ObamaRomneyDämmerung!

Barack Obama’s Huge Election: Your Throbbing Liveblog (Part 1)

get a brain plurebusGreetings, Wonkers! Welcome to your exciting Election Night Liveblog for Celebration and / or Weeping! We hope you have laid in a supply of the necessary ingredients: snack foods, kleenex, antidepressants, and The Good Stuff, whatever that may be. Should you feel like flexing your mixological muscle, Rebecca suggests you try an El Presidente — it’s topical and Tropical!

Joining us from the Wonkette Chat Cave are Wonkette Special Correspondents Josh Fruhlinger, Rich Abdill, Kaia Mursi, Kris Benson, and HOLY CRAP SARA BENINCASA!!! Also, until she leaves for tonight’s LA Electoral Gala, we have Editrix Rebecca along with us. Kid Zoom is here for the first couple of hours, too! We also will be hoping for tweets / texts from Jesse Taylor, who is being herded onto an election party bus somewhere. We have also taken a solemn No Ponies vow, which we will only break if we feel like it.

8:02 NPR is playing that Election Music Fanfare that we will be sick of before the evening is over, so it is time to start this thing!

8:05 We have like three thousand people in the ChatCave, and maybe two of them have cable. Your Doktor Zoom is not one of them. This will be great! We will be looking here a lot, and here, also too!

8:08 Rich Abdill: “Florida: Obama up 73,000 votes, with around 3.6 million counted. Elections officials are now taking a quick pizza break and THEY HAVE NO NAPKINS”

8:10 Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is working those fierce hipster glasses like a Brooklyn bicycle messenger. And CNN reporters will not stop repeating the phrase “white knuckle”

Josh F: Barry is leading early in florida, which seems good? i’m assuming they won’t get around to counting all the poor people votes until late, because they’re all in line at their like four polling places

8:13 Kris B: this just in: majority of voters hate america

Rich A. CNN says Romney’s acceptance speech is 1,118 words long. His concession speech is only, “Peace, fuckers.”

Sara B. All I want to do is talk about how pretty Erin Burnett is.

8:17 NPR is interviewing Angus King, the apparent senator-elect from Maine, who’s taking Olympia Snowe’s seat. He says he has not yet decided which party he will caucus with, and he has a ludicrous mustache:

8:20 Kaia M. Michelle Obama tweets: “All of our hard work these past 18 months comes down to what happens right now. Let’s not leave anything to chance.” This is her call to obots to begin the race riots.

8:21 Your Doktor Zoom says to Kid Zoom, “Frozen P-I-Z-Z-A goes in the OVEN.” Kid Zoom is not amused.

8:25 Sara B.: Bob Corker wins reelection, maintains status as my favorite Republican name to say out loud. “Bob Corker.” Heh heh.

Josh notes that in Indiana, Richard Mourdock is down 6 points w/24% reporting.

Rich A: Florida’s proposed amendment to remove the separation of church and state is getting OBLITERATED. Good news for Florida, bad news for blog

8:30 Kris B. sez, voting in NJ is broken you guys Also, too, officials on Staten Island are pleading for your underwear. They do not want your shirts or pants.

Sara B.: Wolf Blitzer just called the columns atop the Empire State Building “colored.” Wolf Blitzer is a racist.
kristina b.: it is a building of color, duh.

8:32 Rich A. tells us that Josh Mandel losing in Ohio 36 to 60. Heckuva Job, Sherroddy!

Sara B.: Candy Crowley said “white knuckle” A FUCKING GAIN. dRINK!
Sara B.: Oh my God now she said “white knuckling it here in private.” Candy Crowley loves fisting!
kristina b.: Who at the romney camp DOESN’T have white knuckles, thes are are the whitest people I’ve ever seen!

8:33 Rebecca S.: No Congressman The Plumber :(

8:40 Josh popped in to add that CBS News is reporting that Virginia has stopped reporting results because there are so many people still in line — in line in Obama-areas like Richmond, Newport News, etc. Also, too, wrestling lady loses race in Connecticut (AGAIN!) and whore-cheater Menendez wins in NJ. (Where, we ask, is the justice for stiffed Ladies of Negotiable Affection?)

8:45 Rebecca S: B. Barry Bamz winning Jewishes by 40.
Rebecca S.: BUT HE HATES ISRAEL!
Kaia M.: damn. what was it in 2008?
Sara B.: NEW JERSEY DOESN’T CARE ABOUT DOMINICAN HOOKERS
Rebecca S.: probly the same or something, it was just funny cause the Republicans were CONSTANTLY claiming Jews hate Bamz…But what does Unskewed Polls say?

This has been so exciting, you guys! But the frozen pizza is ready, and Kid Zoom only burned it a little bit (we still love him very much)

We will now hand off livebloggening duties to the lovely and talented Kaia Mursi, who will take over in a few minutes… BUT FIRST! An Important Between-Livebloog Post About Mittens from Josh Fruhlinger!

Announcement! New Livebloog is UP, people!

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • Barbara_

    Stop sexting me, Nate Silver. I love ya, but now is the time for us to see how brilliant you are.
    Let's get our drink-on!
    Where's Chet?

    • YerMa

      Bamz keeps sexting me and now Michelle is emailing me about it. I'm all like "back off, Barry!" She will kick my ass all day long.

      • Barbara_

        I want to be you right now. : )

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Obama and Tim Kaine have even sent surrogate-stalkers to my house!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Present!

      • Barbara_

        Now my heart smiles, good to see you, Chet.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Barb, please hold me. The computer box is making mean noises and it's scaaaaary.

  • SorosBot

    Needs more ponies!

    • SnarkOff

      JERRY: Horses? They're like big riding dogs.

      ELAINE: What about ponies? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies…

      JERRY: I know, I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.

      MANYA: (angry) I had a pony.

    • Boojum

      Barbecue!

    • DickWharfinger

      Please do not make me wait 5 hours for Craig Ferguson. Secretariet is probably out chasing tail tonite.
      Wonkette could easily call the election. Wonkers are not into Mittens and Egg.

  • BadKitty904

    At last! Now, SIC 'EM, BAMZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      11 EVs ahead, 100K votes behind. As always, my Pres. knows strategy.

  • sati_demise

    West by god Virginia

  • SorosBot

    And as the East Coast closes the electoral vote count closes up.

    • glasspusher

      Tighter than a crab's ass!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        How tight IS a crab's ass, glass? (Ponders)

        • OzoneTom

          "razor-tight"

        • glasspusher

          It's the platinum-iridium standard for tightness! Why do you ask?Hope you're well! It's me and the kid screaming at the tee vee right now!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I've never considered the question before. I'm raving insane from eating too many potato chips and biscottis and drinking too much tea and booze and smoking everything I can lay my hands on. If Bams does NOT win tonight, I expect a myocardial infarct.

          • glasspusher

            Gotta pace yourself, my friend- hang in there! Fuck, I have to be on a “science advisory panel” at my kid's school tomorrow night, so I can't get crazy tonight or I will look and feel worse tomorrow.

          • sarjo

            You'd better prepare 2 talks, in case of new overlords. 1: Science is how we know what's true; 2: Science is for fools too dumb to be businessmen.

