After at least seven voter “outreaches” apiece from all 37 FEC-registered presidential campaigns, your humble Wonkette team is ready to keep spreading the Good News, right up til the networks drag the last formaldehyde-reeking pundit out of storage. (Laura Ingraham was just on-air so it shouldn’t be too much longer actually.) Shit’s getting real, y’all!
9:14 PM A mid-air slapfight in the skies over Ohio would be more dignified than two separate victory/defeatorship parties, no?
9:17 PM Josh F: Joe Manchin and his man-chin win the Senate seat in WV.
9:18 PM Josh F admits that “THEY BETTER NOT GET RID OF PELOSI. PELOSI IS MY HOMEGIRL.” Which, sad day for objective, clear-eyed journalism here at Wonkette, guys. For the record, Eric Cantor (R) is also his homegirl.
9:22 PM PS Did everyone remember to abandon your spouse and children so’s you can read the political Internet in peace? I did, back in 2006.
9:24 PM Dok Z: PBS is on my teevee. David Brooks says that some people doubt Ted Cruz’s star quality. Josh F: Every word in that sentence is where boners go to die, Dok.
9:29 PM Blair B. worries: So are people in NY just staring out their windows at the Empire State Building, because they can’t watch television. :/
9:30 PM It may be time to freak the fuck out, if you were wondering. Josh F: SHIT THE NYTIMES ELECTIONS THINGIE HAS CRASHED.
9:31 PM Fortunately, though, Rich A. kinda already noticed that “The NY Times thing has been down for like 15 minutes.” SO PANIC DOUBLE- OR TRIPLE-TIME, NOW!!!
9:35 PM Lightly unedited, for your pleasure:
Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is positively giddy over this deadlock in Florida.
Rich A: “IS THIS A REPEAT OF 2000″ ASKS BLITZER.
Josh F: Wolf Blitzer is masturbating furiously.
Rich A: Soiled his drawers. “Florida Florida Florida can you believe what’s going on in Florida right now?” Real quote.
9:38 PM Rich A. offers up that “Politico has an election center that is slightly less crashed.” Fuck. Did POLITICO just WIN THE EVENING? (Mmm, probably not.)
9:41 PM Josh F: CBS ALSO CALLS NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR OBAMA. MITT ROMNEY’S PLEDGE TO REBUILD THE OLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN WITH HIS BARE HANDS NOT ENOUGH.
9:42 PM Kris B: Look, all these shitty states who want to make their lives EVEN SHITTIER by voting for Romney. What is Romney’s “home” state? Also is there a precedent for losing all three home states?
9:44 PM Josh F. kindly reminds the Gentle Reader that Mitt will likely lose a couple of the congressional districts within his California car-elevator, also, too.
9:45 PM IT’S A REAL LIVE WONKET ONLINE “CROSSFIRE”! Dok Z: A rising elevator lifts all cars.
9:50 PM Kris B: Oh thank god, there will be a Kennedy in Congress again. It’s been like 2 years, otherwise we’d have an unbroken, decades-long line of Kennedies in Congress. Who says we don’t have royalty in this country????
9:52 PM Kris B: Oh cool, Romney has a summer home in NH and lost THERE, too. LOSING ALL FOUR OF HIS HOMES’ STATES!
9:54 PM NOTE: We are all conceding the above as the zinger of the night and signing over our estates to Kris B. Enjoy all $600, Kris!
9:59 PM “Romney supporters trickled into the ballroom at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, many munching on bar snacks or drinking $7 beers.” Oh, for heavens’ sake. These cats can’t even get drunk and cry at home right.
10:02 PM Not to brag or anything but Dok Z. will: “We are professional as fuck tonight.” FUCK YEAH DUDE. Hey, hold my baby a minute.
10:06 PM Kris B. is “only asking questions” about why Fox is starting to worry about “media bias.”
10:13 PM Your Guaranteed Wonkette Liveblog continues here! Stay hydrated!
{ 759 comments }
I've got a rhyme that comes in a riddle!
What's round at the ends and high in the middle?
A well-rolled joint!
Me sitting between two bald guys.
Bristol Palin's belly?
An Obama victory?
Best answer so far.
Mitt Romney's campaign as it circles the bowl?
A turd? Well, it's round at the ends, anyway.
Chris Christie's body?
Peter, Paul, and Mary?
O, hi Doloras.
Pretty soon Mitt can stop pretending to have listened to the voice of the black and Hispanic voters.
And the poors!
"You people!"
"The help"
It really must be exhuasting for the poor guy!
Turns out giving 47% of the population the finger isn't your most people-pleasing strategy.
Who knew?
Oh gosh my stomach hurts. But that might be from the drinking.
Drinking, nervous eating, it's all the same thing, right?
My penis doesn't know what to do with all these returns. Barry is up…my penis is up! Barry is down…my penis is down.
You better hope it's not a tie!
God, I'm so nervous////
(Hugs you) I could scream. Repeatedly.
Thank you. I needed that.
According to Comedy Central, you're running, too.
I have a headache (no joke).
Me too. A raging fierce headache. Kind that makes you want to stab things with votes.
I've woken up with one for several days in a row, now.
I must be grinding my teeth in my sleep.
Probly. I sure as hell fucking am.
Indian princess Elizabeth Warren wins in Massachussettsssss!!!!
Really?
That's what they said on NBC!
Yup. Call her Senator Warren, doodz!
That may be the best news of the evening. (Note: I've been sure Bamz has it in the bag for several days).
WooWooWooWooWoo!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Oh, yeah!
Wow. It's like Christmas. Open that present. Open that present.
I am so fucking excited about this. Best!
BRAINGASM!!
I'm drinking gin buck's
Since I've been suffering with several days of flu symptoms until yesterday, I had some yogurt this morning to give the gut flora a head-start.
Starting each day by eating a couple teaspoons of yogurt on an empty stomach is not a bad way to go in general.
Wig-tossing for Jeebus. I like it!
She looked like a beweaver to me. I was shocked when she whipped it off. (for Jesus)
Peep this BeLiebers http://jezebel.com/5958189/justin-bieber-not-happ…
i don't know if i have enough booze for this.
There won't be enough booze in the world if Rmoney wins.
Especially since he plans to bring back Prohibition…
All the red states in the middle are reporting now. Don't panic — it'll get set right soon.
thank you.
Yay Obama has PA!
Just give us a blue Christmas…god damn this is tense.
The waiting is the hardest part.
you take it on faith, you take it from the heart
everyday is one more start.
Still grooving on my new Senator Liz Warren. This could be a good night. Sucks to be ex-Senator Stapledick, though.
Congratulations. Meanwhile, back in redneck Texas, we get wing nut Ted Cruz. Yippee.
The fact that he's the first Hispanic US Senator elected from TX does not soften the blow at all. Guy is nuts. I never thought I'd hear myself type the words "I wish Kay Bailey Hutchison hadn't retired," but there you are.
Good news and woot!
Congrats!! Keep your fingers crossed for us in Arizona. Not likely, but possible win for Not-Kyl.
fox still hasn't reported that one. haha.
Elizabeth Warren *and* Bernie Sanders? It's already a pretty good election day. Now just to see the Vulture Capitalist and the Libertarian Granny Starving Sociopath out on their asses and the Kochs' election investments blown.
Alex Wagner is hot. Just sayin'.
Seconded. So hot.
*sigh*
So's Stephanie Cutter. Are those green eyes for realz?
I love her. Her and Melissa Harris-Perry are fine as hell.
Tamron. Tamron. Tamron.
Will they let her in from the Deomocracy Skating Rink?
