LET'S STAY TOGETHER  1:18 am November 7, 2012

Will Barack Obama Accept The Presidency? Live-Bloog Part A Zillion

by Rich Abdill

BUY THIS MAN A T-TOPHey, so there have been 97 live-bloog posts tonight, but this is almost certainly the last one, unless there is a Ron Paul coup, which we will certainly live-blog until the internet goes out because the FCC gets exploded.

So, barring that, we are just sitting here waiting for the president to show up and throw down some crazy Kenyan slang, on account of he never has to run for office again, and finally has that “flexibility” he was telling the Russians about, to just… to just be himself.

1:18 a.m.: John King is still playing with his superwall. President is nowhere to be found. Bachmann’s race in Minnesota is still separated by like seven votes, and the Floridians have somehow forgotten to count the last 2.6 percent of the votes for Allen West’s seat. Who are we forgetting about? And where is Barry?

1:23 a.m.: Mitt Romney just burrowed into his giant pile of unreleased tax returns, where he will stay until spring.

1:26 a.m.: Josh points out Obama HQ is playing “Time For Me To Fly” by REO Speedwagon.

Is this an omen of things to come?

You said we’d work it out
You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I’m tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone
I do believe that I’ve had enough
I’ve had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration
Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly

YOU HEAR THAT SHIT, HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES? I DO BELIEVE HE’S HAD ENOUGH.

1:30 a.m.: The tunes have switched to the Boss! But alas, it is from Wrecking Ball. Might as well have pulled a song from Lucky Town. Come on, dudes.

1:34 a.m.: HA! Remember this?
We should still take him seriously, right?

1:35 a.m.: THERE HE IS! The witch doctor is in the building!

1:36 a.m.: The guy comes in to Stevie Wonder. He should just wave and play the song through, then walk off the stage, go home and slide around in his underwear and socks.

1:38 a.m.: The moment of truth! We find out if he really actually talks like that!

1:38 a.m.: HE DOES! IT’S HIS REAL VOICE!

1:38 a.m., still: “The task of perfecting our union moves forward.” With… socialism… right?

1:39 a.m.: “While our road has been hard, while our journey has been low, we have picked ourselves up.” Dude is summarizing Cormac McCarthy books. Wonder when he’ll move on to Outer Dark?

1:40 a.m.: Obama wants to fix long voting lines! HOPE! CHANGE! GETTING TO WORK ON TIME!

1:41 a.m.: “Whether you held an Obama sign or a Romney sign, you made your voice heard.” Gary Johnson signs: You were lame.

1:42 a.m.: Josh F.: haha people are going FUCKING NUTS for joe biden

1:43 a.m.: Overheard from the in-house peanut gallery: “Obama getting laid tonight.”

1:44 a.m.: To his daughters: “One dog’s probably enough.”

He’s cracking dad jokes. He’s cracking dad jokes while Romney weeps into his apple cider.

Now he’s talking about “every hill and every valley.” This is a carnival of rhetorism.

1:46 a.m.: Good news! Dok discovers Breitbart has decided on the new conservative hashtag: #War.

We will not heel. We will not stop. The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together. But apparently, liberal America prefers to battle for the soul of the country.

And so we battle.

Heavens! Yes, let us double-down, because “the only victories the Republican Party can point to since 2008 are Tea Party victories,” and tea partiers defeating sane people in primaries than losing in general elections is just… how it goes, you know?

1:48 a.m.: “A generous America,” eh? There it is. There’s the socialism.

1:50 a.m.: Obama ready to “focus on your jobs, not ours,” which means less now that he’s done applying for jobs. But still! Sweet. He’s sweet.

1:53 a.m.: Ohhhh shit. Obama’s doing his “talk over the applause” move. This move slays them.

Dok Z. “Has anyone checked to see if Andrew Sullivan is still breathing, by the way?”

Josh F. he’s waterboarding himself

1:54 a.m.: Obama references the Jersey shore, and “leaders from every party” coming together. Did Chris Christie really just get a shout-out in the president’s victory speech? What happened up there?

1:57 a.m.: Dok reports, “OK, dammit Barry, you hit the goose-bumps trigger, ya Hopey bastard.” We suspect he too was slain by the “talking over the applause” move.

1:57 a.m.: Josh F.: rich i think you need to acknowledge that there is a lady bheind barry with a small american flag stuck in her hair

Josh F.: she is this campaigns greatest hero

1:58 a.m.: Dok Z.: Did President Bartlett help him with this?

Josh F.: “haha, i was waiting until now to give a speech that awesome just for kicks”

1:59 a.m.: That bit about “not just a collection of red states and blue states”! THAT BIT!
Josh F.: oooh callback to his ’04 DNC speech!

2:00 a.m.: And with that, the president departs the podium, to “We Take Care Of Our Own,” the sweetest product placement deal of 2012, as the confetti falls.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 478 comments }

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

Well, at least the music is good.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

American early 80s Arena Rock to Rule them All!

MilwaukeeKent November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

No! I can't be first! Sweetest thing that the GOP has to rethink every damned thing they're about. Oh, it is sweet.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

Ha hahaha. "Think". If they could then they wouldn't have lost.

MilwaukeeKent November 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

Well then, here's to a rump party of backward Southern and Prairie states!

mille derps November 7, 2012 at 8:31 am

Sad thing is they'll say they lost because their candidates weren't conservative enough.

weejee November 7, 2012 at 8:46 am

Absolutely! The next crop will make She1ey seem sane.

Native_of_SL_UT November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

Will there be a live blog tomorrow when the House starts impeachment hearings?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:34 am

Finally, some one will vet him. Finally….

sati_demise November 7, 2012 at 2:18 am

only a close neighbor of Arizona would know the future

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 8:23 am

It should start off with a tutorial on how Darrell Issa colors his hair. #SoNatural

Steverino247 November 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

Congratulations, Mr. President! Happy to be of help. Give Michelle and the kids a big hug.

Then hammer those bastards blocking your agenda first thing in the morning.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

Let me be the first to welcome our Muslin Kenyan Marxist overlord.

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

They must miss you at Big Gov. Bozo Bart Bots?

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

There must be much crying and gnashing of teeth over there!!!

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

Gay Muslin Atheist Kenyan Marxist Communist Nazi overlord.

*fixed*

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

Gay Muslin Atheist Kenyan Marxist Communist Radical Christian Nazi who sholdnta' got into college overlord.

Whew, I feel inspired!

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:47 am

Silly Bonzo, Radical Christian would be a virtue!

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:51 am

Community Organizer Radical Egalitarianism Christian, not Bible Thumping Snake Handling Radical Capitalism Christian, so not a good thing.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

Yikes. New blog. I've been posting to 5 minutes ago.

deanbooth November 7, 2012 at 1:33 am

This isn't about the third debate?

Gratuitous World November 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

this romney party on the streets of boston is unexpectedly upbeat

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

Did Ryan keep his seat? I can't find shit on th tubes tonight.

Native_of_SL_UT November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

Yes. Got nothing funny to say about that.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

I believe so. Alas.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:28 am

Fuck. Too bad.

