and you go downtown

A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal

Call the electioneering police!Look at this awesome guy! You would think they would have thrown him out of the polling place at Los Angeles’s Union Rescue Mission, on Skid Row, for electioneering. And yet they did not! What is our world even coming to?

Look at this Cory Booker-looking motherfucker! He was very nice. He pointed out Roseanne Barr’s name under the Peace & Freedom party. Is that the same Roseanne Barr? he wanted to know. Yup! Our son, next to him (FIRST TIME VOTER YALL), did not know who Roseanne Barr was. “She used to be famous,” we explained.
Cory Booker looking mofo

Here are a whole bunch of people waiting to vote even though there were a ton of empty booths. (It took almost an hour to get through a 20 person line.) Quite a few young homeless men came in asking where they could register. There was a hilarious black kid who kept asking an old black homeless lady who she’d be voting for. “You voting for Romney?” “OBAMA!” “You gonna vote for George W. Bush?” In fact, she was not! The guy checking addresses literally did not know how to alphabetize, so it took a while to convince him he would find “Schoenkopf” before “Smith.” But the lady in charge was doing her best to bulldoze him into making it happen. Also, she insisted everyone shake our son’s hand, as she’d immediately picked him out as a first-time voter. MOMMY BLOGGING.

the best revenge

Look at that punim! We were all set to shriek and carry on about our son’s constitutional right to the franchise, if they asked for ID, because you are not allowed to ask for ID in California! Then we went to the Secretary of State’s website and discovered, in fact, that first-time voters do have to show ID in California! But the awesome lady in charge was not having any of that. “What do you do with a first-time voter?” she asked her befuddled poll worker. As he hesitated, not knowing the answer, she sighed and yelled “MARK HIM OFF, GIVE HIM A BALLOT, HE IS STANDING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU!” Problem solved.

The End.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. freakishlywrong

    Awwww. You must be so proud. Rorrrrrrwwww..I know what I'd do with a "first time voter"…

  2. SorosBot

    Does Roseanne think people are actually going to forgive her for that horrific final season when the Connors won the lottery and the show suddenly stopped being about working-class problems? I for one never will.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          Would you like to contribute to my Wikia on the Greater Hooterville Universe of Mid-'60s CBS Cornpone Sitcoms? I can't remember the three girls' names on "Petticoat Junction."

          1. Chet Kincaid_

            Excellent! Perhaps you can help out with the Timeline Project? We are trying to establish if Oliver and Lisa Douglas arrived in Hooterville before or after the Clampetts left for Beverly Hills. None of the crossovers line up correctly in the continuity unless we get this right!!

      1. Lazy Media

        Loose meat sandwiches. Steamed crumbled hamburger on a bun, with a pickle if you're daringI had one of those in Kansas once. ::shudder:: Midwesterners do not know what food is, or how to cook it.

  3. Barbara_

    Hooray for Jimmie and his first vote.
    I'm wearing nothing more right now than a "I Voted" sticker. It's election day and why not.

    1. boskolives

      I think you'll need 3 to be legally covered in California, if you're in California. And the third one needs to be the correct one for carpet or hardwood floors. Depending on if you've flicked your bic. Recently. Also.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      She was funny, back when she was fresh. i think I remember Robin Williams that way, too. But that was the 1970s, and, you know, drugs.

    2. Gleem McShineys

      Tell him that until Sarah Palin ruined it for everybody, shrill voices once were acceptable.

    3. shelwood46

      The first few seasons of her show are excellent and really stand up. I still get misty at the one where Darlene writes a poem (actually written by Joss Whedon). Plus also too, young George Clooney.

    1. Disassembly

      Yes, between "it's a mandate!" and "the election was stolen by black panthers and illegal crackheads!"

      1. MittBorg

        The media has already decided that Barry can NEVER HAZ a mandate because BLAH. Srsly. Politico opined at length that without a majority of the white male vote, there is no mandate. Although p'raps they mean man-date.

        1. Disassembly

          True. At least Obama won't stand at a podium tomorrow talking about how he has political capital and that he intends on spending it. Because no one would ever do that.

      1. MittBorg

        1. You need to leave a space between the closing angle bracket and the next word.
        2. You need to close your tag with a /a in angle brackets.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm pretty sure a teabagger shirt would've had a Commie or Muslin flag behind Barry, so my guess is it's pro-Obama.

  4. EatsBabyDingos

    There's an election today? I thought my Japanese neighbor was just being friendly asking about our erections.

  5. gullywompr

    I guess it took him a little longer to cast his ballot. "SCHOENKOPF" must be a pretty hard name to write in…

    1. T3rbo

      No, there was a new black panther, in the first picture. The one with the white hat. He was the one standing at parade rest intimidating everyone else, with his black skin.

  6. LesBontemps

    Our son, next to him (FIRST TIME VOTER YALL), did not know who Roseanne Barr was.

