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Cory Booker Will Bring You Some Blankets in His Sexxy New Tumblr

Needz moar KierkegaardThose shameless libruls are at it again, making jokes about your teenage daughters and black men and THE SEXING. Only this time, these concepts are being strategically interwoven into a new hawt Tumblr, “Cory Booker Hey Girl” (much more sneaky than two short weeks ago, when Lena Dunham explained the importance of losing one’s virginity to Barack Obama in a polling booth). Perhaps you are familiar with this sort of Tumblr, because like any responsible American citizen, you harbor unrequited romantic feelings for actor Ryan Gosling. This new rendition of “Hey Girl” begs the question, “Sure, Ryan Gosling captured your heart when he ended racism by dancing in the ‘Remember the Titans’ locker room, but did he invite you into his living room to charge your iPhone?”

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Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  1. Oblios_Cap

    Those shameless libruls are at it again, making jokes about your teenage daughters and black men and THE SEXING.

    Then the joke's on them! I only have (4) sons!

  2. actor212

    And he'll do it while serving a seven course meal, with selected wines, to the houseguests he took in after Sandy.

    He IS The Most Interesting Man In America!

  3. AlterNewt

    Chris Christie will heat those up in his armpits for you in like a minute, but then you have to get them back.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Oh bloody hell, way to screw up the hotness of them pocket-things. prommie says that fucker (still don't have the perfect name yet) smelled like salami when he met him. GROSS GROSS.

        1. PugglesRule

          Salami? Probably stress-sweat, which stinks worse than regular sweat. But carrying an extra 100 lb. is a lot of stress even when you're not doing the post-hurricane recovery stuff.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Now you know what it feels like to be from Bama, all of the time – everybody thinks you stink. I will stand up for you here though, cause everybody knows you smell like gin.

          2. prommie

            I done tole you, Jersey is the Mississippi of the North, the place everyone is glad they're not from. That Johnny Carson was always taking shots at us, I remember it growing up.

  4. flipdraw

    Okay, but isn't it a creditable rumor that he's, you know, teh ghey? Even if untrue, I'll imagine the handsome fella playing on my team.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Hey girl, are you all wet, or did you just fall down in a hurricane flood? Cory's here, no matter what – earth, wind and fire…

    1. prommie

      We just keep getting these storms come sweeping up here from the south wreaking devastation, stealing souls. . . .

    1. widestanceromance

      It's very difficult to photograph live boys and dead girls in a way that appeals to swing voters.

  6. HRH_Maddie

    The Dems go for back-to-back Afro-American presidents. Really give Pat Buchanan something to bitch about.

  7. SmutBoffin

    Damn, I wonder if that dude is bi..partisan. 'cause, ya know, I would, like, reach across the aisle for that.

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