what's next man on dog?

Nice College Students Defend Sanctity Of Giraffe-Tiger Marriage

Are giraffes boys or girls? We can never rememberHey, don’t forget: we’re not just electing a president today! We’re also electing a bunch of senators, many of whom have strong opinions about ladies who get raped, and some losers in the House too, ugh, who has time for those people, and, if we’re in Maryland, Maine, Washington State, or Minnesota, we also get to vote on gay marriage! Your Comics Curmudgeon was super psyched to yes on Maryland Question 6 today, if by “super psyched” you mean “pissed that the civil rights of his friends and neighbors are up for a vote but cautiously optimistic that it will pass.” ANYHOO the campaign here has been heavy on the “death to gays and those who love them” business. Maybe the antis should learn a little “Minnesota nice” from these furries!

These nice young men are on the Minnesota for Marriage Facebook page, identified as being at an “MFM Northwestern College Event,” Northwestern College being a Christian college in the Twin Cities area. We have no idea what the hell is going on here. We mean, we do know — these two hot furries are going to have giraffe-on-tiger sex, in a yiffpile, and then not get married, because that would be a sin — but we choose not to pursue the backstory. [MFM Facebook page]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barbara_

    I don't think these two should worry about gay or straight sex. They both seem perfectly unfuckable.

    • Lazy Media

      Wat? Even floppy bangs tiger?

      • Barbara_

        Yep, a gay man could fix her hair in a jiffy if she would just open her heart.

        • Lazy Media

          That's a MAN, baby!

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          Don't ya mean "in a yiffy"?

          • Fare la Volpe

            TOO SOON!!

    • elfgoldsackring

      Oh, I have to differ with you there… Hatefucks count, right?

      • Barbara_

        Hatefuckers only count to 68. They are selfish like that.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    There will be a lot of news today.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Calvin, please discipline that tiger of yours.

    • emmelemm

      Super fucking full of win!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Thank you. I've been saving up snark all day and have been feeling very constricted. The bad thing is I've got meetings all day again tomorrow so will not be able to participate in the festivities here (fingers crossed).

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I don't know how we'll manage without you. There will be much shrieking and rending of garments. Will you be here for live-bloog?

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Back and forth twixt TV and pooter. Yes, I am one of those still millstoned/albatrossed by a desktop.

  • elfgoldsackring

    I call bullshit. Tigger's too hyper to be monogamous.

    • BadKitty904

      Without going into lurid detail, I actually dated one of the Disney World "Tigger" characters when I was in HS. And yes, Tiggers *are* bouncy.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ya never know. Some of the, um, tiggerishest of them are also the monogamousest.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Tigger is the only one, so he must indulge in cross-toy-species nookie.

  • Omophagist

    This is disgusting! Everyone knows that as soon as the giraffe is done fucking her, that the tiger will rip his throat out and then call for her kittens to eat his still quivering entrails.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You say that like it's a *bad* thing.

    • Naked_Bunny

      o/ It's the ciiiiircle of liiiife…. /o

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I dunno, those guys set off my gaydar, all the way down here in TX.

  • BumbleKid

    Marriage = one tiger + one giraffe + one super fucking creepy dude in the background

    • Lazy Media

      Creepers, always with the photobombing.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I thought that was Tigger's conjoined twin, Half-Head.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Also, the photogopher.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I'm confuzzled… wtf do tigers and giraffes have to do with gay rights?
    Are these dolts supposed to represent the bestiality that invevitably follows from allowing gay marriage?

    • Lazy Media

      Well, SOMEBODY has to.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        And it's a dirty job, too.

    • Omophagist

      They're representing that if you drink Milwaukee's Best, the "Beast," you will most likely end up in a hot man on man on endangered African wildlife fuck and suck.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        You say that like it's a bad thing.

        • Omophagist

          Only the part about Milwaukee's Best!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        All of a sudden, you have my full attention.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Reacharound: you're doing it wrong, Minnesota.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Which one of these guys is the woman furry in this marriage scenario? … and what is that dude behind them up to? See what happens when we come to tolerate mormonism? Polygamist giraffes. I told you all.

    • Mittaplasia

      Would it be wrong to speculate why you can't see either of his fists?

      • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

        Yes, also do not speculate if he is wearing any pants.

        • Naked_Bunny

          Silly. Republican men only take off their pants in the dark or in public restroom stalls.

  • snowpointsecret

    Oh, how cute, dressing up to campaign for taking away human rights.

    Ugh, seriously fuck these people, it's this kind of mindset that means I can't marry my girlfriend.

  • freakishlywrong

    This is not a yiff pile I would want to join.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Srsly. They're almost as bad as Santacon's Cheap Suit Santas.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Aside from the Green T-shirts they ARE dressed appropriately for Minnesota winters. However, seeing that it is deer hunting season they should avoid wooded areas… or not.

  • GhostBuggy

    When trying get your bigoted group event going, maybe don't name it "MFM." Or maybe do, because it's hilarious.

    • emmelemm

      I was a little confused by that myself.

      • GhostBuggy

        I mean, why not just make it the "MFM/A/S/L Northwestern College Event"?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Or better yet, MFM S&M B&D Club Glee.

    • SmutBoffin

      Lemme just Google "M4M" to see what all the hubbub is about…

      Mother of God.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Well … maybe Father.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    One man, one woman, and two male furries.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Giraffes and tigers? Intercontinental miscegenation? And is that tiger male or female, can't quite tell, or my eyes are getting too old, so that would be ghey intercontinental miscegenation, sweet Jebus.

    Here's hoping that all four states score wins for the freedomz.

    • Steverino247

      A tiger? In Africa?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Uh … they didn't have any zebu costumes at Furries R Us.

  • Mittaplasia

    MFM = MotherFucking Maroons.

  • freakishlywrong

    Who is the perv photobombing the bigoted furries? I hope he's gay.

  • elfgoldsackring

    The Facebook comments on these photos are full of win.

  • Mittaplasia

    Pretty sure they use their personalities for contraception.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Pretty sure it's effective.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Also, to all the smug Christian laydeez holding up signs in these pics: I really, really hope you all end up marrying guys who spend their evenings at truckstop gloryholes. For Jesus.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It'll certainly give them all kindsa new insight into Michele BatShitCrayCrayMann's CrayCray Eyes.

  • SorosBot

    See, this is what happens when you get homeschooled then go to a Christian "college"; being sheltered from the outside world, you of know nothing that exists beyond the hermetically sealed fundy bubble, like furries, and so you unknowingly make a fool of yourself by dressing as a particularly laughable fetishist. It's that kind of mindset that leads to calling your protest a rally for teabaggers.

  • YouBetcha

    Frat boys. Six beers away from being gay.

    • red_kira

      Three beers. :-)

      Lightweights.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Three beers and a Shirley Temple.

    • emmelemm

      Not even six.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      *That* many?

  • MissTaken

    Giraffe Seeks Tiger – mFm – 23 (Northwestern College)

    any furries wanna hang out? 23 yo giraffe. 5'10 180 lbs. Uncut. Pls send pic of tiger

    Location: Minnesota
    it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  • Terry

    Josh, both the Dream Act and Marriage Equality will pass. Marylanders, we have our ups and downs, but overall we're moderate and nice.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Maybe overall, but not my crazy aunt who sends Glenn Beck links in birthday cards. Creeps out the kids.

      • Terry

        People like John Waters and my grumpy old liberal father balance your Auntie out.

        • GeorgiaBurning

          Thanks! No snark.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Yes! Save us from the horror of brony-on-brony marriage!

  • BadKitty904

    http://elections.nytimes.com/2012/results/preside

    So. When, exactly, do I start screaming and breaking things?

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      When it looks like that with 99% of precincts reporting.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      IN and KY are expected to go for Miffed Money. NH is supposed to be a tossup. No worries so far.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Lemme know when they get to the jaguar/ capybara sexxy.

  • coolhandnuke

    In a related fuckwads with animals story here's this: From Politico “Asked on his final campaign flight whether he might get a puppy if elected, Romney said “one of the benefits would be to get another Weimaraner.”

    • elfgoldsackring

      Hang on, wasn't the Weimar Republic full of librulz?

      • coolhandnuke

        But but but, didn't Paul Ryan used to drive the Weimarmobile?