The rest of the news is pretty much awesome. And I have a new reason to go visit my family in Colorado…

cousinitt November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

I've already got like three "medical" pot palaces within a mile of me in Denver. And now, I'm supposed to buy it without fibbing about my lumbago with a $75 "doctor's" script?

Cheech and Chong for the WIN!

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:41 am

It's about time they cut out the middle man, health care reform and all.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:05 am

It is impossible to say "my lumbago" without souding like Grandpa Simpson.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:18 am

Good luck finding a supplier. The DEA is gonna bust the shit out of sellers, no matter what the law says about end users. Which sucks, but that's the law on the books.

Still – I'm thinking about smoking in public in Vancouver Washington, just over the border from Oregon, if I can find a supply. Somehow that would be so cool to me – which labels me as the nerd/narc who will get you busted.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:05 am

I think Romney and Ryan both had their seats handed to them.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:12 am

As a native, but long-gone, Sconnie, all I can say is "fucking Janesville".

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

Sure, why not? I am fueled by beer and 75% off discounted stale Halloween candy.
Where the fuck is Rebecca?

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 1:28 am

Having victory sex?

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 1:30 am

Spirit fingers?

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:31 am

Is that mandatory? If so, I'm srsly missing out.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:20 am

Me too. But at least (soon to be ex, despite my wishes) wife and I talked for 15 minutes without screaming – which is a record for the last 6 months.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:29 am

I'm sorry to hear about that, Berkeley. I know there's not much to say about that, but hopefully things get better one way or another.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:47 am

Well, shit. Sorry to hear that.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 4:23 am

I'm sorry to hear that news.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

Yes, Manchu. Jeff polled me early and often.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:20 am

Lucky him.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 8:59 am

Berk, I am bummed about your news.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

Still white knuckling it?

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:04 am

Sierra Nevada pale ale for me tonight. No Halloween candy, but now I have a craving for some almonds, brb…

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:21 am

I actually have several oatmeal stouts ready for tasting, brb . . .

mbatch November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

Jesus god I hate Nicole Wallace. She's still pissed from 2008.

Aridzona November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

There is a God (but I'm pretty sure he doesn't live on the planet Kobol).

Nopantsmcgee November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

I'm hoping he actually comes out dressed like that witchdoctor.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

More old white people are going to die in the next 4 years…when can we own the house too??????

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:29 am

Judges. Look the judges!

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:06 am

Oh Christ, that reminds me of yet another reason to be grateful for this–the fucking Supreme Court!

Thank you for making me even more happy :-)

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:12 am

Yep. Scalia + Thomas + 4 more years of impotent rage = first gay Asian Supreme Court Justice and first female black Supreme Court Justice (hopefully named something like LaShonda just for shits and giggles). And maybe Roberts coming out of the closet or Kennedy leaving out of boredom.

I shit you not, I could see 4 appointments – 2 from the current right seats and 2 from Ginsburg and Breyer deciding to get out before a GOP admin has the chance to replace them.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 2:32 am

Roberts has been whining forever about how he just doesn't make enough munnies, yaknow. Let's hope he leaves.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 2:37 am

Stop it, I'm getting a SCOTUS boner-us.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:32 am

Easy, junior.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 2:38 am

I haz a greedy.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Listen bucko, you wanna hope only SOME old people die in the next four.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 2:36 am

I can tell you are a hepcat upstart with your crazy newfangled slang "bucko." It's all the rage with the youngsters these days.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:51 am

Wut, you got no retro, d00d?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 2:31 am

2014, baby. Work starts on Thursday. You in?

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 2:36 am

Fired up, ready to go!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:54 am

Channeling Chet (because he's right): We gotta maintain a steady attack on the House and Senate, and keep up voter participation in off-year elections.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

I'd just like to say, MWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAAA!!!!!!!!

That is all.

Gratuitous World November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

BO thanked Bill. it was owed. As was Bill's support of BO.
Politics!

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:36 am

Damn straight.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

Obviously these election results mean that the republicans must move farther to the right.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:33 am

Let's hope.

arihaya November 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

Amen

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

There's a cliff I could see them being pushed off of. WITH VOTES.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:48 am

You won't question their move once all uteri are corporately sponsored.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 2:33 am

Hell, the AmericanConservative just trashed Rombot.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:44 am

Say, MittBorg, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me!

(you'll prolly have to change your name again, though…)

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 3:00 am

So, is there going to be a formal ceremony to welcome Weedlord BonerHitler?

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

This bodes well for the highest court in the land. Fat Republicans are gonna have some new Democratic pals.

Knightro829 November 7, 2012 at 1:29 am

C'mon, Bamz. Some of us need to work tomorrow!

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:30 am

OK, Wonklings, time for this kitty to curl up next to the Big Cat. Thank you all for working so hard to produce such a happy night for us all to share…

Joy be with you all! :0)

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

Bless you, kitty cat.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 2:34 am

(Hugs you) Be good to that boy, baby. He's probly had to suffer all the displaced stress. :D

DerrickWildcat November 7, 2012 at 1:30 am

I can't believe UnSkewed Polls was so far off.

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:33 am

And isn't there supposed to be a debate?

DerrickWildcat November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

I think that the debate is tomorrow.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

See – Trump tweets.

ChillBill November 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

Haha, the headline still reads:
"Big Romney Election Day Turnout: QStarNews Election Day Exit Poll: Romney by 5.4 percent in popular vote "

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:52 am

I wonder if any pundit will ever remark that "gee, 538 was pretty close".

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:06 am

Nah, the ones who love Nate always had his back. The rest of the assholes will either act like they never spoke (Morning Joe will eat a back of lightly salted rat dicks on air before he admits he was clueless) or will heap praise on the other quants who don't get as much publicity (who are also awesome, but don't have the media profile of Silver and therefore are the hipster indy bands of electoral analysis).

I almost got in a fight Monday night over this with a member of my co-hort in the PhD program. She kept repeating that "the people who know" say this was going to be razor thin/2000 Florida recount. I kept trying to tell her the quants all agree it wasn't close, but even someone with that much education and intellect just couldn't get over it.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:09 am

Sadly, belief trumps science (or math) every time.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

Assmussen?

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 2:35 am

Isn't it a crying shame?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:30 am

I wish OHJB would deliver a pizza to me right about now.

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:31 am

"Didn't I tell you 'I got this'? Goodnight."

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:32 am

Say,

If Romney looks at his shadow, will we have six more weeks of winter?

mille derps November 7, 2012 at 8:38 am

Romney is all shadow, no light.

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 1:32 am

Ladies,and gentlemen the President of the UNITED STATES.Take a bow! No don't bow!The conservatards will dog you.High Five everybody,and grab your crotch!

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

Start the speech with "HOW 'BOUT THAT SHIT, MUTHAFUCKUS!"

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 1:32 am

Good God, SPEECH ALREADY! Also, GET IT TOGETHER, NEVADA, VIRGINIA, AND FLORIDA! Papa needs some sleep! I got work!

