It seems like just two months ago that we were in Tampa, Florida, hanging out with a bunch of Boston journos who explained, totally matter-of-factly, that it was a foregone conclusion that Senator Scott Brown (R-Playgirl) would handily beat sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren in their #war for the senate. Why did they think that? “Because everybody likes him,” they explained. “He’s not a jerk.” Ah, but that was before Senator Brown shot himself in the stapled cock with his own arrow. Presumably working on the advice of Eric Fehrnstrom, who is very bad at his job, he quintupled down on an idiotic race-baiting campaign even after everyone in the world was all “the fuck, Scott Brown?” and then handed in a debate performance (with an assist from David Gregory) that was actually shocking in its bullying, shitty tone. Let us gather round for a War Dance of Remembrance!
- Here is when Scott Brown claimed to be a double agent for kings and queens, which wasn’t dickish, but it was pretty weird.
- Scott Brown loves women, because they taught him to help with the chores.
- Here is the time Scott Brown got mad that poor people are allowed to vote.
- Here is a hilarious dumb ad Scott Brown emoted all over, about jeans and nothingness.
- Remember the time Scott Brown said his voting records should be off-limits? That was some brass!
- Here is when Scott Brown started his long day’s journey into dickishness (and race carding) by acting like a common thug in his and Warren’s first debate.
- And here is the beginning of the end: when high-level Brown staffers started doing totally awesome tomahawk chops and war whoops, accusing Warren of being a race traitor basically, and Brown pretty much demanded Warren apologize for making his staffers do that.
- Then he doubled down.
- And tripled.
- And to wrap it all up here is that time Scott Brown insulted people who had lost loved ones to the excruciatingly painful and horrifying death by mesothelioma.
She who laughs last laughs longest or something, we don’t know, still hungover. Here.
{ 207 comments }
Now his daughters can support him.
It's a good thing he's not Joe Walsh's son
Yeah, he can be a taker. Maybe he could be Egg's new houseboy.
I was thinking that as the Pool Boy for their new beach front mansionx3 and a perfect accessory parking cars on their new elevator.
This would be the time to bring out the picture of them in their seashell bikinis.
This one, of course!
I will do a brain dance for him.
If you're in Boston, you should keep an eye on the classifieds for a good deal on a hardly-used prop pickup truck.
Better run a carfax check first.
Probably has pink scuff marks on the driver's seat.
or skid marks on the drivers seat ' for some reason '
"Good cond., no rust. Only lied in for 2500K miles. Serious inquiries only plz."
Not wing-nutty enough for FOX, not smart enough to land a university job…what on earth will Scottie do now?
He could prostitute himself. No, wait, he's already done that…
Pimp his daughters again?
Yes, he could prostitute himself… or he could continue practicing law.
But I repeat myself.
Rafalca's new chauffeur?
Sit next to Michael Steele on Morning Joe for a while?
Oooww. You are mean.
There is a theory he could run for and win the vacant seat that John Kerry will leave when he gets appointed Secretary of State next year.
I am somewhat dubious of this theory.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha no.
Y'know, he could wait until Deval Patrick wins Kerry's seat then run for Governor. Massachussetts has a spotty record selecting *koffkoffkMITTROMNEYkoffkoff* governors.
Sweet mother of CHRIST. That fucking sobered me up in a hurry.
Imitation-Viagra pitchman!
I would say adult movies, but LA just passed a law requiring condom usage by porn actors, and Scott's just not the sort to suit up.
"I would say adult movies, but LA just passed a law requiring condom usage by porn actors, and Scott's just not the sort to suit up."
The staple would poke a hole in it anyway.
Middle-aged underwear model?
I think Pete Rose pretty much put an end to that job description.
There's always work at Playgirl.
Does Playgirl actually still exist?
At least that's what the photographer told Levi to get him naked.
Awww shit – I completely forgot about that. Thanks, MissTaken!
PS I take it you're a subscriber? :)
If that doesn't work, there's always Men, Hot Hunks, or Mandate. Or so I am told.
Hang with equally unemployable Roberto Gonzalez, drinking 40's, playing x-box, and generally living high on that generous welfare check.
