pantheon of fallen heroes

Wonkette Salutes Fallen Hero And Pep Club President, Ohio Son Josh Mandel

Annoying SmurfWe knew Ohio state Treasurer Josh Mandel was a TREASURE in his own right smack in the middle of his first debate with blowsy Ohio rambler Sherrod Brown. He was GRANDLY ORATING some total nonsense, and then he said this incredibly dumb thing about loving women because he totally has a wife and mom so the fact that he is terrible on every single women’s issue ever is like totally irrelevant. (Fucking AMAZING CLIP THAT YOU MUST WATCH not embeddable, fucking SPAN!) But has he done anything else to deserve a coveted slot in the Wonkette Pantheon of Fallen Heroes?

Not really! He is mostly just a horribly annoying talking-point pipsqueak who is annoying and thunders his talking points over and over again and is a pipsqueak. BUT! There was also this grand doozy from his second debate with Brown, in answer to the question, “How would you be bipartisan, because I, the questioner, am a total hack?” We have copy-and-pasted it for you, in all its tardedness!

Mandel: FIRST, I would find common ground with the other side by stopping foreign aid to countries that harbor terrorists, even though Senator Brown and I don’t agree, but I heard there was like one Democrat out there that I could work with on it or something. Sherrod Brown voted to give a billion dollars to Pakistan, before Pakistan fucked us on Bin Laden. He also gives billions of dollars to Libya, where the government murdered our ambassador. Egypt is a terrorist and Muslim Brotherhood and they persecute Christians, and all through the Middle East women are treated like shit. So Brown probably did that too. “In a vacuum, this would be wrong. But we also have a $16 trillion debt.” Sherrod Brown hates America, QED. “And I will work across party lines with Democrats to keep your tax dollars from going to countries that harbor terrorists.” SECOND. Energy exploration. I would be bipartisan with Joe Manchin of West Virginia on burning more coal. Sherrod Brown wants Eastern Ohio miners to starve.

We salute you, mysteriously unfragged defeated Ohio Senate candidate Josh Mandel. Thank you for your service.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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        1. MittBorg

          (Pats actor's back) There, there. You won't have to hear about her ever again. Any minute now, they'll bring the shepherd's crook out and drag her off the stage.

    1. Tio_Doidinho

      Found it!

      Submissive preppy bottom, specializes in spanking, light BDSM and Libertarian fiscal policy. No fats, fems or weirdos. Serious inquiries only.

      1. Veritas78

        Seriously! I can't help imagining him in a studded dog collar and harness. The chaps are, of course, ass-less.

        Of course, I do this visualization with all republicans. I'm sure a few popped into your minds, too!

          1. MittBorg

            Girl. I am so happy. So, so, happy. And so is my entire fucking household, who have been listening to me scream and rant and throw stuff for months now. Wife just said she wanted something big and shiny. I offered my knee. She's still grossed out. :D

  1. actor212

    Silly Republican, wearing a yellow tie and a charcoal suit and white shirt? Everyone knows, red tie for Republicans, blue tie for office holders. Democrats wear the zany colours.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I was just thinking of that with the comment above referring to women saying no to him. Yes indeedy.

  2. goat_thrower

    Wow he looks like a child. Lying to yourself about your sexuality must be good for your skin.

  3. Come here a minute

    I keep reading "Ohio state Treasurer Josh Mandel" but thinking "Senior class Treasurer Josh Mandel".

  4. StillGoinGreen

    You should all be ashamed!! I, for one, have taken the pledge that there will be NO BULLYING in the seventh grade this year. IT STOPS HERE!!

    P.S. How was the editrix allowed to use his name, ain't that protected under some kiddy law?

  5. SorosBot

    What can Brown do for you? Defeat an annoying little pipsqueak and remain one of most progressive voices in the Senate.

    1. Wadisay

      To be fair, he also caused Rove's PAC and the Koch boys to waste about $200 million bucks. I could love him for that alone.

