lost in the flood

Chris Christie Literally Weeping Over Beauty Of His Forbidden Boss Love

Chris Christie posts suck in traffic like a nipple slipChris Christie, he of the New Jersey governorship, the tough-talkin’, Romney-snubbin’, bum-fightin’ sonofagun who won’t apologize for a damn thing, thank you, has been ensaddened. He loves Bruce Springsteen, you see. He lurves him. He luffs him.

But Springsteen doth not return the affection, for Springsteen is a Liberal, and Christie is not. It’s the early draft of a Chris Marlowe play, it really is. And now, after a simmering feud, a hurricane, and one beautiful, conciliatory phone call, it enters its fifth act.

Chris Christie and Bruce Springsteen are friends.

We brought you some details of Christie’s unrequited affections (and 129 concert trips) back in June, when The Atlantic explained it to us:

Despite heroic efforts by Christie, Springsteen, who is still a New Jersey resident, will not talk to him. They’ve met twice—once on an airplane in 1999, and then at the 2010 ceremony inducting Danny DeVito into the New Jersey Hall of Fame, where they exchanged only formal pleasantries. (Christie does say that Springsteen was very kind to his children.) At concerts, even concerts in club-size venues—the Stone Pony, in Asbury Park, most recently—Springsteen won’t acknowledge the governor.

But things were warming. Slowly, reluctantly, like the first hints of spring after a long, political winter. Until Hurricane Sandy arrived, and New Jersey needed both the Boss and the Sloth, to pull itself up from the waves. And the wavering chill burst forth into glorious bloom.

Christie recalled meeting Springsteen three days earlier at the benefit concert.

“We hugged,” Christie said. “He told me it’s official: We’re friends. I told the president today, actually, that the hug was great and when we got home, there was a lot of weeping because of the hug. And the president asked why. I said, ‘Well, to be honest, I was the one doing the weeping.’”

What a story. What a beautiful whirlwind, which will be ruined when Christie tries to use “Born to Run” for his presidential run in 2016, and Springsteen says he can only use “The Angel,” then endorses Gov. Martin O’Malley.

At least we can enjoy it until then. [Boston Globe]

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  • Barbara_

    There is no doubt in my mind that Christie is Springsteen's BIGGEST fan.

    • Nostrildamus

      Perhaps even a majority (by weighted average).

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      I don't know… there must be at least one reclusive man-whale who's a big fan of The Boss. The sort of person who has a heart attack and must be cut out of his house and loaded on a flat bed to make the trip to the hospital.

      So, basically, Christie + 20 pounds or so.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Then how the fuck does he turn into a dickhead republican? I bet he is the type of person that likes the beat, but ignores the lyrics, the fat bastard.

  • Lazy Media

    So, is Christie gonna go Huffington and become a liberal? Because that would rule. Even better if he came out.

    • rickmaci

      I would be happy if Christie just decided to be a throwback Republican, a la, Eisenhower, Rockefeller, Dirksen, even for godsakes Nixon and Goldwater.

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      Christie? A LESBIAN?

      I could see it. Oh god, oh GOD! I CAN SEE IT! NO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU _DONE_???

  • freakishlywrong

    I feel a little soiled.

    • kingofmeh

      imagine how springsteen feels, what with trying to get the ham sweat off of his clothes.

  • Lazy Media

    Oh, is it just me, or is Bruce Springsteen kind of unlistenable? I mean, I really hate his voice.

    OK, it's just me.

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      It's not just you.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      His stuff has always been kinda meh to me; I won't change the station when a Bruce song comes on, but neither do I own any of his albums.

      I'm just glad Rick Scott doesn't feel the same way about Tom Petty that Chris lurvs Bruce. That would be gross.

      • Isyaignert

        Tm Petty proved you don't have to be pretty to rock 'n' roll and that you don't have to live like a refugee.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Same here. And it's not so much the voice as the over emoting. Crivens, I bet the dude could bust a vein singing happy birthday.

    • SorosBot

      You sir have no soul.

      • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

        Neither does B.S. He is the illusion of rock & roll, a sort of Broadway version.

    • Limeylizzie

      Nope, not just you, I also can't listen to Dylan.

      • Steverino247

        Except just before Roger Waters starts The Wall. That much Dylan I can take.

      • Lazy Media

        THIS!

      • SorosBot

        And another! To think I liked you!

        • Limeylizzie

          Sorry, SorosBot, I just can't get into those voices, but I adore Bobby Darin!

        • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

          Some people, I tell ya. Afraid of a little rasp. Ya think you know someone…

    • TootsStansbury

      His lyrics are good; but yeah he sounds like he gargled the Drano.

    • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

      No, B.S. is unlistenable, & it's not just the voice.

      Nothing good out of Jersey since the Four Seasons, really.

  • FlipFlopFuck

    Christie could just eat 'em up.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Born to Run? More like Pork to Bun.

  • freakishlywrong

    As usual the libtard has to be the (figuratively) bigger guy.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Sounds like he's got Boehner syndrome. If he turns orange he's going to need to be put down.

