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Will Barack Obama Accept The Presidency? Live-Bloog Part A Zillion

BUY THIS MAN A T-TOPHey, so there have been 97 live-bloog posts tonight, but this is almost certainly the last one, unless there is a Ron Paul coup, which we will certainly live-blog until the internet goes out because the FCC gets exploded.

So, barring that, we are just sitting here waiting for the president to show up and throw down some crazy Kenyan slang, on account of he never has to run for office again, and finally has that “flexibility” he was telling the Russians about, to just… to just be himself.

1:18 a.m.: John King is still playing with his superwall. President is nowhere to be found. Bachmann’s race in Minnesota is still separated by like seven votes, and the Floridians have somehow forgotten to count the last 2.6 percent of the votes for Allen West’s seat. Who are we forgetting about? And where is Barry?

1:23 a.m.: Mitt Romney just burrowed into his giant pile of unreleased tax returns, where he will stay until spring.

1:26 a.m.: Josh points out Obama HQ is playing “Time For Me To Fly” by REO Speedwagon.

Is this an omen of things to come?

You said we’d work it out
You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I’m tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone
I do believe that I’ve had enough
I’ve had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration
Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly

YOU HEAR THAT SHIT, HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES? I DO BELIEVE HE’S HAD ENOUGH.

1:30 a.m.: The tunes have switched to the Boss! But alas, it is from Wrecking Ball. Might as well have pulled a song from Lucky Town. Come on, dudes.

1:34 a.m.: HA! Remember this?
We should still take him seriously, right?

1:35 a.m.: THERE HE IS! The witch doctor is in the building!

1:36 a.m.: The guy comes in to Stevie Wonder. He should just wave and play the song through, then walk off the stage, go home and slide around in his underwear and socks.

1:38 a.m.: The moment of truth! We find out if he really actually talks like that!

1:38 a.m.: HE DOES! IT’S HIS REAL VOICE!

1:38 a.m., still: “The task of perfecting our union moves forward.” With… socialism… right?

1:39 a.m.: “While our road has been hard, while our journey has been low, we have picked ourselves up.” Dude is summarizing Cormac McCarthy books. Wonder when he’ll move on to Outer Dark?

1:40 a.m.: Obama wants to fix long voting lines! HOPE! CHANGE! GETTING TO WORK ON TIME!

1:41 a.m.: “Whether you held an Obama sign or a Romney sign, you made your voice heard.” Gary Johnson signs: You were lame.

1:42 a.m.: Josh F.: haha people are going FUCKING NUTS for joe biden

1:43 a.m.: Overheard from the in-house peanut gallery: “Obama getting laid tonight.”

1:44 a.m.: To his daughters: “One dog’s probably enough.”

He’s cracking dad jokes. He’s cracking dad jokes while Romney weeps into his apple cider.

Now he’s talking about “every hill and every valley.” This is a carnival of rhetorism.

1:46 a.m.: Good news! Dok discovers Breitbart has decided on the new conservative hashtag: #War.

We will not heel. We will not stop. The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together. But apparently, liberal America prefers to battle for the soul of the country.

And so we battle.

Heavens! Yes, let us double-down, because “the only victories the Republican Party can point to since 2008 are Tea Party victories,” and tea partiers defeating sane people in primaries than losing in general elections is just… how it goes, you know?

1:48 a.m.: “A generous America,” eh? There it is. There’s the socialism.

1:50 a.m.: Obama ready to “focus on your jobs, not ours,” which means less now that he’s done applying for jobs. But still! Sweet. He’s sweet.

1:53 a.m.: Ohhhh shit. Obama’s doing his “talk over the applause” move. This move slays them.

Dok Z. “Has anyone checked to see if Andrew Sullivan is still breathing, by the way?”

Josh F. he’s waterboarding himself

1:54 a.m.: Obama references the Jersey shore, and “leaders from every party” coming together. Did Chris Christie really just get a shout-out in the president’s victory speech? What happened up there?

1:57 a.m.: Dok reports, “OK, dammit Barry, you hit the goose-bumps trigger, ya Hopey bastard.” We suspect he too was slain by the “talking over the applause” move.

1:57 a.m.: Josh F.: rich i think you need to acknowledge that there is a lady bheind barry with a small american flag stuck in her hair

Josh F.: she is this campaigns greatest hero

1:58 a.m.: Dok Z.: Did President Bartlett help him with this?

Josh F.: “haha, i was waiting until now to give a speech that awesome just for kicks”

1:59 a.m.: That bit about “not just a collection of red states and blue states”! THAT BIT!
Josh F.: oooh callback to his ’04 DNC speech!

2:00 a.m.: And with that, the president departs the podium, to “We Take Care Of Our Own,” the sweetest product placement deal of 2012, as the confetti falls.

Comments

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  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Well, at least the music is good.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      American early 80s Arena Rock to Rule them All!

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    No! I can't be first! Sweetest thing that the GOP has to rethink every damned thing they're about. Oh, it is sweet.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Ha hahaha. "Think". If they could then they wouldn't have lost.

      • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

        Well then, here's to a rump party of backward Southern and Prairie states!

    • mille derps

      Sad thing is they'll say they lost because their candidates weren't conservative enough.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Absolutely! The next crop will make She1ey seem sane.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Will there be a live blog tomorrow when the House starts impeachment hearings?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Finally, some one will vet him. Finally….

    • sati_demise

      only a close neighbor of Arizona would know the future

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      It should start off with a tutorial on how Darrell Issa colors his hair. #SoNatural

  • Steverino247

    Congratulations, Mr. President! Happy to be of help. Give Michelle and the kids a big hug.

    Then hammer those bastards blocking your agenda first thing in the morning.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Let me be the first to welcome our Muslin Kenyan Marxist overlord.

    • sbj1964

      They must miss you at Big Gov. Bozo Bart Bots?

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        There must be much crying and gnashing of teeth over there!!!

    • redarmyzombie

      Gay Muslin Atheist Kenyan Marxist Communist Nazi overlord.

      *fixed*

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Gay Muslin Atheist Kenyan Marxist Communist Radical Christian Nazi who sholdnta' got into college overlord.

        Whew, I feel inspired!

        • redarmyzombie

          Silly Bonzo, Radical Christian would be a virtue!

          • BerkeleyBear

            Community Organizer Radical Egalitarianism Christian, not Bible Thumping Snake Handling Radical Capitalism Christian, so not a good thing.

          • redarmyzombie

            Ah, I stand corrected…

          • BerkeleyBear

            Easy mistake to make. Sorta like how you can easily confuse TP activist and cosplay enthusiasts and the mentally ill.

          • redarmyzombie

            Me: "Hey, I never knew so many old people were fans of Le Chevalier D'Eon!"

            Friend: "Um, *whisper, whisper*"

            Me: "…Oh."

