get rich or die tryin'

Romney’s Market-Based Solutions: Journos Must Pay To Cover His Victory Party

For $5 you can look in through the windowHello journalistic scum! I guess you thought you’d be able to just show up and “cover” the election-night party of one of the major-party candidates for president, seeing as it’s a “newsworthy” “event.” Well, too bad, suckers! Mitt Romney is a firm believer in the immutable laws of supply and demand, and he won’t “supply” you with room to write about him without “demanding” some cash. Nobody gets to get into the Mittquarters unless they pay up!

Don’t worry, though, plebes, there’s a sliding scale:

Romney, the former Massachusetts governor who is locked in a tight race with Democratic President Barack Obama, will be holding his election night gathering at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, where access costs anywhere from $75 for a chair in the ballroom to $1,020 for permission to use the media filing center. Broadcast news organizations will be paying up to $6,500 for workspace.

Ha ha, we certainly hope that skinny, impoverished reporters are splitting a chair and sitting in each other’s laps. And what is the socialist Obama camp doing?

Obama’s campaign party will be held at McCormick Place, in Chicago, and although his campaign is charging for premiums, credentialed reporters are granted access, which includes a workstation, electrical power and a wireless Internet connection, at no cost.

Good lord, free electricity and wireless! No wonder they’re going to refuse to write about how ACORN is stealing the election! We certainly hope that enough journalists have paid for Romneydome access so that we can get lots of good camera angles on his bitter, bitter tears, the first human tears he’s ever cried. [Masslive]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

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  • Hedley_Lamarr

    I wanna go to Vermin Supreme's party. That's gonna ROCK.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Hey hey hey……
      Late breaking live news, Mourdock the Morlock of Indiana has performed an almost unheard of act, he managed to rape himself into unemployment with his own stupidity. Of course, being a Hoosier he and most of his constituents didn't see it coming, so to speak.

  • Come here a minute

    If it works for the Olympics, why not? Prepare for "Official Erictile Dysfunction Aid of the Republican Party" ads in 2016.

    • Schmannnity

      Bob Dole spokesman?

  • bumfug

    It's worth buying a ticket just for the resale value to wealthy irony aficionados.

  • Barbara_

    " $6,500 for workspace?" $3,250.00 per word to be able to report in print: "Romney lost?" Totally worth it!

    • bibliotequetress

      Yes. Ma'am.

  • Schmannnity

    Rafalca is very jittery as the smell of glue wafts into the stables.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    They look like Ivy League strippers in that picture.

    • Schmannnity

      Brown Bombshells
      Harvard Hotties
      Columbia Cuties
      Penn Sins
      Cornell Cum Heres
      Princeton Poontangs
      Dartmouth Darlings
      Yale Whiffinpoofs (just because)

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    How much for Nate Silver to get in?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA … uh. Er. Yes. Sorry.

      As you were.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        heehee

  • Serolf_Divad

    Has he got those nickel locks to use the shitter?

    If so, here's a hint: you can squeeze under the door if you're desperate (or just plain refuse to put money in Romney's pocket).

    • Lot_49

      Or just extend your dick under the door and hope for the best.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        *tap tap*

    • Fare la Volpe

      Or you can just put something in Romney's shoes.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Well this being Republicans they have handicapped access (an extra wide stall for teabagger hover 'rounds…er, all of 'em Katie) and special stalls for gentleman with wide stances…unfortunately Romney and Scott Brown aren't going to be tap, tap, tapping tonight….they're BOTH LOSERS! Oh yeah…bye, bye Macaca…nice career you had there.

  • comrad_darkness

    I imagine the shadowy darkened halls of the Romney party, smoke drifts by, Vogon poetry blares from a loudspeaker . . .

  • comrad_darkness

    On a more serious note, assuming that Romney assumes he is going to win, does he really want the press to hate his guts?

    • Lot_49

      Could they hate him any worse? Remember how they loved WALNUTS?

      Me either.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Like Nixon, he'll consider it confirmation

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      This is a clear sign he knows he's fucked and is trying to squeeze every bit of money that he can out of these people…ya know, old habits and what-not.

