the polls never close

Your Wonkette Concedes Nothing, Never: Part 2 Of A Drunk And Getting Drunker Liveblog

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Eh, maybe tonight.After at least seven voter “outreaches” apiece from all 37 FEC-registered presidential campaigns, your humble Wonkette team is ready to keep spreading the Good News, right up til the networks drag the last formaldehyde-reeking pundit out of storage. (Laura Ingraham was just on-air so it shouldn’t be too much longer actually.) Shit’s getting real, y’all!

9:14 PM A mid-air slapfight in the skies over Ohio would be more dignified than two separate victory/defeatorship parties, no?

9:17 PM Josh F: Joe Manchin and his man-chin win the Senate seat in WV.

9:18 PM Josh F admits that “THEY BETTER NOT GET RID OF PELOSI. PELOSI IS MY HOMEGIRL.” Which, sad day for objective, clear-eyed journalism here at Wonkette, guys. For the record, Eric Cantor (R) is also his homegirl.

9:22 PM PS Did everyone remember to abandon your spouse and children so’s you can read the political Internet in peace? I did, back in 2006.

9:24 PM Dok Z: PBS is on my teevee. David Brooks says that some people doubt Ted Cruz’s star quality. Josh F: Every word in that sentence is where boners go to die, Dok.

9:29 PM Blair B. worries: So are people in NY just staring out their windows at the Empire State Building, because they can’t watch television. :/

9:30 PM It may be time to freak the fuck out, if you were wondering. Josh F: SHIT THE NYTIMES ELECTIONS THINGIE HAS CRASHED.

9:31 PM Fortunately, though, Rich A. kinda already noticed that “The NY Times thing has been down for like 15 minutes.” SO PANIC DOUBLE- OR TRIPLE-TIME, NOW!!!

9:35 PM Lightly unedited, for your pleasure:

Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is positively giddy over this deadlock in Florida.
Rich A: “IS THIS A REPEAT OF 2000” ASKS BLITZER.
Josh F: Wolf Blitzer is masturbating furiously.
Rich A: Soiled his drawers. “Florida Florida Florida can you believe what’s going on in Florida right now?” Real quote.

Sponsored Intermission

9:38 PM Rich A. offers up that “Politico has an election center that is slightly less crashed.” Fuck. Did POLITICO just WIN THE EVENING? (Mmm, probably not.)

9:41 PM Josh F: CBS ALSO CALLS NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR OBAMA. MITT ROMNEY’S PLEDGE TO REBUILD THE OLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN WITH HIS BARE HANDS NOT ENOUGH.

9:42 PM Kris B: Look, all these shitty states who want to make their lives EVEN SHITTIER by voting for Romney. What is Romney’s “home” state? Also is there a precedent for losing all three home states?

9:44 PM Josh F. kindly reminds the Gentle Reader that Mitt will likely lose a couple of the congressional districts within his California car-elevator, also, too.

9:45 PM IT’S A REAL LIVE WONKET ONLINE “CROSSFIRE”! Dok Z: A rising elevator lifts all cars.

9:50 PM Kris B: Oh thank god, there will be a Kennedy in Congress again. It’s been like 2 years, otherwise we’d have an unbroken, decades-long line of Kennedies in Congress. Who says we don’t have royalty in this country????

9:52 PM Kris B: Oh cool, Romney has a summer home in NH and lost THERE, too. LOSING ALL FOUR OF HIS HOMES’ STATES!

9:54 PM NOTE: We are all conceding the above as the zinger of the night and signing over our estates to Kris B. Enjoy all $600, Kris!

9:59 PM “Romney supporters trickled into the ballroom at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, many munching on bar snacks or drinking $7 beers.” Oh, for heavens’ sake. These cats can’t even get drunk and cry at home right.

10:02 PM Not to brag or anything but Dok Z. will: “We are professional as fuck tonight.” FUCK YEAH DUDE. Hey, hold my baby a minute.

10:06 PM Kris B. is “only asking questions” about why Fox is starting to worry about “media bias.”

10:13 PM Your Guaranteed Wonkette Liveblog continues here! Stay hydrated!

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

    I've got a rhyme that comes in a riddle!
    What's round at the ends and high in the middle?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      A well-rolled joint!

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Me sitting between two bald guys.

    • Barbara_

      Bristol Palin's belly?

    • snowpointsecret

      An Obama victory?

      • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

        Best answer so far.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Mitt Romney's campaign as it circles the bowl?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      A turd? Well, it's round at the ends, anyway.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Chris Christie's body?

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Peter, Paul, and Mary?

    • FeloniousMonk

      O, hi Doloras.

  • Barbara_

    Pretty soon Mitt can stop pretending to have listened to the voice of the black and Hispanic voters.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      And the poors!

      • emmelemm

        "You people!"

    • BadKitty904

      "The help"

    • AutomaticPilot

      It really must be exhuasting for the poor guy!

    • tessiee

      Turns out giving 47% of the population the finger isn't your most people-pleasing strategy.
      Who knew?

  • frostbitefalls

    Oh gosh my stomach hurts. But that might be from the drinking.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Drinking, nervous eating, it's all the same thing, right?

  • http://wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    My penis doesn't know what to do with all these returns. Barry is up…my penis is up! Barry is down…my penis is down.

    • memzilla

      You better hope it's not a tie!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    God, I'm so nervous////

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (Hugs you) I could scream. Repeatedly.

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Thank you. I needed that.

        • Oblios_Cap

          According to Comedy Central, you're running, too.

  • poorgradstudent

    I have a headache (no joke).

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Me too. A raging fierce headache. Kind that makes you want to stab things with votes.

    • tessiee

      I've woken up with one for several days in a row, now.
      I must be grinding my teeth in my sleep.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Probly. I sure as hell fucking am.

  • BumbleKid

    Indian princess Elizabeth Warren wins in Massachussettsssss!!!!

    • frostbitefalls

      Really?

      • BumbleKid

        That's what they said on NBC!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yup. Call her Senator Warren, doodz!

          • bobbert

            That may be the best news of the evening. (Note: I've been sure Bamz has it in the bag for several days).

    • Mittens Howell, III

      WooWooWooWooWoo!!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Oh, yeah!

    • comrad_darkness

      Wow. It's like Christmas. Open that present. Open that present.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      I am so fucking excited about this. Best!

    • Fare la Volpe

      BRAINGASM!!

  • OzoneTom

    I'm drinking gin buck's

    Since I've been suffering with several days of flu symptoms until yesterday, I had some yogurt this morning to give the gut flora a head-start.

    • tessiee

      Starting each day by eating a couple teaspoons of yogurt on an empty stomach is not a bad way to go in general.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Wig-tossing for Jeebus. I like it!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i don't know if i have enough booze for this.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      There won't be enough booze in the world if Rmoney wins.

      • mille derps

        Especially since he plans to bring back Prohibition…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    All the red states in the middle are reporting now. Don't panic — it'll get set right soon.

    • Tilley

      thank you.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Yay Obama has PA!

  • BloviateMe

    Just give us a blue Christmas…god damn this is tense.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    The waiting is the hardest part.

    • Tilley

      you take it on faith, you take it from the heart

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        everyday is one more start.

  • Veritas78

    Still grooving on my new Senator Liz Warren. This could be a good night. Sucks to be ex-Senator Stapledick, though.

    • NellCote71

      Congratulations. Meanwhile, back in redneck Texas, we get wing nut Ted Cruz. Yippee.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        The fact that he's the first Hispanic US Senator elected from TX does not soften the blow at all. Guy is nuts. I never thought I'd hear myself type the words "I wish Kay Bailey Hutchison hadn't retired," but there you are.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Good news and woot!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Congrats!! Keep your fingers crossed for us in Arizona. Not likely, but possible win for Not-Kyl.

    • Not_Mother

      fox still hasn't reported that one. haha.

  • poorgradstudent

    Elizabeth Warren *and* Bernie Sanders? It's already a pretty good election day. Now just to see the Vulture Capitalist and the Libertarian Granny Starving Sociopath out on their asses and the Kochs' election investments blown.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Alex Wagner is hot. Just sayin'.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Seconded. So hot.

      *sigh*

    • Lot_49

      So's Stephanie Cutter. Are those green eyes for realz?

    • BoroPrimorac

      I love her. Her and Melissa Harris-Perry are fine as hell.

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      Tamron. Tamron. Tamron.

      • Lot_49

        Will they let her in from the Deomocracy Skating Rink?

  • Barbara_

    Pennsylvania for President Obama.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Really?

    • DickWharfinger

      Miffed squared?

      I command you person to start writing your concession rant. If you are too heart-broken, I will allow Princess Egg to hatch something for you.

    • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Fuck, yes.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      We can thank Handsome Joe and The Big Dog for that. They practically moved to PA.

    • Terry

      I'm getting a slew of giddy texts from my Penna relatives!

  • glasspusher

    I'll re post it here…motherfucker…romney by 193 votes in Fl with 82% in. Let's hope it doesn't matter and the final vote isn't 5-4 again.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      If Florida fucks this up again, I vote for kicking them out of the Union.