          • BerkeleyBear

            You and me both.

          • Bonzos_Bed_Time

            Yeah, wrong kind of Rad Xtian. Needs more speaking in tongues.

  • VeraSevera

    Yikes. New blog. I've been posting to 5 minutes ago.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      This isn't about the third debate?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    this romney party on the streets of boston is unexpectedly upbeat

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Did Ryan keep his seat? I can't find shit on th tubes tonight.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Yes. Got nothing funny to say about that.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I believe so. Alas.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Fuck. Too bad.

      The rest of the news is pretty much awesome. And I have a new reason to go visit my family in Colorado…

      • cousinitt

        I've already got like three "medical" pot palaces within a mile of me in Denver. And now, I'm supposed to buy it without fibbing about my lumbago with a $75 "doctor's" script?

        Cheech and Chong for the WIN!

        • thatsitfortheother1

          It's about time they cut out the middle man, health care reform and all.

        • tessiee

          It is impossible to say "my lumbago" without souding like Grandpa Simpson.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Good luck finding a supplier. The DEA is gonna bust the shit out of sellers, no matter what the law says about end users. Which sucks, but that's the law on the books.

          Still – I'm thinking about smoking in public in Vancouver Washington, just over the border from Oregon, if I can find a supply. Somehow that would be so cool to me – which labels me as the nerd/narc who will get you busted.

    • tessiee

      I think Romney and Ryan both had their seats handed to them.

    • bobbert

      As a native, but long-gone, Sconnie, all I can say is "fucking Janesville".

  • Barbara_

    Sure, why not? I am fueled by beer and 75% off discounted stale Halloween candy.
    Where the fuck is Rebecca?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Having victory sex?

      • BloviateMe

        Spirit fingers?

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Is that mandatory? If so, I'm srsly missing out.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Me too. But at least (soon to be ex, despite my wishes) wife and I talked for 15 minutes without screaming – which is a record for the last 6 months.

          • redarmyzombie

            I'm sorry to hear about that, Berkeley. I know there's not much to say about that, but hopefully things get better one way or another.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Ahh, she's great and I love her and my kids. My life in many ways is awesome, it will be okay and in the long run is probably for the best for all concerned (subject to how we handle certain things). Still, appreciate the sentiment.

          • redarmyzombie

            Well, you have my best of wishes nonetheless.

          • redarmyzombie

            Heh, I just noticed you have stalkers too. "One Term Barry" is gonna have to change his name!

          • bobbert

            Well, shit. Sorry to hear that.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            I'm sorry to hear that news.

      • Barbara_

        Yes, Manchu. Jeff polled me early and often.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Lucky him.

          • Barbara_

            Berk, I am bummed about your news.

    • Fairtackle

      Still white knuckling it?

    • Callyson

      Sierra Nevada pale ale for me tonight. No Halloween candy, but now I have a craving for some almonds, brb…

      • BerkeleyBear

        I actually have several oatmeal stouts ready for tasting, brb . . .

  • mbatch

    Jesus god I hate Nicole Wallace. She's still pissed from 2008.

  • Aridzona

    There is a God (but I'm pretty sure he doesn't live on the planet Kobol).

  • Nopantsmcgee

    I'm hoping he actually comes out dressed like that witchdoctor.

  • BloviateMe

    More old white people are going to die in the next 4 years…when can we own the house too??????

    • BadKitty904

      Judges. Look the judges!

      • Callyson

        Oh Christ, that reminds me of yet another reason to be grateful for this–the fucking Supreme Court!

        Thank you for making me even more happy :-)

      • BerkeleyBear

        Yep. Scalia + Thomas + 4 more years of impotent rage = first gay Asian Supreme Court Justice and first female black Supreme Court Justice (hopefully named something like LaShonda just for shits and giggles). And maybe Roberts coming out of the closet or Kennedy leaving out of boredom.

        I shit you not, I could see 4 appointments – 2 from the current right seats and 2 from Ginsburg and Breyer deciding to get out before a GOP admin has the chance to replace them.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Roberts has been whining forever about how he just doesn't make enough munnies, yaknow. Let's hope he leaves.

        • BloviateMe

          Stop it, I'm getting a SCOTUS boner-us.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Easy, junior.

      • BloviateMe

        I haz a greedy.

    • bobbert

      Listen bucko, you wanna hope only SOME old people die in the next four.

      • BloviateMe

        I can tell you are a hepcat upstart with your crazy newfangled slang "bucko." It's all the rage with the youngsters these days.

        • bobbert

          Wut, you got no retro, d00d?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      2014, baby. Work starts on Thursday. You in?

      • BloviateMe

        Fired up, ready to go!

      • bobbert

        Channeling Chet (because he's right): We gotta maintain a steady attack on the House and Senate, and keep up voter participation in off-year elections.

  • HogeyeGrex

    I'd just like to say, MWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAAA!!!!!!!!

    That is all.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    BO thanked Bill. it was owed. As was Bill's support of BO.
    Politics!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Damn straight.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Obviously these election results mean that the republicans must move farther to the right.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Let's hope.

    • arihaya

      Amen

    • emmelemm

      There's a cliff I could see them being pushed off of. WITH VOTES.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      You won't question their move once all uteri are corporately sponsored.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Hell, the AmericanConservative just trashed Rombot.

      • redarmyzombie

        Say, MittBorg, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me!

        (you'll prolly have to change your name again, though…)

      • bobbert

        So, is there going to be a formal ceremony to welcome Weedlord BonerHitler?

  • thatsitfortheother1

    This bodes well for the highest court in the land. Fat Republicans are gonna have some new Democratic pals.

  • Knightro829

    C'mon, Bamz. Some of us need to work tomorrow!

  • BadKitty904

    OK, Wonklings, time for this kitty to curl up next to the Big Cat. Thank you all for working so hard to produce such a happy night for us all to share…

    Joy be with you all! :0)

    • emmelemm

      Bless you, kitty cat.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (Hugs you) Be good to that boy, baby. He's probly had to suffer all the displaced stress. :D

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I can't believe UnSkewed Polls was so far off.

    • AlterNewt

      And isn't there supposed to be a debate?

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        I think that the debate is tomorrow.

    • Fairtackle

      See – Trump tweets.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      Haha, the headline still reads:
      "Big Romney Election Day Turnout: QStarNews Election Day Exit Poll: Romney by 5.4 percent in popular vote "

    • bobbert

      I wonder if any pundit will ever remark that "gee, 538 was pretty close".

      • BerkeleyBear

        Nah, the ones who love Nate always had his back. The rest of the assholes will either act like they never spoke (Morning Joe will eat a back of lightly salted rat dicks on air before he admits he was clueless) or will heap praise on the other quants who don't get as much publicity (who are also awesome, but don't have the media profile of Silver and therefore are the hipster indy bands of electoral analysis).