Alberto Gonzalez? Dubya's "Fredo?"
Romance Novel Cover Boy?
Penile-enhancement pill spokesman!
(Geez, I can't believe everyone missed that)
WIN.
I'm going for the catheter commercial franchise!
Barbizon School of Modeling-
"Now you can BE a model, or just LOOK like one!"
Pr0n theatre swab boy?
Or fluffer on the next Tom of Finland film.
I am always impressed when a non-bone smoker knows of ToF. Koodose.
You run across some weird shit on Usenet if you're that old. Seriously something for everybody on there.
I'm a straight girl and I know about Tom of Finland.
(I did not, however, know there are films? Is that for real?)
Have they been whining about the (D) Senatorial feeling they're having in MT and ND this morning?
Yep, both Tester and Heitkamp pull out sqeakers over their (R) opponents.
Oh my. I hadn't heard that. Went to bed thinking those were lost. More Yay yay yay.
I wouldn't know–I almost never go to FOX because of my ferocious temper. Though it might be fun to check it out today…
I've spent the whole morning listening to Neo-Con talk radio – is that bad of me? I just can't help it, the whiny ring of despair in their voices is like a virgin's blood to a vampire… I NEED IT TODAY!!!
UGH…. you and my hubby could totally hang out. After the good news last night, he made me watch 20 minutes of Fox just to gloat.
That's why I've been reading the comments at a number of the wingnut blogs; it's fun and awesome.
Did you know that we are well on our way to splitting up the country like Chekoslovokia? Czeckoslovakia? Oh, you know. The one with the good pilsner that used to be one country and now is two but didn't do the genocide in the process. That one. We are gonna be just like them.
Without the good beer – unless you count Rahr & Son's Ugly Pug!
*PPSSFFTT, GLUGGLUGGLUG*
MY husband has been hanging out on Wisconsin newspaper sites, totally gloating over the baggers.
On my second date with my wife, I asked her what her political views were and she told me she was a "Democrat", and I asked what her parents views were and she said they, too, were Democrats. She asked me why and I told her that I could never be married to a woman who could vote for a republican – and I meant it. We have now been together for 20 years (married for 17) and have three wonderful children, who stayed up late with Daddy last night so they could watch Rachel Maddow smirk. ALL HAIL LIBTARDS!!
Everytime I try to listen to them at all I realize that waterboarding should only be used if this particular form of torture doesn't work.
So long you Koch-smoking Stapledick!
Your truck is over there. Now get in it and get the fuck out.
now that is a directive … I second it
The race between Elizabeth Warren and Scott Brown was the embodiment of substance versus superficiality.
I was, however, hoping she'd twist the knife a little by offering to smokum peace pipe (of medical marijuana!)
Bye bye fuck face, now you have lots of time to drive your truck all over Boston looking for scrap metal and pop cans.
Double down, triple down, etc. It's not just the "lost-money-fallacy" anymore. It's pathological.
So, Scott Brown kinda like the nor'easter coming into DC: blowing winds, a minor surge, a little snow job, but no danger of accumulation.
A perfect ending to a great day would be to stroll among snowflakes falling. Even with the hangover.
…honestly, where the fu$kk does the GOP find these wing-tards?! There is a drunk homeless guy on the corner, who makes a habit of yelling about how his shadow is following him around because its racist, I honestly think he is more sane than some of the republican candidates!!!
You can say fuck on this channel… it's cable!
Does he look anything like John Sununu? Because, you know…
Celebrity Apprentice- Loser Politicians Edition! See Scott Brown strip for tips on the mean streets of Manhattan…
The Naked Cowboy will kick his ass!
This. Must. Happen.
We now know exactly what Brown can do for you.
I've always wanted my very own package of Senator-Elect Elizabeth Warren. Thank you, Brown!
…yeah he can "go the f$kk away!"
Oh yeah, she seems awesome, as does Baldwin from Wisconsin. It will be nice to have a few more Dems to be proud of.
Now is the time when the Hookup War Blog does its War Dance! On Sprocket!