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:32 am

I am so happy to have PresO, but I gotta admit, sometimes it is all about MICHELLE! And ALWAYS OHJOE!!!! I am just beside myself. Tomorrow I'ma be soooo bitchy tired, but NOTHING like…if the, you know that terrible thing that I will never even mention had happened. (Annnnnnn…I am haunted by the fish/eagle shirt forever)

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:34 am

Your Pasadena couch is still here whenever you want it.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

I will NEVER forget and I thank you always. I am working my way outta here, EVERYday!

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:14 am

Can't remember if I've sent you this or not, but just in case:

http://www.ca.gov/homefamily/movingtoca.html

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 2:36 am

ZOMG, are YOU headed to these parts, sweetie? YAY!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 9:53 am

With our new pot laws and only 48% of likely voters as bigoted homophobes WA should probably be on your relocation list.

PS – most of that 48% is on the dry side of the mountains and we never go over there except to see a concert at the gorge.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

Yeah, that fucking ugly shirt was a poke in the eye. Fuck her (never to be seen again).

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 7, 2012 at 1:35 am

put the Big Dog on SCOTUS

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

I like it

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Oh man!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:51 am

I doubt he could get through, but wouldn't the hearing be a treat?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

Bachman leading by less than 1% with 75% in. Allan West losing with 97% in.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 1:41 am

Good

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

It's a Festivus miracle!

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:47 am

I've already gotten Christmas and birthday presents tonight in Bamz and the Senate races. Getting rid of Crazy Shelly might make me lose it/start believing in a compassionate God.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:53 am

Ah, Ryan got re-elected to the House. No compassionate God.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:01 am

You think he wants to go back to being a powerless hack (even as a committee chair)? I'm guessing enough smoke has been blown up his ass that he's out of there in 6 months or less.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:40 am

I'm afraid that being Budget Committee Chair will continue to be quite a good gig for him. It's what made him the Veep nominee, after all.

What we might hope for is that his higher visibility as loser-veep will lead to more people pointing and laughing at his bullshit budget proposals, but I'm afraid that he'll go back to being the "smart one" because of insufficient attention.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 2:20 am

Beautiful.

MittBorg November 7, 2012 at 2:37 am

Not anymore. He's now ahead by about 400 votes with 78% reporting.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:52 am

Hm. I dunno what the most recent report is, but I do have this:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/11/allen-

EDIT: Oh, crap, were you talking about Bachmann? My bad…

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 3:02 am

He's done. West is toast.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 3:09 am
Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 3:26 am

I have Minnesotta Public Radio showing Bachmann up a little under 1500 with 87% of the vote.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

There they are!

One_Man_Band November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am
fuflans November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

BAMZ DO NOT MAKE ME GO DOWN TO MCCORMICK PLACE TO GET YR ASS UP.

i need to go to bed. LET'S DO THIS THING!!

mbatch November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

Okay, George Stephanoupalos (whatever) just said this would be the last election in which "two white guys" ran against each other. So he hasn't noticed that O is blah up to now?

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:54 am

What?

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

imissopus November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

No Bo Obama? Shit is fucked up and bullshit.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

HAHAHA, I love you Bammerz!

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

Am I the only one thinking "holy crap Malia is cute tonight" over here? That dress is amazing.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 1:48 am

Yeah! She's gorgeous!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

Finally, Obama can let out a loud "Allah Akbar!" and not give a shit.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

Oh my god, there they are, the most beautiful first family I have ever ever seen. Love love love

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

She's almost as tall as her dad.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:08 am

One of the few families in which "she takes after her father" is an actual compliment, rather than a vaguely horrifying euphemism.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:41 am

Did you notice Sasha pulling on her Dad's sleeve and telling him to turn around and wave to the people behind the stage? Guess who's the next politician out of that family?!

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 1:37 am

Oh it's about time. Goodnight in advance, y'all.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 1:48 am

Night, Wookies.

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

NBC calls Florida's 18th – AllenWest LOSES to Democrat Patrick Murphy. Adi-fucking-os motherfucker.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

Bwhahahaha. West should have put more guns to seniors heads to vote for him.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

FOX has a new host in 3, 2, 1….

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2012 at 1:57 am

They're going to have to after Turd-blossom's freak out tonight.

DemmeFatale November 7, 2012 at 1:53 am

OMG!!!
Yay!!
If he disappears, my happiness will be complete.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:17 am

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:38 am

Also, Grayson is back.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:42 am

Maddow said she wanted him to lose just so she could watch his inevitable TV program.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

Given the hour, I am kind of glad Bill Clinton isn't doing a warmup speech, knowwudimean?

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:55 am

You could just set your alarm for a few.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

Thank you Wonkette, for reminding us that what ever Dick Morris says, the opposite is the truth.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

In most other nations, a man as awful as Dick Morris would be laughed off the set.

Only in US Amercia.

However, it is great to point a finger and laugh at someone who got it so so so so wrong.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:50 am

Don't forget, it was Clinton that allowed this troll out into the open. Never forget.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:56 am

We all make mistakes.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:08 am

Bill Kristol, too.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

FOUR MORE YEARS!

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

I hope racist heads are exploding and imploding as they gaze at that beautiful First Family.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

"Thank you for not voting to invade Iran."

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

Well, here's the man!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

Why is Obama's stage facing Mecca.

(Note; this will be the lede on FOX and Friends tomorrow morning.)

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:40 am

And the front of the stage is shaped like a crescent!!!!!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 5:26 am

What, like a breakfast roll?

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

I couldn't love Sasha and Malia more if they were my own daughters.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

I just said I hope my daughter is as adorable as they are when she's a teenager – they are truly lovely girls.

DemmeFatale November 7, 2012 at 1:54 am

They look like beautiful gazelles.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:19 am

I am so happy that they got to see their father overcome the ridiculous amount of adversity he has had to deal with. Can't wait to see what paths they pursue when they grow up…

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

"The task of perfecting our union moves forward."

Obama Sez America Not Perfect! Impeach!

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

He always credits us, doesn't he? What a guy.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

Anti-colonialist.

deanbooth November 7, 2012 at 1:40 am

Night all. Thanks for all the support and laffs.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 1:40 am

Was going to say something disparaging about REO speedwagon, can't now.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:51 am

Can't fight that feeling, any more?

MosesInvests November 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

Hey, we rode the storm out!

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 2:39 am

Ugh, stop it , please, REO Speedwagon causes me physical pain.

You youngsters think this is all "funny and "ironic" but I had to live through this in junior high and you may think you know suffering, well I can tell you a thing or two about suffering …

DCBloom November 7, 2012 at 7:46 am

You know what they say? You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:40 am

The best is yet to come and babe won't it be fine?

arihaya November 7, 2012 at 1:41 am

Now that Mitt Romney is no longer running for presidency, he can spend more time with his family baptizing dead Jews.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 1:41 am

My fellow Americans, wah salaam alikem.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 1:41 am

Hell ya, fix that shit.

