GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'  8:48 pm November 6, 2012

Romney’s Market-Based Solutions: Journos Must Pay To Cover His Victory Party

by Josh Fruhlinger

For $5 you can look in through the windowHello journalistic scum! I guess you thought you’d be able to just show up and “cover” the election-night party of one of the major-party candidates for president, seeing as it’s a “newsworthy” “event.” Well, too bad, suckers! Mitt Romney is a firm believer in the immutable laws of supply and demand, and he won’t “supply” you with room to write about him without “demanding” some cash. Nobody gets to get into the Mittquarters unless they pay up!

Don’t worry, though, plebes, there’s a sliding scale:

Romney, the former Massachusetts governor who is locked in a tight race with Democratic President Barack Obama, will be holding his election night gathering at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, where access costs anywhere from $75 for a chair in the ballroom to $1,020 for permission to use the media filing center. Broadcast news organizations will be paying up to $6,500 for workspace.

Ha ha, we certainly hope that skinny, impoverished reporters are splitting a chair and sitting in each other’s laps. And what is the socialist Obama camp doing?

Obama’s campaign party will be held at McCormick Place, in Chicago, and although his campaign is charging for premiums, credentialed reporters are granted access, which includes a workstation, electrical power and a wireless Internet connection, at no cost.

Good lord, free electricity and wireless! No wonder they’re going to refuse to write about how ACORN is stealing the election! We certainly hope that enough journalists have paid for Romneydome access so that we can get lots of good camera angles on his bitter, bitter tears, the first human tears he’s ever cried. [Masslive]

 
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{ 88 comments }

Hedley_Lamarr November 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I wanna go to Vermin Supreme's party. That's gonna ROCK.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Hey hey hey……
Late breaking live news, Mourdock the Morlock of Indiana has performed an almost unheard of act, he managed to rape himself into unemployment with his own stupidity. Of course, being a Hoosier he and most of his constituents didn't see it coming, so to speak.

Come here a minute November 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

If it works for the Olympics, why not? Prepare for "Official Erictile Dysfunction Aid of the Republican Party" ads in 2016.

Schmannnity November 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Bob Dole spokesman?

bumfug November 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

It's worth buying a ticket just for the resale value to wealthy irony aficionados.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

" $6,500 for workspace?" $3,250.00 per word to be able to report in print: "Romney lost?" Totally worth it!

bibliotequetress November 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Yes. Ma'am.

Schmannnity November 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Rafalca is very jittery as the smell of glue wafts into the stables.

Loch_Nessosaur November 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

They look like Ivy League strippers in that picture.

Schmannnity November 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Brown Bombshells
Harvard Hotties
Columbia Cuties
Penn Sins
Cornell Cum Heres
Princeton Poontangs
Dartmouth Darlings
Yale Whiffinpoofs (just because)

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

How much for Nate Silver to get in?

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA … uh. Er. Yes. Sorry.

As you were.

Mittens Howell, III November 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm

heehee

Serolf_Divad November 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Has he got those nickel locks to use the shitter?

If so, here's a hint: you can squeeze under the door if you're desperate (or just plain refuse to put money in Romney's pocket).

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Or just extend your dick under the door and hope for the best.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm

*tap tap*

Fare la Volpe November 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Or you can just put something in Romney's shoes.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Well this being Republicans they have handicapped access (an extra wide stall for teabagger hover 'rounds…er, all of 'em Katie) and special stalls for gentleman with wide stances…unfortunately Romney and Scott Brown aren't going to be tap, tap, tapping tonight….they're BOTH LOSERS! Oh yeah…bye, bye Macaca…nice career you had there.

comrad_darkness November 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I imagine the shadowy darkened halls of the Romney party, smoke drifts by, Vogon poetry blares from a loudspeaker . . .

comrad_darkness November 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

On a more serious note, assuming that Romney assumes he is going to win, does he really want the press to hate his guts?

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Could they hate him any worse? Remember how they loved WALNUTS?

Me either.

GeorgiaBurning November 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Like Nixon, he'll consider it confirmation

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 10:57 pm

This is a clear sign he knows he's fucked and is trying to squeeze every bit of money that he can out of these people…ya know, old habits and what-not.

memzilla November 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I hope there's enough room in Romneydome that Baron Harkonnen won't be bumping into things.

