PANTHEON OF FALLEN HEROES  2:00 pm November 7, 2012

A Special Wonkette Tribute To Fallen Senator Staple-Crotch, Massachusetts’s Own Scott Brown

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

dick (pictured, left)It seems like just two months ago that we were in Tampa, Florida, hanging out with a bunch of Boston journos who explained, totally matter-of-factly, that it was a foregone conclusion that Senator Scott Brown (R-Playgirl) would handily beat sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren in their #war for the senate. Why did they think that? “Because everybody likes him,” they explained. “He’s not a jerk.” Ah, but that was before Senator Brown shot himself in the stapled cock with his own arrow. Presumably working on the advice of Eric Fehrnstrom, who is very bad at his job, he quintupled down on an idiotic race-baiting campaign even after everyone in the world was all “the fuck, Scott Brown?” and then handed in a debate performance (with an assist from David Gregory) that was actually shocking in its bullying, shitty tone. Let us gather round for a War Dance of Remembrance!

  • Here is when Scott Brown claimed to be a double agent for kings and queens, which wasn’t dickish, but it was pretty weird.
  • Scott Brown loves women, because they taught him to help with the chores.
  • Here is the time Scott Brown got mad that poor people are allowed to vote.
  • Here is a hilarious dumb ad Scott Brown emoted all over, about jeans and nothingness.
  • Remember the time Scott Brown said his voting records should be off-limits? That was some brass!
  • Here is when Scott Brown started his long day’s journey into dickishness (and race carding) by acting like a common thug in his and Warren’s first debate.
  • And here is the beginning of the end: when high-level Brown staffers started doing totally awesome tomahawk chops and war whoops, accusing Warren of being a race traitor basically, and Brown pretty much demanded Warren apologize for making his staffers do that.
  • Then he doubled down.
  • And tripled.
  • And to wrap it all up here is that time Scott Brown insulted people who had lost loved ones to the excruciatingly painful and horrifying death by mesothelioma.

She who laughs last laughs longest or something, we don’t know, still hungover. Here.

 
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{ 207 comments }

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Now his daughters can support him.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 2:33 pm

It's a good thing he's not Joe Walsh's son

miss_grundy November 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Yeah, he can be a taker. Maybe he could be Egg's new houseboy.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I was thinking that as the Pool Boy for their new beach front mansionx3 and a perfect accessory parking cars on their new elevator.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

This would be the time to bring out the picture of them in their seashell bikinis.
This one, of course!

Disassembly November 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I will do a brain dance for him.

Come here a minute November 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

If you're in Boston, you should keep an eye on the classifieds for a good deal on a hardly-used prop pickup truck.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Better run a carfax check first.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Probably has pink scuff marks on the driver's seat.

rmjagg November 7, 2012 at 2:14 pm

or skid marks on the drivers seat ' for some reason '

elgin_pelican November 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Good cond., no rust. Only lied in for 2500K miles. Serious inquiries only plz."

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Not wing-nutty enough for FOX, not smart enough to land a university job…what on earth will Scottie do now?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 2:05 pm

He could prostitute himself. No, wait, he's already done that…

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Pimp his daughters again?

FlownOver November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Yes, he could prostitute himself… or he could continue practicing law.

But I repeat myself.

nounverb911 November 7, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Rafalca's new chauffeur?

Ruhe November 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Sit next to Michael Steele on Morning Joe for a while?

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Oooww. You are mean.

savethispatient November 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

There is a theory he could run for and win the vacant seat that John Kerry will leave when he gets appointed Secretary of State next year.

Disassembly November 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I am somewhat dubious of this theory.

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Ha ha ha ha ha ha no.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Y'know, he could wait until Deval Patrick wins Kerry's seat then run for Governor. Massachussetts has a spotty record selecting *koffkoffkMITTROMNEYkoffkoff* governors.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Sweet mother of CHRIST. That fucking sobered me up in a hurry.

memzilla November 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Imitation-Viagra pitchman!