        I almost got in a fight Monday night over this with a member of my co-hort in the PhD program. She kept repeating that "the people who know" say this was going to be razor thin/2000 Florida recount. I kept trying to tell her the quants all agree it wasn't close, but even someone with that much education and intellect just couldn't get over it.

        • bobbert

          Sadly, belief trumps science (or math) every time.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Assmussen?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Isn't it a crying shame?

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I wish OHJB would deliver a pizza to me right about now.

  • AlterNewt

    "Didn't I tell you 'I got this'? Goodnight."

  • redarmyzombie

    Say,

    If Romney looks at his shadow, will we have six more weeks of winter?

    • mille derps

      Romney is all shadow, no light.

  • sbj1964

    Ladies,and gentlemen the President of the UNITED STATES.Take a bow! No don't bow!The conservatards will dog you.High Five everybody,and grab your crotch!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Start the speech with "HOW 'BOUT THAT SHIT, MUTHAFUCKUS!"

  • vulpes82

    Good God, SPEECH ALREADY! Also, GET IT TOGETHER, NEVADA, VIRGINIA, AND FLORIDA! Papa needs some sleep! I got work!

  • FakaktaSouth

    I am so happy to have PresO, but I gotta admit, sometimes it is all about MICHELLE! And ALWAYS OHJOE!!!! I am just beside myself. Tomorrow I'ma be soooo bitchy tired, but NOTHING like…if the, you know that terrible thing that I will never even mention had happened. (Annnnnnn…I am haunted by the fish/eagle shirt forever)

    • AlterNewt

      Your Pasadena couch is still here whenever you want it.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I will NEVER forget and I thank you always. I am working my way outta here, EVERYday!

        • Callyson

          Can't remember if I've sent you this or not, but just in case:

          http://www.ca.gov/homefamily/movingtoca.html

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          ZOMG, are YOU headed to these parts, sweetie? YAY!

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          With our new pot laws and only 48% of likely voters as bigoted homophobes WA should probably be on your relocation list.

          PS – most of that 48% is on the dry side of the mountains and we never go over there except to see a concert at the gorge.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Yeah, that fucking ugly shirt was a poke in the eye. Fuck her (never to be seen again).

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    put the Big Dog on SCOTUS

    • GeorgiaBurning

      I like it

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Oh man!

    • bobbert

      I doubt he could get through, but wouldn't the hearing be a treat?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Bachman leading by less than 1% with 75% in. Allan West losing with 97% in.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Good

    • emmelemm

      It's a Festivus miracle!

    • BerkeleyBear

      I've already gotten Christmas and birthday presents tonight in Bamz and the Senate races. Getting rid of Crazy Shelly might make me lose it/start believing in a compassionate God.

      • bobbert

        Ah, Ryan got re-elected to the House. No compassionate God.

        • BerkeleyBear

          You think he wants to go back to being a powerless hack (even as a committee chair)? I'm guessing enough smoke has been blown up his ass that he's out of there in 6 months or less.

          • bobbert

            I'm afraid that being Budget Committee Chair will continue to be quite a good gig for him. It's what made him the Veep nominee, after all.

            What we might hope for is that his higher visibility as loser-veep will lead to more people pointing and laughing at his bullshit budget proposals, but I'm afraid that he'll go back to being the "smart one" because of insufficient attention.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Well there's that – and with the brilliant luminary of Mike Pence now running Indiana (shudder) even less competition.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Beautiful.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not anymore. He's now ahead by about 400 votes with 78% reporting.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    There they are!

  • One_Man_Band
  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    BAMZ DO NOT MAKE ME GO DOWN TO MCCORMICK PLACE TO GET YR ASS UP.

    i need to go to bed. LET'S DO THIS THING!!

  • mbatch

    Okay, George Stephanoupalos (whatever) just said this would be the last election in which "two white guys" ran against each other. So he hasn't noticed that O is blah up to now?

    • bobbert

      What?

  • Biff

    Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    No Bo Obama? Shit is fucked up and bullshit.

  • redarmyzombie

    HAHAHA, I love you Bammerz!

  • snowpointsecret

    Am I the only one thinking "holy crap Malia is cute tonight" over here? That dress is amazing.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Yeah! She's gorgeous!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Finally, Obama can let out a loud "Allah Akbar!" and not give a shit.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh my god, there they are, the most beautiful first family I have ever ever seen. Love love love

  • AlterNewt

    She's almost as tall as her dad.

    • tessiee

      One of the few families in which "she takes after her father" is an actual compliment, rather than a vaguely horrifying euphemism.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Did you notice Sasha pulling on her Dad's sleeve and telling him to turn around and wave to the people behind the stage? Guess who's the next politician out of that family?!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh it's about time. Goodnight in advance, y'all.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Night, Wookies.

  • Not_Mother

    NBC calls Florida's 18th – AllenWest LOSES to Democrat Patrick Murphy. Adi-fucking-os motherfucker.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Bwhahahaha. West should have put more guns to seniors heads to vote for him.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      FOX has a new host in 3, 2, 1….

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        They're going to have to after Turd-blossom's freak out tonight.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      OMG!!!
      Yay!!
      If he disappears, my happiness will be complete.

    • Callyson

      YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • HogeyeGrex

      Also, Grayson is back.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Maddow said she wanted him to lose just so she could watch his inevitable TV program.

  • Wadisay

    Given the hour, I am kind of glad Bill Clinton isn't doing a warmup speech, knowwudimean?

    • bobbert

      You could just set your alarm for a few.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Thank you Wonkette, for reminding us that what ever Dick Morris says, the opposite is the truth.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      In most other nations, a man as awful as Dick Morris would be laughed off the set.

      Only in US Amercia.

      However, it is great to point a finger and laugh at someone who got it so so so so wrong.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Don't forget, it was Clinton that allowed this troll out into the open. Never forget.

        • bobbert

          We all make mistakes.

    • tessiee

      Bill Kristol, too.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    FOUR MORE YEARS!

  • coolhandnuke

    I hope racist heads are exploding and imploding as they gaze at that beautiful First Family.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Thank you for not voting to invade Iran."

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Well, here's the man!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Why is Obama's stage facing Mecca.

    (Note; this will be the lede on FOX and Friends tomorrow morning.)

    • HogeyeGrex

      And the front of the stage is shaped like a crescent!!!!!

      • bobbert

        What, like a breakfast roll?

  • Barbara_

    I couldn't love Sasha and Malia more if they were my own daughters.

    • BerkeleyBear

      I just said I hope my daughter is as adorable as they are when she's a teenager – they are truly lovely girls.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      They look like beautiful gazelles.

    • Callyson

      I am so happy that they got to see their father overcome the ridiculous amount of adversity he has had to deal with. Can't wait to see what paths they pursue when they grow up…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "The task of perfecting our union moves forward."

