Greetings, Wonkers! Welcome to your exciting Election Night Liveblog for Celebration and / or Weeping! We hope you have laid in a supply of the necessary ingredients: snack foods, kleenex, antidepressants, and The Good Stuff, whatever that may be. Should you feel like flexing your mixological muscle, Rebecca suggests you try an El Presidente — it’s topical and Tropical!
Joining us from the Wonkette Chat Cave are Wonkette Special Correspondents Josh Fruhlinger, Rich Abdill, Kaia Mursi, Kris Benson, and HOLY CRAP SARA BENINCASA!!! Also, until she leaves for tonight’s LA Electoral Gala, we have Editrix Rebecca along with us. Kid Zoom is here for the first couple of hours, too! We also will be hoping for tweets / texts from Jesse Taylor, who is being herded onto an election party bus somewhere. We have also taken a solemn No Ponies vow, which we will only break if we feel like it.
8:02 NPR is playing that Election Music Fanfare that we will be sick of before the evening is over, so it is time to start this thing!
8:05 We have like three thousand people in the ChatCave, and maybe two of them have cable. Your Doktor Zoom is not one of them. This will be great! We will be looking here a lot, and here, also too!
8:08 Rich Abdill: “Florida: Obama up 73,000 votes, with around 3.6 million counted. Elections officials are now taking a quick pizza break and THEY HAVE NO NAPKINS”
8:10 Sara B: Wolf Blitzer is working those fierce hipster glasses like a Brooklyn bicycle messenger. And CNN reporters will not stop repeating the phrase “white knuckle”
Josh F: Barry is leading early in florida, which seems good? i’m assuming they won’t get around to counting all the poor people votes until late, because they’re all in line at their like four polling places
8:13 Kris B: this just in: majority of voters hate america
Rich A. CNN says Romney’s acceptance speech is 1,118 words long. His concession speech is only, “Peace, fuckers.”
Sara B. All I want to do is talk about how pretty Erin Burnett is.
8:17 NPR is interviewing Angus King, the apparent senator-elect from Maine, who’s taking Olympia Snowe’s seat. He says he has not yet decided which party he will caucus with, and he has a ludicrous mustache: 
8:20 Kaia M. Michelle Obama tweets: “All of our hard work these past 18 months comes down to what happens right now. Let’s not leave anything to chance.” This is her call to obots to begin the race riots.
8:21 Your Doktor Zoom says to Kid Zoom, “Frozen P-I-Z-Z-A goes in the OVEN.” Kid Zoom is not amused.
8:25 Sara B.: Bob Corker wins reelection, maintains status as my favorite Republican name to say out loud. “Bob Corker.” Heh heh.
Josh notes that in Indiana, Richard Mourdock is down 6 points w/24% reporting.
Rich A: Florida’s proposed amendment to remove the separation of church and state is getting OBLITERATED. Good news for Florida, bad news for blog
8:30 Kris B. sez, voting in NJ is broken you guys Also, too, officials on Staten Island are pleading for your underwear. They do not want your shirts or pants.
Sara B.: Wolf Blitzer just called the columns atop the Empire State Building “colored.” Wolf Blitzer is a racist.
kristina b.: it is a building of color, duh.
8:32 Rich A. tells us that Josh Mandel losing in Ohio 36 to 60. Heckuva Job, Sherroddy!
Sara B.: Candy Crowley said “white knuckle” A FUCKING GAIN. dRINK!
Sara B.: Oh my God now she said “white knuckling it here in private.” Candy Crowley loves fisting!
kristina b.: Who at the romney camp DOESN’T have white knuckles, thes are are the whitest people I’ve ever seen!
8:33 Rebecca S.: No Congressman The Plumber :(
8:40 Josh popped in to add that CBS News is reporting that Virginia has stopped reporting results because there are so many people still in line — in line in Obama-areas like Richmond, Newport News, etc. Also, too, wrestling lady loses race in Connecticut (AGAIN!) and whore-cheater Menendez wins in NJ. (Where, we ask, is the justice for stiffed Ladies of Negotiable Affection?)
8:45 Rebecca S: B. Barry Bamz winning Jewishes by 40.
Rebecca S.: BUT HE HATES ISRAEL!
Kaia M.: damn. what was it in 2008?
Sara B.: NEW JERSEY DOESN’T CARE ABOUT DOMINICAN HOOKERS
Rebecca S.: probly the same or something, it was just funny cause the Republicans were CONSTANTLY claiming Jews hate Bamz…But what does Unskewed Polls say?
This has been so exciting, you guys! But the frozen pizza is ready, and Kid Zoom only burned it a little bit (we still love him very much)
We will now hand off livebloggening duties to the lovely and talented Kaia Mursi, who will take over in a few minutes… BUT FIRST! An Important Between-Livebloog Post About Mittens from Josh Fruhlinger!
Announcement! New Livebloog is UP, people!
{ 582 comments }
Stop sexting me, Nate Silver. I love ya, but now is the time for us to see how brilliant you are.
Let's get our drink-on!
Where's Chet?
Bamz keeps sexting me and now Michelle is emailing me about it. I'm all like "back off, Barry!" She will kick my ass all day long.
I want to be you right now. : )
Obama and Tim Kaine have even sent surrogate-stalkers to my house!
Present!
Now my heart smiles, good to see you, Chet.
Barb, please hold me. The computer box is making mean noises and it's scaaaaary.
Needs more ponies!
JERRY: Horses? They're like big riding dogs.
ELAINE: What about ponies? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies…
JERRY: I know, I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.
MANYA: (angry) I had a pony.
Barbecue!
Please do not make me wait 5 hours for Craig Ferguson. Secretariet is probably out chasing tail tonite.
Wonkette could easily call the election. Wonkers are not into Mittens and Egg.
