TODAY IN TODAY  9:11 am November 6, 2012

None Of These Democrats Actually Drive Trucks (Except Maybe The Nice Lesbian Couple)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Today is the day with the best likelihood of us posting your nonsense. Like this ad full of total actors claiming they are Democrats who drive trucks! As if! That black lady does not drive a truck! That old biddy does not drive a truck! BUT.

Well, we came dangerously close to tearing up. Despite the total actorness. And the silliness of the giant truck prop gleaming behind all the nice people. (None of whom have Massachusetts accents, BTW.) This ad is probably not going to win Massachusetts’ senate seat for Elizabeth Warren! (Scott Brown did that all by himself.) But it’s nice! It’s stirring! There are happy pregnant lesbians! Send us your nonsense at tips@wonkette.com. We have a real low bar today.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 148 comments }

weejee November 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

Happy election day Wonketters!! Here's hoping Willard will appear flushed during his concession speech after receiving a richly deserved votive enema from the American electorate.

Obama 347 : Willard 191

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 9:21 am

I'm not that optimistic, but I see Obama 305 and +3% in the popular vote

weejee November 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

I'm thinkin' Bamz will get both the Gators and the Tar Heels.

Terry November 6, 2012 at 9:30 am

…and Virginia and Ohio

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 9:37 am

In today's world, 270 might not be enough. Not enough to avoid litigation at any rate.

UW8316154 November 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

No kidding. I'm thinking it has to be at least into the 300's before it is safe from the Supreme Court.

YerMa November 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

From this warblog to dog's ears.

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

Just put a little smile on them rosy cheeks, ' Cause the Greeks don't want no freaks…

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

1st enema squirt administered in Van Nuys, California from my massive vote nozzle. Mittzi, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

Nate Silver, don't fail us now…

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

i woke up about 8 times last night thinking this exact thought.

must. find. something. to. do. today.

PuckStopsHere November 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

Only Scott Brown is allowed to drive a truck in a MA election! You know the rules, people!!!

OneDollarJuana November 6, 2012 at 9:15 am

Does he drive a nice pink truck?

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

A Mary Kay truck? Who knew?

PsycWench November 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

I thought he just had to talk about the truck. He has to drive it too?

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:21 am

Help people move with your truck or GTFO.

memzilla November 6, 2012 at 9:14 am

Busting up the memes, ha! Let's show the ad that has Rethuglicans operating homeless shelters!
.
.
.
.
.
*crickets* …. *tumbleweeds* ….

EatsBabyDingos November 6, 2012 at 9:16 am

They are too busy washing clean pans and licking Koch boots.

Katydid November 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

That's actually better than licking clean pans and washing Koch boots…

Terry November 6, 2012 at 9:31 am

They'd be run by Evangelical groups who'd insist that the homeless people convert before they could get food and shelter.

The modern day version of "taking the soup".

i_AM_ready November 6, 2012 at 9:16 am

They're all folding their arms, so whatever they're saying must be true!

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 9:16 am

Trucks, yes. Trucknutz? No.

weejee November 6, 2012 at 9:19 am

What about Mother Truckers?

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

Beat me by a minute! Great minds think alike!

memzilla November 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

TRUCKNUTZ, SI!

weejee November 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

Is that chascates' rig? Texan_Bulldog's?

Biff November 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm

ACTUAL TRUCKNUTS LIBEL!

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 9:16 am

Hey! I'm a Democrat and I drive a truck!

It's carefully camoflagued as a Prius, however, so my liberal friends won't get all panty-knotted…

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:19 am

Yeah, mine is cleverly disguised as a silver one with 196,000 miles on it and the original battery, slightly beat up on the outside for that "macho" look.

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 9:21 am

I thought you drove a Priapus!

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

I only drive that home.

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 9:53 am

Takes a big hammer to drive a big nail…

Terry November 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

I have driven a truck, but currently drive a nice little Chevy that was affordable and I can park in pretty much any space I find open now that I live near town.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 9:16 am

Dang, I've got to sit in meetings all day and I left my Blackberry at home, so I will be in a figurative sensory deprivation tank all day. Keep up the side for me, y'all!

