Game Over Man! GAME OVER!!

NRO Has Smart Plan To Save America: Raze The Universities & Re-Educate All People In Glasses

butthurt much, guys?Some people simply do not handle losing very well. Unable to accept that the electoral system in their beloved Constitution could possibly allow those other people to win, they suggest that maybe we need a revolution, or that America died and God’s wrath is at hand, or that maybe rassenfracken pimps whores welfare brats makin’ us just dang ol’ soulless spiritual suicide, man, tellyawhut man, dang ol’ shiiiiiiit. (Also, thanks for the pageviews, Reddit!)

The grownups in the spurned party, on the other hand, faced the day after the election by asking themselves the Hard Questions, like “what aspects of our agenda may have proven unpopular with the electorate?” or “how might we best adjust our message to meet a changing electoral landscape?” Or, if they’re the NRO’s David Gelertner, they might ask, “Where did all these degenerate communist morans come from? Must be the colleges! They’re full of radicals! Let’s root out the colleges!”

Mr. Gelertner recognizes that, whatever that socialist America-hater in the White House says about being “more than a collection of red states and blue states,” we really are in the midst of a “slow-motion civil war.” Except unlike crazy liberals who think it’s time to cut the former Confederacy loose, Gelertner says that

The blue states want to secede not from America but from Americanism. They reject the American republic of God-fearing individuals in favor of the European ideal, which has only been government by aristocracy: either an aristocracy of birth or, nowadays, of ruling know-it-alls — of post-religious, globalist intellectuals (a.k.a. PORGIs).

(He lets it go without saying that, at the top, there’s a Black Elite Stalinist Socialist.)

So how did we reach this sorry state of affairs on our national Catfish Row?

As I’ve said before — many others have too — you can’t graduate class after class after class of left-indoctrinated ignoramuses without paying the price. Last night was a down payment.

Yes. It is a science fact that only people who have gone to college become libruls. That there is some top-notch GOP-approved critical thinking. But be not afraid, America! There is still hope!

But we’ve won civil wars and preserved the Union before. We’ll do it again — if we face up to the fact that we need to replace our schools and colleges now; the grace period has lasted a generation, but it’s over. I know we can do it and I’m pretty sure we will do it. Americanism is too strong and brilliant and young to die.

Sounds like a pretty simple solution, then. All we need to do to extirpate liberalism once and for all is to completely replace all of the educational institutions in the entire nation with a system that is more in line with what David Gelertner likes. We can probably do that with no new taxes, too — we bet the American Enterprise Institute would fund the whole deal. And there are already some terrific textbooks available!

[NRO]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • dr_giraud

    Send the libruls to reedumacation camps!

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …"we don't need no fancy book learnin!!!"

    • Lot_49

      FEMA to the front again!

    • PubOption

      Is Gelertner a Maoist?

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        As an idiotic authoritarian he has a lot in common with Maoists. After all, Mao was violently opposed to environmentalism (he framed it as a battle between industry and nature and declared industry MUST win). Mao was also opposed to women's rights, pornography and demanded Chinese people live 'Spartan' lifestyles. In short this idiot socially is VERY Maoist…economically since wingnuts are authoritarian there too it's a bit like a privatized version of communism where corporate bosses and associations control everything and essentially own their employees. Like I've said before…the choice between laissez faire capitalism and Communism at the end of the day is which rich man do you want owning your ass while claiming you have 'liberty'?

      • Gleem McShineys

        Duh, no! Cuz that Mao guy was BAD! We ar gud!!! WOLVAREEENZZ

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I see no way this plan can fail!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I can. People who fap go blind, ergo, people who fap need glasses.

      FReepers fap a lot.

      Ergo….

  • Shypixel

    Somebody hand that guy a dictionary. He seems confused about what ignoramus means…

    • Shypixel

      Alternately: Just hand him a mirror.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Except the good schools; you know, Liberty U and Bob Jones U.

    Those can stay.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And Anal Roberts U, up in Oklahoma!

      • DustyBowlBlues

        You beat me to ORU.

    • JustPixelz

      What about Beck U?

    • elviouslyqueer

      No love for Wossamotta U?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Isn't that the one up in Frostbit Balls, Minnesota?

    • DustyBowlBlues

      And all those "Bible Collegesl" located near freeway exits.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I see plenty of open positions at Lowe Tech.

    • whatever_dc

      those aren't schools — they are madrassas!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      And Regent University. Pat Robertson is most displeased.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Doesn't Queen Elizabeth II have some of those PORGI dogs as pets?

    • LesBontemps

      Eggzackly. Euro-peein' sociamalism!

    • UnholyMoses

      The ones without the tails, too!

      (We have one as well, and … well, he ain't that bright. He's 5 years old, and we've had him for 7 months now, and he is STILL not completely house trained. Had dogs my whole life and have never seen anything like it, to be honest. Just … stupid as fuck. So it's a good thing he's crazy cute and totally sweet.)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      TIREBITER LIBEL!!!!!!