Close_Read November 7, 2012 at 1:41 am

Look at that lovely sea of different skin shades. I love yous, America. I love yous, reality.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:45 am

It's so remarkable how different the two audiences look. Same as at the conventions.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

Joey!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

happy warrior OHJB!

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Didn't you say you're from Wisconsin?

TAMMY BALDWIN FUCK YEAH!!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:45 am

Woot!

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

Yes, Barry, but we shall never see Miffed Ennui in public service now.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

Old Handsome Joe is obviously loved in there.

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Ha, the Happy Warrior.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Shout out to Joe Biden! America's women go all squishy at the knees.

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

I'm sitting on a towel.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

I feel a little woozy.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:58 am

And some men!

*swoon*

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Seriously, is there anyone half as classy as Obama on the republican side?

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

No, but there is a lot of half assy.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 2:49 am

Nope. Not even close.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 3:06 am

The base hates classy and educated.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

OHJOE! The happy warrior indeed.
I have never been more in love with you either Michelle. Good lord I need to go to bed already, I am losing it.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Omg, Hopey is soooooo romantic!

*swoons

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

No more puppies?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Sasha means what in Arabic, again?

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:45 am

Death To America, of course! What self-respecting Muslin Nazi Communist would choose otherwise?!

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

It's the female "Hussein".

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:52 am

"Anchor baby".

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:07 am

I dunno – sounds Russkie to me.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 2:40 am

HOTT

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

Seriously classy shout to Michelle, drippy too.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

Aw, he acknowledged us volunteers…my heart melts again…

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:53 am

Every time I think I'm being taken for granted, he throws me a big ol' shout out in a speech and I come running back again.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:45 am

Just did the happy dance to Stevie W. Was so thrilled when the total came down (I was at Dem Party of Oregon reception – kinda lame but still neat to be with other Dems on election night) but I was even happier that I got to high five my daughter over the win before she went to bed (she's 7, so still a lightweight).

Now I just hope the damn electorate realizes how much fighting remains. 2014 – Take Back the House, Bitches!

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:47 am

I'm with you there.

One_Man_Band November 7, 2012 at 1:45 am

Meanwhile, our precious bodily fluids will remain pure: http://www.kake.com/news/headlines/Results-Show-W

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 1:45 am

He looks younger than he did a month ago–must be the relief of stress. I hope that works for me too…

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:47 am

That's what Eugene Robinson said. "Look how relieved he seems."

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:45 am

He got 47% of the vote. Who knew?

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

Obama won the female vote because he appreciates women. Republicans, in contrast, think that women are parasites who want the government to take care of them.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

When did politicians start calling people "folks" ? Freakin drives me nuts.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 1:57 am

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

You are not alone.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:47 am

it's a big fucking deal.

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:48 am

It's a shame. Thinking a lot of people racked out.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 1:48 am

Has anyone else noticed how awesome of a speaker this guy is?

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:48 am

Just did the happy dance to Stevie W. Was so thrilled when the total came down (I was at Dem Party of Oregon reception – kinda lame but still neat to be with other Dems on election night) but I was even happier that I got to high five my daughter over the win before she went to bed (she's 7, so still a lightweight).

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Global Warming Shout Out – Thank you Sandy, suck it losers!

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Global warming was finally mentioned! Oh, to be a fly on the wall of Inhofe's office…

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Barry actually just mentioned "the destructive power of a warming planet"

Better late than never.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Tomorrow, Mitt and Egg file with the IRS for a refund of their 2011 overpayment.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

Nah, next year. (They have three years to file a 1040X, why be obvious?).

cheetojeebus November 7, 2012 at 8:47 am

did you see that story on Bloomburg newz about romney's mormon trust? It basically explains a bunch of shit i don't quite follow but he used it to avoid taxes without giving the church anything. They dropped it on Monday.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:50 am

I swear I am listening respectfully, but what is with that lady, the one who looks like a young Oprah Winfrey? Why has someone impaled her head with a flag? Does she KNOW she's standing behind the President? Straighten that out young Oprah, you are killing me.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:55 am

Yeah, but Blonde Lady on the other side is easy on the eyes.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:57 am

Just cut to Lemon Face Girl in the front row. Why you pissed, girl? Because you know Bamz won't drop Michelle for you? What were you thinking?

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:57 am

She's cute in a Larry's wife on curb your enthusiasm way. Sweaty guy over impaled oprah is also making me laugh. He looks like he's been in Colorado, um, voting it up.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

With bud?

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

I didn't even notice until you pointed it out. Now I can't stop noticing.

a_pink_poodle November 7, 2012 at 1:50 am

WHY IS OBAMA POLITICIZING HIS VICTORY SPEECH

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:56 am

The worst two term president ever!
A complete failure. The most radical leftist administration in our history.
BENGHAZI COVER-UP!!1!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:01 am

RadioFox?

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 1:56 am

Hey. Alpha-male. He earned it.

a_pink_poodle November 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I, huh?

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:52 am

the Cephalopocalypse is Officially Postponed.

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:54 am

I still will not eat calamari….just in case.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 2:05 am

That's a safe bet. They can find you.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:54 am

Couldn't get your superPAC off the ground?

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 2:11 am

It was all I could do to keep Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney from being Devoured.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:03 am

Well, that's kind of disappointing, but I guess I'll just have to settle for a little more hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, and hope.

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 1:52 am

I can't keep up with the volume of posts tonight. Thank you Wonkette editors, you've done a heckuva job tonight.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 2:51 am

Agreed.

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:53 am

Imagine the relief on this guy's mind.
Go O!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:05 am

Really, what a trouper, to voluntarily undertake dealing with another four years of mindless obstructionism.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:53 am

Oh great. Obligations to one another.

Good God. He is a Commie.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:05 am

I wish.

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:54 am

"The most diverse nation on earth… that's what makes us great." In other words, the times, they are a-changing, neanderthals.

cousinitt November 7, 2012 at 1:55 am

Obama allusion to JFK. He his really laying out what it means to be a Democrat and an American. Wow. I can only imagine (in horror) what a Romney acceptance speech would have sounded like.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:57 am

10 Go to 20
20 God Bless America
30 Go to 10

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:18 am

[a la "Peanuts"]
Womp womp womp God… womp womp faith… womp womp family… womp womp strong American values… womp womp womp faith… womp womp bring jobs back… womp womp Paul Ryan… womp womp my womply wife Ann and our womp million children and grandchildren…

BoatOfVelociraptors November 7, 2012 at 4:17 am

That sounds like the dubstep remix of a church sermon.

AKHottie November 7, 2012 at 4:23 am

But what does this mean for Kolob? People demand answers!

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 7:28 am

Before or after he ripped off the human mask and revealed the lizard beneath?

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 1:55 am

Aw, my tears of joy have turned into sobs of joy, but now my dogs are concerned. Have to reassure them, BRB…

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2012 at 1:56 am

I'm getting all tingly.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 1:56 am

Yawn, never in doubt. G'night and sleep well, Wonkz. Good work.

SexySmurf November 7, 2012 at 1:57 am

Dok discovers Breitbart has decided on the new conservative hashtag: #War.

