Well, here’s one tiny bit of good news for Mitt Romney: one of your Comics Curmudgeon’s Facebook friends who’s a designer for an events company says Mitt’s set is much nicer than Barack’s. So glad we get to look at it, while he talks about how he lost! Let’s watch him sputter out his last public speech we’ll ever have to care about. Live-blog-time!
12:47: Mitt’s motorcade appoacheth its destiny! WHEEE!!!
12:52: Mitt was classy and called Barack rather than conceding by writing on his Facebook wall. ABC reports that there is some desultory “Mitt, Mitt!” chanting at the hotel. Glad we didn’t get audio, it was probably the saddest thing ever.
12:53 Rich A.: 5 bucks Obama answered the phone “Sorry, who’s this?”
12:55: Here’s Mitt! They were drunk-singing “God Bless America” right before he came in.
12:56: Mitt wishes the President and his family well, and prays the president will be successful. What kind of Republican is he?
12:57: “Besides my wife Ann, Paul Ryan is the best choice I ever made.” HOTT
12:58: Haha, the Baltimore ABC affiliate literally just cut to a local car dealership ad in the middle of Mitt’s speech. Let’s try CBS?
12:58: Don’t know if it’s the audio, but it really sounds like there’s about 500 people in this room tops.
12:58: Mitt is now just asking teachers and ministers and job creators to do a good job at their thing, whatever it is. It’s … bland and nice but kind of weird? HMM.
12:59: “Paul and I have left everything on the field.” Ths is sexy too, right? Mitt wishes he had been able to “fulfill your hopes.”
1:00 HOLY SHIT AND NOW HE’S DONE! That … that was shockingly fast? And fairly classy? Huh.
1:01 Mitt now hugs each of his sons individually, this will take longer than the speech.
1:03: So, what do you all want to talk about? How about that Nate Silver, huh? If Florida goes to Barry as it looks like it might, he will have gotten every state exactly right.
1:05: OK, your other Wonketteers are blog-burned-out and so we are going to do Barry’s victory speech too! FUN! We shall disengage our mean spite mode.
1:06: Bob Schieffer on CBS says that Barry has no mandate because the popular vote is so close. Get used to hearing that over the next four years!
1:09: Whoops change of plan! Your Rich Abdill will be here in a minute live-blogging the victory speech because he loves victory. We hear Barry is still back at his hotel, enjoying a victory pack of Marlboro Reds. We’ll link to the new post when it’s ready!
1:12: This means something: CBS just ran an ad for a Christian dating website.
1:14: Statement from John Boehner: “America elected both us and the President and we need to find a way to work together.” Presumably this is an olive branch and the two will find a way to work together and find compromise for the betterment of the nation and hahahaha sorry we can’t even finish that sentence.
1:18: And now your Rich Abdill is ready to rock your world! Enjoy him transcribing whatever Obama reads off of his Muslim teleprompter, about sharia communism.
{ 258 comments }
Brian Williams reports: A WEIMARANER HANGS IN THE BALANCE
GIVE THOSE POOR GRANDCHILDREN A PUPPY, YOU MONSTER!
Ummm, I think Bamz has a much bigger set, if you know what I mean.
…and I think I do…..
Columns. Also too.
Mitt has called the President to concede. Now it is time for his speech. I am so ready for a cigarette and a cuddle right about now.
Mitts and GTFO.
Mitt just called Bamz…"What up nigger?"
Looking on the bright side, all those dollars from Shelly and the Koch suckers were dollars that didn't go to fund the campaigns of other sub humans and self serving proposals and initiatives.
This is going to be good.
Aren't you glad you stuck around with us?
Ahhhh.
Mitt hasn't been able to do "classy" or "graceful" yet…this speech should be interesting.
Especially the sparks shooting out of his ears, due to circuitry shorting out…
This should be McCarthy-esque. Charlie McCarthy I mean.
Or Joe McCarthy.
Not Eugene McCarthy, though.
It would be easier to make snide remarks at this point if I hadn't been drinking for myself AND Mitt.
