Chris Christie, communist who would save New Jersey if he would allow price gouging
Now that Chris Christie has dared to show what used to be the standard amount of deference and respect due to the office of the president, the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker. The latest complaint is that he is not allowing oil companies to take advantage of New Jersey’s misfortune and charge whatever they want in storm-stricken neighborhoods filled with desperate people. There are long lines, you see, ever so long lines of people waiting for gasoline, and Chris Christie could fix these long lines if he just let gas stations charge, say, $20 per gallon. Why is Chris Christie a mean man that hates price gouging and by extension, capitalism?

Desperate New Jersey drivers wait in long lines to buy gasoline. One line was two miles long. The media blame “a lack of electricity” and report that “Governor Christie has acted to boost supplies of gasoline…by directing Treasury officials to waive licensing requirements that affect merchants’ ability to buy fuel from out-of-state suppliers.”

How can we fix these long, long lines? Easy, just like every problem on earth, it can be solved through the unrestrained free market. No need for regulation; just let gas stations charge whatever they want, it will solve itself and work itself out.

Christie would help more if he could suspend New Jersey’s foolish law forbidding price increases of more than 10% during an “emergency,” and if he’d apologize for bragging that the state will crack down on price “gouging!”

What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market. When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear… If gas stations could raise prices, many of those drivers would wait, and drive less. Drivers who really need gas would be able to get it. At the same time, entrepreneurs would rush gasoline to gas stations that have the highest prices. The lines would quickly vanish, and prices would come back down.

The piece goes on and on like that, explaining how we could all benefit if there were no state services after a hurricane, and the free market let small armies of private contractors charge whatever they want. That way, people who “need” things the most would use them, and there would be less long lines. We will just observe that it’s such a wild coincidence how the people who “need” things the most are always the people who happen to have money. Crazy, right? Like the people who “need” medical care — isn’t it funny how poor, uninsured people don’t seem to “need” medical care and rich, insured people do? And gas — surely all these people waiting in that two-miles-long line don’t NEED gas, do they? And while we’re at it, we could argue that the long lines are equal to a sort of “time gouging,” wherein people who are willing to stand in lines two miles long are probably the people who really need the gas. The time spent in line is probably as effective a deterrent to frivolous gas usage as high prices are, anyway, according to Fox News’ thinly supported “analysis.” But we at Wonkette only would argue something like that because we’re probably communists.


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  • Come here a minute

    Leave it to Fox News to take the fun out of waiting in line for gas. These people have no other way to entertain themselves!

  • noodlesalad

    "When markets are allowed to work their magic…"

    I think we need to engrave this in granite for future generations to best understand how we screwed the pooch so badly on global warming specifically and civilization in general.

    • emmelemm

      It'll be kind of like those head statues on Easter Island.

      • noodlesalad

        I was thinking more:

        My Name is Romneymandius, CEO of CEOs
        Look on my free markets, ye mighty, and despair!

        But I like the Easter Island heads – any good lost monument of a forgotten civilization that clung to bizarre mythologies like "market magic."

        • emmelemm

          Well, you see, that's what the Easter Island statues were: the inhabitants' way of saying, "Look on my mighty statues and despair!"

          And yet, for all their statue-building, they DISAPPEARED off the face of the earth because they squandered their resources.

          All that will be left of us are Ten Commandments statues outside courthouses and engravings of "Free Markets Uber Alles!" And we will have completely disappeared, leaving a mystery to future civilizations.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            You have to admit, the owner of the last tree was rich as hell.

          • noodlesalad

            He probably had a canoe elevator in his tiki house.

          • He tipped in splinters.

          • emmelemm

            Nicely done.

          • Dashboard Buddha

            True that…but one thing the rich forget is that rich is only rich when you have something to spend it on. Gold loses its luster when the pitchfork'd mob won't take a bribe.

      • tessiee

        those head statues on Easter Island.

        "I don't look like that! Make another!"
        "Yes, Lord Uglyface."

        • emmelemm

          Oh man… that made me laugh.

    • They'll look at it, scratch their heads, and wonder "How did it go from feed the masses with loaves and fishes to screw 'em?"

      • mormos

        hopefully they will be smarter than us so it won't be that great a mystery.

  • PhilippePetain

    Christy's too busy gorging to gouge anyone.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Why does the price of cheeseburgers go up every time Christie's in town?

