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Wonking Your Face Off: The Live-Bloog Experience, Part III

BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG *thud*AAAAAND WE’RE BACK! Hello, Wonketteers, and welcome to our election-night orgy of zingers and Wolf Blitzer insults. We have broken it up into hour-long posts, to prevent these things from getting too long and unwieldy. We don’t have those fancy tools like the New York Times, which, for what it’s worth, has been not working for, like, a while on election night.

Part 1, from the Good Doktor, is still around, as is Part 2, from the Kaia Mursi.

OK OK enough nonsense, let’s get to the bloog!

10:05: Richard “Rape Is God’s Will” Mourdoch lost in Indiana AND Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin just lost Missouri. Hooray! The electorate is so smart!

10:06: Well, maybe. Remember Georgia Rep. Paul Broun? The one who said evolution and embryology were sent from hell to suck us away from Jesus? He ran unopposed.

10:07: Doktor Zoom swings in with “Akin now ‘officially’ a sucky sucky LOSER.” He then yells something about Warren/Franken 2016 and leaves.

10:17: What the hell is going on down in Florida? There are around nine votes separating Romney and Obama, and some crazy shiz is going down near Tampa. It is not clear.

BUT! They will not be amending their state constitution to abolish the separation of church and state, so that’s good for those folks down there. Except that they still have to live in Florida.

10:21: Josh F. tells us CBS has declared Tim Kaine the winner in the Virginia Senate race, which is a shame, since George “Macaca” Allen would have given us something to actually write about.

10:23: CNN analysts now just saying “Florida” over and over again. This is not as helpful. Also, the Wonkette chatcave is talking about sandwiches instead of the election. This is, somehow, slightly more helpful.

10:25: Dok Zoom: “Nevada is a simulacrum, so it could still be called for Luxembourg.” SEE WHAT I MEAN GUYS JESUS.

10:26: NYTimes election site is down again. It’s like having a zillion people clicking on things at one time is too much or something.

10:28: The remaining states (Florida Florida Florida Florida Florida) are too close to call right now. Time to commence stress-weeping.

10:29: Looks like tottering old Maryland Republican Rep. Roscoe Bartlett has lost, because of Democratic gerrymandering, and also because he forgot he was in Congress and went fishing for two years.

10:32: The CNN schmuck in Wisconsin didn’t get a super-mega-techwall. It’s a guy with a wall of clipboards. What a sport.

10:33: Josh F. chuck todd is talking about people in the “boiler room.”
i think that’s inherently funny.
are there actual boilers, and are NBC employees chained up there

Kaia M. namely, is luke russert there and does he have to be released?

(Note: This Wonket blogger covered the Democratic caucus, once upon a time, and Luke Russert was talking about football and then yelled “Speaker Pelosi” several times into the back of this blogger’s head.)

10:38: MAN there is a lot of text in this thing. Here’s a logo for D.C. bar Madam’s Organ:

(NSFW, sorry I guess)

It’s cool because if Obama wins, there’s a half-hour of open bar! If Romney wins, obviously, all bars must close.

10:44: Obama gets Minnesota!
Josh F. maybe that’s “funny”
“mitt romney put into the woodchipper, like in fargo”

10:45: We are still obsessing over Florida. Blair B. suspects it is the Pitbull announcement that has swung the 305.

10:47: CNN’s Don Lemon is inventing “bellwethers” in Ohio, and points us to the lovely people who are taking calls from election officials to tally the votes. These people look alarmingly distracted.

10:49: Finally, some zest!
Dok Z. FUCKING AKIN JUST ACCUSED OBAMA OF “ABANDONING AMERICANS TO TERRORISTS” in his FUCKING CONFESSION SPEECH

(We assume he meant “concession speech,” but what Todd Akin speech hasn’t been a confession speech?)

10:51: What is poor Todd going to do now that he has been unseated by vaginas? Is there any money in protesting at abortion clinics?

10:55: Wingnut update. Bachmann, in Minnesota, is probably very upset that gross Mooslem Rep. Keith Ellison got reelected, and is up by only 1.4 percent.

The Allen “Bald Eagle Balls” West rumble with Patrick Murphy is still too close to call; 91.5 percent of votes are in and West is up by 0.6 percent. We are frantically googling to figure out if it is too late to request an absentee Florida ballot.

10:58: Josh F. brian williams says he’s getting email from people INSIDE THE REPUBLICAN MACHINERY (robot slaves?) saying thatt they’re nervous about the remaining vote in VA

10:59: I never understood this. Who in Romney’s camp is so nervous that they spontaneously email Brian Williams?

11:00: CNN relieves its projection blue-balls by calling California for Obama, 3 seconds after polls close there.

Still waiting to see if Republican Rep. Mary Bono-Mack keeps her seat over there; her husband, Rep. Connie Mack, lost the Florida Senate race to Democrat Bill Nelson. That’s what happen when you run against a damn astronaut, and now neither has a job, maybe.

(Also, Connie Mack’s real name is Cornelius Harvey McGillicuddy IV. HA!)

11:05: Wolf Blitzer just told us the Democrats are expected to maintain control of the Senate!

And one of them, don’t forget, is a lesbian!

Don’t worry. The Republicans will still be able to filibuster.

11:08: CNN’s resident Republican Alex Castellanos just said he was “going for the hemlock.” His mustache is drooping, his voice is strained. Mayhaps this is the bellwether Don Lemon was telling us about?

11:11: Obama now at 249 electoral votes, per CNN, which is WHOA, WHOA. If he gets Florida, that puts him over the top. Others have 256 for Barry, which means Ohio is pretty important…

And now, just as something miraculous is set to happen, maybe, who knows, I must go! I relinquish the live-blooging back to Dok. Godspeed, wonkers, and don’t forget to hate Florida.

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  • Barbara_

    Sarah Palin is giving commentary on Fox News. She looks tired, dejected, lost and just plain dumb. Just wait until she hears the election results in all of the races for the first time!

    • rocktonsam

      she needs to get laid

      • Barbara_

        For all of us who've shouted, "Fuck you, Palin!" we agree.

      • Nothingisamiss

        I don't think that would help her. But it will help me, always.

      • Terry

        Her husband's business partner must be out of town or locked up.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I would not hit that.

    • Jeffer

      Robert Gibbs is radiating confidence, even while he says he's not.

      • Barbara_

        Hello, Pokeypie. Thanks for all of the drinky-poos tonight.

        • Jeffer

          Welcomes! Tacos and Beer! An election night tradition!

    • NellCote71

      Is there a remote chance she will finally be cut loose, to float a away on a cloud of metH-making smoke?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I fucking hope so.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      And you are watching Fox News because…

      • IceCreamEmpress

        It's schadenfreudelicious!

      • Barbara_

        My husband turned Fox News on for a moment before I started screaming, "stop, stop, stop." He's never heard that before and he got confused.

      • comrad_darkness

        Higher concentration of the Schade that Freundes. I'm guessing.

      • Jeffer

        Because I enjoy watching their growing sense of doom and despair. That's not a good thing. Is it?

        • bobbert

          But the screeching and whining, how you stand it?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I think you mean dumber?

    • Jeffer

      Gibbs is grinning like a maniac on Fox news. This is fun!

    • Yellerdawg

      Is Alaska still a state ? I haven't heard them mentioned.

    • Slim_Pickins

      I thought that was the meth talkin, especially the dumb part.

    • zedbot

      Sarah, you ignorant slut.

  • Lot_49

    Chuck Todd is moving his little tiles around again. Mittens es tostado

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      The bad news is that it seems like Mitch McConnell will get his dream and Obama will be a one term president, the good news is that the term will be 8 years long.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I am yelling anyways!

    • mille derps

      I was wondering who that was…

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        I kinda like it. Drowns out the hum of my computer's fan as I click refresh on the NY Times map that isn't working.