Bring it on! Do those fat fucks know that actual war (not Call of Duty war) requires standing and running and leaving the house?

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:02 am

Their Hoverounds versus my Tai Chi*!

*Don't laugh. My instructor went in for a double hip replacement, and 3 weeks later was out teaching again and doing demos at conventions…

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 2:21 am

I keep someone should launch a campaign to fill the tag with tweets of "Why Can't We be Friends."

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 2:22 am

Ooh, that Ben Shapiro sounds like a real tough guy.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:29 am

Call of Duty is not terrible – thinking it proves you have mad skillz, that is terrible.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:58 am

Somewhere, Sean Hannity is weeping. KLo is being talked down from a ledge. Glenn Beck is filling chalk board after chalk board with secrete glyphs only he and the shoggoths understand. Rush Limbaugh is looking for solace in the arms of a 14 year old Dominican.

Today is a good day.

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 2:01 am

Mark Levin is eating shit.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 2:17 am

Normal day for him. When you think of it.

SexySmurf November 7, 2012 at 2:02 am

It's morning in America.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:58 am

wow.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 1:58 am

JESUS, Obama is on fire! Now, please, Mr President, channel this energy during your second term…

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

He's rolling. Man…

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

Shorter Obama: Boom.

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

THAT was a speech!

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

Hopey strong ending on the new beginning. FTW, dude.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

good night wonkers. i love you all and i love the president.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

JOOOOOOOE!

cousinitt November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

Oh man. Need. Cigarette.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:22 am

Dirty girl (I guess).

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

Well. I enjoyed that.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

i iz tired and we has been on the road for 2 weeks and now it's bed time

please someone post all the butthurt tomorrow?

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

Diamond Joe!!!

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

FUCK YEAH!!1!
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

OK, I didn't share this before because I didn't want to jinx anything, but:
I've been a complete nervous wreck for weeks over the possibility that this election might have gone wrong, less because I vehemently loathed Romney (although I do) than because if he'd won, it would have been because the corporations stole the election while the people who could have stopped it stood by and did nothing.

So, I've been doing those things like: "OK, if I make the green light, that means Obama is going to win". And a few days ago, I said "the next song that comes on the radio will tell me whether Obama is going to win". I turned on the radio in the middle of the song "Dock of the Bay" by noted blah person Otis Redding, just at the part where he sang: "Looks like nothing's gonna change; everything still remains the same".

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 2:03 am

Welcome back, baby.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 2:09 am

It 's a psychological coping mechanism for people under lots of stress. I understand completely. There's a very good reason why Sailors have the most widely varied and rigid set of superstitions of anyone.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 8:28 am

"If I cross my fingers while I'm doin' it with this Thai hooker, I won't get the clap."

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 6:55 pm

By George, I think you've got it!

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 2:14 am

(Hugs tessiee.)

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:21 am

You guys are all so nice.

It's been a tough few weeks for me, for a lot of reasons, but I couldn't admit it, even to myself, because if I did, I wouldn't have been able to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

But my family and friends on the East Coast are OK, and democracy hasn't been crushed yet, so that's two good things. And you guys, that's three.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 2:22 am

hahahaha i've been doing that shit too. i convinced myself even if i didn't make those 7 calls it would still be ok.

and of course i totally made those 7 calls.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:33 am

Well, life is not immediately going to be a bed of roses, but there is just a chance that this election represents an inflection point in US politics. There are no real comparisons. We just managed to re-elect a President during a still-pretty-shitty economy, without any big war-mongering adrenalin boost, who also happens to be half-black. And we did this because he is — while center-right — a far more credible leader than his opponent, even though his opponent was, arguably, a more plausible candidate than his previous opponent.

Electing the better-qualified black guy TWICE offers tenuous support for the proposition that the US electorate may have achieved self-awareness. We'll have to see how it goes.

As for your superstitions, they're probably more benign than my old-guy fantasies about who, if it came to that, I could take out.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:34 am

I'm not the only one? Oh good–I thought I was a clinical case all through October.

DCBloom November 7, 2012 at 8:25 am

I have a pair of earrings with the Obama rising sun symbol. I wore them all last week for luck. So yeah, you were not alone.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

Aw that Otis I have a soft spot for. The song you mention is what I read, somewheres, was the "Top Ten #1 hit" at The Time I Was Born. Which would lead the superstitious in me to endow that tune with "extra significance" and/or derive meaning from it perhaps beyond what is warranted… Still there's more than enough "warranting" our collective trepidation as fraudulence and tampering and underhanded shyjinks threatened to undermine what we knew should be the outcome: Let the best man win!

Geminisunmars November 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

You can relax now. And thank you for holding the Republic together!!!

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

Heh, Springsteen.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:51 am

Could We Take Care of Our Own have been any more appropriate a song to bring out this year?

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 2:01 am

That was awesome. Not only did he talk about how unified we all are despite our differences, but he elucidated the specifics about why our aspirations drive us on and how he keeps trying to make this a better country for everyone. I'm so glad he's my shitkicker-in-chief for four more years.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:35 am

It's just too bad that the assholes that voted against him don't grasp "unified".

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 2:57 am

Agreed.

Given the really unpleasant last four years, it would be so satisfying to say, "Fuck all of you, we're steamrolling you now". But this is still the United States, and it's right for our leader to take the high road and remind us of that.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 3:00 am

'tis why he's a better man than me, and why I was happy voting for him. His patience/tolerance astounds me.

SheriffRoscoe November 7, 2012 at 2:02 am

Commenters over at FreeRepublic are talking all crazy, they want to start a civil war. I'd love to troll them, but they banned me from commenting a long time ago. Banned me hard. And deep.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:10 am

And my hat's off to you, sir. I could never, ever bring myself through that horrid, fetid cesspool…

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 2:14 am

Would be fun to slip in a "suck it" over there.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:17 am

Eh, probably, but I already have a number of Right Wing Nutjobs stalking me as it is (for whatever reason)…

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:36 am

The few trolls who are still posting on HuffyPo are completely off the rails. Someone call the people in the white jackets, before they hurt themselves…

Doktor Zoom November 7, 2012 at 2:46 am

They wanna secede. Bye!

SheriffRoscoe November 7, 2012 at 2:50 am

Right, Dok! They think they need a fucking WAR to gtfo?

doloras November 7, 2012 at 4:30 am

HAHAHAHA! How about that teatard talking about lazy "nggrs" [sic], what race does he think his hero Allen West is?

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2012 at 2:02 am

There's the First Granny!

Biff November 7, 2012 at 2:03 am

There is a woman on stage in a little black dress that I want to carry my babbies.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 2:03 am

And with that, FOX News ends its broadcasting day.

But what fiendish plans will they get up to next time?

Tune in tomorrow and see,

Same Bat-Shit Crazy Channel

Same Bat-Shit Crazy Time.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 2:06 am

I might have to watch Fox & Friends tomorrow. You know, for the LOLz.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 2:15 am

This is one way to get Benghazi gate over and done.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 2:04 am

That speech was a genuine barn-burner. The speech of someone who's got big plans and expectations. I think we're in for a lot of good works in the coming years.