    Obama Sez America Not Perfect! Impeach!

  • gullywompr

    He always credits us, doesn't he? What a guy.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Anti-colonialist.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Night all. Thanks for all the support and laffs.

  • Fairtackle

    Was going to say something disparaging about REO speedwagon, can't now.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Can't fight that feeling, any more?

    • MosesInvests

      Hey, we rode the storm out!

    • Fairtackle

      Ugh, stop it , please, REO Speedwagon causes me physical pain.

      You youngsters think this is all "funny and "ironic" but I had to live through this in junior high and you may think you know suffering, well I can tell you a thing or two about suffering …

      • DCBloom

        You know what they say? You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish

  • gullywompr

    The best is yet to come and babe won't it be fine?

  • arihaya

    Now that Mitt Romney is no longer running for presidency, he can spend more time with his family baptizing dead Jews.

  • Wadisay

    My fellow Americans, wah salaam alikem.

  • Fairtackle

    Hell ya, fix that shit.

  • Close_Read

    Look at that lovely sea of different skin shades. I love yous, America. I love yous, reality.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      It's so remarkable how different the two audiences look. Same as at the conventions.

  • Callyson

    Joey!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    happy warrior OHJB!

    • Callyson

      Didn't you say you're from Wisconsin?

      TAMMY BALDWIN FUCK YEAH!!!

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Woot!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Yes, Barry, but we shall never see Miffed Ennui in public service now.

  • snowpointsecret

    Old Handsome Joe is obviously loved in there.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Ha, the Happy Warrior.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Shout out to Joe Biden! America's women go all squishy at the knees.

    • FlipFlopFuck

      I'm sitting on a towel.

    • emmelemm

      I feel a little woozy.

    • redarmyzombie

      And some men!

      *swoon*

  • redarmyzombie

    Seriously, is there anyone half as classy as Obama on the republican side?

    • FlipFlopFuck

      No, but there is a lot of half assy.

    • emmelemm

      Nope. Not even close.

    • BoroPrimorac

      The base hates classy and educated.

  • FakaktaSouth

    OHJOE! The happy warrior indeed.
    I have never been more in love with you either Michelle. Good lord I need to go to bed already, I am losing it.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Omg, Hopey is soooooo romantic!

    *swoons

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    No more puppies?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Sasha means what in Arabic, again?

    • redarmyzombie

      Death To America, of course! What self-respecting Muslin Nazi Communist would choose otherwise?!

    • FlipFlopFuck

      It's the female "Hussein".

    • gullywompr

      "Anchor baby".

    • BerkeleyBear

      I dunno – sounds Russkie to me.

    • Fairtackle

      HOTT

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Seriously classy shout to Michelle, drippy too.

  • Callyson

    Aw, he acknowledged us volunteers…my heart melts again…

    • BerkeleyBear

      Every time I think I'm being taken for granted, he throws me a big ol' shout out in a speech and I come running back again.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Just did the happy dance to Stevie W. Was so thrilled when the total came down (I was at Dem Party of Oregon reception – kinda lame but still neat to be with other Dems on election night) but I was even happier that I got to high five my daughter over the win before she went to bed (she's 7, so still a lightweight).

    Now I just hope the damn electorate realizes how much fighting remains. 2014 – Take Back the House, Bitches!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I'm with you there.

  • One_Man_Band

    Meanwhile, our precious bodily fluids will remain pure: http://www.kake.com/news/headlines/Results-Show-W

  • Callyson

    He looks younger than he did a month ago–must be the relief of stress. I hope that works for me too…

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That's what Eugene Robinson said. "Look how relieved he seems."

  • FlipFlopFuck

    He got 47% of the vote. Who knew?

  • BoroPrimorac

    Obama won the female vote because he appreciates women. Republicans, in contrast, think that women are parasites who want the government to take care of them.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    When did politicians start calling people "folks" ? Freakin drives me nuts.

    • BloviateMe

      THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

      You are not alone.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    it's a big fucking deal.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    It's a shame. Thinking a lot of people racked out.

  • Fairtackle

    Has anyone else noticed how awesome of a speaker this guy is?

  • BerkeleyBear

    Just did the happy dance to Stevie W. Was so thrilled when the total came down (I was at Dem Party of Oregon reception – kinda lame but still neat to be with other Dems on election night) but I was even happier that I got to high five my daughter over the win before she went to bed (she's 7, so still a lightweight).

  • BerkeleyBear

    Global Warming Shout Out – Thank you Sandy, suck it losers!

  • Callyson

    Global warming was finally mentioned! Oh, to be a fly on the wall of Inhofe's office…

  • C_R_Eature

    Barry actually just mentioned "the destructive power of a warming planet"

    Better late than never.

  • Wadisay

    Tomorrow, Mitt and Egg file with the IRS for a refund of their 2011 overpayment.

    • bobbert

      Nah, next year. (They have three years to file a 1040X, why be obvious?).

    • cheetojeebus

      did you see that story on Bloomburg newz about romney's mormon trust? It basically explains a bunch of shit i don't quite follow but he used it to avoid taxes without giving the church anything. They dropped it on Monday.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I swear I am listening respectfully, but what is with that lady, the one who looks like a young Oprah Winfrey? Why has someone impaled her head with a flag? Does she KNOW she's standing behind the President? Straighten that out young Oprah, you are killing me.

    • gullywompr

      Yeah, but Blonde Lady on the other side is easy on the eyes.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Just cut to Lemon Face Girl in the front row. Why you pissed, girl? Because you know Bamz won't drop Michelle for you? What were you thinking?

      • FakaktaSouth

        She's cute in a Larry's wife on curb your enthusiasm way. Sweaty guy over impaled oprah is also making me laugh. He looks like he's been in Colorado, um, voting it up.

        • bobbert

          With bud?

    • VodkaGoGo

      I didn't even notice until you pointed it out. Now I can't stop noticing.

  • a_pink_poodle

    WHY IS OBAMA POLITICIZING HIS VICTORY SPEECH

    • FlipFlopFuck

      The worst two term president ever!
      A complete failure. The most radical leftist administration in our history.
      BENGHAZI COVER-UP!!1!

      • bobbert

        RadioFox?

    • VeraSevera

      Hey. Alpha-male. He earned it.

      • a_pink_poodle

        I, huh?

  • C_R_Eature

    the Cephalopocalypse is Officially Postponed.

    • FlipFlopFuck

      I still will not eat calamari….just in case.

      • C_R_Eature

        That's a safe bet. They can find you.

    • gullywompr

      Couldn't get your superPAC off the ground?

      • C_R_Eature

        It was all I could do to keep Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney from being Devoured.

    • bobbert

      Well, that's kind of disappointing, but I guess I'll just have to settle for a little more hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, and hope.