Pennsylvania for President Obama.
Really?
Miffed squared?
I command you person to start writing your concession rant. If you are too heart-broken, I will allow Princess Egg to hatch something for you.
Fuck, yes.
We can thank Handsome Joe and The Big Dog for that. They practically moved to PA.
I'm getting a slew of giddy texts from my Penna relatives!
I'll re post it here…motherfucker…romney by 193 votes in Fl with 82% in. Let's hope it doesn't matter and the final vote isn't 5-4 again.
If Florida fucks this up again, I vote for kicking them out of the Union.
You might as well turn it over to Canada. Not that I, personally, want it, but it seems with every passing year more and more Canucks head there for the winter.
How many votes still to count in Miami area and Orange County? Did they even clear the lines yet in Miami-Dade?
What, they don't use water cannons on the lines there anymore?
I hate Florida. Just saying.
Dick-shaped dick state.
But they have their own fark tag!
I just found out that my great aunt was a poll worker in Ohio back in 1944.
I just found out my aunt was a pole dancer in Michigan back in 1996.
Do you think she might have thrown some of those FDR ballots away, in the hope of having Dewey elected?
Okay I feel really good now, Romney's paths to victory are really narrowing. Hail mary pass in PA is done for, now Ohio is basically a must-win.
freaking every time I see the c-span numbers roll over and show the Romnibot with a higher number. someone talk me down.
California… Oregon,,, Washington.. Nevada and New Mexico (Nate wouldn't lie)
is NY in that total?
Is his lead less than 54 electorals? Because Cali will wipe that right out. Polls here aren't closing for awhile though.
Ding ding ding!
I am so glad to be here tonight. I'm glad to be in your wonderful city. Oh wait, that's Wilson Pickett. Yes, I'm drinking a lot.
What are you drinking? I'll join you.
Edited: nevermind, all I have is vodka. I hope you're drinking vodka.
Pennsylvania's being called for Obama. Ray Soares is at Obama's reception in Chicago and a cheer went up.
Cheer went up here in Seattle, also too!!
No one is talking about Ohio because it is going rapidly to Obama, and if that happens everyone can turn off the TV and go to bed.
My mom's family is from Akron and they're all voting for Obama. They're white, blue collar Catholics, by the way.
Men, too? Kiss them all for me.
Sssshhhhh. Don't tell anyone!
The Cleveland vote is barely in. Once it's reported, R is toast in Ohio.
Judy Woodruff needs the same stylist that Hillary Clinton needs.
Diane sawyer is already drunk, but I don't know if that is a good sign or not.
How can you tell?
Wow. I thought so too. Mr Geminisunmars is a channel surfer, and when he lingered on Diane and George I wondered if she were drunk. Oh maybe has a cold and is high on cough syrup. Either way, hope she is having fun.
NBC called PA for Bamz, huzzah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Katty Kay in her glasses is looking hotter and hotter.
thank goodness mittens and eddie went to Pa to secure late in the game.
well done Pa.
LOL.
LOL Facebook "friends" hate me right now with my obvious presidential predictions. It's hard being a liberal in TX sometimes. =/
I so feel your pain.
Hard? Is it fucking possible to be liberal in TX?
Sure, if you have a semi functioning brain, tune out every time someone mentions the bible, and live in Austin, Dallas, Houston, or El Paso. :P
Amen.
Has anyone seen Chascates tonight? He usually weighs in with poetic Tejas pain.
Helps if you live within driving distance of Austin and work at UT.
AZ senate race too close to call. My god, that is beautiful.
I'm on pins and needles. Rmoney won't win but maybe Carmona (he's a dick, but he's a Democratic dick).
Oh please oh please. That would be teh icing.
This night is so far good enough to be totally worth losing a couple of IntenseDebate points.
Please fellow Wisconsinites, lets spank that little Randroid fuckstick Ryan with votes tonight. Come on!
Vote him out of the fucking House!!
HI!!!
also…high!
high five!
where u been?
o. gettin hi.
Such a gratuitous hello.
Hey there!
Dana Bash is a Looper, and she's come to take the gig of her future self, Andrea Mitchell.
It's nice to see at this late date, people of diverse opinions can at least agree on polling data.
@ezraklein
@AriFleischer
If I'm not mistaken, the rape-y dolts Akin and Moulton or whatever are going down. But I don't have my glasses on and I'm drinking heavily.
you must be asking for it!
I am in the same condition and seeing the same thing.
mourdock is going down.
THATS THE BEST WAY KID
But we wimminz don't want them going down — we want them OUT.
Those are not the exact words I would have used, but Akin's losing to McCaskill by 7-8 points at last report, and Mourdock is down 6 points to HIS opponent, whose name I can't for the life of me remember right now.
Awesome tweet:
Ouch RT @AshleyRParker: Dead silence in Romney ballroom when Fox announces that he lost Michigan, his native state where father was governor.
Looks like Romney is going to have to slash the price on the tickets he hopes to sell to reporters if he expects anyone to show up.
So, 0 for 2 in home states so far. (And I can pretty confidently say Cali will make it 0 for 3). Does he actually have a house in Utah?
Barry in front in Colorado early returns. Rocky Mt. HIGH!
Woot woot! Having a mari-ju-ana initiative on the ballot brought out all the hippie stoner whatever whatever…
There may be a buzz in the air tonight for sure emmel.
Hey! You watch wut you say about us.
What? Cause she didn't say "radical commie rabble-rouser"?
All Hail the American Night!
Let it Roll, Baby, Roll.
Shutting the Doors on Mittens for sure!
The future's uncertain, The End is always near.
This is the story of Johnny McGuire
Who ran through the town with his trousers on fire
He ran to the doctor's and fainted with fright
When the doctor told him his end was in sight.
Hey, I was 7 at the time, it sounded good to me. I have a lumber-room for a memory bank.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
Rafalca appreciates the attention.
Elmer's is for lightweights.
Why would anyone call Florida before, like, December?
True that. Been there, don't wanna go back.
Pro tip: DKos' liveblogs actually give meaningful analysis of the early returns, by paying attention to past county breakdowns and comparing to current performance.
Waiting for the blue states is giving me blue balls.
sorry, I haven't fallen for a line like that since high school.
You needn't worry. I couldn't even get a date in high school, I wouldn't have had a chance to use it.
HAHA! Hey! There you are. (Hugs you) Long time no see. Come in, sit down, pour a cold one.
Hi dollink. I'm frustrated I can't refresh this site correctly, everything's topsy-turvy, maybe it's me, I'm sleeping with JohnnyWalkerRed tonight. How you doin'? I'm in the groove.
Alan Grayson. Florida, all is forgiven.
Seriously? Let the games begin! He could be this decade's Barney Frank.
Fuck yeah!
You want to piss off a bagger? Mention Alan Grayson.
No shit.
It's a visceral hatred that one doesn't see every day.
The President is ahead in CO so far.
Come on, Floridoh! Don't let me down!
I'll tell you once/more before I get up and go/ don't let me dowwwwnnnn…
.1 fucking % difference.
Chill, Bill.
I'm tryin', I'm tryin'!!!
Even if it goes O, Florida lets me down whenever it has the chance.
League of Women Voters rep. tells BBC that Florida voting system is like 'a third world country'.
Is that just certain areas of Miami, or the whole state?
Ooo! Ditz on Fox kicks the elephant in the room and poses the question: What happens if Ohio and Pennsylvania go blue? What is Romney's path to the White House? < Multiple shots of people with deer-in-the-headlight stares>.
Reality bites!