Your just know that Bain Capital funded the Intergalactic Heart Plug Company.

BloviateMe November 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Stress: watching an election knowing that your job could (once again) be on the line with a gooper in office.

Luckily I'm a drinkin' man……….cheers??

I need hope.

Veritas78 November 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

…and it's a dry party! I'm amazed any journalists at all will be there.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I want the hip flask concession in the hall outside.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Assume hookers

MissTaken November 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

credentialed reporters are granted access, which includes a workstation, electrical power and a wireless Internet connection, at no cost.

Soshulist Laimstreem Meedea!

mille derps November 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I always DID like Howard Dean:
"Given the vote and the leading in the polls in Ohio, the only way he can lose is if people are prevented from casting their ballots. Either by voting machines that aren't functioning right or other forms of harassment."

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Howard Dean must have somehow wiretapped the RNC's meeting this morning….how could he divine such a clever and not at all…..and IT'S OVER! IT'S FUCKING OVER! FUCK YOU, ROMNEY! FUCK….YOU!

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Good to know. What a dickwaffle.

Mittens Howell, III November 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Classic Romney Pyramid scheme:

Recruit ten other journos and you get a free chicken dinner!

Recruit 100 other journos and get a free swag bag of tin badges from Romneys 2002 olympics.

Recruit 1,000 other journos and get to watch the concession speech from your own Corporate Crying Box

GeorgiaBurning November 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Plus for 1000 you get to be a Romney Platinum Victory Ranger, complete with t-shirt, USB drive of press releases and swag worth twelve dollars. Wow!

PsycWench November 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

He'll never convince 47% of those reporters to pay up.

weejee November 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Boston Convention and Exhibition Center

You sure about that Josh? Willard begging forgiveness and giving his concession in freakin' bluer than blue Beantown? Earlier reports had Sir Mittens serving pâté de foie gras at the Ritz-Carlton Grand Cayman.

BloviateMe November 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Things I'd do if I thought it'd help Bammerz:

Motorboat Chris Christie.
Be alone in a closet for 20 minutes with O'Reilly and a falafel.
Perform 2 minutes of cunnilingus on Lindsey Graham.
Suck Ann Coulter's Adam's apple.
Try to push Romney's eyebrows up and away from his eyes.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Free electricity and wireless is soshalist.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

if romney had kept everyone liquored up he'd have had an easier path to the presidency.

RufusTFirefly November 6, 2012 at 10:02 pm

He's out of touch with ordinary, hard-drinking Americans.

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Welcome to the hypothetical Romney administration — you pay, he parties.

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm

His idea of a party is chocolate in his milk and a vicious game of Monopoly.

BloviateMe November 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

kinky

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Not so much. They'll all have clothes on. Tacky clothes.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Pink and yellow plaid pants. With green polka-dot polos.

Steverino247 November 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Romney must know he's toast. Outrageous to charge the press on shit like this. Really.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I can't take it any more.

Both Sides Do It November 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I mean Mitt is just trying to garner all the consumer surplus he can with the price discrimination.

Wolf Blitzer nearly had an aneurism announcing that Texas "and all it's electoral votes" go to Mitt Romney. I think I hate Wolf Blitzer more than Romney. Romney has a reason to be an asshole, and Wolf doesn't.

SexySmurf November 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

He has a reason: his mother named him Wolf.

comrad_darkness November 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

See also: Rush, Newt, Spiro . . .

poorgradstudent November 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

If you need a distraction here's a guy riffing on a German zero-budget movie titled Violent Shit 4. It seems appropriate, somehow.

Wadisay November 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I have a theory: all the networks knew how Ohio and Florida turned out (they went for Obama), about 2 hours ago, on the basis of what 5 people said in exit polls. They just want me to keep watching so I ship moregravel on the Norfolk Southern RR, or something.

DickWharfinger November 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I did not realize that American Psycho smirking Miffed was hatched in a Mitt litter of identical septuplets.

emmelemm November 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Mitt litter!

Awesome.

His five sons are also kind of a "Mitt litter".

WhatTheHeck November 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

But there will never be a celebratory glass of champagne at any price. Will There?

mille derps November 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Is he charging because Adelson & the Kochs hope to recoup some of their outlay?

