Sure, I'll tuck my t-shirt into my sweatpants, that's a sexy lookWe don’t want to get into any ugly stereotyping, but one of our major-party candidates for president is working very hard today, voting this morning and then flying to other states, while the other one is just chilling on the South Side of Chicago and playing some hoops with his so-called “home boys.” Do we really need four more years of a president who’s cool and collected? Or do we want someone who votes at the last minute when he could’ve done it weeks ago and then dashes off to states he can’t win just to look like he’s not wasting his donors’ money?

Mitt Romney voted this morning in Belmont, Massachusetts, where he “lives.” There’s no indication in the news coverage that he had his security goons kick ordinary humans out of line so he could vote, but our Editrix heard on Twitter that he did so obviously we’re going to go with that.

Meanwhile, the lamestream media is mum on exactly which ghetto thugs Obama played basketball with as part of his election-day ritual. We’re guessing the game included core members of his crew, like Rahm Emmanuel and Larry Summers. [ABC/WP]

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  • ttommyunger

    I'd pay a hundred bucks just to see Willard try to dribble twenty feet.

  • gullywompr


    • Lascauxcaveman

      Nothin' but net.

      Also, I hope we net a few more (D) congressmen and senators, too.

      At least things are looking good for our petite, progressive Pocahontas in MA. Nate Silver has got a high prob (94% !) that she's taking over Scott Brown's seat.

  • SIDEBAR BAZAAR AD: "One of us. One of us."

    Finally, wonkette! The longneck bud's I've been looking for. How much with shipping and handling?

  • CrunchyKnee

    It's hard to post up in the paint in magic underwear.

  • UW8316154

    Who dat got their hands on mah Barry!

    • BadKitty904

      And why is it not me???

    • Dr_Zoidberg


      • No, me!

        K girls and boys, let's not fight. We can haz orgy.

        • Dr_Zoidberg

          Orgies for everyone!

    • proudgrampa

      Today, we ALL got our hands on Barry!

  • comrad_darkness

    In the end if you aren't having fun, what's the point? And a president who hates is life his going to make the rest of us miserable indeed.

  • Tom

    Golf later?

  • Rahm lost a fingertip slam-dunking.

    • Cleopatriot

      Nah, he lost it in a long form improv.

  • BumbleKid

    Is it ok that I totally have a crush on Bamz?

    • BadKitty904

      Get in line, bub.

      • Ahem.

      • Nostrildamus

        Orals to the left, anals to the right. Please have your orifice ready.

    • red_kira

      Only if you are a lady girl. If you are a boy, Mittens doesn't even know you people could *have* crushes!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Look, President Obama's been very busy, what with ruining the county, bowing to foreign leaders, being a Socialist/Communist/Kenyan, and divorcing Michelle. The poor man needs a break!

    • Schmannnity

      Your forgot apologizing and killing Ambassador Stevens.

      • LesBontemps

        And demanding revenge.

        • BadKitty904

          Plus golf.

          • raygotaway

            . . . and something, something–Nazis.

          • goat_thrower

            If you take the name Obama, switch a few of the letters around and add some more it spells Hitler.

  • memzilla

    Just skew it.

    • The President's team beat the Secret Service by twelve points, but they had to unskew it to shut Erick Erickson up, so he only won by two

      • StillGoinGreen

        Secrete Service Team = Washington Generals

  • me personally i hope he's ordering a drone strike to take out romney.

    with votes.

    • NellCote71

      Sanguine votes.

  • AlterNewt

    Doesn't he have any Presidentey stuff to do? Why won't Obama do President stuff?

    • nounverb911

      He's still done more than either Bush did.

      • AlterNewt

        And without public puking.

        • Wait until he has to shake hands with and thank Romney for losing with dignity. Except for those two years of recounts and law suits of course.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Heh. Maybe once it's a done deal tonight, he'll get his party on and show us his human side. (Blaaaarkkkghhg!)

          Naw, I I just don't see it.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I love a man who will palm a ball for freedom. Please don't talk about Larry Summers today, I am trying to feel good about what I've done.

    • Boojum

      For you, I will palm two.

  • Schmannnity

    Romney prefers Monopoly to basketball.

    • BadKitty904

      With both a capital "M" and a lower-case "m"…

    • Oh, win.

    • miss_grundy

      He probably likes shuffleboard and running around in his gold-plated scooter, too.

    • rickmaci

      …and dancing horse.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Jim Croce was full of shit.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Whatever. I still don't spit into the wind.

  • I keep saying this: Obama got this, bro.

  • I don't mean to stereotype people, but I'm pretty sure that Mitt Romney supporters can't jump.

    • nounverb911

      Can they get out of their hoverounds?

      • NellCote71

        That would be their government-subsidized hover rounds, ammaright?

    • T3rbo

      Ted Nugent can jump over a moose after doing an 8ball, just sayin'

    • BadKitty904

      You don't *need* to jump when you're on a polo pony.