    So good parenting all around, then.

  7. FakaktaSouth

    You could tell your kid Roseanne is a MUCH better singer than Roms would ever be as President, and to feel good about not knowing what that means either. Yay young people, first time voting, and being way cuter than most. That is nice Ms Becs.

  8. Limeylizzie

    I am wearing this crazy t-shirt I got in 08 , it looks very odd it says "Mr November " above a pic of Barry and it is a size medium and my tits are a size large so it garners some attention here in Harlem.

    1. Cleopatriot

      I am wearing my "One House One Spouse Obama Biden 2008" t under my sensible sweater here at work.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          You and me both.I'm going to go and cook an actual dinner to keep me away from the TV.But I probably won't be able to eat it, my stomach's been in a knot for days.

  9. Terry

    When I voted, I tried to show my work id (which was hanging around my neck on a lanyard) to the poll worker just so she could see the spelling of my last name (which isn't phonetically spelled by any stretch of the imagination), and she CLOSED HER EYES and said "DON'T show me that! We don't check ID's here!". Ok, but I'd spelled my last name for her twice and she wasn't understanding that the name Teresa doesn't always have an H in it. I know I'm not required to show it to her, but in this case it would have sped things up a bit.

    1. shelwood46

      That happened to me a few years ago in NJ. I flashed my drivers license for last name spelling and the poll workers recoiled like vampires seeing a cross.

  10. Goonemeritus

    Welcome to the wonderful world of democracy young man. Remember this moment 50 years from now when you are all cynical and gnarled from year’s disappointment.

  11. Detesticle

    Call me crazy, but I believe the children are our are future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride, to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.

    1. Zango Crudmonger

      Children's laughter reminds me I was enjoying a nice nap, until the damned laughter came along. Harumph.

  12. prommie

    Oh hey, I just voted for myself, using my fancy-schmancy black panther-free electronical youtubes method of voting that Governor Sandwiches McFattypants instituted as an emergency measure here in hurricane-ravaged Joisey. I wrote myself in for City Council, just hoping to see myself reported among the results. There were no democrats on the ballot, but one guy's party was listed as "Litwin Rocks Manahawkin." His name was Litwin, of course. Apparently, he rocks that town!

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Wow, you and Joe on the same ballot! But I wish you would come up with a different name for that bitchass-blubbering-before-Bruce-at-the-benefit-bastard (who I have admittedly enjoyed IMMENSELY – get it? immensely? these last few days). I have told you how I feel about Sandwiches. Stop besmirching.

    2. BlueMonkeh

      My husband, daughter and I wrote in "Donkey Teeth" (props to Key & Peele) for all of the races that only had a repube candidate running. It felt good.

    3. Guppy

      It's a damn shame that all the wingnut unaffiliated candidates are always drawn to the presidency or statewide office and never for state and local stuff.

  13. Beowoof

    No one is more proud than me that I have raised good little democrats who see republicans for who they are. Okay so it wasn't all me, their racist teabagger uncles helped them reach their conclusions on their own.

    1. LesBontemps

      I try to instill good Socialist values in my children, but they keep identifying themselves as Democrats. I blame their mother. And Obama.

    2. Geminisunmars

      Of my three step children, two are even leftier than I am. The third and youngest is a raving rightwingnut. My poor husband is so ashamed, but whatcha gonna do when they are yours? I'm just glad I can claim no blood relation.

      1. emmelemm

        How does that HAPPEN?

        (Seriously, I've always wondered about that. I mean, the siblings were raised by the same parents, in the same place, right?)

        1. MittBorg

          Don't ask me. Mom was a Nazi (not literally, but close enough) and Dad was a pinko atheist, and they produced at least two Republicans, one lefty pinko, and one screaming fucking queen.

        2. Geminisunmars

          I have a lot of theories, as do the rest of the family. My pet theory is that I believe he is an undiagnosed dyslexic, and developed a chip on his shoulder about all these smarty-pants academic types who think they are so smart… That, and it is way to rebel and differentiate himself from his brothers and father.

          It is really rather sad, in that he kept his daughter away from the rest of us, afeared that we would try to indoctrinate her. Fortunately she has a brain and seems to be making her own conclusions — which are opposite of his. You go, Girl!

        3. Biff

          My brother was a dyed in the wool union leftist until the day he died. My niece followed the family tradition, but my nephew is a right-wing fundie. You can't explain it…

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I prefer to think of it as the "I'm voting for the winner, muthafuckas" glow. Sort of like the glow I had this morning when I cast my very gay sparkly Democratic vote in very not gay dour pissy Republican Mississippi.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Your sparkly vote might count extra-special much if we get into that damn area where we desperately need the general vote count to support the electoral vote. That's what I've been telling every Democrat I know who's not enthusiastic about voting in a red state.