At last! Now, SIC 'EM, BAMZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11 EVs ahead, 100K votes behind. As always, my Pres. knows strategy.
West by god Virginia
And as the East Coast closes the electoral vote count closes up.
Tighter than a crab's ass!
How tight IS a crab's ass, glass? (Ponders)
"razor-tight"
It's the platinum-iridium standard for tightness! Why do you ask?Hope you're well! It's me and the kid screaming at the tee vee right now!
I've never considered the question before. I'm raving insane from eating too many potato chips and biscottis and drinking too much tea and booze and smoking everything I can lay my hands on. If Bams does NOT win tonight, I expect a myocardial infarct.
Tighter than a cow's ass in fly time. My school bus driver said that, when I was a child. I don't know who he meant.
When flies come around, cows pucker up, or when a cow is flown? A nation waits and wonders…
I'm tellin' ya. They got all kinds weird sayings.
Message to Mitt: "Now botch this drive!"
I'm too nervous to drink yet. :o
Hang in there, Terry. We will get through this together. So glad you are here.
Doing some stress eating instead of drinking, no more jerky in my hurricane kit. Groan…..
I feel like shit and am sleep deprived from the news trucks waking me up waiting for Jerry Brown this morning, I'm going to have to do this stone cold sober to not feel worse tomorrow morning.
Obvious but Maryland and DC called for the Prez! We promise and deliver!!
Let's me know I live in the right place. :)
I feel you. I just started a little drinking, but my stress eating is out of control.
I'm so there! Potato chips, Pepsi, pepper jack cheese, little chocolate granola thingies, the remains of my Halloween candies – I've got them all laid out in front of me like surgical equipment.
Pizza arrived. Too anxious to pop the cork on the bubbly though.
I got a bottle too. Must. Wait.
God DAMN IT! I forgot to buy champagne!
Everything is Too Close to Call – I'm losing my "stuff" over here.
It's only 8:30 EST
ZOOM IS IN THE HOUSE!
Also remember; Jersey has polls open until Friday because of Sandy, but that's another gimme 14 electoral votes for Obama that won't be on the count tonight.
Maryland french kissing Barry
Just saw on Twitter that ALan Grayson is winning!
I loved his poem, "Howl"
Yay! The US House NEEDS Alan Grayson!
His district was redrawn and it suits him a lot more. I'm looking forward to Grayson v West if that eraser headed bastard wins his race.
West was losing.
Best. News. Evah!
I am eager for that moron Joe Walsh to go down.
If only Bachmann can join him.
Cantor won, but West is behind and I suspect Joe Walsh will lose.
I had totally forgotten that he was in a race this cycle. Yay, Alan!!
WOOT WOOT! LET'S PARTY YOU FILTHY WHORES!!!
Takes one to know one. ; ) Thanks for being here in the sisterhood of the traveling panties.
Yesssss!
If I feed your avatar grapes, will you scourge me with a Swiffer?!
Oh to be abused again…
swoon!
Oh, Sara! What's come over you? You used to call us vile crawling maggots, and other such imaginative sobriquets.
"Filthy"?!
Boxes of wine. I'm in to win it.
Are you having a fine cardbordeaux?
Cardboardeaux. I am so fucking stealing that.
Sooooo stealing this also, too.
http://bit.ly/SSF9fO yay NPR. I already know my vote has been counted. I voted a week and a half ago, and my county has a website where you can check your ballot status. NOW COME ON OHIO.
You mean no one is going to watch the Raptors/Thunder game over on NBA TV?
Isn't anyone watching hockey?
Someone needs to tell those guys that they aren't the NFL. Or the NBA.
Very true. For example when the Nfl locks out players the players don't have the option of signing a contract with a Swedish or Russian team.
Although tthe NBA players do but still caved. At least the NFL refs mostly won.
Chich, I REALLY love hockey!
Hockey players walk on water, ya know.
Heh. You're funny.
Are you watching NBC? I see what you did there…
Kitchener leading Mississauga going into 3rd, if you're desperate enough to watch OHL
JESUS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP … wut?
Oh, it's you.
(returns to screaming at NYT site on computer)
This is what PIP would be for, if I had teevee at all. Well, wait, Raptors-Thunder? Nevermind.
Driving in my car today I turned down the classical music station (that I had FUCKING CRANKED!!) when they went to a 'news break' — I sez out loud: "No, I get my news from Wonkette.'
I've already smoked three packs of cigs today!
Bill Nelson officiall beats the self-made Connie Mac IV in Florida.
Saw that. Mack stunk so bad that even the Teabaggers hated him.
Look out Hooters girls!
i am drinking something called the divining rod.
go on…
You can't just leave us with that.
"Drinking"?
If Bamz wins Florida, I will dislocate my shoulder with fist pumps
I can already dislocate my shoulders, and will be joining you. I know how you feel.
We will help you to relocate it.
Puerto Ricans live in central Florida. I am confident they will deliver the state for Bamz.
9 states Obama to 9 for Rmoney right now. can you tell I am watching Al Jazeera?
is that even legal?
OK, it's 8 minutes after a poll closed somewhere. Who won?
I'm in Dayton, Ohio, and at 7:30 I got a call from a little old lady in Columbus, on behalf of the Obama campaign, asking if my wife and I still needed to vote, and did we need a ride to the poll! Fucking impressive. Of course, we voted last week, like good progressives.
A tiny hipster came to our door this afternoon to remind us that today is Election Day and gave us a map of where our voting spot is located, with its hours and a number to call if "you have any trouble voting."
VERY impressive groundwork.
You live near The Shire?
You mean you looked that gift horse in the mouth and didn't take advantage of the opportunity to go vote again, for free? We're going to lose this election…
Dayton here as well (Actually Huber Heights, but who's counting) and I waited for 25 minutes in line at 7AM. They seemed to have things handled quite well, I just went at the wrong time basically.