Mahousu November 7, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I would say adult movies, but LA just passed a law requiring condom usage by porn actors, and Scott's just not the sort to suit up.

bibliotequetress November 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

"I would say adult movies, but LA just passed a law requiring condom usage by porn actors, and Scott's just not the sort to suit up."

The staple would poke a hole in it anyway.

PugglesRule November 7, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Middle-aged underwear model?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I think Pete Rose pretty much put an end to that job description.

Tommy1733 November 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm

There's always work at Playgirl.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Does Playgirl actually still exist?

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

At least that's what the photographer told Levi to get him naked.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Awww shit – I completely forgot about that. Thanks, MissTaken!

PS I take it you're a subscriber? :)

Tommy1733 November 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

If that doesn't work, there's always Men, Hot Hunks, or Mandate. Or so I am told.

mull_man November 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Hang with equally unemployable Roberto Gonzalez, drinking 40's, playing x-box, and generally living high on that generous welfare check.

Rosie_Scenario November 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Alberto Gonzalez? Dubya's "Fredo?"

Tio_Doidinho November 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Romance Novel Cover Boy?

memzilla November 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Penile-enhancement pill spokesman!

(Geez, I can't believe everyone missed that)

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:48 pm

WIN.

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I'm going for the catheter commercial franchise!

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Barbizon School of Modeling-
"Now you can BE a model, or just LOOK like one!"

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Pr0n theatre swab boy?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Or fluffer on the next Tom of Finland film.

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I am always impressed when a non-bone smoker knows of ToF. Koodose.

mayor_quimby November 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

You run across some weird shit on Usenet if you're that old. Seriously something for everybody on there.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I'm a straight girl and I know about Tom of Finland.

(I did not, however, know there are films? Is that for real?)

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Have they been whining about the (D) Senatorial feeling they're having in MT and ND this morning?

Yep, both Tester and Heitkamp pull out sqeakers over their (R) opponents.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Oh my. I hadn't heard that. Went to bed thinking those were lost. More Yay yay yay.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I wouldn't know–I almost never go to FOX because of my ferocious temper. Though it might be fun to check it out today…

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I've spent the whole morning listening to Neo-Con talk radio – is that bad of me? I just can't help it, the whiny ring of despair in their voices is like a virgin's blood to a vampire… I NEED IT TODAY!!!

DCBloom November 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

UGH…. you and my hubby could totally hang out. After the good news last night, he made me watch 20 minutes of Fox just to gloat.

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

That's why I've been reading the comments at a number of the wingnut blogs; it's fun and awesome.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Did you know that we are well on our way to splitting up the country like Chekoslovokia? Czeckoslovakia? Oh, you know. The one with the good pilsner that used to be one country and now is two but didn't do the genocide in the process. That one. We are gonna be just like them.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Without the good beer – unless you count Rahr & Son's Ugly Pug!

*PPSSFFTT, GLUGGLUGGLUG*

PugglesRule November 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm

MY husband has been hanging out on Wisconsin newspaper sites, totally gloating over the baggers.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 2:39 pm

On my second date with my wife, I asked her what her political views were and she told me she was a "Democrat", and I asked what her parents views were and she said they, too, were Democrats. She asked me why and I told her that I could never be married to a woman who could vote for a republican – and I meant it. We have now been together for 20 years (married for 17) and have three wonderful children, who stayed up late with Daddy last night so they could watch Rachel Maddow smirk. ALL HAIL LIBTARDS!!

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Everytime I try to listen to them at all I realize that waterboarding should only be used if this particular form of torture doesn't work.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

So long you Koch-smoking Stapledick!

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Your truck is over there. Now get in it and get the fuck out.

rmjagg November 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

now that is a directive … I second it

Terry November 7, 2012 at 2:06 pm

The race between Elizabeth Warren and Scott Brown was the embodiment of substance versus superficiality.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I was, however, hoping she'd twist the knife a little by offering to smokum peace pipe (of medical marijuana!)

Mojopo November 7, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Bye bye fuck face, now you have lots of time to drive your truck all over Boston looking for scrap metal and pop cans.