    • NellCote71

      I gave my dog a Xanax.She frightens from whoops and screams. But I danced around with her first: who's the bestest little Obama dog? Who will not be strapped to the top of a car?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    That gif wins the internet for tonight.

    • emmelemm

      Ha! Agreed.

  • Terry

    My cable and Internet are kaput, relying on you all for updates!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Breaking news – I'm awesome!

      • Terry

        Hon, I knew that!

      • Fare la Volpe

        I mentally end all of your comments with a WOOP WOOP WOOWOOWOOWOOP

        Worth it.

        • Dr_Zoidberg

          Yay! People are paying attention to me!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            What else aren't you wearing?

      • comrad_darkness

        Breaking news – I'm glad I'm alone because I didn't stock up for this evening.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Hey, if Florida doesn't declare soon, I'll be too drunk to care – told you you should come party at the Toomush residence….

          • comrad_darkness

            I'm good, but thanks for the invite. I broke out the 35 year old scotch I save for guests. Then I added honey because that's how momma used to make them. And momma voted for Romney.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Florida has sunk into the gulf.
      Texas burst into flames.
      Mississippi has declared itself the Brain Power State.
      Newt Gingrich has converted to Unitarianism.
      Other than that nothing has happened.
      MG

      • NellCote71

        "Texas burst into flames." So summer 2011.

    • Lot_49

      And how will you get said updates–are you dialing up?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      this is happening in our house too. i've got 6 windows open and mr fuf has three (he is always less dramatic).

      our old old old smc router is acting like a republican.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        It's complaining incessantly?

    • BadKitty904

      Mammon at bay, Babylon o'erthrown, etc.

    • Come here a minute

      Kaine now up by 0.5 according to Board of Elections.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Damn it, Wonkette, don't promise orgies and them make them just political orgies of comments. Got my assless chaps on for nothing.

    • BadKitty904

      Um…

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Ok, admittedly, this is normal Tuesday evening clothing…

        • BadKitty904

          Well, that paints a vivid picture, indeed…

    • Fare la Volpe

      All chaps are assless, sir. *adjusts monocle*

      -Pervertopedia

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      (smack!) Rosey-cheeked now?
      (EDIT: This will be mighty em-bare-assing if you did NOT declare yourself as a Lady, as I seem to recall.)

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Yes, I possess a set of ladyparts, which of course affect everything I do in life, from voting to shopping.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Um, all right, now I'm awake again….

          • Dr_Zoidberg

            Hi there!

            Actually, Dr. Zoidberg (the cartoon)'s awesomeness transcends gender norms.

          • bobbert

            But what about Zoidberg?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      *spank*

    • IndianaKevin

      Putting assless chaps on is never a waste of time. Right, Barb?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Wait, I thought you weren't wearing pants.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Akin… Mourdock…

    Hell hath no fury like a vagina scorned, mister.

    • Terry

      Tammy beat Joe Walsh, too!

    • sewollef

      Ok, I'm holding my breath here a little.. Warren has won; Duckworth has won; Mourdock has lost; Akin has lost…. I'm liking this election so far!

      • bobbert

        Baldwin has won.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Take it easy Kermit!

    With so much to give, understand me sugar

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Duckworth! long overdue

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    So now that Scott Brown is down and out, is he gonna go back to being Richard Gere's stunt cock?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      He can go back to jerking off in his stupid truck for all I care.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      He should give Palin a call, she's ready

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Joe Walsh: Deadbeat Lame Duck

    • comrad_darkness

      My god, he'll have to get a real job.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Maybe now he can go to jail for lack of child support….

        • docterry6973

          I hope that I never, ever hear about this sad sack again.

  • HarryButtle

    I'm ready to volunteer for Warren/Franken 2016…where do i sign up?

    • NellCote71

      We have a LOT of good people for 2016, not like the loser Repug line-up of 2012.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      What do you mean? I just signed up for the Franken/Warren ticket!

    • OzoneTom

      I think that Warren will be most effective in the Senate.

      Rather, I would put Gillibrand at the top of the ticket with Franken as the (other) attack dog.

      The Democrats have a window of opportunity to educate people about how the government works. And then go all FDR on the bitchez!

    • docterry6973

      Still holding out for Hillary.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Sanders / Warren (in any combination) and you've got a deal.

  • BadKitty904

    Dude. What tha hell's goin on with Kermit?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      he's crazier than a diebold computer screen

      • BadKitty904

        Dang.

    • IndianaKevin

      His mic is malfunctioning, so you can't hear him, but he's singing in 247/4 time.

  • rocktonsam

    come on ohio!!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Drink!

  • OKthennext

    How do you mix an El Presidente?

    • Nothingisamiss

      I've been waiting for the answer to this question.

    • Barbara_

      It should be done by the most expert mixologist and please, remember that the Absinthe ballot could give you a hungover chad.

    • comrad_darkness

      1½ oz. rich white rum
      1½ oz. Dolin Vermouth Blanc (Martini & Rossi or Cinzano Bianco are fine substitutes)
      1 barspoon orange Curaçao or Grand Marnier
      ½ barspoon real grenadine
      Thinly cut orange peel
      Cracked ice
      Tools: barspoon, mixing glass, strainer
      Glass: cocktail
      Garnish: maraschino cherry (optional)

      From Imbibe Magazine

      Added: hm, "rich white" rum??

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Things are looking bad for the Party of Rape. I just wonder why it took this long.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Well, they were asking for it.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Did you see the skirt they were wearing? And walking in that neighborhood at night?

    • NellCote71

      Really. The south and all. Luckily, Southern rape supporters are usually too drunk, stoned or stupid to remember the day, time and mobile home where they are actually supposed to vote.

    • FlipFlopFuck

      It's Godwin's will.

  • Lucidamente1

    JOE WALSH DEFEATED! (Bad news for Wonkette?)

    • FNMA

      Well, playing with the Eagles for the paycheck did seem to break his spirit.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Funk #49 for Wonkette

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      This is good news for people who hate the fucking Eagles.

    • bobbert

      We'll live with it.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Who will menace suburban Chicago diner and bar patrons into silence with ludicrous moron-bravado now?!

      • Lucidamente1

        Rod Blagojevich in 2026?

        • viennawoods13

          Is that when he gets out?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Aaron Rodgers?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Obama wins New Mexico — not much of a surprise, but it's still a few electoral votes.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    I don't think Bamz is gonna carry Az. Go figure.
    Congress stuff pretty close, 'cept Raul Grijalva is pulling away .

    • NellCote71

      He is doing better than expected from the state that gave us Leatherface Brewer and Sheriff air hole.

  • OzoneTom

    Kerrey goes down in Nebraska, but at least he should bring out enough votes for one EC vote for the President.

    • HarryButtle

      Not sure Kerrey was going to be much help, anyway. Might as well have the seat officially labeled as "hostile."

    • Angry_Marmot

      I thought Kerrey went down on Deb– never mind.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    And Macacca goes down, apparently?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Too close to call still, is what I'm seeing.

    • Terry

      Tied

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      At least my progressive friends in Virginia pay lower taxes. It's compensation for allowing themselves to be surrounded by sexist, racist, homophobic, bible-thumpin' dickwads.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    To be fair, my face was not really on, to begin with.

  • VodkaGoGo

    Diane Sawyer looks like she needs to drop a duece, bad.

    • Barbara_

      This election impacts us all.

      • bobbert

        Damn, you're good.

        • Barbara_

          Yeah, good and buzzed.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Damn! I'm too drunk to keep up with these blog changes. let's just crash the Interwebs, okay?

    • OzoneTom

      Nice that Wonkette Corporation was able to take over the New York Times server farm!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Karl Rove, pure shithead.

    • BoroPrimorac

      You saw that? Cincinnati suburbs my dick.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Assume he next will be seen blowing illegals @ $10.00 a Chevy-full, at least until another Bush gets out of rehab, I'm looking at you Jenna!