          • glasspusher

            Rilly. It's an economic engine, or it's a job killer!

      • Boojum

        Tighter than a cow's ass in fly time. My school bus driver said that, when I was a child. I don't know who he meant.

        • glasspusher

          When flies come around, cows pucker up, or when a cow is flown? A nation waits and wonders…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'm tellin' ya. They got all kinds weird sayings.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Message to Mitt: "Now botch this drive!"

  • Terry

    I'm too nervous to drink yet. :o

    • Barbara_

      Hang in there, Terry. We will get through this together. So glad you are here.

      • Terry

        Doing some stress eating instead of drinking, no more jerky in my hurricane kit. Groan…..

        • glasspusher

          I feel like shit and am sleep deprived from the news trucks waking me up waiting for Jerry Brown this morning, I'm going to have to do this stone cold sober to not feel worse tomorrow morning.

        • finallyhappy

          Obvious but Maryland and DC called for the Prez! We promise and deliver!!

          • Terry

            Let's me know I live in the right place. :)

        • Nothingisamiss

          I feel you. I just started a little drinking, but my stress eating is out of control.

          • Close_Read

            I'm so there! Potato chips, Pepsi, pepper jack cheese, little chocolate granola thingies, the remains of my Halloween candies – I've got them all laid out in front of me like surgical equipment.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Pizza arrived. Too anxious to pop the cork on the bubbly though.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        I got a bottle too. Must. Wait.

      • Nothingisamiss

        God DAMN IT! I forgot to buy champagne!

  • HRH_Maddie

    Everything is Too Close to Call – I'm losing my "stuff" over here.

    • BoroPrimorac

      It's only 8:30 EST

  • emmelemm

    ZOOM IS IN THE HOUSE!

  • SorosBot

    Also remember; Jersey has polls open until Friday because of Sandy, but that's another gimme 14 electoral votes for Obama that won't be on the count tonight.

  • sati_demise

    Maryland french kissing Barry

  • Limeylizzie

    Just saw on Twitter that ALan Grayson is winning!

    • TheGyrus

      I loved his poem, "Howl"

    • mille derps

      Yay! The US House NEEDS Alan Grayson!

    • BoroPrimorac

      His district was redrawn and it suits him a lot more. I'm looking forward to Grayson v West if that eraser headed bastard wins his race.

      • Limeylizzie

        West was losing.

        • viennawoods13

          Best. News. Evah!

          • Limeylizzie

            I am eager for that moron Joe Walsh to go down.

          • viennawoods13

            Oh yes. YES!

          • Nothingisamiss

            But not on either one of us.

          • Limeylizzie

            I bet he would be awful in the sack. Selfish and self-involved.

        • SorosBot

          If only Bachmann can join him.

          • Limeylizzie

            Cantor won, but West is behind and I suspect Joe Walsh will lose.

          • SorosBot

            Cantor at least is just an asshole, not nuts; and assuming the Reps keep the house (which they probably will, but with a slimmer margin) he may be preparing to shiv Boehner for the speakership.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            Cantor's constituents are just like him. They got daddy's money & the smug attitude that comes with it. But they're not nuts.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I had totally forgotten that he was in a race this cycle. Yay, Alan!!

  • SaraJBenincasa

    WOOT WOOT! LET'S PARTY YOU FILTHY WHORES!!!

    • Barbara_

      Takes one to know one. ; ) Thanks for being here in the sisterhood of the traveling panties.

      • SaraJBenincasa

        Yesssss!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      If I feed your avatar grapes, will you scourge me with a Swiffer?!

    • SorosBot

      Oh to be abused again…

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      swoon!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, Sara! What's come over you? You used to call us vile crawling maggots, and other such imaginative sobriquets.

    • BadKitty904

      "Filthy"?!

  • freakishlywrong

    Boxes of wine. I'm in to win it.

    • Barbara_

      Are you having a fine cardbordeaux?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Cardboardeaux. I am so fucking stealing that.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Sooooo stealing this also, too.

  • tracyhasfun

    http://bit.ly/SSF9fO yay NPR. I already know my vote has been counted. I voted a week and a half ago, and my county has a website where you can check your ballot status. NOW COME ON OHIO.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You mean no one is going to watch the Raptors/Thunder game over on NBA TV?

    • SorosBot

      Isn't anyone watching hockey?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Someone needs to tell those guys that they aren't the NFL. Or the NBA.

        • Chichikovovich

          Very true. For example when the Nfl locks out players the players don't have the option of signing a contract with a Swedish or Russian team.

          • SorosBot

            Although tthe NBA players do but still caved. At least the NFL refs mostly won.

          • Chichikovovich

            But for the nba players going to Europe isn't returning home where you can get good pickled herring or borcht like babushka made.

          • SorosBot

            I was only thinking of the other home for hockey players, eh.

          • Barbara_

            Chich, I REALLY love hockey!

      • Barbara_

        Hockey players walk on water, ya know.

        • SorosBot

          Heh. You're funny.

      • glasspusher

        Are you watching NBC? I see what you did there…

      • GeorgiaBurning

        Kitchener leading Mississauga going into 3rd, if you're desperate enough to watch OHL

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      JESUS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP … wut?

      Oh, it's you.

      (returns to screaming at NYT site on computer)

    • bobbert

      This is what PIP would be for, if I had teevee at all. Well, wait, Raptors-Thunder? Nevermind.

  • JohnnyQuick

    Driving in my car today I turned down the classical music station (that I had FUCKING CRANKED!!) when they went to a 'news break' — I sez out loud: "No, I get my news from Wonkette.'

  • dogscantlookup

    I've already smoked three packs of cigs today!

  • SorosBot

    Bill Nelson officiall beats the self-made Connie Mac IV in Florida.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Saw that. Mack stunk so bad that even the Teabaggers hated him.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Look out Hooters girls!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i am drinking something called the divining rod.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      go on…

    • Nothingisamiss

      You can't just leave us with that.

    • bobbert

      "Drinking"?

  • BumbleKid

    If Bamz wins Florida, I will dislocate my shoulder with fist pumps

    • glasspusher

      I can already dislocate my shoulders, and will be joining you. I know how you feel.

    • mille derps

      We will help you to relocate it.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Puerto Ricans live in central Florida. I am confident they will deliver the state for Bamz.

  • sati_demise

    9 states Obama to 9 for Rmoney right now. can you tell I am watching Al Jazeera?

    • Katydid

      is that even legal?

  • GeneralLerong

    OK, it's 8 minutes after a poll closed somewhere. Who won?

  • Bezoar

    I'm in Dayton, Ohio, and at 7:30 I got a call from a little old lady in Columbus, on behalf of the Obama campaign, asking if my wife and I still needed to vote, and did we need a ride to the poll! Fucking impressive. Of course, we voted last week, like good progressives.

    • BadKitty904

      A tiny hipster came to our door this afternoon to remind us that today is Election Day and gave us a map of where our voting spot is located, with its hours and a number to call if "you have any trouble voting."