Ruhe November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Double down, triple down, etc. It's not just the "lost-money-fallacy" anymore. It's pathological.

memzilla November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

So, Scott Brown kinda like the nor'easter coming into DC: blowing winds, a minor surge, a little snow job, but no danger of accumulation.

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

A perfect ending to a great day would be to stroll among snowflakes falling. Even with the hangover.

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

…honestly, where the fu$kk does the GOP find these wing-tards?! There is a drunk homeless guy on the corner, who makes a habit of yelling about how his shadow is following him around because its racist, I honestly think he is more sane than some of the republican candidates!!!

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You can say fuck on this channel… it's cable!

FlownOver November 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Does he look anything like John Sununu? Because, you know…

spends2much November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Celebrity Apprentice- Loser Politicians Edition! See Scott Brown strip for tips on the mean streets of Manhattan…

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

The Naked Cowboy will kick his ass!

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

This. Must. Happen.

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

We now know exactly what Brown can do for you.

I've always wanted my very own package of Senator-Elect Elizabeth Warren. Thank you, Brown!

AngryBlakGuy November 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm

…yeah he can "go the f$kk away!"

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Oh yeah, she seems awesome, as does Baldwin from Wisconsin. It will be nice to have a few more Dems to be proud of.

prommie November 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Now is the time when the Hookup War Blog does its War Dance! On Sprocket!

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Excuse me, it's the Mommy Hookup War Blog!

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Heckofajob, Brownie.

mavenmaven November 7, 2012 at 2:10 pm

SCALIA LIBEL!

DeLand_DeLakes November 7, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Rowr! I want sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren to spank me with a ruler!

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Get in line, buddy.

Disassembly November 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Does she take credit cards?

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm

You can apply for a loan.

Disassembly November 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm

What a country!

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

In the meantime, you can live vicariously through Scott Brown; he certainly got spanked last night.

weejee November 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Well the Rmoney's car park will need a valet.

rmjagg November 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

minimum wage , no benefits , and he buys his own uniform …

FlownOver November 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

By Speedo™. Egg still rules the roost.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Or elevator operator.

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Who knew that flagrant racism was a sure loser?

DemmeFatale November 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I don't know.
Who knew that anti-choice, pro-rape, woman-hatin' was a sure loser?
(They know now!)

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

You would think so, but many of the wingnuts actually think they lost because Romney wasn't conservative enough, and they would have one with the super-hater of women and gay people Rick Santorum. And that Akin and Mourdock only lost because of "gaffes", even though those "gaffes" were admitting the horrible misogynistic shit they actually believe.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Hey now, Romney/Ryan lost because of Sandy.

rickmaci November 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

And lemmings go off the cliff because that is just how their DNA works. I say let the GOTeaP go for it so they can run off the cliff like their lemming ancestors.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Yes, let them push their uber-conservatoid agenda. It works so well for them.

Tommy1733 November 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Have these people always been this way?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Who knew that anti-choice, pro-rape, woman-hatin' was a barely-losing, 49-51 proposition across the USA? It's disturbing as hell that things were this close.

We're moving the other way, I think, but we're lucky as hell that Obama came along when he did, or we'd be four years into a seriously fucked-up regression to the 1950s.

glamourdammerung November 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Who knew that flagrant racism was a sure loser?

Well, it works in low turn-out elections. And when the damned Democrats do not bother running an opponent (still so peeved about not continuing Dean's DNC strategy there).

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Bye Scott — I heard you were leaving politics to spend more time with your mirror.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 2:20 pm

He broke his last night when he asked "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the votiest of them all?" and the mirror replied "Lizzie Warren."

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Egg-sactly.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

"Senator Elizabeth Warren" does have a lovely ring to it.

HereKitty November 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Masshole alert: If John Kerry becomes Secretary of State, necessitating an election to fill that empty seat, (once and would-be-future) Senator Centerfold may be cavorting back into your dreams.

LesBontemps November 7, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Oh, the comedy!

