt Romney does remind everyone of every boss they've ever hated.

    1. elgin_pelican

      He's that guy in the Kiwanis club who squeezes way hard when shaking your hand. You hate him for that and 'cause your wife wants to know why you don't bring home as much money as he does. His daughter is real good at tennis and yours just Facebooks all day.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Naw, that's not what I had in mind, because I've never known anyone like that. I was thinking more of the head office guy I worked under when I was on pipeline construction as an undergraduate. He knew that the students working summers had futures ahead of them, and he was never getting promoted above middle ranks. So he rained as much crap on them as he could, and took sadistic pleasure in it. People working under him were not people to do a job, they were people to take his aggressions out on.

        When he found out I had been accepted into an Ivy League school for graduate school, he was beside himself with suppressed venom and evident envy. He began setting traps for me that would allow him to chew me out in public, and would be visibly pissed off when I would avoid them.

        I'm currently making twice as much as he made in his best year, but that's not the main point: He was a guy for whom power meant the power to harass, the power to humiliate. If it also got the job done better – which it almost never did – that was fine, but the point was to feel superior.

        Mitt Romney reminds me of that guy.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          When you're a pudgy little nearsighted dork like Rove, you just gotta hate that guy. In his mind, he reinvented Bamz to be that guy, so he could use that to try and beat him.

          Self delusional, self pitying schmuck loser.

        2. Chichikovovich

          Damn, Chet, good eye. Wish I'd caught that.

          I have been spending too much time working and parenting and stuff. My Wonkette Skilz be declining.

      2. actor212

        He's the guy who stands in the stall next to you in the men's room at a fancy restaurant and starts up a conversation just as the last drops are falling off, and you want to be polite, but damn, you really want to wash your hands…

        1. widestanceromance

          I would bring some righteous widestanceviolence upon him for that.*

          *with VOTES, of course

        2. Chet Kincaid_

          He's the guy at the black tie fundraiser who's always ready to bet you $10,000 over some bullshit, just because the sum is of no consequence to him: "I've got $10,000 that says it won't rain tomorrow."

    2. pinstripebindi

      Even an unhinged, poisonously stupid has-been is right twice a decade? (Also correct: Mitt's name is Mitt.)

  10. ChillBill

    You know, at first, I was afraid at first that I wouldn't be able to handle all the post-election whining. But now somehow I just can't get enough of it!

    1. Cleopatriot

      Check out Free Republic then. It's a laugh riot. My favorite line is how they don't know how to get the women back, because we seem to have embraced socialism.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Hell, at lunch today I got in my car and drove around listening to Rush and was able to catch the precious moment when he said "Either we're outnumbered and losing ground — or else we're victims of the biggest voter fraud ever perpetrated in American history." This might be even bigger than that time someone wrote a one-paragraph bio for an unpublished article about Barack Obama twenty years ago where it said he was born in Kenya.

      1. CommieLibunatic

        By all that is right and good in the world, PLEASE tell me that was an act. If it's for real, I think I'll have to go and destroy every webcam on the planet.

    3. MittBorg

      I'm trying not to gloat so much because I really don't need the bad karma, but it's *hard,* as someone more famous — well, richer, anyway — once said.

  11. HogeyeGrex

    As easy as I'm finding the election results and schadenfreude are to masturbate to, these posts aren't helping one bit.

  12. Shypixel

    But why hasn't anyone posted Madame Orly Taitz, Esquire's reaction to the election.

    We all know hers is the only opinion that matters, and that we commit libel, slander, and suppress the 1st Amendment when we don't let her express her views…

  13. SigDeFlyinMonky

    Piteously delusional. By now I think I can summon up some charity in this case. For the paid architects of these delusions… not so much.

  14. Eric_T_Duckman

    Is there even the slightest chance that she's just playing a character, or am I being too kind to her because of how funny and cute she was on SNL 20 years ago?

  15. emmelemm

    It's kind of ironic (or, just, you know, lame) that she's now married and all fundie and shit, but she hasn't changed her last name to that of her husband's. Submit, Victoria, submit!

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Eh, I reckon that's a career move, or a career non-move, not changing one's surname. Kind of in keeping with her not meeting her aspiration in her chosen vocations, then or now.

      1. emmelemm

        Right, that's my point. She's "changed" – become a RWNJ – but if she actually changed her name like a good Christian wife, no one would pay any attention to her (which they only do based on her long ago brief brush with fame).

