WE LOVE YOU YOU PAY OUR RENT  3:49 pm November 3, 2012

Wonkette T-Shirts Are For Lovers

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

So we finally have our store up? It is at wonkettebazaar.com? It is still “in beta” as the nerds say, but we think it is ready but you can let us know if anything is totally fucked?

You can pay via PayPal, or click “PayPal Advanced” to pay with a credit card without having to have a stupid paypal account. (We know they freak many of you out.)

Coming very soon: So many panties! And maybe coffee cups? We don’t know, tell us what else you want. And no, we don’t know where to find your-logo-here vibrators. Maybe you know someone in the sex toy industry? Haha, we are just kidding, of course you know someone in the sex toy industry!

OK, Wonkers, shop away!

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 408 comments }

nounverb911 November 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

How do the T-shirts look when wet?

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I am guessing fairly transparent!

gullywompr November 3, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Needz moar research.

ManchuCandidate November 3, 2012 at 4:07 pm

PIcs!

deanbooth November 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Just like Obama's government!

Boojum November 4, 2012 at 2:13 pm

If I could be sure of that, as modeled by Rebecca and Kirsten, I would buy lots of them.

Native_of_SL_UT November 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Absolutely fapulous.

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Slippery.

skmind November 3, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Can't decide. Need a closeup.

YerMa November 3, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Neez moar "Don't teabag on me" ware!!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I still have mine. It''s too sacred to wear. Sometimes I take it out of the safety deposit box and just gaze at it in awe.

YerMa November 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

You have one? Awwwww, jealous! I had a poster made of the image.

For protestin'. :)
http://wonkette.com/454865/wonkette-pals-make-mil

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

"For protestin' " Is there another use for posters? That's wondrous.

bfddad November 3, 2012 at 3:59 pm

you job creator you . . .

boskolives November 3, 2012 at 10:58 pm

The article said "Coming very soon: So many panties!", but I noticed that it works just as well if you flip the order to: "So many panties! Coming very soon".
Or is that another cheap Romney trick to make me vote on the wrong day?

AngryBlakGuy November 3, 2012 at 3:59 pm

…Wonkette condoms? That way I know I would never get laid!

deanbooth November 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Out of the package, they say "Wonkette." Once expanded, they say "Wonkette, The D. C. Gossip Site, Brought to You by Siemens!"

HateMachine November 3, 2012 at 6:02 pm

The whole point is to keep Siemens at bay, though.

AngryBlakGuy November 3, 2012 at 6:31 pm

…"Once expanded, they say "Wonkette, The D. C. Gossip Site, Brought to You by Siemens!"

You left out the fine print "this pre-conception abortion is brought to you by Barack Obama and Beelzebub!!!"

Biel_ze_Bubba November 3, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Hey!

taylormattd November 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

This reminds me of the drunk girl at the twink bar the other night who kept demanding we feel her tits.

gullywompr November 3, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Don't you just hate that?

deanbooth November 3, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Do you have a newsletter?

doloras November 3, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Some str8 girls freak out all over the place when their usual methods for getting attention don't work, so they try harder.

Toomush_Infer November 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Well! I'm sorry, I'll never say it again!…

AngryBlakGuy November 4, 2012 at 3:46 pm

…hmmmmm, I never considered gay bars a good place to pick up women!? I may need to add that to my rotation!!!

Tio_Doidinho November 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I have friends who swear by this pickup method. And it seems that every gay bar in NYC is populated with drunk horny girls hanging out with their gay friends.

Just remember, if a gay fella hits up on you, all they have to know is that you're (politely) not interested. They don't have to know you're straight.

memzilla November 3, 2012 at 4:00 pm

So… not taking cans of Hobo Beans?

mille derps November 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Or even selling them?

Barbara_ November 3, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Two tank tops and one t-shirt here. I'm loving it!

JudasPeckerwood November 3, 2012 at 4:02 pm

So might one dream that this online bodega will someday carry 2XL shirts for those of greater substance? I'm asking for a friend.

AngryBlakGuy November 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

…you mean sizing for the average mid westerner!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Hey that's not tr-… [looks out window] ya know ya got a point there…

boskolives November 3, 2012 at 11:02 pm

The average mid westerner will admit only to being calorically challenged, or perhaps the correct weight but two feet too short. Or so I heard.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2012 at 12:01 am

Many of them have reached "gravitationally challenged" status.

tessiee November 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Lou: I thought you said XXL was going to be the wake-up call.
Chief Wiggum [irritably]: That was for pants!

Fred_Wertham_Jr November 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

While the dark bra under the light T-shirt may satisfy the requirements of Tits Or GTFO, that's not as satisfying as deep cleavage and sideboob. Have you considered selling deep cleavage and sideboob?

Native_of_SL_UT November 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

If I cut the sleeves off of one of those things, I could definitely provide both of those things.
But seeing how I am a middle aged man, it wouldn't be pretty.

boskolives November 3, 2012 at 11:03 pm

We'll be the judge of that. And the jury as well.

gullywompr November 3, 2012 at 4:04 pm

It works! Good luck with wonkettebizarre.

Mumbletypeg November 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

You, KBJ and company look like you were having a blast modeling these. THANKS FOR THE EYE CANDY REBECCA~

memzilla November 3, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Awaiting teh Offical Wonkette Panty Line®. I volunteer for Quality Inspector.

Guppy November 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Coming very soon: So many panties!

Gently used?

Mittaplasia November 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

They got a deal on a bunch of 'em collected after Handsome Joe's debate.

Designer_Rants November 3, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Then they weren't "gently" used at all!

Mumbletypeg November 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Coming Soon: So Many Panties

Well that's a relief. I was getting tired of cutting up the old tee's to do this from scratch.

AutomaticPilot November 3, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Wow, THAT is talent!

Wadisay November 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Crotchless underwear, whopee cushions, trucknutz..yes, it's all here. Please, now that you're a small business owner, don't go all teabagger on us.

cousinitt November 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Is that a grrrrr or a hisssssss she's intoning with the whine? Or, a "buy this t-shirt or I kick you in the nutz"?

tessiee November 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Buy this t-shirt, or we'll shoot the dog.

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 7:53 am

Or worse, make it ride in a box on the roof

RomneysLogCabin November 3, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I'll settle for a Wonkette swimsuit calendar. Doktor Zoom is yummy.

fartknocker November 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I vote for Limey Lizzie as Ms. November.

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

And you know this how?

RomneysLogCabin November 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Jesus tweeted me a pic.

Jennyjen798 November 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Want!

