MAKE THE COWBOY ROBOTS CRY  12:49 am November 7, 2012

Live-Blog, The Fab Fifth: Mitt’s Concession Speech And/Or The Meltdown Of His Circuitry

by Josh Fruhlinger

DAVE ... I'M AFRAIDWell, here’s one tiny bit of good news for Mitt Romney: one of your Comics Curmudgeon’s Facebook friends who’s a designer for an events company says Mitt’s set is much nicer than Barack’s. So glad we get to look at it, while he talks about how he lost! Let’s watch him sputter out his last public speech we’ll ever have to care about. Live-blog-time!

12:47: Mitt’s motorcade appoacheth its destiny! WHEEE!!!

12:52: Mitt was classy and called Barack rather than conceding by writing on his Facebook wall. ABC reports that there is some desultory “Mitt, Mitt!” chanting at the hotel. Glad we didn’t get audio, it was probably the saddest thing ever.

12:53 Rich A.: 5 bucks Obama answered the phone “Sorry, who’s this?”

12:55: Here’s Mitt! They were drunk-singing “God Bless America” right before he came in.

12:56: Mitt wishes the President and his family well, and prays the president will be successful. What kind of Republican is he?

12:57: “Besides my wife Ann, Paul Ryan is the best choice I ever made.” HOTT

12:58: Haha, the Baltimore ABC affiliate literally just cut to a local car dealership ad in the middle of Mitt’s speech. Let’s try CBS?

12:58: Don’t know if it’s the audio, but it really sounds like there’s about 500 people in this room tops.

12:58: Mitt is now just asking teachers and ministers and job creators to do a good job at their thing, whatever it is. It’s … bland and nice but kind of weird? HMM.

12:59: “Paul and I have left everything on the field.” Ths is sexy too, right? Mitt wishes he had been able to “fulfill your hopes.”

1:00 HOLY SHIT AND NOW HE’S DONE! That … that was shockingly fast? And fairly classy? Huh.

1:01 Mitt now hugs each of his sons individually, this will take longer than the speech.

1:03: So, what do you all want to talk about? How about that Nate Silver, huh? If Florida goes to Barry as it looks like it might, he will have gotten every state exactly right.

1:05: OK, your other Wonketteers are blog-burned-out and so we are going to do Barry’s victory speech too! FUN! We shall disengage our mean spite mode.

1:06: Bob Schieffer on CBS says that Barry has no mandate because the popular vote is so close. Get used to hearing that over the next four years!

1:09: Whoops change of plan! Your Rich Abdill will be here in a minute live-blogging the victory speech because he loves victory. We hear Barry is still back at his hotel, enjoying a victory pack of Marlboro Reds. We’ll link to the new post when it’s ready!

1:12: This means something: CBS just ran an ad for a Christian dating website.

1:14: Statement from John Boehner: “America elected both us and the President and we need to find a way to work together.” Presumably this is an olive branch and the two will find a way to work together and find compromise for the betterment of the nation and hahahaha sorry we can’t even finish that sentence.

1:18: And now your Rich Abdill is ready to rock your world! Enjoy him transcribing whatever Obama reads off of his Muslim teleprompter, about sharia communism.

 
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{ 258 comments }

kakotechnia November 7, 2012 at 12:50 am

Brian Williams reports: A WEIMARANER HANGS IN THE BALANCE

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:54 am

GIVE THOSE POOR GRANDCHILDREN A PUPPY, YOU MONSTER!

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

Ummm, I think Bamz has a much bigger set, if you know what I mean.

Nothingisamiss November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

…and I think I do…..

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

Columns. Also too.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

Mitt has called the President to concede. Now it is time for his speech. I am so ready for a cigarette and a cuddle right about now.
Mitts and GTFO.

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

Mitt just called Bamz…"What up nigger?"

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

Looking on the bright side, all those dollars from Shelly and the Koch suckers were dollars that didn't go to fund the campaigns of other sub humans and self serving proposals and initiatives.

