PANTHEON OF FALLEN HEROES  3:19 pm November 7, 2012

Wonkette Salutes Fallen Hero And Pep Club President, Ohio Son Josh Mandel

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Annoying SmurfWe knew Ohio state Treasurer Josh Mandel was a TREASURE in his own right smack in the middle of his first debate with blowsy Ohio rambler Sherrod Brown. He was GRANDLY ORATING some total nonsense, and then he said this incredibly dumb thing about loving women because he totally has a wife and mom so the fact that he is terrible on every single women’s issue ever is like totally irrelevant. (Fucking AMAZING CLIP THAT YOU MUST WATCH not embeddable, fucking SPAN!) But has he done anything else to deserve a coveted slot in the Wonkette Pantheon of Fallen Heroes?

Not really! He is mostly just a horribly annoying talking-point pipsqueak who is annoying and thunders his talking points over and over again and is a pipsqueak. BUT! There was also this grand doozy from his second debate with Brown, in answer to the question, “How would you be bipartisan, because I, the questioner, am a total hack?” We have copy-and-pasted it for you, in all its tardedness!

Mandel: FIRST, I would find common ground with the other side by stopping foreign aid to countries that harbor terrorists, even though Senator Brown and I don’t agree, but I heard there was like one Democrat out there that I could work with on it or something. Sherrod Brown voted to give a billion dollars to Pakistan, before Pakistan fucked us on Bin Laden. He also gives billions of dollars to Libya, where the government murdered our ambassador. Egypt is a terrorist and Muslim Brotherhood and they persecute Christians, and all through the Middle East women are treated like shit. So Brown probably did that too. “In a vacuum, this would be wrong. But we also have a $16 trillion debt.” Sherrod Brown hates America, QED. “And I will work across party lines with Democrats to keep your tax dollars from going to countries that harbor terrorists.” SECOND. Energy exploration. I would be bipartisan with Joe Manchin of West Virginia on burning more coal. Sherrod Brown wants Eastern Ohio miners to starve.

We salute you, mysteriously unfragged defeated Ohio Senate candidate Josh Mandel. Thank you for your service.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 245 comments }

imissopus November 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I bet the Scouts still give him his Election Merit badge for participating, though.

weejee November 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I first read that as his "Erection Merit badge."

/ walks over and puts himself in time-out in the corner

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

In this particular case, I don't think a time-out will be necessary.

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Don't be so hard on yourself

bikerlaureate November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

You can rise above this.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 8, 2012 at 3:15 am

Elevate the uhh, discourse.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I bet they give him a giant wedgie instead.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Here.

Everybody gets a trophy, kid.

Nowisallthereis November 8, 2012 at 6:23 am

Yeah, the Cub Scouts.

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Josh can always go back to the AV squad.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Or mow lawns 'round the neighborhood.

jodyleek November 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Or the Mickey Mouse club.

Terry November 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Sadly enough, isn't he still the Ohio state treasurer?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 4:01 pm

And the Cleveland Indians can hire one less peanut vendor next summer.

Estproph November 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Didn't he invent facebook or something?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I will miss Screech.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Liar. (hugs actor fondly)

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

*sniff*

Thanks, I was getting all weepy-stabby…

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

(Pats actor's back) There, there. You won't have to hear about her ever again. Any minute now, they'll bring the shepherd's crook out and drag her off the stage.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Future Rent Boy website model

weejee November 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

He has a future in the Dominican Republic with Rush.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Future Rent Boy website model

fixxored

Tio_Doidinho November 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Found it!

Submissive preppy bottom, specializes in spanking, light BDSM and Libertarian fiscal policy. No fats, fems or weirdos. Serious inquiries only.

Veritas78 November 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Seriously! I can't help imagining him in a studded dog collar and harness. The chaps are, of course, ass-less.

Of course, I do this visualization with all republicans. I'm sure a few popped into your minds, too!

Buzz Feedback November 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Josh, please hold this copy of the cap-and-trade bill while Sen. Manchin re-loads.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Manchin took Viagra before they went into the woods, I think.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

SOOOOO-EEEEEEEEEE!!

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Hi Z! Glorious day, isn't it?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Girl. I am so happy. So, so, happy. And so is my entire fucking household, who have been listening to me scream and rant and throw stuff for months now. Wife just said she wanted something big and shiny. I offered my knee. She's still grossed out. :D

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Now Josh has time to study for his Bar Mitzvah.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Only Bar he can hope to pass.