        1. Mumbletypeg

          Upon seeing that, I am noticing more the issue with the Fundie-fascist marriage that she's defying tradition by guarding her born name. I should've read more closely to consider.

          Yeah. You know who *else* didn't take time to read things more closely before going on a tangent…

  16. UnholyMoses

    Not black person has ever said "he's got a jumper" unless the words "cable" followed.

    If this twatwaffle knew any black people she'd be better at making racist "jokes" about them.

    1. finallyhappy

      Hell, yea- we voted in the big numbers for Bamz.. On the other hand, Adelson and the Kochs gave huge money to RMoney- so it is our fault any way you look at it

  17. Eve8Apples

    I welcome my heathen Roman overlords. Can we now nail Victoria Jackson to a cross and stand her in the Washington D.C. National Mall as a warning to all other stupid tea baggers?

  18. SorosBot

    Wait, first she said that evil won, but then she said that the Christians lost and the Democrats won. Considering that Dems are good and Christians evil now I'm confused.

  19. ChrisM2011

    Now if we could only find a way to harness all that crazy obsessive/compulsive conservative energy…

    Off-Topic: Can't decide whether I should get the the Commie Girl shirt or the standard Wonkette. I'm in Arkansas so whatever gets me shot less.

  20. fuflans

    in the Good vs. Evil battle…today…Evil won.

    oh please victoria, that's a little extreme. evil barely won the popular vote and will have to reach across the aisle to work with the opposition.

  21. Indiepalin

    Victoria Jackson combines the wit of Dennis Miller, the looks of Tim Kazurinsky and the magnetic personality of Brad Hall.

  22. SorosBot

    No, America is still here as it has been for the past two centuries. Your America, though, where straight white Christian men rule over everyone else, who get treated as second-class citizens, that is dead, as Obama's reelection, the approval of gay marriage in several states, and the rejection of several pro-rape woman-haters shows. And that is a very good thing, and in fact a victory of good over evil.

  23. coolhandnuke

    VJ Day 1945… we dropped atom bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

    VJ Day 2012…we dropped Victoria Jackson off at Bellevue

  24. TootsStansbury

    Fucking hell! And channeling a 13 year old to boot.

    (I am loving the twit-tantrums though).

  25. Lucidamente1

    I've always felt kind of sorry for her, that her wingnuttery is genuine mental illness born of some long-term physical abuse.

    That said, she still can go bite me.

  26. CindynEncinitas

    I don't recall reading exactly when she got hit in the frontal lobes and lost all ability to fucking think at all. Just stuff her back under that rock with the other slime so I can continue to be relieved and happy.

  27. owhatever

    Michelle to Victoria: My husband has been elected President of the United States twice, which means I get to continue being an elegant First Lady. Now, who are you?

  28. LibrarianX

    Why is she famous? I sure don't remember her ever being funny, which is usually a problem for a comedienne.

  29. UnholyMoses

    Sadly, that's better than 98% of beat poetry.

    And I have a useless Lit degree, so, sadly, I know of these things.

  30. cognachas4paws

    Maybe this is an indication that I spend way too much time with homework and studying, but I don't even know who this woman is. Given her tweets, I think that's a good thing.

  31. Grokenstein

    America's been dying a LOT lately! At least, according to Wrong Wing Drama Mamas.
    But like a true soldier (Hey Romneykinder! No excuse now! Sign up!), Zombie America marches forth.

  32. RomneysLogCabin

    I'm amazed at how's she still breathing in Miami. She's obviously never ventured into Kendall or NW Miami.

  33. rebelyankee

    The only funny thing I remember about her was the commercial for the Love Toilet, and the majority of the credit for that goes to the toilet.

  34. Troglodeity

    Donald Trump, Victoria Jackson, Ted Nugent, Meat Loaf, Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly, Kid Rock, Clint Eastwood, Orly Taitz… I just don't understand why the GOP's not WINNING!

  35. tessiee

    OK, to be strictly accurate, the "I can't stop crying" tweet had nothing to do with the election; it was because she had just stepped on the scale.

    1. DustyBowlBlues

      Did you have to say this just as I took a second handful of milk chocolate chips I bought, supposedly as an ingredient?

  36. tessiee

    Victoria Jackson is an ass copter, but I'm sorry, that doesn't mitigate the awesomeness of:

    "Bitch got a dancing horse".

  37. tessiee

    Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, you fat-assed, bleached-blonde, pea-brained, crybaby bitch.

