Your Wonkette Concedes Nothing, Never: Part 2 Of A Drunk And Getting Drunker Liveblog

  the polls never close

Eh, maybe tonight.After at least seven voter “outreaches” apiece from all 37 FEC-registered presidential campaigns, your humble Wonkette team is ready to keep spreading the Good News, right up til the networks drag the last formaldehyde-reeking pundit out of storage. (Laura Ingraham was just on-air so it shouldn’t be too much longer actually.) Shit’s getting real, y’all!

9:14 PM A mid-air slapfight in the skies over Ohio would be more dignified than two separate victory/defeatorship parties, no?

9:17 PM Josh F: Joe Manchin and his man-chin win the Senate seat in WV.

9:18 PM Josh F admits that “THEY BETTER NOT GET RID OF PELOSI. PELOSI IS MY HOMEGIRL.” Which, sad day for objective, clear-eyed journalism here at Wonkette, guys. For the record, Eric Cantor (R) is also his homegirl.

9:22 PM PS Did everyone remember to abandon your spouse and children so’s you can read the political Internet in peace? I did, back in 2006.

 
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9:24 PM Dok Z: PBS is on my teevee. David Brooks says that some people doubt Ted Cruz’s star quality. Josh F: Every word in that sentence is where boners go to die, Dok.

9:29 PM Blair B. worries: So are people in NY just staring out their windows at the Empire State Building, because they can’t watch television. :/

9:30 PM It may be time to freak the fuck out, if you were wondering. Josh F: SHIT THE NYTIMES ELECTIONS THINGIE HAS CRASHED.

9:31 PM Fortunately, though, Rich A. kinda already noticed that “The NY Times thing has been down for like 15 minutes.” SO PANIC DOUBLE- OR TRIPLE-TIME, NOW!!!

9:35 PM Lightly unedited, for your pleasure:

Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is positively giddy over this deadlock in Florida.
Rich A: “IS THIS A REPEAT OF 2000″ ASKS BLITZER.
Josh F: Wolf Blitzer is masturbating furiously.
Rich A: Soiled his drawers. “Florida Florida Florida can you believe what’s going on in Florida right now?” Real quote.

9:38 PM Rich A. offers up that “Politico has an election center that is slightly less crashed.” Fuck. Did POLITICO just WIN THE EVENING? (Mmm, probably not.)

9:41 PM Josh F: CBS ALSO CALLS NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR OBAMA. MITT ROMNEY’S PLEDGE TO REBUILD THE OLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN WITH HIS BARE HANDS NOT ENOUGH.

9:42 PM Kris B: Look, all these shitty states who want to make their lives EVEN SHITTIER by voting for Romney. What is Romney’s “home” state? Also is there a precedent for losing all three home states?

9:44 PM Josh F. kindly reminds the Gentle Reader that Mitt will likely lose a couple of the congressional districts within his California car-elevator, also, too.

9:45 PM IT’S A REAL LIVE WONKET ONLINE “CROSSFIRE”! Dok Z: A rising elevator lifts all cars.

9:50 PM Kris B: Oh thank god, there will be a Kennedy in Congress again. It’s been like 2 years, otherwise we’d have an unbroken, decades-long line of Kennedies in Congress. Who says we don’t have royalty in this country????

9:52 PM Kris B: Oh cool, Romney has a summer home in NH and lost THERE, too. LOSING ALL FOUR OF HIS HOMES’ STATES!

9:54 PM NOTE: We are all conceding the above as the zinger of the night and signing over our estates to Kris B. Enjoy all $600, Kris!

9:59 PM “Romney supporters trickled into the ballroom at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, many munching on bar snacks or drinking $7 beers.” Oh, for heavens’ sake. These cats can’t even get drunk and cry at home right.

10:02 PM Not to brag or anything but Dok Z. will: “We are professional as fuck tonight.” FUCK YEAH DUDE. Hey, hold my baby a minute.

10:06 PM Kris B. is “only asking questions” about why Fox is starting to worry about “media bias.”

10:13 PM Your Guaranteed Wonkette Liveblog continues here! Stay hydrated!

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Hola wonkerados.

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759 comments

  1. Barbara_

    Pretty soon Mitt can stop pretending to have listened to the voice of the black and Hispanic voters.

          1. bobbert

            That may be the best news of the evening. (Note: I've been sure Bamz has it in the bag for several days).

  2. OzoneTom

    I'm drinking gin buck's

    Since I've been suffering with several days of flu symptoms until yesterday, I had some yogurt this morning to give the gut flora a head-start.