Crank_Tango November 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Ah this is the day that just keeps on giving.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Silly Republican, wearing a yellow tie and a charcoal suit and white shirt? Everyone knows, red tie for Republicans, blue tie for office holders. Democrats wear the zany colours.

qwerty42 November 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I think Al Capone liked yellow ties.

OzoneTom November 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

How could anyone say "no" to a face like that?

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I certainly could.

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"No."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

And no means no!

One_who_wanders November 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I suspect the vast majority of women already have.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Repeatedly.

YouBetcha November 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

And some men too.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

And with votes.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

How could one not punch a face like that repeatedly, with votes?

Terry November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

A whole bunch of his in-laws certainly did.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I'm still LMFAO over that. They *really* don't like him in that family.

Pat_Pending November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

with my fists. repeatedly.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Did Mitt cut this kids hair?

SoBeach November 7, 2012 at 3:26 pm

So many taken too soon…

Joshua Norton November 7, 2012 at 3:26 pm

This kid has a bright future filled with restraining orders.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I was just thinking of that with the comment above referring to women saying no to him. Yes indeedy.

goat_thrower November 7, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Wow he looks like a child. Lying to yourself about your sexuality must be good for your skin.

Come here a minute November 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I keep reading "Ohio state Treasurer Josh Mandel" but thinking "Senior class Treasurer Josh Mandel".

elgin_pelican November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Funny, I read "amateur ventiloquist Josh Mandell."

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

You should all be ashamed!! I, for one, have taken the pledge that there will be NO BULLYING in the seventh grade this year. IT STOPS HERE!!

P.S. How was the editrix allowed to use his name, ain't that protected under some kiddy law?

GregComlish November 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Missed Opportunity! This is the photo you should have used for Josh Mandel:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:TwinkieTheKid.j

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

What can Brown do for you? Defeat an annoying little pipsqueak and remain one of most progressive voices in the Senate.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

To be fair, he also caused Rove's PAC and the Koch boys to waste about $200 million bucks. I could love him for that alone.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I wonder wut's become of Karl Rove? Anybody seen him lately?

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm

He went nuts on Fox last night after they called Ohio.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I watched it over and over.

izationalizer November 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Just dropping by to share some glorious Schadenfreude. I love internet wingnut meltdowns:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLoqti0lzAw&li

Also, the Freepers are in hysterics. Here are their insights on gender difference and the elections…
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2956404/

…and on Allen West's loss…
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2956195/

…and on hiring libtards just so they can fire them…
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2956168/

…and on how All Hope is Now Lost…
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2956341/

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Oh my, some of the Freeper commenters are arguing against womens' suffrage, in fucking 2012, because "Like college kids, women are emotional voters and thinkers; as a result, they are unable to make wise decisions for the benefit of the nation". And of course others are calling any women who use birth control "sluts". Fucking ass deserves to get his balls ripped off.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

women are emotional voters and thinkers

BUT DAMMIT THE QUEERS ARE GONNA DESTROY MAH MARRIAGE AND THE KENYAN MUSLIN IS COMING FOR MAH GUNZ!!!!!!!!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Now *that's* the way a MAN does it. Sensible and logical to the last. You listening, sluts?

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Wow. Just – wow.

One_who_wanders November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

God, they are incoherent (even more so than normal)!

GregComlish November 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Heh. I love how that last post begins with "I am 60 years old and I have given up" and the first comment is "you're still young!"

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:42 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Terry November 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"you're still young…and have great mobility now that you got your Rascal Scooter" Subsidized by the government, of course.

Dudleydidwrong November 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm

To this 75+ voter, that cretin is young. But it is also great to know that he will no longer be voting. One less stupid-ass wingnut to cast a vote for another stupid-ass wingnut. Keep up the good work!

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 3:39 pm

If I have time. It takes 5 minutes for FR's pages to render on my Mac Pro. They must be running that piece of shit on an RM Nimbus PC.

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"All Hope is Now Lost " post deserves a Richard Marx ballad soundtrack.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Hey, when did you switch to Trejo avatar? Me like.

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

It was the avatar I used right after Obama 2008 election. I brought it back.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Like college kids, women are emotional voters and thinkers; as a result, they are unable to make wise decisions for the benefit of the nation(Yes, there are exceptions). The Founding Fathers knew this, and that’s why women were denied the vote until the 1920s and children weren’t allowed to vote until the 1970s.

Holy. Crap.