      VERY impressive groundwork.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        You live near The Shire?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You mean you looked that gift horse in the mouth and didn't take advantage of the opportunity to go vote again, for free? We're going to lose this election…

    • snowpointsecret

      Dayton here as well (Actually Huber Heights, but who's counting) and I waited for 25 minutes in line at 7AM. They seemed to have things handled quite well, I just went at the wrong time basically.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Cadillac Jack's is my favorite bar. I always make a point to stay at the Hampton right behind there so I can just stumble on back to my room when they close.

        • snowpointsecret

          Oh really? I've never been there, but there's this really nice Italian place I tried once that's literally next door to that Hampton. It's new but it's really good (if a little expensive but sometimes you feel like treating yourself… And expensive by Huber standards isn't probably all that bad.)

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I ate at that Italian place last time I was up, in August. Used to be a Mexican place, before that it was a Long John Silvers. During my visit there were only two other couples there; I sure hope their biz picks up or it will be a dang Mongolian Barbecue next time I go. CJ's is a nice local bar, which I alway hunt up when I'm travelling, fuck a TGIFs or Applebee's.

          • snowpointsecret

            It's been featured in the paper since then, it seems more popular now. I don't remember the Mexican place but I remember the Long John Silver's.

            Half the time I just go to C's because we know the owners though… (why are we talking about places to eat and drink in Huber Heights on an election blog— oh right we're waiting for important numbers which are only trickling in)

            If you need on-topic things look good in Ohio for Obama so far!

    • NDeeeZ

      Next round, I'd love a central number to call, letting 'em know I've already voted, so they can concentrate resources on folks who haven't…

      • bikerlaureate

        Not sure how this could be hackproof…

        In FL they have the ability to see who voted early – I guess the volume of data overwhelmed the folks generating the call/canvass reports, but I was getting lists with some names crossed out for the past few days 'cause it had been confirmed that those people had already voted.

  • johnnymeatworth

    "We're gonna be swimming in more numbers than a Las Vegas bookie!" –Dan Rather

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    TPM says the Latino vote is up to 10% from 9% of the popular vote in 2008 — so good news there. http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/preli

    • Steverino247

      Unless they're angry/crazy Cubans…

      • SorosBot

        According to MSBC the areas of Florida with a lot of non-Cuban Latinos still haven't checked in yet; more potential good news.

    • Terry

      The GOP's immigration laws will hopefully bite the party on the arse

      • Lot_49

        For some unaccountable reason, the expression "self-deport" was apparently offensive to many Beaners.

    • Katydid

      I have personally thanked my daughter's Puerto Rican girlfriend for the upswing in Latino voters. She said we're welcome.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      I was one of two why people voting at my (Cambridge, Mass) polling place today. The other was a blonde vegan-looking mum whom I am positive was in the tank for one B. Barry "Bammer" Bamz because her three year old son had dreads.

      In 2008 we had a big blah turnout at the same polling place, but I have never seen the lah turnout like this.

  • TheGyrus

    Whenever a conservative weeps tears of bitter sorrow, DRINK!

    • Terry

      While laughing

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ah, Don Julio. There you are in the freezer. What's that you say? I should drink you tonight? You evil Mexican man!

    • Terry

      I'm leaning towards a nice 12 yr of Yamazaki scotch, a single malt from Japan. May go that way rather than champagne.

    • HateMachine

      Hey, don't blame him. You knew what Don's answer would be, after all. Why ask if you weren't looking for affirmation?

  • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

    I fucking hate Chuck Todd!

    • savethispatient

      Gingerist!

      • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

        No way! I actually have the biggest lady boner for gingers. Except gingers named Chuck Todd!

  • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

    Also no ponies, wtf?

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Benincasa is always the MVP guest! She is our "Center Square," like Charo or something.

    • SnarkOff

      The Kitty Carlisle of Wonkette.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    This just in, exit polls show Rafalca voted for Obama from an Ohio glue factory.

    Looking good, folks.

    • DickWharfinger

      A pony pops up so soon.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, NYT just called Oklahoma for Romney, and the polls only closed a few minutes ago. I smell a rat.

    • Bezoar

      Good comic relief, thanx.

    • glasspusher

      Oklahoma is like infrared…

    • viennawoods13

      Hell, Illinois called for Barry with 22 votes in.

  • FakaktaSouth

    My head is throbbing and I'm a girl, so that is totally a bad thing. Come on come on come on Pres O, I just can't take it.

  • SorosBot

    Oh noes Chuck Todd is missing!

    • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

      Good!

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Here's hoping he stays missing.

        • SorosBot

          No they found him sadly.

    • NDeeeZ

      I'm NDeeeZ, and I approve this message.

  • rocktonsam

    FOX NEWS has projected Rmoney winner by 123%

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      AGAIN?

    • GeorgiaBurning

      with 752 electoral votes

  • MissTaken

    I'm throbbing!

    • rocktonsam

      LETS ALL GET NAKED!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Wha'dya mean, "GET"?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Is SB there, by any chance? (Eyes MissTaken suspiciously)

      • SorosBot

        I'm watchin' you!

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    I have a shitload of Hurricane Sandy rations in my house, so I'm going through them SO FAST, along with booze. Have you guys ever eaten mangoes and animal crackers AT THE SAME TIME, while drinking red wine? I heartily recommend it.

    • SnarkOff

      Don't forget the Planter's peanuts and the chocolate bars.

    • memzilla

      Maker's Mark and Reese's Cups.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Chuck Todd is circling some peculiar warts on the pud of Florida.

    • MissTaken

      America's Wang has genital warts? I'm not surprised.

      • viennawoods13

        Remonded of the time the Daily show interviewed old floridians about sex. One old coot who basically committed date rape ALL THE TIME had warts, but he said it was ok, cause they went away.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Florida is purple and throbbing, and in Chuck Todd's hands currently.

    • DickWharfinger

      Only hands?

  • savethispatient

    Dok, I believe NBC News is streaming their coverage tonight on the internets. Although you can probably get that from bunny ears on your tv.

  • snowpointsecret

    This is looking good so far. Obama's margins in Cuyahoga County are a little above where they probably need to be to win, meaning likely very high turnout.

  • gullywompr

    Looks like Cantor's gonna keep his seat.

    • rocktonsam

      crap

    • GeneralLerong

      Is it the hole on the left, or the one on the right?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Shit.

    • mille derps

      Yes, but will he get reelected? Ba-dump-bump…

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      that wasn't really in doubt was it?

      • gullywompr

        No, that is a red, red district.

      • bobbert

        No, but it's nice to fantasize once in a while.

  • MissTaken

    just heard on NPR – they might win, they might lose, they feel good.

    Huh?

    • SorosBot

      Someone will win, and someone will lose! And some of us will sing the blues. They must get paid big bucks for that kind of insight.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      and no concession speech.

      tool.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • glasspusher

      Mitt and Paul can sit 'n' spin, as far as I'm concerned

  • BadKitty904

    I've been told I have to "take a hot shower and calm down" – brb!

    • glasspusher

      Shouldn't that be a cold shower then?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      My experience is that kitties are not too fond of showers, hot or cold. Just sayin'.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Is that a euphemism?

      • BadKitty904

        Nope. He's now pouring the wine, "because somebody's gotta do it."