MissNancyPriss November 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

This is going to be good.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

Aren't you glad you stuck around with us?

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

Ahhhh.

HRH_Maddie November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

Mitt hasn't been able to do "classy" or "graceful" yet…this speech should be interesting.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

Especially the sparks shooting out of his ears, due to circuitry shorting out…

mrblifil November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

This should be McCarthy-esque. Charlie McCarthy I mean.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

Or Joe McCarthy.
Not Eugene McCarthy, though.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

It would be easier to make snide remarks at this point if I hadn't been drinking for myself AND Mitt.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 12:54 am

DO IT YOU FUCKER.
THERE"S ONLY ONE BEER LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

That's cutting it way too close.

Jerri November 7, 2012 at 12:54 am

Tomorrow could we have a round up of our favorite Mittens pictures from the past few years? He should get a send off and I hate to think I'm never going to see the Fudge picture again. Please consider it, overlords.

MissNancyPriss November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Oh yes, we must. I almost get nostalgic and sappy when I think I'll never see the fudge glove or the slow clap ever again….

SexySmurf November 7, 2012 at 12:54 am

And the dancing, white horse you rode in on.

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 12:54 am

I STILL want to see the tax returns, goddammit.

GeneralLerong November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

And a conviction, with federal time.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

That's got *my* vote!

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

LULZ, Republicans singing god bless america

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

Mittens left the hotel riding off into the sunset on the back of a ski jet with Egg.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

The silence in deafening in camp Romney.

As I type this they wake up, Romney about to talk.

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

DATE: 11*6*2012
MSG: Rombot has become self aware. It acknowledges its rejection by the electorate. It has engaged PRIORITY2: Mutually Assured Destruction.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

The bitterest, most darkly angry man in America right now:* John McCain. Romney ought to pay him to give his concession speech.

* By "right now", I mean, the first half of the 21st century.

AtwatersGhost November 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

Concede already you conceited robot!!!!!!!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Here's the only political speech I've really been looking forward to: Mitt Romney's concession speech. CSPAN.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Love you like a cold sore, Mitt.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

So happy when it's gone.

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Life begins at concession!

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Mitt conceding — the White Horse Prophecy shall have to await another PT Barnum to shuffle it along.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Where's Rafalca?

WE WANT RAFALCA! WE WANT RAFALCA!

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

*Stomps foot twice.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Paul cost you the election, dickwad.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Ahhh, memories. MALARKY

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Mitt: In conclusion, onwards to 2016 tomorrow!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

There is No Joy in Breitbartville, now that Mitty has Struck Out.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

You should read Michelle Malkin's blog.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

Is it that good? Is it Schaden-fantastic?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Is anyone else creeped out with Romney's "Outside of my marriage to Egg, Paul Ryan is the best choice I ever made" line.

Jesus guys, just fuck and get it over with.

finallyhappy November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

really- weird!

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

They can finally get a room, it just won't be in the White House.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

OK, no. Just no.

Stevola November 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

Again?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

Get a room those two!

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

I want to thank Paul Ryan for what he has done for your campaign as well.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

"Thanks Ann for putting up for me again."

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Ann Romney's "compassion"? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Ann has touched people with her compassion? That's like me touching people with my vulva.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Not as many as Nancy Reagan …

Stevola November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

Vulva, not uvula

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

Pics or it didn't happen.

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

I guess Ryan has to go back to washing fake dishes…and getting callouses on his fingers from the hot water.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

I've never been so happy to see Mittens! Finally!

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

And I'll waste no time in saying goodbye to him, either!

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

I wonder if Tagg is going to talk dad into "taking a swing" at the 2016 election?

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

I wonder if Mittens had to drink a bit to calm down his nerves

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

pepsi

mrblifil November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

His face looks puffy. Like he's been crying. Or getting fucked by the pool boy.