EDIT: shoulda looked upstream before posting.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm

No, no, we can't hear it enough times. I want to show it to wifey. The resulting explosion should level half the trees in our neighbourhood. (Beams)

Terry November 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Boo frickin hoo

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

This comment is from a guy who hates early voting:

"Early voting for weeks and allowing dems to accrue a millions more in voters is not a good thing either."

At least the r33tard's honest.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm

WTF?

What does he think, we grow 'em in Petri dishes or something????

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Yes.

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Jesus fucking Christ. These people. Please, emigrate.

WhatTheHeck November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

To Alaska. Get rid of the native peoples. Form new country. Lots of huntin n fishin.

GeneralLerong November 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Too late, they're already here. Came with the pipeline. Alaska is now Arkansas North.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 8, 2012 at 3:21 am

You forgot the 'skeeters. Nothing like a sky darkened by flying bloodsuckers..

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I’m a women and everytime I look at him I want to puke.

Is this person related to Ralph Wiggum?

BornInATrailer November 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

"I saw some stats yesterday that said over 50% of adult women are now unmarried.

Add that figure to the booming population of illegals and other minorities and you get a super-majority of takers that vote for a living."

Nice! Single + Woman = Moocher

If you liked it you shoulda put a SNAP card on it.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I'm loving this! Their *resolution* of this problem involves Wifin' 'em Up! How you gonna wife up a woman wut runs screaming from the sight of you? Answer: RAPE BABBIES! OMG. Now the strategy becomes clear!

Sherri Tepper couldn't have written a better plot.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 4:02 pm

that youtube lady… just…wow… (she sounds like)

to be fair though, romney WOULD have won if more people had shared her youtube videos.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I admire everyone's bravery for visiting those sites. I, for one, ain't gonna do it.

bikerlaureate November 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Just for you, I ventured there…

From the sane, mature thread about West loooooo-osing:

This is the worst Republican defeat in modern history. It reminds me of when the Democrats lost the civil war.

I hope not.

F***!

Today feels like the end of the world.
I know my nation no more to exist.

Dear Lord…

I spit on America.

Regardless…make him Speaker of the House!

(some of these have to be snark… um, right?)

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Don't count on it. The part about making Allen West the Speaker of the House after he LOST his seat is sheer mescalin-fueled nutbaggitude. Ah, poetry! (kisses fingertips)

bikerlaureate November 7, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Sweet, sweet teabagger tears.

I'm in no mood to put up with their consciously ignorant bullshit. Sane adults can consider other people's behaviors, and morality, and metaphysics – and accept the possibility that they may be wrong, on occasion. These nuts have inoculated themselves from any source of information that could be objective. Just as with the homophobes, this neurosis reveals more about their inability to function in the new millenium than anything else – and if they want to participate in governing, they'd better do some soul-searching about what "consensus" and "mediation" really mean.

No more coddling. They've hurt too many people for too long. If they can't accept the dissenting voices in the USA as we are, I'm very tempted to buy 'www.VotingIsASin.com' and devote some time over the next two years to scaring them away from the polls.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Oh, I love it. Go on, do it! Let's invent a religion and get rich fleecing these dopes. They deserve everything they've brought upon themselves.

Wait. I can't be a cockroach for a billion lifetimes. OK, bag that idea.

BornInATrailer November 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Just went through the Abandon All Hope comments. That is one hearty stew of biblical end times, blantant racism, impending economic collapse, and Sharia-communist-police-state-survivalism. Desperation is a stinky cologne.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm

These ppl are just BEGGING for a public mocking. Jesus. The combination of flopsweat, cum-encrusted sweatsocks, cheetos, bitter gun-'n-bible-clinging and sheer fuckwaddish misogyny is hard to take at times. Thank you for your service in unearthing these encrusted nuggets.

rickmaci November 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Give this kid some crayons so he will stop whining.

bureaucrap November 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Remind me to buy him a tie for his bar mitzvah, which should be coming up in a couple of years.

SmutBoffin November 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

That mom of his probably tucked him in after the campaign closed shop last night, telling him that he would do better next time and that he should get some rest, for tomorrow is a new day.

His wife probably got drunk and passed out in a bed full of sailors.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I bet his footie pajamas were really soft.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

So basically, an ordinary Tuesday night.

Terry November 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Or her cousins grabbed her and did an intervention.

editor November 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

another one bites the dust … thanks for the trips down memory lane, but i think i may have overgloated now.

One_who_wanders November 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You have to gloat through the burn, that is how you get better.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Just have a hair of the goat that bit ya.