        • Mittens Howell, III

          wine shower. thumbzup.

          • Nothingisamiss

            Solves both problems elegantly.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    nrp with the HUGE get: angus king from MAINE!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Sounds like a burger chain!

    • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

      SO GLAD. Went to college in Maine. There are good, good people up there. I will love that place for the rest of my life.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Looks like vaginas are going to win Missouri Senate race. Suck it Akin. Yay!

    • glasspusher

      A "legitimate" win!

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    I'm glad that Rich "Paula Abdul" Abdill is here.

  • viennawoods13

    Fuck. Florida just went pink again.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      FL shows Barry at 48.X and Bott at 50.X.

    • viennawoods13

      aaaand blue again. I need more tequila.

      • SorosBot

        NBC.com now has Barry 50% Mittbot 49%.

    • viennawoods13

      Jesus, Florida just make up your fucking mind already.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Hell, why should they start now?

        • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

          As someone said yesterday: Florida is doing its best to be Florida again.

  • Bezoar

    I'm just gonna upfist every comment on this blog. You all deserve it.

    • gullywompr

      Just the comments? Sad face….

  • Jerri

    Commence drinking! And continue incessant worrying.

    • Nothingisamiss

      We should have watched this together. I need this on a tshirt!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Vagina-Americans just gave Missourah to McCaskill. Ahead by 7-8%.

    • emmelemm

      Really? And truly?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Really and TRULY. Man, it's hard to find replies.

    • viennawoods13

      Fuck you, Todd Akin.(actually, NEVER fuck Todd akin. ewww)

    • poorgradstudent

      Being a resident of Missouri by necessity and not by choice, it's nice to have something that makes my exile a little less unpleasant.

      • BadKitty904

        Awww…

        • poorgradstudent

          Thanks for the sympathy, but *fingers crossed* I should be done with my program in 1-2 years, give or take a semester.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      The vah vote!

  • viennawoods13

    Funny. 22 votes counted in Illinois. 11 for O, 11 for R, and already called for Barry.

  • Barbara_

    I'm sweating like a Palin daughter who just realized that tampon box remains unopened for the 5th Sunday in-a-row.

    • finallyhappy

      Excellent analogy!

    • spareme

      Hahahahha – great one!

    • freakishlywrong

      Those bitches use pads.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Sperm diapers.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Shhh … Jesus is watching!

    • sudsmckenzie

      This is Library of Congress worthy.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Oh, holy shit I like this.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Oh, Mittborg, btw,I'm so glad we're both here tonight and may both be celebrating.

  • snowpointsecret

    I am so proud of myself for convincing a girl in Colorado to vote when she wasn't going to. Swing states need to stick together (or something)!

    • Barbara_

      Good job, Snowpoint!

      • snowpointsecret

        She hasn't come back yet and she left a couple hours ago, I'm assuming long lines (well, and dinner) but once she does I'll mention how things were in Denver where she is.

    • JohnnyQuick

      You're doing God's work, no snark. I just gave tons and tons of cash, cause I realized people hate talking to me.

  • gullywompr

    Liz Warren leading…

    • MissTaken

      Ah yeah!

    • SaintNixon

      Good…I'ma quit wardancing for a spell…

    • SorosBot

      Yay Liz! And Mourdock's still down in Indiana.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Oh, please baby baby baby please.

      Her campaign has been gotv like a wild gotv campaign.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Wait, we were supposed to vote today? But I got a letter from the Republican Party that the election is tommorow.

    • memzilla

      I didn't know you spoke Spanish.

  • savethispatient

    Anyone watching the NBC thing on Xbox? You get to vote on pointless polls as well as watch NBC "bore in" on things!
    Apparently there's some Smart-Glass app thing too, but I don't see anything useful on my iPad.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Please refer to Chuck Todd in the proper Kings English – it's Fuck Toad.

    • Fuck Toad

      You rang?

  • freakishlywrong

    My boy Grayson. Looks good!

  • PubOption

    While you are waiting for more results, watch the sparks fly as red and blue go at it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FpjcOWwiI4&fe

  • gullywompr

    Bernie Sanders FTW!

  • Jerri

    God help me I can't get used to a teeny Al Sharpton.

  • UW8316154

    FOX shows Romney ahead with a commanding lead…DO.NOT.TRUST

  • poorgradstudent

    My man Bernie Sanders was reelected!

    • freakishlywrong

      Love Bernie!

    • Steverino247

      Fifty bucks very well spent!

    • reliefsinn

      Wish he was my Senator! Or that we had a few more like him!

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Meep Meep!!

  • Terry

    CNN called the Md Senate race for Ben Cardin, the incumbent. Two idiots who are bringing charges against each other were challenging him. Cardin break a sweat in this one.

    • finallyhappy

      I actually saw Bongino in person in Howard County a month ago at a senior fair(old people, not HS). Now if only Sobhani takes all of his damn signs down- then they can both go away

    • JohnnyQuick

      Wow, those two were suing each other? I only saw Bongino signs until a few days ago, when Sobhani's sign placers went fucknutz.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    What is the drinking game rule for if we have a 269-269 tie?

    Or if "unfaithful electors" from the Electoral College decide to put Jill Stein in the White House?

    • Katydid

      I'm taking a shot each time Romney wins a state. I'm shooting myself if the fucker wins it all.

      • DixvilleCrotch

        Oh my. I'll be getting tear tattoos under both eyes if Mittens wins.

    • BadKitty904

      I'll be learning Dutch and packing…

      • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

        I didn't know they speak Dutch in Canada.

  • mille derps

    Obama still leading in SC with 6% reporting. I guess things'll be changing soon…

  • VodkaGoGo

    I'm watching ABC where they are all just laughing laughing laughing, having a gay old time. OMG GUYS ELECTIONS ARE SO MUCH FUNZIES!!!

  • Katydid

    Aw, I'll just bet Kid Zoom is as adorable and funny as his old dad. Does he write a mean blog too?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Give him time, he will, he will…

  • Barbara_

    Awesome Dr Jill Biden Tweet:
    Richard Mourdock currently losing his Senate race is a gift from God. #Election2012

    • PubOption

      I felt that knife go in and twist, and I'm in St Louis

      • Barbara_

        Good to see you, PubOption.

  • gullywompr

    Grim faces over on Fox…

    • Nothingisamiss

      I can't yet bring myself to do it, but if it gets better for us here, I'm going to have to tune in.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    IL FOR BAMZ!

  • glasspusher

    Ohh…the kid switches to NPR, and I have to hide my naked lust for Gwen Ifil…

  • Jerri

    Fellow wonketeers: I'm drinking and my phone is the best computer in the house. Sorry for the forthcoming typos and fuckups.

  • courtneyesq

    Nothing says American like this bottle of Veuve Clicquot I'm enjoying…

    • BadKitty904

      We're on plain ol' Smoking Loon – which is pretty appropriate for tonight…

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    Angus King is a good guy. Don't worry about Angus. And, like Olympia Snowe's necklace/earring combos, he's had that moustache since about 1982.

    • emmelemm

      But what is that "hasn't decided what party to caucus with"? Really?