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      One Porgi, one Bess?

  • SorosBot

    Uh, there is one party that wants America to be ruled by an actual aristocracy, an aristocracy of birth where those born to riches control the rest of us, but it's the one that nominated an actual aristocratic billionaire for President.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Shhh….don't tell them, they like to pretend people like Lord Romney, Lord Ryan and an actual lord…Bustanni (oh wait, that moron got conned hahah) are really the "common" populists and Barack Obama is an "elitist"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Not to mention the Bush royal family. Heck, they're so European-ish, they generated an idiot within only two generations.

  • Ryan

    We can blame Romney. We can blame ourselves. Or we can blame America.

    Fucking America! Boo!

  • bureaucrap

    Room 101 for Everyone! YAY!!!!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Oh, rats!

      • BumbleKid

        [shudder]

    • Steverino247

      DO IT TO AMERICA! NOT ROMNEY!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "But we’ve won civil wars and preserved the Union before. "

    Actually, the side which your ideology represents actually lost that little fracas.

    • MissTaken

      States' Rights! Uh, what?

    • http://bluemonkeh.blogspot.com/ BlueMonkeh

      the south shall rise agin!!! or not.

      • Geminisunmars

        So yeasty!

    • bikerlaureate

      The plural "wars" is interesting.

      I wonder if hemp is legal in Gelertner's world…

      • Gleem McShineys

        Maybe he counts the War on Christmas?

    • alteredimages

      Correct. WE won the Civil War. And saying they want another? Sedition.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Everyone knows Robert E Lee was a flaming liberal, and Lincoln was a Republican!

  • manarchist

    So if the blue states secede from Americanism, will the remaining red states be know as the United States of Americanism?

    • SorosBot

      Shouldn't they go back to their old name of The Confederate Traitor States of America?

      • WhatTheHeck

        It could be rebadged as “The Baible Belt of Americanism.”

    • gullywompr

      WTF is an "Americanism", anyway?

      • not that Dewey

        NASCAR, KFC Double Downs, Lunchables, The Learning Channel, stretch-Humvee limos, etc

  • FakaktaSouth

    The party that brought us Bush I and always worse sequel Bush II want to put the "aristocracy of birth" bullshit on who now? Yes, no more college, we've got history to revise.

    • Schmannnity

      Ah the Bushes, of Andover, Yale, and Harvard.

    • emmelemm

      The sequels are always worse, aren't they?

      • SorosBot

        Someone is forgetting a few films like Aliens and The Empire Strikes Back.

        • emmelemm

          Exceptions that prove the rule, am I right?

          • SorosBot

            There's also Godfather II, Batman Returns, X-Men II, Spider-Man II, The Dark Knight – actually it seems very common with superhero films, probably because they don't have to deal with the pesky origin stories. Hell The Avengers is sort of a sequel to four different movies.

          • emmelemm

            Um, you should have stopped at Aliens and ESB. I'm not sold on any of those other ones. (Mayyyybe The Dark Knight.)

        • FakaktaSouth

          EmpireStrikesBack was the only one I could think of, honestly. I do like that one the best of all.

          • prommie

            Is that the one where Spock dies?

            Kidding, kidding, I keeed

          • FakaktaSouth

            Okay, first, shut up, and I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU WATCH ESB, and secondly, now you're gonna make me cry "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" tears.

          • SorosBot

            Oh that's the best one too, and VI is the second best and First Contact best of the Next Gen films; but I don't know if the Star Trek movies count as sequels since they're all theatrical sequels to the TV shows.

      • Generation[redacted]

        PORGIs was a classic. PORGIs II: The Next Day was just the studio trying to cash in.

        • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

          It gave final closure to all those unanswered questions from P1

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Ah, yes… Bush II: The Temple of Dumb.

  • SorosBot

    Those damned colleges like to teach young people heresies like science and critical thinking! We must replace them with propaganda mills that fill everyone's heads with the mythology the right-wing wants everyone to believe instead of those horrible facts.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Just look at how well believing the right wing propaganda about Mitt's inevitability worked out for them. Crying like bitches is no way to live.

      • SorosBot

        Oh but it's great for the rest of us to watch. That's what happens when you start believing your own bullshit lies, wingnuts; sucks to be you!

        • FakaktaSouth

          It's just about the greatest thing in all of this, except for the them losing part. Being losers and not understanding how Brit Hume could be so wrong…just so great.

    • PsycWench

      Yay! Instead of working on developing PowerPoint presentations that support the lecture material and are embedded with relevant video, I can just copy and paste "God Did It" on about 30 slides. And I can use the presentation in any class! It should go over very well in neuroscience.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Maybe they can go live on Mitt's planet when they die?

    • Beowoof

      Wish they could go now. But that would mean learning some science.