Cadillac Jack's is my favorite bar. I always make a point to stay at the Hampton right behind there so I can just stumble on back to my room when they close.
Oh really? I've never been there, but there's this really nice Italian place I tried once that's literally next door to that Hampton. It's new but it's really good (if a little expensive but sometimes you feel like treating yourself… And expensive by Huber standards isn't probably all that bad.)
I ate at that Italian place last time I was up, in August. Used to be a Mexican place, before that it was a Long John Silvers. During my visit there were only two other couples there; I sure hope their biz picks up or it will be a dang Mongolian Barbecue next time I go. CJ's is a nice local bar, which I alway hunt up when I'm travelling, fuck a TGIFs or Applebee's.
Next round, I'd love a central number to call, letting 'em know I've already voted, so they can concentrate resources on folks who haven't…
Not sure how this could be hackproof…
In FL they have the ability to see who voted early – I guess the volume of data overwhelmed the folks generating the call/canvass reports, but I was getting lists with some names crossed out for the past few days 'cause it had been confirmed that those people had already voted.
"We're gonna be swimming in more numbers than a Las Vegas bookie!" –Dan Rather
TPM says the Latino vote is up to 10% from 9% of the popular vote in 2008 — so good news there. http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/preli…
Unless they're angry/crazy Cubans…
According to MSBC the areas of Florida with a lot of non-Cuban Latinos still haven't checked in yet; more potential good news.
The GOP's immigration laws will hopefully bite the party on the arse
For some unaccountable reason, the expression "self-deport" was apparently offensive to many Beaners.
I have personally thanked my daughter's Puerto Rican girlfriend for the upswing in Latino voters. She said we're welcome.
I was one of two why people voting at my (Cambridge, Mass) polling place today. The other was a blonde vegan-looking mum whom I am positive was in the tank for one B. Barry "Bammer" Bamz because her three year old son had dreads.
In 2008 we had a big blah turnout at the same polling place, but I have never seen the lah turnout like this.
Whenever a conservative weeps tears of bitter sorrow, DRINK!
While laughing
Ah, Don Julio. There you are in the freezer. What's that you say? I should drink you tonight? You evil Mexican man!
I'm leaning towards a nice 12 yr of Yamazaki scotch, a single malt from Japan. May go that way rather than champagne.
Hey, don't blame him. You knew what Don's answer would be, after all. Why ask if you weren't looking for affirmation?
I fucking hate Chuck Todd!
Gingerist!
No way! I actually have the biggest lady boner for gingers. Except gingers named Chuck Todd!
Also no ponies, wtf?
Benincasa is always the MVP guest! She is our "Center Square," like Charo or something.
The Kitty Carlisle of Wonkette.
This just in, exit polls show Rafalca voted for Obama from an Ohio glue factory.
Looking good, folks.
A pony pops up so soon.
Hey, NYT just called Oklahoma for Romney, and the polls only closed a few minutes ago. I smell a rat.
Good comic relief, thanx.
Oklahoma is like infrared…
Hell, Illinois called for Barry with 22 votes in.
My head is throbbing and I'm a girl, so that is totally a bad thing. Come on come on come on Pres O, I just can't take it.
Oh noes Chuck Todd is missing!
Good!
Here's hoping he stays missing.
No they found him sadly.
I'm NDeeeZ, and I approve this message.
FOX NEWS has projected Rmoney winner by 123%
AGAIN?
with 752 electoral votes
I'm throbbing!
LETS ALL GET NAKED!
Wha'dya mean, "GET"?
Is SB there, by any chance? (Eyes MissTaken suspiciously)
I'm watchin' you!
I have a shitload of Hurricane Sandy rations in my house, so I'm going through them SO FAST, along with booze. Have you guys ever eaten mangoes and animal crackers AT THE SAME TIME, while drinking red wine? I heartily recommend it.
Don't forget the Planter's peanuts and the chocolate bars.
Maker's Mark and Reese's Cups.
Chuck Todd is circling some peculiar warts on the pud of Florida.
America's Wang has genital warts? I'm not surprised.
Remonded of the time the Daily show interviewed old floridians about sex. One old coot who basically committed date rape ALL THE TIME had warts, but he said it was ok, cause they went away.
Florida is purple and throbbing, and in Chuck Todd's hands currently.
Only hands?
Dok, I believe NBC News is streaming their coverage tonight on the internets. Although you can probably get that from bunny ears on your tv.
This is looking good so far. Obama's margins in Cuyahoga County are a little above where they probably need to be to win, meaning likely very high turnout.
Looks like Cantor's gonna keep his seat.
crap
Is it the hole on the left, or the one on the right?
Shit.
Yes, but will he get reelected? Ba-dump-bump…
that wasn't really in doubt was it?
No, that is a red, red district.
No, but it's nice to fantasize once in a while.
just heard on NPR – they might win, they might lose, they feel good.
Huh?
Someone will win, and someone will lose! And some of us will sing the blues. They must get paid big bucks for that kind of insight.
and no concession speech.
tool.
LET THE SPIN BEGIN!
Mitt and Paul can sit 'n' spin, as far as I'm concerned
I've been told I have to "take a hot shower and calm down" – brb!
Shouldn't that be a cold shower then?
My experience is that kitties are not too fond of showers, hot or cold. Just sayin'.
Is that a euphemism?
Nope. He's now pouring the wine, "because somebody's gotta do it."
wine shower. thumbzup.
Solves both problems elegantly.
nrp with the HUGE get: angus king from MAINE!
Sounds like a burger chain!
SO GLAD. Went to college in Maine. There are good, good people up there. I will love that place for the rest of my life.
Looks like vaginas are going to win Missouri Senate race. Suck it Akin. Yay!