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

You might be better off for it.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:16 am

I'm a Democrat, but can I haz trucknutz?

calliecallie November 6, 2012 at 9:17 am

I sent you my nonsense yesterday. Now I have to hunt for more nonsense.

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 10:04 am

I would not complain if you sent us some more photos…

Boojum November 6, 2012 at 9:17 am

I drive a truck, but it's a hybrid. So I'm a butch lesbian.

Katydid November 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

But are you pregnant? And, btw, why did that nice lesbian lady in the ad marry a pregnant woman?

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:26 am

And does she always appear and disappear like that? How disconcerting…

Biff November 6, 2012 at 12:22 pm

She thought it was hers?

Botlrokit November 6, 2012 at 9:17 am

Everyone's so defensive! Put your arms down, god.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 9:17 am

I think they found every single person in Massachusetts that actually owns a truck for that ad.

memzilla November 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

That's not rare. Now this is rare.

Zango Crudmonger November 6, 2012 at 9:36 am

Complete with chrome Trucknutz…..I haz the jealous.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

Hold me, Wonkateers! You're my only hope!

Mojopo November 6, 2012 at 9:29 am

I am holding you, with my face against your cheek and if you tell me it's going to be OK, I will do the same for you.

Jus_Wonderin November 6, 2012 at 9:33 am

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

YerMa November 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

Hold me, Wonketteers.

Mojopo November 6, 2012 at 9:30 am

Holding!!!!

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 9:39 am

You owe me a beer.

YerMa November 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

Throw in a back rub and I'll buy you THREE!

UW8316154 November 6, 2012 at 9:55 am

* rubs Yerma's back *

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

Yerma Kaukonen?

actor212 November 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

Editrix,

I voted this morning at 7AM. Even on a busy day, I'm usually one of the first fifty in the polling place (I think in 2008, I might have just missed the first hundred.)

When I arrived today, there were already 150 people lined up to vote, which means about 300 people had already passed through the polling place.

These are hipsters, mind you. HIPSTERS! VOTING EARLY! IN NEW YORK CITY! I mean, I'm sure they were doing it ironically but, really….HIPSTERS!

This is what a landslide looks like.

commiegirl99 November 6, 2012 at 9:26 am

I am voting at the Union Rescue Mission on Skid Row. Have to wait till my FIRST TIME VOTER SON wakes up so we can go together. (And also have to wait till someone else joins me in the chatcave to take over le blog. Which could happen eventually!)

memzilla November 6, 2012 at 9:29 am

Be sure you both wear your CommieGirl® tee shirts, For Freedom! (Also, for teenager embarrassment)

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:30 am

Actor, that's great, but in all fairness, you live in NYC? Folks like you and me on the coasts don't factor much into this, do we? I'm egging on my friends in Ohio and Florida to make my day.

Yes, I'll take one landslide, please, I'll enjoy it here…

Oh, BTW, my hopes that Sandy didn't fuck you up too much. My sister and friends in NJ only recently got their power back…

UW8316154 November 6, 2012 at 9:57 am

Nate doesn't see a landslide, so let's not get cocky. I am praying (heh) for a 300+ EC win, in order to be impervious to litigation, recounts and the Supreme Court.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 10:04 am

I'm not cocky, but here's a story: When I was in grad school, I was asked by a friend how I did on a test. I said I hoped I got a B. He said, hey, hope for an A!

Toomush_Infer November 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

Hey, I drove my F-150, with its' Obama/Biden sticker, down to the polling place in northern Michigan….it took me 45 minutes of standing in a line all the way to the crossroad, but I got to vote against the Emergency Management law and all….Mrs. Toomush got there even earlier….she said when the doors opened, she was surprised that she got a lump in her throat…

Katydid November 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

Actually, I always get a thrill (not down my leg like Tweety), and maybe a little lump in my throat, when I vote. Makes me proud to be an American. But then I guess that's because I'm a commie libtard socialist atheist Kenyan Muslin Other who's going to hell.

