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Crazed Teevee News Squirrel Jim Cramer Predicts Insane Obama Landslide, May Be On Many Pills

A totally normal personSo this is the time in the election cycle when all the variously well-compensated pundits start actually making concrete predictions about how elections will go, for fun. Most, despite having spent the last several months explaining that nobody could possibly know the outcome of this extremely volatile election, come up with reasonable numbers that track suspiciously closely to one another. But some take their own path! And one of those people is Jim Cramer, whom you may know as “the guy whose show is supposedly about investing but seems to be mostly a manic bald man barking nonsense and pressing noise-buttons.” Cramer thinks Obama’s going to win. Like, really going to win. Win all the states. Does he know something we don’t?

Cramer’s predictions were slotted without comment in the Washington Post’s little Crystal Ball contest. One of these things is not … like the others?

seems legit

Related video

How will Obama get to 440 electoral votes? Sadly, but predictably, these pundits don’t have to back up their predictions with even the most rudimentary of math, but National Journal’s Jim Tankersley offers one possibility:

Texas? Sure, why not

So, sleep easily tonight, anxious liberal weenies! Jim Cramer, who probably loves Ron Paul and is ruining America, and who is in the grips of some kind of wonderful mania at all times, predicts an Obama landslide of epic proportions. [WP via BI]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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150 comments

  1. Come here a minute

    "My button-pressing machine tells me Obama will win 20,000 electoral votes!!!!"

    Boi-oi-oinngg!

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Yes, Cramer's a Dem. It actually pained me to watch John Stewart skewer the guy when it was Rick Santelli who really should have been sitting in the hot seat.

  2. Limeylizzie

    I hope Mitt loses by eleventy billion so I don't ever have to listen to his lip-smacking tic ever again.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      You always notice these little tics of political assholes, and once you mention them, I CAN'T UN-NOTICE THEM.

    2. Come here a minute

      "Now that my political career is over <smack> I have decided to work with Bill Clinton to fix the world <smack> so I'm your new neighbor here in <smack> Harlem. Nice to <smack> meet you Limeylizzie, please alow me to present you with a gift of Egg's delicious <smack> jello mold."

      1. Limeylizzie

        Hi there Mittens, welcome to the 'hood and may I introduce you to a little something from my homeland, the Glasgow Kiss ? Oh , and Egg can just shove that jello down her refined cakehole.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Wow and there are some mean bitches on the Wonkette, ElviouslyQueer I'm looking at you, so I am honoured!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      The day Gingrich renounces poon. The day Marcus Bachman leaves his wife – for another woman. The day Sarah Palin shuts the fuck up.

    2. HistoriCat

      Last month I made a comment on the Wonkette that I would run naked down the street if Obama took Texas.

      Maybe I should have been more diligent about working out.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    Meanwhile Mittens and his team (er, sons) are celebrating a "Don't Buy!" call as if it were the actual election.

    Seriously though, Cramer is high. Not as high as the guy who "runs" Unskewedpolls though.

      1. Estproph

        Hopefully Louis CK himself won't see this comment. I can't picture much worse than to be mistaken for Cramer.

  4. FNMA

    Shit. That asshole is always wrong. I remember reading a magazine piece some time back that concluded that if you took his investing advice, you'd be living in a cardboard box under a highway overpass.

    1. SorosBot

      Don't worry; that just means Obama's victory won't be a 64-style total complete blowout, which we already knew.

    2. proudgrampa

      I don't know about you, but my overpass is a really nice neighborhood. I was able to find some R13 insulation: makes a nice blanket for my Kenmore refrigerator box.

    1. Beowoof

      Really this guy is couldn't pick a winner if the fix was in and someone shared it with him. I am scared over this.

    1. Beowoof

      One of the more awesome take downs of a bullshit artist I have ever seen. And then when Cramer went on the show, it was like cat play with a three legged mouse.

      1. Cognitive Dissident

        Stewart goes waaaay out of his way to be nice to lots of guests that do not deserve it.

        Good for Stewart to occasionally actually "shoot a hostage" to reinforce just a bit of seriousness.

  5. Fare la Volpe

    You guys, no worries. I played The Political Machine this morning and Obama beat Romney handily.

    Of course, in my simulation, Romney picked Richard Nixon as his running mate and Obama picked Storm from the X-Men.

  6. actor212

    Actually, Josh, re: Texas.

    There are rumblings out of Texas that the GOP is going to contest voter registrations wholesale because of the wetbacks crawling across the Rio Grande just to vote, then slinking back to Juarez influx of Latino voters in the last decade.

    1. actor212

      In fairness, we don't know that Kramer didn't pull a number out of his ass carefully weigh the alternative paths to 440+ without Texas. For instance, Obama could take Tennessee, South Carolina, Kansas, Idaho and North Dakota too.

  7. freakishlywrong

    Kinda OT, but I'm really looking at Romney supporters with an extremely jaundiced eye. Unless you're an obscene plutocrat, you have no business voting for this assclown. Therefore, people I heretofore gave the benefit of the doubt about being racists are now making me look at them funny.

  8. Goonemeritus

    Though it is impossible to accurately predict the outcome of such a close election I foresee the winner being chosen by the candidate that wins the most electoral votes.

    I so could be a Pundit, why won’t any hire me to be a pundit?

  9. pinkocommi

    Oh good. Obama will win South Dakota. Because a president can't really feel presidential without winning that crown jewel of a state.

  10. PuckStopsHere

    I just volunteered to spend a few hours at the local OFP office today and tomorrow. If you've got some free time, why not join us? Pics or GOTV!