    • LagunaB

      We love the Jersey shore. It is our memories of summer and good times. We are physically, mentally and emotionally drained. We are all helping each other through this mess. Can ya leave the fat man alone? For now.

      • PhilippePetain

        Aw, come on, he's still a union busting piece of shit; really, I'm going to catch guff for this now?

  • SorosBot

    The free market would make gas prices rise? But I thought high gas prices were all Obama's fault!!1!

    • Serolf_Divad

      You ever seen a picture of Barack Obama and Adam Smith in a room together?

      just sayin'

    • Mighty Sorosbot, Hobgoblin of Tiny Wingtard Minds!

  • memzilla

    I would like to put John Stossel in an airtight room, and let him bid for oxygen on the free market. My free market.

    • LesBontemps

      With votes!

    • Callyson

      He certainly makes me want to pass gas.

      • CommieLibunatic

        Just keep it in his general direction.

    • teebob2000

      Of course, he'd be betting against all of us Wonketeers watching him on CCTV who'd be jacking up the bidding until he couldn't afford it any more, and die, but since he's dead the highest bidder wouldn't have to pay anyhow because they're not sealed in an airtight room. Boom, motherfucker dead, rest-of-world happy.

    • davidcmoisan

      I first started reading science fiction when there were lots of libertarians writing it in the 80's. There were a lot of stories along the lines of, say, a space station where the residents had to prove they were worth the oxygen to stay, literallly. (That scene from Total Recall comes to mind.)

      I suggest cueing Bugs Bunny and a libertarian aboard the ISS: "Bugs: Hello, This is the station manager. You haven't paid your oxygen bill lately, so we're going to have to cut you off! OK MAC, VENT IT! <fwhoosh>".

      • poorgradstudent

        This is kind of why people don't believe me when I tell them I like the film version of "Starship Troopers." It's totally Paul Verhoeven taking the "libertarian-fascism" of Heinlein and those similar writers and mocking the hell out of it.

  • When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

    ..and so does food from children's plates.

    • tessiee

      What happens when Chris Christie is allowed to work his magic?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Oh for fucks sake…THIS is why I changed from economics to political science. Fucking John Stossel…okay, douche the ALLOCATIVE function is a fucking LABRATORY idea that suggests every person lists their priorities and then rationally orders them. That isn't how LIFE works you porn 'stached douchecanoe! Most poor people spend life in a series of tradeoffs and lesser evils, they lack the means and resources to ALLOCATE rationally; they lurch from one tightrope over a shark tank to the next. By suggesting based upon the allocative function that captimalism would clear out long lines and therefore bring more actors into the market is a complete fallacy: the problem isn't people can't make money it's that disaster has destroyed supply lines and therefore isn't a 'normal' market situation where simply adjusting cost would meet with supply..god you're an amoral fuckwad, Stossel. I really wish these dumbfuck 'journalists' would stop pretending they understand the real workings of a given market by blathering on about abstract concepts…it's not a 'perfect market', shit-for-brains.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Fox – We hate you, we hate this country and everybody needs to go pound sand.

  • Terry

    When John Stossel passes away and goes directly to Hell, he'll be forced to stand forever overcome by a burning thirst in front of a lemonade stand. He'll never be able to quench that thirst because the cool, delicious glasses of lemonade cost 25 cents each and he only has a nickle.

    • Schmannnity

      Tantalus libel!

    • And if he can borrow the extra 20¢ he'll discover it's not lemonade anyway.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        And he'll wonder how someone could sell pis…er, "not lemonade" and be allowed to sell a harmful product.

        • Gleem McShineys

          And then it'll change to a soap stand, also with prices just barely out of his reach, that could wash the awful stench of demon wee out of his moustache, where it shall remain for all time.

      • tessiee


  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    It's a good thing for John Stossel that the market on mustachioed victims of severe brain injuries serving in the punditry world is completely free and unregulated.

  • *high nasal voice, which henceforth will be referred to as 'in Stossel'*
    Give Me a Fucking Break!

  • gullywompr

    FFS, Stossel puts the word "emergency" in quotes?


  • Mittens Howell, III

    I agree with YOU clever-man-money-thinker. And I share your belief in invisible hands, and unicorns, and the Holy Breitbart Ghost too!

    Also, this lead paint on my wall is LICKY!

    • tessiee

      This entire post should be spoken a la Ralph Wiggum.