A "legitimate" win!
I'm glad that Rich "Paula Abdul" Abdill is here.
Fuck. Florida just went pink again.
FL shows Barry at 48.X and Bott at 50.X.
aaaand blue again. I need more tequila.
NBC.com now has Barry 50% Mittbot 49%.
Jesus, Florida just make up your fucking mind already.
Hell, why should they start now?
As someone said yesterday: Florida is doing its best to be Florida again.
I'm just gonna upfist every comment on this blog. You all deserve it.
Just the comments? Sad face….
Commence drinking! And continue incessant worrying.
We should have watched this together. I need this on a tshirt!
Vagina-Americans just gave Missourah to McCaskill. Ahead by 7-8%.
Really? And truly?
Really and TRULY. Man, it's hard to find replies.
Fuck you, Todd Akin.(actually, NEVER fuck Todd akin. ewww)
Being a resident of Missouri by necessity and not by choice, it's nice to have something that makes my exile a little less unpleasant.
Awww…
Thanks for the sympathy, but *fingers crossed* I should be done with my program in 1-2 years, give or take a semester.
The vah vote!
Funny. 22 votes counted in Illinois. 11 for O, 11 for R, and already called for Barry.
I'm sweating like a Palin daughter who just realized that tampon box remains unopened for the 5th Sunday in-a-row.
Excellent analogy!
Hahahahha – great one!
Those bitches use pads.
Sperm diapers.
Shhh … Jesus is watching!
This is Library of Congress worthy.
Oh, holy shit I like this.
Oh, Mittborg, btw,I'm so glad we're both here tonight and may both be celebrating.
I am so proud of myself for convincing a girl in Colorado to vote when she wasn't going to. Swing states need to stick together (or something)!
Good job, Snowpoint!
She hasn't come back yet and she left a couple hours ago, I'm assuming long lines (well, and dinner) but once she does I'll mention how things were in Denver where she is.
You're doing God's work, no snark. I just gave tons and tons of cash, cause I realized people hate talking to me.
Liz Warren leading…
Ah yeah!
Good…I'ma quit wardancing for a spell…
Yay Liz! And Mourdock's still down in Indiana.
Oh, please baby baby baby please.
Her campaign has been gotv like a wild gotv campaign.
Wait, we were supposed to vote today? But I got a letter from the Republican Party that the election is tommorow.
I didn't know you spoke Spanish.
Anyone watching the NBC thing on Xbox? You get to vote on pointless polls as well as watch NBC "bore in" on things!
Apparently there's some Smart-Glass app thing too, but I don't see anything useful on my iPad.
Please refer to Chuck Todd in the proper Kings English – it's Fuck Toad.
You rang?
My boy Grayson. Looks good!
While you are waiting for more results, watch the sparks fly as red and blue go at it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FpjcOWwiI4&fe…
Bernie Sanders FTW!
God help me I can't get used to a teeny Al Sharpton.
FOX shows Romney ahead with a commanding lead…DO.NOT.TRUST
My man Bernie Sanders was reelected!
Love Bernie!
Fifty bucks very well spent!
Wish he was my Senator! Or that we had a few more like him!
Meep Meep!!
CNN called the Md Senate race for Ben Cardin, the incumbent. Two idiots who are bringing charges against each other were challenging him. Cardin break a sweat in this one.
I actually saw Bongino in person in Howard County a month ago at a senior fair(old people, not HS). Now if only Sobhani takes all of his damn signs down- then they can both go away
Wow, those two were suing each other? I only saw Bongino signs until a few days ago, when Sobhani's sign placers went fucknutz.
What is the drinking game rule for if we have a 269-269 tie?
Or if "unfaithful electors" from the Electoral College decide to put Jill Stein in the White House?
I'm taking a shot each time Romney wins a state. I'm shooting myself if the fucker wins it all.
Oh my. I'll be getting tear tattoos under both eyes if Mittens wins.
I'll be learning Dutch and packing…
I didn't know they speak Dutch in Canada.
Obama still leading in SC with 6% reporting. I guess things'll be changing soon…
I'm watching ABC where they are all just laughing laughing laughing, having a gay old time. OMG GUYS ELECTIONS ARE SO MUCH FUNZIES!!!
Aw, I'll just bet Kid Zoom is as adorable and funny as his old dad. Does he write a mean blog too?
Give him time, he will, he will…
Awesome Dr Jill Biden Tweet:
Richard Mourdock currently losing his Senate race is a gift from God. #Election2012
I felt that knife go in and twist, and I'm in St Louis
Good to see you, PubOption.
Grim faces over on Fox…
I can't yet bring myself to do it, but if it gets better for us here, I'm going to have to tune in.
IL FOR BAMZ!
Ohh…the kid switches to NPR, and I have to hide my naked lust for Gwen Ifil…
Fellow wonketeers: I'm drinking and my phone is the best computer in the house. Sorry for the forthcoming typos and fuckups.
Nothing says American like this bottle of Veuve Clicquot I'm enjoying…
We're on plain ol' Smoking Loon – which is pretty appropriate for tonight…
Angus King is a good guy. Don't worry about Angus. And, like Olympia Snowe's necklace/earring combos, he's had that moustache since about 1982.
But what is that "hasn't decided what party to caucus with"? Really?
I think he's just saying that to look independent.
Local news says voters will be in line until 10:00 in Prince William County, VA.
Same with Richland Co. in SC. Though the AP has called SC for Romney so some of those folks can just go home now.
I want to win the popular vote as well. Let's hope folks go away instead of voting for the mormonist but stay for the Bamz.
Florida ain't over till the red panhandle votes come in.
Let us meditate on this truth. Redneck Riviera!
Americas Taint.
Nice. I will remember and credit you for that.
NC is looking better than VA at the moment. WTF?