      • snowpointsecret

        I think he's just saying that to look independent.

  • Come here a minute

    Local news says voters will be in line until 10:00 in Prince William County, VA.

    • mille derps

      Same with Richland Co. in SC. Though the AP has called SC for Romney so some of those folks can just go home now.

      • Nothingisamiss

        I want to win the popular vote as well. Let's hope folks go away instead of voting for the mormonist but stay for the Bamz.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Florida ain't over till the red panhandle votes come in.

    • glasspusher

      Let us meditate on this truth. Redneck Riviera!

      • sudsmckenzie

        Americas Taint.

        • glasspusher

          Nice. I will remember and credit you for that.

  • glasspusher

    NC is looking better than VA at the moment. WTF?

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    Bob Corker? Pfft. Give me Mike Crapo!

  • freakishlywrong

    Anyone get the feeling they've been cheated. John Lydon/Floriduh.

  • gullywompr

    Josh Mandel getting his boy scout ass kicked by Brown.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Obama wins Jersey! All because he made The Boss hug Chris Christie.

  • snowpointsecret

    If anyone thought there was an enthusiasm problem, I dare them to watch a long line in 29-degree weather and still come away with that thought.

    • MosesInvests

      Hell, blue Austin in the middle of blood-red Texass had a huge turnout today. Our votes don't count for the White House or Congress, but we were there!

      • emmelemm

        But local races are important too!

  • zedbot

    Someone hold the bucket – here comes my Newcastle. *nervousing*

  • BoroPrimorac

    Chris Murphy beat McMahon in CT.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    The O man is now ahead by 14 EVs, behind by 60K popular vote

  • SorosBot

    Chris Murphy beats the wrestling lady in Connecticut.

    • 415buzzard

      Thank the Lord.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    Some liberal fanatic on CNN is already eulogizing Romney. Oh, wait: that's Bill O'Reilly on Fox. Angus King: please do good noble work in the Senate so twenty years from now, Owen Wilson can play you in an inspiring bio-pic.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Linda McMahon just blew 100 mill, will caucus with Carly Fiorina.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Her, Whitman and Fiorina can all go to Jamaica and get fucked.

  • Misty Malarky

    Mitt projected winner in Georgia!

    As goes Georgia, so goes Alabama.

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

    I voted. And drove two people to the county Board of Elections HQ so they could cast affidavit ballots–they had been thrown off the rolls because the county said they were felons. Which they weren't. This is NY where we actually don't try to disenfranchise people on purpose. I can't imagine what kind of bullshit these folks would have gone through in FL or OH.

    Oh, and I just fired up the Volcano. Man, am I baked.

    • Barbara_

      Thanks for voting, Cheech!

  • MissTaken

    Like Candy, I too am white knuckling it here in private.

  • BumbleKid

    Chuck Todd is bad at anecdotes.

  • OzoneTom

    Looking up in New Hampshire.

  • viennawoods13

    Holy fuck Virginia isn't looking good.

    • snowpointsecret

      However, Ohio and Florida are looking good so I'm feeling okay about tonight still.

    • PsycWench

      Yeah but in 2006 it looked like Allen until the very end, when the NOVA votes came in.

      • viennawoods13

        But 14% down? Argh.

        • PsycWench

          9% now. Barry creeps up about every other refresh.

    • poorgradstudent

      Don't lose hope! The northern VA votes come in last usually!

      • VodkaGoGo

        Is that Real Virginia?

    • poorgradstudent

      Also, too, they're pausing the vote counts because there are still people lined up at the polls.

    • Negropolis

      Don't look at the numbers. It's too close to call, meaning the only thing that matters is where the votes are coming in from. This is going tobe close.

    • UW8316154

      Not looking good AT ALL.

    • OzoneTom

      The NoVA polling places are where the lines are the longest and probably won't start releasing results for another 4-6 hours.

    • SchemeZ

      Chill. The repub districts report early. Less to count.

  • snowpointsecret

    CNN: Repeating sayings over and over is obviously useful!

    • glasspusher

      We gotta play 'em one game at a time…

  • StillGoinGreen

    I'm so psyched – I only huffed BLUE markers today!!

    • VodkaGoGo

      I totally forgot I have markers. THANK YOU.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And yet you call yourself GREEN.

  • glasspusher

    What is up with the NYT web page? Their coverage is glacial compared to the tee vee!

    • Lot_49

      It takes a little longer to set the lead type before they print it out and offset print it and scan it to the web. Union rules, they say.

      • BadKitty904

        Is there a faster online site? This is making me crazy.

        • BadKitty904

          OK, "crazier"…

        • viennawoods13

          I've resorted to Huffpo

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Affectionately known to the masses as "FluffPoo."

      • glasspusher

        Yeah, I was thinking leave it to a fucking paper to have a morning and evening edition web page. Right now I want nanosecond trade granularity!

        • Lot_49

          Ha! They're still working on having pictures appear with the story they pertain to.

          • glasspusher

            I don't even bother with their iphone or ipad apps. Their web page has those beat, too.

  • AlterNewt

    BBC host to reporter in Chicago: "Why aren't you in a bar?"

  • Veritas78

    Linda McMahon threw that match again. It's rigged, you know.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Ha ha, my (and Old Handsome Joe's) home state of Delaware was called for O at like 8:00:00.05.

    It was heartening to see the EV totals for O jump up when the East Coast closed.

    Now…. OHIO!

  • FeloniousMonk

    In re knuckles:
    "You can believe in the power of music,
    You can believe in the power of prayer,
    But it's only the white of your knuckles
    Keeping this plane in the air."
    (Oysterband)

  • Snarkoluffagus

    Good news for John McCain!! DERP!!

  • BlueStateLibel

    Has Rmoney announced yet which remote, tiny Alaskan island he's going to exile himself to after he loses?

    • Veritas78

      The one called "Cayman."

    • GeneralLerong

      The one that's going underwater from global warming. Next door to the one inhabited by Eaters of the Raw Flesh.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        IT'S A LIE!

        Wut?

    • poorgradstudent

      And hopefully Paul Ryan will relocate to the Liberated Territories of Sahara, a place where his Objectivist/Libertarian ideology is truly in practice.

  • Veritas78

    Nice to have a Democrat again in Liebersmeg's old seat.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    mourdock in a bad way.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      good!

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Romney supporters here at work expecting their man to win in CA- where do they get such awesome weed?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Clearly we're going to have to waterboard them and find out.

      WITH VOTES!

  • freakishlywrong

    Shitfuckhelldamn. Let's get this shit on, bitches!

    • Nothingisamiss

      YES!

  • Not_Mother

    Alan Grayson up 62% w/ 26% counted

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    WHY does NPR insist on hiring matt continetti? he's terrible and can't even begin to hold his own against, well, anyone but certainly not ej dionne.

    why am i posting this on wonkette and not NPR?

    • snowpointsecret

      Because we're more likely to listen?

    • Nothingisamiss

      Because you can use all the motherfucking cocksucking adjectives you want?

  • Jerri

    Massachusetts for Obama, projects msnbc. Why can't Mittens win one of his home states?!??!

    • C_R_Eature

      What is "Because they all know him" Alex?