GhostBuggy November 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

Of course he's been crying. Egg's been screaming at him for a full hour before he went out there.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

Milk.

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

So mad that we're not getting troupes of Romney grandkids crying while holding dolls, and Egg breathing fire out of her nose, and Ryan doing P90X in the background.

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Eggs calls to find a herself a divorce lawyer start in 5….4…..3…..2…..

zumpie November 7, 2012 at 1:16 am

Egg and Jana both looked hella pissed! Actually Jana Ryan looked completely stunned and devastated, too—does she not know the moron she married? As a former lobbyist can she really not read polls?

imissopus November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

This is the most boring fucking concession speech ever.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

So, entirely worthy of him, then?

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:30 am

Derpy derpy derp derp god bless amercia

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Ann would have been a wonderful first lady.

…if she would only marry Obama.

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Let the fapping begin.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Woah, someone just sreamed out while Romney was talking.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

Egg, no doubt.

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

I think Mittens thinks "compassion" and "clammy tentacles of horror" are synonyms.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

"We must reach across the aisle, like I did when my vetoes were overridden in Massachusetts."

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Ah Mittens. Paul is the best choice I ever made. I come all over him. And Egg. The love of my life. And one last chance to cock my head and blink at the cameras like a debutante.

Now. Just. Go. Away.

Forever.

Paul, however, we've got plans for.

DixvilleCrotch November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Do a final dressage dance on/with Rafalca plz

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Thanks for all your hard work. Your check's in the mail.

FlipFlopFuck November 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

Signed, the Koch Bros.

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Man. Did they ever buy a 1972 Gremlin.

mrblifil November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

We look to our parents? What if they're dead like Mitt's parents?

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

Then they're probably Mormon — so win-win.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:14 am

You can still try to borrow money from them, according to Mittenz.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

I can't ovulate, not having lady parts, but I'm feeling a kidney stone move.

Seriously. Fuck.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Not enough American flags. No wonder he lost. He hates America.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

That Traitor!

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Wow — Mitt's reading this off the teleprompter like the guy who urges him to mean what he says went home an hour ago.

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

HAHAHA! Dan Senor looks like he just got done crying.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Nice concession speech crowd, Mitt. I had more people in the room during my last pap smear.

Jerri November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Mitt, this is arguably the biggest public moment of your life. You can engage you emotion function if you want.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

you know what I am going to miss most about Ann Romney? Kate McKinnon's impression of her on SNL.

ChillBill November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Are they gonna let Sarah speak this time?

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

HIs supporters are hooting like a buncha dbags

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Mitt: I believe in America.

Now, Godfather, please kill these animali for me.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:50 am

Fucking awesome.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Soooo, I am moving this here –
Fuck Ann Romney that bitch, she is hiding somewheres so I cannot enjoy this. That dumbass could not get out from in front of the camera for all this time and NOW she is hiding in the hotel, probably drunk (she wasn't BORN Mormonic you know) Dang it. Fuck these people for the last time! And for that, I am truly grateful.

THERE SHE IS! SHE LOOKS DRUNK, or whoever did her hair was, no? WOOOO NOW GO AWAY!

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

But is she Diane Sawyer drunk?

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

Grrl your rage sounds personal. I love it.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:33 am

This was a very short and unsatisfying concession speech. We'll probably have to wait for post-electoral whining and snivelling on Fux and other talk shows to get satisfaction.

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

If they had any sense of integrity, Faux and friends would all self-immolate. Wait, what ….

JaceWyatt November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

I'd love to laugh in Dick Morris's face right now.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:34 am

I'd love to punch in Dick Morris's face right now (or, really, any time).

Native_of_SL_UT November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

I think the Romneybot had an eye leak. They fixed it though.