    1. tessiee

      Starting each day by eating a couple teaspoons of yogurt on an empty stomach is not a bad way to go in general.

  3. Veritas78

    Still grooving on my new Senator Liz Warren. This could be a good night. Sucks to be ex-Senator Stapledick, though.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        The fact that he's the first Hispanic US Senator elected from TX does not soften the blow at all. Guy is nuts. I never thought I'd hear myself type the words "I wish Kay Bailey Hutchison hadn't retired," but there you are.

  4. poorgradstudent

    Elizabeth Warren *and* Bernie Sanders? It's already a pretty good election day. Now just to see the Vulture Capitalist and the Libertarian Granny Starving Sociopath out on their asses and the Kochs' election investments blown.

    1. DickWharfinger

      Miffed squared?

      I command you person to start writing your concession rant. If you are too heart-broken, I will allow Princess Egg to hatch something for you.

  5. glasspusher

    I'll re post it here…motherfucker…romney by 193 votes in Fl with 82% in. Let's hope it doesn't matter and the final vote isn't 5-4 again.

      1. viennawoods13

        You might as well turn it over to Canada. Not that I, personally, want it, but it seems with every passing year more and more Canucks head there for the winter.

    1. sullivanst

      How many votes still to count in Miami area and Orange County? Did they even clear the lines yet in Miami-Dade?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Do you think she might have thrown some of those FDR ballots away, in the hope of having Dewey elected?

  6. snowpointsecret

    Okay I feel really good now, Romney's paths to victory are really narrowing. Hail mary pass in PA is done for, now Ohio is basically a must-win.

  7. Tilley

    freaking every time I see the c-span numbers roll over and show the Romnibot with a higher number. someone talk me down.

      1. Tilley

        I am so glad to be here tonight. I'm glad to be in your wonderful city. Oh wait, that's Wilson Pickett. Yes, I'm drinking a lot.

        1. comrad_darkness

          What are you drinking? I'll join you.

          Edited: nevermind, all I have is vodka. I hope you're drinking vodka.

  8. Yellerdawg

    No one is talking about Ohio because it is going rapidly to Obama, and if that happens everyone can turn off the TV and go to bed.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      My mom's family is from Akron and they're all voting for Obama. They're white, blue collar Catholics, by the way.

    1. Geminisunmars

      Wow. I thought so too. Mr Geminisunmars is a channel surfer, and when he lingered on Diane and George I wondered if she were drunk. Oh maybe has a cold and is high on cough syrup. Either way, hope she is having fun.

  9. snowpointsecret

    This night is so far good enough to be totally worth losing a couple of IntenseDebate points.

  10. Jerri

    Please fellow Wisconsinites, lets spank that little Randroid fuckstick Ryan with votes tonight. Come on!

  11. ffredpalakon

    It's nice to see at this late date, people of diverse opinions can at least agree on polling data.

    @ezraklein

    Still seeing no evidence of a systematic anti-Romney bias in the polls.

    @AriFleischer

    Same oversample, minority advantage for Ds in WI exits. Black vote 7%, up from 5%. All voters D+5. Was D+6 in 08; R+3 in 04.

  12. Tilley

    If I'm not mistaken, the rape-y dolts Akin and Moulton or whatever are going down. But I don't have my glasses on and I'm drinking heavily.

    1. MittBorg

      Those are not the exact words I would have used, but Akin's losing to McCaskill by 7-8 points at last report, and Mourdock is down 6 points to HIS opponent, whose name I can't for the life of me remember right now.

  13. Barbara_

    Awesome tweet:
    Ouch RT @AshleyRParker: Dead silence in Romney ballroom when Fox announces that he lost Michigan, his native state where father was governor.

    Looks like Romney is going to have to slash the price on the tickets he hopes to sell to reporters if he expects anyone to show up.

    1. bobbert

      So, 0 for 2 in home states so far. (And I can pretty confidently say Cali will make it 0 for 3). Does he actually have a house in Utah?

    1. emmelemm

      Woot woot! Having a mari-ju-ana initiative on the ballot brought out all the hippie stoner whatever whatever…

        1. MittBorg

          This is the story of Johnny McGuire
          Who ran through the town with his trousers on fire
          He ran to the doctor's and fainted with fright
          When the doctor told him his end was in sight.

          Hey, I was 7 at the time, it sounded good to me. I have a lumber-room for a memory bank.

  14. sullivanst

    Pro tip: DKos' liveblogs actually give meaningful analysis of the early returns, by paying attention to past county breakdowns and comparing to current performance.