  • memzilla

    I hope there's enough room in Romneydome that Baron Harkonnen won't be bumping into things.

    Your just know that Bain Capital funded the Intergalactic Heart Plug Company.

  • BloviateMe

    Stress: watching an election knowing that your job could (once again) be on the line with a gooper in office.

    Luckily I'm a drinkin' man……….cheers??

    I need hope.

  • Veritas78

    …and it's a dry party! I'm amazed any journalists at all will be there.

    • Lot_49

      I want the hip flask concession in the hall outside.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Assume hookers

  • MissTaken

    credentialed reporters are granted access, which includes a workstation, electrical power and a wireless Internet connection, at no cost.

    Soshulist Laimstreem Meedea!

  • mille derps

    I always DID like Howard Dean:
    "Given the vote and the leading in the polls in Ohio, the only way he can lose is if people are prevented from casting their ballots. Either by voting machines that aren't functioning right or other forms of harassment."

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Howard Dean must have somehow wiretapped the RNC's meeting this morning….how could he divine such a clever and not at all…..and IT'S OVER! IT'S FUCKING OVER! FUCK YOU, ROMNEY! FUCK….YOU!

  • freakishlywrong

    Good to know. What a dickwaffle.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Classic Romney Pyramid scheme:

    Recruit ten other journos and you get a free chicken dinner!

    Recruit 100 other journos and get a free swag bag of tin badges from Romneys 2002 olympics.

    Recruit 1,000 other journos and get to watch the concession speech from your own Corporate Crying Box

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Plus for 1000 you get to be a Romney Platinum Victory Ranger, complete with t-shirt, USB drive of press releases and swag worth twelve dollars. Wow!

  • PsycWench

    He'll never convince 47% of those reporters to pay up.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Boston Convention and Exhibition Center

    You sure about that Josh? Willard begging forgiveness and giving his concession in freakin' bluer than blue Beantown? Earlier reports had Sir Mittens serving pâté de foie gras at the Ritz-Carlton Grand Cayman.

  • BloviateMe

    Things I'd do if I thought it'd help Bammerz:

    Motorboat Chris Christie.
    Be alone in a closet for 20 minutes with O'Reilly and a falafel.
    Perform 2 minutes of cunnilingus on Lindsey Graham.
    Suck Ann Coulter's Adam's apple.
    Try to push Romney's eyebrows up and away from his eyes.

  • freakishlywrong

    Free electricity and wireless is soshalist.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    if romney had kept everyone liquored up he'd have had an easier path to the presidency.

    • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

      He's out of touch with ordinary, hard-drinking Americans.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Welcome to the hypothetical Romney administration — you pay, he parties.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      His idea of a party is chocolate in his milk and a vicious game of Monopoly.

      • BloviateMe

        kinky

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Not so much. They'll all have clothes on. Tacky clothes.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Pink and yellow plaid pants. With green polka-dot polos.

  • Steverino247

    Romney must know he's toast. Outrageous to charge the press on shit like this. Really.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I can't take it any more.

  • http://lookatthisfuckingcentrist.wordpress.com Both Sides Do It

    I mean Mitt is just trying to garner all the consumer surplus he can with the price discrimination.

    Wolf Blitzer nearly had an aneurism announcing that Texas "and all it's electoral votes" go to Mitt Romney. I think I hate Wolf Blitzer more than Romney. Romney has a reason to be an asshole, and Wolf doesn't.

    • SexySmurf

      He has a reason: his mother named him Wolf.

      • comrad_darkness

        See also: Rush, Newt, Spiro . . .

  • poorgradstudent

    If you need a distraction here's a guy riffing on a German zero-budget movie titled Violent Shit 4. It seems appropriate, somehow.

  • Wadisay

    I have a theory: all the networks knew how Ohio and Florida turned out (they went for Obama), about 2 hours ago, on the basis of what 5 people said in exit polls. They just want me to keep watching so I ship moregravel on the Norfolk Southern RR, or something.

  • DickWharfinger

    I did not realize that American Psycho smirking Miffed was hatched in a Mitt litter of identical septuplets.

    • emmelemm

      Mitt litter!

      Awesome.

      His five sons are also kind of a "Mitt litter".