    • JohnnyQuick

      Kolob totals: Romney: 48, Xenu: ∞

    • Veritas78

      He was governor here just six years ago and may lose by 30 points. Go figure.

    • BadKitty904

      Because he's an evil dick?

    • Jerri

      Well I just hope the media makes as big a deal out of this as they did when Al Gore lost Tennessee. I'm sure they will.

  • C_R_Eature

    This situation calls for something Serious. Stand back, everybody:

    Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu Pony R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      Do not summon, what thou cannot banish!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      thanks CR.

      i need distraction.

      • C_R_Eature

        Distraction, you say? Okay!

  • snowpointsecret

    It seriously took CNN 42 minutes to project Alabama? Did their computers break?

  • Lot_49

    They know who won Ohio and Florida, but also know we'll quit watching if they tell us. Their own damn fault with all this Electoral College count-count scenario stuff.

  • Not_Mother

    50.7 to 48.5 BRONCO in FLA w/ 35% counted

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Good news only, please. Are you trying to kill me (by talking about votes)?

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Would y'all stop posting so fast? I'm also downloading bootleg porn and it takes forever for my screen to refresh.

    • sudsmckenzie

      Thats why I early downloaded.

    • StillGoinGreen

      Are you still watching that old *Nailin Palin* pron??!!1!

  • MissNancyPriss

    What's happening? I am scared and alone. And I am a recovering addict so can not drink or smoke or take, and probably have no business being on this site.

    • emmelemm

      We offer hugs, free of charge.

      • MissNancyPriss

        And positive news updates too, right?

        • AlterNewt

          Should we lie?

        • emmelemm

          We'll try!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Yeah!

    • Terry

      Welcome, hon.

    • C_R_Eature

      No, this is exactly where you need to be. With all of us.

      • BadKitty904

        Well said, C-R!

        • C_R_Eature

          That's the way it is.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I love you all so much. You sweet, crazy maniacs, you.

        (tokes deep) Wut?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      it is better to not drink or smoke or take with humor and like political views.

    • UW8316154

      You're not alone any longer, Miss Nancy….you're among friends now!

    • freakishlywrong

      I'm alone, and doing all those things. Wonkette will provide. You're among friends,

    • Nothingisamiss

      So glad to know you're here! (And shit fire, I hate dealing with my anxieties in any sort of healthy way too. But it can be done.)

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    O ahead by 200K+ votes in Ohio with 21% in…

    Maybe I can stop jerking clumps of my hair out now.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Bless you, Beeblebrox.

  • gullywompr

    Historic turnout in VA reported, extended hours due to long lines. Gonna take a while to get reporting from the big districts.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Especially from the DC suburbs, they're saying. I live in Richmond and it took me about five minutes to vote at 7am.

      • gullywompr

        Loudoun County (tiny town) – 9 AM, no line, less than 5 minutes.

        I did hear there was about a 66% turnout in my little teensy weensy district.

  • AlterNewt

    Gahhd dammit. Now even BBC is doing Cartoon-o-Graphics

    • FeloniousMonk

      And this surprises you why? They introduced the swingometer in 1955.

      • AlterNewt

        Ha!

  • Wadisay

    Flipping among PBS, CNN, MSNBC and Fox. Honestly, swirling chyrons, graphics, flashing numbers–I'm gong to get a migrane.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    White knuckling it here in privates. Thinking the political gamble of saving the auto industry was the signature move of Obama's first term. He won (Crossing fingers, toes, knees, elbows, testicles, etc.).

  • poorgradstudent

    Any word on the gay marriage ballots, fellow Wonketteers?

    • UW8316154

      Polls still open in Washington, so no results yet.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Blood pressure shot to hell.

    • 415buzzard

      Right there with you.

  • bibliotequetress

    Hi, beloved ones! May everyone find a liberal senator in their stocking tomorrow am! Now I'm off to party withe the ELIZABETHMUTHERFUCKINWARREN posse and hope to be to busy congratulating everyone to check back in before I'm too drunk to check back in. Love to all!

    • emmelemm

      Woooo! Awesome for you!

    • C_R_Eature

      Outstanding! Give everybody Terrorist Fist-Bumps for us.

    • MosesInvests

      Unfortunately, we'll most likely get Teabagger Ted Cruz here in Tejas. Oh, well.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Well, fuck.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Woot! from the land of Larry Craig.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Ours is blue dog cracker Bill Nelson, but he'll do.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      YAY! Give our brand new Senator a big hug and a kiss from all us hopelessly fapping lechers!

  • Boojum

    I love all you people. Vicodin will do that.

    • AlterNewt

      Whatever you do, don't snort it.

      • Boojum

        Ew.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Polls closing in Wisconsin, Minnesota and New York in 10 minutes. Go Blue!

    • snowpointsecret

      Don't say that too loud in Ohio, they'll take it the wrong way.

  • Terry

    Linda McMahon is TOAST!

    • OzoneTom

      Is that bad for Obama? I know that he and she were running-together.

  • Bezoar

    This may be off-topic, but I need to understand; why is it that so many white people I know, as neighbors, colleagues, relatives, are wonderful people whom you could trust with your life, but who nevertheless are rabidly antipathic to Barack Obama? Seriously, it seems to me, that we need to understand this. I am genuinely befuddled.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      as soon as i understand this from my mother i'll let you know.

    • freakishlywrong

      Blah. Look at them funny. They're racists.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Are you white? If you are, get one of your black friends to introduce him/herself as their neighbor and see what happens.

    • BoroPrimorac

      They're a bit racist.

  • 415buzzard

    Why the fuck does the NY Times bother painting MI pink with less than 1% reporting, from OAKLAND COUNTY? My old home State, my old County, also home to Willard's prep school………white people, mostly.

    • Terry

      My kin in Oakland county voted for Obama, but they're lonely

      • 415buzzard

        Mine did too and many of my old friends along with them. But not sure how my 85 year-old dad voted. He is still worked up about gay weddings even though he can't stand Romney….

  • VodkaGoGo

    BOLD VERY SERIOUS PREDICTION TIME: Ed Gillespie predicts VA for Romney. Ed Gillespie is never wrong.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Ed Gillespie has a Nazi haircut.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      'Cept for today, of course, now that Obama is leading Mittens by nearly 2 points in VA. WOOT!!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Ha! I hit the 3:45 window and voted w/ no hassles. The workers told me we had a great turn-out.

    Those darned Blahs are going to give NC to O'Bama!

  • DixvilleCrotch

    I can haz celebratory endzone dance yet?

  • Veritas78

    Medical marijuana is stomping in Massachusetts, at 64%. Ya know, my back is killing me…

    • Oblios_Cap

      I took a hit for you, brother!

    • BoroPrimorac

      No joke, weed is the only thing that soothes my bouts of anxiety.

  • snowpointsecret

    CNN reporting 4 hour long lines in Virginia. Thanks for closing all those polling places, guys…

    • Terry

      Va has an asshole for a governor and another one for attorney general, but it also has a lot of African-Americans who are determined to vote and a lot of Dems of various sorts in NoVa. Hopefully, they can prevent the assholes from skewing things.

