Barack Obama’s Huge Election: Your Throbbing Liveblog (Part 1)

get a brain plurebusGreetings, Wonkers! Welcome to your exciting Election Night Liveblog for Celebration and / or Weeping! We hope you have laid in a supply of the necessary ingredients: snack foods, kleenex, antidepressants, and The Good Stuff, whatever that may be. Should you feel like flexing your mixological muscle, Rebecca suggests you try an El Presidente — it’s topical and Tropical!

Joining us from the Wonkette Chat Cave are Wonkette Special Correspondents Josh Fruhlinger, Rich Abdill, Kaia Mursi, Kris Benson, and HOLY CRAP SARA BENINCASA!!! Also, until she leaves for tonight’s LA Electoral Gala, we have Editrix Rebecca along with us. Kid Zoom is here for the first couple of hours, too! We also will be hoping for tweets / texts from Jesse Taylor, who is being herded onto an election party bus somewhere. We have also taken a solemn No Ponies vow, which we will only break if we feel like it.

8:02 NPR is playing that Election Music Fanfare that we will be sick of before the evening is over, so it is time to start this thing!

8:05 We have like three thousand people in the ChatCave, and maybe two of them have cable. Your Doktor Zoom is not one of them. This will be great! We will be looking here a lot, and here, also too!

8:08 Rich Abdill: “Florida: Obama up 73,000 votes, with around 3.6 million counted. Elections officials are now taking a quick pizza break and THEY HAVE NO NAPKINS”

8:10 Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is working those fierce hipster glasses like a Brooklyn bicycle messenger. And CNN reporters will not stop repeating the phrase “white knuckle”

Josh F: Barry is leading early in florida, which seems good? i’m assuming they won’t get around to counting all the poor people votes until late, because they’re all in line at their like four polling places

8:13 Kris B: this just in: majority of voters hate america

Rich A. CNN says Romney’s acceptance speech is 1,118 words long. His concession speech is only, “Peace, fuckers.”

Sara B. All I want to do is talk about how pretty Erin Burnett is.

8:17 NPR is interviewing Angus King, the apparent senator-elect from Maine, who’s taking Olympia Snowe’s seat. He says he has not yet decided which party he will caucus with, and he has a ludicrous mustache:

8:20 Kaia M. Michelle Obama tweets: “All of our hard work these past 18 months comes down to what happens right now. Let’s not leave anything to chance.” This is her call to obots to begin the race riots.

8:21 Your Doktor Zoom says to Kid Zoom, “Frozen P-I-Z-Z-A goes in the OVEN.” Kid Zoom is not amused.

8:25 Sara B.: Bob Corker wins reelection, maintains status as my favorite Republican name to say out loud. “Bob Corker.” Heh heh.

Josh notes that in Indiana, Richard Mourdock is down 6 points w/24% reporting.

Rich A: Florida’s proposed amendment to remove the separation of church and state is getting OBLITERATED. Good news for Florida, bad news for blog

8:30 Kris B. sez, voting in NJ is broken you guys Also, too, officials on Staten Island are pleading for your underwear. They do not want your shirts or pants.

Sara B.: Wolf Blitzer just called the columns atop the Empire State Building “colored.” Wolf Blitzer is a racist.
kristina b.: it is a building of color, duh.

8:32 Rich A. tells us that Josh Mandel losing in Ohio 36 to 60. Heckuva Job, Sherroddy!

Sara B.: Candy Crowley said “white knuckle” A FUCKING GAIN. dRINK!
Sara B.: Oh my God now she said “white knuckling it here in private.” Candy Crowley loves fisting!
kristina b.: Who at the romney camp DOESN’T have white knuckles, thes are are the whitest people I’ve ever seen!

8:33 Rebecca S.: No Congressman The Plumber :(

8:40 Josh popped in to add that CBS News is reporting that Virginia has stopped reporting results because there are so many people still in line — in line in Obama-areas like Richmond, Newport News, etc. Also, too, wrestling lady loses race in Connecticut (AGAIN!) and whore-cheater Menendez wins in NJ. (Where, we ask, is the justice for stiffed Ladies of Negotiable Affection?)