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 9:29 am

You guys actually have a chance to take down that Fascist law?! I hope so!!

Toomush_Infer November 6, 2012 at 9:53 am

Yeah, it's not really too popular….and Raquelle Maddowe has been helping…

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

I'm a Democrat and I (like any good Southern boy) actually do drive a truck. Do I get a t-shirt or something???

bobbert November 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Don't you already have a t-shirt?

PsycWench November 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

I have a truck that we're probably going to donate to NPR. What does that make me?

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

A good person. :0)

memzilla November 6, 2012 at 9:31 am

Someone who will no longer be asked to help people move their furniture.

Jus_Wonderin November 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

Amen!!

weejee November 6, 2012 at 9:59 am

Especially for the hide-a-beds and pianos. Ouch!

bobbert November 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Don't talk to me about pianos.

PsycWench November 6, 2012 at 10:05 am

I can live with that. Been there, bought the t-shirt, ate the pizza, popped the ibuprofen.

ThundercatHo November 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

Team Wonkette is Fired Up and Ready to Go!

Don't bitch, VOTE! And take somebody with you also, too, in fact, AOTK.l

Jus_Wonderin November 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

T

iamrrm November 6, 2012 at 9:43 am

I can bitch and vote, and bitch about voting, and vote for bitches all at the same time.
*pats head while rubbing belly*

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

mitt romney is wrong: voting is the best revenge.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

Does it count if I'm a Democrat and I *need* a truck?

Jus_Wonderin November 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

Won't Obama give us a free truck when he is reelected?

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

I thought that was phones.

DixvilleCrotch November 6, 2012 at 9:21 am

I plan to vote every hour on the hour. Wish me luck!

Loch_Nessosaur November 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

Scott Brown – Kings bow before him, queens curtsy, prime ministers take his call. He is the world's most self important man. Stay away my friends.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

"Entitlement" will do that to a person…

kittensdontlie November 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

"Truckin', like the do-dah man
once told me "You got to play your hand".
Sometimes your cards ain't worth a damn,
if you don't lay'em down."

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 9:59 am

For some reason I like that song.

Limeylizzie November 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

Many, many people in line here in Harlem at the New Canaan Baptist Church, line goes all the way down the street and my friend said people are yelling "Go, Obama" inside!

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 9:25 am

Pastor Manning is going to come flying down the block in a rage with a fire hose!

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 10:08 am

When I yell "Go Romney", there's always a loud "fuck yourself" inserted between the go and the Romney. As there must be. Too.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

"We have a real low bar today."

I have a real low bar every day.

CrunchyKnee November 6, 2012 at 9:31 am

I have a low bar today, because I'll probably be on the ground drunk by 2 PM. I have to reach the whisky somehow.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:42 am

Really. As long as it's a really low open bar, I'm cool with that

Toomush_Infer November 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

Hey, if you already voted, do you get to drink for free for the rest of the day?…why isn't this in the Constitution?…

Schmannnity November 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

The irony of Scott Brown's defeat will be when he starts representing Jack Abramoff's tribal lobbying clients.

cognachas4paws November 6, 2012 at 9:26 am

Voted at 6am this morning, very long line, but all went well. Apparently, however, things are not going well in Pennsylvania according to Fox News because, horror of horrors, they say a lone Black Panther Party member has been spotted outside a polling place. They've issued an alert about this so it must be a BFD.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 9:36 am

It's Dejaspew all over again.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:26 am

I'll be happy to vote as soon as it's 7AM here. My polling place is the fire house next door. My neighbor up the street is the governor of California and votes next door too, so the news trucks with their deep low idling engines have been keeping us all up since about 3 AM. I went out front for a look, they all looked at me, and I said, "Sorry folks, I'm not ready to release a statement!"

Wishing a happy outcome for us all!

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

LOL Toying with the media like that, you rascal – NICE!