      • snowpointsecret

        #stayinline is going to end up trending on twitter soon if it hasn't already. Virginia literally may come down to people standing outside in the cold.

  • rocktonsam

    turn tee vee off wonkados, sip beverages slowly, keep the one hitter near by, with teh NPR

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Silly, baseball season is over!

  • 415buzzard

    I think I might need to step away from the TV for a few hours so I don't have a nervous breakdown. It's still early here in my nice liberal bubble, San Francisco.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    vigo county IN – the apparent fucking presidential oracle of delphi since 1956 – trending for bamz.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's over and Barry has won. We gots the Senate, too. Now it's just the networks trying to keep viewers.

    Blind pig, acorn, etc.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      oh oblios details please!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I'm in Flor-i-duh, and we're doing fine.

  • Goonemeritus

    Well I thought I had the stomach for this but I guess I don't. I will rejoin in a few hours when the die is more cast. Until then I wish all our fine Democratic candidates luck and a hope that every Wonketteer gets laid tonight.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    doc i hope you're making kid zoom get back on the phone for bamz. only a few more hours i hear.

  • gullywompr

    Did I mention that people think I look like Daniel Craig?

    • Terry

      Hubba hubba!

      Get a tailored tux pronto.

    • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

      Hot?

      • gullywompr

        That's what they think.

        Not that they ever actually say it, but I can tell, that's what they're thinking.

  • VodkaGoGo

    George Will should stick to analyzing Baseball. No wait, he sucks at that too.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Wouldnt it be ironic if FL came down to those people still staying in line.

  • glasspusher

    I forgot my wallet this morning when going to vote. I offered to go back to my house, next door to my polling place, but since I'm in a blue state and was registered for a while, they said no problemo.

    • emmelemm

      The privileges of being white. (Seriously.)

      • glasspusher

        I'm sure that's part of it, but in my neighborhood I have plenty of neighbors of all colors, most of whom make more than me. Money, the great leveler.BTW, I am in love with your handle and avatar. Very cute.

        • emmelemm

          Dawww. My handle is nothing clever – my initials are MLM.

          My piggie is definitely flying – looks like a half-black Muslim Kenyan socialist can win the presidency – TWICE!

          • glasspusher

            That's what I figured, but it still requires a bit of panache to spell it out like that.Go Bamz

          • emmelemm

            True story: long ago, like in the 90s, I had this joke that my terrorist name was Emm el-Emm. (Get it?) After 9/11, that didn't seem quite as funny.

            Now, though, I just use the whole thing run together for a username on most/many sites because it's usually not taken.

          • glasspusher

            yeah, I tell people I join wires together with Moqtadr Al-SolderI wanted to name our son Zubenelgenubi (the right claw of the scorpion), but his mom said no..

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    So much white-knuckling!

  • Close_Read

    C'mon, blue electoral votes. Come to mama…

  • Mojopo

    I haven't eaten ALL DAY. Taking nourishment in the form of tonic water and Jägermeister right now.

    • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

      Diet Dr. Pepper and gin will also do in a pinch.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Never tried that combo, is it good?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Other old people suck!

    • WhatTheHeck

      and wear funny clothes with flags and eagles

  • VodkaGoGo

    If Obama wins tonight, does that mean tomorrow is the launch of unskewedelectoralcollege.com?

    • Veritas78

      Faithless electors rock!

  • C_R_Eature

    And now is the time in the show where we see the Election Night Special!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Michigan on the NYT site is leaning blue. How can any of the auto workers vote for Romney?

  • Barbara_

    Awesome Tweet:
    Dick Morris ‏@DickMorrisTweet
    #election2012 60% of Florida in, down by 2. worried

    Suck it, sir. I said, suck it!

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      TOES!!!!

  • Franknflower

    Does anyone know the geography of the penis?

    • Barbara_

      Yes, the capitol is Tallahassee.

      • FeloniousMonk

        Hee hee hee. Reminded me of my favourite cartoon from 2000.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    Maybe Nate Silver and scientific methodology will survive this intact.

    @KrystalBall1

    Telling. RT @DickMorrisTweet: #election2012 60% of Florida in, down by 2. worried

  • Mojopo

    FYI – Tammy Duckworth is kicking ass!

    • emmelemm

      Have Wisconsin polls closed?

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        Yep O by 10

    • Veritas78

      Given that she has no legs, that IS impressive!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Polls closing in my home states of MN and WI. If they don't go blue I'm gonna be so frickin pissed.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Just looked at NPR. Rmoney 88 electoral votes, Barry 65. :-(

    • Oblios_Cap

      Dude, it's the red states that R-Money was projected to win. O's going to go behind at first.

      they just are calling some mid-wests for O.

  • MissNancyPriss

    Romney is just winning the shit States, right?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Absolutely, get yer towel out and Don't Panic!

  • Not_Mother

    Good news for the Obama campaign. CNN's Peter Hamby tells Candy Crowley that the Romney campaign's most recent internal polling showed President Obama up by five in the crucial swing state of Ohio.

  • Terry

    NPR has a nice summary table on its website: http://election2012.npr.org/bigboard/president.ht

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck me, this is going to take hours, I'll be shitfaced if I keep up this rate. I think I'm gonna take a break.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      In the words of Body by Jake, "Don't Quit"

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    New York! Michigan!

  • Negropolis

    Michigan already called for Obama!

    • 415buzzard

      Another state where Romney lived that hates him!

    • gullywompr

      Yes, but what height are the trees?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Bazinga!

      • Oblios_Cap

        To know him is to loathe him!

  • courtneyesq

    MICHIGAN!!! GO BLUE!!!

    • Terry

      Literally!

      Let Detroit go bankrupt, suck it Romney.

    • rocktonsam

      WELL DONE BLUE!

  • snowpointsecret

    CNN calls Michigan for Obama already, which is an hour faster than Mississippi.

  • glasspusher

    Florida continues to tease. Motherfucker

  • VodkaGoGo

    Michigan for Obama!!! You know what they say, as goes Detroit, so goes the nation, eventually. You people are all fucked just like me mwahahahaha.

    • gullywompr

      w00t! Suck your own fucking machine gun, Nugent!

    • C_R_Eature

      The reason could have been something about suggesting that Detroit go bankrupt, but that's just a guess.

      • VodkaGoGo

        Yeah, I think he figured out how stupid a thing to say that was after the primary here.

  • SchemeZ

    Let Detroit go bankrupt. Sorry Willard you're 0 for 2 in home states.

  • Not_Mother

    Bill O'Reilly is already getting the excuses ready if Romney loses the election — O'Reilly already blaming a potential Romney loss on Hurricane Sandy. That's good, friends.

  • PlanetWingNut

    ok ok im here…and nervous as hell who wants to get me a beer!!!!! I CANT TAKE THIS…TOO MANY STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!

  • Barbara_

    NBC calls Massachusetts for Elizabeth Warren (D). She replaces Sen. Scott Brown (R).

    • Veritas78

      Woohoo! That's big, and wasn't certain by any means. What a relief.

    • SchemeZ

      Yeah my votes counts!

    • rocktonsam

      so is it "happy trails to you" for brown?