      • viennawoods13

        You might as well turn it over to Canada. Not that I, personally, want it, but it seems with every passing year more and more Canucks head there for the winter.

    • sullivanst

      How many votes still to count in Miami area and Orange County? Did they even clear the lines yet in Miami-Dade?

      • glasspusher

        What, they don't use water cannons on the lines there anymore?

  • SnarkOff

    I hate Florida. Just saying.

    • NellCote71

      Dick-shaped dick state.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      But they have their own fark tag!

  • BoroPrimorac

    I just found out that my great aunt was a poll worker in Ohio back in 1944.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I just found out my aunt was a pole dancer in Michigan back in 1996.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Do you think she might have thrown some of those FDR ballots away, in the hope of having Dewey elected?

  • snowpointsecret

    Okay I feel really good now, Romney's paths to victory are really narrowing. Hail mary pass in PA is done for, now Ohio is basically a must-win.

  • Tilley

    freaking every time I see the c-span numbers roll over and show the Romnibot with a higher number. someone talk me down.

    • viennawoods13

      California… Oregon,,, Washington.. Nevada and New Mexico (Nate wouldn't lie)

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      is NY in that total?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Is his lead less than 54 electorals? Because Cali will wipe that right out. Polls here aren't closing for awhile though.

      • emmelemm

        Ding ding ding!

      • Tilley

        I am so glad to be here tonight. I'm glad to be in your wonderful city. Oh wait, that's Wilson Pickett. Yes, I'm drinking a lot.

        • comrad_darkness

          What are you drinking? I'll join you.

          Edited: nevermind, all I have is vodka. I hope you're drinking vodka.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Pennsylvania's being called for Obama. Ray Soares is at Obama's reception in Chicago and a cheer went up.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Cheer went up here in Seattle, also too!!

  • Yellerdawg

    No one is talking about Ohio because it is going rapidly to Obama, and if that happens everyone can turn off the TV and go to bed.

    • BoroPrimorac

      My mom's family is from Akron and they're all voting for Obama. They're white, blue collar Catholics, by the way.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Men, too? Kiss them all for me.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Sssshhhhh. Don't tell anyone!

    • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      The Cleveland vote is barely in. Once it's reported, R is toast in Ohio.

  • Veritas78

    Judy Woodruff needs the same stylist that Hillary Clinton needs.

  • NellCote71

    Diane sawyer is already drunk, but I don't know if that is a good sign or not.

    • Tilley

      How can you tell?

    • Geminisunmars

      Wow. I thought so too. Mr Geminisunmars is a channel surfer, and when he lingered on Diane and George I wondered if she were drunk. Oh maybe has a cold and is high on cough syrup. Either way, hope she is having fun.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    NBC called PA for Bamz, huzzah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • AlterNewt

    Katty Kay in her glasses is looking hotter and hotter.

  • rocktonsam

    thank goodness mittens and eddie went to Pa to secure late in the game.

    well done Pa.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      LOL.

  • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

    LOL Facebook "friends" hate me right now with my obvious presidential predictions. It's hard being a liberal in TX sometimes. =/

    • NellCote71

      I so feel your pain.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Hard? Is it fucking possible to be liberal in TX?

      • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

        Sure, if you have a semi functioning brain, tune out every time someone mentions the bible, and live in Austin, Dallas, Houston, or El Paso. :P

    • BumbleKid

      Amen.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Has anyone seen Chascates tonight? He usually weighs in with poetic Tejas pain.

    • Yellerdawg

      Helps if you live within driving distance of Austin and work at UT.

  • Negropolis

    AZ senate race too close to call. My god, that is beautiful.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I'm on pins and needles. Rmoney won't win but maybe Carmona (he's a dick, but he's a Democratic dick).

    • bobbert

      Oh please oh please. That would be teh icing.

  • snowpointsecret

    This night is so far good enough to be totally worth losing a couple of IntenseDebate points.

  • Jerri

    Please fellow Wisconsinites, lets spank that little Randroid fuckstick Ryan with votes tonight. Come on!

    • bobbert

      Vote him out of the fucking House!!

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    HI!!!

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      also…high!

      • Mittens Howell, III

        high five!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      where u been?

      o. gettin hi.

    • Come here a minute

      Such a gratuitous hello.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Hey there!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Dana Bash is a Looper, and she's come to take the gig of her future self, Andrea Mitchell.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    It's nice to see at this late date, people of diverse opinions can at least agree on polling data.

    @ezraklein

    Still seeing no evidence of a systematic anti-Romney bias in the polls.

    @AriFleischer

    Same oversample, minority advantage for Ds in WI exits. Black vote 7%, up from 5%. All voters D+5. Was D+6 in 08; R+3 in 04.

  • Tilley

    If I'm not mistaken, the rape-y dolts Akin and Moulton or whatever are going down. But I don't have my glasses on and I'm drinking heavily.

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      you must be asking for it!

    • NellCote71

      I am in the same condition and seeing the same thing.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      mourdock is going down.

    • rocktonsam

      THATS THE BEST WAY KID

    • Geminisunmars

      But we wimminz don't want them going down — we want them OUT.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Those are not the exact words I would have used, but Akin's losing to McCaskill by 7-8 points at last report, and Mourdock is down 6 points to HIS opponent, whose name I can't for the life of me remember right now.

  • Barbara_

    Awesome tweet:
    Ouch RT @AshleyRParker: Dead silence in Romney ballroom when Fox announces that he lost Michigan, his native state where father was governor.

    Looks like Romney is going to have to slash the price on the tickets he hopes to sell to reporters if he expects anyone to show up.

    • bobbert

      So, 0 for 2 in home states so far. (And I can pretty confidently say Cali will make it 0 for 3). Does he actually have a house in Utah?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Barry in front in Colorado early returns. Rocky Mt. HIGH!

    • emmelemm

      Woot woot! Having a mari-ju-ana initiative on the ballot brought out all the hippie stoner whatever whatever…

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        There may be a buzz in the air tonight for sure emmel.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Hey! You watch wut you say about us.

        • bobbert

          What? Cause she didn't say "radical commie rabble-rouser"?

  • C_R_Eature

    All Hail the American Night!

    Let it Roll, Baby, Roll.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Shutting the Doors on Mittens for sure!

      • C_R_Eature

        The future's uncertain, The End is always near.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          This is the story of Johnny McGuire
          Who ran through the town with his trousers on fire
          He ran to the doctor's and fainted with fright
          When the doctor told him his end was in sight.

          Hey, I was 7 at the time, it sounded good to me. I have a lumber-room for a memory bank.

  • glasspusher

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!

    • Veritas78

      Rafalca appreciates the attention.

      • glasspusher

        Elmer's is for lightweights.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Why would anyone call Florida before, like, December?

    • glasspusher

      True that. Been there, don't wanna go back.

  • sullivanst

    Pro tip: DKos' liveblogs actually give meaningful analysis of the early returns, by paying attention to past county breakdowns and comparing to current performance.

  • glasspusher

    Waiting for the blue states is giving me blue balls.

    • Tilley

      sorry, I haven't fallen for a line like that since high school.

      • glasspusher

        You needn't worry. I couldn't even get a date in high school, I wouldn't have had a chance to use it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        HAHA! Hey! There you are. (Hugs you) Long time no see. Come in, sit down, pour a cold one.

        • Tilley

          Hi dollink. I'm frustrated I can't refresh this site correctly, everything's topsy-turvy, maybe it's me, I'm sleeping with JohnnyWalkerRed tonight. How you doin'? I'm in the groove.

  • NellCote71

    Alan Grayson. Florida, all is forgiven.

    • Veritas78

      Seriously? Let the games begin! He could be this decade's Barney Frank.

    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

      Fuck yeah!

    • BoroPrimorac

      You want to piss off a bagger? Mention Alan Grayson.

      • bobbert

        No shit.

        • BoroPrimorac

          It's a visceral hatred that one doesn't see every day.

  • OzoneTom

    The President is ahead in CO so far.

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    Come on, Floridoh! Don't let me down!

    • glasspusher

      I'll tell you once/more before I get up and go/ don't let me dowwwwnnnn…

    • viennawoods13

      .1 fucking % difference.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Chill, Bill.

      • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

        I'm tryin', I'm tryin'!!!

    • Nothingisamiss

      Even if it goes O, Florida lets me down whenever it has the chance.

  • AlterNewt

    League of Women Voters rep. tells BBC that Florida voting system is like 'a third world country'.

    • PubOption

      Is that just certain areas of Miami, or the whole state?

  • Yellerdawg

    Ooo! Ditz on Fox kicks the elephant in the room and poses the question: What happens if Ohio and Pennsylvania go blue? What is Romney's path to the White House? < Multiple shots of people with deer-in-the-headlight stares>.

    • glasspusher

      Reality bites!

    • viennawoods13

      Heh heh heh. There better be a post tomorrow with the tag "Wingnuts furious"

    • tracyhasfun

      I live for those moments. Bless you.

    • DixvilleCrotch

      A surprise win in Saskatchewan?

      • viennawoods13

        I'd make a joke about Sask trending red, but up here the Cons are blue and the libs are red. Go figure.

        • PubOption

          The conservatives were not, historically, under the beds.