    • Mitt has supporters even when he's wearing his magic underwear? Boy, talk about suspenders and a belt.

    • PubOption

      Meat Loaf certainly can't jump.

  • Basketball?! Why doesn't he ride around on the back of some monster boat off his lakefront estate like a real president would?

    Just kidding, of course — if Mitt got elected, it would just crush my dream of smoking a doobie on the White House roof.

    • smellypossum

      Willie Nelson been there, done that! (the smokin a doobie thing at the WH, maybe the monster boat thing too – but with a doobie also, too).

    • LesBontemps

      You have that dream, too?

  • MinAgain

    Do we really need four more years of a president who’s cool and collected?

    Is that a trick question?

  • Mitt's favorite pastime in fact his only hobby is running for President. Tomorrow is going to be the beginning of a very difficult time for Ann.

    • nounverb911

      I thought his favorite hobby was visiting his money in Switzerland.

      • miss_grundy

        No, the Caymans, mon.

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe if she got him a metal-detector and some baggy bermuda shorts…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Now that Mitt's losing his full time job of 8 years (running for office), perhaps he'll turn his energies, like elder statesmen Clinton and Carter, to help out on worldwide charitable causes.


      I totally kill myself sometimes.

  • Boojum

    This is the same guy who laughed and cracked jokes after ordering bin Laden killed. Ice water freezes when it gets near his veins.

  • Blueb4sinrise


    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah, that Romney talks a good game, but his shit don't go in.

  • Crank_Tango

    I just realized that the best I can hope for today is 4 more years of the same shit we've been experiencing for the past 4 years. Ugh.

  • Schmannnity

    He's playing against Chris Christie, captain of the skins team.

    • elviouslyqueer

      And there goes my lunch.

    • I just threw up in my mouth, a little.

    • LesBontemps

      Thanks alot. Now I need a sharp stick to poke out my mind's eye.

      • Nostrildamus

        Insufficient. We need to go back in time and kill the first ancestral vertebrate with photo-receptors. It's the only way to be sure.

    • He's not just captain of the skins team, he's the owner of the largest skin collection this side of Hoboken.

  • Goonemeritus

    If I had the privilege of saying one thing to our President today it would be “relax dude we’ve got this”.

    • RomneysLogCabin

      typed +1 for sheer awesomeness

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Basketball, such an urban sport, unlike dancing horses.

  • SorosBot

    I think he's just taunting the racists now; which is awesome.

    • Yep, gonna have some fried chicken and watermelon after the game.

      • LesBontemps

        Wash it down with a 40.

        • Don't let him intercept that blunt.


    • YouBetcha

      Oh you guys think this is all just fun and games, but you won't be laughing when he shows up to work tomorrow wearing gold chains and a fedora, holding a cane.

      • SorosBot

        Now that would rock.

      • bobbert

        And a clock.

    • BerkeleyBear

      I'm hoping Luther the Anger Translator gets to be the next WH Press Secretary.

      • PugglesRule

        Oh oh oh! Another Key and Peele fan!

    • NellCote71

      Taunting racists is like throwing a ball to a labrador retriever. It's fun for the first five minutes but gets real boring for you but not the lab.

  • ph7

    In event of an electoral tie, Mitt and Barry play a game of one-on-one to 11.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      In which case Nate Silver gives Barry a 101% chance of winning.

      • ph7

        Better yet, Barry and Mitt each field a team by rotating selections from the Supreme Court. Ruth Bader may be small, but she has a wicked three pointer.

        • Canmon

          But Romney would have Clarence Thomas, and he's probably good at basketball because he's, um,… tall.

  • Bamz brings a whole new meaning to "Now watch this drive"

    • CindynEncinitas

      It's gotta be the shoes!

  • mayor_quimby

    Voted today in Atlanta, took 90 mins and I was only about 50th in line. We really need to fix out voting. They had the exact number of voting machines they had for the primaries (8)
    And I split my ticket between straight Dem and Lizard People, for old time's sake. See image –

  • LesBontemps

    Meanwhile, the lamestream media is mum on exactly which ghetto thugs Obama played basketball with as part of his election-day ritual. We’re guessing the game included core members of his crew, like Rahm Emmanuel and Larry Summers.

    Bill Ayers and Frank Marshall, duh!

    • miss_grundy

      When did the U of Chicago become a ghetto, 'cause tht's Bamz's neighborhood.

    • NellCote71

      Don't forget Saul Alinksy and Rev. Wright.

  • coolhandnuke

    The starting five of Romney & Sons would get manhandled by the Facts of Life girls.

    • rickmaci

      Yah. Whatz up with those kids? They are just about the girliest boys I've ever seen.

  • Lazy and shiftless, maybe, but can he make the free throws? That's the question that will decide this election.