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Sounds like the victory speech, with a new first paragraph and conclusion

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

When does Mitt start singing?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:16 am

And where's Meatloaf in Mitten's hour of need?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:51 am

And Ted Nugent, also too, hengh?

finallyhappy November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Paul and I gave everything to this campaign. OK- they can get married now in Maine or Maryland

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

"Well, not my *all*, I still have millions stashed around caribbean islands everywhere"

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Actually fairly gracious. You'll only hear this from me once – well done, Mitt.

luke_warm November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

How was that even in the neighborhood of gracious?

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

He didn't light the torches and start a parade down the WH to take down the negro

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

Grading on a curve.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Read it again tomorrow. He called on his base to support Obama. I don't think Perry, Bachmann, Gingrich, or any of the others in the clown car would have been as sincere in saying it.

Don't get me wrong, he's a greedy, uncaring plutocrat, but those few words were the only decent thing I ever heard him say.

luke_warm November 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

He called on his supporters to pray for Obama. Like you do when somebody has lost their way.

DemmeFatale November 7, 2012 at 1:17 am

I got the impression that he was regretting selling out to the crazy train.

Speaking of the crazy train…did ol' one L lose?

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

Last I saw it her race was within 60-something votes.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:36 am

No, he called on his base to pray for Obama. He did admit the country "chose a different direction", but I have trouble calling that gracious, since he made it sound like the country made a mistake.

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 1:16 am

No offense, but that was just another sentence as entirely devoid of sincerity as every other campaign utterance that has escaped his lips, and just as calculated. This one just cut our way.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

"We have give our all to this campaign."

Not if your tax returns are an accurate assessment of your wealth, dumbass.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

He'll "pray" for us. How nice of him.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

Yeah, nothing about following for the chosen leader. Just praying for him

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Could be worse. If you die you get baptized

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

He's already converting us all! Dibsies on afterlife marriage to Einstein!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

He meant "prey on" us.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Wow. Lamest speech ever. Good night Mitt!

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Nothing but sea of bland, sallow, milky, ivory, pallid, wan, miracle whipped, saltined, achromatic, ashen faces in that crowd.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:15 am

Velveeta on Wonderbread with Miracle Whip, and a *diet* Dr. Pepper.

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Will "Mitt Packs It In" be too obvious a headline?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Well that was short. Come on Obama. Give us six hours of the best of the Rev. Al Green.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Get the vasoline and fap tissues ready, here cumz Obama

mrblifil November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Thanks guys! Sorry for making ya look like assholes <wink!!!>

Close_Read November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

This speech reminds me that MItt really was a perfect presidential candidate – for 1952.

All the comments about family. just so retrograde.

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Do not talk any smack about Eisenhower. Dude was on point around taxes (soaking the rich) and infrastructure (fixing the shit out of it, also highways) and the dangers of the "military-industrial complex."

He would have pounded Mittens into dust without even having to mention that he was a war hero, not someone who spent the war Frog-bothering for Moroni.

Close_Read November 7, 2012 at 1:15 am

Good point. The Mittbot reflects a pastiche of 1952 culture rather than the real thing.

emmelemm November 7, 2012 at 3:13 am

Frog-bothering! Hee!

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Egg death-smile now on!!!!!! She is PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED!

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

How has she not turned into a pillar of salt yet?

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

So Mittens… how does it feel to waste 2+ Billion dollars of your billionaire buddies' SUPERPAC money?

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

He;s used to wasting other people's money

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

That sure sucked. They really did write it at the last minute, didn't they?

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

That crowd could not possibly be any whiter, unless Mitt gave the speech to a Morlock Convention.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Romney said he would pray for Obama. Does that means they will convert him to LDS?

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Oh I see…when its us common folks "rewarding hard work with no results is communism!" but when it's Romney, "CNN: he worked very hard…"

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to buying up companies and squeezing the life out of them. God bless America."

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Oh, FFS here come the grandkids.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

Na na na na, hey hey, good bye.

Alternatively, we can start a chant of "overrated" just to taunt Unskewed Polls.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

ooo…what a petty narscissitic little concession speech that was…McCain was a gentlemen. This creep is a creep.

