lost in the flood

Chris Christie Literally Weeping Over Beauty Of His Forbidden Boss Love

Chris Christie posts suck in traffic like a nipple slipChris Christie, he of the New Jersey governorship, the tough-talkin’, Romney-snubbin’, bum-fightin’ sonofagun who won’t apologize for a damn thing, thank you, has been ensaddened. He loves Bruce Springsteen, you see. He lurves him. He luffs him.

But Springsteen doth not return the affection, for Springsteen is a Liberal, and Christie is not. It’s the early draft of a Chris Marlowe play, it really is. And now, after a simmering feud, a hurricane, and one beautiful, conciliatory phone call, it enters its fifth act.

Chris Christie and Bruce Springsteen are friends.

We brought you some details of Christie’s unrequited affections (and 129 concert trips) back in June, when The Atlantic explained it to us:

Despite heroic efforts by Christie, Springsteen, who is still a New Jersey resident, will not talk to him. They’ve met twice—once on an airplane in 1999, and then at the 2010 ceremony inducting Danny DeVito into the New Jersey Hall of Fame, where they exchanged only formal pleasantries. (Christie does say that Springsteen was very kind to his children.) At concerts, even concerts in club-size venues—the Stone Pony, in Asbury Park, most recently—Springsteen won’t acknowledge the governor.

But things were warming. Slowly, reluctantly, like the first hints of spring after a long, political winter. Until Hurricane Sandy arrived, and New Jersey needed both the Boss and the Sloth, to pull itself up from the waves. And the wavering chill burst forth into glorious bloom.

Christie recalled meeting Springsteen three days earlier at the benefit concert.

“We hugged,” Christie said. “He told me it’s official: We’re friends. I told the president today, actually, that the hug was great and when we got home, there was a lot of weeping because of the hug. And the president asked why. I said, ‘Well, to be honest, I was the one doing the weeping.’”

What a story. What a beautiful whirlwind, which will be ruined when Christie tries to use “Born to Run” for his presidential run in 2016, and Springsteen says he can only use “The Angel,” then endorses Gov. Martin O’Malley.

At least we can enjoy it until then. [Boston Globe]

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    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      I don't know… there must be at least one reclusive man-whale who's a big fan of The Boss. The sort of person who has a heart attack and must be cut out of his house and loaded on a flat bed to make the trip to the hospital.

      So, basically, Christie + 20 pounds or so.

    2. BoroPrimorac

      Then how the fuck does he turn into a dickhead republican? I bet he is the type of person that likes the beat, but ignores the lyrics, the fat bastard.

  1. Lazy Media

    So, is Christie gonna go Huffington and become a liberal? Because that would rule. Even better if he came out.

    1. rickmaci

      I would be happy if Christie just decided to be a throwback Republican, a la, Eisenhower, Rockefeller, Dirksen, even for godsakes Nixon and Goldwater.

    2. An Asexual Ungulate

      Christie? A LESBIAN?

      I could see it. Oh god, oh GOD! I CAN SEE IT! NO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU _DONE_???

  2. Lazy Media

    Oh, is it just me, or is Bruce Springsteen kind of unlistenable? I mean, I really hate his voice.

    OK, it's just me.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      His stuff has always been kinda meh to me; I won't change the station when a Bruce song comes on, but neither do I own any of his albums.

      I'm just glad Rick Scott doesn't feel the same way about Tom Petty that Chris lurvs Bruce. That would be gross.

      1. Isyaignert

        Tm Petty proved you don't have to be pretty to rock 'n' roll and that you don't have to live like a refugee.

    2. Dashboard Buddha

      Same here. And it's not so much the voice as the over emoting. Crivens, I bet the dude could bust a vein singing happy birthday.

  3. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Sounds like he's got Boehner syndrome. If he turns orange he's going to need to be put down.

      1. Lot_49

        How about that compressed-air cattle-killer Anton Chigurz (Javier Bardem) used in "No Country for Old Men"? (I mean, with votes of course)

  4. SorosBot

    So after so long being unable to start his fire without a spark, Christie is no longer dancing in the dark.

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    A bit OT but is anyone freaking out about the results yet? I am–I just know those dick Republicans are going to find a way to steal this shit. Okay, I've been reading too much Sully. Breathe….