      1. glasspusher

        You needn't worry. I couldn't even get a date in high school, I wouldn't have had a chance to use it.

        1. Tilley

          Hi dollink. I'm frustrated I can't refresh this site correctly, everything's topsy-turvy, maybe it's me, I'm sleeping with JohnnyWalkerRed tonight. How you doin'? I'm in the groove.

  15. AlterNewt

    League of Women Voters rep. tells BBC that Florida voting system is like 'a third world country'.

  16. Yellerdawg

    Ooo! Ditz on Fox kicks the elephant in the room and poses the question: What happens if Ohio and Pennsylvania go blue? What is Romney's path to the White House? < Multiple shots of people with deer-in-the-headlight stares>.

      1. viennawoods13

        I'd make a joke about Sask trending red, but up here the Cons are blue and the libs are red. Go figure.

        1. Katydid

          Makes sense. Every time I've been in Canada it felt like it was just l like the US, only different. The pancakes, for example, looked like American pancakes, but sucked big time. The people look like Americans, but are nice. The politics sometimes seem as stupid as down here, but they're not.

          1. viennawoods13

            Oh no, our politics are stupid BIG TIME. Take, for instance, the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. asshole. And our pancakes are awesome!!

  17. Negropolis

    Whatvever ends up happening, on a personal note, I'm just glad that the trees weren't quite the right height for Romney here in Michigan, tonight.

  18. snowpointsecret

    I figure Florida will be basically a tie, and they'll give it to Romney after feeding some democratic ballots to gators.

    1. Negropolis

      It's already been called for the president, and some network has already called the race for tammy.

  19. HarryButtle

    I'm out of beeer! Wife not due back with replenishments for an hour! Where's the rubbing alcohol?!

          1. glasspusher

            In my town, it's 70% isopropanol, 30% water. I could bust out the GC if you like.Windshield wiper fluid has varying amounts of methanol, depending on how cold it gets where it's sold, so it can de-ice.Certainly, methanol has been used as a denaturing agent in many formulations, but 70% isopropanol is quite denatured already.

          2. sullivanst

            Well, there's isopropyl rubbing alcohol, and then there's ethyl rubbing alcohol. You perfectly describe the former.

          3. glasspusher

            Well, clearly, then, my pharmacy is in a low class neighborhood! Better a friend tell me! ;)I've had injestion of ethanol that led to lots of rubbing…that was nice…

        1. viennawoods13

          Cold from freezer, consumed in ladylike sips, with a cold water chaser. I pace my tequila consumption.

  20. Biel_ze_Bubba

    What is Romney's path to the White House if Ohio and Pennsylvania go blue?

    Same path as all the other tourists take.

  21. Jerri

    If I get knocked up with an Obama victory baby (or a Romney sadness-fighting baby) do you think I can count all this deep breathing I'm doing tonight as a Lamaze class? It should.

    1. viennawoods13

      you're listening to him? Mind you, I have nothing on until 11 and Jon and Stephen., Just the maps.

    1. vulpes82

      HAM BISCUITS!!!! Either that or, "Fetch my smelling salts, Julio, I feel faint! A LESBIAN in the Congree!"

  22. FakaktaSouth

    PresO has now won ALL The Candidates Home States. FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN! woo hoo Wisconsin, Mass, Illinois and Delaware (JOE JOE JOE)

    Rachel's eyelashes are like a llama's. So pretty, so mesmerizing. I am freaking out, obviously.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I guess we're just waiting on Cali, like Mitt is waiting for them permits to make his hovel another fortress. GO CALIFORNIA.

  23. snowpointsecret

    Wolf Blitzer is freaking out about how close Florida is right now. As is the rest of the country, surprisingly.

    1. sullivanst

      I'm sure even Dame Noonington has a bunny toy somewhere for times she needs to be in her own world because this one ain't doing it for her.

  24. ChillBill

    Thank you, Wisconsin! Eat shit, Paul Ryan! So much for the Wingnut talking point that the failed Scott Walker recall was a "referendum on the Obama Presidency."

      1. glasspusher

        I have yet to be to a state that doesn't have something nice to see, with the exception of Delaware. I'm open for suggestions on the latter.

  25. Veritas78

    Wisconsin called for Obama? Are there ANY home states the republican ticket will carry? What are the exit polls like for the Cayman Islands?