  • spends2much

    Yes, this is the answer. And not just for gas- how about water too? I mean, if you really think you need clean drinking water, you'll find the $20 for a bottle. Don't have money? I guess you don't really need that water, do ya? So go find somewhere to die, and then there will be enough water for everyone else, and the price will go down. Sure, you'll be dead, but you're poor, so it's really not that big a deal to the Free Market.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Shorter John Stossel:

    Austrian Economics proves that the more expensive a thing is, the less demand there will be for it. It's the law of supply and demand. Like Gravity, it's a law. A law of Nature. So if we just make Hurricanes really, really, really fucking expensive affairs, there will be less of them. Because of supply and demand and such and so forth. The law of economics says so. And I know because in a dream last night I saw the ghost of Ayn Rand fucking the ghost of Ludwig von Mises and they told me this between guttural grunts and anguished moans.

    • Goonemeritus

      Thanks for that image now I won’t be needing my penis for a while

      • CommieLibunatic

        Just think about Ursula Andress emerging from the surf ala Dr. No, holding a pair 5-gallon gas cans… there, isn't that better?

    • There's no way Stossel is that deep.

  • noodlesalad

    Hey Stossel, if rationing was good enough to beat the fucking Nazis, it's good enough to get through Sandy.

  • nounverb911

    Next time Stossel shows up at my restaurant, not only will I spit in his food, I will charge him extra for the privilege.*

    *I don't own a restaurant nor do I live anywhere Stossel would visit.

    • karen503

      According to Wikipedia, "Stossel and his former ABC News colleague Chris Cuomo are silent investors in Columbus Tavern, a restaurant on Columbus Avenue at 72nd Street on Manhattan's Upper West Side."

      It probably wasn't even flooded, so head on up there and spit in THEIR food.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh Jesus. Can the "free market" please decide to have Fox News implode and disappear off the face of the planet on November 7? Pretty goddamn please?

    • gullywompr

      Your wish is granted. Long live Jambi.

    • SpiderCrab

      Why do we have to wait until the 7th?

      • viennawoods13

        Because it is worth waiting to see the looks on their faces when they have to announce the elections results?

  • Callyson

    Yeah, allowing people to engage in price gouging will make more gas available…too bad no one will be able to afford it, and they will still have the same fucking problem of not being able to get gas.

    /FFS yet again

    • SorosBot

      Now that's not true; the important people will still be able to afford it, and not have to wait along with those filthy peons, now being treated as if they actually matter.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      If no one can afford gas then the lines will magically disappear! Problem solved! Too bad, poorz trying to drive to work!


  • JustPixelz

    I'll bet Stossel also wants to shorten voting lines with a steep poll tax. With a little luck, only the wealthy would be able to afford it, thus taking that burden off the rest of us.

  • AlterNewt

    The greasy, sausage-fingered hand of the marketplace.

  • When you say "Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker", did you mean like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican Oxytocin dealer, or like Rush Limbaugh on a young Dominican rent boy (aka, rent-a-boy)? Please answer soon, the 24 hour news cycle is running low on gas.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Gov Christie is using the gas station lines as a decoy, so he can eat all the hot dogs and twizzlers.

    Those hot dog rollers don't take care of themselves you know.

  • SmutBoffin


  • Goonemeritus

    We need to put John Stossel in a well-sealed room to determine an appropriate free market price for oxygen.

    Edit- using votes of course.

  • LesBontemps

    John Stossel makes Joseph Goebbels blush.

    • Or slap his forehead and cry, "Why didn't I think of that?"

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Maybe John would like to posit his idea to Chris Christie in person? That would be the ultimate poking of the bear.

    • LesBontemps

      Ideally, Chris Chritstie would eat John Stossel and then achieve sufficient mass to fall out of the universe.

    • tessiee

      Please, Chris Christie would squish him like a bug, which is what he richly deserves. Christie has taken shits bigger than John Stossel.

  • Hammiepants

    Ah, the famed Invisible Hand of the Free Market. I hope it can't see the majority of the tri-state area flipping it the bird.

  • RomneysLogCabin

    What the fuck else do these people want? We've got nothing left.

    • tessiee

      Ha ha, won't THEY be sorry when we ALL die off and there's nobody left to fight their wars, buy their made in China crap, and clean their dirty houses! THAT will show…
      Oh, wait.