DO IT YOU FUCKER.
THERE"S ONLY ONE BEER LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's cutting it way too close.
Tomorrow could we have a round up of our favorite Mittens pictures from the past few years? He should get a send off and I hate to think I'm never going to see the Fudge picture again. Please consider it, overlords.
Oh yes, we must. I almost get nostalgic and sappy when I think I'll never see the fudge glove or the slow clap ever again….
And the dancing, white horse you rode in on.
I STILL want to see the tax returns, goddammit.
And a conviction, with federal time.
That's got *my* vote!
LULZ, Republicans singing god bless america
Mittens left the hotel riding off into the sunset on the back of a ski jet with Egg.
The silence in deafening in camp Romney.
As I type this they wake up, Romney about to talk.
DATE: 11*6*2012
MSG: Rombot has become self aware. It acknowledges its rejection by the electorate. It has engaged PRIORITY2: Mutually Assured Destruction.
The bitterest, most darkly angry man in America right now:* John McCain. Romney ought to pay him to give his concession speech.
* By "right now", I mean, the first half of the 21st century.
Concede already you conceited robot!!!!!!!
Here's the only political speech I've really been looking forward to: Mitt Romney's concession speech. CSPAN.
Love you like a cold sore, Mitt.
So happy when it's gone.
Life begins at concession!
Mitt conceding — the White Horse Prophecy shall have to await another PT Barnum to shuffle it along.
Where's Rafalca?
WE WANT RAFALCA! WE WANT RAFALCA!
*Stomps foot twice.
Paul cost you the election, dickwad.
Ahhh, memories. MALARKY
Mitt: In conclusion, onwards to 2016 tomorrow!
There is No Joy in Breitbartville, now that Mitty has Struck Out.
You should read Michelle Malkin's blog.
Is it that good? Is it Schaden-fantastic?
Is anyone else creeped out with Romney's "Outside of my marriage to Egg, Paul Ryan is the best choice I ever made" line.
Jesus guys, just fuck and get it over with.
really- weird!
They can finally get a room, it just won't be in the White House.
OK, no. Just no.
Again?
Get a room those two!
I want to thank Paul Ryan for what he has done for your campaign as well.
"Thanks Ann for putting up for me again."
Ann Romney's "compassion"? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ann has touched people with her compassion? That's like me touching people with my vulva.
Not as many as Nancy Reagan …
Vulva, not uvula
Pics or it didn't happen.
I guess Ryan has to go back to washing fake dishes…and getting callouses on his fingers from the hot water.
I've never been so happy to see Mittens! Finally!
And I'll waste no time in saying goodbye to him, either!
I wonder if Tagg is going to talk dad into "taking a swing" at the 2016 election?
I wonder if Mittens had to drink a bit to calm down his nerves
pepsi
His face looks puffy. Like he's been crying. Or getting fucked by the pool boy.
Of course he's been crying. Egg's been screaming at him for a full hour before he went out there.
Milk.
So mad that we're not getting troupes of Romney grandkids crying while holding dolls, and Egg breathing fire out of her nose, and Ryan doing P90X in the background.
Eggs calls to find a herself a divorce lawyer start in 5….4…..3…..2…..
Egg and Jana both looked hella pissed! Actually Jana Ryan looked completely stunned and devastated, too—does she not know the moron she married? As a former lobbyist can she really not read polls?
This is the most boring fucking concession speech ever.
So, entirely worthy of him, then?
Derpy derpy derp derp god bless amercia
Ann would have been a wonderful first lady.
…if she would only marry Obama.
Let the fapping begin.
Woah, someone just sreamed out while Romney was talking.
Egg, no doubt.
I think Mittens thinks "compassion" and "clammy tentacles of horror" are synonyms.
"We must reach across the aisle, like I did when my vetoes were overridden in Massachusetts."
Ah Mittens. Paul is the best choice I ever made. I come all over him. And Egg. The love of my life. And one last chance to cock my head and blink at the cameras like a debutante.
Now. Just. Go. Away.
