everyone in prison is innocent too

Totally Innocent, Not At All Terrible Republican Poll-Watchers Getting Booted In Philly

We weep for democracy, and yellow cardsChaos in Philadelphia! CHAOS! They are ejecting GOP poll-watchers left and right, for no reason! Twitchy tells us all about it, in a style quite fitting to the website’s name.

“Are the dirty tricks starting already?” they wonder, before the breathless, context-free revelation of “GOP poll inspector physically assaulted,” which definitely happened the way it sounds, we need no evidence.

What the heck, you guys (pardon the language)? They didn’t even do anything wrong!

Oh … they probably did?

What happened, Power Line?

The Romney campaign is reporting that 75 Republican poll watchers have been barred from precinct polling places in Philadelphia, in some cases by Democrats saying, “No Republicans will be allowed in the polling place.”

Egad! If there is anyone we should believe unquestioningly about Democrat misbehavior, it is “The Romney campaign.” They sound legit.

Might there be any particular reason to distrust GOP poll folks in Pennsylvania? And don’t start talking about how a judge ordered Republicans removed from Homestead after they decided to start illegally carding voters, we know small-time voter intimidation is endearing.

And don’t you go citing accusations that the Pennsylvania Republican Party is only sending poll people to the black precincts, because you don’t have ANY PROOF, other than the list of precincts, which includes pretty much no white folks. That doesn’t count either.

Anyone kicking Republicans out of polling places is obviously Kenyan, because no Pennsylvania Republican would ever act unfairly toward voters, except for the Pennsylvania Republicans that do, of which there appear to be several.

Anyway, STOP OPPRESSING THE OPPRESSORS, gosh.

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158 comments

  1. YouBetcha

    Ah, the schadenfreude is starting early today. I didn't think I'd be experiencing it until the OH and VA returns came in. Wingnut pain = liberal orgasm.

  2. prommie

    Are you saying that the republicans are like those gay european futbol players with their always pretending to be injured shennanigans? Hey Fakakta, look, shennanigans, thats gaelic! Let me get my shillelegh, we'll start a donnybrook over these shennanigans and smash them into smithereens!

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I am so up for some shillelagh knocking shennanigans my ownself, just let me get this whiskey bottle emptied and broke on the side of the counter here and we are out. I ain't never gonna make it through this night. I can't take it.

      1. prommie

        I'm up for any manner of shennanigans you might wish. It would make the waiting much easier to take.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Nahh…you ought to know Republicans are all into sub-dom porn so intimidating voters makes them feel quite randy. The real question for me is, aren't there any public restrooms around for them to…'meet up'?

  3. boskolives

    I think the photo was of a "goal-watcher", not a "poll-watcher". It's an easy to make mistake, what with all the pushing and screaming, and maybe some balls getting kicked.

  4. Mittaplasia

    These evil motherfuckers will stop at NOTHING to make the election go their way. Where are Obama's brownshirts/FEMA cams/death squads when we need 'em?

  5. hagajim

    I may have to go home early today so I can fap (or drink) every time Mittens loses a state. Guess I'd better stock up on lotion (and vodka).

    1. actor212

      DAMMIT! That's what I forgot to do!

      Set up a liquor website for Republicans to order in bulk starting tomorrow!

      I was going to call it "RomneyVomitDingDong.com"

    2. 102415

      I think I can actually do that! I love voting. I will be using the bottle of gin I saved from the Frankenstorm though. Because.

  6. FakaktaSouth

    Hey man, can we do this? Kick the Rs outta places? Cause, hey, you know, start there and just keep fucking kicking*.

    *obligatory votes reference here.

    1. prommie

      Can we kick the republican voters out of the booths? With votes, of course, with our biggest clodhopping Doc Marten votes.

  7. SorosBot

    Of course this is PROOF that the Democrats are trying to steal the election! In Pennsylvania. Where Obama is up by eight or nine points and no Republican has won since 1988. Right.

    1. Callyson

      Speaking of crap being pulled by Republicans in PA–from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

      Karen Gilliam, a community advocate for the 12th Ward's 8th district in Homewood, said she and other members of the African-American community received an anonymous email warning voters not to pull the all-Democratic button because it will leave President Barack Obama out, "which is not true. Most elderly vote all Democratic and I think this was designed to confuse them."

      Assholes. But fortunately, from the same article:

      Meanwhile, turnout was high.

      Fight on!

      http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/news/politics

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      But what about Mit-mentum? Surely you know even thought he polls showed this stopped two weeks ago, ever since Obama ordered the slaughter of all the residence of Staten Island and the Jersey Shore, it's been back.

      Source: Fox News.

    1. Nostrildamus

      David Axelrod on Dick Morris: "I've occasionally put a foot in my mouth, but it's always been my own foot."

