messed around and got a triple double

Obama’s Hip-Hop Election Day Basketball Game Fails To Create Jobs

Sure, I'll tuck my t-shirt into my sweatpants, that's a sexy lookWe don’t want to get into any ugly stereotyping, but one of our major-party candidates for president is working very hard today, voting this morning and then flying to other states, while the other one is just chilling on the South Side of Chicago and playing some hoops with his so-called “home boys.” Do we really need four more years of a president who’s cool and collected? Or do we want someone who votes at the last minute when he could’ve done it weeks ago and then dashes off to states he can’t win just to look like he’s not wasting his donors’ money?

Mitt Romney voted this morning in Belmont, Massachusetts, where he “lives.” There’s no indication in the news coverage that he had his security goons kick ordinary humans out of line so he could vote, but our Editrix heard on Twitter that he did so obviously we’re going to go with that.

Meanwhile, the lamestream media is mum on exactly which ghetto thugs Obama played basketball with as part of his election-day ritual. We’re guessing the game included core members of his crew, like Rahm Emmanuel and Larry Summers. [ABC/WP]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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          1. ttommyunger

            You're asking the wrong white man. I can't dribble, shoot OR jump, so I wouldn't know dick about the hoop.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        They don't have basketball in the Mormon enclaves of Mexico, so it's not like Mitt grew up on it.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I'd pay whatever just to see him GO AWAY. I'm all feisty and shouty today. I want a crying Ann who didn't get her way before the day is over.

      1. mayor_quimby

        Do you think she'll break down like Santorum's daughter in 2008? That would be worth this whole drawn out, wretched election.
        I'm right there with you on the shouty thing, there will be random MF'ers thrown around me all day at the slightest provocation.

      1. ttommyunger

        He's been drooling over his Presidential prospects for years now.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Nothin' but net.

      Also, I hope we net a few more (D) congressmen and senators, too.

      At least things are looking good for our petite, progressive Pocahontas in MA. Nate Silver has got a high prob (94% !) that she's taking over Scott Brown's seat.

  1. comrad_darkness

    In the end if you aren't having fun, what's the point? And a president who hates is life his going to make the rest of us miserable indeed.

    1. red_kira

      Only if you are a lady girl. If you are a boy, Mittens doesn't even know you people could *have* crushes!

  2. Dr_Zoidberg

    Look, President Obama's been very busy, what with ruining the county, bowing to foreign leaders, being a Socialist/Communist/Kenyan, and divorcing Michelle. The poor man needs a break!

          1. goat_thrower

            If you take the name Obama, switch a few of the letters around and add some more it spells Hitler.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Heh. Maybe once it's a done deal tonight, he'll get his party on and show us his human side. (Blaaaarkkkghhg!)

          Naw, I I just don't see it.

  3. FakaktaSouth

    I love a man who will palm a ball for freedom. Please don't talk about Larry Summers today, I am trying to feel good about what I've done.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Woohoo Booj! Look at you all bragging and making Lance Armstrong feel even worse! Hasn't he suffered enough?

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Basketball?! Why doesn't he ride around on the back of some monster boat off his lakefront estate like a real president would?

    Just kidding, of course — if Mitt got elected, it would just crush my dream of smoking a doobie on the White House roof.

    1. smellypossum

      Willie Nelson been there, done that! (the smokin a doobie thing at the WH, maybe the monster boat thing too – but with a doobie also, too).

  5. MinAgain

    Do we really need four more years of a president who’s cool and collected?

    Is that a trick question?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Now that Mitt's losing his full time job of 8 years (running for office), perhaps he'll turn his energies, like elder statesmen Clinton and Carter, to help out on worldwide charitable causes.


      I totally kill myself sometimes.

  6. Boojum

    This is the same guy who laughed and cracked jokes after ordering bin Laden killed. Ice water freezes when it gets near his veins.

  7. Crank_Tango

    I just realized that the best I can hope for today is 4 more years of the same shit we've been experiencing for the past 4 years. Ugh.

      1. Nostrildamus

        Insufficient. We need to go back in time and kill the first ancestral vertebrate with photo-receptors. It's the only way to be sure.

  8. Goonemeritus

    If I had the privilege of saying one thing to our President today it would be “relax dude we’ve got this”.