Forever.
Paul, however, we've got plans for.
Do a final dressage dance on/with Rafalca plz
Thanks for all your hard work. Your check's in the mail.
Signed, the Koch Bros.
Man. Did they ever buy a 1972 Gremlin.
We look to our parents? What if they're dead like Mitt's parents?
Then they're probably Mormon — so win-win.
You can still try to borrow money from them, according to Mittenz.
I can't ovulate, not having lady parts, but I'm feeling a kidney stone move.
Seriously. Fuck.
Not enough American flags. No wonder he lost. He hates America.
That Traitor!
Wow — Mitt's reading this off the teleprompter like the guy who urges him to mean what he says went home an hour ago.
HAHAHA! Dan Senor looks like he just got done crying.
Nice concession speech crowd, Mitt. I had more people in the room during my last pap smear.
Mitt, this is arguably the biggest public moment of your life. You can engage you emotion function if you want.
you know what I am going to miss most about Ann Romney? Kate McKinnon's impression of her on SNL.
Are they gonna let Sarah speak this time?
HIs supporters are hooting like a buncha dbags
Mitt: I believe in America.
Now, Godfather, please kill these animali for me.
Fucking awesome.
Soooo, I am moving this here –
Fuck Ann Romney that bitch, she is hiding somewheres so I cannot enjoy this. That dumbass could not get out from in front of the camera for all this time and NOW she is hiding in the hotel, probably drunk (she wasn't BORN Mormonic you know) Dang it. Fuck these people for the last time! And for that, I am truly grateful.
THERE SHE IS! SHE LOOKS DRUNK, or whoever did her hair was, no? WOOOO NOW GO AWAY!
But is she Diane Sawyer drunk?
Grrl your rage sounds personal. I love it.
This was a very short and unsatisfying concession speech. We'll probably have to wait for post-electoral whining and snivelling on Fux and other talk shows to get satisfaction.
If they had any sense of integrity, Faux and friends would all self-immolate. Wait, what ….
I'd love to laugh in Dick Morris's face right now.
I'd love to punch in Dick Morris's face right now (or, really, any time).
I think the Romneybot had an eye leak. They fixed it though.
Sounds like the victory speech, with a new first paragraph and conclusion
When does Mitt start singing?
And where's Meatloaf in Mitten's hour of need?
And Ted Nugent, also too, hengh?
Paul and I gave everything to this campaign. OK- they can get married now in Maine or Maryland
"Well, not my *all*, I still have millions stashed around caribbean islands everywhere"
Actually fairly gracious. You'll only hear this from me once – well done, Mitt.
How was that even in the neighborhood of gracious?
He didn't light the torches and start a parade down the WH to take down the negro
Grading on a curve.
Read it again tomorrow. He called on his base to support Obama. I don't think Perry, Bachmann, Gingrich, or any of the others in the clown car would have been as sincere in saying it.
Don't get me wrong, he's a greedy, uncaring plutocrat, but those few words were the only decent thing I ever heard him say.
He called on his supporters to pray for Obama. Like you do when somebody has lost their way.
I got the impression that he was regretting selling out to the crazy train.
Speaking of the crazy train…did ol' one L lose?
Last I saw it her race was within 60-something votes.
No, he called on his base to pray for Obama. He did admit the country "chose a different direction", but I have trouble calling that gracious, since he made it sound like the country made a mistake.
No offense, but that was just another sentence as entirely devoid of sincerity as every other campaign utterance that has escaped his lips, and just as calculated. This one just cut our way.
"We have give our all to this campaign."
Not if your tax returns are an accurate assessment of your wealth, dumbass.
He'll "pray" for us. How nice of him.
Yeah, nothing about following for the chosen leader. Just praying for him
Could be worse. If you die you get baptized
He's already converting us all! Dibsies on afterlife marriage to Einstein!
He meant "prey on" us.
Wow. Lamest speech ever. Good night Mitt!
Nothing but sea of bland, sallow, milky, ivory, pallid, wan, miracle whipped, saltined, achromatic, ashen faces in that crowd.
