HE'S THE AYN RANDIEST!  3:49 pm November 2, 2012

Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You

by Kris E. Benson

Chris Christie, communist who would save New Jersey if he would allow price gouging
Now that Chris Christie has dared to show what used to be the standard amount of deference and respect due to the office of the president, the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker. The latest complaint is that he is not allowing oil companies to take advantage of New Jersey’s misfortune and charge whatever they want in storm-stricken neighborhoods filled with desperate people. There are long lines, you see, ever so long lines of people waiting for gasoline, and Chris Christie could fix these long lines if he just let gas stations charge, say, $20 per gallon. Why is Chris Christie a mean man that hates price gouging and by extension, capitalism?

Desperate New Jersey drivers wait in long lines to buy gasoline. One line was two miles long. The media blame “a lack of electricity” and report that “Governor Christie has acted to boost supplies of gasoline…by directing Treasury officials to waive licensing requirements that affect merchants’ ability to buy fuel from out-of-state suppliers.”

How can we fix these long, long lines? Easy, just like every problem on earth, it can be solved through the unrestrained free market. No need for regulation; just let gas stations charge whatever they want, it will solve itself and work itself out.

Christie would help more if he could suspend New Jersey’s foolish law forbidding price increases of more than 10% during an “emergency,” and if he’d apologize for bragging that the state will crack down on price “gouging!”

What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market. When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear… If gas stations could raise prices, many of those drivers would wait, and drive less. Drivers who really need gas would be able to get it. At the same time, entrepreneurs would rush gasoline to gas stations that have the highest prices. The lines would quickly vanish, and prices would come back down.

The piece goes on and on like that, explaining how we could all benefit if there were no state services after a hurricane, and the free market let small armies of private contractors charge whatever they want. That way, people who “need” things the most would use them, and there would be less long lines. We will just observe that it’s such a wild coincidence how the people who “need” things the most are always the people who happen to have money. Crazy, right? Like the people who “need” medical care — isn’t it funny how poor, uninsured people don’t seem to “need” medical care and rich, insured people do? And gas — surely all these people waiting in that two-miles-long line don’t NEED gas, do they? And while we’re at it, we could argue that the long lines are equal to a sort of “time gouging,” wherein people who are willing to stand in lines two miles long are probably the people who really need the gas. The time spent in line is probably as effective a deterrent to frivolous gas usage as high prices are, anyway, according to Fox News’ thinly supported “analysis.” But we at Wonkette only would argue something like that because we’re probably communists.

[FoxNews]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 230 comments }

Come here a minute November 2, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Leave it to Fox News to take the fun out of waiting in line for gas. These people have no other way to entertain themselves!

Antispandex November 2, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Well…perhaps they could be charged for all of the fun they get standing on line? I mean, if the market were allowed to work it's magic…

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The ladies could turn tricks for frontsies in the line!

Come here a minute November 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

For a minute I thought "frontsies" was a kind of sexual act you read about on Wonkette and have to google, and then are sorry you googled.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm
noodlesalad November 2, 2012 at 3:54 pm

"When markets are allowed to work their magic…"

I think we need to engrave this in granite for future generations to best understand how we screwed the pooch so badly on global warming specifically and civilization in general.

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 3:58 pm

It'll be kind of like those head statues on Easter Island.

noodlesalad November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I was thinking more:

My Name is Romneymandius, CEO of CEOs
Look on my free markets, ye mighty, and despair!

But I like the Easter Island heads – any good lost monument of a forgotten civilization that clung to bizarre mythologies like "market magic."

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Well, you see, that's what the Easter Island statues were: the inhabitants' way of saying, "Look on my mighty statues and despair!"

And yet, for all their statue-building, they DISAPPEARED off the face of the earth because they squandered their resources.

All that will be left of us are Ten Commandments statues outside courthouses and engravings of "Free Markets Uber Alles!" And we will have completely disappeared, leaving a mystery to future civilizations.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 2, 2012 at 4:14 pm

You have to admit, the owner of the last tree was rich as hell.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm

those head statues on Easter Island.

"I don't look like that! Make another!"
"Yes, Lord Uglyface."

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Oh man… that made me laugh.

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm

They'll look at it, scratch their heads, and wonder "How did it go from feed the masses with loaves and fishes to screw 'em?"

mormos November 2, 2012 at 5:28 pm

hopefully they will be smarter than us so it won't be that great a mystery.

PhilippePetain November 2, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Christy's too busy gorging to gouge anyone.

Serolf_Divad November 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Why does the price of cheeseburgers go up every time Christie's in town?

LagunaB November 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

We love the Jersey shore. It is our memories of summer and good times. We are physically, mentally and emotionally drained. We are all helping each other through this mess. Can ya leave the fat man alone? For now.