    • PugglesRule

      Do you mean on Kolob, or Mitt's personal planet (which I expect is the size of his house in La Jolla)?

    • Toomush_Infer

      It's not really a planet – well, it is, but it's exactly on the other side of the sun, and everything there works wardsback……

  • HRH_Maddie

    Shorter NRO: College makes people dumber!

    • Swampgas_Man

      And we need to make them dumber STILL!

  • LastGasp

    "we need to replace our schools and colleges now "

    Yes, this is just what the Taliban did in Afghanistan, and for pretty much the same reasons.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    At least they're finally admitting the Liberals are the more-educated ones.

    • PsycWench

      Nothing says 47% like a 4-year college degree.

      • SorosBot

        And the ensuing debt.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The blue states want to secede not from America but from Americanism. They reject the American republic of God-fearing individuals in favor of the European ideal, which has only been government by aristocracy

    Aren't they the ones begging the Queen to rule them? Since the aristocracy maintains that it rules by god's blessings, what is the difference?

    I personally despise the aristocracy.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Just for the record and so they'll know where to find me – I've never been an Americanist. I wasn't born one, never pledged to be one, didn't grow up to find myself one. I'm proud not to be an Americanist….I never liked their Norman Rockwell like smugness….

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      We call it… The Aristocrats!

  • freakishlywrong

    Are these the FEMA camps we've heard so much about?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    if we face up to the fact that we need to replace our schools and colleges now

    Replace them with what? FOX-blaring Jumbotrons? (FOX U.)

    • Doktor Zoom

      Telescreens!

      • bikerlaureate

        "Smith!" screamed the shrewish voice from the telescreen. "6079 Smith W.! Yes, YOU! Bend lower, please! You can do better than that. You're not trying. Lower, please! THAT'S better, comrade. Now stand at ease, the whole squad, and watch me."

  • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

    It's almost like learning things (eg 'facts' and 'history' and 'math') and having critical thinking skills makes you not entirely susceptible to lies, distortion and bigotry.

    Huh.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, on the other hand, maybe we should just get rid of all these home-schools.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I agree. That's a big part of why our kidz is not learning.

    • DahBoner

      No! Keeps the bullshit out of Public Schools…

  • Hammiepants

    The level of hysteria amongst the right at this moment is awe-inspiring. I mean, the Republic survived the last four years of the Muslin Halfrican, it will survive another four. But their own party won't unless they start looking at some home truths about this country. Sadly, Republican cats and kittens, 1953 is gone forever. Pull yourself up by your legendary bootstraps and move the fuck forward. If you can.

    • freakishlywrong

      When the usurper is impeached/resigns, they will find their mojo. Till then, they'll just make us miserable. It's what they do.

      • Geminisunmars

        If only they'd bring back "The Beverly Hillbillies" to give them something to do.

    • DCBloom

      They can't. But no worries, they will all be dead in an election or two.

    • Lot_49

      I'm sure the Whig Party went through this same agonizing reappraisal before its demise. Seems they couldn't decide whether or not support expansion of slavery into the territories. Pro-slavery won; the party died.

      A lesson?

      • Gleem McShineys

        A lesson?

        Oh, I know this one! Laugh at them while you can!

    • Fox n Fiends

      We need the 1953 tax rates back though, immediately.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      "Sadly, Republican cats and kittens, *1853* is gone forever."

      Fixed.

    • Toomush_Infer

      They're melting! They're melting!…..

    • prommie

      Not only is 1953 gone, it never was what they think it was. Except for the apartheid and Jim Crow, really its only the institutional racism thats changed since then.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    I majored in lies from the pit of hell. It has served me well in my post academic career.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      As a Republican PR flack?

      • Loch_Nessosaur

        Lies straight from the pit of hell is what they teach at schools.

        • bikerlaureate

          That sounds more authoritative than "lies originally from the pit of hell".

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          I think he got it.

    • Schmannnity

      Advertising?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Thank you for remembering to sound the Broun note.

      • Loch_Nessosaur

        Somebody got it. Sometimes I can be a little too obscure. Even for myself.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Well, me, I'm still sitting next to William Blake on that nice bank overlooking the river – it's much nicer after that guy in black left….

  • Beowoof

    Working at a state school I can say that there are lots of hard core republicans on the faculty here. (People who regularly vote against their own interests and are reluctant union members). They walking around yelling about all those liberals on campus and engaging in all sorts of political activity at work, that I as a liberal would never consider. I always think if I teach students how to think, how to discern between competing arguments, they will make the right choices. Many of my adult students will come back and tell me that when they started to really look at the things the republicans were telling them, the lack of reason was apparent. Feel good job sometimes.

    • Goonemeritus

      You are making the world a little less dickish one pliable mind at a time. And for the record when people tell me that taxes in NY are too high I always counter with SUNY.