Velveeta on Wonderbread with Miracle Whip, and a *diet* Dr. Pepper.
Will "Mitt Packs It In" be too obvious a headline?
Well that was short. Come on Obama. Give us six hours of the best of the Rev. Al Green.
Get the vasoline and fap tissues ready, here cumz Obama
Thanks guys! Sorry for making ya look like assholes <wink!!!>
This speech reminds me that MItt really was a perfect presidential candidate – for 1952.
All the comments about family. just so retrograde.
Do not talk any smack about Eisenhower. Dude was on point around taxes (soaking the rich) and infrastructure (fixing the shit out of it, also highways) and the dangers of the "military-industrial complex."
He would have pounded Mittens into dust without even having to mention that he was a war hero, not someone who spent the war Frog-bothering for Moroni.
Good point. The Mittbot reflects a pastiche of 1952 culture rather than the real thing.
Frog-bothering! Hee!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Egg death-smile now on!!!!!! She is PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED!
How has she not turned into a pillar of salt yet?
So Mittens… how does it feel to waste 2+ Billion dollars of your billionaire buddies' SUPERPAC money?
He;s used to wasting other people's money
That sure sucked. They really did write it at the last minute, didn't they?
That crowd could not possibly be any whiter, unless Mitt gave the speech to a Morlock Convention.
Romney said he would pray for Obama. Does that means they will convert him to LDS?
Oh I see…when its us common folks "rewarding hard work with no results is communism!" but when it's Romney, "CNN: he worked very hard…"
"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to buying up companies and squeezing the life out of them. God bless America."
Oh, FFS here come the grandkids.
Na na na na, hey hey, good bye.
Alternatively, we can start a chant of "overrated" just to taunt Unskewed Polls.
ooo…what a petty narscissitic little concession speech that was…McCain was a gentlemen. This creep is a creep.
Losers!
He had the same rigid smile he's had all through the campaign. McCain wasn't my choice, but at least he showed some real emotion.
I think it used to be called the risus sardonicus…
And there's the disoriented, disheveled sedated Egg I was waiting for. See you in the funny papers, honey.
My heart doesnt go out to Romney…
Um, that was the exact same soulless, empty, tell me what to say, no count nonsense he did the WHOLE campaign. Gross. Goodbye Mitt, you are the worst.
He looked almost human.
Truck, Trek, Tugg and Jacob looked butthurt.
Short! I like that! No need to drone on and on.
Was it? It felt like forever to me.
Obama and Biden look like they're about to kiss in this picture on CNN. Luckily, that's legal in Washington DC.
Michelle and Jill too. Hawt!
How come Bush wins an election by the slimmest of margins and he has a mandate, but Obama kicking the shit out of Romney means he has to tread carefully?
I almost donkey-punched my teevee over that one, myself.
If you don't win enough angry old white guys you don't have a mandate. You don't think that all the browns and/or vaginas count for anything, do you?
There is going to be a run on pabst blu ribbon tomorrow
It's fucking wild watching Karl Rove and Charles Krauthammer talk about Obama having to move to the middle if he wants to get anything done.
Because Bamz is blah.
It's the rules.
Well, at least he wasn't a dick about it. This time.
How many ways are there to avoid saying "The people have spoken, the bastards"?
Enough of this depressing bullshit. Bring out the Bamz!
Amen Wonkers. Amen.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Fired Up! Ready to Go!
I think Obama's opening to his speech was longer than Mitt's entire concession. And rightly so…
Ann had that "don't go into a deep depression on me" expression on her face.
(She needs SPANX also. Hiss!)
they come in a turtleneck?
oh i was thinking that and then slapped myself on the wrist for thinking that.
Mitt Romney has left the building. Let us never speak of him again, except to make crude, cruel jokes at his expense. To Mr. Romney I can only say that you are no-class, self-entitled, arrogant, soulless, lying, hate-filled sack of shit.
And Ryan is worse.
And Ryan is still the House Budget Chairman. Fuck you, Janesville.