    1. Ducksworthy

      Whatever happened to that old time peculiar institution we had? There's still some decidedly peculiar people around.

  8. SorosBot

    I'm still sad to see that some of the most racist comments at that Twtichy place were deleted; they were incredibly. But I guess the mods want the bigotry kept at the dog-whistle level, not overt.

  9. freakishlywrong

    This fucking shit is going to go through Xmas, isn't it? I hate these wingnuts. Lose with grace, or don't compete at all. Fuckers.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Fuck. They can't even toe up to the starting line with grace.

      Without all the ratfucking of elections, they'd have fuck-all. It would be really nice to see real election fraud prosecuted to the point that it wasn't worth doing.

      I want a pony for Christmas, too.

        1. MittBorg

          (Mixes G&T, hands it to victim) If you can't taste the gin over all the ice, it ain't a G&T, darlz. They used to make the bestest G&Ts at the Cricket Club.

  10. Callyson

    Wonkette, thank you for being a voice of reason in an otherwise insane election season.

    Now, time to calm my nerves before I go make calls. As it is, I sounded absolutely manic when I phonebanked for Obama yesterday: fortunately, I think that came off as enthusiasm. Then–FML–I have a class tonight that I cannnot miss, but I'll be back to my favorite website around 10:30 Pacific time for what I hope will be a celebration!

    Let's do the damn thing!

  11. Ducksworthy

    "Stop oppressing the oppressors!" And also stop supressing the supressors. I hope I get to meet one of these folks today. I feel like kicking a Republicon in nuts today.

  12. Joshua Norton

    If there is anyone we should believe unquestioningly about Democrat misbehavior, it is “The Romney campaign.”

    And so it begins. The losing team is pointing fingers faster than Chris Christie ordering at a Dunkin' Donuts.

  13. CommieDad

    So that's the Pennsylvania plan. Genius! Let's help out. If you live in Pennsylvania, please use a big black crayon to write (EDIT: on paper, or your beautiful naked chest): "DO NOT SHOW ID TO WHITEY" and stand next to the white person at the polls. Also, add in small felt-tip: "please refrain from kicking whitey. he/she/it's just scared of black folks so just glare at him/her/it."

  14. Loch_Nessosaur

    But…but this is what Karl Rove told them to do. And, Karl's gonna have some 'splainin to do, to the tune of 300 million dollars or so, if Miffed doesn't pull this out.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Judging by the campaign they've run, I have to wonder if it isn't the other way around.

      What if it's like The Producers, and the whole point is to lose so nobody cares where the money really went?

      ♫Spring-time, for Romney, and Ryan toooooo♫

  15. CivicHoliday

    I'm still waiting to hear about the New Black Panthers harassing old white ladies and preventing a certain Romney victory

  16. Mittens Howell, III

    Okay Mr Rich Abdill (like that's your "real name") I'm gonna require some ID before I read any further.

    Acceptable forms include your Country Club photo ID, your NRA membership, or a shirtless selfie of you from Craigslist.

  17. notreelyhelping

    Yeah. Go down to Germantown and try that voter intimidation thing. That should prove amusing.

    1. SmutBoffin

      Doocy has never made sense of ANYTHING.

      "So, wait, it turns out that the monster at the end of the book WAS GROVER HIMSELF?! Fuck me, I don't get it."

  18. SayItWithWookies

    The Romney campaign is reporting that 75 Republican poll watchers have been barred from precinct polling places in Philadelphia, in some cases by Democrats saying, “No Republicans will be allowed in the polling place.”

    Mitt is right now crafting a statement on this issue that his campaign will walk back twenty minutes later.

  19. BadKitty904

    HuffPo is reporting that "tens of thousands of voter suppression reports" are coming in from across the country.

    This *IS* America, right? Not Parador or Dumbfuckistan or some other 3rd-rate dictatorship?

    1. PugglesRule

      Damn, I thought this was the Capital of Panem. Bread and circuses in the districts, yo. (Does this mean Mittens will have to fight a bunch of teenagers to the death when if he loses?

    2. 216stitches

      Nope! It's Dumbfuckistan. No universal healthcare, no free (secondary) education, no labeling of GMOs, capital punishment is a yes and poll fraud is up. Definitely Dumbfuckistan.

  20. T3rbo

    HERE is your source: a right wing press release. The Power Line 'website' either deliberately hid this as a source or does not how to use the html link software thing. Mainstream media is ignoring the press release, right wing fringe media is reporting it as news. Go figure.

  21. AngryBlakGuy

    …funny how republicans make it harder to vote than it is to get a semi automatic assault rifle!

    1. Lazy Media

      Ahem. ::pushes up glasses:: An assault rifle is by definition select-fire (semi or full auto at the flick of a switch). An assault WEAPON is semi-automatic.