    • Geminisunmars

      Keep on keepingon, Beowoof. We need your good works to continue.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Obstructionist!….

    • mbatch

      On the other hand the wingnut faculty members were always the ones who made the faculty senate meetings so entertaining. Of course, in Texas they were closer to the majority.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    We could replace the universities with Brawndo distilleries.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      It's what people with plant-brains crave.

    • LesBontemps

      Electrolytes for all!

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Or fuck it, how 'bout a giant Costco?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Too liberal. Maybe giant Sam's Club.

        • Toomush_Infer

          I've never been able to find their Education Aisle….

          • Generation[redacted]

            The students could grab a burger at Buttfuckers and stop at Starbucks for a hand job on their way to class.

    • GortRay

      Yeah, this Gelertner guy thinks "Idiocracy" is a documentary.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Kinda like that Obama 2016 documentary movie fapfest.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    So, this dipshit has never bothered to check and see how many prominent Republicans have gone to Harvard and Yale.

    Someone send this fucktard a copy of Buckley's "God and Man at Yale" so he can masturbate himself furiously to sleep.

    • Woodshedding

      I think he just forgot to say that those whose Daddies bought their admission are exempt.

  • SexySmurf

    But we’ve won civil wars and preserved the Union before.

    Civil wars? Plural? Let's get rid of the history departments first.

  • MosesInvests

    Was this guy in the Khmer Rouge?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …damn beat me to it!

      • BadKitty904

        Same here, dammit!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Perhaps. Maybe that's why he was one of the Unibomber's near misses.

    • Lot_49

      In his dreams, maybe. Year Zero!

  • Indiepalin

    Replace the colleges? Great. We can start by eliminating that hotbed of academia, the Southeastern Conference.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Oh noes! What football teams will I root for?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Notre Dame

        None of them, Katie.

  • HRH_Maddie

    FUN FACT: The author, David Gelernter, received his Bachelor of Arts and Master of Arts degrees in classical Hebrew literature from Yale University in 1976 and his Ph.D. from S.U.N.Y. Stony Brook in 1982.

    The cognitive dissonance is strong with this one.

    • http://bluemonkeh.blogspot.com/ BlueMonkeh

      not all whores are in the sex trades

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes, but he was likely taught by Olds, and not these young pansy theoretically-minded librul whippersnappers.

    • PsycWench

      And he was injured by the Unibomber, who targeted places of higher learning.

      • PugglesRule

        Was he really? Maybe he just has PTSD.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        DAMMIT! Too slow…

      • jaytingle

        Unabomber. Maybe that's why Gelernter resents institutions of higher learning.

    • PugglesRule

      Edumakashun for me, but not for thee.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You missed the big deal.

      He was injured in a Unaboming.

      That's right: the UNABOMER saw him as an intellectual elitist!

      Too, it might explain why he suddenly started writing for Commentary and the Weekly Standard. I'm guessing chunks of his brain were left all over his mailbox.

      Of votes, I mean

      Also, too, he wears glasses.

      • jaytingle

        He lost at least a finger, and the glasses are probably different than those he wore before he opened the letter bomb. His brain hasn't changed much.

    • editor

      here's another fun fact: "gelernter" is german for trained, skilled, qualified.

    • finallyhappy

      Another bad Jew- along with Adelson and the Koch brothers and Eric Cantor. Since we Jews are guilt ridden- or I am – I apologize for these shit heads. And his advanced education proves that advanced education plus the Unabomber(NOT a Jew) can screw you up.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Koch Brothers are Jewish? Does that make younger, (comparatively) apolitical bro Billy the first Jewish yachtsman?

      • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

        The Koch bros are not Jewish. I would go so far as to say that neither Cantor nor Adelson are actual Jews, in that they seem to have missed the part where the Torah talks about justice, compassion and healing the world. However, if I remember correctly, there was always one dipshit in Hebrew school class who was destined to grow up Republican.

        • finallyhappy

          You are correct- I checked and I guess my original info came from a bad internet source- or just something someone posted somewhere. I think we have to accept that bad people can be Jews too- we can't just take credit for the good ones(NATE! says he is half -Jewish). But as we secretly run the world and all media- we will start putting out reports that these guys all became Mormons. Get to work- as I remember- you run worldwide television

          • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

            Nate? So is the other half Kenyan? Maybe he writes for the Kenyan Review.

  • Q_R_DeNameland

    I would like to post a comment here, but I have to go indoctrinate about two dozen initiates into the dogmas of muslim socialism. Or, as my syllabus would have it, "teach logic".

    • smokingood

      Im off to teach them wizardry, which i believe is the new official internet title for "statistics". I, for one, approve.

      • Q_R_DeNameland

        I bet you will teach them about homoskedasticity, so you can recruit them for the homoskedastic lifestyle.