Dashboard Buddha November 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

We just got the pics back from the wedding. Damn! I look good in a suit.

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:15 pm

He looks like a pony, doesn't he? Pony meat is, indeed, delicious.*

#notintendedasanactualexperience

Blueb4sinrise November 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Panties new or used?

horsedreamer_1 November 4, 2012 at 9:12 am

Hint: the site is addressed merchant.Wonkette.jp.

Texan_Bulldog November 3, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Does the shirt come with the hot guy to kiss us?

BadKitty904 November 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Who's the guy w/ the beard? Grr-OWL…

BadKitty904 November 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Ah. The photo distracted me from the fact there is text, too. "This is KBJ and her boyfriend, “D.”"

Way to go, KBJ! ;0)~

GregComlish November 3, 2012 at 9:32 pm

heh, that guy looks like me.

AngryBlakGuy November 4, 2012 at 3:50 pm

…fine, fine, fine, the things I do for my fans!

VeraSevera November 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Dude…I think it's a grrl….

kittensdontlie November 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

No one can be considered a serious Wonkette unless they get a logo tattoo.

mille derps November 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Isn't 'serious Wonkette' sort of oxymoronic?

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

My son has a "Rebecca" tattoo, as seen in the Commie Girl Collective men's tees. Does that count?

gullywompr November 3, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Nice. Did he try to fight you when you inked him?

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 6:46 pm

You made me laugh so loudly I scared the dog.

kittensdontlie November 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

That's one slave that isn't getting away. I wonder if temporary tattoos would be a good seller?

Jus_Wonderin November 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Is that girl wearing a bazaar?

WordSaladNation November 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

True story: the Wonkette tote bag was my "Go Bag" during Hurricane Sandy when I had to evacuate my neighborhood. It held:

- a MacBook Pro and two hard drives (for porn, obvs)
- an iPad
- folders full of important documents
- chargers and cords
- more important documents

It is very sturdy, which Rebecca was worried about. Nothing ripped or tore! You should use it as your "Go Bag," too.

YouFail4eva November 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

What more endorsement do you need people? Buy Wonkette Stuff NAO!

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Oh that pleases me! You should copy this to the "tote bag" review section on the bazaar, wonderful one!

fartknocker November 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

The wonkette bazzar confirms that liberal women are better looking, have much better snark skills, and they like to drink. If the GOP would embrace these values we would all be in a much happier place.

For example, if Anita Perry would drink some margaritas and give Rick a blowjob every once in a while, I suspect my Governor would be a tad bit more tolerable. He would still be a goat fucker, but at least he would be a nicer goat fucker.

boskolives November 3, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Going to need a bigger Margarita. And more of them. Maybe Rick can kick in a few Roofies just to be sure…

starfanglednut November 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Wonkette editorial staff is HAWT!

(And boyfriend is adorable too.)

starfanglednut November 3, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Becca, we can haz t-shirts in black? (Slimming)

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 4:45 pm

That's a fine idea, Nut. We will get on that!

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I will buy a white one, but would prefer a black one. (Slimming!) So I guess I'll have to buy two.

starfanglednut November 3, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Yay!

mille derps November 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Also, too- when you spill coffee or wine on a black tee, it's not such a laundry crisis…

DemmeFatale November 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Yes, but you can actually put bleach on a white shirt!
(Um…I have a lot of experience with this.)

smokefilledroommate November 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I was thinking the same thing. Yay!

RomneysLogCabin November 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Suggestions: Doocy punching bag, Plan B, and an Obama bobblehead.

YerMa November 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

And Gay Abortion Giftcards also, too.

RomneysLogCabin November 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Bible shaped charcoal.

Pocket-sized Communist Manifesto.

YerMa November 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Saul Alinsky prayer beads.

Muslin pillowcases.

RomneysLogCabin November 3, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Legitimate rape check wands.

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:11 am

Romney's tax returns, especially the ones that show he got insider info (Felony?) so he could sell his stocks just before the crash.

proudgrampa November 3, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Hmmm. So, the Commie Tank Top: is that a "husband-beater?"

Nice. Very nice.

menopausemafia November 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Who's the skank?

sharethegrief November 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Your mother.

Mumbletypeg November 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Hope you do a better job fisting with your spending buck$ than you do with your snark.
Hurry while supplies last!

WordSaladNation November 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Only 18 pee points? YOU NEED TO GET LAID, SUCKA.

Native_of_SL_UT November 3, 2012 at 5:25 pm

That's just offensive. Everybody knows the correct term for women of the liberal persuasion is slut.

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:12 am

Women of the liberal persuasion? Shirley you jest. You too, LaVerne.

Guppy November 3, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Now now, look carefully and you can see the aspirin between her knees.

DemmeFatale November 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Hey loo-hooser!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(Deep breath…)
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I'll have you know, Ms. Mafia, that our Wonkette women are not skanks, they are fine and upstanding sluts, thank you very much. **harumph!**

CthuNHu November 3, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Somehow, when I think of fine sluts, the word "upstanding" does not come to mind.

But hey, whatever floats your boat…

UnholyMoses November 4, 2012 at 12:15 am

Maybe not "upstanding" but "standing up" isn't out of the question.

Well, at least to start the night …

Boojum November 4, 2012 at 9:04 am

When I think of Becca and KBJ, "upstanding" is a fine word to use.

redarmyzombie November 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Miss Editrix,

Will the Wonkette Bazaar be carrying its own line of alcohol?

Jukesgrrl November 3, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Absolut Editrix.

memzilla November 3, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Stay snarky, my friend.

Beowoof November 3, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Is there going to be a Wonkette version of three buck chuck?

redarmyzombie November 3, 2012 at 6:04 pm

THREE buck? Over 'round where I'm from, it's TWO bucks, pal!

Beowoof November 3, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Here in the east it's $3. Still better than some wines that I have paid a lot more for. Although, we have to go to Ohio or Mass from Rochester to get it, it is worth the road trip.

Guppy November 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Sold in plain brown wrappers!

Dashboard Buddha November 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I'm not always snarky…

But when I am, I prefer Wonkette.

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:19 pm

This is Wonkette. It's BYOB.

DrunkIrishman November 3, 2012 at 4:29 pm

WHERE'S MY HANDOUT?

FlownOver November 3, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Are you planning to stock patois?

tessiee November 3, 2012 at 7:24 pm

And cakes we like?

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 11:53 pm

She would offer that, and cedar cheese, but then she'd have to get freezer shipping packs, and things would just get complicated….