  11. coolhandnuke

    Guy Kawasaki –Technology entrepreneur and former chief evangelist for Apple.
    Wow, Apple had a forbidden fruit department.

  12. Pres.Beeblebrox

    That was an interesting chart. Everyone except a horse-racing columnist and a Republican Strategist has an O win.

    Nate Silver and Sam "Wang" Wang's Princeton Election Consortium have O with mad probabilities of winning.

    So why do the various media outlets keep saying this is a Horse Race, Down To The Wire, Too Close To Call?

    One word: RATINGZ, yo.

    1. fuflans

      right? though every once in a while a mask slips. just listening to random bbc blather – bbc who've been headlining 'deadlock', 'down to the wire', 'cliffhanger'. well this one interviewer actually noted (to a republican pollster) that all the polls have been stable for bamz and nat'l are trending in his favor.

      swear to god it was the first time i've heard that on any program on npr.

      i am so sick of this.

      1. tabouley

        .
        You and me, flans. If I never hear that little chuckle of Mitt's again, the one he deploys when someone asks him a question that he obviously resents answering, (usually about any of his policies or statements, past, present, or future), I will be one happy mofo'.
        I will be however, be poll checking in my swing state to make sure none of these folks, of a particular political party, try any bs in my own voting place. This voter ID crap has got to go.

    2. BlueStateLibel

      Speaking of horseracing, I expect Rmoney to pull off a big "Game on Dude" performance tomorrow.

  13. FakaktaSouth

    Fuck my state, (just, always, but Fuck Bama particularly here) it can't even get turned to nothing good in a fucking fantasy dream sequence by a coke-head. Just, great.

    Also, why is Nebraska Green?

  14. prommie

    I thought Jon Stewart sliced open this man's stomach and made him eat his own intestines on live TV some time back; how did he survive that?

  15. iburl

    Dangit… I used the T***g word.

    Here is what I meant to say:

    Maybe Kramer thought this was a theoretical Malia Obama vs. Tragg Romney 2058 race?

    1. BadKitty904

      Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
      Neo-con treason and plot!
      I see no reason why neo-con treason,
      Should ever be forgot!

  16. MacRaith

    You know, I'd love for this to actually happen, but I try not to confuse what I want to be true with what is actually true.

  17. mavenmaven

    Pundits hotly debating now what we will discuss AFTER the election. My guess, the next election cycle will begin immediately after everyone writes their piece on why X's campaign failed, etc.

  18. Steverino247

    Here's my fearless prediction: Obama won't carry a single county in Appalachia, any state where ranching and oil production are major industries or where Mormons make up more than 10 per cent of the population unless gambling is legal there.

  19. bflrtsplk

    When I go for the sound effect all I get is silence. Cancel my subscription… well I would if I had one.

  20. wondering where i am

    Wonketter front page today is scored at two guffaws. First there is the "many pills" quip, then there is the cartoon rendition of Todd Akin's id.

  21. UW8316154

    WND Alert: "John Bolton 'very confident' in Romney win" BUT stills cautions 'I think it's critical that everybody get out and vote'.

  22. HobbesEvilTwin

    I'm going to spend all the money I made following Jim Cramer's investing advice and buy drinks for everyone on the Wonkete.

  23. proudgrampa

    I have made some really great money playing contrarian to Cramer. Jesus, I hope he's wrong this time!

    Don't need 440, 270 is just fine!

  24. actor212

    Personally, I'm waiting for the anonymous "leaked exit polls" on The Daily Caller tomorrow that show John Kerry Romney winning by eight points. I think Chief Editor Korir has those already.

  25. notreelyhelping

    And Nebraska goes for a Green Party candidate? Kramer's lost in a Twilight Zone episode. "Submitted for your consideration, imagine a world where…."

  26. Generation[redacted]

    "Can I just butt in and say here that it's probably the last time I shall ever appear on television."

    "No I'm afraid you can't, we haven't got time. Just to bring you up to date with a few results, er, that you may have missed. Engelbert Humperdinck has taken Barrow-in-Furness, that's a gain from Ann Haydon-Jones and her husband Pip. Arthur Negus has held Bristols. That's not a result, that's a bit of gossip. Er…Mary Whitehouse has just taken umbrage. Could it be a bit of trouble there. And apparently Wales is not swinging at all. No surprise there. And…Monty Python has held the credits."

  27. Eve8Apples

    Hard to say who is the bigger idiot — Cramer for picking Obama to win 440 electoral college votes or Leslie Sanchez and Andrew Beyer for picking Romney to win the electoral vote.

      1. FNMA

        No, corn smut, which is an actual thing and not something that Nebraskans do to one another on football weekends.

  28. IndianaKevin

    In other election news: Campaigning in Sanford, Fla., Romney promises "a better tomorrow," borrowing from Colbert's super PAC slogan. Per Headline News, just now.

  29. Beach_Bubba_Tex

    He forgot Utah. Mormons are tired of Mitt's namby-pamby smirk and plan to send a message via a vote for the, ahem, marked candidate.

  30. LIT_Fag

    Please oh please let TX go blue! Imagine the
    wingnut heads asploding over that, several
    being family members.

  31. HistoriCat

    Forget Texas – Georgia?!? At least with Texas you could pull out the "emergent Latino electorate" theory. Aside from Atlanta, are there huge numbers of non-crazy people there?

  32. IceCreamEmpress

    OH FUCK.

    I have never agreed with Jim Cramer about anything and if he thinks B. Barry Bams is going to win…

    Somebody hold me. So cold, so frightened.

Comments are closed.