        • Katydid

          Makes sense. Every time I've been in Canada it felt like it was just l like the US, only different. The pancakes, for example, looked like American pancakes, but sucked big time. The people look like Americans, but are nice. The politics sometimes seem as stupid as down here, but they're not.

          • viennawoods13

            Oh no, our politics are stupid BIG TIME. Take, for instance, the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. asshole. And our pancakes are awesome!!

          • bobbert

            No, please, you keep him.

            (That's Rob Fucking Ford, right?)

          • ChessieNefercat

            Gravy on French fries

        • IceCreamEmpress

          The US does this backwards because of Nancy Reagan. Seriously.

  • Negropolis

    Whatvever ends up happening, on a personal note, I'm just glad that the trees weren't quite the right height for Romney here in Michigan, tonight.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      rock on man.

    • Come here a minute

      Car elevator going down!

      • glasspusher

        Nothing goes down on a Mormon.

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      Son of – excuse me – "Shame of" Detroit!

    • VodkaGoGo

      But the middle fingers sure are.

    • bobbert

      Well done, that state.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Im proud to be in michiganuntil well, we sound benishek back to house.

  • snowpointsecret

    I figure Florida will be basically a tie, and they'll give it to Romney after feeding some democratic ballots to gators.

  • rocktonsam

    The President and Tammy Baldwin are up in exit polls 52 -46 LETS GO RED!

    Sharrod BROWN WON!

    • snowpointsecret

      I believe in my state again, finally!

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      And how could anyone vote for Brown AND Romney?

      • Veritas78

        This is true. No one is going to split the ticket on that vote.

    • Negropolis

      It's already been called for the president, and some network has already called the race for tammy.

  • HarryButtle

    I'm out of beeer! Wife not due back with replenishments for an hour! Where's the rubbing alcohol?!

    • Fairtackle

      Pour it through a loaf of bread, all good.

      • glasspusher

        No, that's for methanol.

        • sullivanst

          The methanol is why drinking rubbing alcohol is not recommended.

          • glasspusher

            Rubbing alcohol is isopropanol, if you want to get all huffy about it…

          • sullivanst

            Some of it is, some of it isn't.

          • glasspusher

            In my town, it's 70% isopropanol, 30% water. I could bust out the GC if you like.Windshield wiper fluid has varying amounts of methanol, depending on how cold it gets where it's sold, so it can de-ice.Certainly, methanol has been used as a denaturing agent in many formulations, but 70% isopropanol is quite denatured already.

          • sullivanst

            Well, there's isopropyl rubbing alcohol, and then there's ethyl rubbing alcohol. You perfectly describe the former.

          • glasspusher

            Well, clearly, then, my pharmacy is in a low class neighborhood! Better a friend tell me! ;)I've had injestion of ethanol that led to lots of rubbing…that was nice…

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Try the mouthwash!

      • BadKitty904

        And the cologne!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And the Nyquil!

    • viennawoods13

      I'm getting me another shot of tequila.

      • HarryButtle

        Oooh, no. Bad drink for election night. Violence and mayhem, death and destruction.

        • glasspusher

          yeah. Your liver will metabolize it to acetone.

        • viennawoods13

          Cold from freezer, consumed in ladylike sips, with a cold water chaser. I pace my tequila consumption.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Don Julio is my freezer friend. ¿Y ùsted?

          • viennawoods13

            Sauza. Cheap but freezer renders it delish.

        • bobbert

          So, is there a downside?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Do you have children you can sell to the neighbors for beer?!

      • HarryButtle

        I do, but she's out with the wife!

  • Not_Mother

    A Kennedy is back in Congress…Joe Kennedy III wins MA-04

    • Veritas78

      And a cute ginger, too!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What is Romney's path to the White House if Ohio and Pennsylvania go blue?

    Same path as all the other tourists take.

    • bobbert

      At least, to get to Carnegie Hall, you can just practice.

  • Jerri

    If I get knocked up with an Obama victory baby (or a Romney sadness-fighting baby) do you think I can count all this deep breathing I'm doing tonight as a Lamaze class? It should.

    • rocktonsam

      THIS IS PRACTICE KID!

      all the best kiddo

      • Jerri

        Heh, thanks.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    MSNBC just called Wisconsin for Bronco!!

    • Barbara_

      Lol.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Whee!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Frank Zeidler, late socialist mayor of Milwaukee, cheers.

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    O wins Wisconsin. Go Badgers!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Woot!

  • BoroPrimorac

    We just got Wisconsin.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Joy!

      • bobbert

        Come on, Tammy.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Wisco!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Squee!

  • Jerri

    Fuck yes!!!!! Suck it Ryan!!!!!!! Wisconsin for Barry!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Yay!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    What the FUCK is Brooks babbling about now?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      The little bunny is having a bad hare day.

    • viennawoods13

      you're listening to him? Mind you, I have nothing on until 11 and Jon and Stephen., Just the maps.

    • BumbleKid

      Does anyone EVER know?

    • sullivanst

      Who even cares?

  • ProgressiveInga

    Wisconsin! Suck it Bat Boy!!!

  • Lucidamente1

    Tammy Baldwin will be the first openly gay Senator. You know what Lindsey Graham will say?

    • vulpes82

      HAM BISCUITS!!!! Either that or, "Fetch my smelling salts, Julio, I feel faint! A LESBIAN in the Congree!"

    • C_R_Eature

      "I Do", when Gay Marriage is approved in Maryland?

    • Negropolis

      "Bitch, please"?

      • BadKitty904

        (NICE…)

    • Jerri

      Openly being the key word there.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      "Let's reverse-date for the State Of The Union"?

  • OzoneTom

    Republican tears re-invigorate me.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Twitter sez blowout for Bamz in PA. True?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Looking good so far – better than 60-40. It's been called for Bamz already.

    • viennawoods13

      Well, with 22% reporting, 63 to 35.

  • Barbara_

    Obama takes Wisconsin. I want Paul Ryan to lose twice tonight, please.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Yes!

    • bobbert

      This would be Grossenschadenfreude.

  • FakaktaSouth

    PresO has now won ALL The Candidates Home States. FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN! woo hoo Wisconsin, Mass, Illinois and Delaware (JOE JOE JOE)

    Rachel's eyelashes are like a llama's. So pretty, so mesmerizing. I am freaking out, obviously.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Tweety is like a fuzzy, newborn baby chick.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Maybe he's gonna eat FogHornLegHorn (CHUCK Todd)

    • sullivanst

      Well, we still have Mittbot's other home states (NH, CA; MI obvs. also on the list)

      • FakaktaSouth

        I guess we're just waiting on Cali, like Mitt is waiting for them permits to make his hovel another fortress. GO CALIFORNIA.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Woo hoo!

  • snowpointsecret

    Wolf Blitzer is freaking out about how close Florida is right now. As is the rest of the country, surprisingly.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We have national nightmares any time Florida votes get too close for comfort.

    • BadKitty904

      Believe me, if you lived here, it wouldn't surprise you at all…

    • OzoneTom

      Does he have his hand down the front of his trousers?

    • bobbert

      If Bamz takes boring old Ohio, America's Pud will be detumescent.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Saint Nate sez that Bamz in front by 5% in Tampa, an area that historically has been key to carrying the state. Luv you gators!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      MSNBC has about 600 votes TOTAL separating the candidates!

    • BoroPrimorac

      The Puerto Rocks are going to deliver Florida for Bronco Bamma.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    If Peggy Noonan is feeling any good vibrations tonight, it's just the usual double headed ax of Nyquil and vodka.

    • sullivanst

      I'm sure even Dame Noonington has a bunny toy somewhere for times she needs to be in her own world because this one ain't doing it for her.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i need me some of that.

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    Thank you, Wisconsin! Eat shit, Paul Ryan! So much for the Wingnut talking point that the failed Scott Walker recall was a "referendum on the Obama Presidency."

    • BoroPrimorac

      I bet plenty of baggers' butt holes puckered up when they heard the news about Wisconsin.

      • PubOption

        Obviously the badgers are not baggers.

  • glasspusher

    NBC calls Wisconsin for Bamz! Suck it, Ryan!

    • viennawoods13

      You know, Janesville is a lot like (insert name of place in Ohio/Virginia/Pennsylvania).

      • glasspusher

        I have yet to be to a state that doesn't have something nice to see, with the exception of Delaware. I'm open for suggestions on the latter.

  • Veritas78

    Wisconsin called for Obama? Are there ANY home states the republican ticket will carry? What are the exit polls like for the Cayman Islands?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Surprised W didn't get strong write-in support since he heroically saved that Janesville auto plant Obama couldn't wait to close, maniacally laughing the whole time.

  • Fairtackle

    CBS bravely predicts the repubes will control the house.

  • snowpointsecret

    Fangirl mode: Activated. We just got Wisconsin.

    Also Sherrod Brown.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    THEY BETTER NOT GET RID OF PELOSI. PELOSI IS MY HOMEGIRL.” Which, sad day for objective, clear-eyed journalism here at Wonkette, guys. For the record, Eric Cantor (R) is also his homegirl.

    pelosi dresses better.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      and she has more balls.

      • BadKitty904

        Lots more.

