REPUBLICAN JESUS IS ALL 'HELLS YEAH BRO!'  3:28 pm November 6, 2012

Maybe Tim Tebow Is Kind Of A Dick? Update: Maybe Not?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hahaha, Democrats — many of whom are minorities and/or working class, but others of whom are like, your mom, and teachers and stuff — are lazy moochers who just lie on the couch collecting welfare all day. Good one, Tim Tebow! We are pretty sure Jesus is thumbs-upping you right now!

UPDATE: Parody account, disregard bitchez. Our abject apologies or whatever (not really).

[Twitter]

 
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{ 93 comments }

Clancy_Pants November 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

And on the sideline you shall stay. Until Roger Ailes picks you up for his stable of unemployed has-beens at FoxNews.

DerrickWildcat November 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Jesus only hears the prayers of starters.

mayor_quimby November 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I almost pissed myself with laughter just now, fucking hilarious!

hagajim November 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Looks like Timmy is about as good at picking elections as he is at quarterbacking an NFL football team.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Possibly better at picking his nose. Just possibly.

Generation[redacted] November 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Overpaid bench warmer says what?

iburl November 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Maybe if you'd take the time to learn to throw a football the right way, you wouldn't have to bother Jesus so much with all the praying, Timmy.

tbogg November 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Parody account, Rebecca

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Oh sure! RUIN our fun! Do we come over to your blog and–

Oh. wait…

elviouslyqueer November 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Blueb4sinrise November 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Tbogg has a blog?

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

@timtebow is the original douchebag

stopthemovie November 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

There's no maybe!

Fox n Fiends November 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

He's the Paul Ryan of Football.

neiltheblaze November 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Tim is living the Republican dream – getting paid for doing nothing.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Is Tim Tebow on my Facebook? Cause I saw that yesterday.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

It was the most retweeted tweet under the #romneyryan2012 hashtag on Monday.

TheGyrus November 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm

This from a guy who works 16 days a year.

Estproph November 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Actually works 0 days a year.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Of course. He is a "republican" and has a standard to maintain.

Generation[redacted] November 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Timmy will now demonstrate his patented "on your knees" position to the Republican party.

Yellerdawg November 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Says overpaid ball juggler.

SpiderCrab November 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Home-schooled and it shows.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Tim Tebow is a bedazzled, nut sack and a virgin. Just because he overthrows everything doesn't mean Romney will overthrow the Democrat president.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Psst, Tebow couldn't overthrow a pass if the receiver ran behind him.

ManchuCandidate November 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

The virgin part I don't get. Even a 2nd string quarterback is going to get a considerable amount of attention from ladies who like sleeping with jocks (or make it their career.)

How insanely repressed do you have to be to be the only virgin in the NFL?

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Mom washes his penis for him to make sure he stays clean.

Answer it for ya?

widestanceromance November 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Only fair since she's how it got dirty in the first place.

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Oh I think Tebow finds it easy to fend off all the football groupies, as he cowers away in his closet.

red_kira November 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

SUCK IT, TEBOW. Oh, and reading the flucking Bible. Jerkwad.

Matthew 25:34-36 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, "Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me."

nounverb911 November 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I'm predicting Tebow will get sacked 12 times in Seattle this Sunday, by his own team.

FakaktaSouth November 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

He obviously didn't see all the old people I saw voting this morning to take away their own Social Security and Medicare. Haha jokes on you old people, I can't believe I voted to help you.

All the ABSOLUTE DUMBEST people I know on fb have re-posted this thing here, while, I'm sure busting their asses at "work." Cause they take that shit so seriously. Just, shut up you dumbass pricks.

OzoneTom November 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Jokes on them. I got a call telling me that I could vote on the phone, so I did and can stay here on my couch for the rest of the day with my food-stamp bon-bons.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

"Kind of"?

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Curses! Beat me to it!!!