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Start getting ready for 2014- plenty of gloat chow

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Tomorrow, we start.

Today, we GLOAT!!

taylormattd November 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I'd hit it.

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

With a Louisville Slugger?

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

That's no way to treat your twink.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Sandusky, is that you?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Wut with?

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Such a nice boy.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Go back to Lost Forest, Rusty — Mark and Cherry miss you.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Sad Mittens and Obama winning,
Senate's finally in the spotlight.
This November I heard the counting,
Mandel lost in Oh Hio!

mavenmaven November 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

For a moment I thought that picture was of a new Wonkette intern, like Riley Waggaman all dressed up.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

All those billionaires who spent all that money on the SuperPACs sure look like idiots now…

SoBeach November 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Think they learned anything?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Let's hope not!

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Very unlikely. Assholes.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 8, 2012 at 3:24 am

I learned that I should be a yes man. Tell old rich white dudes what they want to hear for an enormous paycheck.

DemmeFatale November 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yeah, think of all the hospital wings they could have bought…
What a waste!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Anybody hear what happened to Karl Rove? He seems to have gone awful quiet since his meltdown.

dennis1943 November 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Rove is quietly leaving the country………….

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Optimist.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Not till after Shelly Adelson and the Koch Bros. find out how he frittered away their money, honey. He blew $300MIL and lost every single seat he bet on. You can bet your ass the money people are not happy with him this morning. They like a ROI.

DixvilleCrotch November 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

He looks very eager to please, which is something I value highly in a man.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 6:52 pm

If only he were one!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Let me just go remove his ears and tail. You won them with this comment.

DerrickWildcat November 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Oh that kid lost?

memzilla November 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Not even AIPAC is gonna return Josh's calls.

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"Schadenfreude? Why, yes, I'm soaking in it"

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:46 pm

(hands fw a glass of champagne) Drink, madam?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

He has a face made for pissing on

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Wouldn't surprise me…

Tio_Doidinho November 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

That costs extra.

So I hear.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Read it in a book, honest!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Hey, there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiny
I tell all the girls they can kiss my hiny …

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Baconz new jerb is effecting his snark time. It givez me the sadz that I lozed a p-point.

I find this difficult to masterbate to too also.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Your p-ness does look a bit short.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

We love funk you no matter what the p-score says, Bacnz.

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I just changed my AVATAR because of you Mumble!!!

AWSOME TACULAR!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Miss your pork-flavored snark!

Joshua Norton November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

How did you lose a point? My p-points have been frozen at the same number since they took away the down-fisty thingy. I assumed the feature was turned off.

Baconzgood November 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

if you don't post early and post often the p-ness deflates I'm told.

Butch_Wagstaff November 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Use it or lose it?

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Baconzgood!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mention Elizabeth Warren and your p-ness will grow.
Masterbation ensues!
Win/Win!!!!!!!!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm

BRB.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

We miss your snark.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Once, when the world was good and IntenseDebate was young and supple, it gived us pee very freely. Then, the evil Ken Layne and ID Gods stole over HALF OF OUR PEE. Ken blamed Jesus, but we know he used our pee for his desert rituals. Then, the pee flowed from an old man's prostate. I, too, getz tha sadz thinkin bout my lost pees… they were almost enough to buy me a pint of teh black and tan!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm

There. I upfisted you and will keep upfisting you until you haz more pee.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

When your arm gets tired, you can borrow my avata-HooHoo!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Woo-woo, dude or dudine. Who didja used to be when you had huge pee?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I just upfisted you. HTH.

Try harder.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Miss you, Bacon. Here's something I've been saving for when you came back to celebrate with us:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/20/funny-ki

YouBetcha November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I would not hit that.

OK, maybe with my pocketbook, in the back of its weasly little head.

Terry November 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Or with my Chevy. With a bumper full of votes.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 3:34 pm

So many fallen heroes! Good bye, GOP! It's been real.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Oi, such a putz.

MosesInvests November 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Azoi, a shandeh fahr die goyim.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Mebbe he can try again after his pubes all come in.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

My Dad used to say that! Whenever we argued with him, he'd say, "Come back and tell me what you think after your ass grows one or two hairs."

Dad?

Halloween Jack November 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

His fellow Founders recalled him to the Great Link, and once he was reabsorbed into the group consciousness he overcame his rage and disappointment at being unable to infiltrate this particular group of "solids".

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm

DELTA QUADRANT LIBEL!