Joshua Norton November 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

$75 for a chair in the ballroom to $1,020 for permission to use the media filing center. Broadcast news organizations will be paying up to $6,500 for workspace.

There’s a way this could be more pathetic but it’s not coming immediately to mind.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

joe donnelly (IN) up by 6% over medieval mourdock.

Mittens Howell, III November 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Will he be taking questions?

HAHAAHahahAHaHaahaAhAAHA

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm

aargh shit freaking out

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

(Pats your back absently) Chin up, old man. We must see this through to the bitter fucking end.

docterry6973 November 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm

The pool reporters should have thought of this themselves. If they had pooled their dough and slipped Mittens a Franklin now and again, he might have answered some questions,.

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Where's the frickin' liveblog Part 2?! I smell technical fail.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

This is it! Go!

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I just wrote an extra-special little wish on a piece of paper (beyond my big and obvious wish that everyone knows about) that I sealed in an envelope and gave to my mother. I told her she could open it after the results are in. I'll tell you if it comes true.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Oh god I need matchsticks to prop my eyelids open because I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP without knowing!

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 5:06 am

My special wish was that Ann Rmoney would cry on national TV.But by the time they got out there, she looked all cried out.But I got enough other stuff I wanted, so I won't be greedy.

Wadisay November 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

The Romney campaign should be forced to provide contraception to reporters.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I hate Chuck Todd. Who's with me?

Yes this is craven groveling for upfists..

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:12 am

I hate most of them. Fucking sellouts and shills for the most part.

imissopus November 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Is this the place where I say how much I hate that shitstain douchebag Mittens Romney?

awashinshite November 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

are we surprised? This is just what he'll do to the 99% of us who aren't Kochs – and, by the way, NEVER blame an animal for the company it is forced to keep -Rafalca probably has never has whatshername sit on his back. She just "owns" him – like mittens wants to own us

Dashboard Buddha November 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Well folks..off to bed i go. Damn, but I hate feeling like this. Scotch is barely taking the edge off…
-voting for Barry hoping against hope
–it doesn't matter because fascism always wins in the short term and we may be on the verge of the age of Neo-Fascism. Barry is taking the bandage off slowly…Mittens is ripping the fucker right off. Either way the suppurating sore of our future lies beneath. It is selfish for me to want to get to our hell future more slowly?

-Maine gay marriage rights are getting crushed. Fuck.

-I'm drinking and sad. There's melatonin in my future.

I'm going full monty negative right now because I want to wake up, a. happy, b. not surprised.

You know…when it comes right down to it, I'm one negative motherfucker.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

No. You can't go to sleep in that state. I am giving you a giant stoned and drunken hug and asking you to leave all that shite behind before you close your eyes tonight. Sleep the sleep of the just and deserving. You did what you needed to do. You cannot control anything else.

Dashboard Buddha November 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

What can I say…I love you guys. Each and every one. Good news: I've got a nice buzz and a Terry Pratchett book to read. I'll be ok.—

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I can only speak for me with certainty, but I'll bet you $10K of Romney's money that Teh Wonketz loves you too. Sleep good, fella.

UW8316154 November 6, 2012 at 10:17 pm

night-night!

Doktor Zoom November 6, 2012 at 9:14 pm
102415 November 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I'm drinking beer eating ice cream and watching The Bob Newhart Show. I'm waiting for yelling outside my window and the trash can fires. And hitting refresh*kiss* on dear wonkette.

Wadisay November 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Hahaha, Barry takes PA. On Fox News: Doom-da-doom-doom!

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

HA! So it IS true! YES!!!

Fare la Volpe November 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

And Republicans wonder why the media hate them.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Why should the media folks be any different than the rest of the world?

GeorgiaBurning November 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Are they insisting on Cayman Islands dollars, too?

seppdecker November 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

"BrandtLi'l Russert can't watch, though, or he has to pay …"

Beowoof November 7, 2012 at 12:31 am

Gee wonder why this giant douchebag is rich. Probably charges his maid a parking fee at the Rancho Rmoney.

Metamarama November 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

Does he get to write off the losses on the expected income now that the party's over?

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:13 am

The Koch Brothers can afford it; after all, a good part of the Media works for them.

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