  • Grief_Lessons

    If markets worked perfectly, consumers would drive the market for punditry towards sanity and coherence, so John Stossel had best watch what he's wishing for.

  • SexySmurf

    When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

    Most people stop believing in magic around the age of eight.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Look, Chris Christie. I know we haven't agreed on much (okay, hardly anything at all), but could you do me a favor and tell your critics, including your former bromance buds over at Fox, to fuck the motherfucking fucking fuck off? You know you want to, and it would make a shit-ton of us feel tons better.

    Thanking you in advance,


    • LagunaB

      Totes. I am in south jersey. There are no long lines.

  • Lucidamente1

    Stupid hypocrite is as stupid hypocrite does:

    • CommieLibunatic

      That's like the asshole roomate who bitches about you buying diet soda, who then tells you to get more because he drank them all.

  • mavenmaven

    Because price gouging is job creating. See, when our oil company sponsors get richer, some of it trickles down to us here at Fox, screw the rest of you.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Fuck you with a 2×4, Stossel.

    • YerMa

      Sideways, even.

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    There's no such thing as a "free market" in a natural disaster. Other, new suppliers can't enter the "market" freely to provide the necessary price competition to balance out the supply/demand ratio.

    It's like when there was a shortage of dark matter and Mom's Friendly Robot Company was holding my people captive and forcing us to make a bo-bo against our will. Oh the humiliation! Where was the free market then, I ask you? Wheeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee?!

    • CommieLibunatic

      Sorry, the comment system won't let me upfist more than once.

    • tessiee

      Honestly, you have to put part of the blame on yourselves for only using Scooty-Puff Junior scooters to attack her, instead of the larger, kitten-strength Scooty- Puff Senior.

  • If they had their way these cretins would opt for a vulture on our national seal, instead. I daresay it's the slenderest thread of remaining pride or self-awareness that keeps them from doing it.

    • tessiee

      That was really subtle!
      Well done!


    When markets are allowed to work their magic

    Under Romney, free and efficient markets will even provide invisible hand-jobs from your favorite imaginary friend.

    • Stevola

      Invisible hands in the magic underwear!

  • VodkaGoGo

    What this crisis really needs is a little competition, people should have to fight to fill their tanks at $20 a gallon. Then we could televise it on ESPN and send 1% of the proceeds to disaster relief. Capitism saves the day.

    • I like "Capitism", it sounds especially stupid. Nice typo!

      • VodkaGoGo

        Facepalm. Fucking auto-correct saves the day.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr


  • JustPixelz

    Stossel also figures food and drug safety is best left to the market. If people die from, say, a meningitis vaccine, the company will lose customers. Perhaps it will go out of business. Contaminated medicine problem solved!

    Or if a restaurant serves salmonella-flavored salmon and all their customers die. That restaurant will go out of business because NO CUSTOMERS!

    Like Ronald Reagan said many times; "Trust, but verify". Except without the "verify.

  • "In praise of 'price gouging'"

    Five little words that mean "No one in their right mind ever has to pay attention to John Stossel ever, ever, ever again EVER!"

    He should just be deported. Take away his citizenship and deport him now. DEPORT HIM! DEPORT HIM HARD!!

    • Swampgas_Man

      Who the fuck would take him?

      • redarmyzombie

        A volcano, perhaps…

  • PuckStopsHere

    Why is the invisible hand always shoving itself so far up my asshole it feels like my Adams apple?

  • sudsmckenzie

    Shorter shit bucket:

    "Who Run Bartertown"?

  • What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market.

    So, Sr. Stache? When I yank your eye out with my fingernail (of votes…*sigh*), it's not gouging, it's allowing your eye to find its price level.

  • Lucidamente1

    I didn't know Construction Worker from Village People had such radical views on the power of the free market.

    • He really puts the "M" in markets….

  • Christie is pals with Obama. Bloomberg and Powell endorse him. Romney only wishes he was liked by this many Republicans.

  • kakotechnia

    They should have stuck with the original headline: John Stossel has had it with you fucking plebes.

  • VodkaGoGo

    When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

    Look, I know the 80s were a blast but could we focus on the issue at hand please?

    • Nice!

    • Gleem McShineys

      So that's not a porn-stache on Stossel, it's a mirror polisher!

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    This is part of a series of Fox articles, which includes "In Praise of Circular Reasoning,” "In Praise of Deep-Fried Twinkies," and "Why Jesus Loved Concealed Handguns."