  26. fuflans

    THEY BETTER NOT GET RID OF PELOSI. PELOSI IS MY HOMEGIRL.” Which, sad day for objective, clear-eyed journalism here at Wonkette, guys. For the record, Eric Cantor (R) is also his homegirl.

    pelosi dresses better.

  27. Yellerdawg

    Tucker Carlson: "Mumble mumble mumble…press Bengazi, mumble…fuckers ignored Reagan, bitches..wheres's my coke? I need a bump."

  28. Barbara_

    Awesome Sarah Silverman tweet:
    Hm.. might it help to suck a dick? RT @RickSantorum Religious freedom is under attack. Obama must be stopped.

    1. bobbert

      It's too bad the Dem appears to be sort of a dick. Oh well, sometimes a Blue Dog is the best you can do.

  29. snowpointsecret

    Since Obama got Wisconsin, does this give Wonkette access to the strategic cheese reserves?

  30. Barbara_

    I worked hard all my life to be born the son of a rich Governor. I deserve to win. #romneydisappointments

  31. ProgressiveInga

    As a fellow lesbitarian, I am so happy that Tammy B is going to be a US Senator. Snark off, I never thought I'd see the day…

    Snark on, let the carpet-munching begin, bitches!

    1. Dr_Zoidberg

      This is kick-ass awesome. 'Bout damn time we started judging people on their worth and not their sexual orientation.

    2. IceCreamEmpress

      It is very exciting. I want her and Liz Warren to be BFF and her wife and Warren's husband to be all cute together like Michelle and Dr. Jill.

  32. Loch_Nessosaur

    Just read on Nate Silver's that the bellwether county in Florida is Hillsborough (Tampa) and it's projected to go Bamz. My vote counted.

  33. imissopus

    Dick Morris on the Twitter: lost Indiana really hurts our chances to win Senate

    Well, perhaps you should not have nominated someone who would vote in favor of a "make the sluts who were raped have their rape babies" bill.

    1. weejee

      And after the Teatards get done whipping Rmoney for not being of the flock, the next group will be even crazier. Our new lol She1ey is waiting in the wings.

      1. imissopus

        He just this minute tweeted that he thinks states are being called way too soon. Which, honestly, I'd probably be saying if the results were reversed.

  34. Barbara_

    Political bumper stickers have ZERO effect on other person’s ideas & values. Only “values” you’re changing is the re-sale value of your car.~Ron White~

  35. SexySmurf

    Obama won Vigo County, Indiana. Vigo is considered a magic county that always picks the winner.

    Also, Obama won Viggo Mortensen, who is also considered magic.

    1. Negropolis

      So existential, this one. BTW, he's a born and bred Michigander, though, no one would ever know it.

  36. OzoneTom

    Corporations pissing-away millions in places like OH, PA, MI — voluntary private sector stimulus. And the winner of the presidential election can take credit.

    Ju-jitsu..

  37. snowpointsecret

    rofl, Cisco commercial saying "Hey we help Obama's teleprompters use our products!" They just lost Tea Party business.

  38. Not_Mother

    Fox News calls the Senate contest in Indiana for Donnelly (D) over Mourdock (R)-OUCH MOTHERFUCKERS!

    1. HarryButtle

      Actually, turnout at my polling place was pretty low.

      That's probably a bad thing for the Senate race as my district is one of the few truly "blue" districts in the state. Jon Kyl replaced by Jeff Flake. Ugh. Barry was never gonna win here, anyway.

  39. Wadisay

    The Romney campaign continues to believe that it can win. Good. They will be more despair-filled when they lose.

  40. Limeylizzie

    Oh glorious on MSNBC , Chris Jansing is at Mitten's hellhole and talking about how sad they were when PA, WI and NH were called, oh and Richard Mourdock goes down!

    1. OzoneTom

      I hope that not too many other journalists got tricked into paying for the privilege of joining the victory celebration there.

  41. snowpointsecret

    Obama's lead narrowing a bit in Ohio but it's happening slowly enough that I'm not too worried.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I like her, she can be pretty fierce with pols and their bullshit, and how are you this evening young Chet?

  42. kingofmeh

    it's a little hard to project based on partial results because it's hard to know whether results within the state include conservative or liberal constituencies., but it might help to compare results within states.

    for instance, in missouri, claire mccaskill is beating todd "legitimate rape" akin 54/39, in the same precincts where very popular governor jay nixon (D) is winning 55/42, and rMoney is winning 58/40. that suggests to me that mccaskill is likely to cruise to a wider margin of victory than expected; if she's winning in pretty conservative districts, she'll probably prevail statewide.