      • NellCote71

        That is my personal Dream Act. Or Karl Rove on the receiving end of a donkey act in Ojinaga.

  • bobbert

    As a salute to the loser, I'ma have an Arrogant Bastard before I switch to red wine.

    • NellCote71

      You are having a mitt Romney?

  • DixvilleCrotch

    "This is a game of inches" someone just said on the teevee.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Dick Morris?

    • Oblios_Cap

      I'll give 6 of mine.

      • NellCote71

        Call me. Maybe?

    • BadKitty904

      As are many, if you know what I mean and I think you do…

    • FlipFlopFuck

      You know who else plays golf?

  • Nothingisamiss

    Duckworth, Warren. Ironically liberals with balls.

    • NellCote71

      McKaskill, too.

  • Lucidamente1

    Kos had this little gem:

    "Just saw a Mitt Romney ad in Columbus, on Fox. Polls closed 3 hours ago."

    Discuss.

    • OzoneTom

      You can't take it with you.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      It's to boost the morale of the hackers switching the totals.

    • Lucidamente1

      I just realized: it's like converting other people's dead ancestors.

    • redarmyzombie

      Assume Mitt Loser.

      • BadKitty904

        Ha!

    • BoroPrimorac

      They got fucking fleeced.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      Well, all that Rove and Koch money is not gonna spend itself.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    wait! is it true? is macaca done?

    • Nothingisamiss

      Last I heard he was leading. What channel are you watching/drug are you taking? I would LOVE to have that asshole fail again.

    • Limeylizzie

      Just heard CBS called it for Tim Kaine.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I heard Maca was ahead.

  • smellyal8tr

    The only time on election night I watch Faux News is when they have to call it for Obama. It was classic stuff four years ago. Britt Hume choking it out. Sounds like tonight might be a little more bitter if they are already on track for "Race War" for the next four years instead of "Birther Patrol" that they've been on for the past four

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Sweet ain't it.

    • NellCote71

      I applaud you. Don't know if I would gut out. My finger starts twitching if it gets anywhere the Fox channel.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Currently watching Schadenfox News

  • UW8316154

    Aw Jaysus, not another Florida recount – we've seen how that has worked out in 2000.

    Shiver.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Hanging.
      Chads.
      Erp!

    • elgin_pelican

      Uh, I think that's the same count, now in its 144th month.

  • Terry

    Come on CNN, call a few of these states blue

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      CNN is chicken. ABC already called Minnesota for Barry.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    From Minnesota:
    25% reporting
    Bachmann (Insane) 51%
    Garves (Sort of Normal) 49%

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Is it the wild rice that's at work here?

  • smellyal8tr

    Florida still has people IN LINE to vote in Miami Dade County. Here's the funny part: voters were presented with a 12-page ballot in some counties (and probably told if they didn't vote the whole thing, it didn't count…I'd have marked Obama and left)

  • Veritas78

    Polls held open until 11 p.m. in Virginia.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Luxembourg LIBEL! And I am not just saying that because my children could claim citizenship there if things get bad here

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Olds in scooters rioting in the streets tomorrow.

    • Veritas78

      Hope they've stocked up on their heart pills.

      • FlipFlopFuck

        And their vouchers.

  • Jerri

    I love how Tweety can't hold his bitching until they actually get to the commercial break. I have to say, he makes me nuts but I do love him on election night.

    • Limeylizzie

      I love him, I love his crazy passion for politics and his mad old-timey movie references.

      • 415buzzard

        He's been pretty good this election cycle, taken on a nice "I can't stomach Mittens" approach that I really like to watch…

        • Toomush_Infer

          Yeah, I think he's snorted too much coke today…he couldn't shut up by noon….

      • Jerri

        Yep. His pure joy on election night is one of my favorite things in the world.

        • Limeylizzie

          I really enjoy the fact that he hates Mitt, Rove and those bastards.

          • Jerri

            That's rather pleasant too.

  • Guppy

    Official Puerto Rico referendum results (in English) here.

    Long story short, "No" means asking for statehood.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Estado Libre y Asociado, Compai.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Damn! They'll shoot up the Capitol again.

      I can make a fortune making 51 star flags!

      • Chichikovovich

        Let's keep the 50 state flag. Let South Carolina take a mulligan on the whole secession thing.

    • Steverino247

      Puerto Ricans are just asking for it, you say?

      • Guppy

        "No" means "sí."

    • BoroPrimorac

      I can't imagine Puerto Rico ever becoming a state and turning into Hawaii. That would be the saddest shit ever. We'd lose our peculiar Spanish, our customs and our culture, for fuck's sake.

      • Guppy

        The flag has been flying over Hawaii for about three weeks longer than Puerto Rico. If the island hasn't drastically changed by now…

  • emmelemm

    So, all you glib East Coasters, with your states all called and everything, us West Coasters may not need to stress over whether our states will go for Bamz (they will), but we haven't even gotten our FIRST returns on our local races, initiatives and so forth.

    The nail biting continues!!!

    • bobbert

      Also, too, the drinking.

      That can't be just me.

    • sewollef

      Yeh, yeh, yeh…. But just think how many more hours of drinking you get.

      I envy you lot, d'you know that?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Pizza man wheres my pizza!!

    PIIIZZZAMAAAAN!!

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      You should be making your own pizza, like all good communists.

    • Limeylizzie

      That is so fucking excellent and also insane!

  • VodkaGoGo

    Hey, I just noticed Dancing With The Stars isn't on. WHAT THE FUCK AMERICA?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Some of us missed Jeopardy!, too.

      • 102415

        Mr. 102415 was furious for ten minutes over NO JEPURDY!?

  • Limeylizzie

    Megyn Kelly to Rove: "Is this math you do as a Republican just to make yourself feel better, or is this real math?

    • VodkaGoGo

      Ooooh I missed that. I'm putting that in the spank bank for later.

    • Chichikovovich

      When even the Fox boopsies are sticking the shiv in, you know it's going to be a long night, Karl.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Minnesota goes blue!

  • Limeylizzie

    Megyn Kelly to Rove: "Is this math you do as a Republican just to make yourself feel better

    • C_R_Eature

      Mathsturbation.

  • Limeylizzie

    Man, Tan Man Boner was shit-faced in that concession speech.

    • bobbert

      Wut? Certainly Boner dinna lose?

      • Limeylizzie

        Sorry, just my dreams, his acceptance speech.

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        Assuming she meant Sen. Stapledick.

    • tessiee

      And this is different from every other day, how?

  • VodkaGoGo

    WI for Bammerz. Damn, Romney/Ryan is a fucking horrible ticket.

    • Chichikovovich

      Has a ticket ever lost all 5 of its home States before?
      And it would be all 6, if Ontario had any Electoral College votes.

      • 102415

        That's funny.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    the economist soft right bloggers are all sad and saying it's over. tho they also point out:

    So many numbers," complains Megyn Kelly

    hee.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      She also apparently said ""Is this just math you do as a Republican to make you feel better, or is it real?" Which is just awesome.

      • emmelemm

        Dumbest fucking person ever.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        "Me-Gyn no understand counting things!"

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      'Math is hard! Tee-hee!"

      • bobbert

        Do you think Megyn has a pull-tab on her back?

        'Cause, I'm good with that.

    • NellCote71

      It perhaps us not her fault, but anyone who spells her name Megyn should reconsider.

  • BadKitty904

    "Tonight, on Fox! Wailing and gnashing of teeth!"

    • Oblios_Cap

      My favorite show!

    • bobbert

      Now, if they had some rending of clothes, I might watch for a while.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      If they were true patriots they'd commit Seppuku with the cameras running.

      • NellCote71

        With votes, of course.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Much pulling of tufts out of wigs?

  • rocktonsam

    COME ON OHIO!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    PBS saying their exit poll scores Mitt with an unprecedented 7% among the black vote. I'm just wondering where they're finding these black people, because after Herman Cain and Clarence Thomas I don't know any other black people who might vote for him.