      • bobbert

        Thank you, M'sieu.

  • Fare la Volpe

    ALAN GRAYSON IS BACK Y'ALL

    • Lazy Media

      Alas, so is Allen West.

    • Negropolis

      Hell to the yeah!

    • BadKitty904

      We met him at a party this past summer – a *very* funny guy, in real life…

  • mille derps

    Nate Silver is reporting that Florida bellwethers are going Obama's way…

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Okay. I ate and feel like throwing up.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    And the Undertaker Trainee goes down in Ohio!!

    • Lucidamente1

      Undertaker libel!

  • Fare la Volpe

    SHERROD BROWN OFF TO WET YOUR PANTIES IN THE SENATE

  • Negropolis

    Sherrod Brown beats claymation character Josh Mandel in Ohio.

  • Yellerdawg

    Tucker Carlson: "Mumble mumble mumble…press Bengazi, mumble…fuckers ignored Reagan, bitches..wheres's my coke? I need a bump."

  • Schmannnity

    Fox News calls Wisconsin for Obama. Nice job, your jug-eared twerp.

  • Not_Mother

    Electoral College 154-154

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      FINALLY!

  • snowpointsecret

    270toWin has Obama at 95.5% to win now. Good luck, Romney, you're going to need it.

  • OzoneTom

    Wisconsin called for the President!

  • Barbara_

    Awesome Sarah Silverman tweet:
    Hm.. might it help to suck a dick? RT @RickSantorum Religious freedom is under attack. Obama must be stopped.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Badgers! WooOOOOOOOOOOT!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Klobuchar just won her seat, YES!!

  • Veritas78

    Sherrod Brown rocks. Can't imagine Obama losing Ohio now unless it's stolen.

  • Barbara_

    CBS calls New Hampshire for President Obama!

    • vulpes82

      But… but… Dingleberry Falls or Asshole Notch or whateverthefuck TIED!

    • Lazy Media

      Meh. Anyone doubted New England?

  • vulpes82

    Can you IMAGINE the death-glare Egg is giving Ryan now that Wisconsin's been called for O?

    • Veritas78

      So much for "the help." He's probably stolen the silver, too.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Cannot…. stop… inhaling… comfort food…

    Anyway yay Wisconsin!

  • Yellerdawg

    Mourdock falls! Wonder if he thinks he got raped?

    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

      With votes, yes. Perfectly legitimate as well.

    • lulzmonger

      Running for Team Wingnut: the voters have ways of shutting that down.

    • bobbert

      It's too bad the Dem appears to be sort of a dick. Oh well, sometimes a Blue Dog is the best you can do.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    BREAKING: Paul Ryan reports he ran the NYC Marathon in 3hrs 22min before rickshawing supplies to Staten Island!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      That man is a hero! Give him a medal, now!

  • snowpointsecret

    Since Obama got Wisconsin, does this give Wonkette access to the strategic cheese reserves?

    • Jerri

      Mars Cheese Castle is one of our strategic fortresses!

  • Barbara_

    I worked hard all my life to be born the son of a rich Governor. I deserve to win. #romneydisappointments

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Obama takes Yakutsk, Irkutsk and Mongolia!!

    • snowpointsecret

      Ukraine too close to call.

    • Steverino247

      Fucking brilliant! LOL

  • ProgressiveInga

    As a fellow lesbitarian, I am so happy that Tammy B is going to be a US Senator. Snark off, I never thought I'd see the day…

    Snark on, let the carpet-munching begin, bitches!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      This is kick-ass awesome. 'Bout damn time we started judging people on their worth and not their sexual orientation.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      It is very exciting. I want her and Liz Warren to be BFF and her wife and Warren's husband to be all cute together like Michelle and Dr. Jill.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      She got my vote!

  • Barbara_

    Can't pay Chinese workers to vote in American elections.#RomneyDisappointments

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Just read on Nate Silver's that the bellwether county in Florida is Hillsborough (Tampa) and it's projected to go Bamz. My vote counted.

    • BadKitty904

      Atta boy – SIC 'EM! (from up in old St. Johns Co.)

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Nice One!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yeth!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Dick Morris on the Twitter: lost Indiana really hurts our chances to win Senate

    Well, perhaps you should not have nominated someone who would vote in favor of a "make the sluts who were raped have their rape babies" bill.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      And after the Teatards get done whipping Rmoney for not being of the flock, the next group will be even crazier. Our new lol She1ey is waiting in the wings.

    • sullivanst

      Has Dick noticed the evidence that Mitt will not "win big" yet?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        He just this minute tweeted that he thinks states are being called way too soon. Which, honestly, I'd probably be saying if the results were reversed.

    • Nothingisamiss

      You know that's not the lesson they'll take sawy.

  • Barbara_

    Political bumper stickers have ZERO effect on other person’s ideas & values. Only “values” you’re changing is the re-sale value of your car.~Ron White~

  • missemish

    So THAT's why endlessly refreshing NYT's website hasn't done anything.

  • C_R_Eature

    But what does Andrew Breitbart have to say about this?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      "No Satan! Not the dildo made out of porcupine skin!"

      • BoroPrimorac

        I wonder what he yells out as he's getting fucked with that porcupine dildo.

        • C_R_Eature

          "Green Balloons!"

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      *worm rustle*

    • sullivanst

      braaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnsssssssssssss

      • C_R_Eature

        I love you all.

  • ProgressiveInga

    History's greatest monster just won New Hampshire!

  • SexySmurf

    Obama won Vigo County, Indiana. Vigo is considered a magic county that always picks the winner.

    Also, Obama won Viggo Mortensen, who is also considered magic.

    • Steverino247

      Strider libel!

  • Barbara_

    Nate Silver just tweeted:
    Nate Silver ‏@fivethirtyeight
    On The Wall, The Writing.

    • Negropolis

      So existential, this one. BTW, he's a born and bred Michigander, though, no one would ever know it.

  • OzoneTom

    Corporations pissing-away millions in places like OH, PA, MI — voluntary private sector stimulus. And the winner of the presidential election can take credit.

    Ju-jitsu..

  • snowpointsecret

    rofl, Cisco commercial saying "Hey we help Obama's teleprompters use our products!" They just lost Tea Party business.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      John Chambers knows when to flip back

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    Florida is turning blue again! Did Dexter kill the voting machine hackers?

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Breathing easier. I'm a fool.

  • Not_Mother

    Fox News calls the Senate contest in Indiana for Donnelly (D) over Mourdock (R)-OUCH MOTHERFUCKERS!

    • Barbara_

      God voted on this.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      How can they announce with all those crow feathers in their mouths?

    • Veritas78

      That has got to hurt. Hahaha!

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Mr. Mourdock? there's a Miss O'Donnell on line one.

    • LIT_Fag

      Tried to watch fox just to hear them say Obama wins. Turned over too soon. Couldn't handle it….yet

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    WARREN! WARREN! WARREN! WARREN!

    • BadKitty904

      That is one *kick*-ass school-marm.

  • Limeylizzie

    Liz Warren yay!!!!

    • Barbara_

      Let Scott Brown go back to posing for print ads for "Just for Men" hair dye.

      • Limeylizzie

        It is a very good night for the Dems. I think we got this.

  • Not_Mother

    Obama projected as likely winner in battleground state of New Hampshire

    • viennawoods13

      Hey, isn't that where they fought Lexington and Concord?

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Mostly I'm happy that, no matter what, Corbett's going to have a difficult couple of years thank to the new Pa. attorney general (D) …

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Pennsylvania to Hopey!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    It turns out that the polls in Az. were closed all day.

    • C_R_Eature

      The Hispanics are voting tomorrow, I understand.

    • OzoneTom

      I'm sure that everyone got that message that voting is on the 7th.

    • Biff

      And nobody noticed!

    • HarryButtle

      Actually, turnout at my polling place was pretty low.

      That's probably a bad thing for the Senate race as my district is one of the few truly "blue" districts in the state. Jon Kyl replaced by Jeff Flake. Ugh. Barry was never gonna win here, anyway.

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Lizzie! HOT FOR TEACHER!

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Mittens said he intends to continue to show his support of the black community by tipping big at airports.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    it's almost as if Nate Silver used some sort of formula to forecast this evening

    • glasspusher

      creepy, isn't it? What is wrong with tea leaves?

    • sullivanst

      Pshaw…. science!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Maths – how do they work?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        The numbers go in, the numbers go out.

        • sullivanst

          You can't explain that, but Nate can.

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      the kind of stuff you only see in a movie! or classroom.

    • BlueStateLibel

      My cats' earlier jumpiness and then sudden calmness were just as good.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Don't be such a liberal. Nate is just an idealouge who got lucky. Numbers be meaningless.

  • glasspusher

    Lizzie Warren has been called as my personal SILF! Awesome!

  • Katydid

    NBC JUST CALLED MA FOR ELIZABETH WARREN!!!!!!!!!!! Obvs. it was from my $10.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Isn't it great Katy? Finally someone we donate to wins!!!

      • Katydid

        lolol…feels odd, yeah? me likey.

  • Wadisay

    The Romney campaign continues to believe that it can win. Good. They will be more despair-filled when they lose.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Donnelly in Indiana!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Damnit. The house is projected to remain orange.