Heh heh heh. There better be a post tomorrow with the tag "Wingnuts furious"
I live for those moments. Bless you.
A surprise win in Saskatchewan?
I'd make a joke about Sask trending red, but up here the Cons are blue and the libs are red. Go figure.
The conservatives were not, historically, under the beds.
Makes sense. Every time I've been in Canada it felt like it was just l like the US, only different. The pancakes, for example, looked like American pancakes, but sucked big time. The people look like Americans, but are nice. The politics sometimes seem as stupid as down here, but they're not.
Oh no, our politics are stupid BIG TIME. Take, for instance, the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. asshole. And our pancakes are awesome!!
Gravy on French fries
The US does this backwards because of Nancy Reagan. Seriously.
Whatvever ends up happening, on a personal note, I'm just glad that the trees weren't quite the right height for Romney here in Michigan, tonight.
rock on man.
Car elevator going down!
Nothing goes down on a Mormon.
Son of – excuse me – "Shame of" Detroit!
But the middle fingers sure are.
Well done, that state.
Im proud to be in michiganuntil well, we sound benishek back to house.
I figure Florida will be basically a tie, and they'll give it to Romney after feeding some democratic ballots to gators.
The President and Tammy Baldwin are up in exit polls 52 -46 LETS GO RED!
Sharrod BROWN WON!
I believe in my state again, finally!
And how could anyone vote for Brown AND Romney?
This is true. No one is going to split the ticket on that vote.
It's already been called for the president, and some network has already called the race for tammy.
I'm out of beeer! Wife not due back with replenishments for an hour! Where's the rubbing alcohol?!
Pour it through a loaf of bread, all good.
No, that's for methanol.
The methanol is why drinking rubbing alcohol is not recommended.
Rubbing alcohol is isopropanol, if you want to get all huffy about it…
Try the mouthwash!
And the cologne!
And the Nyquil!
I'm getting me another shot of tequila.
Oooh, no. Bad drink for election night. Violence and mayhem, death and destruction.
yeah. Your liver will metabolize it to acetone.
Cold from freezer, consumed in ladylike sips, with a cold water chaser. I pace my tequila consumption.
Don Julio is my freezer friend. ¿Y ùsted?
So, is there a downside?
Do you have children you can sell to the neighbors for beer?!
I do, but she's out with the wife!
A Kennedy is back in Congress…Joe Kennedy III wins MA-04
And a cute ginger, too!
What is Romney's path to the White House if Ohio and Pennsylvania go blue?
Same path as all the other tourists take.
At least, to get to Carnegie Hall, you can just practice.
If I get knocked up with an Obama victory baby (or a Romney sadness-fighting baby) do you think I can count all this deep breathing I'm doing tonight as a Lamaze class? It should.
THIS IS PRACTICE KID!
all the best kiddo
Heh, thanks.
MSNBC just called Wisconsin for Bronco!!
Lol.
Whee!
Frank Zeidler, late socialist mayor of Milwaukee, cheers.
O wins Wisconsin. Go Badgers!
Woot!
We just got Wisconsin.
Joy!
Come on, Tammy.
Wisco!
Squee!
Fuck yes!!!!! Suck it Ryan!!!!!!! Wisconsin for Barry!
Yay!
What the FUCK is Brooks babbling about now?
The little bunny is having a bad hare day.
you're listening to him? Mind you, I have nothing on until 11 and Jon and Stephen., Just the maps.
Does anyone EVER know?
Who even cares?
Wisconsin! Suck it Bat Boy!!!
Tammy Baldwin will be the first openly gay Senator. You know what Lindsey Graham will say?
HAM BISCUITS!!!! Either that or, "Fetch my smelling salts, Julio, I feel faint! A LESBIAN in the Congree!"
"I Do", when Gay Marriage is approved in Maryland?
"Bitch, please"?
(NICE…)
Openly being the key word there.
"Let's reverse-date for the State Of The Union"?
Republican tears re-invigorate me.
Twitter sez blowout for Bamz in PA. True?
Looking good so far – better than 60-40. It's been called for Bamz already.
Well, with 22% reporting, 63 to 35.
Obama takes Wisconsin. I want Paul Ryan to lose twice tonight, please.
Yes!
This would be Grossenschadenfreude.
PresO has now won ALL The Candidates Home States. FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN! woo hoo Wisconsin, Mass, Illinois and Delaware (JOE JOE JOE)
Rachel's eyelashes are like a llama's. So pretty, so mesmerizing. I am freaking out, obviously.
Tweety is like a fuzzy, newborn baby chick.
Maybe he's gonna eat FogHornLegHorn (CHUCK Todd)
Well, we still have Mittbot's other home states (NH, CA; MI obvs. also on the list)
I guess we're just waiting on Cali, like Mitt is waiting for them permits to make his hovel another fortress. GO CALIFORNIA.
Woo hoo!
Wolf Blitzer is freaking out about how close Florida is right now. As is the rest of the country, surprisingly.
We have national nightmares any time Florida votes get too close for comfort.
Believe me, if you lived here, it wouldn't surprise you at all…
Does he have his hand down the front of his trousers?
If Bamz takes boring old Ohio, America's Pud will be detumescent.
Saint Nate sez that Bamz in front by 5% in Tampa, an area that historically has been key to carrying the state. Luv you gators!
MSNBC has about 600 votes TOTAL separating the candidates!
The Puerto Rocks are going to deliver Florida for Bronco Bamma.
If Peggy Noonan is feeling any good vibrations tonight, it's just the usual double headed ax of Nyquil and vodka.
I'm sure even Dame Noonington has a bunny toy somewhere for times she needs to be in her own world because this one ain't doing it for her.
i need me some of that.
Thank you, Wisconsin! Eat shit, Paul Ryan! So much for the Wingnut talking point that the failed Scott Walker recall was a "referendum on the Obama Presidency."
I bet plenty of baggers' butt holes puckered up when they heard the news about Wisconsin.
Obviously the badgers are not baggers.
NBC calls Wisconsin for Bamz! Suck it, Ryan!
You know, Janesville is a lot like (insert name of place in Ohio/Virginia/Pennsylvania).
I have yet to be to a state that doesn't have something nice to see, with the exception of Delaware. I'm open for suggestions on the latter.
Wisconsin called for Obama? Are there ANY home states the republican ticket will carry? What are the exit polls like for the Cayman Islands?
Surprised W didn't get strong write-in support since he heroically saved that Janesville auto plant Obama couldn't wait to close, maniacally laughing the whole time.
CBS bravely predicts the repubes will control the house.
Fangirl mode: Activated. We just got Wisconsin.
Also Sherrod Brown.
THEY BETTER NOT GET RID OF PELOSI. PELOSI IS MY HOMEGIRL.” Which, sad day for objective, clear-eyed journalism here at Wonkette, guys. For the record, Eric Cantor (R) is also his homegirl.
pelosi dresses better.
and she has more balls.
Lots more.
Thank you, M'sieu.
ALAN GRAYSON IS BACK Y'ALL
Alas, so is Allen West.
Hell to the yeah!
We met him at a party this past summer – a *very* funny guy, in real life…
Nate Silver is reporting that Florida bellwethers are going Obama's way…
Okay. I ate and feel like throwing up.
And the Undertaker Trainee goes down in Ohio!!
Undertaker libel!
SHERROD BROWN OFF TO WET YOUR PANTIES IN THE SENATE
Sherrod Brown beats claymation character Josh Mandel in Ohio.
Tucker Carlson: "Mumble mumble mumble…press Bengazi, mumble…fuckers ignored Reagan, bitches..wheres's my coke? I need a bump."