    • Biff

      Man of Steele, and that cross-eyed guy that worked for cheney?

      • viennawoods13

        Allen West also, too.

    • bobbert

      Is that unprecedentedly high, or unprecedentedly low?

    • comrad_darkness

      Baptists who didn't want to vote for a Muslim?

      I got nothin'

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Peggers thinks the magic dolphins might save this thing.

    • BadKitty904

      She's still up?

      • glasspusher

        She's high alright, but not on false drugs!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Peggy Noonan? Really?

    • Barbara_

      One more face lift and that bitch is going to have a goatee.
      Honey, which strand of pearls will you be wearing tonight? All of them.

    • bobbert

      Probably a hologram.

  • VodkaGoGo

    Rahm Emanual is on and he is smiling because he has a giant rubbery boner right now.

    • rocktonsam

      RAHMZ makes Richie look like a piker

  • Terry

    John King says you have to look where the people are when considering voting patterns. Really?

    Cable is back.

    • bobbert

      Pundit derp derp derp.

      No real drama, so derp derp derp.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      It's that kind of frontier gibberish that made this country great.

  • Biff

    Peggington of Nooninghamshire has resisted the urge to faint over the $6billion wasted on this election with no gains, declares Florida to be "as tight as a gnat's ass stretched over a snare drum".
    Nice turn of phrase, there.

    • redarmyzombie

      Truly, a woman of high class…

      • Biff

        Actually, she didn't say that, but I'd like to think she might've.

        • redarmyzombie

          Eh, whatevs, she's still a shrieking hell-witch.

    • glasspusher

      kkkkk

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Fox News [sic] somehow got Peggy Nooooooonan out of her vicodin haze for an interview.
    Remind me why, again, we should care about her opinions*

    *w/o mentioning St. Ronnie of Reagan

    • Chichikovovich

      Because she reminds us of Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard?

      • emmelemm

        It's the elections that got small!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i'm getting seriously drunk can't we call this shit yet?

    • BadKitty904

      If I sit veeeeeeeeeeery still and hold on veeeeeeeeeeeery tight, I won't fall outta this chair.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I've lost count of the Cuba Libres and can't feel my face, but I think I'm smiling….

      • NellCote71

        We are looking pretttty good.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    David Gergen says that the important thing is the popular vote

    • Veritas78

      Unless you actually want to be President.

      • NellCote71

        And not being David Gergen.

    • glasspusher

      I sure wish it was in 2000

      • Dr. Nick Riviera

        Nah, the popular vote is only important when you have candidates ending in vowels and sometimes vowels

    • AlterNewt

      Thanks, David Gergen. You are a treasure.

    • viennawoods13

      Jesus I just checked that. Then I remembered… California.

      • bobbert

        Yeah. We got quite a few votes to count yet.

  • AlterNewt

    Ian Pannell, BBC @ Romney HQ: "Pretty somber, I would have to say…"

  • Oblios_Cap

    BREAKING NEWS – Axelrod ain't shaving anytime soon.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    Did Romney offer his lately completely invisible running mate Ryan as a sacrifice? If so, it's not working very well, maybe because people doubt he's actually running this time.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Hey guys! What's everyone doing here? Is something important going on?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Have y'all legalized it yet or what? And if so, remember I loved you before we could get weed legally and crash on your couch.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        We have 12 minutes before the "polls" close. But we deported them and now use the Post Office, so how that matters I'm not sure, but the counters must keep mum until 8:00.

        • emmelemm

          I b'leve they said they're making ONE announcement tonight, at 8:15, and then commencing counting ballots received today and shutting until tomorrow, at least.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I legalized it a looong time ago. And you don't have to stay on the couch.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Yes, it's the bi-monthly quilting bee. Did you not get the memo?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Just waiting to see if the Four win on marriage equality.

    • BadKitty904

      We're playing Hearts!

    • glasspusher

      It's very strange. It's a Tuesday without a Republican rentboy scandal.

    • FlipFlopFuck

      We were discussing fucking the krazee….yeah or nay?

  • IndianaKevin

    Applause! Because Noonan is done!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      wait! why!??!!?

    • bobbert

      You mean, like, she's never going to write or say anything for publication again?

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Oh Peggers is going to hate fuck John of Orange tonight!

  • viennawoods13

    Whoo Hoo!! Minnesota!

    • Toomush_Infer

      Minnesota! My home town!….

    • Chichikovovich

      Viennawoods13 – thank heaven's you're here. I can't find anything about what's happening in Gander-Twillingate or Nickel Belt.

      • viennawoods13

        Hopefully in 3 years they'll be kicking those Conservative bums out.

  • glasspusher

    Someday we'll find it/the rainbow connection/the lovers/the dreamers/ and me…

    • BadKitty904

      Dude, it truly isn't easy bein green…

      • glasspusher

        I am this close to breaking out my acoustic guitar and playing that…

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Sounds like communism to me.

      • glasspusher

        Your point being..?F#m, A, D, E

        • bobbert

          Dude, those aren't the changes for the Internationale.

  • BumbleKid

    Charlie Pierce winning the twitter machine:
    Please baby Jeebus, you know I'm your amigo. Let Romney end up with 47 percent of the vote. #election2012

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I don't think y'all are nearly drunk enough yet.

    • FlipFlopFuck

      It's too close to last call.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      I just spanked Dr. Zoidberg. It's time to cut me off!

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Zoidberg has been cracking me up tonight.. so I hope you mean in the nicest sense of the word~

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          I refer to the Assless Chaps Incident.

    • bobbert

      Working on it. We gotta pace ourselves a little on the Left Coast.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        I upfisted your Arrogant Bastard comment. It's popular around these parts in Virginia, too.

        • bobbert

          Stone, in San Diego, makes quite a few good brews. AB reminds me of my favorite English bitter, Director's Club.

  • Come here a minute

    CBS says MACACA DOWN! Yay Tim Kaine!

  • courtneyesq

    Does anyone know how Jill Stein did tonight? My husband (who insists on calling himself a fiscal conservative, but is, in fact, a socialist) wants to know, as he voted for her….

  • Biff

    FOCKS NEWS ALERT: COLORADO TOO CLOSE TO CALL!!!!!!11!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Congress
    Ron Barber [nee Giffords] ahead of Martha McSally [fighter pilot] 52-47,
    still very early in count.

  • BloviateMe

    God damn it Floria/Ohio.

    I think it's time for the ol' Billy Baroo…oh billly billy billy…..

  • IndianaKevin

    Robert Gibbs: When Repub. approval rating is lower than national drinking age, that's bad. No wonder he's a consultant!

  • Barbara_

    Awesome tweet:
    Patton Oswalt ‏@pattonoswalt
    FOX News should play Karl Rove on with adorable oboe music & have a cartoon cupcake say, "What a smart little potato!" when he's done.

  • snowpointsecret

    Wait we moved over here? Let me say it here too.

    Some man in a commercial comparing the Democrats to Socialist Hungary.

    … What?

    • Limeylizzie

      That Peterffer guy, isn't that nutty?

    • BadKitty904

      They both put too much water in the goulash? What?

    • Come here a minute

      Some consultant had to run those ads to get a commission!

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Ha ha stupid rich dude you wasted your fucking money.

  • Badonkadonkette

    Chris Jansing reporting from a subdued, even dejected, Romney campaign HQ…she looks so pleased.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh, yeeeaahhhh – that is priceless….

  • Lazy Media

    Jaysus Fookin Cheerist. I am drunk to the point of New Orleans Mardi Grasness.

    Yet. Mittens has yet to defy a single Nate Silver prediction yet. Slang!

  • Veritas78

    FL, Bronco up by 56k with 90% reporting.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    And now, Dick Morris at 7:44 here on the West Coast:

    "dont give up!"