    1. YouBetcha

      Oh you guys think this is all just fun and games, but you won't be laughing when he shows up to work tomorrow wearing gold chains and a fedora, holding a cane.

    2. NellCote71

      Taunting racists is like throwing a ball to a labrador retriever. It's fun for the first five minutes but gets real boring for you but not the lab.

      1. ph7

        Better yet, Barry and Mitt each field a team by rotating selections from the Supreme Court. Ruth Bader may be small, but she has a wicked three pointer.

  9. mayor_quimby

    Voted today in Atlanta, took 90 mins and I was only about 50th in line. We really need to fix out voting. They had the exact number of voting machines they had for the primaries (8)
    And I split my ticket between straight Dem and Lizard People, for old time's sake. See image –

  10. LesBontemps

    Meanwhile, the lamestream media is mum on exactly which ghetto thugs Obama played basketball with as part of his election-day ritual. We’re guessing the game included core members of his crew, like Rahm Emmanuel and Larry Summers.

    Bill Ayers and Frank Marshall, duh!

    1. actor212

      *Free* throws? What are you, socialist? You turn those free throws in immediately so your betters can have them, the folks who deserve free throw cuts!

  11. MosesInvests

    Off to vote now, y'all. Of course, I'm in Tejas, so my votes for POTUS/VPOTUS, Senate and House don't matter, but at least I can keep some sane people in the Lege and get some local stuff done. Then it's off to have lunch with the cutest 2nd grader in the world. Obamanos, Tejas!

    1. MosesInvests

      Update-I ended up going to lunch first, since the line to vote at my precinct was an hour long. Actually voted at my daughter's school-new rule in the People's Republic of Austin is that you can vote anywhere in Travis County. Looks to me like a bigger turnout than 2008, in a state where only Bubba's vote counts for national elections. Poll worker who was working the big early voting site on Friday said that they had people in there until midnight. Enthusiasm gap, my @ss!

    2. smellyal8tr

      I vote in TX too. First time in a long time that I just pulled the D lever and was done with it.

    1. djneedlz

      Heck, I mailed in my ballot for COMPLETE LEGALIZATION OF THE POT two weeks ago here in sunny purple-mountained Colorado. What's taking you Commiewealth commies so long to catch up? Being a recovering Masshole myself, just curious.

      1. BadKitty904

        Guess Rmoney's lying about all those Chrysler Jeep jobs being moved to China wasn't such a clever ploy after all…

    1. PubOption

      The real reason is so that the Chinese can come in, and see the equipment that they're buying. Mittens told me.

    2. NellCote71

      Oh, would that be because this is the last time Chrysler workers will get to vote in a U.S. election as employees of said company, per Romney.

      Indeed, eat it, Money Boo Boo.

  12. smellyal8tr

    Tell your old man to drag Larry Summers up and down the court for 60 minutes and see how he feels…

  13. Chow Yun Flat

    We voted absentee–my wife had a medical procedure scheduled and I was accompanying her. On the way down Southfield Road we passed a school that had two polling places for the tiny suburb of Lathrup Village. Like Southfield, where we live and which surrounds it, it is majority African American, middle and working class.

    At 8:30 AM there were lines out the door from each polling place–must have been 75 people in each line at the time waiting to get in. Four hours later, on the way back, there were still two significant lines. Most the early line looked like black people dressed for work, lots of retired white people later.

    I wouldn't be surprised if the President got all the votes cast by those citizens.

  14. Spurning Beer

    I sent in my absentee vote a couple of weeks ago, so I wouldn't have to clog up a booth working my way through a four-page Florida ballot with constitutional amendments on medical methamphetamine and Homo Sapiens marriage.

  15. DemonicRage

    It only looks like a basketball game. Actually, it's a strategy session: picking out which foreign lands will be on "Apology Tour II," or whatever the Republicans will call anything that the newly re-elected POTUS does, the day after he is securely re-elected. Campaign 2016 starts 3 seconds after Romney makes his Concession Speech, or sends Rafalka out to tap out the words with his hooves.

  16. PugglesRule

    I had no idea a man of Mittens' size could live comfortably inside a standard post office box.

  17. Serolf_Divad

    Good thing he voted. Imagine if Romney had lost Massachussets by just one vote? Think of how foolish he'd feel.

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