    • Lazy Media

      We're gonna need a bigger bolt gun.

      • Lot_49

        How about that compressed-air cattle-killer Anton Chigurz (Javier Bardem) used in "No Country for Old Men"? (I mean, with votes of course)

  • SorosBot

    So after so long being unable to start his fire without a spark, Christie is no longer dancing in the dark.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      He is, however, still eating on the toilet.

    • freakishlywrong

      They take care of their own.

    • Isyaignert

      But, he was born in the USA.

  • BadKitty904

    I *SO* do not want to think about that album title in this context…

    • rickmaci

      bad bad kitty.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    A bit OT but is anyone freaking out about the results yet? I am–I just know those dick Republicans are going to find a way to steal this shit. Okay, I've been reading too much Sully. Breathe….

    • freakishlywrong

      Yes. They have no problem heisting elections. And they get away with it.

    • Lazy Media

      What results? Obama's up 2-1 in New Hampshire, with 100 votes in. He's losing 2-1 in Indiana and Kentucky, because, duh.

    • BadKitty904

      I certainly am. My bf is threatening to sedate me if I don't stop swearing at the top of my lungs.

      • Steverino247

        Can you listen to the Ramones if not Dylan, Springsteen or Petty?

        I Want to Be Sedated…

        • BadKitty904

          I don't want to be sedated. I want Bamz to freekin' WIN. *NOW*. Right NOW. DO YOU HEAR ME? NOW!!!

          • BadKitty904

            OK. I'm better now. For the time being.

      • Limeylizzie

        MrLimeyLizzie got worried that I would be arrested during the Bush years because I used to scream threats at him every time I heard him on the TeeVee.

        • BoroPrimorac

          My grandfather was thrown in jail once because he got extremely drunk and started yelling shit about Trujillo. That's how my entire family became leftists.

      • Isyaignert

        It's called "Republicon Tourettes" and it's been an epidemic ever since 2000.

    • SexySmurf

      Calm down; they're Republicans, not evil geniuses.

      Well, they're not geniuses, at least.

    • NellCote71

      I am with you, Texas Bulldog, more nervous than a whore in church.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I imagine Christie taking the place of Courtney Cox in the Dancing in the Dark video.

    ♫♪Hey, Baby! ♪♫
    (and then Christie smiles, drops his ice cream cone and tries to hoist himself up onstage)

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Did he scream like a chick at a Beatles concert?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      No, but he was crushed like a beetle by the dominatrix chick.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      So Christie got Beiber in one of those big Republican tents?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …considering the Republican parties proclivity to young prepubescent teens boys, I feel sorry for the Beib!

      • Lot_49

        Hahahahahahahaha….

    • BoroPrimorac

      It was Menudo. He yelled so much that he passed out and had to be evacuated.

  • elfgoldsackring

    I bet Springsteen was weeping when he got home too. Weeping and scrubbing hisself.

  • MissTaken

    there was a lot of weeping because of the hug. And the president asked why. I said, ‘Well, to be honest, I was the one doing the weeping.

    Actually, Springsteen wept, too. Having 5 of your ribs crushed will do that to you.

    • SorosBot

      "Time to renew that restraining order".

  • SorosBot

    Jersey loves Bruce so much, they actually considered making Born to Run the state song for a time. This, a song that describes the state with: "Baby this town rips the bones from your back / Its a death trap, it's a suicide rap We gotta get out while were young".

    I mean, it's accurate, but I thunk most states want a song that makes them look good.

    • FeloniousMonk

      Well, Kentucky sure does.

  • YouBetcha

    Christie-Boss porn? I'd watch.

  • Not_So_Much

    Christie v. O'Malley in 2016 would be awesome! That would be 'Rhetoric We Can Believe In!'

  • BaldarTFlagass

    OT, but it looks like Indiana and KY are going to go to Romney. Eeek!

    • elfgoldsackring

      Well, hardly unexpected…

    • Lazy Media

      Nate Silver had those as 90+ percent chance of Romney win. Not an issue.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I hope the Rmoney down vote doesn't extend to Todd Akin.

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    1. "Tunnel of Love" is my favorite Springsteen album, and I'm not afraid to say it. The title track — even with its horrible electronic drums and Patti's screeching backing vocals — is perfect.

    2. Someone (me) is stress eating cookies from Whole Foods, drinking red wine, and watching "Law & Order" while waiting for election returns. Could we have a liveblog?

    • Steverino247

      Doink Doink!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Semifreddi's chocolate-dipped biscotti and whatever potables i can find.

  • Limeylizzie

    Someone hold me, i am terrified that Mittens could be Prez.

    • MissTaken

      Hugs! The states with edubikated libtards haven't closed yet.

      • SorosBot

        Though it starts in just a few minutes, with polls closing in some states at 7PM EST; including Florida and Virginia.
        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/06/what-tim

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          NJ just extended voting dl to Friday.