    • Chichikovovich

      That would be the Dick Morris who predicted a Romney landslide and said there would be a massive day of reckoning for all the pundits who royally screwed the pooch, right? That Dick Morris?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Yeah, that's the one. His Twitter has been getting steadily more desperate and way less optimistic over the last two hours. It's been fun to watch.

      • bobbert

        Yeah. The one who will, nevertheless, still make more money punditing in a year than the median US citizen will make in his/her lifetime.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Quick! Let's conquer another country and make it a state!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Sheriff Arpaio declares state of emergency in Maricopa County. No election results for his office will be counted.

  • Veritas78

    Nate Silver sez: "Early bellwethers in Colorado bode well for Barack Obama."

    • Simple J Malarkey

      If Obama wins Colorado and Iowa, seems he could lose Florida, Ohio, North Carolina and Virginia, and win the election. Of course, the Romney campaign is counting the votes in Colorado, so Ohio and/or Florida would be good to win. Too many damn states close enough to steal.

    • bobbert

      Yeah but he's a wee effeminate,
      ……
      balls-on statistics nerd. (And I always use nerd as a compliment).

  • Limeylizzie

    Todd Akin is speaking, my ovaries are smiling.

    • Steverino247

      Can you sing from your diaphragm?

    • sewollef

      Your ovaries are sweet…

  • VeraSevera

    Bend over Paul Ryan. You know you like it.

  • Lucidamente1

    Minnesota goes for Bamz. You know what Crazy Eyes will say?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      I'm thinkin'…a bunch of gibberish and then some Muslim blaming.

      • bobbert

        And un-American, and John Wayne and blarglusl;dfhlksajldkcmkm. <thud>

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Orgasm?

    Orgasm.

    • Biff

      O gasm.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Akin's got an epic comb over.

  • kingofmeh

    most thoroughly counted state thus far: north carolina. with 95% of precincts reporting, election is running 50/49 R/O.

    nate silver's prediction for NC – 50/49 R/O.

    score one for the nerds.

  • sbj1964

    Mittens is already writing his concession speech.

  • Limeylizzie

    Very ungracious concession speech by Todd Akin.

    • BadKitty904

      "FUCK you, ya bastids!"

    • Oblios_Cap

      Well, an asshole is an asshole no matter what the situation.

    • FlipFlopFuck

      The diseased weasel can go back to protesting outside abortion clinics….and spending more time with his family.

    • Chichikovovich

      Good! I wish he had started shouting out verses from Leviticus and Revelation.

    • bobbert

      Gosh, that's surprising, isn't it. Such a gentleman and all.

    • BoroPrimorac

      That was some Children of the Corn stuff. Fucking spooky.

      Claire beat him by nine points.

  • stew1

    George Will wuz wrong–Obama took Minnesota to the suprise of no one but George Will.

    • stew1

      In the words of George Will's ex-wife: "take it somewhere else, buster!"

  • VodkaGoGo

    Im finding this all very hard to fap to. C'mon Florida, show us your votes!

    • BadKitty904

      Florida – The Coy State

    • Chichikovovich

      The state is being a bit flaccid right now.

    • bobbert

      Give me Ohio and Colorado, and FL is just an interesting close call.

  • AlterNewt

    Debbie Wasserman Shultz is 'excited'. And 'confident'.

    • bobbert

      And 'hot'.

      Oh, sorry.

  • snowpointsecret

    53-46 Obama in Hamilton County, Ohio. That's a huge deal.

    • emmelemm

      But is it a Big Fucking Deal?

  • gullywompr

    Hey Akin, you FAILED to build that!

    • gullywompr

      This is not a concession speech at all… Legitimate sour grapes.

      • bobbert

        "I'm sorry that you assholes think I have to concede, just because I lost".

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Hafez al-Assad of Missouri is concessioning. Why are we listening to your stump bullshit, you fucking loser?!

    • prommie

      Just to let you know, Chet, I love you.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Is it too soon to congratulate Joe Walsh on his imminent retirement? The only question now is whether he will move from his Congressional office suite to a homeless shelter.

  • LePiston

    Todd Akin is giving his concession speech, and I am yelling at him to eat shit.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Yell Louder!

    • Blueb4sinrise

      A great cry was heard throughout the land. If we all yell, he'll hear it.

      • LePiston

        That fucker is tone deaf. I am waiting for Mittens to give his concession speech. I might throw my wine at the tv. TMI but I got my lady flu today and I think I am scaring my husband.

        • Blueb4sinrise

          Don't worry, no-one reads these threads.

          • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

            Negropolis Libel!

  • sbj1964

    Come on Florida! president 16,000 votes ahead.

  • Jerri

    Haha Akin. Go start a church already, ya goon.

    • Biff

      His concession speech really sucked.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i am only staying up to see egg at the concession speech.

    (and be drunk with all you people, obv.)

    • Limeylizzie

      I just made a freakishly large and strong cup of coffee and am guzzling it just so I can scream at Egg and Mitt.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Go Lizzie!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      we're here! drunk also.

    • OzoneTom

      Are Those People allowed medicinal brandy for such occasions?

    • bobbert

      Somebody be sure to get a youtube of the concession speech. It will be small recompense for the shitstorm of lies we've had to endure, but recompense still.

  • Veritas78

    Dang. I missed Scott Brown's concession speech. Oh, well…

    • BadKitty904

      I'm sure it'll be online, for your eventual delectation…

    • 102415

      It was stupid and he was smiling like an idiot.

  • sbj1964

    I bet Mittens go's all Al Gore for a recount.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      If they give Ohio AND Florida to Obama, you can bet he'll demand a recount.

      • tessiee

        PRESIDENT Obama won Ohio and Florida!
        Fuck you, MItt!
        Fuck you, Koch Bros.!

  • gullywompr
    • 102415

      I just stole that . Thanks.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Allen's conceding right now! Virginia remains free!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Sweet that. Very sweet!

    • Come here a minute

      Thanks for the heads up — watching the loser now! This is the first time I intentionally watched him!

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Did CNN report this and I missed it?

    • Steverino247

      Sic Semper Macaca!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Karl Rove – still a penis with ears.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Akin is looking animatronic and/or waxen. Bless his heart.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    16000 vote difference in Florida…

  • mille derps

    Mittsouri. Bah!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      How could someone vote for Romney and McCaskill?

      • bobbert

        Against Obama, against Akin. Possible, I guess.

  • BloviateMe

    Akin needs to ease up on the rouge.Them's some rosy cheeks.

    • mille derps

      Crikey- he's not wearing pants neither?

    • BadKitty904

      Pre-stroke, almost, even…

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    I better not find the motherfucker who stole my pants!!

    *belch

    • tessiee

      Tee hee!
      [runs away with slowhansolo's pants]

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        Oh, it's OK. Guess the night turned out to be pants-optional anyway,

  • neiltheblaze

    Senator Warren. Has a charming ring to it, don't you think?

    • mille derps

      Charming and delightful.

    • Yellerdawg

      Vice President sounds better. Clinton/Warren 2016!

  • stew1

    Dick Morris should stick to sucking prostitute toes–his prognistication skills (Romney landslide!!!) are lacking.

  • Lucidamente1

    Peggington Noonington just tweeted:

    "I suspect both Romney and Obama have a sense of what's coming, and it's part of why Romney looks so peaceful and Obama so roiled."

    Discuss.

    • BadKitty904

      She's high?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Probably a quarter way through her case of wine.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      WTF?

    • mille derps

      Romney finally gets that long vacation. Obama gets 4 more years.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      That was from her column last Friday.

      • Lucidamente1

        Retweeting her own stuff: think of it as pundit drunk dialing.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Hitler looked peaceful at the end too.

    • redarmyzombie

      Hellwitch says what?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      In the Confessional the priest directed Peggers to say 5 Our Fathers, 5 Hail Marys and drink 5 quarts of gin.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      One shouldn't drink gin on an empty stomach.

    • comrad_darkness

      Oh dear. I have to agree with her on this. No one should want this job.