PhilippePetain November 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

Aw, come on, he's still a union busting piece of shit; really, I'm going to catch guff for this now?

SorosBot November 2, 2012 at 3:55 pm

The free market would make gas prices rise? But I thought high gas prices were all Obama's fault!!1!

Serolf_Divad November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

You ever seen a picture of Barack Obama and Adam Smith in a room together?

just sayin'

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Mighty Sorosbot, Hobgoblin of Tiny Wingtard Minds!

memzilla November 2, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I would like to put John Stossel in an airtight room, and let him bid for oxygen on the free market. My free market.

LesBontemps November 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm

With votes!

Callyson November 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

He certainly makes me want to pass gas.

CommieLibunatic November 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Just keep it in his general direction.

teebob2000 November 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Of course, he'd be betting against all of us Wonketeers watching him on CCTV who'd be jacking up the bidding until he couldn't afford it any more, and die, but since he's dead the highest bidder wouldn't have to pay anyhow because they're not sealed in an airtight room. Boom, motherfucker dead, rest-of-world happy.

davidcmoisan November 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I first started reading science fiction when there were lots of libertarians writing it in the 80's. There were a lot of stories along the lines of, say, a space station where the residents had to prove they were worth the oxygen to stay, literallly. (That scene from Total Recall comes to mind.)

I suggest cueing Bugs Bunny and a libertarian aboard the ISS: "Bugs: Hello, This is the station manager. You haven't paid your oxygen bill lately, so we're going to have to cut you off! OK MAC, VENT IT! <fwhoosh>".

poorgradstudent November 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

This is kind of why people don't believe me when I tell them I like the film version of "Starship Troopers." It's totally Paul Verhoeven taking the "libertarian-fascism" of Heinlein and those similar writers and mocking the hell out of it.

smokefilledroommate November 2, 2012 at 2:55 pm

When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

..and so does food from children's plates.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm

What happens when Chris Christie is allowed to work his magic?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 5, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Oh for fucks sake…THIS is why I changed from economics to political science. Fucking John Stossel…okay, douche the ALLOCATIVE function is a fucking LABRATORY idea that suggests every person lists their priorities and then rationally orders them. That isn't how LIFE works you porn 'stached douchecanoe! Most poor people spend life in a series of tradeoffs and lesser evils, they lack the means and resources to ALLOCATE rationally; they lurch from one tightrope over a shark tank to the next. By suggesting based upon the allocative function that captimalism would clear out long lines and therefore bring more actors into the market is a complete fallacy: the problem isn't people can't make money it's that disaster has destroyed supply lines and therefore isn't a 'normal' market situation where simply adjusting cost would meet with supply..god you're an amoral fuckwad, Stossel. I really wish these dumbfuck 'journalists' would stop pretending they understand the real workings of a given market by blathering on about abstract concepts…it's not a 'perfect market', shit-for-brains.

Loch_Nessosaur November 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Fox – We hate you, we hate this country and everybody needs to go pound sand.

Terry November 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

When John Stossel passes away and goes directly to Hell, he'll be forced to stand forever overcome by a burning thirst in front of a lemonade stand. He'll never be able to quench that thirst because the cool, delicious glasses of lemonade cost 25 cents each and he only has a nickle.

Schmannnity November 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Tantalus libel!

FlownOver November 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

And if he can borrow the extra 20¢ he'll discover it's not lemonade anyway.

Dashboard Buddha November 2, 2012 at 4:47 pm

And he'll wonder how someone could sell pis…er, "not lemonade" and be allowed to sell a harmful product.

Gleem McShineys November 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

And then it'll change to a soap stand, also with prices just barely out of his reach, that could wash the awful stench of demon wee out of his moustache, where it shall remain for all time.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

WIN!

1stNewtontheMoon November 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

It's a good thing for John Stossel that the market on mustachioed victims of severe brain injuries serving in the punditry world is completely free and unregulated.

smokefilledroommate November 2, 2012 at 3:57 pm

*high nasal voice, which henceforth will be referred to as 'in Stossel'*
Give Me a Fucking Break!

gullywompr November 2, 2012 at 3:57 pm

FFS, Stossel puts the word "emergency" in quotes?

Goddammit.

Mittens Howell, III November 2, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I agree with YOU clever-man-money-thinker. And I share your belief in invisible hands, and unicorns, and the Holy Breitbart Ghost too!

Also, this lead paint on my wall is LICKY!

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

This entire post should be spoken a la Ralph Wiggum.

starfanglednut November 2, 2012 at 8:49 pm

My cat's breath smells like worms.

spends2much November 2, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Yes, this is the answer. And not just for gas- how about water too? I mean, if you really think you need clean drinking water, you'll find the $20 for a bottle. Don't have money? I guess you don't really need that water, do ya? So go find somewhere to die, and then there will be enough water for everyone else, and the price will go down. Sure, you'll be dead, but you're poor, so it's really not that big a deal to the Free Market.