    • DaveJ

      To be perfectly fair, I believe that Jesus would, in fact, have loved deep fried Twinkies.

    • "In Praise of Separate But Equal." "In Praise of No Wife of Mine Is Working Outside This House."

    • CommieLibunatic

      Er… slightly off-topic, but did those deep-fried Oreos I had at the Orange County Fair make me a bad person? Just give it to me straight, doc.

  • LibertyLover

    Rich people (who will never need government services) talking about ending government services have always amused me.

    • emmelemm

      Please see Lucidamente's earlier comment:

      Stossel railed against government flood insurance, while having a home on the beach that got flooded, for which he took government insurance payouts.

      So, your statement is true, except for the part about the rich not needing government services. They take just as much from the government as the rest of us, they just won't admit it.

      • LibertyLover

        Fair enough, but I don't see them standing in line for food or sleeping on cots at the local elementary school.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Flooded and rebuilt THREE TIMES, just for the awesomeness of his record.

        Also, he'll admit it, he'll just claim it is smart business for him to take it.

        Basically, you take a normal person, and replace any semblance of shame with a giant prop moustache.

    • tessiee

      By "amused", you mean, "disgusted", right?

  • When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

    Yes. This is why DURING THE FUCKING OPEC EMBARGO, no one EVER waited on a line, despite the fact that gouging laws were not on the books.

    • LibertyLover

      Those whose plates end in an even number can show up on MWF and those whose plates end in an odd number can show up on TTHS … rich people with jets refuel at their private airport.

      • emmelemm

        I FUCKING REMEMBER THAT from when I was a little kid. Even number license plates, odd number license plates. UGH.

        • And Stossel is old enough to remember too.

          Worse, I bet while he was a consumer affair reporter here in NYC, HE DID STORIES ABOUT PRICE GOUGERS!

          • emmelemm

            Hmmm, but now he's on a primetime news show and shit and he's all Richie Rich and suddenly his opinions have changed

          • Now that his paycheck depends on it, yes.

            And sorry about getting all shouty. I'm feeling stabby. I figure this is safer.

          • emmelemm

            No worries, man. We're all a little strung out. Stay frosty.

        • SorosBot

          Huh? No understand reference. :(

          • MosesInvests

            Get offa my lawn!

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Kids nowadays. I tell ya.

          • SorosBot

            So what the hell does that mean?

          • Actually, what I was referring to was one section earlier:

            "Nixon requested gasoline stations to voluntarily not sell gasoline on Saturday nights or Sundays; 90% of owners complied, which resulted in lines on weekdays."

          • HistoriCat

            And we liked it so much we did it again in 1979!

          • MosesInvests

            If you're referring to my comment, it basically means I called you a "young whippersnapper". ;-)

          • K, so you know how you lined up for festival seating at the Dave Matthews concert?

            Yea, like that, only with cars and gas pumps.

          • SorosBot

            Dave fucking Matthews? What do I look like, a fratboy idiot who loves shitty horrible music?

          • You're not into Snarlternative?

      • shelwood46

        We just went to that system in NJ — 12 counties are now on rationing, even plates on even days, odd (and letter-only) plates on odd days. No idea what day we're supposed to go if we just want to fill cans for our generators. (No, wait, we'll just go to Mercer or PA.)

        • LibertyLover

          The more things change, the more they stay the same….

      • In New Zealand, we had "carless days". You got a sticker on your windshield with a day of the week on it and it was simply illegal to drive that car on that day. Most people chose Saturday or Sunday, for obvious reasons.

    • poorgradstudent

      Free market also means being free from the past and facts.

  • Detesticle

    Rape Baby/Price Gouging 2012. Hurray.

  • LibertyLover

    Know who else wanted the free market to take care of storm victims?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      The Pharoah?

    • George's father, Barbara Bush?

      • viennawoods13

        Now, to be fair, those refugees had never had it so good.

  • Close_Read

    Profiteers for Romney!!!

  • coolhandnuke

    Those long gas lines in Jersey are caused by not allowing the people to pump their own gas. Happens in my state–Oregon when we go through a disaster and by law (like Jersey) we can't pump our own gas. Last one was in 1998, the great microbeer and cannabis shortage. Oh the humanity, hipsters being mugged for their skateboards and vintage Schwinns. Desperate citizens igniting hobos with Stoessel-sized pornstaches just to stay warm.

