republican jesus is all 'hells yeah bro!'

Maybe Tim Tebow Is Kind Of A Dick? Update: Maybe Not?

Hahaha, Democrats — many of whom are minorities and/or working class, but others of whom are like, your mom, and teachers and stuff — are lazy moochers who just lie on the couch collecting welfare all day. Good one, Tim Tebow! We are pretty sure Jesus is thumbs-upping you right now!

UPDATE: Parody account, disregard bitchez. Our abject apologies or whatever (not really).

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    And on the sideline you shall stay. Until Roger Ailes picks you up for his stable of unemployed has-beens at FoxNews.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Jesus only hears the prayers of starters.

    • mayor_quimby

      I almost pissed myself with laughter just now, fucking hilarious!

  • hagajim

    Looks like Timmy is about as good at picking elections as he is at quarterbacking an NFL football team.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Possibly better at picking his nose. Just possibly.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Overpaid bench warmer says what?

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Maybe if you'd take the time to learn to throw a football the right way, you wouldn't have to bother Jesus so much with all the praying, Timmy.

  • tbogg

    Parody account, Rebecca

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Oh sure! RUIN our fun! Do we come over to your blog and–

      Oh. wait…

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      @timtebow is the original douchebag

  • stopthemovie

    There's no maybe!

  • Fox n Fiends

    He's the Paul Ryan of Football.

  • neiltheblaze

    Tim is living the Republican dream – getting paid for doing nothing.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Is Tim Tebow on my Facebook? Cause I saw that yesterday.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It was the most retweeted tweet under the #romneyryan2012 hashtag on Monday.

  • TheGyrus

    This from a guy who works 16 days a year.

    • Estproph

      Actually works 0 days a year.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Of course. He is a "republican" and has a standard to maintain.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Timmy will now demonstrate his patented "on your knees" position to the Republican party.

  • Yellerdawg

    Says overpaid ball juggler.

  • SpiderCrab

    Home-schooled and it shows.

  • Barbara_

    Tim Tebow is a bedazzled, nut sack and a virgin. Just because he overthrows everything doesn't mean Romney will overthrow the Democrat president.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Psst, Tebow couldn't overthrow a pass if the receiver ran behind him.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      The virgin part I don't get. Even a 2nd string quarterback is going to get a considerable amount of attention from ladies who like sleeping with jocks (or make it their career.)

      How insanely repressed do you have to be to be the only virgin in the NFL?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Mom washes his penis for him to make sure he stays clean.

        Answer it for ya?

        • widestanceromance

          Only fair since she's how it got dirty in the first place.

      • SorosBot

        Oh I think Tebow finds it easy to fend off all the football groupies, as he cowers away in his closet.

  • red_kira

    SUCK IT, TEBOW. Oh, and reading the flucking Bible. Jerkwad.

    Matthew 25:34-36 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, "Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me."

  • nounverb911

    I'm predicting Tebow will get sacked 12 times in Seattle this Sunday, by his own team.

  • FakaktaSouth

    He obviously didn't see all the old people I saw voting this morning to take away their own Social Security and Medicare. Haha jokes on you old people, I can't believe I voted to help you.

    All the ABSOLUTE DUMBEST people I know on fb have re-posted this thing here, while, I'm sure busting their asses at "work." Cause they take that shit so seriously. Just, shut up you dumbass pricks.

    • OzoneTom

      Jokes on them. I got a call telling me that I could vote on the phone, so I did and can stay here on my couch for the rest of the day with my food-stamp bon-bons.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    "Kind of"?

    • BadKitty904

      Curses! Beat me to it!!!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Hey, we freeloaders have busy schedules during the day, too! What with all our elective abortions, food stamp spending and socialist agenda meetings, it'll be darn near closing time before most of us hit the polls.

  • carlgt1

    haha thus sayeth the "hard working" benchwarmer!

  • edgydrifter

    Every time Tebow gets slammed to the turf by a roid-fueled defensive end, a welfare queen gets a new Cadillac.

    • nounverb911

      Egg Romney?

      • chicken_thief

        Rafalca neighing in the background gave it away, didn't it?

  • Lazy Media

    Not actually from Tim Tebow.

    Go ahead and hate on him for football reasons, though, by all means.

    • Lot_49

      Linky no workie either.

      • Lazy Media

        Fixed.

        • Lot_49

          Happens to me all the time

          • Esteev

            The comments on that site make me mildly upset.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Good catch. The post needs an update. TheTimTebow is a parody site.
      Tim Tebow still sucks, however.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Tim Tebow still sucks, however

        And according to his boyfriend, he doesn't even do that very well.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Nope, still plan on hating him for his stupid theatrics. Being a Christian in this day and age is as much of an accomplishment as having a rogue in Warcraft; unique, just like everyone else.

  • deminimis1

    It's a parody account not actually Tebow.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    We are pretty sure Jesus is thumbs-upping you right now!

    Thumbs up yours, Son…

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    TBogg calls him "Juicebox Jesus". Cracks me up every time.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Ha. Yet another reason to hate that fucker's guts.

    ETA: Well, even if he didn't say it, he's still a dick.

  • kakotechnia

    And, like all Republicans on twitter, he actually just ripped that off from someone else without the courtesy of an RT. But of course their concern for property rights wouldn't extend to the intellectual kind….

    • BadKitty904

      Unless, o' course, it was *their* property…

  • Sassomatic

    Or until the Lady Republican's bosses let them go home to cook dinner.

  • CrunchyKnee

    As a Bronco fan, all I hafta say is HAHA, what a tool.

    Where's your messiah now, Timmy?

  • chicken_thief

    *tebows*

    *Stands up*

    Fuck you, Timmy with the girlie man arm.

