LOST IN THE FLOOD  6:28 pm November 6, 2012

Chris Christie Literally Weeping Over Beauty Of His Forbidden Boss Love

by Rich Abdill

Chris Christie posts suck in traffic like a nipple slipChris Christie, he of the New Jersey governorship, the tough-talkin’, Romney-snubbin’, bum-fightin’ sonofagun who won’t apologize for a damn thing, thank you, has been ensaddened. He loves Bruce Springsteen, you see. He lurves him. He luffs him.

But Springsteen doth not return the affection, for Springsteen is a Liberal, and Christie is not. It’s the early draft of a Chris Marlowe play, it really is. And now, after a simmering feud, a hurricane, and one beautiful, conciliatory phone call, it enters its fifth act.

Chris Christie and Bruce Springsteen are friends.

We brought you some details of Christie’s unrequited affections (and 129 concert trips) back in June, when The Atlantic explained it to us:

Despite heroic efforts by Christie, Springsteen, who is still a New Jersey resident, will not talk to him. They’ve met twice—once on an airplane in 1999, and then at the 2010 ceremony inducting Danny DeVito into the New Jersey Hall of Fame, where they exchanged only formal pleasantries. (Christie does say that Springsteen was very kind to his children.) At concerts, even concerts in club-size venues—the Stone Pony, in Asbury Park, most recently—Springsteen won’t acknowledge the governor.

But things were warming. Slowly, reluctantly, like the first hints of spring after a long, political winter. Until Hurricane Sandy arrived, and New Jersey needed both the Boss and the Sloth, to pull itself up from the waves. And the wavering chill burst forth into glorious bloom.

Christie recalled meeting Springsteen three days earlier at the benefit concert.

“We hugged,” Christie said. “He told me it’s official: We’re friends. I told the president today, actually, that the hug was great and when we got home, there was a lot of weeping because of the hug. And the president asked why. I said, ‘Well, to be honest, I was the one doing the weeping.’”

What a story. What a beautiful whirlwind, which will be ruined when Christie tries to use “Born to Run” for his presidential run in 2016, and Springsteen says he can only use “The Angel,” then endorses Gov. Martin O’Malley.

At least we can enjoy it until then. [Boston Globe]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 122 comments }

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

There is no doubt in my mind that Christie is Springsteen's BIGGEST fan.

Nostrildamus November 6, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Perhaps even a majority (by weighted average).

An Asexual Ungulate November 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I don't know… there must be at least one reclusive man-whale who's a big fan of The Boss. The sort of person who has a heart attack and must be cut out of his house and loaded on a flat bed to make the trip to the hospital.

So, basically, Christie + 20 pounds or so.

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Then how the fuck does he turn into a dickhead republican? I bet he is the type of person that likes the beat, but ignores the lyrics, the fat bastard.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

So, is Christie gonna go Huffington and become a liberal? Because that would rule. Even better if he came out.

rickmaci November 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I would be happy if Christie just decided to be a throwback Republican, a la, Eisenhower, Rockefeller, Dirksen, even for godsakes Nixon and Goldwater.

An Asexual Ungulate November 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Christie? A LESBIAN?

I could see it. Oh god, oh GOD! I CAN SEE IT! NO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU _DONE_???

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I feel a little soiled.

kingofmeh November 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

imagine how springsteen feels, what with trying to get the ham sweat off of his clothes.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Oh, is it just me, or is Bruce Springsteen kind of unlistenable? I mean, I really hate his voice.

OK, it's just me.

Fred_Wertham_Jr November 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

It's not just you.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

His stuff has always been kinda meh to me; I won't change the station when a Bruce song comes on, but neither do I own any of his albums.

I'm just glad Rick Scott doesn't feel the same way about Tom Petty that Chris lurvs Bruce. That would be gross.

Isyaignert November 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Tm Petty proved you don't have to be pretty to rock 'n' roll and that you don't have to live like a refugee.

Dashboard Buddha November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Same here. And it's not so much the voice as the over emoting. Crivens, I bet the dude could bust a vein singing happy birthday.

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

You sir have no soul.

M. Bouffant November 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Neither does B.S. He is the illusion of rock & roll, a sort of Broadway version.

Limeylizzie November 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Nope, not just you, I also can't listen to Dylan.

Steverino247 November 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Except just before Roger Waters starts The Wall. That much Dylan I can take.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

THIS!

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

And another! To think I liked you!

Limeylizzie November 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Sorry, SorosBot, I just can't get into those voices, but I adore Bobby Darin!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Some people, I tell ya. Afraid of a little rasp. Ya think you know someone…

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

His lyrics are good; but yeah he sounds like he gargled the Drano.

M. Bouffant November 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

No, B.S. is unlistenable, & it's not just the voice.

Nothing good out of Jersey since the Four Seasons, really.