Bruce Springsteen soundtrack: "We Take Care of Our Own" We really have to.

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 2:04 am

Their curtain call was a nice moment. And so I shall make mine. Thanks, everyone, for a long, desperately funny campaign season.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 2:05 am

Biden 2016!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 2:23 am

Biden/Hillary 2016?

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 2:06 am

That shouting over applause bit really got me, too.

barto November 7, 2012 at 2:09 am

Dick Morris predicts he'll get laid tonight. Takers?

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 2:12 am

After he eats some crow.

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 2:27 am

Or sucks crow feet.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:39 am

NO.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:48 am

Pitching or catching?

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 8:19 am

If he paid, sure.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:28 am

I think the entire Republican party got laid last night — with votes — if you know what I mean.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 2:11 am

Mitch Mcconnell now working to ensure Obama is a two term president.

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 2:11 am

I'm calling it now, Sasha Obama in 2040.

And with that, I'm off to bed because Ive been up for two days and I'm starting to hallucinate. Goodnight wonkers.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 3:04 am

Say good night to the polite muskrat cooking bacon on the ceiling fan before you go to bed.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2012 at 2:12 am

Gays won! Poors won! Vaginas won!

Now, when does Ruth Bader Ginsberg submit her resignation?

sati_demise November 7, 2012 at 2:27 am

Marijuana won!

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:40 am

I'm guessing Jan 21, 2013 or thereabouts. She's been holding on despite terrible health issues.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:45 am

End of this term?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:29 am

Ruth Bader Ginsberg, nothin'.
When do Boner and McConnell submit *their* resignations?

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 2:12 am

Obama 303 EV's Mittens and his red state dumb asses 202 EV's and Fla still hanging.Suck on that Conservatards!

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 2:38 am

The guy from the Princeton election comsortium called it at 332 about a week ago.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 2:14 am

Welp, I stayed up for a reason, Chris Matthews saying he didn't want any more "dicking around" may just be the best way to sign off ever. Thanks, Tweety, that was hilarious, and NO MORE DICKING AROUND. For reals.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2012 at 2:15 am

That was amazing. His point was ridiculous, but dicking around, hell yeah!

SheriffRoscoe November 7, 2012 at 2:15 am

Hey guys, I fear that I'm feeding…FEEDING off the anger and outrage of my conservative friends and acquaintances on facebook. Does that make me a bad person?

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:19 am

Well, to be fair, their Schaden *is* getting in your Freude…

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 3:04 am

Well, are you responding by trolling them? Are you stirring their anger and outrage into a volcano of terror and blargldsldklkjsdalkaj?

If not, why not?

glamourdammerung November 7, 2012 at 3:08 am

Hey guys, I fear that I'm feeding…FEEDING off the anger and outrage of my conservative friends and acquaintances on facebook.

They built that.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:54 am

FTW.

HarryButtle November 7, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Mine all seemed to have found something better to do than post on Facebook by the time Barry took the stage.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:16 am

FFS, Tweety is so churlish. Why the fuck does MSNBC keep him around?

personalrob November 7, 2012 at 2:16 am

A think a good fist fuck will help Mitt recover. Love the guy…

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 2:17 am

I would love a children's treasury of butthurt republicans Monday morning quarterbacking.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 2:23 am

ha! i just asked for this somewhere.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:44 am

That would be more like 14 treasuries.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 3:02 am

I'm sure that will be readily available on Wednesday morning.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:22 am

Virginia is for lovers (and Barack Obama and Nate Silver – who Rachel just gave gay platonic love to).

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:41 am

I spent a little time in Newport News (near Norfolk, considered a swing region) and I remember thinking "these people are mostly nice, why the hell do they vote Republican?" Looks like they asked themselves the same question…

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 2:22 am

VA for Bama, bahahaha

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 2:26 am

so…just at a guess i'm predicting the next four are going to be a lot different.

also: i will say this again tomorrow but: FUCK YOU MEDIA (except nate) YOU DIDN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO PREDICTING THIS AND YOU ALL FUCKING PRETENDED YOU WERE WINNING AND THAT IT WAS CLOSE.

FUCK YOU THAT WAS WILDLY IRRESPONSIBLE.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:44 am

Ehh, Daily Show/Colbert picking up on the stupidity of horse race coverage (and the absurd "razor tight" language) made it okay for me – and the fact that all the quants (Silver, Sam Wang at Princeton and the guys at Votamatic) called it the same helped. But yeah, Chuck Toad taking so damn long to call Ohio (and refusing to call NV or VA until it didn't matter) sucked.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 2:54 am

The next four years are going to be exactly the same. We kept Obama to make sure it's not a hell of a lot worse. If we wanted the next 4 years to be different, we shouldn't have given up the House in 2010 without a fight.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:55 am

Hopefully, in 2 years we can rectify the mistake.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 2:57 am

We could have not made the mistake in 2010. We could have tried to rectify the mistake this year. I see no reason to believe it's going to be a priority in 2014, right when Obama becomes a lame duck.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 3:02 am

Hm, I disagree. Yes, we did get a little too comfy 2 years back, but I think we did a little better today, and I think we'll do better next time. Republicans had their chance to prove their worth, and they totally blew it.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 3:44 am

Ah, there you are. I've been trying to channel you in a few places, but I'm no proper substitute.

Given our Constitutionally-mandated governmental system, what matters is parties, not individuals. If the Democratic Party actually gives a shit about governing the country, it will start campaigning tomorrow with an eye to regaining the House in 2014.

I don't think there was a lot to be done about 2010. This was an unprecedented backlash against the black guy, in a low-turnout year. I'm not sure how you stir people up about something that has never happened before. Now, what the party should do is make that an object lesson for 2014. Vigorously, and repetitiously.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 7:56 am

The one thing I agree with in Tweety's post-speech rant last night is that Obama has never bothered to use his coattails to pull Democrats into Congress with him. He could have this year, but didn't. Why?? Everything he has accomplished has been the result of having the House in 2008! There's going to be no magical healthcare, auto bailout, Lilly Ledbetter anymore, people, just 4 more years of the debt ceiling debacle over and over.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 8:04 am

"I'm not sure how you stir people up about something that has never happened before."

You saw how many people Jon Stewart got to show up on the fucking Washington Mall to watch his silly pageant, 3 days before the 2010 election? And then he wasted the opportunity to tell them to fucking vote, instead feeding his own ego with his it's-so-awful-both-sides-do-it sermon? Even Bill Maher called that shit. There was a LOT that could have been done.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:28 am

Only 41.1% of California precincts reported so far and I've got several initiatives I'm tracking. Maybe I should switch from beer to Irish coffee…

Oh, for anyone else who is curious:

http://vote.sos.ca.gov/returns/ballot-measures/

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:33 am

Eh, I'm gonna have to wait for the morning. I'm jittery enough as it is.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:52 am

Understood–we're only at 51.4% now. But Prop 30 is now (though barely) ahead…(biting nails, making pot of coffee, expecting to be utterly unproductive tomorrow…)

Doktor Zoom November 7, 2012 at 2:28 am
BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 2:41 am

…are we supposed to sing a Rodina song or something?