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

*aHEM* The Founders are from the GAMMA Quadrant, actually. /nerd

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Fucking Voyager….confused me

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Yeah, the Delta Quadrant is where Voyager was lost, and thus can be ignored without losing anything important.

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Except 7 of 9, if you're into boobs and catsuits.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm

No one has lost any

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Very mysterious, his unfragging.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

"to date"

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

(Hugs the BadKitty, rubs its furry belly) You are SO sweet! Thanks for giving me hope.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

My home state (Ohio) and my home county (Cuyahoga) did some good stuff last night. Grounding little Joshy was one of them.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Srsly, I've been in such a lather about OH. I am SO FUCKING HAPPY that y'all pulled through for the best Senator and best President!

weejee November 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Well let's see, Rmoney, and Mandel, and Joe the Plumber, and Chris Long. Yep that's ♪ four dead in Ohio.♪

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

With votes, that is.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

So incredible this little twerp got so much of the vote last night.

Did Sherrod Brown participate in a widely televised puppy murdering orgy last week or something?

BumbleKid November 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I can't believe you missed it!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Gotta go make lunch, BRB. :)

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Make me a sammich while you're up?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I roasted some chicken after butter-browning it, with fingerling potatoes, carrots, caramelized onions, lemon juice, thyme and rosemary from my garden. The whole house smells like heaven. It's been a while since I had either the incentive or the energy to stand up long enough to do something useful. I feel like I just came back to life.

This whole fucking STATE is celebrating, with much cheering in the streets and people playing music loud at night and other people not even reporting them to the po-pos. Here's some nice buttery roast-chicken breast on whole wheat.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Oh, that sounds so good. I simply must find myself a spouse who can cook (or pay for fancy dinners). What's for desert?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Semifreddi's dark-chocolate-dipped almond biscotti. :)

It's good to live in the midst of such culinary plenty. :)

DerrickWildcat November 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Hurry!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

(Hugs you) Such a chweetie!

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Lindsey Graham has a sad now. He had high hopes for Josh's 12 yr old hairless tea bags.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I love you, but you really know how to make a fella puke.

ElPinche November 8, 2012 at 9:41 am

I watch alot of porn so I'm conditioned to certain scenarios.

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm

This kid has altar boy potential!

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

So young. So brainwashed and dickish. The cult is strong in this one.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

What would he look like as a mannequin?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

See photo above.

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Kim Cattrall?

smitallica November 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

VO: "The Committee to Elect Josh Mandel is responsible for the content of this advertising."
Josh: "AN' I HELPED!!"

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Say, so long as we're on the fallout…and I happen to notice the DVD is being released next week…whatever happened with that asshat down in Florida who couldn't finish building his 90,000 square foot mansion but can afford to close his business and retire? He get his plane yet?

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Silly. They take TRAINS to Galt's Gulch.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Gonna be a wet train ride, Boca to the Bahamas…

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm
BlueStateLibel November 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I just don't get that guy. Whining and complaining about how he spent his youth working himself to death so that he could build…the ugliest most pointless thing you ever saw. He's sort of like the tacky version of the Great Gatsby.

SmutBoffin November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

WHEN WILL THESE BRAVE ANTIGOVT PATRIOTS GET THEIR MEMORIAL, OBUMMER?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Shortly after the drone hits, I should think.

Guppy November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Tangent: Why does anybody bother with "political debates?"

keepwalkin November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Schmuck!

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Also, I feel really bad for those of you who have "Mitt" or "Romney" as part of your handle here. Now we have to go thru all those reintroductions:

"Yea, my name is Shad N Freude, but you used to know me as Mittborgenstern"

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!

(melts down like Karl Rove)

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

There, there, PaulBorg (DonaldBorg, HermBorg, CrazyeyesBorg, HarpyBorg, RandBorg, RickyBorg, ah, hell, just rotate through them like the country will have to do starting in about 3.5 weeks). It'll be okay!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Honest, I'll get around to changing my name and av. I'm DONE wiv Mitt. YES!

Butch_Wagstaff November 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Hiya dearie! It's been awhile. Hope you've feeling fine & dandy lately!

BlueStateLibel November 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Elton John needs to write a teary song about the fallen heroes and Mitt-bott set to the lyrics of "Candle in the Wind" right about now.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

"Koch Cock Up the Butt"?

Incitefully_Joe November 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I have to admit, I knew that Republicans were really serious about expressing their pro-life bonafides this cycle, but I was still surprised that they went as far as to run an actual fetus against Sherrod Brown.