    Snark off If I was in a higher tax bracket, I'd send the havenots in jersey or any state affected by Sandy as much beer and ganga as I could afford. Hang in there people.

    • shelwood46

      Dude, it's bad enough here. No fucking way are we pumping our own gas.

  • docterry6973

    From each according to his need, to each according to his ability – to make the needy guy pay through the nose.

  • MissTaken

    What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market. When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

    I hate magicians.

    • SorosBot

      I much prefer wizards.

      • emmelemm

        Hmmm… but there's the whole KKK angle.

      • MosesInvests

        Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I hate mimes…and I hate mimes that are also magicians. However, I wish John Stossel would take a cue from a mime and just shut the fuck up.

  • BlueStateLibel

    He actually meant, "When markets are allowed to work their magic, LIVES disappear… "

    • Dashboard Buddha

      That's right…and with fewer lives, there will be less demand and prices go down. FREE MARKET MAGIC!

      • And we're right back to population dynamics in Ecology. The Holy Trinity is God the Father, God the Son and God the Social Darwin!

  • ZHollows

    Conservatives and Fox News only like long lines when it is for chicken sammiches at Chik-Fil-A!

  • Antispandex

    Just two points here. First, if this were ever accepted to the extent that the right-wing would like, we would have an entire new class of poor people called "dead people". Two, I find the restirctions placed on the site by our editrix highly restrictive in trying to discribe Mr. Stossel or to suggest how I believe he should be dealt with.

    • emmelemm

      Editrix is cold messin' with our freedoms. Our voices will be heard!

    • tessiee

      "if this were ever accepted to the extent that the right-wing would like, we would have an entire new class of poor people called "dead people". "

      I suspect that they're aware of this on some level, and OK with it. But then, I may be mistaken about their strikingly limited intelligence.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    This just isn't Fox News. Why even NPR had an economist on this morning arguing the same thing!

    • Gleem McShineys

      I heard this as well!

      I am still waiting for them to have an economist on to explain why looting during natural disasters makes the most economic sense, and you never hear enough economists talking about the benefits of kidnapping, due to the micro-marketing of such high-demand unique products as children back to their parents!

      What's the risk-return ratio on John Stossel children? Or perhaps, fuck economists with rolled-up dollars?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      You'd think that fucker could conjure up some braces.

  • TxSpinyLizrd

    A pox on your house, Mr. Stossel. And no return calls from CDC.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Fuck that shit.
    Rory Gallagher. Bullfrog Blues.

    • tessiee

      Now THAT is a Blues Face!

  • dccajun

    When are people going to learn that markets rule! Let 'em flourish! Then, when those mommas who wind up blessed with unwanted babies can turn them into cold cash, and then go get Communion.

  • calliecallie

    "the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker"

    Now there's a visual image to carry me through the weekend. Thanks.

  • If the market is truly free, why don't I have unlimited food?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      I thought the "invisible hand of the free market" was the same thing as the five-fingered discount at the grocery store. Boy was I wrong.

  • TootsStansbury

    Thank you for finally putting something up I can laugh at!

    Wait. This isn't satire? Does this dude walk around accompanied by a little storm cloud and bats?

  • CommieDad

    Ok. This argument needs to be shouted from the mountains. Romney Ryan need to endorse it. And Americans all need to hear it. Because this, this, this is why Free Market extremism is evil.

  • Because letting the majikal invisible hand give unregulated hand jobs to the rich worked out so great for the world since 1999. I remembered when the invisible hand took 1/3 of my pension away because of the ineptitude of Stossel clones running the corporate person I worked for and I smiled. Or the tears of Joy I felt when people died from eating E.Coli tainted beef.

  • Surely this fool knows that the result of such idiocy would be bloodshed in the streets, and probably some blown-up gas stations too?!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      No no…that would just be the public responding to price gouging in a free market.

    • tessiee

      That's OK, it's not like the prisons are full to overflowing or anything.

    • That's what we have hurriedly-assembled goon squads of crazed Iraq/Afghan veterans whipped up by propaganda (and meth?) against commiefascistislamoterroristgay subversion to keep order for. That's, of course, *classical* fascism.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    How is it possible that someone as fucking idiotic and annoying as John Stossel has a job anywhere?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Sadly, this is the new normal. It's not information any more, it's not even infotainment…it's pure entertainment and these fuck clowns have to top each other continually to keep their jobs. It's like when four dudes from NYC found out that Ozzy Osborne bit the head off of a bat and thought, fuck…we might was well call ourselves KISS.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        The news should not be a for-profit industry.