    • emmelemm

      But we are going to make some gains, right?

    • bobbert

      That was always a bridge too far. I mean, just look at our countrymen.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mourdock gets raped. With votes.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      God's Will… may as well relax and enjoy it.

    • Barbara_

      Now that he's unemployed, I wonder what his "plan-B" is?

  • gullywompr

    Mourdock loses! Legitimately!

  • Schmannnity

    Fox News: Why does America hate America?

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh glorious on MSNBC , Chris Jansing is at Mitten's hellhole and talking about how sad they were when PA, WI and NH were called, oh and Richard Mourdock goes down!

    • OzoneTom

      I hope that not too many other journalists got tricked into paying for the privilege of joining the victory celebration there.

    • Katydid

      I actually think if Mourdock went down some more, he wouldn't make stupid rape comments.

  • Biff

    ELIzABETH WARREN FTW!

  • snowpointsecret

    Obama's lead narrowing a bit in Ohio but it's happening slowly enough that I'm not too worried.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Chris Jansing looks like a silent movie star. Steve Schmidt is tying her to the railroad tracks!!

    • Limeylizzie

      I like her, she can be pretty fierce with pols and their bullshit, and how are you this evening young Chet?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Tense!

    • Steverino247

      Is there moustache twirling involved?

  • Wadisay

    I'm calling it: The "Romney Transition Team" can take the rest of the evening off.

    • Veritas78

      But they'd already designed the new uniforms!

      Can we send back the monogrammed underwear?

  • kingofmeh

    it's a little hard to project based on partial results because it's hard to know whether results within the state include conservative or liberal constituencies., but it might help to compare results within states.

    for instance, in missouri, claire mccaskill is beating todd "legitimate rape" akin 54/39, in the same precincts where very popular governor jay nixon (D) is winning 55/42, and rMoney is winning 58/40. that suggests to me that mccaskill is likely to cruise to a wider margin of victory than expected; if she's winning in pretty conservative districts, she'll probably prevail statewide.

  • HarryButtle

    Ted Kennedy is smiling…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Ooh Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is on PBS — with a new and very nice looking 'do.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Nice makeover DWS!

  • Kgprophet

    Oh. My. God.
    CNN has ripped off the New Year's light ball descending in Times Square. They setup red and blue lights on top of the Empire State Building to indicate who becomes president. Maybe CNN fantasizes that a huge crowd will gather and cheer on to see which color will win, like a video game. CNN has reduced this important election to stoopid colored lights.

    • Jerri

      It looks like one of those strongman things at the State Fair.

    • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      They actually stole the idea from NBC's "Democracy Square", where they have things going up Rock Center to symbolize the amount of EV's each candidate has…

    • Yellerdawg

      I so wish i was there.

  • Negropolis

    Somewhere Dick Lugar is smiling, a bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless.

    Holding out hope for Heidi and Carmona.

  • Jerri

    Is the song on Romney HQ the same as the e-harmony commercial? Ew. (What, I watch a lot of Bridezilla marathons. Shut up.)

  • VodkaGoGo

    If Romney loses MI, MA, and WI, all home states for the ticket, but still wins the EC, wouldn't the states that went Romney/Ryan pretty much have to be the dumbest motherfuckers* in the country?

    *Wonkederos excluded, of course.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Come on Minnesota. Count!

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Don't say this often, but Mourdock was asking for it.

    • OzoneTom

      And in this case it really IS a gift from god.

    • Come here a minute

      Why did he show so much leg?

  • C_R_Eature

    AHHHH Fuck Toad is on MSNBC scrawling on an electronic map screen. Thank FSM I had the foresight to leave the MUTE button on.

    • BloviateMe

      That, and Sharpton's ridiculously huge head are the prices you pay for watching MSNBC…I'm watching it too, but damn, those are rough spots to be sure.

      • C_R_Eature

        MUTE, Music and Mead. It 's the only way to survive.

  • Katydid

    Has anyone yet mentioned that Joe Kennedy won Barney Frank's old/gerrymandered seat? I can feel it now, Barry's gonna win big. Woo hoo, fuck the drinking game, I'm just going to start drinking indiscriminately.

    • Come here a minute

      Was there supposed to be a game?

    • SexySmurf

      Joe Kennedy? Is he the one who banged Taylor Swift?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Pox Ooze just called WI for Tammy Baldwin! YES!!!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Did anyone else?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Sick as it sounds, that's when I really believe a Dem won. When Roger Ailes admits it.

  • glasspusher

    Obama up almost 20k at 84% in FL. C'mon Dade County!

  • TheMightyHaltor

    Sherrod Brown wins in Ohio! Yay!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Obama pulling away in Floriduh … suddenly he's 250,000 ahead.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Were those Gore's votes that got lost a few elections back?

    • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      On what network? NBC has him ahead by, like, 25K votes. Florida is being Florida again.

  • Close_Read

    A friend just e-mailed me that she found some list of the states with both the least and highest percentages o college degrees. Of the lowest, ALL called so far are going for Romney. Of the highest, (top 16 states), 10 are called for Obama so far. Quelle suprise.

    • viennawoods13

      Those snobs.

    • C_R_Eature

      I wonder what the correlation with obesity and Diabeetus is.

  • Not_Mother

    Fox News just called the Wisconsin Senate race for Tammy Baldwin. She will be the first openly gay Senator

    • Veritas78

      "Openly" being the key word there.

  • RaflcaFlkaFlame

    Yessss FLORIDA, COME ON!!! (I haven't said that since 08)

  • Come here a minute

    So proud of my 17-yo daughter playing NPR On The Media election bingo.

  • Veritas78

    Nate Silver is blogging a lot about Florida…

  • Barbara_

    New drinking game for election night coverage. You take a drink every time they say "Ohio" and "Too close to call"

    • FakaktaSouth

      And then you die. Let's see how this goes first. Hooray!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      And now were on to your beloved New Mexico. Declared for the Prez in 3, 2, 1…

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Or battle ground state… hick!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    It's almost time to rip off the wigs and sing "Celebrate". C'mon.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I believe in the promised land!

    R-Money is toast. And I know toast.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      and you has been saying it man! cheers!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I've got a good bullshit meter!

  • DixvilleCrotch

    I'm gathering the nail in Romney's coffin is CO? I believe that's what Chucky just told me to think.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    CHECK YOUR HTML WONKETTE!

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    NH just called for O. Rmoney has now lost 3 out of 4 of the states where he has/had homes, and he will surely lose CA when polls close there…

    • Steverino247

      You got that shit right!

  • glasspusher

    NH for Barry! Can't take it for granite!

  • ProgressiveInga

    I sent her a lot of cheddar, too, because, well, you know, dyke..

    • bobbert

      We all thank you, because she is fairly awesome, in addition to not being Tommy Thompson.

  • Not_Mother

    From Yoda boyfriend Nate: "On The Wall, The Writing."

  • ChessieNefercat

    I finally got control load buying,m. But I'm scared to click to next page or won,t load for had hour acid! Hate the masked up words head bang! !

    Place mobile wonkettlebell back! Head bang!

    Shit. Lets me write shit.

    Edit place = please

    • tessiee

      *skritches Nefercat gently*
      relax, little kitteh.
      You're among friends here.
      just stay calm and go with the acid; don't try to fight it.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Intrade has Obama at 93%

    McDonalds Monopoly has Romney "In Jail"

  • redarmyzombie

    GUYS, GUYS! I JUST VOTED!!!

    WHOOOOOO! *champagne pops*

    • Barbara_

      I would kiss you like a mule chewing an apple if I could. Thanks for voting!

      • redarmyzombie

        And I would kiss you too Barb, homosexuality be damned!!!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Even the Diebold machines won't open the pod bay doors, Willard.

  • Katydid

    I can only watch MSNBC because I can't find the goddamned clicker. I'm getting sick of these people.

    Am I the only one who saw an ad for Fox News' election coverage on MSNBC awhile ago? Huh?

    • Lot_49

      They're horrible. The others are worse. It's like cell phone companies. Watch whichever one doesn't have Gunga Dan Rather.

  • BadKitty904

    "We are the boys from ooooool' Flori-DA, F – L – O – R – I – D – AAAAAAA…"

  • DustyBowlBlues

    Wow. I guess serving coffee and pie all day (15 of them baked by moi) for Jesus. (Our church is only one that doesn't hate the gays here in rural OK) had paid off big time! My ATTT wifi connection is fast tonight and Lizzie W. is a senator. I'm not sure which is the more exhilarating.

    I'm back!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Yay!

    • BadKitty904

      On behalf of us gays, Dusty – thank you. :0)

    • OzoneTom

      Hooray!

    • C_R_Eature

      Welcome back and what a good night to be back it is.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hey, Baby!

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Alan Grayson(D) is going back to the House, FL District 9.

  • glasspusher

    How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?

    Was Loki talking to Romney?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      if tonight works out well i am watching that again tomorrow.

      • glasspusher

        Good choice. Fun flick, well done, and I read the comic books when I was a kid. Now I get to watch the movies with mine, and he loves it too.The Governor, the man out of time?