Native_of_SL_UT November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

Losers!

mbatch November 7, 2012 at 1:03 am

He had the same rigid smile he's had all through the campaign. McCain wasn't my choice, but at least he showed some real emotion.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:20 am

I think it used to be called the risus sardonicus…

Jerri November 7, 2012 at 1:03 am

And there's the disoriented, disheveled sedated Egg I was waiting for. See you in the funny papers, honey.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

My heart doesnt go out to Romney…

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

Um, that was the exact same soulless, empty, tell me what to say, no count nonsense he did the WHOLE campaign. Gross. Goodbye Mitt, you are the worst.

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

He looked almost human.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Truck, Trek, Tugg and Jacob looked butthurt.

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Short! I like that! No need to drone on and on.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

Was it? It felt like forever to me.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Obama and Biden look like they're about to kiss in this picture on CNN. Luckily, that's legal in Washington DC.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Michelle and Jill too. Hawt!

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

How come Bush wins an election by the slimmest of margins and he has a mandate, but Obama kicking the shit out of Romney means he has to tread carefully?

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

I almost donkey-punched my teevee over that one, myself.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

If you don't win enough angry old white guys you don't have a mandate. You don't think that all the browns and/or vaginas count for anything, do you?

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:15 am

There is going to be a run on pabst blu ribbon tomorrow

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 1:18 am

It's fucking wild watching Karl Rove and Charles Krauthammer talk about Obama having to move to the middle if he wants to get anything done.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

Because Bamz is blah.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

It's the rules.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Well, at least he wasn't a dick about it. This time.

FeloniousMonk November 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

How many ways are there to avoid saying "The people have spoken, the bastards"?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

Enough of this depressing bullshit. Bring out the Bamz!

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

Amen Wonkers. Amen.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

Fired Up! Ready to Go!

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

I think Obama's opening to his speech was longer than Mitt's entire concession. And rightly so…

DemmeFatale November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

Ann had that "don't go into a deep depression on me" expression on her face.

(She needs SPANX also. Hiss!)

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

they come in a turtleneck?

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 1:27 am

oh i was thinking that and then slapped myself on the wrist for thinking that.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

Mitt Romney has left the building. Let us never speak of him again, except to make crude, cruel jokes at his expense. To Mr. Romney I can only say that you are no-class, self-entitled, arrogant, soulless, lying, hate-filled sack of shit.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:20 am

And Ryan is worse.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:28 am

And Ryan is still the House Budget Chairman. Fuck you, Janesville.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:40 am

Oh, dammit.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

Anderson Cooper stoicly admits that everyone wuz wrong about enhusiasm gap

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

Ok, where's Hopey's speech now?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

Bitch got a dancing horse.

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

PREDICTION:
George Will's next column will be him claiming that his electoral college predictions were not wrong "per se".

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

Ari Fleicher hopes you middle aged people get stupid when you turn 65

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Groove me, baby…

Close_Read November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Alan West has lost. NBC says.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

No shit? Yay!

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

That might my second-favorite result tonight, just because I did not expect it, or even hope for it.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Looks like Trump's private investigators are going to get 4 more years of per diem. #job creators.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Night you funny wonderful peoples. <3

deanbooth November 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

So long Mitt. I hope future Republicans see your loss as a warning about lying rather than a model that needs a bit of polishing.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

You know Republicans never accept defeat as a refutation of their campaign positions, merely as a sign they need to be more extreme next time.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

It was all worth it just to see Egg's rictus grin as she marched off-stage.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

She looked *pissed to shit*.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

OK, a little passive-aggressive, and a lot Ward Cleaver-ish — but overall, not bad.

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

More gracious than Walnuts, that's for sure.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

LOL Michael Steele on MSNBC basically just said conservatism can never fail, it can only be failed. The "butt spanking" the GOP just had wasn't a rejection of conservatism, just the goobers' presentation of it.