  43. Kgprophet

    Oh. My. God.
    CNN has ripped off the New Year's light ball descending in Times Square. They setup red and blue lights on top of the Empire State Building to indicate who becomes president. Maybe CNN fantasizes that a huge crowd will gather and cheer on to see which color will win, like a video game. CNN has reduced this important election to stoopid colored lights.

  44. Negropolis

    Somewhere Dick Lugar is smiling, a bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless.

    Holding out hope for Heidi and Carmona.

  45. Jerri

    Is the song on Romney HQ the same as the e-harmony commercial? Ew. (What, I watch a lot of Bridezilla marathons. Shut up.)

  46. VodkaGoGo

    If Romney loses MI, MA, and WI, all home states for the ticket, but still wins the EC, wouldn't the states that went Romney/Ryan pretty much have to be the dumbest motherfuckers* in the country?

    *Wonkederos excluded, of course.

  47. C_R_Eature

    AHHHH Fuck Toad is on MSNBC scrawling on an electronic map screen. Thank FSM I had the foresight to leave the MUTE button on.

    1. BloviateMe

      That, and Sharpton's ridiculously huge head are the prices you pay for watching MSNBC…I'm watching it too, but damn, those are rough spots to be sure.

  48. Katydid

    Has anyone yet mentioned that Joe Kennedy won Barney Frank's old/gerrymandered seat? I can feel it now, Barry's gonna win big. Woo hoo, fuck the drinking game, I'm just going to start drinking indiscriminately.

  49. Close_Read

    A friend just e-mailed me that she found some list of the states with both the least and highest percentages o college degrees. Of the lowest, ALL called so far are going for Romney. Of the highest, (top 16 states), 10 are called for Obama so far. Quelle suprise.

  50. Not_Mother

    Fox News just called the Wisconsin Senate race for Tammy Baldwin. She will be the first openly gay Senator

  51. Barbara_

    New drinking game for election night coverage. You take a drink every time they say "Ohio" and "Too close to call"

  52. DixvilleCrotch

    I'm gathering the nail in Romney's coffin is CO? I believe that's what Chucky just told me to think.

  53. ChessieNefercat

    I finally got control load buying,m. But I'm scared to click to next page or won,t load for had hour acid! Hate the masked up words head bang! !

    Place mobile wonkettlebell back! Head bang!

    Shit. Lets me write shit.

    Edit place = please

    1. tessiee

      *skritches Nefercat gently*
      relax, little kitteh.
      You're among friends here.
      just stay calm and go with the acid; don't try to fight it.

  54. Katydid

    I can only watch MSNBC because I can't find the goddamned clicker. I'm getting sick of these people.

    Am I the only one who saw an ad for Fox News' election coverage on MSNBC awhile ago? Huh?

    1. Lot_49

      They're horrible. The others are worse. It's like cell phone companies. Watch whichever one doesn't have Gunga Dan Rather.

  55. DustyBowlBlues

    Wow. I guess serving coffee and pie all day (15 of them baked by moi) for Jesus. (Our church is only one that doesn't hate the gays here in rural OK) had paid off big time! My ATTT wifi connection is fast tonight and Lizzie W. is a senator. I'm not sure which is the more exhilarating.

    I'm back!

  56. glasspusher

    How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?

    Was Loki talking to Romney?

      1. glasspusher

        Good choice. Fun flick, well done, and I read the comic books when I was a kid. Now I get to watch the movies with mine, and he loves it too.The Governor, the man out of time?

          1. glasspusher

            I'm thinking here, and nothing's coming up. Am I missing a reference, or did I not read this?Nope, checked the google, I have not seen this. Perhaps I should check it out!

          2. glasspusher

            Ahhhh…how the fuck did I miss that? Was that in the Thor movie with Natalie or also in The Avengers? I was so wired to hear Colson since Iron Man I may have missed it.Pepper: Why Phil, come on in!Tony: His first name is Agent…

  57. VodkaGoGo

    Obama wins NH. Also, too, how many fucking home states does Rombot have?

    Also also,'too, MN for Bammerz.

    1. Barbara_

      So far, Romney has lost his home state, vacation state, birth state and Ryan has lost his home state.

  58. kingofmeh

    i'd just like to note that a very large chunk of the yet-to-be reported votes in FLA come from miami-dade. except for a couple of rural panhandle counties, miami-dade is the only county with less than 50% of its vote counted. an awful lot of the state is 95%-100% reporting.