      1. Katydid

        Be careful with that there 2nd Amendment knowledge….we may have to kick you out of the liberal base.

        Also too, do you happen to drive a truck? Hmmm?

        1. Lazy Media

          Does a '95 Civic with a trailer hitch and a utility trailer count? I don't usually tow the trailer.

  22. VodkaGoGo

    GOP pole smokers poll watchers are the real victims. Why are democrats always pressing oppressing all over GOP pole smokers poll watchers all the time?

  23. BadKitty904

    Oh, boy!

    Georgia Community To Close Its Gates Against Possible Civil Unrest During Election Aftermath

    A residential community north of Atlanta plans to close its gates 24-hours a day starting at 6 p.m. Tuesday and ending next Monday in order to guard against potential civil unrest in the election aftermath, The New York Times reports.

    Bill Stanley, the president of the homeowners' association at the Cottages of Woodstock, wrote an email to residents of the gated community explaining the decision.

    “I feel it is better to take a position of caution to enhance controlled access to the community until we see what (if any) negative repercussions may occur because of the results of the election,” Stanley said.

    Local law enforcement told The New York Times that unrest is not expected following the elections.

    –Sarah Bufkin

    1. Katydid

      Now now, libtards, calm down. Old Bill Stanley is probably just afraid the baggers' hoverrounds will destroy the college's nice gardens when they riot when Barry wins.

  24. Joshua Norton

    This just in from @FoxNews: If Barrack HUSSIEN O’Bama is relected our country is gonna be one big hip-hop bar-b-Q til Iran takes our wommen!

    Also now on Fox & Friends: Are you voting for Obama so you can be a gay? Or because you’re scared of blacks?

    1. finallyhappy

      I want to be a black gay man which is why I voted both times for Obama- but I am a straight white woman.

  25. ttommyunger

    Romney can't win if he doesn't win Virginia. Virginia handles its elections efficiently and counts them quickly. Watch the Virginia results, if Barry wins Virginia, you can probably go to bed and sleep soundly tonight.

    1. finallyhappy

      Hey, Ttommy- Working outside the polls today with a young woman who is considering moving to Atlanta from MInnesota(even here in Maryland, we have outside helpers). I told her my 4 visits over 4 years say it is a great place and probably even more fun for a young woman.

      I'm not worried about sleeping well- I expect to celebrate the second term of Barack Obama!!

  26. ingloriousbytch

    I'm still waiting for a story of one of these poll watchers getting their ass kicked. I need that story. Please someone find me that story.

    1. finallyhappy

      well, if anyone can do it- Philly can-because (as a former Philly girl) we are a kick ass bunch.

      1. HarryButtle

        As a former Philly guy, I'm truly looking forward to becoming a participant in this story.

        Yeunglings all around!

  27. Dildeaux

    Given the impending gop implosion countdown clock is winding down, I best contact my doctor because my boner will last much longer than 4 hours today.

  28. Secret_Pumpkin

    There is also some guy going around to all of the precincts in his area and then calling the Committee of Seventy and the DA's Office complaining that there are New Black Panthers intimidating people. He's done this with at least five or six different polling places, but the poll workers all say that there haven't been any Black Panthers there and that the guy came in acting like a nut.

    On the flip side, Dem poll watchers keep showing up but never obtained credentials, so they're pissed when they're asked to leave the polling place. I am a little embarrassed by how butthurt some of them are acting. I want my side to either follow the rules and/or have some dignity.

  29. smellyal8tr

    It's not so funny when it happens to you, is it GOP? Forced to look on as proud Americans are able to go to the polls unimpeded. An old friend used to work as a "state election inspector" in Texas for the Secretary of State's office. His stories about voters being challenged at the polls (in the '80s) sounded like Jim Crow. I'm sure nothing has changed in 30 years.

  30. lulzmonger

    A comfort blanket for the worrywarts:

    It's 2012 – the prospects for the GOP's handy-dandy Operation Ratfuck turning shitty election results around went waaaaaay down after a bunch of people got royally pissed in 2004 & started monitoring swing-state polling places a lot better.

    Regardless of the outcome, there's going to be a new fat catalogue of attempted GOP ratfucks being investigated – & hopefully a few new felony busts for worthy recipients.

  31. Golfing_OJ

    Woah-ho, yo! Me and my Black Panther homies have just been out cruisin' and just cold randomly votin' all over da muh-fuh! We ran into some old dudes, too, guys with teabags hangin' off dey AARP baseball caps, and I popped caps in their ass, one by one.
    They all makin' me act the fool, up in here!
    Boom! Gotcha!

  32. docterry6973

    I personally have not engaged in any intimidation of little old republican ladies that is worth mentioning.

Comments are closed.