        **edit: it's one of those big words that's hard to spell. Fixed.

        • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

          Boo – you made me expend effort in looking up a new word. Communist!

      • editor

        over here it's skewing polls (methods of social research), witch craft and bra-burning (sociology of gender), and lying, crooking, thieving, murdering & perverting (social deviance) today.

        also, sadly defeated kansas school board candidate jack wu, who claimed that those last 5 activities are what the public school system produces, majored in computer science ("trickery"?) at the very same public school where i teach. poe?

  • edgydrifter

    Keeping the American public stupid, afraid and malleable by wrecking the schools and consolidating the media has only been a limited success. The new "Gelertner Plan" calls for putting lead chips in breakfast cereal and hitting everyone on the head with a framing hammer on his or her eighteenth birthday.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I'm not sure, but I think his first name used to be "Holly"….(until the Unibomber, I mean)…

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      I did read a sci-fi story once where the gubmit tested everyone's IQ on their twelfth birthday and gassed them if it was too high.

  • kittensdontlie

    David Gelertner was nobody until somebody(the Unabomber)loved bombed him.

  • scorpy1

    Wait, the intransigent fools he represents won the Civil War? They're right, I've been brainwashed by College History, High-school History, Grade-school History and the History Channel!

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Everything You Know Is Wrong.

  • http://bluemonkeh.blogspot.com/ BlueMonkeh

    yes – that bastion of liberalism – the University of Nebraska-Lincoln – done turned me into a dirty hippie

  • gullywompr

    Isn't it the province of each and every US American to have a say in what teh Americanismz actually are?

  • Callyson

    Today, we are all PORGIs.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hmmm. I figured you for a Bess.

    • LesBontemps

      Where can I find me some Bess?

    • BadKitty904

      Does that mean we get puddin'? And pie?

  • Woodshedding

    I don't see what's wrong with his ideas. They worked well for Pol Pot, didn't they?

    • kyeshinka

      Can't have an omelette without breaking some glasses.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    If it's legitimate butthurt the body has a way to shut it down.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I think we can all agree that the last thing this country needs is intelligent people running it based upon facts and science.

    It is the way of the Devil.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I thought that was coffee.

      • emmelemm

        How did you know Lionel doesn't like coffee? (We're considering barring him from the greater Seattle area. In Soviet of Washington, coffee drink you.)

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Coffee is a good, strong, American drink.

        Tea is the drink of the Devil. Why do you think it is enjoyed in Socialist/Commie countries like Russia, China and England?

        • Doktor Zoom

          Clearly, both of you need to see "Troll 2," the best worst movie of all time. (and the companion documentary, "Best Worst Movie.") There are worse movies out there, of course. But Troll 2 is the best bad movie.

  • prommie

    Boomhower (Boomhauer?) Libel!

    • alteredimages

      Dangit, i knew somebody beat me to it. Dang ol internet man. Clickclickclick, naked chicks.

  • SoBeach

    But we’ve won civil wars and preserved the Union before…

    No, genius. You haven't won or preserved anything.

    Your ideological forefathers, on the other hand, lost one pretty badly. As will you, if you want to try again.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I just saw Rachel Maddow talking about how the Right Wing has to look within and the need to have competing FEASIBLE ideas if they don't want to be marginalized.

    Judging by what I've seen so far, it is not going to go well for the Wingnuts.

    • alteredimages

      If the GOP looks inside themselves, they'll see nothing but deep fried okra.

  • SorosBot

    Those filthy colleges should stop teaching and stick to their intended roles; as adjuncts for purpose of claiming non-profit status to minor league football and basketball teams with unpaid players.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      The system which best replicates Antebellum Plantation Slavery, ironically. The only Negroes Wingnut Cretins can tolerate are the ones who can handle a ball.

  • Goonemeritus

    I encourage them to found their own parallel University system. It will greatly speed my task when I am asked to read resumes.

    • PugglesRule

      They've already got Bob Jones, Oral Roberts and Liberty Universities (sic). That's 3/12ths of a football conference.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Those damned Mooslems and their Al-ge-bras!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Or, they can just all shout "USA USA USA" at us for four more years, that'll learn us.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Seems to me that the people needing a better education would be the ones who make predictions based on their wishes and not the facts — you know, like Karl Rove, Dick Morris, Sean Assity and all that bunch. Or the guy who came up with a plan to cut taxes and increase revenue that he then said wouldn't cut taxes and never explained how it would cut revenue — you know, the guy Karl Rove said would win in a landslide.

    But of course — if the Chosen People make predictions that don't comport with reality, then they blame reality. I hope that works out for them.

    • SorosBot

      Along with anyone who claims the universe is only about six thousand years old instead of around 13.7 billion, because some old book says so.

      • DahBoner

        What? The earth is flat, four corners, etc…

  • One_who_wanders

    I know we can call it the "Great Leap Forward!"

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …Pol-pot is that you?!