Bob Corker? Pfft. Give me Mike Crapo!
Anyone get the feeling they've been cheated. John Lydon/Floriduh.
Josh Mandel getting his boy scout ass kicked by Brown.
Obama wins Jersey! All because he made The Boss hug Chris Christie.
If anyone thought there was an enthusiasm problem, I dare them to watch a long line in 29-degree weather and still come away with that thought.
Hell, blue Austin in the middle of blood-red Texass had a huge turnout today. Our votes don't count for the White House or Congress, but we were there!
But local races are important too!
Someone hold the bucket – here comes my Newcastle. *nervousing*
Chris Murphy beat McMahon in CT.
The O man is now ahead by 14 EVs, behind by 60K popular vote
Chris Murphy beats the wrestling lady in Connecticut.
Thank the Lord.
Some liberal fanatic on CNN is already eulogizing Romney. Oh, wait: that's Bill O'Reilly on Fox. Angus King: please do good noble work in the Senate so twenty years from now, Owen Wilson can play you in an inspiring bio-pic.
Linda McMahon just blew 100 mill, will caucus with Carly Fiorina.
Her, Whitman and Fiorina can all go to Jamaica and get fucked.
Mitt projected winner in Georgia!
As goes Georgia, so goes Alabama.
I voted. And drove two people to the county Board of Elections HQ so they could cast affidavit ballots–they had been thrown off the rolls because the county said they were felons. Which they weren't. This is NY where we actually don't try to disenfranchise people on purpose. I can't imagine what kind of bullshit these folks would have gone through in FL or OH.
Oh, and I just fired up the Volcano. Man, am I baked.
Thanks for voting, Cheech!
Like Candy, I too am white knuckling it here in private.
Chuck Todd is bad at anecdotes.
Looking up in New Hampshire.
Holy fuck Virginia isn't looking good.
However, Ohio and Florida are looking good so I'm feeling okay about tonight still.
Yeah but in 2006 it looked like Allen until the very end, when the NOVA votes came in.
But 14% down? Argh.
9% now. Barry creeps up about every other refresh.
Don't lose hope! The northern VA votes come in last usually!
Is that Real Virginia?
Also, too, they're pausing the vote counts because there are still people lined up at the polls.
Don't look at the numbers. It's too close to call, meaning the only thing that matters is where the votes are coming in from. This is going tobe close.
Not looking good AT ALL.
The NoVA polling places are where the lines are the longest and probably won't start releasing results for another 4-6 hours.
Chill. The repub districts report early. Less to count.
CNN: Repeating sayings over and over is obviously useful!
We gotta play 'em one game at a time…
I'm so psyched – I only huffed BLUE markers today!!
I totally forgot I have markers. THANK YOU.
And yet you call yourself GREEN.
What is up with the NYT web page? Their coverage is glacial compared to the tee vee!
It takes a little longer to set the lead type before they print it out and offset print it and scan it to the web. Union rules, they say.
Is there a faster online site? This is making me crazy.
OK, "crazier"…
I've resorted to Huffpo
Affectionately known to the masses as "FluffPoo."
Yeah, I was thinking leave it to a fucking paper to have a morning and evening edition web page. Right now I want nanosecond trade granularity!
Ha! They're still working on having pictures appear with the story they pertain to.
I don't even bother with their iphone or ipad apps. Their web page has those beat, too.
BBC host to reporter in Chicago: "Why aren't you in a bar?"
Linda McMahon threw that match again. It's rigged, you know.
Ha ha, my (and Old Handsome Joe's) home state of Delaware was called for O at like 8:00:00.05.
It was heartening to see the EV totals for O jump up when the East Coast closed.
Now…. OHIO!
In re knuckles:
"You can believe in the power of music,
You can believe in the power of prayer,
But it's only the white of your knuckles
Keeping this plane in the air."
(Oysterband)
Good news for John McCain!! DERP!!
Has Rmoney announced yet which remote, tiny Alaskan island he's going to exile himself to after he loses?
The one called "Cayman."
The one that's going underwater from global warming. Next door to the one inhabited by Eaters of the Raw Flesh.
IT'S A LIE!
Wut?
And hopefully Paul Ryan will relocate to the Liberated Territories of Sahara, a place where his Objectivist/Libertarian ideology is truly in practice.
Nice to have a Democrat again in Liebersmeg's old seat.
mourdock in a bad way.
good!
Romney supporters here at work expecting their man to win in CA- where do they get such awesome weed?
Clearly we're going to have to waterboard them and find out.
WITH VOTES!
Shitfuckhelldamn. Let's get this shit on, bitches!
YES!
Alan Grayson up 62% w/ 26% counted
WHY does NPR insist on hiring matt continetti? he's terrible and can't even begin to hold his own against, well, anyone but certainly not ej dionne.
why am i posting this on wonkette and not NPR?
Because we're more likely to listen?
Because you can use all the motherfucking cocksucking adjectives you want?
Massachusetts for Obama, projects msnbc. Why can't Mittens win one of his home states?!??!
What is "Because they all know him" Alex?
Kolob totals: Romney: 48, Xenu: ∞
He was governor here just six years ago and may lose by 30 points. Go figure.
Because he's an evil dick?
Well I just hope the media makes as big a deal out of this as they did when Al Gore lost Tennessee. I'm sure they will.
This situation calls for something Serious. Stand back, everybody:
Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu Pony R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
Do not summon, what thou cannot banish!
thanks CR.
i need distraction.
Distraction, you say? Okay!
It seriously took CNN 42 minutes to project Alabama? Did their computers break?
They know who won Ohio and Florida, but also know we'll quit watching if they tell us. Their own damn fault with all this Electoral College count-count scenario stuff.