  59. AlterNewt

    Paul Ryan get your weasley smirk-face off my screen before I $^^@ your &#$* with motherfucking votes, you @%^@&.

  60. Wadisay

    Sherrod Brown wins. Right now, wouldn't you love to ask Sheldon Adelson and the Koch brothers how they're feeling?

  61. ffredpalakon

    @DickMorrisTweet

    #election2012 I think they are calling states way to soon. Stick around and watch the actual vote counts in Penn and Wisc

    Yes, go with that. Your comment makes clear that we need to re-classify toenail polish as a mind-altering drug.

  62. imissopus

    And now from Dick Morris: "can afford to lose Col and NH and still win if we win Fla, Va, NC, and Ohio"

    In other words, at 9:56 EST, Barack Obama has been re-elected POTUS.

  63. Jerri

    You know what will make an Obama victory even sweeter? Thinking about all the millions of dollars thrown away on GOP superpacs and so on and how mad those rich jerks must be to have gotten such a shitty ROI. Fingers crossed. Hard.

    1. rocktonsam

      45 million dollars were spent in Wisconsin during this election season. where is all that money going?

  64. Barbara_

    I'd like to give a special shout-out to one of our own Wonkateers who can't be with us tonight. HistoriCat, thanks for getting to the polling place early and congratulations on your new baby today. Your wife voted and gave birth, she is a blessing and you are a true friend.

    1. IceCreamEmpress

      Oh, mazel tov to the new parents!

      (My iPad apparently wanted to wish them "mabel tog" as well.)

    1. glasspusher

      almost enough to avoid an automatic recount under Florida's constitution, not that it ever gets to exercise that…

      1. tessiee

        "an automatic recount under Florida's constitution, not that it ever gets to exercise that… "

        Never exercise what, the recount or the constitution?

  65. tessiee

    I'm still a nervous wreck, but I feel better because I fucking *did* something.
    I got an email asking me to call voters for the Obama campaign (you can vote until 8 pm here).
    I was gonna make 4 calls — you know, for 4 more years — but then I got on a roll, and I was too nervous to eat dinner anyway, so I ended up making 44 calls.

    Oh, yeah, and Elizabeth Warren won.

    1. MittBorg

      (Hugs you) You SO fucking ROCK! Claire McCaskill won, too, and Deb Fischer is Nebraska's new Senator, Tammy Baldwin will be WI's next Senator, and Tammy Duckworth beat Joe Walsh flatter than a chapati. YES!

  66. DustyBowlBlues

    This is one of those times that it sucks to live in a state with no good news to report. Except the Good News of Jesus Christ as imposed by the government.

    1. Tilley

      Oh honey! You too? I'm so knee-deep in Southern-fried redneck ignoramus-osity I can't wiggle my toes. At least it sounds like you get the New Testament stuff; here in Tenn-ass-ee they're all Leviticus-spoutin' snake-handlers.

  67. Mittens Howell, III

    Obama looks set to steal Planet Kolob's 12 electoral college votes due to high turnout of Latinos-baptised-after-death vote.

    D'oh!!

  68. Negropolis

    MI-11 (Muslin Doc vs. certifiably insane Reindeer Farmer) is being stupid, again. Gah. But, MI-1 (UP) and MI-3 (Grand Rapids) might still be pick-ups for Dems. MI-3 is actually tied, which is a complete surprise.

  69. Terry

    On a sad note, my Mom missed voting in a presidential election today for the first time since she first voted in 1944. Her memory is too far gone, bless her.

    1. BadKitty904

      I'm mighty sorry to hear that, Terry. But I'm sure she's mighty proud watching *you* vote in this historic election. :0)

    2. MissNancyPriss

      Weirdly, my 86 year old, Alzheimer's stricken dad powered his way through his senility and cast his vote. He is proud of the fact that he has never voted for a Republican. God bless our parental olds.

    3. fuflans

      i'm so sad terry. we had a couple of those moments tonight remembering '08 (when we were actually in grant park) and what we've lost since.

      may you find solace and some blue win comfort.

  70. tessiee

    Does anyone know of the voting situation in NY and NJ?
    I saw somewhere that they're going to be allowed to vote until Friday because of Sandy.
    Is that true? And if so, how will they count the vote?

    1. MittBorg

      NY: Cuomo says residents can vote anywhere, voting hours extended for absentee ballots only, not sure of date or time.

      NJ: Christie has extended to Friday vote by mail/fax.