    1. Lazy Media

      What results? Obama's up 2-1 in New Hampshire, with 100 votes in. He's losing 2-1 in Indiana and Kentucky, because, duh.

    2. BadKitty904

      I certainly am. My bf is threatening to sedate me if I don't stop swearing at the top of my lungs.

        1. BadKitty904

          I don't want to be sedated. I want Bamz to freekin' WIN. *NOW*. Right NOW. DO YOU HEAR ME? NOW!!!

      1. Limeylizzie

        MrLimeyLizzie got worried that I would be arrested during the Bush years because I used to scream threats at him every time I heard him on the TeeVee.

        1. BoroPrimorac

          My grandfather was thrown in jail once because he got extremely drunk and started yelling shit about Trujillo. That's how my entire family became leftists.

  6. smokefilledroommate

    I imagine Christie taking the place of Courtney Cox in the Dancing in the Dark video.

    ♫♪Hey, Baby! ♪♫
    (and then Christie smiles, drops his ice cream cone and tries to hoist himself up onstage)

      1. AngryBlakGuy

        …considering the Republican parties proclivity to young prepubescent teens boys, I feel sorry for the Beib!

  7. MissTaken

    there was a lot of weeping because of the hug. And the president asked why. I said, ‘Well, to be honest, I was the one doing the weeping.

    Actually, Springsteen wept, too. Having 5 of your ribs crushed will do that to you.

  8. SorosBot

    Jersey loves Bruce so much, they actually considered making Born to Run the state song for a time. This, a song that describes the state with: "Baby this town rips the bones from your back / Its a death trap, it's a suicide rap We gotta get out while were young".

    I mean, it's accurate, but I thunk most states want a song that makes them look good.

  9. WordSaladNation

    1. "Tunnel of Love" is my favorite Springsteen album, and I'm not afraid to say it. The title track — even with its horrible electronic drums and Patti's screeching backing vocals — is perfect.

    2. Someone (me) is stress eating cookies from Whole Foods, drinking red wine, and watching "Law & Order" while waiting for election returns. Could we have a liveblog?

    1. Lot_49

      You women, always worried about your lady things….Focus on the glorious wars we'll have! Lockheed Martin's HR department has got 50 Monster.com listings, just waiting for the right concession speech so they can hit Send.

    1. Lazy Media

      Yes. Indiana was the home of the rebirth of the Ku Klux Klan in the early 20th century. It's Kentucky without horse racing or bluegrass music.

    2. fuflans

      well i once drove the length of IN for an audition (and god it's HUGELY long) right on the kentucky border.

      we stopped at a rest / convenience store. they carried a bass (fish) wine holder and weeping plastic indian holding an american flag. i have pictures.

    3. BaldarTFlagass

      I've visited for work a couple of times, my observation was that the bootprint of Jesus laid heavily upon the land.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Fuck the world, me too. The assholes that vote for those assholes deserve those assholes. We, whom despise those assholes, do not deserve those assholes.

  10. synykyl

    Christie deserved the hug. I'm not ready to vote for him, but he did right by the people of NJ in this case. Credit where credit is due.

    1. MommysFetusJar

      Agreed. He didn't use the moment to shill for Romney; he took care of his constituents while telling Fox & Co, to suck a big one… he had work to do. Bravo. Someone get that man a sammich!

    2. MittBorg

      Abso-fucking-lutely. He has worked his ass off for NJ. Even though Sandy made landfall in NJ, it's doing a LOT better than NY, which is now fucking evacuating peeps again.

  11. red_kira

    It's "Pride & Prejudice!" It's "Romeo and Juliet!" It's… making me throw up in my mouth, a little.

  12. red_kira

    "He told me it’s official: We’re friends." We're, like, going to hang out after gym class Monday, and he is soooooooooo coming to my party? And bringing beers? He is sooooooooooooooo dreamy! I hope my mom doesn't FREAK. OUT!

  13. docterry6973

    I find it just a tiny bit creepy that a Governor and possible presidential candidate is a screaming teen-like fan of a rock star.

    1. MittBorg

      Uh, doc? Eric Cantor? BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS. At least Christie has TASTE.

      ETA: As a screaming teen-like fan of a dead rock star AND an Ancient Oldz, I resemble your remark.

  14. Indiepalin

    Everybody loves a hungry fart…oops wait. Did somebody already say that? Sorry, I just flew in from Houston.

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