  14. Lazy Media

    Damn punk kid, voting in a hoody. PULL YOUR PANTS UP, SONNY!

    OK, you get off this time because of that squared-away haircut.

  15. BadKitty904

    When do they start counting??? I can't stand much more of this. (plus my bf is tired of getting texts at his office every 5 minutes)

    1. neiltheblaze

      I've decided to cook something. I figure at least later on I'll have something to show for it all than just a bunch of chewed up carpet. I'm going to cook – then I'll go back to pacing.

          1. MittBorg

            Nerve damage. Fortunately it's not permanent but the gait IS affected, so I wasn't imagining listing to one side. PT torture starts tomorrow. I'm very grateful it's still OK, but fuck if it doesn't hurt like fuck-all!

          2. Biff

            Aw, big hug. We're a pair to draw to, ain't we?Back to the voting. Good thing I early-voted over 2 weeks ago, because this morning I super-glued my voting fingers together. I can never get shit to stick together with that stuff, but this one time…

        1. MittBorg

          I'm'a have a word with CRE about his obsession with teh cannibal tendencies and his suspicions of ME. Clearly, you're the preferred suspect.

  16. Toomush_Infer

    On the way to school today, I asked my 16 year old great nephew who lives with us, who I should vote for….."Who are the choices?" he asked….never underestimate Asbergers…..

  17. Biel_ze_Bubba

    My daughter voted for the first time as well. Didn't get to share it, 'cause she's at school with an absentee ballot, but it was pretty cool to see her name right above mine on the voter registration roll.

    1. MittBorg

      To The Devil, A Daughter. And I always thought it was made up. Congrats, Biely, the proud glow of parenthood emanates from your very pointy points!

  18. BadKitty904

    More stories of voter suppression and fraud at Daily Kos.

    Ugh. I don't recall the last election being like this – is this the norm?

    1. SorosBot

      Look down to the earlier stories! He is back, standing outside a polling place, and Fox and most of the wingnut blogs are going apeshit.

  19. Jus_Wonderin

    Rebecca, you don't look old enough to have a voting aged son. When did you birth that boy? At 12????

    1. Geminisunmars

      If I recall my Schoenkopf history correctly, the boy was thrust upon her at an early age. Fortunately, all turned out well.

        1. Geminisunmars

          I'm sure she'll take it in the complimentary spirit in which it was intended. But I have to admit, I'm not all that confident about my memory. But it appears she raised him good, however he arrived.

  20. Close_Read

    So now that that's out of the way, please tell us you're planning to live blog the returns tonight? Pleez?

  21. CommieDad

    Congrats. Today my whole family (except the three year old) got a cold, and can barely move. I think it is a Republican plot to suppress the vote. Hah! I voted two weeks ago. Take that right-wing-virus and/or bacterial infection!

    My mother in law is here helping. She has not voted yet, so I harass her every 10 minutes. She's starting to get a little mad.

    1. MittBorg

      Don't let up. You'll ALL be glad you didn't when you discover that you've RLY got Leaping Anthrax Leprosy Mu, and Obamacare is the only thing that will save your lives.

  22. AlterNewt

    Meanwhile, 15 minutes north of skid row via the Pasadena freeway, I stood in line with Fran, an attractive 40ish blah lady who carries two IPhones, and Todd, who works for a PR firm, and has two Blackberries. This was fascinating for a minute and then both of these connected folks confessed their complete ignorance as to how they should vote on the important measures we have on the ballot. I let them copy my picks and they voted accordingly because why not? God Bless America.

    1. 415buzzard

      I noticed the same thing up here in Librul Dirty Hippie Town. I've got friends emailing me asking what to vote yes/no on. CA better start educating people if they are going to continue to have 20 Propositions on the freaking ballot every year.

  23. ElPinche

    Wha? When did Wonkette turn into a mommy blog??1!
    Rebecca, I am sorry I said your son looks like the word monster David Weigel the other night; he most certainly does not. Your son looks very happy that he voted (he does have that "after-ballot glow" ) .

  24. SchemeZ

    Took my 11yr old. She saw how simple it was to vote with a paper ballot, felt-tip marker and optical scanner. Why is it so difficult in other states?

  25. ttommyunger

    You're lucky, Becca. My son says he is for R'Money, so I had to kneecap him, for votes, literally.

  26. qwerty42

    Well, geeze, imagine the alphabetization problems if the name had been “Schönkopf”.

    And a great job for the proud mamma.

  27. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    It is a sacred right of Mommies (especially commie mommies) to make a giant, embarrassing fuss and make sure every single person in line that your little girl/boy is VOTING FOR THE FIRST TIME OMG! My daughter finally kicked me out of line (as I had already voted), but fortunately the old dude next to her picked up the baton for me and continued to introduce her to everyone who joined the line, for 2 hours (Barack 1). Us commie parents stick together.

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