  • VodkaGoGo

    I can't keep up with the volume of posts tonight. Thank you Wonkette editors, you've done a heckuva job tonight.

    • emmelemm

      Agreed.

  • FlipFlopFuck

    Imagine the relief on this guy's mind.
    Go O!

    • bobbert

      Really, what a trouper, to voluntarily undertake dealing with another four years of mindless obstructionism.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Oh great. Obligations to one another.

    Good God. He is a Commie.

    • bobbert

      I wish.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "The most diverse nation on earth… that's what makes us great." In other words, the times, they are a-changing, neanderthals.

  • cousinitt

    Obama allusion to JFK. He his really laying out what it means to be a Democrat and an American. Wow. I can only imagine (in horror) what a Romney acceptance speech would have sounded like.

    • BerkeleyBear

      10 Go to 20
      20 God Bless America
      30 Go to 10

    • tessiee

      [a la "Peanuts"]
      Womp womp womp God… womp womp faith… womp womp family… womp womp strong American values… womp womp womp faith… womp womp bring jobs back… womp womp Paul Ryan… womp womp my womply wife Ann and our womp million children and grandchildren…

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        That sounds like the dubstep remix of a church sermon.

    • AKHottie

      But what does this mean for Kolob? People demand answers!

    • viennawoods13

      Before or after he ripped off the human mask and revealed the lizard beneath?

  • Callyson

    Aw, my tears of joy have turned into sobs of joy, but now my dogs are concerned. Have to reassure them, BRB…

  • Lucidamente1

    I'm getting all tingly.

  • Wadisay

    Yawn, never in doubt. G'night and sleep well, Wonkz. Good work.

  • SexySmurf

    Dok discovers Breitbart has decided on the new conservative hashtag: #War.

    Bring it on! Do those fat fucks know that actual war (not Call of Duty war) requires standing and running and leaving the house?

    • redarmyzombie

      Their Hoverounds versus my Tai Chi*!

      *Don't laugh. My instructor went in for a double hip replacement, and 3 weeks later was out teaching again and doing demos at conventions…

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I keep someone should launch a campaign to fill the tag with tweets of "Why Can't We be Friends."

    • FlipFlopFuck

      Ooh, that Ben Shapiro sounds like a real tough guy.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Call of Duty is not terrible – thinking it proves you have mad skillz, that is terrible.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Somewhere, Sean Hannity is weeping. KLo is being talked down from a ledge. Glenn Beck is filling chalk board after chalk board with secrete glyphs only he and the shoggoths understand. Rush Limbaugh is looking for solace in the arms of a 14 year old Dominican.

    Today is a good day.

    • FlipFlopFuck

      Mark Levin is eating shit.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Normal day for him. When you think of it.

    • SexySmurf

      It's morning in America.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    wow.

  • Callyson

    JESUS, Obama is on fire! Now, please, Mr President, channel this energy during your second term…

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    He's rolling. Man…

  • snowpointsecret

    Shorter Obama: Boom.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    THAT was a speech!

  • Not_Mother

    Hopey strong ending on the new beginning. FTW, dude.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    good night wonkers. i love you all and i love the president.

  • gullywompr

    JOOOOOOOE!

  • cousinitt

    Oh man. Need. Cigarette.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Dirty girl (I guess).

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Well. I enjoyed that.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i iz tired and we has been on the road for 2 weeks and now it's bed time

    please someone post all the butthurt tomorrow?

  • VodkaGoGo

    Diamond Joe!!!

  • FlipFlopFuck

    FUCK YEAH!!1!
    THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

  • tessiee

    OK, I didn't share this before because I didn't want to jinx anything, but:
    I've been a complete nervous wreck for weeks over the possibility that this election might have gone wrong, less because I vehemently loathed Romney (although I do) than because if he'd won, it would have been because the corporations stole the election while the people who could have stopped it stood by and did nothing.

    So, I've been doing those things like: "OK, if I make the green light, that means Obama is going to win". And a few days ago, I said "the next song that comes on the radio will tell me whether Obama is going to win". I turned on the radio in the middle of the song "Dock of the Bay" by noted blah person Otis Redding, just at the part where he sang: "Looks like nothing's gonna change; everything still remains the same".

    • gullywompr

      Welcome back, baby.

    • C_R_Eature

      It 's a psychological coping mechanism for people under lots of stress. I understand completely. There's a very good reason why Sailors have the most widely varied and rigid set of superstitions of anyone.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "If I cross my fingers while I'm doin' it with this Thai hooker, I won't get the clap."

        • C_R_Eature

          By George, I think you've got it!

    • FlipFlopFuck

      (Hugs tessiee.)

      • tessiee

        You guys are all so nice.

        It's been a tough few weeks for me, for a lot of reasons, but I couldn't admit it, even to myself, because if I did, I wouldn't have been able to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

        But my family and friends on the East Coast are OK, and democracy hasn't been crushed yet, so that's two good things. And you guys, that's three.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      hahahaha i've been doing that shit too. i convinced myself even if i didn't make those 7 calls it would still be ok.

      and of course i totally made those 7 calls.

    • bobbert

      Well, life is not immediately going to be a bed of roses, but there is just a chance that this election represents an inflection point in US politics. There are no real comparisons. We just managed to re-elect a President during a still-pretty-shitty economy, without any big war-mongering adrenalin boost, who also happens to be half-black. And we did this because he is — while center-right — a far more credible leader than his opponent, even though his opponent was, arguably, a more plausible candidate than his previous opponent.

      Electing the better-qualified black guy TWICE offers tenuous support for the proposition that the US electorate may have achieved self-awareness. We'll have to see how it goes.

      As for your superstitions, they're probably more benign than my old-guy fantasies about who, if it came to that, I could take out.

    • Callyson

      I'm not the only one? Oh good–I thought I was a clinical case all through October.

    • DCBloom

      I have a pair of earrings with the Obama rising sun symbol. I wore them all last week for luck. So yeah, you were not alone.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Aw that Otis I have a soft spot for. The song you mention is what I read, somewheres, was the "Top Ten #1 hit" at The Time I Was Born. Which would lead the superstitious in me to endow that tune with "extra significance" and/or derive meaning from it perhaps beyond what is warranted… Still there's more than enough "warranting" our collective trepidation as fraudulence and tampering and underhanded shyjinks threatened to undermine what we knew should be the outcome: Let the best man win!

    • Geminisunmars

      You can relax now. And thank you for holding the Republic together!!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Heh, Springsteen.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Could We Take Care of Our Own have been any more appropriate a song to bring out this year?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    That was awesome. Not only did he talk about how unified we all are despite our differences, but he elucidated the specifics about why our aspirations drive us on and how he keeps trying to make this a better country for everyone. I'm so glad he's my shitkicker-in-chief for four more years.