  6. izationalizer

    Just dropping by to share some glorious Schadenfreude. I love internet wingnut meltdowns:

    Also, the Freepers are in hysterics. Here are their insights on gender difference and the elections…

    …and on Allen West's loss…

    …and on hiring libtards just so they can fire them…

    …and on how All Hope is Now Lost…

    1. SorosBot

      Oh my, some of the Freeper commenters are arguing against womens' suffrage, in fucking 2012, because "Like college kids, women are emotional voters and thinkers; as a result, they are unable to make wise decisions for the benefit of the nation". And of course others are calling any women who use birth control "sluts". Fucking ass deserves to get his balls ripped off.

      1. HogeyeGrex

        women are emotional voters and thinkers


    2. GregComlish

      Heh. I love how that last post begins with "I am 60 years old and I have given up" and the first comment is "you're still young!"

      1. Terry

        "you're still young…and have great mobility now that you got your Rascal Scooter" Subsidized by the government, of course.

      2. Dudleydidwrong

        To this 75+ voter, that cretin is young. But it is also great to know that he will no longer be voting. One less stupid-ass wingnut to cast a vote for another stupid-ass wingnut. Keep up the good work!

    3. ElPinche

      If I have time. It takes 5 minutes for FR's pages to render on my Mac Pro. They must be running that piece of shit on an RM Nimbus PC.

    4. starfanglednut

      Like college kids, women are emotional voters and thinkers; as a result, they are unable to make wise decisions for the benefit of the nation(Yes, there are exceptions). The Founding Fathers knew this, and that’s why women were denied the vote until the 1920s and children weren’t allowed to vote until the 1970s.

      Holy. Crap.

      EDIT: shoulda looked upstream before posting.

      1. MittBorg

        No, no, we can't hear it enough times. I want to show it to wifey. The resulting explosion should level half the trees in our neighbourhood. (Beams)

    5. ElPinche

      This comment is from a guy who hates early voting:

      "Early voting for weeks and allowing dems to accrue a millions more in voters is not a good thing either."

      At least the r33tard's honest.

    6. BornInATrailer

      "I saw some stats yesterday that said over 50% of adult women are now unmarried.

      Add that figure to the booming population of illegals and other minorities and you get a super-majority of takers that vote for a living."

      Nice! Single + Woman = Moocher

      If you liked it you shoulda put a SNAP card on it.

      1. MittBorg

        I'm loving this! Their *resolution* of this problem involves Wifin' 'em Up! How you gonna wife up a woman wut runs screaming from the sight of you? Answer: RAPE BABBIES! OMG. Now the strategy becomes clear!

        Sherri Tepper couldn't have written a better plot.

    7. fuflans

      that youtube lady… just…wow… (she sounds like)

      to be fair though, romney WOULD have won if more people had shared her youtube videos.

    8. bikerlaureate

      Just for you, I ventured there…

      From the sane, mature thread about West loooooo-osing:

      This is the worst Republican defeat in modern history. It reminds me of when the Democrats lost the civil war.

      I hope not.


      Today feels like the end of the world.
      I know my nation no more to exist.

      Dear Lord…

      I spit on America.

      Regardless…make him Speaker of the House!

      (some of these have to be snark… um, right?)

      1. MittBorg

        Don't count on it. The part about making Allen West the Speaker of the House after he LOST his seat is sheer mescalin-fueled nutbaggitude. Ah, poetry! (kisses fingertips)

        1. bikerlaureate

          Sweet, sweet teabagger tears.

          I'm in no mood to put up with their consciously ignorant bullshit. Sane adults can consider other people's behaviors, and morality, and metaphysics – and accept the possibility that they may be wrong, on occasion. These nuts have inoculated themselves from any source of information that could be objective. Just as with the homophobes, this neurosis reveals more about their inability to function in the new millenium than anything else – and if they want to participate in governing, they'd better do some soul-searching about what "consensus" and "mediation" really mean.

          No more coddling. They've hurt too many people for too long. If they can't accept the dissenting voices in the USA as we are, I'm very tempted to buy '' and devote some time over the next two years to scaring them away from the polls.