8:45 Rebecca S: B. Barry Bamz winning Jewishes by 40.
Kaia M.: damn. what was it in 2008?
Rebecca S.: probly the same or something, it was just funny cause the Republicans were CONSTANTLY claiming Jews hate Bamz…But what does Unskewed Polls say?

This has been so exciting, you guys! But the frozen pizza is ready, and Kid Zoom only burned it a little bit (we still love him very much)

We will now hand off livebloggening duties to the lovely and talented Kaia Mursi, who will take over in a few minutes… BUT FIRST! An Important Between-Livebloog Post About Mittens from Josh Fruhlinger!

Announcement! New Livebloog is UP, people!

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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  1. Barbara_

    Stop sexting me, Nate Silver. I love ya, but now is the time for us to see how brilliant you are.
    Let's get our drink-on!
    Where's Chet?

    1. YerMa

      Bamz keeps sexting me and now Michelle is emailing me about it. I'm all like "back off, Barry!" She will kick my ass all day long.

    1. SnarkOff

      JERRY: Horses? They're like big riding dogs.

      ELAINE: What about ponies? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies…

      JERRY: I know, I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.

      MANYA: (angry) I had a pony.

    2. DickWharfinger

      Please do not make me wait 5 hours for Craig Ferguson. Secretariet is probably out chasing tail tonite.
      Wonkette could easily call the election. Wonkers are not into Mittens and Egg.

        1. glasspusher

          It's the platinum-iridium standard for tightness! Why do you ask?Hope you're well! It's me and the kid screaming at the tee vee right now!

          1. MittBorg

            I've never considered the question before. I'm raving insane from eating too many potato chips and biscottis and drinking too much tea and booze and smoking everything I can lay my hands on. If Bams does NOT win tonight, I expect a myocardial infarct.

          2. glasspusher

            Gotta pace yourself, my friend- hang in there! Fuck, I have to be on a “science advisory panel” at my kid's school tomorrow night, so I can't get crazy tonight or I will look and feel worse tomorrow.

          3. sarjo

            You'd better prepare 2 talks, in case of new overlords. 1: Science is how we know what's true; 2: Science is for fools too dumb to be businessmen.

      1. Boojum

        Tighter than a cow's ass in fly time. My school bus driver said that, when I was a child. I don't know who he meant.

        1. glasspusher

          I feel like shit and am sleep deprived from the news trucks waking me up waiting for Jerry Brown this morning, I'm going to have to do this stone cold sober to not feel worse tomorrow morning.

          1. Close_Read

            I'm so there! Potato chips, Pepsi, pepper jack cheese, little chocolate granola thingies, the remains of my Halloween candies – I've got them all laid out in front of me like surgical equipment.

  2. SorosBot

    Also remember; Jersey has polls open until Friday because of Sandy, but that's another gimme 14 electoral votes for Obama that won't be on the count tonight.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      His district was redrawn and it suits him a lot more. I'm looking forward to Grayson v West if that eraser headed bastard wins his race.

          1. SorosBot

            Cantor at least is just an asshole, not nuts; and assuming the Reps keep the house (which they probably will, but with a slimmer margin) he may be preparing to shiv Boehner for the speakership.

          2. Butch_Wagstaff

            Cantor's constituents are just like him. They got daddy's money & the smug attitude that comes with it. But they're not nuts.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Very true. For example when the Nfl locks out players the players don't have the option of signing a contract with a Swedish or Russian team.

          1. Chichikovovich

            But for the nba players going to Europe isn't returning home where you can get good pickled herring or borcht like babushka made.

  3. JohnnyQuick

    Driving in my car today I turned down the classical music station (that I had FUCKING CRANKED!!) when they went to a 'news break' — I sez out loud: "No, I get my news from Wonkette.'