Fox News calls Wisconsin for Obama. Nice job, your jug-eared twerp.
Electoral College 154-154
FINALLY!
270toWin has Obama at 95.5% to win now. Good luck, Romney, you're going to need it.
Wisconsin called for the President!
Awesome Sarah Silverman tweet:
Hm.. might it help to suck a dick? RT @RickSantorum Religious freedom is under attack. Obama must be stopped.
Badgers! WooOOOOOOOOOOT!
Klobuchar just won her seat, YES!!
Sherrod Brown rocks. Can't imagine Obama losing Ohio now unless it's stolen.
CBS calls New Hampshire for President Obama!
But… but… Dingleberry Falls or Asshole Notch or whateverthefuck TIED!
Meh. Anyone doubted New England?
Can you IMAGINE the death-glare Egg is giving Ryan now that Wisconsin's been called for O?
So much for "the help." He's probably stolen the silver, too.
Cannot…. stop… inhaling… comfort food…
Anyway yay Wisconsin!
Mourdock falls! Wonder if he thinks he got raped?
With votes, yes. Perfectly legitimate as well.
Running for Team Wingnut: the voters have ways of shutting that down.
It's too bad the Dem appears to be sort of a dick. Oh well, sometimes a Blue Dog is the best you can do.
BREAKING: Paul Ryan reports he ran the NYC Marathon in 3hrs 22min before rickshawing supplies to Staten Island!
That man is a hero! Give him a medal, now!
Since Obama got Wisconsin, does this give Wonkette access to the strategic cheese reserves?
Mars Cheese Castle is one of our strategic fortresses!
I worked hard all my life to be born the son of a rich Governor. I deserve to win. #romneydisappointments
Obama takes Yakutsk, Irkutsk and Mongolia!!
Ukraine too close to call.
Fucking brilliant! LOL
As a fellow lesbitarian, I am so happy that Tammy B is going to be a US Senator. Snark off, I never thought I'd see the day…
Snark on, let the carpet-munching begin, bitches!
This is kick-ass awesome. 'Bout damn time we started judging people on their worth and not their sexual orientation.
It is very exciting. I want her and Liz Warren to be BFF and her wife and Warren's husband to be all cute together like Michelle and Dr. Jill.
She got my vote!
Can't pay Chinese workers to vote in American elections.#RomneyDisappointments
Just read on Nate Silver's that the bellwether county in Florida is Hillsborough (Tampa) and it's projected to go Bamz. My vote counted.
Atta boy – SIC 'EM! (from up in old St. Johns Co.)
Nice One!
Yeth!
Dick Morris on the Twitter: lost Indiana really hurts our chances to win Senate
Well, perhaps you should not have nominated someone who would vote in favor of a "make the sluts who were raped have their rape babies" bill.
And after the Teatards get done whipping Rmoney for not being of the flock, the next group will be even crazier. Our new lol She1ey is waiting in the wings.
Has Dick noticed the evidence that Mitt will not "win big" yet?
He just this minute tweeted that he thinks states are being called way too soon. Which, honestly, I'd probably be saying if the results were reversed.
You know that's not the lesson they'll take sawy.
Political bumper stickers have ZERO effect on other person’s ideas & values. Only “values” you’re changing is the re-sale value of your car.~Ron White~
So THAT's why endlessly refreshing NYT's website hasn't done anything.
But what does Andrew Breitbart have to say about this?
"No Satan! Not the dildo made out of porcupine skin!"
I wonder what he yells out as he's getting fucked with that porcupine dildo.
"Green Balloons!"
*worm rustle*
braaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnsssssssssssss
I love you all.
History's greatest monster just won New Hampshire!
Obama won Vigo County, Indiana. Vigo is considered a magic county that always picks the winner.
Also, Obama won Viggo Mortensen, who is also considered magic.
Strider libel!
Nate Silver just tweeted:
Nate Silver @fivethirtyeight
On The Wall, The Writing.
So existential, this one. BTW, he's a born and bred Michigander, though, no one would ever know it.
Corporations pissing-away millions in places like OH, PA, MI — voluntary private sector stimulus. And the winner of the presidential election can take credit.
Ju-jitsu..
rofl, Cisco commercial saying "Hey we help Obama's teleprompters use our products!" They just lost Tea Party business.
John Chambers knows when to flip back
Florida is turning blue again! Did Dexter kill the voting machine hackers?
Breathing easier. I'm a fool.
Fox News calls the Senate contest in Indiana for Donnelly (D) over Mourdock (R)-OUCH MOTHERFUCKERS!
God voted on this.
How can they announce with all those crow feathers in their mouths?
That has got to hurt. Hahaha!
Mr. Mourdock? there's a Miss O'Donnell on line one.
Tried to watch fox just to hear them say Obama wins. Turned over too soon. Couldn't handle it….yet
WARREN! WARREN! WARREN! WARREN!
That is one *kick*-ass school-marm.
Liz Warren yay!!!!
Let Scott Brown go back to posing for print ads for "Just for Men" hair dye.
It is a very good night for the Dems. I think we got this.
Obama projected as likely winner in battleground state of New Hampshire
Hey, isn't that where they fought Lexington and Concord?
Mostly I'm happy that, no matter what, Corbett's going to have a difficult couple of years thank to the new Pa. attorney general (D) …
Pennsylvania to Hopey!
It turns out that the polls in Az. were closed all day.
The Hispanics are voting tomorrow, I understand.
I'm sure that everyone got that message that voting is on the 7th.
And nobody noticed!
Actually, turnout at my polling place was pretty low.
That's probably a bad thing for the Senate race as my district is one of the few truly "blue" districts in the state. Jon Kyl replaced by Jeff Flake. Ugh. Barry was never gonna win here, anyway.
Lizzie! HOT FOR TEACHER!
Mittens said he intends to continue to show his support of the black community by tipping big at airports.
it's almost as if Nate Silver used some sort of formula to forecast this evening
creepy, isn't it? What is wrong with tea leaves?
Pshaw…. science!
Maths – how do they work?
The numbers go in, the numbers go out.
You can't explain that, but Nate can.
the kind of stuff you only see in a movie! or classroom.
My cats' earlier jumpiness and then sudden calmness were just as good.
Don't be such a liberal. Nate is just an idealouge who got lucky. Numbers be meaningless.
Lizzie Warren has been called as my personal SILF! Awesome!
NBC JUST CALLED MA FOR ELIZABETH WARREN!!!!!!!!!!! Obvs. it was from my $10.
Isn't it great Katy? Finally someone we donate to wins!!!
lolol…feels odd, yeah? me likey.
The Romney campaign continues to believe that it can win. Good. They will be more despair-filled when they lose.
Donnelly in Indiana!
Damnit. The house is projected to remain orange.
But we are going to make some gains, right?
That was always a bridge too far. I mean, just look at our countrymen.
Mourdock gets raped. With votes.
God's Will… may as well relax and enjoy it.
Now that he's unemployed, I wonder what his "plan-B" is?
Mourdock loses! Legitimately!
Fox News: Why does America hate America?
Oh glorious on MSNBC , Chris Jansing is at Mitten's hellhole and talking about how sad they were when PA, WI and NH were called, oh and Richard Mourdock goes down!
I hope that not too many other journalists got tricked into paying for the privilege of joining the victory celebration there.
I actually think if Mourdock went down some more, he wouldn't make stupid rape comments.
ELIzABETH WARREN FTW!
Obama's lead narrowing a bit in Ohio but it's happening slowly enough that I'm not too worried.
