republican jesus is all 'hells yeah bro!'

Maybe Tim Tebow Is Kind Of A Dick? Update: Maybe Not?

Hahaha, Democrats — many of whom are minorities and/or working class, but others of whom are like, your mom, and teachers and stuff — are lazy moochers who just lie on the couch collecting welfare all day. Good one, Tim Tebow! We are pretty sure Jesus is thumbs-upping you right now!

UPDATE: Parody account, disregard bitchez. Our abject apologies or whatever (not really).


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  1. hagajim

    Looks like Timmy is about as good at picking elections as he is at quarterbacking an NFL football team.

  2. iburl

    Maybe if you'd take the time to learn to throw a football the right way, you wouldn't have to bother Jesus so much with all the praying, Timmy.

  3. Generation[redacted]

    Timmy will now demonstrate his patented "on your knees" position to the Republican party.

  4. Barbara_

    Tim Tebow is a bedazzled, nut sack and a virgin. Just because he overthrows everything doesn't mean Romney will overthrow the Democrat president.

    1. ManchuCandidate

      The virgin part I don't get. Even a 2nd string quarterback is going to get a considerable amount of attention from ladies who like sleeping with jocks (or make it their career.)

      How insanely repressed do you have to be to be the only virgin in the NFL?

      1. SorosBot

        Oh I think Tebow finds it easy to fend off all the football groupies, as he cowers away in his closet.

  5. red_kira

    SUCK IT, TEBOW. Oh, and reading the flucking Bible. Jerkwad.

    Matthew 25:34-36 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, "Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me."

  6. FakaktaSouth

    He obviously didn't see all the old people I saw voting this morning to take away their own Social Security and Medicare. Haha jokes on you old people, I can't believe I voted to help you.

    All the ABSOLUTE DUMBEST people I know on fb have re-posted this thing here, while, I'm sure busting their asses at "work." Cause they take that shit so seriously. Just, shut up you dumbass pricks.

    1. OzoneTom

      Jokes on them. I got a call telling me that I could vote on the phone, so I did and can stay here on my couch for the rest of the day with my food-stamp bon-bons.

  7. CogitoErgoBibo

    Hey, we freeloaders have busy schedules during the day, too! What with all our elective abortions, food stamp spending and socialist agenda meetings, it'll be darn near closing time before most of us hit the polls.

  8. edgydrifter

    Every time Tebow gets slammed to the turf by a roid-fueled defensive end, a welfare queen gets a new Cadillac.

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      Good catch. The post needs an update. TheTimTebow is a parody site.
      Tim Tebow still sucks, however.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        Tim Tebow still sucks, however

        And according to his boyfriend, he doesn't even do that very well.

    2. CommieLibunatic

      Nope, still plan on hating him for his stupid theatrics. Being a Christian in this day and age is as much of an accomplishment as having a rogue in Warcraft; unique, just like everyone else.

  9. Jus_Wonderin

    Ha. Yet another reason to hate that fucker's guts.

    ETA: Well, even if he didn't say it, he's still a dick.

  10. kakotechnia

    And, like all Republicans on twitter, he actually just ripped that off from someone else without the courtesy of an RT. But of course their concern for property rights wouldn't extend to the intellectual kind….

  11. chicken_thief


    *Stands up*

    Fuck you, Timmy with the girlie man arm.

    Edit: "with the girlie man arm" can be used to modify "Timmy" or be used as an object with which to fuck Timmy. Your choice.

  12. Arkoday

    Pretty smooth for someone who plays sports for a living. Work, work, work.
    Bible-thumping smegmazoid…

  13. SorosBot

    He was blown up by the media as the next big thing, but proved to lack actual talent and be nothing but talk on the actual field; Tebow is the Paul Ryan of football.

    1. Lot_49

      1. "Hybrid" (young thrower with good legs) quarterback enjoys modest success by scrambling and running when nobody's open or he can't find the open guy.
      2. Fans demand that he be made 1st-string QB.
      3. Opponents target hybrid, crush his knees, hands, elbows, will. Teevee announcers admiringly say, "Good hit!" as the hybrid staggers to the sideline.
      4. Fans demand that hybrid QB be pulled in favor of previous pocket passer.
      5. Previous pocket passer reverts to the mediocrity that led to his removal in favor of the hybrid.
      6. Repeat as necessary.