50.7 to 48.5 BRONCO in FLA w/ 35% counted
Good news only, please. Are you trying to kill me (by talking about votes)?
Would y'all stop posting so fast? I'm also downloading bootleg porn and it takes forever for my screen to refresh.
Thats why I early downloaded.
Are you still watching that old *Nailin Palin* pron??!!1!
What's happening? I am scared and alone. And I am a recovering addict so can not drink or smoke or take, and probably have no business being on this site.
We offer hugs, free of charge.
And positive news updates too, right?
Should we lie?
We'll try!
Yeah!
Welcome, hon.
No, this is exactly where you need to be. With all of us.
Well said, C-R!
That's the way it is.
I love you all so much. You sweet, crazy maniacs, you.
(tokes deep) Wut?
it is better to not drink or smoke or take with humor and like political views.
You're not alone any longer, Miss Nancy….you're among friends now!
I'm alone, and doing all those things. Wonkette will provide. You're among friends,
So glad to know you're here! (And shit fire, I hate dealing with my anxieties in any sort of healthy way too. But it can be done.)
O ahead by 200K+ votes in Ohio with 21% in…
Maybe I can stop jerking clumps of my hair out now.
Bless you, Beeblebrox.
Historic turnout in VA reported, extended hours due to long lines. Gonna take a while to get reporting from the big districts.
Especially from the DC suburbs, they're saying. I live in Richmond and it took me about five minutes to vote at 7am.
Loudoun County (tiny town) – 9 AM, no line, less than 5 minutes.
I did hear there was about a 66% turnout in my little teensy weensy district.
Gahhd dammit. Now even BBC is doing Cartoon-o-Graphics
And this surprises you why? They introduced the swingometer in 1955.
Ha!
Flipping among PBS, CNN, MSNBC and Fox. Honestly, swirling chyrons, graphics, flashing numbers–I'm gong to get a migrane.
White knuckling it here in privates. Thinking the political gamble of saving the auto industry was the signature move of Obama's first term. He won (Crossing fingers, toes, knees, elbows, testicles, etc.).
Any word on the gay marriage ballots, fellow Wonketteers?
Polls still open in Washington, so no results yet.
Blood pressure shot to hell.
Right there with you.
Hi, beloved ones! May everyone find a liberal senator in their stocking tomorrow am! Now I'm off to party withe the ELIZABETHMUTHERFUCKINWARREN posse and hope to be to busy congratulating everyone to check back in before I'm too drunk to check back in. Love to all!
Woooo! Awesome for you!
Outstanding! Give everybody Terrorist Fist-Bumps for us.
Unfortunately, we'll most likely get Teabagger Ted Cruz here in Tejas. Oh, well.
Well, fuck.
Woot! from the land of Larry Craig.
Ours is blue dog cracker Bill Nelson, but he'll do.
YAY! Give our brand new Senator a big hug and a kiss from all us hopelessly fapping lechers!
I love all you people. Vicodin will do that.
Whatever you do, don't snort it.
Ew.
Polls closing in Wisconsin, Minnesota and New York in 10 minutes. Go Blue!
Don't say that too loud in Ohio, they'll take it the wrong way.
Linda McMahon is TOAST!
Is that bad for Obama? I know that he and she were running-together.
This may be off-topic, but I need to understand; why is it that so many white people I know, as neighbors, colleagues, relatives, are wonderful people whom you could trust with your life, but who nevertheless are rabidly antipathic to Barack Obama? Seriously, it seems to me, that we need to understand this. I am genuinely befuddled.
as soon as i understand this from my mother i'll let you know.
Blah. Look at them funny. They're racists.
Are you white? If you are, get one of your black friends to introduce him/herself as their neighbor and see what happens.
They're a bit racist.
Why the fuck does the NY Times bother painting MI pink with less than 1% reporting, from OAKLAND COUNTY? My old home State, my old County, also home to Willard's prep school………white people, mostly.
My kin in Oakland county voted for Obama, but they're lonely
Mine did too and many of my old friends along with them. But not sure how my 85 year-old dad voted. He is still worked up about gay weddings even though he can't stand Romney….
BOLD VERY SERIOUS PREDICTION TIME: Ed Gillespie predicts VA for Romney. Ed Gillespie is never wrong.
Ed Gillespie has a Nazi haircut.
'Cept for today, of course, now that Obama is leading Mittens by nearly 2 points in VA. WOOT!!
Ha! I hit the 3:45 window and voted w/ no hassles. The workers told me we had a great turn-out.
Those darned Blahs are going to give NC to O'Bama!
I can haz celebratory endzone dance yet?
Medical marijuana is stomping in Massachusetts, at 64%. Ya know, my back is killing me…
I took a hit for you, brother!
No joke, weed is the only thing that soothes my bouts of anxiety.
CNN reporting 4 hour long lines in Virginia. Thanks for closing all those polling places, guys…
Va has an asshole for a governor and another one for attorney general, but it also has a lot of African-Americans who are determined to vote and a lot of Dems of various sorts in NoVa. Hopefully, they can prevent the assholes from skewing things.
#stayinline is going to end up trending on twitter soon if it hasn't already. Virginia literally may come down to people standing outside in the cold.
turn tee vee off wonkados, sip beverages slowly, keep the one hitter near by, with teh NPR
Silly, baseball season is over!
I think I might need to step away from the TV for a few hours so I don't have a nervous breakdown. It's still early here in my nice liberal bubble, San Francisco.
vigo county IN – the apparent fucking presidential oracle of delphi since 1956 – trending for bamz.
It's over and Barry has won. We gots the Senate, too. Now it's just the networks trying to keep viewers.
Blind pig, acorn, etc.
oh oblios details please!
I'm in Flor-i-duh, and we're doing fine.