  71. Blueb4sinrise

    Okay. Hang onto ………uh……whatever's hanging…………..Arizona results coming in.
    This is BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        1. redarmyzombie

          Well, it's when you take any sentence with the slightest possibility of sexual innuendo, and at the end you, or someone else, adds: That's What She Said!

  72. snowpointsecret

    It's really hard to see Obama losing Florida right now, most of the vote out is in Democratic areas.

  73. Blueb4sinrise

    Trust me. If at any point it shows a D leading………..many wingers will shit themselves.
    [it's happening now.....Barry, Carmona, Kirkpatrick...........]

    [In Az. I mean.....not obvious I guess]

  74. FakaktaSouth

    I would like to state for the record that I am totally sober, so you know, I can give all y'all rides home from wherever. I have NO IDEA how this has happened. I'm kind of worried.

  75. Oblios_Cap

    NV – one of the most Republican states with one of the worst economies. Hmmm. i wonder why they'd vote Democratic?

  76. Terry

    Dream Act is winning in Maryland at 68%.

    Marriage Equality Act is winning at 55%

    Good news on both counts, thus far

  77. Steverino247

    Obama down by 2% in VA with 77% counted. That number's been getting smaller and smaller all night.

  78. Not_Mother

    Much gnashing of teeth on fox. "Merka is STILLL CONSERVATIVE Y'ALL. also, the polls were RIGHT. BUT HOW???"

  79. FakaktaSouth

    WOO HOO CLAIRE WAY TO SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN!!! Fuck you Akin – go back to the abortionplex scream line from whence you got arrested you asshole.

    1. Tilley

      This just in: Reports that those individuals are actually "human beings" are at this time inconclusive.

  80. ffredpalakon

    As if we needed it, I think this would be an early "it's over" sign.

    Romney's health care advisor, Avik S.A. Roy:

    @aviksaroy

    Congrats to my Dem friends. Best wishes for the new administration. Will continue to provide the loyal opposition.

  81. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I wonder what bible-thumping jackasses the GOP will assign to the House science and technology committees now?

  82. HarryButtle

    I'm sensing optimism…and that scares the hell out of me. More doom and gloom from the lot of you! Now!

  83. Yellerdawg

    Fox is making defeat noises. I would be sad except for the elation thing. If we can take 2016, the Republican party as we know it will be dead.

  84. C_R_Eature

    Chris Murphy's Victory speech is on right now. The new Democratic Senator from Connecticut. Woohoo.

  85. Negropolis

    LOL! Murphy's supporters just booed the fuck out of Linda McMahon…and Chris didn't tell them to stop. lol

  86. Blendergoathead

    Whoever took all the Diebold techs out last night and roofied the living shit out of them deserve medals.

  87. Limeylizzie

    OK, Chris Murphy new Dem Senator for CT has a very weird, wide mouth thing going on, also some lip-smacking.

        1. BoroPrimorac

          I'm a bit of a language savant so I tend to notice speech impediments and accents more readily than I do body ticks. The only reason I noticed Ryan's body shimmy is because Tottenham Hotspurs had a manger called Harry Redknapp who had an identical tick.

          1. Negropolis

            You know what I've noticed about Ryan? He has this weird thing where he raises both arms straight up with hands ending up above the shoulders (kind of like what McCain used to do, but he had a physical impedement) from the sides when he's trying to get a crowd to cheer. It is so incredibly stiff and awkward and it catches my eye every time.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Oh tats my problem fuck this stupendous t tablets no not stupendous acid! Stupid!
      Shit. It always les me say shit.

      Edit 5 liter box wine almost gone but this autodill fuck. Shit.

      Lets me spell autodill? Shit.

  88. BoroPrimorac

    My night will be complete if Florida voters vote no on the prop 13 like amendment on our ballot this year. Knowing Floridians, however, I know the greedy, ignorant pricks are going to vote yes.

  89. imissopus

    Dick Morris getting desperate now: "if we win Fla, NC, Va, Ohio and Iowa and lose Nevada and Colorado, it is a tie 270-270 and we win it in the House."

    Suck it, Dick.

    1. C_R_Eature

      I did and my Brain immediately seized up. I had to change the channel, which was not easy with a seized up brain.

        1. C_R_Eature

          yeah, but that lurching across the room, falling flat and scrabbling wildly at the dial takes it's toll after a while.