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Cavorting. The mental visual I got is more than enough for me.

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Oh, fuck it. I'll run.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I hope the Dems think long and hard about who to put up against him. If Obama is seriously thinking about Kerry, co-opting Brown into the administration first might be worth considering (assuming he's actually got some useful talent.) The guy is a Republican only by Massachusetts standards … in Oklahoma he'd be run out of town for his commie sympathies.

FlownOver November 7, 2012 at 5:25 pm

"(assuming he's actually got some useful talent.)"

Sorry… null set.

bibliotequetress November 7, 2012 at 7:08 pm

That seems to be what he was prepping us for during his speech last night but I wonder if he'll actually, save us, go for the governorship (as actor212 mentioned above). Which would be horrible.

ChillBill November 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Not bad for a "Professor," right Scottie?

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

That's "Perfesser", Chill.

Hera Sent Me November 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

C'mon Rebecca. You know you fapped to Scott Brown. I did to Sarah Palin.

Joshua Norton November 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

He might still be able to make some pretty good money with a webcam and a PayPal account.

KathrynSane November 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Elizabeth Warren is my Senator.

Nothing else to add, I just like saying it.

kittensdontlie November 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

May her reign be long and fruitful.

Abernathy November 7, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Feel the same way about Tammy Baldwin being my senator!

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm

We may be neighbors.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

And Maria Cantwell is mine. Hah!

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Today Elizabeth Warren is all our Senator.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Tammy Baldwin is my Senator.

That does feel good.

FlownOver November 7, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Fuck it – I'm in Baja Nebraska and I'm claiming her too!

MosesInvests November 7, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Unfortunately, my new senator is Teabag Ted Cruz. On the bright side, he's such a flaming asshole that people might actually get turned off by him in six years, by which time we might have enough Latino voters here in Tejas to turn the tide. The guy he beat in the primary, Light Gov Dewhurst, is just as much of an asshole but is much better at sounding reasonable.

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Bitches cut a bitch last night. Congrats, girls!

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Guess he’s gonna have to retire his trucknutz. Like when they stripped Chuck Connor’s epaulets and broke his sword at the beginning of Branded.

Katydid November 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I heard Brown was singing this to his Senate seat last night:

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye

She'll never love you, the way that I love you
'Cause if she did, no no, she wouldn't make me cry
She might be thrillin' baby but a-my love
(My love, my love)

So dog-gone willin', so kiss it I'm gonna try to kiss it
(They wanna see me kiss it, wanna see me kiss it)
I will go on and kiss it goodbye, now

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye

Schmannnity November 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Schooled by the schoolmarm.

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm

For the last week, the Scott Brown campaign was filling the airwaves with "Vote the person, not the party!" ads.

Scooter, your party is the worst, but we also don't like you very much as a person. Fuck in the name of off.

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

If it's Brown, flush it down.

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Now in two years, can we make the rest of these cretins go bye bye?

Poindexter718 November 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

For me, the manchild Scott Brown staffer with his hat turned backwards doing the tomahawk chop like some drunken fratboy at a Florida State game is the most indelible image of the entire 2012 campaign.

Fox n Fiends November 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Agreed – and it was helpful to have Paul Ryan release photos of himself looking the same way.

flipdraw November 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

It was possibly the most cringe-worthy.

Yellerdawg November 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Gonna have to sell that truck to make rent this week I guess.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I think you meant "ass," not "truck".

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Wall St. will probably take care of him, being their best friend and all.

Redgyal November 7, 2012 at 2:23 pm

This, Sarah, is what a female politician should be like.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 5:25 pm

What would you pay to see Warren interviewed by Katie Couric?
"I really do read all of them, Katie."

glamourdammerung November 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm

This, Sarah, is what a female politician should be like.

Competent?

johnnymeatworth November 7, 2012 at 2:25 pm

So his voter base is all Indian-givers, huh?

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Like most Republican captains of industry, his wife's the one making the money (teevee newscaster). She'll go back to her day job and he'll get some sinecures on company boards, and they'll be just fine. No tears for the plutocrats, y'all.