Serolf_Divad November 2, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Shorter John Stossel:

Austrian Economics proves that the more expensive a thing is, the less demand there will be for it. It's the law of supply and demand. Like Gravity, it's a law. A law of Nature. So if we just make Hurricanes really, really, really fucking expensive affairs, there will be less of them. Because of supply and demand and such and so forth. The law of economics says so. And I know because in a dream last night I saw the ghost of Ayn Rand fucking the ghost of Ludwig von Mises and they told me this between guttural grunts and anguished moans.

Goonemeritus November 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Thanks for that image now I won’t be needing my penis for a while

CommieLibunatic November 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Just think about Ursula Andress emerging from the surf ala Dr. No, holding a pair 5-gallon gas cans… there, isn't that better?

smokefilledroommate November 2, 2012 at 4:20 pm

There's no way Stossel is that deep.

FlownOver November 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Well, in one sense…

noodlesalad November 2, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Hey Stossel, if rationing was good enough to beat the fucking Nazis, it's good enough to get through Sandy.

nounverb911 November 2, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Next time Stossel shows up at my restaurant, not only will I spit in his food, I will charge him extra for the privilege.*

*I don't own a restaurant nor do I live anywhere Stossel would visit.

karen503 November 3, 2012 at 2:00 pm

According to Wikipedia, "Stossel and his former ABC News colleague Chris Cuomo are silent investors in Columbus Tavern, a restaurant on Columbus Avenue at 72nd Street on Manhattan's Upper West Side."

It probably wasn't even flooded, so head on up there and spit in THEIR food.

elviouslyqueer November 2, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Oh Jesus. Can the "free market" please decide to have Fox News implode and disappear off the face of the planet on November 7? Pretty goddamn please?

gullywompr November 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Your wish is granted. Long live Jambi.

SpiderCrab November 2, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Why do we have to wait until the 7th?

viennawoods13 November 3, 2012 at 10:50 am

Because it is worth waiting to see the looks on their faces when they have to announce the elections results?

Callyson November 2, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yeah, allowing people to engage in price gouging will make more gas available…too bad no one will be able to afford it, and they will still have the same fucking problem of not being able to get gas.

/FFS yet again

SorosBot November 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Now that's not true; the important people will still be able to afford it, and not have to wait along with those filthy peons, now being treated as if they actually matter.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 4:34 pm

If no one can afford gas then the lines will magically disappear! Problem solved! Too bad, poorz trying to drive to work!

ffs.

JustPixelz November 2, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I'll bet Stossel also wants to shorten voting lines with a steep poll tax. With a little luck, only the wealthy would be able to afford it, thus taking that burden off the rest of us.

AlterNewt November 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The greasy, sausage-fingered hand of the marketplace.

boskolives November 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm

When you say "Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker", did you mean like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican Oxytocin dealer, or like Rush Limbaugh on a young Dominican rent boy (aka, rent-a-boy)? Please answer soon, the 24 hour news cycle is running low on gas.

Mittens Howell, III November 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Gov Christie is using the gas station lines as a decoy, so he can eat all the hot dogs and twizzlers.

Those hot dog rollers don't take care of themselves you know.

SmutBoffin November 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Shorter Stossel: THUNDERDOME IS THE LAW OF BARTERTOWN

Goonemeritus November 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

We need to put John Stossel in a well-sealed room to determine an appropriate free market price for oxygen.

Edit- using votes of course.

LesBontemps November 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

John Stossel makes Joseph Goebbels blush.

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Or slap his forehead and cry, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Texan_Bulldog November 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Maybe John would like to posit his idea to Chris Christie in person? That would be the ultimate poking of the bear.

LesBontemps November 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Ideally, Chris Chritstie would eat John Stossel and then achieve sufficient mass to fall out of the universe.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Please, Chris Christie would squish him like a bug, which is what he richly deserves. Christie has taken shits bigger than John Stossel.

Hammiepants November 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Ah, the famed Invisible Hand of the Free Market. I hope it can't see the majority of the tri-state area flipping it the bird.

RomneysLogCabin November 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

What the fuck else do these people want? We've got nothing left.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Ha ha, won't THEY be sorry when we ALL die off and there's nobody left to fight their wars, buy their made in China crap, and clean their dirty houses! THAT will show…
Oh, wait.
`
Awww.

Grief_Lessons November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

If markets worked perfectly, consumers would drive the market for punditry towards sanity and coherence, so John Stossel had best watch what he's wishing for.

SexySmurf November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

Most people stop believing in magic around the age of eight.

SorosBot November 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Sadly, no!
http://religions.pewforum.org/reports

According to surveys, at least 84% of Americans still believe in magic.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Well, that explains a lot.