  • smellypossum

    Northwestern College… Since when is MN in the Northwest?

    They're northwest of Illinios. Maybe that counts.

    Stupid Jeebus freaks in their fur pile.

  • Lazy Media

    Wait a minute. The anti-gay marriage folks call their organization MFM? I would face-palm, but I might give myself a concussion.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yeah, because BJs4M was taken.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Sooo, just wondering, is sibling marriage legal in Minnesota?
    http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=4248992042

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Jesus, they look like the McPoyles.

  • TootsStansbury

    Great Brightfart's Ghost. I need rollerskates to keep up with this Wonket!

  • red_kira

    One (1) intolerant plushie. One (1) small-minded furry. Sounds about right to me.

  • barto

    OK "MFM College Event" goers, by definition MFM is NOT one man and one woman. Yer doin it wrong!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Sweet fucking shit on a stick. You sure BOTH of those is guys?

    • BadKitty904

      The tiger isn't a girl???

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Do those look like girl tits to you? I mean, they're two flabby toads, but that chest is built all wrong for girl tits.

        • BadKitty904

          Hey, it's not like I'm some kinda expert on the topic or anything. 'Sides, they're both wearing what amounts to jumpsuits made of carpet remnants, so it's hard to tell…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I've spent a lot of time looking at both kinds of tits (FOR SCIENCE!), and if that's a girl, I'd like to borrow her chest for an ironing board.

    • MissTaken

      *That's* what happens when you put fluoride in the water.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I hadn't figured YOU for a Portlandian, Miss.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Two M's in search of an F.

  • viennawoods13

    "MFM Northwestern College Event"
    ummm… they don't know that an MFM is a threesome, I'm guessing?

  • poorgradstudent

    The worst kind of homophobes are the ones I can't get back at by fapping to :(

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Can it be open thread tiem plz? So much to say about CNN's goofy Virtual Senate and their one-upping NBC by having the Empire State Building reflect the EV…

  • SorosBot

    So let's see what they're defending – it's slutty single motherhood and polygamy with water sports:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger#Reproduction

    "A female is only receptive for three to six days and mating is frequent during that time period. A pair will copulate frequently and noisily, like other cats. The gestation period can range from 93 to 112 days, although the average is 104–106 days.[36] The litter size usually consists of anywhere from 1 to 6 cubs, though 2 to 3 is usually the norm. Cubs can weigh from 680 to 1,400 g (1.5 to 3.1 lb) each at birth and are born blind and helpless.[36] The females rear them alone, with the birth site and maternal den being sheletered locations such as thickets, caves and rocky crevices. The father of the cubs generally takes no part in rearing them. Unrelated wandering male tigers may even kill cubs to make the female receptive, since the tigress may give birth to another litter within 5 months if the cubs of the previous litter are lost."

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giraffe#Social_life_

    "Reproduction is broadly polygamous: a few older males mate with the fertile females. Male giraffes assess female fertility by tasting the female's urine to detect estrus, in a multi-step process known as the Flehmen response.

    "Mothers with calves will gather in nursery herds, moving or browsing together. Mothers in such a group may sometimes leave their calves with one female while they forage and drink elsewhere. This is known as a "calving pool".[58] Adult males play almost no role in raising the young,[8]:337 although they appear to have friendly interactions."

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Um, about those T-shirts: We already have that.
    When your fucking slogan is patently dishonest, maybe you should stop and wonder why it needs to be.

  • decentcitizen

    There are a lot of interesting legal questions. That gay people should enjoy the same rights as the rest of us is not one of them.

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh and fuck those two assholes. They just want to get in a threesome with an elaphant furry and a strap on, Those are two dudes? Really,

    Sorry typing in the dark,

  • kissawookiee

    Giraffes have 12" tongues.

    — the only useful tidbit I ever learned from accompanying my son's kindergarten class on field trips to the zoo

  • LibrarianX

    Aren't they totally baked?

  • elfgoldsackring
  • Nostrildamus
  • DixvilleCrotch

    Fuck, marry, kill (with votes)… goes to which ones?

  • Naked_Bunny

    Furverts.

  • ttommyunger

    I can't see where their other hands are, but those smiles tell the tail, I mean tale.