CAPE NOT PICTURED  2:10 pm November 6, 2012

Cory Booker Will Bring You Some Blankets in His Sexxy New Tumblr

by Blair Burke

Needz moar KierkegaardThose shameless libruls are at it again, making jokes about your teenage daughters and black men and THE SEXING. Only this time, these concepts are being strategically interwoven into a new hawt Tumblr, “Cory Booker Hey Girl” (much more sneaky than two short weeks ago, when Lena Dunham explained the importance of losing one’s virginity to Barack Obama in a polling booth). Perhaps you are familiar with this sort of Tumblr, because like any responsible American citizen, you harbor unrequited romantic feelings for actor Ryan Gosling. This new rendition of “Hey Girl” begs the question, “Sure, Ryan Gosling captured your heart when he ended racism by dancing in the ‘Remember the Titans’ locker room, but did he invite you into his living room to charge your iPhone?”

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 46 comments }

Oblios_Cap November 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Those shameless libruls are at it again, making jokes about your teenage daughters and black men and THE SEXING.

Then the joke's on them! I only have (4) sons!

weejee November 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Same here, none daughters, four sons. Granddaughters, but only sons who now have all flown the coop.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 2:14 pm

And he'll do it while serving a seven course meal, with selected wines, to the houseguests he took in after Sandy.

He IS The Most Interesting Man In America!

nounverb911 November 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

He'd make a handsome mate for Hillary next time around.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Bill might have somethi–

Oh wait…

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Are you saying Bill wants Corey all to himself?

weejee November 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

He'll have to fight Lindsey Graham.

widestanceromance November 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Just pretend to go for his face once. Breaks just like a little girl.

Schmannnity November 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Jim Gaffigan will heat your hot pockets for you.

Estproph November 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

…dead pockets…

red_kira November 6, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Then eat them. Schwing!!!!!!!!!!!

mosaickmind November 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Cory can charge my battery ANY time! RRRrrrrr!

EatsBabyDingos November 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

In further good news, Breitbart is still dead.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Well, if he wasn't, he would be after Obama takes this thing at dinner time, west coast.

Schmannnity November 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

So Obama doesn't have to kill him again?

AlterNewt November 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Chris Christie will heat those up in his armpits for you in like a minute, but then you have to get them back.

FakaktaSouth November 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Oh bloody hell, way to screw up the hotness of them pocket-things. prommie says that fucker (still don't have the perfect name yet) smelled like salami when he met him. GROSS GROSS.

AlterNewt November 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I am truly sorry. And salami…GROSS.

PugglesRule November 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Salami? Probably stress-sweat, which stinks worse than regular sweat. But carrying an extra 100 lb. is a lot of stress even when you're not doing the post-hurricane recovery stuff.

prommie November 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Only 100? You haven't seen any good pictures of him.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

In fairness, you could say the same thing about nearly everyone from Jersey

elviouslyqueer November 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Snooki and The Situation LIBEL!

Oh, wait.

prommie November 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Hey you!

FakaktaSouth November 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Now you know what it feels like to be from Bama, all of the time – everybody thinks you stink. I will stand up for you here though, cause everybody knows you smell like gin.

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

*whistling softly, smiling*

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Well then — sometimes I'm on the meme train, and other times I'm just standing on the platform watching the express go by.

Redgyal November 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Yes, please.

Goonemeritus November 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

These Democrats do seem a little over sexed.

Toomush_Infer November 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

It's the ggggoat in us…..

flipdraw November 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Okay, but isn't it a creditable rumor that he's, you know, teh ghey? Even if untrue, I'll imagine the handsome fella playing on my team.

FakaktaSouth November 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Hey girl, are you all wet, or did you just fall down in a hurricane flood? Cory's here, no matter what – earth, wind and fire…

prommie November 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

We just keep getting these storms come sweeping up here from the south wreaking devastation, stealing souls. . . .

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Strange, Republicans never seem to be able to use sex as a selling point with their candidates. I wonder why that is?

emmelemm November 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

They're trying as hard as they can with Paul Ryan and his gym pictures.

/not working

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Needs more shots of his penis. That seems to work.

widestanceromance November 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

It's very difficult to photograph live boys and dead girls in a way that appeals to swing voters.

HRH_Maddie November 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

The Dems go for back-to-back Afro-American presidents. Really give Pat Buchanan something to bitch about.

BornInATrailer November 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I, for one, welcome our new Negro Overlords.

CrunchyKnee November 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I honestly do not know who Cory Booker is. To the Googles.

SmutBoffin November 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Damn, I wonder if that dude is bi..partisan. 'cause, ya know, I would, like, reach across the aisle for that.

red_kira November 6, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Reacharound!

What *is* one of those, anyways?

ttommyunger November 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Fuckin Wonketeers must be the horniest m'fuckers on the planet. Let's hear it for Wonketeers!

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm

whoa biden's fucking up traffic in chicago and it's only 2 PM.

does this mean i can stop making calls to MN????

LesBontemps November 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm

What's a tumblr?

widestanceromance November 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I think that refers to the weight of the sweat alone.

prommie November 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I done tole you, Jersey is the Mississippi of the North, the place everyone is glad they're not from. That Johnny Carson was always taking shots at us, I remember it growing up.

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