Oh, dammit.
Anderson Cooper stoicly admits that everyone wuz wrong about enhusiasm gap
Ok, where's Hopey's speech now?
Bitch got a dancing horse.
PREDICTION:
George Will's next column will be him claiming that his electoral college predictions were not wrong "per se".
Ari Fleicher hopes you middle aged people get stupid when you turn 65
Groove me, baby…
Alan West has lost. NBC says.
No shit? Yay!
That might my second-favorite result tonight, just because I did not expect it, or even hope for it.
Looks like Trump's private investigators are going to get 4 more years of per diem. #job creators.
Night you funny wonderful peoples. <3
So long Mitt. I hope future Republicans see your loss as a warning about lying rather than a model that needs a bit of polishing.
You know Republicans never accept defeat as a refutation of their campaign positions, merely as a sign they need to be more extreme next time.
It was all worth it just to see Egg's rictus grin as she marched off-stage.
She looked *pissed to shit*.
OK, a little passive-aggressive, and a lot Ward Cleaver-ish — but overall, not bad.
More gracious than Walnuts, that's for sure.
LOL Michael Steele on MSNBC basically just said conservatism can never fail, it can only be failed. The "butt spanking" the GOP just had wasn't a rejection of conservatism, just the goobers' presentation of it.
keep fuckin' that chicken
Michael Steele trying so hard to give the Democrats 2016. Already.
We can thank him for the three hundred primary debates which gave Obama all the ammunition he needed to sink Romney's battle ship.
Republicanism can not be wrong by definition. Republicanism is never at fault. Republicanism can never wrong, only not implemented strongly enough. If Republicans fail, which they never do, it is only because they were not Republican enough and if you only believed more strongly, then the Randian pixie dust could trickle down like manna from White People Heaven.
"Mr. Big Stuff?" Say what you will, ,but Bronko's people get the music right.
THIS JUST IN:
Romney announces 2016 campaign.
Right this moment they're discussing how they will henceforth deny their grace to the rabble that deserves it not.
Oh phew…Ari says that the Republican party will never be pro choice and pro equal rights.
Michael Steele thinks America rejected both parties. Fuck you Steele, fuck you.
The important thing is we remember everyone came together to reject Michael Steele
It annoys me to no end that that fuck is on MSNBC's payroll.
They finally dumped Pat Bukkkanen, so they need some conservative cred.
Did the Democrats gain in the House?
Did the Democrats hold the Senate?
Did the Democrats keep the Whitehouse?
Okay then.
Talk about "mandate"—Hopey and Gaffer Joe have another four-year man-date in progress, looks like.
Andrea Mitchell sounds like she is about to keel over.
Because she is old?
Aww man…Im going to miss Morning Joe tomorrow :(
I hope that bile tastes good, Egg. You showed such contempt for all of us, the 'you people' who should be grateful that someone as rich as Mitt would condescend to govern us at all. And we sent you back to your mansion and your dancing horses. So long, Queen Ann, and thanks for playing.
Romney's 2016 campaign starts tomorrow.
And only now is it also sinking in that some horrific ignoramuses also got tossed from Congress, also. Too.
Or simply never allowed in, TG.
Yes, some of us will be totally hungover in the morning. The good news is that we don't have to wince at negative political ads while we yodel groceries.
I can't wait up to see if Michele Bachmann wins tonight. I'm hoping that soon she will be asking, "party of two, would you like a table or a booth?"
Unfortunately, I'm runnin' low on booze, so I'll probably be hopped up on coffee instead.
Crazy Eyes is up just over 1,000 votes with 75% counted.
Seeing her shitcanned would almost make up for Ryan's win.
Out on my porch for a smoke, nervous from watching the electoral votes creep up, i saw a shooting star. I made a wish.
You're welcome, America.
Also, Mittens didn't let the Fraggle talk? Did he think, like McCain did of Palin, that he couldn't trust Ryan to not mouth off with his little smartass tightlipped head bob?