Chris Jansing looks like a silent movie star. Steve Schmidt is tying her to the railroad tracks!!
I like her, she can be pretty fierce with pols and their bullshit, and how are you this evening young Chet?
Tense!
Is there moustache twirling involved?
I'm calling it: The "Romney Transition Team" can take the rest of the evening off.
But they'd already designed the new uniforms!
Can we send back the monogrammed underwear?
it's a little hard to project based on partial results because it's hard to know whether results within the state include conservative or liberal constituencies., but it might help to compare results within states.
for instance, in missouri, claire mccaskill is beating todd "legitimate rape" akin 54/39, in the same precincts where very popular governor jay nixon (D) is winning 55/42, and rMoney is winning 58/40. that suggests to me that mccaskill is likely to cruise to a wider margin of victory than expected; if she's winning in pretty conservative districts, she'll probably prevail statewide.
Ted Kennedy is smiling…
Ooh Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is on PBS — with a new and very nice looking 'do.
Nice makeover DWS!
Oh. My. God.
CNN has ripped off the New Year's light ball descending in Times Square. They setup red and blue lights on top of the Empire State Building to indicate who becomes president. Maybe CNN fantasizes that a huge crowd will gather and cheer on to see which color will win, like a video game. CNN has reduced this important election to stoopid colored lights.
It looks like one of those strongman things at the State Fair.
They actually stole the idea from NBC's "Democracy Square", where they have things going up Rock Center to symbolize the amount of EV's each candidate has…
I so wish i was there.
Somewhere Dick Lugar is smiling, a bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless.
Holding out hope for Heidi and Carmona.
Is the song on Romney HQ the same as the e-harmony commercial? Ew. (What, I watch a lot of Bridezilla marathons. Shut up.)
If Romney loses MI, MA, and WI, all home states for the ticket, but still wins the EC, wouldn't the states that went Romney/Ryan pretty much have to be the dumbest motherfuckers* in the country?
*Wonkederos excluded, of course.
Come on Minnesota. Count!
Don't say this often, but Mourdock was asking for it.
And in this case it really IS a gift from god.
Why did he show so much leg?
AHHHH Fuck Toad is on MSNBC scrawling on an electronic map screen. Thank FSM I had the foresight to leave the MUTE button on.
That, and Sharpton's ridiculously huge head are the prices you pay for watching MSNBC…I'm watching it too, but damn, those are rough spots to be sure.
MUTE, Music and Mead. It 's the only way to survive.
Has anyone yet mentioned that Joe Kennedy won Barney Frank's old/gerrymandered seat? I can feel it now, Barry's gonna win big. Woo hoo, fuck the drinking game, I'm just going to start drinking indiscriminately.
Was there supposed to be a game?
Joe Kennedy? Is he the one who banged Taylor Swift?
Pox Ooze just called WI for Tammy Baldwin! YES!!!
Did anyone else?
Sick as it sounds, that's when I really believe a Dem won. When Roger Ailes admits it.
Obama up almost 20k at 84% in FL. C'mon Dade County!
Sherrod Brown wins in Ohio! Yay!
Obama pulling away in Floriduh … suddenly he's 250,000 ahead.
Were those Gore's votes that got lost a few elections back?
On what network? NBC has him ahead by, like, 25K votes. Florida is being Florida again.
A friend just e-mailed me that she found some list of the states with both the least and highest percentages o college degrees. Of the lowest, ALL called so far are going for Romney. Of the highest, (top 16 states), 10 are called for Obama so far. Quelle suprise.
Those snobs.
I wonder what the correlation with obesity and Diabeetus is.
Fox News just called the Wisconsin Senate race for Tammy Baldwin. She will be the first openly gay Senator
"Openly" being the key word there.
Yessss FLORIDA, COME ON!!! (I haven't said that since 08)
So proud of my 17-yo daughter playing NPR On The Media election bingo.
Nate Silver is blogging a lot about Florida…
New drinking game for election night coverage. You take a drink every time they say "Ohio" and "Too close to call"
And then you die. Let's see how this goes first. Hooray!
And now were on to your beloved New Mexico. Declared for the Prez in 3, 2, 1…
Or battle ground state… hick!
It's almost time to rip off the wigs and sing "Celebrate". C'mon.
I believe in the promised land!
R-Money is toast. And I know toast.
and you has been saying it man! cheers!
I've got a good bullshit meter!
I'm gathering the nail in Romney's coffin is CO? I believe that's what Chucky just told me to think.
CHECK YOUR HTML WONKETTE!
NH just called for O. Rmoney has now lost 3 out of 4 of the states where he has/had homes, and he will surely lose CA when polls close there…
You got that shit right!
NH for Barry! Can't take it for granite!
I sent her a lot of cheddar, too, because, well, you know, dyke..
We all thank you, because she is fairly awesome, in addition to not being Tommy Thompson.
From Yoda boyfriend Nate: "On The Wall, The Writing."
I finally got control load buying,m. But I'm scared to click to next page or won,t load for had hour acid! Hate the masked up words head bang! !
Place mobile wonkettlebell back! Head bang!
Shit. Lets me write shit.
Edit place = please
*skritches Nefercat gently*
relax, little kitteh.
You're among friends here.
just stay calm and go with the acid; don't try to fight it.
Intrade has Obama at 93%
McDonalds Monopoly has Romney "In Jail"
GUYS, GUYS! I JUST VOTED!!!
WHOOOOOO! *champagne pops*
I would kiss you like a mule chewing an apple if I could. Thanks for voting!
And I would kiss you too Barb, homosexuality be damned!!!
Even the Diebold machines won't open the pod bay doors, Willard.
I can only watch MSNBC because I can't find the goddamned clicker. I'm getting sick of these people.
Am I the only one who saw an ad for Fox News' election coverage on MSNBC awhile ago? Huh?
They're horrible. The others are worse. It's like cell phone companies. Watch whichever one doesn't have Gunga Dan Rather.
"We are the boys from ooooool' Flori-DA, F – L – O – R – I – D – AAAAAAA…"
Wow. I guess serving coffee and pie all day (15 of them baked by moi) for Jesus. (Our church is only one that doesn't hate the gays here in rural OK) had paid off big time! My ATTT wifi connection is fast tonight and Lizzie W. is a senator. I'm not sure which is the more exhilarating.
I'm back!
Yay!
On behalf of us gays, Dusty – thank you. :0)
Hooray!
Welcome back and what a good night to be back it is.
Hey, Baby!
Alan Grayson(D) is going back to the House, FL District 9.
How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?
Was Loki talking to Romney?
if tonight works out well i am watching that again tomorrow.
Good choice. Fun flick, well done, and I read the comic books when I was a kid. Now I get to watch the movies with mine, and he loves it too.The Governor, the man out of time?
I'm crazy for Son of Cole.
I'm thinking here, and nothing's coming up. Am I missing a reference, or did I not read this?Nope, checked the google, I have not seen this. Perhaps I should check it out!
New Hampshire!
DC is 94% for Obama — that has to be a record of some sort.
DONNELLY just WON in IN!! Good bye Mr. "RapeBabbiezRMandatory" Mourdock!
Obama wins NH. Also, too, how many fucking home states does Rombot have?
Also also,'too, MN for Bammerz.
So far, Romney has lost his home state, vacation state, birth state and Ryan has lost his home state.
And you can't even count the Fatherland Utah because he would win there anyway.
i'd just like to note that a very large chunk of the yet-to-be reported votes in FLA come from miami-dade. except for a couple of rural panhandle counties, miami-dade is the only county with less than 50% of its vote counted. an awful lot of the state is 95%-100% reporting.