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2012 at 1:16 am

keep fuckin' that chicken

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:17 am

Michael Steele trying so hard to give the Democrats 2016. Already.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

We can thank him for the three hundred primary debates which gave Obama all the ammunition he needed to sink Romney's battle ship.

glamourdammerung November 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

Republicanism can not be wrong by definition. Republicanism is never at fault. Republicanism can never wrong, only not implemented strongly enough. If Republicans fail, which they never do, it is only because they were not Republican enough and if you only believed more strongly, then the Randian pixie dust could trickle down like manna from White People Heaven.

GlowneyHouse November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

"Mr. Big Stuff?" Say what you will, ,but Bronko's people get the music right.

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

THIS JUST IN:

Romney announces 2016 campaign.

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:15 am

Right this moment they're discussing how they will henceforth deny their grace to the rabble that deserves it not.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:14 am

Oh phew…Ari says that the Republican party will never be pro choice and pro equal rights.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 1:14 am

Michael Steele thinks America rejected both parties. Fuck you Steele, fuck you.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:16 am

The important thing is we remember everyone came together to reject Michael Steele

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

It annoys me to no end that that fuck is on MSNBC's payroll.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 1:30 am

They finally dumped Pat Bukkkanen, so they need some conservative cred.

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 1:29 am

Did the Democrats gain in the House?
Did the Democrats hold the Senate?
Did the Democrats keep the Whitehouse?

Okay then.

IceCreamEmpress November 7, 2012 at 1:15 am

Talk about "mandate"—Hopey and Gaffer Joe have another four-year man-date in progress, looks like.

imissopus November 7, 2012 at 1:17 am

Andrea Mitchell sounds like she is about to keel over.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

Because she is old?

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 1:18 am

Aww man…Im going to miss Morning Joe tomorrow :(

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 1:18 am

I hope that bile tastes good, Egg. You showed such contempt for all of us, the 'you people' who should be grateful that someone as rich as Mitt would condescend to govern us at all. And we sent you back to your mansion and your dancing horses. So long, Queen Ann, and thanks for playing.

Chow Yun Flat November 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

Romney's 2016 campaign starts tomorrow.

slowhansolo November 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

And only now is it also sinking in that some horrific ignoramuses also got tossed from Congress, also. Too.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:27 am

Or simply never allowed in, TG.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

Yes, some of us will be totally hungover in the morning. The good news is that we don't have to wince at negative political ads while we yodel groceries.

I can't wait up to see if Michele Bachmann wins tonight. I'm hoping that soon she will be asking, "party of two, would you like a table or a booth?"

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

Unfortunately, I'm runnin' low on booze, so I'll probably be hopped up on coffee instead.

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

Crazy Eyes is up just over 1,000 votes with 75% counted.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:30 am

Seeing her shitcanned would almost make up for Ryan's win.

alteredimages November 7, 2012 at 1:20 am

Out on my porch for a smoke, nervous from watching the electoral votes creep up, i saw a shooting star. I made a wish.

You're welcome, America.

Also, Mittens didn't let the Fraggle talk? Did he think, like McCain did of Palin, that he couldn't trust Ryan to not mouth off with his little smartass tightlipped head bob?

lumpenprole November 7, 2012 at 1:20 am

OK, two things about these throngs in major cities gathered to cheer Obama
1) is there a comparable Mitt crowd anywhere in the country? I've been watching tv for hours and missed it?
2) so many of those people in the crowds must have to pee really bad by now.

barto November 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

Rubin to Morris: "call me"

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 1:34 am

What, oh what can Rubin, Morris, Rove and their ilk say now? The new meme is 'no mandate', obviously. But that won't get them everywhere. They went all in and they got nothing for it. I think the MSM is ready to call bullshit on their obstructionism.

cousinitt November 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

"1:14: Statement from John Boehner: “America elected both us and the President and we need to find a way to work together.”