CogitoErgoBibo November 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Hey, we freeloaders have busy schedules during the day, too! What with all our elective abortions, food stamp spending and socialist agenda meetings, it'll be darn near closing time before most of us hit the polls.

carlgt1 November 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

haha thus sayeth the "hard working" benchwarmer!

edgydrifter November 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Every time Tebow gets slammed to the turf by a roid-fueled defensive end, a welfare queen gets a new Cadillac.

nounverb911 November 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Egg Romney?

chicken_thief November 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Rafalca neighing in the background gave it away, didn't it?

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Not actually from Tim Tebow.

Go ahead and hate on him for football reasons, though, by all means.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Linky no workie either.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Fixed.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Happens to me all the time

Esteev November 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

The comments on that site make me mildly upset.

Native_of_SL_UT November 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Good catch. The post needs an update. TheTimTebow is a parody site.
Tim Tebow still sucks, however.

elviouslyqueer November 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Tim Tebow still sucks, however

And according to his boyfriend, he doesn't even do that very well.

CommieLibunatic November 6, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Nope, still plan on hating him for his stupid theatrics. Being a Christian in this day and age is as much of an accomplishment as having a rogue in Warcraft; unique, just like everyone else.

deminimis1 November 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

It's a parody account not actually Tebow.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

We are pretty sure Jesus is thumbs-upping you right now!

Thumbs up yours, Son…

Joshua Norton November 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

TBogg calls him "Juicebox Jesus". Cracks me up every time.

Jus_Wonderin November 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Ha. Yet another reason to hate that fucker's guts.

ETA: Well, even if he didn't say it, he's still a dick.

kakotechnia November 6, 2012 at 3:37 pm

And, like all Republicans on twitter, he actually just ripped that off from someone else without the courtesy of an RT. But of course their concern for property rights wouldn't extend to the intellectual kind….

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Unless, o' course, it was *their* property…

Sassomatic November 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Or until the Lady Republican's bosses let them go home to cook dinner.

CrunchyKnee November 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

As a Bronco fan, all I hafta say is HAHA, what a tool.

Where's your messiah now, Timmy?

chicken_thief November 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

*tebows*

*Stands up*

Fuck you, Timmy with the girlie man arm.

Edit: "with the girlie man arm" can be used to modify "Timmy" or be used as an object with which to fuck Timmy. Your choice.

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I predict Tim Teabow's carrer ending early too.

Arkoday November 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Pretty smooth for someone who plays sports for a living. Work, work, work.
Bible-thumping smegmazoid…

Mumbletypeg November 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

+1
I only regret I didn't learn of "smegmazoid" in time to use it on ol' Mittens prior to now~

Geminisunmars November 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Denver misses him. Bob Denver, maybe.

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

He was blown up by the media as the next big thing, but proved to lack actual talent and be nothing but talk on the actual field; Tebow is the Paul Ryan of football.

Lot_49 November 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

1. "Hybrid" (young thrower with good legs) quarterback enjoys modest success by scrambling and running when nobody's open or he can't find the open guy.
2. Fans demand that he be made 1st-string QB.
3. Opponents target hybrid, crush his knees, hands, elbows, will. Teevee announcers admiringly say, "Good hit!" as the hybrid staggers to the sideline.
4. Fans demand that hybrid QB be pulled in favor of previous pocket passer.
5. Previous pocket passer reverts to the mediocrity that led to his removal in favor of the hybrid.
6. Repeat as necessary.

midnighttoker69 November 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

What a complete douchebag. The only way he can generate anything remotely offensive is by opening his mouth (or on twitter, technically). I hope the liberal New York media makes him explain himself, giving him more opportunity to show the world what he truly is: a Jesus-freak third-rate QB with serious reality issues.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I have to give him credit: he's kept his mouth shut here in NYC. I don't know how he was in Denver, apart from that one Super Bowl commercial about abortion, but he's behaved himself here.

Esteev November 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Regardless if blue states subsidize red states!