  14. midnighttoker69

    What a complete douchebag. The only way he can generate anything remotely offensive is by opening his mouth (or on twitter, technically). I hope the liberal New York media makes him explain himself, giving him more opportunity to show the world what he truly is: a Jesus-freak third-rate QB with serious reality issues.

    1. actor212

      I have to give him credit: he's kept his mouth shut here in NYC. I don't know how he was in Denver, apart from that one Super Bowl commercial about abortion, but he's behaved himself here.

  15. boskolives

    At first glance this might make someone think that there are Repubs that actually work for a living. I'd flaunt my genitals in their general direction, if there were any. Working republicans, that is, I've got the genitals, although twice removed by divorces.

  16. sewollef

    Good gawd…. there's too many posts. I can't keep up with 'em all and work at the same time.

    Oh, right. Lefties don't work… forget I spoke.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    The account may not be legitimate, but I've certainly seen the sentiment before — from the same people who made Rush Limbaugh's show (12-3pm weekdays) and Sean Assity's show (3-6pm) the most popular ones on the radio.

  18. prommie

    Anyone of the elderly persuasion remember how they said Dan Quayle was "impeachment insurance" for GHW Bush? Good old Timmeh, he is "Bench insurance" for Mark Sanchez. He just guarantees that Sanchez will never lose the starting job no matter how bad he stinks up the joint.

    1. boskolives

      "impeachment insurance"? Nope, I remember him as being considered to be an assassination insurance policy for GHWB, nothing more and certainly nothing less. Mr. Quayle, dumb even for a Hoosier, served as the benchmark for stupid until Bush the lesser got levered into the oval office.

  19. coolhandnuke

    Maybe Tim Tebow is kind of a Dick?
    There are a lot of Dicks to choose from–Cheney, Morris, Rumsfeld, Clark, Cavett..
    I'm going to choose the Dickless Butkus kind.

  20. poorgradstudent

    I heard that if you show Tim Tebow a copy of Matthew 6:5 – “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them" – he'll recoil like Dracula before a crucifix.

  21. prommie

    As a Flarda boy I have to say I like this dumbass, he truly seems a good guy actually, the people on the teams with him seem to genuinely respect and like him despite, not because of, the jeebus freak shit. This is just him having some fucking dumbass opinion, and its a cheap shot, if in fact he is suggesting that democrats don't work (as we all know, in fact, its harder for working democrats to vote because they are not free to take off from work like the rich). But its still just a fucking opinion. The really dickish thing he does, the thing that really does piss me off, is he goes off to New Guinea and tries to convert those poor people to his ignorant superstition. He should leav those fucking people alone, they some of the few on earth not infected by that shit superstition.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Oh shut up.
      Best thing he ever did was cry like a bitch and then show respect when Bama put him on his ass over and over. What do you mean "oh yeah, not the year before" YOU SHUT UP.
      He's "nice" but he's just as dumb and goofy and terrible and unhelpful as any conservative-christian right wing republican "straight?" (maybe?) white American male.

    2. Lazy Media

      Haha, you are white-knighting Tim Tebow for a possibly excusable dumb thing he did, that he didn't actually do.

      1. prommie

        Missionarying them Islanders, thats not excusable though. Gonna instill them with the christian sex-shame and ruin everything for them.

    3. unclejeems

      Well, he may be well-liked. But in a few days or a few weeks, he's going to meet a black, 350 pound offensive tackle wearing a different uniform, on the field of play. We'll see who goes to work then.

  22. An_Outhouse

    If the lazy white guys got up a few minutes earlier then they could have voted on their way TO work.

  23. Redhead

    If you can't even play one football game – when it's your job – without crying, I really don't think you get to criticize anyone else for their job situation.

  24. JackObin

    Tebow is a sexless, ghost-believing shitty quarterback from the third world hell Florida. And those are his good points.

Comments are closed.