    • tessiee

      Wishful thinking?

  • sbj1964

    GOP senate races shut down like a head shop next door to a church.

  • kingofmeh

    more "nate silver was right" evidence: delaware counted to 99% of precincts.

    outcome: O/R 59/40
    silver prediction: 60/40

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Flake [Flake] leads Carmona {Surgeon General] for Kyl's [major fucking asshole] Senate Toilet.
    51- 44

    • mille derps

      That is bad news, but how many precincts had reported?

      • Blueb4sinrise

        less than half……….

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Let's hope the urban vote swings this thing.

    • bobbert

      Ah, that's disappointing.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Carl Rove, "just wait until the next election!"

    • docterry6973

      I wonder how much Ol' Turdblossom pocketed out of all those hundreds of millions of dollars that passed through his hands.

      • tessiee

        I'm estimating, but I think a titload.

  • Jerri

    Lioness of the senate on msnbc now.

  • gullywompr

    Liz! Liz Liz! Liz!

  • snowpointsecret

    Romney's VA lead only 25,000 now. Meanwhile, NC seeming to be getting too far out of reach for Obama to win there but not that big of a deal.

  • smellyal8tr

    Repub friends are txting that FL is to be called for Obama just after 11 ET (even with people in line, I guess). Axelrod could barely contain his smile while on with MSNBC

  • NellCote71

    I have such a girl crush on Elizabeth Warren.

  • Barbara_

    Tim Kaine wins control in Virginia! GOP losing control in Vagina.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm hoping that damned fool Allen never holds public office ever again.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It would be real cool if Elizabeth Warren would hold up three fingers behind her head, do the Tomahawk Chop, and sing the Atlanta Braves war chant during her victory speech.

    • BadKitty904

      "EAT it, paleface!"

    • redarmyzombie

      "Stupid fucking white man!"

    • AlterNewt

      Totally inappropriate. Hope she does it.

    • BoroPrimorac

      How do you like them apples, you fancy, male model cunt?

  • Blendergoathead

    Yay Elizabeth!

  • Limeylizzie

    Umm, this from Jodi Kantor on Twitter- When Romney lost to Kennedy he lay on the floor with a white lily and said "welcome to my funeral." What will he do tonight if he loses?

    • BadKitty904

      Hold his breath 'til he turns blue, ideally…

    • BoroPrimorac

      Have a soda pop?

    • tessiee

      Lay on the floor with a white Egg?

  • AlterNewt

    Idiot Republican strategist patiently explains to BBC host:

    "You see, we, here in America, have what has traditionally been called the Gender Gap."

  • Limeylizzie

    I heard they called NC for Mittens, anyone else hear that?

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      John King pretty much did on CNN but nothing official

    • gullywompr

      Yep.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      Nate Silver already did that weeks ago.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      OK CNN just called it for Romney

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Faux did

    • GlowneyHouse

      Not a huge surprise. Closer than I thought it would be.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Yup.

  • Barbara_

    President Obama wins Hawaii. I wonder if he's ever been there before?

    • emmelemm

      What? Isn't it still like 4:00 in Hawaii?

    • Limeylizzie

      Sure as shit he weren't born there.

      • Barbara_

        LimeyLizzie, you delight me so.

        • Limeylizzie

          I live for your kind words, sister mine.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Ha. bet he won Kenya too. Derp, derp.

    • docterry6973

      I think one of his fathers lived there for a time. Hard to keep it straight.

  • prommie

    I can't keep up. I ain't drunk enough to howl at the moon about this, I ain't sober enough to make sense. I love you fakakta!

    • Barbara_

      I am voting for Prommie and Fakakta!

    • FakaktaSouth

      I love you! Even if you told Chet you loved him first. But, of course, I love him too, so I understand. I wish you were with me, this would be funner.

      • prommie

        Well this is the last election we won't be together, thats good at least!

  • Barbara_

    Denver Post calls Colorado for Obama.

    • Limeylizzie

      Really???

      • Barbara_

        Check my Tweets, Sis.

    • bobbert

      There is, pretty much, your dagger.

  • BloviateMe

    WTF? Too close to call in Oregon? God damn it…I'm drunk, so I'm gonna need a ride to go chew some ass.

    • Limeylizzie

      No, baby, too early to call but Barry is in the lead.

      • BloviateMe

        Still, hurts my feelings…they called Cally, Wash and Hawaii right away.

        It'll still go O, but damn it…………….

        • bobbert

          As a Californian, I share your surprise. I think they called Cali before the polls closed.

  • BadKitty904

    CNN projects all 55 California electoral votes going to Bamz?

    • bobbert

      Bold motherfuckers, ain't they?

    • sewollef

      Yes.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Not to harsh anyone's buzz, but I haven't seen any local peeps calling Wisc for Tammy Baldwin. Anyone see anybody besides focks news calling it?

    • vulpes82

      ABC and CNN.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    so deadbeat joe, macaca, naked scott and the rape boys demetrius and chiron (and i cannot BELIEVE i haven't made that connection before as i spent 2 years in that play) LOST.

    rock on america.

  • Veritas78

    So who's gonna vote for Tim Kaine and NOT vote for Obama?

    • gullywompr

      Exactly.

  • snowpointsecret

    CNN: North Carolina for Romney.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    California! Swimming Pools! Movie Stars! 55 Electoral Votes!!

    • AlterNewt

      You're welcome.

    • Barbara_

      Chet, I am waiting to hear the story about a man named Jeb. Let's go Florida!

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Cali makes Megyn sooooo sad.

    • bobbert

      That's us. Also, rednecks, but only about 35%.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      270 is where I want to be, integrity I want to see…

  • sbj1964

    Even the supreme court can't save Mittens tonight!

  • DustyBowlBlues

    Okay. I'm doing the Daily Show coverage now.

    • viennawoods13

      I have to wait an hour. Worth it though.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    We have devolved into discussing magic underwear at the House of the Blue Lights.

    • Yellerdawg

      I have magic underwear. I put it on, go out, and when I come home, it's gone!

    • bobbert

      I'm just going to refrain from trying to parse that sentence.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    David Gregory is a fucking dimwit. That is all.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Yeah, but why now?

      • bobbert

        Well, really, one could make that observation at any time, so why not now?

    • tessiee

      He looks like a monkey, and he smells like one too.

  • Misty Malarky

    Good news for Georgia Democratic Congressman John Barrow, who was redistricted out of his very Democratic district in Savannah to some place where they play golf a lot.
    http://savannahnow.com/latest-news/2012-11-06/rep

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    You never know. Mitt could still win California, right?

    • redarmyzombie

      Only retroactively.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    I just emailed Brian Williams to kiss my ass.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Why?? I mean, I can imagine why, but why specifically

    • Limeylizzie

      What did he do?

      • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

        Nothing. I was just so nervous that I spontaneously emailed him.

    • tessiee

      Perhaps not the best choice; his nose is on sideways, which may cause it to get stuck between your bue-tocks.

  • BadKitty904

    George Takei just Tweeted: Apple Maps Projects Obama Wins Chile

    • bobbert

      Oh, my!

  • Not_Mother

    I wanna see that motherfucker Huckleberry on fox shaking his finger at the camera all yelling "You're going to hell, heathens, I TOLD YOU!!!" Also, not a word about the crime of the century, Benghazi-gate. I do declare.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin went full Benghazi in his concession speech. Sore loser much?

  • Jeffer

    Interesting Tweet:
    RT @rauldemolina: ABC News sources say that Jeb Bush told The Romney campaign that they lost Florida.

  • Limeylizzie

    Claire McCaskill speaks, looking really pretty as well, she has dropped some pounds.

    • bobbert

      Sadly, she is still probably a Blue Doggie; but, approximately infinitely better than Akin.

  • VeraSevera

    Brian Williams is fat. He tries to hide it, but I'm not fooled.

    • tessiee

      He did write a lot of great songs, though, back in the day.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    denver post is calling CO for bamz and i think…

    we won.