Maybe the cars will run on magic! Someone call Harry Potter!

CommieLibunatic November 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm
elviouslyqueer November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Look, Chris Christie. I know we haven't agreed on much (okay, hardly anything at all), but could you do me a favor and tell your critics, including your former bromance buds over at Fox, to fuck the motherfucking fucking fuck off? You know you want to, and it would make a shit-ton of us feel tons better.

Thanking you in advance,

EQ

LagunaB November 2, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Totes. I am in south jersey. There are no long lines.

Lucidamente1 November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Stupid hypocrite is as stupid hypocrite does:

http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/11/01/11218

CommieLibunatic November 2, 2012 at 4:50 pm

That's like the asshole roomate who bitches about you buying diet soda, who then tells you to get more because he drank them all.

mavenmaven November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Because price gouging is job creating. See, when our oil company sponsors get richer, some of it trickles down to us here at Fox, screw the rest of you.

Dr_Zoidberg November 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Fuck you with a 2×4, Stossel.

YerMa November 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Sideways, even.

Nibbler of Niblonia November 2, 2012 at 4:05 pm

There's no such thing as a "free market" in a natural disaster. Other, new suppliers can't enter the "market" freely to provide the necessary price competition to balance out the supply/demand ratio.

It's like when there was a shortage of dark matter and Mom's Friendly Robot Company was holding my people captive and forcing us to make a bo-bo against our will. Oh the humiliation! Where was the free market then, I ask you? Wheeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee?!

CommieLibunatic November 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Sorry, the comment system won't let me upfist more than once.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Honestly, you have to put part of the blame on yourselves for only using Scooty-Puff Junior scooters to attack her, instead of the larger, kitten-strength Scooty- Puff Senior.

Mumbletypeg November 2, 2012 at 4:05 pm

If they had their way these cretins would opt for a vulture on our national seal, instead. I daresay it's the slenderest thread of remaining pride or self-awareness that keeps them from doing it.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

HA!
That was really subtle!
Well done!

BTWBFDIMHO November 2, 2012 at 4:05 pm

When markets are allowed to work their magic

Under Romney, free and efficient markets will even provide invisible hand-jobs from your favorite imaginary friend.

Stevola November 3, 2012 at 2:51 am

Invisible hands in the magic underwear!

VodkaGoGo November 2, 2012 at 4:05 pm

What this crisis really needs is a little competition, people should have to fight to fill their tanks at $20 a gallon. Then we could televise it on ESPN and send 1% of the proceeds to disaster relief. Capitism saves the day.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I like "Capitism", it sounds especially stupid. Nice typo!

VodkaGoGo November 2, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Facepalm. Fucking auto-correct saves the day.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Camapitalmism!

JustPixelz November 2, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Stossel also figures food and drug safety is best left to the market. If people die from, say, a meningitis vaccine, the company will lose customers. Perhaps it will go out of business. Contaminated medicine problem solved!

Or if a restaurant serves salmonella-flavored salmon and all their customers die. That restaurant will go out of business because NO CUSTOMERS!

Like Ronald Reagan said many times; "Trust, but verify". Except without the "verify.

valthemus November 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

"In praise of 'price gouging'"

Five little words that mean "No one in their right mind ever has to pay attention to John Stossel ever, ever, ever again EVER!"

He should just be deported. Take away his citizenship and deport him now. DEPORT HIM! DEPORT HIM HARD!!

Swampgas_Man November 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Who the fuck would take him?

redarmyzombie November 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

A volcano, perhaps…

PuckStopsHere November 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Why is the invisible hand always shoving itself so far up my asshole it feels like my Adams apple?

sudsmckenzie November 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Shorter shit bucket:

"Who Run Bartertown"?

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market.

So, Sr. Stache? When I yank your eye out with my fingernail (of votes…*sigh*), it's not gouging, it's allowing your eye to find its price level.

Lucidamente1 November 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I didn't know Construction Worker from Village People had such radical views on the power of the free market.

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm

He really puts the "M" in markets….

Joshua Norton November 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Christie is pals with Obama. Bloomberg and Powell endorse him. Romney only wishes he was liked by this many Republicans.

kakotechnia November 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

They should have stuck with the original headline: John Stossel has had it with you fucking plebes.

VodkaGoGo November 2, 2012 at 4:10 pm

When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

Look, I know the 80s were a blast but could we focus on the issue at hand please?

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Nice!

Gleem McShineys November 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

So that's not a porn-stache on Stossel, it's a mirror polisher!

Tequila Mockingbird November 2, 2012 at 4:10 pm

This is part of a series of Fox articles, which includes "In Praise of Circular Reasoning,” "In Praise of Deep-Fried Twinkies," and "Why Jesus Loved Concealed Handguns."