JaceWyatt November 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm

power bottom

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 3:58 pm

….though, I suspect, a poor one…

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

joe walsh is getting his ass smacked again on local radio by pundits ("you had a rough night last night so i'm not going to point out that everything you just said is untrue").

apparently he's considering running for governor or (more likely) IL republican party chair.

as we flipped four seats from red to blue last night, i'm all for it.

Cleopatriot November 7, 2012 at 5:44 pm

That's what I want to see. The ILGOP flips even further right than Brady in the next election. Maybe he can get Jason Plummer to be his running mate.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I wanna hear Congresswoman Duckworth tell him, "That's Captain Duckworth to you, maggot!"

Cuz that boy has some real problems with Ovarian-Americans. So I think it would be nice to kick him in the groin when he's down.

Misty Malarky November 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Somewhat OT and not at all snarky (well, not completely snarky):

Exactly what country are all my old high school Facebook pals planning on moving to now that the ol' Socialist Atheist Muslim debbil man done cheated his way into another term?

Some are threatening to move to Canada, which is very funny – unless you happen to be Canadian, I guess.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I hear Venezuela or Somalia might suit them…

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

God, no, please. We have enough rednecks around us already, and we're a quick boat trip from Ohio.

TheMightyHaltor November 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Sherrod Brown 1: Metric assload of out-of-state money 0

Egregious644 November 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Josh Mandel claims that he is a member of the Jewish faith, yet his views on abortion are totally contrary to Judaism. In the Talmud, an embryo is not a viable person, but is a being of doubtful viability. All Orthodox Jewish believe that abortion is not only acceptable but mandatory to save a woman's life. Other streams of Judaism have an even more liberal view on this issue.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Even Muslim mullahs who can have somewhat atavistic notions about women do not hold that a woman must bear her rapist's child. Nor does Islam forbid abortion.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Neither did Christianity until all the American fundies took a political clue from the Pope.

"See, guys, you can use this simple little angle to keep half the population in its place…"

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Yes, now they're working behind NGO fronts to join together internationally and vote on women's rights and blasphemy laws at the UN.

MosesInvests November 7, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Thanks for pointing that out.

LIT_Fag November 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Hey Josh, there's always twink-daddy porn.

Maman November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Isn't there an age requirement for Senate? This isn't student council!

Weenus299 November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

McLovin is just a little too young for my tastes.

ChessieNefercat November 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

All in all, that's probably a good thing.

Andrew Drinker November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Josh Mandel's momentum trying to go from Dog Catcher to President of the Free World within six months has stalled. Sorry, buddy! Maybe you could run for Police Chief or something next!

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

A punim you should only piss on.

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I hope he can get by on his allowance.

larrykat November 7, 2012 at 6:40 pm

If this dipshit was in Animal House he would totally be an Omega.

rocktonsam November 7, 2012 at 6:56 pm

he seems like a good kid. just got in with the wrong crowd.

smellyal8tr November 7, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Wait, wait, wait…slow down…he is married to a WOMAN?!?!

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm

There's always another election on the horizon, Josh; buck-up, but wait until your testes descend, just for shits and giggles.

Negropolis November 8, 2012 at 2:54 am

You know, when you have a legitimate election, it has tendancy to shut the whole thing down.

Smithboy November 8, 2012 at 7:51 am

Wow!…. a Zionist zealot saying he would cut off aid to Muslim countries who won't kiss Israel's or this country's ass….is that crazy or what? I'm shocked.

Hey Josh, any thoughts on Israel stealing land from Palestinians or denying them food, medicine, building materials? Just asking.

outragedcitizen November 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

Did anyone tell him he wasn't running for his high school student council?

clecinosu November 8, 2012 at 7:36 pm

One more thing we Ohioans have to do is get him out of the treasurer's office.

Shouldn't be hard. He's almost never there anyway.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Hey, gorgeous! (Grabs your ass shamelessly) How do?

I feel GREAT! FUCKING GREAT! Don't you?

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I went by GoinGreen, but it didn't transfer, so I was then "still"born.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Well, that certainly deserved teh upfist.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 8, 2012 at 3:17 am

Tribasim is always worthy of research.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 8, 2012 at 3:26 am

Hey, the Ryan kerfluffle gave us a Barry.

MittBorg November 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm

The only "tribasim" I can find on Teh Googlez is a pron site. :(

I got enough porn in my life right now, dood. :)

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