Excuse me, it's the Mommy Hookup War Blog!
Heckofajob, Brownie.
SCALIA LIBEL!
Rowr! I want sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren to spank me with a ruler!
Get in line, buddy.
Does she take credit cards?
You can apply for a loan.
What a country!
In the meantime, you can live vicariously through Scott Brown; he certainly got spanked last night.
Well the Rmoney's car park will need a valet.
minimum wage , no benefits , and he buys his own uniform …
By Speedo™. Egg still rules the roost.
Or elevator operator.
Who knew that flagrant racism was a sure loser?
I don't know.
Who knew that anti-choice, pro-rape, woman-hatin' was a sure loser?
(They know now!)
You would think so, but many of the wingnuts actually think they lost because Romney wasn't conservative enough, and they would have one with the super-hater of women and gay people Rick Santorum. And that Akin and Mourdock only lost because of "gaffes", even though those "gaffes" were admitting the horrible misogynistic shit they actually believe.
Hey now, Romney/Ryan lost because of Sandy.
And lemmings go off the cliff because that is just how their DNA works. I say let the GOTeaP go for it so they can run off the cliff like their lemming ancestors.
Yes, let them push their uber-conservatoid agenda. It works so well for them.
Have these people always been this way?
Who knew that anti-choice, pro-rape, woman-hatin' was a barely-losing, 49-51 proposition across the USA? It's disturbing as hell that things were this close.
We're moving the other way, I think, but we're lucky as hell that Obama came along when he did, or we'd be four years into a seriously fucked-up regression to the 1950s.
Who knew that flagrant racism was a sure loser?
Well, it works in low turn-out elections. And when the damned Democrats do not bother running an opponent (still so peeved about not continuing Dean's DNC strategy there).
Bye Scott — I heard you were leaving politics to spend more time with your mirror.
He broke his last night when he asked "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the votiest of them all?" and the mirror replied "Lizzie Warren."
Egg-sactly.
"Senator Elizabeth Warren" does have a lovely ring to it.
Masshole alert: If John Kerry becomes Secretary of State, necessitating an election to fill that empty seat, (once and would-be-future) Senator Centerfold may be cavorting back into your dreams.
Oh, the comedy!
Cavorting. The mental visual I got is more than enough for me.
Oh, fuck it. I'll run.
I hope the Dems think long and hard about who to put up against him. If Obama is seriously thinking about Kerry, co-opting Brown into the administration first might be worth considering (assuming he's actually got some useful talent.) The guy is a Republican only by Massachusetts standards … in Oklahoma he'd be run out of town for his commie sympathies.
"(assuming he's actually got some useful talent.)"
Sorry… null set.
That seems to be what he was prepping us for during his speech last night but I wonder if he'll actually, save us, go for the governorship (as actor212 mentioned above). Which would be horrible.
Not bad for a "Professor," right Scottie?
That's "Perfesser", Chill.
C'mon Rebecca. You know you fapped to Scott Brown. I did to Sarah Palin.
He might still be able to make some pretty good money with a webcam and a PayPal account.
Elizabeth Warren is my Senator.
Nothing else to add, I just like saying it.
May her reign be long and fruitful.
Feel the same way about Tammy Baldwin being my senator!
We may be neighbors.
And Maria Cantwell is mine. Hah!
Today Elizabeth Warren is all our Senator.
Tammy Baldwin is my Senator.
That does feel good.
Fuck it – I'm in Baja Nebraska and I'm claiming her too!
Unfortunately, my new senator is Teabag Ted Cruz. On the bright side, he's such a flaming asshole that people might actually get turned off by him in six years, by which time we might have enough Latino voters here in Tejas to turn the tide. The guy he beat in the primary, Light Gov Dewhurst, is just as much of an asshole but is much better at sounding reasonable.
Bitches cut a bitch last night. Congrats, girls!
Guess he’s gonna have to retire his trucknutz. Like when they stripped Chuck Connor’s epaulets and broke his sword at the beginning of Branded.