DaveJ November 2, 2012 at 4:31 pm

To be perfectly fair, I believe that Jesus would, in fact, have loved deep fried Twinkies.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 5:07 pm

He cursed the fig tree for bearing no Newtons.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"In Praise of Separate But Equal." "In Praise of No Wife of Mine Is Working Outside This House."

CommieLibunatic November 2, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Er… slightly off-topic, but did those deep-fried Oreos I had at the Orange County Fair make me a bad person? Just give it to me straight, doc.

LibertyLover November 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Rich people (who will never need government services) talking about ending government services have always amused me.

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Please see Lucidamente's earlier comment:

Stossel railed against government flood insurance, while having a home on the beach that got flooded, for which he took government insurance payouts.

So, your statement is true, except for the part about the rich not needing government services. They take just as much from the government as the rest of us, they just won't admit it.

LibertyLover November 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Fair enough, but I don't see them standing in line for food or sleeping on cots at the local elementary school.

Gleem McShineys November 2, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Flooded and rebuilt THREE TIMES, just for the awesomeness of his record.

Also, he'll admit it, he'll just claim it is smart business for him to take it.

Basically, you take a normal person, and replace any semblance of shame with a giant prop moustache.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:51 pm

By "amused", you mean, "disgusted", right?

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm

When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

Yes. This is why DURING THE FUCKING OPEC EMBARGO, no one EVER waited on a line, despite the fact that gouging laws were not on the books.

LibertyLover November 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Those whose plates end in an even number can show up on MWF and those whose plates end in an odd number can show up on TTHS … rich people with jets refuel at their private airport.

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I FUCKING REMEMBER THAT from when I was a little kid. Even number license plates, odd number license plates. UGH.

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm

And Stossel is old enough to remember too.

Worse, I bet while he was a consumer affair reporter here in NYC, HE DID STORIES ABOUT PRICE GOUGERS!

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Hmmm, but now he's on a primetime news show and shit and he's all Richie Rich and suddenly his opinions have changed

SorosBot November 2, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Huh? No understand reference. :(

MosesInvests November 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Get offa my lawn!

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm

K, so you know how you lined up for festival seating at the Dave Matthews concert?

Yea, like that, only with cars and gas pumps.

shelwood46 November 2, 2012 at 10:27 pm

We just went to that system in NJ — 12 counties are now on rationing, even plates on even days, odd (and letter-only) plates on odd days. No idea what day we're supposed to go if we just want to fill cans for our generators. (No, wait, we'll just go to Mercer or PA.)

LibertyLover November 3, 2012 at 12:13 am

The more things change, the more they stay the same….

doloras November 2, 2012 at 11:59 pm

In New Zealand, we had "carless days". You got a sticker on your windshield with a day of the week on it and it was simply illegal to drive that car on that day. Most people chose Saturday or Sunday, for obvious reasons.

poorgradstudent November 2, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Free market also means being free from the past and facts.

Detesticle November 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Rape Baby/Price Gouging 2012. Hurray.

LibertyLover November 2, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Know who else wanted the free market to take care of storm victims?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 4:48 pm

The Pharoah?

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:54 pm

George's father, Barbara Bush?

viennawoods13 November 3, 2012 at 10:59 am

Now, to be fair, those refugees had never had it so good.

Close_Read November 2, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Profiteers for Romney!!!

coolhandnuke November 2, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Those long gas lines in Jersey are caused by not allowing the people to pump their own gas. Happens in my state–Oregon when we go through a disaster and by law (like Jersey) we can't pump our own gas. Last one was in 1998, the great microbeer and cannabis shortage. Oh the humanity, hipsters being mugged for their skateboards and vintage Schwinns. Desperate citizens igniting hobos with Stoessel-sized pornstaches just to stay warm.

Snark off If I was in a higher tax bracket, I'd send the havenots in jersey or any state affected by Sandy as much beer and ganga as I could afford. Hang in there people.

shelwood46 November 2, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Dude, it's bad enough here. No fucking way are we pumping our own gas.

docterry6973 November 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm

From each according to his need, to each according to his ability – to make the needy guy pay through the nose.

MissTaken November 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm

What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market. When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear…

I hate magicians.

SorosBot November 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I much prefer wizards.

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Hmmm… but there's the whole KKK angle.

MosesInvests November 2, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

Dashboard Buddha November 2, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I hate mimes…and I hate mimes that are also magicians. However, I wish John Stossel would take a cue from a mime and just shut the fuck up.

BlueStateLibel November 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm

He actually meant, "When markets are allowed to work their magic, LIVES disappear… "

Dashboard Buddha November 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

That's right…and with fewer lives, there will be less demand and prices go down. FREE MARKET MAGIC!

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 5:14 pm

And we're right back to population dynamics in Ecology. The Holy Trinity is God the Father, God the Son and God the Social Darwin!