  90. C_R_Eature

    I just switched over to FOX, for the first time in almost a year SWEET JESUS IT'S BABBLING PALIN! ARRRGH MUTE MUTE MUTE FUCKIN REMOTE FUCK FUCK FUCK

        1. MittBorg

          We're all fucking worn down to a nub, sweetie. Every Wonketteer has needed a hug today or ten. I mean, ten … oh, fuckit. Bamz won. He's my sweetie. I'm totes happy and in love and tired and I'm fucking going to sleep and tomorrow life goes on as usual but Jenny kissed me when we met, jumping up from the chair she sat in. Time, you thief, who love to get … 'night, fella!

          1. C_R_Eature

            It's been a long difficult time, but I see more hope tonight than I've felt in a good long while. I think that we might just make it out of here alive. Hope can be a Cruel thing, but I'm not getting that feeling this time.
            Do get some rest and have a great evening.

  91. Not_Mother

    SARAH PALIN UPDATE: This is a catastrophic setback for our nation. Just can't believe merkins would do this. Supreme court free abortions for everyone. (Greta: NO MANDATE FOR BRONCO.) notable: Sarah is "still crossing her fingers (not praying for a miracle.) NO MANDATE is what the new meme is.

    Me: FUCK YOU CUNT

    1. Jennyjen798

      Fuck that trollop! The fact that the black guy won AGAIN even after her shitty party threw everything they had at him, MAKES THIS A FUCKING MANDATE! IT'S ALL MANDATE UP IN HERE, BITCHES!

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Fuck off Sarah Palin you demented harpy.

      Edit: Even with wine and autofill, some sentiments are absolute. Wow, I am impressed, autodill. Or I type better drunk, God knows I can't sober.

  92. Not_Mother

    Soon, Minnesota and Iowa will be called for Obama, meaning he needs to win only one out of Virginia, Ohio, North Carolina, or Florida to win

  93. Wadisay

    Pig-faced criminal Karl Rove, who predicted a Romney landslide, looking for votes in the seat cushions.

  94. C_R_Eature

    Ohio: 51% to 48% for Barry so far, with many more Democratic votes to tally, according to the Unions.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        The asshole with the hideous green tie and red plastic glasses, who's carrying on about Benghazi being worse than Watergate.

  95. yyyaz

    Marcie Captor (sp?), D-Ohio tells John Nichols on Rachel's show that Ohio will put Bammers over the top.

  96. Yellerdawg

    Watching Rove try to not cry is very gratifying. "Well, you never know when that rover thing on Mars might uncover some voters!"

  97. kingofmeh

    keep an eye on the senate returns in North Dakota. heitkamp is running very close with berg (51/49) with 30% of the vote counted, in precincts where obama is losing badly (61/36) and worse than silver's statewide projection (57/42).

    to me, this suggests that the senate race may come out in heitkamp's favor, which would be a big coup.

  98. C_R_Eature

    I don't know about anyone else, but all these political wars, electioneering, mayhem, violence and apocalyptic storms has got me feeling Shattered.

    Shadoobee.

  99. Lazy Media

    Romney is winning white votes. Goddammit, my fellow Ofays, Get your shit in one sock.
    The White Man is a rich motherfucker who oppresses us all. Put his ass down.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      And the people. King is actually not too irritating tonight. Wolf is a dip. Haven't seen Erick dipshitson or I would Bother is incredibly annoying. Not Bother!

  100. Not_Mother

    PEGGYTON NOOONINGHAMSHROPSHIRE: "This is just so….SUBDUED. THE NERVE of these libruls making romney out to be a CAPITALIST!!!" Peggington needs moar BOMBAY and vicodin.

  101. Wadisay

    Minnesota for Obama. Yep, pretty much. Obama's strategy of whipping me into a frenzy with e-mails and robo-calls worked.

  102. C_R_Eature

    Todd Aikn's Concession speech is one long rolling disaster of rightwing talking points, paranoia and FOX misinformation. Sweet Jesus I'm glad he's not going to the Senate.

  103. C_R_Eature

    Liz Warren is beaming and crying. The crowd is going absolutely wild.

    I almost feel like we can start taking our country forward now. Not "Back".

    And Also: MSNBC calls VA for Tim Kane. Solid.

  104. NorbertsRevenge

    Commander #1: We've analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger. Should I have your ship standing by?
    Grand Moff Romney: Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.

  105. bikerlaureate

    After the President wins Florida, the Very Serious People can start the conversation about how the media's lust for a horse race is misinforming, if not demonstrably harming, the country…

  106. ttommyunger

    So delighted that the Indian Princess scalped Paleface Scotty and hung it on her Lodge-Pole. I will give him credit for a classy concession speech. I think he simply gave in to Republican "Guidance" with that whole Indian thing.

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