I heard Brown was singing this to his Senate seat last night:
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye
She'll never love you, the way that I love you
'Cause if she did, no no, she wouldn't make me cry
She might be thrillin' baby but a-my love
(My love, my love)
So dog-gone willin', so kiss it I'm gonna try to kiss it
(They wanna see me kiss it, wanna see me kiss it)
I will go on and kiss it goodbye, now
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye
Schooled by the schoolmarm.
For the last week, the Scott Brown campaign was filling the airwaves with "Vote the person, not the party!" ads.
Scooter, your party is the worst, but we also don't like you very much as a person. Fuck in the name of off.
If it's Brown, flush it down.
Now in two years, can we make the rest of these cretins go bye bye?
For me, the manchild Scott Brown staffer with his hat turned backwards doing the tomahawk chop like some drunken fratboy at a Florida State game is the most indelible image of the entire 2012 campaign.
Agreed – and it was helpful to have Paul Ryan release photos of himself looking the same way.
It was possibly the most cringe-worthy.
Gonna have to sell that truck to make rent this week I guess.
I think you meant "ass," not "truck".
Wall St. will probably take care of him, being their best friend and all.
This, Sarah, is what a female politician should be like.
What would you pay to see Warren interviewed by Katie Couric?
"I really do read all of them, Katie."
This, Sarah, is what a female politician should be like.
Competent?
So his voter base is all Indian-givers, huh?
Like most Republican captains of industry, his wife's the one making the money (teevee newscaster). She'll go back to her day job and he'll get some sinecures on company boards, and they'll be just fine. No tears for the plutocrats, y'all.
He could yet appear on "Dancing with the Has-Beens".
Leib meine abshmunkey!
You call yourself a senator, Scott Brown, but as of this January you don't look like one to me.
Look at him, clearly he's not.
You know how some of y'all here overlook the vapid illiterate qualities of, say, a Meghan McCain in order to appreciate her, hmm, zestier appeal? Well I've been guilty not only of feeling briefly sympathetic toward ol' Scooby Brown upon learning he'd been abused during childhood — but also, since then, guilty that I haven't taken time to go home and look up all the debate footage this year that exposed him for the hypocritical, libelous, unprincipled tool that he is.
Dont you hate that? When momentarily-transcending one's flaws with a hint of grounded judgment potential, gives way (or gets re-corrupted) to nattering tooltard again.
One in six boys in America is sexually abused every year.
That he would allow that to be played as sympathy card is just sick. Plenty of us learned a lesson about compassion from our experiences. Brown did not. Fuck him.
Speaking of her Boobieness…….
Meghan McCain @McCainBlogette
Keep calling people like me RINO's and see how many elections we keep winning.
https://twitter.com/mccainblogette
Voting for someone just because they had a shitty childhood is only justifiable if they're Batman.
You've got the shnook I don't want to know better.
You've got the schmuck that's stapled together
Campaigning
Lying
Day or night, Dumbass ain't right
The Dumbass look! The Dumbass look!
I tip my hat to your superior commercial parody skills. You need to post here most often.
OT, but I found this, just a day late.
He is handsome on the outside.
Let's find out what the inside looks like. (Oh all right — with votes.)
I do have access to a log splitter. I just say that to boast, not to imply bodily injury to Scotty.
And, lest we forget: such vainly exploited manliness was not lost on the writers of SNL: they with Jon Hamm's help gave his natural-born chareezma a "tribute" I'll never forget!
That was hilarious.
He's probably got a bright career doing local weather forecasting.
Conventional wisdom is that Scott Brown is the sort of middle-muddle-of-the-road republican that good, patriotic Americans are supposed to want many more of, so that the two-party system might thrive and prosper. But unless you're Mike Bloomberg, Billionaire Mayor, why vote for Brown when you could instead vote for Warren? Makes no sense.
If Republicans could fuel centrist candidates, I could fathom voting for one (kidding – totes!). But point taken… Is this what centrist looks like?
Don't mess with the schoolmarm/librarian types.
Well, that lady from Alaska kinda resembled one, and we still mess with her.
She is no lady.
You haven't been watching enough porn, obvs.