PubOption November 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

He could yet appear on "Dancing with the Has-Beens".

DemmeFatale November 7, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Leib meine abshmunkey!

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2012 at 2:28 pm

You call yourself a senator, Scott Brown, but as of this January you don't look like one to me.

Will_Panic November 7, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Look at him, clearly he's not.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 2:29 pm

You know how some of y'all here overlook the vapid illiterate qualities of, say, a Meghan McCain in order to appreciate her, hmm, zestier appeal? Well I've been guilty not only of feeling briefly sympathetic toward ol' Scooby Brown upon learning he'd been abused during childhood — but also, since then, guilty that I haven't taken time to go home and look up all the debate footage this year that exposed him for the hypocritical, libelous, unprincipled tool that he is.

Dont you hate that? When momentarily-transcending one's flaws with a hint of grounded judgment potential, gives way (or gets re-corrupted) to nattering tooltard again.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 2:32 pm

One in six boys in America is sexually abused every year.

That he would allow that to be played as sympathy card is just sick. Plenty of us learned a lesson about compassion from our experiences. Brown did not. Fuck him.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Speaking of her Boobieness…….

Meghan McCain ‏@McCainBlogette

Keep calling people like me RINO's and see how many elections we keep winning.

https://twitter.com/mccainblogette

Halloween Jack November 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Voting for someone just because they had a shitty childhood is only justifiable if they're Batman.

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm

You've got the shnook I don't want to know better.

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 2:33 pm

You've got the schmuck that's stapled together
Campaigning
Lying
Day or night, Dumbass ain't right
The Dumbass look! The Dumbass look!

actor212 November 7, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I tip my hat to your superior commercial parody skills. You need to post here most often.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 2:32 pm

OT, but I found this, just a day late.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm

He is handsome on the outside.

LesBontemps November 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Let's find out what the inside looks like. (Oh all right — with votes.)

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I do have access to a log splitter. I just say that to boast, not to imply bodily injury to Scotty.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 2:56 pm

And, lest we forget: such vainly exploited manliness was not lost on the writers of SNL: they with Jon Hamm's help gave his natural-born chareezma a "tribute" I'll never forget!

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm

That was hilarious.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm

He's probably got a bright career doing local weather forecasting.

SpiderCrab November 7, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Conventional wisdom is that Scott Brown is the sort of middle-muddle-of-the-road republican that good, patriotic Americans are supposed to want many more of, so that the two-party system might thrive and prosper. But unless you're Mike Bloomberg, Billionaire Mayor, why vote for Brown when you could instead vote for Warren? Makes no sense.

flipdraw November 7, 2012 at 2:51 pm

If Republicans could fuel centrist candidates, I could fathom voting for one (kidding – totes!). But point taken… Is this what centrist looks like?

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Don't mess with the schoolmarm/librarian types.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Well, that lady from Alaska kinda resembled one, and we still mess with her.

LibrarianX November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

She is no lady.

LesBontemps November 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm

You haven't been watching enough porn, obvs.

bibliotequetress November 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Indeed. Never underestimate a woman who can climb a shaky shelf ladder carrying 40 pounds of archive boxes.

LibrarianX November 8, 2012 at 10:39 am

Damn straight. Also: sensible shoes.

Antispandex November 7, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Well…at least he managed to stay out of jail, and wasn't even indicted or anything. I sense a comeback in his future where he tells everyone that this election, basically, never took place.

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I can't wait for Liz Warren to start Senatoring. She'll kick ass and take names.

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Word. Toots.

rickmaci November 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I have a fantasy that involves the Dem women senators, and few center leaning Rep women, all getting together as a caucus, taking control of the fuking place and cleaning house. There is some incredible fire power in that group, just watch.

bibliotequetress November 7, 2012 at 7:25 pm

To tell the truth, that's probably the most vanilla fantasy involving a group of women senators on Wonkette today.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Staple-crotch?