    • Close_Read

      …exhales…

      well, that's one down.

  • Tilley

    Hey! Just got here. Anything happening yet?

    • C_R_Eature

      Many of us are Drunk. Some have pants on.

      • Barbara_

        Many of us are pants. Some have drunks on.

        • Tilley

          Looks like I'm in the right place! So why can't I figger out how to refresh this dang thing? Everything is all crazy! Or maybe it's my pants-less drunkenness.

          • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

            Try F5

    • rocktonsam

      drinking pants

    • Oblios_Cap

      I'm already low on rum! This shit sucks!

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    @TNYJohnCassidy

    FL, almost 2/3 vote in: O 51, R 47. If Mittster doesn't turn it around, the election is over.

  • Not_Mother

    NBC calls Massachusetts for Elizabeth Warren (D). She replaces Sen. Scott Brown (R).

    • Terry

      Thank you, Jesus

  • snowpointsecret

    CNN projects Republicans keep control of the House. In other news, the sky is blue.

  • saggyboobedhag

    chuck todd just spoke about florida for 2 or 3 minutes and I'm pretty sure he didn't finish a sentence.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I've got a brand new waterbed
    filled up with Elmer's Glue.

    So baby, why don't we get drunk and screw?

  • Nopantsmcgee

    WTF Ohio and PA , come on. These drugs won't last forever you know!

    • Terry

      Penna is going for Barry

      • Dr. Nick Riviera

        CNN and Huffpo haven't called it

  • Negropolis

    CNN exits show Wisconsin for Obama 52%.

  • Not_Mother

    we already knew but: GOP will keep the House, CNN says

    • Oblios_Cap

      God Damn the TeaTards!

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's still daylight in Va, according to CBS. WTF?

  • courtneyesq

    Florida is so freaking close. I can't breathe.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Chuck Todd just drew the world's biggest cock ring on Florida.

  • snowpointsecret

    Also: Obama up 180,325 with 27% counted in Ohio. I'm proud of my state right now.

    • Terry

      If Ohio goes for Obama, I promise not to grumble under my breath the whole time I'm driving on the Ohio Turnpike

  • Not_Mother

    Bronco GAINING in Ohio. 54.8% w/ 7% counted

  • glasspusher

    FL is going down to the wire again. Let's hope it's irrelevant, so the vote count isn't 5-4

  • gullywompr

    PENNSYLVANIA!!!!

  • Negropolis

    Obama wins PA. Republican fools gold.

  • Jerri

    Did Warren really just take Teddy's seat back? Yesssss! Here's hoping she keeps it as long as he did, unless by some miracle she makes it to the White House in our lifetimes.

  • Doktor Zoom
  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    PA just called for O. What was that about Romentum in PA?

  • FakaktaSouth

    I cannot believe my whole life is coming down to what Cleveland does. Way to go Pennsylvania! God this night is taking forever.

  • VodkaGoGo

    PA is looking muthah fuckin tiz-zight! Casey won in a blowout.

  • C_R_Eature

    We're been waiting so long
    We're been waiting so long
    We're been waiting for the sun to rise and shine
    Shining still
    Give us the Will.

    • bobbert

      I'm here to tell you I've made my choice.

      • C_R_Eature

        Just one Victory and we're on our way.

  • Oblios_Cap

    O won PA. Go my peeps!

    • MissNancyPriss

      For reals?

      • Oblios_Cap

        oh,yeah!

        • BadKitty904

          Dang!

    • SchemeZ

      Pennsyl-fuckin-vania What a wasted head fake.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Said the same fucking thing to my friend just the other day.

  • gullywompr

    Klobachar!

  • kakotechnia

    Jesus, the NBC million flag kaleidoscope makes me woozy.

  • Not_Mother

    romney 49.6 to 49.5 in FLA, 62% counted

    • BadKitty904

      Well, hell…

  • greypanter

    Which was is the Supreme Court Leaning with their infinite Electoral College votes?

  • Lazy Media

    I hate to be critical, but I believe that our editrix et. al. are inebriated.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I'm doing my best!

    • SchemeZ

      Who isn't?

    • GeneralLerong

      Let's hope so.

  • Terry

    Penna: 68% for Obama so far! My cousin up there says that the local stations are calling it for Obama

  • courtneyesq

    Can't decide: CNN's fancy map skills, or Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow's witty retorts and willingness to call Romney a liar??? Choices, choices…

  • Oblios_Cap

    "Leans Obama" . So he's won those.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh?

  • Terry

    F'ing Macaca Allen is leading in Va

    • Come here a minute

      Don't buy it. Kaine outperforming Bronco — and the polls all show about a tie for Romney/Obama in VA.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Apparently the Latinos don't like the Mormons either!

  • BadKitty904

    I think I'm too old for this shit…

    • emmelemm

      Aren't you, like, 21?

      • BadKitty904

        23, thank you VERY much…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Jesus, a fucking BABY spring chicken.

          • BadKitty904

            Hey, now! No ageist bushwa, IF you please.

            I'm exactly as old as I should be. As are you.

    • SchemeZ

      Obama's got Wisconsin!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Where's Actor? Already passed out?

  • courtneyesq

    That's it. I'm moving to Florida.

  • sudsmckenzie

    WI goes O, like I told tonights doorknocker it would, after I gave him a beer!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Willard has about won all the states that he's going to. Stick a fork in the bastard.

    • Terry

      Lets hope so. I'm sick of him leading in the electoral count.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Go Vols!!

  • sudsmckenzie

    The tip of FL is getting ready to Cum all over us – with votes!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Is there any show doing Muppets as commentators? 'Cause I suddenly think that would be awesome.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Interesting local aside in Pa.: Not only did O and Casey sweep, but a Democrat with an unhealthy curiosity about Tom Corbett's Sandusky investigation just won attorney general.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      THANK YOU!!

  • Terry

    Couldn't stand to wait any longer, broke into the champagne to calm my nerves.

  • Oblios_Cap

    "What are the voters telling us?"

    Willard sucks!

  • sudsmckenzie

    Say hello, again, to Representative Grayson!

  • SchemeZ

    Invasive procedures for $200 Alex.

  • Zango Crudmonger

    Wonkette, I say goodbye for a few hours to stimulate the local stripper economy and hopefully celebrate in an hour or two when I can divert my gaze to the tv above the bar.

    Cheers, ya bastards.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Warren Wins!!

  • Terry

    Pennsylvania for Barry! All my Hunky relatives in the coal towns near Altoona and Johnstown are whooping it up!

  • gullywompr

    New blog up, folks….

  • Terry

    In Maryland, the Dream Act is winning with 68% of the vote! Yay! Same sex marriage is up at 55%!

  • courtneyesq

    Congrats Senator-elect Warren — one more step toward equal representation of women in the Senate.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    I'm starting to think our Kenyan Overlord is going to be around to give the Tea People something to shout about for another four years.

    But, I could be wrong. They very well could continue to shout at him for decades to come.

  • ttommyunger

    Coming in late, intertoobs wouldn't let me comment last night. It's times like this that I'm sorry I quit smoking. A Camel would go good right about now, considering the fucking we just gave Mittens.