Yep. I keep hearing that the stuff left to report is in the larger counties.
Leon has over 92%.
Paul Ryan get your weasley smirk-face off my screen before I $^^@ your &#$* with motherfucking votes, you @%^@&.
"I obscenity in the obscenity of your obscenity." — Ernest Hemingway
Sherrod Brown wins. Right now, wouldn't you love to ask Sheldon Adelson and the Koch brothers how they're feeling?
They have feelings informed by humanity?
@DickMorrisTweet
Yes, go with that. Your comment makes clear that we need to re-classify toenail polish as a mind-altering drug.
WTF? What is his margin in denial?
Well Morris isn't called Dick for no reason, no sir.
…that made me lulz
That is excellent.
Dick Morris's Twitter has gone strangely quiet.
Teh Santorum
How mighty are the fallen!
Too sweet.
Dick Morris is still certain that his divination of the candidates' foot smells will hold up and Romney will win.
A proud Wisconsinite.
Only 10% in but… Neuhardt ahead of Turner in OH-10? I want that upset so badly.
And now from Dick Morris: "can afford to lose Col and NH and still win if we win Fla, Va, NC, and Ohio"
In other words, at 9:56 EST, Barack Obama has been re-elected POTUS.
How exactly can he type with all those toes in his mouth?
You know what will make an Obama victory even sweeter? Thinking about all the millions of dollars thrown away on GOP superpacs and so on and how mad those rich jerks must be to have gotten such a shitty ROI. Fingers crossed. Hard.
And just watch how much of the left-over funds get mysteriously "repurposed"…
There is still a lot of lettuce in the pigs' trough.
Not sure if that's good or bad. Tonight, it looks pretty good.
45 million dollars were spent in Wisconsin during this election season. where is all that money going?
New Hampshire for Bamz!!
Can we put Willard in the Carthage, IL jail yet?
PBS is calling Wisconsin for Obama — the TalkingPointsMemo tracker thingy must be slower than everyone else's projections.
In Minnesota 62% so far against constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage!
I'd like to give a special shout-out to one of our own Wonkateers who can't be with us tonight. HistoriCat, thanks for getting to the polling place early and congratulations on your new baby today. Your wife voted and gave birth, she is a blessing and you are a true friend.
That's so sweet. :0)
+1
Sing it, sister!
Oh, mazel tov to the new parents!
(My iPad apparently wanted to wish them "mabel tog" as well.)
Wow! So wonderful!
Thanks for the good news!
They could name the baby HistoriKitten.
Congrats!
Donnally you guys
Obama just pulled 0.7 points ahead of Mitt in FL.
almost enough to avoid an automatic recount under Florida's constitution, not that it ever gets to exercise that…
"an automatic recount under Florida's constitution, not that it ever gets to exercise that… "
Never exercise what, the recount or the constitution?
Yes.
Yes.
yes yes yes!
But God's Own Undertaker is winning my Congressional district. Damn!
Hoo dat?
Did RomneyMegaPrayer.com do nothing?? Or was that just satire?
No, it was real – God just said 'No'.
TOTAL SHOCKER ALERT: Romney wins Utah.
I'm still a nervous wreck, but I feel better because I fucking *did* something.
I got an email asking me to call voters for the Obama campaign (you can vote until 8 pm here).
I was gonna make 4 calls — you know, for 4 more years — but then I got on a roll, and I was too nervous to eat dinner anyway, so I ended up making 44 calls.
Oh, yeah, and Elizabeth Warren won.
Hero status!
You win everything!
Good on ya! =>
Thank you. In all seriousness, thank you.
(Hugs you) You SO fucking ROCK! Claire McCaskill won, too, and Deb Fischer is Nebraska's new Senator, Tammy Baldwin will be WI's next Senator, and Tammy Duckworth beat Joe Walsh flatter than a chapati. YES!
Hello, my name is Elder Romney…
And I would like to share with you a most amazing book!
This is one of those times that it sucks to live in a state with no good news to report. Except the Good News of Jesus Christ as imposed by the government.
Wrong, you do have good news. I hear a couple of OK counties went for Barry this year, which is an improvement on 2008!
Oh honey! You too? I'm so knee-deep in Southern-fried redneck ignoramus-osity I can't wiggle my toes. At least it sounds like you get the New Testament stuff; here in Tenn-ass-ee they're all Leviticus-spoutin' snake-handlers.
Obama looks set to steal Planet Kolob's 12 electoral college votes due to high turnout of Latinos-baptised-after-death vote.
D'oh!!
But what about all the dead Mormons who are now gay?
http://alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com/
Minnesota voter ID amendment going down too!
MI-11 (Muslin Doc vs. certifiably insane Reindeer Farmer) is being stupid, again. Gah. But, MI-1 (UP) and MI-3 (Grand Rapids) might still be pick-ups for Dems. MI-3 is actually tied, which is a complete surprise.
they're getting nervous on Planet Kolob – Bill Maher
From Minnesota:
10% reporting
53% Bachmann (Retard)
47% Graves (D)
Sigh.
Cheesy petes you guys, I am so drunk already! USA USA!!
I feel good, I knew that I would, but still, this is more than a nail-biter — I'm on to rebar.
On a sad note, my Mom missed voting in a presidential election today for the first time since she first voted in 1944. Her memory is too far gone, bless her.
My condolences. (Can't really upfist that.)
I'm mighty sorry to hear that, Terry. But I'm sure she's mighty proud watching *you* vote in this historic election. :0)
So sorry that she can't be part of it.
My dad's streak was 1948-2008. He was a big Bamz man.
Yay ICE's Dad.
My dad, BIIIIG union guy, passed earlier this year, but I know he would have cheered Obama on.
Wow. We've all lost one or more near and dear over the past couple years, it seems.
Weirdly, my 86 year old, Alzheimer's stricken dad powered his way through his senility and cast his vote. He is proud of the fact that he has never voted for a Republican. God bless our parental olds.
Aw. Give him a fond hug for me.
During W Bush he said to me: "I don't want to die with that jackass in office".
I understand *just* how he felt. I didn't want to have major surgery till that bastard was out of office.
i'm so sad terry. we had a couple of those moments tonight remembering '08 (when we were actually in grant park) and what we've lost since.
may you find solace and some blue win comfort.
MissNancy, and flu, Terry, Vulpes, and icecream, everyone, sorry to hear about your losses.
My parents were both raging liberals, and would be happy to see, as I was today, both my kids vote in their first Presidential election.
Perhaps this would also give you some small comfort. http://www.postbourgie.com/2009/08/26/the-work-go…
Sorry to hear that, Terry.
i'm nice and lit. Bring on the fucking holograms!
Romney wins Utah!
Meh.
Gosh, I'm so surprised.
Does anyone know of the voting situation in NY and NJ?
I saw somewhere that they're going to be allowed to vote until Friday because of Sandy.
Is that true? And if so, how will they count the vote?
NY: Cuomo says residents can vote anywhere, voting hours extended for absentee ballots only, not sure of date or time.
NJ: Christie has extended to Friday vote by mail/fax.
Have Mitt, Ryan, Goebbels, and the rest have locked themselves in the bunker yet?
Where's Egg, I mean, Eva?
Also, I can hear the crickets at Breitbart from here.
Okay. Hang onto ………uh……whatever's hanging…………..Arizona results coming in.
This is BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's What She Said!
sorry
????
What does that meme mean? I never heard that.
Well, it's when you take any sentence with the slightest possibility of sexual innuendo, and at the end you, or someone else, adds: That's What She Said!
This.