  • WhatTheHeck

    But there will never be a celebratory glass of champagne at any price. Will There?

  • mille derps

    Is he charging because Adelson & the Kochs hope to recoup some of their outlay?

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    $75 for a chair in the ballroom to $1,020 for permission to use the media filing center. Broadcast news organizations will be paying up to $6,500 for workspace.

    There’s a way this could be more pathetic but it’s not coming immediately to mind.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    joe donnelly (IN) up by 6% over medieval mourdock.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Will he be taking questions?

    HAHAAHahahAHaHaahaAhAAHA

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    aargh shit freaking out

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (Pats your back absently) Chin up, old man. We must see this through to the bitter fucking end.

  • docterry6973

    The pool reporters should have thought of this themselves. If they had pooled their dough and slipped Mittens a Franklin now and again, he might have answered some questions,.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Where's the frickin' liveblog Part 2?! I smell technical fail.

    • Lot_49

      This is it! Go!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I just wrote an extra-special little wish on a piece of paper (beyond my big and obvious wish that everyone knows about) that I sealed in an envelope and gave to my mother. I told her she could open it after the results are in. I'll tell you if it comes true.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh god I need matchsticks to prop my eyelids open because I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP without knowing!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        My special wish was that Ann Rmoney would cry on national TV.But by the time they got out there, she looked all cried out.But I got enough other stuff I wanted, so I won't be greedy.

  • Wadisay

    The Romney campaign should be forced to provide contraception to reporters.

  • Lot_49

    I hate Chuck Todd. Who's with me?

    Yes this is craven groveling for upfists..

    • ttommyunger

      I hate most of them. Fucking sellouts and shills for the most part.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Is this the place where I say how much I hate that shitstain douchebag Mittens Romney?

  • awashinshite

    are we surprised? This is just what he'll do to the 99% of us who aren't Kochs – and, by the way, NEVER blame an animal for the company it is forced to keep -Rafalca probably has never has whatshername sit on his back. She just "owns" him – like mittens wants to own us

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Well folks..off to bed i go. Damn, but I hate feeling like this. Scotch is barely taking the edge off…
    -voting for Barry hoping against hope
    –it doesn't matter because fascism always wins in the short term and we may be on the verge of the age of Neo-Fascism. Barry is taking the bandage off slowly…Mittens is ripping the fucker right off. Either way the suppurating sore of our future lies beneath. It is selfish for me to want to get to our hell future more slowly?

    -Maine gay marriage rights are getting crushed. Fuck.

    -I'm drinking and sad. There's melatonin in my future.

    I'm going full monty negative right now because I want to wake up, a. happy, b. not surprised.

    You know…when it comes right down to it, I'm one negative motherfucker.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      No. You can't go to sleep in that state. I am giving you a giant stoned and drunken hug and asking you to leave all that shite behind before you close your eyes tonight. Sleep the sleep of the just and deserving. You did what you needed to do. You cannot control anything else.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        What can I say…I love you guys. Each and every one. Good news: I've got a nice buzz and a Terry Pratchett book to read. I'll be ok.—

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I can only speak for me with certainty, but I'll bet you $10K of Romney's money that Teh Wonketz loves you too. Sleep good, fella.

        • UW8316154

          night-night!

  • Doktor Zoom
  • 102415

    I'm drinking beer eating ice cream and watching The Bob Newhart Show. I'm waiting for yelling outside my window and the trash can fires. And hitting refresh*kiss* on dear wonkette.

  • Wadisay

    Hahaha, Barry takes PA. On Fox News: Doom-da-doom-doom!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      HA! So it IS true! YES!!!

  • Fare la Volpe

    And Republicans wonder why the media hate them.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Why should the media folks be any different than the rest of the world?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Are they insisting on Cayman Islands dollars, too?

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    "BrandtLi'l Russert can't watch, though, or he has to pay …"

  • Beowoof

    Gee wonder why this giant douchebag is rich. Probably charges his maid a parking fee at the Rancho Rmoney.

  • Metamarama

    Does he get to write off the losses on the expected income now that the party's over?

  • ttommyunger

    The Koch Brothers can afford it; after all, a good part of the Media works for them.