    • bobbert

      It's just too bad that the assholes that voted against him don't grasp "unified".

    • emmelemm

      Agreed.

      Given the really unpleasant last four years, it would be so satisfying to say, "Fuck all of you, we're steamrolling you now". But this is still the United States, and it's right for our leader to take the high road and remind us of that.

      • BloviateMe

        'tis why he's a better man than me, and why I was happy voting for him. His patience/tolerance astounds me.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Commenters over at FreeRepublic are talking all crazy, they want to start a civil war. I'd love to troll them, but they banned me from commenting a long time ago. Banned me hard. And deep.

    • redarmyzombie

      And my hat's off to you, sir. I could never, ever bring myself through that horrid, fetid cesspool…

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Would be fun to slip in a "suck it" over there.

        • redarmyzombie

          Eh, probably, but I already have a number of Right Wing Nutjobs stalking me as it is (for whatever reason)…

    • Callyson

      The few trolls who are still posting on HuffyPo are completely off the rails. Someone call the people in the white jackets, before they hurt themselves…

    • Doktor Zoom

      They wanna secede. Bye!

      • SheriffRoscoe

        Right, Dok! They think they need a fucking WAR to gtfo?

      • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

        HAHAHAHA! How about that teatard talking about lazy "nggrs" [sic], what race does he think his hero Allen West is?

  • ProgressiveInga

    There's the First Granny!

  • Biff

    There is a woman on stage in a little black dress that I want to carry my babbies.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And with that, FOX News ends its broadcasting day.

    But what fiendish plans will they get up to next time?

    Tune in tomorrow and see,

    Same Bat-Shit Crazy Channel

    Same Bat-Shit Crazy Time.

    • gullywompr

      I might have to watch Fox & Friends tomorrow. You know, for the LOLz.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      This is one way to get Benghazi gate over and done.

  • C_R_Eature

    That speech was a genuine barn-burner. The speech of someone who's got big plans and expectations. I think we're in for a lot of good works in the coming years.

    Bruce Springsteen soundtrack: "We Take Care of Our Own" We really have to.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Their curtain call was a nice moment. And so I shall make mine. Thanks, everyone, for a long, desperately funny campaign season.

  • gullywompr

    Biden 2016!

    • tessiee

      Biden/Hillary 2016?

  • vulpes82

    That shouting over applause bit really got me, too.

  • barto

    Dick Morris predicts he'll get laid tonight. Takers?

    • FlipFlopFuck

      After he eats some crow.

      • ElPinche

        Or sucks crow feet.

    • Callyson

      NO.

    • bobbert

      Pitching or catching?

    • vulpes82

      If he paid, sure.

    • tessiee

      I think the entire Republican party got laid last night — with votes — if you know what I mean.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Mitch Mcconnell now working to ensure Obama is a two term president.

  • VodkaGoGo

    I'm calling it now, Sasha Obama in 2040.

    And with that, I'm off to bed because Ive been up for two days and I'm starting to hallucinate. Goodnight wonkers.

    • BloviateMe

      Say good night to the polite muskrat cooking bacon on the ceiling fan before you go to bed.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Gays won! Poors won! Vaginas won!

    Now, when does Ruth Bader Ginsberg submit her resignation?

    • sati_demise

      Marijuana won!

    • BerkeleyBear

      I'm guessing Jan 21, 2013 or thereabouts. She's been holding on despite terrible health issues.

    • bobbert

      End of this term?

    • tessiee

      Ruth Bader Ginsberg, nothin'.
      When do Boner and McConnell submit *their* resignations?

  • sbj1964

    Obama 303 EV's Mittens and his red state dumb asses 202 EV's and Fla still hanging.Suck on that Conservatards!

    • BoroPrimorac

      The guy from the Princeton election comsortium called it at 332 about a week ago.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Welp, I stayed up for a reason, Chris Matthews saying he didn't want any more "dicking around" may just be the best way to sign off ever. Thanks, Tweety, that was hilarious, and NO MORE DICKING AROUND. For reals.

    • ProgressiveInga

      That was amazing. His point was ridiculous, but dicking around, hell yeah!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Hey guys, I fear that I'm feeding…FEEDING off the anger and outrage of my conservative friends and acquaintances on facebook. Does that make me a bad person?

    • redarmyzombie

      Well, to be fair, their Schaden *is* getting in your Freude…

    • bobbert

      Well, are you responding by trolling them? Are you stirring their anger and outrage into a volcano of terror and blargldsldklkjsdalkaj?

      If not, why not?

    • glamourdammerung

      Hey guys, I fear that I'm feeding…FEEDING off the anger and outrage of my conservative friends and acquaintances on facebook.

      They built that.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        FTW.

    • HarryButtle

      Mine all seemed to have found something better to do than post on Facebook by the time Barry took the stage.

  • Callyson

    FFS, Tweety is so churlish. Why the fuck does MSNBC keep him around?

  • personalrob

    A think a good fist fuck will help Mitt recover. Love the guy…

  • BoroPrimorac

    I would love a children's treasury of butthurt republicans Monday morning quarterbacking.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      ha! i just asked for this somewhere.

    • BerkeleyBear

      That would be more like 14 treasuries.

    • bobbert

      I'm sure that will be readily available on Wednesday morning.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Virginia is for lovers (and Barack Obama and Nate Silver – who Rachel just gave gay platonic love to).

    • Callyson

      I spent a little time in Newport News (near Norfolk, considered a swing region) and I remember thinking "these people are mostly nice, why the hell do they vote Republican?" Looks like they asked themselves the same question…

  • Fairtackle

    VA for Bama, bahahaha

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    so…just at a guess i'm predicting the next four are going to be a lot different.

    also: i will say this again tomorrow but: FUCK YOU MEDIA (except nate) YOU DIDN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO PREDICTING THIS AND YOU ALL FUCKING PRETENDED YOU WERE WINNING AND THAT IT WAS CLOSE.

    FUCK YOU THAT WAS WILDLY IRRESPONSIBLE.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Ehh, Daily Show/Colbert picking up on the stupidity of horse race coverage (and the absurd "razor tight" language) made it okay for me – and the fact that all the quants (Silver, Sam Wang at Princeton and the guys at Votamatic) called it the same helped. But yeah, Chuck Toad taking so damn long to call Ohio (and refusing to call NV or VA until it didn't matter) sucked.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      The next four years are going to be exactly the same. We kept Obama to make sure it's not a hell of a lot worse. If we wanted the next 4 years to be different, we shouldn't have given up the House in 2010 without a fight.

      • redarmyzombie

        Hopefully, in 2 years we can rectify the mistake.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          We could have not made the mistake in 2010. We could have tried to rectify the mistake this year. I see no reason to believe it's going to be a priority in 2014, right when Obama becomes a lame duck.