Bamz back within striking range in VA again
Hold me closer, poll dancer…
*rubs Bumble's shoulders*
We are going to fuckin win FL. I will not make fun of them ever again for about 10 days.
RLY?
It's really hard to see Obama losing Florida right now, most of the vote out is in Democratic areas.
Trust me. If at any point it shows a D leading………..many wingers will shit themselves.
[it's happening now.....Barry, Carmona, Kirkpatrick...........]
[In Az. I mean.....not obvious I guess]
is it too early to call Mitt a smarmy, preening fuck?
Never too early, never too late.
I thing late 1940's was the earliest.
check …1947.
I would like to state for the record that I am totally sober, so you know, I can give all y'all rides home from wherever. I have NO IDEA how this has happened. I'm kind of worried.
Take me anywhere.
I live in Wyoming….how soon can you get here?
Let me feel your forehead. You might be ill.
mourdock done!
YES!! Donelly is now in a seat that has been reliably Republican for DECADES!!
NV – one of the most Republican states with one of the worst economies. Hmmm. i wonder why they'd vote Democratic?
Dream Act is winning in Maryland at 68%.
Marriage Equality Act is winning at 55%
Good news on both counts, thus far
Lawrence O'Donnell is Giddy now.
Plus looking very tasty in his glasses, I love a bespectacled man.
Obama down by 2% in VA with 77% counted. That number's been getting smaller and smaller all night.
F'ing Comcast. Just lost cable, phone, Internet for no good reason.
Much gnashing of teeth on fox. "Merka is STILLL CONSERVATIVE Y'ALL. also, the polls were RIGHT. BUT HOW???"
Got a half-dozen containers of good brew & a thirst for delicious wingnut tears to chase them down with.
MAKE IT SO.
McCaskill!
Todd Fucking Akin is toast. Thank God!
One could say he's been legitimately raped, by himself. Quite the accomplishment.
WOO HOO CLAIRE WAY TO SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN!!! Fuck you Akin – go back to the abortionplex scream line from whence you got arrested you asshole.
McCaskill beats Akin! Another troglodyte down!
YES!!!!!!
Tweety says McCaskill wanted Akin as an opponent enough to contribute her own campaign funds to his.
225,379 human beings actually voted for Todd Akin.
But are they "legitimate" votes?
This just in: Reports that those individuals are actually "human beings" are at this time inconclusive.
As far as I'm concerned, they aren't human beings.
Has time stopped? Give me good news!
Is it time to switch over to FOX for the schadenfreude yet?
Don't do it. Palin is lurking there.
As if we needed it, I think this would be an early "it's over" sign.
Romney's health care advisor, Avik S.A. Roy:
@aviksaroy
are teh gheys and potheads winning anything tonight?
Ev'thing. All 3 states with marriage equality on the ballot passed it. All the pot initiatives passed too. Also.
I wonder what bible-thumping jackasses the GOP will assign to the House science and technology committees now?
The Finest bible-thumping jackasses they can find.
In other words, worse. If that's even possible.
I'm sensing optimism…and that scares the hell out of me. More doom and gloom from the lot of you! Now!
Ok, ok…um…oh, noes, we lost Utah! It's all over now!
GOP is going to keep the House so you can look forward to two more years of symbolic votes to overturn Obamacare and nothing else.
In a hundred years, we'll all be dead.
Any second now Fox is going to cut away to a special on Benghazi-gate.
Todd Akin has been sent home to practice his oppression skills on the women in his family.
McAskill (sp?) in Missouri! Hoohah! The tea party is sucking brown juice tonight!
Hey, is the live live-blooging swingin' at Busby's East yet?
And look, Cokie Roberts is still alive! I'll be damned.
Fox is making defeat noises. I would be sad except for the elation thing. If we can take 2016, the Republican party as we know it will be dead.
I would be sad except for the elation thing.
I feel your pain.
Chris Murphy's Victory speech is on right now. The new Democratic Senator from Connecticut. Woohoo.
Allen West losing just slightly in Florida, but I'll take a slight lead at the moment.
LOL! Murphy's supporters just booed the fuck out of Linda McMahon…and Chris didn't tell them to stop. lol
Whoever took all the Diebold techs out last night and roofied the living shit out of them deserve medals.
OK, Chris Murphy new Dem Senator for CT has a very weird, wide mouth thing going on, also some lip-smacking.
You're fucking crazy. Lip smacking is now a pet peeve of mine thanks to you.
Wide mouths have their uses, Or so I'm told.
Ha! I'm sorry, I am an actress and just way too aware of people's odd verbal and physical tics.
I'm a bit of a language savant so I tend to notice speech impediments and accents more readily than I do body ticks. The only reason I noticed Ryan's body shimmy is because Tottenham Hotspurs had a manger called Harry Redknapp who had an identical tick.
You know what I've noticed about Ryan? He has this weird thing where he raises both arms straight up with hands ending up above the shoulders (kind of like what McCain used to do, but he had a physical impedement) from the sides when he's trying to get a crowd to cheer. It is so incredibly stiff and awkward and it catches my eye every time.
I am a Spurs fan and am famliar with Harry!
Too drunk for the numbers. Just tell me who's winning. I can't count!
Yeah, I suck at math even when I'm sober.
Oh tats my problem fuck this stupendous t tablets no not stupendous acid! Stupid!
Shit. It always les me say shit.
Edit 5 liter box wine almost gone but this autodill fuck. Shit.
Lets me spell autodill? Shit.
My night will be complete if Florida voters vote no on the prop 13 like amendment on our ballot this year. Knowing Floridians, however, I know the greedy, ignorant pricks are going to vote yes.
I vote "No" on all those Amendments. Make the fucking Legislature do its job!
Me too. I even voted no on the veterans tax break.
Wooo! Joe Walsh gets flushed! Tammy FTW!
Two times Tammy :D
I think a Menage a Tammy is in store!!
YES!!! (Grabs the li'l devil, dances around with glee, runs out of room before Biely regains consciousness)
Oooh the sad faces on Faux news. Cry for me Megyn you filthy thing.
Bonus time Princess Dumbass of the North got a new spraytan!
Math is hard. Have a drink!
Dick Morris getting desperate now: "if we win Fla, NC, Va, Ohio and Iowa and lose Nevada and Colorado, it is a tie 270-270 and we win it in the House."
Suck it, Dick.
Quick! Turn to Fox and look at Lou Sarah's face!
Sarah Palin simply cannot believe it!
Looking more like Jan Brewer everyday.
PS Lou Sarah just can't believe it!
Why does America hate America?
I did and my Brain immediately seized up. I had to change the channel, which was not easy with a seized up brain.
Easier on old TVs with big round dial not Bitty buttons on remotes. Bitty uppercase why?
yeah, but that lurching across the room, falling flat and scrabbling wildly at the dial takes it's toll after a while.
What the hell, Wisconsin??
Az. living up to it's Wonkette reputation.
Shut up Fuck Toad. Nobody calls it FloVa.
Wonkette is a well-oiled machine tonight.
CNN says the Senate is staying with the Democrats now. Status quo let's get it!
I just switched over to FOX, for the first time in almost a year SWEET JESUS IT'S BABBLING PALIN! ARRRGH MUTE MUTE MUTE FUCKIN REMOTE FUCK FUCK FUCK
Greta would spend her time better interviewing that potted plant next to her.
(Pats CRE's back with ten-foot pole) There, there, CRE. You'll recover.
Ghod I hope so. This nightmarish political environment has really worn me down.