    • emmelemm

      Egg-fucking-sactly.

    • sullivanst

      Oh well, guess I don't need to ask "You know who else hated education?" then.

  • http://bluemonkeh.blogspot.com/ BlueMonkeh

    All this talk about PORGI. What about BESS?

    • CrunchyKnee

      Bummertime and living aint easy…

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I'd rather be a PORGI than a Barely Educated Sniveling Shithead.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Reread Dok's next paragraph.

  • glasspusher

    My triphenyl methyl experiment in college was full of radicals

  • MacRaith

    And for his next article, Geletner is going to explain how we need to protect free speech by banning liberal speech. The one after that, he'll show us how we need to disenfranchise minorities in order to protect democracy. And for his concluding article in the series, he'll explain how we need a military coup in order to preserve Constitutional government.

    • BadKitty904

      Perhaps he'll go on, in his next article, to explain to us how "right is left," "slavery is freedom," "up is down," etc.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    "But we’ve won civil wars and preserved the Union before."

    You "won"? Last time I checked, most Republicans lived in the South.

    • Loch_Nessosaur

      As Jon Stewart said on TDS on election night, Romney took most of the Confederacy.

  • MissTaken

    But we’ve won civil wars and preserved the Union before.

    I went to college but was obviously to busy being indoctrinated with liberal bullshit to attend the class when they covered The America Civil War II – Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger.

    • SorosBot

      It would be kind of fun though, especially if we could have a repeat of Sherman's March.

    • One_who_wanders

      That is the one with Vin Diesel, right?

  • JustPixelz

    When I read that kind of flailing analysis that our colleges — which draw students and researchers from all over the world — are to blame for Romney's loss …

    When I read Limbaugh and Hannity and their cohorts say Obama won because Americans voted their self-interest ("greed is bad")…

    When I read that Victoria Jackson can't stop crying …

    … well, winning feels good.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Nate Silver is what they're really pissed off about. If it wasn't for him, Romney would have won.

    • BadKitty904

      You're right. I blame Nate Silver.

      • glasspusher

        Silver is golden.

  • Crank_Tango

    …where the slums got so much soul!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    PORGI, BESS and Boomhauer. Nice, sly work all around, Dok!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Thanks, Chet! On reflection, I'm unhappy with that "rassenfracken," which is decidedly un-Boomhaueresque.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Perhaps you just meant to say "ratzenfucken", which is decidedly marble-shit-mouth vintage Boomhauer, at least to my old ears….

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    I love how he talks about public education as inimical towards "Americanism" in the context of the Civil War.

    Any student of history should be familiar with the early19th century's "American System" which focused on federal funding of infrastructure and public education in order to turn America into a competitive industrial power. It was championed by the Whigs, who became the Republicans, and opposed pretty much solely by the Southern Democrats, who became traitors, and then Republicans. And then, they redefined "Americanism" as buying into those ideas (hostility to multiculturalisim, class mobility, education, industrialization, etc) that gave rise to said treason in the first place, and then wrote this article.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Wow, I posted some slightly modified lyrics to Sam Cooke's "Wonderful World" and it was deleted by the adminstrator immediately upon hitting "submit comment."

    Try again:

    Don't know much about history
    Don't know much biology
    Don't know much about a science book
    Don't know much about the French I took
    Don't know much about geography
    Don't know much t r i g onometry
    Don't know much about algebra
    Don't know what a constitution is for

    But I do know that I hate you
    And I know that if you hate me too
    What a horrible world this do be

    Guess it was the reference to that discipline with sines and cosines and tangents.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    He really is a slow Gelearner, isn't he?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Ouch. That's a weapons-grade pun, there, that is.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Um, before the Unabomber, I think his first name was "Holly"…..take that…..

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Atheist Liberal College is on high alert until the savages have been opiated with religion again.

  • synykyl

    The good folks at The NRO need to pace themselves, or they will run out of apoplectic rage and stupidity before Obama's second term has even begun ;-)

  • goat_thrower

    The word 'studying' shares too many letters with 'Stalinism' to not be a threat.

  • TootsStansbury

    Wow. They have truely lost it. Kinda scary.

    • BadKitty904

      Definitely getting into the "We must destroy America in order to save it" zone. A very "Tim McVeigh" vibe…

      • Toomush_Infer

        Yeah, I'm hoping the Secret Service has been holding refresher courses…

  • BlueStateLibel

    As long as they don't do away with Doctor Zoom's theology classes here on Sundays – they always perturb and distrub me for the rest of the day.

    On the other hand, I've no problem with doing away with those business schools that breed those rat MBAs.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hey -I'm a rat MBA. Granted, I'm in the public sector, so I'm not really one of the rat ones.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Re-Educate All People In Glasses"

    Can I help when it's time to re-educate the hot librarians?

    • PubOption

      That would include Palin, although I don't think she was ever educated.