OK, two things about these throngs in major cities gathered to cheer Obama
1) is there a comparable Mitt crowd anywhere in the country? I've been watching tv for hours and missed it?
2) so many of those people in the crowds must have to pee really bad by now.
Rubin to Morris: "call me"
What, oh what can Rubin, Morris, Rove and their ilk say now? The new meme is 'no mandate', obviously. But that won't get them everywhere. They went all in and they got nothing for it. I think the MSM is ready to call bullshit on their obstructionism.
"1:14: Statement from John Boehner: “America elected both us and the President and we need to find a way to work together.”
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
He's not my representative anymore, at least! Of course I got someone almost as bad but I'll still take it.
Allen West is apparently losing by 1000 votes or so according to PBS. What a shame to Iraqi policemen everywhere.
NBC calls Florida's 18th – AllenWest LOSES to Democrat Patrick Murphy. Adi-fuckin-os motherfucker.
I cannot say this enough, I fucking love Shep Smith. He's just beating it into his analysts heads how massively the GOP miscalculated this election cycle. It's funny because he sorta seems off script because he keeps calling these people whenever they try to fart out nonsense as village wisdom. I wish I wasn't the only one seeing this. Check your local Fox affiliate.
I am just so glad that the Mittbot is not going to be president.
They were interviewing a pleasant, soft- spoken older African American man, congressman from Georgia (? name?), about what the Rs should do now, and my brain and I blurted out, "Kill yourselves".
The interviewee's response was a little bit more measured and peaceful, though.
I am so crushed.
Meanwhile Puerto Rico may actually be putting the wheels in motion for statehood, considering that side is leading in their vote.
Now Mitt can lead the mass exodus. Onward to Missouri Jesus awaits!
He didn't mean to lead an exodus, he just saw Ann driving the glue factory van and figured it was best to slip out the back and never stop running.
And ANOTHER New Liveblog is up!
Barry, Michelle and the kids are onstage now. As an American, How could you not be proud of this family?
They're too perfect?
And HEEEERRRREESSSSS BARRY! Suck it 'baggers!
Text message from The Viking: "No bareback for Mitt tonight".
Hey, finally, at the very last moment, the first mention of climate change in this campaign.
There is weeping and knashing of teeth on planet Kolob tonight.
Here's why I have no sympathy for fuck face Mitt. He actually believed his own/RW media bullshit that the polls were wrong. He didn't prepare a concession speech and this was total surprise for him. The polling data was clear . Even Walnutz figured that out in 2008. I enjoyed the Romney klan walk through those exit doors for good.
So what's the running tab on the major assholes who lost? :
1. Allen West
2. Rape nut Mourdock
3. Rape nut Aiken
4. Scott Brown
5. Joe Walsh
Did I miss someone? Please tell me Michele Bachmann is voted out.
The Republicans are all……"Hey Bamz, dude, like, sorry about cock blocking you for like HAHA 4 years! What was that about?!?!?! Crazy shit, amirite?!?!?! So yeah….uh….you're back! We cool, right?!?!?!?!"
Bamz: I will make you my bitch. Assume the position.
Yay!!!
THINK OF THE CHILDREN.
And Egg, how is Egg? Bucky, Skidmark and Pantywaist – are they OK? I forget the other two, is it Mamasboy and Bedwetter? Anyway, whoever they are, sombody needs to check on them.
And they said you couldn't run for President without releasing at least five years of tax returns…BTW: Bob Schieffer must have missed both his meds and nappy-time. I'm thinking of a line from "Blade Runner"; …."time to ……, time to…….." Oh well, it will come to me.
Transcript of Mitt's concession speech:
"I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
"I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a… fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you. "
FOUR MORE BEERS!
Come in here, dear boy
Have a cigar,
Your'e gonna go far….just kidding
photo reminds me of Pink Floyd
Egg had a few hairs out of place and looked pretty miserable. Looks like she's thinking Thank Christ this shit is oh-ver.
Reason for delay: it took Ann and the pups over an hour to talk him out of wearing the dynamite vest.
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