          • redarmyzombie

            Hm, I disagree. Yes, we did get a little too comfy 2 years back, but I think we did a little better today, and I think we'll do better next time. Republicans had their chance to prove their worth, and they totally blew it.

      • bobbert

        Ah, there you are. I've been trying to channel you in a few places, but I'm no proper substitute.

        Given our Constitutionally-mandated governmental system, what matters is parties, not individuals. If the Democratic Party actually gives a shit about governing the country, it will start campaigning tomorrow with an eye to regaining the House in 2014.

        I don't think there was a lot to be done about 2010. This was an unprecedented backlash against the black guy, in a low-turnout year. I'm not sure how you stir people up about something that has never happened before. Now, what the party should do is make that an object lesson for 2014. Vigorously, and repetitiously.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          The one thing I agree with in Tweety's post-speech rant last night is that Obama has never bothered to use his coattails to pull Democrats into Congress with him. He could have this year, but didn't. Why?? Everything he has accomplished has been the result of having the House in 2008! There's going to be no magical healthcare, auto bailout, Lilly Ledbetter anymore, people, just 4 more years of the debt ceiling debacle over and over.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          "I'm not sure how you stir people up about something that has never happened before."

          You saw how many people Jon Stewart got to show up on the fucking Washington Mall to watch his silly pageant, 3 days before the 2010 election? And then he wasted the opportunity to tell them to fucking vote, instead feeding his own ego with his it's-so-awful-both-sides-do-it sermon? Even Bill Maher called that shit. There was a LOT that could have been done.

  • Callyson

    Only 41.1% of California precincts reported so far and I've got several initiatives I'm tracking. Maybe I should switch from beer to Irish coffee…

    Oh, for anyone else who is curious:

    http://vote.sos.ca.gov/returns/ballot-measures/

    • redarmyzombie

      Eh, I'm gonna have to wait for the morning. I'm jittery enough as it is.

      • Callyson

        Understood–we're only at 51.4% now. But Prop 30 is now (though barely) ahead…(biting nails, making pot of coffee, expecting to be utterly unproductive tomorrow…)

  • Doktor Zoom
    • BloviateMe

      …are we supposed to sing a Rodina song or something?

    • Callyson

      YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Dammit, now I have to calm my dogs down yet again–they get freaked out every time I yell that out. Poor things have been traumatized tonight…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      How freeing! Now he can bark at the moon, sniff around for Muslim treason and stalk Debbie Wasserman-Schultz full-time, without any bothersome official duties to worry about!

      • bobbert

        Maybe DWS will get a chance to stand her ground.

    • BoroPrimorac

      He doesn't get the congressional healthcare for life deal right?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Arise ye workers and join me in a few verses of The Internationale, in honor of Rep. West.

  • Not_Mother

    Just when you think it can't get better… Stop the presses: NBC now projecting Bachmann to lose

    • BloviateMe

      Don't you dare fuck with me on this…for real?

      • Not_Mother

        Still not finished. Now they have her leading by about 1400+ votes w/ 86% counted. Only call of the night that might go the other way from what they originally called.

  • just_a_head

    This psychotic, years-long horse ride of an election ends beautifully.

    Won and done. Thank christ.

  • RaflcaFlkaFlame

    Wow. :)

  • Exhausted66

    Thanks for all the laughs, Wonketters.

    What a great night.

  • Fairtackle

    Maybe the Repubes will realize they need to move more to the middle and force the Dems to move more to the left …

    Okay I am drunk and happy but it could happen …

    • emmelemm

      That's just crazy talk.

      • Fairtackle

        (sigh) I know but I am trying to have a moment, could I just have my moment please?

        • emmelemm

          We all deserve a moment. Be happy.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Fucking Tweety is already poutraged about Obama's acceptance speech.

    • bobbert

      Shorter: Fucking Tweety.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        I love me some passionate Irish Tweety. I'm pretty sure he has that tingling feeling…

  • aklibtard

    Watching heads explode on Fox News as the results come in. So. Much. Fun.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Okay, I'm a little buzzed on all of it. To the point where I got my West Wing boxed set out and I'm about to go full Jed Bartlett on this place.

    • viennawoods13

      There are times when only Josh and CJ and Toby will do. I just finished all 7 seasons a month ago, so probably too soon for me, but I keep flashing back.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I had a 'Filibuster' (whisky, Campari, sweet vermouth, some other shit), five other beers/unnamed drinks and hugged a Kenyan woman to celebrate– in Arizona !

  • Caveat_Echinos

    Please, I am begging you, don't ever link to breitbart again. I followed the link hours ago and just now returned, my soul barely intact. Dear God, the things I've seen.

    • BloviateMe

      My condolences…I went to WND for the lulz, but damn…it's weird they share the same DNA as us.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I checked out The Corner and Red State. Red State is doing a lame "We must continue the fight!" thing, while NRO is more "They are all so stupid. Why won't the listen to us? We should have ran a real Conservative" thing.

    • emmelemm

      I love your little hedgehog.

      • BloviateMe

        Pervert.

  • mustangsavvy

    I liked it when NBC called Ohio and the election for Bamz, they cut to Obama HQ and we hear "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW (motherfuckers)???" blaring over the speakers. BLESS.

    Ok seriously, good night Wonkers. I am tired and happy and relieved and happy and tired. Zzzzzzzzzz

  • BloviateMe

    Fox is pretending to be fired up, but they're just phoning in the rage…it's almost sad.

    • Misty Malarky

      Watching Doocy (or whoever that was) this AM looking like a deer in headlights while being forced to listen to the high pitched whine emitting from Dick Morris' pie hole: priceless.

  • Doktor Zoom

    For fellow Wire fans:

    Wendell Pierce‏@WendellPierce

    Every time I vote I think of Fannie Lou Hammer, those 4 little girls in Birmingham,; Goodman, Chaney, & Swerner.GOP suppresses vote:dishonor

    • DCBloom

      I love him so much.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      BUNK!!

  • DrunkIrishman

    I drank. A lot. I'm gonna piss whiskey for a week. I also humped a chair and then yelled at a lamp.

    • redarmyzombie

      All in all, a good night then?

    • bobbert

      I love lamp.

    • AKHottie

      Was it an empty chair?

    • HogeyeGrex

      So, you're saying it's Tuesday again?

    • tessiee

      "Dropping a coffee cup on the floor, I told it to go fuck itself." — Richard Price

  • AznMom420

    I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and hear all the republicans talking about the fiscal cliff like nothing happened tonight. Its like watching 30% of the country take an ideological walk of shame.

  • AKHottie

    Did I miss anything? Bamz is still pres, yes?

    • savethispatient

      The big revelation is that the miraculous art of "mathematics" has been proven to be true, and there is now no God, just a model created by Nate Silver.