  • Baconzgood

    I'm edumaced at a smart making place and I ain't thunk I is a liberal. Oh wait I am.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Schools are bad. Learning is bad. Knowledge is dangerous. The American Taliban are bringing Sharia Law as fast as they can.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "When patriotism enters the world of science it should be taken by the collar like a dirty little boy and thrown out." – Fritz Reck, Munich, 1939

  • rickmaci

    They started the culture war. We were patient, kept turning the other cheek. Until there were no more cheeks to turn. So now we are fighting back. Game on bitchezz.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hey, I've still got a cheek – it's old and it's shrivelled, but check it out!….Me and Jesus stand buns together, but still fighting….

  • widestanceromance

    Step 1: close all the schools
    Step 2: _________
    Step 3: knowledge!

  • DustyBowlBlues

    Like Lindsay Graham (R-Closet) says, they need more angry white men. This would be a great way to produce the voters that Rs need to keep rolling their crap agenda over everyone else.

    • Toomush_Infer

      If only there were some way to make more old angry white men!…Now I understand all the rape enthusiasms!…No birth control! (whites!)…No abortions (whites!)….Thanks for clearing this up….

  • HarryButtle

    'MURIKA NEEDZ MOAR STOOPID PEEPLE!

  • Troubledog

    Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

    • BadKitty904

      Plus they had *sharp* uniforms…

    • Toomush_Infer

      But it's not an "nism", so there!…

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    If the national leadership of the Publicans was fearful of a just God, and not so self deluded, they wouldn't try to get away with half of their bullshit. Ameicanism… in my youth I heard Dr. Stuart McBirnie's "The Voice of Americanism" on KIEV out of Glendale, CA (now KRLA 870-Salem Communications). Facts never got in his way. As a result I developed a finely tuned bullshit detector to expose self-serving delusional thinking.

  • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

    Guys, guys, I have a question.

    The guy who sits in the next cubicle over at work is a really quiet awkward person with glasses from the 1990s, a moustache, and all of his polo shirts are horribly out of date. He spends all day not working and instead reading bible verses and Newsmax.

    Do you think he'll go postal? I am in the next cube over, so I'm a little scared.

    • T3rbo

      He won't unless you troll his ass. Start being newsmaxxxx and make up some good conspiracy theories, something about how Obama is going to force churches to perform gay marriages, something like that. Should work.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      If he shows up in camo, leave the building fast. Not kidding.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Is it Herb Kornfeld? Do you work at Midstate Office Supply?

    • HarryButtle

      Be proactive. Shoot him first* (just like Han Solo).

      *Oh, right. WITH VOTES.

  • Come here a minute

    Isn't that just what you would expect a doktor to say?

    • Oblios_Cap

      "Take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning."

  • punkneverdies

    It's much better to be ruled by a neo-aristocracy made up of billionaire white men rather than a pack of college educated motherfuckers that think about stuff.

    Thinkin about stuff. Pfeh.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Won't someone Concern Troll for Liberals to be magnanimous in victory, and respectful of the space our fellow citizens need to Process and Accept? HAHAHAHAHA, of course not!!!!

  • BadKitty904

    Snapshot from the NRO charter skool: http://blogs.e-rockford.com/applesauce/files/2012

    • PugglesRule

      I thought I saw a blah kid in there, doing the Heil Hitler salute. Must be post-election hallucinations.

  • DustyBowlBlues

    Our family has a sad relationship with the kid who married a Jehovah's Witness and turned into one. Their home-schooled grown son is a brainwashed zombie. He knows nothing but the twaddle they've forced on him and, of course, the JWs do not like college educations for their members, either.

    That's brainwashing.

    • BadKitty904

      That's really sad. :0(

  • PugglesRule

    So Gelernter is Jewish, has published a book about Judaism, and also too :"argues that American higher education has become more leftist, "thrusting", and "belligerent", due to "an increasing Jewish presence at top colleges". ' Too many of the wrong "kind" of Jews, obviously. Oy.

    • emmelemm

      "Thrusting", eh?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      "Our Jews are better than their Jews."

    • Toomush_Infer

      not enough of the "nist" kind, huh!……

    • finallyhappy

      Nate Silver says he is half Jewish- but I'm making Nate totally Jewish- to counteract guys like this

  • dsundertaker

    According to the NYT exit polls, 51% of individuals with a college degree voted for Romney. So yeah, maybe the university system DOES suck.
    http://elections.nytimes.com/2012/results/preside

    • One_who_wanders

      Yeah but when you get up to the graduate degree holders . . . .

    • finallyhappy

      are we talking strayer/ Phoenix grads- plus people lie- not if they have a degree but if they don't.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    "a Black Elite Stalinist Socialist"

    Would that be a BESSie? I wanna be a BESSie!

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

    To be fair, to pass my final exam in US history a student must produce a receipt from the abortionplex, show a welfare check stub, or perform live gay oral sex.