  4. Bezoar

    I'm in Dayton, Ohio, and at 7:30 I got a call from a little old lady in Columbus, on behalf of the Obama campaign, asking if my wife and I still needed to vote, and did we need a ride to the poll! Fucking impressive. Of course, we voted last week, like good progressives.

    1. BadKitty904

      A tiny hipster came to our door this afternoon to remind us that today is Election Day and gave us a map of where our voting spot is located, with its hours and a number to call if "you have any trouble voting."

      VERY impressive groundwork.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      You mean you looked that gift horse in the mouth and didn't take advantage of the opportunity to go vote again, for free? We're going to lose this election…

    3. snowpointsecret

      Dayton here as well (Actually Huber Heights, but who's counting) and I waited for 25 minutes in line at 7AM. They seemed to have things handled quite well, I just went at the wrong time basically.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Cadillac Jack's is my favorite bar. I always make a point to stay at the Hampton right behind there so I can just stumble on back to my room when they close.

        1. snowpointsecret

          Oh really? I've never been there, but there's this really nice Italian place I tried once that's literally next door to that Hampton. It's new but it's really good (if a little expensive but sometimes you feel like treating yourself… And expensive by Huber standards isn't probably all that bad.)

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            I ate at that Italian place last time I was up, in August. Used to be a Mexican place, before that it was a Long John Silvers. During my visit there were only two other couples there; I sure hope their biz picks up or it will be a dang Mongolian Barbecue next time I go. CJ's is a nice local bar, which I alway hunt up when I'm travelling, fuck a TGIFs or Applebee's.

          2. snowpointsecret

            It's been featured in the paper since then, it seems more popular now. I don't remember the Mexican place but I remember the Long John Silver's.

            Half the time I just go to C's because we know the owners though… (why are we talking about places to eat and drink in Huber Heights on an election blog— oh right we're waiting for important numbers which are only trickling in)

            If you need on-topic things look good in Ohio for Obama so far!

    4. NDeeeZ

      Next round, I'd love a central number to call, letting 'em know I've already voted, so they can concentrate resources on folks who haven't…

      1. bikerlaureate

        Not sure how this could be hackproof…

        In FL they have the ability to see who voted early – I guess the volume of data overwhelmed the folks generating the call/canvass reports, but I was getting lists with some names crossed out for the past few days 'cause it had been confirmed that those people had already voted.

      1. SorosBot

        According to MSBC the areas of Florida with a lot of non-Cuban Latinos still haven't checked in yet; more potential good news.

      1. Lot_49

        For some unaccountable reason, the expression "self-deport" was apparently offensive to many Beaners.

    1. Katydid

      I have personally thanked my daughter's Puerto Rican girlfriend for the upswing in Latino voters. She said we're welcome.

    2. IceCreamEmpress

      I was one of two why people voting at my (Cambridge, Mass) polling place today. The other was a blonde vegan-looking mum whom I am positive was in the tank for one B. Barry "Bammer" Bamz because her three year old son had dreads.

      In 2008 we had a big blah turnout at the same polling place, but I have never seen the lah turnout like this.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    Ah, Don Julio. There you are in the freezer. What's that you say? I should drink you tonight? You evil Mexican man!

    1. Terry

      I'm leaning towards a nice 12 yr of Yamazaki scotch, a single malt from Japan. May go that way rather than champagne.

    2. HateMachine

      Hey, don't blame him. You knew what Don's answer would be, after all. Why ask if you weren't looking for affirmation?

  6. Mittens Howell, III

    This just in, exit polls show Rafalca voted for Obama from an Ohio glue factory.

    Looking good, folks.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, NYT just called Oklahoma for Romney, and the polls only closed a few minutes ago. I smell a rat.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    My head is throbbing and I'm a girl, so that is totally a bad thing. Come on come on come on Pres O, I just can't take it.