ZHollows November 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Conservatives and Fox News only like long lines when it is for chicken sammiches at Chik-Fil-A!

Antispandex November 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Just two points here. First, if this were ever accepted to the extent that the right-wing would like, we would have an entire new class of poor people called "dead people". Two, I find the restirctions placed on the site by our editrix highly restrictive in trying to discribe Mr. Stossel or to suggest how I believe he should be dealt with.

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Editrix is cold messin' with our freedoms. Our voices will be heard!

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:57 pm

"if this were ever accepted to the extent that the right-wing would like, we would have an entire new class of poor people called "dead people". "

I suspect that they're aware of this on some level, and OK with it. But then, I may be mistaken about their strikingly limited intelligence.

Kid_Charlemagne November 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm

This just isn't Fox News. Why even NPR had an economist on this morning arguing the same thing!

Gleem McShineys November 2, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I heard this as well!

I am still waiting for them to have an economist on to explain why looting during natural disasters makes the most economic sense, and you never hear enough economists talking about the benefits of kidnapping, due to the micro-marketing of such high-demand unique products as children back to their parents!

What's the risk-return ratio on John Stossel children? Or perhaps, fuck economists with rolled-up dollars?

iburl November 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm
Dashboard Buddha November 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm

You'd think that fucker could conjure up some braces.

TxSpinyLizrd November 2, 2012 at 4:19 pm

A pox on your house, Mr. Stossel. And no return calls from CDC.

Blueb4sinrise November 2, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Fuck that shit.
Rory Gallagher. Bullfrog Blues.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuLaWgbu24M

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Now THAT is a Blues Face!

dccajun November 2, 2012 at 4:21 pm

When are people going to learn that markets rule! Let 'em flourish! Then, when those mommas who wind up blessed with unwanted babies can turn them into cold cash, and then go get Communion.

calliecallie November 2, 2012 at 4:22 pm

"the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker"

Now there's a visual image to carry me through the weekend. Thanks.

smokefilledroommate November 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm

If the market is truly free, why don't I have unlimited food?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I thought the "invisible hand of the free market" was the same thing as the five-fingered discount at the grocery store. Boy was I wrong.

TootsStansbury November 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Thank you for finally putting something up I can laugh at!

Wait. This isn't satire? Does this dude walk around accompanied by a little storm cloud and bats?

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:59 pm

He runs around chased by the public with bats.

CommieDad November 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Ok. This argument needs to be shouted from the mountains. Romney Ryan need to endorse it. And Americans all need to hear it. Because this, this, this is why Free Market extremism is evil.

ManchuCandidate November 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Because letting the majikal invisible hand give unregulated hand jobs to the rich worked out so great for the world since 1999. I remembered when the invisible hand took 1/3 of my pension away because of the ineptitude of Stossel clones running the corporate person I worked for and I smiled. Or the tears of Joy I felt when people died from eating E.Coli tainted beef.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Surely this fool knows that the result of such idiocy would be bloodshed in the streets, and probably some blown-up gas stations too?!

Dashboard Buddha November 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

No no…that would just be the public responding to price gouging in a free market.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 6:01 pm

That's OK, it's not like the prisons are full to overflowing or anything.

doloras November 3, 2012 at 12:05 am

That's what we have hurriedly-assembled goon squads of crazed Iraq/Afghan veterans whipped up by propaganda (and meth?) against commiefascistislamoterroristgay subversion to keep order for. That's, of course, *classical* fascism.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm

How is it possible that someone as fucking idiotic and annoying as John Stossel has a job anywhere?

Dashboard Buddha November 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Sadly, this is the new normal. It's not information any more, it's not even infotainment…it's pure entertainment and these fuck clowns have to top each other continually to keep their jobs. It's like when four dudes from NYC found out that Ozzy Osborne bit the head off of a bat and thought, fuck…we might was well call ourselves KISS.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 4:53 pm

The news should not be a for-profit industry.

DaveJ November 2, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Private industry should be allowed to charge whatever it wants for whatever service it provides. Except John Stossel-provided mustache rides. Those are always free, ladies.

carlgt1 November 2, 2012 at 4:32 pm

meanwhile if Ayn Rand were on Staten Island now she would be screeching for gas & free help even more than the teabagger politician there screeching about how bad the Red Cross is!

FlownOver November 2, 2012 at 4:33 pm

The acronym does not suffice, and it must be said:

Oh, for fuck's sake.

rickmaci November 2, 2012 at 4:34 pm

John Stosfool is the biggest asshat psuedo-intellectual in the entire FuxNews repubtard echo chamber, and that is really something very hard to achieve given FuxNews.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"Stosseling" is when you choke yourself to the point of unconsciousness before writing a FOX News column. "Power Stosseling" is when you do it before you actually go on-air.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Hey Stossel, your Queen tribute band called — your chaps are back from the cleaners!