          1. MittBorg

            Oh, I love it. Go on, do it! Let's invent a religion and get rich fleecing these dopes. They deserve everything they've brought upon themselves.

            Wait. I can't be a cockroach for a billion lifetimes. OK, bag that idea.

    9. BornInATrailer

      Just went through the Abandon All Hope comments. That is one hearty stew of biblical end times, blantant racism, impending economic collapse, and Sharia-communist-police-state-survivalism. Desperation is a stinky cologne.

    10. MittBorg

      These ppl are just BEGGING for a public mocking. Jesus. The combination of flopsweat, cum-encrusted sweatsocks, cheetos, bitter gun-'n-bible-clinging and sheer fuckwaddish misogyny is hard to take at times. Thank you for your service in unearthing these encrusted nuggets.

  7. bureaucrap

    Remind me to buy him a tie for his bar mitzvah, which should be coming up in a couple of years.

  8. SmutBoffin

    That mom of his probably tucked him in after the campaign closed shop last night, telling him that he would do better next time and that he should get some rest, for tomorrow is a new day.

    His wife probably got drunk and passed out in a bed full of sailors.

  9. editor

    another one bites the dust … thanks for the trips down memory lane, but i think i may have overgloated now.

  10. mavenmaven

    For a moment I thought that picture was of a new Wonkette intern, like Riley Waggaman all dressed up.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        I learned that I should be a yes man. Tell old rich white dudes what they want to hear for an enormous paycheck.

      1. MittBorg

        Not till after Shelly Adelson and the Koch Bros. find out how he frittered away their money, honey. He blew $300MIL and lost every single seat he bet on. You can bet your ass the money people are not happy with him this morning. They like a ROI.

    1. MittBorg

      Hey, there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
      They say I'm the cutest boy in town
      My car is fast, my teeth is shiny
      I tell all the girls they can kiss my hiny …

  11. Baconzgood

    Baconz new jerb is effecting his snark time. It givez me the sadz that I lozed a p-point.

    I find this difficult to masterbate to too also.

    1. Blueb4sinrise


      Mention Elizabeth Warren and your p-ness will grow.
      Masterbation ensues!

    2. StillGoinGreen

      Once, when the world was good and IntenseDebate was young and supple, it gived us pee very freely. Then, the evil Ken Layne and ID Gods stole over HALF OF OUR PEE. Ken blamed Jesus, but we know he used our pee for his desert rituals. Then, the pee flowed from an old man's prostate. I, too, getz tha sadz thinkin bout my lost pees… they were almost enough to buy me a pint of teh black and tan!

    1. MittBorg

      My Dad used to say that! Whenever we argued with him, he'd say, "Come back and tell me what you think after your ass grows one or two hairs."


  12. Halloween Jack

    His fellow Founders recalled him to the Great Link, and once he was reabsorbed into the group consciousness he overcame his rage and disappointment at being unable to infiltrate this particular group of "solids".

        1. SorosBot

          Yeah, the Delta Quadrant is where Voyager was lost, and thus can be ignored without losing anything important.

  13. ChessieNefercat

    My home state (Ohio) and my home county (Cuyahoga) did some good stuff last night. Grounding little Joshy was one of them.

  14. Lascauxcaveman

    So incredible this little twerp got so much of the vote last night.

    Did Sherrod Brown participate in a widely televised puppy murdering orgy last week or something?

      1. MittBorg

        I roasted some chicken after butter-browning it, with fingerling potatoes, carrots, caramelized onions, lemon juice, thyme and rosemary from my garden. The whole house smells like heaven. It's been a while since I had either the incentive or the energy to stand up long enough to do something useful. I feel like I just came back to life.

        This whole fucking STATE is celebrating, with much cheering in the streets and people playing music loud at night and other people not even reporting them to the po-pos. Here's some nice buttery roast-chicken breast on whole wheat.