  9. WordSaladNation

    I have a shitload of Hurricane Sandy rations in my house, so I'm going through them SO FAST, along with booze. Have you guys ever eaten mangoes and animal crackers AT THE SAME TIME, while drinking red wine? I heartily recommend it.

      1. viennawoods13

        Remonded of the time the Daily show interviewed old floridians about sex. One old coot who basically committed date rape ALL THE TIME had warts, but he said it was ok, cause they went away.

  10. savethispatient

    Dok, I believe NBC News is streaming their coverage tonight on the internets. Although you can probably get that from bunny ears on your tv.

  11. snowpointsecret

    This is looking good so far. Obama's margins in Cuyahoga County are a little above where they probably need to be to win, meaning likely very high turnout.

    1. SorosBot

      Someone will win, and someone will lose! And some of us will sing the blues. They must get paid big bucks for that kind of insight.

    1. poorgradstudent

      Being a resident of Missouri by necessity and not by choice, it's nice to have something that makes my exile a little less unpleasant.

        1. poorgradstudent

          Thanks for the sympathy, but *fingers crossed* I should be done with my program in 1-2 years, give or take a semester.

  12. Barbara_

    I'm sweating like a Palin daughter who just realized that tampon box remains unopened for the 5th Sunday in-a-row.

  13. snowpointsecret

    I am so proud of myself for convincing a girl in Colorado to vote when she wasn't going to. Swing states need to stick together (or something)!

      1. snowpointsecret

        She hasn't come back yet and she left a couple hours ago, I'm assuming long lines (well, and dinner) but once she does I'll mention how things were in Denver where she is.

    1. JohnnyQuick

      You're doing God's work, no snark. I just gave tons and tons of cash, cause I realized people hate talking to me.

  14. savethispatient

    Anyone watching the NBC thing on Xbox? You get to vote on pointless polls as well as watch NBC "bore in" on things!
    Apparently there's some Smart-Glass app thing too, but I don't see anything useful on my iPad.

  15. Terry

    CNN called the Md Senate race for Ben Cardin, the incumbent. Two idiots who are bringing charges against each other were challenging him. Cardin break a sweat in this one.

    1. finallyhappy

      I actually saw Bongino in person in Howard County a month ago at a senior fair(old people, not HS). Now if only Sobhani takes all of his damn signs down- then they can both go away

    2. JohnnyQuick

      Wow, those two were suing each other? I only saw Bongino signs until a few days ago, when Sobhani's sign placers went fucknutz.

  16. DixvilleCrotch

    What is the drinking game rule for if we have a 269-269 tie?

    Or if "unfaithful electors" from the Electoral College decide to put Jill Stein in the White House?

  17. VodkaGoGo

    I'm watching ABC where they are all just laughing laughing laughing, having a gay old time. OMG GUYS ELECTIONS ARE SO MUCH FUNZIES!!!

  18. Katydid

    Aw, I'll just bet Kid Zoom is as adorable and funny as his old dad. Does he write a mean blog too?

  19. Barbara_

    Awesome Dr Jill Biden Tweet:
    Richard Mourdock currently losing his Senate race is a gift from God. #Election2012

    1. Nothingisamiss

      I can't yet bring myself to do it, but if it gets better for us here, I'm going to have to tune in.

  20. Jerri

    Fellow wonketeers: I'm drinking and my phone is the best computer in the house. Sorry for the forthcoming typos and fuckups.

    1. mille derps

      Same with Richland Co. in SC. Though the AP has called SC for Romney so some of those folks can just go home now.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        I want to win the popular vote as well. Let's hope folks go away instead of voting for the mormonist but stay for the Bamz.

  21. snowpointsecret

    If anyone thought there was an enthusiasm problem, I dare them to watch a long line in 29-degree weather and still come away with that thought.

    1. MosesInvests

      Hell, blue Austin in the middle of blood-red Texass had a huge turnout today. Our votes don't count for the White House or Congress, but we were there!