FlipFlopFuck November 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Christie could just eat 'em up.

iburl November 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Born to Run? More like Pork to Bun.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

As usual the libtard has to be the (figuratively) bigger guy.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Sounds like he's got Boehner syndrome. If he turns orange he's going to need to be put down.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

We're gonna need a bigger bolt gun.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

How about that compressed-air cattle-killer Anton Chigurz (Javier Bardem) used in "No Country for Old Men"? (I mean, with votes of course)

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm

So after so long being unable to start his fire without a spark, Christie is no longer dancing in the dark.

iburl November 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

He is, however, still eating on the toilet.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

They take care of their own.

Isyaignert November 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

But, he was born in the USA.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I *SO* do not want to think about that album title in this context…

rickmaci November 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

bad bad kitty.

Texan_Bulldog November 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

A bit OT but is anyone freaking out about the results yet? I am–I just know those dick Republicans are going to find a way to steal this shit. Okay, I've been reading too much Sully. Breathe….

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Yes. They have no problem heisting elections. And they get away with it.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

What results? Obama's up 2-1 in New Hampshire, with 100 votes in. He's losing 2-1 in Indiana and Kentucky, because, duh.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I certainly am. My bf is threatening to sedate me if I don't stop swearing at the top of my lungs.

Steverino247 November 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Can you listen to the Ramones if not Dylan, Springsteen or Petty?

I Want to Be Sedated…

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I don't want to be sedated. I want Bamz to freekin' WIN. *NOW*. Right NOW. DO YOU HEAR ME? NOW!!!

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

OK. I'm better now. For the time being.

Limeylizzie November 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

MrLimeyLizzie got worried that I would be arrested during the Bush years because I used to scream threats at him every time I heard him on the TeeVee.

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm

My grandfather was thrown in jail once because he got extremely drunk and started yelling shit about Trujillo. That's how my entire family became leftists.

Isyaignert November 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

It's called "Republicon Tourettes" and it's been an epidemic ever since 2000.

SexySmurf November 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Calm down; they're Republicans, not evil geniuses.

Well, they're not geniuses, at least.

NellCote71 November 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

I am with you, Texas Bulldog, more nervous than a whore in church.

smokefilledroommate November 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I imagine Christie taking the place of Courtney Cox in the Dancing in the Dark video.

♫♪Hey, Baby! ♪♫
(and then Christie smiles, drops his ice cream cone and tries to hoist himself up onstage)

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Did he scream like a chick at a Beatles concert?

Dashboard Buddha November 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

No, but he was crushed like a beetle by the dominatrix chick.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 6, 2012 at 6:47 pm

So Christie got Beiber in one of those big Republican tents?

AngryBlakGuy November 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

…considering the Republican parties proclivity to young prepubescent teens boys, I feel sorry for the Beib!

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Hahahahahahahaha….

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

It was Menudo. He yelled so much that he passed out and had to be evacuated.

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I bet Springsteen was weeping when he got home too. Weeping and scrubbing hisself.

MissTaken November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

there was a lot of weeping because of the hug. And the president asked why. I said, ‘Well, to be honest, I was the one doing the weeping.

Actually, Springsteen wept, too. Having 5 of your ribs crushed will do that to you.

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

"Time to renew that restraining order".

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Jersey loves Bruce so much, they actually considered making Born to Run the state song for a time. This, a song that describes the state with: "Baby this town rips the bones from your back / Its a death trap, it's a suicide rap We gotta get out while were young".

I mean, it's accurate, but I thunk most states want a song that makes them look good.

FeloniousMonk November 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Well, Kentucky sure does.

YouBetcha November 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Christie-Boss porn? I'd watch.

Not_So_Much November 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Christie v. O'Malley in 2016 would be awesome! That would be 'Rhetoric We Can Believe In!'

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

OT, but it looks like Indiana and KY are going to go to Romney. Eeek!

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Well, hardly unexpected…

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Nate Silver had those as 90+ percent chance of Romney win. Not an issue.

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I hope the Rmoney down vote doesn't extend to Todd Akin.

WordSaladNation November 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

1. "Tunnel of Love" is my favorite Springsteen album, and I'm not afraid to say it. The title track — even with its horrible electronic drums and Patti's screeching backing vocals — is perfect.

2. Someone (me) is stress eating cookies from Whole Foods, drinking red wine, and watching "Law & Order" while waiting for election returns. Could we have a liveblog?

Steverino247 November 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Doink Doink!

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Semifreddi's chocolate-dipped biscotti and whatever potables i can find.

Limeylizzie November 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Someone hold me, i am terrified that Mittens could be Prez.

MissTaken November 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Hugs! The states with edubikated libtards haven't closed yet.