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Or foie blah?

boskolives November 3, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Or stock replys?

SagansTurtlenck November 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

The Kitten with a whip tees really need to come in black. I can't wear white because of all the booze I'm constantly spilling on myself.

FakaktaSouth November 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Aw man, I'ma have to start wearing panties if y'all do this. At least for a minute or so. I'll be waiting!

ttommyunger November 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Underwear's no funtowear! Never ferget.

FakaktaSouth November 3, 2012 at 6:55 pm

High five. I just adore you.

ttommyunger November 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Hmmmm. You know I hail from the “Show Me” State, right? ;)

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I'm surprised that's not the city motto of New Orleans. Well, with "inebriation" put on the end.

CommieDad November 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

In the Pacific Northwest®, we would like Wonkette branded glass "art" and Wonkette branded "cigarette" rolling papers, please.

tessiee November 3, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Also, here's a carved wooden box to keep incense or potpourri or tobacco or spices in… it's not for weed.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/989437/

Spurning Beer November 3, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Wonkette branded hemostats would be a hit in the surgical suite, too.

UnholyMoses November 4, 2012 at 12:10 am

I'm sure Tommy Chong could hook ya up.

Use those fancy connection you've made. Maybe Clint knows him (as he'd have to have been high to make the "Any Which Way … " series of movies).

BTWBFDIMHO November 3, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Geminisunmars November 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

currently unavailable.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2012 at 12:11 am

Like most of the Wonkette products we want.

BTWBFDIMHO November 4, 2012 at 9:46 am
Geminisunmars November 4, 2012 at 11:39 am

I like it! I've set the clock back. Now let's move the country forward!

VodkaGoGo November 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Wonkette bath salts for convention/debate/election night! With the Wonkeratti all spazzed out on bath salts while staring at Paul Ryan talking about eating old people for a few hours, what could possibly go wrong? That shit would sell itself.

starfanglednut November 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Wha?

BTWBFDIMHO November 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

No photoshop contents, no wet t-shirt contents. What's next, big sky?
Ma fra un bicchiere di neve e un caffé come si deve quest'inverno passerà. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWamDWlmSmE

drewehartnyc November 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

needs moar big boy sizes – definitely would buy multiple coffee mugs!

Jukesgrrl November 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

x2 on the coffee mugs.

Designer_Rants November 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Yes, coffee mugs. Not "poop filled" though – funny at first, but takes up too much room for coffee.

ElPinche November 3, 2012 at 4:57 pm

x2 on the XL or XXL …. I am also muscular.

commiegirl99 November 4, 2012 at 12:16 am

There are XL on the Wonkette Men's kitten with a whip … unless you are El Lady?

ElPinche November 4, 2012 at 12:32 am

El Manboobs

DemmeFatale November 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Big sizes please!
(The "girls" need breathing room.)

Serolf_Divad November 4, 2012 at 6:02 am

I was thinking coffee mugs, too. Which I kinda suspect makes me the most boring person on earth… well, after the rest of the people on this comment thread, anyway.

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Yeah, no way I'm squeezing all this man into an XL.

A coffee mug would be good, though.

Mumbletypeg November 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Too bad these weren't available in time for me to pass out to trick-or-treaters.
But the timing is impeccable for upcoming holiday-gift season. Never too early to plan your "stocking stuffers"!

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:17 am

Sure, like those trick-or-treaters complained about the roofies! I mean, before they passed out…

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

KBJ is one hot bitch! And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

ElPinche November 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

HOW MUCH ARE DA WIMMINS..THE BLOND ONE AND DELISHIOUSLY BUSOMED ONE ??

VodkaGoGo November 3, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Panties are great and all but what about the Wonkette boys (that don't wear panties)? I know I would wear a Wonkette banana hammock to my 'night job'.

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

True Wonkette boys wouldn't balk at wearing panties.

ElPinche November 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

That's right. In fact, I'm wearing some hand-made ones right now.

VodkaGoGo November 3, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I will wear what Kitten With A Whip tells me to wear.

UnholyMoses November 4, 2012 at 12:17 am

True Wonkette boys wouldn't balk at wearing panties.

All betterz.

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

We are doing men's tighty whities and boxer briefs. POSSIBLY boxers.

starfanglednut November 3, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Oooh, I would def wear wonkette boxers.

Spurning Beer November 3, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Wonkette boxer jammies, please. My Simpsons pairs are getting worn out.

ElPinche November 3, 2012 at 4:01 pm

It's almost has an American Apparel fap factor…needs more illegals sprinkled in the background.

However, it's good to see David Weigel exercising his modeling chops.

Serolf_Divad November 4, 2012 at 6:05 am

American Apparel? Those two ladies have obviously been through puberty, so I'm suspicious American Apparel had anything to do with this.

Mumbletypeg November 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

"Home Shopping Netwonk "! You should leave this as the last post for the rest of the evening, Editrix. By the time I'm good and drunk I could very well empty my "funtimes" account on these goodies~

mille derps November 3, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Please don't hate me for asking, but where was this toothsome merchandise made?

VodkaGoGo November 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I'm guessing they were printed in Kommunist Kalifornia.

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 5:19 pm

The Commie Girl Collective tees were made in Los Angeles. The Wonkette tees — well.

They were made by (presumably) child slaves in Pakistan. :(

Sorry, we will probs do all American Apparel on the next order — so you get to decide which is more important, a living wage, or freedom from sexual harassment.

redarmyzombie November 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

JERB CREATERS!!1!

(I'm so sorry…)

HateMachine November 3, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Don't forget to weigh the crucial "Dov Charney's facial hair" factor.
http://i.imgur.com/UVh0j.jpg

BadKitty904 November 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

wtf?

HateMachine November 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

As our wonderful editrix alluded to, that picture is of one Dov Charney, the unbelievably trashy and sexual harassment-y founder and CEO of American Apparel.

ALIVE! November 3, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Worth considering: http://www.nosweatapparel.com/products/wholesalea

Thanks mille derps!

P.S. +1 on the coffee mugs.

mille derps November 4, 2012 at 12:12 am

Just FYI- these folks (in the other Carolina) have a good rep. Might be too expen$ive, tho?

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Needs moar XL.

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Needs moar than one "X".

Kidneys4Sale November 4, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Also, too, fatter nek holez.

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Yeah, I'm a guy on the Internet, you know I need extra room for the ol' cheeto bucket.

No, I'm just kidding, I don't eat cheetos. Burritos.

ProgressiveInga November 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I find this post very easy to…..
brb……..