  15. smitallica

    VO: "The Committee to Elect Josh Mandel is responsible for the content of this advertising."
    Josh: "AN' I HELPED!!"

  16. actor212

    Say, so long as we're on the fallout…and I happen to notice the DVD is being released next week…whatever happened with that asshat down in Florida who couldn't finish building his 90,000 square foot mansion but can afford to close his business and retire? He get his plane yet?

    1. BlueStateLibel

      I just don't get that guy. Whining and complaining about how he spent his youth working himself to death so that he could build…the ugliest most pointless thing you ever saw. He's sort of like the tacky version of the Great Gatsby.

  17. actor212

    Also, I feel really bad for those of you who have "Mitt" or "Romney" as part of your handle here. Now we have to go thru all those reintroductions:

    "Yea, my name is Shad N Freude, but you used to know me as Mittborgenstern"

      1. ChessieNefercat

        There, there, PaulBorg (DonaldBorg, HermBorg, CrazyeyesBorg, HarpyBorg, RandBorg, RickyBorg, ah, hell, just rotate through them like the country will have to do starting in about 3.5 weeks). It'll be okay!

  18. BlueStateLibel

    Elton John needs to write a teary song about the fallen heroes and Mitt-bott set to the lyrics of "Candle in the Wind" right about now.

  19. Incitefully_Joe

    I have to admit, I knew that Republicans were really serious about expressing their pro-life bonafides this cycle, but I was still surprised that they went as far as to run an actual fetus against Sherrod Brown.

  20. fuflans

    joe walsh is getting his ass smacked again on local radio by pundits ("you had a rough night last night so i'm not going to point out that everything you just said is untrue").

    apparently he's considering running for governor or (more likely) IL republican party chair.

    as we flipped four seats from red to blue last night, i'm all for it.

    1. Cleopatriot

      That's what I want to see. The ILGOP flips even further right than Brady in the next election. Maybe he can get Jason Plummer to be his running mate.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      I wanna hear Congresswoman Duckworth tell him, "That's Captain Duckworth to you, maggot!"

      Cuz that boy has some real problems with Ovarian-Americans. So I think it would be nice to kick him in the groin when he's down.

  21. Misty Malarky

    Somewhat OT and not at all snarky (well, not completely snarky):

    Exactly what country are all my old high school Facebook pals planning on moving to now that the ol' Socialist Atheist Muslim debbil man done cheated his way into another term?

    Some are threatening to move to Canada, which is very funny – unless you happen to be Canadian, I guess.

    1. viennawoods13

      God, no, please. We have enough rednecks around us already, and we're a quick boat trip from Ohio.

  22. Egregious644

    Josh Mandel claims that he is a member of the Jewish faith, yet his views on abortion are totally contrary to Judaism. In the Talmud, an embryo is not a viable person, but is a being of doubtful viability. All Orthodox Jewish believe that abortion is not only acceptable but mandatory to save a woman's life. Other streams of Judaism have an even more liberal view on this issue.

    1. MittBorg

      Even Muslim mullahs who can have somewhat atavistic notions about women do not hold that a woman must bear her rapist's child. Nor does Islam forbid abortion.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Neither did Christianity until all the American fundies took a political clue from the Pope.

        "See, guys, you can use this simple little angle to keep half the population in its place…"

  23. Andrew Drinker

    Josh Mandel's momentum trying to go from Dog Catcher to President of the Free World within six months has stalled. Sorry, buddy! Maybe you could run for Police Chief or something next!

  24. ttommyunger

    There's always another election on the horizon, Josh; buck-up, but wait until your testes descend, just for shits and giggles.

  25. Smithboy

    Wow!…. a Zionist zealot saying he would cut off aid to Muslim countries who won't kiss Israel's or this country's ass….is that crazy or what? I'm shocked.

    Hey Josh, any thoughts on Israel stealing land from Palestinians or denying them food, medicine, building materials? Just asking.

  26. clecinosu

    One more thing we Ohioans have to do is get him out of the treasurer's office.

    Shouldn't be hard. He's almost never there anyway.

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