    • Limeylizzie

      I think we may have won, yes?

  • BoroPrimorac

    McCaskill's daughters are smoking hot.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Note to Macaca: this time, please go away for good.

  • IndianaKevin

    Faux News: Obama has been pandering to his base the the last four years. That's all he's been doing.

  • sbj1964

    Let's hope we never have to hear about Mittens again until the neighbors start to complain about the smell next door.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Iowa called for Obama on CNN

  • ProgressiveInga

    Bammerz wins Iowa. He and Handsome Joe Biden can get married there, too.

  • Negropolis

    Got Iowa! The door is closing, Willard…

  • Biff

    Bronco Bama wins Iowa, didn't even have to suck a corn dog!

  • Terry

    We,'re getting close to 270

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      telling you the economist says the denver post has called for bamz.

      i think that will do it.

    • Not_Mother

      California has 55 in the pocket. We're there.

  • VeraSevera

    Tammy Baldwin. It means a lot. How much longer until even Wonkette finally has a proper dyke on staff?

  • snowpointsecret

    CNN: Obama wins Iowa. If Obama gets Nevada+Colorado now, he wins.

  • Limeylizzie

    This?
    ABC News sources say that Jeb Bush told The Romney campaign that they lost Florida

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Any news on Allen West?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      It looks like the fucker is narrowly escaping with a 1800 vote lead(.5 points) and 8% of votes to go.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Fuck!!

        • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

          Michelle Bachmann, Steve King and Allen West… The Holy Trinity of Batshit Nuttyness, each an unstoppable font on wackadoo. Let us pray prey…

  • Limeylizzie

    Oregon for BARRY!

    • tessiee

      Was there any doubt?
      BTW, your comment was posted about 10 minutes after the voting closed here.

      • Limeylizzie

        Yay Oregonians, btw Fox News is in meltdown and hilarious.

  • Limeylizzie

    He won!!!! It's over.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    MSNBC JUST CALLED IT FOR OBAMA!!!!!!!!!

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    OHIO!!!!! OHIO!!!!! OHIO!!!!!!

  • Biff

    OH FUCKING HIGH OH!!!1!9!11!!

    • sewollef

      If it ain't brokaw, don't fix it.

  • sbj1964

    Fla,Va,and Ohio left should be in this hour,and it's curtains for Mittens!

  • BumbleKid

    PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

  • Not_Mother

    Reps DEAD IN O-H-I-O

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      I'VE GOT A RHYME THAT COMES IN A RIDDLE, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

      • emmelemm

        I actually get that now!

  • gullywompr

    WITH VOTES!

    WITH VOOOOOOOOOOOOOTES!!

  • DixvilleCrotch

    It's jizzin' time… MSNBC just said Bronco is re-electered!

  • Terry

    One more state and Barry wins!

  • clblabin

    That hopey, changey thing's working out just fine, Sarah.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    MSNBC called it for Bamz.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    CNN calls Oregon for Obama

  • gullywompr

    Megyn Kelly notes Ohio win, and queries: "What does it mean?"

    • DixvilleCrotch

      Ha that poor thing.

    • docterry6973

      To her it doesn't mean much.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      And I screamed: "Game Over, bitch!"

  • lulzmonger

    NBC: Projected Win For Barack Obama.

    KILLSHOT … with votes.

  • Terry

    Come on Ohio!

  • Jerri

    Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!

    Can't wait to watch Ann Romney during the concession speech!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That was my secret wish I sealed in a envelope and hid so as not to jinx it. That Ann breaks down on national TV. I wanna see her suffer.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Ohio! Ohio! I love ya, Ohio! You're always a state [or 2] awaaaaay!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    It's official: thank you, Ohio!

  • Toomush_Infer

    With NBC calling Ohio, I turned to Fake News to hear Lou Dobbs shaking his head: "These are peculiar times." Fuck you and fuck you, Lou – you and the whole Fake clan can stick your heads in the sand…..while the rest of us breathe a sigh of relief that your lying asses have not prevailed and you cannot fool all the people all the time….

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    It's over! I know you all saw it too…but fuck you, ROMNEY! Fuck you and your fat head too!

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    CBS calls Ohio for Obamz!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Suck on it, Donald Trump!

  • Steverino247

    90% counted shows Obama ahead now in VA.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    oh my.

    we did it you guys.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Kisses to you from Arizona.

  • Come here a minute

    WE WIN, again. And the VA Board of Elections just put Barry up by .11%

  • Negropolis

    I can't believe it. All that superPAC money, all of that hate, and for what? I'm speechless.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      I know! talk about David and Goliath

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      WE WON DAMMIT

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      On CNN they said Republicans outspent by 90 million dollars

    • emmelemm

      Allll that money. All the children in America could have been fed, the sick healed, infrastructure rebuilt, R & D into cleaner energy… but no. FUCKING WASTED.

      (Still, in your face, bitches!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    * breathes *

  • C_R_Eature

    I am proud to have mobilized the all important Atlantic Cephalopod vote for Barack Obama.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      well, certainly i learned alot about spine from you all.

      • C_R_Eature

        There's Mettle in our Cuttle.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    CNN Calls it for Obama!

  • VeraSevera

    Whew. Thank gawd. THAT's over. Now back to PBS, The Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work. Now THAT's TV.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      downton abbey, dr who.

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        Matt Smith is calling for a Dr. Who/ Sherlock crossover!

  • gullywompr

    I say again:

    WITH VOOOOOOOTES!!!!

  • Terry

    Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.

  • Negropolis

    I can't find tears. I knew this was coming, but I still can't believe it. Hate has been defeated. They don't have to like him, they don't even have to respect him, but they are stuck with him, now, and a Democratic Senate to boot.

    I'm so over their shit. SO over.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I'm shaking your hand, sir.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      It's over for tonight. Tomorrow begins the lame duck, we gotta keep PUSHING!

    • bobbert

      The Senate was a nice, and not really expected, bonus. I'd like (but don't expect) to see Dirty Harry change the filibuster rule to 55 at the start of the next session.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    WOOT! WOOT! WOOT! The sweet justice of maybe 2 billion spent by the most reactionary of Hillbillynaires, for naught, If corporations were people, you might have won, Mitt.

  • AlterNewt

    So, how 'bout those Lakers?

    • docterry6973

      You think the Eagles should bench Michael Vick?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    A big whew. It's cold in Canada

    • Chichikovovich

      Scientific fact: It's 10 degrees (Celsius) colder in Canada when there is no hockey.

  • VeraSevera

    omg…cbs is totally bawling over Obama's win…burn in hell cbs

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    NATE SILVER CHEATED WITH HIS WIZARD POWERS!

  • sbj1964

    The Monkeys on the Conservatard blogs are already at each others throats.

  • Terry

    Rove, the Koch Bros, the rest of them lied and spent millions and they still couldn't do it.

    God bless America, and I mean that sincerely.

    • 102415

      Agreed. Now this old lady is going out to party.

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm re-posting this from the last liveblog, because I didn't follow you all. Still true:

    I'm cracking open a bottle of year old Blueberry Mead. Happy Election, Everyone.

    I knew this already, but Barry really is right; Voting is the best Sweet Revenge.

    Hey Mitt: It's all over now, baby blue.

    Jesus fuck. I feel like we've all just averted catastrophe. And I'm exhausted.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i am so exhausted this last two weeks… not even sure i can listen to bamz part deux.

  • Veritas78

    Suck it, Adelson, Kochs, and all you stupid billionaires. You spent all that money and you lost.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Maddow reminded them that they won't get it back, either.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Aaaannd CNN goes to the reaction from KENYA

  • Veritas78

    There are a lot of losers tonight. One big winner is Nate Silver.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Lotsa sad faces over on Fox News…

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Now I don't have to avoid the Hall of Presidents for the next 4 years

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    *smiles for the first time tonight. also, tears.*

  • Not_Mother

    Romney tells fox he won't concede ohio. Neither is rove.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Now! Will Mitt give a concession speech? NPR said he didn't have one written.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Bring on that crying bitch Ann, I wanna see the sadness of disappointment of the failure she has married. Fuck yeah, what a great night.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Now- take the Congress in 2014!