      • AKHottie

        So.. no apocalypse? Bummer. Was looking forward to rapture removing fundies from earth.

        • savethispatient

          There's always the FEMA camps…

          • AKHottie

            Thank god for Venezuelan gas to power the death trains!

          • savethispatient

            The petite bourgeoisie will finally fear the wrath of the proletariat, comrade!

        • bobbert

          There's always December 21.

  • clblabin

    Only thing that could make me happier? Waking up tomorrow morning and seeing that Sandra Fluke just got elected Pope.

  • AKHottie

    Loving Allen West out, Alan Grayson in! Think I'll drink to that. Again.

    • bobbert

      Cheers. Excellent Allen –> Alan swap.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Something tells me they already turned off the TV. I know the lights went out over at my Republican neighbor's house the minute Rmoney conceded.

  • W88

    Sheldon Adelson just spent $100 million and all he got was a crummy Romney T-shirt.

  • W88

    Lesson learned. A Meat Loaf endorsement will only get you so far.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Two out of three is bad.

  • sudsmckenzie

    One 'L" will haunt you in your fucking dreams!

    … just kidding, after tonight who the fuck cares,

    • bobbert

      Well, the good news is, she rarely shows up, so wtf.

  • redarmyzombie

    Well y'alls, I'd love to stay up and keep hitting refresh, but I'm tired.

    Catch you all for tomorrow's Right Wing Butthurtfest!

  • bobbert

    Okay, bitches, it's 2:30 on the Left Coast and I'ma collapse now.

    All in all, pretty good. Ragnarok has been put off for at least four years. There are hints that we might someday evolve into a rational society. And I'm fairly well fucked up. All in all, not a bad election night. Cheers.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Wait. What? I was in the back internet. Catch me up? Is this a big fucking deal????

  • oldedinvn

    Ever furruner here in Hanoi & even some of them VN peoples congratulated me & umerica on the O win.
    Ah, it is great to hear unstupid people.

  • LibertyLover

    Supreme Court. More women. Just saying.

  • BadKitty904

    So. What's new?

    BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA….

  • Misty Malarky

    President Barack HUSSEIN Obama should show some mercy to those who supported Romney.

    1. Give 'em until Monday to turn in their guns and to trade their Bibles for Korans.

    2. With all the pot he'll force them to smoke they might even learn to enjoy their state enforced gay marriages.

    3. Although all government documents will be printed in Spanish and Eubonics only, English versions will be available to anyone with six or more punches on their Planned Parenthood card.

    4. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Sorry – that last bit just slipped out.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Wonderful. Thanks for this!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Obama: "I congratulated Governor Romney on a hard-fought campaign. Then I said, 'Now, go get your fuckin' shine box.'"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Good morning everybody! Everybody still happy? I know there are going to be a lot of rended garments and gnashed teeth strewn along the highway down here in Texas today. Ha ha.

    • cheetojeebus

      HA! Fun times! we need a poor losers live blog, pics and stories of shits who can't accept defeat….sort of a people of walmart thing.

  • BlueStateLibel

    It's like Xmas morning, yeah! And Mitt Romney is now just a bunch of discarded cabling and circuit boards awaiting recycling at a New Brunswick, NJ, facility, never to trouble my dreams again.

  • Disassembly

    What's next?

    • tessiee

      Gay black abortions performed by an atheist Lesbian under an endangered tree on an Indian reservation for all!
      Miniature American flags for some!

  • Misty Malarky

    So, is Ted Nugent dead or in jail yet?

    • mille derps

      Who?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Still irrelevant.

  • Misty Malarky

    Oh, and EAT THIS, YOU MOUTH-BREATHING RED NECK SUMBITCH!
    http://www.thecoastalsource.com/news/local/story/

  • mavenmaven

    Woke up this morning, saw the happy news, rolled back over and lit up a cigarette.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, we've still got Bachmann and Ryan in Congress, but looking at other results (president, gay marriage, Allen West, big Senate pickups, marijuana, etc etc) I'd have to say that I am very happy with the overall results of this election.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I was watching Woodward say how Obama needs to suck up to the House GOP. What a fucking hack.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Bamz aught to moon Mr. Speaker Agent Orange and while mooning ask Woodward to kiss his sweet ass.

  • cheetojeebus

    I'm makin' some pumpkin spice pancakes and having a big ol pot of coffee and reveling in the fuckin schadenfreude. Mmmm this is so fuckin sweet.

    • Barbara_

      Dang, I bet your kitchen smells good.

      • cheetojeebus

        oh it does sweety. I'm lovin life today. For this old curmudgeon it's a nice change.

  • mille derps

    I'll just leave this here… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YajKJJzbmXw

  • Barbara_

    By a show of hands, how many of us feels grateful to be alive this morning?

    • TootsStansbury

      A show of fists?

    • SoBeach

      It's a very good morning.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

    • cousinitt

      It's morning? And what is this lampshade doing in my bed?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I apparently carefully took down some artwork in the bathroom. I have no idea when I decided that I needed to do that.

    • jodyleek

      Yay for the Big O!!! Minnesota state legislature is now Dem in both house and senate and the anti-gay and voter ID requirements were defeated. Yipee!!!

      • Oblios_Cap

        It's promising to be a productive day at work!

    • tessiee

      Me! Me!
      But then I feel grateful to be alive most mornings.
      $: – )

  • valgal2342

    Yawn, stretch…..scratch…..sniffs the air……I love the smell of Electoral Napalm in the morning.

  • SoBeach

    It's always nice when things turn out way better than you dared hope.

  • DahBoner

    Waking up and realizing America did'nt turn the clock back 50 years: good.

    The looks on the faces of the mentally ill when they realize they will soon be sold into White Slavery: PRICELESS!!!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Patiently waiting for my children's treasury of republican freakout.

  • freakishlywrong

    I am still drunk. And still thrilled HaHa bitches! Thank you Wonkateers for getting me through another shit sandwich.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I can't think of anything more full of win than Abdill's lulz photo above; but my inner ten-year-old who's also enjoying it might.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Can we start filling up the reeducation centers now?

  • ttommyunger

    Had to use ear plugs last night. The wailing and gnashing of teeth in my neighborhood was keeping me up.

    • tessiee

      I can't think of a better reason to lose sleep.

      Oh, wait — yes I can.
      Huh huh huh.

      • ttommyunger

        Fer sure!

  • tessiee

    My new screen saver is a picture of President Obama winking, but I like this one, too:
    http://i.politicomments.com/3t

  • tessiee

    Last night, you guys, he did it! He did it! We did it! We said that he would do it, And indeed he did. I thought that we would rue it; I doubted we'd do it. But now I must admit it That succeed we did.

    from "My Fair Lady", I changed it a little.

  • Redgyal

    Congrats to Barry and Joe!