        • viennawoods13

          I'm crazy for Son of Cole.

          • glasspusher

            I'm thinking here, and nothing's coming up. Am I missing a reference, or did I not read this?Nope, checked the google, I have not seen this. Perhaps I should check it out!

          • viennawoods13

            Agent Colson, called Son of Cole by Thor.

          • glasspusher

            Ahhhh…how the fuck did I miss that? Was that in the Thor movie with Natalie or also in The Avengers? I was so wired to hear Colson since Iron Man I may have missed it.Pepper: Why Phil, come on in!Tony: His first name is Agent…

  • gullywompr

    New Hampshire!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    DC is 94% for Obama — that has to be a record of some sort.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    DONNELLY just WON in IN!! Good bye Mr. "RapeBabbiezRMandatory" Mourdock!

  • VodkaGoGo

    Obama wins NH. Also, too, how many fucking home states does Rombot have?

    Also also,'too, MN for Bammerz.

    • Barbara_

      So far, Romney has lost his home state, vacation state, birth state and Ryan has lost his home state.

      • VodkaGoGo

        And you can't even count the Fatherland Utah because he would win there anyway.

  • kingofmeh

    i'd just like to note that a very large chunk of the yet-to-be reported votes in FLA come from miami-dade. except for a couple of rural panhandle counties, miami-dade is the only county with less than 50% of its vote counted. an awful lot of the state is 95%-100% reporting.

    • Negropolis

      Yep. I keep hearing that the stuff left to report is in the larger counties.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Leon has over 92%.

  • AlterNewt

    Paul Ryan get your weasley smirk-face off my screen before I $^^@ your &#$* with motherfucking votes, you @%^@&.

    • tessiee

      "I obscenity in the obscenity of your obscenity." — Ernest Hemingway

  • Wadisay

    Sherrod Brown wins. Right now, wouldn't you love to ask Sheldon Adelson and the Koch brothers how they're feeling?

    • Nothingisamiss

      They have feelings informed by humanity?

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    @DickMorrisTweet

    #election2012 I think they are calling states way to soon. Stick around and watch the actual vote counts in Penn and Wisc

    Yes, go with that. Your comment makes clear that we need to re-classify toenail polish as a mind-altering drug.

    • Come here a minute

      WTF? What is his margin in denial?

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Well Morris isn't called Dick for no reason, no sir.

    • BloviateMe

      …that made me lulz

    • Lot_49

      That is excellent.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Dick Morris's Twitter has gone strangely quiet.

  • Not_Mother
    • Lot_49

      How mighty are the fallen!

    • viennawoods13

      Too sweet.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Dick Morris is still certain that his divination of the candidates' foot smells will hold up and Romney will win.

  • rocktonsam

    A proud Wisconsinite.

  • snowpointsecret

    Only 10% in but… Neuhardt ahead of Turner in OH-10? I want that upset so badly.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    And now from Dick Morris: "can afford to lose Col and NH and still win if we win Fla, Va, NC, and Ohio"

    In other words, at 9:56 EST, Barack Obama has been re-elected POTUS.

    • C_R_Eature

      How exactly can he type with all those toes in his mouth?

  • Jerri

    You know what will make an Obama victory even sweeter? Thinking about all the millions of dollars thrown away on GOP superpacs and so on and how mad those rich jerks must be to have gotten such a shitty ROI. Fingers crossed. Hard.

    • BadKitty904

      And just watch how much of the left-over funds get mysteriously "repurposed"…

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      There is still a lot of lettuce in the pigs' trough.

      Not sure if that's good or bad. Tonight, it looks pretty good.

    • rocktonsam

      45 million dollars were spent in Wisconsin during this election season. where is all that money going?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    New Hampshire for Bamz!!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Can we put Willard in the Carthage, IL jail yet?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    PBS is calling Wisconsin for Obama — the TalkingPointsMemo tracker thingy must be slower than everyone else's projections.

  • frostbitefalls

    In Minnesota 62% so far against constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage!

  • Barbara_

    I'd like to give a special shout-out to one of our own Wonkateers who can't be with us tonight. HistoriCat, thanks for getting to the polling place early and congratulations on your new baby today. Your wife voted and gave birth, she is a blessing and you are a true friend.

    • BadKitty904

      That's so sweet. :0)

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      +1

    • Oblios_Cap

      Sing it, sister!

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Oh, mazel tov to the new parents!

      (My iPad apparently wanted to wish them "mabel tog" as well.)

    • emmelemm

      Wow! So wonderful!

    • Nothingisamiss

      Thanks for the good news!

    • tessiee

      They could name the baby HistoriKitten.

    • Close_Read

      Congrats!

  • rocktonsam

    Donnally you guys

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Obama just pulled 0.7 points ahead of Mitt in FL.

    • glasspusher

      almost enough to avoid an automatic recount under Florida's constitution, not that it ever gets to exercise that…

      • tessiee

        "an automatic recount under Florida's constitution, not that it ever gets to exercise that… "

        Never exercise what, the recount or the constitution?

        • sullivanst

          Yes.

        • glasspusher

          Yes.

    • Tilley

      yes yes yes!

    • Oblios_Cap

      But God's Own Undertaker is winning my Congressional district. Damn!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Hoo dat?

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Did RomneyMegaPrayer.com do nothing?? Or was that just satire?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      No, it was real – God just said 'No'.

  • snowpointsecret

    TOTAL SHOCKER ALERT: Romney wins Utah.

  • tessiee

    I'm still a nervous wreck, but I feel better because I fucking *did* something.
    I got an email asking me to call voters for the Obama campaign (you can vote until 8 pm here).
    I was gonna make 4 calls — you know, for 4 more years — but then I got on a roll, and I was too nervous to eat dinner anyway, so I ended up making 44 calls.

    Oh, yeah, and Elizabeth Warren won.

    • BumbleKid

      Hero status!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      You win everything!

    • BloviateMe

      Good on ya! =>

    • emmelemm

      Thank you. In all seriousness, thank you.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (Hugs you) You SO fucking ROCK! Claire McCaskill won, too, and Deb Fischer is Nebraska's new Senator, Tammy Baldwin will be WI's next Senator, and Tammy Duckworth beat Joe Walsh flatter than a chapati. YES!

  • courtneyesq

    Hello, my name is Elder Romney…

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      And I would like to share with you a most amazing book!

  • DustyBowlBlues

    This is one of those times that it sucks to live in a state with no good news to report. Except the Good News of Jesus Christ as imposed by the government.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      Wrong, you do have good news. I hear a couple of OK counties went for Barry this year, which is an improvement on 2008!

    • Tilley

      Oh honey! You too? I'm so knee-deep in Southern-fried redneck ignoramus-osity I can't wiggle my toes. At least it sounds like you get the New Testament stuff; here in Tenn-ass-ee they're all Leviticus-spoutin' snake-handlers.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Obama looks set to steal Planet Kolob's 12 electoral college votes due to high turnout of Latinos-baptised-after-death vote.

    D'oh!!

  • frostbitefalls

    Minnesota voter ID amendment going down too!

  • Negropolis

    MI-11 (Muslin Doc vs. certifiably insane Reindeer Farmer) is being stupid, again. Gah. But, MI-1 (UP) and MI-3 (Grand Rapids) might still be pick-ups for Dems. MI-3 is actually tied, which is a complete surprise.

  • Not_Mother

    they're getting nervous on Planet Kolob – Bill Maher

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    From Minnesota:
    10% reporting
    53% Bachmann (Retard)
    47% Graves (D)

    Sigh.

  • BumbleKid

    Cheesy petes you guys, I am so drunk already! USA USA!!

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    I feel good, I knew that I would, but still, this is more than a nail-biter — I'm on to rebar.

  • Terry

    On a sad note, my Mom missed voting in a presidential election today for the first time since she first voted in 1944. Her memory is too far gone, bless her.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      My condolences. (Can't really upfist that.)

    • BadKitty904

      I'm mighty sorry to hear that, Terry. But I'm sure she's mighty proud watching *you* vote in this historic election. :0)

    • IceCreamEmpress

      So sorry that she can't be part of it.

      My dad's streak was 1948-2008. He was a big Bamz man.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Yay ICE's Dad.

    • vulpes82

      My dad, BIIIIG union guy, passed earlier this year, but I know he would have cheered Obama on.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Wow. We've all lost one or more near and dear over the past couple years, it seems.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Weirdly, my 86 year old, Alzheimer's stricken dad powered his way through his senility and cast his vote. He is proud of the fact that he has never voted for a Republican. God bless our parental olds.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Aw. Give him a fond hug for me.

        • MissNancyPriss

          During W Bush he said to me: "I don't want to die with that jackass in office".

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I understand *just* how he felt. I didn't want to have major surgery till that bastard was out of office.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i'm so sad terry. we had a couple of those moments tonight remembering '08 (when we were actually in grant park) and what we've lost since.

      may you find solace and some blue win comfort.