    Edit: "with the girlie man arm" can be used to modify "Timmy" or be used as an object with which to fuck Timmy. Your choice.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    I predict Tim Teabow's carrer ending early too.

  • Arkoday

    Pretty smooth for someone who plays sports for a living. Work, work, work.
    Bible-thumping smegmazoid…

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      +1
      I only regret I didn't learn of "smegmazoid" in time to use it on ol' Mittens prior to now~

  • Geminisunmars

    Denver misses him. Bob Denver, maybe.

  • SorosBot

    He was blown up by the media as the next big thing, but proved to lack actual talent and be nothing but talk on the actual field; Tebow is the Paul Ryan of football.

    • Lot_49

      1. "Hybrid" (young thrower with good legs) quarterback enjoys modest success by scrambling and running when nobody's open or he can't find the open guy.
      2. Fans demand that he be made 1st-string QB.
      3. Opponents target hybrid, crush his knees, hands, elbows, will. Teevee announcers admiringly say, "Good hit!" as the hybrid staggers to the sideline.
      4. Fans demand that hybrid QB be pulled in favor of previous pocket passer.
      5. Previous pocket passer reverts to the mediocrity that led to his removal in favor of the hybrid.
      6. Repeat as necessary.

  • midnighttoker69

    What a complete douchebag. The only way he can generate anything remotely offensive is by opening his mouth (or on twitter, technically). I hope the liberal New York media makes him explain himself, giving him more opportunity to show the world what he truly is: a Jesus-freak third-rate QB with serious reality issues.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I have to give him credit: he's kept his mouth shut here in NYC. I don't know how he was in Denver, apart from that one Super Bowl commercial about abortion, but he's behaved himself here.

  • Esteev

    Regardless if blue states subsidize red states!

    But this is a parody account.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    At first glance this might make someone think that there are Repubs that actually work for a living. I'd flaunt my genitals in their general direction, if there were any. Working republicans, that is, I've got the genitals, although twice removed by divorces.

  • sewollef

    Good gawd…. there's too many posts. I can't keep up with 'em all and work at the same time.

    Oh, right. Lefties don't work… forget I spoke.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The account may not be legitimate, but I've certainly seen the sentiment before — from the same people who made Rush Limbaugh's show (12-3pm weekdays) and Sean Assity's show (3-6pm) the most popular ones on the radio.

  • prommie

    Anyone of the elderly persuasion remember how they said Dan Quayle was "impeachment insurance" for GHW Bush? Good old Timmeh, he is "Bench insurance" for Mark Sanchez. He just guarantees that Sanchez will never lose the starting job no matter how bad he stinks up the joint.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      "impeachment insurance"? Nope, I remember him as being considered to be an assassination insurance policy for GHWB, nothing more and certainly nothing less. Mr. Quayle, dumb even for a Hoosier, served as the benchmark for stupid until Bush the lesser got levered into the oval office.

  • coolhandnuke

    Maybe Tim Tebow is kind of a Dick?
    There are a lot of Dicks to choose from–Cheney, Morris, Rumsfeld, Clark, Cavett..
    I'm going to choose the Dickless Butkus kind.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    The NFL really has to tighten up is concussion policy.

  • poorgradstudent

    I heard that if you show Tim Tebow a copy of Matthew 6:5 – “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them" – he'll recoil like Dracula before a crucifix.

  • BadKitty904
    • TootsStansbury

      I think he meant leaking from behind.

    • UW8316154

      Dog whistle to Marcus, for sure.

  • Disassembly

    "My second term will be one long vacation." –Barack Obama

    I can't believe he said that!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    UPDATE: Parody account, disregard bitchez. Our abject apologies or whatever (not really).

    It's your professionalism that I respect, Trix.

  • prommie

    As a Flarda boy I have to say I like this dumbass, he truly seems a good guy actually, the people on the teams with him seem to genuinely respect and like him despite, not because of, the jeebus freak shit. This is just him having some fucking dumbass opinion, and its a cheap shot, if in fact he is suggesting that democrats don't work (as we all know, in fact, its harder for working democrats to vote because they are not free to take off from work like the rich). But its still just a fucking opinion. The really dickish thing he does, the thing that really does piss me off, is he goes off to New Guinea and tries to convert those poor people to his ignorant superstition. He should leav those fucking people alone, they some of the few on earth not infected by that shit superstition.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Oh shut up.
      Best thing he ever did was cry like a bitch and then show respect when Bama put him on his ass over and over. What do you mean "oh yeah, not the year before" YOU SHUT UP.
      He's "nice" but he's just as dumb and goofy and terrible and unhelpful as any conservative-christian right wing republican "straight?" (maybe?) white American male.

    • Lazy Media

      Haha, you are white-knighting Tim Tebow for a possibly excusable dumb thing he did, that he didn't actually do.

      • prommie

        Missionarying them Islanders, thats not excusable though. Gonna instill them with the christian sex-shame and ruin everything for them.

    • unclejeems

      Well, he may be well-liked. But in a few days or a few weeks, he's going to meet a black, 350 pound offensive tackle wearing a different uniform, on the field of play. We'll see who goes to work then.

  • TootsStansbury

    Off to the polling place!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Those blue "verified account" check marks are your friend.

  • An_Outhouse

    If the lazy white guys got up a few minutes earlier then they could have voted on their way TO work.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Whoever wrote it really did sum up the Republican mentality. Well done!

  • Beowoof

    Would love to see Timmy sacked like a bag of votes.

  • Redhead

    If you can't even play one football game – when it's your job – without crying, I really don't think you get to criticize anyone else for their job situation.

  • pinupgirl123

    Wait Tim…aren't you collecting a paycheck for doing nothing?

  • JackObin

    Tebow is a sexless, ghost-believing shitty quarterback from the third world hell Florida. And those are his good points.

  • ttommyunger

    Tim who?