LibrarianX November 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

As a skinny white guy, I need some Wonkette underwear that will finally give me an ass.

tessiee November 3, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Butter pecan ice cream topped with pecan halves, dark chocolate with almonds, pizza with extra cheese — all proven to improve small behinds.

Designer_Rants November 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

If your concoction was a menu item, it should be named "Junk In The Trunk".

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

According to Sir Mix-A-Lot, red beans and rice are called for here.

bibliotequetress November 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Monsieur Bibliotequetress has the same problem. I find that if I sew three or four ruches of Irish lace around them at buttock level, not only does he have the appearance of an ass but it helps keep his pants up. Permanently.

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:20 am

O.K., Here's Romney. Now that you got yourself an ass, what will you do with him?

ifthethunderdontgetya November 3, 2012 at 4:22 pm

O.T. From o-HI-o.

Same old, same old.
~

BadKitty904 November 3, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again – if the Neo-cons can't win this election legally, they'll certainly try to steal it illegally.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2012 at 3:30 am

Husted is a shameless Rethug dickhead who's now in contempt of court. He deserves to be frog-marched out of his office and put behind bars, until they figure out how to permanently put a stop to his assholery.

PsycWench November 3, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Haha, we are just kidding, of course you know someone in the sex toy industry!

Does being a customer count?

boskolives November 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

How about being Ron Jeremy's stunt double?

Steverino247 November 4, 2012 at 3:10 am

Only if we can see you modeling the equipment!

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I don't do white T-shirts; I reckon if black or gray are not forthcoming I will have to settle for panties.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2012 at 3:31 am

Red, with "Wonkette" in white, would look awesome.

Native_of_SL_UT November 3, 2012 at 5:29 pm

If and when wonkettebazaar starts selling men's underwear, please call our old friend Anthony Weiner to model it. I hear he needs work and he has experience.

Calapine November 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Would someone please buy me a Wonkette-dildo?

*puppy eyes*

gullywompr November 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Hmm, gives me an idea for the next drinky-thing…

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:16 pm

A Wonkette orgy? I'll run the camera…

memzilla November 3, 2012 at 5:34 pm

MOAR BASEBALL CAPS PLZ!

memzilla November 3, 2012 at 5:38 pm

O/T, but Chris Rock has a message for white voters.

tessiee November 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

V. good.

BarackMyWorld November 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I see your Chris Rock, and raise you a Mr. Burns.

AlaskaGrrl November 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Bandwidth Limit Exceeded
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to the site owner reaching his/her bandwidth limit. Please try again later.
Apache Server at http://www.wonkettebazaar.com Port 80

Popular too….

gullywompr November 3, 2012 at 5:54 pm

That is exactly the kind of problem you want to have.

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:23 am

Does your Apache Server own a casino?

StarsUponThars November 3, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Oopsies, here's what I got when I tried to enter:

Limit Exceeded

The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to the site owner reaching his/her bandwidth limit. Please try again later.

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Goddamn you guys you already made the store exceed its bandwidth. FUCKERS. (Haha, it's supposed to be unlimited. Will be back up soon. PRESUMABLY.)

rocktonsam November 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

can you put that on a bumper sticker?

Mittens Howell, III November 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

i can't get through, says 'user has exceeded bandwidth'. Youz making fun of my waistline???

Terry November 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Bandwidth exceeded! All you people are keeping me from shopping!

Fairtackle November 3, 2012 at 6:12 pm

"Some of my best friends are sex toy manufacturers" – Mitt

ProgressiveInga November 3, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Dildos are people, my friend.

Beowoof November 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Exhibit A – Mitt Rmoney
Exhibit B – Egg Rmoney
Exhibit C – Paul Ryan

I rest my case that some people are small dildo's.

bibliotequetress November 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

And dildos are politicians, as well.

JustPixelz November 3, 2012 at 6:13 pm

WARNING. The T-shirts are shipped empty. The pretty wine-drinking girl is not included.

FeloniousMonk November 3, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Needz teapots, for the proper brewing of a nice cuppa. No more teabagging!

njstore November 3, 2012 at 6:24 pm

New Jersey Shore report.
What a difference a couple of days make. I live about 45 min inland from my friends at LBI. Today I made a fuel run for the generators for a few families and also to make hot food. Sandwiches were getting old. I roasted up some chickens and whatnot. Grabbed that Apothic wine that was recommended on Wonkette and we ate and we drank. We toasted Wonkette in general because I couldn't remember who had suggested the wine. And then, with a tip of the hat to our fine WI protesters, we chanted.
Whose shore is this?
This is our shore!
Whose is going to rebuild it?
We are!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 6:48 pm

[heart grows 3 sizes this day]

Whose shore? Our shore!

Tell me what rebuilding looks like!
This is what rebuilding looks like!

ttommyunger November 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Nice start, now just add a shitty scooter to the inventory and you'll be giving Harley Davidson a run for the muneeze.

UW8316154 November 3, 2012 at 5:44 pm

How much for the girl?

Steverino247 November 4, 2012 at 3:22 am

No, no, no! It's "How much for just the girl?"

ttommyunger November 4, 2012 at 2:58 pm

"Your daughters, how much for your daughters?"

Beowoof November 3, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Hey finally got through the band width exceeded message, some very hot women there. Very hot indeed.

Beowoof November 3, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Oh yeah as mentioned above some color would be good, Red with yellow lettering for the Commie Girl would send the whole message to red, white and blue teabagger Americans for stupidity.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I for one welcome our extremely fappable overlords/ladies.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Not sure if it's been suggested, but knowing this group we will need Wonkette branded pint glasses, shot glasses, wine glasses, highball glasses…

YerMa November 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Martini glasses for those of us fancy 'ettes.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Yes. Also margarita glasses.

Geminisunmars November 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Also logo encrusted roach clip. (are they still called roach clips?)

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Dashboard Buddha November 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Since we, the old, fat, and not young, will never get a t-shirt that fits, I can go for a pint or shot glass.

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Which makes it increasingly unlikely the shirts will fit, too.

Dashboard Buddha November 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

We're already pretty far past that event horizon.—

CrunchyKnee November 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I would like the option of getting a black t or some other color other than white.

Designer_Rants November 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

KBJ sighting! Okay, so what is she doing now? I'm not being a stalker, I just care if she's writing funny stuff somewhere, cuz what a waste if not. Or did she win a huge lottery and just say "fuck it"…

commiegirl99 November 4, 2012 at 12:18 am

She's getting a lot of work from a News Organization that we will not name lest her employment here be called to their attention. She's awesome!