  22. ffredpalakon

    Some liberal fanatic on CNN is already eulogizing Romney. Oh, wait: that's Bill O'Reilly on Fox. Angus King: please do good noble work in the Senate so twenty years from now, Owen Wilson can play you in an inspiring bio-pic.

  23. RufusTFirefly

    I voted. And drove two people to the county Board of Elections HQ so they could cast affidavit ballots–they had been thrown off the rolls because the county said they were felons. Which they weren't. This is NY where we actually don't try to disenfranchise people on purpose. I can't imagine what kind of bullshit these folks would have gone through in FL or OH.

    Oh, and I just fired up the Volcano. Man, am I baked.

    1. poorgradstudent

      Also, too, they're pausing the vote counts because there are still people lined up at the polls.

    2. Negropolis

      Don't look at the numbers. It's too close to call, meaning the only thing that matters is where the votes are coming in from. This is going tobe close.

    3. OzoneTom

      The NoVA polling places are where the lines are the longest and probably won't start releasing results for another 4-6 hours.

    1. Lot_49

      It takes a little longer to set the lead type before they print it out and offset print it and scan it to the web. Union rules, they say.

      1. glasspusher

        Yeah, I was thinking leave it to a fucking paper to have a morning and evening edition web page. Right now I want nanosecond trade granularity!

  24. Pres.Beeblebrox

    Ha ha, my (and Old Handsome Joe's) home state of Delaware was called for O at like 8:00:00.05.

    It was heartening to see the EV totals for O jump up when the East Coast closed.

    Now…. OHIO!

  25. FeloniousMonk

    In re knuckles:
    "You can believe in the power of music,
    You can believe in the power of prayer,
    But it's only the white of your knuckles
    Keeping this plane in the air."

  26. BlueStateLibel

    Has Rmoney announced yet which remote, tiny Alaskan island he's going to exile himself to after he loses?

    1. GeneralLerong

      The one that's going underwater from global warming. Next door to the one inhabited by Eaters of the Raw Flesh.

    2. poorgradstudent

      And hopefully Paul Ryan will relocate to the Liberated Territories of Sahara, a place where his Objectivist/Libertarian ideology is truly in practice.

  27. GeorgiaBurning

    Romney supporters here at work expecting their man to win in CA- where do they get such awesome weed?

  28. fuflans

    WHY does NPR insist on hiring matt continetti? he's terrible and can't even begin to hold his own against, well, anyone but certainly not ej dionne.

    why am i posting this on wonkette and not NPR?

    1. Jerri

      Well I just hope the media makes as big a deal out of this as they did when Al Gore lost Tennessee. I'm sure they will.

  29. Lot_49

    They know who won Ohio and Florida, but also know we'll quit watching if they tell us. Their own damn fault with all this Electoral College count-count scenario stuff.

  30. MissNancyPriss

    What's happening? I am scared and alone. And I am a recovering addict so can not drink or smoke or take, and probably have no business being on this site.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      So glad to know you're here! (And shit fire, I hate dealing with my anxieties in any sort of healthy way too. But it can be done.)

  31. gullywompr

    Historic turnout in VA reported, extended hours due to long lines. Gonna take a while to get reporting from the big districts.

      1. gullywompr

        Loudoun County (tiny town) – 9 AM, no line, less than 5 minutes.

        I did hear there was about a 66% turnout in my little teensy weensy district.

  32. Wadisay

    Flipping among PBS, CNN, MSNBC and Fox. Honestly, swirling chyrons, graphics, flashing numbers–I'm gong to get a migrane.

  33. MilwaukeeKent

    White knuckling it here in privates. Thinking the political gamble of saving the auto industry was the signature move of Obama's first term. He won (Crossing fingers, toes, knees, elbows, testicles, etc.).

  34. bibliotequetress

    Hi, beloved ones! May everyone find a liberal senator in their stocking tomorrow am! Now I'm off to party withe the ELIZABETHMUTHERFUCKINWARREN posse and hope to be to busy congratulating everyone to check back in before I'm too drunk to check back in. Love to all!