  38. horsedreamer_1

    Between Victoria Jackson & Michael Richards, I am thinking "You & Your Racist Friend" was written by They Might Be Giants as a dis track against fellow comic musician Al Yankovic.

  39. C_R_Eature

    It's Like This, Ms Jackson:

    Barack Hussein Obama Won, teh Tea Party lost Big, there's a rabid Anti-Capitalist and a Known Lesbian in the Senate and all of us Democrat- Communists are Rockin' October Revolution Day today!

    You'd better go and get a real job, Victoria. Fast. We're all going on Welfare and You are going to pay! Woohoo! Cadillac and T-bones, here I come!

      1. C_R_Eature

        I've got enough left over for a 55 gallon drum of Fluoride that I'm going to go and dump in the reservoir one night.

        Say Goodby to your Precious Bodily Fluids, Bitcheez!

      1. C_R_Eature

        Well, I would have thought that hordes of nonhuman aquatic invertebrate MOOCHERS spending her hard-earned SNL Royalty money on buckets full of spearing and anchovies would both infuriate her and really give her the Willies.
        Who know? Have to darken up the chromatophores, I suppose.

        And also: Isn't it high time you Transmogrified into Weedlord Bonerhitler?

        1. MittBorg

          I suspect she's totally fucking hentai and masturbates to tentacle porn.

          Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't I get a day off? (Hugs you)

          Damn, I am just too fucking happy today.

          1. C_R_Eature

            Oh great. Thanks. Now every time I see Victoria Jackson I'm going to be thinking "chubby tentacle hentai." Actually, that might not be so bad…

            And Also: Yeah, sure- take 10. we've all earned a Victory lap this time, what with having to endure the most horrendously vitriolic political environment I've ever heard of these last four years. I think at least some of that awfulness is over now, as the Republicans really went balls out with the Insanity, rode headlong into the Valley and got their heads handed to them. The ones that are left aren't exactly reasonable – and never will be – but now they know that there's a limit to the bullshit that we'll let them get away with.

            I've been watching and re-watching web videos of FOX election coverage all day long. I'm Giddy.
            Watching Rove twist in the wind after FOX declared Ohio for Obama is just about the funnest thing ever and almost as good as seeing him banged off to the hooscow.

  40. Dashboard Buddha

    I'm going to hold judgement until Dennis Miller and Jon Lovitz express their opinion on the election.

    1. HedonismBot

      Will Farrell promised to cook me angel hair pasta and punch himself in the face if I voted for Obama. I did, and I'm still waiting. (Don't get me wrong, I love Will Farrell, but watching him punch himself in the face would be pretty damn funny!)

  41. pdiddycornchips

    I bet watering your pot plants with Victoria Jackson's tears will result in some powerful shit. Quick! Someone drag that bitch to Boulder.

  42. DustyBowlBlues

    Will someone slap her across her fat little face for me? Newz flash for you, kewpie: the Xians did go vote. The followers of the anti-Christ, Sean O'Rushbeck, just cold lost. As I whispered to a couple of friends at the church dinner I worked my ass (well, I wish) off for the last three days, "I don't know how a real Christian could vote Republican." The friends agreed, and not in a snarky way. But we see Xianity as a religion, as opposed to a special interest group.

    'Fuck do bitches like this get off giving us Red Letter Christians a bad name? Fuck Leviticus, too.

  43. ttommyunger

    I don't blame you, dear. If i were an ignorant cunt who wore my ass on my shoulders I'd cry too, bless your heart.

  44. DustyBowlBlues

    I admit I was hoping for a link to the Karl Rove meltdown, so I or someone faster than I could add a link to the empty hall where the Rs had their election night event and I could gauge how many of the wonkeratti agree with me that Karl Rove is one election-cycle-goes-to-Democrats away from fulfilling his destiny: pathological window peeping. (I put in serial killer first, but decided to go easy on the son of a bitch.)

  45. Baba_NinjaCat12

    If Victoria Jackson cries, will anyone hear it. Not! No-one will hear her and on-one care.

  46. HedonismBot

    "9. He reminds me of every boss I ever hated."
    Now Victoria, you know dem niggas ain't got no J.O.B.s. 'Sa matter wit you, ho?

  47. DahBoner

    He's a Mormon and he ain't got no hoes

    So the Mexicans that rake his lawn have to bring their own hoes…

  48. anteater

    May I say, keeping in mind that a civil discourse is always the best, she may be the dumbest fucking fat blonde I've ever seen.
    Good night now.

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