Designer_Rants November 4, 2012 at 1:29 am

Well THANK YOU for clearing that up! I've only asked about KBJ about once a month now for the last 6 months! I'm starting to think you don't dote on my every single comment… We used to be close.

Geminisunmars November 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Is the dog branded with Commie Girl, or Wonkette? And how much for him/her?

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm

You can have Lilo when she decides to leave my side for more than four seconds at a time, which since she is a shepherd is NOT BLOODLY LIKELY.

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 9:25 pm

How did she survive your extended drinky tour? Poor doggie. (She looks sweet.)

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 9:33 pm

My mom found a kennel that was full of uncaged happy dogs frolicking in the sunshine. If I'd left her with my son and my dad, I would have come home to a loft full of dogshit and had to murder everyone.

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Awww. Bless you for taking good care of the D – O – G.

Geminisunmars November 3, 2012 at 10:34 pm

My chocolate lab is the same. My shitsu feels that way about the chocolate lab.

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:27 am

Does the Lab give a Shitsu?

BadKitty904 November 3, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Wonkette pet items! Catnip mice for Chairman Meow! Etc.

EarthboneRebel November 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Are they made in China ?Who cares ?I want one.

chascates November 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Any 'Stoner Chick' T-shirts?

GregComlish November 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

My two cents: I'm ok with the white t-shirt, but the men's should have a v-neck option. Not the American Apparel "Super Deep D-bag V-neck®" just the regular v-neck. The logo on the men's tee should be larger and more central, similar to the women's tee.

GregComlish November 4, 2012 at 8:02 am

Just balance the white space is what I'm saying.

UW8316154 November 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

Men appear more relaxed in a v-neck tee.

njstore November 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Disassembly November 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I am offended that all you people are sexualizing these women. We should be sexualizing their policies.

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Hey, we're not Republicans.

YerMa November 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I would like to see a Feminazi Penis Shrinker added to the store.

rickmaci November 3, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Give shirts to charity, send a Commie girl. Either one in pictures looks to be good fit. Overnight delivery preferred. Thanks for your prompt attention to my order.

BloviateMe November 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Three words: Polo shirt.

Blueb4sinrise November 3, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Henley or GTFO!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Yeah, that would be nice. But for me it'd have to be in Extra-Extra-Extra-Planetary-Body size.

BarackMyWorld November 3, 2012 at 8:28 pm

That looks nothing like her profile photo.

Dashboard Buddha November 3, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Thus continues the tyranny of thin, young, hipsters. Could you at least sell an iron on logo so I can put it on one of my Hanes Beefy-Ts?

commiegirl99 November 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

That's a great idea!

Dashboard Buddha November 3, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Well then…chop chop! I feel a heat emanating from my wallet.—

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:30 pm

You have a wallet?! What a snob!

Designer_Rants November 3, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Ha!

emmelemm November 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

I just put my roll of ones in my sock.

ElPinche November 4, 2012 at 12:29 am

Is Beefy the new Husky?

Dashboard Buddha November 4, 2012 at 11:41 am
Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:19 pm

To me, they just say "Fatty"

cognachas4paws November 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

How bout some merchandise for pets? Bandanas would be good, maybe a collar and leash set. T-shirts for them, too, although getting my 125 lb. Husky/Shepard mix into one would not end well…for me.

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Very slightly related, but it looks like Katy Perry was back on the campaign trail for Obama, tonight, in Wisconsin. She didn't have one her ballot dress, but she had on an equally, umm, flattering "Forward" dress. I'm trying not to be pervy, but she looked like she could have popped out of a cake, if you know what I mean. lol

GregComlish November 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

She always looks like that. That's why we love her.

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Here's the pic so that I won't have to GTFO. It looks like they slipped her into a bag of Skittles.

Mmmm….Skittles….

GregComlish November 4, 2012 at 8:04 am

heh, wonkette replaces all links with links to wonkette I am sorry to say.

LibrarianX November 3, 2012 at 9:27 pm

No Bazaar is complete without the go-go boys.

BadKitty904 November 3, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Can Fare dance?

memzilla November 3, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Perhaps combining merchandising forces with my old high school? (thanks, Firesign Theater !)

Blueb4sinrise November 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I just had a fantasy………..about Ohio Sec. of State Husted…………
NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!11

I mean, he has a "OMG, what have I done!" moment like Alec Guiness at the end of ….Kwai , and blows up the whole GOP .

[Yes, I've been drinking.]

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I had a fantasy about him, too…and it didn't involve sexytime or votes, let's just say.

Blueb4sinrise November 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Hmmmmm, puzzling………whatever could you mean…..?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2012 at 4:38 am

I trust it had the "blowing up" part, at least.

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 9:10 pm

OT: Did anyone else see Egg & Mitt tearing up at a campaign rally, today? It was really pitiful. It wasn't the tears of a man and woman who just love American "ithis" much, but the tears of a couple knowing they are going to lose. I almost felt sorry for them.

gullywompr November 3, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Yep, saw that too. It was a fucking concession speech if I ever saw one, except without the actual conceding.

They know.

memzilla November 3, 2012 at 10:54 pm

They've really improved the personality subroutine in the Mittbot 3.0 upgrade – shown here in beta testing– but, sadly, it won't be ready until after the election.

GeorgiaBurning November 3, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Don't feel sorry for them. They have people for that.

commiegirl99 November 4, 2012 at 12:11 am

LINKY PLEASE

Negropolis November 4, 2012 at 12:25 am

I don't even remember what network I was watching.

IndianaKevin November 4, 2012 at 9:46 am

A local-to-Colorado Faux station, whose reporter described what may have been hundreds of attendees as "thousands." The story has only one comment: LOL. Fox news. lol.

bobbert November 4, 2012 at 2:42 pm

To be fair to the reporter, that crowd looks like it might be "thousands", as in "about two thousand".

gullywompr November 4, 2012 at 12:36 am
Close_Read November 4, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Wow. They both look on the verge of tears. Also the half-empty venue, slightly sad considering how conservative Colo Springs is.

sudsmckenzie November 4, 2012 at 12:27 am

yeah I saw that, I guffawed. It was like Mommy and Daddy coming into the living room to tell the kids they still "love you very much" …. but.

Negropolis November 4, 2012 at 12:37 am

That's exactly what it was like, like a divorce announcemen, like they fought to keep the party together, but couldn't. Ann lost it, and the only thing that kept Mitt from losing it was that he ended his closing remarks quickly.