CommieDad November 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Sorry. Just so angry. Have to post again.

In college, I studied Math. We would often prove things by assuming the opposite was true and then proving that this creates a contradiction.

As this is not Math, I will settle for a situation that is bad for society and bad for the economy as being the contradiction. Here's the argument:

The free market is not the best answer in all circumstances. "Proof:"

* In an emergency, when critical resources such as Water, Food, and Fuel are in short supply, long lines are formed if price gouging laws are enforced.
* Let's assume that the free market is the best answer in this circumstance.
* Prices would rise until supply met demand. As supply is short, and demand high, prices would become fairly high.
* These prices would reduce the ability of most people to purchase the supplies. Less people would therefore purchase them and the lines would be reduced.
* People would not have critical resources unless they were rich. Not having gas would prevent people from going to work. Not having food and water would kill them, or make them sick. Either way, they aren't going to work.
* People dead is objectively bad.
* People not going to work is bad for the economy.
* Economy does not recover and all parts of the market suffer as demand decreases (due to death and poverty). Rich people get poorer.

So in the case of a free market, the lines go away, but the economy suffers. Also people die. Which is bad. Always. Especially if you are pro-life.

bobbert November 2, 2012 at 4:46 pm

There really is a bottomless pit of shit-for-brains at Fox, isn't there?

Trinket November 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

All of the loathing and despair of this election year has been totally dwarfed by my joy at watching the apoplectic, hysterical, hail-mary implosion of the right wing during the last week.

TheGyrus November 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I agree that allowing market-based price gouging would be appropriate in this situation. But John Stossel is still a tool.

GhostBuggy November 2, 2012 at 4:55 pm

This makes me so fucking angry. He's openly calling for price gouging people whose lives have been destroyed. I just saw a story today about a woman and her family, on the way to a shelter in their car, getting hit with storm surge. She put her 2 and 4-year-old on the roof of the car to stay dry. Then they were literally pulled out of her arms by rushing water.

Their corpses were just found.

So fuck you, Stossel. Just…fuck you.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Does he realize he is fucking with New Yorkers?! I would curtail my walking-around-Manhattan-having-Woody-Allen-repartee if I were him.

BoroPrimorac November 2, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I don't think pampered pricks like Stossel have what it takes to survive in the winner take all society conservatives dream about.

Fox n Fiends November 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I recall that 2008 was a peak Market Magic year.

Jerri November 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm

If you put John Stossel in a room with Tom Friedman, whose mustache would win in the fight? I realize this post has nothing to do with Friedman. I just wanted you to picture two famous and terrible mustaches kicking the shit out of each other.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Let me blow your mind: Throw Michael Medved and Geraldo in there with 'em, too!!

Gleem McShineys November 2, 2012 at 6:24 pm

FOUR STACHE ENTERS, ONE STACHE LEAVES
(but everyone wishes it was zero)

cousinitt November 3, 2012 at 12:32 am

I believe Stephen Hawking described that scenario in his famous treatise, "A Brief History of Pr0n" in which the largest stache would suck in other nearby staches until a supermassive stachularity was achieved and disappear from the universe.

MC5 November 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Talk about "Today in Idiots"…

larrykat November 2, 2012 at 5:21 pm

The ass-munch on CNBC's Squawk Box this morning (Joe Kernen) was actually complaining that Dunkin' Donuts should have a regular priced coffee line (for the poors that have to stand in line) and a $20 per cup line that would be much shorter because there are not very many fuckheads like him who would stand in that line.

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Yet another idea that would result in people with $20 bills and smug faces being torn limb from limb. They just can't think a bad idea through, can they?

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm

"Christie would help more if he could suspend New Jersey’s foolish law forbidding price increases of more than 10% during an “emergency,” and if he’d apologize for bragging that the state will crack down on price “gouging!”

What politicians call “gouging” is just the free market. When markets are allowed to work their magic, lines disappear… If gas stations could raise prices, many of those drivers would wait, and drive less."

ONE reason why there are long lines, jackass, is that gas pumps won't work in the 80-some percent of areas where the power is still out!

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

At the last Presidential debate, Mittens was all, "Four dollar a gallon gas… Four dollar a gallon gas… scrawk… tweet… Four dollar a gallon gas… pretty bird… Four dollar a gallon gas… Mitt wants a cracker".
Now they WANT gas to be more expensive?
Go understand people, huh?

archikvetch November 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

This is some kind of meta-Swiftian silliness, right? Right?

Gleem McShineys November 2, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Could some economist please calculate the ROI on eating John Stossel?

decentcitizen November 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

This is the legacy of Adam Smith who conservatives have been misunderstanding since he wrote Wealth of Nations. The free market was always a thought exercise but has never existed. Business and Government are always in an incestuous embrace. Notice Business is still permitted a 10% premium on the costs of goods in NJ in times of emergency.