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 9:44 am

Yeah. Here's an update. I pulled out one of my telescopes and showed the last quarter moon to a cameraman a few minutes ago and shot the shit. He said that Jerry is going to vote early and then give a press conference on Prop 30, for funding schools, thus all the media. Can I get a voucher for missing half a night's sleep?

cognachas4paws November 6, 2012 at 9:43 am

Tell them you're still undecided.

doloras November 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Tell them "My aura smiles and never frowns."

bflrtsplk November 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

If I drive a truck do I has to have them truck nutty things too?

Mojopo November 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

Are the lezbos registered anywhere? I wanna buy them truck nutz and a car seat for the baby!

Katydid November 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

Vote early, vote often! Let's steal this election before they do!

cognachas4paws November 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

I'm from Chicago, that's not just a saying. I've voted, my dead parents have voted and, for good measure, all three of my dogs have voted. We've done all we can do. :)

Jus_Wonderin November 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

You need a litter of puppies!

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

Wow. Just talked to the guy that bought my old house, he's predicting a Romney landslide. Also, if Obama is re-elected, he will probably have to go out of business (sells high end ranches/real estate), as all his potential customers will just put their money in the bank for the next four years instead of buying that ranch. Also, he told me that "fucking nigger" played golf 110 days while in office. I had to get off the phone. I need a shower.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

Poor asswits. Businesses are posting record profits and the Dow is through the roof. But, y'know. Math.

cognachas4paws November 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

Even after 4 years, it amazes me how misinformed people still are about the President and his true record.

ttommyunger November 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

Welcome to my world: Marietta, Cobb County, Georgia, one of the whitest cities in one of the whitest Counties in the most Corrupt State in the Union, look it up. I feel your pain. I go into my favorite biker bar here and yell, "I'm buying, for everyone who votes Obama". Been doing that for weeks, hasn't cost me a fucking dime yet.

ManchuCandidate November 6, 2012 at 9:29 am

Shorter Masshole Campaign summary… The nice lady who scares banks is going to win in large part because Scott Brown teabagged himself with his own trucknutz and then his naked ass got run over by his own truck.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 9:29 am

I drive a redneck liberal truck. A 17-year-old Honda Civic with a trailer hitch, which I hook up to a 4X8 utility trailer when I need to haul stuff.

WordSaladNation November 6, 2012 at 9:31 am

Let's just watch Bob Roberts all day, right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDZu-5UzWwo

sbj1964 November 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

To all GOP,right-wingnuts,Christian Fun-Dah-metal-ist,racist teabagging,coservatards next time pick a canidate that is not a Flip-flopping,massachusetts liberal,Romeny care,Draft dodging,Bishop in the Mormon CULT.Might work better for your base of middle aged white guys who think the black man is keeping them down.See you in 2016 when Hillary kicks Jebs ass!

Limeylizzie November 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

Just took this from our bedroom. http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/8161147

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 9:33 am

I think this suppression shit is going to backfire on the assholes. I sure as hell hope so.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:44 am

I've already seen at least one article commenting on how much damage it will do the Repugs' reputation *IF* the media picks up on it. They've really taken off their mask, this election, and exposed their "patriotic" BS as the sham it really is…

Jerri November 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

Can we get A Children's Treasury of Adorable Puppy and Kitty pictures to help keep us calm and occupied today?

Zango Crudmonger November 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

I for one welcome our new low bar, easier to reach your drink from the floor and such.

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 9:33 am

GO VOTE YOU FUX!

My sincere apologies to those of you who have…

DocChaos November 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

I call bullshit, everyone in California knows that the only people who drive trucks are Messicans.

bobbert November 6, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Methinks you are ignoring Red Cali.

FakaktaSouth November 6, 2012 at 9:36 am

I wish I knew how to upload things, what with the low bar and all, y'all'd be forced to see a white girl in Alabama vote for PresO defiantly. (and JOE! JOE! JOE! and also, Michelle, because, beautiful and smart and just looking like the best first lady ever) I am trying to decide which asshole I know whose vote I am specifically cancelling out – y'all save us from ourselves today, okay? Go oBama!

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 9:49 am

You saw yesterday's cool Handsome Joe story? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/05/amira-na

ttommyunger November 6, 2012 at 10:51 am

Your vote for Barry won't count at all in our Electoral System, as mine won't, but it still feels good.

bobbert November 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Hey, your vote for Bronco will still pump up the "popular vote", and maybe reduce the whining by a teeny bit.