Well I thought I had the stomach for this but I guess I don't. I will rejoin in a few hours when the die is more cast. Until then I wish all our fine Democratic candidates luck and a hope that every Wonketteer gets laid tonight.
doc i hope you're making kid zoom get back on the phone for bamz. only a few more hours i hear.
Did I mention that people think I look like Daniel Craig?
Hubba hubba!
Get a tailored tux pronto.
Hot?
That's what they think.
Not that they ever actually say it, but I can tell, that's what they're thinking.
George Will should stick to analyzing Baseball. No wait, he sucks at that too.
Wouldnt it be ironic if FL came down to those people still staying in line.
I forgot my wallet this morning when going to vote. I offered to go back to my house, next door to my polling place, but since I'm in a blue state and was registered for a while, they said no problemo.
The privileges of being white. (Seriously.)
I'm sure that's part of it, but in my neighborhood I have plenty of neighbors of all colors, most of whom make more than me. Money, the great leveler.BTW, I am in love with your handle and avatar. Very cute.
Dawww. My handle is nothing clever – my initials are MLM.
My piggie is definitely flying – looks like a half-black Muslim Kenyan socialist can win the presidency – TWICE!
That's what I figured, but it still requires a bit of panache to spell it out like that.Go Bamz
So much white-knuckling!
C'mon, blue electoral votes. Come to mama…
I haven't eaten ALL DAY. Taking nourishment in the form of tonic water and Jägermeister right now.
Diet Dr. Pepper and gin will also do in a pinch.
Never tried that combo, is it good?
Other old people suck!
and wear funny clothes with flags and eagles
If Obama wins tonight, does that mean tomorrow is the launch of unskewedelectoralcollege.com?
Faithless electors rock!
And now is the time in the show where we see the Election Night Special!
Michigan on the NYT site is leaning blue. How can any of the auto workers vote for Romney?
Awesome Tweet:
Dick Morris @DickMorrisTweet
#election2012 60% of Florida in, down by 2. worried
Suck it, sir. I said, suck it!
TOES!!!!
Does anyone know the geography of the penis?
Yes, the capitol is Tallahassee.
Hee hee hee. Reminded me of my favourite cartoon from 2000.
Maybe Nate Silver and scientific methodology will survive this intact.
@KrystalBall1
FYI – Tammy Duckworth is kicking ass!
Have Wisconsin polls closed?
Yep O by 10
Given that she has no legs, that IS impressive!
Polls closing in my home states of MN and WI. If they don't go blue I'm gonna be so frickin pissed.
Just looked at NPR. Rmoney 88 electoral votes, Barry 65. :-(
Dude, it's the red states that R-Money was projected to win. O's going to go behind at first.
they just are calling some mid-wests for O.
Romney is just winning the shit States, right?
Absolutely, get yer towel out and Don't Panic!
Good news for the Obama campaign. CNN's Peter Hamby tells Candy Crowley that the Romney campaign's most recent internal polling showed President Obama up by five in the crucial swing state of Ohio.
NPR has a nice summary table on its website: http://election2012.npr.org/bigboard/president.ht…
Fuck me, this is going to take hours, I'll be shitfaced if I keep up this rate. I think I'm gonna take a break.
In the words of Body by Jake, "Don't Quit"
New York! Michigan!
Michigan already called for Obama!
Another state where Romney lived that hates him!
Yes, but what height are the trees?
Bazinga!
To know him is to loathe him!
MICHIGAN!!! GO BLUE!!!
Literally!
Let Detroit go bankrupt, suck it Romney.
WELL DONE BLUE!
CNN calls Michigan for Obama already, which is an hour faster than Mississippi.
Florida continues to tease. Motherfucker
Michigan for Obama!!! You know what they say, as goes Detroit, so goes the nation, eventually. You people are all fucked just like me mwahahahaha.
w00t! Suck your own fucking machine gun, Nugent!
The reason could have been something about suggesting that Detroit go bankrupt, but that's just a guess.
Yeah, I think he figured out how stupid a thing to say that was after the primary here.
Let Detroit go bankrupt. Sorry Willard you're 0 for 2 in home states.
Bill O'Reilly is already getting the excuses ready if Romney loses the election — O'Reilly already blaming a potential Romney loss on Hurricane Sandy. That's good, friends.
ok ok im here…and nervous as hell who wants to get me a beer!!!!! I CANT TAKE THIS…TOO MANY STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!
NBC calls Massachusetts for Elizabeth Warren (D). She replaces Sen. Scott Brown (R).
Woohoo! That's big, and wasn't certain by any means. What a relief.
Yeah my votes counts!
so is it "happy trails to you" for brown?
…exhales…
well, that's one down.
Hey! Just got here. Anything happening yet?
Many of us are Drunk. Some have pants on.
Many of us are pants. Some have drunks on.
Looks like I'm in the right place! So why can't I figger out how to refresh this dang thing? Everything is all crazy! Or maybe it's my pants-less drunkenness.
Try F5
drinking pants
I'm already low on rum! This shit sucks!
@TNYJohnCassidy
NBC calls Massachusetts for Elizabeth Warren (D). She replaces Sen. Scott Brown (R).
Thank you, Jesus
CNN projects Republicans keep control of the House. In other news, the sky is blue.
chuck todd just spoke about florida for 2 or 3 minutes and I'm pretty sure he didn't finish a sentence.
I've got a brand new waterbed
filled up with Elmer's Glue.
So baby, why don't we get drunk and screw?
WTF Ohio and PA , come on. These drugs won't last forever you know!
Penna is going for Barry
CNN and Huffpo haven't called it
CNN exits show Wisconsin for Obama 52%.
we already knew but: GOP will keep the House, CNN says
God Damn the TeaTards!
It's still daylight in Va, according to CBS. WTF?
Florida is so freaking close. I can't breathe.
Chuck Todd just drew the world's biggest cock ring on Florida.