    And I'm a tough grader.

  • zedbot

    Goddamn BUTTERscotch SCHNAPPS!

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    "But we’ve won civil wars and preserved the Union before."

    Actually, David, I'm pretty sure your side *lost* the Civil War.

  • T3rbo

    I am very confused. I have attended, in my lifetime, 1 community college, three state universities, and 1 private university. I have never noticed that I was being brainwashed by anyone.
    I bet it happened in Spanish class. Does anyone know what "Hasta la revolucion, siempre?" means? We would just say it a lot, while facing a strange flag with a yellow star on a red background. Who knows. Like we used to say at Metro State College of Denver (our student pledge) "Communism is not love. Communism is a hammer which we use to crush the enemy," and then we would have pie

    • Toomush_Infer

      Put your thinking cap back on (the one you got at the private university)….it was during spring break, wasn't it?…think hard….

      • T3rbo

        Oh…my….god. It's all coming back! It was during "Logic I." The humanatees…

  • alteredimages

    Boomhauer libel! If nobody dang ol said that already knowwhuddamean.

  • TootsStansbury

    I didn't go to college and I'm still a degenerate communist moron. What do you say to that Mr. Authoritarian Pants!

    • Toomush_Infer

      That's Mr. Authoritarianist Pants to you…show some respect!….

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    It ain't necessarily so.

    • BadKitty904

      You mean all the words that I'm liable
      to read in the Bible?
      They ain't necessarily so?

  • Respitetini

    I loves you Porgi

  • elgin_pelican

    Get me Dean Wormer on the phone! Stat!

  • PubOption

    Gelert was an unjustly-killed Welsh dog (although probably not a corgi). I'm not sure what the 'ner' part signifies, though. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelert

    • Toomush_Infer

      It's short for Gelertnist….

  • oldswede

    William F. Buckley, noted aristocratic intellectual, Yalie and author of 'God and Man at Yale', founded The National Review. Respect your roots, Gelertner.
    Buckley was also rich and Republican with his own TV show, Firing Line, for those too young to remember the condescending twit.
    Appropriate WFB quote: "It is not a sign of arrogance for the king to rule. That is what he is there for."
    oldswede

  • T3rbo
  • Barrelhse

    Pointy-headed intellectuals!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Just imagine a world where Michelle Bachmann became POTUS. I shudder to think

  • notreelyhelping

    Yet another vote-winning, foolproof plan. These people are wizards.

  • glamourdammerung

    Is NRO actually trying to side with the side that uhm, you know, won the Civil War?

    That is not going to go over good with their white supremacist base.

  • prommie
  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Teabagger Americanism = doing things THEIR way.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Hard Questions, like “what aspects of our agenda may have proven unpopular with the electorate?”

    All of them, Katie?

  • DahBoner

    Ally McNeil Akbar…

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I wish these guys would decide if it's the highly educated elitist pricks or the dumb fucking poors that are ruining this country. It's getting confusing.

  • poorgradstudent

    Nothing says "We hate aristocracy" like pushing for the abolition of all inheritance taxes!

  • calliecallie

    ANIMAL HOUSE LIBEL!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    David Gelernter, the Jew who wanted to be a Nazi.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    If David Gelernter weren't totally full of shit he'd do the following.

    1) Resign from his position at Yale.
    2) Leave Connecticut, a blue state, and move to any red state.
    3) Get a real job in the private sector and stop being a lazy, needle-dicked academic.
    4) Renounce Judaism and convert to Christianity. Look Dave, I've got bad news for you, you need to find Jesus and find him quick or you're going to be SOL when the end times come.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Ah yes, those damned ruling know-it-alls. Surely you're on the highway to Hell when you let people who actually know shit run things.

    Gaaah … what a fucking fuckwad.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Colleges are people, my friends.

  • CindynEncinitas

    Start handing out the tube tops and Keystone Lights. We're going back to our golden age before society was sullied by sushi and fancy people with "thoughts" and "ideas" taught to them by people who didn't mention the bible at all, ever.

  • unclejeems

    Sadly, this gentleman has some ideological soul-mates in the Indiana legislature.

  • mrbubb

    "if you think we should take off and nuke the site from orbit, Doktor Zoom is on Twitter too."

    It's the only way to be sure.

  • Trinket

    Mother of God, don't these people EVER shut up?

  • ttommyunger

    Jeez! I'm a Senior at Glenn Beck Unifersity, Majoring in English with a minor in Theological Science. Duz this meen I have to drop out now?

  • hijackthemic

    I'm not going to bother to read his article to get specifics, but WTF is he possibly talking about? We will disband all universities, how, where, and with who? Does he even begin to grasp that there is a massive world beyond politics where reality is currently going on, and it can't just stop the earth rotating and rearrange itself to fit the fancy of some totally bat**** insane freak?