We're all fucking worn down to a nub, sweetie. Every Wonketteer has needed a hug today or ten. I mean, ten … oh, fuckit. Bamz won. He's my sweetie. I'm totes happy and in love and tired and I'm fucking going to sleep and tomorrow life goes on as usual but Jenny kissed me when we met, jumping up from the chair she sat in. Time, you thief, who love to get … 'night, fella!
It's been a long difficult time, but I see more hope tonight than I've felt in a good long while. I think that we might just make it out of here alive. Hope can be a Cruel thing, but I'm not getting that feeling this time.
Do get some rest and have a great evening.
Mommy I Don wanna watch the scary thing on fox don't make me,please…
O's winning the women's vote in Iowa. Why, indeed?
Thanks, Grassley!
Assume Doe dead to you chuckles.
SARAH PALIN UPDATE: This is a catastrophic setback for our nation. Just can't believe merkins would do this. Supreme court free abortions for everyone. (Greta: NO MANDATE FOR BRONCO.) notable: Sarah is "still crossing her fingers (not praying for a miracle.) NO MANDATE is what the new meme is.
Me: FUCK YOU CUNT
This is a catastrophic setback for our nation that we have here, in our great country. Fixed.
Me: x2.
Fuck that trollop! The fact that the black guy won AGAIN even after her shitty party threw everything they had at him, MAKES THIS A FUCKING MANDATE! IT'S ALL MANDATE UP IN HERE, BITCHES!
Fuck off Sarah Palin you demented harpy.
Edit: Even with wine and autofill, some sentiments are absolute. Wow, I am impressed, autodill. Or I type better drunk, God knows I can't sober.
Yay Captain Duckworth over deadbeat Joe.
CBS says Kaine wins in VA! Fuck off Macaca!
YES! I was getting worried.
economist liveblog is saying it's over and a crappy night for republicans.
Soon, Minnesota and Iowa will be called for Obama, meaning he needs to win only one out of Virginia, Ohio, North Carolina, or Florida to win
FAUX News – No big surprises to report. No shit?
Pig-faced criminal Karl Rove, who predicted a Romney landslide, looking for votes in the seat cushions.
Fucks Gnus is already talking about Obama's next term.
Git addahere!
Ohio: 51% to 48% for Barry so far, with many more Democratic votes to tally, according to the Unions.
Christ – who is that whiny little weasel on Faux?
Be more specific.
The asshole with the hideous green tie and red plastic glasses, who's carrying on about Benghazi being worse than Watergate.
The only one I recognize is Peter Johnson, Jr.
All of them, Biely.
Keep fucking that chicken Karl.
Marcie Captor (sp?), D-Ohio tells John Nichols on Rachel's show that Ohio will put Bammers over the top.
Watching Rove try to not cry is very gratifying. "Well, you never know when that rover thing on Mars might uncover some voters!"
Fox reports two voters in Ohio may have voted illegally. The entire election is now a do over.
So, Todd Akin legitimately got his ass beat.
I assume he has a way of shutting his whole campaign down.
http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/elect…
Morning Joke
keep an eye on the senate returns in North Dakota. heitkamp is running very close with berg (51/49) with 30% of the vote counted, in precincts where obama is losing badly (61/36) and worse than silver's statewide projection (57/42).
to me, this suggests that the senate race may come out in heitkamp's favor, which would be a big coup.
I don't know about anyone else, but all these political wars, electioneering, mayhem, violence and apocalyptic storms has got me feeling Shattered.
Shadoobee.
Romney is winning white votes. Goddammit, my fellow Ofays, Get your shit in one sock.
The White Man is a rich motherfucker who oppresses us all. Put his ass down.
Yessir.
I sort of like CNN's coverage except for the catelepsy-inducing drum track.
And the people. King is actually not too irritating tonight. Wolf is a dip. Haven't seen Erick dipshitson or I would Bother is incredibly annoying. Not Bother!
Peggy Noonan deep into the Chardonnay, or Chablis, or Mateus, or whatever she's into already.
Peggy seems to be into botox, dermabrasion and self-delusion.
PEGGYTON NOOONINGHAMSHROPSHIRE: "This is just so….SUBDUED. THE NERVE of these libruls making romney out to be a CAPITALIST!!!" Peggington needs moar BOMBAY and vicodin.
Go Go Miami/Dade !
Some man in a commercial comparing the Democrats to Socialist Hungary.
… What?
I think Fux just admitted senate Repugs fought the POTUS on everything the last 4 years! No shit
Robert Gibbs was just on Fox News. I wish he had just yelled "Bring out your dead!"
Minnesota for Obama. Yep, pretty much. Obama's strategy of whipping me into a frenzy with e-mails and robo-calls worked.
Barry takes Minnesota. MSNBC called it.
And Faux agrees.
Now that's something you don't see everyday.
Todd Aikn's Concession speech is one long rolling disaster of rightwing talking points, paranoia and FOX misinformation. Sweet Jesus I'm glad he's not going to the Senate.
To sit on the SCIENCE committee no less for the love of gog and all that's holy.
Can't wait to see Barry Bammerz stub out his cigarette and step up to the microphone.
Liz Warren is beaming and crying. The crowd is going absolutely wild.
I almost feel like we can start taking our country forward now. Not "Back".
And Also: MSNBC calls VA for Tim Kane. Solid.
Commander #1: We've analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger. Should I have your ship standing by?
Grand Moff Romney: Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.
"That's no Moon, that's a Polling Station!"
Barry takes Iowa, as per MSNBC.
Faux gives Ohio to Bamz!!!
It's over.
OBAMA HAS WON OHIO. HE'S OFFICIALLY BEEN REELECTED.
I knew this already, but Barry really is right; Voting is the best Sweet Revenge.
Prez reelected yay!!!!!!!!!
I'm cracking open a bottle of year old Blueberry Mead.
Happy Election, Everyone.
Prez. Re-elect B. Barry Bamz.
Suck it!
Faux concedes!!!!!!!!!
Fuck yeah! USA! USA!
Whew !
This is good news for the WORLD!
And John McCain is part of the world, therefore…
After the President wins Florida, the Very Serious People can start the conversation about how the media's lust for a horse race is misinforming, if not demonstrably harming, the country…
So delighted that the Indian Princess scalped Paleface Scotty and hung it on her Lodge-Pole. I will give him credit for a classy concession speech. I think he simply gave in to Republican "Guidance" with that whole Indian thing.
No, please, you keep him.
(That's Rob Fucking Ford, right?)
Sauza. Cheap but freezer renders it delish.
Some of it is, some of it isn't.
In my town, it's 70% isopropanol, 30% water. I could bust out the GC if you like.Windshield wiper fluid has varying amounts of methanol, depending on how cold it gets where it's sold, so it can de-ice.Certainly, methanol has been used as a denaturing agent in many formulations, but 70% isopropanol is quite denatured already.
Well, there's isopropyl rubbing alcohol, and then there's ethyl rubbing alcohol. You perfectly describe the former.
Agent Colson, called Son of Cole by Thor.
Well, clearly, then, my pharmacy is in a low class neighborhood! Better a friend tell me! ;)I've had injestion of ethanol that led to lots of rubbing…that was nice…
Ahhhh…how the fuck did I miss that? Was that in the Thor movie with Natalie or also in The Avengers? I was so wired to hear Colson since Iron Man I may have missed it.Pepper: Why Phil, come on in!Tony: His first name is Agent…
Ryan looks like Beaky Buzzard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na7WqSb6sY0
And I hope the opportunistic little shit loses *both* races!
I loved him at West Ham, but hated him at Spurs. I'm an Arsenal supporter.
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