In contrast, Obama seems to be practically gloating. I really hope he doesn't regret it. Looking at the numbers for months, now, and seeing the firewalls and such, my head is absolutely convinced we win this thing and bigger than the polls are predicting. My gut tells me that it is also completely possible that the polls are missing just as many base Republicans as they are base Democrats, and that coupled with obvious vote rigging, redistricting, and disenfranchisement could make this uncomorftably close when it shouldn't be and wouldn't be, otherwise.

Negropolis November 3, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Why are most new(ish) replies (and some posts) all reading "active less than 1 minute ago" when they are minutes old? Anyone else noticing this glitch? It's really throwing me off.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 10:58 pm

less than 1 minute ago

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 3, 2012 at 10:59 pm

perhaps we are celebrating the end of daylight savings time early? or something? it's happening to me too.

Designer_Rants November 3, 2012 at 11:00 pm

You've gotten yourself stuck in time. I'm afraid I don't know what to tell you… Vote Republican?

Blueb4sinrise November 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm

It's Bamz' Time Machine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spurning Beer November 3, 2012 at 11:58 pm

End times, obvs.

Redgyal November 3, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Anything for doggies?

BadKitty904 November 3, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Sr. Madruga November 3, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Obama pra presidente

mustangsavvy November 3, 2012 at 11:53 pm

This is good news for John McCaine! Hhengh.

hellbabe November 3, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Commie girl for me!!!!! Can get in white w/ v-neck, too?

UnholyMoses November 3, 2012 at 11:13 pm

So who's the virgin boy sportin' the "Commie Girl" shirt and "Rebecca" tatoo on is left arm?

He looks JUST like a guy I went to college with, if the pic was about 20 years ago ('cause dude HAS to look older now … doesn't he?).

commiegirl99 November 4, 2012 at 1:07 am

You should read captions better. That is my son! (SRSLY not a virgin. Did I ever tell you guys about the time I walked in my front door to find his girlfriend fucking him on my couch? And now I know how I react to that. I close the door, walk back out, and crack the beer I have luckily just purchased. NOBODY WAS HAPPY.)

gullywompr November 4, 2012 at 1:15 am

Boy, kids these days, huh?

Designer_Rants November 4, 2012 at 1:37 am

How did he even know how to do that? Surely you were a proper parent and opted him out of sex ed classes…

sudsmckenzie November 4, 2012 at 3:37 am

Wonkette Door Socks.

UnholyMoses November 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

Read the caption?

Hell, I barely read the posts around here …

ADDING: The thought o me walking in on my son when he's of that age is just … should I high five him afterward, or just leave it be?

UnholyMoses November 4, 2012 at 12:18 am

I can pay for this stuff with food stamps, right?

ElPinche November 4, 2012 at 12:30 am

FTW , my friend.

Biff November 4, 2012 at 1:31 am

I hope my medicare voucher also works.

Designer_Rants November 4, 2012 at 1:34 am

Health Stamps!

ElPinche November 3, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Ideas:

- t-shirt with a skull fucking chainsaw with line through it (anti-SFC)
- t-shirt or cum rag with IntenseDebate thumbs up
- cock rings
- t-shirt , ass-less chaps with -127 p (in red) , with text "WAR BLOGGER"

if you like, call me.

Tio_Doidinho November 4, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Some very stimulating ideas; however, if Wonkette heads that way they might as well sell sex toys in bulk.

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I want a WAR BLOG patch, is what I want. Or a button is okay.

Negropolis November 4, 2012 at 12:04 am

Hold up; wait a minute. If Wonkette T-shirts are for lovers, then what is Virginia for, now?

gullywompr November 4, 2012 at 1:22 am

Vaginal probes.

DerrickWildcat November 4, 2012 at 2:31 am

Civil War Reenactors.

AlterNewt November 4, 2012 at 2:58 am

White people, mostly.

doloras November 4, 2012 at 3:34 am

According to Nate Silver, it's 71% for Hopey.

Negropolis November 4, 2012 at 4:55 am

FTW.

gullywompr November 4, 2012 at 10:33 am

More interesting is Florida, which is slightly pink, but has dropped from 55% to 54% to 53% in the past few days. Hoping it goes blue by Tues.

DerrickWildcat November 4, 2012 at 1:17 am

That Lady looks dangerous.

Chet Kincaid_ November 4, 2012 at 1:59 am

That's cool, Kirsten Boyd Johnston is dating Pau Gasol!

Pap Finn November 4, 2012 at 1:01 am

Does this mean that KBJ is going to be writing here again, or is that beneath her now that she has been promoted to Wine Model?

mille derps November 4, 2012 at 2:37 am

Now I am not drunk enough to say that Romney will lose in SC, but I've been wondering how motivated SC Repugs are about voting for Lord High Hairgel… http://www.thestate.com/2012/11/04/2507551/if-rom

In 2008, Romney got 68,000 votes in the SC GOP Primary (15.3%) & in 2012 he got 168,000 votes (almost 28% of the vote).

In the 2008 General Election. Obama got 850,000 votes, but still lost to McCain by about 9 points. http://www.thestate.com/2012/11/04/2507451/at-col

DerrickWildcat November 4, 2012 at 2:01 am

REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR CLOCKS FORWARD!

Steverino247 November 4, 2012 at 3:02 am

Nice try, Republican GOTV dude. LOL

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:42 am

Republican voters traditionally have their clocks set back 130 years, so an hour or so plus or minus isn't going to matter much.

starfanglednut November 4, 2012 at 10:15 am

Ha!

DemmeFatale November 4, 2012 at 10:24 am

Nice try, but this day light savings thing is known as "the good one" in our house.
We are ready for "the bad one" in the spring.
(The dogs, however, are totally confused about park time, eating time, waking, etc.)

UW8316154 November 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

In my house, the dogs and horses think *I* am the one who is totally confused about what time it is this morning.

gullywompr November 4, 2012 at 10:39 am

Turn your clocks back, but take your country forward.

VodkaGoGo November 4, 2012 at 3:21 am

Lounge pants maybe? I've never heard of boxer jammies either.

emmelemm November 4, 2012 at 3:47 am

I think boxer jammies might be boxers without actual fly opening, so can be worn by boys or girls. (And perhaps a bit more generous than reg. boxers, since they don't have to fit under pants.)

However, I could be entirely wrong.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2012 at 4:54 am

Coffe mug is essential! And be sure it's a big one, suitable for serious bourbon coffee drinkers.

sudsmckenzie November 4, 2012 at 6:11 am

OT, I was perusing Red State tonight just to see "Wassup", …. they are actually quoting Gandalf.

gullywompr November 4, 2012 at 10:38 am

They're gonna need him.