    • *Free* throws? What are you, socialist? You turn those free throws in immediately so your betters can have them, the folks who deserve free throw cuts!

      • No, I'm a Kenyan Marxist, but I'm sure that given a chance Romney will monetize it, likely at least .25 a ball to play

    • NellCote71

      47% of the population expect free throws.

    • rickmaci

      He was pretty good off the pick Joe Biden set for him.

  • MosesInvests

    Off to vote now, y'all. Of course, I'm in Tejas, so my votes for POTUS/VPOTUS, Senate and House don't matter, but at least I can keep some sane people in the Lege and get some local stuff done. Then it's off to have lunch with the cutest 2nd grader in the world. Obamanos, Tejas!

    • your day will come moses, your day will come.

    • MosesInvests

      Update-I ended up going to lunch first, since the line to vote at my precinct was an hour long. Actually voted at my daughter's school-new rule in the People's Republic of Austin is that you can vote anywhere in Travis County. Looks to me like a bigger turnout than 2008, in a state where only Bubba's vote counts for national elections. Poll worker who was working the big early voting site on Friday said that they had people in there until midnight. Enthusiasm gap, my @ss!

    • smellyal8tr

      I vote in TX too. First time in a long time that I just pulled the D lever and was done with it.

  • All you potheads will be glad to know I voted for medical marijuana here in MA.

    • DCBloom

      You might rethink that when we all move there….

      • I got relatives in Lexing– huh?

    • djneedlz

      Heck, I mailed in my ballot for COMPLETE LEGALIZATION OF THE POT two weeks ago here in sunny purple-mountained Colorado. What's taking you Commiewealth commies so long to catch up? Being a recovering Masshole myself, just curious.

    • CindynEncinitas

      This shit right here? You mean this shit right here? This shit right here!

    • I live in a write-in state, so so did I. For congress.

    • MosesInvests

      Woooow, maaaan.

  • Guy who encountered voting machine neafariousness: "Now this is troubleshooting I can believe in."

  • BadKitty904

    Per Kos: Chrysler is giving its entire workforce the day off to vote.

    *Eat* it, Mittens!

    • anniegetyerfun

      That is brilliant. I wish more companies would do that.

      • BadKitty904

        Guess Rmoney's lying about all those Chrysler Jeep jobs being moved to China wasn't such a clever ploy after all…

    • PubOption

      The real reason is so that the Chinese can come in, and see the equipment that they're buying. Mittens told me.

    • NellCote71

      Oh, would that be because this is the last time Chrysler workers will get to vote in a U.S. election as employees of said company, per Romney.

      Indeed, eat it, Money Boo Boo.

    • djneedlz

      Lazy unions!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Earworm. Getcher earworm, here.

    • proudgrampa

      It has a beat, and you can dance to it!

  • If anyone has the stones, Memeorandum is a carnival of right-wing butthurt. But please don't go over if you're gullible or really worried about the election.

    • maybe tomorrow.

    • CindynEncinitas

      Are you worried, Actor? Please tell me not to worry so's I can get some work done…

      • Obama got this

        • CindynEncinitas

          *sniff* thanks.

  • le petit mort

    Today I didn't even have to make an appearance in AK.

    Today was a good day.

  • smellyal8tr

    Tell your old man to drag Larry Summers up and down the court for 60 minutes and see how he feels…

  • We voted absentee–my wife had a medical procedure scheduled and I was accompanying her. On the way down Southfield Road we passed a school that had two polling places for the tiny suburb of Lathrup Village. Like Southfield, where we live and which surrounds it, it is majority African American, middle and working class.

    At 8:30 AM there were lines out the door from each polling place–must have been 75 people in each line at the time waiting to get in. Four hours later, on the way back, there were still two significant lines. Most the early line looked like black people dressed for work, lots of retired white people later.

    I wouldn't be surprised if the President got all the votes cast by those citizens.

  • I sent in my absentee vote a couple of weeks ago, so I wouldn't have to clog up a booth working my way through a four-page Florida ballot with constitutional amendments on medical methamphetamine and Homo Sapiens marriage.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      They're letting Homo sapiens marry? The horror!

  • docterry6973

    I heard that our so-called President slept over 4 HOURS last night, instead of creating jobs!!

  • larrykat

    He stone-cold ballin'.

  • DemonicRage

    It only looks like a basketball game. Actually, it's a strategy session: picking out which foreign lands will be on "Apology Tour II," or whatever the Republicans will call anything that the newly re-elected POTUS does, the day after he is securely re-elected. Campaign 2016 starts 3 seconds after Romney makes his Concession Speech, or sends Rafalka out to tap out the words with his hooves.

  • PugglesRule

    I had no idea a man of Mittens' size could live comfortably inside a standard post office box.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Good thing he voted. Imagine if Romney had lost Massachussets by just one vote? Think of how foolish he'd feel.

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