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

New editor kinkier than I realized.

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Poor Scottie. I sure hope he can find someone to staple his crotch, again, to make him feel better.

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Heidi Heid, (wha?)..North Dakota, bitches.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I just came here to post that–YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those who want to see the good news for themselves:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/election-2012

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Fantastic news–saw it this AM. So, when do we start calling her the new Ben Nelson for always voting against POTUS' most important bills? Febuary, you think, or earlier?

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Heidi 'ho?

ChrisM2011 November 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

He's crying in his truck as we speak (Er type!).

Fox n Fiends November 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Scott will move to New Hampshire and become the Romney's boat boy.

decentcitizen November 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I see lobbyists.

An_Outhouse November 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm

It looks like Warren has the hiccups. Somebody slap her or seomething.

valthemus November 7, 2012 at 3:02 pm

And here I was thinking the Edifice of Crazy, so lovingly constructed by Brown and his fellow right wingers over the past year, would simply be overlooked by the electorate. I'm such a silly.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Save me googling it: WTF is up with Tester? The Tulsa world went to press with 33% reported and Tester up. Please don't ruin my day and tell me he lost.

Oh, and if Bobbert is reading or anyone else cares: no good news from OK except our sheriff is a Democrat. Our formerly solidly Democratic County–voting for Ds when the rest of the state lost went 3-1 for Rmoney. Fuck Dixie and hangers-on. (Like the Dust Bowl–fire warnings out again. We're dryer than the Dust Bowl. And we get Inhofe for another 6 fucking years. You're welcome, America.)

SorosBot November 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Nope, he's won, and by a healthy 4% margin. They've also just called the final Senate race, with a Dem win in fucking North Dakota of all places.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Thanks. I knew about ND but not Montana.

Toomush_Infer November 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Oh, that Brown, well, he's a clown – "Why is everybody pickin' on me?…"

FlownOver November 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

COASTERS LIBEL!

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 3:06 pm

He can take a tax deduction for his moving expenses. Life is good, former Senator!

rickmaci November 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Are mocking tomahawk chops OK?

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Barber, McSally agree to wait for official count in close CD2 race
http://azstarnet.com/news/local/govt-and-politics

CommieLibunatic November 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

So long, and thanks for all the dicks.

Aridzona November 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Given that he already has a truck, a guest appearance on American Pickers, Boston edition, can't be far behind.

BlueStateLibel November 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Custer's Last Stand never looked so good!

dcjdjay November 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I'd still hit it.

glamourdammerung November 7, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I would have to borrow their truck.

Eve8Apples November 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Now that the internet has made full frontal nudity free and readily available to anyone with internet access, Scotty won't be able to fall back on his former occupation to pay the rent. Maybe he can get a job delivering pizzas in his little red truck.

neiltheblaze November 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Fucker is gone.

winnyfranfran November 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Ugh. He looks better when half his face is hidden by shadows.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Fuck him and his fucking barn coat.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Scott Brown, meh. The real story here is the way the R's fucked themselves in the ass again. The R's in Congress demonized Liz for coming out against the Banksters and Wall Street. They blocked her appointment to the Consumer Protection Commission that she proposed and birthed. Now, instead of dealing with her as a bureaucrat whom they could summon and grill at will, they must deal with her as an equal in the Upper Chamber. That doesn't chap their asses too badly, I'm sure.

MissTaken November 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I'm not a gay man, so no.

But did I look at the pics? Oh hell yeah!

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I must be a failed ghey, cuz I don't know (and am not about to search at work)! Given the impossible dimensions of the original fellows, I can't imagine real men looking like the drawings–and still being attractive. I do not find penises larger than a man's actual leg to be appealing. Maybe they're animated.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I think they have their own "Budweiser", which is nothing like the canned piss sold here.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Animated sounds likely and plausible.

widestanceromance November 7, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Prolly so. I need the other 4 hours of sleep I did not get last night–it's catching up with me.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Totally understood and agreed with.

StillGoinGreen November 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

God, I love beer.

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