Low_Budget_Dave November 4, 2012 at 6:45 am

Didn't you used to have a logo that was a little less Julie-Newmar-inflicting-pain, and a little more gossip-girl-with-slightly-oversized-head?

It is not that I am tired of women in leather, it is just that I really dig the oversized head logo.

Also, I never understood why Batman was fooled by Lee Meriwether in that movie, since it was clearly Lisa Carson.

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Wonkette got a sexxier logo to go with its new sexxier editrix.

JackDempsey1 November 4, 2012 at 8:20 am

I don't have enough $ to make a major purchase right now.

If you go to the site and
sort by most recent, then
sort by price, then
sort alphabetically, the people look like they are dancing.
It's like going to a free nightclub.

C_R_Eature November 4, 2012 at 8:31 am

Some Humble Suggestions for Wonkettemart:

W Shirt Captions:

* "We're in the Library of Congress and You're Not."
* "Now With Extra Dick Jokes"
* "Somebody Had Buttsechs and All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt"
* "47% of Us Are Entitled to Blog"
* " I survived the 2012 Liveblogs But My Liver Did Not"
* "We Think Everything Is Funny"
* "BLOOD LIBEL!!1!"
* "AOTK"
* "ALSO TOO"
* This Comment Deleted By the Administrator
* KKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

**DOKTOR ZOOM MERCHANDISE**

* "This Blog Irks Fascists"
* "Sundays with Doktor Zoom"
* "Doktor Zoom: OMG PONIES!!1!"
* "Doktor Zoom" Plush Pony

WONKETTE MERCHANDISE

* "I [heart] Dick Jokes" Can Cozy
* Wonkette Logo Vomit Bag (collectable and Useful!)
* NEEDS MOAR "DON'T TEABAG ME" T-SHIRT
* Wonkette Leathers. 'Nuff said.
* Wonkette Tube Socks. 'Nuff said.
* 2012 Calendar: "The Genitals of Wonkette"

UW8316154 November 4, 2012 at 10:42 am

"He's all three!"

C_R_Eature November 4, 2012 at 10:46 am

YES

UW8316154 November 4, 2012 at 7:06 pm

T

James Michael Curley November 4, 2012 at 8:31 am

Does this come fur lined? Its f*cking cold in NJ.

boskolives November 4, 2012 at 8:45 am

It's not the f*cking cold, it's the f*cking humidity (a gift from Sandy Claus?).

mrblifil November 4, 2012 at 8:40 am

That picture and the phrase "totally fucked" make for an incendiary combo.

BeefHardcake November 4, 2012 at 8:46 am

What, no leather?

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 9:23 am

The girl looks like a smart, sassy little slut. I like her so much I want to slip a roophy in her drink.

Doktor Zoom November 4, 2012 at 10:14 am

Yeah, you seem like quite the goddamn prize yourself.

emmelemm November 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

We need the temporary and selective return of the DOWNFIST button.

starfanglednut November 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

Not nice.

C_R_Eature November 4, 2012 at 10:48 am

Here, have a nice glass of H2SO4 first.

Dashboard Buddha November 4, 2012 at 11:45 am

Instead of roophys, how about trying a smile, a kind word, some wit, or at very least, a bath?

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I don't have time for that mamby pampy sweet talk bullshit! Roophys it is. Thanks for the patchouli advice. Now go burn some incense and meditate.

Dashboard Buddha November 4, 2012 at 6:52 pm

So, you admit that you don't bathe?—

Roger_of_Arabia November 5, 2012 at 7:39 am

Where did any discussion of bathing come into the discussion? Is the girl in the picture your grand-daughter or something? You old twat.

Negropolis November 4, 2012 at 9:58 pm

And, why don't you go cry into your beer at your local dive when your Magic Underpants Gnome loses the election, okay? Thanks.

Roger_of_Arabia November 5, 2012 at 7:37 am

You make a lot of assumptions and they are all wrong. First, there are no local dives where I live in the Dubai Marina, only five star hotels. Second, your assumption about my political persuasion is way the fuck off base. Someday you might grow up and get to be a big boy too.

BTWBFDIMHO November 4, 2012 at 9:38 am

Many of my friends own sex toys.

Tio_Doidinho November 4, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Many of my friends are sex toys.

Katydid November 4, 2012 at 9:41 am

O/T but about My Wonkette.

So I was listening to NPR the other day, like a good commie libtard, to a story about "Britishisms" invading the US of A. And what do I hear?

And still others announce the arrival of imported sensibilities. "Snarky," for example. It was pretty much unknown in America before the early 2000s, when it was attached to the tone of snide knowingness that has become the stock patois of sites like Gawker, Wonkette and Deadspin.

And as long as we're using the elitist term "patois," we may as well include "cant," also too, as My Wonkette's stock-in-trade, donchaknow.

viennawoods13 November 4, 2012 at 10:43 am

I heard that too, and my heart swelled with pride, but of course, here in Canuckistan we've been using those Britishisms all my long life. which I guess just goes to show that we are different up here.

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Did you graduate from grade 13?

C_R_Eature November 4, 2012 at 10:53 am

We Like Germanic words, also:

Backpfeifengesicht and Arschloch.

They've come in very handy, lately.

chascates November 4, 2012 at 11:00 am

I heard it as well. And they can shove the lift up the lorry or Bob's your uncle.

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

They can throw it in the boot with the tyres.

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

How about "gobsmacked?" Ain't that a crock a British bullshit? I gotta deal with them everyday pronouncing the letter "H" as "hache." Dubai is very influenced by British.

BTWBFDIMHO November 4, 2012 at 10:01 am

How much for the one worn by Rebecca?
Also, Wonkettes would make a great line of Cuban cigars…

BadKitty904 November 4, 2012 at 10:31 am

Biel beat me to coffee-mugs, which I thought of on my morning run. What about bottle-openers, both wine and beer?

gullywompr November 4, 2012 at 10:40 am

Her picture is worth a thousands words.

Biff November 4, 2012 at 10:42 am

Looks like Jimmy has your eyes!

What?

chascates November 4, 2012 at 10:53 am

Any T-shirts with popular Wonkette memes from the past?

"Who told you that I go by that name? They are not your friend…"
"The First Principle of Snark: The “Whatever” Principle. Attack without reason."
"Real PUMA's hate wonkette and the progressive idiocy they embody."