  • DaveJ

    Private industry should be allowed to charge whatever it wants for whatever service it provides. Except John Stossel-provided mustache rides. Those are always free, ladies.

  • carlgt1

    meanwhile if Ayn Rand were on Staten Island now she would be screeching for gas & free help even more than the teabagger politician there screeching about how bad the Red Cross is!

  • The acronym does not suffice, and it must be said:

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

  • rickmaci

    John Stosfool is the biggest asshat psuedo-intellectual in the entire FuxNews repubtard echo chamber, and that is really something very hard to achieve given FuxNews.

  • "Stosseling" is when you choke yourself to the point of unconsciousness before writing a FOX News column. "Power Stosseling" is when you do it before you actually go on-air.

  • Hey Stossel, your Queen tribute band called — your chaps are back from the cleaners!

  • CommieDad

    Sorry. Just so angry. Have to post again.

    In college, I studied Math. We would often prove things by assuming the opposite was true and then proving that this creates a contradiction.

    As this is not Math, I will settle for a situation that is bad for society and bad for the economy as being the contradiction. Here's the argument:

    The free market is not the best answer in all circumstances. "Proof:"

    * In an emergency, when critical resources such as Water, Food, and Fuel are in short supply, long lines are formed if price gouging laws are enforced.
    * Let's assume that the free market is the best answer in this circumstance.
    * Prices would rise until supply met demand. As supply is short, and demand high, prices would become fairly high.
    * These prices would reduce the ability of most people to purchase the supplies. Less people would therefore purchase them and the lines would be reduced.
    * People would not have critical resources unless they were rich. Not having gas would prevent people from going to work. Not having food and water would kill them, or make them sick. Either way, they aren't going to work.
    * People dead is objectively bad.
    * People not going to work is bad for the economy.
    * Economy does not recover and all parts of the market suffer as demand decreases (due to death and poverty). Rich people get poorer.

    So in the case of a free market, the lines go away, but the economy suffers. Also people die. Which is bad. Always. Especially if you are pro-life.

  • bobbert

    There really is a bottomless pit of shit-for-brains at Fox, isn't there?

  • Trinket

    All of the loathing and despair of this election year has been totally dwarfed by my joy at watching the apoplectic, hysterical, hail-mary implosion of the right wing during the last week.

  • TheGyrus

    I agree that allowing market-based price gouging would be appropriate in this situation. But John Stossel is still a tool.

  • GhostBuggy

    This makes me so fucking angry. He's openly calling for price gouging people whose lives have been destroyed. I just saw a story today about a woman and her family, on the way to a shelter in their car, getting hit with storm surge. She put her 2 and 4-year-old on the roof of the car to stay dry. Then they were literally pulled out of her arms by rushing water.

    Their corpses were just found.

    So fuck you, Stossel. Just…fuck you.

  • Does he realize he is fucking with New Yorkers?! I would curtail my walking-around-Manhattan-having-Woody-Allen-repartee if I were him.

  • BoroPrimorac

    I don't think pampered pricks like Stossel have what it takes to survive in the winner take all society conservatives dream about.

  • Fox n Fiends

    I recall that 2008 was a peak Market Magic year.

  • Jerri

    If you put John Stossel in a room with Tom Friedman, whose mustache would win in the fight? I realize this post has nothing to do with Friedman. I just wanted you to picture two famous and terrible mustaches kicking the shit out of each other.

    • Let me blow your mind: Throw Michael Medved and Geraldo in there with 'em, too!!

      • Gleem McShineys

        (but everyone wishes it was zero)

      • cousinitt

        I believe Stephen Hawking described that scenario in his famous treatise, "A Brief History of Pr0n" in which the largest stache would suck in other nearby staches until a supermassive stachularity was achieved and disappear from the universe.

  • MC5

    Talk about "Today in Idiots"…

  • larrykat

    The ass-munch on CNBC's Squawk Box this morning (Joe Kernen) was actually complaining that Dunkin' Donuts should have a regular priced coffee line (for the poors that have to stand in line) and a $20 per cup line that would be much shorter because there are not very many fuckheads like him who would stand in that line.

    • Yet another idea that would result in people with $20 bills and smug faces being torn limb from limb. They just can't think a bad idea through, can they?