      • tabouley

        MissNancy, and flu, Terry, Vulpes, and icecream, everyone, sorry to hear about your losses.
        My parents were both raging liberals, and would be happy to see, as I was today, both my kids vote in their first Presidential election.
        Perhaps this would also give you some small comfort. http://www.postbourgie.com/2009/08/26/the-work-go

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Sorry to hear that, Terry.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    i'm nice and lit. Bring on the fucking holograms!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Romney wins Utah!
    Meh.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Gosh, I'm so surprised.

  • tessiee

    Does anyone know of the voting situation in NY and NJ?
    I saw somewhere that they're going to be allowed to vote until Friday because of Sandy.
    Is that true? And if so, how will they count the vote?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      NY: Cuomo says residents can vote anywhere, voting hours extended for absentee ballots only, not sure of date or time.

      NJ: Christie has extended to Friday vote by mail/fax.

  • BadKitty904

    Have Mitt, Ryan, Goebbels, and the rest have locked themselves in the bunker yet?

    • glasspusher

      Where's Egg, I mean, Eva?

    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

      Also, I can hear the crickets at Breitbart from here.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Okay. Hang onto ………uh……whatever's hanging…………..Arizona results coming in.
    This is BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • C_R_Eature

      That's What She Said!

      sorry

      • Blueb4sinrise

        ????
        What does that meme mean? I never heard that.

        • redarmyzombie

          Well, it's when you take any sentence with the slightest possibility of sexual innuendo, and at the end you, or someone else, adds: That's What She Said!

        • C_R_Eature
  • glasspusher

    Bamz back within striking range in VA again

  • glasspusher

    Hold me closer, poll dancer…

  • BadKitty904

    *rubs Bumble's shoulders*

  • sudsmckenzie

    We are going to fuckin win FL. I will not make fun of them ever again for about 10 days.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      RLY?

  • snowpointsecret

    It's really hard to see Obama losing Florida right now, most of the vote out is in Democratic areas.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Trust me. If at any point it shows a D leading………..many wingers will shit themselves.
    [it's happening now…..Barry, Carmona, Kirkpatrick………..]

    [In Az. I mean…..not obvious I guess]

  • tessiee

    is it too early to call Mitt a smarmy, preening fuck?

    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

      Never too early, never too late.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      I thing late 1940's was the earliest.
      check …1947.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I would like to state for the record that I am totally sober, so you know, I can give all y'all rides home from wherever. I have NO IDEA how this has happened. I'm kind of worried.

    • Yellerdawg

      Take me anywhere.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      I live in Wyoming….how soon can you get here?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Let me feel your forehead. You might be ill.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    mourdock done!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      YES!! Donelly is now in a seat that has been reliably Republican for DECADES!!

  • Oblios_Cap

    NV – one of the most Republican states with one of the worst economies. Hmmm. i wonder why they'd vote Democratic?

  • Terry

    Dream Act is winning in Maryland at 68%.

    Marriage Equality Act is winning at 55%

    Good news on both counts, thus far

  • C_R_Eature

    Lawrence O'Donnell is Giddy now.

    • Limeylizzie

      Plus looking very tasty in his glasses, I love a bespectacled man.

  • Steverino247

    Obama down by 2% in VA with 77% counted. That number's been getting smaller and smaller all night.

  • Terry

    F'ing Comcast. Just lost cable, phone, Internet for no good reason.

  • Not_Mother

    Much gnashing of teeth on fox. "Merka is STILLL CONSERVATIVE Y'ALL. also, the polls were RIGHT. BUT HOW???"

  • lulzmonger

    Got a half-dozen containers of good brew & a thirst for delicious wingnut tears to chase them down with.

    MAKE IT SO.

  • gullywompr

    McCaskill!

  • Barbara_

    Todd Fucking Akin is toast. Thank God!

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      One could say he's been legitimately raped, by himself. Quite the accomplishment.

  • FakaktaSouth

    WOO HOO CLAIRE WAY TO SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN!!! Fuck you Akin – go back to the abortionplex scream line from whence you got arrested you asshole.

  • Lot_49

    McCaskill beats Akin! Another troglodyte down!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      YES!!!!!!

      • Lot_49

        Tweety says McCaskill wanted Akin as an opponent enough to contribute her own campaign funds to his.

  • MissNancyPriss

    225,379 human beings actually voted for Todd Akin.

    • courtneyesq

      But are they "legitimate" votes?

    • Tilley

      This just in: Reports that those individuals are actually "human beings" are at this time inconclusive.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      As far as I'm concerned, they aren't human beings.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Has time stopped? Give me good news!

  • VodkaGoGo

    Is it time to switch over to FOX for the schadenfreude yet?

    • C_R_Eature

      Don't do it. Palin is lurking there.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    As if we needed it, I think this would be an early "it's over" sign.

    Romney's health care advisor, Avik S.A. Roy:

    @aviksaroy

    Congrats to my Dem friends. Best wishes for the new administration. Will continue to provide the loyal opposition.

  • rocktonsam

    are teh gheys and potheads winning anything tonight?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ev'thing. All 3 states with marriage equality on the ballot passed it. All the pot initiatives passed too. Also.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I wonder what bible-thumping jackasses the GOP will assign to the House science and technology committees now?

    • C_R_Eature

      The Finest bible-thumping jackasses they can find.

      In other words, worse. If that's even possible.

  • HarryButtle

    I'm sensing optimism…and that scares the hell out of me. More doom and gloom from the lot of you! Now!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Ok, ok…um…oh, noes, we lost Utah! It's all over now!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      GOP is going to keep the House so you can look forward to two more years of symbolic votes to overturn Obamacare and nothing else.

    • C_R_Eature

      In a hundred years, we'll all be dead.

  • Wadisay

    Any second now Fox is going to cut away to a special on Benghazi-gate.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Todd Akin has been sent home to practice his oppression skills on the women in his family.

  • Veritas78

    McAskill (sp?) in Missouri! Hoohah! The tea party is sucking brown juice tonight!

  • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

    Hey, is the live live-blooging swingin' at Busby's East yet?

    And look, Cokie Roberts is still alive! I'll be damned.

  • Yellerdawg

    Fox is making defeat noises. I would be sad except for the elation thing. If we can take 2016, the Republican party as we know it will be dead.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I would be sad except for the elation thing.

      I feel your pain.

  • C_R_Eature

    Chris Murphy's Victory speech is on right now. The new Democratic Senator from Connecticut. Woohoo.

  • snowpointsecret

    Allen West losing just slightly in Florida, but I'll take a slight lead at the moment.

  • Negropolis

    LOL! Murphy's supporters just booed the fuck out of Linda McMahon…and Chris didn't tell them to stop. lol

  • Blendergoathead

    Whoever took all the Diebold techs out last night and roofied the living shit out of them deserve medals.

  • Limeylizzie

    OK, Chris Murphy new Dem Senator for CT has a very weird, wide mouth thing going on, also some lip-smacking.

    • BoroPrimorac

      You're fucking crazy. Lip smacking is now a pet peeve of mine thanks to you.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Wide mouths have their uses, Or so I'm told.

      • Limeylizzie

        Ha! I'm sorry, I am an actress and just way too aware of people's odd verbal and physical tics.

        • BoroPrimorac

          I'm a bit of a language savant so I tend to notice speech impediments and accents more readily than I do body ticks. The only reason I noticed Ryan's body shimmy is because Tottenham Hotspurs had a manger called Harry Redknapp who had an identical tick.

          • Negropolis

            You know what I've noticed about Ryan? He has this weird thing where he raises both arms straight up with hands ending up above the shoulders (kind of like what McCain used to do, but he had a physical impedement) from the sides when he's trying to get a crowd to cheer. It is so incredibly stiff and awkward and it catches my eye every time.

          • tessiee

            Ryan looks like Beaky Buzzard:
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na7WqSb6sY0

            And I hope the opportunistic little shit loses *both* races!

          • Limeylizzie

            I am a Spurs fan and am famliar with Harry!

          • BoroPrimorac

            I loved him at West Ham, but hated him at Spurs. I'm an Arsenal supporter.

  • courtneyesq

    Too drunk for the numbers. Just tell me who's winning. I can't count!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Yeah, I suck at math even when I'm sober.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Oh tats my problem fuck this stupendous t tablets no not stupendous acid! Stupid!
      Shit. It always les me say shit.

      Edit 5 liter box wine almost gone but this autodill fuck. Shit.

      Lets me spell autodill? Shit.

  • BoroPrimorac

    My night will be complete if Florida voters vote no on the prop 13 like amendment on our ballot this year. Knowing Floridians, however, I know the greedy, ignorant pricks are going to vote yes.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I vote "No" on all those Amendments. Make the fucking Legislature do its job!

      • BoroPrimorac

        Me too. I even voted no on the veterans tax break.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Wooo! Joe Walsh gets flushed! Tammy FTW!

    • sullivanst

      Two times Tammy :D

      • Fare la Volpe

        I think a Menage a Tammy is in store!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      YES!!! (Grabs the li'l devil, dances around with glee, runs out of room before Biely regains consciousness)

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Oooh the sad faces on Faux news. Cry for me Megyn you filthy thing.
    Bonus time Princess Dumbass of the North got a new spraytan!

  • glasspusher

    Math is hard. Have a drink!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Dick Morris getting desperate now: "if we win Fla, NC, Va, Ohio and Iowa and lose Nevada and Colorado, it is a tie 270-270 and we win it in the House."