Jack Steuf's tacky comment about America's Greatest Child Ever

C_R_Eature November 4, 2012 at 10:54 am

I have been SHIT ON BY PROFESSIONALS!

Close_Read November 4, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Long sleeves for next order? Also magnets or stickers? Butt crack stickers.

chascates November 4, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"Weep, weep, Wonkette, for your fallen prince Ken Layne" – THAT is a classic!
I'd also suggest "Think buttsecs instead of ass-fucking" as well as "You know who else . . . ."

Mumbletypeg November 4, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Maybe "There you go again, tongue-punching the fart box!" ?

(I hadn't seen any throwbacks to Waggaman yet)

emmelemm November 4, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I, for one, find "tongue punching the fart box" to be one of the greatest Wonkette moments OF ALL TIME.

Mumbletypeg November 4, 2012 at 2:02 pm

If I'm not mistaken, Riley also introduced us to "guano faucet." I'm not sure if he coined it or borrowed it though. Guy definitely has a way with words.

starfanglednut November 4, 2012 at 8:59 pm

It was indeed.

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Also, the original title to the "Breitbart gropes Riley" post.

Fairtackle November 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm

"If the global collective unconscious may be likened to a vast, roiling ocean, then your average American voter’s mental workings are a fetid kiddie pool with a half-deflated beach ball bobbing around the perimeter."

Don't remember what that came off of but I keep it near me every day.

Rainbow_Meow November 4, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Why are we not shipping to the UK for the benefit of exiled patriots like myself?

chascates November 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm

If the editrix foots the bill I'll personally deliver to you. And hang around for a few years.

Rainbow_Meow November 4, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I don't know, man, it is kind of a den of socialist iniquity over here. Are you sure you can handle free healthcare? And railways?

ttommyunger November 4, 2012 at 3:05 pm

After re-reading all these comments, I have decided I might forego my time-honored "commando" style for some sweeeeet Wonkette Boxer Shorts. Let me know when you have them available: FYI- I wear 32" waist and need an 8" inseam, if you get my drift…..heh, heh.

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 4:10 pm

It's FORGO shithead! "Forego" means "Precede in place or time" but "forgo" means "Omit or decline to take (something pleasant or valuable); go without or refrain from."

ttommyunger November 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Let me see if I can get this right: fuck you!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

God damn. I'll bet that you'd fuck up a wet dream. You forgot to capitalize the "F" in "fuck" numbnuts.

ttommyunger November 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Thanks. How's this: Fuck You! Get off yet, Roger? ;)Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 4, 2012 at 6:38 pm

OK. I ordered a tote bag. Where can I shop to piss off conservatives?

starfanglednut November 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Pack it full of dildos and bring it to a Romney rally.

Spurning Beer November 4, 2012 at 8:37 pm

That may not be the term of art, but they are woven novelty boxers for sleepwear, as they are too bulky to be underclothing and too wardrobe-malfunction prone for street wear in most of America.
http://www.amazon.com/Simpsons-Boxers-Simpson-Sho

Beach_Bubba_Tex November 5, 2012 at 8:59 am

So the IPO is still stalled?

I'll take two of the shot glasses and an "I'm for Nader" thong.

Bezoar November 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

Just gimme a goddamn coffee cup. Thank you.

Bezoar November 5, 2012 at 10:20 am

P.S.; I bet a Wonkette bong would be a big seller.

thefrontpage November 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

WONKETTE INDUSTRIES
Internal Memo
Nov. 5, 2012

To: Rebecca
From: Damian Myers-Kruger, Promotiional Items Manager
Re: New Line of Promotional Items

Rebecca:

Hi, it's Damian. We have the new line of Wonkette Promotional Items in at the Wonkette Warehouse. Here is a list of the new items, all stamped with the official Wonkette logo:

1. Recycled condoms.
2. "Evolution is for Lovers" T-shirt
3. I Love Peoria T-shirt
4. The Power-Drive Vibrator
5. Wonkette Sex Lube
6. Edible Panties
7. The Complete Wonkette Gay Porn Collection
8. The Complete Wonkette Lesbian Porn Collection
9. The Complete Wonkette Straight Sex Porn Collection
10. "C-SPAN: The First 25 Years," VHS Video Collection
11. "The Complete Works of Donald Trump," DVD, CD, Video and Book
12. Coffee Mug
13. Water Bottle
14. Key Chain
15. Snack Bag Clip
16. Mini-flashlight
17. Note pad
18. Frisbee
19. T-shirt
20. Stress ball.

–30–

thefrontpage November 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

Who is the quite attractive young woman in the picture modeling the T-shirt with the wine glass? I think I dated her once. Or twice. Or maybe for a month or two. Thanks!

red_kira November 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

Dudes! I just looked at the t-shirt sizes! Outrage! Needz moar fat chicks sizes!

Seriously – my seriously hawwt tatas need at least a large. Can I get a shout-out for Curvy Commie Girls?

Fuck Toad November 5, 2012 at 2:24 pm

*tap tap* Is this thing on? Oh, well…

Holla!

VeraSevera November 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Don't know about the retro Cat Woman t-shirt–Batman's been off the air for a couple generations so the reference is lost on me–but the Wonkette wine is a winner! Grapes grown in the Snark-le-ville region of France, with flavors of peach, mango, Old Spice, aromas of 100-year-old wolf pussy, and a smooth silky finish. Ain't nothing finer than that!

VeraSevera November 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I want mine to say: Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.

Spurning Beer November 3, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I yell "Show me your boobs!" to the cops at Mardi Gras parades. They are surprisingly good natured about it. The male ones, anyway.

ttommyunger November 4, 2012 at 12:34 am

Atlanta boasts scores of Titty Bars where the girls routinely remove everything but their lipstick. They are open six days a week from noon to ? and most require no cover or minimum, so there is little need to drive through Dogpatch for hours to see jugs if one lives in this corner of the so-called Bible Belt. 'Course, sometimes a feller just likes a little dirt under his fingernails.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Dashboard Buddha November 4, 2012 at 11:44 am

I put a wad of 20's in my shorts…works every time.

Roger_of_Arabia November 4, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I'm so proud of you. You did it. I knew you could.

ttommyunger November 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I'm familiar with your fetish. Glad I could help. I don't judge.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Roger_of_Arabia November 5, 2012 at 7:41 am

How ya doin'? I'm good.

Dashboard Buddha November 5, 2012 at 7:47 am

Speaking of old twats, how's yer mom?

ttommyunger November 5, 2012 at 8:11 am

That's wonderful, Roger. Have a great day! ;)

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