  • ChessieNefercat

    Mitts won't concede fix hopeful cocksuckers.

    Edit Fox not fix

  • Chichikovovich

    As an immigrant and recent new citizen, I'd just like to say:

    WOOOOHOOO!!! FREE STUFF!!!!

    • AlterNewt

      Git yer Food Stamp card out, Chich. It's party time!

  • sullivanst

    Oh, so that's why comments had slowed way down in the old livebloog

  • Jerri

    Obama wins, Tammy Baldwin defeats the boy from Elroy to make history, and Paul Ryan as a national figure got a thumpin. I am a happy Wisconsin Democrat tonight!

    • Terry

      Tammy is going to be wonderful!

  • Negropolis

    This is the most unncessarily heavy lift for an incumbent president I've ever seen in my life. It shouldn't have been this difficult. Literally the day of his inaugeration congressional Republicans were in a damn-near literal lair plotting his political demise. My god, foru fucking years of this shit, and he couldn't be moved. Let him roar, goddamnit. Let him roar, and let it be heard from Paine to Hawaii.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      And not just him. Straight up, as soon as he was elected, I was thinking "we have to win reelection or that will be interpreted as a fail of the first AA president"

      • Negropolis

        Truly, the GOP wanted to make this a referendum on the "other" the "47%". We won. All of us, but especially us "others."

        • Dr. Nick Riviera

          Even as happy as I was last election, this election was always floating in the back of my mind

    • 102415

      I just feel so relieved. After 5 days of sitting in the dark and cold first I got the lights back on and now this.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    hey! can we not post alien muppets 'bring bring bring'.

    in honor of spitzer or something?

  • sudsmckenzie

    Hey, Everybody, WERE ALL GONNA GET LAID!!1

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Do we have any news from Janesville yet, Suds?

      • 102415

        That would be so damn sweet I would go into a coma.

      • sudsmckenzie

        no way, they pumped 2 mill in when p90x entered to buy him off. Plus he hunts and seems to non coherent people what a coherent person sounds like.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          That sucks.But we've had worse days, no?

  • sbj1964

    Obama,The Force is strong with this one.

  • Terry

    The Romney's must be shocked. Too bad, so sad.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Rafalca is going to get kicked tonight

  • Limeylizzie

    What states haven't been called yet, how big a win will it be? I really want to see Mitt and Egg choke down their pride and have to concede and say something nice about Barry.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I LIVE to see Egg at the concession. We have refused her and she isn't going to like it.

      • Limeylizzie

        They are NOT conceding Ohio, says Rachel Maddow.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          At last, they had to.And Egg was wearing that “I've been crying all night” face, even though she didn't fulfill my wildest dream and breakdown on live TV.

  • FeloniousMonk

    Mitch McConnell vows "We will make Obama a two-term president".

    • 102415

      lol.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Somebody make mittens concede, please. I have to go to work in the morning and have foolishly switched from wine (box empty) to brandy or Cognac or Scotch or something fancy like that. My, my typing is getting better or can drunkenly outthink autogill.

    Make him conceeeeeeede….. autoFill

  • Negropolis

    Kids climbing the trees outside the White House. lol

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Are they the same ones that were there yelling USA the day OBL bit the dust? Somehow I don't think so.

      • Negropolis

        I'd bet many of them are the same ones. lol

  • tessiee

    Oh, my God!
    It's true!
    It's really true!
    All I can do is cry and say, "Thank you, God!" over and over.

  • VeraSevera

    Fox is despondent. Bitter. Uber-bitchy. Despondent. Hardly enough will to live to sharpen their knives and take turns lunging it to old Mittens Agatha Christie style…praying that Obama will be able to save us from the fiscal cliff. Bitter. Let's do a fundraiser to buy them some sharpening stones.

  • AlterNewt
  • Negropolis

    OT: Locally here in Michigan, it looks like the urban area vote is finally coming in with about 40% counted. The emergency manager is going down along with all of the other initiatives, which is unfortunate for the three other liberal initiatives, but the EM law going down would be a HUGE blow to Snyder.

    Dems look to be picking up a seat on the state Supreme Court, which would give us control, I believe.

    MI-1 in the UP MAYBE might swing back Dem. MI-3 and MI-11 look lost, with MI-3 being closer than it should have been for Republicans.

    Stabenow beating Hokstra like a drum.

    • 102415

      Wow.

  • Jerri

    Romney isn't conceding Ohio now says msnbc? Come the fuck on.

  • sbj1964

    Is a post election erection socially acceptable?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    the economist says karl rove is over.

    discuss.

    • sullivanst

      I thought he was over when his "the" math was so totally fucking wrong, so what do I know?

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    CNN : Romney not ready to concede

    • sullivanst

      Loser stretches out loserdom.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      There will be a recorded statement broadcast, as his plane leaves for Singapore

  • Not_Mother

    More from the bunker: Rove melting, melting on FoxNews. Seems Mitt won Ohio after all in alternative reality. Baier & Kelly mortified.

    Bitter? EAT SHIT AND DIE

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Romney refusing to concede: asshole to the end

  • ChessieNefercat

    I think a can of Raid would fix Fox right up.

  • VeraSevera

    Lesson of Ohio (and Midwest): (1) The next chapter of Racism in American just might not be as ugly as the last. (2) Some faint residual class consciousness is still capable of overcoming racism. Mittens and Detroit: Bad. Black guy who saves the auto industry. Not so bad.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    dafuq? no concession? Ohio is our new Florida!

  • VeraSevera

    Peggy Noonan feels subdued. On Fox. Subdued. Thank you Mr. Prez. For subuding her. Thank you.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    I can't let go until douchebag Romney concedes

  • VeraSevera

    Fox. Ah. At last. The knives are out. Peggy Noonan. Those pesky, undisclosed tax returns. Ha!

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    DIRT DOESNT VOTE JOHN KING. Doesn't matter that the 2 people that live in 10 square miles vote republican and make the map all red

  • Not_Mother

    Hahahaha@realDonaldTrump: This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy! Megyn Kelly suggests having Karl Rove "duke it out" with the decision desk. CNN JOHN King first to say "civil war" coming. Romney still sore loser motherfucker.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Ohio moved from blue to red on CNN

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    KARL ROVE IS SO MAD YOU GUYS!

    Seriously, he is on Fux trying to get the network to call back the call of Ohio for O. Conflict of interest, anyone?

    • FeloniousMonk

      Fox is also showing numbers that mean Ohio shouldn't have been called yet, and it's the only news channel they'll put on here. I can't find anything reliable on the net because I'm a dumbshit. Reassure me, please; this is done and dusted?

      • sullivanst

        Rachel just explained, there are 750,000 votes outstanding in counties that Obama's winning 60:40; only 200,000 votes outstanding in Romney counties.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

        All the networks called it for BHO, but Rove is still SO MAD YOU GUYS.

  • VeraSevera

    Ok. I just heard the words "electoral rout." Now I can have a cigarette.

  • VeraSevera

    Fox. New spirit of humility. Can you believe that?

  • VeraSevera

    It's funny. I thoughy, if Mittens win I'm going out and throwing rocks. But now I feel like throwing rocks…anyway. I'm I a bad person?

    • 102415

      No, you just need to throw rocks. Throw some for me.

  • sullivanst

    Call Nevada and Florida already, and make Ohio irrelevant.

    Seriously, I've looked at the breakdown of outstanding votes in Florida, and I cannot for the life of me understand why it hasn't been called already.

  • ttommyunger

    Am I the only one besides George Stuffalotofstuff who noticed Dianne Sawyer was shit-faced last night?