But this is a parody account.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm

At first glance this might make someone think that there are Repubs that actually work for a living. I'd flaunt my genitals in their general direction, if there were any. Working republicans, that is, I've got the genitals, although twice removed by divorces.

sewollef November 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Good gawd…. there's too many posts. I can't keep up with 'em all and work at the same time.

Oh, right. Lefties don't work… forget I spoke.

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

The account may not be legitimate, but I've certainly seen the sentiment before — from the same people who made Rush Limbaugh's show (12-3pm weekdays) and Sean Assity's show (3-6pm) the most popular ones on the radio.

prommie November 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Anyone of the elderly persuasion remember how they said Dan Quayle was "impeachment insurance" for GHW Bush? Good old Timmeh, he is "Bench insurance" for Mark Sanchez. He just guarantees that Sanchez will never lose the starting job no matter how bad he stinks up the joint.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 4:19 pm

"impeachment insurance"? Nope, I remember him as being considered to be an assassination insurance policy for GHWB, nothing more and certainly nothing less. Mr. Quayle, dumb even for a Hoosier, served as the benchmark for stupid until Bush the lesser got levered into the oval office.

coolhandnuke November 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Maybe Tim Tebow is kind of a Dick?
There are a lot of Dicks to choose from–Cheney, Morris, Rumsfeld, Clark, Cavett..
I'm going to choose the Dickless Butkus kind.

Kid_Charlemagne November 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm

The NFL really has to tighten up is concussion policy.

poorgradstudent November 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I heard that if you show Tim Tebow a copy of Matthew 6:5 – “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them" – he'll recoil like Dracula before a crucifix.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm
TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I think he meant leaking from behind.

UW8316154 November 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Dog whistle to Marcus, for sure.

Disassembly November 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"My second term will be one long vacation." –Barack Obama

I can't believe he said that!

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm

UPDATE: Parody account, disregard bitchez. Our abject apologies or whatever (not really).

It's your professionalism that I respect, Trix.

prommie November 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

As a Flarda boy I have to say I like this dumbass, he truly seems a good guy actually, the people on the teams with him seem to genuinely respect and like him despite, not because of, the jeebus freak shit. This is just him having some fucking dumbass opinion, and its a cheap shot, if in fact he is suggesting that democrats don't work (as we all know, in fact, its harder for working democrats to vote because they are not free to take off from work like the rich). But its still just a fucking opinion. The really dickish thing he does, the thing that really does piss me off, is he goes off to New Guinea and tries to convert those poor people to his ignorant superstition. He should leav those fucking people alone, they some of the few on earth not infected by that shit superstition.

FakaktaSouth November 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Oh shut up.
Best thing he ever did was cry like a bitch and then show respect when Bama put him on his ass over and over. What do you mean "oh yeah, not the year before" YOU SHUT UP.
He's "nice" but he's just as dumb and goofy and terrible and unhelpful as any conservative-christian right wing republican "straight?" (maybe?) white American male.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Haha, you are white-knighting Tim Tebow for a possibly excusable dumb thing he did, that he didn't actually do.

prommie November 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Missionarying them Islanders, thats not excusable though. Gonna instill them with the christian sex-shame and ruin everything for them.

unclejeems November 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Well, he may be well-liked. But in a few days or a few weeks, he's going to meet a black, 350 pound offensive tackle wearing a different uniform, on the field of play. We'll see who goes to work then.

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Off to the polling place!

imissopus November 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Those blue "verified account" check marks are your friend.

An_Outhouse November 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm

If the lazy white guys got up a few minutes earlier then they could have voted on their way TO work.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 6, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Whoever wrote it really did sum up the Republican mentality. Well done!

Beowoof November 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Would love to see Timmy sacked like a bag of votes.

Redhead November 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm

If you can't even play one football game – when it's your job – without crying, I really don't think you get to criticize anyone else for their job situation.

pinupgirl123 November 6, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Wait Tim…aren't you collecting a paycheck for doing nothing?

JackObin November 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Tebow is a sexless, ghost-believing shitty quarterback from the third world hell Florida. And those are his good points.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:52 am

Tim who?

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