Indeed. Never underestimate a woman who can climb a shaky shelf ladder carrying 40 pounds of archive boxes.
Damn straight. Also: sensible shoes.
Well…at least he managed to stay out of jail, and wasn't even indicted or anything. I sense a comeback in his future where he tells everyone that this election, basically, never took place.
I can't wait for Liz Warren to start Senatoring. She'll kick ass and take names.
Word. Toots.
I have a fantasy that involves the Dem women senators, and few center leaning Rep women, all getting together as a caucus, taking control of the fuking place and cleaning house. There is some incredible fire power in that group, just watch.
To tell the truth, that's probably the most vanilla fantasy involving a group of women senators on Wonkette today.
Staple-crotch?
New editor kinkier than I realized.
Poor Scottie. I sure hope he can find someone to staple his crotch, again, to make him feel better.
Heidi Heid, (wha?)..North Dakota, bitches.
I just came here to post that–YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those who want to see the good news for themselves:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/election-2012…
Fantastic news–saw it this AM. So, when do we start calling her the new Ben Nelson for always voting against POTUS' most important bills? Febuary, you think, or earlier?
Heidi 'ho?
He's crying in his truck as we speak (Er type!).
Scott will move to New Hampshire and become the Romney's boat boy.
I see lobbyists.
It looks like Warren has the hiccups. Somebody slap her or seomething.
And here I was thinking the Edifice of Crazy, so lovingly constructed by Brown and his fellow right wingers over the past year, would simply be overlooked by the electorate. I'm such a silly.
Save me googling it: WTF is up with Tester? The Tulsa world went to press with 33% reported and Tester up. Please don't ruin my day and tell me he lost.
Oh, and if Bobbert is reading or anyone else cares: no good news from OK except our sheriff is a Democrat. Our formerly solidly Democratic County–voting for Ds when the rest of the state lost went 3-1 for Rmoney. Fuck Dixie and hangers-on. (Like the Dust Bowl–fire warnings out again. We're dryer than the Dust Bowl. And we get Inhofe for another 6 fucking years. You're welcome, America.)
Nope, he's won, and by a healthy 4% margin. They've also just called the final Senate race, with a Dem win in fucking North Dakota of all places.
Thanks. I knew about ND but not Montana.
Oh, that Brown, well, he's a clown – "Why is everybody pickin' on me?…"
COASTERS LIBEL!
He can take a tax deduction for his moving expenses. Life is good, former Senator!
Are mocking tomahawk chops OK?
Barber, McSally agree to wait for official count in close CD2 race
http://azstarnet.com/news/local/govt-and-politics…
So long, and thanks for all the dicks.
Given that he already has a truck, a guest appearance on American Pickers, Boston edition, can't be far behind.
Custer's Last Stand never looked so good!
I'd still hit it.
I would have to borrow their truck.
Now that the internet has made full frontal nudity free and readily available to anyone with internet access, Scotty won't be able to fall back on his former occupation to pay the rent. Maybe he can get a job delivering pizzas in his little red truck.
Fucker is gone.
Ugh. He looks better when half his face is hidden by shadows.
Fuck him and his fucking barn coat.
Scott Brown, meh. The real story here is the way the R's fucked themselves in the ass again. The R's in Congress demonized Liz for coming out against the Banksters and Wall Street. They blocked her appointment to the Consumer Protection Commission that she proposed and birthed. Now, instead of dealing with her as a bureaucrat whom they could summon and grill at will, they must deal with her as an equal in the Upper Chamber. That doesn't chap their asses too badly, I'm sure.
I'm not a gay man, so no.
But did I look at the pics? Oh hell yeah!
I must be a failed ghey, cuz I don't know (and am not about to search at work)! Given the impossible dimensions of the original fellows, I can't imagine real men looking like the drawings–and still being attractive. I do not find penises larger than a man's actual leg to be appealing. Maybe they're animated.
I think they have their own "Budweiser", which is nothing like the canned piss sold here.
Animated sounds likely and plausible.
Prolly so. I need the other 4 hours of sleep I did not get last night–it's catching up with me.
Totally understood and agreed with.
God, I love beer.
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