  35. Bezoar

    This may be off-topic, but I need to understand; why is it that so many white people I know, as neighbors, colleagues, relatives, are wonderful people whom you could trust with your life, but who nevertheless are rabidly antipathic to Barack Obama? Seriously, it seems to me, that we need to understand this. I am genuinely befuddled.

  36. 415buzzard

    Why the fuck does the NY Times bother painting MI pink with less than 1% reporting, from OAKLAND COUNTY? My old home State, my old County, also home to Willard's prep school………white people, mostly.

      1. 415buzzard

        Mine did too and many of my old friends along with them. But not sure how my 85 year-old dad voted. He is still worked up about gay weddings even though he can't stand Romney….

  37. VodkaGoGo

    BOLD VERY SERIOUS PREDICTION TIME: Ed Gillespie predicts VA for Romney. Ed Gillespie is never wrong.

  38. Oblios_Cap

    Ha! I hit the 3:45 window and voted w/ no hassles. The workers told me we had a great turn-out.

    Those darned Blahs are going to give NC to O'Bama!

  39. snowpointsecret

    CNN reporting 4 hour long lines in Virginia. Thanks for closing all those polling places, guys…

    1. Terry

      Va has an asshole for a governor and another one for attorney general, but it also has a lot of African-Americans who are determined to vote and a lot of Dems of various sorts in NoVa. Hopefully, they can prevent the assholes from skewing things.

      1. snowpointsecret

        #stayinline is going to end up trending on twitter soon if it hasn't already. Virginia literally may come down to people standing outside in the cold.

  40. 415buzzard

    I think I might need to step away from the TV for a few hours so I don't have a nervous breakdown. It's still early here in my nice liberal bubble, San Francisco.

  41. Oblios_Cap

    It's over and Barry has won. We gots the Senate, too. Now it's just the networks trying to keep viewers.

    Blind pig, acorn, etc.

  42. Goonemeritus

    Well I thought I had the stomach for this but I guess I don't. I will rejoin in a few hours when the die is more cast. Until then I wish all our fine Democratic candidates luck and a hope that every Wonketteer gets laid tonight.

      1. gullywompr

        That's what they think.

        Not that they ever actually say it, but I can tell, that's what they're thinking.

  43. glasspusher

    I forgot my wallet this morning when going to vote. I offered to go back to my house, next door to my polling place, but since I'm in a blue state and was registered for a while, they said no problemo.

      1. glasspusher

        I'm sure that's part of it, but in my neighborhood I have plenty of neighbors of all colors, most of whom make more than me. Money, the great leveler.BTW, I am in love with your handle and avatar. Very cute.

        1. emmelemm

          Dawww. My handle is nothing clever – my initials are MLM.

          My piggie is definitely flying – looks like a half-black Muslim Kenyan socialist can win the presidency – TWICE!

          1. glasspusher

            That's what I figured, but it still requires a bit of panache to spell it out like that.Go Bamz

          2. emmelemm

            True story: long ago, like in the 90s, I had this joke that my terrorist name was Emm el-Emm. (Get it?) After 9/11, that didn't seem quite as funny.

            Now, though, I just use the whole thing run together for a username on most/many sites because it's usually not taken.

          3. glasspusher

            yeah, I tell people I join wires together with Moqtadr Al-SolderI wanted to name our son Zubenelgenubi (the right claw of the scorpion), but his mom said no..

  44. Mojopo

    I haven't eaten ALL DAY. Taking nourishment in the form of tonic water and Jägermeister right now.

  45. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Michigan on the NYT site is leaning blue. How can any of the auto workers vote for Romney?

  46. Barbara_

    Awesome Tweet:
    Dick Morris ‏@DickMorrisTweet
    #election2012 60% of Florida in, down by 2. worried

    Suck it, sir. I said, suck it!