  • tessiee

    "Christie would help more if he could suspend New Jersey’s foolish law forbidding price increases of more than 10% during an “emergency,” and if he’d apologize for bragging that the state will crack down on price “gouging!”

    What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market. When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear… If gas stations could raise prices, many of those drivers would wait, and drive less."

    ONE reason why there are long lines, jackass, is that gas pumps won't work in the 80-some percent of areas where the power is still out!

  • tessiee

    At the last Presidential debate, Mittens was all, "Four dollar a gallon gas… Four dollar a gallon gas… scrawk… tweet… Four dollar a gallon gas… pretty bird… Four dollar a gallon gas… Mitt wants a cracker".
    Now they WANT gas to be more expensive?
    Go understand people, huh?

  • This is some kind of meta-Swiftian silliness, right? Right?

    • Gleem McShineys

      Could some economist please calculate the ROI on eating John Stossel?

  • decentcitizen

    This is the legacy of Adam Smith who conservatives have been misunderstanding since he wrote Wealth of Nations. The free market was always a thought exercise but has never existed. Business and Government are always in an incestuous embrace. Notice Business is still permitted a 10% premium on the costs of goods in NJ in times of emergency.

  • HistoriCat

    You know where else there are regulations against price-gouging after a disaster? TEXAS! Red state, bible-humping, hate thy negroes, mexicans, and queers Texas! You know why? Because price gouging hurts people – people who are already hurt. The whole point of civilization is to try to eliminate or at least reduce suffering – and laws against price-gouging are there for that reason.

    Fuck that free market bullshit. Just fuck all of it.

  • cybermoe

    Um, its called a "Free" Market Stossel, so why isn't everything free?

  • redarmyzombie

    You know, every time these people pull some new, inane, completely and utterly <REDACTED> bullshit, I promise myself I will never be surprised by them again; and yet I swear, every time they open their goddamn mouths, IT. JUST. KEEPS. COMING!!!

  • poorgradstudent

    I honestly think it was growing up with 20/20, and the memories of Stossel sneeringly hissing "But wait a minute!", that gave me my innate hatred of Libertarians.

    …although admittedly it may be even more innate than that, like humans' innate loathing of snakes.

  • Gleem McShineys

    What a nice, lovely Modest Proposal you've got there, John Stossel.

    I'd hate for something bad to happen to it. *snips off corner of giant moustache*

    Yous a smart guy, you'd pay money to keep something like that safe, wouldntcha?

  • poorgradstudent

    Fair enough. It's been so long since I read the original novel it's just something I'd have to chalk up to what Heinlein emphasizes or the context of his other writings, although I can't remember specifics.

    But I do remember from experience that quite a few libertarian nerds love Heinlein, and embraced even the idea of only letting members of the military get the vote.

  • horsedreamer_1

    When Jesus found himself to have but three fish & two loaves, he raised the price. & those who really needed to eat, ate.

  • shelwood46

    Thankfully, all the gas station attendants are in the 1% and will easily be able to afford to get to work.

  • GemlikeFlame

    Much as it pains me, Fatboy is actually behaving much like a decent human being right now. While I'm not sure this presages any kind of ideological shift on his part, it is a distinct change from the snide, elitist bastards who speak for the Republicans (and I'm looking at you, Rush, Coulter, and Mittens) and even if temporary is a Good Thing.

  • lulzmonger

    You know who ELSE lurves them some delicious Free Marketeer price gougery?

  • bikerlaureate

    Drivers who really need gas would be able to get it.

    How does this logically follow "If gas stations could raise prices, many of those drivers would wait, and drive less." ?
    Drivers who can't afford $20/gallon gas can't possibly "need" it? Is he for real?

  • cousinitt

    As long as Wonkette suckered me into going to FOX, I happened upon another article bitching about the UN climbing up from the fiery pits of regulatory hell to regulate the intertoobs. Funnily enough, FOX mentioned that the State Dept was fighting any attempt at regulation, and instead favoring the market. Naturally, Obama didn't get the credit on this one. I really hate those people.

  • ttommyunger

    "Let the free market rule!" And by free market we mean chiseling assholes.

  • En_Buenora

    Gosh, if all goods were suddenly priced 1000X their existing price, there would be no lines anywhere!

    You could get through the grocery store in a snap if a gallon of milk were $5,000!


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