Misty Malarky November 6, 2012 at 9:41 am

Here in Savannah we've been treated to very gay Democrat John Barrow showing us his guns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvR5qTUOTuY

Lock and load, girlfriend!

An_Outhouse November 6, 2012 at 10:00 am

what dick. I hope people like that don't accidentally shoot themselves.

qwerty42 November 6, 2012 at 10:09 am

What does it look like for Barrow? The Republicans have been trying to get rid of him for a few years, and the most recent redistricting may have done it.

Misty Malarky November 6, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Actually it's looking pretty good for Barrow, thank goodness. His opponent is real doofus good ol' boy Lee Anderson who refused to debate Barrow and whose commercials consist of 'Barrow LUVS him some Obama!' stuff – and scary black people natch.

qwerty42 November 6, 2012 at 1:07 pm

He was redistricted out of Athens (lotta commies there) and moved to Savannah (which seems to have gone communist in the past few years, but has had a pretty strong Democratic party even as much of the state went Republican) and now moved to part of Augusta and a lot of rural folks. There has been some mention of his being the last non-blah southern Democrat in the House.

ph7 November 6, 2012 at 9:41 am

Good sign! Fox is scaring out the vote by filming a black person standing outside a polling station, which is, of course, intimidation.

An_Outhouse November 6, 2012 at 10:01 am

Lovely comments over there:
"Will some one call a cop and arrest this guy for loitering."

yeah, the old 'standing around while blah' offense.

Zango Crudmonger November 6, 2012 at 10:04 am

The comments are full of chest-thumping idiocy, along with this gem:

"The New Black Panther Party is a front for NAMBLA. They actually share the same office space for their organizations’ headquarters. That is a fact! The NBPP is so mad all of the time because society will not accept NAMBLA!"

Learn something new everyday.

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 9:42 am

OT but I was texting back and forth with my daughter. She told me (after brattily saying she voted for Romney) that she chose to use the paper ballot "because it made me feel like a founding father; too bad no quill pens!". Made me laugh; I am a wreck.

ttommyunger November 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

I feel your pain, my son is a Rightard. My only consolation is the fact that when I was his age, I voted for Wallace, so there is hope for his future.

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Oh noes! She was only teasing! She's a bit of a dingbat but she would never do something that stupid.

ttommyunger November 6, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Now I really feel bad.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

Whenever someone says "Asshole in a pickup truck", I automatically respond with the word "Redundancy!".

Guppy November 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

We have a real low bar today.

And the only thing we like more than a low bar is an open bar!

freedomjackson November 6, 2012 at 9:49 am

C'Mon Becky they're all standing in front of the "pickups" they "drive".

The ad is weak but I can tell you for a fact there are plenty of women who drive trucks.
And I'm talking 18 wheelers

LIT_Fag November 6, 2012 at 10:05 am

I'm a truck driving democrat 'mo!
Got to my polling place in Little Rock at 6:30
this morning. 8th in line 2nd election in a row.
Hopefully a good omen! But imagine my upsetness
waiting and there was no Wonkette post yet this morning!
I so needed my family to keep me from hyperventilating
at the thought of Mittens possibly becoming….gulp…
POTUS.

GregComlish November 6, 2012 at 10:24 am

Nothing in this campaign could match the ridiculousness of Mitt attempt at appealing to Latino voters by citing his grandfather's brief polygamist stint in Mexico.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

you know, sometimes acting is the only thing that pays the actual bills.

also, those people are totally more watchable than ordinary truck people.

ttommyunger November 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

I will own and drive a truck when they manufacture a two-wheel version, until then: ain't gonna happen.

CommieLibunatic November 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I'm disappointed that one of those vehicles didn't turn out to be Optimus Prime. "I'm a Democrat, and I AM a truck!"

Sir_Fartz_Alot November 6, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Wicca libelz?

thatsitfortheother1 November 6, 2012 at 10:02 am

Me too. Which sucks.

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