    • Lot_49

      You women, always worried about your lady things….Focus on the glorious wars we'll have! Lockheed Martin's HR department has got 50 Monster.com listings, just waiting for the right concession speech so they can hit Send.

    • BadKitty904

      I'm jotting down notes for my Articles of Secession…just in case…

      • NellCote71

        My bags are packed for Italy.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Instead of Boss Hogg, we have the Boss and the hog? This could be a True Grits saga moved north of the Mason Dixon line.

    • oldswede

      Boss Hogg? I'd go with Governor Crisco as a handle.
      oldswede

  • Limeylizzie

    I have never been to Indiana, is it vile and racisty? They are loving Mittens.

    • BadKitty904

      Corn-fed rubes. Except for those who aren't, of course.

    • Lazy Media

      Yes. Indiana was the home of the rebirth of the Ku Klux Klan in the early 20th century. It's Kentucky without horse racing or bluegrass music.

    • TaggWatchesYou

      It is the most racisty.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      well i once drove the length of IN for an audition (and god it's HUGELY long) right on the kentucky border.

      we stopped at a rest / convenience store. they carried a bass (fish) wine holder and weeping plastic indian holding an american flag. i have pictures.

      • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

        What did you audition for? Do you work in the porn industry?

        • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

          kinda of! shakespeare in a former utopian community on the banks of a river with a huge gambling industry.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I've visited for work a couple of times, my observation was that the bootprint of Jesus laid heavily upon the land.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Yes.

    • An_Outhouse

      home of the modern kkk – and i don't mean happy brazilians.

  • TootsStansbury

    Gods I am scared.

    • freakishlywrong

      Fuck the world, me too. The assholes that vote for those assholes deserve those assholes. We, whom despise those assholes, do not deserve those assholes.

    • Lazy Media

      Put your faith in arithmetic. The polls are sometimes a wee bit off, but rarely enough to worry about.

  • BadKitty904

    LOL OK, my bf made me laff by sending me this:
    http://towleroad.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c730253e

    • TootsStansbury

      LOL. Awesome.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That's priceless.

  • coolhandnuke

    There's a big Asssssbury Park joke in there somewhere.

  • TootsStansbury

    Yes. I am quaffing my birthday champagne and worrying.

  • Aridzona

    The Boss and the Sloth — you made coffee come out of my nose! Good one.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    It unnerves me a little that New Jersey would elect a 13 year old to the highest office in the state.

  • rickmaci

    Another Nobel Peace Prize nomination for Bamster, on the way.

    • docterry6973

      He might deserve it more than he did the first.

  • kittensdontlie

    "The course of true love, never did run smooth."–Shakespeare

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    it’s the early draft of a Chris Marlowe play

    'massacre at paris' or 'the jew of malta'?

  • synykyl

    Christie deserved the hug. I'm not ready to vote for him, but he did right by the people of NJ in this case. Credit where credit is due.

    • MommysFetusJar

      Agreed. He didn't use the moment to shill for Romney; he took care of his constituents while telling Fox & Co, to suck a big one… he had work to do. Bravo. Someone get that man a sammich!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Abso-fucking-lutely. He has worked his ass off for NJ. Even though Sandy made landfall in NJ, it's doing a LOT better than NY, which is now fucking evacuating peeps again.

  • red_kira

    It's "Pride & Prejudice!" It's "Romeo and Juliet!" It's… making me throw up in my mouth, a little.

  • red_kira

    "He told me it’s official: We’re friends." We're, like, going to hang out after gym class Monday, and he is soooooooooo coming to my party? And bringing beers? He is sooooooooooooooo dreamy! I hope my mom doesn't FREAK. OUT!

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    With friends like Christie, who needs enemas?

  • docterry6973

    I find it just a tiny bit creepy that a Governor and possible presidential candidate is a screaming teen-like fan of a rock star.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Uh, doc? Eric Cantor? BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS. At least Christie has TASTE.

      ETA: As a screaming teen-like fan of a dead rock star AND an Ancient Oldz, I resemble your remark.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Goddamn, y'all some COLD-hearted motherfuckas. It's great to be here.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    If only a unicorn was involved in all this magical love, it could be a Taylor Swift song.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    In the day he sweats it out on the streets of a runaway American appetite.

  • Nostrildamus

    If Christie and Springsteen make a John-and-Yoko style album cover, I'm not buying it.

    • NellCote71

      Annie Leibovitz libel.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Keep it up, Abdill, and I'll be saying "He luffs him", referring to myself in third person regarding my feelings toward you. #SoundsScaryOnReread.

  • An_Outhouse

    the president lives at christie's house?

  • CindynEncinitas

    This is really worth some Blingee, people! Come on!

  • Canmon

    He ain't a beauty, but hey…

  • DesertTed

    If Springsteen has a word with two F's for Christie I don't think it's luff.

  • Indiepalin

    Everybody loves a hungry fart…oops wait. Did somebody already say that? Sorry, I just flew in from Houston.

  • ttommyunger

    Jeez Guv, get a fucking life!