  47. ffredpalakon

    Maybe Nate Silver and scientific methodology will survive this intact.


    Telling. RT @DickMorrisTweet: #election2012 60% of Florida in, down by 2. worried

  48. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Polls closing in my home states of MN and WI. If they don't go blue I'm gonna be so frickin pissed.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      Dude, it's the red states that R-Money was projected to win. O's going to go behind at first.

      they just are calling some mid-wests for O.

  49. Not_Mother

    Good news for the Obama campaign. CNN's Peter Hamby tells Candy Crowley that the Romney campaign's most recent internal polling showed President Obama up by five in the crucial swing state of Ohio.

  50. BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck me, this is going to take hours, I'll be shitfaced if I keep up this rate. I think I'm gonna take a break.

  51. VodkaGoGo

    Michigan for Obama!!! You know what they say, as goes Detroit, so goes the nation, eventually. You people are all fucked just like me mwahahahaha.

    1. C_R_Eature

      The reason could have been something about suggesting that Detroit go bankrupt, but that's just a guess.

  52. Not_Mother

    Bill O'Reilly is already getting the excuses ready if Romney loses the election — O'Reilly already blaming a potential Romney loss on Hurricane Sandy. That's good, friends.

  53. PlanetWingNut

    ok ok im here…and nervous as hell who wants to get me a beer!!!!! I CANT TAKE THIS…TOO MANY STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!

        1. Tilley

          Looks like I'm in the right place! So why can't I figger out how to refresh this dang thing? Everything is all crazy! Or maybe it's my pants-less drunkenness.

  54. saggyboobedhag

    chuck todd just spoke about florida for 2 or 3 minutes and I'm pretty sure he didn't finish a sentence.

  55. Oblios_Cap

    I've got a brand new waterbed
    filled up with Elmer's Glue.

    So baby, why don't we get drunk and screw?

    1. Terry

      If Ohio goes for Obama, I promise not to grumble under my breath the whole time I'm driving on the Ohio Turnpike

  56. Jerri

    Did Warren really just take Teddy's seat back? Yesssss! Here's hoping she keeps it as long as he did, unless by some miracle she makes it to the White House in our lifetimes.

  57. FakaktaSouth

    I cannot believe my whole life is coming down to what Cleveland does. Way to go Pennsylvania! God this night is taking forever.

  58. Terry

    Penna: 68% for Obama so far! My cousin up there says that the local stations are calling it for Obama

  59. courtneyesq

    Can't decide: CNN's fancy map skills, or Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow's witty retorts and willingness to call Romney a liar??? Choices, choices…

    1. Come here a minute

      Don't buy it. Kaine outperforming Bronco — and the polls all show about a tie for Romney/Obama in VA.

  60. Nothingisamiss

    Is there any show doing Muppets as commentators? 'Cause I suddenly think that would be awesome.

  61. slowhansolo

    Interesting local aside in Pa.: Not only did O and Casey sweep, but a Democrat with an unhealthy curiosity about Tom Corbett's Sandusky investigation just won attorney general.

  62. Zango Crudmonger

    Wonkette, I say goodbye for a few hours to stimulate the local stripper economy and hopefully celebrate in an hour or two when I can divert my gaze to the tv above the bar.

    Cheers, ya bastards.

  63. Terry

    Pennsylvania for Barry! All my Hunky relatives in the coal towns near Altoona and Johnstown are whooping it up!

  64. courtneyesq

    Congrats Senator-elect Warren — one more step toward equal representation of women in the Senate.

  65. Nopantsmcgee

    I'm starting to think our Kenyan Overlord is going to be around to give the Tea People something to shout about for another four years.

    But, I could be wrong. They very well could continue to shout at him for decades to come.

  66. ttommyunger

    Coming in late, intertoobs wouldn't let me comment last night. It's times like this that I'm sorry I quit smoking. A Camel would go good right about now, considering the fucking we just gave Mittens.

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