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Though it starts in just a few minutes, with polls closing in some states at 7PM EST; including Florida and Virginia.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/06/what-tim

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm

NJ just extended voting dl to Friday.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

You women, always worried about your lady things….Focus on the glorious wars we'll have! Lockheed Martin's HR department has got 50 Monster.com listings, just waiting for the right concession speech so they can hit Send.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I'm jotting down notes for my Articles of Secession…just in case…

NellCote71 November 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm

My bags are packed for Italy.

weejee November 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Instead of Boss Hogg, we have the Boss and the hog? This could be a True Grits saga moved north of the Mason Dixon line.

oldswede November 6, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Boss Hogg? I'd go with Governor Crisco as a handle.
oldswede

Limeylizzie November 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I have never been to Indiana, is it vile and racisty? They are loving Mittens.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Corn-fed rubes. Except for those who aren't, of course.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Yes. Indiana was the home of the rebirth of the Ku Klux Klan in the early 20th century. It's Kentucky without horse racing or bluegrass music.

TaggWatchesYou November 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

It is the most racisty.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

well i once drove the length of IN for an audition (and god it's HUGELY long) right on the kentucky border.

we stopped at a rest / convenience store. they carried a bass (fish) wine holder and weeping plastic indian holding an american flag. i have pictures.

WordSaladNation November 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

What did you audition for? Do you work in the porn industry?

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 7:35 pm

kinda of! shakespeare in a former utopian community on the banks of a river with a huge gambling industry.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I've visited for work a couple of times, my observation was that the bootprint of Jesus laid heavily upon the land.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Yes.

An_Outhouse November 6, 2012 at 7:35 pm

home of the modern kkk – and i don't mean happy brazilians.

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Gods I am scared.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Fuck the world, me too. The assholes that vote for those assholes deserve those assholes. We, whom despise those assholes, do not deserve those assholes.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Put your faith in arithmetic. The polls are sometimes a wee bit off, but rarely enough to worry about.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

LOL OK, my bf made me laff by sending me this:
http://towleroad.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c730253e

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

LOL. Awesome.

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

That's priceless.

coolhandnuke November 6, 2012 at 6:56 pm

There's a big Asssssbury Park joke in there somewhere.

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Yes. I am quaffing my birthday champagne and worrying.

Aridzona November 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

The Boss and the Sloth — you made coffee come out of my nose! Good one.

Donner, Party of 1 November 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

It unnerves me a little that New Jersey would elect a 13 year old to the highest office in the state.

rickmaci November 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Another Nobel Peace Prize nomination for Bamster, on the way.

docterry6973 November 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

He might deserve it more than he did the first.

kittensdontlie November 6, 2012 at 7:01 pm

"The course of true love, never did run smooth."–Shakespeare

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 7:01 pm

it’s the early draft of a Chris Marlowe play

'massacre at paris' or 'the jew of malta'?

synykyl November 6, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Christie deserved the hug. I'm not ready to vote for him, but he did right by the people of NJ in this case. Credit where credit is due.

MommysFetusJar November 6, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Agreed. He didn't use the moment to shill for Romney; he took care of his constituents while telling Fox & Co, to suck a big one… he had work to do. Bravo. Someone get that man a sammich!

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Abso-fucking-lutely. He has worked his ass off for NJ. Even though Sandy made landfall in NJ, it's doing a LOT better than NY, which is now fucking evacuating peeps again.

red_kira November 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

It's "Pride & Prejudice!" It's "Romeo and Juliet!" It's… making me throw up in my mouth, a little.

red_kira November 6, 2012 at 7:06 pm

"He told me it’s official: We’re friends." We're, like, going to hang out after gym class Monday, and he is soooooooooo coming to my party? And bringing beers? He is sooooooooooooooo dreamy! I hope my mom doesn't FREAK. OUT!

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 7:09 pm

With friends like Christie, who needs enemas?

docterry6973 November 6, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I find it just a tiny bit creepy that a Governor and possible presidential candidate is a screaming teen-like fan of a rock star.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Uh, doc? Eric Cantor? BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS. At least Christie has TASTE.

ETA: As a screaming teen-like fan of a dead rock star AND an Ancient Oldz, I resemble your remark.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Goddamn, y'all some COLD-hearted motherfuckas. It's great to be here.

ffredpalakon November 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

If only a unicorn was involved in all this magical love, it could be a Taylor Swift song.

Kid_Charlemagne November 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

In the day he sweats it out on the streets of a runaway American appetite.

Nostrildamus November 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

If Christie and Springsteen make a John-and-Yoko style album cover, I'm not buying it.

NellCote71 November 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Annie Leibovitz libel.

Designer_Rants November 6, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Keep it up, Abdill, and I'll be saying "He luffs him", referring to myself in third person regarding my feelings toward you. #SoundsScaryOnReread.

An_Outhouse November 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm

the president lives at christie's house?

CindynEncinitas November 6, 2012 at 7:33 pm

This is really worth some Blingee, people! Come on!

Canmon November 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

He ain't a beauty, but hey…

DesertTed November 6, 2012 at 8:34 pm

If Springsteen has a word with two F's for Christie I don't think it's luff.

Indiepalin November 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Everybody loves a hungry fart…oops wait. Did somebody already say that? Sorry, I just flew in from Houston.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:34 am

Jeez Guv, get a fucking life!

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