Also: Obama up 180,325 with 27% counted in Ohio. I'm proud of my state right now.
If Ohio goes for Obama, I promise not to grumble under my breath the whole time I'm driving on the Ohio Turnpike
Bronco GAINING in Ohio. 54.8% w/ 7% counted
FL is going down to the wire again. Let's hope it's irrelevant, so the vote count isn't 5-4
PENNSYLVANIA!!!!
Obama wins PA. Republican fools gold.
Did Warren really just take Teddy's seat back? Yesssss! Here's hoping she keeps it as long as he did, unless by some miracle she makes it to the White House in our lifetimes.
Announcement! New Livebloog is UP, people!
PA just called for O. What was that about Romentum in PA?
I cannot believe my whole life is coming down to what Cleveland does. Way to go Pennsylvania! God this night is taking forever.
PA is looking muthah fuckin tiz-zight! Casey won in a blowout.
We're been waiting so long
We're been waiting so long
We're been waiting for the sun to rise and shine
Shining still
Give us the Will.
I'm here to tell you I've made my choice.
Just one Victory and we're on our way.
O won PA. Go my peeps!
For reals?
oh,yeah!
Dang!
Pennsyl-fuckin-vania What a wasted head fake.
Said the same fucking thing to my friend just the other day.
Klobachar!
Jesus, the NBC million flag kaleidoscope makes me woozy.
romney 49.6 to 49.5 in FLA, 62% counted
Well, hell…
Which was is the Supreme Court Leaning with their infinite Electoral College votes?
I hate to be critical, but I believe that our editrix et. al. are inebriated.
I'm doing my best!
Who isn't?
Let's hope so.
Penna: 68% for Obama so far! My cousin up there says that the local stations are calling it for Obama
Can't decide: CNN's fancy map skills, or Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow's witty retorts and willingness to call Romney a liar??? Choices, choices…
"Leans Obama" . So he's won those.
Oh?
F'ing Macaca Allen is leading in Va
Don't buy it. Kaine outperforming Bronco — and the polls all show about a tie for Romney/Obama in VA.
Apparently the Latinos don't like the Mormons either!
I think I'm too old for this shit…
Aren't you, like, 21?
23, thank you VERY much…
Jesus, a fucking BABY spring chicken.
Hey, now! No ageist bushwa, IF you please.
I'm exactly as old as I should be. As are you.
Obama's got Wisconsin!
Where's Actor? Already passed out?
That's it. I'm moving to Florida.
WI goes O, like I told tonights doorknocker it would, after I gave him a beer!
Willard has about won all the states that he's going to. Stick a fork in the bastard.
Lets hope so. I'm sick of him leading in the electoral count.
Go Vols!!
The tip of FL is getting ready to Cum all over us – with votes!
Is there any show doing Muppets as commentators? 'Cause I suddenly think that would be awesome.
Interesting local aside in Pa.: Not only did O and Casey sweep, but a Democrat with an unhealthy curiosity about Tom Corbett's Sandusky investigation just won attorney general.
THANK YOU!!
Couldn't stand to wait any longer, broke into the champagne to calm my nerves.
"What are the voters telling us?"
Willard sucks!
Say hello, again, to Representative Grayson!
Invasive procedures for $200 Alex.
Wonkette, I say goodbye for a few hours to stimulate the local stripper economy and hopefully celebrate in an hour or two when I can divert my gaze to the tv above the bar.
Cheers, ya bastards.
Warren Wins!!
Pennsylvania for Barry! All my Hunky relatives in the coal towns near Altoona and Johnstown are whooping it up!
New blog up, folks….
In Maryland, the Dream Act is winning with 68% of the vote! Yay! Same sex marriage is up at 55%!
Congrats Senator-elect Warren — one more step toward equal representation of women in the Senate.
I'm starting to think our Kenyan Overlord is going to be around to give the Tea People something to shout about for another four years.
But, I could be wrong. They very well could continue to shout at him for decades to come.
Coming in late, intertoobs wouldn't let me comment last night. It's times like this that I'm sorry I quit smoking. A Camel would go good right about now, considering the fucking we just gave Mittens.
Oh yes. YES!
But not on either one of us.
But for the nba players going to Europe isn't returning home where you can get good pickled herring or borcht like babushka made.
Gotta pace yourself, my friend- hang in there! Fuck, I have to be on a “science advisory panel” at my kid's school tomorrow night, so I can't get crazy tonight or I will look and feel worse tomorrow.
It's been featured in the paper since then, it seems more popular now. I don't remember the Mexican place but I remember the Long John Silver's.
Half the time I just go to C's because we know the owners though… (why are we talking about places to eat and drink in Huber Heights on an election blog— oh right we're waiting for important numbers which are only trickling in)
If you need on-topic things look good in Ohio for Obama so far!
I was only thinking of the other home for hockey players, eh.
Cantor at least is just an asshole, not nuts; and assuming the Reps keep the house (which they probably will, but with a slimmer margin) he may be preparing to shiv Boehner for the speakership.
You'd better prepare 2 talks, in case of new overlords. 1: Science is how we know what's true; 2: Science is for fools too dumb to be businessmen.
Rilly. It's an economic engine, or it's a job killer!
I bet he would be awful in the sack. Selfish and self-involved.
True story: long ago, like in the 90s, I had this joke that my terrorist name was Emm el-Emm. (Get it?) After 9/11, that didn't seem quite as funny.
Now, though, I just use the whole thing run together for a username on most/many sites because it's usually not taken.
yeah, I tell people I join wires together with Moqtadr Al-SolderI wanted to name our son Zubenelgenubi (the right claw of the scorpion), but his mom said no..
Cantor's constituents are just like him. They got daddy's money & the smug attitude that comes with it. But they're not nuts.
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