    Suck it, Dick.

  • gullywompr

    Quick! Turn to Fox and look at Lou Sarah's face!

    • gullywompr

      Sarah Palin simply cannot believe it!

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Looking more like Jan Brewer everyday.
      PS Lou Sarah just can't believe it!

      • gullywompr

        Why does America hate America?

    • C_R_Eature

      I did and my Brain immediately seized up. I had to change the channel, which was not easy with a seized up brain.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Easier on old TVs with big round dial not Bitty buttons on remotes. Bitty uppercase why?

        • C_R_Eature

          yeah, but that lurching across the room, falling flat and scrabbling wildly at the dial takes it's toll after a while.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    What the hell, Wisconsin??

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Az. living up to it's Wonkette reputation.

  • Jerri

    Shut up Fuck Toad. Nobody calls it FloVa.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Wonkette is a well-oiled machine tonight.

  • snowpointsecret

    CNN says the Senate is staying with the Democrats now. Status quo let's get it!

  • C_R_Eature

    I just switched over to FOX, for the first time in almost a year SWEET JESUS IT'S BABBLING PALIN! ARRRGH MUTE MUTE MUTE FUCKIN REMOTE FUCK FUCK FUCK

    • Wadisay

      Greta would spend her time better interviewing that potted plant next to her.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (Pats CRE's back with ten-foot pole) There, there, CRE. You'll recover.

      • C_R_Eature

        Ghod I hope so. This nightmarish political environment has really worn me down.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          We're all fucking worn down to a nub, sweetie. Every Wonketteer has needed a hug today or ten. I mean, ten … oh, fuckit. Bamz won. He's my sweetie. I'm totes happy and in love and tired and I'm fucking going to sleep and tomorrow life goes on as usual but Jenny kissed me when we met, jumping up from the chair she sat in. Time, you thief, who love to get … 'night, fella!

          • C_R_Eature

            It's been a long difficult time, but I see more hope tonight than I've felt in a good long while. I think that we might just make it out of here alive. Hope can be a Cruel thing, but I'm not getting that feeling this time.
            Do get some rest and have a great evening.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Mommy I Don wanna watch the scary thing on fox don't make me,please…

  • Oblios_Cap

    O's winning the women's vote in Iowa. Why, indeed?

    Thanks, Grassley!

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Assume Doe dead to you chuckles.

  • Not_Mother

    SARAH PALIN UPDATE: This is a catastrophic setback for our nation. Just can't believe merkins would do this. Supreme court free abortions for everyone. (Greta: NO MANDATE FOR BRONCO.) notable: Sarah is "still crossing her fingers (not praying for a miracle.) NO MANDATE is what the new meme is.

    Me: FUCK YOU CUNT

    • Wadisay

      This is a catastrophic setback for our nation that we have here, in our great country. Fixed.

    • yyyaz

      Me: x2.

    • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

      Fuck that trollop! The fact that the black guy won AGAIN even after her shitty party threw everything they had at him, MAKES THIS A FUCKING MANDATE! IT'S ALL MANDATE UP IN HERE, BITCHES!

    • ChessieNefercat

      Fuck off Sarah Palin you demented harpy.

      Edit: Even with wine and autofill, some sentiments are absolute. Wow, I am impressed, autodill. Or I type better drunk, God knows I can't sober.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Yay Captain Duckworth over deadbeat Joe.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    CBS says Kaine wins in VA! Fuck off Macaca!

    • Negropolis

      YES! I was getting worried.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    economist liveblog is saying it's over and a crappy night for republicans.

  • Not_Mother

    Soon, Minnesota and Iowa will be called for Obama, meaning he needs to win only one out of Virginia, Ohio, North Carolina, or Florida to win

  • Oblios_Cap

    FAUX News – No big surprises to report. No shit?

  • Wadisay

    Pig-faced criminal Karl Rove, who predicted a Romney landslide, looking for votes in the seat cushions.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Fucks Gnus is already talking about Obama's next term.

    • tessiee

      Git addahere!

  • C_R_Eature

    Ohio: 51% to 48% for Barry so far, with many more Democratic votes to tally, according to the Unions.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Christ – who is that whiny little weasel on Faux?

    • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

      Be more specific.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The asshole with the hideous green tie and red plastic glasses, who's carrying on about Benghazi being worse than Watergate.

        • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

          The only one I recognize is Peter Johnson, Jr.

    • tessiee

      All of them, Biely.

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Keep fucking that chicken Karl.

  • yyyaz

    Marcie Captor (sp?), D-Ohio tells John Nichols on Rachel's show that Ohio will put Bammers over the top.

  • Yellerdawg

    Watching Rove try to not cry is very gratifying. "Well, you never know when that rover thing on Mars might uncover some voters!"

  • Yellerdawg

    Fox reports two voters in Ohio may have voted illegally. The entire election is now a do over.

  • tessiee

    So, Todd Akin legitimately got his ass beat.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I assume he has a way of shutting his whole campaign down.

  • Not_Mother
  • kingofmeh

    keep an eye on the senate returns in North Dakota. heitkamp is running very close with berg (51/49) with 30% of the vote counted, in precincts where obama is losing badly (61/36) and worse than silver's statewide projection (57/42).

    to me, this suggests that the senate race may come out in heitkamp's favor, which would be a big coup.

  • C_R_Eature

    I don't know about anyone else, but all these political wars, electioneering, mayhem, violence and apocalyptic storms has got me feeling Shattered.

    Shadoobee.

  • Lazy Media

    Romney is winning white votes. Goddammit, my fellow Ofays, Get your shit in one sock.
    The White Man is a rich motherfucker who oppresses us all. Put his ass down.

  • Wadisay

    I sort of like CNN's coverage except for the catelepsy-inducing drum track.

    • ChessieNefercat

      And the people. King is actually not too irritating tonight. Wolf is a dip. Haven't seen Erick dipshitson or I would Bother is incredibly annoying. Not Bother!

  • Yellerdawg

    Peggy Noonan deep into the Chardonnay, or Chablis, or Mateus, or whatever she's into already.

    • Wadisay

      Peggy seems to be into botox, dermabrasion and self-delusion.

  • Not_Mother

    PEGGYTON NOOONINGHAMSHROPSHIRE: "This is just so….SUBDUED. THE NERVE of these libruls making romney out to be a CAPITALIST!!!" Peggington needs moar BOMBAY and vicodin.

  • bikerlaureate

    Go Go Miami/Dade !

  • snowpointsecret

    Some man in a commercial comparing the Democrats to Socialist Hungary.

    … What?

  • LIT_Fag

    I think Fux just admitted senate Repugs fought the POTUS on everything the last 4 years! No shit

  • Wadisay

    Robert Gibbs was just on Fox News. I wish he had just yelled "Bring out your dead!"

  • Wadisay

    Minnesota for Obama. Yep, pretty much. Obama's strategy of whipping me into a frenzy with e-mails and robo-calls worked.

  • C_R_Eature

    Barry takes Minnesota. MSNBC called it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And Faux agrees.

      • C_R_Eature

        Now that's something you don't see everyday.

  • C_R_Eature

    Todd Aikn's Concession speech is one long rolling disaster of rightwing talking points, paranoia and FOX misinformation. Sweet Jesus I'm glad he's not going to the Senate.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      To sit on the SCIENCE committee no less for the love of gog and all that's holy.

  • Wadisay

    Can't wait to see Barry Bammerz stub out his cigarette and step up to the microphone.

  • C_R_Eature

    Liz Warren is beaming and crying. The crowd is going absolutely wild.

    I almost feel like we can start taking our country forward now. Not "Back".

    And Also: MSNBC calls VA for Tim Kane. Solid.

  • http://wonkette.com NorbertsRevenge

    Commander #1: We've analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger. Should I have your ship standing by?
    Grand Moff Romney: Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.

    • C_R_Eature

      "That's no Moon, that's a Polling Station!"

  • C_R_Eature

    Barry takes Iowa, as per MSNBC.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Faux gives Ohio to Bamz!!!

    It's over.

  • C_R_Eature

    OBAMA HAS WON OHIO. HE'S OFFICIALLY BEEN REELECTED.

    I knew this already, but Barry really is right; Voting is the best Sweet Revenge.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Prez reelected yay!!!!!!!!!

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm cracking open a bottle of year old Blueberry Mead.

    Happy Election, Everyone.

  • sullivanst

    Prez. Re-elect B. Barry Bamz.

    Suck it!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Faux concedes!!!!!!!!!

  • LIT_Fag

    Fuck yeah! USA! USA!

  • bikerlaureate

    Whew !

  • coolhandnuke

    This is good news for the WORLD!

    • sullivanst

      And John McCain is part of the world, therefore…

  • bikerlaureate

    After the President wins Florida, the Very Serious People can start the conversation about how the media's lust for a horse race is misinforming, if not demonstrably harming, the country…

  • ttommyunger

    So delighted that the Indian Princess scalped Paleface Scotty and hung it on her Lodge-Pole. I will give him credit for a classy concession speech. I think he simply gave in to Republican "Guidance" with that whole Indian thing.