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 2:42 am

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dammit, now I have to calm my dogs down yet again–they get freaked out every time I yell that out. Poor things have been traumatized tonight…

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 2:46 am

How freeing! Now he can bark at the moon, sniff around for Muslim treason and stalk Debbie Wasserman-Schultz full-time, without any bothersome official duties to worry about!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 3:18 am

Maybe DWS will get a chance to stand her ground.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 3:11 am

He doesn't get the congressional healthcare for life deal right?

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:58 am

Arise ye workers and join me in a few verses of The Internationale, in honor of Rep. West.

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 2:29 am

Just when you think it can't get better… Stop the presses: NBC now projecting Bachmann to lose

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 2:42 am

Don't you dare fuck with me on this…for real?

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 3:01 am

Still not finished. Now they have her leading by about 1400+ votes w/ 86% counted. Only call of the night that might go the other way from what they originally called.

just_a_head November 7, 2012 at 2:31 am

This psychotic, years-long horse ride of an election ends beautifully.

Won and done. Thank christ.

RaflcaFlkaFlame November 7, 2012 at 2:31 am

Wow. :)

Exhausted66 November 7, 2012 at 2:32 am

Thanks for all the laughs, Wonketters.

What a great night.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 2:34 am

Maybe the Repubes will realize they need to move more to the middle and force the Dems to move more to the left …

Okay I am drunk and happy but it could happen …

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:01 am

That's just crazy talk.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 3:09 am

(sigh) I know but I am trying to have a moment, could I just have my moment please?

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:16 am

We all deserve a moment. Be happy.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 2:40 am

Fucking Tweety is already poutraged about Obama's acceptance speech.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 2:45 am

Shorter: Fucking Tweety.

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 2:58 am

I love me some passionate Irish Tweety. I'm pretty sure he has that tingling feeling…

aklibtard November 7, 2012 at 2:43 am

Watching heads explode on Fox News as the results come in. So. Much. Fun.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:46 am

Okay, I'm a little buzzed on all of it. To the point where I got my West Wing boxed set out and I'm about to go full Jed Bartlett on this place.

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 7:34 am

There are times when only Josh and CJ and Toby will do. I just finished all 7 seasons a month ago, so probably too soon for me, but I keep flashing back.

smokefilledroommate November 7, 2012 at 2:56 am

I had a 'Filibuster' (whisky, Campari, sweet vermouth, some other shit), five other beers/unnamed drinks and hugged a Kenyan woman to celebrate– in Arizona !

Caveat_Echinos November 7, 2012 at 3:00 am

Please, I am begging you, don't ever link to breitbart again. I followed the link hours ago and just now returned, my soul barely intact. Dear God, the things I've seen.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 3:08 am

My condolences…I went to WND for the lulz, but damn…it's weird they share the same DNA as us.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 3:44 am

I checked out The Corner and Red State. Red State is doing a lame "We must continue the fight!" thing, while NRO is more "They are all so stupid. Why won't the listen to us? We should have ran a real Conservative" thing.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:24 am

I love your little hedgehog.

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 3:31 am

Pervert.

mustangsavvy November 7, 2012 at 3:06 am

I liked it when NBC called Ohio and the election for Bamz, they cut to Obama HQ and we hear "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW (motherfuckers)???" blaring over the speakers. BLESS.

Ok seriously, good night Wonkers. I am tired and happy and relieved and happy and tired. Zzzzzzzzzz

BloviateMe November 7, 2012 at 3:07 am

Fox is pretending to be fired up, but they're just phoning in the rage…it's almost sad.

Misty Malarky November 7, 2012 at 7:47 am

Watching Doocy (or whoever that was) this AM looking like a deer in headlights while being forced to listen to the high pitched whine emitting from Dick Morris' pie hole: priceless.

Doktor Zoom November 7, 2012 at 3:19 am

For fellow Wire fans:

Wendell Pierce‏@WendellPierce

Every time I vote I think of Fannie Lou Hammer, those 4 little girls in Birmingham,; Goodman, Chaney, & Swerner.GOP suppresses vote:dishonor

DCBloom November 7, 2012 at 8:35 am

I love him so much.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 9:35 am

BUNK!!

DrunkIrishman November 7, 2012 at 3:46 am

I drank. A lot. I'm gonna piss whiskey for a week. I also humped a chair and then yelled at a lamp.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 3:47 am

All in all, a good night then?

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 3:49 am

I love lamp.

AKHottie November 7, 2012 at 4:08 am

Was it an empty chair?

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2012 at 4:41 am

So, you're saying it's Tuesday again?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:43 am

"Dropping a coffee cup on the floor, I told it to go fuck itself." — Richard Price

AznMom420 November 7, 2012 at 3:54 am

I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and hear all the republicans talking about the fiscal cliff like nothing happened tonight. Its like watching 30% of the country take an ideological walk of shame.

AKHottie November 7, 2012 at 4:02 am

Did I miss anything? Bamz is still pres, yes?

savethispatient November 7, 2012 at 4:09 am

The big revelation is that the miraculous art of "mathematics" has been proven to be true, and there is now no God, just a model created by Nate Silver.

AKHottie November 7, 2012 at 4:14 am

So.. no apocalypse? Bummer. Was looking forward to rapture removing fundies from earth.

savethispatient November 7, 2012 at 4:15 am

There's always the FEMA camps…

AKHottie November 7, 2012 at 4:28 am

Thank god for Venezuelan gas to power the death trains!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 4:21 am

There's always December 21.

clblabin November 7, 2012 at 4:37 am

Only thing that could make me happier? Waking up tomorrow morning and seeing that Sandra Fluke just got elected Pope.

AKHottie November 7, 2012 at 4:41 am

Loving Allen West out, Alan Grayson in! Think I'll drink to that. Again.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 5:25 am

Cheers. Excellent Allen –> Alan swap.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:44 am

Something tells me they already turned off the TV. I know the lights went out over at my Republican neighbor's house the minute Rmoney conceded.

W88 November 7, 2012 at 4:53 am

Sheldon Adelson just spent $100 million and all he got was a crummy Romney T-shirt.

W88 November 7, 2012 at 5:01 am

Lesson learned. A Meat Loaf endorsement will only get you so far.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 9:13 am

Two out of three is bad.

sudsmckenzie November 7, 2012 at 5:02 am

One 'L" will haunt you in your fucking dreams!

… just kidding, after tonight who the fuck cares,

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 6:42 am

Well, the good news is, she rarely shows up, so wtf.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 5:09 am

Well y'alls, I'd love to stay up and keep hitting refresh, but I'm tired.

Catch you all for tomorrow's Right Wing Butthurtfest!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 5:33 am

Okay, bitches, it's 2:30 on the Left Coast and I'ma collapse now.

All in all, pretty good. Ragnarok has been put off for at least four years. There are hints that we might someday evolve into a rational society. And I'm fairly well fucked up. All in all, not a bad election night. Cheers.