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

He's not my representative anymore, at least! Of course I got someone almost as bad but I'll still take it.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

Allen West is apparently losing by 1000 votes or so according to PBS. What a shame to Iraqi policemen everywhere.

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 1:34 am

NBC calls Florida's 18th – AllenWest LOSES to Democrat Patrick Murphy. Adi-fuckin-os motherfucker.

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

I cannot say this enough, I fucking love Shep Smith. He's just beating it into his analysts heads how massively the GOP miscalculated this election cycle. It's funny because he sorta seems off script because he keeps calling these people whenever they try to fart out nonsense as village wisdom. I wish I wasn't the only one seeing this. Check your local Fox affiliate.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

I am just so glad that the Mittbot is not going to be president.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

They were interviewing a pleasant, soft- spoken older African American man, congressman from Georgia (? name?), about what the Rs should do now, and my brain and I blurted out, "Kill yourselves".

The interviewee's response was a little bit more measured and peaceful, though.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:27 am

I am so crushed.

snowpointsecret November 7, 2012 at 1:29 am

Meanwhile Puerto Rico may actually be putting the wheels in motion for statehood, considering that side is leading in their vote.

mosaickmind November 7, 2012 at 1:33 am

Now Mitt can lead the mass exodus. Onward to Missouri Jesus awaits!

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:35 am

He didn't mean to lead an exodus, he just saw Ann driving the glue factory van and figured it was best to slip out the back and never stop running.

Doktor Zoom November 7, 2012 at 1:35 am
C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

Barry, Michelle and the kids are onstage now. As an American, How could you not be proud of this family?

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

They're too perfect?

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

And HEEEERRRREESSSSS BARRY! Suck it 'baggers!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Text message from The Viking: "No bareback for Mitt tonight".

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 1:53 am

Hey, finally, at the very last moment, the first mention of climate change in this campaign.

MiniMencken November 7, 2012 at 2:12 am

There is weeping and knashing of teeth on planet Kolob tonight.

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 2:40 am

Here's why I have no sympathy for fuck face Mitt. He actually believed his own/RW media bullshit that the polls were wrong. He didn't prepare a concession speech and this was total surprise for him. The polling data was clear . Even Walnutz figured that out in 2008. I enjoyed the Romney klan walk through those exit doors for good.

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 2:49 am

So what's the running tab on the major assholes who lost? :

1. Allen West
2. Rape nut Mourdock
3. Rape nut Aiken
4. Scott Brown
5. Joe Walsh

Did I miss someone? Please tell me Michele Bachmann is voted out.

mustangsavvy November 7, 2012 at 3:00 am

The Republicans are all……"Hey Bamz, dude, like, sorry about cock blocking you for like HAHA 4 years! What was that about?!?!?! Crazy shit, amirite?!?!?! So yeah….uh….you're back! We cool, right?!?!?!?!"

Bamz: I will make you my bitch. Assume the position.

Yay!!!

Nowisallthereis November 7, 2012 at 6:12 am

THINK OF THE CHILDREN.
And Egg, how is Egg? Bucky, Skidmark and Pantywaist – are they OK? I forget the other two, is it Mamasboy and Bedwetter? Anyway, whoever they are, sombody needs to check on them.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:43 am

And they said you couldn't run for President without releasing at least five years of tax returns…BTW: Bob Schieffer must have missed both his meds and nappy-time. I'm thinking of a line from "Blade Runner"; …."time to ……, time to…….." Oh well, it will come to me.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2012 at 10:07 am

Transcript of Mitt's concession speech:

"I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a… fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you. "

DahBoner November 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm

FOUR MORE BEERS!

alvinnewman November 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Come in here, dear boy
Have a cigar,
Your'e gonna go far….just kidding

photo reminds me of Pink Floyd

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Egg had a few hairs out of place and looked pretty miserable. Looks like she's thinking Thank Christ this shit is oh-ver.

elgin_pelican November 7, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Reason for delay: it took Ann and the pups over an hour to talk him out of wearing the dynamite vest.

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