HistoriCat November 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

You know where else there are regulations against price-gouging after a disaster? TEXAS! Red state, bible-humping, hate thy negroes, mexicans, and queers Texas! You know why? Because price gouging hurts people – people who are already hurt. The whole point of civilization is to try to eliminate or at least reduce suffering – and laws against price-gouging are there for that reason.

Fuck that free market bullshit. Just fuck all of it.

cybermoe November 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Um, its called a "Free" Market Stossel, so why isn't everything free?

redarmyzombie November 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm

You know, every time these people pull some new, inane, completely and utterly <REDACTED> bullshit, I promise myself I will never be surprised by them again; and yet I swear, every time they open their goddamn mouths, IT. JUST. KEEPS. COMING!!!

poorgradstudent November 2, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I honestly think it was growing up with 20/20, and the memories of Stossel sneeringly hissing "But wait a minute!", that gave me my innate hatred of Libertarians.

…although admittedly it may be even more innate than that, like humans' innate loathing of snakes.

Gleem McShineys November 2, 2012 at 6:29 pm

What a nice, lovely Modest Proposal you've got there, John Stossel.

I'd hate for something bad to happen to it. *snips off corner of giant moustache*

Yous a smart guy, you'd pay money to keep something like that safe, wouldntcha?

poorgradstudent November 2, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Fair enough. It's been so long since I read the original novel it's just something I'd have to chalk up to what Heinlein emphasizes or the context of his other writings, although I can't remember specifics.

But I do remember from experience that quite a few libertarian nerds love Heinlein, and embraced even the idea of only letting members of the military get the vote.

horsedreamer_1 November 2, 2012 at 8:54 pm

When Jesus found himself to have but three fish & two loaves, he raised the price. & those who really needed to eat, ate.

shelwood46 November 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Thankfully, all the gas station attendants are in the 1% and will easily be able to afford to get to work.

GemlikeFlame November 2, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Much as it pains me, Fatboy is actually behaving much like a decent human being right now. While I'm not sure this presages any kind of ideological shift on his part, it is a distinct change from the snide, elitist bastards who speak for the Republicans (and I'm looking at you, Rush, Coulter, and Mittens) and even if temporary is a Good Thing.

lulzmonger November 2, 2012 at 11:04 pm

You know who ELSE lurves them some delicious Free Marketeer price gougery?

bikerlaureate November 2, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Drivers who really need gas would be able to get it.

How does this logically follow "If gas stations could raise prices, many of those drivers would wait, and drive less." ?
Drivers who can't afford $20/gallon gas can't possibly "need" it? Is he for real?

cousinitt November 3, 2012 at 12:22 am

As long as Wonkette suckered me into going to FOX, I happened upon another article bitching about the UN climbing up from the fiery pits of regulatory hell to regulate the intertoobs. Funnily enough, FOX mentioned that the State Dept was fighting any attempt at regulation, and instead favoring the market. Naturally, Obama didn't get the credit on this one. I really hate those people. http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2012/11/01/one-month-

ttommyunger November 3, 2012 at 11:39 am

"Let the free market rule!" And by free market we mean chiseling assholes.

En_Buenora November 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Gosh, if all goods were suddenly priced 1000X their existing price, there would be no lines anywhere!

You could get through the grocery store in a snap if a gallon of milk were $5,000!

FREEMAHKIT!

noodlesalad November 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm

He probably had a canoe elevator in his tiki house.

Dashboard Buddha November 2, 2012 at 4:41 pm

True that…but one thing the rich forget is that rich is only rich when you have something to spend it on. Gold loses its luster when the pitchfork'd mob won't take a bribe.

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:20 pm

He tipped in splinters.

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Nicely done.

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Now that his paycheck depends on it, yes.

And sorry about getting all shouty. I'm feeling stabby. I figure this is safer.

emmelemm November 2, 2012 at 4:32 pm

No worries, man. We're all a little strung out. Stay frosty.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Kids nowadays. I tell ya.

SorosBot November 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

So what the hell does that mean?

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm
MosesInvests November 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

If you're referring to my comment, it basically means I called you a "young whippersnapper". ;-)

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Actually, what I was referring to was one section earlier:

"Nixon requested gasoline stations to voluntarily not sell gasoline on Saturday nights or Sundays; 90% of owners complied, which resulted in lines on weekdays."

HistoriCat November 2, 2012 at 5:43 pm

And we liked it so much we did it again in 1979!

SorosBot November 2, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Dave fucking Matthews? What do I look like, a fratboy idiot who loves shitty horrible music?

Chet Kincaid_ November 2, 2012 at 6:00 pm

You're not into Snarlternative?

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