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 5:35 am

Wait. What? I was in the back internet. Catch me up? Is this a big fucking deal????

oldedinvn November 7, 2012 at 6:42 am

Ever furruner here in Hanoi & even some of them VN peoples congratulated me & umerica on the O win.
Ah, it is great to hear unstupid people.

LibertyLover November 7, 2012 at 6:46 am

Supreme Court. More women. Just saying.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 6:56 am

So. What's new?

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA….

Misty Malarky November 7, 2012 at 7:41 am

President Barack HUSSEIN Obama should show some mercy to those who supported Romney.

1. Give 'em until Monday to turn in their guns and to trade their Bibles for Korans.

2. With all the pot he'll force them to smoke they might even learn to enjoy their state enforced gay marriages.

3. Although all government documents will be printed in Spanish and Eubonics only, English versions will be available to anyone with six or more punches on their Planned Parenthood card.

4. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry – that last bit just slipped out.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 9:36 am

Wonderful. Thanks for this!

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:44 am

Obama: "I congratulated Governor Romney on a hard-fought campaign. Then I said, 'Now, go get your fuckin' shine box.'"

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 7:48 am

Good morning everybody! Everybody still happy? I know there are going to be a lot of rended garments and gnashed teeth strewn along the highway down here in Texas today. Ha ha.

cheetojeebus November 7, 2012 at 8:51 am

HA! Fun times! we need a poor losers live blog, pics and stories of shits who can't accept defeat….sort of a people of walmart thing.

BlueStateLibel November 7, 2012 at 7:59 am

It's like Xmas morning, yeah! And Mitt Romney is now just a bunch of discarded cabling and circuit boards awaiting recycling at a New Brunswick, NJ, facility, never to trouble my dreams again.

Disassembly November 7, 2012 at 8:23 am

What's next?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:50 am

Gay black abortions performed by an atheist Lesbian under an endangered tree on an Indian reservation for all!
Miniature American flags for some!

Misty Malarky November 7, 2012 at 8:24 am

So, is Ted Nugent dead or in jail yet?

mille derps November 7, 2012 at 8:55 am

Who?

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 9:10 am

Still irrelevant.

Misty Malarky November 7, 2012 at 8:25 am

Oh, and EAT THIS, YOU MOUTH-BREATHING RED NECK SUMBITCH!
http://www.thecoastalsource.com/news/local/story/

mavenmaven November 7, 2012 at 8:30 am

Woke up this morning, saw the happy news, rolled back over and lit up a cigarette.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 8:38 am

Well, we've still got Bachmann and Ryan in Congress, but looking at other results (president, gay marriage, Allen West, big Senate pickups, marijuana, etc etc) I'd have to say that I am very happy with the overall results of this election.

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2012 at 8:44 am

I was watching Woodward say how Obama needs to suck up to the House GOP. What a fucking hack.

weejee November 7, 2012 at 9:01 am

Bamz aught to moon Mr. Speaker Agent Orange and while mooning ask Woodward to kiss his sweet ass.

cheetojeebus November 7, 2012 at 8:52 am

I'm makin' some pumpkin spice pancakes and having a big ol pot of coffee and reveling in the fuckin schadenfreude. Mmmm this is so fuckin sweet.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 9:01 am

Dang, I bet your kitchen smells good.

cheetojeebus November 7, 2012 at 9:42 am

oh it does sweety. I'm lovin life today. For this old curmudgeon it's a nice change.

mille derps November 7, 2012 at 8:54 am

I'll just leave this here… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YajKJJzbmXw

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 9:02 am

By a show of hands, how many of us feels grateful to be alive this morning?

TootsStansbury November 7, 2012 at 9:02 am

A show of fists?

SoBeach November 7, 2012 at 9:05 am

It's a very good morning.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 9:16 am

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

cousinitt November 7, 2012 at 9:16 am

It's morning? And what is this lampshade doing in my bed?

Jus_Wonderin November 7, 2012 at 10:10 am

I apparently carefully took down some artwork in the bathroom. I have no idea when I decided that I needed to do that.

jodyleek November 7, 2012 at 9:19 am

Yay for the Big O!!! Minnesota state legislature is now Dem in both house and senate and the anti-gay and voter ID requirements were defeated. Yipee!!!

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2012 at 9:28 am

It's promising to be a productive day at work!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:52 am

Me! Me!
But then I feel grateful to be alive most mornings.
$: – )

valgal2342 November 7, 2012 at 9:06 am

Yawn, stretch…..scratch…..sniffs the air……I love the smell of Electoral Napalm in the morning.

SoBeach November 7, 2012 at 9:08 am

It's always nice when things turn out way better than you dared hope.

DahBoner November 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

Waking up and realizing America did'nt turn the clock back 50 years: good.

The looks on the faces of the mentally ill when they realize they will soon be sold into White Slavery: PRICELESS!!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 7, 2012 at 9:15 am

Patiently waiting for my children's treasury of republican freakout.

freakishlywrong November 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

I am still drunk. And still thrilled HaHa bitches! Thank you Wonkateers for getting me through another shit sandwich.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

I can't think of anything more full of win than Abdill's lulz photo above; but my inner ten-year-old who's also enjoying it might.

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2012 at 9:29 am

Can we start filling up the reeducation centers now?

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

Had to use ear plugs last night. The wailing and gnashing of teeth in my neighborhood was keeping me up.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 9:56 am

I can't think of a better reason to lose sleep.

Oh, wait — yes I can.
Huh huh huh.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:10 am

Fer sure!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 10:07 am

My new screen saver is a picture of President Obama winking, but I like this one, too:
http://i.politicomments.com/3t

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 10:10 am

Last night, you guys, he did it! He did it! We did it! We said that he would do it, And indeed he did. I thought that we would rue it; I doubted we'd do it. But now I must admit it That succeed we did.

from "My Fair Lady", I changed it a little.

Redgyal November 7, 2012 at 10:39 am

Congrats to Barry and Joe!

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:54 am

Ah, I stand corrected…

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2012 at 1:56 am

Yeah, wrong kind of Rad Xtian. Needs more speaking in tongues.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

Easy mistake to make. Sorta like how you can easily confuse TP activist and cosplay enthusiasts and the mentally ill.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:06 am

Me: "Hey, I never knew so many old people were fans of Le Chevalier D'Eon!"

Friend: "Um, *whisper, whisper*"

Me: "…Oh."

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:13 am

You and me both.

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:35 am

Ahh, she's great and I love her and my kids. My life in many ways is awesome, it will be okay and in the long run is probably for the best for all concerned (subject to how we handle certain things). Still, appreciate the sentiment.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:38 am

Well, you have my best of wishes nonetheless.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 2:39 am

Heh, I just noticed you have stalkers too. "One Term Barry" is gonna have to change his name!

BerkeleyBear November 7, 2012 at 2:58 am

Well there's that – and with the brilliant luminary of Mike Pence now running Indiana (shudder) even less competition.

savethispatient November 7, 2012 at 4:44 am

The petite bourgeoisie will finally fear the wrath of the proletariat, comrade!

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